#no because how is torchwood an actual show

[justatallstick]

rewatching torchwood fkr the first time in like 4 years and when i tell you the HUUH i let out when one of cpt jack harkness’s first phrases is “contraceptives in the rain,, love this planet,,least i won’t get pregnant,, never doing THAT again.” like oh yeah. i forgot the show is just LIKE that

[ekktoplasm]

Gwen Cooper, they could make me hate you, but honestly, this could go for everyone in the show

[doctorwhoisadhd]

grrrrrrr bark bark why cant i figure out the big adventure at the beginning of my 12jack fic

[sparrowlucero]

Instead of discourse about showrunners and lesbians and whatever, I'm gonna bring a different type of discourse...whats ur fav and least Dr Whomst monsters. Hard mode: only the practical ones.

ok so I do like all the obvious ones, I like the angels, I like the vashta nerada, I like the not-things, I like the eternals. Here's a few deeper cuts (focusing on the tv show specifically):

they peaked with these maggots. they rock. pretty sure they're made with taxidermy? really great puppetry. I really like this thing:

what a cool design for this kind of forgotten midseason episode.

this is such a fun design for a langolier-type monster. I love how their crest and tail gives them the silhouette of a grim reaper

The 60s cybermen rock. I feel like they're hesitant to use them often in the modern show because they do look very 1960s but I think there's something really uncomfortable and evocative about the cloth faces that's lost when they're cool metallic robots. The mix between looking like an old diving suit and the implication of there being a chopped up person inside is gnarly and I love it. Simple, creepy, iconic design.

My favorite design in the show is probably this:

The 456 from the spinoff series torchwood. They didn't need the puppet to emote or move a ton since it spends the entire season in a little tank obscured in mist, so they just went crazy with the design and made it really bizarre looking. Extremely top tier alien. Anyways, negative. I really don't like this satan. the satan kind of sucks. the impossible planet is great atmospheric sci fi horror; every image of build up in it is haunting and leagues ahead of the climactic scene where he meets the satan. It singlehandedly kind of kills the vibe.

Personally I would have just kept the actual appearance off screen, just have it be eyes in the dark or something. Apparently they also tossed around the idea that it would end up being a normal little girl who was chained up in the cave and I think that would have visually fit the rest of the episode better.

I'm really not big on the modern design for the sea devils (the green one on the right). I think the classic ones clearly took a lot of direct influence from real animals and generally is a pretty thoughtfully realized design, the modern ones seem like they were first and foremost using the classic ones for reference and didn't quite capture the nuance of the design. Sad, as I would really like to see design for these guys with modern puppetry.

I think this is actually a pretty contentious opinion but the work of the specific studio who headed this redesign generally wasn't my favorite. Apparently there was some sort of major, semi public falling out between the fx studio that had been working on the show since 2005 and the people who started running the show in 2018, and they were briefly replaced with a much less experienced studio. No hate to them of course (I think this was actually their first job like, ever, and a lot of the work was done in crunch time?) but the difference did stand out to me:

[emmanuellececchi]

Defending the castle like a man...

I've just read this article : Defending the castle like a man: on belligerent medieval ladies.

One of my friend is practicing HEMA (historical european martial art) as well as forging. We speak often about it and I have many question, mostly because of my main character in my medieval romance. As in forging, strength is not all in fighting. Know how to do it and practicing is first and foremost (she is smaller and thinner than me. she can wield swords that I cannot lift).

She reads lots of things about medieval warfare and we have discussion about it, and more recently because of my main character in my medieval romance. She had send me this article. And while reading it, I thought about some of my mutuals and the quite recent discussion about Eowyn and Théoden. So this is for you : @torchwood-99 , @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras , @konartiste. @errruvande I thought about you as there is a good reference about Alfred's daughter.

Reading this, I thought about Théoden. Rohan seems to have a certain history of female fighters. Shieldmaiden is not a name coming out of nowhere. So... what led Rohan to, seemingly, forget about this role? When did it happen?

In this article, there are a lot of example of women who did fight in war and defend their territory. It seems there are more and more proof of that. Even more, it seems women were actually expected to know at least how to defend their castle and lands. "Do as their husband do". So they had to know how to fight or at least strategies and siege... And some knew how to use bows, crossbows and even swords. Still, they had been, most of the time, erased or played down.

It is not said if this erasing was all along or more recent, as it is noted that those women of war were common up until the 14th centuries. In any case, they existed, but in later ages, it was inconvenient for men to have their female kin show "men's virtue".

Did something equivalent happened in Rohan? Why would something like this would happen? I would be the first to say "Oh it's all Saruman/Grima's fault". But no. Theoden do not think of sending Eowyn to war. He does not even have the reflex to think about her as a leader for his people. if it had been Grima and/or Saruman, he would have think about it.

Could it be his gondorian upbringing? After all he grew up in Gondor, had a gondorian mother? Thengel did not seem to held his countries culture in high regard. So, could it be this? Or even before that?

In my glèomenn fanfic, Tirwald said it was legends and old story. Could it be even older? Something more recent, linked to another culture?

So... What do you think?

[tangerinelabyrinth]

In theory Martha Jones and Mickey Smiths relationship makes sense. In both of their stories they had similar themes to each other and if they had planned out their relationship (like they should have done) it wouldn't have been far off the realm of possibility that they would end up together.

Unfortunately, their story was non-existent reduced to a fifteen second clip mentioning that they were married and never showing us how they got there. Last, we leave Martha engaged to her fiancé saying goodbye to the Doctor and taking off with Mickey and Jack, with Jack mentioning her quitting UNIT and hinting that he had a job for her at Torchwood because at that time Torchwood had lost two members. (RIP- Toshiko and Owen).

I've seen talk recently that their entire relationship was put together as a joke, which just further shows how little the show, and the show runner cared for Martha's character, and because of the lack of reasoning behind the relationship feels as though last minute they decided to shove the only two black characters together. (Which is exactly what they did)

Having them end up together feels to me like a slap in the face, as it ruins all the development the characters had went through especially Martha. I hate it even more when people say it's perfect that they ended up together because both of them couldn't end up with who they wanted. (Rose and Ten) (I can't even get into depth on why I don't like when people say that because my thoughts aren't working)

The only way Martha and Mickeys relationship makes sense is if they joined Torchwood together, or Mickey joins UNIT otherwise what would be the reason for them to be around each other so much that Martha breaks up with her previous fiancé. We know Jack calls Martha in series three of Torchwood and mentions Martha being on her honeymoon, which is most likely with Mickey. I guess there is always the possibility that Martha and Mickey just decided to become freelance alien hunters together and did not join Torchwood at all, Jack did only say that perhaps Martha should do something else besides UNIT but didn't say Torchwood.

It would be nice if the showrunner actually cared for the characters, (The only two main characters of color at the time) and actually put thought into the relationship so it didn't quite literally come out of nowhere. Even having Martha and Mickey somehow come together in that episode and maybe sharing some flirty or even just friendly banter would have been a bit better in segueing into the fact they get married.

It's a shame for how little they cared for these characters and their story, it honestly feels as if they were just used as tools for both the Doctor and Rose. This is one reason in the multitude of others why I won't stop talking about the disrespect and treatment of Martha, (And the characters of color in all the fandoms I'm in) and why those who deny that these characters are treated unfairly by both the media they are in, and the fans are wrong the proof is right there. Martha's story ends unfinished, and her and Mickey get thrown together as a joke.

These are my thoughts on Mickey and Marthas Relationship, it could have worked but it didn't.

[aysathenotsogreat]

trying to explain the specific insane energy torchwood has is hard man. like I don't recommend the show to people because it may be edgy sci-fi camp that perfectly appeals to me but there's so much in that's first season that can justifiably turn someone off of. like it took me a lot to watch past episodes 2 and 3 personally.

but the characters man. They were always, if not good, fucking compelling to watch. even if they were making idiotic, self-destructive actions, you couldn't stop watching to see if they'd actually figure it out. this show is insanely messy and the characters and how they act reflect that. they are horrible to each other and are horrible to themselves and it's all so fucking GOOD.

and by the time you get to season 3, you have a 5 episode story entirely focused delivering emotional gutpunch after another by the end. it's political and raw and nothing prepared me me for it the first time. I HAD NO IDEA AND I WAS 6 YEARS LATE. unfortunately the last season was something that I mostly watched out of attachment to my two fucked up blorbos more than out of enjoyment. like there was interesting stuff in there but for the most part I was bored which is the last thing I should be when watching this show imo.

sorry for the torchwood rambling. I just miss Gwen a lot guys.

[maspers]

Ranking the Miracucast by how good of a Doctor Who Companion they'd be.

Marinette: She'd be great at it, but she would also hate it and just want it to be over. She's tired and has no time for this shenaniganry. Please give her this chance to not be involved. 5/10

Alya: Would have SO MANY QUESTIONS. Could do very well, but I can see her veering dangerously close to Adam Mitchell territory. Careful there, Alya. 7/10

Adrien: Yes. 10/10

Nino: I think he'd be a decent TARDIS passenger, but he's the type that'd be part of an ensemble. Wouldn't work as well as a solo companion. 4/10

Chloe: Sorry Chloe fans, but no. The Doctor can pull a redemption arc out of anyone, but they also have no patience for bullcrap. It's just not happening no matter how much I want it to. 1/10

Sabrina: I think she would be great, but the fandom would not like her as a companion. 6/10

Mylene: Yeah, she would not like it. 0/10

Ivan: If Mylene isn't going, then neither is he. 0/10

Rose: Would be absolutely hilarious due to her name alone. Accompanying a Classic Doctor might be better for her. 7/10

Juleka: I don't care what you say she would be excellent and the fandom would love her. Ironically would probably fit better with a NuWho Doctor. 10/10

Kim: The Doctor does not want Kim in the TARDIS. Kim has been in the TARDIS at least once, and the Doctor has vowed that it will be the last time. They're wrong. 4/10

Max: The Doctor would ADORE Markov. Max would be Markov's plus one. 7/10 by proxy

Alix: Pretty sure she already is a companion. Like. In canon. We haven't seen it but it's definitely happened, fight me. Alix/10

Nathaniel: I want to say he'd be great but in my heart I know he would be Very Stressed. Definitely would not want to travel with the Doctor, but would keep getting dragged along by his friends. The fandom would love him though. 5/10

Lila: As she is now? Absolutely not. The Doctor would despise her. -10/10, BUUUUUUT if she was picked up before Volpina (or pre-Chameleon at the latest) I think she could be redeemed like in the Scarlet Lady AU. She would be hilarious. She gives me Turlough vibes. If the Doctor can deal with Turlough and Missy then he can deal with Lila. She has the potential to be unique and have an interesting character arc compared to other companions, and let's be honest NuWho needs something unique and interesting. 8/10

Luka: Like Nino, he works better as part of ensemble. Would be an excellent supporting character for Marinette or Juleka if they were companions, or maybe be a very cool Oneshot Companion like Wilf. 3/10

Kagami: The Doctor would have their work cut out for them, because Kagami is a "stab first ask questions later" person and the Doctor doesn't vibe with that normally. Neither The Doctor nor Kagami would be happy with this arrangement. So naturally Kagami's sole season would be one of the best in the entire show. 9/10

Marc: He would travel with either the Second or Thirteenth Doctors. He would do wonderfully, but his seasons would definitely be more focused on the Doctor than Marc himself. Sorry Marc. 7/10

Ondine: Is too busy keeping Kim out of trouble. And as stated previously, the Doctor does not want Kim in the TARDIS. 2/10

Felix: I just don't think it would work. Felix could definitely be a major recurring character, but somehow I can't really see him actually being a companion proper. He does get bonus points for being British. Perhaps instead of being a companion he spends his free time annoying Torchwood. 3/10

Zoe: She'd be great. But the universe would be Very Cruel to her. People will die, and she will not be happy about it. 8/10

[sp3akfromtheart]

that poll i posted about coe vs miracle day is really interesting i knew coe would be more popular but damn the votes for miracle day are so low! ...which to be fair. as a miracle day enjoyer. understandable.

miracle day spoilers under the cut!

these are just my thoughts about some stuff md does that i personally didn't like!! take it all with a pinch of salt + i dont usually write stuff like this so i will love a discussion but pls be nice...lol

i think its weakest point is its conclusion, because, if they reiterated like 30,000 times that jack is NOT immortal bc of his blood, has nothing to do with it, why on earth is that the entire basis of the miracle? like yes, it eats the blood, so it thinks its the blueprint for humanity, but surely jack's blood is just normal? i think they kinda get away with it bc of how weird everything is, but MAN i wanted that miracle to be aliens so damn bad! i suppose in the case of This One Time, earth is the alien planet.

and please do not even get me started about rex becoming immortal. if there had been a 5th season, i would have let it slide, but the fact that is the conclusion for the television show is just absolutely insane to me??? LIKE WHAT! insanity. but this is an insane show. i also kind of think they shouldn't have killed esther, but i also think they should have not killed any torchwood member anyway because i get attached to them all, so the fact that she was inexperienced it made loads of sense that she died, but like, damn...right before they saved the day? misery.

i guess this is because it's implied the story of miracle day was to continue, but i felt like there was so many things going on in comparison to coe. there were a few episodes that really could have spent more time on one thing than the other. is this also because i think we could have gotten more about angelo? maybe...

to be honest, i genuinely think the best part of miracle day is jilly kitzinger. like yeah, that is the EXACT response a big company would have to this situation, and to really make you remember this is a BAD THING this charming character is doing, you have to watch her big up a horrible person! (and the second best thing is gwen and jack, but thats like, duh)

i really wanted to add all this stuff in the tags of that post but i was actually going to write an ESSAY in tag form so decided to spare you all. i'd love to hear you guys' thoughts cos reading the tags on that post has been really cool! as most of you said, i agree with how heart wrenching coe is. its so good at showing how each character would act and genuinely ianto's death, as traumatising as it was, just shows you how he would follow jack to the ends of the earth by the end of his time in torchwood...which is such a stark contrast to the beginning of his time there and how he literally states how much he hates him in broken.

anway!!! if you read all that yap well done i love you. im feeling insane about torchwood currently. send me asks or whatever if you wanna gimme ur opinions!

[justatallstick]

THE SCREAM I YELLED first episode of season 2 jack gets the hologram from the Dude that came thru the rift and i’m like “ok so they’re either gonna make out, fight, or both” and first of all i was RIGHT bUT THEN SONG 2 BY BLUR STARTED PLAYING AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER.

[ichangemyusertoomuch]

does anyone else cry at how much internalized homophobia Ianto has in Children of Earth?

I really would've loved them to focus on it more. they showed it enough to peak my interest, but they could have had more of Jack helping him past it.

on it's own, Ianto's sister's reaction to him liking Jack (and essentially coming out to her) made me cringe, because that's someone who was brought up in the same way as Ianto was (like how siblings have similar speech patterns or manners, because they were taught by the same parents). it immediately tells us that his family aren't exactly comfortable with gay people - though, luckily, she cares about Ianto enough to simply be utterly surprised and not suddenly dislike him. but Johnny (her husband) had the worst reaction immediately after Ianto and his sister talk (I'm not gonna repeat it) but I think it really showed how people in that area were really against the lgbtq+ community, or at least had awful and/or stereotypical opinions. (side note: when she was asking Ianto about he and Jack, he asked her if her daughter should really be hearing this. very heavily implying how wrong he feels he is)

but Ianto, someone brought up in this area, ends up with Jack, and the fact that they're both men hadn't been shown as an issue at any prior point. but suddenly in Children of Earth they present it.

for example, Clem states that Ianto is "queer, I can smell it" (whatever the hell that smells like) (probably fruity) (😂 I'm sorry, sorry), but then Ianto turns around, angry and yells "Oi!".

in the time Torchwood was made I suppose the whole world was a bit more homophobic, but it was not once an issue before then. so you have to presume it's just them trying to flesh out his character (which it successfully does).

which brings me smoothly onto my conclusion. if they were to create this subplot of internalized homophobia, then they probably should have actually made it go somewhere and not just leave me crying on the floor.

👍✨ (tysm for reading this all, if you got this far 😂)

(I haven't listened to any Big Finish audios, though I'm planning on buying some, so if there's anything there that goes further into this: I wouldn't know 😕)

[stardustandmeteors]

❝regeneration❞ | Alastor x time-Lord! reader

(SPOILERS FOR THE END OF SEASON 1 OF HAZBIN HOTEL)

note: this has been stuck in my head for a while, and I know it's random, but I really wanted to write a crossover one shot between HH & DW because I love these two shows so much T-T

Summary: after the battle between the extermination angels and the Hazbin Hotel staff, y/n had thought that all the drama was finally over and she could get back to trying to figure out how to get back to the doctor and their companion... That was the plan, but the universe seemed to have another plan stored for her.

y/n smiled at her friends, feeling relief washed over her as they finally finished constructing the new and improved Hazbin Hotel.She couldn't stop the swelling feeling in her stomach that something else would happen that day, but she had ignored it, continuing her conversation with her friends. If only she could include them as one of her companions, but the universe would never allow that, she doesn't even know why the universe would allow her in hell like this. She wondered if the doctor and his companion were looking for her.

It's been months since she last saw her fellow time-Lord and the human companion he had accompanied them. She had never been fond of humans, or human companions. Their lives were a blink, and they had such evil in their hearts. But after getting to know those human companions of his throughout history, she couldn't help but get attached to their species and their planet. Everything was so fascinating about them, especially when she had gotten sucked into Hell by accident when something had pulled the TARDIS. It was blurry on how they got separated, all she knows is that the two are either lost or are looking for her.

Her teeth grind together as she feels something beneath her skin pulse hard. No, not now. "Uh, hey toots, you okay?" Angel dust asked, which stopped everyone's conversations. y/n looked at them, a golden hue glistening from her skin.

"y/n, you've got, uh something on your skin." Lucifer said, pointing at his face. She stood up from her spot on the stool in front of the bar.

"no. No, no, no, no." y/n said, her body facing her friends. They've never seen a regeneration, they knew she wasn't humans, but the fact that this was how she would end her life, in hell of all places. She looked up at them, fear lacing her features. "No, please, I don't want to go. Not yet, I..." Tears started to stream down her face. Everyone looked at her as her hands started to also glow with the same sparkly golden hue. Alastor's smile strained, watching the person he surprisingly got close to, look at them helplessly.

"what's happening to you?" Charlie asked in a panic, wanting to help, but not understanding what to do. y/n turned around to face the front doors when she heard a voice she hadn't heard since the incident with TORCHWOOD.

"I'm regenerating..." She breathed, watching as a familiar blonde smiled her way. "Rose..." She said, watching the blonde walk up to her slowly.

"uh, who?" Angel spoke, confused.

"the first person to ever see this face. She's in another dimension, with another me. They're happy... She's happy." She watched the blonde raise a hand and put it on her cheek.

"I miss you," Rose whispered, letting her face go and backing up from her slightly.

"I miss you too. I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you sooner," y/n said sadly, wishing she could actually feel her, but she couldn't. The time-Lord turned back around to her friends, her eyes meeting Alastor's. If there was anyone else she wanted her new face to first see, it would be the Radio Demon.

She held a hand out towards him, walking slowly to him, before stopping, the pain of the regeneration was great. She looked up at the ceiling, her arms now out. "Get back!" She heard someone yell as she screamed in pain, the energy leaving her body as it reshaped her cells into a new person. She didn't want to leave, but it was time. Sometimes, she hated to cheat death.

Once it was over, she leaned forward, gasping for breaths. Something with her voice sounded weird, but she didn't understand it. She grabbed her face and gasped, "oh my God! I'm a man!" y/n exclaimed, surprised with the new regeneration body. His eyes landed onto Alastor, who looked just as shocked as the rest. Never in their lives before death did they ever witness a regeneration. It was all new to them.

y/n walked quickly towards Alastor, which startled him, as he backed away and into the bar, sitting on one of the stools as y/n went between his legs to get a good look at the demon's face. y/n ran his tongue over his teeth, and gasped again, "new teeth! Ha! Now I know how the doctor feels! Hey, you're pretty cute for a dead guy!" y/n looked over Alastor's voice again before getting out of his space. "Boy, am I hungry. You've got apples? I sure do love apples! Honestly, I can never be sure though. New mouth, new rules. Such as, I have to go shopping for some men's clothes. Wow! I haven't done that in years!" He laughed. Though, before anything else could happen, he suddenly felt very sleepy. "Oh, boy, someone better catch me."

"are... Are you gonna faint?" Charlie asked, walking slowly over to the new figure.

"mmm, in about, twelve seconds." He stuck his tongue out. His eyes rolled in the back of his head as he fell forwards, Charlie catching him as the radio demon rushed to them.

"what just happened?" Angel was confused, like all of them.

"I have no idea." Vaggie shook her head with a sigh.

"I think I'm gonna need a drink after this." Husker grumbled, watching as Charlie and Alastor out the newly regenerated y/n on the lobby couch.

"you and me both," Lucifer nodded. Things would only get more interesting from this moment on. Especially with y/n already choosing his own companion, even though they're already dead. But what's the worst that could happen? By definition, he was a God, and he could do anything he wanted. Screw what the universe thinks, he doesn't have to be alone anymore. Sure he had the doctor and the companion, but he never had a companion of his own. Hopefully it'll be more forgiving to him this time.

This is just a one shot, but if anyone wants a continuation from this, I'll be happy to write this whole crossover into a short story, or something. Yes, it's still an Alastor story, and I know he didn't talk in this one shot, I just didn't know what he'd say in this situation, considering it was new for everyone in the hotel.

[scifrey]

FANFICTION MASTERPOST

Hob Adherent Series

(The Sandman, extended Gaiman-verse)

Hob Gadling is a clingy bastard, and he’s not ashamed to admit it. He clings to life. He clings to hope. He clings to his love of humanity. He clings to his Stranger. He also, unfortunately, has a habit of clinging to his name.

Which means that when the BBC is looking for a new pet history expert to appear in their educational docudrama series “Elizabethan Manor,” they’re overjoyed to find a professor who (according to their meticulous research) is actually descended from the Master of the National Trust building they’re filming in - Gadlen House.

Only Hob knows how right they are.

Cling Fast

Carpe Diem

Hold Tight 

Keepsakes

The F-Words Series (the Rovai-verse)

(Loki, MCU; based on the art of @alicerovai)

Loki has fallen for false promises, fallen for Odin's lies, fallen off of a bridge, fallen into the wrong hands... can he let himself fall into the arms of a potential rescuer? Or will he just end up falling for another trick?

Fall

Fold 

Fight

Flirt 

Forgive 

To A Stranger

(Sherlock, Performance in a Leading Role by @madlori)

Here - for the first time - is the screenplay for the unexpected and sizzling hit which swept awards shows; was lauded in Time, Variety, and major publications the world over; snagged a Best Actor Oscar for first-time nominee John Watson; heralded a revolution in LQBTQA+ cinema; and was the catalyst for the incredible romantic journey of two of the greatest actors of our generation.

The Heart of the TARDIS

Rose: Feels to me like a temper tantrum because it can't get it's own way.

The Doctor: It's scared. Come on, you were a kid once.

Rose: Yes, and I know what kids can be like. Right little terrors. I've got cousins. Kids can't have it all their own way. That's part of being a family.

The Doctor: What about trying to understand them?

Rose: Easy for you to say. You don't have kids.

The Doctor: I was a Dad once.

Rose: What did you say?

--"Fear Her"

Respected

(Stargate: Atlantis, Torchwood)

Ianto Jones only wanted a nice, quiet beer. And maybe some damned respect, already.

Tobogganing Series

(Stargate: Atlantis, Casper)

When Johnny Sheppard was ten years old, he begged his father for a toboggan for Christmas.

He Kissed Me First 

(Stargate: Atlantis, The Farm in Iowa-verse by @sheafrotherdon)

"Rodnies? Rodneys? Rodni? How do you conjugate the plural?" John wondered.

The Once And Future Kingdom 

(Stargate: Atlantis, Merlin)

"I am Prince Arthur of Camelot!" the boy in the chainmail said. For a small, infinitesimal moment, Rodney considered losing it.

"Right, Prince Arthur, the Prince Arthur," Rodney scoffed instead. "And I'm Merlin."

The dark haired boy that stood a few paces behind his golden Prince cleared his throat. "Uh, no," he said, shifting uneasily from foot to foot, "Actually, I am."

Right, of course. Because this totally was Rodney's LIFE.

The Driver 

(Agent Carter, Captain America, British Royalty RPF)

“What?” Dum Dum asked, prodding his seatmate in the ribs with his meaty elbow for the umpteenth time. “Seriously, Falsy, what?”

“Squirfle,” the Brit said, or something like it. His face, under the mustache, had turned an amusing shade of puce that was rapidly verging on the alarming.

“Yeah, buddy, I know she’s pretty, but she’s just a dame, ain’t she?” Dum Dum said. He jerked his head at their driver. She was just a short brown-blonde coif from the back, though from his position against the side of the transportation jeep, Dum Dum could make out a smooth, pale cheek, an archly-painted eyebrow, and impeccable red lips.

The Nihongo Series

(Stargate: Atlantis)

In Japan, it is not too much to say that a great deal is about appearances. It is a habit cultivated over a life-time, and not one easy to break.

*

This is just a partial list of my most popular fics. Please visit my A03 and FF.NET profiles for the full list of fics.

You can also find a master post of my original fiction here.

[the-torchwood-archive]

Plant Life by Trevor Baxendale.

Something I find interesting about this story is how often I see people misinterpreting Jack's behaviour in it, especially at the end. They want some sort of relief from him. Some sort of intimate moment. But honestly, I like how it ends. There's no space for intimacy because he's angry with himself. Angry that he missed the signs of an alien invasion because he was too preoccupied with wanting to be soft with Ianto.

Almost letting the world end because you want to protect the person you love. To me that's better than a tender moment. It's very Torchwood. It certainly won't be the last time.

Full text is under the cut. This was a quick transcription, so let me know if I've missed anything.

Gwen skipped lightly through the Hub portal as it ground slowly open. It wasn’t something she did very often. There was usually something to worry about – a midnight text to alert her to an attempted alien invasion or some kind of extra-dimensional incursion through the Rift – and any step taken in the underground headquarters of Torchwood could be a step closer to death.

But not today. Today was different. Today was normal. Properly normal. And nothing was going to stop it being normal.

“Good afternoon,” yelled Captain Jack.

Gwen smiled to herself as she jogged up the steps to his office.

He was sitting back with his boots up on the desktop, a wide, gleaming white smile splitting his face in half, “Nice of you to show up for work today, Mrs Williams,” he continued. “That’s if you actually had doing any work in mind. You could just float around the place looking all love-struck and everything if  you’d prefer. It says in the rulebook you can to that in lieu of a honeymoon.”

“Cooper,” said Gwen, still grinning, “I’m keeping my name. Rhys has agreed.”

“Oh, he has, has he?”

“Yeah. Said it wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t Gwen Cooper anymore. Besides,” Gwen raised her left hand and waggled her fingers, “this says I’m a Mrs.”

“And what does that say?” Jack pointed a finger at the thing under her left arm.

She looked down as if surprised, “This? It doesn’t say anything. It’s a plant.”

“A plant.”

“Yeah. Spider plant. For the flat. I picked it up from the market this morning on the way in. Do you like it?”

She held out the spindly little plant for Jack to see. He straightened up, a slight look of repulsion on his movie star face, “Not keen on spiders.”

Gwen laughed, following him out of the office and down towards Tosh’s desk space. Toshiko was staring intently at the phalanx of glowing computer screens that constituted her workstation.

“Morning, Gwen,” she said without looking up. Reflections of the monitors flickered in her glasses, “How’s married life?”

“Fantastic,” Gwen told her, gleefully spinning Tosh around in her chair. She skipped after Jack, “I never knew you were scared of spiders.”

“I’m not. I said I wasn’t keen on them. We had a falling out on Janus Prime, spiders and me.”

“Well, this is just a plant, that’s all. No worries,” Gwen plonked the potted plant down on her desk and bounced into her seat.

Jack frowned, “I hope all this post-nuptial bliss wears off soon. I'll have to have a work with Rhys, get him to start leaving his dirty socks on the floor and toe-nail clippings in the bed.”

“Oh, he does that already,” sighed Gwen, “Like I said, no worries.”

“I’m nauseous.”

“I’m in need of coffee,” Gwen rapped on her desktop, “Where’s Ianto? A Monday Morning Special is required.”

“Tea boy’s in the Hot House,” said Owen as he emerged from the depths of the autopsy room.

“Don’t call him that,” Gwen chided, “What’s he doing in there?”

---------------

“My turn to water the plants,” explained Ianto. He was carefully pouring a plastic cup full of water into the soil of a pot plant, his face a picture of care and concentration. Ianto Jones approached every one of his duties with the same level of precision and commitment, whether it was making a cup of coffee or aiming a stungun at a weevil.

The Hot House was the team’s quiet area, a small place of tranquillity in the often frenetic environment of the Hub. It was warm and secluded, located in an angular glass pod overlooking the rest of the base.

Gwen turned away from her view of Jack and caught a glimpse of Ianto’s pinstripe through the foliage, “I thought this was Owen’s thing?”

“Well, I imagine he’s got other things on his mind right now,” Ianto responded, “What with being dead and everything.” He straightened up, observing his handiwork with a high achiever’s critical eye, “Besides, if it’s in the Hub, it’s my thing.”

Gwen walked along the rack of plants, letting her fingers play through the leaves, “These are all alien then, are they?”

Ianto shrugged, “Some of them are, certainly. Spores or seeds that have drifted in through the Rift. We plant them and see if they grow. Most die. There are some plants in the universe which don’t photosynthesise – and they find carbon dioxide poisonous. Others need specifically controlled environments,” he tapped the glass of a large blue bottle, “and ultraviolet light. Some only thrive in absolute darkness.” He knocked on the lid of a large black box. It was completely sealed and impossible to see into, “There’s something growing in here, allegedly.”

“How can you be sure?”

“We can’t. I call it Schrodinger’s plant.”

Gwen stooped to look at a small purple flower embedded in rich peaty soil on the next bench, “What’s this one called? It’s beautiful.”

“Nose Biter,” Ianto said flatly, “It’s carnivorous.”

Gwen jerked back as the jagged petals twitched.

“Not all plants are alien in origin,” Ianto continued as if conducting a tour, “Some come through the Rift from the future and the past. This one is from the Silurian era.” He indicated a large, bushy fern.

Gwen pulled an appropriately impressed face, although she had no idea what he was talking about. She looked at the specimen that Ianto had been watering so carefully when she came in, “And what about that one?”

“Ah, that’s my favourite.”

It was rather plain. Just a thin green stalk and a single, rather nondescript leaf. “Riight,” said Gwen.

“It’s really come on in the last few days,” Ianto explained, “It was practically dead last week. Owen as all for throwing it out, but I believe in giving everyone a chance.”

“Everyone?”

“Thing. Every thing.”

Gwen straightened up, bored. “It’s very nice.”

“All it needed was a drop of water. And a bit of patience.”

“Lovely,” Gwen turned her full beam smile on Ianto. “Any danger of a coffee this morning?”

---------------

Owen didn’t sleep anymore and spent most of his time pottering around the Hub. Captain Jack spent all of his time at the Hub; in fact, his sleeping quarters were located beneath his office, accessed via a salvaged submarine hatch set in the floor. Owen used to think it was just eccentric, but now he understood what it was like to have no life at all outside Torchwood. Or no life at all, full stop.

Nethertheless, no matter how early Owen checked, Jack was always up and washed and dressed before him and ready to greet the day with that big grin, “Morning!” Jack called from his office as Owen stalked up from the calls. He’d been inspecting the Weevil containment locks, just for something to do. He waved at Jack, who signalled back with a cheery flick of The Times. Somewhere above them a pterodactyl flapped lazily around the roof vault.

“Jack! Owen!” Ianto’s voice rang out from somewhere above them. Startled, Owen looked to see Ianto at the top of the spiral staircase leading to the Hot House. He was in his shirtsleeves, but still with a waistcoat and tie – what passed for early morning casual with Ianto.

“Hey, Ianto,” Jack yelled, “What gives?”

“New bud! New bud!” he cried, and then darted back into the Hot House.

Owen and Jack found him peering intensely at his plant – it had already become Ianto’s plant – and pointing, “Look! Just there. It’s a new bug. Isn’t that fantastic?”

They examined the plant. Sure enough, juts by the leaf, there was a tiny, shiny green bulge.

“I wonder where it came from,” Jack mused, “How far across the universe and how many centuries it’s travelled to get here and survive.”

“It’s doing well,” Owen concluded, “I’d almost given up on it.”

“You had given up on it,” Ianto said.

“Maybe I could run some tests,” Owen suggested, “Cross-check the cell patterns with the stuff in the archive. May tell us something.”

“There’s no need to waste your time on that,” Ianto said, “It’s here and it’s alive. That’s all that matters, surely?”

“It’s something to do,” Owen insisted.

Jack said, “Why don’t you check the archives anyway, see if you can find something that fits the description. Ianto can help. It’s going to be a quiet day after all. Tosh is off out and I’m tidying up some stuff with UNIT.”

But Ianto wasn’t listening. He was very gently pouring water into the pot around the base of the plant, watching the soil soaking it up.

Owen shrugged and headed for the exit, “At the double,” he sighed.

---------------

“Do you think it likes coffee?” Gwen asked.

Ianto shook his head, “I doubt it. Too many toxins. At the moment all it needs is water.”

“At the moment?”

“And love and understanding, of course.” Ianto added with a smile.

Gwen laughed gently, “You must have green fingers.”

“Hi there,” said Jack, strolling into the Hot House, “Thought I’d find you here. Everyone wants to know how Ianto’s plant is doing.”

“There’s another leaf coming through,” Ianto said proudly.

“Never a dull moment in Torchwood,” Jack said.

“It’s sort of cute, don’t you think?” smiled Gwen.

“That depends,” Jack replied, “on how much it takes Ianto away from his normal duties. Such as coffee.”

“Good point,” Gwen nodded.

“I’ll get you coffee in a moment,” Ianto assured them. There was a hint of abruptness in his tone that made Gwen and Jack pull a face at each other.

“I’ll get on with my work,” Gwen whispered, heading for the door.

“Yeah,” said Jack, “Me too.”

---------------

“Have you thought of a name for it yet?” Toshiko asked, powering her workstation down for the night.

Ianto school his head, “No pet names.”

“It seems silly not calling it anything,” Tosh insisted gently, “We ought to give it a name.”

“Owen’s been checking through the botanical archives to see if he can find a match,” Ianto said, yawning, “We’ll know what it is if he finds one.”

“You look tired.”

Ianto stretched, leaning back on the old settee, “I could do with some sleep, that’s true.”

“You’re spending all your time here,” Tosh said, “Nothing unusual there, I know. But you looked bushed. Jack won’t thank you for being too tired to work. It may be quiet now, but you know how it is around here. Anything could happen at any time. We need to be ready.”

Ianto dragged a hand down his face, “I know, I know. I’ll go home soon. I’ll just check on the plant first.” He heaved himself up and headed for the Hot House.

---------------

“Well, I don’t really see any harm in it,” Gwen said the next day. They were in the boardroom, Jack playing thoughtfully with a pencil. Gwen sitting on the next, Tosh next to her. Owen was leaning against the double doors.

“You think it’s a hobby?” Jack asked, unimpressed.

“Well, I don’t know much about hobbies.”

“Hobbies are for men,” Owen commented.

“Ianto doesn’t have any hobbies,” Jack said.

“He’s very fond of that old stopwatch,” Gwen said, her eyes full of innocence.

“That’s not a hobby,” Jack insisted.

“It’s only a plant,” Toshiko ventured, “What harm can there be?”

“He’s obsessed with the thing,” Jack said, his voice hardening.

“The plant isn’t poisonous, carnivorous, mobile, or intelligent,” Toshiko continued, “For all intents and purposes, just a plant. I repeat: what harm can there be?”

Jack swivelled around to face Owen, “Have you come up with anything on the database?”

“Nothing. The Torchwood botanical records go back over 100 years. There’s nothing on the computer, the microfiche, the ledgers or diaries that fits the description. We don’t even know what it is. We don’t even know,” he added meaningfully, “if it’s alien.”

“What do you mean?” asked Gwen, “I thought all the plants in the Hot House were extraterrestrial in origin, or at least from another timezone.”

“So we think,” Owen replied, “What proof do we have in this particular case? I should point out that there’s nothing that fits the description of the plant in any Earth records either, but I’ve only been looking for three days and it’s a big job.”

“We could take a cell sample,” Toshiko said, “Put it under the microscope.”

“Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t done that already,” Jack cut in.

Toshiko looked momentarily fazed, unused to being reprimanded, even mildly. Jack had spoken softly, but he wasn’t smiling, “I – I just didn’t think it was necessary,” she said, “We’ve been busy with other things. I don’t see what the problem is – Ianto’s looking after his plant, that’s all.”

“She’s got a point, Jack.” Gwen agreed.

Jack sighted and threw his pencil down on the table top, signalling that the meeting was over, “Okay, back to work, people. I’m getting paranoid in my old age. Scat.”

They filed out, but he called Gwen back just before she left, “How did Rhys like the spider plant?” he asked.

She laughed, “Never even noticed it.”

---------------

The plant was looking very healthy. It was a good couple of centimetres taller, and possibly straighter, with two full leaves and the start of a new one. It wasn’t all that big, or even very special looking, but it now dominated the Hot House.

This was partially due to the fact that nearly all the other plants had gone.

Ianto had moved them out of the Hot House one by one. They were stacked on the steps of the spiral staircase and Toshiko had to climb very carefully through the foliage to reach the door to the pod. Inside, more plants had been moved to the floor on the far side, away from Ianto’s own little flower, and many of the racks had been completely cleared.

“Ianto…what’s happened up here?”

“Nothing,” Ianto grunted, straightening after placing the heavy glass bell jar containing who-knew-what by the door, “I’m just making a bit of space.”

“For what?”

“For the plant. It’s getting crowded. It can’t grow properly without light and space.”

Toshiko stepped into the Hot House, which now seemed very bare. Her voice echoed slightly against the glass walls as she spoke, “Does Owen know you’ve done this?”

“Owen?” Ianto repeated, “What’s his got to do with him?”

“Well, he sort of…kept this place going, didn’t he?”

“Owen’s got other things on his mind right now. As I think I have already pointed out.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Jack says you’re obsessed with this plant thing,” Toshiko said carefully.

Ianto smiled, “He’s jealous.”

“Possible. You are giving it a lot of attention though. And it’s just a plant, after all.”

“He worries too much, and so do you. That’s your problem, Tosh. Too much worrying. Sometimes you’ve just got to do what’s right and ignore everything else.”

Toshiko was a little taken aback. She had never heard Ianto speak like this. He didn’t sound hostile, but there was something wrong. She took a deep breath and said, “I thought it was time we took a sample for investigation.”

He looked at her, and saw she was holding a microscope slide.

“You can’t,” he said.

“I only need a tiny piece,” Toshiko said, “I want to have a look at its cellular make-up.”

“You can’t,” Ianto repeated.

He said it simply, and with a smile, but Toshiko didn’t doubt him for a second, “All right,” she relented, “But I’ll have to tell Jack. He asked specifically. At the very least the plant needs to be catalogued, and we can’t do that without a cell sample.”

She left the Hot House, still holding the empty slide, while Ianto carefully added a few more drops of water to the plant’s soil.

---------------

“Hey,” Jack said from the doorway, “Need a break?”

“No thanks. I’m good here.”

“Kinda weird, though,” Jack said, leaning back against the glass that overlooked the rest of the Hub, He took a sip from his mug of coffee, “I mean, you sitting there like that. Doing nothing.”

“I’m not doing nothing,” Ianto stated. He didn’t look at Jack. His attention was fixed on the plant. It was all that was left in the Hot House now, with the exception of the swivel chair Ianto was sitting on, right in front of it.

“Right,” Jack agreed slowly, “I guess I missed that.”

“Yes,” agreed Ianto, “I guess you did.”

“The others are getting pretty worried about you.”

“There’s no need for anyone to worry. We’re fine.”

“We?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine, really.” Ianto looked up at Jack, “Really.”

“Okay,” Jack said. He sipped his coffee again and grimaced, “Thing is, we’re all drinking lousy coffee here now. This stuff is disgusting. Tastes like Sontaran dysentery. And believe me, that’s something you don’t want to taste twice.”

“There’s more to life than coffee.”

“What, really?”

“That’s all you think I’m good for, isn’t it, Jack? Making coffee.”

Jack grinned, “Well, I can think of a couple other things you’re good for.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Jack moved further into the room, keeping his hands in his pockets, casual, “Ianto, this has gone far enough. You need a break. You haven’t slept in two days. You haven’t shaved either. And you know what I  think of beard rash.”

“Bring me a razor and I’ll shave.”

“Sure. How about a change of clothes too? Because frankly, Ianto, you ain’t as fragrant as you used to be.”

“I’m not leaving. More important things to do in here.”

“Just for ten minutes, then. A comfort break?”

“Don’t need one. Haven’t drunk anything in the last twenty-four hours.”

Something crunched under Jack’s boot and he noticed some tiny pieces of broken glass glinting on the floor behind Ianto’s chair. He stepped carefully over them and leaned on the back of the chair. It creaked slightly but Ianto didn’t move. Jack took a deep breath, “Don’t you think this is all a bit…unusual?” Receiving no reply, Jack squatted down at the side of the chair, speaking softly, “Ianto…I need a cell sample from the plant. We have to check it out, see what makes it tick. I mean, we know it doesn’t actually tick. We just want to find out what it is, what it’s doing.”

“It’s growing. It’s a plant. What else would it do?”

“Well, we don’t know. That’s why we’d like to check it out,” Jack held up a slim rectangle of glass, “I’ve got a slide right here. Let me take a sample and I can get out of here, leave you and the plant alone together. How does that sound?”

No answer.

“Toshiko’s got the equipment ready to do. All she needs is a sample. How about it?”

Still no answer.

Jack moved towards the plant, extending his hand with the microscope slide. Ianto grabbed Jack’s wrist, fast as a rattlesnake. His knuckles were white, but his eyes were red – bloodshot, but wide and alert.

“Don’t touch it,” he hissed, “You can’t touch it!”

Jack tried to pull away, but Ianto held him in a surprisingly strong grip. They struggled against each other for a few seconds until Jack wrenched his arm free, “Goddamnit, Ianto, I’m not fighting you over a plant!”

“Then don’t fight me!” Ianto cried hotly, “Just leave me alone and everything will be fine. Can’t you see that?”

Jack stood up, breathing heavily, “What’s up with your arm?”

“What?” Ianto looked down at his arm, where the shirt cuff had been pulled away to reveal a series of sticking plasters on the white flesh, “Nothing. I had an accident, that’s all. I was moving one of the specimens and the jar broke. Cut my arm. It’s nothing.”

Jack glanced down at the fragments of glass on the floor, “You need to be more careful.”

“I’ll brush it up later.”

“I wasn’t talking about the glass.”

Jack tossed the slide down onto the floor and walked out.

---------------

There was no natural light in the Hub. The Torchwood base was located deep below ground, and there were no windows. It was sometimes impossible to tell the difference between day and night, and this made it very easy to lose track of time. To counteract this, and maintain some vague kind of biological clock, Jack found it useful to dim the lights in the evening, and then turn them right back up in the morning. Ianto had once likened it to life on a submarine. Jack had winked and told him that he’d once spent many weeks onboard a German U-Boat in World War Two, “Technically I was a prisoner of war, but we were submerged for a long time and, well, sailors are sailors the world over.”

That had been in the early days, when Ianto blushed easily, “They’re called submariners,” he’d muttered, “Not sailors.”

Jack smiled at the memory. There was always a hint of the pedant about Ianto. Underneath that soft exterior, there was steel. Very very people got to know that. Those that did usually regretted it.

“He’ll be okay,” Gwen said quietly, joining him by the circular window in his office which overlooked the Hub. It was gone midnight and the vase chamber was in semi-darkness. On the far side they could see the glow of the lights in the Hot House, and Ianto, still sitting there watching his plant, “We’ll find a way.”

“Sure. We could just storm in and drag him out if we wanted to,” Jack sighed, “That’s what Owen wants.”

“Since when did you take any notice of what Owen wants?”

“There has to be a better way, Gwen. I don’t want to hurt him”

“He’ll fall asleep eventually. He has to. That’s what the police do in siege situations. Wait long enough and they’ll just…nod off.”

“Ianto won’t. He’s tougher than he looks. And that plant’s got a grip on him. I don’t know how, but I’m going to bread that grip, Gwen. That I promise.”

“He’s moving,” Gwen said suddenly.

Ianto was little more than a silhouette, but he had got up from his chair.

They both ran out of the office, Jack leaping down the steps to the lower level while Gwen clattered along behind him. Eventually she grabbed his arm and pulled him to a halt, “Wait!” she hissed, “Don’t rush! He’ll hear us!”

Owen emerged from the cells, looked at Jack and Gwen, glanced up at the Hot House. He realised immediately something was up and shot a questioning look at Gwen.

She raised a finger to her lips, signalling caution.

Jack was already moving up the spiral staircase, as quick and silent as a jungle cat. Gwen followed, trying to match him. Automatically, she reached behind her hip for her pistol, only then remembering that it was on her desk. She glanced behind her, past Owen, and saw Tosh heading towards them as well, pausing only to collect her PDA.

In the Hot House, Ianto was bent over his plant. His shirtsleeve was rolled up past his elbow, and his forearm was extended. The plasters had been removed. There were deep cuts in the flesh, and the blood stood out stark and red against the white skin, running down his wrist. His fist was clenched so the blood came freely, trickling into the soil of the plant pot.

Jack stood in the doorway, transfixed by the sight. He felt as if he was intruding on an intensely private communion. Ianto was oblivious, his full concentration on the plant. As Jack watched, a thing proboscis emerged from the plant stem, extending like the tongue of a hummingbird towards Ianto’s arm. It burrowed into the wound, pulsing slightly as it lapped up the blood.

“Bastard!” Jack had seen more than enough, hurling himself across the room, wrenching Ianto away from the plant. Blood jetted into the air as he spun away, collapsing into the waiting arms of Owen and Gwen. They lowered him gently to the floor.

The plant actually hissed.

Jack swept it off the shelf with enough force to send it crashing into the far wall. The pot burst against the glass in a shower of dirt. The plant hit the floor, white roots writhing in the air, groping like a hundred fingers for the scattered soil. Two quick strides took Jack to where it lay. He raised his boot and crushed the plant flat, screwing his feel down until it left a smear of green and red across the floor.

Instantly, Ianto fell slack. His head lolled as Gwen tried to sit him up. Owen was already putting a field dressing on his arm, “Okay, Ianto, you’re all right. We’ve got you. You’re going to be fine.”

Toshiko scanned the remains of the plant with her PDA, “No life signs,” she reported, “Whatever it was, it’s head. And not before time, I have to say.”

Jack’s lip curled in disgust, “What the hell was it?”

“A plant,” Owen said, “Some time of telepathic species, perhaps, using mind control of the local fauna for protection. It used Ianto to look after it, protect it, feed it. He was nothing more than a slave.”

“He’s all right now, though,” Gwen assured him, “The moment you killed it, I felt him relax, like a puppet with its strings cut. He’s free of the influence.”

Jack turned to leave, “Get this place cleaned up. Get Ianto cleaned up. This room feels dirty now.”

Gwen rested a hand on his arm, “Don’t be hard on yourself. No one knew what to do for the best.”

“Except the plant?”

“It’s gone. We’re still here. Ianto’s still here.”

“What if we hadn’t been alert? What if it had reproduced, spread seeds, got out of the Hub? Imagine a whole planet with those things growing in every park and hedgerow. The human race could have been reduced to mindless slaves doing nothing but feeding blood sucking plants,” He shrugged, then looked back up at his people, This is our life, guys. This is Torchwood. We can’t relax. We can’t hesitate. We have to be ready.”

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round 2 of the losers bracket

Propaganda:

For John and Jack:

So, they both are literal murders. One of them is a little bit more insane than the other. Okay, the little bit part is not right, totally insane that is John, yes. But gonna love him though. He had been in rehab for alcohol, drugs, sex and murder. Don't kiss him, he might be wearing poisoning lipstick. They are canon mlm. They had been stuck in a two week time loop for five years, which was like leading a married life for them. They didn't actually marry, but they were partners, both in business and sexually. They worked together for an time agency. Then Jack's memories of two years were erased and he left. He went into  independent self deployment, doing scams using his knowledge of future events. After that he build an alien hunting institute in Cardiff, Wales. When John and Jack see eachother again after years, you don't know whether they will they kiss or fight. They do both. Did I tell you that along this story Jack became an inmortal who can't stay dead? No matter how or how often he dies or is killed, he keeps coming back to life. This is all very scraping on the surface, but oh boy, would it be at least a novella to describe them.

They worked together in the Time Agency where they did horrible things to the extent where Jack had two years of his memory stolen so that he couldn’t know what he’d done. They were also in a time loop together for five years where they canonically thought of each other as the wife (John was a good wife :3), and were basically married. Then they had a divorce arc and they both separately went rogue from the Agency to become conmen, although they still worked together/clashed on occasions, always still with that spark of passion. “Frenemies with benefits” Jack called them once, although John preferred “my lover, my rival, my nemesis and destiny. And bane of my bloody life.” Canon finds us where Jack has tried to reform and be a better person, but John is still chasing cons, and all he wants to do is bring Jack back to the stars with him, back to the crime and the glitter of the galaxies (it doesn’t work and he shoves Jack off a building but Jack got himself immortal so he’s fine <3) anyway I am very normal about them xoxo

In John's introduction to the series he shows up on a roof where some guy is mugging someone, grabs him by the throat and dangles him over the edge of the building while this guy begs for his life before dropping him just because he felt like it. When John and Jack interact for the first time in the show there's a super cool guitar riff, very evil western vibes, they walk up to each other, look deeply into each other's eyes, make out, then start throwing punches to Blur's Song 2. In one of the audio dramas we're told about various times where these two conned people, stole a bunch of money and gold and gems and stuff, then had sex with whoever it is they conned before (sometimes) killing them. When Jack devided he was done and left John to die John escaped and married the queen of England (Victoria) then locked Jack up somewhere to take his life force and live forever, destroying the timeline in the process. John has tried to kill all of Jack's friends at least twice to have him all to himself. He found Jack's long lost brother and when the brother turned out to be a terrible person with a vendetta against Jack John did everything he could to save Jack. Their relationship is canon but very one-sided most of the time

just this video

For the Doctor and the Master:

Immortal genderfluid war criminals <333

So we all know the Master has killed plenty of people, but, despite their reputation, the Doctor has killed a more than average number too. Sure they undid the whole destroying their own planet thing, but that's still something the Doctor did. Also there's apparently a novelization out there where, when they were children, the Doctor killed one of their childhood bullies but then made a deal with Death so that the Master had the memory of it and became Death's champion, which is pretty messed up and murder husbandish. There are plenty more war crimes on the Doctor's hands, and the Master has killed countless people in a variety of creative ways. Also, I'm having trouble finding the quote, but I swear the Master once said something to the lines of "trying to kill the Doctor is just my flirting" or something similar. But I do know Missy (also the Master but female at the time) described their relationship as "older than your civilization and infinitely more complex". They love each other, they're constantly trying to destroy each other, they are the only friends they each have who can even begin to understand everything they've been through; they've known each other since childhood and they've watched (and helped) civilizations rise and fall together. They may not be who you first think of for murder spouses but they really are a beautiful example.

[akajustmerry]

deah and I were talking last night about how iwtv would handle lestat's relationships with women given a) amc has really embraced their brand as the GAY vampire show and lestat's relationships with women don't really align with that, and b) the relationships with women lestat has that we've seen briefly have been objectively quite awful because he's a piece of shit. deah was saying how the show's kinda backed themselves into a weird corner wrt actually portraying lestat's bisexuality. anyway, deah said as a joke, "it'll probably end up that he fucks men in iwtv and fucks women in the mayfair witches show to keep everyone happy" and at first I was laughing because the idea of partitioning a character's bisexuality between two shows IS FUNNY and then I realised that this is unironically what RTD did with jack harkness/doctor who/torchwood