#no bc why do I feel like I’m always sick
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Any tips to making a cold go away sooner?
#no bc why do I feel like I’m always sick#at least once a month#I need to get my immune system up but it’s like nothing is workingggg#also I think I might be lactose intolerant#sorry Frank Zhang for ever making fun of you this is the karma I got😔#no but I deadass need this cold to go away#I missed an entire week of school two weeks ago bc I got really sick#and now I’m sick again#I went to sleep with a bit of a sore throat and woke up to a fever#a headache#a runny nose#and no appetite#(that last one is incredibly rare for me)#and my mom made me tea#but it was green tea and I drank that on an empty stomach which made me nearly throw up#help a girl out#pls#being sick#colds#sneezing hurts#usually I sneeze once every two-three days#but this is my fourth today#and my throat is on fire from it#this is so random#I’m making this post instead of doing actual work I should be doing#random post#a bit of a rant
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someone tell me to be brave and hit send on this email
#i wrote a story a long time ago that feels like it came from behind my ribs#and i’m about to send it to my author/publisher auntie#but. i’ve only let like. a few people in the world read this. and even tho they’ve all been lovely it makes my skin feel#too sensitive. u know what i mean? when ppl read my writing that isn’t fic. it makes my chest feel weird. like i’m sick#i don’t know why i want to be an author. well. yes i do but#anyway this is an auntie who has always thought the best of me even when she had no reason to. she was there at my birth#she’ll be there when I’M having kids. this is an Important Lady.#and she’s a wonderful writer and i just.#i never show anyone anything i’ve made or done bc i can’t bear the thought of being disappointing#i know it’s not a big deal but it is to me and if she tells me it’s just okay i think i’ll throw up possibly#i don’t want to prove her wrong. i don’t want to face the truth that i am not what she thought i’d be.#i know it’s just one little story and it doesn’t hold my entire worth i KNOW she will not be disappointed in me. so why can’t i hit send#WHY CANT I
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Reading isn’t enough I need to start beating white ppls asses
#they’re literally everywhere and so annoying all the time I’m so sick#and it’s the quiet racism that’s killing me#ignoring dogwhistles pretending u don’t understand things that blk ppl are finding issue with gaslighting gaslighting gaslighting#and I get why ppl turn to the concept of religion and the idea that these people are gonna get what they deserve but what about now#what about the people they’re hurting and indoctrinating now#what about all the white folk who sit back and let it happen and feel comfortable in the fact that at least they’re not saying slurs#and laws keep getting passed that are literally getting us killed and y’all are making up that blk women are mad about kanekalon fuck y’all#And the LEAST you could do is sit and listen and learn but you need to share ur damn opinion on everything u hear and see#even when u know u don’t know shit#and don’t get me started on fandom it’s supposed to be fun here but y’all are so hyper focused on white characters that u genuinely don’t#see ur own racism#and some of you will see posts about it and scroll on and be guilty or think ur excluded#none of u are excluded this about all of u who make one post or reblog a few about fandom racism and go back to taking character traits from#nonwhite characters to make ur white faves look cooler#this is about everyone who thinks they’re some sort of feminist bc they think propping a female character on such a high pedestal nobody can#touch her isn’t falling into racist tropes at all#like sometimes I genuinely hate y’all so much it makes me sick#so tempted to tag every fandom tag I can find here#but y’all will either ignore it or gaslight blk ppl AGAIN like ALWAYS bc that’s what y’all do#dc#dc comics#tim Drake#bc anyone scrolling through this tag needs to see it I promise#Duke Thomas#Cass Caín#bc y’all pretend ur not racist towards her when y’all treat her like a walking dragon lady kys 💀#Damian Wayne#so sorry to Damian stans faced with ppl who can’t read 💔#and thats It.only main nonwhite ppl in batfam.and u still manage to be this racist.except Dick but u only sexualize him Abt it 💀#see how I turned to fandom to cope with the real shit and it still fucking sucks 💀 I hope some of y’all die genuinely
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#need to quickly pop off once and be done with it bc i don’t think i’ve ever actually gone off about this on main#might delete later or might not. depends on how angry i am lol#but i’m kinda sick of the out-of-pocket comments that keep dropping on my head once every couple of weeks lol#we used to be a society#now i’m getting shit for not liking jk as much and for liking someone else??? @.@#yoongi did not raise you to be this way#what makes you think i’d wanna go back to being a hardcore stan when you’re shitting on me for stepping back#(not all of you ofc… just some)#but yeah 🥴 why do you always have to pit these people against each other#asking me if i like bts or skz’s music more and then making a mean comment when i say i think they’re both good#acting like this fandom or the tannies themselves are inherently superior to other fandoms/groups#why are you bringing stan twt bullshit to my house#we used to be a society! @.@#i’m not gonna entertain weird asks about this anymore bc even tho i like to fight (lol) -#these ‘arguments make me feel like i’m talking to a wall#saurrr for the love of god do not come at me with the whole ‘you don’t even like jk’ bs anymore#anywhomst 😑#jen rambles
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god i don’t wanna be here i don’t wanna exist
#i hate myself so much#I’m sick of myself and sick of this world#i got upset at Lexi bc they said they didn’t wanna hang lol like i just shutdown n went quiet even tho they drove to take me to the shops#bc I’m ill#like I’m tired of always getting hurt I’m so damn sensitive all the time#like idk i guess i just thought they were gonna stay at mine for a while like we usually do#n instead they just wanted to go home#which is obv fine like they can do whatever they want but im sick of getting upset over this stuff#n i always feel horrible and guilty when i get triggered whether it’s shutting down or passive aggressiveness#or having a meltdown over stuff idk i just feel so emotionally childish n even when i know it’s wrong to feel tht way it still happens#i just wish i knew how to be better and stop being like this#n my therapists just keep telling me well it’s okay and normal to feel this way because I’ve been thru bad experiences before n thts why#i feel abandoned and unloved#but it’s like I’m 24 i shouldn’t be so emotionally all over the place and get triggered all the time like i can’t function bc of this#n i end up just acting in ways i don’t like like if someone was acting this way w me id be exhausted I’m not surprised I’ve been called#exhausting and too sensitive and negative and immature bc i am n hell if u don’t like me dw i hate myself more ive literally been trying#to get better and it’s going nowhere i think i just gotta end myself fr#journal
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regretting getting festival ticket. but i know i would also regret not getting it
#for different reasons#ig this is how i feel about every decision i’ve made recently#thinking about it makes me sick i’m so stressed out why did i agree to go#i need to kill myself but i can’t do that without a trigger and my dad hasn’t been shitty for a week or two#i’m just. the most unhappy i’ve been in months and there is nothing waiting for me that will make it better#i should’ve started taking meds again but i didn’t and now the prescription has expired#well. not now it’s been like 2 months#idk why maybe bc i don’t think they’d change anything maybe bc my family was weird about them#but the last time i brought this up with my mom she got angry at me for trying to blame her#like yeah shit sorry hearing you complain abt me taking medication affected the way i look at it#bc now she’s all for it but i don’t think i believe her#it’s always 'what do they even do they won’t fix you' bc i guess it never crossed her mind they aren’t meant to cure anything#but rather help manage everyday life#whatever i’ve been having trouble with sleep again too#i’m just so so fucking tired all the time and when i get home all i can do is lay down#and i fall asleep but it’s shallow and i’m just stuck barely conscious having dreams which i hate#i need to look if i can return the ticket
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I know I should be excited for my brother but this whole thing feels like it’s going to be hours and hours of me feeling like a failure while my brother is happy and it’s so hard to step out of myself and be fully happy for him without feeling like a shitty disappointment
#still so upset i didn’t even get the fun graduation or prom or anything parts of high school bc I dropped out and got my ged and here my#brother is graduating for the second time and everyone’s showering him with love and praise but I had to fucking struggle to even get my GED#and no one really celebrated at all#idk. I just don’t see myself going to college really so it’s hard to think about one never getting any of this for me and two my dad not#being here to see it bc normally he was the one who would understand when I was being selfish and he would talk me out of it or at least try#while my mom was just praising my brother and being happy for her son my dad was always comforting me#ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I feel like a failure who’s dad is dead#crying in the car waiting for my mom to get to graduation#vibes are bad but I’m so happy for my brother and so proud cause this whole thing kicked his ass and to even be in a place where he can walk#at graduation and do summer courses is incredible#like even tho he struggled he really pulled thru and I love him and I’m so proud but also why am I such a fuck up and why does no one#celebrate when I do well especially after being such a fuck up#ugh.#so sick of crying I’m gonna be crying all day#fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this I want to stay in the car forever and do nothing
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😋
(hearing The insect noises inside my brain again and being very normal about it)
#oh my god!!!!!! i’m so sick of being chronically exhausted all the time i miss the body i used to have!!!!!!!!!!!#what the FUCK!!!!!!#i’m annoyed!!!! why does it take me literally 12 straight hours of bed rest to recover from one (1) outing#i’m so sick of feeling fogged over all the time like i am just trying to live my LIFE but i have to build in these insane rest periods into#my schedule#it makes me a little bit resentful actually bc i compare what other people are able to do in their time off from work and i’m like#ok i can do maybe 40% of that if i’m having a Good Body Day#which is not up to me to decide lol#fun fact i actually used to cruise reddit to feel solidarity with other folks except they are all such bitter fucks#did u know they call trigeminal neuralgia ‘’the suicide disease’’ over there#i had to delete my account it was making me too crazy#anyways i’m bored but almost always in too much pain or too sleepy to do something about that so i guess i will just continue to Suffer#i did buy more concert tickets today so i now have Events to look forward to which is cool!!!#stressful too bc i’m like Ok how do i make sure that i can be in town for this#but a little bit of scheming is good for the soul
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I think I may be a little odd
#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing#and I think I’m mentally I’ll#like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear#I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc#so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case)#I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice#or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me#such a mixing bowl of bad traits#I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by#talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave#myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.#she actually just left school early.#that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still#and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of#change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health#I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry#should just shut up and sleep#I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter#ruse rambles#vent tag
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it’s so unfair to just Wake Up with an anxiety bellyache. like nothing even HAPPENED yet
#why does this keep happening why have i felt so awful lately#like i know realistically it’s probably that i’ve been sick so i’ve been on the couch for over a week haven’t gone outside#haven’t put on real clothes haven’t cooked myself haven’t done anything#but when i think about it to myself i don’t wanna do anything. bc i don’t have the energy bc i don’t feel good physically or mentally#and i have SO much that i Need to do that thinking about what i Want to do seems irrelevant#but also i’m desperately trying to figure out what i want to do. what i can do to push this sludge away#and then on top of daily shit i have the ever present looming anxiety of getting older#and just the constant fear and anxiety that i have now that smth terrible will happen to someone i love so i’m just worried all the time#and i know it’s not a healthy way to live but i don’t know how to get out of it so i’m always just distracting myself#when all i want. all i rly desperately want. is to live slow and happy like when i was a kid#all i want is to walk barefoot and bake and climb trees and feel like i have time. is it even possible to get back to that?#how do i do it? where do i start? is it completely impossible until i move?#i don’t know. but i need to figure out smth#and i’m sick of waking up anxious when nothing has even happened
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girl HELP
#why are my first feelings/reactions to renting a place and telling my friends who live down there that i’m moving to dc are dread & fear#i should be happy and excited and feel relieved#but instead i somehow have immediately slipped into ‘they don’t want me down there’ and imposter syndrome?? for a… place to live?#like im worried they think i’m moving there bc i’m just clingy and playing follow the leader??#and they actually are sick of being friends with me and think i’m a bum for just now moving out#and still not having a career/new full time?#part of this is almost certainly stemming from my ongoing anxiety/insecurity about [x]#and i was even mostly greeted w enthusiasm but. maybe they’re all actually sick of me#and i know i’ll always love and kind of want to live in nyc but i do have real important reasons for dc aside even from social ones#like living somewhere with more green spaces and that doesn’t smell like shit and also is home to a lot of organizations#in the career section im interested in#so i should be feeling thrilled for this new start/opportunity#but instead i’m just. what if i fail. (again). and i’m already 25. and what if i fail and i’m alone. what if this doesn’t help at all#what if this is just a waste of money and time like i’ve wasted the whole last year+#and all the relationships i’ve been trying so hard to keep up with have been actually trying to let me go
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I can’t believe people assign Kaveh the yandere trope sometimes like that is SO ooc he literally wouldn’t ?! I mean I personally don’t care if he is or isn’t but canonically speaking bro let his own mother whom he loved so dearly to leave FOR HER SAKE even though he was so hurt by her going … he would not trap somebody like he would probably end up killing himself from guilt like are you serious 😭
#dora daily#☹️#pls why am I making myself so sad in the early morning …#I joke abt me being yandere for him but omg yall i would notttttt 😭#we’re both of too weak of a character to impose ourselves onto someone#the moment I feel like I’m not liked enough no matter if this person is an extra organ to me idc I’m distancing for their sake#this is why it annoys me when ppl say Kaveh would do this Kaveh would do that#HE WOULDNT ?!! like you need to know his personality SUPER well and usually the way to be that knowledgeable is by experiencing it first han#hand* like istg not to sound weird BUT NOBODY GETS HIM LIKE I DO 😭 it’s almost disturbing how similar we are like srsly#from the thesis between him and alhaitham to the fallouts to the all consuming guilt and shame ALL THE TIME#I always feel guilty like at a certain point the fact I existed made me sick with guilt and shame#there’s actually sooo many more similarities that are way more intricate rather than these generic details#my mum would hate his gutsssss btw icl she would be one of those prolific Kaveh haters#honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if she was one of those ppl who say he has stds ….#like ik how my mum would react to him bc she reacts that way to me she mocks me for how I think of other ppl before myself 🫠#not that I think I’m great not at all I promise nobody hates me more than I do myself ☠️#but yeah#POINT IS : kaveh isn’t a yandere and never would be#ty for coming to my ted talk#all these fics abt him killing ur best friend or him locking you imprisoning you in the house#Etc etc … NAH if I wanted somebody like my mum I could literally stay under my mums care forever#but if you wanna know idc if he hypothetically snapped and became a yandere and started acting like my mum ? 🙈 ID HAPPILY OBLIGE !!!#like idm technically being stuck here in this house as much anymore and having everything monitored for me#bc I’m just so miserable abt this condition that I’ve accepted it#at least I’d have him with me 😆👍#perfect victim forreal 😭 LMAO SORRY I’m just coping with how sick / neg this life of mine is ☠️
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you’ll never believe this but i brainstormed a new sad lover boy flashback scene whilst on my walk
#I wouldn’t actually call it sad more just bittersweet or sweet in a delicate way#but I guess there’s always a tinge of sadness when there is someone in the scene who is dying 👍#tbh sometimes I do not find the end of life + sickness + actively dying part of the story sad bc I’m so desensitised after my own#experience…..like it was sad FOR ME but you get immersed in it as it’s happening and it becomes your normal#and with lover boy I’m like YAYYYY time to subconsciously process my trauma!#I think that’s why I’m apprehensive about sharing certain scenes even if they’re my fave parts#cause I worry some people might only focus on the sadness of the situation which is there but only one part of a complex web of feelings#in this scene bobby dgaf he’s literally like yeah I’m dying I can physically feel it. anyways can we watch movie now
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I’m actually done.
#I’m so tired of my mom not caring about me or what I have to say#I’m constantly ignored#and I fucking hate you#everytime when I’m finally doing better you always ruin everything#you know what?#I’m getting close to my breaking point#and I know you’ll never see this bc you quite literally couldn’t give less of a fuck#but I’m so fucking close to dropping your hateful ass#time and time again you prove to me that you never cared about me and you don’t care about hurting my feelings#why text me?#to make yourself feel less guilty?#not bc you actually missed me#or wanted to have me as a friend back#you’re fucking selfish and you’re a narcasist#I’m so done with how im treated by everyone#im sick of it#im sick of being ignored#im fuckinf done with you#you can’t even do something as small as like my posts on Instagram#so fuck yourself
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I love your roomate!james. I was wondering if you could do one where shy!reader is sick and she doesn’t tell james bc she’s used to taking care of herself but he’s adamant about taking care of her. 🥺🖤
Thank you lovely!
cw: implied nausea and vomiting
part 1 │ part 2 │ part 3 │ part 4 │part 5 │ part 6 │ part 7 │ part 8 │ part 9 │ part 10 │ part 11 │ part 12 │ part 13
roommate!James x shy!reader ♡ 1.6k words
James worries he’s scared you off.
He thought you’d been having a good time the other night, hanging out with his friends and then teasing each other while he battled you for cleanup duties after. He’d certainly had a good time. Watching you smile more readily as you got comfortable, feeling your soft form tucked up against his on the couch, it had made his whole body feel light and fizzy, but now James wonders if the easy, familiar energy of the night had made him too bold. There had been a moment, just before you’d gone to bed, where you’d seemed to stumble, defaulting back to the awkward, self-conscious way of speaking you’d had before you got to know each other.
James might not have thought anything of it—you still get shy sometimes, he can never figure out what causes it—except you’ve been very obviously avoiding him ever since. That next day, you went to work and then disappeared into your room straight after you got home. He told himself he was being paranoid. But yesterday, you seemingly had the day off, and every time you needed to emerge from your room James heard you dash down the stairs and back up as if your bedroom was the only safe zone in the apartment.
He hears you doing it again now, the soft click of your door unlatching before quiet footsteps start down the stairs. If Sirius were here, they’d probably make a game out of timing you, but James estimates it’s less than a minute before you start back up again. He wishes he could tell you not to hurry yourself; he has no intent of cornering you in your own home, even if he does want to patch things up.
Then something falls on the stairs with a loud thud, followed by a sharp gasp just outside James’ room, and all thoughts of giving you your space are quickly abandoned. It was a valiant effort.
“Shit,” he says as soon as he opens the door. He crouches beside you, taking your elbow in his hand, cushioning it from the cruel edge of the step, “Did you hurt yourself?”
You must have had a mean fall. You’re completely crumpled on the stairs, one of your legs curled under you and one outstretched behind you as though it’s slipped back. Both of your elbows are braced underneath your body, keeping your face from smacking into the corner of the stair. James is willing to bet that big sound he’d heard was your knee hitting the step below you as you tripped.
“Fuck,” you whine, pulling an entire loaf of bread from beneath your other elbow. The middle has been completely crushed, smashed between your forearm and the edge of a step. You look genuinely distraught about it.
“Did you hurt your knee?” James frets, fighting the urge to haul you up off the stairs so he can look you over properly. He does take your other elbow in hand, using a firm grip to encourage rather than haul. You get more or less upright.
“I’m okay.” You sound a bit odd, though he supposes you could be winded by the fall. “Thanks, sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” James can’t help it if a bit of teasing makes its way into his voice. This is something the two of you always do, you overapologizing and him making fun of you for it. “It seems like if anyone ought to be apologizing, it should be the stairs.”
Your mouth tips up slightly. “Solid point,” you concede.
The load in James’ chest lightens at your willingness to fall back into a casual repartee. He rubs the point of your elbow distractedly. “Wanna tell me why you’re taking an entire loaf of bread to your room?” he asks, grinning. “Do you have a secret stash of sandwich-making supplies in there?”
He feels goosebumps erupt on the side of your arm, and he does his best to soothe those, too. It must be too cold in here for you. “No,” you say quietly.
“Mm. I thought we were past this, angel. Come downstairs, I’ve still got leftover pasta in the fridge.”
He starts to lead you down, but before he’s made it two steps you say, “No, thank you.”
“Oh, come off it.” James shoots you another easy grin, hoping to loosen you up. “Don’t be a martyr. I’m all for carbs, but bread by itself will hardly sustain you.”
“I don’t have much choice.” You shrug, and your shoulders stay up higher than they had been. You seem embarrassed. He waits, intrigued. “It’s sort of the only thing I can keep down at the moment.”
It takes a blink for James to understand. “Are you not feeling well?”
“Not very.” Your voice is softer than soft, swallowed up by the nerves James thought he’d earned an exemption from but nonetheless can’t hold against you in this state.
He can see it, now. The way you’re holding yourself, like you could curl up on the floor at any given moment. Your complexion is flushed and your eyes slightly unfocused, glazed.
He presses the back of his hand to your forehead.
“Oh, sweetheart.” It comes out more caring than he’d ever meant for it to, but James is too worried about you to dwell much upon that. You bat his hand away weakly, but he just moves them both to your cheeks, feeling himself frown. “You’re burning up, love. Why didn’t you say?”
“Not much to say.” You move away from his touch, backing towards your room. James pursues you, hand hovering near your elbow because you really do look like you could pass out. "It's a stomach bug. It'll pass."
“I could have been helping you if I knew. I just thought you were avoiding me,” he admits. You look so sorry he’s quick to smooth things over with a smile. “Do you need me to get you anything from the store?”
“I already went.” You slump onto your bed before seeming to realize he’s still behind you, your brows coming down. “I’ve got everything I need, but thanks.”
“You went to the store like this?” James is aghast. “You should be resting! How high is your fever?”
“Dunno.” You seem to give up uncharacteristically quickly on getting him to leave, sighing and sinking back against a propped-up pillow. “I don’t have a thermometer.”
“You don’t?” He’s more frazzled by the second, every way in which you’re not being properly taken care of piling onto the last. It seems a miracle you’re still alive.
You look suspicious. “Do you?”
Shit. He grins sheepishly. “No...”
But that doesn’t change the fact that you should, for some reason. People like James are allowed to coast through the world unprepared because responsible ones like you always have the things they need.
He feels your face again. This time, you let him. Your breath fans warm over his wrist, those fever-glazed eyes drooping slightly.
“Your hand is cold,” you say through a sigh.
“I think you’re just hot,” James mutters, but that doesn’t stop him from stroking his thumb over your cheek, just once. Your lashes flutter closed, and his heart does an impressive flip in his chest.
“Have you had paracetamol?” he asks you.
You hum. James sweeps his thumb over your cheek again, hoping to rouse you, but it only seems to worsen your drowsiness. Your head actually lolls into his touch.
“Is that a yes?”
“Mhm, yeah,” you say without opening your eyes. “You need to stop doing that, m’gonna fall asleep.”
“You should be sleeping,” he says softly. It’s impossible to keep the fondness from his voice. “I’m gonna get you a cold flannel, okay?”
Your eyelids crack open. “I don’t need you to take care of me,” you say, voice nearly slurring with sleepiness. “I’ve always done fine, by myself.”
“You never neglect to remind me.” James slips his hand from beneath your face, going to the bathroom between your bedrooms. “I don’t mind helping, though. You don’t always have to do everything on your own, what are roommates for?”
You make a quiet, breathy sound he suspects might be a laugh. “None of my other roommates were ever as nice to me as you are. I think you’re taking things beyond the requirements of the job.”
James thinks so, too. But still. Regardless of the complicated feelings he’s starting to have for you, you’ve always deserved to be treated with care.
“You mean to tell me,” he says, wringing out the flannel and going back to your room, “that if you were this poorly, none of your previous roommates would have offered to help?”
Your eyes are open more fully now. You watch him as he lays the flannel on your forehead, smoothing away a couple of baby hairs before they can get trapped underneath, with an odd expression on your face.
“I handle my own problems,” you say softly.
James’ thumb is still stroking the baby hairs at your temple. He can’t get it to stop.
“Maybe your problems could be my problems, too,” he says. The lightness of his tone is automatic, but it serves as no representation of the great and weighty feeling in his chest. He realizes his breathing has synced to yours. Quiet inhales and exhales in your quiet apartment.
Your eyes slip closed again. “Why?” you murmur.
James doesn’t have an answer for that. Not one he’s ready to think about. The lines of your face smooth out as you relax. More evidence of frowns than smiles, but he likes to think he’s made progress on the little creases fanning out from the corners of your eyes since he’s moved in. He feels a pang of triumph any time they make an appearance, little rays of sunshine on a wholly lovely face.
Because he’s your roommate. Because whether you’re ready to admit it or not, he’s your friend. Because he cares about you.
In the end, James doesn’t have to come up with an answer. You’re already asleep.
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— one more time
♡ painslut!sub! ellie williams x fem! reader
a/n: from a request! for all my impact play enjoyers lol
warnings: DON’T LIKE DON’T READ! — porn w no plot, sub! ellie, dom! reader, begging, crying, thigh riding, tit slapping, face slapping, ellie is a squirter bc i said so, busted lip, mentions of blood, impact play in general, needy and pathetic ellie (praise god), mentions of spit, fully clothed r! w/ naked ellie, pain kink (?), very poorly written aftercare
wc: 1k
“please— puh-lease” ellie mutters for what must be the hundredth time, her incessant pleading frustrating you to no end. she is begging like her life depends on it yet all you do is keep a firm grip on her hips, digging into her soft flesh with your fingers so you’ll be able to see the bruises by tomorrow.
“jesus, shut up or tell me what you want so badly” you spit out, finally bothering to even glance at her flushed features. her lips are parted, the smallest bit of spit dripping from her mouth from having it open just to get a few weak breaths in.
she lets out the most pathetic whine you’ve ever heard, her eyes so needy as she silently pleads with you— whether the plea is to be gentle or rougher, you are unsure. her hips stutter weakly at your words, barely able to form any coherent sentences as she frantically ruts against your thigh, completely bare while you’re still fully clothed.
“need you to hit me” she mutters breathlessly, her shaky hands resting on your shoulders just to keep herself upright. you can feel the mess her cunt is making, her slick soaking through your jeans and leaving your thigh sticky beneath the fabric.
her words are barely loud enough to hear and you scoff at her inability to communicate when she is seeking out pleasure. “speak up or i’m leaving you here to sort this shit out yourself” you threaten firmly, not being in any mood to play games with her today.
“no, please! just want you to hit me, wanna feel you, please!” she begs as loud as she possibly can, sounding absolutely filthy as she pleads to be hit. ellie’s confession makes you hum, pleased she at least still has enough of her brain left to tell you what she wants.
“yeah? humping my thigh like some bitch in heat isn’t enough for you, is that it?” you question, only to be met with a stream of mewls from her lips that makes you smile with a sick sense of satisfaction. you want to toy with her a bit; after all you are the one in control.
“right here?” you question before you raise your hand, landing a painful smack against one of her plush tits, watching it move from the force of the impact, a low moan leaving your lips just from the sight of her boobs continuously bouncing as she rocks her hips against your thigh.
ellie lets out a pretty moan, one you wish you could play over and over until it was burned into your memory forever. pain blossoms throughout her chest which would usually please her, but she knows you’re purposely hitting her in the wrong place to prolong her suffering.
“no, no, m’ face. wanna be hit in the face, pretty please” she gasps out, her clit finally being rubbed in just the right way, needing something perfect to help push her over the edge.
you click your tongue, pretending to be surprised by her statement. “ah, why didn’t you just say so? is your brain leaking out of your cunt or have you always been this dumb?” you question playfully, although your own pussy is aching to be touched from how turned on you are just from watching her.
without another word you pull back your arm, focusing on your target before landing a smack hard enough to leave a red handprint on her soft cheek. ellie lets out a weak cry, her head turning a bit from the force of the hit.
“fuck yeah” she gasps, her eyes dazed and half lidded as she manages to keep up her pace of riding your thigh. there's a lazy grin on her plush lips, tears welling in her eyes as a tingling pain sensation overcomes her.
“more, more” she breathes, her slick cunt practically gliding against you with ease from the mess she’s made. you don’t make her wait much longer, delivering another blow, noting the way she lets out an obscene moan. “close, m’ close” she mumbles, tears now streaming down her cheeks steadily.
the moment the words leave her lips, you know just what she needs to get there. after giving her little time to recover, you slap her at a painful angle, her bottom lip colliding with her teeth as your hand makes contact with the fragile skin.
and just like that, she is moaning out your name, spurts of her arousal soaking your thigh completely. she lets out weak cries as she comes down, her head falling as the smallest bit of blood seeps from her freshly busted lip. “thank you” she whimpers, not at all embarrassed by the mess she had made, only focused on being as close to you as possible.
“aw, you’re welcome, angel” you coo, pressing her nude and shaking frame against your own body to give her the warmth and comfort she is seeking. her thighs shake as she clings to you like a baby cub, her nose nuzzling against you as she buries her face in your neck so she can soothe herself.
“did so good for me, took every hit so well” you praise, knowing she is still in a spacey state of mind. “does your lip hurt too much, baby? you want me to clean you up real quick?” you offer, keeping your touch gentle as you graze your fingers across her lower back.
she whines and shakes her head, holding onto you even tighter since she didn’t want you to separate from her in the slightest. “s’ fine, babe. in a little, need you right now” she mumbles, raising her hips a bit since the liquid beneath her was beginning to grow cold.
you simply hum, guiding her head back for a moment so you can at least wipe away some of the blood with your thumb. with a swift motion, you wipe the crimson substance onto your jeans, figuring you’ll already have to wash them anyways.
“alright, alright. rest up for a bit and then i’ll get you all clean and bandaged up” you say softly, a complete shift from your previous behavior.
she simply goes back to hiding her face im your neck, nodding a bit as she tries to not focus on the way the fabric of your t shirts are perfectly rubbing against her hardened nipples.
as a comfortable silence falls between the two of you, ellie begins to think of the right way to tell you she still needs a little more from you tonight.
#sub!ellie#ellie williams x f!reader#ellie williams oneshot#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams drabble#ellie williams smut#ellie williams x reader
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