#nicky hemmick living his best life

[foxesscramble]

(More of) the Foxes doing the WIRED Autocomplete Interview

Question: What is Renee Walker hair color

RW: Whatever I want it to be. Currently a lot of pastels.

Question: Is Renee Walker gay

RW: You tell me.

Question: Renee Walker charity events

RW: Oh, I set up a lot of them. I have some animal rescue ones coming up as well as an event at the local homeless shelter. I have some bigger ones coming up that I will share more information on if anyone is interested in helping out. 

Question: Is Renee Walker adopted

RW: I am. My mom adopted me when I was, gosh, thirteen I think? A lot was going on at the time. She’s a lovely woman, my mom. I’m very blessed to have found her.

Question: Renee Walker pets

RW: I do have a lot of pets. I like to post pictures of them. They're all rescues. I have two bunnies, a cat, a turtle, a hedgehog, three hamsters, and a lizard. I love them all dearly. My friends rotate who watches them when I’m out of town for various things. Except for Neil, he tried once but I think my lizard was rude to him so he refuses to come over anymore.

Question: Who is older Andrew Minyard or Aaron Minyard

AM: I am.

Question: Why was Andrew Minyard arrested

AM: Boring.

Question: Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard rivalry

AM: Not a question.

Question: How old is Nicky Hemmick

NH: Wouldn’t you like to know? You should never ask someone their age it’s improper. What if I wanted to pretend I was 25 forever? Couldn’t you just get on board?

Question: Nicky Hemmick husband

NH: My favorite topic. It’s Erik Klose. For the record, we are engaged not married no matter how much I wish we were. It’s taking forever. What if we just go to the courthouse?

Question: Is Nicky Hemmick related to the Minyard twins

NH: I am. They’re my first cousins. I’m also, well was I guess, the twins guardian for a couple of years. 

Question: What languages does Nicky Hemmick speak

NH: My first language is English but I learned German as well from my years abroad there. Erik is from Germany too so that’s how we talk to each other for the most part. The twins also speak it so it’s like a super secret code language when I don’t want other people to understand it. Neil and Andrew do the same thing. They literally went out of their way to learn Russian solely for that reason.

Question: Nicky Hemmick sexuality

NH: I’m gay. I’m proud too, even if it took a while to come around to it. My folks weren’t great about it growing up, but it is what it is. I’ve been out and proud for years now. I’m wishing all the seasoned and baby gays out there all the luck and happiness.

Pt. 1 》 Neil Josten, Matt Boyd, Kevin Day

Pt. 3 》 Allison Reynolds, Dan Wilds, Aaron Minyard

[inafieldofstarflowers]

No bc you guys, Nicky Hemmick was twenty and he was living in Germany and for the first time he was with people who loved him without trying to change who he was. He was learning to love himself, to accept the things that he’d spent his life believing made him evil and broken and worthless, and see that they were beautiful. He had gotten out.

And then, somehow—maybe through his parents, maybe through the cousin he’d only really known for the few months their time in Columbia had overlapped before Nicky left for Germany—he found out that his aunt was dead, that his cousins (and Nicky had only met one of them, but they were twins, and they’d been separated for their whole lives) were either going into the system or into his parents’ custody.

And maybe, for a moment, he reasoned that they were sixteen. That it would only be a few years before they were adults and could make their own choices on where to live, on how to live. But he also remembered that house, and he remembered what it was like to live there and how he’d tiptoed around it. He remembered who he was, then; how much less of himself he’d had to be. And he packed his bags and moved—not home, not anymore, but still back; back to South Carolina, back to Columbia, back to the cousins who needed him even if they didn’t quite seem to want him.

And they figured things out, slow and messy—the custody arrangement, getting the house, establishing a life. Nicky taught the twins German, and he tried his best to teach them what it meant to be loved, and even if they weren’t quite a family yet, to the twins, they were to Nicky. Even if he was only twenty and what he had to offer could never be enough, they were worth enough for him to try.

[nghtmrsndydrms]

The Minyard hcs?

So, all these hcs started because I asked my friend this — so Nicky is a Hemmick but Aaron and Andrew are Minyards. Again, Luther is a Hemmick but Tilda is a Minyard. They're maternal cousins so it means Tilda married and changed her surname to Minyard but where's Mr. Minyard? (Nora we need answers)

Hence, these hcs:

What if Tilda was the black sheep of the family, then she met Mr. JM/MJ Minyard, he shows interest in the mess that is Tilda Hemmick. He sometimes goes to church when he’s in town (even though he's an atheist) because of his grandad. Luther hates his guts and that’s good enough in Tilda’s book. Technically, she only started dating him because her brother hates him, and it helps that he's cute with a smartass mouth so it’s a win.

Mr. M’s a good man, a soldier, and most importantly he's serious about Tilda (he helped her get off drugs, leave her toxic family, cut off her 'friends'). Entertaining his advances and finally falling for him was the best dumb thing that Tilda Hemmick did in her gray dull life. Eventually, they marry.

Too bad they didn’t get to enjoy their honeymoon, too soon Mr. M gets called because hello? he’s in the military. He gets deployed somewhere, only for Tilda to find out she's pregnant a few days after she got the letter saying condolences because Mr. M died (or is he?) after protecting someone from his squad.

Tilda was devastated, she didn't know what to do. She really wanted to keep their baby, their twins, because they're the remaining connection she has with Mr. M but how? Should she keep them? Can she keep them? She already tried that, hold onto someone, and what happened she lost him anyway.

She's a dumb self-sabotaging bitch, but she decided she didn't want to abort them. She wanted them to live, in her grief she wanted a part of him and her to exist in this goddamned world – the twins are a part of him as much as they are a part of her. Selfishly, she thought they were the only proof that someone did love her, truly.

But after she gave birth, when she saw the twins, she couldn’t, oh no – she wouldn’t look at them – they look so much like him. Realization hit her; the twins will be nothing but a remainder of the love she wanted so badly to deserve but still lost.

So, she gave them up and left the hospital.

But when she got home, he’s everywhere, they’re everywhere. (His jacket, his car, their photos, the baby clothes, the unfinished crib). The guilt wouldn’t leave her, she didn’t know any better, so she went back and got one baby and never looked back.

 I get to keep one, so you get to keep the other one, JM/MJ.

[andrew-isnt-for-the-game03]

I like the idea of all the monsters flirting with Neil to piss Andrew off- they all know they’re risking their life’s- but they’re tired of this bet and need to know

- are they dating?

- or just fucking?

Even Aaron is in on it because he thinks that there is NO way his twin brother would want to DATE that thing, Neil is just like a warm body to him.

So they come together and just flirt shamelessly with him. Until Andrew snaps and it’ll be at the smallest thing to.

-Monday-

They start out small.

Nicky walks into the locker room, and hands Neil a cup of tea, with a heart on it.

“I was just thinking about you this morning” nicky smiles at Neil, who just looks at the cup confused before shrugging and drinking it.

Andrews just in the corner glaring at the hand Nicky has on Neil’s shoulder.

-Tuesday-

They go a little farther.

This time it’s Nicky and Aaron.

“Hey Josten, you looked really good out there today.” It KILLED Aaron to say that but it had to be said.

Nicky, fans himself and fake falls into Neil’s arms.

“Aaron isn’t lying, damn Neil, are you single because fuck I can convince Erik to share me just once.”

Andrew fucking crushes his water bottle everything, and just leaves because he’s two seconds into killing everyone in there, but Neil loves them so he can’t.

-Wednesday-

Nothing big, because Nicky is scared Andrew is plotting his murder.

So they make Kevin be more touchy then normal at their late practices.

-Thursday-

They pay a few oblivious Freshys to flirt with Neil all day. Whenever Andrew is around.

At this point Andrew has had e n o u g h he wants to kill everyone today. ESPECIALLY the one who gave Neil his number like he wasn’t standing right there.

Andrews throwing everything around, breaking things and is just plain pissed.

Even snapping at Neil a few times.

-Friday-

They go all out for it. Starting at the club. Nicky is all over Neil.

A bite to much if you ask any of the monsters, but it’s whatever.

Kevin had to hold Andrew back this time, because why the fuck does that exy player have his hands on Neil like that????

Nicky does not heath the warning and enjoys his night with his best friend, even forgetting about their plan, but Kevin had to drag Andrew out because Andrew was high, drunk, and jealous, with a knife Nicky wasn’t going to make it out alive tonight and Kevin knew it.

-Saturday-

Andrew walks into the living room and just fucking explodes.

He sees Neil curled up into Nicky sleeping peacefully, and he can’t stand the sight of someone else holding Neil so lovingly.

Andrew grabs Nicky and flings him into the nearest wall his knife already drawing blood from him.

“You just never learn do you?” Andrew growls, pissed. All he is seeing is red.

Neil is standing behind him, fully alert but confused what is going on.

“Andrew?” Neil’s sleepy voice rings behind him. But Andrew is narrowed in on the boy who is trying to take Neil from him.

“Neil belongs to me, do you understand that Hemmick?” Nicky stares down at Andrew, but decides if he dies he was gonna die with the truth.

“Yours?” Neil brings Nicky’s body off of the walk slamming him again, because he is LIVID he can’t hurt him because this boy means to much to Neil.

“Neil is mine stay away from him.”

“Andrew?” Neil repeats again this time more clear and surprised. Andrew heard him and zeros out on Nicky and realized what he said.

“Andrew no one ever said I wasn’t yours.” Neil reassured Andrew forgetting everyone else in the room but the boy in front of him.

“He-“ Andrew starts but Neil cut him off.

“I’ve always been yours Andrew.”

[inconsequentialliving]

There’s so many things I forget about aftg after falling down the fanbase/ao3/tumblr void

Like Neil and Andrew don’t always ask yes or no. In the majority of the scenes I don’t think they do… which I kind of like cause I love boundaries for myself but I also love when I have a person who just knows.

And Neil and Andrew being able to go both ways in a couple years makes total sense to me. Cause being careful and knowing your safe are two different things. And sex can be ballin when done consensually.

Oh also, even after the drugs, Andrew is not stone-cold. He gestures with his hands and goes on ridiculous tangents with Renee. He definitely does not give me the vibe that he hates everyone (he literally forces Kevin to go on the team trip so him (and Neil) can go). He kisses Neil. He sleeps in the same bed as him. To me he seems calm rather than unemotional.

And Kevin and Neil always gave me really good friend vibes in the books. Sometimes I feel like the fandom misses that.

And, of course, Neil is terrifying. Even Andrew is afraid of Neil. Just cause Neil takes a bunch of hits in the series (cause he’s the main character) does not mean he isn’t equally as badass as Andrew.

I sometimes love fanbase Nicky Hemmick, but canon Nicky Hemmick and I would not be friends. He gives me the creeps. I’d be more afraid of him than Andrew.

I love Dan, Matt, Wymack, and even Renee and their after stories make sense to me (coach, professional player, etc.). But everyone does Alison so dirty. To my knowledge, Alison leaves her entire family and life behind to play Exy (and live her own life). And she’s one of the best players on the foxes (even Andrew seems to recognize that after Seth’s death). And your telling me she doesn’t make it pro? Impossible.

Omg- I didn’t not mean for this to be this long… I only meant to type one sentence…

[kevindayscrown]

The Foxes as demigods, presented to you by a greek mythology enthusiast.

Who also happens to be Greek.

Okay, I'm sure there are are many Greek mythology geeks or Percy Jackson fans in the AFTG fandom so here is my opinion over whose children would the foxes be (it makes no sense with their canonical parents but who cares?)

Neil Josten -> Neil is a son of Mars. Many might disagree but hear me out, it would make sense. Unlike Ares, the god of war's Roma persona Mars was the god of military power, not just war, which also includes not only bloodlust and an appeal to conflict, but strategic knowledge. You can't convince me that Neil Josten wouldn't want to run away from this legacy like he wants to run away from his father's legacy. But it is in his blood (which results in the wonderful roasts). Plus, Mars would be appealed and enticed by someone like Mary to begin with.

Kevin Day -> Kevin is the son of Athena. Athena is the Goddess of wisdom, courage, inspiration, civilization, law and justice: things someone would not usually attribute to Kevin, but he actually does take after her. She is also Goddess of crafts, and skill, and if there is anything Kevin values the most, it's skill. She is known most specifically for her strategic skill in warfare. Kevin is a known strategist when it comes to playing Exy.

The Minyard Twins -> This one is a bit tricky, because ideally, the two of them would not have the same godly parent but they are twins so we cannot separate them. I think (and this will be an unpopular opinion but hear me out) that Andrew and Aaron are sons of Apollo. And tbh, I'm tired of the stereotype that sons of Apollo are all sunshine uwu children. Aaron got his father's gift in healing, while Andrew got his blatant honesty, as well as a prophetic gift and the gift of delivering the most poetic lines.

Nicky Hemmick -> Nicky is the son Hermes. Hermes was the God of trade, wealth, luck, fertility, animal husbandry, sleep, language, thieves, and travel. He is the most mischievous of the Olympian gods, and a protector of those who lost their way - usually during travels. Likewise, Nicky took in his brothers from their lost path while never losing his flair for the dramatic. He also loves spilling the tea and that's honestly all Hermes is about.

Matt Boyd -> Matt is the son of Zeus. Zeus is known for being wise, fair, just and merciful but also easily angered. Those are basically all things Matt is, but unlike his father, Matt is loyal to our best girl Dan.

Dan Wilds -> Dan is the daughter of the Roman Goddess Bellona. Bellona is the Roman goddess of war, destruction and devastation. She is an important goddess to the Romans, as she also controls the policy of foreign warfare. As a Captain with lots of bite in her, I think Dan takes a lot after her mother, who is often considered a Roman equivalent of Athena.

Allison Reynolds -> Allison is daughter of Aphrodite. Aphrodite is the Olympian goddess of love, beauty and sexual pleasure. While her mother is often consider the weakest of the Gods, some forget she is the eldest of them all and that love is a very powerful weapon. Also, Allison will snap your jaw if you call her weak.

Bonus: Seth Gordon, son of Ares. I don't think I need to enlighten and I find it funny how a daughter of Aphrodite and a son of Ares would get together.

Renee Walker -> She doesn't have a godly parent but Artemis recruited her in her Hunters. The Hunters of Artemis are maidens who have sworn loyalty to Artemis to join her in the Hunt and reject love for men for as long as they live. They gain eternal youth as long as they don't break their vows. Homosexual aromantic Renee would have the time of her life.

[darlingbudsofrae]

Nicky Hemmick Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

It’s time for Nicky Hemmick appreciation hours!

I think out of the foxes, I really don’t like the way Nora developed, or lack thereof, Nicky’s character.

He was one of the few POC/LGBTQIAP+ characters in the books and the way he was written just wasn’t it, y’know?

I think out of all the changes we could have, I wish Nora developed him better because his character could’ve gone to so many potentials. 

But let’s get with what we have-

First off, I just want to say I appreciate Nicky’s relationship with Erik so much.

They’re adorable. 

Now, let’s get to the sad and dark stuff-

Nicky’s past is one of the most messed-up backstories I’ve ever read in my entire life. And I read a LOT of sad books.

Dude literally went to a gay conversion camp (the fact that this shit exists is proof that hell is just a place on earth) for a year and had to repress his sexuality his entire life because his parents were homophobic shitholes.

Repressing his sexuality also led to depression. He had freaking suicidal thoughts and he took the first way out of his problems and saved himself by taking the first chance to leave, aka Germany.

I’m not sure if anyone remembers but to get to that- he had to pretend he was something he was not. He had to play the “perfect son” role because he couldn’t afford to be himself in a place where his existence was deemed wrong.

Also, the fact that he had the capacity to do this- to maintain that role until that Germany ticket landed in his hands while combatting suicidal and other morbid thoughts-

Kid, that sucks. Nicky Hemmick needs a hug.

Also, taking note of this fact makes me appreciate his reactions towards his teammates’ tragedies more.

Like at first I was constantly surprised because I thought it’s such an overreaction to feel sad and almost cry as a reflex to other’s misfortunes (lowkey exposing myself here) 

But to realize he went through such a traumatic experience and can still empathize + sympathize deeply with his teammates-

it just makes me really appreciate that aspect of him- to be able to still be that person and have that sense of humanity despite of the horrific things he went though, that’s amazing.

Let’s talk about the fact that Nicky could’ve just live his entire life in Germany with the love of his life and cut off entirely his connections with his family because he had every right to detoxify his life and live happily for himself.

Nicky was about 19-20ish when he learned that Tilda had died and how he reacted to this by going back because he doesn’t want the twins to be raised by the same people who gave him hell- because he knows the twins deserves better- that’s incredible.

He had absolutely no obligation to, he wasn’t even that old to have that responsibility but he took it.

He came back and fought for the rights to become a guardian for the twins (against his own parents), like that takes so much time and effort and the fact that he did it at like a considerably young age is just so mind-blowing.

I’m not going to act like he’s the best guardian. But let’s not discredit where credit is due.

Despite everything- he gave Aaron and Andrew a home. Provided a roof over their heads, helped them at school (he taught them to speak German), worked jobs to provide for their basic necessities, and assuming Andrew spent all that insurance money on the car, someone has to be working to pay the tuition and bills, right?

And that someone was Nicky. 

(He also got Andrew and Aaron gigs at where he worked at).

Like no one talks about this enough but Nicky lowkey raised the twins. Like, he actually raised the twins.

There is not enough words in this world to describe how overwhelming and amazing that is. 

He had no obligation whatsoever to these two who probably gave him a hard time because as much as I love the Twinyards- they were assholes (I mean they were kind of mean to him for crying out loud, and that’s just on the books- imagine how much more he got back when the twins were probably so distrustful of him) and really, they weren’t Nicky’s obligation because most people forget that Nicky wasn’t that old. 

He was pretty young too. 

And by going back, he’s associating himself with the things that lowkey broke him but he still went and stayed anyway even when he could’ve easily just be happy and cut it all off because despite of everything, he wanted to provide the twins with an at least better option than his horrible parents.

He wanted the twins to have a good life- literally wished for them to heal and be okay and succeed and that amount of love- it’s just amazing. Like, I said that a lot by now but it’s just really amazing.

Nicky Hemmick is amazing.

He was also supposedly only going to stay until the twins finished high school but then Coach Wymack happened and with Erik’s support and his hopes of the twins being happy, he stayed.

I’m not sure about Nicky’s exy abilities, I think he got scolded a lot by Kevin but I like to think that he wasn’t that bad. I really wish we got more exy contents, that one time I got invested in a sport and there wasn’t even a lot of it. 

I also like to believe that he’s more mature than he lets on. Like, he actually knows all that adulting shit.

Also, when Neil noticed that Nicky is just playing his energy levels up to compensate for the Twinyards’ walls because despite everything, he wants to be friends with everyone but can’t because he’s with the monsters and that honestly sucks.

But it’s also commendable that he really tries. 

Ignoring the Eden incident aside, he was actually really great to Neil.

Like, he’s one of the few in the foxes that was friendly to him at the start. 

He also taught him a lot of things (like social cues and all) and did whatever he can to help him.

He’s actually a pretty good friend. 

Also, I lowkey feel for him that despite everything, he still wanted his parents’ validation and approval.

I saw a decent amount of people hate Nicky for this because it was what led to the thanksgiving incident, but I just find it sad.

Because at the end of the day, Nicky was just a son who loved his parents even if they couldn’t love everything he was and the things he stands for, and it’s just sad because even if it was kind of obvious, he just wanted to believe that everything could still mend.

He still wanted to be accepted by them.

Some people don’t deserve to have kids.

But when he realized that it wasn’t going to happen and this brought harm to the twins, he was very apologetic over it and guilty even if it wasn’t his fault, and he chose the twins.

He will always choose the twins. 

"It's about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we choose. This one. The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about."

Overall, it’s just really amazing that despite everything, he can look for the positive and enjoy life even if it’s really shitty.

Just ✨Nicholas Esteban Hemmick✨ dude.

[play-exy-be-sexy]

Nicky and Erik because they don’t get enough love:

Eighteen year old Erik and his family were never “looking” for an exchange student to home but every year their friend would send them a couple of kids files just in case.

One year Nicky’s is included in the three sent.

The Klose’s are looking through them absentmindedly until Erik sees Nickys.

Nicholas Esteban Hemmick

Age 17

From: Columbia, South Carolina

Erik looked at the pictures included in the file and immediately knows they need to rescue this poor beaten boy from what ever is causing him pain.

There were three pictures

The first two were of Nicky standing timedly with his parents. Dads hand placed on his shoulder. Moms smile forced.

The second one is Nicky with a teacher. This one he has his real smile on. Full and big and the most beautiful thing Erik has ever seen.

The last one is Nicky with a two girls. They look like they are at a football game and are wrapped in a rainbow blanket. Nicky is smiling again but his eyes look like they are searching for someone.

Erik knew that look, the blanket, and the parents anywhere.

He knew he was going to do whatever it took to bring Nicholas Hemmick to his home.

Erik was going to make sure he was loved like he knew Nickys deserved.

So, after a few minutes of convincing, the Klose family decides to have their first exchange student.

When Nicky sees Erik for the first time his heart stops.

Here’s this boy with a giant sign that says “Welcome to Germany Nicholas” in huge scawly letters and he’s there for Nicky.

Nicky hasn’t smiled that much in six months.

Erik showed Nicky how a proper family works and Nicky found himself telling Erik more and more about himself and his family.

It was inevitable, Nicky eventually told Erik about his sexuality. How he was a sinner. Was going to burn in hell. A complete and utter disappointment.

It was also inevitably that Erik was going to explain that Nicky was not a sinner or a disappointment. He was a beautiful beautiful soul. And he deserved all the love in the world.

And dammit Erik was going to give it to him.

After a few more months of constant love and support and words of encouragement Nicky was finally starting to believe Erik.

And so the pinning on both sides began.

With quite a lot of resistance on Nickys side. But really who can stop love?

It happens two months before Nicky is to leave.

They’re sitting on the couch one Saturday watching an 90s sad romance.

Eriks parents are gone at work and his younger siblings are off at friends.

The movie is rolling the credits, Nicky is crying, silent tears streaming down his face, and Erik is so so so in love.

Nicky turns to look at Erik and gives him a weak smile.

“Some love story huh?”

“Yeah...”

“What’s the point of loving someone if you don’t even get to spend the rest of your life with them?”

And Erik just snaps.

He can’t take it anymore.

“There isn’t one.”

Nicky looks at him surprised and Erik grabs his face in his hands.

“There isn’t one, Nicky.”

Nicky smiles in understandment and kisses Erik like it is all he is ever meant to do.

He doesn’t think about how he’s going to hell.

How his parents will never truly love him again.

Because kissing Erik just feels so right and he never wants to stop.

The last two months go by in a blur of kisses and smiles and movies and flowers and everything Nicky ever wanted.

And then he has to leave, he knows it won’t be forever.

That it’s only a week or so but he just can’t imagine leaving Erik.

It’s so hard to say goodbye but there are promises of seeing each other soon and lots of mumbles of “I love you” s and Nicky knows it’s not really goodbye.

He knows he never will truly have to say goodbye to Erik again and all the time spent apart will be worth it.

Because Nicky is going to marry this boy and they are going to live happily every after.

Then Nicky is back and his parents are part of the past and it feels so good to be done with them.

Him and Erik get a flat and life is amazing.

Nicky didn’t think it was possible to be this happy but here he is living the best life he could ever imagine.

“Aunt Tildas dead”

He hears the words through the phone but can’t process the meaning behind it.

“Nicholas?”

“What about Aaron and Andrew?”

“Nich-“

“What. About. Aaron. And. Andrew. Mom?”

“They’re with us right now. I don’t know what’s going to happen to them moving forward.”

“I’ll be back on the next flight.”

“Nicholas I-“

“I’ll be back and Erik will be with me.”

He hangs up before she can answer.

Once back in The States it’s clear to Nicky that his parents cannot raise these two boys.

They, Andrew, needs someone to understand and care for them.

After lots and lots of talking with Erik, Nicky decides he will raise the twins.

On his own.

Erik in Germany.

And Nicky in Columbia.

This got really long so I’ll make a part 2(maybe even a part 3) tomorrow!

[aftgficrec]

Any recs for fics written in an epistolary or otherwise unconventional format? Like news articles and such? (Social media AUs are good but I think I’ve read all of those lol) Thanks so much!

Yes, we’ve got plenty here for you!  Fics in letter form, social media formats, interviews, pov changes, flashbacks and even incorporating post-it notes. Hope you’ll find something here that’s new to you! - S

From previous posts

Epistolary form:

‘Inevitable (the epistolary remix)’ here

Other Formats (social media etc.):

‘Take Me Home’, ‘every time you curse my name’, ‘all that i’ve been dreaming of’ and ‘What if we kissed…and we met on tinder?’ here

‘Post Its and Missing Persons’ here

‘places to go, people to see (think we both oughta put 'em on hold)’ here

‘Would You Rescue Me’ here

‘00:00 (Zero o'Clock)’ here

‘Reputation’, ‘So Fucking Romantic (The Social Media Remix)’ and ‘i got so fucking romantic (i apologize, lemme light your cigarette)’ here

‘The Best of Men’, ‘you used to call me on my cell phone’ and ‘pro exy, pro twitter au’ here

‘Captured Moments’, ‘I’ve had a love of my own’ and ‘Andrew and Neil Take the Internet’ series here

‘Please tell me it’s just the fandom freaking out’, ‘Stay Home With Me’, ‘aftg social media au’ series here

see also: ‘Red Rabbits’ series 1 and 2, the podcast au incorporating audio file transcripts and in character posting on various social media platforms (Season One and Season Two, both now complete)

Epistolary fics:

An Exchange of Owls by AgentCoop [Rated T, 2792 words, complete, Aftg Spring Exchange 2021]

Dear McGonagall,

Fuck you.

Yours sincerely,

Andrew Not-A-Witch Minyard

***

In which Andrew's Hogwarts letter finds him three years too late. In which Neil is a work study student manning the owlery. In which shenanigans, hijinks, and magic ensue via letter over the course of a semester.

Dearly Detested by darkbluebox [Rated T, 1207 words, complete, 2021]

Transcription of handwritten letters between anonymous rivals, circa 1800s. Letters were discovered in their original envelopes, which bear a broken wax seal and the stamp of the U.S. postal service. Letters have been ordered chronologically according to postal markings. For speculation on the events and people referenced, see appendix 13.

"Long distance Andreil except it’s the 1800s so their only communication is long handwritten letters sealed with wax stamps"

Every Letter That You Write Me by lemonicee [Rated G, 2000 words, complete, Aftg Mixtape Exchange 2021]

Your Grace,

I have noticed your recently increased patronage of the fencing studio situated across the street from my offices. Even in the flow of ridiculously attired swordsmen, you are monumentally easy to differentiate from the others. You have, I’ve observed, a quite unique gait. I am reminded of a small rabbit darting from the safety of one burrow to another.

Forever yours. by Aiofhan [Rated T, 6833 words, incomplete, last updated March 2021]

'You say I’m not brave, but if I manage to get this letter to you, I will feel brave. I will feel that I beat them, just for a second.'

Neil goes on a journey to find out who was writing letter to his mom.

He meets Andrew along the way.

Liebe Herr Hemmick, by rabeimwald [Not Rated, 871 words, complete, 2020]

Andrew writes a letter to Nicky in a push to start his life post-system. It's messy and painful, but so is life. He hated everything about it, but he knows it's important. And a small, small part of him hopes it works.

Heaven was a place on Earth by moonqueerdom [Rated M, 2137 words, complete, 2020]

It's better than I ever even knew

They say that the world was built for two

Only worth living if somebody

Is loving you

Baby, now you do

~ 

A letter from Neil Josten to his lover, Andrew Minyard.

tw: major character death, tw: homophobia, tw: implied/referenced violence

summer’s snow by exyandreil [Rated G, 1913 words, complete, Aftg Valentine’s Day Exchange 2019]

he looked like the god of sunshine. golden hair and honeyed eyes. his demeanour wasn’t as sweet as he looked, but the silence seemed to fit with him

Other Formats:

per my last email, you're an asshole by koemi [Rated T, 1710 words, incomplete, last updated March 2021, locked]

(Andrew to Kevin):

Kevin Day,

I’ve noticed you frequently using your company email account for personal use. I remind you that this is against the company policy. We also discourage dealing with personal issues during work hours.

Thanks,

Andrew Minyard

Columnist

Columbia Chronicle

(803)-415-8876 ext. 0310

(Kevin to Andrew):

Bitch.

—

In which the gang works at the local newspaper and communicates via passive aggressive corporate email. Neil is their newest reporter, Nicky is a walking HR violation, and Kevin wishes that Matt would stop reviewing sports movies.

READ OUR INTERVIEW WITH ROLLING STONE HERE: by @redrabbitspod [tumblr, 2020]

Red Rabbits: The Rolling Stone Interview

Featuring Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten, and the Red Rabbits Team

(includes art by @bloodydamnit)

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa

Clickbait by Frostandcoal [Rated T, 5431 words, complete, Aftg Exchange 2017]

It is fitting that Josten is set to don a Dragons’ uniform. Like his new mascot, Josten is a fire-breathing, relentless, somewhat mythical creature whose very existence seems larger than life. And Minyard is the perfect manifestation of a Cyclone; an inescapable, violent maelstrom of unpredictability, where your only chance of survival is to hunker down and wait out the storm.

What happens when a dragon battles a force of nature? That’s what we’re all waiting to find out. 

The media reacts to teammates-turned-rivals in the summer before Neil Josten’s first year in the pro’s.

Trending by Frenchie (Fauks) [Rated G, 2142 words, complete, 2016]

It starts with a clickbait article:

25 Themed Weddings You Wish You Were Invited To

Number 3 on the list:

3. Exy-Themed Wedding

[crows-murder]

Twinyards

it’s 2am and i hate myself and im literally dead on my feet but i cant fucking sleep so here i am instead

as far as most sibling relationships go, the twins have a....unique bond

they hate each other

but they don’t

it took nicky some time to understand that yes, the twins did care for him and each other

in their own way

at first glance, no one would see it-- not even nicky. through longer exposure, it would be hard to discern, but nicky did, somehow

he really first noticed after Andrew had almost killed the four guys attacking nicky

after that, nicky started picking up the small things

when aaron went to the local starbucks on days they woke up early but didn’t want to make breakfast, he knew andrew and nicky’s orders by heart

when andrew convinced nicky to buy ice cream despite nicky protesting that they should be mindful of their money, andrew always got nicky’s favorite flavor as well

on rough days when nicky was just drowning in the stress of holding a job and paying for the bills, the twins would stay in their room, to let nicky pick himself back up, before ordering pizza and turning on the tv

they never talked about it. if someone brought it up, an argument very often followed up

the twins have a strange way of showing affection, but that’s because they never learned to show proper affection

aaron was always quick to get angry and andrew was indifferent to the point of aggravation and pure frustration

it was their ways of coping

andrew by not caring and aaron by being angry at anyone for no reason

their first meeting could have gone a lot worse, but they both in a subconscious way saw the other as a survivor of their circumstances

and andrew did care. so did aaron

aaron reached out to his brother, filled for the first time with the hope that someone out there cares about him. he hopes and hopes that it will work out.

it doesn’t. aaron’s heart just breaks and his hope is shredded when andrew tells him to fuck off. 

andrew wanted a brother, too. he wanted to have at least one good thing, one thing that life wouldn’t fuck up for him

but andrew couldn’t even have that. he couldn’t let his brother, his twin, go through what he was going through. so he pushed him away, made sure he’d be safe from his life. 

when andrew learns that despite trying to protect his brother, he had still failed, he was angry. he was so angry. he was protecting someone who was being hurt by his mother. by their mother. who’d been so hurt, he would get high just to forget the hurt

deep down, aaron always knew his mother never truly cared. deep down he understood why andrew killed her. but he refused to admit it. he refused to believe his mother deserved it. 

the twins weren’t subtle, but they didn’t know how they felt towards each other. it was hard to describe, and not one word really could.

andrew was first fiercely stubborn and loyal to aaron, trying to protect him the way he’d never been able to protect himself, and it slowly shifted onto nicky

aaron did care about andrew. he reached out. he wanted a brother. he wanted a twin. but he wasn’t expecting andrew. and it muddled the feelings, and when Tilda died, it just became worse, because of course aaron was angry and sad, and andrew couldn’t understand. and aaron didn’t understand how andrew could feel so little sympathy for their mother. andrew didn’t see how aaron could mourn the person who’d ruined him. who’d ruined them both, really.

nicky did try his best to get them to get along. but he didn’t really understand the issues and the layers of caution and hurt. he was pushing, but not in the right direction

and it’s not like either of the twins really tried either

in another life, they might’ve. in different circumstances, they might’ve. but Tilda was dead, and aaron and andrew had so many miscommunications to get through.

it wasn’t until Neil, and the early Thanksgiving at the Hemmicks that it changed

neil was different

he coaxed more out of andrew than aaron ever did. it’s one of the reasons why aaron hated him. how could he, practically a stranger who’d known them for half a year, could know more about andrew than aaron had learned in three years? some of it felt unfair to aaron, but he felt like he half deserved not knowing his brother. it wasn’t like he’d tried his hardest to get to know him. 

and it was how quickly neil had puzzled together the mess that was andrew and aaron

not even they could piece it together. it felt so thoroughly messed up and convoluted that they never though any of it was salvageable anymore

when neil brough up Tilda’s death, right after aaron had killed drake, aaron had felt angry, pissed off, borderline furious

but the thought stayed. and nagged.

and when andrew left for Easthaven, without even waiting for aaron to get back to columbia, it hurt more than he’d anticipated

aaron thought about it a lot. and he hated that neil’s statement had made so much sense

after that it was slow going

so slow no one really noticed at first. not even neil. but then neil started picking up one or two things, and then progressively, so did nicky

aaron started

the twins never really verbally apologized for hurting each other, either physically or with words. they’d just spit hurtful words at each other until one of them (usually aaron) stormed out. then, usually a few hours later, one of them called out the answer of a particularly hard homework question for the other and the whole thing was forgotten

it was just how they worked

maybe it was the way they were brought up, or maybe it was just the way they operated, but neither twin needed the other to physically say the words “i’m sorry”. it was usually implied through action, as were most things with them.

and aaron found it easier to forgive andrew for killing Tilda that he thought

one morning in the Columbia house, andrew walked in the kitchen and aaron was there drinking coffee, waiting for his toast to pop out of the toaster, and handed andrew a cup of hot chocolate

andrew simply raised an eyebrow, but took it anyway.

after that, it remained slow.

when andrew went to the store, he’d sometimes buy aaron’s favorite ice cream flavor

and it goes back and forth for a while

they don’t mention it. aaron never brings up the fact that study sheets occasionally appear on his desk the day before a test. andrew never mentions the newly stocked cocoa powder in the kitchen, stacked next to the coffee and tea.

its such small things its only noticeable to the twins and sometimes neil

and it stays at that, but it’s progress, and that’s never happened before, and when neil (and later nicky) notice, they just smile a little, because no matter how little, progress is progress, and it’s a big step for andrew and aaron.

they’re far from talking through their issues, and it occurs to neither of them, but they’re content to go slow 

once, aaron had a bad nightmare that woke him up at an ungodly hour of the night. he knew sleep wouldn’t come, not with the way he was shaking and sweating, so he decided coffee and a movie would distract him

he’s surprised to find andrew sitting on the countertop eating m&m’s aaron had bought just a day prior

they don’t speak at all. aaron just makes his tea and sits on the couch, and andrew stays on the counter, scrolling through his phone

aaron turns on the tv and puts on an animated series at low volume

at one point andrew turns his attention to the tv before sliding off the counter and going back to bed. aaron falls asleep on the couch

a couple of nights later, same thing happens again-- nightmares aren’t uncommon for the twins, or anyone really. if the twins cross path in the kitchen, one would just go back to their room

this time the kitchen is empty so aaron pulls out the ice cream and turns on the tv

andrew, being a light sleeper, wakes up. he knows who it is and debates getting up. he does, and this time directly goes to the living room and sits in an armchair, staring blankly at the tv. he only goes back to his room when aaron falls asleep, leaving the tv on.

andrew manages his nightmares better, but some still rattle him every so often, and enough that he usually stays up the rest of the night or finds neil and stays with him.

it’s one of the worse nights, and andrew wakes up in a panic, shivering and angrily wiping his wet face clean. he leaves his room, intent on finding neil before he realises it’s not neil he wants to be with

it annoys him, and he doesn’t like it, or even understand why, but he goes to aaron’s room anyways. he opens the door and settles in aaron’s desk, refusing to wake his twin up.

aaron finds him the next morning, snoring softly in his chair, his head resting in his crossed arms. (he’s really confused, and considers waking him, but decides against it and instead makes him hot chocolate for when he wakes up)

they still don’t talk much about it, but now they don’t act as tense around each other, and usually leave it at insulting the other.

nicky, having dealt with the twins, notices this and almost cries and nearly hugs both of them. he cares too much about graduating with all his limbs to do it, however

he mentions it to neil later, who had noticed the smaller gestures, and shares in  nicky’s delight. yes, neil has a certain dislike for aaron, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want andrew and aaron to have a healthy relationship with each other they clearly deserve.

to anyone else, this might be slightly ridiculous, not meaning anything, and probably not even noticeable, but for both of them, it was a huge step forward. 

aaron manages to find a spare mattress that he fits under his bed for andrew. andrew doesn’t put a mattress or explicitly tells aaron he can come in his room, so aaron opts instead for tv and snacks. sometimes andrew shows up, sometimes he doesn’t, and aaron finds he doesn’t mind.

one of those nights, aaron finds andrew already watching something on the tv when he shows up. it’s not a cartoon, but aaron grabs the leftover pizza from last night and watches with andrew

later, he looks up the series and ends up watching it. he catches up to the episode andrew was watching, and a couple nights later turns on the show

andrew is surprised that aaron wanted to catch up, and was invested in the show. he settles for telling aaron he’s a couple episodes ahead. aaron shrugs and replies that they can watch until he catches up. it’s their way of agreeing to watch it together at 4 in the morning

one wednesday, a couple months into the twins’ tentative healing, they mentions to Bee what’s been happening. and Bee smiles. she’s just happy that the twins are getting better, and striving to fix things a little.

the Upperclassmen catch up much later

probably because andrew still calls out insults his brother during practice and aaron retaliates

and yes sometimes andrew purposefully deflects balls in such a way that they hit aaron’s back or legs just to annoy him

but andrew tolerates katelyn

and aaron still doesn’t know what andrew sees in neil josten but doesn’t mind his relationship

andrew tells aaron one wednesday he hates being touched, and it doesn’t take a genius to know why. aaron has the urge to go find all of andrew’s abusers and bash their brains in like drake

aaron and andrew never really had people to care for them, so their sense of family is a little extreme, but it’s there

and it’s proof they can get better over time

they’re both in their own way protective of each other. and it’s a silent pact that anyone who hurts nicky will have to face two very pissed off blonds

movie nights at four am become a regular at the Columbia house, and sometimes (though they both have less nightmares over the years) during the week, so they get used to the extra key specifically for each other’s dorms.

one morning matt walks in and see aaron and andrew asleep on oppsoite ends of the couch while sharing a blanket, and takes a picture that he sends to everyone.

dan frames it and hangs it on the wall in the Foxhole Court (next to the one of Andrew and Neil at the airport)

the twins find out and wear practically identical “i am going to murder whoever did this” scowls

andrew thinks birthdays are a waste of time, but neil convinces him to spend time with aaron 

so andrew drags aaron to the roof after raiding the liquor cabinet and get drunk on the roof

the twins have a lot of things they never mention

it’s a maze that’s hard to navigate, but the twins know how the system works

there are things and moments and people they never bring up, and there are gestures and little things that are not worth mentioning. both twins don’t know how to really communicate with each other, and sometimes with other people

they don’t know how to express things verbally

so between them its almost and unspoken agreement that phrases like “i love you” or “i’m sorry” are meaningless and dumb. 

its one of the reasons why it’s hard to see that the twins are closer than they ever were, because they don’t communicate with words. they’re better at showing what they mean than actually saying it

they get more comfortable around each other, and by the time their senior year rolls in they make jokes (it’s hard to classify them as jokes when it mainly consists of one of the twins pointing at a random object and going  “that’s you” with a blank expression while the other scowls)

nicky’s already back in germany and as graduation comes near, both twins find that they don’t want to get away from each other

andrew who doesn’t give a shit about aaron and hates him, texts him pictures of the cats or neil being idiots every once in a while

aaron doesn’t text often, because he doesnt really know what to text

but sometimes andrew will receive a picture of an empty store shelf with a single can of soup on it and the caption “is this u?”

and its so fucking random that andrew can’t help laughing

and aaron begins sending birthday cards to andrew (andrew calls him just to say fuck off and then hangs up immediately, but aaron just smiles and keeps doing it anyway)

(and andrew does start texting aaron happy birthday when it comes around)

one christmas nicky invites both twins and their significant others to germany and andrew gets aaron one of those stupid mugs with a science joke on it

aaron scowls because he knows andrew is blatantly mocking him. he knows.

but its fine because aaron got andrew a black sweater reading “dumber twin” (he had it custom made in rainbow font)

andrew doesn’t even try to act pleasant and says fuck you to aaron’s face

after that christmas, aaron always drinks from the cup andrew got him and andrew wears aaron’s dumb sweater

(katelyn and neil sneakily take pictures and send it to each other because “they’re bonding”)

it takes a long time for the twins to really get around their issues, and they’re both still healing, but at least whatever tilda severed when she separated them is healing too

it might never be perfect, and there’s a lot of healing, and it might never be okay, and it might take them their whole life to properly heal, but the steps they take are forward, and together

and their relationship is still complicated and messy and not the best 

but theyre both trying

they both want this

[girloikawa]

daysten baking au

so, the premise is that for a competition you’re supposed to team up with another bakery in your area to compete for a $15,000 cash check that you have to spilt. kevin decides to ask neil to team up with him, and neil begrudgedly agrees because kevin is a great baker, even though he seems terrible to work with. they submit the form to the enter the competition, and they get in. as the weeks go by leading up the competition, neil and kevin do some baking for practice. they mostly bake cakes, because that’s what the competition is for. neil learns that kevin’s favorite cake is lemon, that kevin is ambidextrous, and that the reason kevin’s cakes taste like there’s something added to them is because he often puts alcohol in them. another thing that neil learns is that kevin is actually wonderful to work with. he gives precise orders, knows what the fuck he’s doing, and is pretty creative when it comes to coming up with flavors. the only thing is that kevin doesn’t know how to communicate in a nice manor, and neil can be snarky when he wants. so they clash a little bit, but once they get it figured out through some bickering and one very drunk night of bonding, they get into a grove. after that night neil also starts to notice things about kevin. the way he’ll subconsciously touch his nose when he wants to smile, the one dimple on his left cheek, his hands kneading the dough. neil doesn’t exactly know what it is, all he knows that it is there.

but then it’s competition time. opponents: renee walker and andrew minyard, dan wilds and matt boyd, aaron minyard and nicky hemmick, and then allison reynolds and seth gordon. when they all meet, they hate each other, and neil loves it. he figures out through nicky that andrew and aaron are twins and from the same bakery and entered a bet of who would win, and when neil told kevin that, kevin almost laughed.

they start the competition, round one: your partner is blindfolded and you have to steer them in the direction of the ingredients (not basic things like flour, but ones to make a unique cake) you want, but from twenty feet away. neil is blindfolded because he’d better at moving around, plus kevin can give better directions. kevin give directions and means for neil to grab lavender, lemons, and blueberrys, and—thank god—neil grabs the right things. (allison ended up grabbing tea mix and not coffee. ) kevin gave neil a big high-five. then they got to baking the cake. there was a moment where neil almost collided with aaron, but the cakes were safe!! neil got a stink eye, though. as they were making the frosting, neil randomly said, “what’s that scar from?” and kevin said, “not the time neil. but long story short, this guy broke my hand. we were on a lacrosse team together, I’ve put it in my past.” and somehow that was the first time neil heard kevin talk about lacrosse, and so neil rushed to make little fondant lacrosse rackets “because,” he told kevin excitedly, “i played lacrosse too and we’re bonding over it.” (kevin internally: we are?) round one comes to a close. the judges are eliminating two teams this round. neil and kevin make it through along with renee and andrew, and then matt and dan. the only complaint on their cake was “too much lemon” from one of the judges. kevin disagreed.

round two: bake a cake with one hand tied to your partners. neil and kevin were side-eying each other. they worked well together, but not that well. once they started, neil looked to andrew and renee and saw them working perfectly, even though andrew looked like some kind of devil and renee some kind of angel. needless to say, kevin and neil weren’t that smooth. they constantly bumped into each other, fought over who was using the middle hand, and on top of that were trying to make a carrot cake with pineapple filling, topped with cream cheese frosting. “carrot cake. for your hair.” neil laughs, “is that supposed to be a joke?” “no,” kevin says more like a question. that was the only civil moment. neil felt weird the whole time touching kevin’s hand like that, but he didn’t think about it much. by the end of it, kevin and neil resented each other a little bit. the judge said that their cake was a little undercooked and that the warmness of it made the filling a weird texture, but they still went through due to dan and matt’s cake being overcooked and barely having any flavor.

round three: no rules. make the best cake you can. oh, wait, it has to be three layers and you have two and a half hours. kevin goes right into focus mode, and neil is left running around the kitchen. he runs into andrew and has deja vu, but that’s because he actually did run into the same looking midget. andrew doesn’t even react. just looks at him. they get into a stare down, and renee notices and comes over. “andrew, we have work to do.” and then they left. kevin asked what took so long because he didn’t even look up from dumping flour in. “wait, did you even grab the eggs?” neil has to go back to the fridge for the eggs. this round they’re making a chocolate espresso cake with maple frosting, topped with candied bacon. it comes down to the wire, and kevin and neil do argue a bit, but they finish when the count gets to one. and, you know what, they’re proud of it. neil hugs kevin when they get to zero, and kevin is completely still for a second before he reciprocates. the judges love their cake, but they also love andrew and renee’s cake. and the winner is...........andrew and renee.

they go back home, and they’re exhausted. they don’t talk to each other for a whole week, mostly disappointed in theirselves, but they’re also reflecting. neil has lots of time to think, and he thinks that he doesn’t really want to not bake with kevin anymore. neil started his bakery because baking was one consistent thing his mother did for him before and after she had to take neil and run away to another state because of his abusive father. she never missed a birthday, until she died, and then neil baked himself a birthday cake, and he realized that he was actually good at this from the few things he learned over the years. neil baked because he was connected to his mother (and because he just really was good at it), but with kevin, neil felt like he could utilize that skill in more meaningful ways. kevin made him think about what ingredients to mix, to think outside of the box, to play with things. kevin lit a lot of fires, and neil wasn’t ready to put them out.

so, he drove to the town over and went to kevin’s bakery. apparently, he’d been working the whole week and not giving himself time to rest, which sounded a lot like him. not that neil rested either, because he didn’t. kevin asked what neil was doing there, and neil asked if he could go bake something in the kitchen. “i guess...just don’t mess up anything i have premade in there.” kevin works the counter for a little bit, his other workers are off today for covering all his shifts during the competition, and so neil’s alone in the kitchen. neil baked kevin a lemon carrot cake. when he sees it, kevin doesn’t get it. and so neil has to spell it out. “i want to keep baking with you, but i also want to keep learning things about you. i want to know you, i want to understand you, and never in my life have i wanted that with anybody. i want...you, really.” kevin’s brain explodes a bit, and he has to force himself to say, “okay,” because his brain can’t translate holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit fast enough. “okay?” “yeah. okay.” neil kisses kevin.

they smoosh their bakerys together and live happily ever after the end

[captainshorter]

Im gonna sort the All for the Game characters into Hogwarts Houses.

Starting with Neil Josten, definitely a Slytherin. Y'all can say everything about him but we all know he's cunning and ambitious as fuck. He also notice a lot of surroundings and noticed in a short period of time that Andrew picked him up instead of Aaron and that Andrew was off his prescribed drugs. He also at first doesn't really care about the foxes, when he wa son the run the only thing he really cared about was his Mom and saving their own life. He also has a real drive to accomplish his goals and he likes to control a situation. Also when he started to care about the foxes he would get hurt for them, and i think that a lot of people forget that Slytherins are actually really loyal and would literally kill for people and get hurt to protect them.

Next is Kevin Day. Okay so imma just say this Kevin is definitely not a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff. I was debating between Ravenclaw and Slytherin but eventually Ravenclaw won. I think Day is a Ravenclaw because it's said multiple times in the book that Kevin plays exy with a strategy, he knows exactly what play works depending on which team he plays against, he's not like Neil who's depending on sheer strength and determination.

Aaron Minyard. This fucker was hard but i decided to put him in Ravenclaw too, i feel like he's a smart guy and who's really intelligent and all. (he was hard sorry guys😂✌️)

Nicky Hemmick (my baby). Okay it was a little debate between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff but i decided on Hufflepuff (there is no yellow:(() . Nicky is generally a happy and cheerful person, he's also sensitive and cares a lot about people. He always up to help the foxes and cousins. He is also really flirty and kind which makes people like him more.

Danielle 'Dan' Wilds. Gryffindor, definitely. She's a great leader (which is usually a trait for a Slytherin but gryffindors too), she motivates her team in a positive way. She's really passionate and tries to include her whole team from the beginning (even when the monsters didnt want to join she tried, that's mentioned right?)

Matthew Boyd. He is too a Gryffindor. Let just start with that Gryffindors are loyal as fuck and that Matt offered to intervene if Neil needs someone to kick Kevin's ass, knowing the risk that Andrew would kick his ass for it.

Renee Walker. It was a debate between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, both would fit for her but i think Ravenclaw. She's a relaxed person. The foxes go to her for advice. She's also really hardworking and a stabilizing factor for Andrew. She's generally respected by all of the team and no one argues with what she says. She literally changed the way she lived and that shows her dedication for things she really want. She usually sees the good in people, but knows when people aren't.

Allison Reynolds is a Slytherin. She literally takes pride in how she looks and isn't ashamed to throw around her money. She, too, is extremely loyal towards the people who are the closests to her. She is determined about exy and didnt want to quit even when the consequences were that her family cut her off. She has a haughty attitude, she acts likes she better than all the people around her.

Seth Gordon. He too is a slytherin, he has a bad attitude and openly shows his dislike towards his team. But i think if he were alive longer than he was, that we could have really found out what kind of Slytherin he was. I like to imagine, he would have started to care about the others too and that he too was really determined about beating the Raven's in the end. I do think that he would have been really protective about Neil, despite all his lies. And that he would start planning to murder Riko (together with Renee and Andrew) because he hurt Neil.

Andrew Minyard. Some of you are really gonna disagree with me on this but Andrew is a Slytherin. A big ass Slytherin. He protects what's his with everything he has, no matter what happens to himself or others, and like i mentioned with Neil, people underestimate how loyal Slytherins are. He's very determined to keep his promises and never breaks one, which makes him a reliable person, which most Slytherins are. He has a strict set of personal values and is determined to uphold that. Also shown with his mother's staged death, he is really resourceful, usually a teenager wouldn't be able to get away with it. He holds his life in no regards which is a little different than what most Slytherins do (but im a Slytherin and also dont hold my life in such a high regards or have a lot of pride). So with all of his other's trait i feel lile slytherin is the best house for him.

David 'coach' Wymack. Gryffindor (but kinda ravenclaw too) . I dont know exactly why i think this, but i think because he puts up a 'tough guy' act and responds to the foxes with a lot of sarcasm and threats even when he genuinely cares about them. He also respects all of the foxes with their secrets and doesn't force any answers out of them. He's seen as an idealistic because of his idea to give 'problemetic' kids a second chance. He also goes beyond his way to ensure his teams safety. He's really protective of them and overall just an amazing coach/person.

So this was it i dont have more but this is what i think:))

[danwylds]

Ocean at the end of the lane au (but you don’t have to read the book)

Once again I’m writing bullet point fics

If you haven’t read the book uh. this shit is wild

It starts with Neil going to his childhood hometown (I guess Baltimore then? Not really a lotta places here for this story to take place tho) for a funeral

I literally don’t care who died

He’s walking around town, just thinking abt his life growing up and being angry

He deserves to be

Anyways he remembers the one good thing about growing up here, and it’s Andrew Minyard, the boy who said the pond behind his house was really an ocean

Neil thinks about him and finds himself at the minyards house

He kinda looks around, realising that maybe he shouldn’t of showed up randomly

But it doesn’t matter, bc Nicky Hemmick sees him

He and Nicky walk together to the pond and it’s nice

Neil starts thinking about the time a man who worked for his father stole Nathan’s car and committed suicide in the back seat, after gambling away Nathan’s money

He was around 15 or so during that time

I’m pulling number out of my ass rn

but hdbcnndjd it lets a spirit show up to neils world like hey,, how y’all doin?

Because of the reason the man died, it’s purpose is to leave money for people in terrible and unpleasant ways

This leads Neil to wake up in the middle of the night, choking on a coin

if I were Neil I would simply lay down and die

rip to him but I’m different

Anyways he doesn’t trust his father for shit so he goes to his neighbors

It’s Andrew baby!

Andrew is like okay but I’m gonna call you a dumbass this whole time and you have to come w me to find this fucked up spirit and bind it

And also you can’t let go of my hand

They both hate that part

Drake still happened, just earlier

And Nicky took in the twins earlier

Ig nicky is older in this au

whatever

ANWAYS.

They talk on the way, exchanging quiet truths

It starts from what the spirit did and ends in neil asking why Andrew and Aaron live with Nicky

Andrew says that monsters aren’t always supernatural

Neil doesn’t ask anything after that

They’re goin to find this shit spirit when something almost attacks the 2

Neils first instinct is to be defensive so he lets go of Andrews hand

As soon as he does something gets stuck in his foot and Andrew is like I don’t even care at this point

They don’t have any luck ig so they’re like whatever we’ll try again later (or never talk to each other again)

Neil gets home and pulls what might be a worm out of his foot

rip to him bc part of it gets stuck

He wakes up the next day to his mom telling him she’s starting a new job and a woman named Lola is gonna look after him

So Lola is

yeah she’s Lola she’s a bitch

Lola seduces his father and wins over his people

Neil spends most of his time locked in his room avoiding her

What small fraction of safety Neil felt is ruined when Lola asks Nathan to drown him in the bath

It doesn’t work, obviously

also yeah that’s a real point in the book I didn’t just make that up

Anyways ndncjdm he stays in his room even more, only coming out when it’s some sort of fancy event or smth he has to show up for

He decides to do what he does best

He runs

He runs to the minyard/Hemmick farm, and Nicky takes him in and cleans up the scratches and bruises he has

Nicky also gets the wormhole out of Neils foot

Apparently Lola left it behind as an escape path

This book is weird as hell jfc

Nicky calls Andrew to help neil try and talk something out with Lola

They offer her a way for her to leave peacefully, to a less dangerous world

She doesn’t believe anything could hurt her

She’s IMMEDIATELY attacked by “hunger birds” who are basically scavengers

The hunger birds tell neil they gotta eat his heart out bc a piece of Lola is still connected to him

Andrew is like well cant let the only kid who hasn’t stepped over my boundaries die

He drags Neil to the ocean and tells him to get in

While in there, Neil understands the everything about the world and humans and nature and emotion

He gets out and the memory of it all dips

Andrew makes a promise to protect Neil from the hunger birds, telling him the farm is safe and it’s all very soft

haha get fucked you two bc the hunger birds start eating the world to force him off the property

Neil does leave the property, giving himself to the hunger birds to save Nicky and the twins from them

Andrew does NOT let this slide and jumps between the birds and Neil

He’s near death by the end, and when Nicky finds out he goes batshit and threatens the hunger birds with death that’s a very real possibility for them !

The three take Andrew to the ocean and place him there, and Aaron tells him that he’ll rest and heal until he can come back to this world

Neils memory of this fades, leading him to believe Andrew moved to Australia

He jolts back to the present when Nicky puts his hand on his shoulder, smiling sadly at him

Nicky hints that the hunger birds got his heart after all, but Andrews sacrifice healed him

The power of love, as they say

His heart has been growing back for a while now, it’s almost healed

Again, he begins to forget

He tells Nicky to say hello to Andrew if he contacts from Australia

[bazerella]

Chapters: 20/20 Fandom: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day & Neil Josten Characters: Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard, Aaron Minyard, Nicky Hemmick, Kevin Day, Seth Gordon, Matt Boyd, Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Renee Walker (All For The Game), Allison Reynolds (All For The Game), Jean Moreau, Jeremy Knox, Laila Dermott, Alvarez (All For The Game), Katelyn (All For The Game), Marissa (All For The Game), David Wymack, Abby Winfield, Betsy Dobson, Stuart Hatford, Robin Cross Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Fluff and Angst, More fluff than angst, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game) Summary:

After his mother's death, Neil Josten becomes a real boy and starts school at Palmetto High School. Being homeschooled his whole life has not properly prepared him for this moment so it's a good thing he has his best friend Kevin to help him out. This story follows Neil in his first year of high school as he tries to navigate his new life. Filled with competitive games of kickball, odd baseball references, and a whole lot of first times, Neil finds a family within his new group of friends.

For the first time in his life, Neil wants to live life to fullest and if that includes kissing a certain blonde haired boy then so be it.

[wulfrann]

Frost Bite (Andreil Jack Frost AU, part 2)

All for the Game

Rating: Teen and Up

Story Warnings: Swearing

Relationship: Andrew Minyard/Neil Josten, Andrew Minyard & Renee Walker, Andrew Minyard & Nicky Hemmick

Additional Tags: Neil is Jack Frost AU, writer!Andrew, winter spirit!Neil, Pining, Therapy with Betsy, Friendship, Andrew tries to cope with Neil being gone, German Folklore, Andrew Minyard POV

[Part 2 of the When the frost is in bloom series - 8200 words - Published 2019-11-28]

Summary:

A few months after Neil leaves for the second time, Andrew decides to break his first writing rule and starts working on a sequel to Der ausweichende Winter.

He made sure to give the story a definite, well-rounded ending, but for some reason the characters just won’t leave him alone.

Read on AO3

*

A few months after Neil leaves for the second time, Andrew decides to break his first writing rule and starts working on a sequel to Der ausweichende Winter.

He made sure to give the story a definite, well-rounded ending, but for some reason the characters just won’t leave him alone.

And if he catches himself replacing Isa Holle’s name with Neil’s more often than he cares to admit, well. No one has to know.

*

Wymack does a poor job of hiding his surprise. Still, given the book’s success, he can only encourage it. It appears Fuchsbau Verlag has been receiving a steady influx of kids’ letters asking for more of Isa Holle’s adventures ever since the book came out. Most of them are for Andrew, but a respectable number are addressed to the characters themselves.

It takes Andrew by surprise.

He’s received letters before - but never that many, and never have his readers (no matter how young and impressionable) written directly to his characters.

It’s flattering.

Wymack promises to have Renee deliver the letters the next time she’s in town - which, according to hers and Andrew’s latest call, should only take a few days. He knows Wymack will probably send Renee with instructions to figure out Andrew’s plans for the book as well, but he doesn’t object.

Let her try - he’ll reveal as much as he wants to, and nothing more.

*

Keeping Neil out of his mind is difficult. Andrew is reminded of him every time King saunters into the room and nuzzles against his ankles. Whenever he thinks about his book. While he writes. Every fucking evening as he steps outside to smoke.

Every time Andrew looks out the window, he can’t help but picture Neil opening the balcony door to drag snowflakes and white breaths inside with him.

It’s a nuisance.

It chips away at his concentration until he’s glancing at the cigarette pack lying next to his keys more often than he’s finishing a damn sentence.

By the point Renee finally comes back to Stuttgart, he’s about ready to throw his computer out the fucking window.

Needless to say it’s a welcome distraction.

*

Renee notices, of course, because she knows him better than anyone. But since she’s a good person, she has the decency to wait until after their sparring session to mention it - once Andrew’s sore and centered and lying on the ground, feeling more himself than he has since Spring took over.

Neil throws him off-kilter. Pulls him out of axis and into his own orbit with an ease that’s less of a surprise than it has any right being.

It’s dangerous. And it’s gotten worse.

The first time Neil left, Andrew had been fine. He’d thrown himself into his work with little more obsession than he always did, had drunk more coffee than he probably ought to, but he’d been fine. Spring and Summer and Fall hadn’t all sounded the same.

He wasn’t counting, wasn’t waiting - would not set himself up for disappointment.

But he had grown used to Neil the second time around.

He had let him worm his way into his life - slowly but surely, the shape of Neil huddled on the couch reading with King in his lap had become part of his routine.

There were other things too. Because of course there were.

There were quiet conversations in the night that smelled like smoke; there was a mug that was only ever filled with warm water; there was frost blooming on the window every morning -

There were mingled breaths clinging to bitten lips and a different kind of warmth curling all around them, slow and careful and heady, and yes’s that left him dizzy and hands that stopped at his command.

There was someone to make him coffee while he was working and hot cocoa when he was not.

Andrew had known it was dangerous, but he’d let it happen all the same. And he hates Neil for it. Hates himself most of all, for letting it get this far, for being unable to squash the weak and fragile hope that Winter cradles now in its arms - a snow-white, fleeting flake, as delicate as it is razor-sharp.

When Andrew’s breathing has finally settled, Renee holds out a hand for him to take. She pulls him to his feet, grasp slippery with sweat but steady all the same, then spins around and settles herself on the bench, uncapping her water bottle with a small tilt of her head. If he didn’t know better, Andrew would think it was choreographed - not a single movement out of place, not a breath lost or step unsure. In fighting as in life, Renee moves like a dancer.

A lethal one.

Andrew joins her on the bench and picks his own water bottle up.

“Wymack told me that you’re writing a sequel,” she says. Andrew shrugs and takes a generous swallow. The water feels good running down his throat. His body is wild, abuzz with endorphins - he envies Neil’s flying abilities for a split second. The fantasy is short-lived however, and he quickly brings the bottle back up to his lips. Still, thoughts of the void cause his stomach to squirm, so he taps the ground with the tip of his foot to make sure that it’s still holding steady, and briefly relishes in its safety. “I thought sequels were the mark of the Unimaginative?” Renee goes on, then gets up.

“Imagination isn’t lucrative,” Andrew deadpans. "Maybe capitalism finally got to me.”

Renee taps her chin with one finger and a smile. “That’d be unfortunate. But I don’t believe you.”

“Sounds like a you problem,” Andrew says, then follows her up so they can start to stretch. Renee takes the hint. They bend and twist their muscles so and so in silence, and in the wishful hopes that they won’t feel sore come morning - or not so much that they won’t be able to walk, at least, in Andrew’s case.

(Sure, he stays in shape. He has a yearly membership at the gym and makes good use of it. But that level of exercise is as good as a stroll in the park compared to a sparring session with a pro MMA fighter.

Which Renee still is, official retirement be damned.)

*

“I’m tired of surviving, Andrew,” she’d said. “There are better fights than those we lead for our own sake. Fights that give, instead of fights that take. And I’m finally ready to give back.”

Andrew had taken a drag of his cigarette, aiming for nonchalant. He’s not sure it’d worked. “I thought that’s what praying was for.”

She’d smiled, because she always did.

“Faith without following through is like a cup without water. Useless, unless you plan to hit someone with it.”

“You sound like a fortune cookie,” he’d said, because he’d been buzzed and his best friend (not that he’d admit it) was leaving - and because Andrew liked a good metaphor, too, and that just hadn’t been one.

She’d left the next day with the Peace Corps. One week later, Andrew had received a package: a glass jar, filled to the brim with hollow, ravioli-shaped biscuits as tasteless as the ‘wisdom’ within it.

He’d thrown out the cookies because they were awful. He’d kept the jar because it was practical. (In the bottom left cupboard, beneath the sink. He’s been using it to store Sir’s dry food ever since she’s learned to torn open the sturdy plastic bag it comes in.)

He’s never told her, about the jar - the cookies he’d taken a picture of after he’d thrown them in the trash, and had sent it with the caption: ‘It was an insult’.

(‘You shouldn’t waste food, Andrew.’)

(‘This isn’t food. At best it’s cardboard.’)

*

Nowadays however, Renee has been leaving less and less. She’s always divided her time between volunteering and earning actual money - whether it was from beating up an infinite amount of people in a ring or doing whatever it is Fuchsbau Verlag pays her to do hadn’t changed that - but the proportions seem to have been reversed as of late, if only slightly so. She doesn’t leave for a full year anymore, and when she does spend most of one away, she never fully breaks contact.

Andrew tells her that, in his own words, on the way back to his place. Renee hums. Andrew knows not to take that for an answer, so they walk in silence until Renee’s done turning her thoughts into words. (And this is another reason why Renee’s his best friend, Andrew thinks. She knows the weight of words. The importance of choice.)

It takes a few minutes, but her voice is clear and steady when she speaks. “When I left for the first time, I thought I was finally ready to be good - truly good. I wanted to find redemption, and I thought that was the way to go about it: throw myself out there fresh out of the ring, and let helping be my healing.”

She pauses. Looks at her hands, loosely curled into fists in front of her. The index finger on her right hand is crooked, bent to the left from a vicious fracture. Her eyes linger on it.

“And it worked, at first, or at least I thought it did. The ring didn’t call to me anymore, not in the way it used to. I didn’t need my fists to stay sane. But I still needed to fight.”

She looks up, and finds something in the clouds, and blinks.

“I told you that fighting for others was better than fighting for myself, and it was - but better isn’t good.” She shakes her head. “I told myself I was helping, but really it was just another ring. I wasn’t giving back - I wasn’t even healing. I was just trying to forget.”

She smiles, then, because of course she does. “Retiring helped, but not as much as I’d hoped it would. It just wasn’t right. I asked Wymack for a job and he gave it to me. And it did help.” Her eyes find his, gentle, open, sincere. “The thing with stories is... they can reach even the most hidden scars in ourselves and pick at it. And I hadn’t healed right, so I needed to bleed again.”

There’s another pause. Andrew surveys the clouds for chances of rain and decides that it’s not for today.

“If I can heal through stories, then I want to try and help others do the same.” She says it like an evidence. A relief. Andrew knows the kind.

He feels it too, sometimes. This sense of direction. This meaning. This there’s a purpose for me here. He’s not sure he has the right.

They reach a street corner that marks the limit of what Andrew has come to think of as his part of town. His neighborhood, as much as the word doesn’t suit him. (There is always an itch where home is. Nowhere can wholly be truly safe, or so Andrew has come to learn. But it’s not as bad as it used to be.)

“How are King and Sir?” Renee asks him with a voice that hints at something else, disturbing Andrew’s thoughts.

Stuttgart’s early spring sky is white today, like a thin sheet of ice. Andrew shoves his hands into his coat pockets. “Irritating.”

Renee hums, playing with the hint of a smirk on the edge of her lips. She doesn’t ask why he keeps them around, then, because she knows. Instead she moves on, as Andrew knew she would. “How’s Mia?”

Andrew throws one of his deadpan looks that’s really a glare her way, just to make a point. He knows Renee’s immune to them by now, but it’s the principle. He has to at least pretend to be difficult.

He lights up a cigarette because he wants to annoy her.

“She’s having nightmares.”

The smoke curls up, volatile and barely there, almost tangible for a second before it’s gone. Vanishing into thin air. Like you. Andrew makes a fist of his free hand. “It’s always the same nightmare,” he pushes on. “Always the same boy, asking for help. But it’s becoming clearer. And the boy is starting to explain.”

“Can I ask who he is, or is that classified?”

She’s teasing. Andrew taps the ash off his cigarette and takes another drag, because that kind of information shouldn’t be easy to ask for. Stories take time. Fortunately for her, Andrew never seems to be able to reach the bottom of Renee’s patience, and she just waits for him to speak.

“Alberich, Prince of Nightmares,” he exhales with the smoke. (And how fitting is it, for this fleeting little prince. Curling away in the breeze.) “It’s in the first chapter.”

Renee smiles, a knowing curve to it. “Where did you take him from?”

“Das Nibelungenlied and some old Dutch poem, Karel ende Elegast. Mostly,” Andrew answers, punctuating it with a vague gesture of his cigarette-holding hand and a scowl. “For now. I need more material.”

Renee nods. She’s still smiling. “Will Isa be back?”

Andrew takes a deep cancer-filled breath, making a point not to look at the wreaths of smoke. His gaze ends up drifting upwards anyway.

He hums a yes.

Renee hums back, pleased and appreciative. Andrew is honest enough to admit that her approval feels nice. “I liked him - and so did your readers, judging by the letters they sent. I brought them with me, as you asked.”

Andrew nods. They’ve reached his block; he can see his door, his windows. The balcony.

“He’s a good character,” Renee goes on while Andrew opens the door. “He and Mia make quite the pair.” Andrew closes the door behind them. “Their relationship is an interesting one.” They climb up the three sets of stairs. “I don’t think you’ve ever written a character quite like Isa, to be honest. It almost feels like he’s actually real.”

Andrew puts the key in and turns, opening the door to his apartment. A soft thump, and Sir’s meow greets them both at the door. His tail is a question mark, a welcome home, where have you been? that Andrew answers by letting her smell the outdoors upon him. She saunters over to Renee then, curious and friendly, the known scent rising up from the shallow depths of her feline memory.

King, on the other hand, goes straight for the shoes. It gets a surprised laugh out of Renee.

“You never did tell me how you got that one.”

Andrew shrugs, shucks his coat off and goes about making tea. He doesn’t have to ask - the only reason he even has any in his flat is because of Renee, though he’s not about to admit it.

“Found him on the balcony freezing his fur off.”

“And you kept him.”

Technically it’s a statement, so Andrew chooses to ignore the implicit question there.

Renee doesn’t pry. She gets her tea and makes a neat pile of the letters Andrew and his characters have received on the coffee table, next to the yet-unopened book on German mythology Andrew’s been meaning to get into. He’s already gone through the other books he has on the subject, has combed every entry on the seasons, on winter - everything white-hair, ice-eyes, cold-hands.

(Where should I take you? Where do you fit?)

The myths are old and paper-worn. Any kind of new ink wears out under their weight, their dust and their mazes. They are enigmas kept alive from mouth to mouth, hungry voices to hungry ears. Humans and their stories. Andrew spins old texts through the spindle of himself and weaves a role for those threads of him that he cards out.

(It’s not you, it’s me. All I ever write is me. Take this image of you, shred it with your too-cold fingers, let me twine your story within mine.

Would you mind if you knew?

I made yourself a piece of me.)

*

Most of the letters are about what he expected. Kids who identify with the characters, kids who wonder whether Isa Holle is real (Have you met him? Does he really make snow fall? Did he teach you to talk to the wind like he does? and the answers on the tip of his tongue sing yes yes and no), kids who share their own stories with him, memories about winter, about snow, how they’ve learned to appreciate the cold weather more. There are a few from parents, too, who read the book with their children and found themselves enjoying it, and even one from a grandmother.

And then there are the letters that were written to Mia, or to Isa, and all of those kids believe in his story, and there’s even a few of them who say they’ve seen him.

It’s a lot.

Andrew leaves the letters on his coffee table and gets out. He’s not sure he could stomach smoking on the balcony right now.

Here’s the thing: Andrew knows he’s never written anything better than this damn book. He knows. He poured his damn soul into the thing. And he hates that he did.

The story is simple: a lonely girl makes a friend, and together they save the day.

Except it’s a little more complicated than that. Mia, a teenage girl, starts looking for Winter, because it’s the one season she loves and it’s late. So she falls into a well that leads her above the clouds, where she meets Oma Holle - Bringer of Cold, Destroyer of Pillows, Retiree Extraordinaire, and grandmother to the current Winter: Isa Holle, white-haired runaway on a vacation across worlds. Of course, once Mia finds him, she quickly realises that he is not, in fact, on a vacation, but is being chased by a pack of Sunlit Wolves. Shenanigans ensue, and she’s somehow roped into helping him trap them somewhere, and in the middle of adversity a beautiful friendship is born.

Except that it’s not just that, is it? Because Isa’s mother never wanted him and left, and his father is the one trying to get him killed. Because Mia is adopted, and the disconnection she feels towards her loving family is what ultimately drives her to Isa. Because their friendship is founded in part in a strong, mutual understanding of what it feels to be alone.

*

Bee, of course, is thrilled. She loved the first book, and cannot wait to see how Andrew will continue the story. It would have been a shame to drop such well-rounded characters, after all, although she understands why Andrew is - partially - reluctant.

“Exposing ourselves is hard, and it’s something we both know you struggle with. I’m proud of you for being so vulnerable with your readers in this book, Andrew, even if it was unintentional,” she tells him from over the steaming edge of her cocoa cup. Her smile is as warm as her drink. “The fact that you are now able to lower your guard as you did, though it can be frightening at times, is ultimately a good thing. It shows real progress.”

“I’m not sure I can do it again.”

“And that’s okay. But you won’t know unless you try.”

Andrew has a feeling she already knows something else is keeping him from writing, except that something is gone and never was here in the first place, so he leaves it at that.

Except that he was here, wasn't he? He was there on the balcony and on his couch, at his table. Andrew can’t write it off this time, not now, not ever because this time they touched, because Neil had become more real than a dream and Andrew had made him that way, had brought him that much more into his world by just writing about him. And even though he didn’t want to believe that he did, because they’d tested it, and a whole plane of Andrew’s life doesn’t make sense anymore.

Writing is a mess. The fleeting line between fiction and reality, stupidity and sensibility, magic and logic - he can’t tell where it’s gone. He doesn’t know what he believes in anymore. Stories are supposed to be safe. They’re supposed to bring you somewhere else for a while, somewhere where you can learn and play and hope all in the safety of your own mind. You aren’t supposed to bring anything back. You cannot bring anything back, and definitely not someone, definitely not him, of all things. The savior of trapped strays, riding the wind and clearing up a path for all lost kids. Those kinds of things don’t exist.

(In his weaker moments, Andrew often wonders why he couldn’t have been one of those kids. Where had his escape route been when all he’d had were bruises to cover and fairy tales to cling to?)

Andrew never should have been allowed to write about kids. It would have only been fair. He’d never been allowed to be one, after all.

So why does he keep doing it?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never save me.

But they had.

Hadn’t they?

*

Andrew writes.

Not as fast as he’d like to, not as right. But he writes anyway. He pushes through the quiet whirlwind freezing his inspiration over. It’s a slow process, and thankless besides; Andrew has to fight the urge to delete and rewrite every sentence he produces, which is already trying on its own, and whatever he does manage not to frustratingly erase just leaves his lower eyelids twitching in distaste.

He hasn’t felt this solidly blocked in a long time. Usually this is cause for pride - or at the very least, satisfaction - but right now it just means that he isn’t equipped to deal with his own mess, which aggravates him in just that special kind of way.

It just figures that his ever-so annoying cousin would choose precisely this Thursday to hold one of his Mandatory Family Dinners.

Andrew would skip, but then Nicky would never forgive him, and he can’t have that.

(This isn’t true. Nicky would forgive him in a heartbeat. But there would be a look in his eyes, an old carefulness in the way he would move when Andrew’d be around, and that particular mess would take months to undo.)

*

Nicky’s flat is in Stuttgart West, a little ways off from the center where Andrew lives, on the third floor of one of those older, modernised buildings tourists take pictures of. It takes about one second and a half after Andrew's ringed the bell for Nicky to open the door with a smile bigger than his own face. “Andrew! You made it. Can I hug you?”

“No.”

Nicky shrugs and moves aside to let Andrew step in, megawatt smile absolutely unmoved. “I hope you like carrot salad because Katelyn brought, like, ten kilos worth of it.”

Andrew makes a face. Nicky snorts at it.

“Don’t worry, you’ll have your Schwarzwälder. Erik spent the whole evening on it.”

“Good.”

Nicky rolls his eyes. They join the others in the living room, where Aaron is busy telling Erik everything about his latest hospital story. He’s interrupted once Erik notices Andrew and immediately rises from the couch to greet him.

“You’re just in time for dinner, Andrew! I hope you didn’t have too much trouble parking.”

“You’re late,” Aaron supplies.

Andrew lets go of Erik’s businessman grip and nods at Katelyn, who nods in return and smiles, deliberately saving Aaron for last. “I had trouble parking.”

“You could have taken the tram.”

“He’s here,” Katelyn chimes in with a pointed look towards Aaron. “That’s all that matters.”

She still has her American accent, but even Andrew has to admit that it's barely noticeable anymore. She'd barely known any German when she'd arrived in Berlin years ago on that cultural exchange program, a weakness Andrew had taken advantage of immediately. The fact that he can’t anymore is irritating, but impressive.

Nicky emerges from the kitchen then, steaming dish in hand, cutting both Andrew's thoughts and Aaron's retort short. “Meal’s ready and I’m starving, so you all children will have to bicker later!”

Aaron huffs, but gets up to sit at the dining table with Katelyn in tow and a big salad bowl. Andrew is distracted by a movement in the corner of his eye, and watches Erik take a detour on his way to the kitchen to plant a kiss on Nicky’s cheek. “I’ll get the wine.”

Andrew looks away to sit as Nicky lets out an aggravated sigh. “Yes please.”

Erik snorts and they part ways, Nicky’s smile back in place as he puts the dish down in the middle of the table.

“Tada! Braised chicken with asparagus and baby potatoes, a la Nicky Hemmick-Klose. You’re welcome.”

“It looks delicious Nicky,” Katelyn beams.

“Wait til you taste it!” Nicky grins, sitting down.

Erik soon reappears with a bottle of white that he pours into everyone’s glass before taking his seat, right between Andrew and Nicky, and the chicken starts making its way around the table for everyone to grab a serving. Katelyn’s carrot salad goes around, too, but Andrew passes it along fast enough that he almost knocks Erik’s glass down. Small talk creeps its way across the table as everyone starts to dig in, so Andrew falls silent.

Watching Aaron interact with Katelyn, watching Nicky interact with Erik, listening to them all talk about coworkers and house chores or whether they want kids, Andrew is content to retreat to the sidelines.

When Aaron first had told him about Katelyn over Skype (and hadn't that taken his brother a long time to do), Andrew had felt like destroying the world. They'd been damn lucky Bee had talked him out of using all of his money on a plane ticket across the country. (“He's allowed to make his own decisions, Andrew . You don't have to protect him the way you did before.”) When Aaron had finally brought her back over with him for Christmas, Andrew had had enough time to mull it over that he'd only wanted to choke the life out of Katelyn.

Erik… Erik was different. Erik had saved Nicky's life and thus, the twins'. He'd gone out of his way to make sure the three of them could come back and settle in Stuttgart. He'd given them space. Andrew had hated him for stealing his cousin away from him when Nicky had graduated from college, but he'd only had to glance at Nicky’s smile upon hearing the news to let it slide.

(The fact that Erik could bake had helped his case. Sweetened the deal, Nicky would say.)

At the end of the day, Erik and Katelyn are - distantly - family. But allowing them in has disturbed Andrew's balance, and he still isn't sure if he'll ever gain it back.

Andrew knows, of course, he knows, from countless sessions with Bee, that there are many ways to make a good life. To find balance. And Andrew does like his life, for the most part.

Still, there’s a voice he can’t quite shut up in his head, that likes to sing whenever they’re all gathered like this.

(They don’t need you, and you know that, the voice whispers. They’re all safe now. They’ve even found their happiness. So why haven’t you?)

Andrew opens the kitchen window and lights a cigarette. The smoke fills his shell with a strange kind of heat, one will-o’-the-wisp flickering in the wind.

Eventually Nicky joins him. The night is vast outside, dark and thick and starless, wool-clouds heavy like blankets high above. They watch the city in silence: lonely passing cars and straying pedestrians in the dark, orange electric lights, whispering trees, nocturnal birds. Andrew surveys it all and then Nicky, one shoulder pressed against the wall, his chest leaning in slightly and his neck arched, eyes wandering out the window. They’re crowding the space, the both of them. This rectangular kitchen with its square window and barely room enough there for two.

Still, they’re not touching. Nicky made sure of it.

(They’d had a conversation here, when Nicky and Erik had just moved in. They’d been standing just like this. Andrew had rapped a knuckle on the window sill and Nicky’s gaze had drifted back inside.

“Are you happy?” he’d asked.

Nicky’s eyes had widened for less than a second, then his expression had settled and he’d smiled, quietly. “Yes. I’m happy.”

Andrew had nodded. Nicky had looked at him with that face he still makes when he wants to pry but isn't sure he can. Andrew had taken a drag out of his cigarette and blown the smoke outside, eyes trailing after it.

“Aaron is too,” Nicky had finally ventured.

Andrew had let a few seconds of silence pass before he’d said, “Good.”

“Are you?” Nicky’d asked then. He’d still been looking at him, on his face a smaller, more careful kind of smile. Caring. Andrew had been tempted to leave.

In the end he’d opted for honesty and said, “I don’t know.”

Nicky had opened his mouth, then closed it when Andrew’d glared at him. Then he’d sighed and said “Okay.”

Andrew had finished his cigarette in silence after that, and they’d gone back to the living room and kicked Erik’s ass at Mario Kart. It had been, all in all, a not-so-terrible evening.)

Nicky is the first to break the silence this time. It’s about the book, of course.

“A little birdie told me you’re writing a sequel,” he says. He’s grinning, and looks way too pleased about it. Andrew throws him a glare.

“Who told you?”

“No one!” Nicky says, holding both hands up in defense. “I’ve just got amazing detective skills.”

“Renee told you.”

Nicky’s grin becomes brighter in the face of Andrew’s statement and he shrugs, looking entirely too unapologetic. “Okay, she did. We had coffee together a few days ago and she knew that you’d never tell me yourself.” Andrew frowns. Nicky dismisses it with an eyeroll and a huff. “I’m not going to tell everyone, Andrew. I can keep it secret if you want me to. Give me at least a little credit.”

Andrew raises his eyebrows. Nicky mock-glares at him.

“I raised you,” he says accusingly, pointing at Andrew with narrowed eyes. It quickly morphs into a pout, however, as he goes on. “Shouldn’t that make me one of the first people you tell big news like this?”

“You’ll be the first to know when I run for Chancellor.”

Nicky snorts, but he doesn’t rise to the bait. “Don’t try and pass this off as if it’s nothing, Andrew. You never write sequels.”

“I just did,” Andrew says, and blows smoke out the window.

Nicky rolls his eyes at him again. “Alright, be difficult. One day you’re gonna get out of your teenage rebellion phase.” Andrew looks at him with a blank face. Nicy sighs, mockingly aggravated. The effect is utterly lost when it all melts into a smile. “I’m glad you are, though, Andrew. Writing a sequel.”

“Thanks,” Andrew says ironically.

Nicky huffs. “Seriously,” he says, and holds Andrew’s eyes with a sincerity that makes him want to look away. He doesn’t, though, because Nicky deserves better. Because he does, too. “I’m proud of you, Andrew. You know that, right?”

Andrew breathes smoke in then out, and in again. “I know,” he says, the words spilling out with the fumes.

“And I’m glad you found characters worth sticking around for,” Nicky adds.

Andrew frowns, but doesn’t respond. He finishes his cigarette in silence while Nicky waits, gazing out the window with a smile.

Erik still sucks at Mario Kart. Katelyn has upped her game, though, and Andrew only takes first place by a hair’s breadth. It’s not the worse evening he could’ve had.

*

Eventually Spring goes by. Andrew spends most of the Summer holed up in his flat, either writing or researching obsessively.

Renee comes around a few times but she’s busy with her brand new girlfriend, a friend of Nicky’s from oversea with blond hair and a wallet that’s probably the size of the whole country. She looks happy, though, so Andrew’s mostly okay with it. He’s tempted to make sure Allison Reynolds (‘Allie’) isn’t a threat, but Renee’s more than capable of defending her own heart and he’s neck-deep into Der Albtraumprinz anyway.

There are a few check-ins with Wymack, obviously. A few texts from Aaron. Monthly sessions with Bee. Nicky blowing up his phone with pictures of his wedding anniversary trip. Kevin even manages to drag him to a museum once while he’s in town.

Before he knows it the first leaves are already starting to fall.

*

It’s right in the middle of October when Andrew decides to tell Bee.

He doesn’t tell her everything, obviously. Only the realistic parts.

That there’s… someone. That they met two winters ago. That he left, and then came back, and left again. And yes, Neil came back, once, but what’s to say that he’ll find his way here again?

“Why wouldn’t he?” asks Bee. Andrew has about a thousand answers to offer, but he knows those aren’t the ones she wants him to find. So he searches, beneath the layers over layers of deflection and defense. It takes a few minutes. But here it is.

“There’s nothing worth coming back for.”

Andrew speaks the words matter-of-factly, like it’s nothing. Bee takes it in stride.

“Is that what you believe, or what you think?”

“Both.”

Bee nods, understanding as ever. “Very well. What makes someone worth coming back for, then?”

Andrew is tempted to cut the session short. He’s done it before, and he knows Bee won’t hold him back. But in the end he stays, and forces himself to think about it. He picks the question up and turns it around, examining the responses it creates in his mind. There’s a common factor there, so that’s what he focuses on.

“Protection. Safety.”

Bee hums. “Is that why he came back the first time?”

Andrew shrugs.

“Alright. Let’s try to look at this differently then. Why do you want him to come back?”

Andrew frowns. Bee is smiling over the rim of her cup, a small, patient smile she always has when she’s waiting.

Andrew opens his mouth. “He’s... interesting.” Bee raises his eyebrows at him, encouraging him to expand. Andrew’s fingers itch for a cigarette. “Every time I think I’ve got him figured out, he does or say something surprising and I have to reset my expectations. It’s irritating.” Andrew huffs. It only makes Bee’s smile warmer. “He respects my boundaries,” Andrew adds, because that had surprised him perhaps more than anything else, and because Bee will know. “Doesn’t question them, doesn’t push.”

“Does that make you feel safe?” Bee asks.

“No.”

“Why?”

“He’s a liability.”

“Because you’re not sure he’s coming back,” Bee says. It’s not a question. Andrew nods, even though it’s more complicated than that. But Bee knows this too, and he’s too on edge to explain. “Does he make you feel safer than Roland?”

Andrew frowns. He was not expecting that name to come up. “He’s nothing like Roland.”

Bee hums. “How so?”

Roland wasn’t a dead winter spirit with flying powers, Andrew doesn’t say. He leans back instead, crossing his arms. “Roland was a means to an end. I couldn’t have cared less about him.”

There. He says it with defiance, daring Bee to remark on it. Andrew’s fingers are digging into his arms.

And it’s true. Roland had been an opportunity, useful while it’d lasted.

Neil, on the other hand, is a risk.

This isn’t what he said. Not really. But it is what Bee will understand anyway.

She lets a few seconds pass, waiting to see if Andrew has anything to add. When it’s clear he doesn’t, she leans slightly forward with her elbows braced on her knees. “There’s nothing that you can do that will make Neil come back. That is entirely up to him. What you can do, however, is focus on the fact that you want him to and why, and what it means.”

That’s exactly what I don’t want to think about, Andrew almost says. But he knows that’s exactly the point.

It’s the middle of October, and outside the leaves make a carpet of red and brown. The whole world will be white in two months.

*

Andrew finishes Der Albtraumprinz’s definitive draft at about the same time that the last dried leaf reaches the ground. As he’s walking to Fuchsbau Verlag with the whole thing printed out, Andrew notices a new sharpness to the cold air blowing South. It bites into his cheeks and the tip of his nose, turning his breaths into small, white-as-the-sky-above-him clouds.

A gust of wind howls into his ears, blowing past his coat to stick something between his ribs. Andrew grits his teeth and pushes on.

*

It’s the 14th of December and Stuttgart’s Weihnachtsmarkt is in full swing when Andrew finally caves. Nicky has been to harassing him into going with him to the Christmas Market for days, but the promise of Renee’s presence is the only reason why Andrew ends up agreeing to the “evening of Christmas magic and late night shopping” Nicky’s planned.

As Andrew suspected, it ends up involving a lot more gawking at Christmas carols and wandering around than any actual Christmas errands. Nicky always buys all his gifts in November anyway, so does Renee, and Andrew tends to order it all online. So really, there’s no practical reason why they’re here, other than Nicky’s love for the festivities and Erik’s cross-ocean business trip.

So they wander. Nicky bribes Andrew with his weight in sweets, Renee adds a few handmade trinkets to her collection, as well a some decorations for the Fuchsbau Verlag office, and Andrew ends up purchasing a tiny felt donkey he’ll add to Bee’s present.

(It’s a bee-themed teapot. Bee broke hers months ago and has been using a plastic kettle since. The lid has antennas and the whole thing is probably one of the kitchiest objects Andrew has ever seen, so he knows Bee’s going to love it.)

They’re busy buying Würstchen at a snack booth for dinner when Nicky gasps, then starts jumping up and down and pointing at the sky. Andrew follows his gaze absentmindedly, expecting some kind of light display, and feels his whole body become rigid all at once.

It’s not a light display. It’s not even fireworks.

“It’s snowing,” Nicky gushes next to him. “We’re at the Christmas market and it’s snowing!”

And he’s right. There’s no mistaking the fine powder fluttering down into the light from the starless sky above, powdering the pavement like icing sugar. Andrew watches as the first snowflakes touch the ground and instantly disappear, physically unable to tear his gaze away.

It’s like looking into the void.  Like vertigo. A part of Andrew desperately wants to look away, but the rest of him is determined to stare, unblinking, as the fear takes over in his guts.

Renee’s voice breaks Andrew out of his spell, making him flinch. “I guess Winter’s early this year.”

The cliff’s edge is gone. Renee stands close to Andrew, smiling softly with sparkling lights eyes and rosy cheeks. A snowflake has caught on her scarf and refuses to melt.

There’s something caught between Andrew’s ribs and it hurts.

*

Snow doesn’t make a sound as it falls.

They’d had melted snow several times since the end of November. Heavy drops of liquid ice that would beat the world into pulp and then vanish, as quickly as they’d arrived. Andrew would listen to them pound against the window with a warm cup of coffee or cocoa cradled in his hands and relish being inside, where it was dry and warm and comfortable.

Where the rain is a hit, however, the snow is a caress. It blankets the world in silence, covering everything with soft whiteness. It crunches harmlessly as you step on it.

But snow doesn’t come alone; ice and frost are never far behind, and those will cut and crush what the snow has mollified. And the wind will yowl, and the cold will burn, and children will laugh as they play in it all.

Andrew is shaking by the time he makes it back to his flat. He’s taken his gloves off to smoke and the tips of his fingers are frozen red, brighter than the flame he had to cup in his hand to light his cigarette. Brighter than the Christmas lights dangling in the air, too.

He doesn’t take his coat off once he makes it inside. Doesn’t even bother with his shoes, and won’t that seem stupid when he’ll have to clean up. He can hear Sir meow at him from the living room, but not the pat-pat-pat of her paws on the floor. There is no sign of King. The space between his ribs grows bigger.

Andrew makes himself walk into the living room.

His two cats are waiting for him there. They meow at him from his desk, walking to the edge but not crossing the distance, attention focused on something else entirely. It’s only after Andrew has made it close enough to pet each of their heads that he forces himself to look up.

Light spills from the streetlights into the room, casting strange shadows on the floor. Upon the window that lets the light in, something glitters.

As soon as Andrew has set his eyes on it the tiny snowflake blooms, tracing the outlines of flowers and stars, and strange geometrical shapes he doesn’t recognise. It’s beautiful. It covers the glass in a layer that’s thin enough that a feeble light can filter through, but it’s not nearly enough to keep Andrew from bumping into a chair on his way to the door.

As he opens the door, his ribcage starts to ache.

There, standing on the railing with his hair flying around his head like a wild crown made of snow, is Neil. His eyes flicker from the window to where Andrew stands and he smiles. It feels like falling.

Andrew focuses on the feeling of cold steel against his skin and clutches the handle tighter in his hand.

Neil says: “Hi,” and floats down onto the balcony. His smile widens again.

Andrew lets go of the handle and unclenches his teeth, willing the pain between his ribs to fuck off.

“You’re early.”

The smile on Neil’s face wilts a little. He shrugs, looking away, and there’s a lie there. “Climate’s changing. Everyone knows that.”

Andrew tilts his head. “Is that so.”

“Yes,” Neil says, and meets his gaze. Andrew almost swallows his own tongue. “But I also didn’t want to wait.”

Andrew takes a step closer, almost entering into Neil’s space. He watches as Neil takes in a sharp breath, eyes flickering down almost too quickly for Andrew to notice. But then Neil looks down again and this time he lingers, dragging his eyes up slowly enough that it’s obvious what he’s asking. Still, he speaks.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew’s answer is a final step forward and a hand to Neil’s neck, bringing him down.

Kissing Neil is like trying to lick lightning. The inside of his mouth is a storm and Andrew can feel every cell of his body rattling with electricity, buzzing with it from his lips down into his chest where it pools, melting the ice between his ribs like dew in the summer. Andrew chases it, this electricity, brings it from Neil’s mouth to his, holds it in the space between his palet and his tongue where it’s warm. He doesn’t care about the cold or the wind anymore - all he’s interested in, all he cares for is right here. Andrew wants to devour him.

Which is why he stops.

A deep breath through his nose and he exhales, lips still brushing against Neil’s. His hands are framing his face, holding him there, and he can feel his warmth seeping into Neil’s skin.

Neil’s eyes are closed. His lashes are white as snow and flutter open slowly, taking flight. A dazed smile grows upon his face as his eyes meet Andrew’s and hold them.

Andrew swallows. “Staring.”

Neil’s smile brightens. He looks breathless and flushed, and way, way too alive for someone who should have died five years ago.

“I wasn’t sure you’d wait.”

“This is my flat.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean,” Neil says, and holds a hand up slowly to his face, letting it hover near one of Andrew’s own, still holding Neil’s cheek. Andrew flicks his gaze back to Neil’s face without moving his hand, so Neil covers it with his. “This. I didn’t know if I could expect this, or even hope. I didn’t know if I was allowed to.”

There is… something in Neil’s eyes that unsettles him, as he says it. A vulnerability he had never noticed before. Andrew steps away from Neil like he’s been burned and shoves his hands into his pockets.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Neil asks, frowning now.

“I’m not your answer,” Andrew says, biting the words out.

“No. But you’re the one thing I’ve been looking forward to for nine months. So what does that make you?”

Neil’s fist is balled at his side, his right hand clinging tightly to his staff. They stay like this, glaring at each other, until Sir scratches at the balcony door to be let out and Andrew breaks it off.

Neil doesn’t follow inside after him, so Andrew turns around and arches an eyebrow at him until finally he steps inside, shutting the cold air out. King immediately starts rubbing against Neil’s legs, meowing at him to be picked up. Neil crouches down and gathers the ball of fur in his arms, softly smiling down in disbelief as King immediately starts to purr. Then Neil looks up and catches Andrew staring, so he makes his way to the kitchen.

He gets two small pots, fills one with milk and the other with water, and turns the stove on. As the pots heat, he goes to fetch two mugs, and drops three spoons of cocoa powder in his. Neil watches it all from where he’s standing in the middle of the living room, on smile on his as soon as he notices Andrew looking back. Only then, as if he’d been waiting for Andrew’s attention, does he start looking around. Neil takes it all in frantically, avidly, jumping from the carpet to the couch to the coffee table, but lingering upon the desk and the bookcases.

“Those are new,” he says, gesturing at one of the many plants Renee peppered around the apartment in honor of Andrew’s birthday. It’s a maidenhair fern, spilling over a bookshelf from its pot.

“Your sense of observation is noted,” Andrew deadpans.

Neil huffs, smiling still. Andrew distantly wonders what it would take to break it and looks away, letting Neil wander around without his supervision. The water is close to boiling anyway, so he pours it into Neil’s mug, doing the same with his when the milk follows suit. Then he walks up to Neil, who looks away from the bookshelf he was scanning to take the mug and thank him, wrapping both hands around the warmth with a sigh.

“I missed this,” he says, eyes trailing after King as he saunters off, then back up to Andrew’s. “I missed you.”

“It’s just water.” Neil snorts. Andrew takes a sip of his cocoa, mulling the words over in his mouth, and says: “I wrote another book.”

Neil blinks. “What?”

“I wrote a sequel to Der ausweichende Winter.”

Neil blinks again and then grins, a flutter of color brushing his cheeks. “Can I read it?”

Andrew sips at his cocoa again and then turns, walking to his desk where a small package sits, already opened. He takes the book, a test-copy, out, and holds it out for Neil to take. On the cover stands Isa, facing away from the reader, Mia right by his side with a sword in her hands. Isa has his staff, and on his left stands a figure cast in shadows. They’re holding hands.

Neil looks at the cover then at Andrew, then back at the cover when Andrew just stares at him.

“Der Albtraumprinz,” Neil reads out loud. “Mysterious. Is that supposed to be you?”

“I’m not a teenager,” Andrew says, throwing a blank stare at him.

“Neither am I.”

“Good to know.”

Neil huffs, rolling his eyes, but refrains from further comment. He turns the book over, reading the synopsis in silence, then flips it back and opens it. The first few pages he barely even glances at, skimming over the By the same author at Fuchsbau quickly - and then he stops.

Andrew doesn’t need to look over his shoulder to know why. His books rarely have a dedication page, but when they do it’s always on the seventh, right before the actual story starts.

“To the wind that blows the Winter to and fro,” Neil starts reading. “You better come back soon.”

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Whenever you can, can you write some Andrew bad mental health days angst with Nicky trying to help single-handedly? Maybe while the twins were living with him? With a hopeful ending of course. More importantly I wanted to ask if you’re alright? Your last post was worrying.

So I’m doing a lot better now. It’s just that sometimes I feel like my parents treat loving me like it’s a chore and neither of them really want to do it. They also just remind me all the time about how hard it is to love me and implying that my theoretical future husband would leave me over these flaws. I made the mistake once of implying that maybe I should have a wife instead and my mother looked ready to murder me. Which u literally see me project in almost exact words in this piece. Sorry. Anyway.. that’s how my efforts at coming out are going :)) It’s fine tho. I’m going to college in a year which is its own headache. 

Thanks again for your concern and your patience. I hope this is what you were looking for <3

A bone-deep sense of exhaustion had been weighing Nicky down for so long that he almost didn’t notice it anymore. Almost. Dragging himself into the backroom of Eden’s, he felt another wave of it crash over him. 

“Nick,” Roland called. His eyes were wide and his legs were trembling. His lips were swollen and bruised too. A smile curled the edges of Nicky’s lips. Before he could prod Roland about his disheveled appearance, Roland said four words that always sent every thought careening out the window. “Something’s wrong with Drew.”  Shoving him aside, Nicky raced down the hall. From the end of the corridor, he heard labored breathing. 

“Andrew,” he called as he nudged the door open. Nicky felt his stomach plummet at the sight of his cousin curled on the floor. Tears were welling in his eyes. “Hey, man,” he started. 

“Get. Out!” The words tore from Andrew’s throat, low and guttural. Fury was written into every crevice of his face. Nicky stumbled backward, falling onto his butt. The door slammed shut in his face. Crawling up to the door, Nicky lay his head up against it. From behind it, he heard Andrew’s breath coming in ragged gasps. “No. No. Please, no.” Nicky’s heart stuttered. When he’d first met Andrew, he’d made the mistake of saying please. He’d been rewarded with a none too gentle warning about using that word in Andrew’s presence. For Andrew to be saying it now…

“Andrew, let me in,” he begged. 

“No!” Andrew screamed. “Leave me alone.” Tears raced down Nicky’s face. His fingers ached for they’d been clutching tightly to the doorframe. 

“Let me help,” he whispered. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. A week ago, Nicky had been summoned by the school to pick Andrew up early after a similar episode. According to Aaron, it had happened a few times when they’d lived with Tilda too. However, they’d been occurring more frequently since the twins had moved in. Was it something Nicky had done? Had he hurt Andrew? 

Nicky didn’t know how long he sat there, begging softly for Andrew to let him in before the door finally creaked open. Andrew stepped out, dry-eyed. His blank facade had resettled over his face but his eyes were red and puffy. 

“Water,” he croaked. Nicky scrambled to his feet and checked a few of the back rooms until he found some bottled water. Offering it to his cousin, he chewed on the inside of his cheek as Andrew down the whole thing in one go. 

“Andrew,” he pleaded once more. 

“Home,” Andrew ordered. Nicky’s shouldered sagged but he obeyed. Shuffling down the hall, he did his best not to look back at Andrew. He gathered up his jacket from the front before grabbing Aaron. As they walked to the car, Nicky felt a cool breeze blow past. From the corner of his eye, he caught Andrew shivering. Shedding his coat, he waited for Andrew to pass him before throwing it around his shoulders. “I don’t need your shitty jacket,” Andrew snarled. 

“Whoops. Guess you're so small I mistook you for a coat rack.” 

“You’ve got three seconds to start running, Hemmick.” Nicky was running before the words were out of Andrew’s mouth. It was less than three seconds before Nicky heard Andrew’s footsteps pounding the asphalt behind him. 

“That’s cheating,” he cried. “Doesn’t matter, though. My legs are longer anyway.” 

“They won’t be after I break them,” Andrew gasped between breaths. Nicky should have known better than to rile Andrew up. While Nicky was the faster of the two, Andrew had incredible endurance. He didn’t have to outrun Nicky. He just had to wait for Nicky to run out of steam. Hooking a left, Nicky headed for the park. Vaulting over the chain-link barrier, Nicky risked a glance back. Andrew had banked to the right and was now running around the perimeter of the barrier. 

Looking back was a mistake. Nicky tripped over the playground border that. Falling face-first into the mulch, he felt several pieces of it embed themselves into his flesh. 

“Not so fast now, fucker,” Andrew said. For the first time, Nicky saw a smile tug at the edges of Andrew’s smile. It was a sharp, cruel thing but a smile nonetheless. As Andrew’s eyes roved over Nicky’s face, he saw the smile slip away. “You idiot,” he muttered as he grabbed Nicky’s sleeve. Too dumbfounded by the fact that Andrew was touching him, Nicky didn’t protest to being dragged across the park. He still couldn’t find his voice as Andrew shoved him onto a swing and rolled up the sleeves of the coat. 

A first aid kit appeared in Andrew’s hands. Producing a pair of tweezers and antiseptic, Andrew set about picking the mulch from Nicky’s face. All the while, Nicky whined about how much it hurt. It didn’t hurt. He just needed something to fill the silence. Plastering a bandaid over the final cut, Andrew stepped back to inspect his work. 

“I thought you didn’t need my shitty coat,” Nicky said. Andrew looked down as though he were just noticing what he was wearing. With a scowl he shucked it off and threw it in Nicky’s face. Andrew sat down on the swing beside Nicky. For the first time in a while, his legs were long enough to touch the ground. “Hey,” Nicky started. Andrew groaned as though the conversation was already too long. “I know you don’t want to talk but I need to know what I can do to make this easier for you.” 

Silence settled over the pair of them. Just as Nicky was about to give up Andrew answered. “I just need space.” 

“I’ve given you all the space I’ve got. I gave you a room. I gave you the keys to the car. I let you come and go as you please. I know you didn’t ask me to come here. You didn’t ask me to stay but I’m always going to be here. No one else really wants me anyway.” A sad smile settled over Nicky’s face. It was true.

Every person has their own love language. Nicky’s was touch. Growing up, Nicky’s parents hadn’t understood that. No, they’d chosen not to. Loving their child was their duty as parents, nothing more. Luther and Maria treated loving Nicky like a chore, never failing to point out how his every flaw would prohibit him from finding a respectable wife. Well, then maybe he didn’t need a wife. Maybe he needed a husband. 

Telling his parents as much resulted in them pulling away entirely. Any semblance of love that they’d shown him was now gone. Where Maria woke early to make Nicky’s favorite breakfast, he’d begun coming downstairs to a table set for two. Where Luther brought home little things that he’d thought Nicky may have enjoyed, Nicky watched as his father actively shifted his gift-giving to Maria. It knocked Nicky’s self-confidence to a low he’d never thought possible. Suicide was something Nicky had never understood. Why would anyone want to die? Well, what point was there in living if you had no one to live for? 

For as long as Nicky could remember he’d spent his life trying to please his parents. The most he’d ever gotten was a five-second hug for winning a national art contest. Shut out by the only people that had ever meant anything to him, Nicky had spiraled into depression. If it hadn’t been for Dr. Krauss’s push to send him to Germany, Nicky might not be alive today. 

In Germany, Nicky had found love. Not just in Erik but Erik’s family loved him. Erik’s friends loved him. They breathe life back into Nicky and offered him a place to stay. And he’d wanted it. Going back to America, Nicky had been okay with facing his parents’ disappointment because he’d known that it didn’t matter. Soon he’d leave Columbia and he’d never look back. Everything was finally going to be okay. And then, Nicky’s world turned itself on its head. Learning about the twins had brought all of Nicky’s plans to a grinding halt. 

Nicky knew what living with Luther was like. There was no way he was going to force Aaron and Andrew to brave all of that alone. Germany meant so much to Nicky because he’d been greeted with open arms. The Klose's didn’t love one single aspect of Nicky. They loved him as a whole and Nicky hadn’t had to fight for an ounce of their affection. 

The twins were broken and battered and bruised, just as Nicky had been. Luther and Maria weren’t going to welcome them into their home with open arms. Nicky doubted anyone would. There wasn’t anything that Nicky had learned from his father that he’d truly taken to heart, save one: there’s always someone that needs saving. Sure, Luther had meant converting people to Christianity but, from the moment Nicky lay his eyes upon the twins, he knew that no one in the world needed saving more than them. 

Nicky didn’t know how to fix them (or even if they could be fixed at all) but he’d take care of them until he found someone that could. He didn’t know how long it would take for them to each find their own Germany, but he was more than willing to stick around until they did. 

“I do,” Andrew said. Nicky looked up to find Andrew’s eyes already on him. 

“You what?” Nicky’s voice broke halfway. 

“I want you to stay.”