#i will never stop thinking about how much of this we don’t know about

[cathnospam]

“One kiss won’t hurt our friendship, right Katsuki?”

You ask him that at least once a week, for the past 4 months. At this point he’s not sure if it’s a joke anymore.

“Shut up and focus!”

It all started at your graduation party, everybody was having fun and kissing each other;

Mina with Kiri

Ochaco with Deku

Jirou with Denki

Even Sero managed to find somebody to make out with in a corner. It left you and Bakugo the only ones out of your friend group kissless during all of that you both just shared glances at them and each other before heading back up to your dorms for the evening, he didn’t care much to continue the celebration and you were just feeling a little awkward seeing everybody paired up.

Later that night Bakugo came to your door to grab an aspirin from you after 1 two many drinks, “Stupid ass music is still playing I’m about to blow the fucking speaker up.”

“Here. Also, eat. You haven’t eaten since this morning so your blood sugar is probably low too.”

He glared at you with an annoyed look of confusion, “Don’t observe me.”

He says as he takes the other half of your sandwhich, eventually he just stayed in your room, making himself comfortable splayed out on your bed as you were finishing packing to leave on Monday back to your parents, and that’s when a night of comfortable silence between you both turned into you making a joke about everybody hooking up in your class except you both.

“Yeah, even Robot legs got some pussy tonight i think.”

Which led you to making a joke about you stealing a kiss from each other, I mean you figured why not, you’re hot, he might have a mean mouth, but your blonde friend was hot too, it wouldn’t mean anything, but Bakugo immediately rolled his eyes and scoffed at you. It wasn’t mean either it was more of a, “Yeah right as if.” kind of thing.

It wasn’t a direct no though.

Since then you’ve had a continuous back and fourth of asking for a kiss, which again he never ends up saying no like any of the continuous fan girls he got during 2nd year.

Once the new semester of Uni started it became a routine and honestly you never thought you’d actually wear him down.

“It wouldn’t hurt our friendship y’know…it’d be something we do once and never speak about again.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“No I’m a good kisser.”

“Yeah right.”

“Yeah too, but you wouldn’t know because you won’t just come here and let me take your kiss virginity.”

You probably took it a little too far with that, because you’ve been friends with Bakugo long enough to know he is a drama. Queen.

“Who the hell said i never kissed anybody before?! I probably have!” His voice cracked, already a sign that he was lying. He definitely never kissed anybody. You knew, he probably knew you knew, but he refused to give you the satisfaction even IF his face became flushed.

He got up from his desk to sit in front of you on the bed, uncharacteristically so he cupped your cheeks, your phone long forgotten between your legs having to be forced to look into his irritated face.

You never noticed how sharp and soft some features of his face were.

And how clear his skin was.

And how pretty his eyes were even if they’re fiery and mad, “Close your damn eyes.”

“I’m not closing shit YOU close your eyes.”

You matched his energy by cupping his cheeks, they were nearly burning to your warm touch, thumb caressing his smooth skin. The tension was so thick between you both, you swore you could hear both your heart beats quickening. His lips were grazing yours as you pulled him closer, your stomach was actually doing backflips seeing as Bakugo had the choice to push you off, curse you out and never talk to you again, but

He didn’t and you didn’t stop either until you pressed your mouth against his. You could taste the mint gum he had in his mouth when you started to move yours, Bakugo’s sweaty hands took grip of your waist, partially holding onto you and also wiping it off on your shirt.

You were surprised when he still didn’t pull away, for an inexperienced kisser he got the hang of the way your tongue was dancing to be let inside, which he finally gave you access, but completely took charge and slid his tongue into your mouth instead.

What turned into an awkward still moment of passion transitioned into a wet, sloppy make out session which him getting lost from what he’d experienced as his first moment of pleasure ever. His hands pushed you on your back firm on top of his pillows, but not disconnecting from your mewls against him.

He tasted sweet and savory, his lips were average sized and hot, but managed to consume you. This was more than a kiss this was damn near foreplay.

Both of your bodies felt so connected though. It felt right, something so foreign felt…comforting. It suckling and moaning noises until the harsh knock on Bakugo’s door broke you both out of your cloud 9.

“Shit—Who is it?” He barked at the door, hovering over your panting body, his chain dangling over your face seeing his sharp jawline clench out of irritation,

“Hey man, we are heading to get some food y’wanna come?” It was Denki and Kiri oh so unknown to the view right behind his door, that if they wanted to barge in because the door was unlocked could see their hot headed friend on top of his own friend and in between her legs.

“No I’m fine. Leave me alone.”

“Wait I’m hungry—-“

“Shut.Up.” He covered your mouth, almost growling at you for speaking, the footsteps eventually fade off and he sits back up. Looking away.

“Well I’ll be damned you are a good kisser.”

“Shut— I know I am.”

“Well. I figured, because I sure as shit didn’t know what I was doing.”

He snapped his head at you, realizing you were lying about being an experienced kisser. He didn’t know whether to feel prideful or mad, “You—“

“Well you lied too. I know you never kissed anybody. Thanks for letting me take your lip virginity though.” You giggle wiping the lips gloss you left on the corner of his lip, you weren’t sure because he had some black joggers, but you tried to not mention the somewhat obvious growing erection from between his legs that made him more embarrassed.

“If you tell anybody I’ll—“

“You’ll what…kiss me again?”

[limerlove]

WITH GIN IN JULY

❝ ABBY ANDERSON!ONE SHOT ❞

ෆ | pairing. enemies to lovers!abby x female!reader

abby anderson? she's a fucking nightmare. with everyone in her back pocket, she adores all. the golden girl, but to you she's just the asshole not to be trifled with. a kind heart to everyone, except you. you hate her and she hates you. what could possibly change that?

warnings. eighteen+, nsfw content: 3k wc. smut, oral sex, fingering, no strap so stop complaining ♡ (this is a joke don’t attack me), a lot of fucks said, enemies to lovers, me being in love with abby, yk there’s a recession when i’m throwing fluff in a fic. okay, ray. shut up.

Apprehension runs cold in her veins, ice for blood with a small throttle for a pump — she’s a fucking nightmare wrapped in a devil’s daydream.

To everyone else, she's the perfectly nice, perfectly fine girl. The two of you introduced to one another in the first week of July, the weekend of the forth. All of your friends raved about how kind Abby is, a heart of gold, is what they all said.

In all honesty, you had even been thrilled to meet her. You love your little group of friends, the family you never had but fuck are you sorely disappointed by blonde-brute.

She was anything but kind. Intentional malice laced in her deviously-blue eyes from the first time you met. As time went on, so did Abby's growing irritation. Even as the heat blossomed, she still managed to root her cruelness in rich soil.

"I just don't know what everyone sees in her! She's so mean, all the time, she's barely even human."

And here she is, simmering in the pool with her stupid cocktail and that damn gleeful smile. She taunts, under the radar of everyone else, always making you look like the monster with one evil eye and talons for hands.

“You don’t think you’re making all this up just because—” Jesse trails off but your fury is lasered on to her, not letting up for a single moment.

“Not think, I know." Continuing to rail off your tangent as you see her being warm and fuzzy with everyone else except you.

For fuck sake, she's like a goddamn teddy bear. You might hold her if she lets you but no one else besides you is going to know it.

You decide to cool off inside needing a cool drink in this excruciating heat. The first thing you’re met with is cool air-conditioning and cool white-marble floors, chilling your overheated body back to room temperature.

It’s much better this way, in silence where your disdain can rot like a sour pomegranate. Complete solitude could solidify the vindication you feel every time she throws another insult when no one else is listening.

As you're bent over, digging through the freezer to find your strawberry-lemonade you had placed there earlier you hear a throat being cleared.

You crane your neck just to see it’s her.

Picture perfect Abby, god, you wish you could slap that stupid grin off her pink and pretty lips. Always smirking at you like she knows something you can’t possibly be aware of.

“Need help?”

“Nope. It’s not like you were actually offering.” You’re short and sharp with her, keeping your interactions with Abby to the absolute minimum.

It’s better for everyone this way.

“I could help you out and—”

“We both know you won’t.” Finally, you find it, shoved at the bottom underneath the frozen fruit. But when you rise and turn around, your chest is practically pressed against hers.

She’s testing the waters, normally you wouldn’t be such an idiot. You would push her away, shoulder check her even. Or you would try. Abby’s hard to push around, half of her body weight must be muscle.

Between being a mechanic and her necessity to be a total gym addict, her build was stronger than pretty much everyone. With her strength, she pushes you against the fridge with her pelvis, shutting the freezer door shut with your frozen strawberry-lemonade in hand.

“Do we have a problem?” You pry as she looks like she wants to devour you from the inside out.

“What would make you say that?” She waits for you to respond as she stretches out her arm, palm resting by your head, seeing how far she could push you.

Like she always goddamn does.

“You’re here, hovering. God, you’re worse than my ex.” Trying to push her away, but Abby doesn’t even budge.

“Oh.” And for a moment, genuine interest flashes in her eyes. Clearly, you’ve gone senile. “You and her—”

Now, you’re over conscious in your lack of clothing as she bites her lip, sinking teeth into the flesh. Venomous glances find mercy in you, but you’re not sure why they’ve been replaced with longing.

“Why does it matter? Can you let me go?”

“Yeah, right, sorry.”

Abby apologizing? Weird.

—

The truce lasted for a single moment. Sympathy for a broken heart apparently had an expiration date, or a timer for less than twenty-four hours.

“Were you actually going to hit me?” Abby cocks her eyebrow, the gray in her eyes coming to life as a speck of desire crosses near her heart.

"I wasn't trying to hit you. If I wanted to, you would know."

You can't really say this was entirely her fault. Ever since the unintentional spilling of your forementioned breakup, she'd been looming over you. As if she was waiting for you to crack. All you wished was to forget any of it ever happened.

For a second, you thought she could be capable of kindness towards you and then when you tossed an orange to Ellie, it happened to hit her in the face.

"What do you want from me? What's it going to take for you to exercise one decently kind bone in your body?"

She's sizing you up in your bedroom door with the door shut, the one she chased you down in like you're a wild animal. Everyone in the room knew better than to chase either one of you. The two of you always fought like this.

And every single time, you worked it out enough to tolerate each other. But now Abby was witnessing the steam, the ultimate point of rage pushed past the point of containment.

"Me? What about you? Suddenly I'm the problem when you've been an asshole to me from day one. Day fucking one, Abigail."

You're pacing back and forth in your room, attempting to calm yourself down before you completely lose it and say something you can't come back from.

"Me? Like all of this is my fault? The first time you looked at me you decided you had to hate my guts." Abby catches your arm, stopping you from moving another inch.

"Let me go, now." Your voice doesn't waver for a moment, not one stutter is heard, but Abby can't help stare at your lips. Then you're staring at hers and all of it becomes crystal clear.

"Or what? What are you going to do about it?" Single handedly, her words pierce through you warm flesh, exposing the wound she created. For a moment, just for a second, you wonder if Abby’s the antidote you’ve been searching for. 

She wonders how you would react if you walked out of here, ignoring her obvious advances she keeps throwing your way. But it’s always on your terms. Abby’s too cowardly to initiate anything first. Dangling the carrot in front of you like a desperate rabbit, begging to be satiated with the first crunch. 

Stepping forward, your perfectly manicured hand strokes her freckled check, nails lightly scraping against her porcelain flesh. “I won’t have, you’ll do it for me.” 

The tone in your voice drops, smirking as Abby visibly gulps. The lump she swallows is enough indication that she’s been caught. The mean remarks, your former girlfriend at your side when the two of you met, the jealousy, the snide comments Abby would only say when it was the two of you — all of it a ruse to disguise the feelings she decided to bury deep upon your very first meeting. 

A swipe of your thumb caresses her chin, tilting her lips towards you, as her hot and heavy breath curses your lips like a sin you would be willing to die for. A small whimper falls from her, her bambi blues widen at the audible omission. A mistake, a slip-up, and fuck is it perfect. 

“Show me how much you want this, Abby. Be a good girl.” 

Hell breaks loose with those four words and Abby’s self-control is unshackled with it. Practically throwing you on the bed like a certified ragdoll, you become her own personal barbell to train with. Wedging herself between your legs that are already open for her, you’re met with tongue and teeth as she regains control. 

You have a feeling she’s not one for giving in so easily and the whimper Abby felt embarrassed by would be hard to come by, again. The sleep shorts you’re wearing give her enough access as the fabric bunches on your ass. Abby chuckles as you grind up into her pelvis, desperate for more as you practically feel her tongue in the back of your throat. 

Fingers dig into her golden roots, trying so desperately to have her whine for you again, but all you get is a moan — as pretty as it is, it’s not what you want, but it’s enough. 

For now. 

Abby separates as you help her out of the oversized sweater she was wearing with a thin pair of boxers. Here she is, baby-blue boxers hung low on her hips as your hand smoothes over her defined six-pack, muscles flexing underneath your touch. Freckled and toned, small pink nipples practically begging to be placed in your mouth. 

“Oh—” Your hands sink into her boxers, feeling her bush prickling under your touch, as your fingers slide against her drenched folds, each one fluttering as you stroke her enticing lips. “Fucking knew you liked to be praised.” 

The better part of Abby should keep her mouth shut, but when you’re taking shit all she wants is to give it right back. You’re in luck. There’s a finger slipping inside of her and her brain shuts off, she’s unable to think about anything but the sight of you biting your lips as fuck her with skilled fingers. 

Abby leans her body forward to make it easier for you, slipping deeper into your walls. Almost as if she can sense her lips about to spill, she captures your mouth, letting her moans spill in the back of your throat. Abby coats you with her sweet honey, the sounds she makes could rival an angel’s symphony. 

Hips thrusting against you — it’s a perfect moment to sleep another finger inside her — so you do. 

There’s that fucking whimper. More desperate than her stormy-blue eyes, begging to be loved. To be needed, it’s all she had been wanting from you and it’s clear as day. Abby decides she’s had enough. 

Time to even the playing field. 

Ripping the cotton right of your body, the grey-washed tank top is ruined and discarded in your bedroom. Abby latches her lips on to your breast, her forefinger and thumb pinching the other. As if she was born to do it, she suckles on your pebbled nipple, her tongue flicking over the sensitive flesh. 

Abby didn’t know how satisfying it would feel to watch you fumble with your fingers fucking her, the control slipping from your fingertips with just a suck and a flick of her tongue. All of it gone too soon as she pries your shorts and panties off in a single movement. 

As she removes herself for a second, you’re tasting her on your fingers, saturating the sweetness on your tongue. Only wishing her taste could be permanently embedded into your velvet tongue. A way to rinse yourself clean of all the impurities rotting in your brain, the taste of your cunt could bring the salvation you so desperately seek home. 

“Luck for you—” She pauses as she decorates your soft stomach in kisses, “You’re about to come harder than you ever have before.” 

Abby starts with flattening her tongue, a long and languid stripe of her tongue drags along your pussy, dipping her tongue in your clenched hole before guiding her rolling tongue on your quivering clit. 

“But after this, and mark my words, you’re never going to want anyone else but me after this.” Before you can even argue, the collected spit in her mouth drips over your pussy as she slobbers the natural lubricant on an already drenched pussy. 

“Fuck, Abby, what the—” Pushing your legs forward, knees nearly hitting your headboard as she spreads more of your cunt before she gives it her all. Focused entirely on one thing. 

Like it’s an olympic sport, her mouth wastes no time at all. Sparing no expense when it comes to make you well…come. The muscle spares no restriction when it comes to your cunt, shoving her face in your pussy, the bridge of her nose nudging against your clit as she lets her fingers sink into a weeping hole. 

The moans being released from your magnetic lips, Abby’s never heard before. Not from you or anyone she’s pinned down with her mouth. No regard for your friends who are just down the hall, hearing every word falling from your lips sound like a sanctioned prayer. 

Curses of her name fly out of your mouth quicker than you catch them, sucking the soul out of your body as she claims you in ways you’ll never come back from — true to words — in a matter of moments she’s cockily proven to be better than anyone you’ve had before. 

As you tug on the blonde roots, she glances up at you through hooded eyes, a chokehold of sultry as she divides her lips with her tongue as she doesn’t break eye contact. She holds it, just for you, as she watches and hears you scream when you slip another finger inside her. Abby curling her fingers is the last nail in the coffin as you fuck her gorgeous face. 

Those gorgeous blue eyes rivaling the beauty of sapphires. 

“God, gonna keep you right here forever. Always wanna hear you—” Abby moans into your swollen lips, kissing the sweet spot inside you, making the stars align perfectly in the back of your mind. “Say my name for me again, angel.” 

You don’t want to give in. She’s manhandled the power right out of you, as if it never had been placed in your hands to begin with. Like she had domineered you into this position. Make a dominatrix into a submission princess. But truth be told, you lost focus and Abby was there to pounce on you. Waiting for her perfect moment and capitalizing on it. 

“Don’t— fuck—I-I don’t think you deserve it.” You pause for a moment trying to control the shudder in your breath but you’re starting to believe it’s nearly impossible. 

‘“I don’t?” Without warning, there’s a harsh slap to your lips, all three fingers sinking deeper into your clenching walls. “Want to tell me what I don’t deserve again? Or does my girl want to come?” 

Before you can control it, there’s an animalistic groan pouring out of your lips, causing Abby to double down on her efforts. With deep breaths, you’re incredibly close, and with every stroke of her tongue she sends you closer to the edge. 

A stroke of her tongue, a thrust of her fingers — it’s so close you can nearly latch onto it. 

“You like that, angel? Want me to call you my girl?” You hate how cocky she is about it. Abby gleams with pride as you buck your hips into her face once again, whining at the possession. In this instant, solely belonging to the woman who’s eating you out like there’s no tomorrow, is the only desire you crave. 

“Shut up.” It’s supposed to come out intimidating, a bit ruthless even, but it’s almost comical when Abby hums into your cunt. Not when you’re so close to painting her sun kissed-cheeks with pearly white cum. 

It’s almost like she’s done this before with you, she uses her free hand to play with your nipple, like you told her it’s the one thing that can help bring you over the edge. Abby doesn’t stop sucking, on your clit, her tongue serving strokes to your clit as your thighs shake, squeezing her head as she refuses to relent her pace. 

“Choke me out sweet girl, need my baby to come—” Abby locks her eyes on you, “Keep fucking my face, yeah, good fucking girl.” 

Like a flower budding in the spring, Abby watches as your pussy flutters your stomach clenching, body writhing as she fucks you through it all. 

“Don’t stop, oh fuck me, god, that’s so good. Baby, Ohhh—” She’s practically grinning into your cunt as you hear yourself sloshing against her soaked fingers, not letting her mouth release it’s iron-grip around the clit pulsating against her tongue. 

“Fuck, you taste so sweet.” Abby is in amazement, savoring every moment of your body twitching to her touch. Until you’re spent, murmurs of too sensitive causes a small smile to grace her face. “You did such a good job, baby.” 

Abby slips on the side your body isn’t taking up, staring at the ceiling with a cheshire grin as she hears your heavy breath. It’s more than you’re usually given. She only needs to hear you struggling to know how much truth it rings. No faith is needed to see what’s right in front of her. 

Propping her head in the palm of her hand, elbow digging into the silky-satin, she can’t stop smiling at you. Half of you expects her to kick back to her normal routine of hating you — maybe Abby didn’t really like you. She just wanted to fuck. 

“You know this doesn’t have to be a one time thing—” Abby draws random patterns into your skin with the blunt of the fingernail, pawing at the skin, desperate for just a little bit more of you. “If you ever want to see stars again.” 

“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” Shamelessly, Abby nods. The warmest smile spread on her face, it’s so infectious. Her genuineness rotting through your sourness, making something entirely too sweet for you to swallow but you take it on. 

Even in fear. 

“I thought it was cute.” She’s so bashful about it, her voice softer than you’ve ever heard it. Almost delicate. 

“Mhm, if you say so.” 

“I do.” She pushes a piece of hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. The love in her eyes can’t lie, you hope it’s genuine. Abby can’t stop smiling so you choose to believe it is. 

“Would you…uh—” She stutters out as you rub circles into her hips, “I wanted to ask you if you would like to go on a date sometime.” 

“You know what’s cute? Playing god with my pussy but then being nervous to ask me out on a date.” You tease her. Immediately, her cheeks morph into crimson, trying to hide as much as she can with her hands but the damage has already been done. And you don’t feel sorry about it for one second. 

“So, is that a yes?”

[delugyu]

beomkai threesome thoughts have been festering…. i could no longer hold back so here u go

(wc: 4.2k / warnings: threesome but no mxm, mean-ish dom!beomgyu and soft dom!kai for the most part, oral (f & m rec.), manhandling, fingering, praise, degradation, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, nipple play, humiliation, sloppy seconds lol, the boys get kind of competitive, choking (f rec.), handjob, multiple creampies… i think that’s all)

You are never hanging out with these perverts again. Twenty minutes ago, the three of you were drinking and laughing and being normal, but god forbid you make one joke that bruises their egos—now they’ve got you pinned to the couch and fighting against their grip.

“Okay, lesson learned, you’re stronger than me,” you groan. “You can get off of me now.”

Kai wears this big giddy smile as he presses your thighs down, not letting you kick at him. His eyes find Beomgyu’s, who’s holding your upper body against him, your back to his chest. He has both your wrists held in one hand, and his giggling rumbles against your back.

“Isn’t this kind of cute, hyung?” Kai asks, playful glint shining in his eyes. You roll yours and give up on trying to push yourself out of Beomgyu’s arms.

“It’s so funny,” Beomgyu says.

“Glad you guys are having fun,” you grumble.

“Aren’t we so strong?” Beomgyu asks, teasing you now. You should have never opened your mouth earlier. Ugh.

“If I say yes, will you let me go?” They both laugh, but neither give you an answer. You feel a little embarrassed, and it only gets worse the more they give you these patronizing coos.

Beomgyu rests his head on your shoulder, which is tolerable enough until he decides to bite down on the skin there. You flinch and yelp, regretting ever wearing this damn tank top. You can’t even swat him away like you normally would when he gets bratty.

You look to Kai for help. “Are you not gonna stop him?!” You feel a nip to your neck next, and you try to thrash your elbow back against Beomgyu, but his strong arms wrapped around you prevent that from happening. “You’re both assholes,” you huff.

“You’re so cute though,” Kai says.

“Yeah, especially when you pout like that,” Beomgyu adds, squeezing your cheeks in his hand. You feel like some doll that they’re playing with as they please.

“Be nice to her,” Kai says, pushing Beomgyu’s hand down so he releases your face. His arm wraps around your waist instead. Kai’s barely even holding you down now, just running his hands down your legs mindlessly. At least he knows when to quit it—the jerk behind you can’t say the same, fingers digging into your wrists even though you’re not fighting back anymore.

“I am,” Beomgyu counters. He plants a kiss on your cheek. “See? Nice.” You make sure your grimace is very prominent in response, ignoring the way you heat up at his action.

“Don’t make that face,” Kai says. “We’re just having fun.”

“You’re being mean,” you complain. Beomgyu laughs, but you ignore him.

“I’m sorry.” Kai’s hands readjust themselves to sit at your hips, and his eyes meet Beomgyu’s. “Hyung, let’s make it up to her,” he suggests. His lips are just slightly tilted up, and your stomach flips because you think you know what he’s planning.

As much as you want to protect your pride and shut this down, there’s something about them holding you down and giving you all their attention that’s making you a little dizzy. Kai hovers his face over your stomach, lifting your top up just enough to reveal a sliver of skin to pepper his kisses onto.

You turn your face to Beomgyu, blinking at him curiously in anticipation of whatever he decides to do. All he does is raise an eyebrow at you. “What?” he asks.

Your face heats up as you return your attention to Kai. “Nothing,” you answer.

Beomgyu laughs, “You were expecting me to kiss you, huh?”

Now you’re really flustered. “No!” you defend. It’s annoying how funny Beomgyu finds this. You’re about to continue bickering, but right as you open your mouth, Kai licks a stripe up to your navel, and you end up letting out an embarrassing mewl instead.

“Oh, Kai was right, this is cute,” Beomgyu says, stupid victorious grin on his face. “It’s easier to shut you up than I thought.”

You don’t respond, too focused on the look Kai sends you as his fingers just barely delve beneath the hem of your shorts. The question is in his eyes, and your answer is in the way you lift your hips up for him. He looks happy as can be when he slides your shorts down, throwing them to the floor and spreading your legs to admire your panty-clad center.

Beomgyu leans forward over you to peek as well, and his prying feels way more invasive than Kai’s with the way he smirks like some freak. Your wrists are still held in his grasp, so you can’t even push him away like you want to. Kai rubs two fingers over your covered slit, watching with a bitten lip and amazement in his eyes.

“Is she wet?” Beomgyu asks.

“She is,” Kai answers. There’s something proud in his voice, bordering on cocky. He presses his fingers against your clit firmly, and the pressure feels amazing. Beomgyu leans back instead of looming over to get a look at your panties, which gives Kai more room to bring his head between your legs and drag his lips over your core, kissing your entrance through the material of your panties. He pokes his tongue out and delicately circles it at your hole, unhurried and teasing, and it makes your breath hitch. You feel your panties soaking through the longer he keeps going, a mixture of both his saliva and your arousal collecting up.

You stutter out Kai’s name, fighting against Beomgyu’s grip so you can bring a hand down to him. It’s a losing battle, and you give up after only a few seconds. Your hips grind against Kai’s face, and he flattens out his tongue so you can ride it like that.

“Wow, you’re pretty desperate,” Beomgyu says, watching your hips stutter over Kai’s face.

“S-shut up,” you reprimand. Your stomach muscles are getting tired from rolling your hips up, and Beomgyu takes notice.

“Need some help?” he asks, bringing his hands to your hips. Your own hands are finally free now, and you immediately stretch out your arms in relief. Before you can massage out the soreness in your wrists, Beomgyu uses his grip on you to push you harder against Kai’s tongue, smothering the poor boy with your cunt. You can’t deny how good it feels, though; Kai’s tongue drags right through your folds until your panties are rendered useless.

Kai pulls himself back after a minute, dazed look in his eyes as he yanks your panties down your legs, getting rid of the cloth as if it only irritated him now. He parts your folds with his fingers, zeroing his sight on your weeping cunt. Your hips cant up needily, greedy for more stimulation.

“You’re soaked,” Kai says, finger catching a drop of your arousal and swirling it over your entrance.

“So eat her out,” Beomgyu says, waiting for him to get on with it. Kai sends him a pointed look before taking your clit into his mouth. You sigh out as he sucks at your bud, but he doesn’t stay long, pulling back to shoot daggers at Beomgyu.

“Do something, hyung. Stop being so useless.” He’s right back on you after that, returning his mouth to you and licking greedy stripes over your core. Beomgyu scowls and brings a hand under your shirt, finding your nipple and pinching it meanly. You gasp and arch away from him, but he brings you right back and places his other hand over your mouth, concealing your moans. He toys with your tits relentlessly, tugging and teasing as you whimper and cry beneath his palm.

“Why don’t I get to use her cunt?” Beomgyu asks, squeezing your breasts as Kai pushes his tongue inside you. Kai doesn’t bother pulling away to respond, choosing to bury his face deeper between your thighs instead. He holds your hips securely in place, making sure you can’t run away from him.

Beomgyu pouts and turns your head toward him, stealing your attention away from Kai. He holds your head still so that you’re looking him in the eye when he twists your nipple between his fingers, grinning when you shut your eyes and jolt at the pain. He brings your face to his and captures your lips for a messy kiss. You can’t do anything except whine and take it, hands grasping onto Kai’s hair for dear life.

Kai whimpers when you tug at his hair, and it serves to encourage him further. He brings his tongue to your clit and swipes rapidly over the bud, and you feel him holding back a smile when you keen beneath him. Your legs threaten to close over his head, but he holds you open easily. You’re defenseless, left to take whatever the two men want to give you, feeling overwhelmed by all the stimulation. You break away from the kiss to pant and mewl into Beomgyu’s neck, breath hitching and body jolting.

“You’re close?” Beomgyu asks, pulling your tank top above your tits so he can see them. He grinds his hard cock against your back as he cups your breasts, humming in satisfaction as the soft flesh fills his hands. You nod in response to his question, unable to use any words, mouth stuck open around your moans. “Yeah? You’re gonna cum on Kai’s tongue, be a good little slut for us?”

Kai stuffs a finger inside you then, pumping needily as his lips wrap around your bud. He sucks and swirls his tongue over it, determined to push you over the edge. Your orgasm builds up quickly, leaving your body shaking with need. Both boys catch onto it easily, working more obsessively to get you off now, as if they need it as much as you do.

“That’s it, give it all to us. Such a good baby, letting us do whatever we want,” Beomgyu coaxes. “Could just keep you here and use you forever, make you our little doll.” Your stomach twists at his crude words, but it brings you exactly where you need to be. Your climax hits you like a wave of ecstasy, leaving you sputtering out nonsense in your haze. You roll your hips, riding your high out while Kai curls his finger inside you, pushing up against your gummy walls.

You whimper as your orgasm fades, the pleasure still buzzing in your system as Kai replaces his finger with his tongue, licking up all the arousal your cunt oozes out. He moans like a bitch, enjoying this more than you’ve ever seen from a man before. His hands soothe your thighs, fondling the soft flesh as he slurps up whatever he can get from your sopping hole.

“Shit, you look so pretty, look just like a whore. Kai, you should see this,” Beomgyu says. He places a hand in Kai’s hair and pulls his face away from your cunt. His mouth is shiny with your essence, eyes hazy with lust. Beomgyu pulls him up until he’s hovering over you. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

“Yeah,” Kai agrees. Your stomach flutters at the praise.

“You should kiss her,” Beomgyu suggests with a mischievous chuckle. Kai busies himself doing exactly that. His kiss is eager and desperate, humming in content as you accept his tongue into your mouth. Kai’s hands caress your tits mindlessly, much nicer than the rough way Beomgyu treated you. Kissing Kai leaves you breathless, but you don’t dare part from his lips, letting him steal your breath and get his fill.

Your eyes widen when you feel something poking at your entrance. Beomgyu’s hand smooths down from your waist to your hip, holding you steady as he circles his tip at your fluttering hole. You break from Kai then, and he holds your face dearly as he wipes the saliva from your lips.

Beomgyu brings his mouth to your ear, his hot breath sending a chill down your spine. “You gonna be good when I fuck you, too?” he asks in a gravelly whisper. Your thighs ache to clamp shut at that, but he keeps you spread open with his demanding grip. He follows you when you turn your head, unable to escape. “Gonna cry out like you need my dick more than air?”

You whine and lean forward until your head finds Kai’s shoulder. He brushes your hair to the side comfortingly, kissing the crown of your head as Beomgyu eases his tip inside your walls. You hiss at the ache, but Beomgyu aids the stretch with a skillful hand over your clit. He rubs tight circles onto the bud, and that’s enough to get your head reeling to the point where all you want is for Beomgyu to sink further into you.

“How’s it feel?” Kai asks, running gentle fingers down your back.

“Feels good,” you answer. Your hand blindly searches for Kai’s cock through his pants, wanting to make sure he’s not left out. You’re delighted to feel the way he throbs in his pants when your fingers wrap around him.

“Such an angel,” Kai coos, patting your head. It makes you smile and lean into his touch. Beomgyu’s hips meet your ass, finally bottoming out, and you bite your lip to keep from moaning. “How is she?” Kai asks, eyes meeting Beomgyu’s.

“Superrr tight,” Beomgyu grunts out. Your legs struggle to hold your weight up, but Kai helps keep you steady with his strong arms. You feel like you’re getting split open around Beomgyu’s cock, the girth of it leaving you deliciously full. You’re clutching onto Kai for dear life with one hand while the other weakly tugs at his waistband. He takes mercy on you and pushes his pants down just enough for his dick to pop out, and the sight makes you salivate.

His tip is a pretty pink and glossy with precum, which trails down his shaft in a delicious line. He’s veiny and rock hard, and you’re shocked at how patient he’s been—he must’ve been aching for some relief. You wrap your hand around the base, holding him still so you can lick up the drop of precum, following the line all the way to his tip. You swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, then give him a small, wet kiss right over his slit. The groan he lets out is sinful, and it makes your walls tighten around Beomgyu’s length.

“Are you sucking him off?” Beomgyu asks, a little breathless as he hastens his pace. He laughs at you, and it leaves you a little humiliated. “You need two cocks at once, huh? Need all your little holes filled?” You wish his filth didn’t have such an effect on you, but you feel the way you gush around him as he speaks.

Kai’s patient with you, not forcing you to take his dick further in your mouth than you’re willing to, but he does help guide your mouth around him, gripping your hair to help you sink him further down your throat. You’ve never felt so full in your life, yet you still want more, greedy and aching and feeling every bit like the whore Beomgyu says you to be.

Your back arches, and immediately it makes Beomgyu hit deeper inside you, the head of his dick rubbing against a spot that has you seeing stars. With every drag of his thick cock inside you, you get more and more brainless, forgetting anything except the satisfaction of this moment. His eager fingers on your clit only lead you closer to your orgasm, and your legs begin to shake with the anticipation of it.

“Shit, if I knew how much of a greedy slut you were, I would’ve fucked you a long time ago,” Beomgyu says. He presses his palm against your lower stomach, adding a pressure that has you moaning loudly around Kai’s dick. Kai pulls you off of him, letting you breathe as Beomgyu fucks you into climax.

“Good job, that’s it, just take it all,” Kai praises, thumb wiping at your cheek. You didn’t even realize you’d been crying. His eyes hold a sort of fondness when he watches your mouth fall open. He brings his thumb past your lips, pushing down on your tongue with a wicked smile. You taste your salty tears on his digit, and it makes you feel lightheaded. “You really do look pretty getting fucked. You look like a princess,” he says.

Your moans spill out uncontrollably; you can’t help it when Beomgyu’s hitting all the right spots. He grips your hair and pulls you back to him, ripping you from Kai. His arm wraps around your waist, keeping your body right up against his as he pounds into you. You’re starting to feel overstimulated, but you let Beomgyu do as he pleases.

“Are you close?” you ask him, voice shaky and uneven after all your moaning.

“Yeah, gonna let me cum inside?” he asks. “Give Kai my sloppy seconds?” You hear the grin in his voice as he says it. You don’t assume Kai is too happy hearing that, but you also don’t check to see. Beomgyu’s pistoning into you now, chasing his high eagerly, fucking you like some toy. The growl he lets out fills you with another wave of arousal, the moment getting more intense and primal as Beomgyu approaches his orgasm.

His fingers bruise your hips as he holds you tight against him, finally stilling his movements and cumming inside you. You grind your hips down against him when he fills you up, the feeling of his release painting your walls making you crave more stimulation. You feel insatiable, like you constantly need more, never wanting to stop. Luckily for you, the moment Beomgyu pulls out, Kai’s dragging you over to him.

“He’s such a man, only thinks with his dick,” Kai huffs. “Couldn’t even get you off more than once.” He aligns himself with your entrance and wastes no time slipping in.

Beomgyu takes offense to that. “I could’ve, but I don’t think she could take it,” he defends.

“Hear that?” Kai asks into your ear. He holds your body against him, keeping you upright as he positions your head forward, making you look at Beomgyu. He’s scowling, arms crossed over his chest like a brat. You’d laugh if you weren’t getting your guts rearranged by Kai right now.

Kai’s clearly on some mission to prove Beomgyu wrong, but you’ve got a sneaking suspicion that part of this is to feed his own ego, too. His fingers find your abused clit, so sore and sensitive by now. Your body jumps as soon as he starts circling it, pace rapid and determined to get you cumming around him.

Kai’s dick hits even deeper inside you, and it has your eyes rolling back from how good it feels. It borders on being too much, but you take it all willingly. It’s an embarrassingly short amount of time before you feel the knot building in your stomach again, ready to snap any moment.

“Gonna cum,” you warn, leaning your face into the crook of Kai’s neck.

He grabs your jaw and brings your focus back to Beomgyu. “No, look at him,” Kai insists. “Tell him how good you feel.”

You whine. It feels impossible to talk that much, but you still try. “So good. You’re so big. Nngh—I love it so much.”

“That’s right,” Kai says, soothing a hand down your body in reward. “Go ahead and cum for me, princess. Be good.” You don’t dare disobey, immediately doing as he wishes and falling apart over his cock. Your walls clamp around him intensely, and you feel so full that you’re scared you might break.

Beomgyu comes closer to you, holding your face in his hand and fixing you with a mean gaze. “Was I not enough for you?” he asks. He must be feeling insecure now. “Do you think Kai’s better than me?”

You want to respond and tell him no, you think they’re both incredible, but before you can get any words out, Kai’s jackhammering into you and stealing your breath. The feeling is so overwhelming that all you can do is pathetically reach forward and cling onto Beomgyu.

“Clearly she does,” Kai answers for you. You shake your head rapidly, eyes wide like you’re scared Beomgyu might believe him.

“She’s saying no,” Beomgyu points out.

“That’s cause she’s too nice to hurt your feelings.” You’re literally caught in the middle of their ego-stroking contest.

Beomgyu’s hand moves down to your throat, lightly squeezing down. You almost cum again on the spot. Your brain feels fried, completely out of it in your lust-drunk state. Any little brush against your skin could make you cry out.

“Are you gonna answer for yourself, or are you just gonna let Kai do everything for you?” There’s venom laced inside the question.

“You don’t need to do anything, princess. I like doing everything for you,” Kai says.

You still try to answer Beomgyu nonetheless; if not to heal his insecurities, then at least to make yourself feel less like some object to fight over. “You’re both so good to me,” you say.

Beomgyu smiles and runs his hand through your hair. You can tell that he needed to hear that. He removes his hand from your throat and brings it up to your jaw instead, holding your face still as he leans in for a kiss. He coaxes your lips apart easily, and you let him explore eagerly. He licks into your mouth like he needs to steal something from you, like he’s reclaiming something. He takes your hand and places it around his shaft, already hard again. You jerk him obediently, eating up the moans he spills into your mouth.

Kai fucks you with hard, focused strokes, and his rhythm is so perfect that it has you seeing stars. You’re trembling with oversensitivity, but Kai still plays with your body as much as he wants. His hands find your tits, carefully massaging them and listening to your whines intently. He brings his mouth to your neck, trailing wet kisses all across your skin. He makes his way up to your jaw before he gently urges you away from Beomgyu’s kiss and into his own. Pleasure builds rapidly inside you from all their attention, and you’re about to explode yet again.

Your hand hastens its pace over Beomgyu’s cock, thumb swiping at his slit, coaxing more precum out. The sticky substance helps you glide over his length, and he holds your fist still so he can fuck into it himself. He’s a mess of moans, and the noises help to push you over the edge as well, tightening again around Kai’s dick.

Kai doesn’t part from your lips, sloppily making out with you as you cum around him. His pace loses its rhythm as his own high looms over him, chasing it desperately as he slams into you. It’s hard to take now, but you keep your complaints to yourself, because you’re dying to feel him shoot his load in you.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” Beomgyu warns. You twist your hand around him to aid in getting him there, so willing to make him burst. Only a few seconds later, his seed is shooting out onto your torso, white strands decorating your body. He groans something strangled and deep, and you etch this memory into your head to keep forever.

Kai’s nearly there too, holding onto you tight as he delivers his last few thrusts. His dick twitches as he finally empties himself, leaning into your neck to groan against your skin. You whimper at the feeling of being filled up again, so satisfied that you feel like you’re floating.

The three of you catch your breath, heavy pants filling the room as you slowly collapse against the couch. Kai pulls out of you and lets you lay on top of him. You feel the rise and fall of his chest, and it grounds you back to earth. It grounds you too much, matter of fact, because the whole night suddenly hits you like a train. You just fucked your friends. It’s a very sobering realization.

“I swear I’m not a whore,” you say. It’s half-joke, half-defense. Both the boys laugh.

“You were moaning like one a minute ago,” Beomgyu says. He leans his head against your thigh, eyes zeroing in on your cunt. “And you got cum leaking out of you,” he adds.

“We know you’re not a whore,” Kai says. You laugh, but it really does comfort you to hear. You didn’t want your friends’ perception of you to change because of this.

“What’s wrong with being a whore?” Beomgyu asks.

“You’re only saying that cause you are one,” you tease. Beomgyu chuckles and pinches your clit in retaliation, reveling in the way your whole body jumps at that. You even feel Kai laughing from under you. “You suck,” you say, groaning.

“Give me ten minutes and I can show you how true that is,” he snickers, an evil grin on his face. This might be the longest night of your life.

[chancloud8]

PART 21.

<< previous chapter || next chapter >>

series masterlist.

series summary: you and chan get matched up on a forum for people who suffer with insomnia and spent most of your sleepless nights texting each other. neither of you expected to fall in love..

pairing: bang chan x reader

tags: smau, written part, fluff, just 1k of fluff

You wake up feeling warm and well rested and for a moment you’re confused about where you are. You don’t recognize the ceiling and there’s an arm around your middle that’s keeping you pressed against a solid chest. 

Chris. 

Slowly the memory of last night fills your brain, making you smile. You’ve never felt as comfortable with someone like you did with Chris yesterday, especially not this fast. After the tickle attack and the kiss, the two of you had talked for hours about everything and anything. You don’t even remember falling asleep and at one point the two of you must have tangled together above the sheets. 

Chris is still sleeping, his breathing slow and little puffs of air tickle your neck whenever he breathes out. His arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and his legs have intertwined with yours. You’re fully pressed against his front and it feels good. It feels right, like you belong here. The clock on the bedside table tells you it’s almost nine in the morning and you have absolutely no idea what Chris's schedule looks like today. 

You carefully turn around in his arms, your face only inches from his and for a moment you take in his peaceful face. Everything in you screams to let him sleep, but you don’t want him to be late if he’s supposed to be somewhere. You lift your hand and gently touch his cheek with the outside of your palm.

Chris stirs and mumbles something you can’t quite make out. You repeat the movement and then slowly move the tips of your fingers over his forehead, his brows, nose and and then back to his cheek. A deep sigh escapes Chris’s lips and then he slowly blinks his eyes open. 

‘Good morning,’ you whisper with a smile, pulling back your hand. 

Chris blinks again, probably having the same cloudy brain you had when you woke up, but then his lips curve up in a smile and he closes his eyes again. 

‘Good morning,’ he says, his voice laced with sleep. 

‘Did you sleep well?’ 

‘So well,’ Chris hums, tightening his grip around your middle. ‘I can’t remember the last time I slept this good.’ 

‘Me neither,’ you whisper. ‘Seems like we acted as a human sleeping pill.’ 

Chris chuckles and presses a soft kiss against your temple. ‘Seems like it. We’ll definitely have to try this again to be sure.’ 

You laugh and cuddle further into him, pressing your forehead against his chest. ‘I’d like that very much.’ 

‘How long are you staying?’

‘I think we will fly back tomorrow afternoon, but Ava arranged all of this so I’m not completely sure.’ 

‘So we get another night together?’ 

You lean back a little so you can look at him. ‘Looks like it.’ 

‘Oh no,’ Chris grins, his eyes lightening up. He looks absolutely adorable with his sleep tousled hair. ‘However will I survive having you with me for over twenty-four hours.’ 

‘Hmm, I don’t know,’ you shrug. ‘I could always just hang out with Innie.’ 

Chris gasps in mock horror. ‘You dare replace me with my youngest child?’ 

‘He’s cute,’ you shrug again while trying to keep a straight face. ‘And I have his number.’ 

Chris his eyes narrow playfully and before you can even blink, he’s on you, easily maneuvering your body so you’re under him. His hands are pining your wrists down to the mattress while his legs are on either side of your hips. 

‘Say that again,’ he challenges you, leaning down further so his nose almost touches yours. ‘Or do I have to tickle you again?’ 

‘Noooo,’ you squeal, squirming underneath him in advance. ‘Please, have mercy.’ 

‘Hmm that depends on what you say next,’ Chris purrs.

Your eyes widen at the way his voice sounds and you stop squirming, suddenly very aware of his body on top of yours and his fingers around your wrists. Your skin tingles where his body touches yours and it takes a lot of self control not to arch your back or buck your hips. You’re not a hundred percent sure if he knows what he’s doing to you, but the glint in his eyes tells you that he’s at least feeling some things himself as well.

‘Christopher Bang Chan is the sexiest man alive?’ you try, grinning up at him. 

‘Better, but I’m not sure I approve of how you make it sound like a question,’ he smirks, raising his eyebrows at you. 

You roll your eyes at him and stick out your tongue. ‘Not my fault you interpret it that way.’ 

His mouth makes an ‘O’ and the dangerous glint appears in his eyes again, so you turn serious before he decides to tickle you breathless again. 

‘I’m here for you and only you,’ you say, your voice soft. ‘I like you, Chris. A lot.’ His grip falters and his eyes soften. ‘If I’m indeed staying until tomorrow then I want to spend as much time as I can with you. If you let me, that is.’ 

‘Let you?’ Chris snorts. ‘Baby, you’re not getting out of my sight unless you absolutely have to. I’ve been waiting way too long to have you with me and if it was up to me I’d find a way to make you stay even longer.’ 

Your eyes widen and butterflies erupt in your stomach. ‘Possessive much?’ you tease. 

‘Oh yes,’ Chris smiles. ‘Whipped too, but I don’t care.’ 

‘Cute,’ you smile back, booping his nose with your finger. ‘I like it.’ 

Chris shifts and lets his body fall next to you on the bed again. ‘Good, cause you’re stuck with me now.’ 

‘Oh no,’ you gasp in mock horror like he had done before. 

He giggles and you can’t help but join him.

a/n: i did not mean for this to be 1k of pure fluff, but it just happened? i didn't fight it cause I'm way to happy words flowed out of me again <3 It's a bit of a short chapter, but I wanted to give you guys some cuteness after the long wait. Happy sunday! taglist: @tirena1 @vampzity @anoca250318 @kaqua @stars4jo @skzswife @hyunjinvoid @nightmarenyxx @sellomaybe @eastjonowhere @finnbbl @staysweird @0sunshinecryptid0 @blckchrryy @idiotmaterial @energyjuice4life @forever-atiny @cafffeineconnoisseur @farfromsugafanfic @nybrolocolo @chanssmiles @modesttiger @lausnotverybright @mushy-mushroom04 @stilldontknowhoiam @luvv1anime @jjwhorehouse @sincerelyvani @darkwitchoferie @r1nstaaa @hannamoon143 @hopelesromanticy @ilovedallywinston @hannieslovebot @liknws @imeverycliche @emilyhadenbaker @ebnabi @mladyluna @n4tr3ad5 @gncbnahc @channiecreme @supersonika143 @4ng3l-ch1ld @drewsandsebastianswife @thisrandombitch @mythicmochi @geni-627 @ravengxbss @cookiemonstermusic258 @wondering-out-loud

[rosierin]

she used to love me | suna rintarou

synopsis; suna muses about his feelings towards (y/n), from childhood to current day.

(y/n)'s pov here

a/n; oh to be as positive and vibrant as y/n. also thank you to my lovely bf for proof reading this and helping me write in a guy's voice cause this shit was hard af

this fic is part of the off-season quartet™ series! for more, click here :)

She used to love me.

Never in that dramatic, sappy, rom-com kind of way. Her love wasn’t loud, or complicated. Not really. It was just... there. Quiet, constant—like background noise I never really noticed until it stopped.

I think it started around when we were ten, back in elementary school—when our biggest problems were our times tables and whether we could eat two snacks before dinner without our mums noticing.

I was always a quiet kid.

Still am, honestly.

Didn’t talk much. Didn’t stand out much. Back then, I think people called me the weird kid, which was fine. I didn’t care. I liked it better that way, anyway.

Then there was her.

Bright. Loud. My polar opposite in every way. Always running toward something, while the rest of us followed. She'd probably deny it now, but she was always kind of a leader—even when she didn't notice it. She just had this... energy. One that pulled you in without you realising.

Sounds kind of annoying, actually. But it never was. Not her. Never her.

Looking back, I don’t even remember when we became friends. I don't think many people do. When you're kids stuff like that just sort of happens.

If I had to guess though, I'd say out friendship started the day I bought Pokémon Platinum for my DS. I planned on playing it right after class and shoved it in my backpack, not thinking anyone would notice.

She did.

She pointed it out during our lunch break, started talking my ear off—about how it was her favourite, why the Sinnoh region was the best, which starters were underrated.

I barely said two words. Just nodded. Listened. Most people would’ve taken the hint and gotten bored.

She didn’t.

Guess she decided I was worth the effort, because after that, she just... kept showing up. At school. At my house.

Some weekends, she’d appear in my bedroom, sit down next to me without asking and load up her own game like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I didn’t stop her, though. Never really wanted to.

She wasn't someone I expected to get along with. She was the embodiment of Little Miss Chatterbox—you know, that pink cartoon character with the blonde pigtails?

Yeah. That was (y/n).

Still, my awkward, moody teenage self must’ve seen the appeal, because I never told her to leave. And even now, she still talks my ear off about things I normally couldn’t care less about.

She was just... different. Just her.

Bright. Stubborn. Impossible to shake.

She was like glue. Or chewing gum. Clingy in a way I probably should’ve hated, but never did.

I remember calling her that once—chewing gum. Meant it as an insult.

She just grinned—big, gap-toothed, proud of herself—and asked me what flavour she’d be.

Back then, I didn’t know how to answer. I probably called her a weirdo, brushed her off while she probably scolded me for being mean.

If she asked me again, I’d probably say strawberry.

Summery. Bright. Liked by everyone. A real crowd pleaser. The kind of sweetness that sticks around even after it’s gone.

Yeah.

(Y/n) would be strawberry.

I should've known that Little Miss Strawberry had a crush on me when she would wait for me at the school gates every day.

Even if I was late.

Especially if I was late.

I remember being sick one morning and she waited outside for almost an hour, determined that I'd show up. It was only when one of the teachers spotted her outside and told her I caught the flu that she actually went inside.

She sat next to me during every lesson—got us told off more times than I can count. She was the type to miss it when teachers were shooting death glares at us. The type to laugh harder when we were specifically told not to laugh.

A royal pain in the ass.

But one I'd never dream of trading my seat with.

I remember how she'd always lend me her green highlighter. Said it didn’t suit her "aesthetic" anyway. Said that it matched my eyes.

(Teenage me did not get the hint.)

When we got older, people started calling us a duo. Not in a teasing way—more like we were inevitable. I guess, to everyone else, we looked like a story waiting to happen. Joint at the hip, or whatever they used to say.

As corny as it is, she was almost like gravity.

I didn’t have to reach for her. She was just always... there.

She had this laugh that cracked the corners of her serious little face. Always a little louder than the rest—like she was living everything in brighter colours than the rest of us.

And she smiled at me like I was important, like I mattered more than I ever realized.

Back then, I didn’t know how to name that kind of affection.

Maybe I still don’t.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

I think I started noticing it more around age thirteen, when we hit middle school.

The way she got quieter around me. The way she’d fidget with the hem of her sleeves when we talked. The blush that spread across her face when our hands touched. The way she always remembered the things I didn’t even know I’d said: what food I liked, what game I was waiting for, what songs I listened to—and then showing up with these little gifts.

A new playlist burned onto a CD.

A keychain of a character I said I liked once.

A melon pan that she'd shyly hand me after practice. God, she was so terrible at playing it cool.

"Here," she'd said, "was passing by the bakery anyway."

I didn't find it particularly funny at the time. But I think if she ever tried lying like that to me again, I'd laugh straight in her face.

There was no bakery anywhere near her walk home. She must’ve known I’d figure that out.

Thirteen-year-old me didn't call her out for it. Just accepted it all with a nod, or a smirk if I was feeling particularly self-aware that day.

But the real kicker?

She stopped calling me by my dumb nicknames.

No more RinRin.

No more Rinnie.

Just Rintarou, or Rin on days she was feeling bolder. Careful. Formal. Like she was scared of being too much.

I didn't think much of it at first.

But eventually, it clicked.

She liked me.

And I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.

I wasn’t into her like that. Not then.

She was still just... her. (Y/n). Little Miss Chatterbox. Little Miss Strawberry and still the royal pain-but-not in my ass.

Still the girl who beat me at Mario Kart by sabotaging my controller and laughed like it was the funniest prank in the world.

I didn’t want to lose that.

Didn’t want to lose her.

So I ignored it.

Pretended I didn’t notice when she started dressing different—fixing her hair in ways she never used to, wearing little accessories that didn’t feel like her.

I even caught the faint smell of perfume once when she sat down beside me, way stronger than anything she ever wore before.

It was the same scent I once said I liked. On some other girl.

I wasn’t stupid. I've always been pretty self-aware. I put it together.

And yeah—in a shitty, selfish, teenage boy way... sometimes I liked it. Liked knowing she thought I was worth trying for. Liked the way her eyes lingered when she thought I wouldn’t catch it. Liked the way she tried a little harder around me.

But I never said anything. Never did anything. Never entertained it, past maybe a small smile I didn’t bother hiding.

But she never confessed—never made it weird. She just kept loving me quietly like she'd been doing since we were nine, without ever asking for anything back.

I figured it’d fade. Eventually.

And I guess... it did.

But sometimes—sometimes I think about how carefully she used to look at me. And how careless I was with it.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Her feelings began fading after that. Not all at once. Not dramatically. It happened in shifts—like seasons changing when you’re too distracted to notice.

It started when we started high school. We must've been fifteen, then.

She told me once, back in middle school, that she’d follow me wherever I went. And to be honest, I thought she was joking.

(She wasn’t.)

So when I got scouted to play for Inarizaki, she just shrugged and said, "cool. I'll go there too," like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And she did.

I joined the team in our first year.

I’d always been good at volleyball—not to brag, but it came easy. Movement. Instinct. Precision. All things I was good at and enjoyed.

She came to a few practices at first, hanging out on the bleachers, cheering like nobody else was watching. I guess some people might have found it embarrassing—but me? Nah. Actually, it was… kinda nice. Familiar.

It was a brand new school, away from home, away from everything we knew. We had to stay in dorms, surrounded by people with funny accents and different hobbies—so having (y/n) was a comfort I most definitely took for granted.

After practice, she’d wait for me by the gates. We’d walk to our dorms together, eat lunch together like always.

She was still my person—still the one who refilled my water bottle without me asking, still the one who yelled at me when I forgot to do my homework.

Thing is, we weren’t the only ones anymore. There were teammates now. Locker rooms. New people. New jokes.

But she was still right there. Still mine—in a way I didn’t have a name for yet.

It was her idea that I introduce her to the team. I figured why not. I spent most of my time there, anyway. The team was pretty chill.

Well... most of them.

That's when the Miya twins entered the picture.

Or rather, tore the pen from our hands and wrote themselves into our story.

Loud. Ridiculous. Annoyingly talented. That's how I'd have described them back then. (Well, actually... They haven't changed much.)

She wasn’t keen on Atsumu at first—can’t blame her. Said he talked too much. Said he moved like he knew people were watching. Not that she was wrong.

Osamu was more tolerable—calmer, more polite. She liked him better.

Sometimes, I'd catch her laughing at something he said and—well, it made sense. Osamu and I were pretty similar—same energy, same dry humour, same vacant expression.

Hypothetically, if she were gonna have a crush on anyone, Osamu seemed like the obvious choice.

Not that it bothered me.

(Not really.)

(Not enough to think about it for more than a second.)

Why would I?

She still sat beside me at lunch. Still poked my side when I zoned out. Still smiled that smile that made everything else a little quieter.

We were still a duo. Still unshakable.

Sure, there was the twins.

But me? I was still her anchor, and things were still good.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

By the time we were sixteen, somewhere in the middle of high school, things had officially changed.

She just... stopped waiting for me after class.

At first, I didn’t think much of it. Figured she was just busy—making new friends, expanding her orbit a little.

It was good, I told myself. Healthy, even.

She wasn’t supposed to stay glued to me forever.

Still—it threw me off. More than I wanted to admit.

I’d catch her across the courtyard sometimes, sitting with Osamu, bickering with Atsumu, then laughing harder than I'd heard in a while. Not the quiet laugh she used to save just for me. Louder. Freer. A little wilder.

At first, I was glad since I thought it meant we could just be normal again. No tension. No careful glances. No aching silences.

But then something started to ache anyway. And I didn’t understand why.

The twins pulled her in like a tide. They were loud, chaotic, overwhelming—but she still held her own.

She never let Atsumu win an argument. Never. She matched his volume, his fire, his rhythm like she was built for it.

And I watched—quietly, stubbornly—as something bloomed between them. Something she and I never had.

And the thing is… she didn’t fall for him right away.

She actually hated him at first. It took her months to actually warm up to him. She told me she thought he was a self-absorbed loudmouth. Which, yeah. He was. Still is.

And it was funny, honestly—watching them argue like an old married couple.

I’d smirk behind my water bottle, listen to her roast him without missing a beat, listen to Atsumu get all red-faced and defensive.

She always won. Always.

And it was good—good to see her like that. Confident. Sharp. Untouchable.

Except... sometimes, I'd catch the way her smile lingered when he said something stupid. The way her face lit up when she teased him.

At first, I brushed it off, because there was no way, right? Atsumu and (y/n)?

Yeah. Nah.

(Y/n) liked quiet guys. Chill guys. Guys who didn’t need to be the centre of attention.

Guys like—

...

Well. Never mind.

If she was gonna fall for anyone, it would’ve been Osamu. That made sense. That was safe.

But Atsumu?

No.

'Least that's what I thought.

But something changed. I don’t know when. I don’t even think she noticed.

But I did.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

There was a time I was the one she looked for first in a room. Didn’t matter where we were—class, a crowded gym. Her eyes would always find mine first, like it was automatic.

By the time we were seventeen, I think I’d already lost that.

And then came graduation. We were eighteen when the four of us moved in together—me, the twins, and her. A decision that felt inevitable, like we were just continuing the story we started as kids.

New city. New school. New everything.

But her? She was still familiar. Still safe.

And then came that winter.

New Year’s Eve.

We'd gone back home for the holidays. My house was empty, the twins back home in Hyogo. (Y/n) was around, like she always was back then. And it just... happened.

I kissed her. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t sweet.

It was messy, selfish—hungry in a way I hate admitting now.

I’d like to say it was love that made me do it. That I knew what I was feeling. But honestly? It was lust.

It was late. It was quiet. She was sitting on my bed, wearing my old hoodie, looking at me with those eyes she probably didn’t even realize were still full of hope.

And maybe it finally hit me how much she’d grown into herself. Not that she wasn’t always pretty—she was.

But now? Sitting there, close enough to touch, close enough to ruin—

Yeah. I wanted her.

Not in the right way. Not in the way she probably used to hope for.

I just... wanted her.

And because I was a dumb, horny teenager with the emotional range of a teaspoon, I gave in. I leaned in. I kissed her.

And the worst part?

She kissed me back.

Like she’d been waiting for it.

Like we were still kids and this was the ending everyone saw coming.

I let it get heated—too heated. Hands, breath, weight shifting—

I was ready to take it further.

I didn’t even stop to think if I should.

But she did. Thank God she did.

She pulled back. Said she couldn't go through with it. And I knew—I knew—it was because she had more sense than I did. That she wasn't looking for a casual hook-up.

And I was stupid to think for even a second that I was okay with that.

She didn’t look at me for the rest of the night—not because we were cuddling, but because she probably felt as conflicted as I did.

And that's how I knew I'd fucked up. Whatever she’d felt for me—the crush, the hope, the stupid, innocent dream of us—

I think that was the moment it died.

And I didn’t try to fix it.

Didn’t say sorry.

I just... pretended it never happened. Acted like it didn’t mean anything.

And she let me.

She kissed me like she’d always wanted to.

Then stopped like she’d never feel that way again.

And after that… she got closer to Atsumu.

And I pretended not to notice.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

I think that’s when I started to fall for her. Like, really fall.

Not for the version of her that used to sit beside me with strawberry pocky in her backpack and stars in her eyes. Not the kid who used to wait for me at the gates. But for the woman she was becoming—sharper, warmer, fiercer. Still soft in all the best ways. Still kind. Still sweet. Still hers.

But no longer mine.

And sometimes—more often than I’d like to admit—I still think about that kiss.

It’s stupid, probably. It’s been years. And we never talked about it. Not once. But the memory’s still there. Lodged under my ribs like a splinter I never pulled out.

I don’t regret it. Not even for a second.

Looking back, it was stupid timing. And probably selfish of me to make a move on her the way I did. But for one second, I knew what it felt like to have her want me. And I’d take that over pretending it never happened.

Sometimes, I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't pulled away. If I’d kissed her like I meant it—for more than just a moment. If I’d been a little braver. A little less stupid. If I’d grown up a little faster.

Maybe she would've stayed. Maybe she would've looked at me the way she used to.

But I didn’t. And neither did she. And now we just pretend it never happened.

I don’t bring it up. I don’t want to make things weird. Don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

She’s moved on. I know she has. She’s got her heart set on someone else now.

She probably doesn’t even think about that night anymore.

…But I do.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

We were nineteen when I first realized I was in love with her. Maybe I always was, in some far-off version of the timeline where I didn’t take her for granted.

Now we're almost about to graduate college and nothing’s changed.

She and Atsumu aren’t together, not officially. But they move like magnets now. They have their own inside jokes—the kind I’m not a part of. They cook together. Tease each other. Argue like it’s foreplay.

He’s softer around her. She’s brighter around him.

And it's not like I hate it. I like seeing her happy—I do. I just… miss being the one who got that version of her—miss being the one she used to look at like that.

And maybe that’s the part that’s hardest to explain. Because it's not just watching her fall for someone else. It’s watching her fall for someone I know.

Atsumu's one of my closest friends. And it’s not weird, exactly. Just… conflicting. Hard to explain.

It’s strange to see the way he looks at her when he thinks no one’s watching. Stranger still to think it’s the same way she used to look at me.

And I don’t think he even realizes it half the time. Or maybe he does and he just doesn’t know what to do with it. Because I know how Atsumu thinks. I know what scares him.

He’s terrified of commitment. Of getting it wrong. Of ruining something that matters. His pride gets in the way. I bet his career does, too.

He’s all or nothing, and he doesn’t know how to be subtle about it.

And maybe I’m not mad at him for that. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he’d just get his shit together.

Say the damn words. Stop dancing around it. Stop wasting time she won’t ask him to hurry.

Because she won’t.

(Y/n) is soft. That’s just who she is. Too soft if you ask me. Too soft in a way that means she'll never ask for more. Never protect herself from hurt until it's too late.

She feels things deeply. Hopelessly. Quietly.

And I know that—because I experienced it first-hand.

I know how careful she can be with her love. How she shows it in the small things, like a green highlighter or a slice of melon pan. She doesn’t ask to be seen—not outright.

So yeah. Watching someone like her love someone like him?

It scares me a little. Because I know what it’s like to hold her feelings and not know what to do with them.

And I know what it’s like to lose them.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

She sits across the living room now, reading her little romance novel while Atsumu rants about something stupid from the kitchen. Osamu’s half-asleep on the couch. I’m pretending to scroll on my phone.

But I’m not really paying attention—hard to when she's sitting right there.

She glances up—sensing it, like she always does. Catches me in the act.

Smiles.

And it still hits me in the gut. Every. Single. Time.

Because I remember a time when that smile was mine first. When I was the one she waited for after class. When I was the one who knew all her little routines and inside jokes and favourite types of endings in books.

She used to love me.

And I let it pass me by.

Now I love her.

Quietly. Constantly.

And I don’t know if she’ll ever look back.

But if she ever does…

This time, I’ll be ready.

[navydoves]

Mine soon enough

✎ᝰ cw. professor zayne, tense atmosphere, teacher/student, suggestive, somewhat yearning, very conversational writing, TENSE!

✎ᝰ a/n. i’m inconsistent in everything i post lol. this is written in a very specific way, hopefully it comes across in the tone i want it to.

࣪𖤐

“am i really allowed to be here after office hours like this?”

zayne glances back at you from where he was standing by the tea kettle on his desk and smiles just slightly. “why not? this is my office after all.”

“yeah, but,” you hesitate, “most other professors are really strict on their schedules. i didn’t expect you to be so um… lenient about this.”

a small, almost imperceptible chuckle escapes zayne. “you do know i’m only this lenient on you, right? god the headache i’d have if i had any other pesky students showing up and bothering me after hours.”

you glance to the side awkwardly and nod. “yeah… i know… it’s just a little strange… being your ‘favorite’ and all…”

“does it make you feel uncomfortable?” zayne’s voice cuts in quickly. he was clicking off the tea kettle now and preparing the two mugs with their respective tea bags.

“n-no… no it doesn’t,” you respond just as fast, “it’s just… not familiar to me. don’t take it personally professor, i only—“

“zayne,” he corrects while pouring the boiling water into the mugs. “zayne is better. you should get over all your formal habits when you’re alone with me. we’re friends, right?”

there’s a beat between you two before you nod.

“yes, friends.”

“well then as long as you’re not uncomfortable and we’re in equal footing here, there should be no problem. you would tell me if there was a problem right?”

another beat.

“yes… i would.”

zayne smiles slightly again. he places the kettle back down and starts properly dipping the teabags into the mugs before throwing them into the small can on the side.

“good. here, come get your tea.”

you move from where you were sat on the leather couch to zayne’s desk. the room was quiet apart from your gentle footsteps and zayne’s spoon swirling. you take your mug, identical to his, and scoop up a few spoonfuls of sugar. your gaze remains on the task below you rather than the man in front of you. he notices this.

“y’know i prefer tea over coffee too. i’ve always hated the bitter taste of coffee beans… even with all the sugar and cream added to it,” zayne hums.

you glance up at him and almost cringe at his attempt at conversation. “yeah, same. i’m not a coffee person…”

zayne looks you up and down with brows furrowed from scrutiny. he picks up his mug and takes a sip, eyes darting to the side in slight annoyance.

“lighten up a bit,” he murmurs. “i invited you to spend time with you. you know how much i enjoy your presence. i'd rather you not feel… weirded out.”

you finally stop stirring and meet zayne’s eyes for the first time. “i’m not… i don’t feel weirded out…”

“you do though,” he rebuttals, “you’re all tense and avoidant. am i doing something? we can take our leave, truly. just tell me.”

a small exhale escapes you after a moment of thought. you shake your head. “no, i’m… like i said im just not used to this. this type of treatment. the… personal hangouts we have in your office. the gifts. the grades. i think… i think we both know things are…”

zayne puts his mug down and mimics your earlier exhale. he moves around the desk and your eyes follow him. right behind you is where he stands, taller and towering, with his chin hovered just over your shoulder.

“i don’t want that to be a problem,” he whispers by your ear. “the hangouts, gifts, grades. i don’t want those to be a problem. i want to give you more, y’know? more… more of everything. are we overstepping lines? sure… but—“

“you are over stepping lines,” you murmur with a slightly shaky voice. the lingering warmth of him behind you was almost trapping you against the desk. “i… i haven’t done anything, you’ve done… you’ve made all the…”

“have you… not liked the attention?” zayne asks almost vulnerably.

“i never said that…”

“then is there an issue? you’re right, i’m overstepping lines, not you. if we got into some heat, i’d take the responsibility. does that mean something to you?” in the moments you hesitate to answer, zayne’s arm wraps around your waist and gently pulls you closer to an embrace. “i want it to mean something to you. what do i have to do?” he continues.

you wet your lips and search the desk below you for answers your mouth couldn’t form. you weren’t sure how long had passed before zayne backed off, but once he did, you quickly turn around to face him. he steps away with his arms up innocently, a look of shame on him.

“i’m sorry, im making you uncomfortable. im not sure what im doing.”

with your eyes avoiding each other, a long silence ensues between the both of you—charged with emotion and uncertainty.

“your tea is going to get cold, professor.”

zayne knits his brows together and trails his gaze slowly across the room, and then on you, and then on the tea.

“right.”

he steps back to his side of the desk and takes his still warm tea and avoids your presence while drinking. whether he wanted you here anymore or not, it was unclear. he notices your rogue, discarded mug of tea on the desk. barely touched and getting colder by the second. maybe it looked like regret.

your back was turned to him and facing the rest of the room, but you were still so close to the desk. unmoving. what was going through your mind, that was also unclear.

slowly, you put down your arms that were crossed in a defensive position, and glance down at the desk. zayne was no longer sipping his tea. you could only assume he was standing as silently and awkwardly as you were.

without much thought, you step back and sit on the desk, back still to zayne.

“my face is turned away, if it makes you feel any less guilty,” you whisper.

zayne’s eyes widen slightly. he looks over your body that was perched up on his desk. what a sight. “don’t say that like i’m some sort of… some sort of…”

“i’m not… insinuating anything, professor… or i guess ‘zayne’. i’m simply saying that, in the situation we’re in right now, guilt is normal to feel. but that… curiosity is too. so… i’m looking away.”

more tense silence.

“are you curious too?” zayne asks with a voice that’s barely there.

you don’t answer for a few moments.

“i’m a woman, zayne,” you murmur. “i can make my own decisions. we’re not too far off in age, yknow. we think similarly… i hope.”

amidst the quiet of the room, zayne walks closer to the desk. he stares right into your back and all of the crumpled fabric lines from your shirt.

“you’re a woman,” zayne whispers while reaching out and ghostly tracing a simple line over your shoulder blade. “and i’m a man. it works like that, doesn’t it? this is natural… isn’t it?”

you swallow. the very faint sensation of zayne’s fingertip makes you tense.

“y-yeah…”

zayne’s finger goes down to your mid back. here he feels you arch away instinctively, but still not rejecting him. he grows bolder with his touch, insisting a bit more with his finger tip until he’s tracing letters.

letters Z through E of his name. ZAYNE was on you.

“my attraction to you is natural, isn’t it?” he whispers. he reaches for the top hem of your shirt and then parts your hair from your neck, exposing your nape. with the pad of his thumb, he rubs there gently. the sensations on your skin were hair-raising.

“i… it is.”

“then does it come naturally to you too?”

you shudder softly as you feel more of zayne’s fingers rake over your skin. he abandons your neck, moving downward again until he was touching the small of your back.

“please, answer me.”

there’s more silence from you, but you break it with a whisper. “my face gives all the answers, but i already told you i’m not letting you look at me.”

“then how will i know how you feel about me too?”

no answer.

zayne looks down at where his hand is on your back and moves it lower to the bottom hem of your shirt. gently, he lifts it—so slow that a million thoughts came and passed in those long seconds.

at the top of your back, he scrunches up your shirt and admires the lines and curves of your skin.

“are you okay?”

“i’m fine.”

zayne rests his head against your back and closes his eyes. he felt stressed but also relieved. this far… he’s gotten this far…

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asks a little bit more desperately this time. his voice and breath tickled your skin a bit. “how am i supposed to know when i can’t even face you?”

you tilt your head back to stare up at the ceiling. the lights should be dimmer, you thought.

“i’m okay,” you whisper. “i don’t feel fear, i don’t feel nervous, i don’t feel anything. can you… will you make me feel something?”

zayne’s eyes fluttered open slightly. he turns his head back to the expanse of your smooth back and rubs his lips together. oh your words…

“i’ll become a man that’ll be capable of making you feel anything you want.”

the hands that were rested by your side went up to your upper mid back and touched the rough feel of your bra clip. with slight hesitation, zayne’s delicate fingers undo the clip and let it pull away to reveal your fully bare back. his eyes flutter even more now.

the moles and freckles of your usually hidden skin was an experience to his eyes.

“i’ll become a man so good that you won’t have to hide your face away in shame. after all, it’s natural, isn’t it?”

cool lips make contact to your back making you perk up instantly. the kisses were spread out, small in sound and in touch, and soon warm. zayne’s free hands not only steady you by the hips but also anchor himself through each press of his lips.

“i want you,” his voice rumbles against your skin.

“i know,” you respond.

“after graduation?”

“it’ll still be scandalous.”

“it’ll be scandalous regardless. who has to know?”

you bite your lip. “is it just a lustful thing, professor?”

your words make zayne stop his affections and stand straight.

“never,” he whispers. “have i… made you feel that way?”

swallow.

“no… no you haven’t, i’m not lying either. but… i mean dates and stuff, it’s all so public. we’d get noticed immediately, it’d be risky. but… everything else, that’s done privately. so i’m just wondering… how… or where… or what…”

zayne lets out a small humorless laugh. “you’ll be mine soon enough, without all those worries meaning. i get scared too, yknow? but i’m scared enough for the both of us, so don’t… doubt me.”

you smile a little, unsure of what exactly is humorous. “don’t doubt your ability to keep me a secret, you mean.”

“don’t put it like that, you have such a harsh way of saying things,” zayne exhales.

“right, right, i’m sorry.”

you reach back for his hands and gently pull him forward so that his arms crossed over your stomach.

“but that’s what i am, a secret. you’re a secret too. just… become a man capable of taking care of me, secret or not.”

zayne tightens his grip around you just slightly.

“i’m your professor,” he whispers with his forehead against the back of your cranium, “and if nothing else, my job is to you guide you. you’ll be mine soon enough.”

he presses one kiss to your hair.

“you will.”

࣪𖤐

[miscellaneousdae]

WOULD THEY DATE A PLUS SIZED PERSON? | SKZ⁸

ᝰ.ᐟauthors note: raise your hand if you’ve been victimized by a tik tok video regarding who in skz would date a plus sized person! 🙋🏻‍♀️ in honor of that, here’s my take on this lol. these were written with reality in mind, but sprinkled by delusion on some. you’re all gorgeous and we don’t know these people personally, so delulu is the solulu.

p.s: written by a plus sized girlie

౨ৎ — BANG CHAN 🐺

Yes.

see source one, source two, and i had another video that i cant find, but chan talks about how saying “you look fine as you are” can sometimes give a negative impression, and how people say “you look good when you’re skinny” but he (at the time) didn’t like how skinny he was, and wanted to gain weight. he just…gets it, in a way, and i’m standing on that! can you tell he’s my bias?

i feel like his is so straightforward that there’s not a lot to elaborate on. he understands that bodies are different, for many reasons, and has always been so open about struggles. be it his own struggles or others, he’s always so kind and open minded. he also definitely gives me the vibe that he’s not actively seeking out romance when he meets someone, so he’s not even considering what’s attractive and what’s not attractive. people become attractive to him when he learns their personality and gets a good grasp of their energy and vibe. so, yes, chan would definitely date a plus sized person <3

౨ৎ — LEE MINHO 🐈

Yes.

now, i don’t have a lot to back me up here other than straight vibes. he’s another one who doesn’t immediately consider romance when meeting other people, and i think he’s probably experienced being physically attracted to someone and then their personality completely throws him off, so he’s just stopped considering looks as a whole. even if looks are considered, he seems like he doesn’t understand why he’d go out of his way to comment on someone else’s body, or why anyone else would. he’s very demure, very minding his own business, very whatever comes his way is what he loves. he’s just a chill guy.

౨ৎ — SEO CHANGBIN 🐇

…do I even need to say it?

for a number of reasons, yes. first and foremost, he just has that vibe that he loves the look, and secondly, he knows what it’s like to not be accepted because of how you look, and therefore, would never want to be that way to other people. he’s a sweetheart, and very much just wants someone who dotes on him and that he can dote on in return. changbin is a strong yes and you’re incorrect if you disagree.

౨ৎ — HWANG HYUNJIN 🥟

indecisive

genuinely, the only thing keeping me from saying yes is how firm some other people’s ‘no’s have been. from my perspective, hyunjin seems like someone who’s open minded and more focused on the ways he can connect with people rather than worrying about judging them. not to mention, he’s an artist. one could argue that he’s more critical, but i also feel like because of that, he wants to really know someone before making any judgements. plus, given the forbidden bullying scandal, i feel like he might be terrified to find himself in another situation like that but i digress

so like…if you ask me? yes, but i am delusional and hyunjin is one of my bias wreckers so who knows

౨ৎ — HAN JISUNG 🐿️

YES GAWDDD

look, i’ve seen mixed opinions on him as well (most of these opinions i’m referring to are old tumblr MTL posts or tik toks and the comment sections on them) BUT i feel like he’s very curious and open minded. so, say a plus sized person shoots their shot? han’s got that “you know what? hell yeah.” mindset. ANNDDDD the video where felix mentions gaining weight, and han immediately reassures him that gaining weight is okay, and that he’s pretty. plus, han spends a lot of time working with chan and changbin, to which i feel like they all probably have come to similar conclusions due to their influence on each other. plus han also gives me the energy that if you’re pretty, you’re pretty, regardless of size, shape, etc.

౨ৎ — LEE FELIX 🐣

…yes. and hear me out,

i’ve seen almost everyone who’s done this sort of thing say that felix is a hard no because of his own struggles with his body and how his perception of beauty is warped. while i can see that, i don’t think that translates to how he views other people. if anything, he wouldn’t want to put someone else through what his own mind puts him through. not to mention, i think he could find a lot of comfort in security in being with a plus sized person who’s confident with themselves, and could implement better ideals to felix. that’s just my take <33

౨ৎ — KIM SEUNGMIN 🐶

YES.

i don’t think i’ve seen anyone say he wouldn’t, and i stand with that because hear me out:

“but i’m fat”

“…okay and i’m seungmin?”

this man does not care. he acknowledges it and appreciates it. he’s very much in the “if i like you, i like you” category. case rested.

౨ৎ — YANG JEONGIN 🦊

indecisive pt. 2

in theory, yes. i think he’s probably taken some influence from chan, or maybe even seeing how changbin has been affected and treated by media would alter any negative views he might have had. to be fair, i just don’t even see jeongin dating LMAO like he’s content as he is, and if the person that happened to come his way was plus sized? if he likes your personality, he’s down.

[halfpsychic]

Dr. Robby x gn!reader Headcanons

Random thoughts I’ve been having about Robby. No warnings. SFW.

* We all know he’s a real yearner (for Collins in canon). He’s a REAL yearner. Will think about that one (1) moment you had alone for weeks on end. Doesn’t want to complicate things at work so he takes forever to make his feelings known. He lives on scraps for months but he’s good at rationing the memories of those quiet moments with you. When thinking about a subtle touch from weeks ago gets old, you’ll smile at him by his locker when you’re getting ready to leave and that is enough for the next few weeks.

* Subtly tries to get your attention. Asks how your days off were, wanting to know if you hung out with any friends, not so subtly asking if you’re single or going on any dates. Notices when you come in late with frazzled eyes, appears with a cup of coffee or a granola bar in hand for you. He’s physical with his coworkers (the way he manhandles Whitaker…), his hand on your shoulder in a gesture of encouragement or guiding your hands with his through a procedure.

* Likes old movies. Meaning anything before (but not limited to) 1980. Cassavetes, Hitchcock, Kubrick (Dr Stangelove), Malick (Days of Heaven and Badlands), Bogdanovich (The Last Picture Show, Paper Moon, Targets), Sidney Lumet, Michael Cimino (The Deer Hunter, Heaven’s Gate, Thunderbolt and Lightfoot), some James Bond movies. Never passes on a Western. Will fall asleep in front of the TV and you have to shake him awake so he can go to bed, which he’ll often protest, claiming he was just resting his eyes. Not entirely opposed to international film (enjoys the occasional Tarkovsky, and it's not pre-80s but you can't tell me Robby doesn't love Wong Kar-wai and In The Mood For Love) but most nights he needs something he can understand with his eyes closed.

* He doesn’t seem like a horror lover but him taking the measles kid’s dad into the Pittfest makeshift morgue makes me think he’d enjoy something like psychological thrillers? Thrillers in general? Funny Games, some David Lynch, The Fugitive, No Country For Old Men, The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974). LOVES Heat (1995).

* Reads A Lot. Taking inspiration from Noah Wyle’s various Instagram selfies with books. Will go to tiny bookstores that don’t have any method to their organization, just stacks and stacks of dusty books, and always comes out with an armful. God forbid either of you have to leave the city without the other but Robby will send you selfies with the books he reads. (One time you respond with “that hung smile” and he teases you about it for weeks, after he gets over the initial embarrassment of it.)

* Reads before bed and usually turns his light off after you turn over to close your eyes. When you do roll over, he takes it as his cue to finish up whatever chapter he’s on. He folds up his glasses, the sound of them hitting his nightstand is always a joy to hear because it means he’s going to click off his lamp and wrap his arm around your waist.

* Has a record collection. It’s much smaller than his book collection but still takes up quite a bit of shelf space. Going off of the 1 song he listens to in the show, he gravitates towards r&b, soul, jazz, some blues, some country (Johnny Cash, Kenny Rogers, Townes Van Zandt, etc).

* I love this man but I don’t think he can grill. Burns some hamburgers once and never wheels out the barbecue again.

* At one point he definitely gets a recliner and it becomes his spot. You hate it because you can’t sit with him but that doesn’t stop him from pulling you onto his lap.

* He gets so possessive. Truly cannot stomach the idea of anyone else wanting you, and it’s worse when you’re having an argument and all he can think about is the possibility of you leaving him. If he even thinks anyone else is looking at you he’ll snake an arm around your waist or lean down for a quick kiss. Loves hand holding because it always fends off wandering eyes.

* Before Covid, he’d play poker with Abbot and a few other friends. They were all pretty busy so poker night was limited to once a month at most. Abbot is really good at bluffing and Robby tanks every game because his face turns red when he’s excited or upset with his hand.

* Robby teaches you how to play poker. And various other card games. He'll sit with you at the kitchen table and teach you the rules and the hands. Plays with you to teach you but wins every round. "I didn't say I'd go easy on you."

* When he has a bad day, he gets quiet. He'll lay with his head in your lap just to be close to you. It can be hard to be with an emotionally constipated man at first. He doesn't let you in, he subconsciously self-sabotages his relationships with his lack of communication. His silence has brought many challenges to the relationship. After a while, after the honeymoon phase and many nights going to bed angry, it gets easier. Robby still doesn't like to talk about what's bothering him but he seeks you out for comfort. Maybe he'll talk about the last book he read and how he thinks you'll like it or a record he's been looking for but can't find.

* Has a pair of slippers he wears around the house. It’s been years and they’re starting to fall apart but he refuses to buy a new pair yet. If you buy him a new pair he won’t wear them.

* Eventually takes a lot of candid pictures of you on his phone. He had a film camera he used quite a bit like 15-20 years ago but slowly stopped using it. So he has the photography skills (somewhat) but it takes him a while to get the courage to sneak pictures of you.

* You find a collection of his old photographs and it genuinely shocks you. Since when was he a photographer??? He’d never mentioned it before. He has boxes of photos from his residency (hardly any feature him, though) and lots of Pittsburgh when he first moved there. You beg him to start taking pictures with his film camera again. Another box is filled with photos of you. He likes to document memories this way because it gives him a physical reminder of it happening. Those dates weren’t just a dream. They’re real. He doesn’t spend a lot of time taking photos, though. He’ll snap one or two when the moment is right and not bring it up again. He likes to live in the moment with a little souvenir of it.

* Keeps a little photo of you in his wallet. No matter how long you’ve been dating, catching a glimpse of it when he opens his wallet for his debit card makes his heart stutter.

[dantes-jacket]

A little surprise

Dante x fem reader

Author notes: request #7! Dante finds out you’re pregnant! Mentions of throwing up, and so much fluff :)

There’s a good amount of things you hate in the world and one of those things is throwing up. It extremely uncomfortable and disgusting. The awful aftertaste left in your mouth makes you want to throw up again.

It’s day two of throwing up for most of the day and you’re despising every single millisecond of it. You don’t even have your husband here to hold back your hair while you’re throwing up everything in your stomach. Of course when you get sick Dante is on a long mission. The world is really hitting you when you’re already down.

You’re finally able to sit down on the couch without getting nauseous and you’re taking advantage of it. You’re watching some tv when the door swings open. You see Trish and Lady strolling on in. Ah it must be check up day. Whenever Dante goes on a long mission he always sends those two to check on you.

Most of the time they show up on their own because they want to hang out with you but they also have to check to make sure no demons are hanging around. They do the sweep of the inside and outside and give you the thumbs up for an all clear.

They oddly keep standing in front of you and give each other a look. Lady speaks first, “You look like shit.”

Trish smacks her, “Don’t listen to her. You look a little pale. You feeling okay?”

“To be honest I’ve been better. I can’t stop-“ bile rises up your throat once again. You cover your mouth and dash to the bathroom and empty your stomach. Lady and Trish follow you. Trish holds your hair back and Lady rubs your back.

When you’re finally throwing up you flush the toilet then wipe your mouth with a stray towel. “As you can see, I’ve been better. I can’t stop throwing up.”

“Is it something you ate?” Lady asks.

“I don’t think so? I haven’t eaten anything different plus I can’t keep anything down so I’ve barely been eating.”

“We are going to take you to the doctor. Dante will kill us if we just sat by and didn’t do anything.” Trish states while grabbing your hand.

The three of you head to the urgent care near Devil May Cry. You check in and wait to get called back. The wait isn’t long until a nurse calls your name. The three of you stand up and follow the nurse to your room.

The nurse is a nice old lady, “Okay sweetheart sit on the exam table.” You do as she says and then she asks, “So what seems to be the problem dear?”

You explain to her how you have been nauseous, can’t stop throwing up, and can’t keep any food down. While you tell her she takes notes on her clipboard.

“Is there a chance you could be pregnant?”

You freeze at the question. Pregnant? You and Dante have sex quite often but could you really be pregnant?

“I mean my husband and I have sex often so possibly?”

“Let me get a test and we’ll have you take it because all your symptoms are lining up with early pregnancy.”

You’re speechless and don’t know what to say. So Trish answers for you, “Thank you ma’am.” The nurse just nods and leaves the room shutting it behind her.

Once she leaves you snap your neck to Lady and Trish, “PREGNANT!?”

Trish stands up and walks over to you. She places her hands on her shoulders, “It’s okay, we’ll figure this out.”

“But- Dante and I have never talked about kids or about getting pregnant.”

“Hey, calm down. Stressing yourself out isn’t going to help. Let’s have you take the test and see what it says. We’ll be here the entire time, okay?”

You take a deep breath, “Okay.”

The nurse walks back in with a cup and Trish steps back. The nurse walks you through what to do and hands you the cup. You walk to the bathroom across the hall and do the steps you were told to do.

When you’re done you walk back to your room and hand the test to the nurse. “Thank you dear. The results should be back within a couple of minutes.”

You bounce your leg up and down due to your nerves. You see a hand placed on your knee and look up to see Lady. “You’re okay. I’m also sorry for being rude earlier.”

“Don’t worry about that at all. I know I look rough, it didn’t even bug me.”

She just nods and keeps her hand on your knee. You hear a knock at the door and the nurse walks back in. She holds the results to you and you take them. All you read is “positive”. Your hand covers your mouth and you start to cry. You back at your friends and smile, “I’m pregnant!”

They smile at you and wish you congratulations. The nurse clears her throat, “Congratulations but I do have to kinda ruin the moment. Here is a list of doctors you can go to make sure everything stay good with your pregnancy. Make sure you stay consistent with your appointments. It’ll help you and the baby.”

Trish takes those papers from her and thanks her. The nurse wishes you congratulations again then leaves. “Let’s get you back to the shop.”

Once you’re back you’re pacing around the living room. “How am I suppose to tell him?! I mean we never talked about this. What if he doesn’t want a kid? Just look how everything happened with Nero.”

Trish rolls her eyes, “No way we are comparing Vergil’s kid to your little baby.”

“Hey I’m just saying! Look how reacted when he found that out.”

“Do you seriously think Dante would be mad at you? Or leave you?” Lady questions.

Your eyes widen and you wave your hands in front of you, “No god no! I know he wouldn’t but I just, what if he’s not ready? He’s still doing so much and I don’t want to add more to his plate.”

“You’re overthinking too much. Let’s just go to one of these doctors so they can do an ultrasound. You can tell him by showing him the picture.” Trish explains.

“Okay, we can go first thing in the morning. You two are welcome to stay here. We have guest bedrooms or if you so please, the couch.” They laugh and take up the offer. You three all go to bed early to prepare for the morning tomorrow.

The next day you’re sitting in another doctor’s office getting the ultrasound done. The doctor is pointing to the little baby growing in your stomach. You start to tear up, that’s your little baby. You’re going to be a mom and Dante is going to be a dad.

The doctor asks if you want to have a picture of it and you eagerly answer yes. The doctor prints out the photo for you. You two talk about your next appointment and what to expect. You take every word the doctor says to heart because you don’t want to mess anything up.

You’re back at Devil May Cry with Lady and Trish. They decided to stay until Dante gets back to make sure you don’t need help with anything and that you stay okay.

It’s not until a couple more days go by that Dante is walking into the shop. The three of you girls are eating dinner when he walks in. He says hello to the duo then walks right to your seat.

“Hi baby, missed you.” He leans down and kisses you.

“Hi love, I missed you too.” You go to stand up and hug him but he puts his hands in front of him.

“As much as I would love a hug from you I absolutely reek. I’ve been in a sewer system this entire time and I’m not letting you smell that.”

You laugh, “That’s sweet but I already smell it.”

“I know don’t remind me. I’m gonna shower, I’ll be back.” He kisses you again then heads off to your shared bathroom.

You get up and make him a plate so he can eat. You’re glad you made extras today. You finished making his plate and head back to the dining room. You place his plate down right by yours.

You go back to eating and talking with the duo about your plan. You hear Dante walking back down and you three go silent. Before he can comment on it, “I made you a plate, come and eat.”

“Oh you sure know the way to my heart.” He digs in and groans, “Man I missed having your food.”

The three of you laugh at his reaction. Being in a sewer system really must such. Trish and Lady ask about his mission and he tells them all about it. Of course emphasizing the fights to make him look good. The duo of them just shake their head and let him continue on with his story.

Once he’s done he turns to you, “How about you? What did you do while I was gone.”

Boom this is your moment. “Let me show you!”

You get up and grab the photo from the ultrasound out of your purse. You hide it behind his back and he smirks, “Oh I get a surprise now?”

You nod your head quietly and hand him the photo. He stares at it deeply and you can see all the gears working in his head. Then you see it click.

“Wait this is-“ he looks up at you, “You’re pregnant?”

You nod again and grin, “Dante, you’re going to be a father.”

“Holy shit,” he covers his mouth and looks at the photo again. He abruptly stands up and pulls you into a hug and spins you around.

He’s laughing and smiling, you mirror his emotions. He places you back down and holds your face in his hands, “I’m going to be a dad. I can’t thank you enough baby. You mean the world to me and knowing you’re having my kid is incredible. You’re going to be such a great mom.”

You start crying but he doesn’t hesitate to wipe your tears, “I can’t wait to see you be a father Dante. I love you. Thank you for doing this with me.”

He leans in to kiss you. It’s a loving and sweet kiss. It fills you with hope and love. The future is so bright for you two and you cannot wait. He can’t either and you can tell through this kiss.

You two disconnect and can’t stop smiling. Dante turns to the others that are still in the room, “Did you two know?”

Trish smiles, “Yeah we took her the doctors and stayed to make sure she was okay until you got back.” Lady just nods along and smiles.

Dante disconnects from you and pulls them into a hug, “Thank you. I can’t repay you two enough.”

Lady answers, “Just as long as we are the aunts that’s all we need.”

Dante breaks the hug from them and you walk over to him. You stand right next to him and he wraps his arm around your waist to pull you into his side.

“Of course you didn’t even have to ask.” You respond to Lady.

Dante places his hand on your stomach, “This kid is going to have one hell of a family.”

You place your hand over his, “Yeah, yeah they are.”

@sweetkingdomdefendor

[district-thirteen-intern]

So I'm almost halfway into Sunrise on the Reaping and I'm shocked. I wanted to love this book. I planned to love this book. There was never even a thought in my mind that I wouldn't. I re-read the entire trilogy in anticipation, and finally made myself read Ballad (which I was skeptical about for certain reasons but actually enjoyed very much), and I saved up to buy this thing. I came prepared.

But oof, it's rough.

I won't say there isn't anything good about it at all. I like the narration style. I like that in the beginning, we got a lot more lore on District 12; on how the Hob looks and on the families and their backgrounds and their personalities. And I love Maysilee Donner's character, and to a lesser extent, Wyatt's. But why is Lenore Dove who isn't even there getting so much more screen time than these absolute icons? They're the highlights of my reading experience right now but they're sprinkled in like seasoning instead of being an ingredient in the actual dish.

And then there's Haymitch himself.

Who is this man?

I get that he's young and not-traumatized but there's none of that dry wit and cynicism that I love. Instead, his personality is 78% Lenore Dove.

Sir. Be serious.

Speaking of Lenore Dove: if I hear her name one more time, I might snap. We’re halfway through the book and I still don’t feel anything for her. I’m clearly supposed to, but the emotional connection is just not there. Haymitch cares more about her than his actual family. He's not even thought once about his mother or little brother in quite a few chapters (who I also don't feel much of a connection with) but Lenore Dove is on every other page. His character is set up to love all these people so much and I think that's supoosed to make the tragedy at the end hit much harder, but I just don't care for any of these people right now.

Also—why is everyone and their mother showing up? Mags, Wiress, Beetee, Plutarch, Burdock, Astrid, and I know Effie will be in there somewhere too, like… did anyone stay home?? It’s giving crossover episode energy and not in a good way.

And now my biggest frustration at the moment: Haymitch isn't stupid— or at least, he shouldn't be this stupid. But this boy hears that Betee's child was reaped and will now be killed for sure because Betee pulled a minor act of rebellion and he still thinks "let's blow up this arena" There are moments of hesitation but they're about self-doubt and not a fear of consequences. He hasn't yet stopped to think what happens to his family if the arena doesn't break, or even if it does. Is he naive enough to believe there will be no retaliation despite being told so? Where is self-preservation? What happened to critical-thinking? You just watched Louella die, and Snow brought in LouLou as a warning and this is what you agree to immediately after? And Betee getting a sixteen year old boy in on the plan— at least he must know what will happen to Haymitch's family if he goes through with this but he doesn't even warn him.

Wow.

Just wow.

I'm choosing to trust in Suzanne Collins to somehow make this better, but I feel like I'm being asked to invest in relationships I don't care about, and root for a Haymitch I don't recognize, and I don't like it.

[better-setterv2]

𝒜𝒸𝒸𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓈

Authors Note: Hey everyone! This is my very first post on Tumblr. I’m still figuring out how everything works on here, so apologies if the formatting’s a bit off. If you have any feedback, let me know. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy! P.S I honestly hate this...Lots of love xx

Summary: Reader gets added into the f1 group-chat by mistake

Warning: none

MASTERLIST

Pt1, Pt2

࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ

You never meant to end up in that group chat.

One minute you were scrolling through your messages and the next, a swarm of notifications flooded in. GIFs, memes and inside jokes that made no sense from a group chat named GridBanterGC 🏁. Apparently, someone named MadMax had meant to add someone else. You were the wrong number. The usernames presented were even more confusing; HoneyBadger, SmoothOperator, Pastry and a lot more.

[MadMax has added unknown user to GridBanterGC🏁]

MadMax: don’t worry guys I finally added Alex

Norrified: Are you sure? Because that is not Alex’s number man

SmootherOperator: that isn’t even close to Alex’s number HAHAHA

Pastry: Who did you even add?

User: um…hello?

Hulk: what have you done Max?

Baguetteboi: Uh...hi there. What’s your name?

User: Why would I tell randoms my name? Do you guys even have brain cells?

MrSaturday: Fair. As a matter of fact we do have brain cells! Well, some of us.

But before you could press leave chat, a message caught your attention.

Hammertime: Do I even bother asking what happened? Ignore them newbie, feel free to leave or stay. I promise we don’t bite.

You smiled as you read his message, feeling a warm connection despite not knowing who Hammertime actually was.

MadMax: Sorry guys I didn’t mean to add them. Bloody fat thumbs…

HoneyBadger: How do you even stuff up that bad?

User: You’re telling me you dragged me into this stupid group-chat with idiotic names accidentally?

Pastry: Exactly.

User: You can easily just block me, problem solved. Honestly what are you guys, 14 year olds who don’t think?

Hulk: we just got roasted…by a random in like 5 seconds

Hammertime: Leave the newbie alone. Anyway, don’t mind them. You’ll get used to the chaos. If you need a break, hit me up or I can tell these wildlings to stop harassing you.

You felt a small flutter in your chest at the message, wondering what kind of person he was behind the screen.

You didn’t know much about Hammertime just his kindness and the way he made you feel welcome. But there was something about him that was starting to intrigue you more than the others.

The conversation shifted to random memes and more lighthearted jokes, but you kept finding yourself glancing at Hammetime’s name whenever he spoke, the soft mystery he exuded pulling you in.

You set your phone down with a soft sigh, wondering how long it would take to figure out who those people are behind the screen.

࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ ࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃࣪𓏲ᥫ᭡

The next day, the group chat was its usual chaotic self. You sometimes commenting throughout. But this time, there was something different.

You didn’t just see the jokes and memes, you saw Hammertime’s messages first. He was calm, cool, collected and somehow in the mess of it all, you found yourself looking forward to his next message.

But what really caught you off guard was a message from Hammertime that afternoon.

Hammertime: Funny how someone can show up by accident and still end up being the best part of the day unlike the rest of you

You blinked at the message, unsure how to respond. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard, but for once you didn’t know what to say.

You typed back and erased your reply twice before finally settling on;

User: Is that your way of saying you’re glad I’m here?

Seconds passed. Then a minute. Your phone buzzed again.

Hammertime: Maybe. Don’t let it go to your head though.

SmootherOperator: stop flirting you two, that’s my job

You laughed quietly, pulling your knees to your chest as you sat curled up on your couch. There was something different about him or whoever he was. Polite, thoughtful, with this quiet sort of charm that didn’t try too hard.

You didn’t even know his real name, but somehow that didn’t seem to matter. You smiled to yourself, heart fluttering just a bit. You didn’t know who Hammertime really was…but maybe you didn’t need to. Not yet.

For now, the mystery was enough.

[heretoobsessstuff]

an (almost) love confession

A moment between John and Gale in stalag

~~~

It’s late at night, maybe early morning when Gale feels the bunk dip next to him. He’s already lying on the far side of the rickety mattress. Expecting him. John gets in gently, his long limbs arranging beside Gale’s like they’ve been doing this for years. Gale knows it’s barely been months. Gale’s never known John to be gentle like this. To go all soft like this. Not in a way that could mean something. Maybe it does mean something.

He doesn’t say anything for a while. He just lies there, trying not to blink too much, because his eyes sting when he does.

Eventually, John stirs again.

“What are you thinking about” he murmurs.

Gale swallows. About how we’re never getting out of here. About how much I miss my bed back in the states. About how this may be the last time I might lay next to you. About how this feels like the end.

His voice comes out thinner than he expects. “Nothing”

John is quiet. His hand finds Gale’s again beneath the blanket.

“Talk to me” He whispers. His breath feels hot against Gale’s neck.

“I’m cold” Gale says, after a moment. “I don’t think I remember what it feels like to not be this cold. To not feel like this”

John exhales through his nose, soft. “Yeah. I know.”

“I think…” Gale swallows. “I think I’m scared.”

John’s thumb sweeps over the back of his hand. “I know that too.”

“I keep thinking,” Gale says, voice shaking now. Heart starting to race “about how we got here. All the stuff we never said.”

John doesn’t answer. Gale feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest but he has to say it. 

“I just” Gale breathes, then forces the words out. “I need you to know something.”

He feels John stiffen.

“Buck-”

“Just in case,” Gale interrupts, desperate. If he stops now he might never say it “Just in case something happens, I need you to know.”

His chest is tight. His eyes burn. His hand is still wrapped in John’s. He swallows hard. He squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t bring himself to look at John.

“I love you,” Gale whispers.

The moment that follows is not quiet. It’s not peaceful. It’s a silence that cracks and breaks into sharp pieces that cut through his heart the longer John stays silent.

John’s hand jerks out of his.

“No,” John says, instantly, like a command. “Don’t say that. Just don’t. Not like that, Buck.”

Gale’s breath catches.

John sits up, suddenly, the blanket falling off his shoulders. John rubs a hand hard down his face. Gale bites his lip. He needs to breathe. 

“You don’t get to talk like that.” John says quickly, desperately.

“I didn’t say it because I think I’m gonna die-”

“No,” John says again, sharper now, but his voice wavers. “You don’t get to say that to me like it’s goodbye. I won’t hear it. Not after everything.” He shakes his head. Face drawn in tight. “Not after everything” Gale feels his lip bleed. He tastes the blood.

“Look at me” John says again, hands fisting on his thighs “I’m gettin’ you out of here if it kills me, and you don’t get to say goodbye.”

Gale’s eyes sting. “It wasn’t a goodbye.”

John looks at him then, finally and he looks wrecked. In the low light his eyes are dark and shiny and full of something aching. Desperate.

“It wasn’t,” Gale says again. Weakly. “I just wanted you to know.”

John doesn’t speak.

Gale’s voice falters, softens. “I’m not just saying it because I’m scared.”

John looks away, jaw tight. He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes.

Gale reaches out, slow. He doesn’t try to take his hand this time , just lets his fingers rest against John’s wirst. He can feel the tension there, pulsing beneath the skin.

“John”

Eventually, John speaks, quieter now, worn thin.

“You’re gonna get better,” he says. “we’re gonna walk outta here. And when we do… then you can say it again. You understand me?”

Gale nods, throat too full to speak.

“Would you say it back?” His eyes burn, his voice sounds too wet. Too pathetic to his own ears. But he has to ask it. He has to know.

John shifts back down beside him, silent, his body tense as a drawn wire. But after a few seconds, his hand finds Gale’s again. Pulls it close to his chest, cradling it. 

“I would. I promise.” Gale squeezes his eyes shut again. Keeping the floodgates closed. Keeping it all in. 

“I’m not letting you go,” John murmurs, like a promise or a plea. Gale nods. That’s all he can do. That’s all his body does..

“I’m never letting you go.”

I've been tagged in "several sentence sunday" by @onyxsboxes and @avonne-writes a while ago, I'm sorry it took me a long time and thank u for thinking of me <3 but i wrote this recently. It's kind of standalone thing, idk if i would expand it ❤️❤️❤️

tagging @trekkiehood @hogans-heroes @amiserableseriesofevents if they wanna!

[help-itrappedmyself]

Liminal Jason part 6

This part feels like a lot of exposition. My bad, but the Batfam does not know how Danny and his life works.

You can find the earlier parts on my masterpost

“And in this scenario, you three count as dead?” Red asked, hoping to get some clarity on this, quite frankly, annoyingly impossible scenario playing out in front of him. Because as much as he can see that they clearly have a way to communicate that is beyond him and knows that they have all died, his brain does not seem to want to compute this information into other conclusions. A glance from Tim to Bruce shows that while he may not be struggling as much with the logistics of this situation, he is still struggling.

That may be because of all the children in front of him that- regardless of current status- all did die at some point. 

“Sort of,” Danny shrugs. “What you have to understand is there are a lot of different kinds of beings from what you would consider the land of the dead, which I call the Ghost Zone, and is more formally known as the Infinite Realms. There is a lot of diversity, and It would be a real sit-down kind of lesson to try and explain them all to you guys. The important bit for right now is that the three of us,” Danny gestures to Red Hood, then himself, then to Robin,”are three different beings, as related to the Infinite Realms, and I am the only one that technically counts as dead.”

Danny is very good at ignoring the side glances being thrown around. “But Ghost Speak can be spoken by any denizen of the Infinite Realms, who falls under any of it’s categories or rulers.” 

“Rulers?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Danny does another hand waving motion. “You know, Hades and Pluto, Lucifer and the Devil, the Ghost King, and other various religions and beliefs rulers. It's all very monarchist. The Infinite Realms are all technically under the control of the Ghost King, but the Infinite Realms are infinite and that’s a lot for one person to control. So various religious leaders all  make up what is essentially Dukes and Lords and Barons and other random titles, and they all control their little Realms and make up what could be considered a council or a parliament or Congress or what-have-you that is technically under the rule of the Ghost King. But the Ghost King really only takes care of the really big stuff most of the time. Unless there’s a tyrant on the throne, like with Pariah Dark. He was a terrible ruler, very controlling.”

Danny was rambling. He was aware of this, but the others seemed too shell-shocked to be able to stop him, and he has never really been able to talk about this with anyone so now that he is he doesn’t think he can stop himself either. 

“He’s not on the throne anymore, luckily. Technically the right to the throne is transferred through single-combat, very old-fashioned. No one could beat Pariah Dark so they locked him in the Coffin of Forever Sleep for a really long time instead. I don’t think the Infinite Realms really need a King all that much, they got by just fine for millenia without one. But now we’re getting into politics. Unimportant. Death Speak, language of the Infinite Realms, totally natural, not at all bad.”

Danny forces himself to take a very long, slow breath. By the time he is done, the others seem at least semi-recovered. 

“If it’s all the same to you, I think I would like that sit-down lesson at some point.” Red mutters, fingers twitching as he pulls out his tablet to start writing down this information. Bruce grunts in agreement.

“If it's all the same to you,” Hood snaps, “I would like to get out of this cell now.” 

“If we let you out, will you stay until we have the results from all of the tests?” Bruce asked. “They’re currently running so it won’t take long.” 

“Why the hell do we need to stay for that? You-”

“Did you take my blood?” Danny interrupted, seeming very concerned.

“It was a precaution, we had to test it. We took some of Hood’s too.” Red tried to explain. It didn’t seem to be helping, Danny’s breathing was getting kind of fast. “The tests are running now, just to look for influences of mind control or magic. And to test for dimensional distortions and integrity, if you were telling the truth about being from a different dimension. And to see if you have an alternate in this dimension that we need to be concerned about you running into.”

“I don’t really care -well, yes I do, breach of privacy, and consent, and-” Danny took a deep breath. “That is not my main concern at the moment. You were safe when handling my blood, right? You used gloves and it didn’t get on you or anything? I don’t know where we are and what you people are like, but just tell me you were safe around my blood.”

The real concern and fear in Danny was starting to get everyone else.

“Don’t worry, we are very safe here. We all have training and we know and use lab and medical safety procedures.” Damian spoke softly, aiming to calm.

“What is wrong with your blood, Danny?” Hood’s concern for him came out in underling Ghost Speak, and between him and Damian, Danny was able to calm some.

“It may be… not radioactive. Not contagious either.” Danny’s voice trailed to muttering for a moment as he figured out how to word what he said next. “My blood has a contaminant in it. Just don’t let it touch you, and definitely don’t let it get inside you somehow. It can also be dangerous if you have prolonged exposure, so make sure to get rid of any samples as soon as possible after the test and keep it away from other samples. And for the love of everything that is holy, try to keep it away from anything that will ever be ingested. Keep it away from food!”

“It can contaminate other samples?” 

“It can contaminate anything given enough time, technology included. But it spreads way more easily when it’s cold for some reason, so really anything put in a fridge with it should be tossed immediately.”

“You said it’s not contagious?” There was concern in even Red’s voice now.

“You’re not ill are you?” Damian eyes Danny warily.

“I’m fine, It’s part of me being what I am. Just,” Danny sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before cupping the back of his neck with both hands and looking towards the ceiling. “Think of it like a transforming agent. I’ve already been exposed, my DNA is altered, the harm is already done. My body actually needs that substance to survive now. Hood and… I’m sorry I don’t know what to call you.” Danny swung his hands back down to his sides as he glanced at Robin. 

“Robin.” Damian stated bluntly. 

Danny nodded and continued. “Hood and Robin have already been exposed so they’re fine for low to medium amounts of exposure. You two,” Danny pointed a finger at Red and then Batman, “Have not been exposed and therefore should avoid it as much as possible. Even a little bit can cause lifelong effects.”

[levissslutt]

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, smut, mention of drug use, kidnapping, cheating wc:11.9k

The Mechanic Final Part

You woke to a delicious burn in your thighs, covered in a fluffy white duvet. A pang of panic hit your chest, wondering how you got back in your house before memories of the day before flooded your mind.

Josh had brought you home, much like the first time the two of you met, only this time he'd brought you home, as his girl , and that had a fat ass smile plastered on your face. Cheesing ear to ear.

The smell of breakfast had your feet moving before you realized what was happening. You rounded the corner, to a very large man in your kitchen. You almost doubled over immediately at the sight. He was wearing some shorts he must've found in your drawer, not paying attention to what was on them.

"Juicy" was sprawled out in rhinestones on the backside of the shorts, walking over you caressed him from behind, kissing his back.

"You look way better in these than me."

You tapped his right cheek, watching it move, damn near more than yours.

"You got me feeling like Im the women in the relationship."

His voice was gruff, full of sleep. You laughed at him, hugging him closer. You loved how he just let you love on him.

"This just how I show my affection, and damn, have you affected me."

He set the pan he was holding down on the stove, spinning around.

“You really my girl now.”

He was grinning like a child in a candy store.

“Yes Joshua I am now flip over my pancakes before they burn.”

He slapped your ass pecking your cheek.

“Girl I got this, go roll up assum.”

Pulling him in for another kiss, you nosed his cheek.

“I gotchu you Chef Fatu.”

You saluted retreating back to your bedroom. He watched you, smile never leaving his face. This was all he ever wanted, something, someone genuine. He couldnt wait for his little boy to meet you, you were what they needed, someone solid.

-

The next day was the most fun you’d had in a while. The day before Josh had a few clients that needed detailing so after breakfast he headed out.

But today was the day you where going to meet his son for the first time, Jeyce, he was 6 years old and from the pictures his dad has shown you he was his twin, down to the curls.

-

You sat nervously in the passenger seat of his truck twiddling your thumbs, as you inched forward in the car pool line.

“Girl will you relax.”

You pouted slightly, “I am relaxed.”

“You ain’t even hear what I said just now.”

You turned to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“What did you say.”

“I love you.”

Your heart lept in your chest.

“Just like that?”

He nodded.

“You don’t think we moving too fast.”

He shook his head quickly.

“That’s just how I feel, you don’t have to say it ba-

“I love you too Joshua.” Cheeks flushed, because you did, you loved him and that felt good to say.

He grinned, all 32 showing.

“Just like that lil mama.” He chuckled under his breathe.

Soon the two of you made it to the front of the line, Jeyce running eagerly towards the back door, bookbag bigger than him. He didn't even notice you at first. One of his teachers held the door for him, watching you closely, you thought nothing if it assuming no one had ever been with Josh to get him.

He hopped in the back, talking 50 miles a minute about his day, his little back was turned trying to settle into his seat, the two of you were turned around watching him with smiles on your face.

“Jeyce buddy I got someone I want you to meet.”

He stopped talking just as fast as he started when he sat down buckling himself in, finally noticing you. His eyes went big, voice trailing off.

“Hi Jeyce, I’m Bella.”

He squinted at you slightly but waved nonetheless, a small smile twitching on his small face.

“Hi Bella, are you and my dad friends?”

The two of you exchanged looks, you stuttered not knowing what to say.

“Nah this is my girlfriend Jeyce, we’ve been seeing each other for a little bit now and I wanted you to meet her.”

He looked between the two of you, allowing his features to spread into a real smile.

“So you really like her dad ?”

He was grinning ear to ear now, same smile as his dad.

“Yea lil man I really do like her, how about we go grab something to eat and we can all talk?”

You couldn’t possibly imagine his smile getting any bigger but it did, his entire face was lit up, nodding eagerly at the idea.

-

The afternoon was perfect, filled with laughter and new memories made.

Josh had taken y'all to the best pizza place in town. You recognized the street he turned on, as the run down Italian spot came into view.

"What you know about this place Mr. Mechanic."

"Only that they got the best mothafuckin pizza in town, best breadsticks, best salad...lets just say we finna gain a few pounds."

Jeyce was too tickled in the back, his eyes looking through his window with excitement.

Your stomach fluttered, eyes squinty as you smiled. It felt good to share a place the two of you both know of before knowing each other. It was like fate had brought you two together just to experience the good things in life you discovered before.

Finally seated, with sweet teas all around the table, conversations flowed easily. Your heart was full, and you were happy, genuinely happy. Jeyce even insisted on sitting next to you, talking your right ear off, but you didn't mind not one bit, listening to every word he said with a smile on your face.

-

A few months had gone by. Everything you ever wanted was falling into place. When you first met Josh you told him your goal was to have another studio within the next year, and here you were only about 6 months later, making it happen.

Jeyce was in school for the day, and Josh closed his shop for the time being to help you find a new studio space. You wanted to buy out some space further from the city, still in a populated area, but not smack in the middle of the city, in doing so you hoped for new cliental that way.

"Baby will you relax, we don't have to figure it all out today."

The two of you were standing in the middle of the 4th building you've toured for the day, and nothing was speaking to you, nothing stood out and your frustration was festering and Josh could tell.

Walking over he pulled you into a hug, his chin resting on the top of your head, beard tickling your forehead.

"Take a deep breathe baby, it wasn't no way you was going to find the perfect option for you the first day we started looking."

His hands were rubbing your shoulders in a soothing motion, finally taking a deep breathe you sighed heavily.

"Im a perfectionist, and as unrealistic as it sounds I actually was expecting to find the perfect space for me today."

He pulled out his phone checking the time.

"Well how about this, we aint gotta get lil man for a few more hours, why don't we grab something eat and then try to squeeze in a few more places before the end of the day.

Although you were pouting like a damn child he laughed and pulled you out the building nonetheless.

"You are dramatic as hell pretty girl we gon find you the perfect studio."

"I know just let me be dramatic please."

He pulled you over his shoulder, feet dangling in the air.

"Sir if you don't put me down."

"Not until you fix yo face."

"I - I know damn well you don't got me in air jail."

He was laughing so hard he could hardly hold you up.

"Baby you- yo ass need to calm down."

You crossed your arms over his head. If somebody saw the two of you like this you were positive they would take a picture, two grown ass folks giggling like kids in a random parking lot. You didn't care not one bit though.

Josh had a way of bringing out your inner child, you were still contemplating if he was just childish himself or if Jeyce had his dad wrapped around his finger.....both. Jeyce was really the mastermind behind the way Josh acts and his own personality just drove it in.

-

He was still chuckling as he let you out of air jail, lifting you into his house of a truck.

You didn't see your phone ringing at first, but as your laughter died down you heard the vibration, yanking it out of the cup holder already irritated all over again.

"I swear to god if this number calls me one more time."

You declined it, blocking the number like you have for the 100th time since the calls started. They started exactly a week after you met Jeyce for the first time.

Josh raised an eyebrow.

"Who dat."

"I don't even know Josh they been calling me nonstop multiple times a day, at first it was the same number and I blocked it after the fourth time they called, then another number started calling me and I didn't make the connection until a few days later, and once I realized I blocked that one too, Josh another fucking number started-

"Why you aint tell me ma that's not ok."

He cut you off snatching your phone out your hand, scrolling through your call log.

"Well I just don't know who it could be honestly so I didn't know enough to be worried, its just annoying as hell constantly getting calls."

"Maybe you should change your numb-

His face had gone pale, voice trailing off, as he stared at the small device in his large hands.

"Josh what is it, what's wrong."

He said nothing, he had froze, literally froze, his entire body was rigid, but his hands were trembling.

When he spoke his voice was low, cautious, trying to mask the emotion in it.

"Bella. How did you get this number."

The look he had on his face had sent chills all the way through your body.

"I- I didn't get it from anybody those numbers are the ones that are calling me."

He shook his head, it almost looked like there was a smile on his face.

"Nah there's no way."

Your stomach was twisted , heart pounding against your ribcage, because the normal silly Josh was long gone, his entire demeanor had changed within seconds . There was a literal chill in the car from the tension.

"Imma ask you one more time Bella. How the fuck did you get this number."

You tried gaining back control of the situation, something was wrong very very wrong. Leveling your voice the best you could,

"Josh I just told you, I didn't get that number from anybody, they started calling me the week after we hung out with Jeyce."

He looked over to you, locking eyes with you once, and then he returned his focus back to the small device. You relaxed slightly seeing his eyes and features had softened a bit.

Running a hand down his face, he stared at your phone as if it was going to give you all the answers he needed.

"This just don't make no sense."

"Joshua please tell me wants going on."

He finally looked at you, not just a glance, he turned his body to face you, taking your hand in his, voice still small, holding way too much emotion for your liking.

"Baby I really need to know how you got this number."

You sighed again deeply, growing frustrated that he thought you were lying. Your voice rose more than you would have liked it to when you spoke.

"I don't know why you're acting like this, this the third time I just told you no one gave me that fucking number Josh, it started calling MY phone, not the other way around, do you understand?"

A beat of silent passed, his hands never left yours and you didn't want to pull away from him no matter how frustrated you were getting because you wanted him to explain what was going on.

"That number belongs to someone I know to be dead."

Your heart slammed against your chest.

"Who baby, who's number is that please tell me what's going on."

He suddenly ripped his hands away from yours, getting out the car. His hands were over his head, pacing back and forth, trying to control his breathing, but it was no use. The tears came, hot, and they didn't stop.

Not another second had passed before you stumbled out of his truck, rounding the car to him.

He was hyperventilating, his chest rising and falling as tears slipped from his eyes, you reached for him, trying to steady him.

"Josh-

"That's his fucking mom yo- fuck man."

The realization had hit you like a ton of bricks.

The number that had been calling you was from the mother of his kid. Well the first one anyway.

"How is that even possible I thought she was -

Your voiced trailed off, as you watched Josh sit back in the drivers seat of his truck, your phone was trembling in his hands.

You moved in between his legs to try to give him some form of comfort in this moment, but what exactly were you supposed to do ?

Imagine the mother of your kid who overdosed on drugs is now calling the phone of your new girlfriend. What kind of K drama shit was this ?

He wrapped his arms around your backside, burying his face in your chest. This small action had you relieved he was till in there somewhere. The deepest trauma he's ever been through was just dug back up in the bed of his new garden. You.

The worse of the day had yet to even come.

-

Josh had pulled himself together, putting every number that had called you in the notes app of his phone, double checking they were all blocked, he messaged each and every number with the same message.

' If this is who I think it is, tread lightly.' - J

In the midst of all of that the time to get Jeyce had come sooner rather than later.

Pulling up to the carpool line the two of you waited in silence, fingers tangled in each others in a silent prayer. Inching forward felt like the incline on a roller coaster the way the day was going, your stomach preparing to drop at any moment.

Finally reaching the front , you had given Jeyces name to his teacher, who had already looked confused to see the two of you which was odd, considering you've been picking him up with Josh for weeks now, she knew who you were.

"I though he was picked up already, guess not." She spoke into her walkie as she walked away.

Josh head snapped up so fast the car shook slightly. He reached over you quickly before you could yell after the teacher, he did just that.

"Wait miss come back, wait you mean you thought he was picked up already."

As she was walking back, the words that came over her walkie, echoed through the car.

"Oh yea Jeyce Fatu was picked up earlier by his parents, weren't you aware sir?"

You could've sworn everything was moving in slow motion after that.

Josh was yelling over you through the window, causing people to look our way.

" What the fuck you mean he was picked up already by his parents if we sitting right here."

He was out the car in the teachers face before you could stop him, scrabbling after him you wedged yourself in between him and the startled teacher.

"Y'all aint never seen nobody but me come and get him so what the fuck you mean my kid was already picked up."

By now a few male teachers had come to push him back after hearing the commotion, it was no use he was a big guy pushing through all of them.

You were trying your hardest to keep your hands on his chest to push him back, but he wasn't letting up. He was yelling now, everyone around y'all had either tried to get out the way or was watching the scene unfold with shocked faces.

Somehow they managed to get him to the ground, one teacher on top of him. You were crying now, the situation was out of hand and you were being tossed around like a rag doll in the middle of it.

As the teachers were trying to get a hold of Josh, you turned to the teacher who he was yelling at, tears coming down your face, voice broken, pleading for some answers.

"Ma'am that is his father whoever came to get him earlier was not his parents, you gave him away to some damn strangers, aren't there fucking precautions in releasing kids to other people." Your voice was raising growing angrier at the situation.

The realization was spreading across her face, an expression of horror left in its wake. The principal had come out now, as well as a few more teachers, still trying to calm Josh down, he was thrashing around on the side walk, people on top of him pulling him every which way.

The principal was half running have hobbling your way in her heels, a twisted confused expression on her face.

"What happened, isn't that Jeyces dad, what's going on."

"Yes Im his girlfriend Bella, we came too get him and y'all are telling us he was picked up already, by his parents, how when y'all have only ever seen Josh get him, and even then Ive been the only other person with him, so what the fuck is going on, where is he."

Your mind was racing as you spoke, trying to keep calm as the scene behind you was unfolding.

The teacher who must've been the one on the walkie came forward and spoke in a matter of fact tone, voice dripping with attitude.

"Actually his father did come pick him up, he showed us his id-

All you saw was your hand going across her face, fast and hard.

"Are you deaf, dumb, or delusional?"

She held her cheek, mouth wide open in shock.

"Joshua is his father, he's only 6 years old he aint even been in school that long. If Josh was the only person ever coming to get him and never put down a list of people who could also pick him up, why THE FUCK would you release him to some randoms 'cause they showed you an id' fuck outta here yo, so I will be calling the cops because what your telling me is he was kidnapped."

You backed away from the group of women pulling your phone out and dialing the 3 numbers quickly. The princapal as well as a few other teachers where in your face trying to calm you down saying things like, "it was a mistake", "There could be a reasonable explanation for all of this", "Please calm down."

Bullshit basically they was spewing bullshit in your face, because at the end of the day they fucked up and they knew it now.

"Im going to ask y'all once, back the fuck up."

You had your hand over your phone and found a different pair of eyes for every word you spoke. And they did just that.

-

Cops had arrived about 10 minutes later, all the kids were cleared out the school ,and all the teachers were standing outside, talking worriedly amongst themselves.

Josh had managed to get back to his feet, still yelling before the cops had come, he had calmed down enough to get the teachers off him but his voice was echoing off the empty parking lot.

You spoke to the cops first before Josh or the teachers, he was livid, rightfully so, and the teachers where trying to cop a plea at this point. Fuck that.

After explaining the situation to the cops, and after they got all the information they needed, they immediately put out a missing child report.

-

Exhausted, angry, confused, hungry, hot and very much over it, you plopped in the passenger seat of Joshs car, that had been running this entire time. From the moment the teacher informed y'all Jeyce was not there, to now, it had been over an hour, and there still was no resolution.

However there were a few more details added to the situation, apparently the women who came and got Jeyce was his mother. The women that the Fatu family, including you, had thought to be dead. her being alive was enough of a gut puncher within itself, but its who the "father" that was with her that really drove it home. Josh had a twin brother. That is who was with the women earlier. The teachers couldn't even backpedal and say they thought it was Josh because they had already admitted to checking his id and even named him as Jonathan, not Joshua.

A screeching sedan came bumbling into the parking lot, a women who looked uncanny like Josh got out, immediately, running over to him. He bear hugged her, you had been watching him talk to the cops across the lot. His shoulders shook into her as she clung to him, the way he looked 10 years younger in her arms and the way he clung back to her, that had to be his mother.

You didn't know what to do, part of you felt like this was your fault, maybe if you would've told him about the calls sooner this wouldn't have happened. Your face was in your hands, silently sobbing.

Strong hands had wrapped around your wrist pulling you into their chest.

"Im already knowing what you thinking Bella, this is not your fault baby, you better scrub that idea from your mind right fucking now."

Josh, his voice strained and pained.

You looked up at him, sobbing, no sound coming out.

He held you as you cried, your breathe eventually catching, causing a loud sob to come from you.

"it is Josh it is my fault, Im sorry, Im so sorry-

Another voice from behind him spoke in a language you didn't understand, but your spirit felt the words all the same.

"Bella wipe your face baby, look this my moms."

He side stepped so his mom could walk up, grabbing your other hand.

"Hi pretty girl, I hate how this is how we're meeting, Ive heard so much about you."

She all but pushed Josh out the way to embrace you, holding you in a way only a mother could. She was rubbing your back , and somehow Josh managed to keep a hand on your knee.

She had tears in her own eyes as she backed up to look at you. She held your shoulders firmly.

"We will find him Bella, don't you worry. Stay here with her Joshua while I try to get some more answers from the principal."

You nodded as she made her way back to the group of teachers huddled on the side walk.

"Look at me my love."

Your eyes met, both of your faces, red, tear streaked and sad, and to think the day started off with searching for studio space.

His thumb and index finger came up to pinch your cheek.

"You so cute when you cry." He whispered ever so slightly.

The faintest of smiles spread onto your face, fading almost immediately.

"I know its a lot going on right now, but I haven't been fair to you, I raised my voice at you earlier, I- Im sorry."

"Im not gonna lie Josh that shit hurt a little when you didn't believe me about the number, I know it was really because you were in shock, but I would never lie to you, I would never hide anything from you so don't ever do that to me again. However I shouldve told you about the numbers, maybe-

"Nah none of that, you had me until the end, this aint your fault Bells, this aint your fault at all." He bear hugged you, holding you like that for a bit.

-

The two of you as well as Mrs. Fatu followed the police cruisers back to the station. The sun was long gone by now, the chill you'd felt in the car earlier never leaving you. Goosebumps had lined your arms, as silence filled the car.

The city blurred in an unfamiliar haze.

Joshua was a mess, he was trying his best to put on a poker face, but his lip trembled anytime his mind wandered too much. His boy was gone, he's all he ever had and he's gone. He prayed to whoever was listening that he didn't have to end up in prison, protecting his son.

Even through all of it, he never let your hand go, not once, his soft lips brushing on your temple every so often reassuring you he was right here. Through it all he was reassuring you.

-

The police station smelled of burnt coffee, leather, and cedar wood, a very odd combination. You and Josh sat side by side in the office of one of the officers, every sound, every door, opening, phone ringing, made the both of you jump. Anxious wasn't even the word.

It was torture, sitting , waiting , not knowing if he was ok, how far they gotten, how they were even able to get to him, it all was too much. Too much had happened too fast and you where beginning to spiral, left leg jumping against Josh.

"Baby, baby please relax." His hand reached out steadying your knee.

He kept his hand there, looking at you with tired eyes, you swore you saw anther patch of grey in his beard, he would have definitely earned it after today.

You couldn't even look him in the eye, none of this made any sense, and it didn't matter how many times him and his mom told you it wasn't your fault, it didn't matter that he was trying to comfort you or crack small jokes despite the situation, it was your fault and the way your stomach twisted and churned only confirmed that fact

-

It was dark when your eyes fluttered opened, almost forgetting where you were at first. You barely had time to adjust your body to its surroundings, before you heard the yelling.

It was two men, shouting in the next room over, one of them sounding a lot like Josh. Looking over to the empty spot where he was sitting, confirmed that it was him.

You pushed yourself off the couch that lined the wall of the office you were in, stumbling in the dark to the door. Flinging it open, part of you had wished you stayed asleep, and pretended this was some bad nightmare.

Your heart slammed again your chest at the sight of Jeyce, his hair was sticking up all kind of ways his clothes were dirty he was dirty and his little hands were scraped up.

He saw you before you could call out to him, he ran across the police station, throwing his little body into yours. He was crying so hard he couldn't even catch his breathe, you dropped to your knees crying with him.

"Ive got you sweetheart, you're safe now." Your arms wrapped around him, squeezing him.

Josh's mom had made a trip to the store, grabbing snacks and anything y'all would've needed for being in that police station for god nows how long, but the second she rounded the corner and saw you and Jeyce on the floor, she dropped all the bags, hurling herself over the two of y'all.

Speaking rapidly in samoan, tears falling from her eyes, she held the both of you as all three of you cried. Jeyces small hands clung to your shirt. Your heart was in pieces at the sight of him.

Scooping him up, you and mama Fatu got him some food and water, wrapping him in blankets.

"Ill sit with him Bella go and find Josh."

You nodded, taking an actual deep breathe for the first time since earlier that morning.

The room next to the one y'all were in had the blinds drawn and the door shut, standing right up to the door the two men were no longer yelling, but they werent whispering either. You could make out a few sentences before you decided to knock on the door.

"She been alive this whole time."

"I fucked up I- im sorry...I never meant to hurt you."

"She was going to hurt him."

You knocked twice softly, the door opened revealing an angry looking Josh, his brows knitted, one hand was on the door the other was clenched into a fist by his side, as if it were taking everything in him to not punch a hole through the wall.

You looked slightly passed him, only to see another man who looked identical to Josh leaned against the window seal. Both of their expressions softned at the sight of you .

"Hes here Josh, we got him some food and water, but he's banged up pretty bad, he's too shaken up to to even tell us what happened."

Your voice caught at the end, and to your surprise Josh didn't bust through the door like the koolaid man to see his son, instead he comforted you. He pulled you into him pressing a kiss to your temple. You noticed his entire body was trembling, but you said nothing, just held onto him.

"Im bout to go check on him now, I just need you to get out yo head, I know excatly what you thinking, and we gone figure all this out ma, me you and lil man gon be alright, ok?"

"This my big bro Jonathan, my twin, he was the one that was calling you, if you let him explain it'll make a little bit more sense, I just im-im done im so fucking done yo."

The way he said "my big bro" and "my twin" like it held a lie didn't go unnoticed to you

He was already walking out the room as he talked, more confused than ever, you turned to the twin, eyebrows raised.

He gestured for you to sit, but you didnt, just caught his gaze and didnt look away. There was too much going on, it was practically the next day, Joshua never once mentioned he had a twin, the dead mother of his cild isn't well ya know dead, and now here you were getting the story from said twin brother that you knew nothing about.

A cold cigarette, and 55 casamigos shots were needed. ( And an obituary after that.)

He sighed deeply, eyes averting yours.

"Look, me and him do not talk at all, we haven't since before Jeyce was born, we fell out and he has good reason to have not said anything about me, it was all my fault anyways."

Your eyes softened at the way he spoke, buy you nodded for him to continue, your eyes piercing into his.

"When we were 24, he had a girlfriend , they were pretty serious, its not Jeyces mom someone different, but long story short, she cheated on him, with me. He never forgave me for it, I mean I wouldnt either, especially since I had gotten her pregnant."

Oh fucking boy.

You were shocked, but let him continue.

"Anyways, when he found out he blocked me and her on everything and moved out here, our mom was so heartbroken, but she understood why he was angry, and honestly she was probably more upset at me than he was, anyways when he had met Aliriyah, lil mans mom, our mom knew, she was like you need to leave her alone, she's no good for you."

"Josh is stubborn though, im sure you know, especially when its over someone he cares about, he poured and poured and poured himself into that women, and it broke our mom seeing him drain himself out."

He paused every few sentences as if to choose his words carefully

He sat down, rubbing both hands down his face. The striking resemblance in their family was uncanny.

"When she got pregnant, he was over the moon excited, he's a big softie and that's all he ever wanted was a family, we talked things out, our relationship will never be the safe from what I did and Im gathering that, but I only did this for Jeyce, she was going to get to him one way or another."

"Did what for Jeyce."

Your voice was tight, angry, but steady holding just enough bite for him to know you didn't trust him no further than his twin in the next room.

" For a while things looked picture perfect, she was clean, getting healthy Josh and the shops were thriving, he bought a house for them..."

His voice faltered, almost too ashamed to let the words spill out.

"Ultimately she stayed clean and was able to deliver him no issues...thats when she disappeared. She up and left everything Josh had for them, completely ghosting him, and taking Jeyce with her."

He told you part of the story, but hearing it pieced together like this almost sounded like a joke.

"He probably told you she overdosed, but the truth is she wasn't even there, he tracked her car down to some crack house and that's where he found Jeyce, but she was never actually there, having never spoke to her again he assumed she was dead, especially considering the state Jeyce was in when he found him."

Your patience was gone, there was nothing left anymore after this.

"Im not gon lie you need to get to the point and I mean quickly, how did y'all end up with him."

"She blackmailed me."

"How Jonathan, stop giving me bits and pieces of a back story, why the fuck does he look like that what did y'all do to him."

You were damn near vibrating with anger, the way he sat so comfortably, talked so causal, he was choosing his words carefully, but it was too rehearsed.

"Because Jeyce is..."

He trailed off, voice wavering.

"Boy if you don't spit it out."

"Jeyce is my kid Bella, not Josh's, she cheated on him, but I swear to you I had no idea who she-

That was it.

That was the moment you snapped.

All you remember was your legs flying across the room, and your arms swinging on the man that was sitting against the window, punching and grabbing any part of him you could get to. You clawed at his face as he tried to get you off of him. You kicked and punched, the commotion had officers running towards the room, stumbling over each other.

After you finally came to, Josh had you pinned to the wall, officers holding Jonathan to the other.

"Get him out of here, we have enough evidence to book him, anyways."

And with that Jonathan was whisked through the door, lip busted, shirt ripped up from the altercation.

"Imma kill him, I swear to god Joshua. Ill do it right here in the station they can book me next I dont care."

"Isabella look at me."

He had your hands above your head and one of his knees in between your legs, if you weren't so angry you wouldve enjoyed this, you weren't. Nothing about this situation was enjoyable.

"Did he tell you."

His grip loosened , his head hung low, eventually he let you go all together. it wasn't until you had lifted his face in your hands did you realize he was crying.

No words could be said. None.

-

Its been 3 weeks, since the incident. Jonathan and the crack head were booked and sentenced, for kidnapping and child endangerment, and human trafficking.

It was a 50/50 chance of them walking free and getting custody of Jeyce since in the end, those were his parents, as fucked up as it sounded, they technically had birth rights, but after hearing the entire story, the jury was on Joshuas side. Everyone was.

And so were you.

Never leaving his side through any of it, his mom being another anchor in it all.

The women was so fucked up in the head she had the idea to, blackmail Jonathan into taking the boy, but she told him it was so she could raise him as her own, Jonathan wanted nothing to do with it having caused enough pain to his brother, but when she found out that Josh didn't know that he wasn't the father she used that against Jon. Saying if he didn't help her shed tell Josh the truth.

Her plan all along wasnt to raise him as her own, she was going to sell him. A fucking child. Her fucking child. And when they actually got him in the car, she had taken them in the opposite direction on where they had originally planned on going. Alarms were going off in his head, and when she pulled over to an abandoned house to meet a shady looking man he told Jeyce to run, to run far and as fast as he could.

He called the cops immediately explaining everything. Since there was already an active missing childs report on Jeyce someone recognized him from the description the news gave. He had been running through shallow woods on the side of the high way trying to make his way back to the city and was able to flag somebody down. An intelligent kid he was.

Once the women realized that Jonathen caught on to her intentions she tried to run with the man she met, but was Jon saw his car and gave a description of that too, the both of them being picked up a little ways down the highway.

He had to make it right, no matter if that meant that he was going down in the process.

-

That day in the police station after Jonathan got his ass tore up from the roota to the toota, Josh had broke down.

You had to close the door to give him some privacy, he was crying that loud. Broken sobs leaving his chest and he just clung onto you as if it would change anything, and you let him because you knew, you just knew you had to step up for your boys.

3 weeks later

"Bella can we go to the pool while they are gone ?"

Jeyce was back to himself, bright eyed and hyper as hell. His grandmother was going home today. She had stayed and crashed on Joshs couch until he had some sort of footing back. A man needs his momma ok.

"Ooouu only if we can bring those little crackers and juices we like."

Josh rounded the corner with his moms book bags, she was going on a business trip, and Josh was taking her to the airport.

"Seriously Bella you bout as bad as him." Josh had chuckled from the kitchen.

"Hey hey, that snack is a staple in this house hold, dont be a hater."

"Exactly let them babies have fun at the pool, they deserve it."

Mama Fatu chimed in, winking at you before pulling you into a hug. You sunk into her, embracing her. A mothers hugs were just too healing. She stepped back slightly to catch your eye, hers just a little glossy.

She didn't even want to leave, but her son insisted that the three of y'all were ok.

"Take care of my boys ok?" her voice was small, holding in the waterfall, and well honestly you were too.

"I will." You own eyes now glossy as she pulled you into another hug.

She moved to Jeyce next, ruffling his hair and pinching his cheeks. You turned to Josh, the far away look in his eye hadn't left since that night.

The kind of person he was though, didnt let it get to him. He poured his heart into you and Jeyce, taking time off from work, he tried everything he could to keep his mind from wondering.

"Hey."

"Hi Bella." His voice was small, tired, but he grabbed your hand, pulling you into him. He was so warm, you could fall asleep standing up from the way he held you, so gentle.

"You're everything to me." He mumbled into your hair.

You had your arms wrapped around him, looking up you kissed his lips, and then his cheeks, his nose, any part of his face you could reach.

"My heart is yours my love."

For the first time in weeks, you saw him smile.

-

Too many juice boxes and crackers later, you and Jeyce were lounging by the pool, enjoying the sun before it dipped out the sky.

"Omg." You gasped.

The tiny human to the right of you had snapped his head up at you, soft curls floating around his face.

"Your birthday is coming uppppp."

His confused expression tuned into pure happiness. He jumped up from his chair.

"It is! Im going to be 7 FINALLY."

You were laughing at the way he had jumped up so quickly, like he almost forgot his own birthday.

"Ok we gotta go all out, a mean how many times do you turn 7 ya know."

He sat down sipping his juice and pointed at you ,"exactlyyyy."

-

You and Jeyce had talked for so long, you looked up and it was dark. Not only that the low rumble of a familiar face filled the air.

"Y'all still out here, y'all gon catch a cold."

Rolling your eyes you hopped up, swallowing his words in a kiss. His arms hadn't even reached all the way around your body when you heard a very disturbed "eewwww."

"Boy his this right here is love, so uh get used to it and get yo stuff, lets order a pizza and have a movie not or sum."

-

You, Josh and his mom had decided for now, to not tell Jeyce about Jonathan. Y'all figured he had enough going on for him to learn both of his parents are disgusting people. Even if Jon tried to make it right after the fact, the damage was done.

It had been almost a month, and still, the story they gave seemed too damned flawed to have been what happened. After everything was said an done, Jonathan admitted to tapping you phone. After they had access to where Jeyce went to school it as over.

The women blackmailed Jon. She told him if he had helped her get their son back shed never tell anyone the truth about what had happened, but in the end it was Jonathan who told his own brother about what he did.

The only reason why Josh didn't sucker punch him through the 3rd floor of the police station was because, he'd been there before, done that, it doesn't change a thing. Part of him was still proud as hell though when he pulled you off of him.

If it wasn't him, somebody needed to put they hands on his ass. How you betray on your own brother, twin fucking brother like that, TWICE, hollering about 'I didn't know, I didn't know', uh- uh uh bullshit.

-

Showered and in one of Joshs t shirts, you paddled softly behind him as he carried Jeyce up to his bed. It was a little past midnight, and you guys watched Moana, the second one, and then ended the night with a certified classic, Monsters Inc.

You held the door cracked for Josh as you watched him, put his son in the bed, kissing him goodnight. It didnt matter what a piece of paper or dna said, that was his baby.

"You deserve the world, you know that."

You looked him in the eye as he came out the room, closing it with a sift 'click'.

His arms wrapped around your waist, grounding him in the moment. He didn't say anything for a moment, just held you, eyes closed. Eventually he moved the two of you to his bedroom, clothes littered the floor, it looked a mess, but what you didnt realize was that you had been over here with him the entire time his mom was also here.

The mess on the floor was comforting in a way, it was a mixture of you and his lives together, a little messy, strewn about, but in the end it all made sense.

The best part about his room was he had a reading nook in his window, it was angled just high enough you could see past the tree-line, watching the blinking far away lights, indicating a bumbling city life.

He pushed the door closed, walking in the room he sat you on that ledge, standing between your knees.

"I am so so sorry for all of this." His head dipped, soft brown curls shaking.

You looked at him puzzled for a second.

"What are you apologizing for."

"You got caught right in the middle of my family mess Bells, I never meant for that to happen."

You grabbed his hands, holding them in your lap.

"I know too much has been going on, too much to talk about, but one things fasho, Ian going nowhere Joshua, I am your family, and Im not caught in the middle of anything, we fighting this shit back to back. Your heart is too big, and people take advantage of that, not anymore, I won't let you fall again"

His head had dipped lower, nose brushing your shoulder as his hands slid out of yours and onto your thighs. He didn't say anything, and he didn't have to. You knew him, all the words he didn't or couldn't say where translated through his touch. His fingers burned a path of ambers on your skin.

In that moment he had made up his mind about what the future held, he was going to stop at nothing to achieve it too.

-

He kissed you like you were the only women left on earth, and not just that, he kissed you like he'd picked you specially to be there with him. His lips smashed into yours, moving in synch, sloppily making out.

Your hands where in his hair, his on your hips, hiking his t-shirt up. Before you could get up and back him into the bed, he grabbed the back of your knees, yanking you onto your back.

He wasn't even shocked to see your bare core, no panties in sight.

"You miss me pretty girl."

"So much." You breathed out.

His tongue was in your folds, not wasting another second. His arms where wrapped around your legs, anchoring you the window seal seat.

Your eyes fluttered, sighing at the satisfaction, hips bucking up.

"Mhmm"

Your lips quivered, body trembling at the anticipation. Two of his fingers entered you, slowly curling into the perfect spot, his tongue working on your clit, swirling and sucking the sensitve bud.

Your fingers were tugging at his scalp, mouth wide open.

He mumbled incoherent sentences into your pussy, little nothings about how wet you ere, how good you tasted.

"This my pussy, my shit." He growled.

"Im all yours Josh- fucckk."

Him claiming you as his hit even harder now. He needed you, he needed someone who was his, and his only.

The night whirred buy in whispered praises and stolen kisses.

-

Today was Jeyce's birthday party and you where running around like a madman. Josh told you you were doing too much, but he said it while laughing so you knew he would be doing the same.

The entire school had heard what happened, and sent an unwavering amount of support when Josh decided to take him out of the school. Two of his closest friends from his class, followed him to his new school. The parents not wanting to separate them since they had been friends since kindergarten.

Your heart was full, knowing they had y'all's back, because they didn't have to go through all the paperwork and obstacles just to have them together, but in the end the three boys appreciated it more than anyone else.

Today was Jeyces day, big 7 not the little one. He requested a small party at home with his best friends and a sleepover. You had spent all day decorating the house. Josh was running errands for the party getting stuff ready for the weekend.

"Every time I come back this damn balloon is in a different spot."

Josh pushed through his front door carrying bags.

You had your hand on your hip, a nasty bruise forming on your leg from when you busted your ass trying to tape it to the ceiling a minute ago.

"Listen....me and that ballon gon fight. I might just pop its ass."

He threw his back laughing, meeting you across the room.

"That balloon did allat ma?"

He gestured to the bruise on your thigh. You nodded slightly pouting.

"I bruise too easily that's going to be huge."

He held your thigh rubbing small circles over it.

"Well lil mama, didnt nobody tell yo fine ass to get up there to begin with."

You poked his cheek, pushing him towards the balloon of destruction, handing him the tape.

"Well gon on then Mr. handy man, since you got your degree."

He laughed even harder, at the slight pout on your full lips.

"You going all out ma, he's gonna love this."

His back was turned to you as he worked with the balloon. The sun coming through the window perfectly, shining on his face. His golden skin dancing like diamonds.

God you were so happy your car broke down in front of his shop.

-

The day was absolutely perfect. You picked up all three boys from school, grabbed some pizza, and made a snack run before returning back to the house.

Josh insisted he stayed home while you ran out with them, already knowing he was up to some bs, especially when he texted you to make sure Jeyce was the one that opened the door.

The second he walked through his dad attacked him with silly string, the boys squealing and running around the house, cans in both of his hands. You were just happy this was his house and not yours, got the string got everywhere.

An ear to ear grin never left the face of Jeyce. He was happy, and that's what mattered.

You sat curled up on the end of the couch, sipping wine from a Transformers mug. Courtesy of having a man child as a boyfriend.

"Well well well."

"Boy what you want."

Josh met you on the couch, leaning over you, his hands on either side of your body.

"My favorite girl, wearing my favorite hoodie drinking out my favorite mug."

You pecked his lips.

"Lucky you."

"I am."

His smile faded slightly as he sank into the cushion next to you.

"Listen, we haven't got to talk much."

You held your hand up cutting him off.

"I want to put whatever the fuck that was far, far, far, far, far behind us....far."

His shoulders shook slightly letting out a breathy laugh.

"This is why I fell for you so hard so fast, you just get me, I can feel a certain way or be thinking something and some how some way you be on the same damn page every time, it's like I made you in a computer."

Your hand found his, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand with your thumb.

"Josh, you mean the world to me. The second I met Jeyce and we were all laughing and talking as if we've been doing this forever, it felt good. I didn't think I was ready for a serious relationship, and I damn sure didn't feel like I was worth being loved, but youve shown me more than that. It isn't just the sex, its every single moment Im with you, every time you look at me or kiss me...it just grounds me, I feel like I can do anything when Im with you."

Your voice didnt waver, or get small once, you spoke proudly and freely about how he made you feel, because he deserved that he deserved to know how amazing he made you feel.

"You are my world baby, the way you look at me it feel like you see all parts of me, not just the person I paint for the world to see on the outside, first time I saw you I knew you had read me energy to the bone, to be honest I was more worried about you than me, thought you might throw me in the trunk assum."

The palm of your hand smushed his face- "Ya know, I might've."

"See I was already knowing, but forreal girl, you is something magical, your smile lights up my heart, and I never get tired of seeing it, the way you treat my boy, like he's yours, that shit means more to me than you know."

His voice broke slightly, but continued.

"You know he asked me if Imma marry you, that's how much you mean to him."

Your mouth almost fell on the floor.

"He asked you that?"

"He did Im forreal, that aint just me tryna be slick, you mean a lot to him, to us.

He lifted your hand kissing the back of your knuckles.

"Imma marry you one day babygirl, I mean that."

The day ended in bliss, the two of you watching the boys terrorize Joshuas home as you talked about what the future held.

Three years have gone by now.

A lot has happened in your life, so much. And it was all you could ever ask for, it was truly, truly a blessing. You were now at the grand opening of your FIFTH yoga location. And not only was it the biggest location yet, it was the next state over, meaning either you had to move to manage that one or hire store managers like you did at the locations back at home.

Joshua on the other hand wasn't thinking about yoga at all, he was thinking about positions, but not yoga positions...

It was your birthday and he wanted to make it perfect, he planned everything, he even packed your bag for you.

"Will you please tell me where we are going."

You tried keeping up with his long strides throughout the airport, but you ultimately ended up in a half walking half jogging motion, clinging onto him for dear life.

He just grinned, headphones around his neck, chain swinging on his black nike tech.

"I told yo ass its a surprise, why you can't just rleax and sit pretty mama?"

"I hate surprises."

He hooked his arms around you and dipped his head to whisper in your ear, practically dragging you along.

"Well you gon like this one."

-

You wore a tight red dress, it had spaghetti straps and hugged your torso beautifully, the bottom flared slightly, a slit all the way up to your hip on one side. You where going to pair it with your usual silver jewelry, however you got a matching set of grills, copied Jeys to the detail. So instead you kept it simple, a gold clasped bracelet , that matched your necklace.

His back was turned to you, his all black suit, crisp and clean, the air lingered with his cologne and your perfume, it was intoxicating in the most ravenous way.

"Baby you almost re-

He yelled for you but caught the striking red dress in the mirror he was looking in. He turned around dramatically and began walking towards you, but halted immediately, when you grinned slightly, golds dancing in the dim light.

He was getting ready to say something before you grinned, mid step, hands still in the air, mouth just open.

"You looking mighty stuck."

His voice was low, dangerous, eyes looking like the devil.

"Girl you - you got golds in?"

This time you smiled, mouth looking like a disco ball dripped in honey, his own grills dancing off the light slightly.

You nodded sheepishly.

"I wanted to match you."

"Mhmmm."

He began circling you like some prey. His hands rubbing togther, bottom lip tucked in his teeth, one step harder than the other.

You laughed .

"You look like my damn pimp, boy cut it out."

He came up behind you, chest pressing on your shoulder blades, breathe fanning your ear.

"Nah...we might not make it to dinner, when my dessert ready for me right now."

He kissed your nape, sending shivers down your spine, then your shoulder, his hands slid down your arm, eventually grabbing your hand, spinning you around.

Instinctively, you arms hooked around his neck, looking up to him like he was an almighty entity. His hands found your wasit pulling you flush to him.

"You have no idea how fucking good you look right now princess."

"Well come show me off then."

He chuckled deep, kissing you deeply.

"Lets go then birthday girl."

He held out his arm, and you took it leaning into him.

-

The restaurant was crowded, but of course Josh just had to rent out a private room.

Knowing what lied ahead had his nerves firing off in every direction. The closer the two of you approached the room, the redder his face got.

The two of you radiated so much energy heads naturally turned in the dimmed space, to glimpse of either you or Josh.

"Is you bout to pass out why are you the same color of my-

But as the waiter y'all were following pushed the door open, every thought dissipated from your mind. It was replaced with the inner little girl in your screaming. It was replaced with all the nights you had to hold yourself up, all the times you deserved more than you received.

Nothing could have prepared you for what you saw.

"Will you marry me Isabella"

Was spelled out in rose petals against the wall, the same petals littered the floor, candles and small wrapped gifts covered the table, and in the center was the most beautiful cake you've ever seen in your life. Matching the scenery perfectly.

You spun around, tears streaming down your face. Josh was already kneeled, the door now shut.

"Joshua-

"Isabella Marie, will you do me the honor and be my forever?"

No words came out, just a choked out sob, as your dropped to your knees in front of him, nodding so hard your head hurt.

"Uh uh beautiful, get up."

He lifted you off the floor, guiding you by your elbows, and then taking your hand, sliding the ring on.

"Joshua."

"Isabella."

He smirked , watching you in complete shock, holding you in his arms as you held out your hand.

"Joshua."

"Isabelllaaaa."

"Oh my god."

He held you by your waist peppering kisses on your face.

"Your joking."

"I told yo ass I was gonna marry you one day, and I meant that shit."

Your hand was still in the air, looking at the ring, in complete shock.

"Baby close your mouth I got more stuff for you."

Finally you looked at him, really looked at him.

"Joshua..you- you really did all this for me?"

"If you asked me for the world, everybody else would just have to find somewhere else to go, cause it's yours."

He looked at you so casually, as if loving you was the easiest thing in the world.

To him it was. Loving you was the best thing that's ever happened to him. Loving you came second to breathing.

Your hands trembled in his as you looked at the diamond on you ring.

Balling up his collar, you yanked him to your lips. Kissing him like he might change his mind, tuh like he would. He got you, his Bella, his everything.

He backed you into the table, stepping between your legs.

"Maybe I should've asked you after we ate."

You shook your head, lip tucked into your teeth.

"Nah, this is perfect."

He grinned ear to ear, one of you favorite sights to see. His big brown eyes caressing you like a warm hug. His salted beard perfectly groomed, mullet still a little damp from his shower earlier.

Perfection.

He sat you down on the other side of the table, pushing you in. As if on cue a couple of waiters knocked before entering with some appetizers. The room filled with delicious smells immediately, and in the moment you hadn't realized how hungry you were.

They placed trays of food on the tables, after making sure the two of you were all set, the waiters were gone.

Making a small plate with everything on it, you took in the scenery around you, taking in the moment.

"You ready for your gifts?"

"I think you just might be anxious for me to open them." You laughed.

He nodded, his soft features crinkling under the dimmed lights.

He pushed forward the first box that was on the table.

"You've done enough for me baby what else you got me."

You grinned as he nodded for you to open the box. Your mouth dropped, at the sight. It was a trio set of a Van cleef necklace, bracelet and another damn ring.

"Josh-

"Money cannot represent how much you are worth to me, don't worry about it."

This had to easily be 35k just sitting in a tiny box.

"I love it."

"Ready for the next one ?"

Your heart was hammering against your chest.

"No.."

He chucked at the smallness in your voice, watching you with the most adoring gaze. You meant worlds to him, and he was going to make sure you knew it.

"How bout this, open this next one now and then we can save the rest for when we go home?"

You nodded, tears in your eyes, plate untouched.

"Where my spicy lil mama at now."

A dinner rolls smacked him on the chest, as you wiped your eyes.

"Shut yo ass up, im trying to remember how to breathe."

The next gift was in an envelope, you opened it carefully sliding the papers out, and as you read your world tilted. There was no way you were going to be able to eat anything now.

Your head dropped, sobbing into your hands as Josh rounded the table to pull you into his arms.

"He asked me personally, so I didn't ask you to marry me just for me, but for him too." Your hands were bunched in his jacket as you cried into him, happy tears, tears of a new future, new beginnings.

What he showed you were adoption papers for Jeyce. He wanted you to be his mom, not just his step mom, not just his dads girlfriend, wife, fiancé, but his mom. He loved you just as much as Josh did.

-

It was a miracle any of the food actually got eaten, the way your nerves had you trembling wasn't even funny.

The car ride back to the villa was a comfortable silence , the tension in the air growing each second, soft R&B hummed low through the car.

Parking the rental Josh rounded the car lifting you out of it as if you were precious cargo. You unopened gifts long forgotten in the back.

You squealed as he flung the door open, a sly smirk on his features.

He put you down spinning you around and his lips crashed into yours, hands on your hips backing you into the nearest surface.

"Every time we fuck, you take control, sit back for once, let me have you like the little slut you are, yea?"

It was a cute attempt at trying to be the dominate one, but you saw the uncertainty in his eyes. God he was adorable.

"Gon head, if you can't handle it imma take ove-

His had was around your neck so fast, his grip unforgiving. Tears brimmed your eyes.

"Your safe word is red. Do not test me."

You nodded, but your core was soaked. He was so submissive you naturally had control over him, but not tonight.

He just marked you as his and this may not have been your honey moon, but he was going to make it feel that way

He found the zipper on the back of your dress, moving in slow deliberate motions. Tugging it down over your chest watching it fall effortlessly to the floor, leaving you in nothing but nipple jewelry, red laced panties and your red bottoms.

"Yep, that's my wife right there."

He lifted you by your waist, and you wrapped your thighs around him, allowing him to carry you to the bed room. He kicked off his shoes stripping himself of his blazer and button down.

You sat patiently on the edge of the bed, waiting for him. Straightening up he hooked his fingers in your panties sliding them down your legs.

"I could ring these out." He chuckled.

"If you don't come fuck me sir."

A low guttural growl came from the bottom of his throat.

"Say it again."

"Come....fuck....me."

In an instant he some how managed to flip you on top of him and laid down all in the same motion. This man was something else. He centered you above his face, facing you away from him , ass in his face, just how he liked it.

His tongue was on you like white on rice, flicking and sucking your folds like the last supper. He didn't let up either, slick tongue working through your pussy like a magician.

His hands were snaked around your torso, large hands resting on your soft mounds, fondling them, pinching your nipples.

You were clinging to his forearms, nails digging into his ink, hips rocking into his face.

"Jeyyy fuck baby, im close alreadyy."

He chuckled into you, hands rubbing up and down your chest. Beard tickling you just right.

"Cum for me slut."

Your legs trembled against him, pussy too sensitive from the position you were in, legs locking around his head as you came.

"Fuckk mhmm I love that shit Josh." Hardly holding yourself together you were a moaning mess , his perfect little whore.

He was groaning into your core, slurping up any drop that came his way, beard soaked, out a breathe. He didn't care one bit. His fiancé was riding his face with red bottoms on.

On top of the world wasn't even the statement to describe how he was feeling. His heart thumping against his chest he laid you down gently, crawling back on top of you. Lips swollen and soaked in you.

His hands grabbed your thighs pinning them to either side of you, spreading you out like some money.

"You always so wet for me baby, pussy looking like honey."

"That's all you pretty boy." The tips of his ears flushed red.

Your eyes did not leave each other as y'all spoke. He dragged his tip along your clit, your legs instinctively spreading more.

"Why you playing, fuck mee." You were breathless, eyes begging.

"Lemme savor this treasure baby, I need you so bad, all mine."

He spoke low, voice rumbling as he eyed you like his prey, tip brushing through your folds like a canvas, had your hips bucking for the sensation.

He sunk in slowly, stretching you out so good, like his shit was made for you. He bottomed out, teeth barred at you, grills flashing in the dark.

"This all me baby, look at yo shit spread round me so perfectly, gah damn."

"Fuck me like it then Joshua, fuck me like I'm yours baby."

You were a whining mess, hips rolling as he watched you amusingly, he never got to see this side of you and he wasn't about to let it go unseen. He was going to savor this like a dream.

He started slow, fucking you like he had a point to prove, his hands gripped your thighs, pushing you into the mattress. Your hands were gripping anything you could find, him , his chain, the bed.

"Look at you, a fucking mess."

The bed was rocking, head board slightly hitting the wall. His pace picked up, snapping into you. Skin on skin was all you heard over your damn self, moaning and calling out to Josh.

Music to his ears.

His mouth was open slightly, breathe shallow, hair slick on his forehead. Tattoos on full display.

He was loud as hell, groaning into your neck, his head dipped low, fucking you stupid.

"Joshh ohmygod."

Your eyes were fluttering open and shut in bliss, nails scraping his back. He hissed at the pain but didn't dare slow down.

He was staring down at you almost in disbelief, like he couldn't believe you were real. You were his dream and as much bullshit he's been through, he fucked you to forget it.

Screaming his name as he slammed his hips into you, back glistening in sweat, chain smacking you in the face.

"Tell these neighbors who you fucking you baby, let them know."

"Josshhh fuckfuckfuckkk."

Your voice shook from the force he was punishing you with, tip hitting your g spot with ease.

"Ah fuck princess take my nut, take all of it. Finna put my kid in you fuckkk."

"Yesyesyesyes nut in me baby, give it all to me."

He twitched inside of you once before filling you to the brim, not a single drop coming out.

"Uhuh, take my shit, you love this shit don't you."

You were a mess, legs trembling in his hands, a tear streak in your left eye. His eyes bore into you savoring every detail. Studying every perfection .

That night the two of you held anew record, he fucked you four times. Holding onto you like a chill in the fall, and you clung to him like summer heat, bodies warm and tangled into each other.

-

The wedding was everything, but it was more, so much more. Beautiful wouldn't even begin to describe it. From the decorations to the cake, your dress, the venue, it was perfect.

It was on the beach of course, a beautiful house overlooking the water. Chairs lined the sand leading up to the alter, every chair wrapped in light pink bows. There were palm trees lining the sand just before it started leading to the beach. They were wrapped in fairy lights, the trunks wrapped with the same pink ribbon.

The inside of the house was for the food, tables lined the other side of the house much like the chairs in the front. Each table had a bouquet of flowers with party warmers, everything a light dusted pink.

You thought his mom was making too much food.....little did you know how big his family is, he didnt talk much about his family, but when he sent out that he was finally getting married the response and support was overwhelming.

There was a story behind why he didn't speak to them much, but he didn't tell you so you didn't push, especially after what his own brother did to him...twice, peace was all you wanted.

His brothers ex wife even showed up, Trinity, you had seen a photo of her with Jeyce when he was a tiny baby. She had bright green streaks in her hair and a smile that could light up a room. Jonathan was out his mind for loosing her. She helped your mom with guest lists and seating arrangements as well as some last minute decorations. Your sister was too excited to see you to be much of any help.

Joshs mom took care of the food and music , all the men helping out where needed. This was all you ever wanted. A big wedding with the man of your dreams with both of your families at your backs.

-

Now sitting outside in the back of the house everyone had a plate of food, chatting amongst themselves. The sun was starting to set, a soft glow over everything. Kids squealing and running around in the sand. Laughter from old stories being told, and new ones.

Families and cultures mixing into a beautiful harmony.

Josh had his hand on your thigh, his eyes never really left you, even when you weren't looking him he was looking at you, he couldnt help it. Studying the side of your face like he'd never see it again. It was a habit of his.

"You ready?"

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you nodded. He helped you to your feet, the table the two of you were at facing everyone else.

He clinked his glass a few times to get everyones attention, all eyes immediately on you.

"I just wanted to start off by thanking everyone for coming today, it means the world to us really."

Claps and cheers erupted in the backyard, people whooping and punching the air.

"I just have two more things to share with y'all before we call it a night, Jeyce come here lil man."

He came running from the table he was at, damn near tripping over his little church shoes, everyone chuckling at his excitement.

"Slow down buddy we gon be right here, alright read to them what that says." A proud smile on Joshuas face. Eyes crinkling.

"This certifies that Isabella Marie Fatu has officially adopted Jeyce Fatu. By signing this certificate I promise to give him a lifetime of love care and attention that they deserve. I promise to do my best to protect him and help him live a happy and healthy life. Signed Isabella Marie Fatu."

Everyone was on there feet, jumping and cheering, Jeyce was crying you were crying Josh was crying the sun was crying there were tears everywhere.

You bent down embracing him, squeezing him so tight his eyes might pop, but you didn't care.

"Jeyce I love you my sweet boy. We are going to have so much fun raising you and watching you become anything you want to be. I love you so so so much." You sniffled.

"I love you too....mom." His arms were wrapped around you, face buried into your stomach.

More tears.

"Ive got something for you too actually." You whispered.

His eyes twinkled, almost like he knew. You handed him the paper to read it out loud to everyone.

"This is to certify that on this day Friday, May 2nd, Jeyce Fatu....is hereby considered forever A BIG BROTHER."

He spun around eyes wide in shock, it took a second for everyone to catch on, but your mom was the first to jump up hollering, of course.

"ISABELLA ARE YOUR PREGNANT." Her chair done fell over, it had gotten so quiet for a moment, you could hear the waves crashing in the back

You gestured to the decorations around you, the realization slowly hitting the crowd. Your mom was the first to reach you, embracing you in a way mothers only could.

More cheering and whooping filled the air. Praises and positivity captured the moment.

"Im so proud of you Isabella, you did it my girl."

You hugged her back, clinging onto her.

Then Joshs mom was next, pulling you into her.

"You took care of my boys." She smiled, with tears in her eyes.

"Always mama Fatu."

The night ended with many congratulations, Josh and Jeyce at your side like body guards as you said bye to everyone. Close family stayed behind to help clean up.

You started packing the chairs up from the front lawn, when a loud booming voice came from across the way.

"Girl if you don't leave them damn chairs alone and come sit down somewhere."

It was Josh of course, his long stride reaching you before you could protest, scooping you up bridal style, he made his way to the porch , plopping down in the swinging bench.

"How you feeling mama."

"I feel like Im in heaven."

"Word. Crazy you say that cause it feel like Im looking at it."

His eyes were boring holes through yours, his head dipping low to kiss you. Your hands threaded in his mullet, lips moving in synch.

His Bella.

Her handy man.

Together until the end.

a/n: ohhhhh my god. I have never written anything this long, I am not super confident in my writing style but, I tried to deliver as best I could. The vibes for this one is a little different, had to throw a curveball in there lmao, anyways I so so so so appreciative of all the likes and comments y'all have given me. This the first story Ive ever actually finished , and it wasn't even planned gotta give myself a little creds for that, again thank y'all for the support and I hope y'all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it 🫶🏼🫶🏼

Tags: @mselenalovebug @duhitzkay380 @theusotwinzcom @uceyliyahh @brwnlikefoxy @that-90s-girllll @keenagurl @luuvprincess @transparentphantomface @yana3sworld @bebesobrielo @msklassickilla @jeyusosqueen @nayys-world @spiicii @punksyeet @mjonthetrack @sisifromthed @luuvprincess @fafomama @sheaabuttaababyy @bloodlineslut @4milly @prettyfilmz @blkgirlsneedluv2 @seokminieee @tmensah @t4nner08 @bamakakechick @nameless-jamie @thisuserdoesexist @thisuserdoesexist @kia758 @papireigns-05 @possessedmagpie @sleepyspudbrainrot @glitteryearthquakeshark @mamis-girly @rose-bliss @ahudsbbki @yafavkei @vynaissance @astrogirlwrld @mutlivrp @catxo @rheas-ripley @dogwithablog35 @luvlamya @cintatheone @charmed-dreamssss

[novas-corner]

Gang I saw someone make a post about being isekaid (???) into LaDS and I think it would be really funny to write my own version (heavy inspiration taken from them but I saw this months ago and cannot remember who they are, if it was you homie you cool asf.)

Um anyway, I think it’s funny so here is basically just… me??? But written as something anyone can read. Being isekai’d (?????) into LaDS (I’m only there to collect cards and stare at pretty men, I genuinely know little to nothing about their lore, this will be painful to read if you’re deep into their lore😍)

This has been read once over, just to make sure I didn’t add my own name in anywhere, but that’s about it

I DIDNT ASSIGN COLOURS TO THEM AND IM ON MY PHONE SO ITS LIMITED (oh yeah hi this is me weeks later writing more of this, you wouldn’t know that though, this all came out at once) ANYWAYS COLOURS ARE HERE.

Xavier. Zayne. Rafayel. Sylus. Caleb.

Ok anyways back to whatever this mess is 🤩

Oh fuck! An isekai!!

One day you’d be just playing your silly little gacha game, staring at the screen as you debate if you wanna swipe the card or not. You decide ‘the gods will give me a sign if I should or not’ knowing damn well you probably will anyways (This if for my gambling addicted freaks… you spend too much money on pixels, put the card dOWN)

You decide to sleep on it instead of spending the twelve dollars left in your account on a few pixels. The decision will be slept on and if you roll over in your sleep an accidentally send yourself into debt… oopsies!!! Y’know? God forbid someone have their hobbies!

What you did not expect however was waking up on solid ground in someone’s house… did you drink before going to bed and forget..? Whose house is this???? Why does it look so… familiar? You swear you’ve seen this place before, maybe you met an old friend and passed out on their floor? But you swear you didn’t go out last night, so how in the hell…

While you’re sitting on the floor pondering what in the hell is going on a knock at the door snaps you out of this trace of yours.

You pause.

More knocking.

Well fuck… someone should answer that… and you seem to be the only person home.

You reluctantly pull yourself off the floor and over to the door, the person knocks again as you open the door. He’s mid knock and you recognize this very familiar face.

“XAVIER..?”

You can’t help the shocked call of his name that tumbles out of your mouth, you’re staring at him wide eyed and he’s just looking at you confused.

“…yes? We had a date for today, did you sleep in again?”

He’d say with a small chuckle, letting himself in and ruffling your hair.

“You look a mess, not in a bad way though!”

He says backtracking his words slightly. You’re still stood at the door slack-jawed when you notice a mirror and move over to it… damn you really do look a mess.

But not just that, you look eerily like your character from LaDS… oh dear.

“I WAS ISEKAID?????”

You’re freaking out a bit right now, you never play the game for the story, you don’t know their personalities, they’re going to act so much different than you’d expect and you won’t be able to stop it.

You pause, thinking for a moment. Ain’t they all in different timelines or something..? FUCK YOU GOT THE XAVIER ONE. Whatever he’s still cute as all hell and a FREAK so you could get used to it. (I’m a Caleb person, so sue me, this is me if I was isekaid not you)

He’s standing behind you now, confused.

“Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?”

You don’t know how to answer, lucky for you, you don’t need to due to another goddamn knock at your door.

“Oh did you plan something with Tara at the same time again..? We can go out later if you need”

He’s smiling as he opens the door, sweet as sugar he is. His smile however, fades pretty quickly seeing another man at your door.

Your face drops, you feel faint, why you??? Give the isekai to someone else!!

It’s Zayne!!! Yaaaaayyy…

Alright well you could maybe talk your way out of this… or well… you thought you could. One by one more of them show up until five men are surrounding you as you sit on the couch, head in your hands as you try and figure this mess out.

Rafayel and sylus are doing most of the talking, arguing with each other about who’s dating who and whatnot.

Eventually you get sick of the lot of them, standing up and shouting at them to shUT THE FUCKUP-

“Okay please for the love of gods just shut up! Gods!! Your bickering is driving me insane I’m just trying to think!!”

“Think about what, the fact you’ve been cheating on all of us?”

Your head snaps to Rafayel.

“Listen to me and listen good mister man. I ain’t the me you know, I hardly know all of y’all in general!! Is an isekai a thing here?? Do y’all know what that is?”

The five are clearly confused, you don’t let them speak.

“Well it’s what happened to me, I’ve been brought from a different reality into whatever the hell this one is, and somehow I wasn’t put in the main story but eACH OF THE DIFFERENT TIMELINES.”

You’re frustrated, flopping back down on the couch with your head in your hands.

“I don’t know how I got here I just know I’m not supposed to be here. None of this is right and I don’t know how to fix it.”

Sylus smacks Rafayel on the back of the head and tells him to apologize, which he walks over to your side and places a hand on your shoulder and looks at you with gentle eyes.

“Hey… I’m sorry…”

This does not however stop (man I gotta assign personalities to all these mfs hold on I’m googling it… okay I’m back five minutes later, I’ve got it kinda right for the OG three, luckily the only two I’ve paid any attention to are Sylus and Caleb 😭‼️) Xavier from looking at you confused.

“So we’re all… from a video game..?”

Euuuhhggh… maybe you shouldn’t have let that slip… gods now you’re gonna deal with a mid-life crisis from these idiots-

“So you would know… things about us we haven’t told you then… right?”

You’re confused but nod.

“I mean yeah kinda? My issue here is that I don’t… play the story that much, I’m bad at focusing on something for a while”

“Oh? Interesting sweetie… what are we like then?”

An excuse to yap about the game??? SAY LESS.

“Well… hmmm… Sylus you’re a mafia boss troupe I guess, mean, cold, scary, tough… I’m running out of words here… regardless, you’re like an angry kitten, which is ironic since that what you call ME. When we meet you’re so mean, you try and kill me kinda, whatever… and then in the alternate universe where we date you’re literally the sweetest ever??? It’s kinda confusing. ALSO. YOU HAVE SUCH A BACKSTORY WITH US??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE A DRAGON WHO SAVED US AND THEN WE KILLED YOU AND FATED YOU TO SEARCH FOR US FOREVER??? THATS SO DEPRESSING??? Ooooh sorry I ramble a bit sometimes.”

You add that last part in with a small laugh, he’s staring at you absolutely dumbfounded.

“Oh right I guess your version of me didn’t know that… oops??”

You look around the room, asking if anyone else wants to hear your opinions on their story, they all do (I just want to write it, I find it funny) so you turn to Caleb, who is your personal favorite (but you won’t say that out loud, it could end in a death.)

“You’re like my adopted brother, which is a bit weird when you think too hard about it but whatever you’re hot so I can look past it. You’re colonel of the fleet or something, you were only recently added to the game and unfortunately I didn’t get your extra story because I’m a broke bitch who will not pay for it. OH ALSO YOU TRICKED US INTO THINKING YOU DIED???? I WAS SO INVESTED IN THE STORY AT ONE POUNT AND WAS ENTIRELY SHOCKED THAT THE HOUSE BLEW UP WITH YOU INSIDE IT.”

He just chuckles and ruffles your hair. You push his hand away with a small glare and fix said hair (so sorry to anyone that’s not got hair reading this, just pretend for the sake of it being me and not you 🤩) now looking to Rafayel.

“You mister, you’re a pain in the butt. You’re annoying, you talk back, AND I THINK YOU KILLED ME IN A PAST LIFE??? I don’t know, mister mermaid boy and whatever else. You’re fun though I guess, and usually really funny, also impatient as all hell… which is ironic since I’m pretty sure we act the exact same. Or well- you act like how I act, not the MC, but ME.”

“Well that’s something”

“Yeah yeah whatever… Zayne you’re like… a cutie patootie who can do no wrong in my eyes. You’re my doctor but also my childhood friend, free healthcare for LIIIFE. You’ve probably managed to die like twice??? I’ll be so real I have not paid much attention to your lore, you’re just super sweet and rather quiet… which is probably why you have not spoken yet…”

He just nods, not really paying much attention… jackass…

“And Xavier!!! You’re mysterious as fuck, my guy I’ve played this game for months now and I still do not understand anything about you. You show up out of nowhere as my mysterious work partner and then in all of our alternate universe stuff you’re sleepy as heck and a FREAK. OH MY GODS YOURE SO FREAKY. I EXPECTED SYLUS TO BE THE SLUT BUT NO, SIR YOU’RE INSANE.”

He shrugs

“I know what I want”

“Right well anyways, now that introductions are out of the way… what’s uh… what’s the plan here?”

You’re looking around at the group, who are mostly still not over the things they have learned they’re video game characters.

“Well… we had a date planned… so I vote everyone else leaves and we go on said date”

Which okay fair enough, but here comes the loud ones again arguing against it. You groan, moving over to Zayne, who has literally been silent this whole time, he’s like the calm amidst the storm for you right now.

“I’m glad you’re at least chill about all this… pun not intended”

He laughs a bit at your words, patting you on the head.

“Well you don’t know what’s going on and if what you’re saying is to be believed, you had a life outside this. I’m sure us fighting like this is only adding to your stress.”

“Sir I could marry you right now, why are you such a sweetie??”

You blurt out like an idiot. He just chuckles again, wrapping an arm around you. He’s surprisingly warm for his evol being y’know… ICE??

You both just kinda watch the rest of them (mostly raf let’s be real) bicker, looking back up at him.

“Should I step in befor- SYLUS DO NOT KILL RAFAYEL-“

That mf got FED UP with that fish, and unfortunately fish are prey to birds. Sylus was about to use his evol on Rafayel and Rafayel was about to retaliate. The two look over to you as you shout at Sylus.

“As sweet as it is that you’re still willing to fight over me knowing I’m not the person you’ve grown to care for or whatever, I ain’t letting you kill each other. I’m very bad around blood, I will puke and never forgive you.”

You say with a glare, walking over to the two. Rafayel hold hind hands up in surrender. Sylus just shrugs, Xavier and Caleb didn’t attack but Caleb definitely seemed ready to.

“For now until we figure out how to get me back to my universe… can we all just… chill?”

You feel yourself being lifted off the ground, a noise of surprise (it can be as loud as Tom from Tom and Jerry, or a cute kawaii lil noise, idc make it up, have some whimsy) comes out of your mouth as you find dAMN CALEB WITH HIS FLOATY POWERS-

He just hugs you, fall in back onto the couch.

“Yeah we can make that work pipsqueak, let’s all just relax m’kay?”

He’s patting your head all sweet while giving the others a shit eating grin, they want to fight but remember you literally JUST told them not to, and so they reluctantly gather on the couch with the two of you.

“Well… not how I expected my night to go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA SO SORRY THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE FOR NO REASON. ITS SO SILLY??? Also this was almost purely just a me yapping to myself one day and then I went “lol what if I wrote this down?”

Anyways I might make separate one shots of like dates with each boy separate or together. We’ll see if I want to or if people want me to. Idk, I just got here man 🤩

[moni-logues]

there's no insight in this one, btw, just my nonsense

you got out pretty unscathed.

LMAO, she loves him, your honour!!!!!

You feel sorry for him - that’s the feeling that overcomes all the others. Because you understand this fear: that not working is his fault, that it says something about his character, that it’s a fatal diagnosis that he’ll never shake.

aw, same hat. spidermen pointing at each other

“I don’t know,” you tell him truthfully. “We didn’t get to find out.”

love the simplicity of this the honesty of this. take that bitch

i love the stuff with her sister because it's so like. it's so easy to have people be the villain and it's so much less easy to have people do their best, even if it's wrong, even if it's right for them but wrong for others, it's hard to see that our perspective might not be the right one and i think it's extra hard to do that in writing and make it feel natural and easy and believable. really deftly handled and i don't even mind if maybe they become closer now (even though I LOOOOVe having someone to think the worst of, the more unreasonably the better)

weighs heavy like water-logged clothing.

loooooooooooove this

It’s sort of how one might feel about Sisyphus - you understand his motivations and the good place they come from, but you wish he could step away and let the rock go, move on to more productive challenges. 

sisyphus slander!!!! He'd LOVE to let go of the rock!!!! eternal damnation is eternal!!!

LOVE the conversations about the 'break-up'. the partial truth of it no less true just because it's partial. i just think it's neat

“I dunno,” he admits. “We’re talking non-stop, it’s just… no one has pulled the trigger on it. It’s like we’re both waiting to see what the other will do. Neither of us wants to say it first.” “Why not?” He laughs once, a bit bitter. “Gives the other person the power, I guess. Gives them the chance to say no. So… here we are. Limbo.”

HUH. HUHHHHHHHHHHHH. this feels FAMILIAR

Would you even entertain him if he did?” “I don’t think so,” you say.

AND OTHER LIES

@princess_ji: cheollie told me that when he went to your sister’s wedding last month you came onto him and you slept together. is that true?

ngl i would have a HUUUUGE problem getting over the fact that he said it was HER who came onto him. like, whatever, fine, but also, WHY. why does he have to say it was her? what does it matter? they still did it regardless of who came onto whom, so WHY. I specifically went back and checked and they were extremely mutual about the kiss at the wedding, he's the one who kissed her in the lift. yeah ok she got naked and got in the shower but HE was the one who joined her there. im too proud and too petty to countenance this. she's a better man than i.

would love to know waht the gang all think tbh. i want them/this on a podcast.

He nods, face serious. “Yes you do. You let me in, when you needed me. That’s a start.” And look what you did with it, you think. You were just more proof that my way is, in fact, keeping me safe.

i actually would love to know if he ever put that piece together. like, oh you let me in.. and then actually i did really hurt you because i was just too scared to try for something with you. does he actually recognise that that's what happened? i mean, he's right in general and im amazed at her self-control in NOT slinging it back at him, but yeah, i wonder

You Think You Might - Chapter 4 || csc

banner by @itaeewon

You Think You Might (masterpost)

Seungcheol x fem!reader angst smut fluff fake dating!au, kind of sort of exes to lovers?

NSFW - minors DNI

Summary: Seungcheol agrees to be your fake boyfriend at your sister’s destination wedding, under the condition that it “stays there”. You didn��t expect it to hurt when he holds you to that promise.

WC: 54k across 5 chapters; this chapter 13k

Status: complete; posting a new chapter each Friday

Warnings: language, angst, hurt feelings, arguments, casual/recreational drinking, a super cringe dm exchange, bad behavior by pretty much everyone except soonchan because they're perfect angels, an almost-kiss

A/N: thank you to @sailorsoons and @eoieopda for beta-ing and to @kkaetnipjeon for naming almost every background character for me

You don’t see or hear from Seungcheol for days - during which you go from feeling disappointed to confused and embarrassed, which is where you land by the next weekend.

His absolute silence was surprising, and remains confusing, but you’re determined to keep as much of your dignity intact as possible, so when Soonyoung texts you to come hang out on Friday night, you accept.

If you’re praying that Seungcheol doesn’t show up, no one needs to know but you.

And maybe your brother will have some insight as to what happened.

You hadn’t talked to Soonyoung about it at all, yet. You’re sure you’ll be accosted for information immediately on arriving, and you waste a good hour of your afternoon trying to decide what you’ll say. Should you lie and say everything went right back to normal? What if Seungcheol has just been busy, and he reaches out and does want to talk, or see you, or -? No, that won’t happen. Best to just be honest.

By the time Friday night rolls around, you’re still unsure what to say, and still unsure if you’d rather see Seungcheol there and potentially have to face his disinterest head-on, or if you’d rather he not be there there, leaving you wondering about where his head is for another week or so.

You spend all evening turning this over and over in your mind - how tender he’d been with you at the resort, his dimpled grin and airy giggles when you goofed off together, his hands on your body, his music in your ears. And now silence.

Had you imagined it all?

No. You know you hadn’t. There had been something between you. So…what had happened?

Your brother greets you by pressing a beer into your hand, the cold both jarring and grounding, somehow.

“Bless you,” you joke, but really, you mean it. You say a quick hello to the guys on the couch (Vernon, Joshua, and Wonwoo for now) and then you head for the kitchen, for some semblance of privacy. You perch on the counter, leaning back against Soonyoung’s ugly cabinets, and down part of the beer. When you set down the bottle, your brother and his dumb roommate - a brother by proxy - stare at you expectantly from the kitchen table.

“What?” you ask.

Soonyoung levels you with a look. “Anything you want to get off your chest?”

You shrug. “Can’t think of anything.”

Dumb and Dumber exchange a look and then turn back to you in unison. “About Seungcheol? And you?” he prompts flatly.

You struggle with what to say next. You look down at your beer bottle, at your feet, at the floor. Finally, you meet your brother’s eyes, feeling that wave of embarrassment rise up inside you. At the end of the day, Seungcheol left you looking like a fool. You shrug, let this speak for itself.

And he understands, because he’s your brother, and he’s known you as long as he’s been alive. Something in his face crumples a little. “I’m sorry,” he says. He lets this sit for a minute, then adds “I shouldn’t have suggested that you bring him…”

“It’s not your fault,” you assure him. “And I’ll be fine. I’ll get over it. It wasn’t that deep, honestly. I just… feel really fucking stupid.”

“Noona, no,” Chan says, reaching across the table as if to soothe you. “We were all there. We all saw what was going on.”

This should make you feel better, but it doesn’t.

“I just…” you trail off, heels kicking against the lower cabinets, “I’m just… confused, I guess. When we were coming home, I was sure - like - even at the airport he was…”

They look at you with twin looks of sympathy, waiting you out.

You tap the bottom of the glass bottle against the countertop, just to look at something besides their pitying faces.

“I thought something would happen,” you finish quietly. “And I’m just confused as to why it didn’t. But it’ll be okay. It wasn’t that deep.”

The silence drags so long that you do look back up at them, finding them engaging in one of their frequent silent conversations.

Finally, your little brother meets your gaze, a bit cowed. “Would you… feel better, if you understood why? Or worse?”

Your blood runs cold, though you couldn’t say why. You just know by the question that they know something, that there is something to know.

“Tell me,” you demand.

“Have you… seen his insta?” Soonyoung asks timidly.

“No,” you say, heart sinking. “I unfollowed yesterday.”

He slides his phone across the table for you to see, and you’ve got the gist of it before your feet even hit the linoleum: him and Jieun, faces pressed tight together for a selfie.

You freeze in the middle of the kitchen, eyes on the screen, taking in the way he presses his cheek into the top of her head, familiar and affectionate.

It all makes sense, now - how he’d changed his tune out of nowhere. Jieun had said jump, and he’d leapt from his seat, as you’d seen him do for her since you were all still in college.

You wonder at what point during the trip she’d reared her head again - before the flight home? After?

There’s no way to know.

Joshua appears in the doorway, looking around at you warily like he knows he’s interrupting something.

“Sorry,” he says, skirting around where you stand frozen in the kitchen’s center, as if he’s afraid to get too close. “I just needed another beer.”

“No, you’re fine,” you say, making your way towards the table. “We were heading in there in a minute anyway.”

As Joshua exits again, beer in hand, he spots Soonyoung’s phone on the table, the offending image still displayed.

“Yah,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “Here we go again, right?”

You all stare at each other in silence as he leaves.

Finally, you sigh. “Can you just… warn me if he’s coming over?”

Chan frowns. “Don’t leave just because he’s here,” he begs.

“I won’t,” you promise. “It’ll just be nice to have some warning, you know?”

There’s nothing any of you can say to change the situation. You’ll just have to deal, have to move on. It’ll be fine; you just need a bit of time. In the end, you should just be grateful it wasn’t worse, grateful your heart hadn’t gotten in deeper. All things considered, you got out pretty unscathed.

Back in the living room, you all settle in and put on a movie you’ve seen a hundred times so you can talk over it without upsetting anyone. It feels nice to settle back into normal, back with people you consider friends, back with your brother, and you feel yourself relax.

That is, until Vernon’s phone buzzes on the coffee table and he reaches to answer it. “Hey hyung. Yes, at Soonyoung’s. Okay. Sweet.”

He hangs up and tosses his phone back to where it was, obliviously announcing, “Hyung is coming over.”

Even if you weren’t sure which hyung it was, the reaction would answer for you. Soonyoung and Chan look at you so immediately, heads turning in unison, that you feel yourself flush hot. Your stomach twists.

You spend the next ten minutes - you time it - arguing with yourself, trying to talk yourself into staying, trying to convince yourself that you can handle this.

Your cowardly side wins.

“I’m pretty tired,” you lie, starting to rise. Maybe some of the guys will buy it. “I think I’m gonna head home.”

The look Chan gives you reminds you of a sad puppy, but you do your best to ignore him as you wave goodbye, gather your things, and slink out of the apartment.

You’re too late; you spent too long waffling. Seungcheol’s car is parked two spots down from yours, and he seems to be fishing around his backseat for something. You try to sneak to your car, but he spots you, straightening up and closing his door.

“Hey,” he says tightly, and you wonder if he’s nervous, too.

“Hi,” you say back. You don’t mean it to sound like, hi, you asshole, but it absolutely does.

You stare at each other across the cracked concrete, the tension thickening.

You don’t know what to say - you don’t know what you want from him. An apology? An explanation from him instead of your baby brother? Both?

Finally, he closes his eyes and shakes his head, shoulders sagging a little. “I should have texted you.”

It’s neither an apology nor an explanation, so you look at him flatly. “Only if you had something worth saying,” you say, and you can hear how cold it is. You suppose he deserves it, at least a little.

He seems to tuck small into himself for just a second. “So I guess you heard.”

You squint at him. “Could have saved me some embarrassment if you’d had the balls to tell me yourself, but yeah, I was informed.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, quickly - appeasing, insincere, just to get you off his back.

“Sure,” you say easily. “It’s whatever.”

He hears the lie for what it is and goes on the defensive. “It was supposed to stay there,” he points out. “We said - we said it stayed there.”

“We said that before,” you shoot back. Before he’d kissed you in private, before you’d slept together, before you’d stayed up all night talking, before he’d held your hand even when the weekend was over.

“No,” he snaps, taking a step towards you, away from his car. “You don’t get to do that. We agreed that we’d come home and go back to how it was. You don’t get to change your mind because you - because -”

He trails off; he clearly doesn’t want to put words in your mouth, doesn’t want to say because you liked it when you haven’t admitted it yourself.

“But you can change your mind - and let’s both be very clear, that’s what happened here - you can change your mind, just because your ex came sniffing around again?”

There it is - the whole picture, the entire truth, shattered on the feet of pavement between you, shards spraying into the darkness around you.

His expression darkens. “You don’t understand.”

You laugh, once, bitter. “I’ve been around since undergrad,” you bite. “I understand a lot more than you think I do.”

It’s true - you’ve seen it all before, the games Seungcheol and Jieun play to piss each other off: waiting to see who would text first, purposely making each other jealous, being petty and passive aggressive instead of ever talking something out.

Something plaintive crosses his face and he opens his arms wide, beseeching. “Don’t I owe it to her to try?” he asks, voice pained. “What if I can do it this time? What if I’ve… grown enough, or whatever, to be right for her?”

You feel sorry for him - that’s the feeling that overcomes all the others. Because you understand this fear: that not working is his fault, that it says something about his character, that it’s a fatal diagnosis that he’ll never shake.

That if he can’t do it right with her, it means he can’t do it right with anyone.

And you know he’s wrong. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Seungcheol,” you say, instead of answering his question. He lets his arms drop, just stares at you across the pavement. “You’re not broken or irredeemable. And nothing’s wrong with her either.”

Seungcheol’s jaw tightens. “But?” he bites out.

“There is no but. You’re both capable of being a great partner to someone. Just not each other. It’s not a bad thing, and it’s not anyone’s fault. You just need someone… different than her.”

“Someone like you,” he says flatly, like he’s clarifying, but the sarcasm isn’t as hidden away as he might have meant. 

You regard him evenly. You still feel mostly pity. 

“I don’t know,” you tell him truthfully. “We didn’t get to find out.”

Then you shake your car key out from the others and head for your driver’s side door.

He calls your name, quietly, but you ignore him. You make a point of not looking for him in your mirrors as you toss your phone into the center console, slide into reverse, and weave out of the parking lot. You don’t want to know if he watches you go. It doesn’t matter either way.

The thing about your brother is that he has tells. Blatant ones, even over texting. So when his picture - an old, grainy one you’d found in one of your mom’s physical photo albums, from the year he was four, grinning in a full-bodied hamster onesie - pops up on your phone with a faux-innocent “hiiiiii” beside it, you frown immediately.

“Hi what?” you send back. You just know, based on years of experience, that he's going to ask you something he thinks you won't agree to.

And he knows you too well, because he knows that being cute about it won't help him. Instead, his next message is just the link to a brewery's website and the question - “Friday night?”

You click it and scroll around - it seems like it's pretty new, and the owners must be trying to drum up young clientele, because the website boasts a number of events (trivia! paint and sip! 90’s night!) and the photo gallery proudly displays images of games like giant jenga and cornhole.

You're still scrolling through the photo gallery when you're interrupted by an incoming call. You go to swipe it away - instinct, naturally - when you realize it says Nayoung. 

You frown, rereading the name on the screen as if maybe it’s a lie. Then, with a bit of simmering anxiety, you slide your thumb to accept the call.

“Hey, unnie. What's wrong?” you ask automatically, sure that she must be calling because someone is dying - nothing short of that ever got her to call before.

Her silence on the other end rings for a second, long enough to make you scared that someone really did die.

“Unnie?” you prod.

“Sorry - hi,” she says, her voice coming to life in your ear. “Nothing’s wrong. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

There’s an edge to her voice and you try to define it - defensive? Irritated?

“Oh,” you say. This whole thing is so weird. “So, then, what’s up?”

“Just calling to chat, I guess.”

“You guess?” It slips out before you can stop it.

She sighs, like she knows you’re right. “I’m sorry,” she says. “It’s weird, right? I just… seeing you made me realize that you’re all grown up now, and I don’t know you.”

You don’t say anything. Every instinct you have is begging you to defend, to dig your shovel into the crumbling, wet earth of years of anger. But you want to see what she has to say before you bury her.

When you don’t answer, she pushes on. “I was just thinking that… if I want to change that… someone needs to start trying. And I guess it should be me.”

You tap your fingers on your desk, uneasy. “I don’t know what to say,” you admit. “I guess I appreciate… that you want to.” It feels stilted at best, completely faked at worst. You need time to process, to decide what you want. You wish this had been a text message so you didn’t have to say anything until you were ready, until you'd scripted it perfectly.

Because, in real time, she asks, haltingly, “Well, what do you want?”

You can’t not answer. You can’t spend six hours asking for help to craft the ideal reply.

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“Okay,” she says, like she’d braced herself for a worse response and she’s relieved it’s only this. “Okay, that’s okay. That’s fine. Just… think about it.”

“Mhm,” you manage. You feel like you’re in a play and no one ever gave you your lines. Then, as you glance sideways at the calendar tacked to your office’s bulletin board, you ask, “Aren’t you still on your honeymoon?”

She laughs, and the tension breaks a little. “Yeah. We’re just hanging out right now. We have two more days and then it’s back to reality.”

“Sorry,” you deadpan, and she laughs again.

“Me too,” she agrees. Then, she adds, “Well, I’ll let you go. I know it’s a workday.”

“Yes and I am clearly working very hard,” you say flatly, just to make her laugh again.

“If you want to call or text,” she says, “you’re welcome to, okay?”

“Sure,” you say, but you know you won’t. Habits of over twenty years are pretty tough to break, you think.

“Are you having a good time?”

It’s a delicate question; you find yourself spending your Friday night at the brewery that Soonyoung had texted you about, and it should be fun - has all the trappings of a good time. The vibe is nice, the live music is great, and you love a good game, so you’ve been playing giant Jenga and connect-4 against Soonyoung and Chan for the last two hours as you knock back different craft beers. All things you like.

But for some reason - which certainly isn’t that Seungcheol is here, and he hasn’t talked to you once, instead staying sequestered with Mingyu and Jeonghan - you’re in a shitty mood, constantly checking your phone to see if it’s late enough that you can leave without being a party pooper. 

You’re not even sure how long ago Chan and Soonyoung abandoned you with the stranger. You’re seated at the bar now, your back facing the games, and you can hear Seokmin’s noisy giggle floating your way.

“Yeah,” you say, because you hate being impolite. “I seem to have lost my friends, though.”

The guy - who, now that you’re paying attention, is actually pretty cute - glances over your shoulder towards the giggler. “I noticed,” he says, turning back to you, “that you are here with thirteen guys. What’s the situation? Are they, like, your sister wives?”

You laugh, and he smiles, happy to have succeeded. “Well, the one about to start crying over Jenga is my little brother, so let’s quickly remove him from the scenario,” you say, and the guy nods, playing along.

“They’re mostly his friends,” you admit. “I just tag along.”

“Ah,” he says. “So no sister wives. Or boyfriends.”

“Ah,” you repeat, because he showed his hand. “No boyfriends or wives. Or partners of any kind, just to cover all the bases.”

He does a valiant job trying to carry a conversation with you, and you try to engage at least to a polite degree, but your heart just isn’t in it. Your bad mood festers, weighs heavy like water-logged clothing. When the clock strikes midnight, you consider yourself off the hook.

You apologize to the guy - whose name you didn’t even get, during this whole time - and extract yourself. You make your way over to where the guys are gathered by the indoor cornhole games. 

“I’m gonna head,” you tell your brother. 

He frowns, glancing at his phone. “It’s only midnight.”

You nod, tight-lipped. You don’t want to speak, don’t want to let it all spill out - that it isn’t fun to hang around trying not to watch Seungcheol out of the corners of your eyes, not fun to push your bitterness down and keep up the mask of someone who isn’t angry. 

Luckily, he doesn’t push it. “Fine,” he says, kind of flatly, and it makes you sad for a whole different reason. You hate letting Soonyoung down. “Get home safe.”

In your periphery, you watch Seungcheol’s head snap up at this. You shift so he’s out of your view, start pulling up the app to get a ride home. 

He doesn’t get the message your body-language is sending, instead sidling up next to you, his own phone in hand.

“Are you heading out?” he asks. “I was going, too, if you want to share a ride.”

Soonyoung gives you a quick pat on the arm and dips, heading back to Chan and the little bean-bags on the cornhole board. You don’t blame him - you wish you could vanish from here, too.

“Fine,” you say evenly. You don’t wait for him or even look back as you tap to confirm the ride. You just head for the front door at a clip.

Outside, you have a few minutes to wait before the car will arrive. You cross your arms, watching the street carefully, determined to engage with Seungcheol as little as possible.

Apparently, he has his own agenda. “You’re leaving pretty early,” he observes, sliding his phone into his hoodie pocket. 

You hum noncommittally, since he hadn’t asked a question. 

“Not having fun?” he prods.

You glance sideways at him. His cheeks are a bit pink. You hadn’t been paying enough attention to know how much he had to drink, but you’re wondering if he’s a little buzzed. 

“Just tired,” you lie, because it’s fewer syllables than the truth. 

He nods. His phone buzzes in his pocket again, loud enough that you both hear it. His face instantly shifts into guilt before he can correct it, and you know it’s Jieun blowing him up. You know that’s why he’s leaving early. You don’t even need to ask.

“Listen,” he says finally, and you lift your gaze to him. You feel absolutely nothing. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you ask, but your voice comes out hard.

“You know.”

This makes you let out a sarcastic laugh. “If you can’t even articulate it, then I don’t think I can accept.”

He sighs heavily, like you’re being difficult. “I’m not sorry that I chose to try again with Jieun,” he admits. “I think I have the right. But I’m sorry that you got hurt in the process. That wasn’t… what I wanted.”

You choke back the defensive I’m not hurt. “I appreciate the apology,” you say coolly. 

He regards you silently. For a second you’re back at the resort and he’s your knight in shining armor, ready to stand between you and whatever’s upsetting you. For a second, you’re back between his arms in bed, warm and safe and hopeful. For a second, your hand is back in his, accepting his promise to make things better for you.

The car slides up to the curb and you check the license plate against the app before opening the door and getting into the backseat. 

“I hope you’ll actually forgive me,” he says quietly, as the car pulls away. “Even if it takes a while.”

And there he is, your Seungcheol - earnest and quiet. 

“I forgive you,” you say. “I’m just… I’ll be fine. You hurt my pride, but I’ll get over it.”

“I am really sorry,” he repeats, and this time you believe him a little more. 

“It’s fine,” you say, because it’s going to have to be. “We’ve got to move past it, anyway, or things will be weird for my brother forever.”

Seungcheol’s quiet for a minute, thinking. His phone buzzes twice more on his lap, but he ignores it. 

“Do you think we can?” he asks finally. “Move past it? Maybe be friends?”

That would be new, you think. 

“I don’t know,” you say slowly. You’d have to put a lot of feelings away - both the good ones and the bad ones. “Do you think we could?”

He shrugs. “I already consider you my friend.”

You stare at your lap for a minute. “I’ll try,” you tell him, because it’s the most you can offer. 

He sends you a tiny, sideways smile. “I’m glad,” he says. 

That’s the last thing you say for the rest of the ride, until you’re slipping out of the car and calling a goodbye over your shoulder.

August

Time heals all wounds, and while you don’t want to say you were wounded necessarily, things do settle down - the sting ebbs, day by day. It’s replaced with acceptance and a bit of that same unnamable feeling that you always get when you think of Seungcheol and his quest to fix things with Jieun. It’s sort of how one might feel about Sisyphus - you understand his motivations and the good place they come from, but you wish he could step away and let the rock go, move on to more productive challenges. 

But he can’t - can’t step to the side and let the past roll away, can’t stop trying. Love is a curse, right?

“Don’t comets mean, like, disaster is coming?” Joshua asks. 

You’re all on Soonyoung and Chan’s roof - not even just the eight of you, but a bunch of your brother’s neighbors, too, all with the same idea. You’re not sure you’ll be able to see anything, with the city’s light pollution, but it’s one in the morning and you’re all standing around craning your necks, waiting for the promised show.

“Just change in general,” you say.

“Depends on the person, or the culture,” Vernon corrects from somewhere to your right. “To some, it’s a harbinger of disaster. To some, it just means change - good or bad.”

“Ominous,” Chan says, coming up behind you and resting his chin on your shoulder playfully before moving to bother Seungkwan.

You’d all been down in the apartment for a while, drinking and snacking. You’d even created a little themed cocktail you’d named the Comet-kazi, a play on the usual kamikaze made with your favorite tequila. It had been a nice night, even with Seungcheol there. You left each other alone, kept space, but you didn’t feel any of the simmer anything - neither the anger nor the desire. Things felt almost how they used to. Almost.

Now, all crowded together against the concrete wall of the rooftop, you feel a wave of affection for the whole crowd of your brother’s idiot friends - even Seungcheol. You lean a bit on Mingyu, mostly because you’re sleepy and he’s solid enough to hold you up, watching the sky for any flickers or flashes.

Seungcheol’s voice breaks the silence from behind you. “I gotta bounce. Sorry.”

No one answers him for a second, though you feel bodies shift around you as some of the guys look over their shoulders to see him already backing towards the door into the building. Next to you, Soonyoung meets your gaze, his expression flat and knowing - probably mirroring your own. 

It’s Joshua who speaks first. “You sure, man?” he asks. “They said this is once in a lifetime…”

“It’ll be there tomorrow,” Seungcheol says, already halfway through the door. He doesn’t look back as he disappears from view.

“Won’t be as good tomorrow,” Vernon mutters, too quiet for Seungcheol to hear. 

In front of you, leaning against the concrete, Chan sighs heavily. 

“We’ve lost him, lads,” Soonyoung murmurs next to you.

“Again,” adds Seungkwan darkly.

You shift your weight to lean against Soonyoung instead of Mingyu, unconsciously moving to comfort him, sensing his distress. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him quietly.

He gives your elbow a squeeze. “None of it’s your fault.”

You aren’t sure you agree with that. Maybe if you’d been better, more worthy somehow - prettier, more witty, something - he’d have chosen you over the familiar path, and then your brother’s friend group wouldn’t be splintering. 

“There,” Mingyu says suddenly, pointing. You all shut up, turning to follow the line of sight from his finger. A few of Soonyoung’s neighbors press closer to your little group, all trying to see.

It takes a second, but then you see it - a ball of light not much bigger than the blinking planets, moving slowly across the sky. It has no tail, no flashes or sparkles or anything else the media might have led you to expect. But still, your eyes stay on it as it travels. You’re all silent, watching, nearly holding your breath.

Change.

You let yourself wonder what kind of change could be in store for you, let yourself hope that maybe - maybe - the universe could be bringing you something good.

“Did you see the comet last night?”

You switch your phone to your other ear and tuck it against your shoulder, your hands busy chopping an onion for dinner. Your mother’s voice rings, tinny. 

“I did,” you tell her, pausing to push some of the chopped pieces to the side with the blunt side of the knife. “I was at Soonyoung’s with all the guys. It was pretty cool. Did you?”

“Mhm,” your mother answers evenly. Then, “All the guys, hm? Was Seungcheol there?”

Your stomach drops. You hesitate on the cusp of the lie, your hands already starting to sweat enough that you have to set down the knife and wipe them on your jeans before resuming the chopping. 

Your fake relationship was - as Seungcheol had said, back on the night you’d argued last month - supposed to stay there. You hadn’t discussed what would happen after, as far as your story. Should you keep the lie going a little longer, or will it make the situation snowball into a problem?

You hesitate too long and your mother catches it. She says your name, inquisitive, and you sigh. You don’t like being dishonest with her. You push the last of the onion pieces into one pile and rinse the knife in the sink, then turn and lean back against the counter, dragging a hand over your face wearily, trying to decide what version of the story to give.

You settle on something that at least mimics the truth.

“We broke up,” you say. You can hear the flatness of your tone, can hear the regret and sliver of hurt in it. Those aren’t a lie at all.

She doesn’t respond for a long moment, and your stomach twists again. You tap your nails against the kitchen counter you’re leaning on, your pulse singing so loud it’s nearly yodeling. Then, she says, “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?”

You hear the question for what it is - what happened?

You chew on your bottom lip, once again toying between the truth and a nicer version - it just didn’t work out, or, I’m not really sure what happened.

“His ex came back around,” you admit. It actually feels kind of good to say it to someone that’s not Soonyoung, something loosening in your stomach, a muscle you didn’t know you’d had clenched. “They’ve been on and off as long as I’ve known him. She’s like a drug he can’t quit, or something.” You pause, heart pounding hard as you trip over the words you’ve kept to yourself for almost a month now. “It was stupid of me to think it would be different now.”

Stupid to think he’d be different, for me, you add silently.

She says your name again, soft and regretful, and your eyes fill at the unexpected understanding and sympathy.

You let out a little bitter laugh, just to offset the unwelcome tears. “It is what it is,” you say, because that’s better than backsliding into being hurt, when you’d finally been putting it behind you.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, her voice going uncharacteristically quiet in response to the stark sadness in yours. “You aren’t stupid for hoping something will work. It’s not stupid to hope that someone will step up for you.”

You busy yourself by digging out the pot you need for the soup you want to cook, just to do something, put your sudden adrenaline towards an action. “I guess,” you say, but you’re wondering if she’s speaking from experience with your dad, all those years ago. Is this a lesson she’d learned after waiting for him to step up, time and time again? 

“He seemed to really like you,” she muses in your ear, and your fingers tighten on your phone as your face heats.

Yeah, you think. I thought so, too. You can’t make yourself say it, so you simply hum in agreement. 

She sighs. “Well, darling, there’s nothing to do but brush yourself off and get back on the horse.”

You scoff. “I think I’ll go inside and watch the horses from the window for a while, actually.”

She laughs, understanding the metaphor. “Well, not for too long, yeah?” she concedes. “Or you’ll forget how to ride.”

You drop the pot, the phone falling from your shoulder as you scramble to catch it. “Sorry - sorry,” you tell her, once you’ve righted everything. “Dropped the phone. I’m trying to cook dinner.”

“I can let you go,” she says easily. “I should call Nayoung, anyway.”

You say goodbye and hang up, and then stare listlessly at the pot and chopped vegetables on the countertop. You suddenly feel too tired to cook, too tired to think.

You close your eyes, press a cool hand against them and breathe. Talking about the situation had felt a bit freeing, it’s true, but it’d also brought some of the emotions back, and you’ve been trying to pack those up tight. 

“Enough,” you mutter to yourself. You reach to turn on the burner, waiting for the flame to emerge, waiting for your hurt feelings to settle back into quiet.

It’s the hottest week of the year when your air-con dies, because of course it is.

You call the building’s super, who tells you that the building’s entire HVAC unit is busted, and he’s got a team coming to work on it sometime in the next week.

You lay on your living room floor in your underwear, star-fished because you can’t stand to have one part of your body touch another, and melt, miserable. Even your pulse and your heartbeat feel like too much work for your overheated body.

It takes you less than twelve hours to crack, using your phone to buy a window unit from the local hardware store (a decision that future-you will regret when your credit card statement comes, but right now you’re too hot to care), selecting in-store pick-up. 

You get the unit into the car without a problem, thanks to the help of a store employee in a blue vest embroidered with the store’s name. It’s getting it out of the car that you realize you hadn’t thought enough about.

You call Soonyoung, who picks up on the third ring.

“What are you and Chan doing tonight?” you ask. You’re standing next to your car’s open back door, staring at the box like it’s a problem you might be able to solve. “I need a favor and I am willing to pay cash.”

“Sorry, but I have a date,” Soonyoung says. “And Chan’s at his parents’.”

“Fuck,” you mutter. 

“Why?” your brother asks, as you crouch next to your car just to keep yourself in its shadow; the sun beating down on you has nearly made you dizzy already. “What’s wrong?”

You explain the situation to him, a bit desperately. 

He hums. “I could ask Seungcheol-hyung,” he suggests.

“Soonyoung.”

“I’m serious. He’d be the most help, anyway. Probably more than Chan.”

You hear an indignant hey! in the background of the call.

“I don’t want you to call Seungcheol,” you say. “In fact, I would rather eat glass.”

But then you think about spending the rest of the day laying like a starfish in your living room. And about trying to sleep - sweat trickling down your back, legs sticky, flopping over time and time again.

There’s no way. You won’t survive.

“God,” you groan, miserable. “It’s fine. I can call him myself. Thanks anyway.”

“Good luck,” he tells you.

You lock your car and head inside - at least you can be out of the sun, and back under your ceiling fan. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing. You go back to starfish position and tap Seungcheol’s name on your phone. 

It rings out and goes to voicemail, so you hang up. Then your phone buzzes in your hand.

You roll your eyes. He’d texted you a “what’s up” instead of answering, which means he’s with Jieun and doesn't want to be on the phone with you in front of her. 

You text him back, need help with something.

Your phone rings almost immediately.

“You okay?” he asks.

Your chest tightens. You love and hate the way he’ll jump to take care of you. It isn’t fair, it promises something he can’t provide. It also makes you feel like you’re being filled with helium, cared for and protected.

“Yeah, it’s not, like, an emergency,” you explain. “It’s just… the air-con in my building went out, and I bought a window unit, but I can’t get it upstairs. I tried my brother and Chan and neither of them are home. I was gonna see if… but if you’re busy it’s totally fine.”

It seems like Seungcheol has pulled the phone away from his mouth; you can hear his voice, muffled, catch the words Soonyoung’s sister. 

You want to smash something. You almost hang up. 

“I can help,” he says, normal volume again. “Do you mind if it’s in an hour or so?”

“You’re doing me a favor,” you point out. “Take your time.”

He laughs lightly. “That’s true,” he says agreeably. “Okay. It might be a bit, but I’ll get there before dinnertime. Sound good?”

When the knock on your door comes, you’re almost dozing - still in the middle of the living room floor. You have to peel yourself off the ground gently, your skin sticking slightly. You make your way to the door sleepily, belatedly realizing that you should probably throw on at least a t-shirt - you’re thankfully not in just underwear anymore, but you are only in a sports bra and a pair of workout shorts. 

Oh well, you think. It’s not worse than a bathing suit. 

When you open the door, Seungcheol takes a small step backwards. 

“Um,” he says, a bit unsteadily, “hey.”

His gaze sweeps over you and then he looks steadfastly somewhere over your shoulder, the tips of his ears going dark.

“Hi,” you say, as normally as you can, as something both smug and bitter swims in your stomach. “Thanks for coming.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, sounding more like himself, though his ears stay red as you step backwards to let him in.

“I did try my brother first,” you say, even though he already knows this. You feel kind of defensive, like you need to be very clear that you hadn’t just wanted to see him or something. 

(It’s nice to see him, just the two of you. It makes you want to sink into his presence, unclench something you hadn’t realized you’d had tightened, lose yourself in his slightly spicy scent. But that’s a road you can’t go down.)

“It’s not a problem,” he says, looking around your place absently. You realize he’s never been here before. 

“Do you want a drink? Water or anything?” you ask.

“Maybe after I carry it up,” he says, pulling on the front of his t-shirt and flapping it to cool down his sweaty skin. “Fuck, it’s hot in here.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty unbearable,” you say. And it’s hotter now, just because his proximity makes your heart beat faster, your body raising its temperature without your permission. Just because his dark eyes look troubled, and it’s work to fight the instinct to fix it. Just because his smile still cuts through you, even when it’s kind of wary. “Let me just grab my keys and we can…” 

You trail off as you pat around your cluttered kitchen table until your fingers find metal. Then you lead Seungcheol back into the hallway and towards the stairs.

“So, uh,” you say as you walk, the back of your neck prickling under his gaze from behind you, “how have you been? How are things?”

You turn over your shoulder as you ask, which is the only reason you watch his face twist for a second before he says, “Ah, you know. Normal.”

“The face you just made says differently,” you point out.

He shrugs, mouth going into a firm, thin line. “It’s complicated.”

Ah. Of course. Jieun.

“Oh,” you say. “We, uhm. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“We probably shouldn’t,” he says, sounding a bit chagrined. You watch his face carefully - your eyes charting the way his lashes flick as his gaze drops, the down-turn of his mouth flirting with the idea of a pout, his jaw flexing and relaxing like he’s focusing on making it look normal. 

You wish you could squeeze his hand or give him a hug; anything to let him know that someone cares if he’s hurting. But you can’t - he’s not your problem, not your responsibility. Straight-up not yours.

You blow out a quick breath, determined to get your shit together. “I mean,” you say, pausing on the stairs’ landing so you can face him, “you’re not going to hurt my feelings at this point. We did say we’d try being friends. If you want to talk about it and get a perspective that’s not from a twenty-something-year-old dude, I’m offering. As a friend.”

He stares at you for a moment, processing, making a decision. He seems to deflate a little when he decides. 

“It’s nothing really worth talking about,” he says. “Just the usual with Ji.”

Ji. You work hard not to grimace. 

“Are you two… back together?” you ask, your voice kind of small in the empty stairwell.

He shifts his weight from foot to foot, eyes finding the ceiling of the stairwell like he can’t look at you while he says this. “Not yes, but not no. Hence the… complicated.”

“Hence,” you repeat with a snort. He makes a face at you. For a second, it feels easy again. 

“So, what’s the problem?” you ask, leaning back against the wall and crossing your arms. The cement is cool against your back, actually feels nice after melting in the apartment for hours. 

“I dunno,” he admits. “We’re talking non-stop, it’s just… no one has pulled the trigger on it. It’s like we’re both waiting to see what the other will do. Neither of us wants to say it first.”

“Why not?”

He laughs once, a bit bitter. “Gives the other person the power, I guess. Gives them the chance to say no. So… here we are. Limbo.”

“So stop it,” you say clearly, like it’s simple. His brows scrunch. “Seriously. Say what you mean - tell her what you want.”

His eyes flick to the floor and then back to yours, something swimming in his brown eyes. “What if she -”

“Doesn’t matter,” you say firmly. “If she says no, if she laughs in your face - it doesn’t matter. Would that be worse than never getting what you actually want? Really?”

He’s quiet for a minute. Then he grumbles, “How come you always have the answer? I really fucking hate that.”

“It’s because don’t think with my dick,” you fire back, and he laughs out loud.

“What’s her excuse, then?” he asks. 

“Not sure,” you say, thinking about this. “But I have a lot of theories. The first one being that she enjoys the games just as much as you do - until they stop being fun.”

He lets out a wry laugh. “That’s no secret.” He regards you for a second, and you swear his eyes sweep your form again. Then he lowers his voice and says, “It’s kind of refreshing, how you don’t. Play games, I mean.”

You flush hot - angry, you think. You open your mouth to scold him, to tell him it’s fucked up to stand here and compare you to her, but he beats you to it.

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “I just heard what I said.”

Your fury settles, just slightly, but your body takes longer to get the message. Your heart still pounds, your face feels like you need to stick it in the freezer, your pulse thuds with adrenaline as it prepares to fight.

For a second, you’re in that hotel shower with him again, your fingers in his hair. The adrenaline feels the same. The space between you feels charged, suddenly, alive and awake and ready to take what it wants - take what you and Seungcheol both want, it seems.

You’re saved from having to reply - the door at the bottom of the stairs slams open and Mingyu’s voice yells, “Hello? I’m dying out here!”

You look at Seungcheol, baffled, the moment broken.

“I brought help,” he explains. “Come on.”

Before he leaves, as the new window unit blasts into your bedroom, you stop him.

“Be honest with her,” you tell him, voice low so Mingyu won’t overhear and get nosy. “It’s Boyfriending 101.”

Later, you lay on your bed in the dark, your new window unit blowing directly over you. You want to freeze, want to have goosebumps for the rest of your life to make up for how hot your last two days were. 

Your phone lights up with a notification and you glance at it. 

Your sister - mom told me about your break up :( sorry to hear that

You frown. You don’t appreciate your mother spreading your business, don’t want Nayoung getting little peeks into your life that you don’t feel she deserves. 

Another text pops up under the first - want to talk about it? 

Not with you, you think sourly. 

Your real response is nicer. You send back, not really. i’m okay. thanks for checking in.

Your phone rings. You growl, loud and frustrated, then fix your tone. 

“Hey Nayoung,” you say, trying to sound like you don’t want to throw your phone across the room. 

“Hi,” she says, her voice sweet in your ear. You feel bad for being so prickly. “Are you sure you’re okay? It sucks more than normal to lose a boyfriend to an ex. There’s like… I don’t know, an extra hit to your pride in it. I know, I’ve been there.”

You wonder how many boyfriends and heartbreaks Nayoung had after moving out that you didn’t know anything about. 

You wonder what it would have felt like to have a big sister back when you were a teenager navigating your first heartbreaks, having boy problems. But you’re trying to move on from that kind of thought, trying to let go of your anger for decisions decades old, so you let the thought float along instead of clinging to it.

“I’m really fine,” you insist. 

“I just can’t believe it,” she says, and you can picture her shaking her head, hair swinging with the motion. “He seemed head over heels with you. I thought he was crazy about you. And I was only around him for a few days.”

“Yeah,” you say quietly. “Yeah, I was… I was wrong, too. But I’ll be fine. It’s not my first rodeo, you know? I’ll be fine.”

Nayoung is quiet for a minute. “Maybe he’ll come to his senses? Would you even entertain him if he did?”

“I don’t think so,” you say. “He and his ex have been on and off the whole time I’ve known them. I shouldn’t have… I should have known the pull she has on him would… I don’t know. Win. I don’t know if he’ll ever really be able to separate himself from her, you know?”

Maybe your relationship had been a lie, but every word you say now is true.

Nayoung groans dramatically. “That’s horrible,” she laments. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sucks for them, too,” you say, rolling and looking at your ceiling. This is the longest conversation you’ve had with your sister since before you wore a bra. 

She lets out a single disbelieving laugh. “Wow. I would not be so empathetic if it was me.”

“I’ve been around them a long time,” you explain. “Since college. I’ve seen him go through it with her over and over again. Sometimes I just want to yank him off the ride. I thought I had, for a while. But I guess not.”

She sighs. “Maybe there’s hope for him,” she says. “I was… when I was young, I was definitely the toxic ex for more than one guy.”

“You?” you say, surprised. “Toxic?”

She lets out a long breath. “Yeah,” she says, a bit guiltily. “I’m not proud of it. When I first moved out? You and Soonie were so young, you might not remember - it was bad in the house. Mom and Dad fighting was like… a black hole. Nothing else mattered - nothing else could exist except their fighting. I took a lot of my anger into my next few relationships. And then, even when I wasn’t as angry anymore… that was my example of love, right? I picked men who were bone-heads like Dad, and I treated them like… well, like Mom treated Dad.”

You’re stunned into silence. It’s a lot to process.

“Sorry,” she laughs. “Was that too much?”

“No,” you say. “No, not at all. I just… never saw that side of you. It’s hard to picture.”

“I know,” she says, a bit sadly. Then, she seems to steel herself. “I had to learn to do better. Therapy helped.”

Nayoung went to therapy? News to you.

When you hang up after chatting a little more, you sit on the edge of your bed, just thinking. You hadn’t really thought about how things had been for Nayoung before she’d left. You’d only thought about what she left behind.

The thoughts feel heavy. You’re too tired for them. You open social media instead, tapping when you see a message in the corner. 

Your whole body goes ice cold when you see the name next to the picture.

@princess_ji: hey girl. i want to clear smth up if thats ok?

“Oh, shit,” you mutter, standing up and pacing in your living room, despite the cloying heat in there. 

You: hey jieun. ofc, whats up?

@princess_ji: cheollie told me that when he went to your sister’s wedding last month you came onto him and you slept together. is that true?

“He told you what?” you bark, your voice echoing across your empty apartment. You stare at it for so long that you stop being able to feel your hands. Blinking, you set your phone down on the coffee table.

Be honest with her, you’d told him. You hadn’t meant this honest!

He’d told her you slept together. 

And you came onto him? Technically true… if you omit almost every single thing that happened leading up to it.

Jesus.

You stand up and start pacing, pressing your palms to your heated cheeks. Your stomach knots up, nausea creeping up your throat. You pace the length of your apartment six times before you sit back down again, pressing your forehead to your knees and exhaling slowly.

He must have told her he wants to be with her. He must be trying to do it right, starting with no secrets. 

Seungcheol had been there for you. He had held your hand and defended you to your family and held you when you were low. He’d done everything he’d promised and more. 

And then he’d carried your new air conditioner up two flights of stairs.

You owe him.

You: yes, it’s true. he went to the wedding with me as a favor so i wouldn’t be alone. i was going through some hard stuff that weekend and he was there for me. 

You: i was in a bad place and i let myself make a choice i wouldn’t normally make. that’s all it was.

You exhale slowly again, almost dizzy with anxiety as you see her start to type.

@princess_ji: okay… so like… what about now? do you still want him???

You can’t even blame her for wanting to know what she’s walking into. You’d want to know, too, if you were in her position.

You owe him. It’s with this in mind that you send your final reply.

You: it doesn’t matter. he doesn’t want me. he only wants you. the whole time i’ve known him he’s only wanted you.

There, you think, as you turn your phone off completely, sliding it away on the table so you can’t reach it. Now we’re even. 

September

Another Friday night finds you surrounded by your brother’s friends in his dimly-lit living room. It is identical to a thousand Friday nights before - the flicker from the tv, the sound of chatter and video games, beer fizzy in your mouth, the company shifting slightly week by week depending on who’s around. There’s only one thing different.

Seungcheol brought Jieun. 

Things were tense at first - the room going silent for a nano-second when he walked in with her, before everyone burst into noisy fake-normalcy to cover for it. But an uneasy acceptance seemed to fall over the room when you knocked back a bit of your beer and said, “Hey, guys. Either of you need a drink?”

Now, Seungcheol’s on the couch watching Vernon get absolutely destroyed in whatever team game they have on, Jieun’s legs draped across his lap and his arm around her back. You’re on the floor in your usual place. Chan has seated himself beside you, steadily between you and the couple, like a loyal golden retriever standing between you and something dangerous.

You love him a little, this second baby brother.

You chat with him quietly, trying hard to keep your attention on your conversation and not what’s happening across the room on the couch. You feel a little resigned, which is a step closer to acceptance, so you’ll take it. You’re starting to come to terms with the fact that this is just going to be how it is - you’ll move on from Seungcheol bit by bit, but for a while it’s going to continue to sting a bit when he’s in front of you like this. It’s going to be a long time before his presence doesn’t stir up everything you’re walking away from - the affection, the attraction, the sameness. When he’s in the room with you, you’re always going to feel the rush of how much you like him. 

It’ll be easier when you’re not around each other as much. 

And, with time, the rest will get easier, too. 

When Soonyoung calls you from the kitchen to help carry snacks, you rise quickly, happy to be in a separate space even if just for a minute. 

You grab a bowl of chips and a plate of veggies and dip and make your way back into the living room, heading to the coffee table to set down the dishes. As you draw closer to the couch, Jieun leans up, wrapping her arms around Seungcheol’s neck to pull herself closer to his ear. 

“How long do you want to hang out here?” she whispers. “Back to your place soon?”

She releases him, smiling mischievously as he turns to look at her. You set down the food and head back to Chan, so you miss his reply, which is too quiet to catch, muttered low only for her to hear. 

It must not be the answer she wants, because when you glance back at them after settling on the floor near Chan again she’s taken her legs off of his, her arms crossed and her mouth downturned. 

Seungcheol’s jaw tics. He shifts sideways so they aren’t even touching, but then his gaze inexplicably lands on you.

You hold his gaze. It feels like you’re having a conversation, eyes locked and neither of you speaking. You tilt your head just slightly. 

Do better. 

Don’t play the game.

His slides his eyes closed, lets out a slow breath, his chest deflating as the air leaves him. When he opens his eyes again, they don’t look at you. He reaches over to Jieun, gives her thigh a quick squeeze, and murmurs something to her.

You watch her soften, watch her frown slip away. 

You flop backwards on the carpet, so that you can’t look at them even if you’re tempted to. It’s not much longer that they rise, both of them apologizing for dipping out early.

“Don’t be sorry,” you say, giving them a smile as genuine as you can. “The guys don’t realize how boring it can be to sit and watch them play video games.”

“Hey!” your brother objects. “No one’s making you hang out with us!”

Jieun sends you a grateful smile, though. “Exactly,” she says. “I like to hang out with your friends, Cheollie, but I can only watch so many rounds of -” She mimics a machine gun with her hands, complete with sound effects.

Seungcheol scrunches his face at her in adorable, teasing protest and whisks her out the door. 

You flop backwards, suddenly exhausted - from masking, from trying to push through the awkwardness, from being “on”.

“Was that as awful as I thought it was?” you ask the ceiling.

“Yes,” Soonyoung says seriously, as the rest of the room assures you that it was not. 

“It’ll get easier,” he promises. 

Whatever guidance you’d given Seungcheol clearly doesn’t last. When you join Soonyoung and Chan (and whoever else they’ve roped in on this particular Friday) at a dive bar halfway between your places, it’s clear that things have gone sour. 

He gets there late, storming in and slamming himself onto the empty barstool to Mingyu’s left, ordering something that sounds like it’ll burn the whole way down.

“Rough day?” Mingyu asks, one brow arched. 

“Fucking over it,” he mutters, which is somehow both an answer and not an answer. 

He’s too many seats away from you to really carry a conversation with each other, so you turn your back to him and Mingyu. You instead chat with your brother and Chan and occasionally Wonwoo, who’s on Chan’s other side. But you can hear, behind you, the low timbre of Seungcheol’s voice, snapping and dark and so unlike the version of him you’ve known. You can hear and feel the force with which he slaps down his glass each time it’s empty, can feel Mingyu’s back stiffen bit by bit as Seungcheol’s temper gets hotter and hotter.

“I need some air, hyung,” Mingyu says finally. “You want to come with?”

Seungcheol declines, but Dumb and Dumber get up from next to you and follow him, elbowing each other (for no purpose except to annoy) as they go.

Which leaves you alone with Seungcheol one barstool to your left, and Wonwoo two barstools to your right.

With a side, you swivel left. Seungcheol is already looking at you, his expression still stormy.

“Well,” he says sourly, and then drains the rest of his glass, dropping it heavily to the wooden bar like he had his last few. You wince, expecting it to break, but it doesn’t. “How was your day?”

“Better than yours, I guess,” you observe.

He scoffs, lip curling. “Don’t need to fucking rub it in.”

You shrug. “Just stating the obvious. I’d ask what happened, but I can guess.”

His entire face twists, and for a second you wonder if you’ve poked the bear one time too many. Then, he seems to catch himself, takes a breath. He turns to signal for another drink before he responds, which you’re guessing was a ploy to give himself more time to cool off. 

“Haven’t heard from her since Wednesday. Either her phone’s off or she blocked my number.”

“Did you fight?” you ask, even though it seems like a dumb question. 

He raises and lowers one shoulder. “Not a bad one. Not a never speak to you again kind of fight. Not a don’t talk for three days kind of fight.”

You grimace. “Sorry, buddy.”

He mirrors the face back at you. “Don’t call me buddy.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” you ask, fake sweet. 

“You call every guy buddy who’s had his mouth on your pussy?” he sneers.

“Seungcheol!” you gasp, horrified. You glance over your shoulder - Wonwoo is pretending he’s not listening as he nurses his beer, but his ears have gone dark. You whip back around. “What is wrong with you?”

He seems taken aback - maybe at himself. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking at the wood of the bar instead of at you. “I just… didn’t like that.”

“Get over it!” you snap. “I don’t lash out at you or embarrass you in public every time something happens that I don’t like!”

He has the decency to look ashamed. “You’re right. I said I’m sorry. I mean - I am. I’m sorry. Fuck, I need some air.”

He stalks past you - definitely unsteadily - and you lower your forehead onto the bar, groaning with frustration.

“Sorry, Wonwoo,” you mutter, unable to even look at him. He awkwardly pats your shoulder, and then you’re saved by the sound of Dumb and Dumber returning, boisterously arguing about a band they both like.

You’re just starting to lose the heat of embarrassment when a notification pops up on your phone. Your eyes narrow. Seungcheol has tagged you in a photo? That can’t be good. You didn’t take a photo with him today.

Silently, you swipe to open the app. The shot you’re tagged in - along with the rest of the group - is just a blurry shot of everyone’s mostly empty glasses atop of the bar. It’s paired with a selfie he most certainly hadn’t taken here at the bar, but whatever - that’s not the problem.

The problem is you know exactly what move he’s trying to make here.

You release a breath too loudly. Your brother turns to look, alarmed.

“Where are you going?” he asks, baffled, as you grab your shit and stand.

“To fight with Seungcheol, apparently,” you mutter. 

You push your way through the bar, slipping through the door and past the bouncer, scanning the sidewalk for the idiot you know you’ll find here. 

“Hey,” you call when you spot him, leaning against the brick wall, face lit by his cell phone screen. “Untag me in that shit.”

He looks at you, confused. “Why?”

“Because you only did it to make her mad,” you say firmly as you draw closer. “You want her to see that I’m out with you guys and get pissed off or jealous or both. Don’t do that. Don’t use me to play your fucking games with her.”

The silence you’re met with is so stony, you think he’s going to fire back at you. But instead he lets his screen go dark and his arm lowers to his side again, and then he mutters, “Fine. You’re right. Sorry.”

“Tell her sorry,” you grumble.

He scowls at you. “Whose side are you on? She should be apologizing to me.”

You sigh, rolling your eyes a little. “This is getting old, don’t you think?”

“What is?” he asks darkly, a warning in his tone for the first time. You ignore it; he’s pissed you off too many times tonight and you’re done being delicate about all this.

“Me trying to correct the course while you try as hard as you can to steer towards the rocks.”

He pushes himself from the wall, coming to face you completely. A shiver goes through you, despite yourself. You meet his angry gaze just as furiously.

“Why are you trying to steer at all?” he asks, mocking. “You shouldn’t even be on the boat.”

A laugh bursts from you - half from shock and half because he’s right.

“Yeah,” you say, nodding, still smiling despite how fucking angry you are. “I guess it’s just… as your friend… it’s kind of hard to watch it happen. Especially when I know you can do better.”

His expression darkens further, his brows furrowed and his eyes angry slits.

“You know,” he says, his voice low and hard, “I’m getting really tired of your I know everything act, when I’ve spent the last three or four months watching you pretend that if you keep everyone but Soonyoung off your island, nothing will ever hurt you.”

“Excuse me?” you breathe. “I don’t do that.”

He shrugs, all innocence. “Sure seems like it from here. Who else do you let see you when you’re down - your family? Definitely not.”

A dangerous wave of anger washes over you. “That’s pretty fucked up,” you say, voice sounding warped to your own ears, “considering you saw firsthand why I keep distance with my family. I’m not trying to not get hurt, I’m creating boundaries -”

“Creating boundaries that don’t let them close enough to hurt you,” he says, like you’ve proven his point.

“That’s not the same,” you argue. “And who the fuck asked you, anyway?”

He shrugs. “You seem to have a lot of opinions about my life, just thought I’d return the favor… buddy.”

You very nearly launch at him, your hands balling into furious fists, but you’re saved from yourself by Soonyoung jogging up the sidewalk, calling both of your names.

“What’s going on?” he asks, panting. “I came out to see if you were gonna come back in to close your card. Are you guys fighting?”

“No,” you both say, in tandem.

You start to follow Soonyoung back towards the bar. Over your shoulder, to Seungcheol, you shoot, “Untag me. Got it?” Then you head back inside with your brother, leaving your ex fake boyfriend outside, alone.

–

You’re pulled from a dreamless sleep by your phone buzzing on your nightstand. You reach for it without opening your eyes, mumbling a hello, expecting Soonyoung or Chan.

“Come open your door.”

For a long second, you have no idea who’s talking or what the hell they’re talking about. You blink your eyes open, pulling the phone away from your face to peer at the screen.

“Seungcheol?” you manage to ask. “What do you mean open my door? Wait, are you in my building? How did you even get in?”

“I knocked,” he says simply. “Come let me in before your coffee burns all the skin off my hand.”

“Coffee?” You perk up just a fraction.

You can almost hear the playful eye-roll he gives you. “Come on, it’s really hot. They didn’t give me one of the paper-hand-protector things.”

You hang up and shuffle across your room, grabbing a hoodie from the back of your desk chair and pulling it over your head as you make your way to your front door.

Seungcheol clearly hasn’t slept, is probably nursing a hangover - but somehow still looks great. 

“Here,” he says, holding out a to-go cup from a nearby cafe. “I think I got your order right. Careful, it’s hot.”

You take the cup and regard him silently. You have a hunch that he’s here to apologize for fighting with you, and you aren’t sure how you feel - not sure if you’re going to forgive him or pretend to forgive him or maybe even just keep fighting.

“Can I come in?” he asks, a bit sheepishly.

You twist your mouth sideways. “Won’t you get in trouble for that?”

He smiles ruefully. “She can’t yell at me if she isn’t speaking to me.”

“That’s true,” you murmur, and after considering for a moment, you find yourself backing up to let him in.

He stands near your table, looking around with mild interest, the same way he had when he came with your air conditioner. 

“You wanna sit down?” you ask. Then, “You want half of this? I can pour it into mugs.”

“No,” he says quickly. “That’s yours. I want you to have it.”

This solidifies your guess that this is an apology coffee. But he does sit at your table, gingerly, like he’s scared the chair will break beneath him. 

You sit across from him, sipping at the coffee he brought you, and wait. He came with something to say, so you’ll sit and listen.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he says, quietly.

You look at the cup in your hand - it’s easier than looking at him as you say, just as quietly, “Some of it was true.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he says, shifting forward. “Just because it’s true doesn’t mean I had to say it. You’re right - I can’t keep inserting you in my bullshit. It isn’t fair.”

You shrug. “I should stop telling you what to do, too. I’m… inserting myself into the bullshit, I guess. It’s just…” You trail off.

He raises both eyebrows, like he wants you to complete the thought. 

You let out a nearly silent sigh, a breath of defeat. “It is really hard to watch you go ‘round and ‘round with her, after all these years. But… even if it’s hard… it’s not my business. I’ll try to stay out of it.”

He nods. “That’s probably… better for both of us.”

“Well,” you say, a bit of awkwardness settling between you, “we can both make an effort to keep me out of it. I appreciate the apology. I’m sorry, too, if anything I said was out of line.”

This was good communication, you think. If you weren’t trying to stay out of it, you’d say so, tell him that this was how partners should talk after a fight.  

You walk him to the door instead, slowly, something weighing on your mind.

“Seungcheol?” you say, as you get within arms’ reach of the door. “What you said outside, last night… about my island…”

He looks embarrassed, shaking his head immediately to deny the truth of it. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It isn’t true,” you say again - firmly, but much more calmly thank you had outside the bar. “I keep my family out of my day to day life because I prefer that.”

He waves his head slowly, like he’s considering what you’re saying. “Sure,” he says after a second. “So, ask yourself why. Why is it preferable, without them?”

“Because they drive me crazy,” you say. “Because I can’t rely on them to support me. Because they don’t consider my needs, or even feelings.”

“Because they’ve hurt you,” he says gently. “And sometimes they still do.”

You purse your lips, annoyed that his point has checked out. 

“And your friends?” he prods. 

“My friendships are fine.” Your tone has gone defensive again.

“You’ve never brought anyone out with us,” he points out. “I’ve known you since college and I don’t know the name of a single person in your life that isn’t in your brother’s living room every Friday night. Why keep your circle separate?” 

“No room left in Soonyoung’s apartment.”

He says your name like a gentle scolding. “Seriously.”

You blow out a frustrated breath. “I don’t know,” you huff. “My friendships aren’t like that - lay around the living room and bullshit over beer. They’re… get brunch on Sunday morning and maybe get a mani-pedi before going home again. It’s just different. They like different things - a plan, an activity. Soonyoung’s is just… sitting around.”

“Have you ever let them see you when you’re ‘off’? Just lounging? Do you ever talk to them when you’re low? Who did you turn to the last time you had your heart broken?” he asks.

You go quiet. It had been Soonyoung, and Chan just by proxy since you couldn’t avoid him in their kitchen.

“I’m not trying to pick on you. I shouldn’t have said it in the first place. But, you asked, so I’m explaining,” he says, a bit pleadingly. 

Your throat has gone embarrassingly tight and your vision blurs. The answer to his question is, no one.

His arms around you are so unexpected that you jump a little, startled. Then, after less than a second of consideration, you melt into his hold, into the safety between his arms that you’ve missed and craved since your sister’s wedding ended.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your head. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

You let yourself hold him back, your arms loose around his middle. You don’t know where the line is - is this a friends hug, is it okay to lean on him or do you need to hold your tension yourself? 

In the end, you hover somewhere in the middle until he releases you, stepping back and looking at you carefully, one hand resting on your shoulder.

“I don’t want to be like that,” you whisper.

He gives you a sad smile. “Then you have to let people in.”

 “I don’t… think I know how,” you admit. Your stomach feels like lead.

He nods, face serious. “Yes you do. You let me in, when you needed me. That’s a start.”

And look what you did with it, you think. You were just more proof that my way is, in fact, keeping me safe.

His hand moves from your shoulder, up to your jaw. You startle again, your gaze jumping to his in alarm, a question on your face.

There’s a question on his, too, and he’s still standing so close.

“You should not kiss me right now,” you whisper, voice raw. Because, fuck, you want him to - or you would if he were here fully unattached. And he is very much not.

But that would be a mistake anyway, because even if he was unattached for now, Jieun would show up again eventually. You’ve made the mistake of thinking he can say no to her for the last time.

It doesn’t matter anyway. Right now, he’s with her, whether she’s currently speaking to him or not.

“You’re right,” he says, his own voice rough. His hand is gone from your cheek, but you don’t remember him removing it. “You’re right. Sorry. That was… that would have been a mistake.”

“It was a very good apology until that,” you tell him, reaching for the doorknob. “We’ll pretend it didn’t happen.”

“I’d appreciate that,” he admits, stepping into your hallway. Over his shoulder, he adds, “Thanks. For talking to me.”

“Thanks for talking to me,” you return, and then you watch him go.

–

When your sister calls a few nights later, you don’t feel the spike of frustration or anger you had the last few times. You’d almost been expecting it - at some point.

When she asks what’s new with you, you start to say nothing - just like always - but Seungcheol’s words are still swimming in circles in your head. Nayoung is trying. Maybe you could try, too.

So, you admit, “Kind of had a weird fight with Seungcheol the other night. I dunno.”

Her surprise is clear in her tone. “You talked to him?”

“Oh,” you say, realizing how little your sister knows about your day-to-day happenings. Of course she wouldn’t know that Seungcheol is at your brother’s essentially every weekend, just like you. “Well, yeah. He’s one of Soonyoung’s best friends. He’s always around.”

“God, that’s the worst,” she grouses. “How can you be expected to get over someone when they’re always in your face?” The question seems rhetorical because she continues, “What did you fight about?”

“Him and his ex, at first. Well, she’s not his ex… currently. I’m his ex, currently. But, you get it. Just like… watching him act like a tool with her when… he was better with me.” You let out a sound that’s almost a laugh - at your own expense. Because you can hear how stupid you sound. 

Your sister says it more nicely. “You have to let people make their own mistakes, unfortunately,” she says. 

“I know,” you say mournfully. “It just sucks.”

She sighed. “You’re braver than me,” she tells you. “I don’t think I could date again. If anything happens to Jeongwoo, I swear I’ll be single until I die.”

“It’s rough out here,” you agree. 

“Seriously,” she says. “I really only got in deep with Jeongwoo because when we started talking, I had already known him from college. I knew his character already, I knew his reputation. I’m not sure I could just… learn to trust a stranger.”

You go cold with how much this sounds like you.

“Yeah,” you say slowly, not sure you want to unpeel this truth for her, not sure you want to reveal this ugly part of yourself. But maybe this is the best place to do so - with someone who seems to match. Someone who knows how you grew up, learned love from the same fiery wreck that you did. “I… me, too. That’s the second thing we fought about. He kind of threw it in my face that I don’t let… most people in.”

She laughs once, sarcastic and biting. “You can blame Mom for that.”

This shocks you into silence. “I don’t blame Mom,” you say carefully. “I mean, I don’t fully blame anyone - every day of my life worked to shape me into who I am, no person is responsible. But between Mom and Dad… I wouldn’t say it’s Mom’s fault that I don’t like… sharing myself with others.”

The words come from you unsteadily, like a newborn colt, wobbly and unbalanced. You’ve never articulated this before, never even really thought about it. But you don’t blame your mother - for all of her flaws - for your fear of vulnerability with others. She hadn’t left you behind.

That had been Nayoung - Nayoung, and your dad.

Nayoung makes a sound that seems like the vocal representation of a shrug. “I don’t remember Mom ever feeling like someone I could talk to when I had problems, or when I was upset,” she observes. 

“Maybe,” you say, because, true, your mother hadn’t really been soft and comforting. But - “But at least she was there.”

And there it is. 

Unlike Dad. Unlike you.

You don’t say it, but you think she probably hears it anyway. Nayoung doesn’t respond for so long that you check to see if you got disconnected.

“We’re all a mess, huh?” she muses finally. “All four of us. How’d Soonie end up so normal?”

“Everyone babied him,” you supply, and she laughs, the potential moment of depth successfully swerved - as expected for you, and apparently from your sister, too. 

Still. When you hang up a little later, you feel somehow lighter. Like you understand her better - and maybe you let her understand you better, too. You’d let her in a little bit - just an inch - but it wasn’t nothing.

It almost feels kind of nice.

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The final chapter will go up next Friday!! Thank you for reading!!