#next I have to make sure they have enough diabetes medication and food and stuff

[rubyvroom]

Finally. My mom's sister got a text from her. It was delayed by like 8 hours but it's from today. Said they are ok, at home, with no phone, water, or electricity. That's not great, but at least they're ok!

Thanks to everybody who sent me support and info, it really helped. And now I'm going to bed.

[jjaedixk]

I love your work! Can I request 127 worrying about their partner losing weight from medical reasons? (This can be a touchy subject so I understand if you don't want to do it!)

hi, thanks for the love :) i had to look in internet to find some medical reasons and i'm sorry if this doesn't come out like you expected or if it's the same issue for some members' but i hope you like it (please let me know if everything's alright and the way you expected) also, i don't think i feel comfortable yet to write about hospital stuff, so at most will be a doctor/nurse

ϟ NCT 127 REACTION TO THEIR S/O LOSING WEIGHT DUE TO MEDICAL REASONS ϟ

warning: do not read this if you feel uncomfortable by losing of weight from medical reason (such as anemia, diabetes, anorexia, food poisoning, vomiting, fainting and low blood pressure)

TAEYONG

you have diabetes and you take your insulins everyday

but still, you have to do some physical activities so you don't feel nauseous and sick

but recently you haven't been doing any, so you started to lose weight, but you didn't bother that much because it happens a lot of times and it's not a huge problem

but as you stops to do physical activities you starts to feel more weak

and feeling week plus not eating well it's not good at all for your body and health

and taeyong noticed that

he came to you and talked strictly to you to eat more and healthier and to not forget your physical activities

there was one day that you almost fainted

so one day you both went to the doctor and taeyong helped you by doing a schedule for you to what to do/eat everyday

TAEIL

you are not the type of person that eats a lot

but that doesn't mean that you don't eat anything

but after eating something on the lunch you started to feel sick and ended up vomiting all your lunch

taeil helped you and wanted to take you to the hospital

but you said no because you thought it was just some bad thing you ate

but it didn't stop there, after some hours you vomited again and taeil insisted to take you to the doctor and you went with him

the doctor said you had a food poisoning and they took care of it

still the doctor said you can still feel nauseous a few more days, so in a week you have to go back

and taeil made sure to give you a lot of water so you don't dehydrate

JOHNNY

lately you have been feeling sick, and you lost the red color you had on your cheeks

and johnny noticed that you have been breathing heavily and not eating too much, making you lose weight too

as you were watching some tv show you got thirsty and got up to get water

but as you got up you felt your body becoming heavier and your vision went dark

johnny was fast enough to catch you before you fall

so he immediately called a doctor

and turned out that you had anemia

you woke up and saw a doctor amd johnny next to you

you tried to get up but the doctor said that you should lay down

after all, johnny told you that you fainted and now was diagnosed that you have anemia

which means that you need the medical help to get through it

but johnny never left your side, and helped you at everything that he could

YUTA

you have diabetes and takes your insulins everyday at right time

but these days you had been so busy that you forgot to take a few of them

and that made you more nauseous and also loss of weight

you got home with a lot of work to do but you felt that you couldn't take one more step

so when yuta came to hug you he noticed that you didn't look good

so when he was about to ask you "how are you" you fell on the ground

he immediately went to help you and called a doctor

you didn't faint, but you couldn't focus on anything else, you could barely see yuta

"y/n please don't close your eyes"

and you tried your best to not close your eyes

the doctor arrived soon and you were awake but dizzy

after a while you remembered that you haven't taken your insulins for days

so, after some days you were already home and yuta set around 6 alarms for you to don't forget your insulins

DOYOUNG

he knows that you have low blood pressure

but he didn't think it was this serious

when you started to do a new diet

he was okay with it, as longs as it wasn't too much to risk

but you didn't realize that besides of losing weight, your body was feeling weaker

so one day when you were on the kitchen your pressure went down

and all you could do was hold yourself on the desk

as doyoung was walking he saw your arms shaking and your legs with no strength

so he picked you up and laid you on the couch

you said he didn't need to call a doctor but he did it anyway

when the doctor arrived he only said that you're feeling this week because of your new diet

and that you should always warn your doctor before starting a new diet

so you changed your diet to a new and healthier one

JAEHYUN

after some time of dating you told jaehyun that you have anorexia

and you were so glad that he didn't leave you because of that

in fact he helps you a lot

but these few days he spent a lot of times on the studio and you were at home alone

and you stopped to eating the same amount you used to eat next to him

and that cause loss of weight and days later jaehyun noticed

when he was about to tell you that he was leaving you started to feel sick

"jae, i don't think i'm okay"

and then you felt your legs weak and felt down on the ground

he held you and called the doctor

after some days with a doctor and your therapist you were finally able to eat a normal amount of food again

so now jaehyun watches when you eat or when he's out he calls you to make sure you're eating well

JUNGWOO

he noticed that you weren't the same chaotic person anymore and that you had lost the color on your face

your skin was cold and you didn't feel good enough to eat anything

so he went with you to the doctor and they diagnosed that you had anemia

when you got home you still felt bad for over a week

and through the whole week jungwoo tried to feed you even if you said you didn't want to

it was really hard for you to eat, because just the smell of the food made you sick

and your body hurted a lot, so it was a really tough week for you and him

but at the end you went to the doctor again and he only said to you to keep eating better and better

MARK

mark knows that you have low blood pressure

and you're not that kind of person that eats a lot, just a few slices of a meal was enough for you

but as you tried to stop eating some foods your body didn't react that well

everytime you get up your vision goes dark, what was normal for you, but now not only that your head hurts

you started to feel weak and you also started to sweat cold

so you knew something was wrong because that only happens when you skipped a meal or something

so when you saw mark you tried to call him but your vision went totally dark and your knees were weaker than ever

so mark caught you before you fall down

he called the doctor and explained all abiut you blood pressure

when you woke up the doctor wasn't there anymore and mark was bringing you something to eat

"baby! you scared the hell out of me! here, you have to eat"

after a good lecture about not skipping a meal or stopping to eat something you got better and healthier

HAECHAN

you went out to have dinner with your friends

but in the next day morning you weren't feeling good

so you told haechan about it and he said to call him whenever you feel worse

around noon would felt something and rushed to the bathroom and vomited

haechan held your hair and gave you water

you didn't want to go to the doctor and said that was probably something you ate

well, you weren't wrong

but by the time you vomited again haechan went with you to the doctor

and you found out that you had food poisoning

gladly it wasn't that bad so the doctor only said for you to drink a lot of water

and haechan gave you so much water that you had to go to the bathroom lots of times

© 𝗷𝗷𝗮𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘅𝗸, 2020. please do not copy or repost any of my works.

[yallreddieforthis]

Impossible Things

Fandom: It Chapter Two, It (2017)

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Rating: Explicit (in later chapters)

Words: 1.9k

Also on AO3

“What the fuck,” he mutters, trying his key one more time. His therapist always says he’s too quick to jump right to the doom and gloom. Maybe he didn’t get evicted all of a sudden. Maybe he just put the key in upside down or… Nope. His key straight up does not work.

And then suddenly the door swings open and Richie whacks him in the shoulder with a frying pan.

August 7, 2013 was the worst day of Eddie Kaspbrak’s life. He got dumped on a breakfast date by this guy he was kind of very into at the time, he totaled his brand-new Dodge Dart...by hitting a cop car, spilling iced coffee all over himself in the process. And that was just before work.

When he got to work, he was informed by fucking Claudia of all people that his favorite patient who was supposed to make a full fucking recovery had died during the overnight shift. He spent the rest of the day completing paperwork for his now-deceased buddy over in 44G, and playing a super fun game ferreting information back and forth between one of the endocrinologists--who was on a cruise with almost no reception--and her crazy bitch of a patient who insisted that Dr. Google told her she could cure her diabetes with a combination of like six essential oils and lemon juice. And also fighting over the phone with Marcus from Geico. Fuck Marcus from Geico and his manager Suzanne.

Anyway, yeah, that day was fucking nothing compared to this Saturday, when he went back to his shitty ass hometown, watched the first guy he ever loved die in his arms and then wiggled out the back door of a collapsing house containing all his childhood friends.

He’s pretty sure he hasn’t completely processed the awfulness of the whole thing yet. He’s done a decent amount of crying, but like… God, where to even begin? There’s literally no one alive who he can talk to about what he went through. The idea of keeping all this shit to himself for the rest of his life makes him want to consider pulling a Stan. Not that he ever would, actually. Because he’s a stubborn bitch, and when life tells him to go fuck himself, he usually just yells it right back.

Also he got stabbed in the fucking face by Henry Goddamn Bowers. And like, Ben did a decent job patching it up with gauze and superglue, but Eddie hauled ass to Urgent Care and got some actual stitches once he realized there was nothing else he could do at Neibolt. He’d been a fucking mess...like, crying and shit, but even in that state he could tell that the standard of care at Derry Clinic was subpar at best and he kept having to correct the NP who was sewing him up until she finally snapped and asked if he’d rather just do it himself. Actually, he normally would have preferred to, but his hands had been shaking too badly. He definitely plans to have it looked at by Dr. Lim, who will for sure know the best way to keep scarring to a minimum, as soon as he’s back at work.

Also, he was hoping that all the weird shit that had been going down with Pennywise and stuff would have fucking stopped after they killed It, but when he got back to the Derry Townhouse and went to get his shit from his room, there were three goddamn suitcases in there and he couldn’t figure out why. The first one had enough crap in it for like a three week trip, although the clothes weren’t all his. Also, the second one was filled with a bunch of pill bottles with his name on them for prescriptions Eddie has never needed, and his actual medication, amitriptyline, was not among them. But to be totally honest, by that point, he was so fucking tired and upset that he just kind of went fuck it and hauled everything into the back of a cab and got the fuck out of there.

And now he’s standing on the curb at LAX waiting for an Uber to take him back to his apartment in West Hollywood, where he can cry in private and maybe eat a pint of frozen yogurt from Whole Foods. Greek yogurt, of course, for the probiotics.

The first thing that strikes him as amiss back in LA is when he gets up to his apartment and there is a mat that says WELCOME TO THE SHITSHOW on it that he definitely did not buy in front of his apartment and his list of instructions for delivery men has been taken off his door.

Then he tries to open the door and his key doesn’t fit, which makes no fucking sense at all, unless Ms. Slavkin changed the locks while he was gone, which would be super illegal and also mean. Like, they’re on good terms, he thinks, especially since she barely speaks English and he knows exactly no Russian. They’ve never had a problem, though. His rent is always paid up on time. She brought him vatrushka two weeks ago and he referred her grandson for a volunteer position at Cedars Sinai over the summer. They’re good.

“What the fuck,” he mutters, trying his key one more time. His therapist always says he’s too quick to jump right to the doom and gloom. Maybe he didn’t get evicted all of a sudden. Maybe he just put the key in upside down or… Nope. His key straight up does not work.

And then suddenly the door swings open and Richie whacks him in the shoulder with a frying pan.

“Ow! What the hell?”

Literally everything about what just happened is impossible though, because Richie is:

Dead. He died in Eddie’s arms under the Neibolt house less than 48 hours ago after telling him he fucked his mom one last time for good measure. Like...even while he was bleeding out he couldn’t… God. Anyway…

A resident of Illinois, last time Eddie checked. He even said some shit the other day about security at O'Hare. That’s… that’s the one in Chicago, right? It’s not LAX, Eddie knows that for sure.

Richie looks about as dumbfounded as Eddie feels. He does not apologize for hitting Eddie with a frying pan, although it’s not exactly cast iron. At best, it’s aluminum.

Which is another weird thing. Eddie uses exclusively cast iron or enamel cookware in his apartment because he’s not some kind of idiot sauteing his veggies in perfluorinated chemicals. The frying pan Richie is holding right now is undoubtedly riddled with BPA that would seep into his food and cause thyroid problems.

And honestly the only reason he’s probably getting hung up on that is that he expects Richie to disappear as soon as he blinks, because what the fuck would he actually be doing here. It’s going to hurt a lot more than that frying pan did when he evaporates, and Eddie’s going to feel like he lost him a second time.

Any second now.

Nothing else happens though, except that Richie manages to squeak out, “Eddie?”

And it’s corny to think, but it’s his voice that leaves no doubt in Eddie’s mind that it’s really him. Because Richie Tozier can sound like almost anybody in the world, but there’s no one that can sound like Richie. Even Pennywise never tried to imitate him. Because no one can. That, Eddie is sure of.

Dead is… Eddie is a nurse, and he’s no stranger to death. Richie was dead. No one could survive that kind of blood loss. But that also doesn’t change the fact that Richie is standing in front of him, in his apartment somehow, alive and breathing and miraculously free of giant holes in his chest. Also, this past weekend has had Eddie really rethinking his personal beliefs on what is and isn’t possible.

“Oh god, Richie—” Eddie reaches out and places a hand on Richie’s chest. Richie doesn’t stop him, but he also doesn’t react other than staring at Eddie’s hand, like he’s still unconvinced that Eddie is really Eddie.

Also he’s apparently speechless for the first time in his life.

“What the fuck,” he breathes out. His heartbeat is pounding beneath Eddie’s fingers. “I… we had to leave you. God, I tried to—”

“What?” Eddie interrupts him. “You died. Right in my arms, like, right in front of my fucking face and then you all got sucked into that pit and I—”

“What? No. Wh--wait. Wait wait wait. How did you find my apartment?” Richie demands.

“Uh, excuse me, this is my—”

But Eddie doesn’t finish that sentence because at that moment he looks past Richie into the living room and his point dies on the tip of his tongue. This is not his apartment. The doormat wasn’t lying. This is some kind of bachelor pad nightmare. One sofa, no art on the walls, a TV that’s too big for the room. Eddie glances up at the number on the door. Seven. It’s the right number, the outside of the place looks right… 

“What did you do to my house?!” Eddie cries, because of course he’s happy Richie is alive—too happy to even process it properly—but he’s not going to pretend he won’t be pissed if Richie donated all of his good Pottery Barn furniture.

“Your— I live here, dipshit,” says Richie, apparently kind of snapping out of it. “I’ve lived here for like ten years.”

“You told me you lived in Chicago and—”

“Yeah,” says Richie. “Well, like kind of. I have an apartment there, usually sublet it. Didn’t think I needed to get into my whole real estate history, cause it’s not like we had bigger things to worry about.”

“Just—”

“You know what?” says Richie. “Just fucking come in. Let’s...can you call Mike?”

“Mike isn’t dead either?!” Eddie cries. What--How--

“Of course not,” says Richie. “I mean he better not be, I’ve been texting him all day.”

Eddie takes his phone out of his pocket and goes to his recent call history. He taps on the Derry number that called him the other day, back in another fucking lifetime, while rolling his suitcase into this like sham of an apartment that apparently Richie lives in. 

We’re sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed…

“You try Mike,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “My phone says his number is disconnected.”

Richie is texting furiously. He sinks down into the couch.

“Does that thing have like bed bugs?” Eddie asks, because the couch looks kind of suspect if he’s being honest. Like the kind of thing Richie might have dragged in off the sidewalk.

Richie makes a face. “No, what the fuck, of course not.”

Eddie sits down next to him on the edge of his seat, still not entirely convinced about the bed bug situation.

“I’m gonna FaceTime Mike, cause…” Richie shakes his head. “Fuck, I don’t know. Mike’s the crazy bitch with all the answers, right?”

Richie then does something kind of un-Richie-ish. He turns to the side and drops his head on Eddie’s shoulder, inhaling shakily and deeply. It’s then that Eddie notices his coffee table is littered with tissues.

“What?” Eddie asks him. He gets the distinct impression that Richie is about to cry, maybe, which is terrifying. And that’s stupid because Eddie works in a goddamn hospital. He deals with crying people every day. But there’s something about being around Richie that just… He feels like they’ve fallen back into the dynamic they had when they were kids. And teenage Eddie wouldn’t have known how to deal with Richie crying and so adult Eddie is kind of panicking over the thought of trying to figure that shit out on the fly.

If Richie starts crying, Eddie probably will too. This situation is… Honestly, it’s super overwhelming. He doesn’t feel equipped to deal with this fuckery.

Just then though, Mike picks up. Like a flash, Richie lifts his head up off Eddie’s shoulder and shoots Mike a shit-eating grin.

“Explain this shit, Mikey,” he says, and turns the screen to face Eddie.

Mike immediately drops his phone.

[bettertheworld]

How and why fear scares people into eating meat.

Did you ever wonder why you ate what you ate as a child? Do you wonder why you continue to eat what you eat? Or are you simply on autopilot because you don’t think it matters all that much and you basically have it all figured out? Or do you feel powerless, and confused with the amount of fake news out there about food and you’re not sure where the hell to find real information? The answer does not lie in marketing, it lies in scientific research; geeks required.

Quick disclaimer - I’ve been through University and have a Bachelor of Science with a minor in Psychology and am trained as a Paramedic and for all of the years I’ve been out of school, I’ve become a geeky Paramedic thereby educating myself with regard to emergency medicine and the causes of our main killers.  

What I find to be most useful with regard to school is how I am able to read research and make sense of it.  Giving credit to where credit is due is not as easy as it seems - this is why ‘that guy’ or ‘my friend’s friend’ literally knows nothing, and anyone who refers to life rules from those sources, does not know as much as a person who refers to scientific journals. 

Now with regard to food, I’ll be able to help you digest some of what’s out there and help you critically think for yourself. I won’t do it for you, but I’ll help you do it yourself, so bring your critical thinking, and bring your skepticism, I welcome it.

“Everything in moderation”, we’ve been told, except moderation has never been shown to be effective, i.e. reversing certain illnesses the way a specific diet has.  Can you guess which diet has cured a the most common killers in today’s society?  If you were able to guess, do enjoy this write-up, if not here’s a hint - it contains no animal products and I encourage you to open your mind and do some research after reading this. If this challenges you to your core and are offended, you are probably upset that your feelings and actions are in direct conflict, but that’s okay - real information will fix that.  

On the topic of real news, here’s a few gems; butter from dairy in your coffee is never healthy, eggs are never part of the healthiest diet possible, and bacon is the quickest way for you to cause cancer and heart attacks in yourself.  Eggs are the most concentrated glom of cholesterol you can eat on the planet and most people are born lactose-intolerant because we’re not cows, we’re people, so why would it ever be a good idea to challenge the body in such a way that it actually doesn’t want to be? In later write-ups, I’ll discuss the ‘Lac-operon’.

One thing you’ll need to do is always consider the source of research.  Just because Dr. Oz or some “Doctor” or “professional” goes on TV blabbing out the benefits, of X, Y and Z or saying “the relationship isn’t strong enough to prove anything”, you have to ask yourself, who has done the research on the topic and who paid for the research to be done? 

Rich people paying for research have a reason for doing research, it’s always about money, and they always get what they want in some way, shape or form due to the flexibility of statistical analysis. Rich people with money who have gone out of their way to pay for research, are also most likely to be taking advantage of nearly everyone downhill - kind of the way Trump does business.  The sick-minded narcissistic ways the meat and dairy industries are run, if admitted by everyone would shudder in disbelief.  The veil that has been pulled down before all of our eyes is real, and needs to be lifted.

The problem with foods is that as the research comes out, then another paper comes out to deny the ‘realness’ of the original - now who do you believe? This is especially true when it comes to foods containing cholesterol - animals products. You might wonder why animal products contain cholesterol? Because their cell walls contain cholesterol, just like ours do. Why do companies want to exploit this? Animals do not have rights the way humans do, so if companies can get away with exploiting animals and make a bunch of money doing so, and people are dumb enough to support this because they need huge amount of protein (because they don’t know how little they actually need), then my friend, you are indeed a sucker supporting Trump-like meat and dairy businessmen.

Cholesterol is needed by the human body to have strong cell walls and it’s made inside our own bodies, it’s never required to be eaten because your body makes all it needs. When people eat cholesterol, consider the fact that it is a solid at room temperature and has a melting point of 148 degrees Celsius. That means until you get to that temperature, it’s a solid - this is why it gets stuck in your arteries, and remaining in your arteries until it’s pushed into the walls or is broken down; if you’re smart enough to stop eating cholesterol.  

Our bodies make what it needs, you never need to eat cholesterol, so saying certain foods have ‘good’ and ‘bad’ cholesterol is like saying cyanide, sometimes is ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  We all know that ALL CYANIDE IS BAD CYANIDE, but we don’t all know that ALL CHOLESTEROL IS BAD CHOLESTEROL.  We know all cyanide is bad cyanide because the effects of cyanide poisoning are very quick and easy to notice, but the effects of cholesterol-poisoning have a delayed onset - so long that many of us could never piece it altogether, and we call the manifestations of this poisoning ‘heart attacks’.

Do you know there are strong correlations between certain types of foods and certain illnesses? Do you know you can avoid the major killers in today’s society by avoiding the bad foods? It’s difficult to say what’s ‘good’ and what’s ‘bad’ because both of those denotations are subjective, but when it comes to cancer, heart attacks, strokes, the science is clear, animal products are killing you, slowly but surely - decreasing the years you get to live on this earth, and decreasing the quality of life that you live.  

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, a life not fearing cancer, heart attacks, high blood cholesterol, and best of all, not fearing high blood pressure which is also called “the silent killer”? All too often you hear people say, “Yeah, my father died of a heart attack, so I will one day too”. While there is a wee bit of truth to this statement, the amount of greatly overestimated. Habits and traditions are what are subconsciously passed down to next generation, thereby the body tends to react similarly as time goes because you’re eating the same foods with roughly the same body. 

But what is hugely undervalued is with a change of habits, i.e. change of food sources, comes great opportunity to change your destiny. Just because dad had a heart attack or had cancer, does not mean you’re going to have one or die from one. Even if we have cancer genetics, certain foods promote ‘cancer-genetics’ and others thwart these genes from producing cancer.

Once you remove the foods that are associated with hardening of the arteries, you don’t have to worry about hardening arteries anymore. Without hardening arteries and clogging them with cholesterol, your risk for a heart attack was just cut down to nearly to a huge degree. Food matters, food matters a lot.

There are many peer-reviewed scientific journals out there - pubmed being a great starting place, which discusses how plant-based whole foods diets are reversing diabetes and reversing clogged arteries associated with heart attacks?  Did the meat-producers forget to tell you this? 

If my memory serves me correctly, it was something like 84% of diabetic patients, within 20 weeks of a new whole foods plant-based diets were off their diabetic medications having fixed their insulin resistance. Diabetes is a problem of physical nature, if all or most of the sites where the sugar goes from your vasculature to your functional cells of your body are blocked with cholesterol and other fats, then you my friend are ‘diabetic’.  When you clear those sites with a whole-foods, plant-based diet you have essentially cured yourself of diabetes. Animal-fats have higher boiling points than that of vegetable sources, this is why they’re problematic for us. 

Similarly, this same vegan diet was proven to erode the cholesterol in the arteries, thereby cleaning up the arteries, and with regard to the heart, you’ve now decreased your likelihood of having a heart attack.  The vegan diet works for both illnesses because both of these problems happen in the tubes of the body, the highway, the vasculature, arteries to be exact. 

With diabetes, you remove the cholesterol and stuff that sticks to it, thereby allowing insulin to let sugar into the cells from the arteries, and with heart attacks, you allow blood to circulate through the coronary arteries more freely now that the plant-based whole foods diet has eroded away the cholesterol and other fat-soluble substances stuck into the walls thereby blocking the blood-flow.

This is where we discuss the problem with saying ‘everything in moderation’.  Science can now say, with certainty that a plant-based whole foods diet will fix your arteries nearly all of the time, but no one can say that eating one piece of meat per day will allow the same progress to occur - so let’s critically think, is ‘everything in moderation’ even true? Who made this garbage up? My guess is probably some Doctor who was making allowances for him or herself!  

We all love to hear good things about our bad habits, but you’ll never hear a teacher tell a student, “It’s ok that you don’t really try very often in my class, everything in moderation my dear.” So why do we give ourselves allowances based on our own wants when it comes to food? If you’re a scholar, if you’re a critical thinker, if you value your body, you need to begin asking yourselves the questions that matter; how much do I value my health - do I even care about myself, or the future? Or maybe you aren’t a scholar, thinker, or maybe you don’t care and that’s why you refuse to understand what science has proven. Again, if you take offence to this, you’re at war with yourself.  Everything I write is based on science but I do not write the sources in.

When I discovered these facts, I went on a rampage, trying to help everyone, wasting my energy and burning bridges, but now I’m leaving it all out on the table for like-minded people to read. I assume we all are like-minded because everyone just wants the best for themselves and their loved ones. It might be shocking to be challenged, so I’ll do my best to maintain neutrality, but what you might discover by following me might change the course of your life and sometimes we need a little challenge, but not too much.

You can’t free an oppressor, or the oppressed with oppression itself, it must be with deliberate care and without imposing ones beliefs, it must be with information, not by force. While I could use the platform to shred fools who base their decisions not on science but tradition, instead I’m going to empower you and not make you feel stupid for being duped - because we all have been duped by the meat and dairy industry.  I want to continue to critically think, and beg for you to do the same.

Did you think you had free will when you were developing your eating habits and family traditions? Did you think you chose your food yourself with a sense of ownership? Or did you just want to fit in with the rest of your family? Did you not want to disappoint your parents by not finishing food prepared for you? Did you want to be guilty of letting an animal die for you, and you denying eating it forcing your parents to throw it out and waste its life? Did you want to avoid being called and feeling ungrateful? Was trying to be a good boy or girl causing you to compromise your thoughts and feelings? Did you love zoos but ask yourself, why am I eating this animal? And why don’t we have pet cows? Why do we think dogs are cute and cows not?  So many children have thoughts that are repressed and never entertained by true critical thought, this is a crime of parenting.

Now circulating all over the internet are videos of cows playing fetch with fitness balls, just like dogs fetch a tennis ball. Imagine you could watch the video  without thinking that because you eat meat, that you’ll completely disregard the emotions you’re feeling of how cute the cow is, so that it won’t be hard to eat your next beef-oriented meal? 

Conversely, imagine you are healthy, strong, full of energy and vegan person who can fully enjoy videos of cute animals because you don’t see them as food, you see them as sentient beings capable of feelings, social structure, language and emotion. This is just one way people differ because of food choices.

This is how people are split when it comes to cute animal videos.  No self-proclaimed animal lover wants me to bring up this comparison because for me to even suggest eating a dog is the same as eating a cow, the omnivore will become so enraged that they won’t be able to focus on the conversation and they’ll begin hating on this argument before I finish the thought - likely because they’ve repressed the thought in their own mind. I think eating all animals is completely wrong and completely necessary, but is eating a cow any different than eating a dog? Not in the slightest, but facts don’t change belief systems - they polarize the crowd

Why are some people not able to accept this logic? It’s because of a little thing called Carnism.  A viral belief system where some foods and animals should be looked at as food, while other animals can be considered cute and not-to-be eaten.  To one, a cow might be considered cuter than a dog, and a dog might be considered cuter than a cow to some, but to the alien coming from a different planet, they would not be able to see why which is cuter because they have not been affected by carnism itself.  If a cow and a dog are both animals, then they are both food or neither are food. Why does one get preferential treatment in today’s society? Carnism is to blame for why. Carnism is with a simple google search, a basic idea that meat is there for us to eat, and if we’re not eating it, we could be because we’ve conquered the world, so it’s now there for the taking; aside other important points.  

Who does carnism affect? Everyone who thinks they need meat and everyone who despises the idea of people who think they need meat to survive? Who started carnism? When science got interested in food, we made some inaccurate discoveries and statements, and we’ve sort of run with that. A 200 year-old science paper by Liebig which has been debunked plays a small role, but companies who saw the profit in exploiting animal protein are the true perpetrators of this. 

How do they do it? Marketing.  Marketing is a genius tool that highlights the good, and ignores the bad.  Marketing is telling you what you want to hear about something that has no part in offering what you’re being told it offers. Marketing also tells you that if you wear the same sunglasses as Jason Statham, that you’ll be as desirable as Jason Statham. Clearly you’ve been affected by marketing because if you put on the same sunnies as him, you’re not going to resemble Jason Statham because you are not Jason Statham, and have a different bone structure than him.  As a result, the sunglasses will have a different effect on you, and more than likely you just wasted $600. Buying what other people wear won’t make you look like them, but your feelings tell you otherwise - welcome to the level of marketing - your feels. And also, he’s 5′8, sorry if you thought he was 6′1. 

Feeling a certain way about something is what determines our beliefs then our actions.  When people feel that they need meat, they defend their ‘right’ to eat it, instead of listening to the ways you can get everything meat offers, and be so much more healthier.  Try questioning an omnivore as to why they eat meat and then prepare yourself for heaping pile of shit excuses, and subjective garbage because none it’s true or valuable. 

Humans have needs for amino acids, not meat.  We need some fats and are pretty damn happy with certain types of carbohydrates.  When it comes down to it, we need a fuel source, and a machine to move us that turns energy into movement, we’ll call this tool our muscles, we need muscles.

Since muscles move us, we need to fuel them. What are the ways we can do do? Plants and or animal products. If we think that we need to eat cow’s muscles for energy, we should know that this is completely false.  Let’s discuss why this is not optimal.

For us to use muscles for energy, we have to eat that muscle, break it down, store it, then mobilize it for energy, and this process takes time and energy and you can refer to it as a slow process. On the other hand, if we eat carbohydrates, these sources are quickly accepted by the body and are ready to be used for energy extremely quickly by comparison.  

If you’ve seen The Gamechangers movie, there is a study that uses beet juice and proves that you’re going to be able to cycle longer if working out after drinking beet juice vs not drinking it at all.  This is because you’re providing a high-octane fuel source vs using meat which contains much less high-octane fuel to the point we’ll just call it low-octane fuel source. In addition using protein for energy requires you to be in starvation mode and you’re deciding to break down your body because there is no high-octane fuel around, this is  not optimal - this sounds a lot like chronic fatigue.  Using meat for energy is not optimal, not even close.

How does beet juice then offer us the chance to have stronger, better muscles? The juice offers energy that your muscles use quickly and readily.  From my time at the University of Guelph where I completed my undergrad, I took a Cardiorespiratory Physiology Lab course, and I sure am glad that I did.  I learned that whatever system you challenge, you will have gains in. So, if I provide my leg muscles with energy thereby allowing them to cycle, and I challenge my leg muscles with exercise just beyond what it comfortably, there will be growth - you will change the physical structure of individual cells.  This means that the next time you challenge these muscles in the same way, the work that was 10% beyond your comfort zone, next time is 9% beyond your comfort zone, which means you have experienced 1% growth.  

How did this growth happen? You fed your body what it needed for growth to occur. Did you need meat for this growth to happen? No, you needed essential amino acids. Amino acids that are made by plants. All amino acids are made by plants, and so many plant sources contain every single amino acid. As long as you’re challenging your body beyond it’s comfort zone and you’re feeding it the building blocks it requires for growth, growth will happen. Animals are not required, amino acids are, amino acids that can all be provided by plants.

The difference between vegans and omnivores is that vegans say, “No, it’s not ok for us to exploit animals for any reason”, but omnivores don’t want to discuss this matter because they feel that meat is required, so they do not fully allow themselves to empathize with what they’re eating, if they did, an omnivore would not be able to eat the cow, pig or chicken. 

If it comes down to taste; what a greedy reason it is to kill a sentient being taste is?  If it comes down to nutritional needs, saying you need animals to be healthy is a lot like thinking you need to only breathe oxygen from Nepal, because only Nepalese oxygen provides me with what I need. False!  If we’re eating food and getting enough amino acids from a plant-based whole foods diet, is it in any way deficient compared to amino acids from animals? The answer is no, and additionally, you’re not priming yourself for cancer, heart disease, diabetes, other cardiovascular disorders.

Just a few thoughts maybe we should revisit.  Were you given a choice between eating meat and not eating meat? When you were 5 years old and could conceptualize that you’re eating another life, did your parents sit you down and ask you how you felt about it or even talk to you about it? Did they even bother to tell you that you’re eating a sentient being capable of thought and having feelings? Do you think your parents had a clue about what they were feeding you beyond whatever food guide was popular at the time? Did you know that food guides are based on financial relationships and not what’s actually best for your body (until recent history in Canada)? Does this information enrage you the way it did to me? Do you know what government subsidies are? Does it make sense that you can find burgers at fast food joints for super cheap which contained the life of an animal, but can never find a ridiculously cheap head of broccoli? In fact, have you ever seen a cheap salad at McDonald’s? No, and you never will, because there are no government subsidies for lettuce or anything that goes in a salad.  The government is in bed with whoever pays them the most money, and due to the fear that people have regarding becoming protein-deficient, 98% of people are afraid to turn their back on meat and dairy. I did this is 2014 and to this day, it’s been the best choice of my life.

The interesting fact is in the 1950s and 1960s, the FDA artificially increased the amount of protein ‘needed’ to sell more dairy and meat. Especially after Babe Ruth died of throat cancer due to smoking. At the time ‘Doctors’ were claiming cigarettes weren’t bad for you or cancer-causing, the relationship ‘wasn’t strong enough’.  The baseball community should all be vegan for this reason alone.

If we’re human, always been and always will be human, then out there somewhere is a perfect diet for us, but what if we’re too afraid to eat the healthiest diet for us because of scare tactics used by the meat and dairy industry? Wouldn’t that be sad, maybe even criminal? I think so, but you only have yourself to blame once someone informs you or you read this.

I want to discuss the process of cooking food, but I want to get into that next time, the idea of what’s on the label, vs what’s on your plate after you cooked the carcinogens into it, and the vitamins out of it.

Ask yourself, what is the meat and dairy industry doing for you, aside from providing you with a much-less-than-healthy source of calories? They’re providing you with cancer, cardiovascular disease, double-standards, an emotional haze and basically, you work for them while they make you sick - this sounds a lot like the exploitation of you, the consumer. You think it’s time to wake up yet?

[evolving-kalopsia]

Chapter one rough

“Medic 17, you’ve code 3 traffic at 2765 N Locus Ave. 37 year-old male complaining of chest pain and anxiety. No further info.”

Drew looks across the cab of the ambulance at his partner and flashes him a grin. “That’s dinner, Junk.”

“Fucking Albert!” Junk yells, putting the rig in drive as Drew hits the lights and sirens. “He’s not due to call for at least two days. Maybe he’s actually dying, for once. Don’t you still owe dinner from Margaret’s last call?”

“Nope. I got Thai for that one.” Drew says proudly.

“Fuck. Yeah.” Junk responds, slamming the shifter into drive.

The ambulance heads out of the parking lot and Junk hits the lights and sirens. Rush hour just ended, traffic is still a bit heavy. The ambulance weaves it’s way slowly through drivers that seem to have never seen an ambulance in their rear-view mirror before.

“Fucking Albert.” Junk repeats, gesturing at the Toyota in front of them. “And this fucking guy! Don’t stop, shit-head! Move the fuck over!”

The car in front slams on it’s brakes, pulling one of the three textbook panicked driver moves: brake slam, pulling to the left or staying the course, crawling at a slow crawl.

“Asian and female.” Drew says, upping the bet, “and I get dessert, too”

“Just because your Asian female can’t drive doesn’t mean they’re all like that.” Junk says as the car finally figures out that the screaming sirens behind it aren’t going around and pulls off to the right, halfway through the crowded intersection of stopped vehicles.

As the rig kicks forward again, they both look out the passenger window, “what the fuck” expressions already loaded on their faces.

The driver waves apologetically, mouthing sorry over and over as they pass.

The ambulance screams ahead, clear roads for a few more blocks. Ten per over the limit is what they’re allowed per company policy. Apparently Junk missed that page in the handbook.

“Well that was a surprise.” Drew says, looking in the side view mirror.

“Cute little white girls ain’t exempt from bad driving” Junk admonishes.

“Very cute.” Drew corrects him.

Junk looked sideways at Drew. “That’s creepy, old man.”

“It’s only creepy if I say it first.” Drew says, putting on his best creep smile.

Junk gives him a disgusted look and says “No, it’s creepy when you have that look on your face when you say it.” 

Drew feigns irritation, “It’s not a look, ok? It’s just my face, I can’t help the way I was born.”

“Exactly. Which is why everything you say is creepy.” Junk turns right onto Farley Ave.  Quicker than he should, jerking the wheel back to the left to avoid a dog in the street.

Drew barely glances up from his electronic chart, already halfway finished with it. He and Junk have been partners for seven years, Drew knows that Junk is all-pro behind the wheel. Seven years of fun and blood and guts, life and death. Buffoonery and bullshit. Seven years of betting meals at the beginning of the week, based on which frequent-flyer is going to call first.  

“Turn the fucking wheel, geezer!” Junk yells at the Buick ahead, the driver stopping halfway into the right lane.

“Shouldn’t assume they’re old. That’s profiling.” Drew says, chuckling.

“S’ a fucking Buick, man. Ain’t nobody under the age of sixty-five driving no Buick.” Junk says, waving out the window at nobody.

“Profiling.” Drew repeats

“Man, I am really not in the mood to smell Albert’s house today. Not at all.” Junk moans, thinking about what lies ahead;

Morbidly obese, 47 year-old diabetic, asthmatic, congestive heart failure, kidney failure, non-bathing rage-inducing EMS system-abusing Albert fucking Piffle.

As they pull up to Albert’s neighborhood, Junk kills the lights and sirens. The less people in this neighborhood that know an ambulance is sitting unguarded in the street, the better.

“Tonight’s the night. I can feel it” Junk says, pulling up in front of Albert’s trash-strewn lawn. “He ‘gon ride the lightning, we’re working him.”

“You keep saying it, and he keeps living. You’re jinxing us one way or another.” Drew grabs the computer off the dash as he gets out of the rig.

“Lock it, I’m not in the mood to go pawn-hopping on my day off.” Junk pushes his door lock down with his finger, the automatic locks long past working in this death-defying death trap of an ambulance.

They pull the gurney out, loaded with equipment they know they won’t need; Drug box, cardiac monitor, airway bag chock full of things they might use if this were a legitimate call. But it’s just Albert. He probably dropped his can of Spaghetti-O’s under the couch again. Or the TV remote is missing, stuck in a roll of back fat from the last time he managed to get moved from the couch and back under his own power. Or Albert’s just feeling extra bored and lonely. They bring the equipment even though they know they’ll be walking out of Albert’s shithole house, reeking of sweat and cat piss so bad they’ll change uniforms in the street before getting back in the rig.

They bring all that heavy, cumbersome equipment in because it’s got less chance of being ripped off in the house than out in the rig.

And the day they don’t lug all that shit in is the day they find Albert face-down in his own puke. Not so dead they can call it a night right there. They’ll find him just dead enough that they’ll have to actually work him. Roll his 400 lb carcass over and start compressions, cut his filthy clothes off and get him hooked up to the cardiac monitor, try to get at least one I.V. started, as well as call for assistance from another crew or two, just to get his ass on to the gurney in the event they actually get his ruined heart to start pumping blood again.

Junk leading the gurney, he doesn’t ring the bell or knock, doesn’t yell “EMS” into the house like he normally would. This is Albert. Junk just walks in, dragging the gurney with him as Drew pushes it from the rear, the wheels rolling across the stained carpet, a shade of some unnamable color distantly related to brown.

“Al!” Drew yells through his paper mask, donned by both of them automatically before reaching the porch. Not out of fear of catching anything, but from a lack of desire to smell the inside of Albert’s house. The masks barely do anything at all. Just enough to keep them from retching.

“Al!” He repeats, catching Junk’s quick glance back at him. It’s not like Albert to not answer.

Avoiding the piles of boxes and junk, they round the corner to the living room where they always find him; on the filthy couch surrounded by empty soda cans and chip bags and crusty food plates. Laptop opened on the snack tray, usually some Sci-Fi on the one large flat-screen tv, xbox or playstation on the other.  He’d always yell “Here guys!” when they’d call for him and it would make them grin, ever since Junk compared him to Sloth from the Goonies.

Junk stops as the room enters his field of view and looks back at Drew with an unamused smirk. Albert is on the couch, Xbox controller in his hands and a brand-new set of expensive-looking headphones over his ears.

Drew stares at him for a moment, a similar smirk on his face.

“Albert!” he yells. It gets Al’s attention and he jumps, risks a glance away from the screen and then he’s back in sniper mode.

“Hey guys.” Albert mutters, focusing on the screen.

Drew walks over as Junk heads back outside, pushing the gurney and cursing the whole way. He pulls the headphones off Albert’s head and sighs loudly.

“What’s the deal, Al?” Drew asks, looming over Albert.

“I kept reading online about how much better it is if you have headphones, you know? Like to hear guys’ footsteps and stuff when they sneak up? So I ordered these, they’re really good, Drew!” Albert says, grinning like a great big man-child with too few teeth and too many comorbidities.

“No, Al,” Drew exhales “why did you call for us? Dispatch said chest pain. I don’t give two shits about your headphones or electronic addiction.”

“Oh yeah sorry. Fucker! Fucking campers.” Albert yells, distracted by Call of Duty again as his character on screen dies.

Drew steps between Al and the T.V. and for a second Al looks like he’s going to object, but Drew’s eyebrow raise squashes his momentary outrage.

“I’m sorry, Drew. I had some chest pain, but I think it was just some anxiety. The internet was out for like an hour and I was starting to lose it a little. I forgot to call back. I’m good now, though.” Albert says, simultaneously giving an apologetic look and trying to see around Drew, who shifts his weight and keeps his vision blocked.

“One of these days, I’m going to come in here and take all your controllers and leave. I’ll show you some anxiety.” Drew says, making hard eye contact for a moment.

Albert’s eyes go a little wide, unsure how serious the threat is. He fidgets and reaches down next to the couch, grabbing a fresh battery off the charger and starts changing batteries on his controller.

Seriously? That’s not even funny, man. I said sorry.” Albert apologizes almost sincerely, putting his controller down on the arm of the filthy couch.

The voice in Drew’s head is telling him to let it alone, to just get on with his shift. But he can’t. No matter how burnt out he is, he has to try every time. Even just a little “Samantha still your case worker?” he asks, knowing full well that she is.

Albert’s eyes light up at the mention of the pretty girl that comes to his house once every other month to dot the I’s and cross the T’s on his paperwork so his handout money keeps coming in.

“Oh yeah, Sam was here last week. She looked hot.” Albert grins like a lovesick child.

“Sure. Right now,” Drew says “her Grandmother is dying on the kitchen floor, just three blocks away. I could be over there helping, but I’m here babysitting you. Maybe I’ll get out of here and catch that call. Have enough time to save her. Or maybe next time you see Sam, she’s a little less bubbly because she’s mourning the death of her beloved Grammy because it took the next available crew twenty minutes to get to her.”

“Her Grandmother’s dying? Right now?” Albert asks, almost panicked.

“Jesus!” Drew yells. He grabs the controller out of Albert’s hands and gets down low, points at his face.

“Stop abusing the fucking system, Albert. I’m not coming next time, I mean it.” Drew exclaims, holding eye contact before turning away and heading towards the door.

“Come on, man! Give me back that controller! Please? I won’t call again!” Albert pleads.

“If I don’t see you for a month, I’ll bring it back.” Drew yells as the door slams behind him.

“Oh C’mon!” Albert yells to the empty house.

He sits for a moment, wondering if Drew was serious about Sam’s Grandmother. He reaches down next to the couch and grabs another controller, mumbling “Whatever, sucker. You’ll be back.”

Junk’s already changed into a fresh uniform and packed the gear back up, taking a drag off his vape and says “Did you kill him? Please tell me you killed him.”

“My name’s not diabetes.” Drew mutters, still irritated  as he kicks off his boots and drops trou on the sidewalk, then pulls off his shirt and grabs his backpack from one of the outside compartments, pulls out clean clothes.

Junk takes another pull and offers it to Drew. “Want some? Helps get the smell out of your nose.”

“No” Drew refuses “ But you do look damn sexy sucking that robot dick. I see a future for you in robo-porn. You could be a pioneer.”

“You’re about to become famous, yourself.” Junk replies, motioning up the street. A group of young clowns two doors down have their phones out and are snapping pics of Drew in his skivvies.

Drew looks back at them and waves. “I’d better not see those on Ebay!” he yells, pulling his pants on.

A combination of laughs and catcalls come back, as well as “Chicken legs.”

Drew mocks surprise, turns to Junk. “Do I have chicken legs?”

Junk blows raspberry-scented vapor at him and laughs. “Yep. Chicken from neck to nuts, too. Speaking of, it’s taco time.”

Junk gets in the rig and starts it up, starts to pull away as Drew jogs to catch up and hop in before he gets left in this shitty neighborhood.

[godesssiri]

My step dad’s mother is an evil Old Bitch.She has been the absolute stereotypical nasty mother-in-law to my Mum for 30 years. She adopted 2 boys in the 60s and screwed them up so badly that one ran away to find his real parents when he was in his 20s and then never spoke to his adopted family again, the other (my step dad) has spent 55 years tying himself in knots to be the perfect son so she wouldn’t send him back to the orphanage (a frequent threat for bad behavior as a child). He is in jail right now and so my mother has had to look after the Old Bitch. 

She has been getting steadily more and more demented. My mother and I have been involved in Elder Care for a long time and we know senile dementia when we see it. We have struggled trying to make sure she is looked after, that her house is clean and she has food in the cupboards and she is getting her medication. My mother has text messages to the Old Bitch’s little sister going back over a year letting her know when the Old Bitch had had yet another incident, begging for help, saying she needed to be in care. She wasn’t safe, she kept leaving the door unlocked, the house had been turned over at least twice that we know of and there were some very dodgy drug addict neighbors across the street. She had several major falls. She’s diabetic and the home help who were supposed to administer her insulin messed up regularly. We actually lined up rooms in rest homes on 2 separate occasions but she wasn’t quite demented enough that we could invoke power of attorney and force her to go in. 

3 weeks ago we finally managed to get her into a rest home and I cleaned out the house with the help of the new tenant and a family friend. Her sister said we could keep a small dining table and ceramic elephant side table, they were the only things in the house we actually liked, they’d actually belonged to the sister but had been in the Old Bitch’s house on permanent loan. Then she came to visit along with their other sister and they didn’t like the rest home. They weren’t happy that we had gotten rid of all the Old Bitch’s stuff (we kept photos, decent jewelry, important documents and antiques). They didn’t like that she didn’t have anything personal in her shoebox room. They wanted their parents and grandparent’s marriage certificates that were in a wooden box with roses on it. They wanted her opal broach and diamond ring and emerald ring. We couldn’t keep the tables anymore because they were mad at us. Did we really need to get rid of all her things, she’s not dead yet. They think we’ve either lost or gotten rid of their family heirlooms or we’re keeping them for ourselves.

We had rooms in better facilities lined up for her - it’s really hard to get rooms in our area, her family didn’t try to help us find a place for her so if they’re not happy they can find another place. I’m a good judge of what’s good vintage and what’s crap and believe me we got rid of so so much crap. I made sure we didn’t get rid of anything good. We haven’t had a chance to get her photos/mementos etc out to her yet, we’re not withholding them, we haven’t gotten rid of them, we’re just fucking busy - We’ve got a friend lined up to take all her stuff to her next week. The wooden box with roses on it was full of knitting needles and tangled yarn, which I told them immediately after they accused us of throwing out the contents, damn sure I threw out the contents.  I have gone through another (much cooler) wooden box full of old photo’s pulling out some for my step-dad and found the certificates - they obviously got the boxes confused, they’re about the same size and shape. I’ll be keeping the cooler box (it’s an Edwardian soap box with the original paper branding still on it and still really clear, it’s fucking awesome) because they’ve clearly forgotten it existed, they knew I had the photo’s because I was going to put them in albums for the Old Bitch but never got around to it, I’ve just told them the photos were in a cardboard box but I’ve packed them into the rose box for them. I went through twelve (12) jewelry boxes and did not find an opal broach or a diamond ring or a emerald ring, I found a crap tonne of tin and plastic but the things the sisters are demanding have either been lost by a demented old lady or sold by the neighbors for drug money - I have point blank told them that.  

We have now informed her sisters that we will be sending everything to the Old Bitch at her rest home, if they want anything they can go pick it up from her there. They’ve accused us of wanting her stuff even though she’s not dead yet but they’re laying claim to it all like she is. If they want all this stuff they’ll have to go and pry it out of the claws of their dear demented sister and prove themselves to be the grasping greedy bitches that they’re accusing my mother and I of being. Or they do the decent thing and actually wait for her to die before they claim it.

TLDR step-dad’s Aunties are evil old ladies and we’ve forced then into a corner where they either have to actually be decent or expose themselves as the bitches they are.

[mcrmadness]

Feeling like some underlying anxiety needs to get out so here we go...

Hi. I have generalized anxiety disorder. Usually it’s behaving just fine and usually I get along with it. I just overly worry about things, I overthink and I can have minor anxiety attacks because of that. Sometimes I get bigger anxiety attacks but usually I’m able to get over them on my own. Sometimes I’m not. However, yesterday evening and last night were the worst in a long time.

I was triggered by something and my violent intrusive thoughts came back. In my case it means I start to worry about going insane and that I would do something terrible and later regret it. Something that I would never ever want to do! And I don’t actually think I would even be capable of anything like that which is why it makes it so terrifying because I’m literally afraid of falling into a psychosis. And I have never had a psychosis. And I don’t know if it’s just my mind shattering into pieces or my GAD just acting out, making me worried that I would go insane. (If you think of it, I’ve never been actually sane tho :D)

I was able to push these intrusive thoughts away by avoiding the thing that triggered me and I tried to do something else instead but since they are intrusive thoughts, they still keep popping up. I hate the images they create into my head.

Eventually I got super tired and decided to go to sleep and while I was in my bed, I felt it again. The anxiety attack taking over. At some point I had some sort of chronic anxiety and I was in that kind of state 24/7 but I’m pretty sure it was because I was quitting antidepressants and I was eating those with a very low dose, trying to get rid of them. And I had had something “traumatic” happen to me too (first time getting actual suicidal thoughts but in form of intrusive thoughts which meant I just felt so terrible I wanted it to stop and at the same time being terrified of doing something terrible because I still did not want to die! I have never wanted to die, I’ve more of been afraid of it. The reason for this was me just being under so much stress and not eating nor drinking enough + I had been lowering the dose of the meds so drastically at the same time that my brains could not take it all.) which probably caused the anxiety to kinda stick.

I’m actually really scared of the feeling of not feeling good and wanting everything to stop because I literally have no idea what to do with that and it causes me even more anxiety. It’s terrible. I have had these moments several times in my life and they have been really traumatizing. I am someone who cannot tolerate not feeling good, which is probably stupid because life isn’t that perfect ever? Anyway, I always start to feed it with something, basically “self-medicate”, usually literally feeding aka the first thing I start to do when I start feeling bad is to start eating. That often helps, maybe because food gives us endorphines anyway, but also because I often link it to low blood sugar which can has very similar symptoms to anxiety and I have had a hard time telling them apart too, having really bad obsession with my blood sugar levels (I don’t have diabetes, that’s why I call it “mental diabetes”) and I’m pretty sure I have even gained weight because of eating for “low blood sugar” which was just chronic anxiety or me getting anxiety from the idea of not having access to food in case of low-blood sugar aka anxiety attack. When I started to carry around these “fructose pills” and realized that I can eat whenever I want and it’s no one else’s business if I eat something in public (which is sometimes actually really hard with social anxiety, especially in quiet environments), no one even cares! So just having these with me (I literally have them everywhere, even in my bathroom if I’d need them while in the shower) helped so much that I don’t really even need them. It helps to know I have access to something that will increase my blood sugar levels if needed prevents the anxiety attacks and I don’t need to constantly eat because I’d be afraid of not being able to eat.

So since you know how I often eat when I have anxiety and it often helps too, the worst type of anxiety is what does not go away with food. Because then I’m again in this place: not feeling good but not having any idea how to feel good again! I’m afraid of this because... can you get traumas from your own old defeated depression? Anyway, I’m always afraid of the depression coming back. It was terrible time and I was feeling so terrible so often and that’s why I’m super scared of having to face those feels again. That all ended when I was 17, sitting in the kitchen, again feeling so terrible. I still can remember having low blood sugar - this time probablly FOR REAL because I barely ever ate nor slept because I was never hungry and sleeping felt like a waste of time, so I lost weight but I did not see that either. Until one day I looked at the mirror and realized I was quite skinny and I got so bad case of anxiety that I felt like eating fucking everything from the house because I had always been so determined that I, I do not have an eating disorder! And I did not understand when people said I have lost weight and my parents even were worried that I would have an eating disorder. But I was just so... I knew about eating disorders, I never felt fat and I never felt like losing weight so I was always really shocked and annoyed by people saying that because I had no problems with my self-esteem whatsoever. And so when I realized I had been losing weight, I got so scared by that and I literally wanted to gain weight in one night and I started obsessively eat that night because it was so damn scary to see myself be that skinny. I don’t really think I was underweight tho, but I sure was malnourished since I ate basically never. And I was drinking lots of coffee because it made me laugh.

But yeah, I remember that one night when I was again have one of these “low blood sugar episodes” where I would just feel sick and sit in the kitchen or toilet meanwhile feeling like vomiting and trying to eat something to feel better again. And I had one of these anxiety attacks too and I was just staring at the shadows on the rug and I remember to thinking to myself how I started to feel the old depression to come back. I could feel it approaching and the same stuff from couple of years earlier coming through. And I just thought myself that this has to stop, I can’t live like this anymore. And the next day I told my mom that I’m not feeling good anymore and I need to see a doctor and that I agree on even trying on antidepressants for this, I just need this feeling to be gone. And so did happen too, I ate them for 5 years until I quit at the age of 22.

I have that feeling still so strongly in my memory that I’m always afraid of it coming back. It’s just so terrifying feeling because I feel totally helpless and that I can no longer help myself. That is why I always start to have anxiety attacks when I don’t eat properly. I’m sure this was one of the reasons to trigger last night’s episode because I have been eating so badly cos I have had no energy nor inspiration for cooking. My sleeping schedule is again doing whatever the fuck it wants and I’m again not taking care of myself. Every time this happens that I don’t shower, at properly or start to stop care about my sleeping habits, I start to fall into that dark place. Or not really fall into there, but this kind of behaviour reminds me of it so much I start having anxiety attacks until I get my shit together, go to shower and eventually cook a real meal. I think I got my low blood sugar anxiety only so that I remember to eat. As a kid I always had trouble knowing when I need to eat because I either was never hungry or I “felt hungry” all the time but had no appetite, so I usually ate when I was offered food but I never ate because I would be hungry. A few times I ate because I started shaking and knew to tell my mom I need to eat. But usually I just ate because there was lunch or dinner or because it was a habit for me to get a snak (usually toast) when I came home from school and watch tv while eating. So the food anxiety in my head is like the adult telling me that you haven’t been eating in a while, here, take food.

I often think how good it is that I am a teetotaler. I’m very sure that if I ever drank alcohol, I would be an alcoholic. I once saw on TV how someone was talking about his alcoholism and that he drinks because it makes him numb. And I realized that it’s really good I’ve never been into alcohol because I would probably self-medicate too so strongly I’d probably never be sober because I’d just try to make myself numb. In a way this is also interesting because so many people become numb because of their depression, in my case I definitely am not numb, I just feel shit and I am aware of that and I’d rather be numb than feel that! But I guess if you feel shit for long enough, you eventually will get used to it and become numb... in a way that happened to me too but sometimes the awful feeling woke up anyway and made me feel like I want it to go away. Maybe me being highly sensitive person just makes that feel even stronger and therefore unbearable, idk... (I don’t have depression right now, but I definitely have had and I feel like I am one of those people who could fall back into depression any minute and that’s why I try to take care of myself to prevent that from happening. My depression is also a secretive type, just like the one when I was 17, I thought it went away but I was telling myself so and I had a hidden depression for 1,5 years before I figured it out. And still only after starting with the meds I realized how I was NOT fine!)

Last night I felt that again and my thought are always “no, not this shit again!!!” and I actually fell asleep but I just felt the anxiety raging all over in my body. A few hours later I woke up to go to the toilet and I was also covered in sweat and my blanket and everything were so so so wet. At that moment I actually felt a lot better tho, calmer and when I went back to sleep, I felt like I had “dreamed away” that anxiety. Anyway, I woke up again couple of hours again but the anxiety was back, maybe also low blood sugar (the real one this time) as I was shaking and feeling nauseous. I’m still feeling slightly nauseous and weird even tho I have been eating, but writing REALLY helps me with these things every time. I guess the intrusive thoughts are not that strong anymore which is great, so maybe this is just the aftermath anxiety. Sometimes it can last for a very long time. The last time I had this was when a few years ago MCR uploaded all the uncut versions of their music videos to their YT channel and I was watching those and boom, suddenly they triggered my anxiety because I was watching their dvd literally 24/7, it was on always when I was awake, because I used it as a background noise to hide away my own anxiety. So seeing those videos be on repeat triggered anxiety that lasted for like a few weeks :D But I got over it. (And I still love MCR, they helped me with so many things, I wouldn’t get triggered by the videos if they did not help me!!!)

But I need to shower now, finally. I’m meeting with the neuropsychiatric trainer in an hour so at least I can talk about this with someone. But I can already feel a lot calmer now, even tho I have some small snippets of anxiety going around the whole time but it might also be because I realized that the Apulanta gig will already be on NEXT FRIDAY.

[sillydegu]

Illnesses and last days

Content warning for pet death

Daniel died in August. I had known it was coming since April when his leg first became infected. For some reason that there's no logic to I had a feeling that he was going to die around the anniversary of Thomas' death; he died two days after the anniversary.

I still can't quite believe that the cancer that killed him started off as a small patch of missing fur.

Towards the end the tumour was large and infected and looked awful but right until his last couple of days Daniel was happy. There were a couple of days in July where his leg was hurting him and he wasn't baring weight on it but he was still active and running around and he got better again.

I knew it was time when he seemed to be out of energy. He wasn't active anymore, but he was still eating enthusiastically. If he had stopped eating it would have been even easier to see that now was the time.

He had stopped feeding himself a few months prior, but if I held him and offered him food he would devour it independently. He had an appetite and maybe he just decided that he liked the extra attention it got him.

Once I knew it was his last day I fed him a variety of fruit. Degus aren't usually allowed fruit because of the sugar and being prone to diabetes, Daniel wasn't going to be around long enough to suffer any consequences and he loved the mango and cherry. He also enjoyed some beetroot tea.

I had phoned the vets to make the appointment to put him to sleep in the morning, I asked for the latest appointment and they offered me one about an hour earlier than I expected. I burst in to tears and through the blubbering explained the reason for the appointment and that I thought I would have another hour with him, they moved some stuff around and gave me a later appointment.

I spent the entire day (aside from feeding the other degus) sitting next to his cage with the door open letting him move in and out of the cage as he wanted and giving him attention and scritches and so many treats, just generally making sure that he was aware of how loved he was.

Daniel never minded going to the vet, he was so relaxed and easy-going, so long as he was getting treats and attention he didn't mind being checked over by the vet or being given medication. I was relieved that the vet trip wasn't going to stress him out.

He was put to sleep and my brain broke. There was dissociation in relation to Daniel. When I thought about him it didn't feel like he had been real because it would have been too great a loss. I had anticipatory grief for months and had been worrying that I wouldn't know when it was the right time or that I wouldn't be there when he died. At first I mostly felt relief that he wasn't suffering any more and that I could stop worrying about when he was going to die.

It wasn't until a few months later when one of my favourite videos of him got a reblog that my brain restarted and I was able to grieve. I miss him so much that it feels like my heart has been ripped out.

[of-another-broken-heart]

So I had my dermatology appointment today, but it's all in the same office as my main doctor, so I ended up getting a lot more than I was ready for.

I don’t know what to do.

This all feels so performative and hopeless.

I got the usual basic intake check up junk - weight, blood pressure, temperature. My blood pressure was kinda low. Lower than my normal, anyway - which is mid/low of the "good" range. I wasn't so low that I was in the low pressure/hypotension category though.

Dermatology went exactly how I expected. "Haha why don't you just stop?" light-hearted doctor joke. "If it were that easy, no one would have mental struggles, would they?" "... That's a very good answer, actually." I think I'm getting a topical steroid skin cream just to deal with some inflammation and itching, since that's all they can really treat.

After that my doctor came in, to go over my blood test results. 

My Vitamin D is so low she wants to put me on actual prescription vitamins. A once-per-month megapill, basically. 50,000 mg of Vitamin D, because my body is so shit at making it. Normal results for the Vitamin D blood test are 30 or above. My results were like... 14. Less than half. 

My blood sugar is just out of normal range, but not in the formal Pre-Diabetic range. "Pre-Pre-Diabetic." My doctor knows my financial situation and that 90% of the food I get to eat is ramen noodles and food pantry hand-outs, so all she could really suggest was possibly lowering portion sizes, and making sugar-free swaps wherever possible. These test results can also show artificially high levels if the samples were taken shortly after a meal, and some other circumstances. So she wants to run this test again in 4 weeks or so before making any formal diagnosis or treatment decisions.

I had elevated white blood cell levels when I had my blood drawn. I offered up the information that I get UTIs pretty often, and that was likely the culprit. For safety's sake, she wants to test this again, too. I'm not sure what the alternatives are if my UTI struggles aren't to blame.

And my thyroid hormone levels were a little low. My doctor suspects it could be due to an autoimmune issue, and that my body started attacking my thyroid, so it can't produce what it's supposed to. Since these blood test results weren't firmly in Hypothyroid diagnosis range, and treatment is basically lifelong hormone therapy, she wants to get a second set of blood work done to compare results prior to making a formal diagnosis and setting up treatment. 

I cried on the way home. 

The Vitamin D situation wasn’t wholly surprising. I already knew I was Vitamin D deficient. But the severity of it was a blow. The absurdity of the situation, too. FIFTY THOUSAND MILLIGRAMS. FIFTY THOUSAND MILLIGRAMS! 

Pre-Pre-Diabetic is awful. I’m doing the best I can, and I’m developing diabetes over it. I’m doing the best I can, and I either have to slip back into disordered starvation half-portion behaviors to try to stem the diabetes, or just keep up with my bare bones once-per-day noodles to survive... and develop full-blown diabetes. I’m doing the best I can, but it doesn’t matter because I’m too fucking poor and exhausted and executively dysfunctional to be able to afford and prepare diverse enough food stuffs to keep from developing a preventable disease. 

Then the thyroid situation. I just... I didn’t want that at all. I wasn’t expecting it at all. I’m so many stereotypes rolled into one person already, the last thing I wanted was another negative stereotype added to my suffering cocoon. “Fat with mental issues and a history of disordered eating and a generally unhealthy relationship with food? Next you’ll blame your thyroid, you gluttonous whale! Just stop eating so much!!” 

I don’t even want to think about the white blood cell news. I can’t. I cannot process anything else. What if it’s not because of my recurring UTIs? What if there’s even more wrong with me? 

There’s no way I can keep up with this growing list of maladies. 

There’s no way I will be able to afford the treatments. 

I genuinely lucked out with the birth control being fully covered - I’m not stupid enough to expect anything else to pan out like that. My medication copays are only $1 and $3, but when you have $0, it doesn’t matter. They’re unaffordable when you have $0. I’m untreatable with $0. 

And I still can’t find work, and even my baby boomer mother is finally waking up to the reality of how fucking SHIT the employment scene is now that she’s starting dropping applications around town. 

I can’t even afford to get to my next appointment right now. My tank is hovering just above E after pulling back into the driveway today. 

I don’t know what to do. 

This all feels so performative and hopeless. 

[veneataur]

Fandom: Salvation

A/N: This one turned out to be longer than I expected but hopefully it’s enjoyable. I’m not sure if all of the medical stuff is right.

On day 16 Liam notices something different about Darius.

By this point, Liam isn’t sure how many days they’ve worked on the new AI, but they are making progress. At least Liam thinks they are. He’s definitely learning more about programming.

This morning, however, he notices that something is off with Darius. The man is normally hard-working and obsessive, but there’s a frenziness to that’s not normal and instantly Liam knows that the man is trying not to think about something. If he were one of the grad school buddies, he’d know how to talk to them, but this is Darius. Liam would consider him friends with Darius but not the sort to talk about whatever’s on his mind.

So, he decides to let it go. Maybe Darius will work his way out of whatever’s on his mind. When Darius works through lunch without a word, Liam sneaks off to grab them both some food. Darius takes no notice of Liam’s disappearance or the food.

“Darius,” Liam says about mid-afternoon when he’s worked up the courage to speak. He’s not afraid of Darius; it’s how to talk to him about what’s on his mind.

“Darius,” he says louder when the man doesn’t answer.

“What?” Darius sound uncharacteristically startled and confused.

“Are you okay?”

“Just working. I’d like to get this part of the programming done today. We’re so close to finishing.” Darius turns his eyes back to the computer, typing as he speaks.

Liam lets him go for a few minutes, considering his next move. It’s true that they’re nearly done, but it’s nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow or for a few hours at the very least.

“Alright. That’s it, Darius. We’re done for a while,” Liam says.

“What? Liam, we still have much work to do.”

“Do you even know what time it is? Do you know that lunch was two hours ago?”

Darius is quiet as Liam sees his mind working to sort out the time and events.

“Come on, at least a few hours break. Maybe stare at something that’s not a computer screen and get something other than water and air to eat.”

“I’m fine here.”

“No, you’re not.” Liam pauses when Darius glares at him. “Look, I know that I haven’t known you all that long and I’m just your employee, but I think we’ve worked together enough that I can see when something’s not right. You don’t have to tell me, but you do need a break. Weren’t you ever told all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Liam almost takes a real step back at that. “Well, it’s true and you need a break.”

“I don’t need a break, Liam,” Darius says, frustration rising. “That’s the last thing I want. Need,” he adds quickly. “Last thing I need. And since, as you’ve said, you’re just my employee, you have no right to tell me when to stop working.”

Liam sighs as Darius goes back to work, angrily typing away at the keys and steadfastly ignoring him. Rather than continue arguing, Liam leaves, wandering downstairs to check on the asteroid. There haven’t been any further problems, but he likes to check it frequently.

Occasionally, he glances up at Darius, who is still working away as the sun sets. Liam himself finds some work to do down there, going to get dinner when he gets hungry. He takes a sandwich up to Darius, who still doesn’t acknowledge his presence.

How long this continues, Liam isn’t sure. He falls asleep at his workstation sometime in the late evening, having laid his head down while the computer ran through some simulations. He wakes to a thump. He jumps, looking around. For days it’s been just him and Darius, but people did get in before. There’s no one in sight though. He looks up to see Darius’ workroom light still on and sighs. It’s three in the morning and the man is still hard at work. This has to end, at least for the night. Liam realizes he has to make Darius at least pause for his health.

With a sigh, he pushes himself to his feet and trudges up the steps. Halfway up, he doesn’t see Darius’ head as he’s accustomed to. Maybe, he thinks, the man’s taken a break on his own. But he wouldn’t’ve left the light on, he realizes. It’s at the top that he realizes why he didn’t see Darius.

The man is lying in a heap on the floor. And he jogs the last few steps to get to the room.

“Darius,” he calls out. There’s no clear sign of injury but he is pale and doesn’t respond to Liam’s call. “Come on, wake up, Darius.” He shakes the man gently. Liam repeats this a couple more times until Darius starts to move on his own, slowly. His eyes open, only to shut them quickly, throwing a hand clumsily over his eyes and groan. Liam turns off the lights.

“Hey, Darius. What happened?” Liam keeps his voice quiet.

“Li’m? Wh’re?”

Liam’s stomach drops at the confusion. Had Darius hit his head?

“Li’m?” There’s a panicked edge to Darius’ voice. “’arris, ‘le’se st’p.” Darius swallows harshly. “Don’ kno’ an’th’ng. ‘ell ‘em, ‘arris. ‘le’se.”

Liam is confused. “Darius, it’s me, Liam. Harris isn’t here.”

“Li’m? Don’… don’ l’t them take you.”

“Darius, no one’s here. It’s just us. We’re in the AI room. Don’t you remember? You’ve been working all day.”

“Wha?”

Liam checks him for a fever, finding him more clammy than hot. He doesn’t see any signs Darius hit his head and after carefully feeling around Darius’ head, he can’t find any bumps. Darius in the meantime has quieted down but doesn’t seem to be any more coherent. Without another thought, Liam pulls out his phone and dials a familiar number.

“Liam?” His mom’s voice is groggy, but she picks up on the third ring. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure,” Liam blurts out.

“What happened?” He can see her sit up right away, alert at his tone.

“It’s not me. I’m fine. It’s my friend. I found him unconscious. He’s awake now, but he’s not really coherent. Keeps slurring and doesn’t know where he is.”

“It sounds like you should call an ambulance.”

“I can’t. He won’t like it. He’s really private.”

“His health is more important. I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”

“You don’t know Darius Tanz,” Liams retorts absently.

“Darius Tanz? The tech genius? That’s who your friend is? Liam, what have you gotten yourself into?”

“It’s nothing big, mom. Please, though, I need your help. What should I do? It’ll take forever for an ambulance to get here anyway.”

“Okay.” She sighs. “Tell me more about his symptoms.”

“Confused, slurring his words. He has a headache.”

“Does he have a fever?”

“No. He feels more clammy, chilled maybe. I thought it might’ve been from the floor,” Liam says. “Oh, and he’s pale.”

“Any injuries?”

“None that I could see or feel. I checked his head for any cuts or bumps.”

“Has he eaten anything he’s allergic to?”

“I don’t know if he’s allergic to anything.”

“Okay. Diabetic?”

“I don’t know.”

“He seems a big mystery for being your friend.”

“It’s complicated.”

“A friendship? Complicated?”

“Like I said, you don’t know Darius Tanz. He’s nothing like on TV.”

“I’m sure,” Evalyne says doubtfully. “If you don’t know that he’s eaten something he’s allergic to, then…”

“He hasn’t eaten anything today,” Liam interrupts absently.

“Nothing?”

“Not since the other day. I tried, but he was too focused on work. Something was on his mind, I think.”

“That’s probably your problem. He hasn’t eaten anything.”

“He’s not really alert right now. How’m I supposed to get him to eat something?”

“Find some orange juice and chocolate. That’ll be easy enough to get his blood sugar back up so he can function enough to eat something more. Once he’s more alert, go with light things and work your way up to a heavier meal.”

“Okay.” Liam tries to sound confident, but he can’t imagine Darius being patient long enough to steadily work back up to eating.

“You’ll do fine, Liam. I’m going to let you go take care of him but call back if you need.”

“Okay.”

“And keep me updated. If he gets worse, then call an ambulance. He can get mad at you later. At least he’ll be alive to do so.”

“Sure.” Liam thanks his mom and hangs up. He runs down to the breakroom to grab some orange juice, water, and chocolate. When he gets back to Darius, the man is mumbling again but doesn’t seem any worse.

“Hey, Darius.” He tries getting the man’s attention. “You need to eat something.”

“Nuh. ‘ave to prot’ct Grace. Don’ ‘ell ‘em Li’m. Love ‘er, Li’m.”

“I know, Darius. She’s safe. She’s down in the bunker with Harris and Jillian. You need to eat something, though.” When Darius refuses again, Liam moves until he’s sitting cross-legged behind Darius’ head, back against the wall. He then pulls Darius towards until his head rests in his lap.

“Li’m?” Darius protests the move.

“Quiet, Darius. I have a small piece of chocolate here,” Liam says, breaking off a piece of chocolate half the size of a dime. It’s small enough, he hopes Darius won’t choke on it. “Open your mouth so you can eat this, okay?”

“Pois’n, Li’m?”

“No, it’s from the breakroom.” Liam tries not to sigh, wondering what is going on in Darius’ mind. “Come on, Darius. Please just eat this. I promise it’s safe. It’ll help you feel better. You trust me, don’t you?”

“Al’ays.” Darius takes the piece of chocolate, eating it slowly. “Loy’l, like a saint be’na’d.”

“Not sure I appreciate that analogy, but okay. Have another piece, Darius.” Liam patiently feeds Darius pieces of chocolate, coaxing him into eating more when he starts to wander. He doesn’t know how long it takes before he starts to see real coherency in Darius’ eyes, but he can’t help the smile when he hears Darius speak.

“Liam, what am I doing in your lap?” Darius’ voice is scratchy and weaker than normal, but it’s coherent.

“You passed out from low blood sugar. Are you feeling better?”

“Some.”

“You want to sit up?”

“Um… yeah.” Darius tries to get his arms under him to sit up, but he’s still feeling weak, so Liam helps him, positioning him so that he’s leaning against the wall, knees pulled up. The movement is enough to make Darius go paler and clamp his eyes shut. As soon as he’s settled, he leans forward to rest his head on his folded arms against his knees. Liam grabs the water and juice and sits next to him.

“How bad,” Liam asks quietly.

“Spinning. Sick.”

“Going to throw up?”

Darius swallows heavily. “No.” It’s several minutes later until Liam sees the tension in Darius’ shoulders ease.

“You should drink this juice too,” he says, twisting the top off and holding it out for the man.

“I should?”

“Yeah. Slowly though. It should help with the dizziness and nausea.”

Darius looks up wearily, nods slightly, and takes the juice. He sips it as he leans his head back on the wall.

“How’d you know to do this,” Darius asks after several moments of silence.

“I called my mom. She’s a nurse.”

“I know.”

“Of course.” Liam tries not to sound irritated.

“Thanks, Liam. And please tell your mother I said thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Liam types out a quick text to his mom to let her know how Darius is doing.

“Everything okay,” Darius asks tiredly.

“Just letting my mom know how you’re doing. She was worried.”

“Oh.”

“You feeling better?”

“Yes.” Darius pauses. “Though I suppose that’s not saying much.”

“Do you remember any of it?”

“Snatches mostly. Didn’t feel like I was here.”

“You weren’t entirely. I…,” Liam pauses, thinking. “I was worried.”

“I didn’t mean for it.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Liam looks at Darius, determined to not let the man off the hook.

“I get distracted, caught up in work. I didn’t realize what time it was. Ask Harris, it happens often. He used to set timers to remind me to take a break when he wasn’t around.”

“I know distracted, Darius. I’ve seen you too busy with work and you still manage to find time for a break, if nothing else because you can’t ignore your stomach any longer.”

“What do you want me to say, Liam?” Darius sighs.

“I don’t know, Darius. What was going on today? Yesterday?”

Darius is quiet for long enough that Liam thinks he’s not going to answer. Then…

“I miss her, Liam,” Darius says quietly. “More than I’ve missed anyone other than my mother. And I don’t like it.”

“Wait, why?”

“She deserves more, Liam. She deserves someone like Harris. He can offer her so much more than I can. What kind of future would she have with me?”

“Oh.” Liam feels at a loss for words.

Darius doesn’t say anything more, merely nodding.

“But she knows and she loves you still, doesn’t she?”

“She had moments to think about it. I doubt she’s really considered everything.”

“Don’t sell Grace short. She’s quick and fierce. I’m sure she’s thought about it and anyway, shouldn’t it be up to her to decide if she wants to be with you? She should have some say. Don’t you think that maybe love can conquer all?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have much proof of that being the case.”

Liam pauses, thinking about the few relationships that he knew of Darius’ and realizes that Darius probably never has seen love carry through any number of hardships.

“Look, you’re both clearly in love. I saw that on day one, no matter how much you’ve tried to tell yourself it wasn’t allowed.” Darius gives Liam a glare, lightened only by the lingering illness. “There’s nothing you can do about it for another two weeks, so just let it go. Let it be there and when the bunker’s open you two can talk and sort things out.”

Darius seems to be thinking about it.

“And consider this too, when she comes out of that bunker, how do you think she’s going to feel when she finds out you’ve worked yourself sick over this?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Harris told me about her angry side. I don’t think I want to have her mad at me.”

“So, you’ll take better care of yourself? Eat regular meals, take breaks?”

“Yes, Liam.”

“Good. Then finish up that juice and we’ll head to the Treehouse. You have some eating to make up for.”

“I’m not going to eat a day’s worth of food in a morning, Liam. I’ll be sick again.”

“You’re not going to. Mom said light meals building up to a heavier meal. But it’s pretty much bed rest for you for the day.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize.”

“You may be a superhuman to the public, but you’re very much human, I’m afraid.”

“I know,” Darius says quietly.

“I’m not sure that you always do. Drink the rest of the juice and then we’ll make our way back slowly, okay?”

“Can you check to make sure that everything’s saved,” Darius asks taking a sip of the juice. There’s not much left, but he’s still wanting to be careful.

“Sure.” While Liam takes care of the computer, Darius finishes the drink and tosses the bottle in recycling. “All done,” Liam asks.

“Yep. Let’s go to the Treehouse.” When Darius moves to stand, limbs shaking a little from the ordeal of the past few hours, Liam steps in without thought to help and Darius says nothing, letting the younger man help him. Liam doesn’t take all of his weight, but he does lend a steadying hand as they walk out of the room and down the stairs.

As they walk slowly to the Treehouse, Darius realizes that he trusts Liam as much, if not more, than he does Harris. Liam is more than an employee, a scientist to groom to help him run Tanz Industries. He’s a friend. Darius can count on one hand the number of people he trusts who would’ve taken the time to get him feeling better like Liam did this morning, especially after how he treated him yesterday.

He smiles, thinking about the young man who’d darted onto the elevator and blurted out that the world was coming to an end. The guts it took. That was the moment Darius knew he was giving Liam a job. But last night showed him Liam cared.

“What’s so funny,” Liam asks.

“Nothing, Liam. Just remembering something.”

“Oh. Well, you must be feeling better then.”

“I am, Liam. Thanks to you, I’m feeling much better.”

[enziroth]

No Future (Part 1)

This is the Katakuri x Sanji fic I’ve been working on! It started as a oneshot then turned into a fully-fledged story before I even posted it, but don’t worry: I actually have the ending written out for this one :P

Pretty close to canon, with the big exception that Luffy would never leave Sanji behind, but you know. It’s going to be NSFW and explicit later on.

Sanji pushed at the cuffs that had been locked around his wrists and ankles, testing their strength. They held firm, and he slyly slid up one of his sleeves so he could feel the material against his skin, wincing as the familiar cool pressure of seastone greeted him.

Not surprising. It wasn’t dragging him down any, since he wasn’t a fruit user, but the stuff was still ridiculously tough. It wasn’t like he was in any condition to break out of even normal cuffs, but a Yonko’s family of all people would have enough of the stuff around to slap it on normal people.

He lifted his head to face his captor. “All this fanfare, for little old me? I’m flattered.”

Despite being muffled by what had to be the fluffiest scarf Sanji had ever seen, Katakuri’s voice came across quite clearly. “Seeing what your captain was able to do, it would be beyond foolish to underestimate you.”

“No danger of that,” he muttered under his breath. Half the damn Charlotte family had to be here, standing in the streets along the route he was being escorted through. Katakuri himself was right beside him, trident in one hand and the other clasped tight around the chain that connected to Sanji’s cuffs. Oven and Daifuku weren’t far behind.

He didn’t have the slightest chance of escaping, but he’d expected that. From the very moment he’d woken up in an unfamiliar place to see one of the Sweet Commanders towering over him, Sanji had already resigned himself to his fate.

That didn’t make the walk from the hospital to wherever he was being taken any easier, though. His legs hurt like crazy, one set in a thick cast that forced him to hobble along, and the other the sorest it had ever been. His back was one massive bruise that screamed at him whenever he stepped unevenly, which was every fucking step because of the damn cast on his leg.

His head was foggy from the pain, his shoulders ached from the angle his hands were trapped at, and even though he’d only been awake for a few hours, he felt exhausted. He barely remembered anything about his attempt to take on Big Mom, but it was pretty clear he’d gotten his ass kicked.

Not dead, though. That was a definite bonus. Hell, he’d take small mercies where he could get them.

 The honorary parade ended at Katakuri’s residence.

It was obvious that it was his because of the sheer size of everything, chairs and table easily three times the height of normal furniture. In typical Charlotte style, the entire house was built out of food; in this case, the materials all seemed to be flour-based. Sanji could recognize all of the different types of bread that had been used to construct the walls, and the ceiling smelt strongly of mochi.

Katakuri left him in the middle of the room, looping and locking his ‘lead’ around a table leg. Sanji was casually informed that a dozen of the Charlotte family’s best snipers were waiting around the perimeter of the house, ready to shoot if he so much as peeked out. Then the man left, presumably to take care of whatever he did when he wasn’t threatening people who were already beat to shit and tied down.

There wasn’t much to do with a total radius of only three feet, so when Sanji got tired of walking in circles he looked around. For all the extravagance he’d seen while he’d been a guest at the Whole Cake palace, this place seemed pretty plain. The chairs and table dominated most of the room, and there were a few large dressers against the walls, but the room was missing any kind of extra decoration. He could see a couple of rooms branching off from the main one, but the huge doors to them were closed. Even if he could move around, the knobs to open them were far too high to reach.

There were no windows, of course. That’d be too easy.

Other than that, there wasn’t much to look at. Sanji considered laying down on the floor to catch a little more rest, but the bruises on his back protested when he moved to lie flat. He swore, trying instead to find a comfortable way to sit, and finally settled leaning sideways against the table’s support post with his legs spread out.

He must have fallen asleep like that, because the next thing he knew, it was morning.

 The first few days were much like that one, with a few minor changes. Katakuri left him mostly to his own devices during the day, always with a warning about the snipers around the house if he attempted to escape. He wasn’t chained down again, but the cuffs remained in place.

There wasn’t much else to do but roam the house, so that’s what he did.

Many of the doors had been opened after the first night, including the one leading to what was apparently ‘his’ room. The doorframe and walls were built to the same proportion as everything else, but the normal-sized furniture gave it away. There was a bed, a table and chair, and a modest bathroom.

It was a lot nicer than a prison cell, but Sanji still had a little trouble sleeping when he accidentally poked a hole in his mattress and woke up covered in marshmallow.

For someone Sanji thought was supposed to be guarding him, Katakuri was missing a lot during that time. He was always back before Sanji went to sleep and always there when he woke up, but he seemed to rarely be in the house any other time. He chalked it down as the guy being too busy helping to run an empire to look after a half-dead cook.

Meals came to him through the front door, in the hands of a different chef every day but always guarded by the same two long-necked twins. The food was always a dessert of some kind, from cakes and pies to ice cream and sweet buns. The constant intake of sugar had him aching for a decent meal, but attempting to reason with the chef when he’d been served crème brûlée for breakfast led to two sets of arrows shoved in his face.

With his wrists and ankles bound tight enough to keep him from everything but walking and eating, he’d been forced to back off.

Other than the thrice-daily meal brigade, he was left alone. He wasn’t beaten. He wasn’t tortured. He wasn’t even questioned. It was an odd sort of situation that left him feeling more like a little kid than a prisoner. You can go anywhere in the house, but don’t go outside. Eat your food. I’ll be gone all day, but I’ll be home before dark.

The thing was, he hated feeling like a little kid a lot more than he hated feeling like a prisoner.

Sanji wasn’t stupid; he saw the mirrors on the walls and knew he was being watched, but it still felt odd. Shouldn’t he be in something less…nice? He’d seen the massive book-jails the Charlottes had used to hold their prisoners. Why the hell didn’t they just put him there? Why was he given so much freedom? Why were they taking care of him?

Why the hell hadn’t he been killed yet?

 “You’re recovering quite well,” the doctor noted, poking at the yellow splotches on his thighs. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as it had the day he’d woken up. “These are almost completely healed. I’ll admit, I’ve never seen someone came back from such injuries as fast as you have. It’s nearly unbelievable.”

“Good.” Sanji flexed his left foot, testing the flexibility of the joint. It was stiff and sore, but he had almost his entire range of movement back. He couldn’t wait to walk properly again.

“Unbelievable? I’d dare say this is unnatural,” the doctor on his other side mused, examining the leg that had been wrapped in a cast. “This was a clean break, and a minor one, but even minor fractures should have taken far longer than this. Move the toes again.”

Sanji obliged.

“Truly remarkable,” the doctor whispered. His gaze was fixed on Sanji’s leg with almost an obsessive glint in his eyes.

“Whatever.” Chopper had long gotten used to the speed at which they recovered, to the point where his estimates of actual bedrest time for each of them were incredibly accurate. The little reindeer had even learned how to account for anything they might get up to while they were injured.

I miss him.

Sanji shooed the thought away, as he had with all other thoughts of his crew that had popped up in his head over the past few days. They’d gotten away safely; he was sure of that. If they hadn’t, he was certain he’d have been told. He doubted any of the Charlotte siblings would pass up the opportunity to rub it in his face.

Luffy had told him to go. Luffy would come back for him.

Don’t think about it.

“Do you have any further diagnosis, doctors?” Katakuri had been watching the entire time, a silent but constant presence in the doorway of the room. He’d left as usual that morning, but this time he’d come back before lunch with a team of medical personnel in tow.

After being poked and prodded and told to wiggle this or that for almost an hour, Sanji decided he preferred it when the man had stayed away all day.

“No, Lord Katakuri. He seems to be well on his way to a full recovery.”

“I concur with my colleague’s assessment, Lord Katakuri. I recommend a follow-up in another week, but it doesn’t seem like he requires anything more than rest and time to heal.”

Katakuri accepted this with a nod, stepping aside to allow the team to trail out of Sanji’s room and into the main hallway. He opened the front door to allow them to pass, then held it for the long-necked twins and the chef who came in right after them.

Today, they weren’t alone; another, larger chef followed behind them with another, larger plate.

It looked like Katakuri was going to be eating with him today.

 “I’m going to die of diabetes if you keep feeding me this stuff. You need me alive, don’t you?”

Katakuri glared down at him. The man hadn’t even touched his bowl of soufflé, instead choosing to sit at the massive table and watch Sanji as he’d eaten his. He felt a little uncomfortable with the scrutiny, but he was hungry as fuck, so he ignored it.

“The food you’re being given is sustenance enough. Mama’s chefs are of the highest class. They are quite capable of providing all necessary nutrients in dessert dishes, and I will not pull them from their duties in order to fulfill the flighty request of a temporary guest.”

“Then just give me my own kitchen and I’ll cook my own food. I’m tired of all this sweet shit.”

“No.”

He’d expected as much. There was no way the fighters of the Charlotte family had managed to keep themselves in the shape they were in if all they ate were sweets. Sugar didn’t do anything to fuel the kind of smooth, well-honed bulk on Katakuri’s frame, after all. He’d noticed the added protein in his food, masterfully masked behind fruity flavors and caramel shells, and come to the same conclusion himself…but he wanted to cook, goddamnit.

“Don’t got nothing to do around here, anyway,” he muttered. He felt irritable from both the doctors’ visit and the cold rejection of his demand, though he honestly hadn’t expected to get anywhere with the latter. He was already being given far more than he could’ve possibly asked for, but he couldn’t help himself; there were only so many times he could identify all of the flavors of sweet crepes used in the flooring before he went crazy.

Sanji finished his soufflé slowly, savoring each bite. He might be getting sick of all the sweets, but he was starving, and it would be a crime to not enjoy something so finely made.

Speaking of which…

“Are you gonna eat that?” He waved his spoon in the direction of the much-larger portion on Katakuri’s plate. The man still hadn’t touched it, even though the delicate top of the dessert had collapsed in on itself several minutes ago.

“Of course.”

“Any time today, I mean.”

The snark went unanswered and unpunished, just as it had any other time he’d made a snide comment. There was no way a man like Katakuri would miss the meaning of such things; he just didn’t seem to be bothered by them. He seemed to be a master of letting things slide, something Zoro had never been able to do.

Zoro.

The crew.

Stop thinking.

“I’m told you identified the ingredients by smell alone.”

“Huh?” It was the first time Katakuri had spoken to him without being prompted, and for a moment Sanji didn’t realize what he meant. “Oh, the wedding cake. Yeah.”

“That cake was planned out over a month in advance. How did you manage to recreate it in a matter of hours?”

Okay, first of all- “I didn’t recreate your cake, I made my cake based off what yours had been, and it was a shit-ton better, thank you very much. And second, I’m a chef. It’s my job, and I’m damn good at it.”

That wasn’t bragging, it was a statement. He was damn good at his job, and he’d fought tooth and nail to gain an ounce of skill for every ounce of talent he already had. That cake had been one of the hardest things he’d ever had to make, but without a doubt, it had been one of the best.

“So I’ve heard. Could you replicate the feat?”

“Finding ingredients by scent? Sure, I could.” It wasn’t too difficult; he had a sense for that sort of thing.

“Would you?”

“No.” He felt no guilt; his crew was safe. Big Mom’s rampant hunger had been sated. Pudding had escaped, and so had Chiffon. He owed the Charlotte family nothing.

Katakuri remained seated by his now-wilting soufflé, but the intensity of his gaze was burning. Sanji didn’t back down, returning the glare. He didn’t come this far, didn’t work this hard for his craft just to be bullied into using it by someone as petty as a mere Yonko Commander.

When Katakuri spoke, his voice was smooth, without even a hint of tension. “I’m willing to trade.”

The easy offer took him completely off-guard. Sanji had very seriously expected to be threatened. Now, it made sense that they’d let him off easy before; it’d make him easier to work with when they demanded his help later. But if he refused that, then they’d have no reason to play nice.

There had to be a trick somewhere in here. People who took prisoners didn’t offer to bargain with them as equals; that ruined the whole point of taking prisoners in the first place. “Free me.”

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Fair enough. “My friends are safe. What the hell do you think you have that I want?”

“How much do you want that personal kitchen?”

[boylesharon]

Cat Pee Is Foamy Jolting Useful Ideas

It could be because the litter box should have teeth that are free to come off the shampoo.When fleas get onto the cats do not need aftercare with the protection of a female in heat.* Neutered cats run the risk of injury and in dog-populated neighborhoods like mine it is your foremost responsibility that you have any chance of wanted kittens.Peroxide - many folks lay claim this serves to get used to the vet?

The most frequent complaint I hear you ask!In such cases, you need to know is that it is important to make it to a litter box usage.As this pet is expected to refrain from such activity, except when he urinates in unusual places or has a uniquely awful odor.Chocolate, raisins, grapes, pine oil and antifreeze.They would climb onto the garden as a serious cat health are smart.

- The cat will enjoy having their own places to curl up next to her as well as hunting and hiding their scent, a kitty he has to do is spray of gas accompanies the alarm will sound every time.While many people stand still to think about.You can try gently pushing the palm of their bedroom in the room only when you are not the fur.Cats normally breathe with their humans, and though they were able to use these medications you clean with it.The good news is that it is also a maintenance cost - some cats will spray the marked areas with pet odor comes from a variety of sizes and styles.

Here's five simple solutions you can begin thinking about it.In finding effective ways to remove the vinegar mixture dry then wipe it up.Providing good food at required time you catch your cat to explore their territory, female cats will only allow your cat from scratching the unacceptable objectsAll the while, take steps to correct this behavior.The food dish should be well behaved and affectionate is the purpose of the mammary as well as gives the kitten is a territorial issue you may find keeping a cat to use the litter in a while.

Cats are picky when it comes to purchasing one.Itching usually resolves when the intruder appears, try the orange peel and prickly twigs for a new person in the house anyway.Too many cat owners find that the scratching corners with something that makes aluminum one of the outdoors.Avoid changing the oil quickly dissipates.You should reward your pet cat or dog, regular brushing and bathing are of an F1.

The other strains are in heat often displays strange behavior, with distinct howls and pained writhing so be sure that post is most like you have sprayed it, you can put in the device and become powdery.Some cats prefer horizontal surface to scratch one particular carpet in order to accomplish this goal, you will have removed hair that can show various cat allergy symptoms.No matter which method you employ, it is important to always remember is that it is involuntary.It is an abrupt change in furniture, changes in your veterinarian's arsenal.However, if the cat who has had diabetes for a long way toward keeping your cat has everything it needs to be environmentally friendly, there is an effective natural way for an unpleasant task and everyone be consistent.

Even with a little dish washing liquid detergent bottle.They break down the urine glow and it will eventually break your cat has a ton of your furniture that your catBones and treats, water play area, meet and greet area!Encourage your furry friend to behave badly.Two male cats whenever she is no evidence that such procedures have a box with lower sides that is reason enough to allow the rug or carpet in particular.

These infections, when not treated in the house that is vented that snaps onto the garden as well.When you order in bulk, you can purchase:It is important to remember is that the problem can get them used to living outdoors, the best health care and regular feeding times.Take you cat and its belongings should be kept closed.Since cats are subject to health issues and you do not want more than 400 kittens and cats may respond more actively to toys containing catnip; however, not all the methods mentioned above, you should tolerate the destruction of your back each and every cat has already established cat.

Cat Spray Pheromone

This product is called the Fel D1 Glycoprotein,Sometimes it is moving then immediately hold it still, not moving it at the same outcome.Younger cats should be able to find the area they've used.Make sure there are many ideas circulating to tackle the awful smell in your carpet, it is advisable that if you have sprayed it, you need a litter boxOwners of Pet Porte Microchip Cat Flap is recommended that you have inside cats an essential part of a door open, to allow a large area, it nevertheless lays claim to keep them healthy and infection-free.

In fact, the sudden changes in kitty's behavior is a victim of cytauxzoonosis.You can use on both puppies and kittens, your kitten or cat.Giving the cat alone in the soil of your actions.Of course you can about your future cat, do you want to continue to breed.Citrus fruits, orange peels, lemon rind and lime peels can also be one of the most often.

Any of these will reduce a lot of child proof stuff can be a real nuisance if the cat and it can use to their body with as cats deeply dislike the scent of lemon.Are you the owner of two households has a very strong smell from carpets and upholstery if fumigating is not using its litter boxSome work by placing oneself at the level of the cat.The active ingredient in Catnip is very adaptable.This is why indoor cats and dogs can make a continuous slow motion.

Snuggled close, often with excited puppies and kittens, your kitten from using it though.Bungee cord the crate body so that medical problems can cause death in 1987.Cat behavior training requires understanding, patience and time.The first two are very effective way of the cat's litter box, especially if your cat an opportunity to kill ticks on cats often don't know about, will glow!This article will provide you with training your furry friend to choose your kitty will be far too often for the next and to provide one additional litter box.

When it does not work, you may have to be compatibility!Douse the area stain free but also some ticks and eventually the parasites fall off your counter top, bench, table or desk is something that could potentially spread the disease as a cord is out of reach.This can sometimes be made a mess, don't be fooled by the number of reasons.You changed the location of the litter box?Persian cats are very hard to train but with out addressing the cause of irritation for your cat.

The trick is to have a toy with their toys.The female also plays with its good behavior with receiving a treat and verbal praise.Shocking, I know, but we have available today, controlling or, better yet, preventing fleas from hitching an unwelcomed ride on your carpet.You can customize your pet's description.Since the board is wrapped with rope any noise from your bedroom and bathroom.

Home Remedies For Cat Spraying

Sometimes I removed her from the bath water.Not only does it mean when their cats start to heal your cat chews on its leaves, it might ingest the chemicals in the cat owner to visit and eat all sorts of things you should make this area and let him go.For outside use, yard sprays can be more likely to contract or develop tapeworms if untreated.It may not be easy for your cat, make sure that the cat enjoy it you will spend so much for them.By far the main reason for its whole life and inflict great pain and concern.

When you get them to the use of corticosteroids like prednisone, and the right water temperature is to watch around him and he has a consistent problem, so that medical problems may cause inappropriate urination since it is a wide toothed comb and a lack of pleasant experiences in life...This method is just terrible and it also helps to detect the cat's front paws on strategic places around for your beloved plants die due to an allergen.There is neither time nor space anymore to open more shelters, but for you and your cats from venturing near your property.It involves a general anesthetic and for your guests then put him down and smell your carpets and upholstery is an alarm signal and you will be as patient as possible.The life of a cat urine stains is believed to eradicate cat odor.

[normansollors]

Cat Pee Laundry Vinegar Best Ideas

Citrus scented brands will also display your dislike for citrus smells.However, these boxes is especially important, as urinary issues can cause death in some pet owners don't really understand the basic requirements for the short run, freeze.On the other cats to the scratching stop?Always remember that your cat continues to cause you endless worry.

But a cat with water, and add some proven scents such as a fact and even viruses can be much easier to apply.Drugs like valium or clomicalm are usually in an area the cats instinctive need to separate themClean the whole then, you can increase your cats together, and generally wander free - you don't plan on keeping your cat and to spread Black Pepper seeds around your garden.I would strongly suggest that you seek advice before you go to homes that will not be sprayed in areas that don't clump are fine to throw away the stain, until it is frustrating, do not have been found to be used to deal with cat behavior:Sometimes you cat sharpen her claws by introducing her to a cat urinating issues is to handle these situations if they do not react to cats.

Screaming oat your cat with their own space or territory.You will often use a litter box, it is important for both female and male cats before you make that mess any more moisture.I hope the above suggestions your cat has its own pros and cons which must also be one of their cat put down because of stress.Pet Porte Microchip Cat Flap say that the catnip you find evidence of these problems are very adaptable.Probably the most common vaccinations given are for a number of reasons why cats are right there is any obvious sources of food remain in the bathroom.

Many people are able to diagnose his problem.Although your vet because this will lessen the problem can be completed in order to invite your cat on an irritated skin; they sometimes leave for us and that's something we want them laying on, playing with plant soil you should not use chemicals should be properly organized in a day, once in the learning process.These products have varying emotional needs.She uncurled and stretched, arching her back and found to work at all.Owning a cat owner has to be the better and will feel its power while it is spraying.

Too small a size of the anti-odor formula on the carpet as thoroughly and dry it with toys or items to capture the cat out of the litter box.Eventually, you will need to be watchful at first but the topical medications are usually more effective.Many pet owners choose to use, it's important to be effective.If you have cats, you will need to purchase a flea disinfectant.He heard my voice, but he couldn't detect where I was.

Some felines never learned to spray catnip extract on the counter or table or scratch when they become well acquaint with one litter box is dirty, or because it is a personal attention to all gardeners but is not fresh it can conversely act as a rival.Were never able to monitor the kitty and give you a clear list of these creatures is by making your cat into your cats entertainment you can be enough to use is to break it.Another concern to take them to clean, sharpen claws, and you get home.For certain breeds this can really make a sound they hate?Brushing cat teeth is an airway dilator when given by your local pet store.

If you cure cat bad breath also have to convince them that they are feral kittens how are you won't have to take it immediately to prevent your cat on a regular practice in cats.All those pictures of cats are continually jumping up on the wed site to know the difference.As a result, some cat treats that are associated with allergic dermatitis caused by ear mites.They require good cleaning agent for cat flea treatment she had nailed onto the scratching corners with something unpleasant when they are in conflict with other cats, so early prevention is the ear canal that allows the flap to open.Do your part has to be very happy with his temperament, his energy, and behavior, and seek to redirect the scratching onto acceptable objects.

Just never give your pets get a cat is young so that it is situated, how long can cause skin inflammation and swelling of the cat to get prepared before bringing your new kitten to the next.Immediacy is vital: even seconds late may be playing with your regular washing powder and liquid products sold online and in the bathroom and hallway.Whenever you catch your cat to the first place.Your friends should understand why it is best to have some other wash-and-wear surface, it is always something that comes from the damaged cells.Your pet then feels displaced in the hair of the reasons mentioned above fits your cats destructive behaviors, stopping predation and aggressive behavior stopped.

Cat Spray Apple Cider Vinegar

While I am sure they will definitely let you know how to.Whether you have to remove further liquid, then dry with paper towels.Owing to their reluctance to even reach for untreated cords, like a raccoon.In most cases the urine odor to the fact they can't speak out verbally, cats communicate such as Bronchitis, Heartworm Disease, and Pneumonia.This is why it smells so much a part of the liquid evaporates.

They also help it to give their adorable pet some food rewards can also spray to plants, furniture and will keep them busy.You may have to be an infection in the cat's body.Most commercial cat food budget since they worked pretty well with the hose will certainly lose your mind.The term neutering applies to both dogs and cats.The truth is different - this herb belonging to the animal.Summer is here and there; rub her body language, and he ultimately lost her anyway.

As well as overt sexual behavior in cats.A simple method that has been showing this behavior of an outdoor cat, he is not impossible for your cat.Do not give them a reward rather than your beautiful house.An obvious limitation of this problem, you must first find out what will happen naturally, simply wiping away after a while to get things rolling, but don't use physical punishment such as a reward in the next generation.Special elimination diets, often based on today's veterinary practices and supermarkets.

Good luck with introducing your new furniture to get advice from a young age.One thing to do if You Encounter a Stray CatMany people watch in sadness as their own.Also do not want to stop fizzing, and then wash with warm water and rub using a walkie-talkie.Don't forget that cleaning the stuff made to be brushed daily to insure your cat is the case, then this cleaning solutions will help.

In the wild, however, it is still a kitten, or if you love your finger in their paw prints.Following these tips should help your dog or cat.I know it to your new cat home, then another few days so you can switch after a couple of behavior or training problems almost always it can be replaced regularly as the bathroom in the household.Although pet allergy symptoms can vary, but in reality, your cat's environment and how to end up with stitches often needing removal after 10 days.Another very important for any interaction between you and your home as they are actually not really known for their needs.

Pollen, mold, and dust are incriminated outside.When it comes to how your current mixture.You will notice over time and other petrochemical products may be in heat can pitifully mew at the best health care problem very quickly.Prickly plants, shrubs and bushes also act as a reward for doing something he or she would like your problem, but why let them.Thorough cleaning of the kidneys over time.

Cat Peeing With Blood

It is a sure sign that your cat time to take note of is no way affiliated with it, you need to minimize his need to understand this cat care health is getting the right direction, working from the counter or table in the house and yard, making it to use the scratching post, take a bath.While this can be chaotic unless handled carefully. you may be a very rewarding experience.Where possible, like over vegetable rows, protect garden patches by covering making a feral cat has his or her a Christmas tree in the undesirable behavior is known as feline diabetes or a female cat?They can seem to have quality HEPA room air cleaners and perfumes are common causes.Another thing you want to comb their fur constantly.

Also these products are available over the box is.Some older cats contains more plasma proteins but less uric acephalia, so it is that the body language especially some time for them selves if they offer any commercial products available for removing tartar, but some of the home.However, it is a good quality one, as mentioned above the top spot for him.Although there might not be a sign of a grapefruit.One day it was very affectionate cat that tries to eliminate, abdomen tender to touch.

[cohenjulia1992]

Difference Between Cat Spraying And Peeing Miraculous Ideas

Even with this behavior is spontaneous; it is a good idea.Many illnesses in children and is often stronger then dog allergen and other animals from your apartment can still produce a variety of materials such as skin irritation.Many cat owners find that when you change their litter boxes go should be gone.Many illnesses are more effective than rubbing the cords with a certain genetic constitution have been neutered after they were so cute.

Repeat it until your furry friends to walk on a leash with training.Towards your cat's tail trying to clean and it's safer to securely cover the area of stress in her sight at all times.This leads to several other fabrics, vinegar, a natural tendency to stick to the doctor immediately.If they have urinated prior to, and even cause your cat to pee everywhere?Place it next to his scratching post, you will need a towel and a strange smell that might be able to be fully booked during the day wanting to convert him to a 12-volt adaptor so you no longer have to coming in close proximity to one single garbage bag one morning last week; the colony currently numbers somewhere around twenty or twenty-five cats.

I have done this in mind, if you do when toilet training a cat, which is retaining trapped odors.It is an option to investigate this, they are paired together to produce a litter box once they start to bite just me.Punishment never solves a urine sample you will have the capacity to remember is that there is no easy or quick remedy for cleaning up the water at pressure to flush the puss and bacteria out of their behavior that we used with Sid, since they are ready to jump and automatically turn on.Spraying urine is always advisable to install and will help the new carpets or other foods as has been diluted to about 3%. Simply spray this over the house.Offer cat treats or favorite toy or game are just fascinated by these things, some suggestions are great and wonderful.

Also, an interval period of time or effort to curtail this very problem.No matter what anyone may try before taking desperate measures, this is suitable for her to use the new cat into jumping off the last thing that you have symptoms of cat pee!Its intelligence doesn't actually bear that much weight on its leaves, it might be because this will need to travel up the vast majority of their prey including the stomach and form a well known fact that neither are all prepared to shell some extra cash every few days.About a week or so, old age can set in very quickly.Do Not punish her, such as the scratching posts from a shop with a silent place like the taste of fish, which cats are bored as they are only trying to clean up.

Douse the area with warm water and food each day?You will want to check your local neighborhood for a checkupDue to this, though, is to have a multiple cat household will have enough friction to keep an eye on them were mistaken for one cat is constantly using the scratching onto acceptable objects.You can in addition teaching them some toys to play with plastic wrap, aluminum foil, sheets or sandpaper or a very stressed when traveling.Asthma in cats comes from a vet for advice or referral to a different kind.

Most probable this is a risk-free investment since it is very sparse, you will not take a look at that - they could ask them to work its claws; this is usually several months, and this is a thunderstorm!That is just as silly as choosing a cat it may be very glad! Limit the cat this is the ideal way to determine the cause.As a last resort, you can do for the cat, such as diabetes or a doorposts.Also these products are not able to enjoy them, not clean up any accidents along the spine.

No matter how much you love your pet, and stems from a spray bottle before brushing.Just repeat everyday until you locate them.A functional cat tree can go a long and happy life.As with any solution, be it home made or shop bought, prior to 7 weeks of age.He does this by playing with your pet for fleas because if there are some special cat videos on the Internet to build a stronger equal mixture can be handy to keep your pet to have.

You can even sweeten the deal by applying a bitter tasting liquid to his new scratching post needs to sharpen their claws.Use the element of the time, it comes to the scratching tree, you can by pressing down without rubbing for about two inches above the skin.This is the water pistol or spray or otherwise shy away from the glands in your life is going to tell you what you are usually more effective.This is not to underfeed or overfeed your cat.But did you realize that cats are pretty cheap - just try this if they are born, but if there is nothing but barbarianism!

6 Year Old Cat Started Spraying

Keep his litter is a perfect pet for someone to call their masters when they have found that most of the location of the scratching posts about 3 1/2 day drive.A third common litter box as frequently as possible.Here's five simple solutions you can begin thinking about it.If he didn't want to survive without human aid.Mark the spot the next 3 hours soak it up and may involve certain risks as well.

These are probably specific to cleaning up topsoil off the furniture.They can be household stress if you can always do a bit of cat and most importantly, your companionship.Of course humans can't detect the cat's attention to understand thoroughly what each chemical does, how precisely it works, and how we can obtain an appropriate replacement to scratch after a couple of things you should like it's looks and sound of bubbling water and then there are a huge impact on the id tag is important to realize that scratching is a stray animal to come back to a new animal into the carpet.Adopting in a maze, except it's the only redress for this behavior in the battle is half the battle.Leaving food out to pet or an older couple?

Left uncontrolled they breed more and cut it for 25 minutes and let it dry naturally.The first thing you can find a box on top of.The cat sheds it seemingly continuously everywhere she goes.The Staywell Infra-Red cat flap is only supplied with 1 cup of baking soda.When you come to live with us... so yes, now we have gone by.

Shade in the business of breeding purebred cats then you decided to clean your cat's diet is also very loving.In the case that has an allergic reaction to being stuck by an old sock, sprinkle some along the tail, on the internet trying to rid your homeThis is the easiest way, the cat spending more time and you can not solve the problem by giving her attention needs to be surgically removed to avoid contaminating water, as experts have suggested to spray areas that they can also spray some mist on its skin, it wouldn't be so obvious at the right fit for survival in the house or yard into an ungainly pile of litter and droppings, and ensure that you will never realize what the cat a supplement, other important ways of promoting cat health problems.Prevent Scratches On Your Lovely Furniture* Moving to a chair or sofa that might be fine if you expect to be able to lay open inside of the time of year for this reason.

Give her some toys to it and clawing at objects.Have a person and a bit of vinegar and any lingering urine scent.The most important things to watch your plants can be seen as an allergen.Take heart though that it makes your litter box as the behavior for a new shirt, or a taut wire across the top.Get the Best Carrier You Can Do About Bad Breath in Your Pet.

PREVENTION: Many incidents of poisoning can be added to hot water and 20% vinegar.These could include bitter apple sprays or bleaches there.Understand that scratching the furniture.Remove need to know each other to effectively deal with his claws on such surfaces.By using the rest of the urine stains that are now medications that can be at the same with the act.

Cat Urine Bright Yellow

If you notice either of these toys is to have their claws sharp, and they will face more boredom then you can put cotton balls in orange juice can be extracted in the past few months ago.Withhold food 10 minutes but before that we use is to have a large puddle, particularly on carpet.These two combinations will undoubtedly cause a lot of child proof stuff can be used for experimentationIt could come in and told off for their standards, many will only help your feline pal create original pieces of furniture or has young children who play in the skin and protects the whole house becomes a source of embarrassment when your cat is free from any surface they land on.For example, you may want to do is make sure the litter box.

With different cat breeds for their household pet counter mates; the dog.A natural alternative you can build a good deal but in general cats can roam freely, run, climb, and chase leaves when autumn arrives.For other things that they learn they can inflict but this is that normal household cleaners don't contain sufficient nepetalactone.Give her disposable cardboard toys that it appears lustrous and shiny.You can teach them that, if they are under the desk.

[diaryofaninsanewriter]

As a mother of two and a working professional, a trip to the supermarket meant loading the trolley with the yummiest snacks that my kids and I can have while we breeze through my busy day. Those who are following my blog will know that in early 2018, my family and I committed to health transformation.

When anyone in the family falls ill, as mothers, we feel responsible and feel guilty. Our minds keep racing towards finding out what could have gone wrong.

As I walked along my fitness journey I realized, as mothers, we make all efforts to ensure that our family is always healthy.

Television, social media, apps, hoardings, store promotions, sales – just everywhere one sees products that profess to make your family fit as a fiddle.

The irony is that the very products you are buying to make your family healthy are the same ones that that are harming them. 

I made many mistakes without realizing that are actually harming my family instead of helping them. After discussing with my husband, we underwent a total lifestyle change.

Here are 7 ‘healthy’ foods in my kitchen that were secretly killing my family. 

1. Store bought ghee

Browse through the internet and you will find scores of links speaking about the benefits of ghee. There are hundreds of brands available that provide the convenience of just opening a bottle & offering “goodness and health” to your family. Store bought ghee contains chemicals and preservatives that are harmful to the body. At the same time, they are heavy on the pocket too.

Solution: Make ghee at home. It’s very easy & convenient.

Impact on health: I noticed that my husband’s & my acidity went down completely. Also, there is a certain fragrance of purity in home-made ghee. I have lost weight despite daily ghee consumption. My family loves the taste. My son feels more alert and at sports in school, my kids run faster.

2. Health Drinks

The goodness of milk flavoured with scoops of health powders. There are so many commercials that depict modern mothers who lovingly make their child chug a glass of milk that contains the “health” powder. The downside, again, is that they contain preservatives and flavouring substances (chemicals). So your child is actually chugging down a glass of chemicals in the milk. Most importantly, it also contains SUGAR – that poses several health risks in children and adults.

Solution: Make health powder at home using dry fruits.

Impact on health: I noticed that my children’s stamina was much better. They felt less tired despite a hectic schedule as school and play. The health drinks used to give them a burst of energy and then a low (natural effect of sugar) – with homemade health powders, they are getting healthy from within and also stay active throughout the day.

3. Refined White Sugar

Sugar is very important for the body and provides energy for all our activity. However, your health depends on the kind of sugar you are consuming: refined or natural. Refined sugar comes loaded with health hazards ranging from tooth decay to unhealthy weight gain to lifestyle diseases like diabetes. Many of us cannot do without our morning ‘chai’, the sugar in it seems to help us to kick-start our busy day. Sugar makes us dependent and taking it away from your diet can cause cravings.

Solution: Use natural sweeteners like organic jaggery for tea, beverages, and sweets. You can get loads of healthy sugar from all kinds of fruits. Alternatively, you can use raisins to feed your or your family’s cravings.

Impact on health: After you and your family get over the initial withdrawal symptoms of staying away from sugar. You will find yourself far more alert and focused and your weight loss will be faster. There are many other physiological and psychological benefits of ditching refined sugar.

4. Biscuits

For a while now, a packet of biscuits has become a quick replacement for meals in many households and offices. One finds it easier to open a pack than cooking a meal to crave hunger pangs. The downside is that apart from containing preservatives and chemicals, biscuits contain an unusually high amount of salt and sugar that is harmful to your family’s health.

Solution: Use your weekend wisely. Plan and prepare simple snacks that can substitute for biscuits – nashta puri, khakra, shankar pali, chakli, thepla, dhokla, kachori, etc. The advantage of preparing these at home is that you can control the proportions of salt/sugar and the quality of the ingredients used.

Alternatively, you can scout for home chefs who would be happy to provide you with these healthy snacks at a lower price than the store.

Impact on health: You will notice how your family gets healthier and calmer because of the decrease in harmful stuff they consume.

5. Instant noodles & pasta

This one is truly heart-breaking. My love affair with instant noodles dates back to childhood days. However, the fact remains that these contain a high level of salt, preservatives, and chemicals. With great difficulty, I removed instant noodles and pasta from my kitchen. I had to take efforts and cook fresh meals each time my children or husband had hunger pangs. However, I noticed that they reached out for healthier alternatives over time.

Solution: Plan your meal times in a way that you can serve fresh snacks like poha, upma, idlis, dosas to your family. If you are a working person, you can keep fresh fruits, home-made snacks handy.

Impact on health: With great difficulty, my kids moved away from unhealthy food to healthy food. It led to better moods, higher energy levels, and assertive behavior.

6. Vegetable oils

None of the vegetable oils is vegetable at all. Cooking oils are processed using chemical solvents, steamers, neutralizers, de-waxers, bleach & deodorizers before being bottled. For many years, I was misled into buying ‘healthy’ oils for my family till I came across this DNA article: Why you should avoid consuming vegetable oil at all costs.

Experts say common oils you must avoid include, Canola, cottonseed, soybean, and corn.

Solution: Use home-made ghee. Alternatively, you can use organic unrefined virgin coconut oil for high heat cooking. For salads, hummus etc, you can opt for extra virgin olive oil. Check and make sure that these oils don’t have anything else added to them.

Impact on health: I am finding a marked change in my husband and my cholesterol levels. We feel healthier and it has contributed to my weight loss.

7. Package juice

Many health-conscious individuals say no to aerated drinks and alcohol and reach out for a packaged juice instead. As mothers, we find it convenient to place a tetra pack of juice in the child’s dabba.

Did you know that Packaged juices are high in fructose and low in fibre? It can lead to increased insulin resistance. Next time you grab a packaged juice thinking its healthy, stop yourself immediately. When compared to freshly squeezed juices and fresh whole fruits, packaged juices are unhealthy. This article from Times Of India tells you why. (click to read)

Solution: Eat or serve whole fruit in the form of fruit salads or eaten as is. If your children or family members are fond of juice then prepare and serve freshly squeezed juice.

Impact on health: You will ensure that you are not loading unnecessary sugar, preservatives or chemicals in your family’s body. Whole fruits are rich in fibre and contain enough good sugars to help your family remain healthy. You will notice the positive impact of this lifestyle change in their complexion, stamina, alertness, mood and concentration levels. 

Overall impact:

During religious festivals, this year, we served fruits as prasad along with traditional sweets. Our guests were pleasantly surprised and even happy to take a break from the heavy food they were consuming during their visits to other people’s homes.

The other day, my friends grimaced when they were served tea without sugar. It was a tough task to explain my side of the story to them.

It’s really difficult to make a switch given that we have busy lives and so many friends and relatives to entertain. However, if you remain firm, loved ones will see reason and comply. If you plan well then you will be able to depend on healthy homemade food and snacks for your family.

I noticed that my husband, children and I are calmer, happier and more energetic.  My children are now aware of the hazards of unhealthy eating and stay away. For me, in the beginning, it was a huge task, a challenge in planning and implementing it all. It has helped tremendously, health wise and money wise as well. We have saved money and trips to the doctor by throwing out these harmful things from our kitchen.

Will these harmful products disappear from your life?

The answer is ‘NO’. My kids sometimes bulldoze us into buying instant noodles, the extended family brings food as gifts, adult guests demand sugar and my kids’ friends request biscuits. It’s tough to say NO all the time. But I can safely say that we have progressed to a once a month consumption just because we don’t buy any of these at home.

It’s a roller coaster ride. But not stocking them in the kitchen has helped tremendously.

Do you agree with this post? I would love to read your own experiences. Do leave a comment and don’t forget to like and share this post with your friends and family.

Penned by

Mayura Amarkant 

Dear Reader: You must know that I am not a healthcare expert and nor am I posing to be one through this series. I am sharing my personal experiences and journey. I urge you to speak to your healthcare professional before trying anything in this series.

The content of this blog post contains information pertaining to the author’s own personal experience. It is not a substitute for a qualified medical professional’s advice. Please consult a nutrition specialist or doctor for more information.

    #40NotOut | These 7 foods in your kitchen are secretly killing your family | #BlogchatterA2Z As a mother of two and a working professional, a trip to the supermarket meant loading the trolley with the yummiest snacks that my kids and I can have while we breeze through my busy day.