#never cared about myself enough to actually care for me

[cillians-sweetheart]

https://www.tumblr.com/cillians-sweetheart/772157725448847360/whos-got-fic-ideas-i-got-writers

Maybe Cills with a younger reader (25-35 ish?) and they actually decided not to have more children but she gets accidentally pregnant? But of angst but ends with fluff? Sorry very basic 😭

Not basic! Love it!! 😋 And I hope you love it too!

A Miracle Arrival - Cillian Murphy

Cillian Murphy(36) x Wife!Reader(25)

Plot: After a date night, Y/N and Cillian put the kids to bed and have some well needed alone time that ends in an unexpected surprise.

Content: kissing, slight sexual content, speak of menstruation, marriage, kids, pregnancy, emotional melt down (f), fluff

During our four years of marriage, people would expect that after a few months, our desires towards each other would just disappear and we wouldn't crave to touch each other day to day. But that wasn’t the case. In a marriage between two heavily passionate lovers meant that our love from our wedding day to today, never changed. Not even fading in the slightest.

Already at age 25, I’ve had 2 beautiful children. The perfect duo of an older daughter (Georgia), and younger son (Christian), ages three and one. Our daughter, now being able to speak full sentences, has begun to develop Cillians accent. But it wasn't surprising as she always took after him, and loved him more than me. And my son is the opposite, a mini me with his looks and attitude.

We decided after having Christian that we were done for children. Having two toddlers was difficult but also I couldn't picture myself going through labour ever again. Two was enough.

On a Friday evening, Cillians mother came by the house to watch the children for a few hours and put them to bed while he and I went out. We learned that monthly dates help keep the spark in our relationship. It wasn’t that we didn’t feel anything towards each other anymore, we just feared that someday that spark would be gone.

“So… I was thinking that after dinner, we would send mom home and just lay low in the bedroom for the night. Yeah?” Cillian offered, holding his glass of wine in his hand. .

“Yes,” I answered, reading through the menu. “I don’t really have the energy for anything fancy. Laying in bed sounds perfect.”

And that’s what we did. At first.

When we got home his mother sat in the living room reading a book, but left shortly after as we were now home. The house was silent and the kids were asleep. We didn’t waste a single moment to finally be lazy after both of our long days.

We changed into comfortable clothes, and cuddled closely beneath the warm duvet. The tv played a show we hadn’t paid attention to and the tension between us grew hotter with each passing moment. And once our single kiss became sloppy and never-ending, the tv came off. As with our clothes.

It all happened so quickly. In just seconds he was above me kissing roughly at my neck, and my legs tightly wrapped around his hips. We didn’t think about anything in the moment, nothing but wanting more from each other's bodies. The pleasure filling both of us made it almost impossible to stay quiet. I had to bite back moans, hiding in his muscular shoulder.

After the hour which felt of 20 minutes, we both fell weak side by side. I didn’t think of anything but just being ready to go to sleep in the arms of the man I loved.

A month went by and life carried on -as usual- I was ‘delightfully’ greeted by an absence of my period. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I’m a week overdue. My heart sank at the possible reason why I was like this. Why I was late, nauseated, and really hungry.

While Cillian was off at work I stopped by the drug store and to the aisle I really didn’t want to be in. With rows and rows of pregnancy tests. I looked over my shoulders and quickly scanned over the several options of tests. I picked the cheapest one to not cause suspicion on Cillian and I’s shared credit card. If it had to come to it, I’d say I bought the kids some candy.

I waited anxiously for the remainder of the day. I was terrified to take that test, but also itching to get an answer. If I were pregnant, I’d need to plan what was going to happen, and if I wasn’t I could’ve been rattled for nothing. So I took the test.

I hid myself in Cillian and I’s bathroom while he made supper for the kids. The test shook from my shaky hands as my eyes squeezed shut waiting for it to be done. And after two minutes, I flipped the little plastic stick towards me. two bright red lines.

My mind went blank. I was in shock, and felt nothing. Until a minute after the fear kicked in and I cried and puked the way I did when pregnant with Christian. All those memories of my fat, stretched skin, and agonzing contractions, came back to me like a bullet to the skull. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t afford another child, nor could my body. How would I ever tell Cillian…

It wasn’t until 5 minutes later I was able to clear my tears. Quickly, I coated my face in concealer to hide the redness to not cause worry to Cillian or our children. I put on an awkward grin and entered the kitchen to where Cillian had been spoon feeding our youngest, and Georgia putting her food everywheres it wasn't supposed to.

“Hey,” He turned his head towards me, standing straight from kneeling on the floor. “You alright?” He asked with a tilt of his head.

“Yeah I just needed to use the bathroom.” I walked past him with a napkin and wiped our daughter's messy face.

Cillian didn’t take any suspicion, and continued to feed Christian and clean the kitchen. He was always so good with them. Like he could hundreds and do perfectly fine. But there was no way I was having a third child. Because it was me that would actually birth them, not him.

After supper with the kids tucked into bed, Cillian and I sat closely on the couch in the living room watching the Tv. My legs laid over his lap and my head rested against his shoulder. His gentle hand lightly stroked my thigh. I began to remember all those feelings from earlier. The fear, the angst, the pain. Tightness grew in my chest and my face turned cold. I was frozen in my spot. Tears welding in my eyes.

My breath being held and my slight shaking caught Cillian’s attention from the Tv. Taking the remote in his hand, he turned the Tv off and turned his face down to mine.”Y/N? Baby.” He took my cheek in his hand and turned me to look at him. “What’s going on?” His voice held concern but tenderness. His thumb lightly rubbing my cheek.

“I um…” I froze up, looking down with a single tear falling from my right eye. I debated in my head with other answers besides the truth to tell him. I dreaded telling him such a thing.

“What love?” His face leaned down closer to mine with sympathy in his eyes.

“I- I’m pregnant.” My eyes fell down to my lap with shame. It became silent for a moment. An unbreakable tension grew heavy between us.

“Are you- Really?” I nodded with another tear rolling down my cheek. “Oh sweetheart.” Cillian pulled me into his chest, holding me while I broke down into the same emotional state I was when pregnant with Georgia and Christian.

Cillian lightly rubbed my belly while his other hand stroked my back.

“I don't know what to do.” I sniffled and choked on my tears. “I can’t do this… I’m already a crap mom, I- I can't have another one!” I said with irritation mostly towards myself.

“No you’re not love.” Cillian cooed, kissing the top of my head.

“But,” I mumbled. “You do so much for them… while I hide in the bathroom.”

He took my face in my hands looking seriously into my eyes. “A real mother is one who is not afraid to have her own space.”

I looked back at Cillian with adoration and nodded at his words. “I just… my body can’t go through this again.”

“Is it your body, or your mind?”

“I don’t even know anymore…”

“Well, I want you to do whatever it is that feels right. Okay?”

“Mhm,” I nodded. “But if I did somehow want to have another… would you mind?” My watery eyes glared up to his.

“Not at all love, I love our children and would love just as many more.” He grinned the same grin that made me fall in love with him for the first time. I felt the warmth and tenderness in his voice. “Do you want another?”

“Well I don’t want to get rid of this one…” I lightly rubbed my lower belly. Cillian’s hand held over top of mine.

“We don’t have to then. I’d be more than happy for another baby.” He kissed my forehead. “If there was anyway they’d turn out like our already beautiful children, then how could I say no.”

I looked up with a warm smile at him. “Oh I love you…” I said lovingly touching his cheek with my hand.

“I love you too my love.”

And nine months later with Cillian at my side, I was handed the most precious baby girl who held my every feature. My twin. She cooed lightly and her eyes twinkled open for the first time in the light. And when those little eyes fully opened, they melted with love seeing my face.

She was so perfect, an angel little girl. And everyday since the day she was born, I thanked Cillian for being the loving husband he is and teaching me to listen to my heart. Because if I hadn’t that day I wouldn’t have had this sweet girl who I later named Mila. My miracle sent from heaven.

[razzellyn]

The First Part was ages ago and i forgot about it...

Scenario:

Human!Reader offered to give the bots a proper car wash! Or... Plane and ship, and truck wash or whatever. Part. 2!

Also, slight romance <3 (maybe idk)

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Dexter:

He didn't mind the offer at first. He thought that it'd be a nice way of, y'know, hanging out with each other. It immediately changed his perspective of the offer to a completely different level when you actually gave him a wash.

It wasn't that he was embarrassed when he realized how dirty his frame was, it's the fact that you were so close to his frame with your tiny little fingers pressing up against every nook and cranny of him that it sometimes tickles. Oh and he's also very flustered, but he managed to keep it to himself.

Heheh, [ ] stop tickling me...

I'm not?

Yes you are. silly giggles

He thanks you afterwards. Feeling up his clean frame before asking if you wanted a ride somewhere as a payback. Which, only ended up with you scolding him because he might make himself dirty again.

Fleta Z:

He's thankful for the offer, but also confused. How is someone as small as you is going to clean a plane like him? It surprises him greatly once you give him a shower. He should've expected the hose.

He's not too flustered about it. Sure, it's looking a bit like an intimate gesture, but why does he care? He gets his frame cleaned, a win for him. Also, he's really just enjoying the gesture.

Could you please go a little to the left?

Oh! This one?

Yes, thank you.

He's polite to you nonetheless. Directing you on where he needed cleaning, and... other helpful things. He was very appreciative of it. Also offering you a ride if you wanted. He even made a little tune just for you!

Wild Guardy:

At first he was confused, then he was shocked, then he was normal. At least he looked like it. He nodded at your offer, not really realizing what he brought himself into.

A cold spray of water brought him out of his zoning out. He was staring at you the whole time, yet somehow none of you noticed. He was flustered as hell, but managed to keep it under wraps. Sure, he twitched every now and then, but surely you hadn't noticed... right?

You seem troubled?

I am fine. (Voice crack)

Uhm... Sure.

Oh he was so entranced by you. Obviously he thanked you for your help, however he was a bit sheepish when doing so. You asked if he wanted to do it again and he blue screened at the question. He probably will, but he'll need a whole night to prepare for that again.

Buffalo Crush:

He agreed in no time! Literally turning into his car-mode immediately upon asking him. Not knowing what he just brought upon himself.

And he probably never will? He was too busy watching the water fall of his hood and having fun to even notice your clothes pressing tightly against your body.

This is fun. Can we do this again tomorrow?

If you're somehow dirty again, i guess.

Before you know it, he comes back to you the next day covered in dirt and mud and many other things.

Buster Gallon:

He's very dismissive, surprisingly. For someone who looks like they care about their vanity, Buster Gallon didn't seem to mind the amount of dirt on his plating.

At first he simply rejected your request. Saying that he's too busy doing whatever the hell he's doing, then he makes the excuse of being able to do it himself. Obviously, you forced him instead.

I'm telling you, I can do this myself-!

SHUSH!

You're not even listening!

In the end, he was grateful for your help. Even if he doesn't outright say it, he's thankful enough to have you as a friend. Someone who'll force him to take care of himself, even if he gets irritated.

Black Hook:

Ah, the arrogant pirate himself. Did you expect this to be easy? Of course not! Fortunately he actually agreed. Pretty quickly too, complaining a bit about how the grime and dirt in his body was starting to make him itch.

You didn't even know that was possible until today. Unfortunately, your 'help' felt more like your 'job' as he forces you around on where to scrub and pour water on. And soap. And literally everything else.

You're doing this all wrong!

I'm doing everything!!

He'll act like a brat in the first few minutes—or hours, but he'll ease up on you in the end. He's just really bossy. He thanked you at least.

Heavy Iron:

At first he was perplexed with the idea of letting a human clean up his body, even as you point out how terrible he looked. He declines your offer at first, but then he mulled it over and reluctantly agreed.

Mulled it over meaning he realized that he can't reach into the really tiny, itchy seams with his big, stubby fingers. Yes, that's what he forces you to do.

Unfortunately, he doesn't speak much. Sometimes he'd make a comment or two, but that was it.

When you were done cleaning him, he simply nodded at you then left. Your thoughts think that he's not being rude, just being awkward.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Idk i made this while probably being half-asleep

[aproperplacetoscream]

I google a bunch of stuff when I'm looking for someone to tell me that I'm normal and everyone will like me and I'm nice and cool and not cripplingly ill and broken and evil and need to be fucking slaughtered and burnt in hell fire. I never go to the doctor and they never diagnosed me so TECHNICALLY I don't have anything if I never go to the doctor so I'm definitely normal and fine and the fact that I literally can never do anything but drag my corpse to my part-time job for months or YEARS at a time is a completely normal and healthy thing that everyone does all the time among 50 other things I do that ARE ALSO SO NORMAL like all of you and also soooo healthy so like don't even worry about it. I'm so fine.

[designernishiki]

it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now

[skunkes]

the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent things and such~

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

[seraphic-sibyl]

I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been

[e77y]

I really want to like being a woman but I don’t. But I’m not dysphoric either; I like my body fine and I don’t want to change my voice or my mannerisms or even my pronouns really. So I don’t think I’m transmasc. Sometimes I just really wish I was born and raised a man. But it’s more of an “in another life” dream kind of thing. I think it’s just internalized misogyny idk

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay

[nuancefem]

tfw i have $948cad and rent is $980 AND MY PLACE IS A WRECK

[hopecomesbacktolife]

thinking of rereading the entirety of HoME again. for my health

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.

[rolandkaros]

holiday season sucks

[yes-wejopping]

.