#neil perry oneshot

[heliads]

If requests are still open :) Something for dead poets society, just sth with the gang having a good time, maybe trying to stage a play in the woods? Tbh just a everyone lives and is happy AU with fluff and winter and hot tea! (while I love this book I havent read it in a very long time...)

ok consider an everyone lives au but they are not 100% happy. (i am incapable of not writing angst my apologies) also this is movie dead poets society not book because i have not yet read the books whoops. hope you enjoy xoxo

'and it's not tonight' - dead poets society

masterlist

Todd Anderson is looking out the window at a gray, blustery morning, when they ask him if he’s going to be alright. It wasn’t quite certain before then. It’s not quite certain now, either, even after he answers.

“Of course,” he says somewhat unconvincingly, “Why do you ask?”

Behind him, Charlie Dalton raises a dubious brow. For once in his life, he’s holding himself back, but the situation requires discretion, and who is he to mess up at a time like this? He’s already been warned about treating Todd like a glass doll rather than a paper mache target, but even Charlie can tell that now is the time to pull a few punches. The hollows under his friend’s eyes are far darker than they were a couple of months ago. He wears unease like a well-traveled coat, thin at the elbows and rubbed raw at the seams.

“Look at yourself,” Charlie answers at last, “You’re exhaustion walking. And don’t tell me otherwise, I’ve got eyes.”

“I should hope so,” Todd remarks, and permits himself a small curl of his lips up into a half-smile. Half-smiles are good, though. Almost there to the real thing. So he’ll tell himself, at least.

Even a half-smile can let Charlie know that he’s alright. The other boy breaks into a well-intentioned snorting laugh. “Hey, ask any girl in town and they’ll tell you I’ve got beautiful ones. ‘Sides, Anderson, you know everything’s alright. The stuff with Neil was cleared over, right? He came back.”

“He came back,” Todd repeats somewhat weakly.

“Yeah, yeah, he came back,” Charlie confirms, walking over to clap his friend on the shoulder, shaking him a little bit just to mess with him but mainly to get his affections across. “He’s a little more tired than he used to be, and we’re all plenty scared from what could have happened, but overall we’re glad to see him again. His parents realized they messed up in the nick of time, and even if they wanted him under watch for a little bit, he’s back and we’re back and everything’s alright. Capiche?” He asks dramatically, wiggling his eyebrows for a bit of flair.

“Since when are you Italian?” Todd asks doubtfully.

“Since the situation requires it,” Charlie answers him, and slings an arm around the boy’s bony frame. “Come on now. The snow’s cleared up, and even if all that does is remind us how little grass grows on our campus, it means we can go into the woods again. I’ve been talking to the boys and we all agree that it’s time to dust off our finesse with literature. What do you say, Todd? You up for another rousing poetic exchange tonight?”

Todd jerks his head up and down in a hasty agreement. “Yeah. Neill’ be there?”

“Yeah, and me, and Knoxie, and everyone else you forgot to mention,” Charlie says in a tone of mock outrage. “God, you live with the guy, don’t you? Can’t you spare some excitement for the rest of us, too?”

Todd rolls his eyes, and finds the grace to elbow Charlie in the ribs. “Spare me the self-indulgence, Dalton. I’m glad to see all of you.”

“Don’t I know it,” Charlie affirms. “It’s been a while since we were all together, yeah?”

Todd blows out a low breath as they walk back towards the halls. It has been a long time, or it felt that way, at least. After the– after the incident after the play, in which Neil was found in his father’s study with a gun in his hands about to blow the trigger, it was decided that all of the pupils of Welton Academy would go home for a short period of time to clear their heads and come back ready to face the end of term. 

Mainly, Todd thinks it was so rumors couldn’t spread about just what happened with Neil Perry to take him out of school, and he’s glad for it. Neil doesn’t deserve to have everyone whispering about what happened to make him decide that the best thing for his life was to end it. Neil deserves the world, and none of them could give it to him.

That was the worst part of it all, Todd decides. The guilt, how it wrapped around him in wires as strong as the heaviest chains of iron. He couldn’t escape it. If he was really Neil’s friend, he would have known. If he was really Neil’s friend, Todd could have stopped him. If he was really Neil’s friend, Todd wouldn’t have found out about the attempt the next morning, quietly awoken from drowsy sleep by a Charlie Dalton with eyes like a stricken soldier as he lurchingly informed Todd that Neill Perry had tried to kill himself the night before. And none of them had known. And when his father had taken the gun away, Neil fought and screamed for it, worse than he did when he tried to convince his parents that he wanted to act, louder than he protested that he would be sent away to military school.

And then they were alone. At home. The worst place for boys to be. Should you grieve the friend who is not dead? Do you call each other on the phone, and ask if you have been playing any sporting games with other boys your age, or if you have given any thought to the fact that your friend might not have wanted to die if you had praised him more in class, or clapped louder when he performed, or said something– anything– to this beautiful, brittle boy?

They don’t say any of that. They think it quite loudly, but unspoken thoughts do not travel well over the telephone. The flittering ghosts of would-be words tend to get lodged in the coils of wire from receiver to housing, across the street and over the miles of terrain until they reach the abode of the boy on the end, who also has a lot to say but won’t. And then they both stay silent. And they both know exactly what the other wanted to say anyway. That is how friendship works.

They came back, though. Welton sent out a series of letters to usher back the pupils, even had its secretaries working overtime to call the people who never seem to answer their mail. There was another rush of cars and luggage to the dorms, and then they were settled in again. Todd had wondered if he might be assigned another roommate– anyone other than Cameron, God, but preferably Neil still– and then the door had opened quietly and Neil was there again, trying for a brave smile, and saying, “Todd?” in a voice that had once rung pure and true through a theater that loved him.

Todd loves him for it. He’d embraced Neill with open arms, felt the air punch out of his lungs in one strike, but it came back. He came back. They were alright again, sort of. They might be alright in time, but time is what they have.

Now they’ve all been waiting for the snow to melt, and treading on thin ice around topics they don’t dare broach. Neil has been a good sport, never making them feel awkward for wanting to treat him like a china doll. He was good before, too, though, and– It gets hard to tell sometimes, that’s all. Hard to tell when he genuinely is unbothered and when he’s superbly good at pretending otherwise. They stick to safer subjects anyway.

At last, though, the ground is firm, the weather not terrible, and Charlie’s gone and rallied the troops for a night out there. At first, Todd’s first instinct is to panic. They aren’t supposed to be having any more meetings of the Dead Poets Society, not since Keating was the scapegoat for all the trouble and everyone cracked down on what makes a good boy want to escape, but over time he realizes that it’ll be alright. Some things are worth the risk. Making Neil smile again is one of them.

They meet at midnight. Todd sits awake with bated breath, even though the act by itself isn’t even all that unusual. They’re teenage boys. Staying up until the moon hangs high and lofty in the sky is expected, not uncommon. Still, a delicious shiver of inherent wrongdoing whispers down his spine when Neil walks slowly into the center of their shared dorm room and says quietly, reverently, “It’s time.”

As if the others had been waiting upon that very proclamation, the remaining boys peer out into the hall immediately after Neil and Todd silently close their door behind them. Their eyes meet with shared secrecy, shared triumph, and they make their way down the wooden stairs and out into the bristling chill of night. The stars are out tonight. We are all out tonight.

They all start heading out into the woods. Charlie takes off like a flash at the end of a matchstick, hurtling at a runner’s sprint across the hills, and the others follow him at varying speeds. Todd begins walking at a normal clip until it occurs to him that he doesn’t see enough heads bobbing around him and he turns to see Neil hesitating by the door.

They lock eyes, and Todd sees a whole host of things swimming in brown irises, fear and apprehension and a sick sort of guilt that makes Todd’s stomach squirm in sympathy. He gives Neil one last moment over the threshold, then jerks his head towards the others, putting a little faux arrogance into the gesture in the hopes that an actor might appreciate an act in someone else and remember what it is like to trust oneself again.

Neil accepts the move and grins, his teeth flashing in the moonlight. “I’ll race you to the caves,” he calls, and begins to run, his footsteps sure and strong.

Todd stares after him, an astronomer watching his first comet, then takes off after him. The grass is dry and quick under his feet, spread out under each footstep like the wake of a speedboat. The wind, already coarse, pulls at Todd’s skin, his hair, his clothes, but not even the strongest gusts could keep him down. Somehow, he’s already to the edge of the forest, and he lets out a loud, delighted whoop. A barbaric yawp, if you will. Somewhere in the back of Todd’s mind, a dark-haired man in a comfortable brown sweater smiles indulgently, and chalks up another small victory to the wonders of poetry.

The second his war cry leaves Todd’s throat, the other boys swarm him like moths to a flame. Someone claps a hand over his mouth, and around him, laughs echo into the crunching of leaves underfoot. 

“Don’t be so loud, you’ll get the professors on us in no time,” someone admonishes, but then a different boy cuts in, “Don’t be stupid, we’re far enough out that we can all be shouting,” and Todd’s punishment is lifted and he can yell once more. His defender– Neil, it must be, no one else can make their voice ring with glory like that in just a few words– joins in in the triumphant calls, and then they’re all shrieking up to the stars above, here we are, not boys and not men, bold enough to scream and young enough to never listen.

Todd thinks, as they run through the forest, that it’s been a while since he let himself go free. He hasn’t listened to his mind in a long time, hasn’t let the words roll around in his brain, loose marbles of similes and paraphrased poems. His musings are dusty, dark things most of the time, but sometimes the light catches them just right and they glow like sapphires. He could write a thousand stanzas if he wanted to, right now, and everyone would listen.

The Dead Poets Society reaches the caves and a hush falls among the crowd. Slowly, they edge inside, eyes wide. The rock faces and crumbling caverns should be different, Todd thinks, something should mark the passage of time and all the awful things that have twisted their fates since the last time they sat together and thought of prose, but the stones still look as they did the last time they were here. The moss grows in familiar patterns, albeit a little thicker in certain patches now that it hasn’t been scuffed by boots in a month or so, but one of Charlie’s magazines that he forgot to take back with him turns up under some spiderwebs, and Todd’s favorite place to sit is still just as inviting. Maybe, then, the only thing that changed was them. Maybe that’s all that needs to happen.

“So?” Meeks asks, settling into a seat, “What are we doing tonight?”

“Poetry, duh,” Charlie answers him, rolling his eyes fondly. “We’re the Dead Poets Society. What else would we do, peruse our textbooks?”

This earns him a vengeful swat on the shoulder from Meeks, but even Charlie can admit that the question was fair. They’ve read plenty of poems, they’ve written a few, they’ve even gone off and run some improv limerick challenges, although Todd notes that they haven’t brought nearly enough alcohol for that tonight.

After a few moments’ thought, someone suggests a play. It might be Todd. Instantly, the idea is accepted, and roles are divided out. They’ll be doing Hamlet, since there are plenty of long sticks outside and everyone is quite fond of the idea of pretending to run each other through. Pitts is already practicing his death rattles, except he’s not very good at it, and it sounds more like he’s hacking up a lung or two.

Neil, though, is glowing at the idea, and even though they haven’t got any scripts so everyone is mostly just planning on paraphrasing the hell out of one of William Shakespeare’s finer works, Todd gets the idea that Neil has a few memorized soliloquies rattling around in his head already.

Good, then. They’ll enjoy tonight, and the next night they’re out here, and the one after that, too. It has been a very long winter, but Todd has caught his first glimpse of new spring, and he gets the feeling that warmer, sunnier days aren’t the impossibility they seemed a few weeks ago. The days are healing, and they will too. And so the Dead Poets come back to life.

requested by @reinekes-fox, i hope you enjoy!

dead poets society tag list: @faerieroyal

all tags list: @wordsarelife

[a-reverii]

⭑ 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇 + 𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐋 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐒 ⭑

— 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑.

sirius black

tulips. ⇢ @amiableness

safe place. ⇢ @/amiableness

don't delete the kisses. ⇢ @that-bwitch

regulus black

time to pretend. ⇢ @delicrieux

the arranged marriage or regulus's dreams. ⇢ @ellecdc

see me. ⇢ @mmoonysgf

hold her! ⇢ @kquil

secret admirer. ⇢ @itsbuckytm

remus lupin

clandestine. ⇢ @spncvr

sirius the matchmaker. ⇢ @fishley

his girl. ⇢ @opalesquegirl

our band. ⇢ @wzrd-wheezes

james potter

boundary less. ⇢ @wicchyy

no boundary!james. ⇢ @ddejavvu

best friend!james. ⇢ @/ddejavvu

personal trainer. ⇢ @fourmoony

about you. ⇢ @ma1dita

and i love her. ⇢ @dilf-lover99

— 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐏𝐎𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐓𝐘.

neil perry

if i fell. ⇢ @sorencd

two of us. ⇢ @/sorencd

art class. ⇢ @/sorencd

charlie dalton

orlando (first kiss). ⇢ @dearsnow

under the neon glow. ⇢ @augiewrites

secret admirer. ⇢ @/augiewrites

todd anderson

todd can't help the way he feels about you. ⇢ @writersmacchiato

— 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐍.

peter parker

new york private life. ⇢ @astxroiid

← back to fic rec masterlist.

[summerchlds]

I KNOW YOU

Neil Perry x gn! reader

Synopsis: In which you and Neil end up in a vintage photobooth.

An: Hello!! This is my first post on this account so I apologize if this sounds like shit😭 Also!! English is not my first language and I’ve never stepped foot into a Photo Booth so if I wrote something wrong then that’s on me🫡🫡

💌

When you two entered through the curtain and into the booth, You found it to be particularly small, barely big enough for the two of you to fit inside. It was kind of dark, the walls were maroon colored and the only thing there was in there was a built-in camera in the wall and a bench to sit down on so it was kind of empty (besides the scribbles and notes people had written down on the walls that the owners were too lazy to remove). You’ve both never seen or been in a Photo Booth before, not having a single clue on how it exactly worked, fearing that you’d accidentally break something.

“It’s quite cramped in here, isn’t it?” He teased softly, being fully aware of the amount of space you two had. You nodded, breathing out a faint ‘yeah’ under your breath. You tried to make yourself sit comfortably, but it was kind of hard when the side of your body was stuck glued beside his as your other half was against the wall.

Neil leaned down slightly.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked softly, his voice husky as he looked you up and down with a small smile. You once again nodded, not wanting to burden him. It was fine. Afterall, you couldn’t do anything about it. Neil turned his head back to the camera, looking clueless.

“Does it even work?” Neil asked as his brows furrowed.

“I hope so.” You responded, feeling hopeful. There was a button sticking out underneath the camera lens.

“I think this button starts the camera and countdown.” He said, unsure.

Neil reached slightly up to press it, unsure if it was the right thing to do. Thankfully, the lightbulb that hung above us, slowly lit up, triggering the timer countdown for the first picture. As the countdown went, You both realized that you had to act fast if you wanted the pictures to turn out good. You had no idea how many seconds you were given, could’ve been ten seconds or thirty if this machine was nice enough.

“What should we do?” You asked, a little panicky.

“Just smile!” He said quickly, leaning back a little against the wall. You took this opportunity to lean a little closer to the camera as you smiled nervously. You didn’t have that many high hopes for the first picture, just wanting the first picture to show you two smiling as a start. You posed awkwardly for a few seconds before the camera’s flash unexpectedly came on.

The bright flash blinded both of you, causing Neil and you to let out a small groan of discomfort as you both rubbed your eyes. Neil leaned back up beside you as he tried to blink away the spots in his vision, adjusting to the sudden change of light.

Now it was time to think of a new pose to do. Without thinking, you shifted yourself to lean your head towards him as you, again, smiled at the camera. You weren’t expecting for him to do the same though, but he did. Your heads linked together as you both smiled sweetly and the camera clicked once again.

You two pulled apart, feeling the warmthness of his cheek leave yours as you tried to figure out what pose you were going to do next. Neil seemed to have no problem with this whole thing, just freestyling everything. Maybe it was because you knew he would look good in any pose he chose to do.

You suggested to him that you two could make funny faces, just to humorize the photos. He didn’t say anything, let alone move as you got into your position, scrunching up your nose as you smiled mischievously. You awkwardly waited for the photo to be taken as you watched Neil from your peripheral vision. He turned his head towards you and just stayed there, watching you. His gaze seemed to burn a path through you.

You wanted to turn your head to face him but you’d have to wait until the picture would get taken.

When the flash finally covered the whole booth for just a split second before disappearing again, the light above you dimmed, signaling for you two to exit the booth, but you didn't, you stayed there as if you were expecting something more to happen. You turned your head immediately to see what was the problem. You were planning to ask him ‘why didn’t you pose?’ or ‘is there something on my face?’ but when you turned to him, you realized how close your faces were. And suddenly, your mind became blank. He stared down at you with a feeling of undeniable adoration in his brown eyes as he watched you almost hungrily. There was a tender, fond adoration flickering in his eyes, the way it often did in private moments like this. The warmth and affection in his expression made you feel vulnerable and cherized at the same time. His eyes seemed to take in every little detail, capturing it and piercing it into his mind, afraid to lose the memory of how you looked like, in case you two would in the future pull apart and never see each other again. His expression was soft and full of warmth, as if he found every little thing about you utterly mesmerizing.

“What?” You muttered quietly, already feeling yourself getting lost in his eyes. Oh how you could stare into them for hours on end.

“What?” Neil asked in return, his voice low and warm, tinged with a hint of amusement. In the midst of darkness, you could see a speck of light reflecting on his eyes from outside the curtain where the streetlight resided. You felt his breath from his open mouth hit your face as it made you realize how close your faces have gotten.

“May I kiss you?” He softly whispered against your lips, glancing down at them for a split second before returning his gaze up at you.

You opened your mouth, again and again to try and get something out but your voice had given up on you so you just nodded eagerly instead. He leaned down and closed his eyes, pressing his lips gently against yours. His hand travelled to your face, placing it on the back of your head to deepen the kiss. You reciprocated and held his cheek, your thumb grazing his sharp cheekbone. The kiss was short but sweet, only lasting a couple of seconds before he pulled away, exhaling ever so slightly as he looked breathlessly at you. You couldn’t help but let out a cheeky grin that spread over your red face, which caused Neil to laugh at you.

⋆⭒˚.⋆

You walked out of the booth as you watched Neil pick up the pictures that were printed out and examined them. He had a cheeky smile on his face as he looked down on them, making you curious.

“Let me see.” You said and he handed you the strip. Without saying anything, you took it from him and looked at it closely. There were four black & white photos of you two stacked on top of each other, doing various poses for each one. The first photo though, caught your eye. It looked fine at first, you saw yourself smiling and narrowed your eyes to Neil.

His mouth was pulled into a wide smile which showed off his gleaming teeth and dimples. He looked adorable. Though unbeknownst to you, you saw his hand positioned behind your head, creating a bunny ears gesture, making you look like a fool.

When you realized this, you playfully hit his arm as a form of payback. He pulled up his hand to caress the spot where you hit him at, pretending to look hurt as he couldn’t help holding in his laugh.

“I just couldn’t help myself, I had to!” He said between laughs.

You didn’t want to give in but eventually did, giggling along with him.

Besides, you knew you were going to keep these photos in your dorm as a memory, even if they didn’t turn out perfect, they were special.

(After all, no one but you and Neil would fully know what happened after the fourth photo was taken.)

[perksofbeingpoet]

other couples leave hickeys to sort of visibly claim their partner as "theirs"?

angsty anderperry leave bite marks and bruises. violence is the only acceptable output of love. scratches on skin, the sharp hiss of pain the only way to mark territory.

they'll lick the blood from the other's lips (mine mine mine) and smile at each other when people ask where that bruise on their leg is from.

look me in the eyes when you lie.

[to-indeed-be-a-godd]

La Vie en rose

Neil sighed his head beginning to hurt from studying the words against the script, he had practically all his lines memorized except for the few spoken in french, specifically when his character was meant to hold an entire conversation in the language.

“je…sais..que-que je-“

he groaned unable to pronounce the words taking a deep breath and repeating them.

“je sais …que je t'aime..” He said the words finally able to pronounce them as the familiar blond walked into their room raising an eyebrow surprised.

“You speak french?” Todd asked shyly setting his things down on the bed as Neil sighed toss the script back on his bed.

“I wish, i have to say things in french for this play i’m doing” the blond made a small o shape with his mouth before taking the book from his desk and playing his walkman as he read, his face focused as a stray piece of hair dangled over his eyes, Neil’s fingers burned to tuck the stray strand of hair behind the others ear but held back still reciting the words over and over.

“je sais que je t'aime”

Eventually it began rolling off his tongue a bit however his accent was anything but believable as he sighed his headache getting worse each time he repeated his he phrase till finally his roommate set down his book and stood up.

“You aren’t saying it correctly.” He said bluntly looking at Neil before holding his hand out for Neil to give him the script which he handed over.

Todd read it carefully, “je sais que je t'aime, n'est-ce pas suffisant?” the words rolled off his tongue leaving Neil in a state of shock and completely flustered, as if this boy couldn’t get anymore perfect.

“i’m sorry…you speak french?!” He stumbled over his words looking at Todd a mix of excitement and shock.

“I learned a bit growing up…” He replied sheepishly handing Neil back the script.

“wait wait so how do you say it?” Neil asked because he needed to know how to pronounce the words and not because his roommate speaking french was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard.

“je sais..” he said waiting for Neil to repeat after him the two following along with the other through each word.

“je sais que je t'aime, n'est-ce pas suffisant” Todd said again and Neil repeated in a good enough way that Todd gave him a proud smile.

“What does it mean anyways?” Neil asked curiously noticing the slight blush against the others features, god this boy had Neil’s heart doing backflips every second.

“Oh..I know i love you…isn’t that enough?” He mumbled sitting back down against his bed as Neil thought for a second.

“so i love you is?” he asked knowing how dangerous this game he was playing was but so desperate to hear the words come from the others mouth.

“Je vous aime” Todd said softly his eyes meeting Neil’s and oh god Neil’s heart might have stopped.

“je vos-“ he tried to say it knowing he was butchering the pronunciation.

“Je vous aime” The blond repeated slower as Neil stepped closer as they both fell into a rhythm of Todd repeating the words as Neil stepped closer trying to mimic it until Neil was practically standing between Todd’s legs neither breaking eye contact.

“Je vous aime” Todd’s voice was so small practically a whisper that made Neil’s heart sing, there was little Neil loved more then acting but for Todd, Neil would give the world for Todd, he’d give anything to hear him utter those words once more.

“puis-je t'embrasser?” Neil had no clue what he had said all he knew it sounded like a question and all he could do was silently nod before he felt soft lips press against his.

It was sweet and soft but desperate and affectionate, like both of them had been wishing for this for an eternity.

Neil was kissing the most beautiful boy he had ever met, and who apparently spoke french.

[good--merits-accumulated]

current knight/bard anderperry au has only two moods:

1) knight experiences gay longing so hard (ha) he has a divine revelation

2) knight (twenty-one on the outside, several middle ages at once on the inside) just trying to have a good quest has to deal with cringefail nobility. pour one out for this fucking guy lads

[olskuvallanpoe]

new fic: nothing in the world belongs to me (but my love)

anderperry, 4.3k words - angst *MCD*

summary: neil perry has never owned anything in his life, until he fell in love with todd anderson, until he discovered his passion for acting. / and then, then his father takes them both away. / [inspired by “my love mine all mine” by mitski]

[charles-simmons-fanfiction]

Drawings - Todd Anderson / Neil perry

Description: lately Todd has started to get into drawing, mostly just when he's bored. But nothing inspires him like his best friend simply existing does. [Fluff, oneshot, 2,1k words]

This is the first fic for this blog, so please let me know if you like it, it would mean the world to me. Hope you enjoy it <3

What started as a sunflower doodle on the corner of the page was now a whole drawing of a garden. Todd knew he should be focusing on what the teacher was saying, Latin was not really an easy class, but the scribbles were simply more interesting at this point.

Especially now with the dead poets reunions, Todd grew to really like art, any type of art. He wasn't the best at it, which bothered him more than he'd like to admit, but in essence, he liked it. There was something about art that he could not quite comprehend. A way people connected with it, expressing feelings that he could barely understand. And that's not even talking about the skills art takes. Charlie, for example, was not just good with words, but also played the trumpet well.

"If only he could share half his confidence with the rest of school. There would be not one insecure person left" Todd thought. It was as annoying as it could be impressive, and he couldn't deny a strong sense of jealousy towards Charlie in a way.

Soon there was not much to add on the garden in his notes and he started looking for something else to draw. Nothing seemed to catch his interest though.

Then he looked at the friend sitting next to him, Neil Perry. He was truly an amazing and passionate artist, yet what Todd felt wasn't jealousy, but rather a strong feeling of admiration. Neil somehow was so perfect at everything. Smart, talented, nice, good looking. And although Todd was not one to even pay attention to looks, even he could notice how charming Neil was. His jawline, his hair, his so-expressive eyes. And, especially, his smile. The way it always felt so warm, so genuine and bright. Now that was something Todd wished he could capture.

His hands moved quickly, making a small sound of the graphite against the paper as he drew. The scribbles started to look like a face, surely, but it was still only barely recognizable as who it was supposed to be.

"Todd" The familiar voice talking to him made him snap out of his thoughts. He looked at Neil and instinctively hid his notebook as he muttered a "What?".

"Look at the board, there's an assignment to do." There was, in fact, an assignment to do. Todd hadn't even noticed. He embarrassedly thanked Neil and rushed to open his book.

After class he went back to the drawing. There was something so off about it. It was a boy, just not Neil. He tried to fix it a few times before realizing he would have to start over.

And he did. He started over, more than once.

Every chance he had to pull out his notebook would be used. If possible, he would try to stay somewhere he could see his "reference". It's not that he didn't know what Neil looked like by heart, he did, it's just that it was nice looking at him. Comforting, almost. Even when they didn’t talk, it was nice to simply have him there, somewhere he could see, or feel.

It might be stupid, but for Todd it felt like everything about Neil could make beautiful art. From the most special moments to the most mundane ones. Like when he wakes up in the morning, his hair all messy and his eyes sleepy. Or when he is so focused on what he’s reading that it’s like he’s unaware of everything around him. Or when he laughs. Especially when he laughs. 

Regardless of Todd's efforts, though, the drawing never looked exactly like Neil. Even if it resembled him, it didn't have his essence, his charm. He got more and more frustrated, and, at some point, he got annoyed and gave up. He threw the notebook on his bed, there was homework to get done anyway.

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That afternoon, Neil had spent with the others. In theory, for studying. In reality, to chat and hear Knox talk about the girl he's in love with for the millionth time. They had invited Todd, who denied. It was always a shame when he did that, but not a surprise either. Neil understood he needed that time alone.

By the time he got back to their dorm, it was already dark outside. He opened the door carefully, expecting to find Todd asleep.

As expected, he was asleep, but with his head on the desk, which was full of books and paper. "He must've slept while studying again." Neil thought, unsurprised, as he dropped his bag on the floor. Just like he always did when this happened, he gently picked Todd up and put him in his bed. He also made sure to grab a blanket for him.

Before he turned off the lights, he took a second to admire his roommate. For someone who was that anxious while awake, it was nice seeing him completely peaceful. Neil almost didn't notice the open notebook on the corner of the bed, probably forgotten there. He picked it up to put back in its place, but his attention was caught when he noticed it had drawings, not words.

The first page had a drawing of a garden. Each flower looked different, and the style was inconsistent, in a unique way. Neil smiled,"I didn't even know Todd liked to draw", as he turned the page.

There was the drawing of a boy, who he didn't recognize, smiling and looking at the distance. Neil hesitated, not feeling sure if this was something he was supposed to be seeing. It was the curiosity, added to a light feeling of jealousy, that made him turn another page.

This time it was a full body drawing, with not too many detail, of a boy in a Welton uniform. It was clear it had been erased way too many times, and the paper was almost tearing. It could be anyone, really, but it bothered him a little that he didn't know who. He turned the page one more time, there were some doodles, probably for practice.

This was probably an invasion of Todd's privacy, so he told himself he would close the book after just one more drawing. Neil turned the page one more time, and when he saw it, it took him a few instants to process. It had a few drawings, all of the same person. Him.

Multiple drawings of him, in different angles, clothes, expressions. Under each drawing there were notes in a poorly written handwriting. "Why is it his smile that never looks similar??", "His nose looks better than that", "Wow, he's the only person who manages to make reading glasses charming" were some of those notes, along with some self criticism for next drawings.

Neil quickly closed the notebook, slightly blushing, and feeling like he had definitely just seen something he was not supposed to. He took a look at Todd, checking if he was still asleep.

In a way, he was extremely flattered. And more than anything, he couldn't help but feel very loved, which was probably stupid, those were just drawings. It still touched him a lot though. To have someone look at you and see something worth making art about. He tried containing his smile. No one was there to see it, but he still felt embarrassed of how much he was smiling.

It was getting late, and he needed to sleep. Neil glanced at Todd one last time. It took everything in him not to hug him, that would be weird, but he didn't see any harm on a small kiss on the forehead. He gently stroked Todd's hair as he did it, feeling relieved his roommate was asleep.

"I love you so much" Neil whispered, and went to bed before he could even think too much of what he said.

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Todd woke up in his bed the next day, instead of at his desk. As usual, he simply assumed he had walked to his bed on his own and forgotten about it.

Neil was already up, finishing some work before the class started.

"Good morning" Todd yawned, slowly getting off of bed.

"'Morning" Neil didn't look at him, just kept focused on what he was doing. "Have you slept well?"

"I did, actually. Had a nice dream for once. You?"

"I slept well too"

His answers sounded dry. Todd thought it was weird, but didn't question it. He got up and started getting ready. When he reached out to get his notebook, he noticed it wasn’t on his bed anymore. Instantly distressed, he began looking for it, taking off the sheets from his bed, then looking under it.

"What are you looking for?"

"My notebook! I could swear I had left it here!"

"What does it look like?" Neil looked around too, checking on the desk. "Is it this one?"

Todd's eyes widened and he quickly took the book back from his hands.

"Is that like a diary or something?" Neil asked, taken aback by how nervous Todd had gotten.

"Yeah, kind of" He threw the notebook in his bag and closed it. "You didn't open it or anything, right?"

There was a slight hesitation, or maybe Todd just imagined it. "No, I didn't. Don't worry"

"Good. Thanks." He sighed in relief, grabbing his bag and giving him a small wave as he left the room, feeling like he had just escaped what could’ve been a very awkward situation.

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It was a few days later, that Neil and Todd were sitting on the grass next to the lake and doing some physics homework. Somehow there was always something to get done. Not that Neil was complaining, it wasn't that bad as long he didn't have to do it alone.

Soon the sun would set and it was starting to get cold. It was a nice feeling, both of them doing their own work and only sometimes asking the other for help to understand the questions, but that was it.

"Hey Todd" Neil was the one to break the comfortable silence.

"Hm?"

"I need to confess something" Todd looked up at him, now feeling slightly anxious as Neil spoke. "I did go through your notebook that day. I apologize for doing that, and for lying."

There was complete silence again, now with a certain tension between them. Todd didn't look at him at first, nor did he say anything for a few seconds.

"I'm gonna jump into this lake" He said embarrassedly.

"Your drawings are very good, by the way" Neil tried to lighten the mood. "You never told me you liked to draw"

Todd put all his stuff in his bag, ready to leave, before Neil grabbed his wrist, lightly, barely holding it.

"If you're embarrassed about the drawings of me, please don't be, they're great and I think it's sweet-"

"Please, stop talking" Todd was blushing deeply, still looking anywhere but Neil's eyes. "I'm not mad at you, but don't go through my stuff"

"I won't, I promise" His hand was still on Todd's wrist, he didn't want to let go. Eventually, Todd sat back down again. "I meant it, I think it's very sweet you drew me"

"It's embarrassing"

"No, it's lovely."

Todd looked at him this time, looking for any sign of a negative reaction, but there wasn't any. Neil looked at him with so much adoration, and Todd could swear he had never felt this appreciated by anyone.

Neil's hand moved down to Todd's hand, hesitantly. Their fingers intertwined as both of them simply kept eye contact, admiring the person in front of them as if they were art. Because they were.

"I should write some more poems for you. To make it even, y'know"

“More?”

“Yes. More.”

Todd smiled warmly.

The sun was now almost set, and it was getting dark. They probably couldn't be seen from too far. Neil took a deep breath, taking courage, and gently put his hand on Todd's face, then leaned in and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"Out of all the artists in the world, you're my favorite" He whispered into his ear.

Todd squeezed Neil's hand lightly, reciprocating the affection. "And you're mine."

And that night, they walked back to their dorm still holding hands, chatting lightly, and generally enjoying the other's presence. For they were both the artists and the muses, and they knew that.

[jentrovert]

Time Marches On

(Richard Cameron X Fem Reader)

Oneshot

Synopsis: After the death of Neil Perry, your brother Knox brings you to one last poet’s meeting. As a falling out with Richard Cameron ensues, you seem to be the only one capable of seeing his side of things.

Warnings: Talk of suicide, death, grieving, mention of firearms, arguing, swearing, minor violence, a kiss, angst with a semi-happy ending.

｡ﾟ •┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡ *

Author’s Note: Based on the movie Dead Poets Society, but obviously a bit different. Reader is about a year younger than Knox, and is referred to by she/her pronouns. It’s difficult to be neutral for every appearance and capability, but I do try to be pretty general. Let me know if you see anything to the contrary. Thanks, guys. X

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Neil was gone. It was easy to say, impossible to process. On paper, he was dead; mentally, it just wasn’t true. He was still around, you’d see him tomorrow, or maybe over spring break when he and your brother would dare each other to go swimming in the frigid water. Everything was fine; everything was normal. Until it finally got quiet, the night you sat in the dining room after his funeral, shivering under a blanket by the radiator. Everyone had excused themselves to their own rooms for the night. Even watching your older brother sob, which you seldom witnessed, you managed to keep it together. Only once the silence crept in, engulfing the room and everything around you, screaming in your ears to be heard, did you finally crack.

 

First it was one tear, then three, and then before you knew it, you were a broken mess on the floor. The winter cold seeped through the old walls of your childhood home, bitter and unforgiving of your circumstances. A cruel reminder that the world wouldn’t stop after this, on the contrary, it would keep hurling at you just as harshly as it had before.

 

You hadn’t been the closest friend of Neil Perry, but he’d known your brother for years and had become something of an honorary brother by that point. It was easy to picture their group of poets, affectionately called “dorks” by you, all joking and picking at one another as they always did, huddled up in their quaint little cave that you’d been invited to on a handful of occasions. They were happy and smiling, filled with admiration for each other as they read off their newest theatrical composition. They were poems that bestowed hope to each boy, giving them the promise of an eventful, passionate future. You hadn’t admitted it at the time, not in front of your brother, but it gave you hope as well.

 

“Why?”

It repeated itself on a frustrating loop in your mind.

 

Didn’t Neil love his friends? Weren’t they worth living for? Didn’t he know how dreadfully you’d all miss the boy?

 

You were aware of how selfish those questions sounded out loud. It wasn’t about any of you; you knew that. And part of you wanted to wring Thomas Perry for the way he treated his own son. He’d failed him in every way a parent could. You wanted to blame everyone that ever wronged your brother’s friend, but deep down, you knew the thing that had pushed Neil toward the decision he made was bigger than all of you. You didn’t know if you felt more helpless wondering what you could have done to save him or by considering that there was nothing anybody could have done at all. A small part of you wanted to feel angry with Neil, angry at the state he’d left you all in, but you knew that was just as ridiculous, too.

 

It was incomprehensible. He looked so great in that play the night he died, and so excited to do what he loved. You were all so proud of him. You would’ve hugged him so much tighter if you’d known it was the final time.

 

The struggle of trying to keep quiet in the late night made you cry even harder. You considered each of Neil’s schoolmates, how they were probably doing the exact same thing you were, and how they definitely had more of a right to cry than you did.

The image of Neil with a gun in his hand continued to claw and tear its way into your brain regardless of how much you struggled to shove it away. You didn’t want to see it; you just wanted him to put it down. You wanted it so bad that you started mumbling it aloud. You begged God, you begged the universe, you pleaded with anything that would listen, but no one answered, and you knew no one ever would.

 

Before you realized it, you were fast asleep on the linoleum, and unbeknownst to you, Knox had placed a pillow by your head and two extra blankets over your body whilst you slept, unsure if he should disturb your slumber or not. In the early morning hours, you found what your brother had done and immediately knew the culprit. There was no doubt it your mind Knox hadn’t slept at all that night.

You smiled faintly into your pillow, grateful that your brother always made the effort to care for you, even in his own strife. Sure, you made fun of him constantly, but you loved him a lot, and you did miss him when he was away at boarding school. You loved his friends, too. You wanted nothing more than to take all of their grief away and make everything better, but it didn’t work like that. You were powerless in the situation.

Not long after that, you learned that Knox’s friend Charlie Dalton had also gotten expelled from the school they attended. You were shocked, to say the least. It was the last thing those boys needed to lose another friend. When probed, your brother informed you that Charlie had actually attacked one of their other friends, Cameron. Apparently it had something to do with a lie Cameron told, and it had really crossed the rest of them. Now, you knew Cameron, and you knew Charlie. You also knew that they liked to bicker back and forth, mainly because their personalities differed so significantly, but nothing too major. Charlie was an avid rule-breaker, and Cameron was terrified to stray away from the straight line he always walked.

 

“Hey, (Y/n)?” Came your brother’s voice, along with a weak knock on your open bedroom door.

 

You looked up at him in acknowledgment, turning away from the blank schoolwork in front of you.

 

He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. “We’re having our last poet meeting with Charlie.”

 

You blinked at him, fighting the painful lump that formed in your throat. “Oh” was all you managed to croak.

 

“If you’d like to come with me…”

 

With a shaky breath, you nodded, standing from your desk. “Let me get my coat.”

 

There was a heavy weight on your shoulders as you trudged through mounds of snow. The turns were familiar; the same branches snapped under your feet. It was equal parts haunting and comforting to see the cave coming into view. Once inside, you weaved around rocks to find your usual spot. You offered firm hugs and empathetic smiles to each of the boys who’d already arrived, taking extra time for Todd, who sat off to the side. You hadn’t known Todd for long, as it was his first year at Welton, but strangely enough, he actually seemed to have gained some confidence since the last time you met. You’d honestly expected the opposite, given how close he was to Neil, but you were proud of him nonetheless. You were proud of them all, and you let them know such.

 

Everyone mingled half-heartedly with one another, doing their best to raise the spirits a bit. You finally managed to question one of them about their English teacher, whom you hadn’t known as well as they did, but knew their dead poet society was founded by his encouragement. Just as Pitts was about to answer, Charlie came strolling into the cave, and everyone turned their attention to him.

 

“Alright, we’re all here, I guess,” He stated, barely loud enough to hear, keeping his hands stuffed in his trench coat pockets as he scowled at the floor.

You could tell Knox wanted to say something to the boy, as this had been Neil’s best friend, but he didn’t. Charlie looked bitter, scorned. He didn’t bother with greetings or formality as he took a seat on a rock near the entrance.

 

Knitting your brows, you peered around at each of them, then back to Charlie.

 

“What about… Cameron?”

 

“What about him?” He barked, gawking at you like you had grown two heads.

 

You hummed in thought, caught between not wanting to overstep and also wanting to speak your mind.

 

“Listen, Charlie,” You started carefully, gripping at your jacket hem, “I know that you’re angry-“

 

“Angry?” He cut you off. “Angry? That lying bastard wasn’t invited, (Y/n).”

 

“Yeah, I gathered that,” You quipped.

 

“Then what are you so confused about?”

 

It was almost comical the way the rest of the boys’ heads went back and forth between you as you squabbled. Your brother attempted to interject, but you dismissed him.

 

“I know he messed up, Charlie-”

 

“He didn't 'mess up’… He got our only role model, the only support we had, thrown out! As if we weren’t grieving enough!” Charlie gestured to the people around the room.

 

Your jaw clenched. “Stop interrupting me. I know what you think happened, but Cameron is grieving too.”

 

You’d known Charlie for a long time. The two of you butted heads in the past over trivial things, as he had a habit of deliberately trying to work your nerves, but it was never like this. Emotions were at an all-time high; that part was clear.

 

“Think? (Y/n), you weren’t even there; I know what happened!” His volume grew with each word he spoke, hair falling over his eyes.

 

You could feel heat rising in you from anger, a stark contrast to the freezing air around you. “Charlie, Cameron is a teenager who freaked out and made a bad decision. I really think you’re all dog piling him.”

 

“He got me expelled!” Charlie’s face turned a deep shade of red as he shouted, each syllable emphasized by the fog of his breath and an echo off the cave walls.

 

“Are you joking?" You jutted a finger at him. "You got yourself kicked out!”

 

Charlie looked fiercely taken aback for a moment, but quickly snapped out of it. “Are you saying we shouldn't be pissed off at him for what he did to us? What he did to Keating?”

 

“I didn’t say your anger wasn’t justified, but for God’s sake, nobody put puppet strings on you and forced you to hit Cameron! I’m sorry you have to leave Welton, but that was dumb as hell, Charlie. Don’t you realize that all of you and Keating might’ve gotten kicked out if Cameron hadn’t blamed him?”

 

The rest of the group exchanged looks, completely at a loss. None appeared to handle this kind of confrontation well.

 

Charlie’s feet were heavy as he stood, his voice much lower but still venomous. “Why the hell are you defending him like this? Are you two shagging or something?”

 

You took a sharp inhale at the accusation, gaping at the male in front of you. You glanced over at the other poets, whose cheeks were collectively warm with embarrassment.

 

“Are you kidding me, Dalton? Look, just because you can’t do anything remotely nice for the opposite sex without getting something out of it, doesn’t mean the rest of us function that way,” You snapped.

 

“You know what?” He scoffed. “You weren’t even part of this group, you were just a tag-a-long for your goddamn brother.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Guys, please!” Your brother shouted, looking so distressed he might cry.

 

Charlie was unfazed, and turned to lean against a rock.

 

“She and her boyfriend started it,” He shrugged, cold as the Vermont frost outside.

 

You knew this wasn’t Charlie. He was hurt, mourning the gaping hole now present in his heart. He wasn’t angry at you, not even Cameron for the most part; he was angry that Neil had been taken from them; he was angry at the world. Even so, it still stung.

 

“You know, Charles,” You muttered, starting toward the exit. “You can point fingers in every direction you want, but it won’t change a damn thing about what happened.”

 

Knox tried to grab your arm, but you shook him away, pivoting to face Charlie one more time. “Have fun at your new school.”

 

With that, you briskly made your way back toward Welton, listening to the arguing between Knox and Charlie fade behind you. You hated what death could bring out in people. On one hand, you understood their anger toward Cameron, but on the other hand, you knew there was more to the story than that. Cameron was devastated just like they were, and now completely iced out by the people he had left.

You knew how much all the boys looked up to Charlie, and due to his discrepancies with Cameron, you were aware of how the rest of the group tended to treat him. Their loyalty lied with Charlie, no matter what. Even Knox would roll his eyes and get annoyed with the youngest boy, but you understood Cameron better than that. He was a kid who’d been conditioned to do everything by the book, to never oppose an authority figure, and to fear all the adults around him at all times. It was something the rest of them usually couldn’t comprehend.

You chose to take Charlie’s words with a grain of salt. Eventually you would reconcile. Though he was partially right, however; you weren’t an official part of their society; you didn’t even attend Welton. He also wasn’t wrong about your infatuation with Richard Cameron. You were closer in age, and you actually got along quite well. You were the only one capable of persuading him to sneak out on nights he was being particularly stubborn. Meeks had teased that “Of course a pretty girl is what convinces Cameron to break the rules,” which made everyone but him erupt into laughter. You’d spent most poetry meetings exchanging fleeting glances and casual touches, ones that went undetected by the rest of the group. It was something that never really got the opportunity for discussion.

 

You were so lost in thought you almost didn’t notice the solemn redhead sitting on Welton Academy’s front stoop. Just as you reached the parking lot, you saw him from your peripheral; his head hung low as he absentmindedly fidgeted with something in his hands. After taking a second to look back in the direction you’d come, you ultimately decided to approach him. You weren’t sure if he even wanted to talk, but you were certainly itching to. Once he caught sight of you, he rose from his spot, expression a mix of relief and guilt. He was happy to see you, you could tell that much, but it was obvious he also feared what you might be getting ready to say to him.

 

As you opened your mouth to greet the boy, the next step you took was immediately met with a patch of ice that caused you to tumble forward. You shrieked in surprise, arms flying forward to brace your body for impact. However, Cameron was quick to catch you. He grunted at the initial collision but was graceful at steadying you back on your feet, only after holding you in place for a brief moment.

 

“You okay?” He murmured, gazing at you with eyes that seemed heavy and tired—the kind of tired people your age shouldn’t know.

 

“Yes- Yes, I’m fine; thank you, Cameron,” You stammered, trying and failing to collect yourself under his watchfulness.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

You nodded shyly. “I appreciate it. I would’ve eaten that concrete if it weren’t for you.”

 

He chuckled under his breath, managing a small smile. That’s when you noticed the purple ring around one of his otherwise bright emerald eyes.

 

“Cameron!” You gasped, taking his face in your hands, which caught him off guard. “Oh… Your poor eye.”

 

His face was already flushed from the cold, but it spread as you inspected him closely from different angles. You grimaced at the injury, shooting him a sympathetic look that made him shake his head at you.

 

“It’s fine, (Y/n). I deserved it.”

 

You released your grip with a huff. “That’s not true.”

 

He looked at you as if that were the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “Yes, it is. I'm sure you know what I did.”

 

The shame in his voice made your shoulders drop, and you placed a hand on the boy’s forearm.

 

“Cameron…”

 

“Neil was the one who took me in, introduced me to everyone.” He studied the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “And I… I got his best friend kicked out. I got his favorite teacher fired. I made all his friends miserable. That's what I did for him in return."

 

You examined him for a moment—the way his lip quivered as he wrestled with the urge to cry. He looked away, hiding his face.

“I wrote a poem for him.”

You looked down at the folded piece of paper in his hand. “Cam-”

 

“I don’t know why I did it, (Y/n). I don’t. I loved Mr. Keating. I thought that’s what I was supposed to say. The way they spoke to me… I didn’t want to let anyone down; I panicked. I didn’t want us all to get expelled or something- Mr. Nolan, he- I didn’t want to…”

 

You could tell by the way his voice was cracking that he’d begun to cry, and you ran your thumb over his arm to try and comfort him. It was disturbing to see so many people in your life crumbling like that, and even more so knowing there was nothing you could do about it. You couldn’t stand it anymore, and drew him in for a tight embrace.

 

“Cameron…” You spoke softly. “Nolan manipulated you. He's an asshole. He needed someone to blame besides himself, and he wanted it to be John Keating. So he picked out the one student he knew was under his thumb and fed you what to say. A vulnerable kid he knew would fold at the thought of disappointing him. He’s the bad guy in all this, not you. Him and Tom Perry. It was never you.”

 

Cameron looked up at you with glassy eyes as you pulled away. You couldn’t tell if he believed what you were saying or not. He didn't respond one way or the other.

 

“Why are you still here?” You wondered suddenly. It dawned on you that most of Welton's students had left for the holiday already.

 

Cameron’s eyes drifted downward again, his voice almost a whisper. “I asked my mother if I could go back and visit after Neil…” He didn’t finish the sentence. “She told me that she and my father didn’t pay tuition just so I could leave all the time.”

 

“That’s all she said to you?”

You were perplexed.

 

“They just want me to be good and focus on school,” He added, almost as if it were normal.

 

“Oh, Cam,” You nearly broke down crying yourself.

 

None of these boys deserved to be treated this way, not at all.

 

Your fingers trailed up to his chin and lightly directed him to face you. A single tear spilled over his lashes, which he hurried to wipe away.

 

“I shouldn’t have told on Charlie. I screwed up. I screwed up badly.”

 

You contemplated how a mother could hear her young son under such duress and not rush to his aid. It was the least they could do to comfort their own child, who now had no one to turn to. For a split second, you worried if Cameron would ever have the same thoughts that Neil did, and the idea terrified you.

 

“I want you to understand you’re worth so much more than that mistake. Even after everything, I bet Keating still believes in you. In fact, I know he does. And if Neil were here-” You took a breath. “He wouldn’t hold it against you for long. I'm confident in that.”

 

Cameron offered a fragile, half-cocked smile.

 

“They’ll forgive you one day,” You continued. “I know how bad it feels right now, but you need each other. And once you’re done with this school, you’ll go on and do amazing things, because you’re too smart not to.”

 

Neither of you realized the way you gradually began to lean in closer as you spoke.

 

“You’ll grow up, become even more handsome, then probably have a family or run a business, and never have to think about some of these people again.”

 

“You really think that?” He uttered, trying not to sound as desperate as he was.

 

You were close enough then to run a hand through his ginger strands of hair, your other hand finding purchase on the back of his neck. It wasn’t clear whether you were feeling bold or just emotionally vulnerable, but it seemed to surprise you both equally. You’d been way too nervous to try anything like it previously, but now you understood how short life truly was, and you weren’t going to waste any more of it.

 

“(Y/n),” He hesitated, looking worried. “You should probably go. I really don’t deserve…”

 

“Yes, you do.”

"But... Why?"

You beamed at him with the most playfulness you’d mustered up in days. “Carpe Diem?”

 

After staring at you shortly, he reciprocated the sentiment, and gently pressed his lips to yours. His hands found the most respectful place they could on your waist, although a bit shaky and unsure. The feeling was foreign and somewhat awkward at first, but you wouldn’t have changed it. It was a soft and simple kiss, one that gave you butterflies. The moment didn’t last very long, but it was plenty for the time being.

 

When you finally pulled back, Cameron looked like a deer in headlights, to which you couldn’t help but giggle. You marveled at the pattern of freckles dotting his scarlet cheeks, unconsciously reaching to brush your fingertips over them. You could feel the dry tears that lingered there. He relaxed under your touch, and with a newfound bravery, he tilted his head and gave the palm of your hand a light peck. You savored each other’s company, content to stand out in the elements as long as you could hold onto that comfort for a moment. It was all the validation you needed.

 

“Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe not even a year from now, but everything is going to be alright. I promise.” You leaned and gently took the paper from Cameron’s grasp. “Now let’s go read this for Neil.”

 

And he trusted every word you said.

 

Knox was going to avoid telling Charlie what he’d accidentally stumbled upon when he went to check on you. As much as he wanted to murder Cameron for everything—that now involved moving in on his little sister—it was an issue that could wait for another day, he decided.

[mauvefayette6]

Hello !! First I hope you’re doing okay and you’re having a wonderful day ! I wanted know if it’s possible to request a oneshot with Neil Perry ! Like their first big argument and good old angst about him forgetting a date to go hang out with his friends or whatever you want 🤭!! but with happy ending because I love him way too much !! Thank youuu and have a wonderful day again !

Promises [ Neil Perry x fem!Reader ]

You waited, dressed and ready to go. Neil promised, he said he would be there by 9 pm so that you could make it to your reservation. It’s 10:30pm now with no sight of him. You decided to call his number again to see if he would answer.

The person you’re trying to reach isn’t available, to leave a voicemail wait for the beep. Beep…

“Hey Neil, it’s (Y/n) again. Just wondering when you’ll be back? Return my calls when you’re able to…” You whispered the last part before hanging up. You turned your phone off, your heart sinking as tears began to form in your eyes.

Neil wasn’t the type to just forget about you or a date or a commitment just in general. What if he was kidnapped? Mugged? Robbed? Shot? So many thoughts ran through your mind. You began to hyperventilate, you got up and began to pace around your apartments kitchen.

“Please answer,” you mumbled looking at your phone.

12am rolled around and you decided to call again. Maybe he was caught up at work and his boss was being an ass.

“Hello?” Finally, Neil answered.

“Hey, where have you been?” You mumbled. You felt your body relax at the sound of his voice.

“I’m hanging with Charlie. He thought it would be a great idea to come to the bar for a couple of drinks. Why?” He asked. The feeling of worry vanished and was replaced with disappointment and anger.

“Goodnight.” Was all you mustered up. You hung up and walked to your bedroom.

A bar? Drinks? Charlie Dalton? You weren’t mad about the date. It could have always been rescheduled. You weren’t the kind to stop Neil from hanging with his friends. But, to miss all your calls? To ignore you to drink with his friends? All he had to do was call you and ask to change the date! You didn’t care!

You undressed yourself and put on your nightgown. You took your make up off and did your face routine. You did it all with furry. Your heart was racing and your hands were shaking. Tears in your eyes you laid in bed. You checked your phone to see no new messages. You scoffed and fell asleep.

The next morning rolled around as you began to get ready for work. For a brief moment you forgot about it. That’s until you received a phone call from him. You decided to ignore him. You didn’t want to start the day off on the wrong foot. You opened up your door and began walking to work.

The busy streets of Chicago gave you a peaceful vibe. People hated the noise of the city but you loved it. You were from a small town in Virginia and Chicago was such a different vibe from there. You clocked in and turned your phone off. You wanted no distractions, no messages, nothing.

You walked out of work and to your apartment. Walking from the elevator you saw Neil Perry holding a bouquet of roses. You scoffed and walked towards him.

“You weren’t picking up my calls so I decided to see you…” He said but you ignored him. You unlocked the door and slammed it in his face. He knocked on your door but you ignored it.

“Is everything okay?!” He shouted knocking on the door. You grumpily walked to the door and opened it. “I’m going to take that as a no…”

“Yeah Neil, I’m not very happy with you right now,” you scoffed not allowing him inside the apartment.

“What did I do?” He asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Not only did you have me worried but you also ditched me to hang out with your friends,” you explained and the realization dawned on him.

“I thought I was missing something, I swear I’ll make it up to you,” he begged but you shook your head.

“It wasn’t about the date Neil, I don’t care about it. I care that I was here, crying and worried! I thought you were injured, I thought someone had mugged you and left you to die! Do you ever understand how scared I was? I left you hundreds of messages! A ‘I’m fine’ or a ‘I’m out with my friends’ would have been great! But no you decided to not answer me!” You shouted with tears in your eyes. Your voice was shaky, “I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you had died Neil, but you didn’t have a care in the world!”

He stood there, his heart aching.

“I didn’t know… Charlie took my phone and I was out with my friends. You know I haven’t seen them in years.” He said attempting to defend himself.

“This is pointless Neil. I just, I just don’t want to see you right now. I’m angry and disappointed. Your lack of empathy is sickening right now. I want to be alone,” you said slamming the door in his face. You leaned on your door and began to sob. The feelings coming all at once like a wrecking ball. It was like he didn’t understand how it felt to be up all night waiting for someone to answer you.

You woke up the next morning. Luckily for you it was your day off. You laid in bed with your favorite candy and confort show on. Your phone was on your nightstand charging. You sobbed every few seconds. You hated arguing with Neil, growing up your parents were verbally abusive towards each other. Arguing and yelling was the thing you always tried to not do.

You heard a knock on the door. Maybe you could pretend not to be home.

“I know your home,” you heard from the other side. Neil. You sighed and got up. You walked to the door and opened it.

“Before you start talking hear me out, please.” He said and you sighed. “I realize how big of an asshole move that was. I didn’t want to worry you or ditch you or cause you any harm. I had a rough day at work and well I need to blow out some steam and Charlie offered to take me to a bar and grab some drinks while the guys were in town. I forgot about our plans and while I was going to check my phone Charlie took it out of my hands. I didn’t purposely ignore you and the second I got it back I answered you. It wasn’t my intention to ignore you and I will be having a chat with Charlie about not taking my phone. Please forgive me…” He stopped and looked at you. Tears were falling from your eyes as you brought him in for a hug.

“I don’t like arguing with you Neil. I was just so worried yesterday. My mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s. My mind doesn’t go to ‘he is probably still at work’ I instantly think you’re being murdered or something…” You cried, your face nuzzled on his neck as he hugged you tightly.

“I promise it will never ever happen again, I swear it.” He whispered not daring to let you go.

——

A/n: Hey!! I’m going to start doing all requests now just so I can get some stuff out! Requests are temporarily CLOSED!!

[deadpoetfaith]

Im reblogging this after i edited it, i hope for it to gain more attention.

All the words i didnt say (anderperry)

3rd person

Todd was in his dorm room, he was sitting at his desk and playing with the desk set that he had now gotten three years in a row. It had been a few months since Neil’s death and everything that had happened. Todd was even breaking more out of his shell, although he was still very upset and hurt about the death of the boy who had become his best friend, and crush. He had come to terms that he was gone, and sadly not ever coming back. Todd sat at his desk and began to think, but his thoughts were soon lost once he heard a knock at his door.

“Hey, its knox, i got this letter for you” the boy said through the door. Todd got up and opened the door; he smiled softly. Knox handed todd the letter, he then quickly left as he had a date to get ready for with chris. Todd closed the door and looked down at the letter, he sat back down at his desk and opened it. He read the large letters on the envelope out loud “all the words i didnt say”

‘Dear todd, if you are reading this i am gone. I just want you to know that you were the best part of my life, you always made me so happy. From the moment i saw you i automatically fell for you. “Love at first sights for suckers, at least it used to be”. I wish i told you, but i was scared and my father was just controlling my life and i couldnt take it anymore, i know this letter is short but i just need to say this.

*These are all the words i didnt say.*

Todd, i want you to keep being yourself. Dont ever change your self. I know you said you could take care of yourself, so please do, i wish i was there to help.

I love you, Todd.

*Love Neil.’*

Todd finally finished reading the letter, he had started to cry but he was smiling. ‘At least he felt the same’ he thought to himself, yes he did wish neil was still here but he knew neil wanted him to keep on going and be happy, and so thats what he was going to do. He was never going to change himself, he was going to be him and keep on getting a little less shy and breakout of his shell more. He was so thankful to meet Neil, he was the best part of his life and he made him, him. Neil gave todd so many new friends.

It was still so pretty early in the day, so Todd decided to take a walk outside, it was a nice day and there was a small breeze. He found a bench and sat down “its a beautiful day out” he said to himself and smiled in content.

AN: so i wrote this a while ago, i had posted it on my wattpad first. I wanted to share it on tumblr. I know it isnt the best, but i tried. Hope you like it.

[lucyswinter]

masterlist!

(i love this gif because it looks like roo is saying tampon hehe)

smut :❤️‍🔥

fluff : 💗

angst : 💔

unfinished : ❤️‍🩹

*all requests that i receive that i WILL do are confirmed below with the “❤️‍🩹” emoji. if you want to check if im working on your request, look for that!*

jonathan crane

onions tears and caring kisses (💗)

jonathan crane x sick!reader (💗)

jonathan crane baddie gf hcs (💗)

untitled jonathan crane oneshot (❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥)

cillian murphy

ocean blue eyes (💗)

cilly comforting you after a nightmare (💗)

spencer reid

spencer reid crush hcs (💗)

snow day (💗)

aaron hotchner

hotch dating hcs (💗)

untitled hotch oneshot (❤️‍🩹)

hotch dating hcs pt 2 (💗)

neil lewis

neil lewis with a girlfriend who likes horror movies (💗)

the sleepover (❤️‍🩹)

robert fischer

untitled robert fischer oneshot (❤️‍🩹)

rust cohle

untitled rust cohle oneshot (❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥)

neil perry

untitled neil perry oneshot (❤️‍🔥)

ian duncan

ian duncan dating hcs (💗)

[dzisnie]

time for more headcanons from anderperry!

• Cameron can't believe they're together

• They are now officially together, but were initially in an unnamed relationship

• Charlie is their relationship's biggest shipper (he did a special saxophone song for them)

• Knox finds them cute and always helps them out in arguments

• Todd's parents theoretically know about his boyfriend, but he is not his brother to be interested in

• Neil's parents still don't know and still call Todd "Neil's quiet roommate"

• Neil loves to remind Todd that he is younger

• Todd would like to change his name to Perry someday (yes, he's already planning a wedding)

how about I write a oneshot about them? I once planned a poem, but translated from my native language it could lose its meaning.

[perksofbeingpoet]

can you please be the one that writes a neil perry funeral 🙇🏻‍♀️ (i love how u write 💓 whenever i read your work i can just imagine your words)

... oh i can't wait to do this :))

y'all better prepare with lots of fluffy oneshots, i already know i'll have way too much fun with this-

d'you want anderperry to have happened beforehand?

(thank you so so much? this means a lot to me, i'm so so happy i can reach people with the way i write 💗 LOVE YOU SO MUCH)

will write this after i've finished my current oneshot! <33

[phynoma]

Oh hi!

I'm Phyn! I write things. I'm not going to get into a bunch of identity stuff, but I'm queer, I'm an adult, and I like writing queer adult stuff. Mostly horror (see: queer) and absurdity (see: the world)

I have degrees in english, theology, and more theology, which just means I have a bunch of experience doing critical thinking and analysis of storytelling, and enough imposter syndrome that I don't know how to put that on a resume.

FANDOMS!

If you're already following me it's probably for Pillars of Eternity, TMA, or LOTR/Silmarillion. I cycle through hyperfixations every few years. It's still TMA/TMAGP right now. You can find my TMAGP sideblog here, where I just collect art.

Other things I like: Fallen London, everything by Pia Foxhall/not_poignant, re:dracula, SILT VERSES, Rivers of London, Murderbot, Critical Role, Saga, Wicked+Divine, anything by Neil Gaiman, I Am in Eskew, norse myths, egyptian myths, jewish myths, the dragonlance books (don't judge me they were foundational), pretty much everything Mike Flanagan makes, and much much more

WRITING!

I'm on ao3 as Phynoma! What do I write? Well. I write in-depth explorations of characters placed in harrowing situations which draw out the very inmost parts of their vulnerabilities and--

Smut. I write smut, okay?

Almost all of these fics are explicit and PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD mind the tags, I am *very* careful with my tagging for good reason!!!!

HERE YA GO, YA FILTHY ANIMALS!

The Magnus Archives:

I mentioned this is my current fixation, right?

an extant form of life: pollen fic! You could say, maybe, that the Consuming AU uses pollen tropes, but I'm counting this as my first-ever pollen fic. Jon/Tim, Jon/Martin, maybe Jon/Tim/Martin, we'll see if Sasha gets thrown in there. Ongoing.

Hey, Jude: A hurt/comfort fic about what happened after Jon shook Jude Perry's hand. Jon & Georgie & the kindness of strangers (not those strangers) Oneshot.

The Consuming AU: My pride and joy. My baby. I started this halfway through listening to TMA the first time and finished the original fic in about two months in time for the Rusty Quill Big Bang of 2023. Canon is basically the same, with the addition of "what if there was a Entity of Hunger, (fear of) Intimacy, and Codependence?" Also Jon is turning into a succubus. Main fic is complete at a little over 100k words. Sometimes I add one-shots to the series.

~Incredible bookbinding done by @bluejayblueskies HERE ~Art of human-looking Rhia (by me) HERE and commission of eldritch angel Rhia by @isbergillustration HERE ~Commission of Naadia by @dcartcorner HERE

Kittens & Kink AU: Fluffy Somewhere Else one-shots. Cat play. Mostly nonsexual kink. Oliver/Jon/Martin. Ongoing, until I get bored of it, basically.

Pillars of Eternity:

The In-Between Series: A series of fics following the relationship of Watcher Mirad and Aloth Corfiser, ten years or so after the events of Deadfire. The world of Eora is ripe for a new cataclysm, and these two elves are trying to finally have the relationship they've been dancing around for two decades. Ongoing, on hiatus as my hyperfixation is elsewhere. I do plan to finish it, though.

Moments: same universe and characters as above, focusing more on events that happen in canon-- ie, during gameplay. Complete.

Faetales:

Mat & Kal: Fae AU: You know how sometimes you keep writing characters and put them through a blender so many times that they just become something completely new? That's this AU. Mateo and Makalo are two ancient fae beings trapped in the human world during the events of The Ice Plague (by not_poignant) who become bound by each others' lives and deaths. They hate each other, they love each other, they're in weird psychosexual sadistic codependency with each other. They're a cat-person and a snake-person. I'm not a furry but I like some of their ideas, okay? Series complete.

See commissioned art of Mat & Kal by @shojoshark HERE

The Silmarillion:

Mistakes Were Made: Imma be real, this is just straight up torture porn. Sauron is punished by Morgoth after the loss of the Silmaril to Beren & Luthien. Basically, I was annoyed by all the fluffy Angbang fics I was reading and wanted to depict them in all their horrifying, codependent glory. Complete.

Cost of Surrender: I read a really good fic about what it took for Mairon to grovel/debase himself to Eonwe to gain his freedom and I took it a bit further. Complete.

Good Omens:

the beautiful and the fitting: pretty sure the title of this is a quote from St. Augustine, too. I almost didn't include this one because I don't even remember what it's about. Fluffy sex times with nonsexual beings, I think. I started writing it because Good Omens is one of my favorite books, but tbh the fandom for the show exhausts me and I don't know if I'll come back to this. Abandoned, probably.

[churrosbitxh]

If you believe

Mr. Perry drags Neil out of the theater after the play.

What if Neil didn't get in the car?

What if Todd spoke up?

A short oneshot light anderperry draft I wrote a while back, completely forgot about it until I found it in the draft box just days before it got completely erased haha.. I was kinda fixated on the thought of the 'what if', like what if Neil fought back, what if Todd stood up for Neil, what if Mr Perry died- (last one is a joke.. maybe) and so on, and this is a bit of that. I don't think it is a happy ending, but it's an open one for everyone to think of their own ending.

Once again, thank you if you read it, feedbacks and comments are always open!