#neglect mention /

[starful-emporium]

thank you fhjy acknowledging neglect by lack of teaching. too often we make fun of ppl (esp college students) for not knowing basic self and home care, but some people weren't taught.

there's a lot going on with Fabian and his family but I'm so glad we're bringing up this problem. should an 18 year old know how to make breakfast and do laundry? yes. but it's not his fault his parents neglected to teach him and then left and took all his resources.

[insanelyadd]

Some Collector Character Analysis

Annoyed by people who say that the Collector's personality changed "for no reason" or who say they preferred him from season 2. Like. There is a reason he changed. He was being abused, manipulated, lied to, for 350+ years. Before that it's implied they were, at the very least, neglected by their family. I don't like when people say they preferred how he acted in season two because he was "actually threatening" or "interesting" or whatever because as someone who knows enough about this kind of thing (and that's all you're getting from me), when I see the Collector in season 2, I see a child who is reacting to their environment.

He was never evil, he was in pain and trying to conform to what he thought was expected of him by the adult that was "taking care" of him, that he thought he was friends with.

People talk about fight or flight, when there's actually three other responses, freeze, friend/fawn, and flop. I propose that the Collector's response is fawn, which is described as

"The fawn response may show up as people-pleasing, even to your detriment. You may use compliance and helpfulness to avoid abuse; you disregard your happiness and well-being no matter how poorly someone treats you. This trauma response is often used to diffuse conflict and return to a feeling of safety."

As another layer to this, I was talking to my therapist about the Collector and I asked her how a child who is very neglected might act, since I HC the Archivists were neglectful to them and also they were trapped in solitary confinement for like 2000 years minimum. And she told me "Well they would have attachment issues" either in that they cannot attach to people at all or they are instantly very attached to people. And I think it's the second one, because we see multiple times that the Collector is immediately trusting of people when he meets them. They didn't like Luz but as soon as they think they have the opportunity to befriend her, they immediately become attached. And obviously there was him trying to befriend Belos even after everything he's done to EVERYONE including them.

So I think it's super believable that they immediately attached to Belos, believing everything he was told, and trying very hard to appease and appeal to him, adopting a persona of cruelty, even if they didn't like it. He was doing it to survive, he was doing it because he was desperate for some form of love or approval.

So when we see him in season 3, the reason he's behaving differently could be multiple things:

They are now attached to King and are trying to behave more like King to appease him because that's how he lived for multiple centuries

He never was genuinely evil or malicious, at least not to the extent that he played that part in season 2, though he potentially had some more callous tendencies due to the circumstances of his family and culture

He is no longer being actively abused and the less stressful environment has drastically improved his mood and mental health

I'm willing to bet it might even be all three at once. When you're in pain you are not your best self, pain makes you behave irrationally, angrily, cruelly, especially when the pain never seems to stop, and it's even worse when you're a child and might not even recognize what's happening to you. Belos being gone, and being around King, who is also a good kid with some occasional Mal-intent, "changed" their personality because they weren't conforming themself to play the stressful role of evil side-kick in an act of self-preservation.

So anyways the Collector is cool and I love them and want to adopt them and get him some therapy.

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I think we should normalize active parenting. Like we have plenty of examples of neglectful parents, we should get some of active parents. Also, to all the parents already doing the stuff below, great work.

I don't have kids, but I was a kid, and I think these are things parents should know.

If your child comes to you with a concern, no matter how insignificant or stupid you personally find it, take them seriously. It is important to them, even if it isn't important to you. Also, they wouldn't bring it up to you unless they thought it was important. Taking your children's "smaller" concerns seriously will make it far more likely they will come to you with the biger ones. Also, if it's a problem you can't solve, there is no shame in getting outside help, even if it means "exposing" the fact things aren't perfect. You cannot solve every single one of your child's problems alone. And you should help them solve problems, so you aren't solving everything for them. They do need to learn how to solve things on their own, like fights with siblings, or schoolwork. WITHIN REASON. If your child brings up to you that one of their siblings is depressed, or is struggling with something else like that (I.e. an eating disorder or self harm, or other mental illnesses), or otherwise heavy concerns, IT SHOULD NOT BE THE CHILDS RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX IT AND HELP THE SIBLING. YOU ARE THE ADULT. NOT THEM.

No child should EVER have to be the one dealing with these things because you don't think they're important, and you want to ignore them. Just because it's common that most siblings have to be a third parent doesn't mean it should be. Sweeping it under the rug is easy, but you SHOULD NOT make your child deal with it because they knew you didn't care.

Children and teens will match your energy. If you don't care about what they say the chances of them talking to you, and/listening to you decrease dramaticlly.

Also. The same goes for when they're excited about something. Positive reinforcment will make them far more likely to succeed becasue they know you'll care. They figured out how to tie their shoes? AMAZING. They drew a really really crappy stickfigure drawing of a person petting a cat? Tell them what you like about it, (colors, bold lines, etc) and maybe sandwich in a suggestion for how they could make it better.

Further, If your child is upset about something, don't belittle them because you don't think they should be upset about it. at that point you're past they shouldn't be upset about it, they ARE upset about it. Also, this moment, right now, for them is the hardest they have ever lived. Just because they're not an adult and they're not struggling with the same things as you, doesn't make their struggles any less valid. It might not seem like it because you know that not getting an A in math is not the same level as not being able to pay rent, but it's on that level for them. Just because it's "kid" struggles, doesn't mean it's not a struggle. They deserve to have their feelings validated just as much as you do, even though it's not an adult problem. Stuff is really really really hard as a kid because you don't have the skills to cope with things and you're experiencing a lot of things for the first time in high dosages, and it's hard.

Do with this what you will, but I wish my parents had done ANY of this when I was growing up.

[sayakxmi]

Me: I don't really care about GamTav

Also me: Gamzee and Tavros have exactly one (1) conversation divided in half, and truth be told we only know that Gamzee has a crush on Tavros, literally asking him out in said conversation, and making out with Tavros' corpse later. We don't really know what Tavros answer was, though given we don't see them interact ever again, and Tavros never mentions anything in general, it's probably safe to assume Gamzee got turned down. That being said, it's also quite possible the reason why we don't see them interact is Vriska's tendency to isolate Tavros from others.

Still, ignoring all of that, their singular conversation is actually quite good at showing what their relationship is like, and why they had developed (Gamzee) or could eventually develop (Tavros) feelings for each other. Gamzee especially. It's very notable that pretty much everybody Gamzee knows treats him poorly (understatement), even those that very genuinely care about him a lot, like Karkat. Tavros appears to be the only person that we see Gamzee interact with, who doesn't do that. He doesn't make fun of Gamzee or his religion, and in general he seems to take him seriously, though he's also a bit confused. Their interaction is a bit cringey, to be honest, but in a way it's also quite endearing. Tavros is the only person who's nice to Gamzee, something that he's likely to value a lot, given the way everybody else speaks to him and the fact that he's a victim of neglect. It's actually no wonder Gamzee developed red feelings for the first person to treat him like a normal troll rather than a pest. Tavros doesn't expect anything from Gamzee save for his company.

On the other hand, while Tavros' feelings in that regard remain unknown, he does seem to be somewhat comfortable with Gamzee, actually sharing how he feels about his disability, albeit through slam poetry, and while Gamzee doesn't seem to fully register the pretty depressive tone it takes, the fact remains that Tavros is actually willing to open up about it. Gamzee also doesn't give him any pity treatment nor does he try to make Tavros feel like he's in any part guilty of what's happened, be it for playing games for girls or in general for being disabled. Granted, it still connects to the fact that Gamzee doesn't seem to fully register what Tavros' saying as as concerning as it is, but in that case it must be actually a nice and refreshing thing for Tavros, being allowed to simply vent with zero judgment, hell, being encouraged to keep doing that. Gamzee ends up giving him a healthy outlet for all these pent up emotions. All of this leads me to believe that given enough time and care, he could eventually develop feelings for Gamzee as well, and that could result in a somewhat unexpectedly wholesome and mutually fulfilling relationship between two kids that desperately deserved some love and kindness in their lives.

[juggalogojackerbox]

A heartfelt happy birthday for a very special lifelong friend of mine

[obsidiancreates]

God I also hate Madeline so much. I hate her! She abandoned her fucking son!!! She told him to his face that she thought before he finished highschool was the best time to ABANDON HIM WITH MINIMAL CONTACT WITH HIS OBSESSIVELY CONTROLLING FATHER AND TOLD HIM THAT SHE FIGURED IF ANYONE COULD HANDLE THE MESSY DIVORCE AND ABANDONMENT IT'D BE HIM AND THEN TOLD HER CLEARLY EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED AND TRAUMATIZED BY HIS UPBRINGING SON THAT IT WAS THE BEST DECISION SHE EVER MADE

I HATE HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SHE DIDN'T DESERVE TO GET SAVED AT THE END OF AN EVENING WITH MR. YANG

[crippled-peeper]

Hello, I apologize if this is a question you have answered before or just a dumb question, but I am curious. I think I have understood that before having to have spinal surgery and getting the metal vertebrae, you were pretty much without pain. Was the surgery something you didn’t have a choice in, or to treat some kind of underlying issue? It seems like you are in so much pain all the time and I guess I am just nosy and curious about what led to that

I had my fusion done to correct some pretty terrible scoliosis I had that was never properly treated, my parents were extremely medically neglectful and so by the time I got help, it was too late for a hard brace

here’s a picture of what it looked like when I was about 14. the curvature actually progressed about 15° more to a 70° curve on the upper curve and around 35° on the lower when I finally had my fusion done a few years later

the fusion was done for multiple reasons, pain was one of them (but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it got 10 years after the fusion) and function being another. there was a concern the curve would keep progressing or something and cosmetics was probably a factor as well

nowadays thankfully we have better surgical technology and more options besides a solid fusion. my disc replacement is a good example of this

it restored function and didn’t limit my mobility as much as the fusion did (I can still turn my head side to side). I’m not sure how long it will last at this rate but I’m glad I was able to get it. I had it done in mid 2022

[cobwebbed-crow]

Shout-out to disabled people who don't don't know how much support they require.

Shout-out to the neglected who had to figure out how to do everything on their own, who were never offered any help.

Shout-out to disabled people whose lives would be improved significantly by having caregivers or an acc device or a mobility aid but for whom that's not an option.

Shout out to those who struggle to recognize the difference between a want and a need.

Shout out to those who struggle to understand and recognize thier own limitations.

Shout-out to those who have been forced to scrape by alone, regardless of how much support is technically "required."

I see you.

[mothwiingz]

agent rosalin!!!

from an AU where jericho actually manages to get her out of legion territory after she gets hurt. no 13 years of neglect and longing, no emotionally abusive dad fucking her up mentally, none of that. agent rosalin is bold and confident, with the same burning determination to bring peace to the world as regular rosalin, but without the debilitating anxiety.

they manage to fix her paw mostly, so this rosalin has a mostly normal looking paw, aside from having lots of old scars from many many surgeries. she has a pretty bad limp, and walking without her cane hurts her paw, as it wasn’t able to heal 100% perfectly.

as she got older, she learned about just how horrible the legion was, and how different her life could have been if they weren’t able to break her out. she’s disgusted at the thought of thousands of monkeys being forced to assist the bloons, like she almost was. so she joins COBRA as jericho’s apprentice, trying her best to help out where she can, until she’s old enough to fight.

she is like. a Completely different monkey from normal rosalin. just goes to show how much growing up in the legion, being forgotten and nearly left to die, and being treated as worthless all her life, impacted her.

[asmolllurker]

small Vent, IG

“Hey, 🟦🟦🟦🟦? Why haven’t you been active in [insert chat/conversation/ect here]?”

probably becuse I feel like I’m not wanted, and the lack of people seeking me out is validating my insecurities, bed thoughts, ECT!

I tend to shut myself out of things, becuse I’m used to staying out of them

becuse I’m used to having people be upset when I join

Becuse I’m used to being ignored, acted hostile towards, etc

I’m used to not being wanted, so my first instinct when something (like an argument, scolding, or a comment that puts down a common joke I make to show affection) happens, my reaction is

I’m bad

I’m not a good person for this place

they don’t want me here

They would be better without me around to make things worse

so I back out

But, if I do back off - if I’m inactive, you can bet that since all my stuff is connected to my email that I’m checking it religiously

essentially, if I’m sad and thinking I’m not welcome;

spam me if you want me

the worst that will happen is that I’m unable to get on for a different reason, see the emails, and that will make me feel wanted and appreciated.

I’m not used to the whole “wanted around” and “being loved” kinda stuff - I was raised by me, books, and my imaginary life

So if you want me around - you’re going to have to remind me.

it feels selfish of me to state that; but I know that there are others out there like me, that they need to be reminded they are loved and wanted too. I’m saying this as a reminder; some people who’ve been neglected need reminding that you want them there

[confessions-official]

It’s nice to know that I live in a safer neighborhood in an apartment that’s not falling apart and full of rats. All the same, it will never feel like home. Nowhere will because I’m never going to have the one thing I want – someone who cares and is a stable part of my life.

What I want more than anything, is some kind of life partner. Doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic. Considering the fact that I don’t know how to play those hot and cold mine games that help keep the person interested in me, romantically long-term, I don’t think a romantic relationship is on the table for someone like me. I’ve tried it before. Once I fully reciprocate the energy, the other person gives me they usually lose interest because the challenge is gone. But I would be happy with even a platonic life partner.

I don’t think I can ever have that, though, because I’m too fucked up to be allowed to be a part of a society. I have debilitating anxiety, and I have to ask how to do a lot of things due to my parents, neglecting me so severely that I was never taught basic life skills. Four years later, I’m still trying to figure out the fucking basics and if I ask someone they’ll just get mad at me. Not to mention, I have a physical disability that causes debilitating chronic pain and being around someone with that many issues as I have would be draining on anybody.

The most I can hope for is a casual acquaintance I see may be a couple of times a year for small talk. I’ll never have any real bonds with another human being. I’m too damaged.

.

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

Your f/o absolutely ADORES and only you! You are never greedy or clingy at all for wanting to spend time with your favorite person. They will always make sure to spend time with you. They dream to spend the rest of their life with you! You’re their most important priority. Your f/o wants you to take their hand and follow them wherever they go. Yes sure, things happen and a lot of pressure follow. But you’re that special someone who makes enduring the world all worth it. If you ever felt neglected for months on end or if your insecurities are making you overthink, your f/o is going to be there to squeeze all those nasty thoughts out of your hear with a huge hug and kisses all over. “Anyone who’s ever made you feel like you were too much are dead wrong! A life with you by my side is all I could ever truly desire. If there’s anyone I want most to choose celebrating my good times and for supporting me during the bad, it’s you.”

[aforgottenballad]

Long Yoite headcanon post because I got carried away thinking about his eating habits

So what we know about his home life before The Incident is that he was neglected and locked away for a time. I imagine the neglect was always present, but that he did at least interact with other humans enough to learn how to communicate and take care of himself a bit. Rather than completely lacking socialization, he seems more neglected and self-reliant. IIRC, the priest says [Yoite] occasionally showed up at the church for three years, so I assume the family's decision to keep him isolated and ignore him entirely happened when he was around 11, maybe because that's when they moved into that house (perhaps when Yoite's father and Tsukasa's mother married?)

With that out of the way, I think the neglect he's faced is probably reflected in his eating habits. We know he eats a lot, quickly, with not the best manners, isn't particularly picky, and likes sweet things. (And tuna, and chikuzenni)

Growing up, even before needing to eat without detection would have become a strict need, he probably wouldn't have wanted to draw attention to himself. Especially if being caught eating meant being treated like more of a burden. So he would have had a habit of either eating quickly while nobody was around, or squirreling away simple foods for when he got hungry but couldn't leave his room. Foods he's specifically mentioned to enjoy tend to either be things he wouldn't have gotten often, or things that would have been easy to eat quickly (sweets and quality tuna might have been rare treats, but canned tuna and leftover chikuzenni aren't super messy and can be eaten cold). He also eats with his hands a lot and holds his utensils weird, like he's never been shown exactly how to use them, or preferred foods that he didn't need utensils for since they would he harder to sneak out of/into their places.

This post started because I made a joke about him eating chips/crisps like a toddler because of this illustration where he fell asleep with one in his mouth

But that could also be a habit formed being hungry and not having any other options, like licking all of the salt off first and then eating the chip so they don't go away as quickly.

Or, someone mentioned in the server, because he's losing his sense of taste. For the sake of this post I'm saying both.

This was meant to be slightly more lighthearted of a post but it's sad so think about Yukimi taking him out for ice cream now. <3

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for (unsuccessfully) trying to murder my former fiancee to save her?

cw: cannibalism, kidnapping mention, murder

I (29M when I died, but I'm now undead so technically centuries older than that) used to be the third prince of my country. As a child, I was very sickly and since I was pretty much of no use to my parents, I was neglected emotionally. I had this special medicine, made from dust from a specific key that, if made incorrectly, could be made a poison. This will be important.

Anyways, since my parents wanted some use out of me, when I was 15 they engaged me to this girl, B (15 at the time, 29 when she died, she's immortal now), from a disgraced family of another country. Admittedly I was kinda judgmental about this but turns out her family's disgrace was because of a terrible disease and she grew up all alone because most of her family died, which, growing up alone too, I emphasized with. Over the next few months, we grew close, and when B told me she wanted to travel the world to discover new foods, I thought it would be nice to join her.

Unfortunately, one day, we were having dinner, she started acting strange, and, because of eating trauma from her mom (which no one knew at the time, she told me this when I came back from the dead), she started to violently eat everything in sight in front of my horrified family. Our engagement was broken off, and I didn't see her for years.

One day, I got kidnapped and heard rumors that she went mad. Obviously I was alarmed and concerned for her, and agreed to get a certain magic wine glass for my kidnapper and become a spy to see her again. I disguised myself as a cook for her, cooking up increasingly more and more disgusting foods and banquets for just one person: B. Still loving her, we had sex one time, revealing she knew who I was. Anyways, she then literally made an undead horde kill off a military escort (cause she had kinda neglected her duties because she ate all day and all night) while laughing maniacally about how she planned to eat the whole world, while I watched the screams of the soldiers and the undead in horror.

I was terrified at what she become, so I tried to run away, only to be forced back. Then I decided that we were both too far gone now, so, in a moment where I could be TA, I planned to poison both me and herself with my childhood medicine and soup. Turns out, B had a whole demon in her that took all the damage of the poison for her (and also partially responsible for her descent into her obsession with eating literally everything), leaving her alive and me dead. B then ate me, because yes, she had become a cannibal at this point, and the medicine from my body weakened the demon further. B then died, later, from eating herself.

Anyways, we've reunited centuries later and are pretty much married now despite all that happened, cause we really do love each other, but AITA for this? I felt at fault for her descent, because the stress of getting unengaged AND of most of her family dying must have made her weak enough to get possessed, and I wanted to take responsibility and make sure she couldn't hurt anyone else, but at the same time, she was so upset when I died and I was wondering if there was any way I could have done this differently. Sure B pretty much forgave me for trying to kill her by now but I need to know.

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

mary, who cringes every time someone complains abt a student smeeling bad

mary, who cringes every time someone mentions how badly someone else takes care of themselves

mary, who cringes when she sees little children and can smell them before she sees them

mary, who cringes when she has to invite people over

mary, who never realises how unclean something is until someone points it out

mary, who remembers the little girl afraid of going to school bc she would get made fun of

mary, who remembers the stares, the people making fun of her

mary, who remembers the shame and held back tears

mary who remembers what's it like being neglected