#need to calm down

[drunkenlionwrites]

That be me ⬇️

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Ugg, I am in my feelings.

How do I get out?

I am feeling so worthless. Unwanted. Extra. Needy. Unvalued. Unloved.

Because I think, of a discussion about marriage last night while we were at a symphony event.

I meant to reassure. But somehow I am turning that into me no longer being ok.

It turned into:

Good God, what am I waiting around for?

[risilence]

The way this ACTRESS has a hold on me 😭😭😭 I just want to see her make it big!!

I hope she makes an appearance in the main story 🥹🥹😭😭😭

[buggmintz]

Taking a break and stuff, I won't be posting for a while. Keep safe!

[achilleslyre]

guy who is resisting the urge to order food and a little treat

[erastour13]

How are you at home swifties handling your emotions tonight?!??!?

[2econd-of-1sts]

okay yall I tried not to talk about the election but

damn

I might just log off for tonight 😭

I forgot to block all the politics tags and just got blindsided by post after post of election news so

yeah

see y’all tomorrow 😭🙏

[abaharashi]

One thing i really dont like dealing with, is anger. Specifically my own. I jave dealt with it my whole life and i dont think its done much good.

Im well aware anger is a response yo something feeling wrong. And i agree. But its like an everyother day struggle of me getting angry at shit that doesnt matter. Driving to the store and someone is slow. Playing a game and losing to someone better. Having to talk about a topic i do not eant to talk about. Ect.

I get angry about getting angry...

Im just...im so tired of feeling this fucking wqy a majority of the time.

[communistkenobi]

it is insane that no one cares about history. like the common language of reality. no one cares about that. and I know historical fact is contested blah blah blah I’m not making a claim about how to read history or what to count as history I mean as a baseline people are disinterested in history as like a foundation of their own knowledge. the beliefs in their head are not tethered by history. and this is not a problem for them. and I know this because citing history does not persuade people, it’s not a site of revelation. and you’re called insane for bringing it up

[elvisqueso]

Hmmm. If the notes get rancid enough I may have to Cancel the Poll

[curiouschaosstarlight]

me: -does 1 thing-

my entire body: "Time to have anxiety forever <3"

[tears-that-heal]

Need some relief…..

I feel so wound-up tight this morning. I think part of it is due to getting up early and doing some much needed cleaning in the house. Which is a huge positive, but I also feel very stressed too. Had some important plans scheduled for yesterday and my calendar had set the wrong appointment time. I honestly was super ticked-off with myself, and had to reschedule for next week. There’s nothing really wrong with that…..I guess I’m just feeling anxious. I’m seriously like a wind-up toy, refreshly wound-up my movements are going fast, but soon my body slows down to a complete stop. It could very much be my bipolar. I only experience being “hypomanic” and not “manic” like in people with type 1 bipolar; there’s a difference. *sigh* My body won’t calm down. I wish I can already see my new therapist again. Well……I must ask for the aid of the best counselor out there. Jesus, please help me rn! Help me release all this tension in both my mind and body. I wish to be calm and at peace. Holy Spirit continue to do your good work in me, and my family and friends. Amen 😪

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[chloesimaginationthings]

How to calm down Roxy in FNAF security breach

[90sbee]

sometimes you just need to say amiga dejaria que me [redacted redacted redacted] and move on.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

I'm Going To Take A Whole Day To Have Me Time And Heal After The Draft Thing...

I'm still not happy about the whole draft thing,

plus what I don't get is, it should of already had my birthday so why is it acting weird and plus there is that whole thing that is getting me worried about it closing my tumblr page if it ends up making a mistake and not believing me....that is one of things I'm scared of.

I could take the drawing I posted before that is suppose to be Mature, well half of it being mature, off of here temporary and see if it will let my saved drafts be visible to me again.

I hope some can understand my feelings of being scared and worried, that even if I do re-type or like put my birthday on here, even though it is still good it has that promise, but I'm scared and worried it wont believe me and there being a big and very huge misunderstanding.....maybe I can try to edit the drawing I had placed in mature, and maybe it will fix everything....I could try to make a edited version, maybe that will help if I switched it with the edit version, but maybe that wont work....

anyway maybe there is another problem I'm not fully seeing, but could take a guess about.....it still doesn't seem fair to me....

but I could still try to write a draft that is suppose to be for everyone, and see if it will make my drafts visible....I'm still scared about a misunderstanding happening, even if I do put it down correctly, I don't want to be closed out of my tumblr page....

I will try to do what I can, and hopefully it will be back to normal before this whole invisible drafts thing happen, anyway see ya tomorrow and hopefully I will feel a bit more better by then, and maybe I will sign on tomorrow if I'm feeling 100% up to it.