#need energy to swim
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Congrats to Alex on his first place medal in the pub to pier race!!! Keep being you, king
#Alex Fasolo#he was fuelled by a chicken Parma and several pints of beer#Just swimming against the tide of other swimmers because it makes more sense to swim from the pub to the pier#need energy to swim#Parma and beer contain energy#start at the pub#finish at the pier#it's perfect
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"Odysseus and his crew could've just fished!"
"lmao Athena is yelling at Odysseus for not fishing instead"
"why didn't they just fish? they're on the ocean!"
Me, tiredly: no.... no they could not have 'just fished', you don't know what you're talking about. please... please just sit down. Athena would've "my goodbye"'d his ass on the spot for suggesting to fish instead
#epic the musical#epic odysseus#epic the cyclops saga#none of you have gone fishing a day in your lives and it shows. sit down.#please try and comprehend how much fishing they would've needed to do to feed 600 men all doing hard labor#and then also comprehend how much energy those men burn in a day by doing said hard labor. these are 200lb soldiers not your average twink#who sits on their computer all day and doesn't weight lift#like god do you know how *inefficient* fishing on such large scale that would be AND on a WARSHIP?#also please try and remember that this is back BEFORE modern mass fishing equipment were readily available.#no they could not have used the nets. fish dont swim that close to the surface. no they could not have dragged the net in the water#trawling didnt exist until the 14th century. and also they're ROWING THAT SHIP. no they could not have gone to islands there#still wouldn't be enough fish to catch for 600 men. not all fish are edible. not all fish are safe for consumption. fish don't have the sam#amount of nutrients as warm-blood mammals do. fish spoils faster than meat.#you can't use the organs or guts or fat of most fish because of the contaminants in them and fish bones are small and brittle and useless#the energy it takes to catch and prepare a fish isn't worth the energy you get from eating it. not by a long shot.#if odysseus told his crew to fish i guarantee you that they'd have mutiny'd SO much faster just because of how stupid it is#i guarantee that their nets are not that heavy or big enough to sink far enough down the ocean to reach the fish either.#they caught the sirens because the sirens were close to the surface because they were trying to DROWN them.#catching a fish in an infinite ocean vs catching a sheep on a finite island
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Cracking a cold one
#another experimental icon!#you have no idea how excited I was for this one#I looked at the character and knew what I wanted to do with them IMMEDIATELY#God birds are so fun to draw#.......I wish I was better at getting attached to ocs :(#I need to design a character of each “species type” because they are so fun to draw#fish ocs when ?#digital art#digital artwork#art#artwork#furry#artist#drawing#furry art#digital drawing#illustration#redbull#energy drink#waves#swimming#penguin#avian#bird
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I need someone to chase me through a forest and fight me in the dirt while we both shout at each other
#im so normal right now#how do normal people release energy when you cant go swim in the ocean and get dunked by the waves? advice needed i am landlocked rn#non of yall are allowed to suggest kink i need one person activities ONLY. bxjznznznz
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i had the most delusional dream that i was hitting it off w chanyeol at a party 😃
#not anime#but like . need to manifest more of this energy#there was a pool too and we were both swimming 😃#AND LISTEN. i dont swim. but for him i did#and there was a dj area#but it wasnt used for dj-ing there was like a mini concert#some band was playing Hjsndisns like nostalgic 2010s band#my dreams lately have been sooooo vivid#its always the early morning ones like#when i wake up in the middle of the night or wake up really early#chanyeol.🤎
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god i know i need to get more exercise my body is truly in so much pain from being so sedentary but ive realized its really hard to gauge if i am getting stronger or what my limits are because of how bad my anemia is my muscles often are like burning deprived of oxygen from simply walking to the bathroom and i feel like i have no idea how to properly pace myself or any guidance on what i should or shouldnt push thru and because i get so exhausted and my muscles burn so easily i never feel like there is any satisfaction or growth in my strength or abilities.. i guess the only main difference is at my most out of shape my legs would ache for days afterwards going on long walks but now tho they burn all the time it does not linger but like it is genuinely frightening how my heart always feels its gonna hammer out of my chest and my muscles scream for relief but im pretty sure thats the pots and anemia more than complete physical weakness idk very crazy...
#swimming is probably the best option but a half hour bus ride#where i have to cross a very busy street and need my wits about me to get back from the pool#makes the prospect seem kind of daunting like i cant simply stop when im exhausted#i have to still have a reserve of energy to get myself back...
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you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?
#she bork#it's not even that i'm tired of fighting necessarily. clearly. if i was i wouldn't miss it. i think i miss being ABLE to fight. now i just#don't feel like i have the grit i used to have. i'm not sure if it's bc i'm healthier mentally or bc my energy has just dissipated over time#but i miss taking hit after hit (metaphorically) and wiping the blood from my lip and standing again and raising my fists. i don't do that#anymore. and again even if it's bc i'm healthier i'm not sure it's a good thing that that stubbornness and grit is gone. is it automatically#better to seek the path of least resistance? i'm not sure.#maybe it's learned helplessness? idk i mean logically one person can only suffer so much before they learn it's better not to fight or that#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made#it through even if only w self-violence (which was often remarked upon as self-discipline). now i feel like i just flounder and flop and cry#like a fish w a wailing voice on the dock as it loses its breath. i really do think it's partially bc i'm sane now but somewhere inside me#that crazy flame still dances. and ik that bc from time to time i still feel the heat against the sides of the glass. maybe it's a lack of#confidence. maybe it's that ik now that it's impossible to hate yourself into a different better shape (both physically and mentally). but#it was so exciting to try. if i'm miserable regardless i'd at least rather be having fun.#furthermore it could also be that my chaos is no longer external. a lot of what i have going on is internal/physical and it's a daily thing.#fighting daily is a lot harder than fighting through my shitty relationship or that one season of volleyball that destroyed me mentally lol#(ik that sounds ridiculous but it was pretty fucking bad). i'm no longer fighting against other people or external circumstances that i feel#a need to prove myself against. i'm fighting my own body which has proven a tougher match than anticipated. bc how can i? i live here. i#cannot will my body to function. i can swim against the currents of my illness and often do. but that's less glamorous than punching walls#and running for miles like i used to. i want to break a hand. i want to run three miles in half an hour. i want to doll myself up for a#dance and spend the whole night driving w the windows down strung out on a cocktail of cortisol and dopamine. i want to live in the eye of#the hurricane again. and i never will. and it's good but i think it's made me soft.
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seems pretty unfair how I have to be very busy nd engaged to be in a good mental state, I feel like I should get to be happy when I'm having some downtime too but okay
#it doesn't help that I can't really be like that everyday...#I had a fun/busy day out yesterday but I'm so tired today I didn't really do much#I actually needed to go food shopping but I don't hve the energy !#so how do I be busy all the timeeee =[#and because I haven't done much today aka not busy distracted I've felt really sad all day grrrr#i'm going to try to get up early tomorrow and go swimming#maybe that'll fix me#nattering
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...
#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it#its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul#crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to#say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to#let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to#physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill#somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes#energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating#and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make#work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics#so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while#i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation#rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all#the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals#like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too#but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them#if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she#works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology#i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying#at least i get to work with some culturs this week#unrelated
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my boss (cishet man, nerd, slut) has a distinct type and it’s bi women in their thirties who feel strongly about squishmallows. and he’s somehow still surprised when they don’t want to host a hookup bc of the piles of laundry on their bedroom chairs
#he’s a conventionally attractive white guy (tall fit decent haircut etc)#but (somewhat oblivious to himself) he has big daddy energy#and it certainly attracts the type of nerdy crafty women he’s after#so he’s been swimming in dyed hair bi girl pussy since the divorce#but he is so painfully heterosexual that he doesn’t Get the rituals#he’s like they HAVE a hamper the clothes don’t need to go on the chair. why do they all do this#and I say mr boss you just don’t get it. you either host or you fuck on the laundry pile it’s your call#this isn’t the boss i slept with if you’re following my work drama btw this is the Real Boss not the side boss
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ok i just need to write down these whack 1d dreams i’ve had the last couple days
#so two nights ago it was that zayn had a reality dating show and i was ON IT#and the whole time i was like 😭 i’m too gay for this can i leave pls#it was in this place that was both super tropical but also a desert#and zayn INSISTED we keep going on these long ass walks thru the sand i was just like bro can we go back#and he got mad at me when i said i needed to go take a walk to decompress after this story about his ex that he told me#it was so vivid and surreal#but then the dream i just woke up from i was part of 1d in like 2013 era???#and it was sooo busy so many interviews and a couple fan meeting things#and i was like damn this is exhausting#but also got to see these beaauuutiful places#like one of our hotels was suspended directly over this crystal blue water that had orca swimming thru it and we swam w the orca#and both harry and louis separately plotted w me to pull pranks on each other#harry was also like?? psychic?? like he could send images into everyone’s heads but he only did it w nice things lol#and then randomly at the end he came to work w my at this body jewelry company i used to work for#but like he was still him and on our application form to work there we had to disclose our income for some reason#and on his he was like i’m not telling u this 😐 don’t push it#like w the emoji too fhdhskeldk#but i’m out here like why am i dreaming of these guys even more when i’m taking a break from them#like i still listen to their music ofc but i don’t have the energy to participate in the fandom rn#it’s like they know and they’re like#u thought u could forget about us!!!!! syke bitch we’re haunting ur dreams now <3#but whatever i’ll take this over the other vivid dreams i’ve been having lately#anyway#rowyn rambles
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maybe i just. dont find a soul killing second part-time job to get me thru until the str/ikes are over. maybe i just...learn to live on beans. beans and rice.
#quick what are the cheapest most cost-effective recipes you know#im going to go back to my roots and make a weekly batch of beans and rice#back when i was broke as shit i used to live off of markouts and kitchen accidents lmfao rip me#i think....beans and rice for sure. lots of potato dishes. canned goods too. i have frozen veggies for nutrition purposes#googling 'how to feed urself for $100 a month without unaliving'#urrgggghhhhhhhhhhhhh i want to go out and do things with my dog! ive been hiking! going for walks and jogging! swimming!#but doing those things requires energy which means i need to eat more if i want to do em but see previous tags: broke as shit
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i really need to get back in my "running every day" era
#like i miss how in shape i felt i had so much more energy and like i could do any cardio workout (HITT cycling swimming) easy#and i lost so much weight bc running burns so many calories it was the best i need to get back to taht#personal
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tagged by @blackberrywars to do wip wednesday! does anyone else remember when I said I was aiming for posting a wip weekly? yeah me neither
since I haven’t been writing lately this one is from maybe a month ago, just a tiny snippet that’s (as usual) much bigger in my mind. may or may not write up the whole thing, so I put some additional context / plans in the tags!
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A simple request. No... not a request. An order. Two words. Quiet at the onset but growing steadily in Izzy's mind, blooming and spilling over to cover every corner.
The whisper of a smile at the corner of Ed's eyes meeting the desperation swimming within them. The soft pair of footsteps padding from above deck to below contrasting the heavy pounding of Izzy's heart echoing in his head, the intensity threatening to shake apart the blossoms that had so recently taken residency.
All of it sharp yet muted, loud yet far away.
#ofmd wip#blackhands#izzy hands#edward teach#wip wednesday#thanks for the tag!#okay time to provide some context. in preparation for that: i have NO idea why this phrase kicked off a whole Thing but at the time I was#very much feeling that intense !! need to write this down feeling#in my mind this is post s1e10 when babygirl is in his kraken era. peak destructive blackhands with basically izzy giving ed whatever he#needs to get through this (for them to both get through this) which has been translating to violence pain rage etc.#they're no longer conversational and haven't been for weeks. ed is a shell of himself who is somehow both hollow and filled with raw power#untamed emotional turmoil letting itself out in unhealthy ways (we love to see it)#izzy knows to make himself available when needed but only when needed. nothing between them is light anymore#the vibe is very much ed commanding and izzy obliging. but it's draining. it's so draining on both of them#one day ed just doesn't have the energy for it anymore (and it's about fucking time because izzy has learned to make himself flexible when#it comes to ed who's rigid and unyielding but even izzy can only take so much bending before he breaks)#I think he just wakes up one morning and is done with the whole thing. he's miserable and he's over it and he wants (needs) a change#so then this piece of the wip is the start of the change. ed goes up on deck one morning - early which is unusual for him these days - and#goes up to izzy. holds his gaze (yes this is the bit of a smile and also the swimming desperation part) and gives his next order: 'shave me'#it's long overdue at this point tbh. anyway the shaving scene itself would be absolutely intimate just so so emotionally charged#strangely close and gentle and *tender* even after all those months of nothing but sharp teeth and searing pain#also izzy is for sure straddling ed's hips and leaning over him to shave (ed's order) and being so focused and careful about it in that#izzy-acts-of-service-hands way. i don't know yet if they have some kind of soft spoken conversation#if tears are involved or if they just remain in silence but comfortable silence#i don't think it's a huge turnaround of everything is okay now but I do think it's the beginning of change#okay sorry lots of tags as usual but that's probably enough#who knows if the rest of it will be officially written but that's where this was headed#how's this for a writing tag#+ tags!
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i think im gonna go swimming 2 cope.
#i KNOW its different and i KNOW its an honest mistake but i cant help but want to just leave and not reach out until they do bc this always#fucking happens im just this impossible thing people are happy to deal with in the moment but nothing worth energy.#nothing you make an effort for. just a pity case you throw scraps of affection at just to watch me writhe with the novelty of it all#udk idk im just having bad thoughts. i need to swim maybe if i do that itll get me to stop fucking thinking#canis vents#and on such a shit day already.
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Fixed it for ya.
Names ; Kano Yamanouchi
Nicknames ; Jelee-Chan, Nonoka, Nono-Tan
Age ; 18
Pronouns ; She/Her , Jelly/Jellyfish , Sing/Sings, Idol / Idols , they/them
Gender ; Jellyfishidolgender, demi-girl
Sexuality ; Lesbian
Species ; Human
Role ; preformer, confidence holder, doxxing trauma holder
Alter type ; Introject
Source; Jellyfish can't swim in the night
Sign off emoji ; 🪼🎤 , 🪼💠 , 🎼🪼, 🎤🫧
TransIDs ; N/A
PermaIDs ; N/A
MUDs ; N/A
Faceclaim ;
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f0f0cc6de92f95ae4662f73df750ee7b/d6e9543dc26e8e84-3f/s540x810/020e927992bf28d3331891bc6b1e51bb3a18b787.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/796b54c4f9d87e178cf7714c18894aaf/d6e9543dc26e8e84-06/s540x810/f519f51a69ffe8ec3326c679aa0c453067a01111.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d8cd25fbe878753bcbeefa2e233d2fd1/d6e9543dc26e8e84-e4/s540x810/f549dcc2edce993e51d080feafd3ce54c88b99e1.jpg)
#✶⋆.˚�� .ᐟ˙⋆✶ get jinxed#✶⋆.˚꩜ .ᐟ˙⋆✶ need a little bit of energy#some self indulgence aka the others begged me to make this#i genuinely dont know what transID's kano would have#jellyfish can't swim in the night#yorukura#yoru no kurage wa oyogenai#kano yamanouchi#nonoka tachibana#build an alter#build a headmate#build a headspace#build a system#plural system#system stuff#pro transid#pro endo
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