#narcissistic abusers

[furiousgoldfish]

abuser: you are not to judge me by my actions, you are not even allowed to judge me by my visible intentions, but by what I say my intentions were and I can change what they were at any moment, and you are only to assume best intentions, even in cases when I explicitly say otherwise. I am above judgment or even being perceived, I will decide what happened and how it happened and you will accept this or be punished until you do.

abuser: I will judge you, not just by your actions, but by what I think in my head your actions should be, and if you fail to read my mind, don't act accordingly to the script I made in my mind for you, or attempt to insist on having a free will, you will be judged and punished. Sometimes if you just exist while I need to satisfy my needs for destruction and hurt, then I decide you deserve it and you are 100% responsible for it all.

[hurricaneself]

The justice system in America is an absolute joke. I find it utterly ridiculous that women have to literally fight to get the protection of the law from their abusers. That their abusers, who have threatened their lives and are multiple charged violent criminals with a history of said abuse, are so easily released from the incarceration the abused fought for if they have the ability to pay for their freedom. Sorry but if someone’s a legit threat to the public, they ought not be allowed to walk free just because they could afford to pay some fee that allows them some semblance of freedom until their court dates. Freedoms they can and will use to abuse either their already victims or new victims and/or utilize to flee the law completely.

Then while living through such a hell, being witness to the ridiculousness of the fact that famous rich people get to walk free while charged by the federal government for espionage (that’s likely cost many American agents across the globe their lives) and attend their court proceedings like a civil proceeding only reminds me that this system is 100% corrupt and 100% flawed.

Those who deserve to be behind bars get to waltz free to cause more harm if they have the money to do so. While those who broke tiny laws that do not necessarily mean they ought to be behind bars are kept behind bars if they cannot pay for their freedom. This is absolutely a two-tiered justice system, but it’s not what far-right conspiracy believers think it to be, it is a two-tiered justice system that favors those with money while punishing & enslaving those without money. Just like everything else in the capitalist hellhole that is America, absolutely every fucking thing is geared to the favor of the rich. I cannot be proud of this country and it’s corrupt systems, I can only be enraged and ashamed of it, as we all should be.

America is a withering failure of a democracy and the law is an absolute joke.

Thank you for reading this rant of mine, I have been forced to give up all my other social media accounts in attempts to save myself from the wrath of the abuser I escaped; so the only place I have to vent is here and if you actually took the time to read this, I greatly appreciate you as I don’t truly expect anyone to do so.

[life-is-pulchritudinous]

You stopped with words and actions. I asked for love. Again. It tore me apart and make me go LITERALLY insanen. I felt like I wasn’t worthy. Worthy of his love, anyone’s love, and not even worthy enough to not self harm and I become an emotional rollercoaster. After we split up, within three days, I felt normal again; at least 90% normal. Yes I have PTSD from the years of narcissistic abuse, controlling ways, love bombing, and gaslighting. I went from suicidal barely being able to work to being the best one on my team. I’m saving money and trying to figure out school. I honestly think I’m on the wrong path. For being able to find a job or what to do this is my future schooling/career is one of the few things that he was good for. Im worthy of love. He has this 19 year old image of me. I had a 28 year old image of you. You were no longer the one I wanted to spend my life with either. I fucking miss Onyx like crazy but then I don’t but i do wonder how’s he’s doing. 9 years together. He gave me a promise ring. We broke up, he took back all of the jewelry he gave me and did whatever with it. Never again did I see a ring but I got a bracelet. This time I left it when I walked away for the last time. We never even move in together. It’s a blessing in disguise. I’M FREE! 🥲

[solitaryschizoid]

neurotypicals will be like "you can't self diagnose" and then diagnose everyone they dislike as a narcissist

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Your parents are not "narcissists". They're typical authoritarian assholes who treat you like their property because society allows them to.

Your ex boyfriend is not a "narcissist". He's a typical misogynistic douchebag who treats women like shit because society allows him to.

Your boss is not a "narcissist". They're a typical classist dipshit who thinks workers' entire purpose in life is to generate profit because society allows them to.

And even if they happen to be a "narcissist", that's not what gave them the power to get away with abuse.

So stop blaming mental illness and start blaming society's normalization of abuse. Stop acting like someone has to have a mental illness in order to do something cruel when ordinary people have been doing atrocious things since forever.

[neonprayersisarapist]

neon prayers (@neonprayers) is an abuser and a rapist.

in march of 2021, i ended my relationship of 4 years with lucas morelli. throughout the duration of this 4 years i experienced relentless emotional abuse, constant manipulation and coercion into countless sexual acts that were nonconsensual. his manipulation was intentional, constantly making me feel like i had nowhere to go, no one else who would love me or take care of me, and these feelings made me more susceptible to accepting the abuse i was facing. i was also incredibly invested in starting to explore my career in music, which he used to his advantage being a music technician. he made me believe that the only way i would be able to create anything was through working with him.

when we began dating i had just turned 18 a month prior, and i was incredibly inexperienced in every aspect of a relationship. he applauded me for my lack of experience and let me know that it was something to be desired, all while getting ready to take advantage of my lack of awareness and coerce me into sexual acts that were far beyond my comfort level.

as the relationship went on he became less and less respectful and moved from coercion into simply taking without asking. multiple times he pushed past me begging him to stop, and another he simply assaulted me as i was sleeping in his arms.

after breaking up with him, i blocked him on all platforms to try to protect my mental health as i healed and processed what i had went through. as time went on i understood that the relationship i had with Lucas Morelli was not normal, and it was in fact the definition of an abusive relationship. i have been silent on social media since this point, due to the overwhelming feeling of being watched and unsafe.

turns out i wasn’t wrong to feel this way, as he has tried to infiltrate LGBTQ+ spaces i had introduced him to, being a lesbian nonbinary person myself. these spaces have welcomed this heterosexual cis man in.

i have tried to bring this to the attention of those in his immediate circle, but he continues to prey on young, feminine people who solely rely on him for music production.

this is not something i take lightly and i wouldn’t be writing this today if it weren’t one of the most physically traumatizing things to happen to me. Lucas Morelli is a rapist and abuser.

Continuation:

it’s frustrating having to further prove my truth to those who don’t believe my experience.

Neon Prayers is not the man he makes himself out to be.

i have proof of Lucas Morelli and his behavior toward me throughout the duration of our relationship.

Lucas Morelli weaponises his emotions against those he is trying to manipulate, as i had witnessed countless times. i had told him twice on separate occasions, “you sound like a rapist” once, and another “your behavior is exactly like a rapist would be acting” both times after denying him sex.

both of these times he had a meltdown, sobbing and crying and gripping my arms while i was in pain.

throughout the years, i had no one i could talk to about this abuse, as he had told me to not “spread our business” amongst any of my friends, as they were connected to his friends as well. he did everything he could to make sure i wouldn’t be able to question his behavior as long as he made me feel like i was forbidden to.

i had attempted to break up with him 3 times.

the first time was earlier in our relationship, in 2018. i was still unaware of how his behavior was abusive, but i was aware that it was making me depressed and feel incredibly used to have been nothing but something for him to have sex with.

in these instances of him coercing me into sexual acts, he would start by trying to get me to have sex with him many different ways. oftentimes i showed disinterest early in the conversation, to which he would immediately become critical of me saying i don’t have sex with him enough. he would continue by pushing the boundary further.

“can you at least just give me head?”

i would refuse.

“can you at least just jerk me off?”

i would refuse.

“can you just take off your shirt and kiss me?”

i would beg him to please let me leave the room, or for him to leave the room himself and go somewhere else.

usually he would stay in the room, and stare at me while jerked himself off until i initiated something to get him to finish. otherwise he would have a complete meltdown for the rest of the day and force me to pick up his pieces.

sooner or later i became less resistant, though i only wished it were over the moment it began.

there were times where he was pushing himself inside me, to which i felt the searing, ripping pain from not having done any foreplay or feeling any arousal. i would cry out in agony for him to stop. one time he just simply refused to pull out of me. instead he looked into my eyes as i cried, horrified of what i was experiencing. it was as if i wasn’t even there, and all he could even think about was finishing.

i remember relapsing into self harm during the period following this instance.

i was able to stand up for myself in small periods when we were broken up or breaking up. unfortunately at this time he still was able to manipulate me into thinking that he could & would change for my health and well-being, but of course he didn’t.

moving into 2020, i was feeling claustrophobic as he had demanded that all of our time be spent with one another. i barely saw friends and i didn’t have much autonomy to just up and go somewhere, because if he wasn’t working i was expected to be available for his entertainment. oftentimes times he would tell me i couldn’t go be with my friends and he would ignore me for the entire night as i sat on his couch in his studio, waiting for him to finish working.

there were times where i had to take shrooms or drop acid for him or with him, just because he insisted it would be something good for me to relax. i didn’t feel comfortable or safe at any point on these drugs with him. he even attempted to have sex with me while i was tripping.

throughout our relationship my constant discomfort he brought me led me to believe that i was not exploring the part of me that thought i could have a loving relationship with a non-man. i had felt this way for a very long time and i made it very clear that i was not interested in only men. as these cases of assault and disrespect increased, my desire to see if there were better experiences out there also increased.

i had a multiple hour long conversation with this man to hear him tell me “it’s okay that you’re gay, i still love you and we can still be together”. he proceeded to ignore this conversation for over a year.

when i brought this conversation back up to him, he became emotionally volatile with me very quickly at the thought of me trying to explore other options. there was so much of me asking him if it would be easier if we just broke up, to which he would always respond with a full blown meltdown where i was left to pick up his pieces. at no point did i feel safe in trying to verbalise what i wanted or needed.

march of 2021, i attempted to break up with Lucas Morelli to explore my sexuality and to finally allow myself the autonomy to live my life.

while i broke up with him, i was becoming sick with stomach issues from stress. so while i attempted to tell him reasons i could no longer be with him, i began to vomit and became incredibly weak. he took this vulnerability as a way for him to sneak back in. he stayed the night and the next morning when i woke up, he told me “i didn’t think you were actually serious”.

as the days went on in march, he promised me i could have freedom as long as i told him exactly what i was doing and planning on doing with other women. every time i gave even a bit of information, he would ask for more, along the lines of “what exactly would you be doing?” and proceeding to sexualise me and my desire to be with a woman. his understanding of me wishing to explore sex with a woman insinuated that he would have an opportunity to have sex with me. he began sexualising me relentlessly, again attempting to break boundaries multiple times.

the last and final straw of his assault was when i was feeling ill and he told me he would run a bath for us, insisting i needed to relax and just be with him. as i sat in the bath with him, i fell asleep on his chest. i was asleep only for a few minutes until i felt hands grabbing my breasts and touching my nipples, clearly trying to arouse some kind of sexual response. i jumped up out of the bath and i asked “why did you do that?!” to which he had no response. i told him i was asleep, and he pretended as if he was unaware.

i broke up with him for the third and final time that night. he refused to leave my house for three whole days, sleeping in my bed and calling out of his job at Powerstation Studios in order to make sure he didn’t leave, because he knew he would never be allowed back again.

i have never received an apology from this man at any point. he claims to have no contact with me, however he’s been unblocked on imessage for well over a year since we had broken up. he had every opportunity to reach out non-publicly but he chose not to.

this is being done out of pure necessity for my safety and mental health. if i had any other ill intentions, if i were genuinely just being malicious, this would’ve been done back in 2021 when we broke up for the final time.

i’ve had to process what has happened to me repeatedly, as it isn’t something that i was even aware was happening as i was going through it. i had no one to talk to and no safe space to go, and now that i have support and safety i can freely understand my experiences and feel safe to voice them.

Lucas Morelli has chosen to ignore everything, refusing to acknowledge what he did and refusing to acknowledge he was even called out in the first place. his spineless behavior proves his guilt and only further raises the question, why wouldn’t he speak up if he was innocent?

[daisies-n-sunflowers]

I really wish narcissistic people didn't exist! It's really disgusting and gross what they can do to someone, especially someone trying to heal from the damage they have caused to them.

[sin-esthezia]

the thing that gets me the most about ableism against pd’s is that ppl will be like “these disorders make you an ASSHOLE!!!!” and then turn around and pretend that other disorders can’t and don’t make you act shitty.

depression and anxiety can make you irritable and snappy. they can cause you to refuse to listen to people and to be distant and withdrawn. they can cause you to seem angry, bitchy, rude, uncaring, etc.

ptsd causes an array of difficulties in forming meaningful relationships. it pretty much shakes up your entire worldview and sense of self a lot of the time. ptsd can cause you to get angry often. it can cause you to yell and scream. it can cause you to withdraw from others, run away, or cut them out. it can cause general changes in demeanor and more cynical worldviews. it can make you seem grouchy, negative, explosive, impolite, difficult, needy, controlling, etc.

and yet when people with personality disorders have symptoms of that nature, suddenly we are irredeemable monsters. when it’s npd, bpd, hpd, or aspd instead of ptsd or depression and anxiety, people suddenly and magically lose the ability to be understanding.

mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. i firmly believe that. hurting others is never justified simply because you have any disorder.

but if you can be patient with people who have depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, or any other more well understood mental illness, you can be patient with us.

[elhoimleafar]

I would like to wish the following to all my enemies, but the truth is, that I have no enemies, I only have very confused obsessive fans, really obsessed.

So for all of them;

Time, Health, and Good fortune, you must need a lot of these ultimately, don't be easy to be sitting at your computer every day stalking me with 21 alternate facebook accounts and taking screenshots of everything I do, say, and write; just to have something interesting to say to everyone, take out of context, and keep the conversation with those loyal friends of yours; so sad the fact that these loyal friends never pay the same attention when you are talking about yourself.

Wishing you the absolutely best ❤️ and sending you some kisses 😘 put them wherever makes you happy ✌🏻

PS: The most interesting part of this kind of posts I do every month, is how many people come immediately to my DMs argumenting "are you talking about me?", Or "my friends are pretty sure this is about me".... I'm like "Babe... I grow up surrounded by a narcissistic family and a very abusive sister, then I move to military school, where abusers are everywhere, these posts are a reflection of my own life I do as my personal therapy, and have always been, but if the show fits...💅 If you think this is about you, or your own friends think this is about you... Maybe you should check therapy 🤷🏽‍♂️

Xxo, ELO.

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[pwrn51]

The different types of Narcissistic abusers

  Today’s guest on Lest We Forget is Dr.Tracy Kemble. Author and Writer of NARC.TION.ARY. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Dictionary.  Dr.Tracy Kemble also is the Founder of the Feminine Boss Academy, the Owner of Mrs.Globe, Founder of W.I.N. Foundation® a C-3 Non-Profit. Dr.Tracy Kemble discusses her background, why she wrote the book, how to protect yourself from narcissistic abusers, the…

[autopsyfreak]

tired of people on tiktok acting like BPD and HPD are the ‘good cluster b disorders’ or the ‘victim cluster b’s’ meanwhile NPD and ASPD are the ‘evil mean abusive cluster b’s’

stfu.

we’re in the same cluster for a reason, you can’t support some whilst demonising the others.

[life-is-pulchritudinous]

After you broke my trust, you broke me. We broke up more times than I can count. You always came back around and the pieces I thought I put together would fall apart again and you wouldn’t pick up the pieces. There is fight, flight, or freeze. I fought at the end. I was in a constant state of flight. But I felt frozen in my actions because I would fear the response of disapproval. You were just a friend. Haha. Not even a friend. I shared my darkest moments and thoughts with you. You honestly didn’t give a shit. I could tell by the lack of words and effort. I honestly hope you go to hell you are an ABUSER.

[lostmf]

[witchyykitten]

everyone talks about cutting off a toxic parent

but no one ever talks about the pain of wanting a parent but knowing yours cannot love you the way they should

[cupboard-of-npd]

Hi hello narcissists and friends, Ive just discovered june 1st is 'World narcissistic abuse awareness day' I propose we be horribly horribly annoying on this day and make it to spread awareness on how narcissistic abuse isnt real

I think we can ruin an ableists day if we try hard enough whos with me