#my writing has the same problem as my art
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Oh my god. I finished. I finished the g a m e
I literally JUST finished. So I'm collecting my thoughts rn but I already have some opinions. Some of them need time, but I already have to say: I now understand why so much solavellans had strong feelings for it, but for me, it was good.
(Some late game spoilers under the cut + English is not my first language)
Overall, I like how they managed the Solas/Mythal relationship. It didn't bother me except for the absence of at least a strong citation about the Well of Sorrows, which looked like a huge choice in DAI, and I think it could be included along the Inquisitor's plot. But it's ok for me, I guess. *shrugs*
I think I understand now why that many people got upset. We had 10 years to invest in those characters, and our headcanons are impossible to squeeze in a game which wasn't even about Solas and Lavellan. So, it was impossible to make sense for everyone since they had only one "Solavellan ending". Leaving to go with Solas wasn't a real choice to every Lavellans. I still don't know if I liked it more because it fits my headcanon like a glove, or if I liked it because it is much less tragic that I expected lol (those words from Corinne saying that it would hurt haunted me). But I really think that it was a fair ending for both of the characters.
And, about the ending of the game in general, my biggest surprise was the Varric thing. I got really angry when he didn't die at the prologue after Solas stabbed him. I hate this Gandalf stuff when a major character dies and comes back like a miracle, just for make us suffer then immediately soothing these feelings. So when I found he was actually dead it was really a plot twist - I didn't even imagine it during the game. Same with the character who died with Ghilan'nain (for me, it was Harding).
I really liked all the new characters and the writing in general. Some bits felt kinda "rushed" for me, but not too much. The quest about Solas's regrets was a great way to put new players into the lore and answered everything we needed about what concerned the game. And I found it really fun, like us people digging around the lore and our wild theories in Reddit and here in Tumblr lol
Anyways. I'm relieved the ending didn't totally destroy the characters or put them in a lot of situations which didn't feel true for them. I trusted the work of the writers since the start, but with so many problems during the development (including the awful layoffs), I expected the worst. And I'm glad BioWare sticked with its expertise. As a fan of ME2, I loved the combat, progressions, maps and everything. And the "cartoonized" art style bothered me in the beginning but I kept my mind open, and now I even like it.
(Still hate Hans Zimmer's OST tho. Doesn't even get close to the toes of DAI and Trespasser OSTs.)
And look at her. She's a fucking looker. House de Riva has only the finest 🧑🍳👌 Having Viago and Teia made me rush immediately to the Antivan Crows and I'm not disappointed. Being latina I had my share of annoyance with all the stereotypes, but hey... I also really like coffee.
Lucanis's romance was a downer, okay, but it gives us more room to fanfiction lmao (here we go again). I'll cope with it doing a new gameplay and romancing Emmrich >:)
Dragon Age has a special place in my heart forever and I feared for the franchise. So I'm relieved and happy for being here.
Shout out for all us Solavellans. I remember when I saw people mocking us in the fandom for asking for more Solavellan content in the game. Devs, I love you all. Here's for better days in the future.
I didn't even finish the game yet and I almost threw up of anxiety when I was going to meet my inquisitor for the 2nd time. And since I cannot get off Tumblr I already had several spoilers about the ending. Almost regretting asking for all these cameos with Ellana. Boy I'm SO ✨not ready✨ for this
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You know what? Screw it, I'm writing a Takuma x Reader oneshot tonight. Don't care if it's bad or too shallow. I have a vague idea and it might not be good but this man deserves more SFW fics. And if anything I'll write some better right after.
#my writing has the same problem as my art#I'm too much of a perfectionist#who cares if it's bad?#i sure as hell need to *not*#toonce offtopic#anyways#19°C on the 4th floor with no air con will be my death#at midnight might I add#at least this place ain't as humid at the UK but my goodness#this is agony
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It's way too hot and I am way too tired to do any more efforts, so excuse the critical lack of quality here.
If you didn't know, Cole is my favourite Power Ranger :D
And while I was binge watching Ninjago I had the pleasant surprise to see him physically and mentally traumatized in season 5 😈
And since I'm a huge sucker for angst, my brain immediately thought of developing that idea in order to hurt my beautiful baby boy some more. That and also the fact that my brain immediately looks for logic in the laws of cartoon physics (I really shouldn't do that...)
So I bring you the "Cole is a Ghost Kind-of-Saga". I still have a few more ideas to exploit, notably adressing the ways the other ninjas will help him cope with his new condition :3
And maaaaybeeeee a small comic too 😇
Anyways, I will let my brain rest a bit for now and sleep.
#I really want to rant about the things I wrote but my brain is melting#but basically ghosts are part of another plane of existence or smt#which explains for me why they can't really interact with anything from the living world#and also why Cole has visions#and why he has a different perception of time and can randomly space out#and I thought Cole was a bit different from other ghosts because he left the temple at the same second the sun arrived#and it is the reason why he isn't forced to stay in the temple#but also why he can interact with objects more easily#again these are just conjectures and headcanons from me#don't take this seriously#and also YES I'm gonna LOVE to write about his friends reactions#and how they can help him go through this#Because I still think that it is a lot#And Cole must suffer about it#But I also think that he is not the kind to express his feelings so he would suffer in silence#so his friends will have to be supportive without being too invasive#I think that there will also be a phase where they will prevent him from fighting/going out at all to protect him#because he would risk his life when they fight against other ghosts and he can't touch water and still has problem controlling his abilities#so even more angst because he would feel useless and the others would fear for him nonstop#my art#ninjago fanart#ninjago season 5#ninjago cole#ninjago#cole is a ghost
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Sure hope this isn't some kind of foreshadowing
#I do think it is though#considering the way the use of the angel statue was foreshadowed#and lillium's legs#I should reread the comic at some point#see what I catch#only reason I found this is because I vaguely remembered them talking about homes#and I do think there are other bits of foreshadowing lying around too#the smoke(?) from the iris ability was always red for the madam (from what we have seen) but (I think) it's only been red when Iris popped-#-that one girls eye (gonna be honest though. I didn't realize he popped it at first? I kinda thought it was a flower)#and the white people begging iris (thinking he's irid) to “complete” them#aaaaaalmost makes it sounds like irid made the world they fell into?#but that's crazy#but iris' power is bringing art to life sooooooo it kinda makes sense?#getting entirely off topic!#THAT is only a thought I've had in my head for the past few days#and it has been bugging me since I thought of it#because what if irid faced the same problem iris does?#people wanting to use him or kill him?#ugh#maybe one of these days I'll get the courage to put my thoughts somewhere that isn't the tags#I'm surprised I'm writing them down at all#I should post this before I lose my nerve#countdown to countdown#ctccomic
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Promotional for Tate's company in my interp of A Better World AU.
FULL TEXT BENEATH THE CUT‼️‼️
God, I love exploring what he can do if he hadn't suffered through his father abandoning them and then YEARS of caretaker burnout as he tried in vain to heal his dad. What if he hadn't learned to fear his intellect and skill. What if Appalachia hadn't been cut out of him by being raised in the Bay Area. What if his abilities and cultural identity were both nurtured and encouraged by loving parents and a strong educational support system. What then. 👁️
I think he definitely still has his issues, because public figures often do lol. Fame causes so many problems. But fuck if I don't wanna let this lil scruffy genius out of his mental cage of repression, burnout, and depression. I think he's wild, enthusiastic, and has so much heart and spirit underneath all those layers of bullshit. 30 years of suffering and he is in his 30s, the divergence of the AU puts him on a radically different path from childhood and that makes him a TOTALLY new person.
On the highest peaks in the world, the strongest tethers aren't your rope, but the emotional ties which unite your climbing team and keep you connected to those waiting for you back home. Whether it's by blood or by choice, Tater Higgs McGucket understands the importance of family. Son of revolutionary inventor and co-founder of the Institute of Oddology Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, Tate describes his father as his closest friend, collaborator, and mentor. In collaboration with family friend and other co-founder of the Institute Stanford ("Ford") Pines, the three first designed their renowned supplemental oxygen delivery system after an expedition studying anomalies in the Himalayas.
"Our investigation took us to Camp 1 of Manaslu," Tate described in an exclusive interview with Mountaineering Monthly last week, "And I was shocked by the amount of traffic. This was some of the roughest terrain on the planet, but we saw more people out there than on some of my hiking trips back home in Oregon. . . Ford was our interpreter, and after talking with the locals, we realized that there were all these companies selling tickets to the top — with sherpas puttin' themselves on the line just to ferry tourists to the summit."
The influx of inexperienced climbers has had disastrous consequences, as Tate witnessed firsthand. "A lot of these people, they're physically and mentally capable of makin' that kinda climb, but maybe they don't follow best practice. You can summit without any oxygen, if ya stop and acclimatize along the way. But that takes a while, so it can be really temptin' to ignore your body and throw an oxygen bandaid at the problem. But then you're puttin' yourself in an emergency situation if it fails. While we were there, one of those climbers ran out, and a sherpa had to run more oxygen up there. I told him there was a storm a-comin', but he went up anyway. And we ended up losin' 'em both."
Tate's growing twang was underscored by a nervous bouncing of his leg, and he took a moment to collect himself before resuming the interview.
"Dad and I had a look at these open circuit breathing apparatuses. While they were reliable, we saw they were plum wasteful. Knew we could make somethin' better. There's a growin' culture of risk-takin' 'round them mountains. And maybe we cain't stop the industry that's causin' these problems, but we can at least make it safer for them climbers. 'Cuz at the end of the day, regardless of what ya think about these people? With an accident like that, there’s people left behind that're a-hurtin' somethin' fierce. Partners, friends, kids without parents. I mean, just the thought of losin' my dad like that is enough to break my heart — but that's reality, for both the families of that climber and the sherpa who died tryin' to save him. . . Naw, I reckon we can do better."
That was how the youngest McGucket, who had become a household name in the 1990s for his work in designing personal computers with his father's company, first ventured into the world of alpinism. But what he hadn't expected was to fall in love during the process.
"I always needed nature," he explained, "I get overstimulated awfully easy, and so I go out there to clear my head. Been hikin' and fishin' since I was a kid. . . And so, after workin' with climbers to test this equipment — I saw a lot of them eight-thousanders up close, right? And one day, I just knew I had to see it from the top."
But having become familiar with the dangers involved, Tate knew that preparing himself for such a climb would be no easy task.
Luckily, he found a trainer in Ford's twin brother, Stanley Pines.
“Stanley is a stand-up guy. Real old school. Throws a hell of a punch, catches a hell of a catfish.” Tate said of his mentor, “He’s a fighter. So I knew I needed him, because all it takes is one slip up or act of god for these expeditions to turn life-or-death. And he’s been great. Neither of us knew much about rock climbin’ or mountaineering before all this. But we’ve learned together. And having summited a few eight-thousanders now, I can tell ya, I wouldn’t be here without his help.”
Also aiding in his expeditions were his prototype real-time weather and vital monitoring systems, which have since become standard issue in all McGucket brand protective wear. But Tate is most proud of his high-frequency beacon system, which allows climbers to communicate with their partners and first responders — even from inside perilous crevasses.
"The danger of avalanche or serac collapse is real. There are times when your life just ain’t in your own hands. Our systems allow climbers to communicate when they’re entering or exiting a perilous area, and can send out an SOS. They’re also constantly pinging, so in the event somethin’ does happen, they’ll help your climbing partners or first responders find you.”
But high altitudes aren’t the only place you’ll find the twin peaks of McGucket Mountaineering. Tate’s inventions have seen heavy use by first responders of all stripes, from firefighters to wilderness search and rescue — and he has recently signed a contract to manufacture respirators for medical use.
"At the end of the day, it’s all about making it home safely.” Tate concluded, “You gotta prioritize what matters most. You can do incredible things in this world, but none of it matters if you can’t share them with the people who love you.”
#gravity falls#tate mcgucket#yes i write tate with an accent even though he was raised in oregon in this AU#bc i hc that he probably had a LOT of problems after starting public school (during his dad's initial absence)#autistic overstimulation & shutting down#plus classmates harrassing him asking if hes from beverly hillbillies#and teachers correcting his dialect out of him as improper#in Fiddleford's absence emma may has to be the sole provider and it's just difficult to fully address and prevent that#but in this AU fidds comes home to find his son terribly insecure#believing hes stupid (when he was bright and chrious and already brushing with ALGEBRA when Fidds left) bc “hillbillies are dumb” and he#“forgets how to talk” in school when his classmates get loud#and he sees Tate self correcting his accent and#and fiddleford has been thru this himself personally in college#we know he was holding back bc his accent got thicker as he devolved with the memory gun so#yeah fidds would have homeschooled him 😤 not allowing his son to experience the same fuckin trauma#and so tate recovers his accent in this au whereas my normal verse tate has it forcibly removed#though he knows how to code switch and is trying for this interview#it usually gets thicker with anxiety lol#fuck me forgot the art tag#my art#ramblings
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#delete later#another journal entry 📝 for the void#i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough#i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine)#last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep 😭#ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :(#anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks#i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better#results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but#it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as#blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply#respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and#weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said...#*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated.#and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality??#anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T
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guys the light deity is literally called light WEAVER ...... it makes sense to have pupa/grub dragons. they are weaving
#pinescreeches#flight rising#the fr drama has been crazy of late. honestly very interesting to watch#my 2 cents if anyone cares. i love the everlux#so grubby and fat and ugly#we need more ugly dragons ... which maybe is hypocritical since i didn't like dusthides. but they weren't really trying to be ugly. i think#this isnt' about them though#the sundial / seam ripper horn??? the grub/pupa/caterpillar themes???#they remind me of weaver ants ....#anyways people complaining about artwork problems as if every fr artwork doesn't have ten billion issues with it#ESP THE OLD BREEDS ... LIKE#it's ok it's the fr artstyle to be a bit bad i accept it and welcome it#and it's ok to just not like a dragon breed ... i'm insanely picky with mine#for instance i love the concept n stuff of tundras but i hate the actual art for it ... idk why#and i've never really been a fan of snappers. maybe cuz their art is so old (same w tundras)#also for bug phobic people ..... ok i get it. phobias are uncontrollable and irrational#some things are just gonna set it off even though it doesn't make any sense#and fear usually makes people aggressive to what scares them#but there is no need to be so violent towards everlux ....#like if someone had a dog phobia it would not be ok for them to be like “i hate how canid they look i hope they get wiped out and die” or#detailing gruesome imagery#so why is it ok when it's a bug ....#i mean i know why but i'm asking rhetorically here#man idk sometimes u are just not gonna like things and thats ok not everything is for you... like i don't like dusthides that much but that#okay. it's okaayyyy#writing a ten page paragraph over here in my tags#i just have a lot of thoughts
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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im so disappointed in my art lately . im not a beginner artist, but i feel like everything i do looks like i am . i feel like it would only be acceptable for a beginner . i havent made any progress since i was 11 . today is not a good day
#artist problems? except i barely even count as an artist atp#non serious vent sorry#i dont usually textpost because i much prefer just sticking it in the tags and hoping i forget about it#but i dont have anything to post. i literally have not been able to make anything at all.#does any other artist feel like this?#i know everyone says they feel like this but i cant decide if its comforting or condescending#all the other artists say “oh i hate my art!” when their art is good because its just the artists eye or whatever its called#and on one hand its comforting because everyone hates their art#but on the other hand its so discouraging because if you hate your art so much#how does mine look? how bad is mine?#i dont like talking abt weed bc its kinda weird for a 14 year old but i feel like the only times i can draw without crying -#- is when im high#i dont know i need to take a break or something#might focus on writing but everything is just so frustrating to me lately#i cant promise literally anything anymore because everytime i get excited to create its just GONE so fast#becaus i cant like anything i make#i keep searching for some kind of art advice that will actually help but i never can figure out how to apply it#and most of it is just “keep practicing!” as if i havent been practicing since i was 8 years old#i feel like at this point i have to just start all the way over but i dont even know how#at this point i would rather art regress than keep churning out the same mediocre garbage ive been drawing since 2022#and its not even that im pressuring myself to draw. its that all my art has just looked the same for so long and im so frustrated#i literally cannot draw anything without crying anymore its really upsetting#anyway sorry for the negativity on main :( this blog has kinda become my diary and im just an overdramatic teenager or whatever i dont know
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ignore this.
learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom
even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit
#lohst.txt#they're all so right#because this fandom has had problems since the beginning#its always about the boys#the fics and the art and everything#and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death#yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well#(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong#if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters#i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers#i dont know what im saying#it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls#did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah#i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up#but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them#i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored#(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly#i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics#mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis#(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn#but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters#the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends#i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity#and there was so much hate#everyone likes christine and brooke#theyre the nice girls#the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group
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A character reference sheet sort of thing for the main character of the Poll Adventures, drawn more in my usual style (taking a picture of messy pencil sketches then coloring it digitally lol) rather than the cutesy ms paint style of the daily poll images .. there he is.. the adventure boy..
#paventure posting#sketches#I haven't drawn for real in a long time.. I forget how much I dislike coloring lol#I think if I did Neat Digital Art Lines that you can color in with the fill bucket tool it would be different but#since I can only really draw on phyiscal paper with a pencil and then just put that on the computer the lines are all too#messy for that to work. So I basically have to color it all coloring book style which is tedious#Honeslty I really like... physical art. like sculptures. and I like pencil and pen sketching . But I really dont like#most digital art at all. The exception is in MS paint for some reason. I think because I can use the bucket fill tool lol#and the pixelly lines give it some texture still. My main problem with digitial art lines is that they don't look like pencil on paper they#'re too “clean” like no scratchy messy texture looking stuff. Which I know you can use different brushes. I've tried. it just doesnt#have the same feel to it. ANYWAY.. Definitely need to practice more hjbjhb.. my anatomy and drawing fabrics and stuff#has gotten much more wonky than it used to be I think. but I've just been focusing so much more on writing#than drawing. Or only drawing the occasional sketch that goes along with writing (like worldbuilding stuff)#aside from Ms paint stuff I probably haven't really DRAWN like a full body sketch or face#or anything like that in maybe a year or more. yoink#OH ALSO i know his boots are different now because the poll voted to give him new boots ghjhbjb#I drew this before then. I actually thought more people would vote for the coat ToT#I wanted to draw him in a cool robe or something and have that be an addition to his outfit#instead just the shoes change. which aren't even visible in all drawings :(#A little purple outer coat. his favorite color. But alas.#And yeah the string that laces up his main tunic coat thing is technically like a tan yellowy sort of color but I usually#just draw it as black because it's easiest. especially with ms paint and doing really thin lines#also his hair is a little ridiculous and doesn't translate well from chibi type image to realistic but I tried gh.. the bangs lol...
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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Hisuian Zoroark is one of the sickest designs in pokemon, but the model on that bloke is FUCKED. It's really bad. If they bother to port her over to other games, you know they ain't changing that model, either, 'cept to make the textures paler & duller.
I continue to despise pokemon, despite being a pokemon fan, I fucken guess. At this point, I gotta go all in on summat else, like Cassette beasts.
#gale chatter#i have MINOR problems with the beasts but they are nothing + I ain't abt to be negative abt it online#it's a good game made by good people my complaints are so tiny you NEED to play it#if you like me wish pokemon would do more fun interesting things or miss spritework in ur pokemon#u need to try cassette beasts. I'll admit i haven't beaten it but what I've seen in the story is INSANE#also i generally try not to talk smack about indie games it just ain't right. biggest ip on the planet‚ however‚#i can talk shit about pokemon all damn day.#the fucking way they keep using the same models the most minimal of animations & the pokemon keep getting pale as shit#to the point that pokemon like pichu are fucken impossible to tell from their shiny (slightly paler pichu)#the way that the designs are done in 2D & designed in it but then when it comes time to model they just. lose all charm#you get designs that were obviously not intended to have full 360 turnabouts (h. zoroark & emboar)#then you get deisgns that lose all their charm when modeled. in example -- look at the boltund model next to the art.#it's. bad. those are different animals. i feel NOTHING for the boltund model. it has no heart nor care in it just a means to an end#the gameplay never changes the sories have ALWAYS been lackluster they introduce cool ideas every other gen & ABANDON THEM#SO YOU HAVE A REASON TO BUY THE NEXT ONE BC IT HAS A NEW IDEA. MEGA EVOS WHAT'S THAT? DYNAMAX NOW.#the way they slice up the games to have exclusives SPECIFICALLY to piecemeal them back to you in 2 different games#so you either need to buy both (THAT IS 120 DOLLARS) or pay for online + have a friend. it has always been predatory.#it's. BAD.#& let's not pretend that 1/2 the lazy work is because the workers HAVE to be lazy. they pump these games out so fast that#nobody has time to write & revise & rewrite the stories which is fucking GLARING when you play sword or violet#in violet it is blatantly obvious they had the end planned first & then made up the rest as they went but had a hard time#connecting it back to the end so there's a noteable rush in the game & it sucks also if you call that game nonlinear i will attack you#IT ISN'T. IT IS DESIGNED SO THAT YOU NEED. TO GO IN A SPECIFIC ORDER. BECAUSE OF THE LEVELS#otherwise you'll hit a lvl 60 gym at lvl 40 then have to go back to fight the lvl 40 gym at lvl 70#the studio rushes their workers & it results in sloppy implimentation of halfbaked mechanics & poor deisgns & writing#i pray that if there is a god that nintendo actually does slow down on these shits i would like the games my little cousins play#to not be such fucken rushed & undercooked hot garbage. fuck you
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honestly.
#just me hi#okay so i have this very insistent problem where i can't finish things#can you tell yet? i start a project and then i just get bored or Something#which Sucks!!! i want to finish them!! i Want to be done and to know i can finish things!!!#but i just CAN'T#it happens with projects and with shows and with books and with cleaning too sometimes#it happens when i write and when i'm sitting and when i'm sleeping and when i'm singing and when i'm walking to nowhere#it's just There!! i can't finish it doesn't matter how short or how easy or how wonderful and happy it could make me feel i can't Finish#if it's Hard the sheer number of steps required to even get from here to there overwhelms me. the predicted length of time is just the#finishing blow#i Want to finish i Need to stop the story. but i just caaaaaaaaaan'tttttt#it's a whole joke in the home actually‚ 'oh you've started another story? ha! same as always huh?'#which yes is funny but also i'm so tiiiiiiiired of always starting over#i love it i love building new things but once i have the finished product in my mind there is no allure‚ no appeal to actually finishing th#Real Thing !!#maybe that's why i like art and i can finish pieces‚ because the image is always shifting. it's like liquid#i dunno i'm just kinda frustrated!! years and years and i still can't finish anything :/#maybe one day one day one day#urghhh#//okey uhm. ... :3#i'm going to do a small thing now‚ and i'm Going to finish it#:>
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🐞
#i think that if you wanna post your fic/writing to ao3 then post it there#same if you want to post stuff to twitter or insta#it's really all for attracting attention#but i think something that people need to understand is that those spaces are not really radical or community oriented#and I think we need to be realistic about them#a personal issue i definitely have with ao3 supporters is the rhetoric they use about the platform#as if it's a radical space when no not really lol#but if you wanna give it money go hog but don't lie about what it really is to convince other people to do so as well#it has the same vibe as people saying we have to give tumblr money to save it lol no you don't#it's just another place that has capitalized on how a lot of people don't know how to build their own online space#it banks on people not knowing how to built their own websites#or set up an RSS feed#or seek out actual community#and really if you have a problem with ao3 just post your stuff elsewhere#yeah it sucks that all that stuff is on it#but it's also on twitter and facebook etc (like what smarter people than me have pointed out)#ao3 is just another example that there is something just... wrong with the internet under capitalism#I built my own website out of love for my art and spite towards platforms#we can create our own good vibes#we are not as trapped as people make us out to be#🐞
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