#my suffering is finally over (for now)
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like five commissions would solve so many of my problems right now …. 🌀you want to commission me🌀…. 🌀you want to look at my pinned post and you want to commission me sooooo bad🌀…….
a few recent commissions ⬇️
been loving leaning into more illustration/poster work and would love to do more!!
#i’m like out of options LOL#like everyone else i’ve been applying to probably hundreds of jobs and like everyone else i can’t get SHIT#my options are 1) stay out here and suffer 2) beg my parents to help me move home and REALLY truly suffer (this one isn’t really an option)#or like 3) go lay in the dirt indefinitely idk i’m in over my head and i made a mistake moving but it’s too late to back out!#going home wouldn’t be good for anyone least of all me!#idk i feel like everyone is judging me for thinking i had it good then falling flat on my face anyways#i feel like it was some kind of sick joke that i finally for once felt stable and happy just to get it yanked away from me#and be worse off than before#sorry i’m really emotional because i’ve been going through it so hard for so long and i’m really exhausted#i hate getting on here and begging for work but idk what else to do right now#mine#arty art
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I just watched the new MAWS episode and it was so good!!! Kara and Clark slayed so hard and I can’t wait for season 3 >:D
My only request for season 3 is that a certain character goes bald 😇
#my adventures with Superman#maws kara#maws clark#maws season 3#maws lex luthor#please I beg of you#this man needs to go bald#I need him to suffer <3#seriously though#the finale was amazing!!#there were multiple times where I legitimately got shocked#im so sad the shows over now 🥲#but I can’t wait for season 3!!#I’m gonna miss my boy Clark so much#Beans rambling
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I officially refuse to listen to any more rock released after 2010 until music producers learn to stop abusing the compression tool and begin to understand the concept of "dynamic range" again >:(
#jfc it's like my eardrums are being attacked with a battering ram every time#i have to set my jaw and suffer through it. and then silence is such a relief when the onslaught is finally over#i know i've ranted about this here before so i won't get too deep into it now but for fuck's SAKE#i feel like i'm going insane? why don't i hear anyone else talking about this?#about music#musicblogging#music production#cosmo gyres#personal#grump grump
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4/5.... what do you mean my last chapter was in june?
ah, sorry, sorry for the wait. here's chapter four, we're almost done! please enjoy. its the same length as the last chapter which, in case you forgot, was 40k. i have no words left to spare
#milgram#milgram fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#mikoto kayano#fuuta kajiyama#0309#mikofuu#its been five million years....#it is funny to think that i did post the last chapter when i was 19 and now im 20#in any case. im not super happy with this chapter but i am glad its finally done#itha itha itha you are so forever patient with me i dont deserve it but thank you again and again and again#lxm textposts#ahh not much more to say on this one?#i dont like the pacing of it but it covers what it needed to#only one more left to go!!!!#see u all next year#i hit over 100k words total and im not even done someone please end my self-inflicted suffering god what the FUCK
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Love yall asking for more of that random secret admirer thought like it isn’t public knowledge that I last posted a chapter for FTB three hundred and sixty days ago.
#I have been trying to quit this job for three months now#my life#is sorta killing me#but if I finally get the project open#and get to quit#AND I get my adderall scrip back?#ohhhhh#it is over for you fuckers#also it’s adorable you think a continuation of that would fix things#no#let em suffer
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my mum died last night
#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed#she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die#i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death#it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months#she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone#once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go#i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept#last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments#besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to#she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her#i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you''#and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you''#so things went as well as they could be considering the situation#she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting#it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me#everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good#so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel
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The Talamasca being famously terrible at keeping their operatives alive… Rashid girl what made you take this job. Is he just in it for the love of the game. Is he just that passionate about information gathering. Do they get paid time off when they’re not undercover. Is there a pension
#like he seems so Over It#my ideal Talamasca show is just Rashid being long suffering. finally out of that den of vampires#just wants a desk position from now on no more field work#but unfortunately everyone he works with is either insane or stupid or both#the talamasca#iwtv tv#iwtv#rashid
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#ok im making one more dot post and then i am (hopefully) getting off tumblr and going to bed#liam payne#death#i do suggest not reading tbh because its just gonna be waffle. anyways#ive distanced myself from the boys for years for a multitude of reasons. mainly that they did things that disappointed me and i realised the#way i was attatched to them was unhealthy. so for the most part i listened and enjoyed the music and didnt pay Much attention to anything#else. and like liam. i always liked him in the band days because to me he was the underdog. the underappreciated and probs less stanned one#out of all of them. and when youre a fan i do feel like a lot of us just wanted them all to be appreciated. idk. but anyways yeah i did feel#for him. due to him backgroud growing up. his talent. etc etc. even though he wasnt my fav. and even when he did something wrong my teenage#self still defended him like my life depended on it. (embarassing) anyways. his solo music while it was not my fav i still occasionally#enjoyed. its just over produced pop like it was fine and i found it fun. in terms of him as an actual person by this point in his career i#didnt pay attention to him or the others that much anymore#and like. yeah as of recently as more stuff came out about him being kinda weird and rude and abusive 🙃🙃🙃 that was kind of the final#straw for me! like in terms of me giving a fuck about him. if he eventually came around cool but i wasnt gonna wait around for it.#god this whole thing feels so dramatic but i need to get it oit or i Know i will not be at peace lmao anyways#so yeah come to hearing about his death which. i hear about because of trin lovell on twitter like. shsvshs. anyways my reaction was#disbelief and just... nothing? like i said in my brain i had just disregarded him honestly. and even now i still just feel speechless.#to summarise my feelings. fuck him for how he treated his ex and probably other women as well. but also. he was my boy. he'll always be a#part of me. and it feels weird that hes just. gone. he suffered a lot with addiction and pressures etc and its just. sad that hes gone now.#that he never got to get better. and he wont get the chance to. im sad for his family. and anyone else thats gonna be affected by this#im always gonna remember him.#and thats all i have to say. honestly part of me feels SO dramatic for even typing all this out but here we are.#if anyone has read this far and wants someone to talk to im more than happy. and also just wanna make clear that i am fine#le text post
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I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....
Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?
#I actually don't remember exactly when I picked up ninjago. I just know that it was april or may cause it was nearing the end of-#the school year#anyway this show feels like it's my best friend in all honesty. it's been with me for so long and at my loneliest#and to think that I've grown up alongside it. it's so weird#I have such a clear memory of like when just about anything happened for this show#s3 finale? I was sick but I still tuned into watch and CRIED#s5? I watched nearly every episode when it aired on cartoon network in my parents room cause my dad was using our other tv at that time#s8? watched it weekly in my grandparents basement and It Was A Ride#s11 finale? got to the episode at like. 6 am before I had to go to school and felt utterly disappointed there was no kai and zane fight#seabound? watched it weekly that one spring and IT WAS ALSO A RIDE#and that's not even touching the hours upon hours of fan works I've looked at#just. it's been such a long time. over a decade of my life that I've been attached to this show. and at the same time it feels like no-#time has passed at all#I actually first watched the show cause some classmates were talking about it and I wanted to be friends with someone so bad so I started-#to watch it and I Very Quickly surpassed their love of it#what a ride huh? now we're at a point where I can look this show and say it's genuinely good (THANK YOU DRAGONS RISING!!!!!!!!!!)#ok I'm done reminiscing. time to think about the newest scenarios in which to make kai suffer >:)#ninjago#phoenix prattles
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idk what's hotter between simon wrapping soap up as a gift to you, or yourself being laid under the christmas tree for both men......
#now that the brunt of xmas is over i can finally breathe hallelujah#xmas is only nice in retrospect or in such imaginings that i forget the fuckin stress of everything#anw yeah ghost n soap my beloveds#for u i'd suffer dry turkey#ghost x reader#soap x reader#ghoap x reader
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it's been since my early 20s that I had in-person friends to actually hang out with regularly. and idk how to word it exactly, but making a push last year to actively try and forge friendships in person was such a good idea
I'd been missing that sense of physical community for so long and I finally feel like I have it back. and it's just a boon to my soul!!
#[static]#i love love love my friends from all over the world and im always longing to hang out with you all in person#i love that we've all found ways to be close despite distance! be it games or hanging out or calls or sending each other fun stuff#my brain was suffering big time not having ppl directly in front of me (besides my wonderful beloved husband)#and now i wake up every morning with many messages from my local friends and we hang out weekly if not more#it's just .... nice to finally have found community!! i moved right 2 months before covid so there were years where it was just me n percy-#- holding on for dear life but now we have ppl who we can hang out with together and make memories with!#we're both pretty introverted but ya still need some sort of human contact now and again haha#there were a couple years there where the only time id get a message it was just from my mom and that was it fkjghd#i had stopped messaging old friends from my old city because they never replied back and i got tired of reaching out after a couple years#everyones got their own battles to fight and all that i just got really bummed out trying to keep connections going when it felt one-sided
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Hey I just wanted to ask a writer question. I really admire your writing and the amount of work and dedication you put into your stories and characters. You are one of my favourite authors ever. I have been wanting to get into writing and I was wondering how you flesh out your characters? For example you have a character that you’ve thought out, do you have a template that you fill in? Or just write a whole bunch of points about the character in a Google doc? I know that question might not make the most sense but I have a few characters that I’ve given quirks and backstories in my mind but I have no idea how to transfer them onto paper? Like Jane from TRT, is there just a big template or doc where you randomly put points into or some other type of organization? I know it’s not an easy thing to answer on text or even something you might not want to answer but even one sentence of advice is much appreciated :) Thank you so much for everything! I appreciate you. I will also put this into the ask thingy if you want to answer on there instead of PM 😁
I've managed to hammer this out in bits and pieces over the moments I've been more coherent so I think I'll make sense. First, thank you so, so, so much! I honestly love these characters so I'm always happy to hear someone likes it, even if I enjoy the work! 😭
Second - I do in fact have a template in doc form that I use to keep things organized! It's one I've been using since I took a novel writing course years ago by a published author, and in one particular class we went over character development, which is where I learned the template. The way I was taught (and the way I develop major characters) - first, even before filling in the template, I figure out their archetype(s). What story role are they filling? Who will they be a foil for? I like to think of those as your foundation, because every character is an archetype of some kind, and you can use that to build them up. To use Jane as an example, she's an antihero archetype, yes, but I've also pulled elements from: the Unscrupulous Hero, the Sympathetic Murderer, the Combat Pragmatist, and the Ineffectual Loner. Compared to Matt's hero archetype, she's the Lancer. Archetypes can help you if you're struggling to build up from the bottom.
Once I have the archetype, I start filling in the Major Character/Hero template, which roughly looks like this (if you don't fill it all right away, that's fine, because there's a step after this to fill it in the rest of the way). I like this one because I feel like it covers VERY important things that a lot of online character profiles skip, and has much less of a focus on looks (which I find way less important from a writing perspective):
Name: Age: Family History: Career: Physical Description: (include things like scars, notable or unusual features) Preferred Style of Clothing: (instead of listing brands, try to instead describe their style of clothing as it relates to their character - ex: Jane wears upper-end pantsuits in muted colors when meeting clients, because they carry a strong emphasis on professionalism; when hunting things down, she wears what is practical over anything to do with aesthetic) Goal: (every character should have one; what are they trying to do?) Motivation: (WHY do they want that goal?) Big Secret: (if it were Jane, it'd be what happened in Los Angeles; so what are they hiding? Keeping to themselves?) Self-image: (How do they see themselves? Are they confident and secure? Insecure and depressed?) Internal Conflict: (what are they struggling with?) Game: (What's some little game they enjoy?) Pet: (if applicable) Temptation: (what's aaaalways going to lure them in?) Vehicle: (if applicable; alternatively, how do they prefer to get around?) What makes them unique: (our fake post-apocalyptic character we made as a class had his teeth sharpened into points to scare people; Jane is often fidgeting with threads; just anything that stands out) How do they speak: (do they speak very precisely? Use lots of slang? Do they have an accent?) Quote: (What quote sums them up, or what quote do they relate to most? I have an entire folder of these for Jane tbh, and some for Ciro as well) Lesson Learned: (All characters should grow in some way, rather than stagnating. So how do they grow? What do they learn through the story?)
Now, this is something I was encouraged to do after the template, and also something I was already doing on my own. Once you have the template as finished as you feel comfortable with, you might feel like you need to develop the character a little further to fill in the rest, or solidify what you already have. The way you can do that? Write something short with this character. It doesn't have to be anything you need to post; it can be based on a short scene, based on a prompt, things like that. I like dumping them into: humorous scenarios, angsty scenarios, and Action Oriented (TM) scenes. Those really help you get into the meat of the character (aka: how they react to teasing/flirting/jokes; how they react to strong emotion; how they react in situations that might cause panic). Basically, it's your way of introducing yourself to them and becoming more comfortable writing them, because often a character might act a certain way in a cold, rigid template, but behave entirely differently once you drop them into a scene. Alternatively, you might get to writing and realize you need to make an adjustment so that they have better chemistry with the other characters. Writing a new character's a dance, and you're both going to step on each other's toes in the beginning, but once you learn how they move, it gets easier. And it helps them develop and grow as you learn about them!
#writing advice#writing#character templates#this is the template i've used for most of my major characters and i love it tbh#i've tried some other ones and they just don't work for me#i feel like they focus WAY too much on appearance which is fairly minor in the scheme of writing#and not enough on things like goals and motivations and who the character *is*#because that's our job as authors#we're here to show you who these characters are at their base level so you can watch them grow#we are here to dissect them so readers can see their squishy insides#or as the author who led the class said: 'your job as a writer is to cause pain and suffering'#and you can't DO that if you don't know the inner workings#so i've used her template constantly since then because it makes that easier#it also emphasises growth which is something i LOVE#because i hate when everyone just stays the same in a story#ok i think that's everything#been writing this up in bits and pieces over the past two week and was finally coherent for long enough to clean it up a bit#now to keep seeing if i can start write writing again
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Finally finished Attack on Titan. My God. Just. Wow.
#I started it when it first came out then was very odd and on#I eventually watched like 3 seasons in and never watched the last season or the long finale eps#I started getting my brother more into anime over the last like 2 years or so#he discovered AOT and finished it a while ago now and has been pushing for me to finish it too for like probably over a year at least#I’ve always been reluctant cause it’s such a heavy show and I had to be in the mood#finally the stars aligned tonight and we watched the final finale ep.#I cried several times.#it was perfect#it was painful and perfect#my fucking heart#hard to believe I finally finished it after over a decade from when I started it#and now I have lots of convos about it with my brother to look forward to#we’ve already discussed plenty tonight. but it’s getting late and idk if my brain’s even fully processed it all#attack on titan#top tier in my books#I don’t think I could ever do justice to the show trying to explain what was so good about it#gotta appreciate the little things. need to take the time to look at where I am rather than just where I want to reach.#peace and freedom are always worth reaching for even if war and suffering are inevitable to life. cherish the lives around you.#those are my takeaways from the series. those are the messages I received. and what a tragic and beautiful journey it was.
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spn was the top fandom BAR NONE for a decade on this site, wdym there are only ELEVEN jody/mary fics
#spn#supernatural#jody mills#mary winchester#jodymary#randi liveblogs media#area woman has to do everything herself#12x06 finally ate away at my brain in the background enough that i caved and went looking and--#i thought i was Suffering when my brain latched onto rillham as a ship#no no now i see these next however long is going to turn me inside out#at least its better than when i got obsessed with twftfejn lesbians??? :|#is there any way i can pspsps swanqueen ''how to get the savior to taste my forbidden fruit'' emma swan enjoying mutuals over to spn s12?#for my own selfish reasons just watch a couple youtube recaps and skip directly to s12 i need more ppl over here#yes the first arcs Fuck and are Genuinely good tv but--#no?? im stuck here by myself???#ykw fair enough :/#y'all not entranced by jody doing a speedrun of putting mary on a pedestal and having to knock her FIRMLY off of that in less than 12hrs??#y'all not entranced by mary Definitely Having A Complex abt jody being a better mother to her own sons than she was or ever could be#even if she'd been alive for the past two decades????#wild. crazy. i am clearly the only sane person in this fandom.#(for legal reasons that is a joke i was insane the second i decided to watch spn)#me
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Toothache has been KILLING me the last two days. Cannot sleep at all. It is definitely better than it was on Saturday but I feel the Saturday toothache was because of a sinus infection whereas this one feels like the actual tooth.
#Acgghgkkskssi#Personal#If it's not gone by tomorrow I'll call the dentist#It is my back tooth which is apparently a ticking time bomb that suffered damage from how my wisdom teeth grew in#So maybe it's that finally happening#Although I was literally at the dentist last month and they said it looked fine for now#I was at home cat sitting (which definitely causes the sinus infection one) and was using a probably not as good toothbrush there#So my other thought is my gum got scratched with that and is causing this pain#Idk I just want it over with#Doing all the drugs and home remedies
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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