#my smallville bs
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How DARE anyone call Lex "Cue Ball"?? Even though I had typed a tag for my previous post saying "where's my cue ball baby" but then deleted it. But it's DIFFERENT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!
#i literally gasped#oh my god Clark is also being a huge bitch#Lex is way too lenient with this BS#I'm absolutely rooting for him to go full evil at this point#just wreck all their shit honey#you deserve it#lex luthor did nothing wrong#aqua#smallville#not spn
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Everybody's heard of uncle Clark therapy, but what about uncle cap' therapy? (Pre identity reveal.)
Whenever the batkids get tired of Bruce's 'BS' they either go to Smallville for a Relaxing time with the supes. If the kids are looking for something insane and energy making to do, they go to Fawcett for uncle Cap therapy.
They fight around goons that they will be restricted to not fight cause of Batman, Steal Donuts from the cops, fight some evil villain in the most cartoony ways possible, and just take break out of that gloomy city and go to a city where it's stuck in the 1950s, fairies and unicorns exist, and where they will be allowed and encouraged to fight slighty dirty (not slightly, they will be fighting DIRTY.)
Tiny Conv:
Damian: This is utterly ridiculous, father. He was getting away, I had to break his legs. It had to be done. This isn't fair.
Bruce: You disobeyd my orders, this is the 5th call. You'll be put on break from patrol for a while.
Damian: This is idiotic. I'm going to Fawcett.
Babian said holding an already packed bag, marching to the zeta-tube.
Bruce holding the bridge of his nose, why does he even bother punishing his kids if they were going to runaway some place else like that. (He tried to stop them so many times from going to someplace else, but they always escaped and ended up at that place so he doesn't even bother anymore.
Few days later Damian comes back, with a comically large lolipop, stolen Donuts, and a whole lotta injuries. (It's fine, it'll heal soon..)
JL meeting that night was TENSE, Broodman was staring a hole into Captain Marvel's head (injustice superman and billy ref).
But he just can't seem to punish him normally, why is he tempted to treat an irresponsible grown man like a little kid and give him a grounding or something?
#dc#dc comics#dc universe#batman#dcu#billy batson#shazam#captain marvel#detective comics#batkids#superman#clark kent#bruce wayne#damian wayne#dc robin#Uncle clark therapy#Uncls Cap therapy
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Re: the clois vs cl*na post. While you are completely right that they are their 2nd loves, the dig that shipper was making was about Lois being Clark's "2nd choice", which is completely different. That person was trying to shoehorn the idea that Clark settled for Lois because he couldn't be with L*na, which is completely BS. They looooove to peddle that lie đ
(sent as an ask because OP turn off replies and couldn't reply there)
Oh I absolutely understood what they meant that was kinda my idea that like yeah she was second love but it doesnt mean second choice. Once he fell for lois there was absolutely no turning back not even to Lana. Smallville did a great job of really hammering home just how important Lois was for him. Like yes Lana helped him see certain things but Lois was truly his rock, even in moments that they weren't together yet she was the one that was there. Clois forever
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Official Booster Gold series Wishlist:
Ted Kord
Extended Boosterfam (Michelle & Rani)
Just jump right into the time travel shit, I love his ImPoster Boy era but Volume 2 is easily my favorite of the BG books
Whatever the fuck was Peacemakerâs intro???? I want that but More
Theodore Kord
I want a JLI episode but more than that I want a Booster & Guy episode
SKEETS MUST LOOK LIKE A ROOMBA. NONE OF THAT EARPIECE BS FROM SMALLVILLE. I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE FRIEND.
If I donât cry over Rip & Booster what is the point
The Second Blue Beetle
I want him to run over The Flash in the Time Sphere again. There is no reason for this other than it was funny.
Tbh if we can get Jaime in on the action too????? Would love that
Owner of Kord Omniversal
Tbh on a more serious note, I would like the show to explore like,,,,,how DEEPLY depressed Booster is. He has deep abandonment issues he never believes he is good enough to be loved he is always seen as the butt of the joke. A good Booster has to be funny but also has to be deeply, deeply sad.
âŚ..Also Ted Kâ
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Smallville 1x21
the last episode of the season, yeyyđĽł
I hate Lionel so much actually, his whole characters is a trigger for me. No wonder Lex is hanging out with 15 year olds and trying to get their parents to like himđś
"Will you wait for me?" Whitney, my dude, I hate to be the negative one here but-
Chloe: "Just promise me Saturday night's going to be great."
Clark: "It'll be a night you won't forget."
GOD, I hope Lex's plan worksđŹđŹđŹ
HOW THE FUCK ARE HIS CLOTHES FINE AFTER THAT EXPLOSION?????
No seriously, I need answers. Do I not know the fundamentals of physics or is this BS??????
Reporter dude, I fucking knew itđ¤Śđťââď¸đ¤Śđťââď¸ This is going to be so annoying, isn't itđ
It should be illegal for certain people to have children and by certain people I mean Lionel Luthor.
Chloe not trusting Clarkđ Same honestly.
I mean the journalist stalker dude is obviously going to die but how much damage will he do before that happens?
Oh, hi PeteđĽ°đĽ° Every time he shows up, I just feel so relieved at least one of the characters is living his best life with minimal drama.
Okay, cliffhangerđ
Honestly, the season had a slow start but it definitely picked up and went by pretty fast in retrospect.
#ellie's smallville thoughts#smallville#1x21#clark kent#lex luthor#lionel luthor#chloe sullivan#pete ross
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So asnit unravels. Smallville a canadian show about the sourthen states. Alludes to the secret tarot hidden under the russian alphabet. The first lettwr being found is Đ, used as the strength card as saint george. The dragon slayer. Not found in the old testament. And Lex gets a print of sainr goerge directly feom russia with a secret map hoddem underneath tonhelp in deciphering the key to supreme knowledge that the canadian/american superboi. Uncovers. All the while during the play its a play of deciphering a foreign language.
Ive only ever seen a couple episodes back in the day. Think inwas too busy getting high and hiddin from the onslaught that was my emediate environment. With jonime to turn to and noone to talk with and nothing to do but wait for the hit to my person.
When one makes efforts but its always suppresed and beaten down. So that it can be dragged out over decades just to torture the spirit. Cause my family are a bunch of morons and sadly the world wants to exert its sadistical nature of pleasure.
When tpu get feamed into so ethign your mot l, so
They get to continue torturing you for as long as they can.
Igh. I cant stomach reading the lies and bs in the news wbout the ukrainian war anymore.
I dint aant to be alive anymore. Wonder whats next in the raoing of mumy life plan. Niw that i have desease. Uhm. Whats next?pravavly just conitnue to abuse me while framing me up to be the abuser. Seems to be the theme of the last 8 years.
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I feel like I'm back on my clex bs I'm bout to rewatch Smallville
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@disrea Answering in a reblog bc this mentality makes me fucking sick to my stomach. Literally people of color have been fighting to make fanart of their favorite characters for more representation for too long for you to say bs like this. Go research it before you make an even bigger fool of yourself and harass more people.
But yeah, lets say this is a superman situation and not the sad sad reality of the fact that most fandoms and spaces refuse to accept anything other than the one or two allotted people of color in their media. Lets say its just a matter of Clark Kent and not the ever present hatred and push back against anyone not fitting the right fucking nationality or appearance. Lets erase the lifetimes of systematic eradication of our cultures and families and lands to the point where the only time we were written in media we became an accessory of mysticism in a white mans story and say its just about two silly little characters.
What importance does Clark being white hold? What does it bring to the table in terms of themes or plot? Why does the color of his skin matter when at the end of the day hes meant to protect and love and care for all people on earth to the point where his catchphrase is now "Truth, Justice, and The HUMAN WAY"? Why does he speak every language and believe himself to be a citizen of earth, not America?
AND not to mention, it makes more sense for him to be native if you think about it in the smallville universe. (which is where I was intending with this pic) The Kawatche are deeply integral to clarks story for the longest time. They are deeply tied to krypton and the laws of power there. They are tied by magic and blood (Jeremiah Holdsclaw) and ultimately are the biggest source of connection he has to his home planet.
SO yah to summarize, who the fuck cares if clark isnt white? who actually gives a shit about what color his skin is? Racist, idiotic people who cant actually comprehend not having the media tailored to always fit colonizing pigment standards.
Iâve been rewatching smallville (again) bc itâs one of my biggest comfort shows so pls take my hcs for clex đđđŤśđŤś click for higher quality pls image compression hates me
#see something you dont like? kindly go fuck yourself and dont make your racist issues MY PROBLEM#tw racism#get over yourself and go make more pathetic ai art đ¤˘đ¤˘đ¤˘đ¤˘đ¤˘đ¤˘đ¤˘since you dont like actual human artwork#SOME đ FANDOMS đ ARENT đ SAFE#literally hate making fanart for dc bc a lot of people are disgusting
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Ok obviously I love Clark and Lois and Clois, but Clark was such an oblivious dork in season 10. Sir you grabbed your girlfriend in a dark alley and made out with her and then were surprised when she knew your secret identity? And when she told you about making out with the blur, the idea of her knowing didn't cross your mind? I love you I love you I love you you genius.
#also why is this just phasing me now#smallville#clark kent#clois#lois lane#sv 9x21#sv 10x01#my smallville bs
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The way Lois was a Kent before she or Clark even caught feeling I âŚ
#just like every year Iâm back on my clois (smallville version) bs#clois#smallville#she found the Kents and decided theyâre gonna be her family#didnât give Johnathan and Martha a choice she was their daughter now
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A new episode of Roswell New Mexico titled âMissing My Babyâ airs tonight (August 1) at 8PM ET/PT on The CW, and to promote this weekâs episode, we were able to speak with actress Rekha Sharma who plays Dr. Shivani Sen in the current season. Sharma is no stranger to TV audiences, especially fans of genre television, having been seen on such series as Smallville, Supernatural, Star Trek: Discovery, Battlestar Galactica, V, and The 100; she was also recently seen on Showtimeâs Yellowjackets and is in the upcoming series The Imperfects.
âMissing My Babyâ aims to be a big one for her character of Shivani and you can read our interview below.
KSITETVâS CRAIG BYRNE: Would you say that tonightâs episode of Roswell New Mexico is where Shivani is finally out with it about why she is in Roswell working with Liz?
REKHA SHARMA: It does seem like sheâs much more open, and certainly, it has the most exciting moments that weâve had so far, in terms of making this discovery and acquiring this technology.
How much of Shivaniâs story arc was laid out for you when you signed on?
REKHA SHARMA:Â I had a really rough sketch of the whole thing, and I was looking forward to seeing the specifics on how it unfolded as we went along. These scripts are so fun.
Is it rewarding as an actor to play a role that can see through other peopleâs BS?
REKHA SHARMA:Â She does! She really looks, and listens, and sees where people are coming from, I think.
Youâve been in so many acclaimed TV programs. What made this show and this character special for you?
REKHA SHARMA:Â There was something about it that just leapt off the page for me when I got the audition. This woman is so full of life. She felt like a female Tony Stark to me, with all the money and the intelligence and the desire to help forward humanity by working with incredibly intelligent people. And sheâs just got a drive to her and a wit. Thatâs really fun. I hope that all comes across.
For those unfamiliar with Shivani, what has she done in the current season of Roswell New Mexico so far?
REKHA SHARMA:Â She has made an alliance with Liz that was not welcome at first, but she has through her sincerity and her ability to listen, and her warmth and kindness, been able to forge a real connection and some trust, even though sheâs doing some strange things and riling people up a little bit.
How frustrating is it for her that with all of her money and connections, there are certain things that she cannot save?
REKHA SHARMA:Â Absolutely heartbreaking. I think itâs part of her wisdom and her intelligence, but itâs her blind spot all at once if that makes any sense. Thatâs life. It doesnât matter how much money you have, there are things you canât change, and certainly not with money. You might be able to change more with other things.
How far would she go to save her daughter?
REKHA SHARMA:Â I think sheâs willing to go further than she even knows.
Would she possibly put the aliens in danger to save her?
REKHA SHARMA: I think she has a true enough heart that she would never choose anything like that on purpose. But in her heartache, grief is intense⌠the possibility of losing somebody you love is absolutely blinding, and I think she might miss some things.
What was it like to film in New Mexico?
REKHA SHARMA: I loved it. It was challenging with the elevation and the lack of humidity, so climate-wise, it was quite an adjustment coming from Vancouver. The people in the town of Santa Fe are so lovely. I did a lot of hiking; the nature there is gorgeous, and Iâm definitely a nature-oriented person. The crews on this show, and the cast⌠everyone was just such a breath of fresh air. Really authentic, warm people. It was a really special time.
Will we see Shivaniâs wife again before the series is over?
REKHA SHARMA:Â Youâll have to wait and see!
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@lamentationsofalonelypotato
The angst was so real (in the best way)! đ
She does, she's just afraid to admit it to herself and afraid to have those feelings for someone who doesn't love her back. And it really makes you want to hit her over the head with a frying pan LOL. And thank you! That's how I intended it to be, which is even more heartbreaking đ
It does make sense, poor thing. đ She's so unwilling to believe he could love her the way she wants/needs, while he's hesitating to allow himself to do it. And I'm thinking he's fighting off some self-doubt/self-worth issues as well?
I love this journey of self-discovery for her, both with her brother and past, and with her expanding powers. It's pique Hero's Journey stuff! đ
Plus, I really think that the creature is adorable, well, besides the murder tendencies. (I guess we could also say that about Ben LMAO)
LMAO factssss. Who could say no to that adorably confused grandpa face?
The reader is killing me tbh. I know I've said this before, but writing slow burn is literally almost as bad as reading it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE slow burn, but oh my stars sometimes it's so frustrating for them to both be in so much denial lol. I shouldn't complain because I did this to myself and now it really is "oh look the consequences of my own actions" lol.
LOLL the slow burn is a killer for both of us! "The consequences of our own actions" is so deeply relatable for the writing process. đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Thank you so much!đ For me there really is something wonderful about reading/seeing creative chaos in a home, and also looking at creative spaces that people have. I think that there is warmth and comfort in a home that looks lived in. It's why I don't love minimalism, because it looks cold if that makes sense lol.
Aw you're welcome! I totally agree. I love seeing that as well -- it's like getting a window into a person's mind through their living space. I don't like minimalism for that reason either!
Again, I was so on the fence about Soothsayer, but what you said about her being in "an even better position to give her advice when it comes to that man" is exactly why I decided to include her.
Honestly it was a great twist! It makes her friendship with Ben more fleshed out and her own past, and how it serves to help the reader now. Especially now that it seems she's going to help get the reader and Ben together! đ
I know đ She is going to realize it soon and I am so excited about that reveal. Oh plus I do think that she does know deep down that she does love him and care about him, but she's afraid to admit it because she doesn't want to fall for someone who she believes doesn't value relationships like she does.
God I can't wait!! lol And I totally get that. She really does seem to realize how deep her feelings run for him, but she's afraid, for the reasons you said. đĽ˛đĽ˛
Mayyyybbbbeeeee...đ Honestly, as much as I love reading fics where the reader isn't a supe, there's always a little part of me that can't help but see the reader growing old and Ben staying the same, and it always breaks my heart. There really is something so intimate and romantic about being able to truly spend your life with someone else, not just your life and then they go on for another few centuries.
Ooooh yesssss. đ And totally agree with you there! It's too bittersweet for me when you know one of them is going to die someday and the other keeps living on, carrying the weight of their memory. It's why I had to come up with that twist in BMD loll. Thank you for noting on that! It took some head scratching and BS science (and some inspo from my love of Smallville), but I think the reasoning was convincing enough on how the reader in BMD "caught up" with his longevity of life. đ I also love the idea of the plants giving her healing abilities and prolonging her life through that cell regeneration. đđ
It's my favorite line too! That and the bundt cake đ. But you're right, he's afraid of everything that he's feeling and after Countess, he's not sure if he should fall for someone again.
Can't forget the bundt cake!!
Oh yeah, Countess sure fucked him up. đŹ That, along with the torture and years of being treated like a god in all other respects. đŤ
Oh Ben, he'll get there. He just needs some actual love in his life, and someone stubborn enough to not only put up with his shit, but like you said, "take a chance" on him. đ
It's always my pleasure to read your stories, hun! Giving the feedback is the least I can do. đ
Chapter 14: Don't Be A Bundt Cake
Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV, Soldier Boy POV
Summary: When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you never expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you're around him the more you hate him, but you can't help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team. (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!)
Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (Not in this chapter), Slow Burn, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Soft Ben/ Soldier Boy, Protective Ben/Soldier Boy, Miscommunication Trope
Word Count: 13.1K
Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Sexual Innuendo, Talks of Death, DENIAL, Idiots in Love, Pining by the Reader (and SB, but he won't admit it) Depressing Thoughts, Mentions of sexual assault/rape (not detailed at all, really just in passing) Talks about weed, Sexist comments, Ben makes derogatory comments, Threatening Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.
Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you donât like, donât read, but if you do like, youâre my favorite!
Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.
Series Masterlist
Main Masterlist
A/N: I am so sorry this one took me a bit longer. The writers block was fighting me the whole way, but we are very closely nearing the end of this series and the moment the reader and Ben stop being so stinkin' stubborn.
Reader POV
You lean your forehead against the cool window, watching the world flash by in a flurry of color. The wooded forests had vanished hours ago and all that was left were the yellowed sprawling fields of corn and grain and family farms that were laid sporadically along the interstate. Each one a little world that caught the flecks of golden sunlight as the sun began to peak above the horizon.
The bus rolled smooth and steady over the weathered pavement towards it's destination and was filled with an odd assortment of people young and old. There was man with a brightly colored parrot that had been singing "It's A Small World After All" since you left NYC, a woman with a little boy playing with an iPad and who refused to turn down the volume no matter how many times his mother asked him to, a group of teenagers a few seats up that continued to pass around a flask, and due to how far back you were sitting on the bus an uncomfortable smell emanated from the bathroom each time the door was opened.
But you didn't notice any of it.
The only thing on your mind were the events that happened almost twenty hours ago. They continued to circle your mind, playing over and over again like a perverted cassette tape making you sink further into the worn cloth covered seat at the back of the bus. The images were haunting, some new and some old, but all the more still horrible to re-live.
The song "Nights In White Satin" floating into the backseat of your family's car, the flash of unnatural light you knew was never lightning, the caskets at your parent's funeral covered in flowers that were much to pretty to lay on something so morbid, Elijah's body succumbing to the poppies that ripped him apart, the proud sneer on your brother's face when he admitted to killing your parents, Darren's broken and bloodied body strewn in pieces over the street with the creature standing over him with a dripping red maw, the ruined building that housed "Please Don't Die" reduced to nothing more than rubble, and the look on Ben's face when you turned your back on him and fled the scene.
For some reason that particular image seemed to cling on to you and refused to fade. You'd never seen him look that way, almost⌠helpless and a little fearful. In all the time you'd known him, Ben had never looked at you that way. Sure you'd seen him proud, angry, cocky, lustful, mischievous, but never fearful. And you were sure that it wasn't an emotion that he was used to feeling, but that begged the question⌠why?
Why was he looking at me like that? Why wouldn't he let me go? And what was he afraid of?
The creature curled in your lap snorts something in it's sleep, turning itâs head further into the cradle of your elbow to shut out the brilliant early morning sunlight. It was now the size of a toaster and had warranted several odd looks whenever you got off to change buses, but you didn't care.
You weren't sure about anything anymore. Everything your brother confessed to you made you feel like you were living a lie and the revelation of exactly what your powers could do- take life from plants to heal yourself, create whatever the hell it was on your lap, and speak to plants⌠it scared you.
You thought for so long that you knew everything about your powers, that you were in control, but now you weren't sure.
You felt different, as if something had unlocked deep down that you couldn't shut up again.
You'd felt different after you killed Elijah, but this was more alive, weaving and twisting in the pit of your stomach. You felt more connected to the earth, to the world outside the bus even though you were divided by glass and metal. You could feel the energy that thrummed through the body of the creature on your lap, bending to your will, the life force of the plants it was formed from molding with you, becoming a part of you.
You felt so different than the person you had been before Darren entered the shop, so uncertain, and there was only one place you wanted to be when you felt like this⌠home. You couldn't wait to run up the worn front steps of your grandmother's house and into her arms. She always knew what to say in times like this.
And you desperately needed the comfort of her embrace.
The phone in your pocket buzzes again and you flip the screen to see the ridiculous selfie Annie and you had taken on Halloween last year. The one that you'd both spent dressed up as the two brothers from your favorite paranormal tv show. It wasn't the first time she'd called. Annie had called and texted you more times than you could count over the past twenty hours but you didn't answer her. You didnât want to.
It was the first time that you didn't want to talk to her, but talking to her meant that you'd have to re-live all of it again and you were clawing at the last shred of sanity you had left to keep it together.
The overwhelming waves of emotion kept pummeling you, dragging you deeper beneath the white surf. Each one brought the memories of what happened surging over you and were followed by everything that Darren said to you. Years of taking care of Darren and doing whatever he wished were tearing at your soul, years of giving up little things in your life to make him happy, and years of taking care of a man who you thought cared about you, but hated you enough to kill your parents and try to kill you too.
It made your skin crawl. Each time your brother told you that he loved you was an even bigger lie and now that you knew the truth and saw him for what he was, it felt like you were drowning. The darkness that ebbed just on the edge was begging you to leap into the abyss, but you were resisting the best you could.
The tears had stopped falling miles ago, but you couldn't stop the memories or the emotion that formed a cold ball in the pit of your stomach.
A sigh works it's way up and you pull your legs on the seat underneath you, jostling the creature on your lap that raises it's head for a moment to blink it's black eyes at you sleepily.
It was surprisingly docile right now, especially considering that twenty hours ago it had ripped your brother to shreds. In fact it seemed to understand how upset you were and had spent the better part of the last twenty hours rubbing it's head against your arm as if trying to bring you some comfort. It was settled on your lap, the weight of it a comfort, almost like a weighted plushy that gave you something to focus on.
"It's alright buddy." You whisper, scratching him under his chin. "We're almost home."
The phone in your jacket pocket buzzes again, but when you pull it out to turn it off, you catch a glimpse of the screen, and you hesitate. Because this time it's not Annie who's calling, itâs Ben.
The picture that flashes on the screen under the contact name "Gramps" is the picture of Mr. Fredrickson from Up. It always made you smile whenever he called you and you saw the picture because Ben did often remind you of him. He was certainly just as grumpy as Mr. Fredrickson and just as out of touch, but you thought it was cute.
Your thumb hovers over the answer button and you think about talking to him.
But what would I say?
You weren't sure what to say to him, or why you wanted to speak to him so badly, why you wanted him to be sitting here on the bus with you as you went home, and why you wanted him to hold you against his chest while you allowed yourself to break, but you did. You wanted to feel his awkward shoulder pat and his awkward version of hand holding and you wanted to hear him try to tell you to "buck up" or whatever he thought that a comforting word should be.
He's really not the best at that.
You smile to yourself at the memory of how he tried to comfort you back at the hospital, but the longer you sit there and look down at the picture on the screen the worse you feel.
Maybe that scared you more than your newfound powers, how much you were realizing that you needed him, how much you depended on him when things got too much for you to bear. The memory of him appearing as soon as you needed him back at the shop, another of him grabbing Darren and throwing him into the street as soon as Darren insulted you comes in a flash, and finally followed by the memory of Ben carrying you out of Elijah's office while you curled into his chest. You couldn't remember too much from that moment, in fact you'd thought that Ben had kissed you on top of your head, but you ascribed that to the haze of pain you'd been in from your broken arm.
What you did remember was how wonderfully warm he was after you'd been trapped in that damn freezer and how nice it felt to be in his arms. Another memory of Ben sleeping on the couch at the hospital bubbles up and you feel something in your chest begin to crack open. And you try your best to tell yourself the same thing that you always do when you feel like Ben might care more about you that he was letting on.
Ben doesn't want that. He's made it perfectly clear. He doesn't want a relationship. He's only wants one night, that's why he goes out with all those women-
You hesitate, thumb still hovering over the answer button as you do, the memory of the week you'd spent at the apartment with him flickering in the back of your mind. The week where he refused to leave you alone in the apartment, where he refused to do any jobs for Butcher, where he took care of you the best way he could, when he sat with you on the couch and made you laugh with his ridiculous movies, and the week where he hadn't had one date.
Your finger itched to answer the phone, but you couldn't, because you didn't want to feel this way about Ben, not when he'd told you countless times that you kept romanticizing him, not when he told you that he didn't want a relationship, and not when you could feel yourself beginning to fall for someone you thought was the wrong man.
For just a moment you tried to pretend that it was different, that he was different, but you didn't want to. It only made it hurt more.
The phone stops ringing, but the pit in your stomach still gapes open at you and for the first time in twenty hours you feel tears begin to fall. You didn't know why you were crying about this, why the thought of not picking up Ben's phone call seemed to hurt more than everything that had happened, but something made it hurt.
The bus driver announces over the overhead that you're reaching your final destination as he takes the exit for your hometown. The familiar buildings that line the streets are sheathed in a honeyed glow from the sun, the long shadow of the bus darkening them momentarily as it rumbles down the small streets to the bus station.
When it rumbles to a stop at the bus station you wait for everyone else to get off, trying to summon the strength to stand, and swipe the back of your hand across your face to rid yourself of the remaining tears.
The bus station was about a thirty minute walk from your grandmother's house, and you still hadn't called her. You didn't know what to say, didn't know how to tell her that Darren was dead and that he was the reason why your parents were dead.
The creature crawls up your body to drape it's warm body over the back of your neck as you stand. It wasn't bothering to hide, besides the people in your hometown already thought that you were odd because you were a supe and you'd always welcomed it. You give him a scratch on top of his head and his warm tongue flicks on the bottom of your earlobe as if thanking you before it curls further into the side of your neck, seeking warmth.
The first few steps on solid ground are shaky, but you find the strength while taking in a deep cleansing breath of the outside world, letting the gentle warmth of the sun and the tickle of the autumn breeze pull at your coat. You hadn't stopped at your apartment before coming here, instead you had stumbled your way to the bus station covered in dust, flecked in blood, and demanded the first ticket back to Illinois. It was lucky that the next bus was leaving immediately, because you didnât want to spend another second in NYC, not when all you wanted was to be home.
Plus you were worried that someone had recorded what exactly happened outside the plant shop and you didn't want to get arrested.
It was self defense anyway. Maybe Jake would represent me in court.
The thought of Jake makes you twinge. You hadn't checked to see if he was alright before you ran from the scene. Not to mention you'd destroyed the shop he'd put all his life savings into after he stopped being a lawyer.
Oh fuck, what if he sues me? He can't exactly sue DarrenâŚ
You hear someone call your name and you open your eyes.
Your grandmother is standing in front of the same baby blue pickup truck that she'd had longer than you've been alive, wearing a long multicolored skirt and a pressed white blouse tucked elegantly into it. Her silver hair is loose and long, curling over her shoulders in gentle waves. She looks the same way she looked one week ago when she left, and you've never seen anything so beautiful in your life.
You're running before you can stop yourself, crumbling into her warm embrace, with more tears streaking down your face, but she doesn't mind.
"Shh. It's alright honey." She whispers, rubbing her hand over your back, her embrace steady and surprisingly strong. "Let's go home."
Her home is the same as it's always been. A two story Victorian house painted in a happy yellow shade, with a white wrap around porch and two white rocking chairs sitting empty on the front porch. You'd spent more nights than you could count rocking silently beside her with a crochet project in your lap listening to the rain fall and soak the world outside, while the plants sang praises with every gentle bend beneath the heavy droplets.
You could barely remember the home you spent in your early years with your parents, not when you'd spent most of your childhood spending the night here and after your parents died living here permanently. There was still a large oak tree were a wooden swing swung in the slight breeze on the left side of the yard, a gardenia bush that stretched as high as the second story on the right side of the house and brushed it's soft leaves against the sunshine colored outer walls, a garden filled with both flowering plants and herbs that perked up on both sides of the front yard as you walked up the path, and a cobblestone path that Annie and you had spent hours of your shared childhood covering in chalk art.
Neither of you were good, but when the rain would fall and smudge the clean lines, you'd jump in the puddles that pooled along the walkway singing the lyrics to ABBA's "Cassandra" not quite understanding what it meant.
Standing here outside your house made you miss Annie and feel worse about not calling or texting her back, but you didn't feel like talking about what happened and you were sure that Butcher filled her in. The only thing that you wanted was to collapse in your bedroom upstairs and curl under the comforters.
Despite everything the house was a welcome sight, but at the same time it was different. You could feel the plants calling out to you, asking for you, bending towards you just to touch your shoes as you walked by. You'd never felt so connected with them before, not even when you were in your apartment or working at the shop. It was overwhelming.
And although a part of you was frightened by it, another part of you rejoiced in it. You didn't feel alone, didn't feel weak, and you knew that you never would ever again.
The creature nuzzled into the side of your neck with a sigh, soaking up the sun's healing rays as you walked up the front steps with your grandmother following behind you silently. She hadn't spoken since she picked you up at the bus station and you hadn't supplied anything in the ten minute car ride back to her house.
You didn't know where to start and you were still trying to process everything yourself.
The inside of her house was just as cozy and warm as it was the day you moved out. There were photos of your parents and you covering the walls (Darren's had been placed in the closet long ago), half-finished knitting projects sorted in different baskets on both the dining room table and the living room coffee table, spools of yarn were strewn over the couch sorted by color, and the fresh smell of gardenia wafted through the open windows on the breeze.
It was home. This was what you'd been missing the moment everything began to crash over you, but as you stood there in the familiar living room it felt like something was missing. Something tugged at the back of your mind, but you couldn't put your finger on it.
There was something or rather someone that should be here, but you didn't know what or who. And your mind supplied Annie, but you weren't sure that's who you meant.
"Let's have some tea." Your grandmother says from behind you and you feel her soft hands come down on your shoulders to steer you through the familiar creative chaos and into the large kitchen at the back of the house.
The kitchen isn't spared from the madness, it rarely was. There are boxes upon boxes of cookies in different stages of being packaged all over the counter, dirty bowls and a measuring cup stacked in the sink, and a large opened bag of chocolate chips spilling over the flour covered kitchen island.
It wasn't unusual to find the kitchen or the house in a state of chaos, your grandmother always said that a house should look lived in and that the mess was part of the fun of any major project as long as you were responsible enough to clean it up.
"Bake sale?" You ask as you sit down in the breakfast nook, uttering the first words that you'd said to another human being in twenty hours.
The next breath that you inhale was supposed to be cleansing, but you can still feel a weight pressing down on your chest, the same one that settled in the moment everything happened with Darren.
You contemplate again how you're going to tell her that Darren is dead and was the reason why your parents died.
Damn it Darren.
"Mhmm." She hums, filling the well used red kettle. "Annie's mother practically cornered me in the supermarket yesterday and begged me to make cookies. I love Annie, but her mother needs someone to pull that stick out of her ass. It's been up there for so long that I'm sure it's rotten."
The creature crawls down from your shoulders and down your arm to sniff at one of the chocolate chip cookies nearest you. It hadn't eaten sinceâŚ
Darren.
You wince slightly at the thought and hope that you hadn't created something that needed and craved human flesh. The last thing you wanted to unleash on the world was Audry two especially in the wake of Homelander.
Truthfully you were waiting for the guilt at killing your brother to come, but it never had and you wondered if it ever would.
Probably not. He deserved that, he killed our parents, he tried to kill me, he tried to kill Ben.
The thought of Ben again makes a lump form in the back of your throat. You didn't know what was happening to you only that you felt guilty for leaving him like that, for yelling at him to let you go, and just vanishing on him when he probably thought that you were going back to the apartment.
He doesn't know where I am. Maybe that's why he tried to call, because he got back to the apartment and couldn't find me there and he was worried. You press your lips together. Yeah. Worried. Right.
"Honey?" Your grandmother says in a soothing voice
You look up from the box of chocolate chip cookies that you didn't remember picking up. Even the creature is looking at you with an expression that you can only explain as worry.
"Yeah?" Your voice shakes slightly.
She's leaning back against the counter, arms crossed over her chest, head tilted slightly to the side, her beautiful grayed hair pulled up in an elegant bun, but in her eyes you can see genuine concern. "Fuck." She sighs after a minute.
You blink in surprise. It was the first time that you'd ever heard her say that word in your entire life.
"I shouldn't have left." She breathes. "I told Ben to look out for you. I told him, that little bastard was bound to show up again and what did he do? He left you at that plant shop alone with no protection!"
You'd only seen her really angry a handful of times in your lifetime. Like you, your grandmother often had a gentle disposition and didn't get angry unless the situation called for it.
I mean, Darren admitted to killing our parents and then got fucking ripped apart. But how does she know about any of that? I haven't told herâŚ
"How did you know that he left me there? Did Ben call you?" You ask putting down the box of cookies.
An odd expression crosses her face, as if she's contemplating something. "No." She hesitates again. "I saw it."
"No." Your grandmother hesitates. "I saw it."
"You saw it?" You repeat, confused.
What's going on?
"Too late of course, but I'm a little rusty. I was able to warn Ben that Darren was coming back. That's how he got there so quickly or rather-" She shrugs sheepishly. "He got there in time to make sure that Darren didn't get you to forgive him. Which you shouldn't have at all, but I know he's always had a talent for manipulating you."
"What?"
Is she saying what I think she's saying?
Instead of explaining further your grandmother walks out of the kitchen, leaving the kettle behind on the stove and you in a state of utter confusion.
Is she saying that she can see the future? Because that would mean that she's a supe and there's only one supe in history that I know of that can do that. A supe that no one has seen in over forty years.
You can hear her open the door to the closet under the stairs and the sound of her sifting through all the junk that the two of you had shoved in there over the years instead of finding the right place to put it.
When she comes back into the kitchen, she's holding a giant cardboard file box that you'd never paid attention to each time you opened the closet to find something. Your eyes shift from the box to her still not comprehending exactly what she was saying.
"I probably should have told you this a while ago, butâŚ" She trails off and nods her head at the box before turning back to the kettle on the stove that has begun to scream. "I kept putting it off."
The box is old, worn at the edges, and theres a musty black fabric beneath a collection of yellowed photographs. You pull out the one on top to examine it.
Ben is standing there in his full Soldier Boy regalia outside of Vought tower and the woman standing next to him is Soothsayer. The outfit she wore was familiar, a black-skin tight suit with a blind fold tied over her eyes.
Soothsayer was a supe who could see the future and who was apart of Payback, a supe that had vanished a year before the mission in Nicaragua and no one knew where she went. There were rumors that she'd died and that she'd been a Russian spy, but you'd never believed them. You'd heard Butcher talk about how he tried to find her when he was trying to figure out what happened to Soldier Boy, but he never had. Said that the trail went cold.
But now you knew where she went, because she was standing directly in front of you.
She's Soothsayer? Holy fuck that's why Ben kept accusing her of cheating in the poker game because he knew that she could see the future.
"You were Soothsayer?" You gasp. "But why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me?"
She continues to measure the tea leaves. "I didn't tell anyone."
"Grandpa didn't know? But he was alive when you were a supe?"
Your grandfather had never spoken about a history with supes that you remember.
"No." She turns to look at you, a hurt expression crossing over her face for a minute. "Well, I know that I said I was going to have tea, but if we're going to talk about this I'm going to need something a little bit stronger."
Your grandmother opens a cabinet under the stove an pulls out an enormous bottle of scotch. Truth be told you'd never seen her drink more than just a glass of wine, to see her like this was about as shocking as seeing a polar bear sunning itself on a Florida beach.
"Do you still want the blueberry tea or do you need something a little stronger?" She looks back over her shoulder at you as she pulls down a glass for herself.
"I think I need something stronger." You answer honestly.
Learning about everything Darren had done was one thing, but finding out that your grandmother used to be a famous supe and that she never told you about it was another thing. It was like looking at another person. You'd always loved your grandmother's gentle way, her care for her community and her family soft, but now you weren't sure you really knew who she was.
She sits down across from you and hands you a glass of the amber colored liquid. There's a heavy silence that hangs between the two of you as she tries to find a way to start. The photo of her and Ben is laying on top of what you realize is her uniform inside the box and she smiles down at the photo, just a little twitch at the corner of her lips.
"I met Ben when I was twenty three years old." She begins taking a sip from the glass. "Legend 'discovered' me. I had the injection of Compound V maybe two years before that, not when I was born, but I hadn't gotten popular. Other powers were much more flashy and by then there were so many heroes coming out of the woodwork that someone with the ability to see the future didn't seem as marketable."
There's something reflected in her blue eyes, the same eyes your father had, that you can't place. "I had just moved to New York, I had no money, and the way I was getting it was by pretending to be a fortune teller and betting on some sports events on the side. It wasn't hard to prove that I could see the future, the past was more difficult, but Legend somehow stumbled into my shop and figured out that I was a supe. And he didn't think I was too bad looking so he helped me get big."
"You pretended to be a fortune teller?"
She snorts into her glass. "Mhmm. People really will believe anything if they're desperate enough and back then there was so much turmoil going on with Russia that people were scared and wanted to feel comforted. My job provided some of that."
"But why did you walk away from it if you were such a big hero." You ask. "Everyone knew your name, you were-"
Your grandmother raises an eyebrow at you and you fall silent so she can continue. "When I got onto Payback that's when everything exploded for me, the films, the commercials, the ridiculous ads." She sighs. "That's also when I met Ben."
You take a sip from the glass in front of you, sputtering slightly. It was stronger than you were expecting. "And you two were-"
Please don't say dating, please don't say dating, please don't sayâŚ
"Friends. Just friends." Diana sits back against the back of the breakfast nook, sinking into the navy blue pillows. "But he is almost as charming now as he was then."
You cringe at the thought of Ben coming on to a younger version of your grandmother.
She taps her glass with her index finger deep in thought. "But I think that I was the only person that Ben actually talked to, the only person that he was comfortable being around."
"What do you mean?" You ask confused. "Didn't he talk to Countess and to Legend?"
Her expression hardens at the mention of Countess's name. "He didn't talk to her the way he talked to me. Ben is difficult, he always has been and I think that most of the people he meet him write him off as this asshole with a chauvinistic look on the world, but he's not. At least, not all the time. There are so many people that he's met that are never willing to take a chance on him. To trust that there is really something beneath all of that bravado."
It was what you had been thinking for the past week, that there was more to Ben than he was willing to let people see, but you were slowly realizing that Ben was letting you see those parts. In the quiet moments at your shared apartment when he sat with you while you read or made you laugh or walked you to and from work you saw another side of Ben that you never saw when he was around anyone else. The guilt rises again when you think of how you ran from him, how you turned your back and left him standing there to clean up your mess.
I shouldnât have done that, but it was all just so overwhelming and I didn't want to talk to anyone.
"I think that Ben is the most loyal friend I ever had. No one ever seems to believe me when I say that. That we were just friends, but nothing happened between us."
"You didn't date? Or sleep together?" You ask cautiously. It was difficult to imagine Ben being friends with a woman and not having a sexual relationship with her.
Well. We're friends, but that's different.
The last thing you wanted to think about was Ben and your grandmother having sex.
I would need so much therapy after that. You sigh. Yeah, because after all the shit I've been through and found out about my life in the last twenty hours, the knowledge that Ben fucked my grandmother is what's going to push me over the edge.
"No." She shakes her head with a small smile. "About a week after I met Ben, I was running late to a movie shoot and I stepped off the crosswalk without looking. There was a car coming and I didn't see it. Ironic isn't it?" She laughs at herself. "I can see the future and I didn't see a car coming, but your grandfather did and he grabbed the back of my jacket and yanked me onto the sidewalk, saved my life. And the second my eyes locked with his I saw our future. I saw our wedding, our first house, I saw our son take his first steps and I saw how much I would love him and how much he would love me." She clears her throat for a minute, her fingers tighten on the glass, and her gaze drops to the wedding ring on her left hand. âThe future is never set in stone, itâs fluid. It morphs and shapes with your decisions, but in the future I saw, I was so happy. And I didnât want to lose that.â
Your grandfather had passed a few years ago, but you knew it weighed on her everyday. She had spent the week after he died in her room not saying anything to anyone. And sometimes she'd look out the window into the backyard with an odd expression, but you knew that meant she was thinking of him.
Growing up you'd seen how in love the two of them were, more so than your parents. Seen the flowers your grandfather always brought home just because he was thinking of her, watched him do little things around the house without being asked, saw how they never walked away angry from one another, and seen the soppy expression he'd get when he watched your grandmother move around the kitchen baking with a grace that you'd never possessed.
You reach across the table to touch her hand and she takes it gratefully.
"I didn't want to tell him that I was a supe, and at the beginning I thought I could balance it all, but then Ben started dating Countess." She takes another sip from her glass. "She hated me."
"What? Why?" You ask. The creature crawls across the table to sniff at the glass in front of you, before it snorts and falls into your lap, curling into a ball.
"Countess was a bitch." Your grandmother says mirthlessly, her expression hardening. "She wanted to possess Ben completely. Only loved how famous he was, how popular it made her, and he threw himself at her feet, in his own way, not understanding that love didnât look that way. Heâs never had a good example of it in his life. And she never understood that Ben and I were just friends. By then I had been dating your grandfather for a few months and things were getting serious. It was about a year before everything that happened in Nicaragua."
She presses her lips together as if remembering what happened to Ben there. "She was jealous, possessive, and she came to me one night. Ben was out of town for a film so she knew we wouldnât be interrupted. She threatened to tell your grandfather who I really was and threatened to kill him.â Her jaw sets. âMy powers were never really as offensive as hers were. And she said that Ben wouldnât ever protect me over her because he loved her and would do anything to make her happy. So I left and I never looked back.â
And here I thought I couldn't hate Countess any more than I did for what she did to Ben.
âYou didnât talk to him ever again?â You wonder out loud.
She left without telling him goodbye?
âThere was the occasional phone call. Sometimes Ben would ask me to see who was going to win a ball game or something so he could make a few bucks. He stopped by to say hi a few times because he was in the neighborhood. One time he brought your father a baseball glove that was way too big for a one year old.â She snorts, the memory flashing in her eyes. âI always thought Ben would be a good dad some day. But I think seeing your father was when Ben realized how much he wanted to have kids. And I think seeing the way your grandfather treated me made him start to feel conflicted about Countess. But he respected that I walked away, he saw that I was happy.â
âBut what about Nicaragua?"
A dark look crosses her face followed by something that looks suspiciously like guilt. âI saw what they were going to do to him.â
âWhat? But why didn't you tell him what they were planning? Why didn't you-"
"I tried." She snaps, shoulders tense, but then they drop. "I called Ben, but Stan answered. By then your father was turning two, your grandfather had opened up his practice, and Stan threatened me, he knew where we were and knew everything about us. So I kept my mouth shut and Iâll regret it for the rest of my life.â
You could feel your heart breaking for her.
Ben was her best friend and she had to sit by and watch them do that to him. She saw what they were going to do and they were going to kill her for it, kill my family for it.
The anger that surges in your chest makes the creature in your lap stir and grow a few inches, but you tamp it down before it gets bigger than a small dog.
âDoes Ben know?â You ask her to distract yourself.
You didn't want Ben to hate your grandmother for this, didn't want him to hate her for something that wasn't her fault.
She nods. âYes. I told him everything.â
âWhen?â
âThe moment I saw him in your hospital room. I couldnât keep it in any longer. I wasn't expecting him to be there, but it all poured out of me. I was so surprised to see him there. I hadn't seen a future where he came back."
âWas he mad?â
I mean⌠he didn't seem mad when I woke up, not to mention he was upset when she left to come back to Illinois.
âNot at me.â She shakes her head. âHe knew how much I wanted a normal life and how much I loved your grandfather. He doesnât blame me for any of it.â
âGood. I canât believe you didnât tell me.â
The glass in front of you is still more than half-full but you don't want to risk another sip of what you're sure is gasoline packaged to look like Scotch. Your grandmother reaches to pour herself another glass.
âI didnât want to until you were ready.â
âAnd when would that be?â
Your grandmother shrugs. âMaybe on my deathbed.â
You weren't angry for her not telling you, more surprised, but now that you knew everything about her it was hard to see her the same way you had.
 You snort. âAnd no one knew?â
âYour dad figured it out.â
âHow? When?â
âThe moment you made that strawberry plant grow from your high chair.â She shakes her head with a smile. âIt skipped a generation. Donât know why, but you got it all somehow.â
âI was never injected?â
âNo. That was a lie your father created. He knew that your grandfather didn't know and he knew that I didn't want your grandfather to know."
âDarren thought I was.â
âI know.â
At the mention of your brother's name, you watch her expression harden and she takes another swig from the glass in front of her, not flinching as the liquid goes down her throat.
âDid you see everything that happened?â You ask in a small voice.
You still weren't 100% sure how it was her powers worked, but you figured that she was able to see some of what Darren did and what he said.
âYes.â
âYou heard everything Darren said?"
âYes.â
You chew the inside of your cheek for a minute hoping that she didn't take it as hard as you did. âDid you know that he killed them?â
âNo.â She breathes, rolling the glass between her hands for a moment. âThe night they died, I got a vision a few minutes before the car ran off the road. I was the one who called the police and who told them where to look, but I never saw that it was Darren or that it was anyone causing the accident. All I saw was the three of you in the car. I should have known.â Her voice breaks.
âItâs not your fault.â You squeeze her hand.
âAnd itâs not yours either.â She squeezes your hand back.
The memories are beginning to float up from the recesses of your mind and your teeth clench together as you try to keep them at bay.
âI know.â You breathe. The memory of the ruined shop flashes through your head. âI didnât know that I could do something like that.â You gently touch your healed right arm and glance at the creature that is nibbling on the edge of the cardboard box with its sharp splinter-like teeth. âI feel so different and I donât know how to go back to the way I was.â
âI donât think you ever will.â
"Really?"
The thought was unwelcome. You were hoping that all of this was going to blow over, but you knew it wouldn't. Your powers had changed. There was an energy that thrummed in your veins now, stretching out of the house to the plants that grew in the garden. You could feel them all if you concentrated.
She frowns. âWhen you told me that you were working for Butcher I was worried about you getting involved in the supe world. I didnât want that life for you, didnât want you to suffer the way I did-â
âWas it really that bad?"
âNot all the time, just at the end. But I think thatâs why I loved your grandfather so much. Because he was different than all the supes. He was down to earth, not just normal but-â She shrugs. âI think Compound V does something to our minds, makes them more susceptible and when youâre surrounded by people using their powers and thinking that theyâre gods itâs easy to lose who you are. I was glad I left when I did."
âGreat." You huff, thinking about how your powers had grown exponentially since you killed your brother. It was scaring you to think that you would reach a point where you acted like Homelander, where you saw yourself as a god and killed anyone who stood in your way.
As tired as the stereotype of you only being able to make the flowers grow, you liked doing that. You liked healing plants, tending to them, and helping them grow. For you it had never been about using your powers the way that you had to kill Elijah and your brother and had always been about spreading a little more joy and love like your grandmother did with her kindness in her community.
Your mind flashes back to the first night that Ben stayed with you in your apartment and he'd asked you why you worked for Butcher and told you that he thought you "didn't fit."
Before you hadn't. You knew that. You weren't intimidating to look at or fueled by revenge or had a bone to pick with supes. You'd joined because you thought it was the right thing to do and because you wanted to be closer with Annie. She had been so involved in the supe world and you'd felt like you were losing your best friend. When in reality being at "Please Don't Die" was the only thing that felt natural for you.
You could feel yourself changing and you weren't sure that you wanted to and you weren't sure if you were changing for the better. Deep down you still felt like you, despite everything Darren had revealed, but your powers were greater than you'd thought they could be.
âNo.â She squeezes your hand pulling you out of your head. âI donât see you losing yourself in this.â
âYouâve seen-â Your eyes widen.
âThe future yeah.â Her lips twitch up at the ends in a smile. âIt is what I do.â
âThatâs so weird.â
You hadn't meant to say it, but you really didn't want to know too much about your future.
Well, not all that much. Maybe just a little.
âYou of all people have no right to judge whatâs weird. Not with Godzilla sitting in your lap.â
"Godzilla" yawns, flashing a mouthful of his pointy teeth, before settling back down on your thighs.
You smile for the first time in twenty hours, but then it drops. âI donât like losing control. I thought I knew who I was but now I donât-â The emotions were bubbling up again, chest tightening, and lungs beginning to gasp for air. âI donât know who I am anymore or what I am or what I can do and-â
âThereâs nothing wrong with not being in control.â
âBut what if I hurt someone? What if I kill-â You body shakes as you think about all the important people in your life, Annie, Hughie, Butcher, Kimiko, MM, Frenchie- and then your mind stutters on Ben.
âYour powers are growing and thereâs nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. If youâre afraid of them it wonât get easier for you. You have to embrace the fear to see the lights that line the path through it.â
"I killed Darren, I killed Elijah-"
"Not because you lost control. You did it because you were protecting yourself and protecting your friends."
"But-"
"Who is it that you're scared of hurting? Annie?" Her expression turns sympathetic. "Annie is a supe and understands what it's like to lose control. None of us are in control all the time and it's ridiculous to believe that you won't lose control at least once."
Your throat clenches tightly, because when she asked the question you didn't see Annie's face, you saw Ben's. You knew that it was probably ridiculous to worry about hurting a guy with a nuclear reactor stuffed in his chest or a guy who'd been through every torture known to man, but you were. And you weren't entirely sure if you meant hurting him with just your powers.
Tears crest and fall down your cheeks as you sit there, throat thickening. "I don't want to hurt Ben."
"He's a little more indestructible than us sweetie." She cracks a smile, but you can't smile back and you don't answer because you're unsure how to.
She sits back against the breakfast nook and sighs, examining your face and slowly realizes what you mean. "Ben is complicated. He always has been. I like to think that most of it, is his father's fault. Has he told you anything about him?"
You shake your head.
"He was a dick. Made Ben think that he was a disappointment his whole life. I don't think that Ben has had someone love him unconditionally since his mother died. And loving Countess only made it worse for him. Her love was jealous, possessive, and I don't think that he's really come to terms with what real love should look like." She lets out a breath, tapping her index finger against the glass. "I never saw him as more than a friend, but I do love him. It's not a crime to love him."
"I don't love him." You say it immediately.
"Why not?"
"What?" You sputter. "I don't know what you're-"
"Tell me why you don't love him." Your grandma says methodically, as if she's trying to talk you through it.
"Because I-" The pressure was back in the back of your throat and you couldn't quite meet her eye. "Because-" You scramble for the answer, trying your darndest to keep your heart from clenching in your chest. "I want what you and grandpa had, what Annie and Hughie have, and what my parents had. A strong relationship with someone who sees all my flaws, the little parts, and the darkness and still choses to fall in love with me anyway. I don't want just one night I want every night. I want something real and Ben has said countless times that he-"
"So you've talked about it with Ben?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Only because he kept trying to sleep with me and I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him." You reply exasperated.
"You don't?"
"Gran!"
"What? He's attractive."
"It doesn't matter. None of it does. Because Ben has said that he doesn't have relationships, that he doesn't care about feelings, or emotions." Saying the words that Ben had told you countless times made something inside begin to shrivel up and die. "And I do. And I don't want to manipulate him into being something he's not or force him into a relationship that's doomed from the beginning. Ben is Ben. He's not changing or-"
"He has." She interrupts.
"What?"
"The Ben I saw in your hospital room is not the one I knew." She says it so matter of fact that makes it hard to breathe. "And neither was the one that I saw in your apartment when I stayed with you. I mean he is in essence Ben, but-"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"He is changing. Not completely, but he's acting differently than when he was with Countess. I mean, I saw all the things he did for her. The way he was around her."
"Why does that matter?"
"Because he loved her."
The words make your heart seize in your chest. "Ben doesn't love me. He's my roommate and my friend-" It was the same thing that you kept telling yourself on repeat to beat back the other feelings that you hadn't quite identified yet. "And he's told me that he doesn't want a relationship and that I should try to meet other people."
That last part was a lie, but you honestly didn't know where she was going with this conversation or why it was getting so hard to breathe.
"Have you thought that maybe Ben doesn't want to love you because he's scared?"
"He doesn't love me and Ben isn't afraid of anything."
"He is. It might not look the same way on him as it does on everyone else, but if you pay close enough attention you can catch it." She hesitates. "And I think if you pay attention to you, you'll see what it is that you're afraid of too."
What does she mean? What the hell am I afraid of? Ben isn't afraid of anything, he's practically shouted that from the mountaintops like Julie Andrews.
"I already told you what I'm afraid of."
"I'm not talking about you hurting someone honey. There's something else that you refuse to admit to yourself because you're scared." She smiles sadly at you. "You should though, because when you embrace it, what comes after is really beautiful." There's a far off look in her eyes and you realize that she'd seen something further ahead that she wasn't letting on.
"And it's all I want for you. To be happy." Your grandmother stands from the other side of the booth "I think you need some rest. You drove all night long and I doubt you got any sleep. And I have to package all of these before Annie's mother calls down the four horsemen of the Apocalypse on me."
"Wait-"
"Please sweetie." She lays her hand down on your arm. "I think you'll feel a little better about all of this when you've had some rest." Her fingers raise to push back some of the hair that's fallen forward into your eyes. "Hmm?"
You didn't want to rest, you wanted to talk about this, but you knew better than to argue with her. Not to mention she was right, you hadn't slept.
"And when you wake up I'll make your favorite for dinner, alright?" She smiles, but there's something behind it that you can't place.
"Okay."
And this time you don't argue with her. You go up the worn staircase that you have your entire life and collapse onto your bed, wondering exactly what it was she saw your future hold, and what it is that you won't admit to yourself.
Soldier Boy POV
There was no light in the apartment save from the burning red tip of Ben's blunt and the bluish glow emanating from the tv that caught the dips and sharp edges of his face. But it was nothing more than background noise.
His hand absentmindedly stroked along Bean's back, his eyes focused on the ceiling above the couch. He hadn't moved in hours. It had been over twenty four hours since everything that happened at the plant shop, since you'd summoned a creature from the depths of the store, since Darren had thrown Ben through the plate glass windows of the bakery, and since Ben had last seen you.
He didn't understand why you hadn't let him take you back to the apartment and why it was that you had to leave. Ben hadn't liked the feeling that stabbed him in the chest when you turned your back on him and ran away. He'd felt the urge to comfort you the way he'd watched Hughie do for Annie in the car a week ago, but you hadn't let him.
Instead all he'd done is stood there and watched you run, still covered in dust, rubble, and blood. Worse was you hadn't let him check you for injuries and Ben hated the thought that you were hurt somewhere and he didn't know where you were.
You were so much more fragile than he was. He was realizing that more every day, was acutely aware of it after everything that happened with Elijah. Honestly, sitting there in the hospital with you laying there asleep with nothing that he could do, but wait for you to wake up had been agony. Not to mention that looking at the bruises around your throat, over your eye, and the bright green cast only made him feel worse. He'd never felt so helpless in his entire life and he hated it. Because Ben wasn't some helpless damsel in distress, he was a man and a man shouldn't wait on anyone or feel out of control, or at least, that's what he told himself.
Ben hears someone walk down the hallway outside the apartment and he perks up to listen, hoping that it's you finally coming home. Ben's mind stutters on the word "home." He'd lived many places in his life, apartments that felt more like way-stations, and the drafty cold mansion back in Philadelphia where he grew up, but neither felt like home. And although he hated how small your apartment was, it was the first place that Ben liked living in. He was starting to understand the word home.
But the feet keep moving past the apartment and Ben sinks into the couch cushions. Even Bean seems to be disappointed. "It's alright buddy." Ben mutters. "She'll come back."
But he wasn't sure.
Ben also wasn't used to feeling this way. It was close to the way that he felt when he went to Boston and was sitting in that damn hotel room waiting for something to happen and he still didn't understand what it meant. He didn't understand why he couldn't stand it that you weren't back yet. It made him feel like a woman waiting for her husband to get home from work when he told her that he was "running late." He'd tried to distract himself by looking at some possible prospects on Tinder, but just like the week after you'd come home from the hospital and just like the date he had in Boston, no one held any appeal.
His mind was awake and roaming around, pacing back and forth. The blunt was supposed to help, but it hadn't.
His phone chirps and Ben picks it up to look at the screen, but it's not you, it's Jake.
Jake: I know that I'm not your favorite person, but thank you for what you did.
Ben huffs and turns his phone face down on the couch once more. "What a fucking pussy."
When you left Ben had realized that Jake was still inside the building and as much as he wanted race after you, he understood that you'd be even more upset if you'd killed Jake. So Ben had tromped back through the building and found him trapped beneath some rubble. Jake was okay, just unconscious, but Ben had carried him out and put him on the sidewalk before he high tailed it out of there. The last thing that he wanted was to be caught with a shredded body outside a ruined building.
I didn't do it for him. I did it for her. Ben thinks to himself, looking down at the text message.
As much as he hated the thought of saving your future boyfriend, he didn't want to see what it did to you if you found out that you killed Jake, so he'd done it to avoid watching you cry again.
Ben didn't understand why he hated watching you cry.
Women cry. They're damn emotional all the time. He tries to reason with himself taking a puff from the blunt pinched between his thumb and forefinger. And she fucking cries way too much.
The image of you crying outside of the shop in the wake of everything that happened pricks something under his ribcage. Fuck.
Ben didn't feel remorse for what happened, well, the only thing he regretted was not getting there sooner and getting to fuck Darren up himself. When Diana had called him to tell him that Darren was coming, Ben had practically ripped the apartment door off in his haste to get back to you. He hadnât wanted to leave you at the plant shop, but Butcher had told Ben, that he had a possible location for Darren, but it came up empty and Ben had been at Butcher's apartment chewing him out for sending him on a fucking wild goose chase.
It only made Ben more angry to allow Darren to speak to you, but he was trying to let you handle it even though he wanted to handle him. But it had brought him an unholy amount of joy to throw Darren in front of that minivan and to watch that creature tear him apart while the final whitish blue pulses of electricity jumped and crackled down the street making the streetlights shower sparks everywhere.
But Ben was more upset that Darren had been able to land a few hits on you before you killed him.
Ben remembered the giant lizard that crawled out of what was left of "Please Don't Die" and felt his lips quirk up into a smile. As much as he hated the entire situation, Ben couldn't help but feel a little surge of pride at what you'd done to your brother. He'd never seen you look so powerful standing there in the street, your eyes glowing a brilliant green, arms outstretched, and the ground trembling around you as the world begged to be unleashed.
Of course he'd been just as surprised as you were at the fact that you'd healed your broken arm. He wasn't sure if you'd noticed it yet, but you looked different too. There weren't as many lines on your face and your hair was more springy, the few silver hairs that Ben had noticed in passing were no longer there.
He wasn't sure what that meant, but there was something that felt suspiciously like hope tingling in his stomach, hope that you weren't as fragile anymore and hope that it meant you wouldn't die.
When Diana had told Ben that her husband had died, he saw the pain in her eyes when she said it, saw her relieving the memory, and for some reason as soon as she said that he was dead, the first thing Ben thought about was you. Ben hadn't considered his inability to age as much in the past, hadn't cared about outliving anyone before. Seeing Countess as an older woman had made him more aware of it. Looking at the woman who he once thought he loved, had showed him what that was like. Not that he had a problem with daring older women, Ben always thought that women really did get better with age, but it was what came next that Ben wasn't fond of.
And for some reason thinking that one day he'd wake up and see the marks of age on your face or one day he'd wake up and he wouldn't be able to annoy you or hear you yell at him made his chest tight.
Ben takes another hit of his blunt. The longer he sat there the more then unnatural feeling stirred in the pit of his stomach, thrumming through his veins, the feeling that he was trying to avoid. He thought that the joint would calm him down, but he found himself jumping at every creak and footstep in the apartment building, perking up each time and hoping that it was you coming home.
He didn't know where you were. You hadn't answered any of his texts or calls and Ben was ashamed at how many times that he had tried to call you.
Get a fucking grip. He'd thought to himself when he typed out another text message to send you, stopping himself from sending it.
But he'd been so desperate to hear from you that he'd actually gone to talk to Annie who seemed upset that she couldn't get ahold of you either. When Hughie and Annie had seen how upset Ben had been, Hughie had laid his hand on Ben's arm and told him not to worry. Ben had yelled at him that he "wasn't fucking worried and to mind his own business" and had shaken off Hughie's comforting hand before stomping out of the shared apartment.
No one else seemed to be as concerned about finding you. Butcher, MM, and Frenchie were all deeply involved in trying to figure out the cover-up for what happened outside the plant shop. By some miracle no one had caught a picture of your face, but there was little they could do about Darren's body that had been strewn across the street. Annie was having to deal with the repercussions at work, trying to handle what the news was calling a "super villain threat."
Personally, Ben thought that since they froze Homelander, the Seven looked weak and Ben believed that the superhero team that represented America shouldn't look weak. Of course before Ben had also thought that they looked like a bunch of pussies and again felt himself sink deeper into the couch when he thought about what his supposed son had become.
He shakes off the feelings he has about it and his thoughts turn back inevitably to you.
Ben wasn't used to thinking about someone as much as he thought of you, but each time he settled back into the apartment and you weren't there he was hyperaware of how quiet it was.
Maybe I should call Diana. She might know where she is.
As soon as Ben thinks that, his phone begins to ring, but Ben doesn't bother to look at who it is before he answers it.Â
"Hello?" Ben huffs out a breath of smoke that hangs in the air in front of his face, catching in the bluish light coming from the television.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The voice on the other side of the line yells at him.
"Di?"
"Yes it's me. Who did you think it was? Santa Clause?" Your grandmother snarks.
"Why are you calling me and why the fuck are you so mad? What did I do?" Ben answers slightly annoyed.
As much as you got under his skin, your grandmother had been the same way. He actually thought that it was amusing that even before he figured out that she was your grandmother that he had often compared you to her in his mind. You had the same mannerisms, the same defiant and stubborn attitude that drove Ben up the wall, and you were just as beautiful as she was.
Ben was okay with admitting that he was attracted to you. To him that felt normal, it was the other feelings that he was conflicted about, the ones that he'd never felt before stirring in his chest that made him feel "too emotional" and "woman-like."
Truthfully, Ben was sure that if your grandmother had given him a shot that maybe he would have felt that way about her too. She was the only person that Ben actually trusted in the 80's, the only person that was brave enough to call him out on all his shit. You did that now. But he liked her husband also, so Ben was content with letting her go. He liked how happy that Henry, your grandfather, had made her. He knew that she wasn't happy as a supe and seeing her so happy and in love made Ben feel something that was close to happiness.
And it was seeing the way the two of them were together made Ben wonder if what he had with Countess was the same thing. Because he did have feelings about her that were different, but each time he went to visit Diana and saw your father playing on her lap he felt that there was something missing in his life.
It was the same way that he thought something was missing when you weren't in the apartment, but Ben hadn't realized that yet.
"Because I don't understand what the hell you're doing!" Diana replies and Ben honestly doesn't know why she's angry with him.
"About what?"
"My granddaughter."
Ben sits up the blunt in his fingertips forgotten. "Is she there with you?"
"Yes." Her voice softens for a moment.
Ben relaxes and leans back onto the couch, sighing in relief. "Good. That's good." Relief swelled in his chest when he thought about you staying with her, safe.
That's what she meant when she said that she wanted to go home. Home is with her grandmother. Ben stopped the next thought before he could go there.
The thought that home wasn't with him.
Ben was trying not to think about that or think about you hating him. He didn't think you did, well, didn't think you did anymore. At first it really was touch and go, but now he was almost eighty percent sure after you'd told him more than once that you weren't afraid of him and didnât hate him that you sometimes wanted him around.
"No, not good."
"What do you mean? Is she okay?" Ben's grip on the phone tightens so hard that he's sure that he hears the screen cracking.
"No."
"What happened?" Ben's voice is a growl, the feelings of relief evaporating as soon as they had begun to bloom in his chest. He mentally calculated how long it would take him to get to you.
"Her entire life fucking fell apart and where are you? Not here!"
Oh. Ben relaxed a little bit.
"I don't need to be there." He says on an exhale of smoke.
"Yes you do!" Diana presses.
"No, I don't. She a big girl she doesn't need me there, she's-" Ben takes a puff from the joint.
âIf you were any denser youâd be a Bundt cake Benjamin!â She says exasperated.
"What the fuck are you talking about doll? I am not-"
âLet me guess." She interrupts and Ben can imagine her tapping her foot. He hated when she did that. "Youâre moping around smoking a blunt on the couch probably with a glass of something that you're hoping to numb whatever the hell it is you're feeling."
Ben's eyes shift to the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table that he hadn't touched in a few minutes.
âIâm not fucking moping and stop spying on me!â He snaps back at Diana.
He hated how well she knew him. She was his best friend in the 80's through all the shit, she had seen him at his worst and at his best too many times to count.
âI donât have to use my powers to know what youâre doing. I know you Ben.â
"Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart.â Ben grits his teeth, temper flaring hot. âBut if you know me as well as you fucking say you do then you then you know that this is-â
âYou avoiding your feelings by acting aloof and brooding like a fucked up version of Mr. Darcy.â She interrupts.
She certainly hasn't changed.
âI am not avoiding-â
âShe needs you here Ben.â Diana stamps her foot, the same way you do when Ben pisses you off, and Ben can hear it.
âShe doesnât need me! She said that she wanted to go home, that she didnât want to be here with me! I tried to-â Ben shouts back standing up. It was the exact thing that he'd been thinking for the past twenty four hours, that you didnât need him and that you didn't want to be any where near him.
That last thought made an uncomfortable sensation prickle in his gut when he thought it, because all it did was remind him of how you acted when the two of you first met, when you didn't want him to live with you and tried your darndest to make him go away.
He didnât want to and he wasn't sure why that was.
âTry harder.â Diana interrupts him again and frankly it was pissing him off.
Ben clenches his jaw. âI think that youâve confused me with someone else baby.â
âDonât you 'baby' me Benjamin! We both know that youâre doing what you always do when things get hard for you.â
âAnd whatâs that?â
âYou pretend not to care and shut out everyone who tries to care for you. Not to mention you drown yourself in drugs, booze, and women.â
âShe doesnât care about me!â He spits.
âShe does!â Diana snaps back. âAnd believe it or not she needs you here and she wants you here.â
"But-"
"Ben please." It was the first time that he'd heard Diana sound softer and almost pleading since the conversation started. "Don't do this to her. She's worth more than Countess and all those other women you've fallen into bed with."
"Do you really think I don't know that?" He roars. The answer surprises himself. "Do you think I don't know that she's different?"
Wait what?
"If you know that, then why aren't you here?"
He hesitates.
Everything you said to him the night of the party comes roaring back. You looking beautiful in a dress that made his throat tight, and you telling him that you just wanted to be friends and that you understood that he wasn't the type of guy to have relationships. He didn't understand why it stung a bit when you said that, but it had.
Ben thinks about the week that the two of you spent together after Diana went home, when he tried his best to take care of you, distract you from everything that happened with his movies, and would sit with you and try to make you laugh. He'd never wanted to take care of someone before.
Not to mention he kind of liked the way you laughed. He wouldnât admit that to anyone, but each time you did, it made him want to laugh too. That had never happened to him before. But he wanted to make you laugh to forget everything that happened with Elijah. His fist clenches when he thinks of exactly what Elijah tried to do to you and it makes him feel so mad that he feels close to spontaneously combusting. Ben might not be the best role model when it came to women, but he couldnât imagine the type of man who would force himself on someone else.
It had made him angry when he thought that you were suggesting that he would try something when he first moved in, because he wasn't that type of man.
Ben was trying to be better for you. He wasn't admitting that, but he really was trying to be better. He didn't understand why. You'd told him countless times that you didnât want to be with him, that you wanted to be with someone else like Jake.
Ben frowns when he thinks about the man he'd pulled from the rubble of the shop. And again thinks to himself that you should be with someone different, someone who was a supe and could understand you. Ben had seen how difficult it was for Diana when she was keeping her supe life a secret from your grandfather and he didn't want you to have to do that with someone.
"Because I'm not-" Ben begins to say, but he holds his tongue. It was too honest, too raw, too unlike him to admit this to anyone.
Because I'm not this guy. Because I'm not the one she wants. Because I'm not some knight on a white horse. Because she's everything right with the world and I'm just a fucking asshole who sleeps on her couch.
"Ben." Diana breathes and he can practically hear her pinching the bridge of her nose. "In all the years I've known you, you've never done what you did for her with anyone else. You carried her out of that warehouse, you stayed with her in the hospital even after she woke up, you took care of her when she came home, you protected her from Darren. You can't ignore all those things."
"I'm not ignoring them. She's my friend." The word sours in his mouth as he says it. "And she would have done the same thing for me." He knew it was true.
She's a good person and she wouldn't let me chase her away if any of that shit happened to me and I told her to leave me alone.
"Yes she would. Because she cares about you." Diana sighs.
"She doesn't."
"Why don't you believe me?"
"Because she's told me what she wants!" Ben shouts so loudly he can feel the room shaking. "She wants to be friends-â
"Because she doesn't think that you want a relationship you nitwit!"
"I don't." Ben spits the words before he can stop them, but as he does something tightens at the base of his throat.
"How is it that it's been forty fucking years and you're still able to dance on the grave of my last nerve?"
Ben chuckles. "I missed you too sweetheart."
She sighs into the phone again making it crackle in Ben's ear. "She needs you.â Diana repeats. âAnd I think you need her too.â
His temper was flaring again, the thoughts that his father pressed into him surging up before he can stop the words. âI donât need anyone. Iâm Sol-â
âIf you say that youâre Soldier Boy, Iâm going to reach through this phone and slap you silly.â She snaps. âAnd you do need her, but youâre still just too stubborn to admit it.â
âI-â
âBen I know that everything that happened with Countess was fucked up, but my granddaughter she-â Diana pauses before she changes the thought. âYou say that you know sheâs different, but right now youâre treating her the same way you treat all those other women.â
âIâm not-â
âMy granddaughter has decided youâre important to her and once thatâs happened itâs hard to make her let go. You saw the way she was with Darren and that guy was a manipulative asshole. Imagine what she thinks of you.â
âI-â
âStop making excuses!â
âYou didnât even hear what I was going to say!â Ben shouts.
âAnd I donât need to! Think what you want Ben but if youâd stop acting so stubborn and so ridiculously blind to whatâs right in front of you. I promise that what comes next is worth the risk.â
âDonât go all fucking mystical on me doll.â
âAnd donât go all macho- no feelings asshole on me! So stop being so damn stubborn, get on a plane and get your ass here.â She retorts. âDonât fuck this up Benjamin because if you do Iâll fuck you up.â
The line goes dead.
Ben sat there for a minute in the silence still holding the phone up to his ear, listening to what your grandmother said to him ring around in his head for a second.
No one ever spoke to him that way. In fact, Ben had never allowed anyone to speak to him the way that she did, well, not until you came along. You reminded him so much of her that it was astounding and he wasn't going to admit that maybe it's why he liked being around you so much.
Ben frowns at what Diana said, thinking about the unusual feelings that were swirling in the pit of his stomach. He felt wrong and the feelings were odd for him. He hadn't felt anything remotely like this ever in his life, not even for Countess.
And although Ben refused to be afraid of anything, the feelings he was having scared him. He didnât understand and he wasn't sure that he wanted to. He wasn't sure that he wanted to see where this ended up. He felt like he was in too deep.
As much as he wanted to go to you like Diana ordered him to, he wasn't sure that he should. Something was holding him back, digging it's heels in and refusing to budge.
But why do I feel like-
His phone rings and he doesn't look at the caller ID when he picks up, expecting it to be Diana again, yelling at him.
"Di I-"
But it's not Diana.
"Hello Ben. It's nice to hear your voice again." The familiar voice says, sounding calm and collected.
"What the fuck do you want?" Ben snarls.
 "I thought it was time the two of us had a chat.â
A/N: At this point Diana is really just trying to give both Ben and the reader the kick in the pants they need. And yes I know another cliffhanger, but you know you love it. đ¤đ We are quickly reaching the end of this series, but that means the confession scene is coming and I am so excited about it!!
As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, likes, and comments are not required, but are always appreciated. I love hearing what y'all think! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know. đ
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Season 1 the second go around:
- still not what 14 year olds look like lol
- Whitney still isn't my favourite guy ever, but something about him for me is more enjoyable the second time around
- Lex being so good but with that small secret agenda we love to see it
- I forgot how much I hated Rogue wow
- and still very much prefer later seasons Chloe her jealousy of Lana is just too much for me
- forgot how intense this could be sometimes. Those poor cows
- Nicodemus is actually a trip
- Clark tapping Pete's forehead to knock him out is still hilarious
- RIP to Clark's season 1 wardrobe
- Lex is such a little bitch I love him
- Chloe is worse this time around. Anxiously waiting the time I didn't hate her the first time around. Which is like season 5
- the further I get the crazier she makes me
- Martha: the door (Clark's chance with Lana) is closed. Clark: *goes on to date Lana 4 separate times*
- Clark just ripping a coffin out of the ground
- as much as Chloe's making me insane I see the ship more this time around. Still not my thing. At all. But hey
- I'm crying over Whitney and Lana. Send help.
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for the fandom asks â¤ď¸â¤ď¸ D/H/K/N/U/Z
Thank you! (Adding in an anon ask for A and T too ~)
A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They donât have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.
Obikin is my current obsession of choice. Iâve also been reading a lot of Trek lately (Spock/Kirk, Spock/McCoy, McCoy/Chekov, Kim/Paris, Garak/Bashir, etc, etc) and old school Smallville Clark/Lex.
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just canât.
PadmĂŠ/Anakin/Obi-Wan. I bet the fic is great but I just can't read it. :(
H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?
TV shows, usually, but I also get into fandoms for films and books. I've had a few video game fandoms too.
K - What character has your favourite development arc/the best development arc?
Iâve really enjoyed following Ferusâ transformation from goody two shoes to a leader comfortable in his own skin. (Then on to double agent, tormented soul, etcâŚ)
N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).
(i.e. stuff Iâll probably write at some point)
Time travelling Vader. AKA suited Vader and Baby-Wan getting it on.
Apparently Anakin is canonically a good artist who keeps sketchbooks. The world can only be a better place for fic of Obi-Wan finding Anakinâs collection of 12,000 full-on-stalker style sketches of his Master...
Faux religious angst and other BS. E.g. The Jedi Purge as the English Reformation. I mean, regular people in SW donât seem to care much about religion either way, but I already like to picture the Jedi as western style space monks. So itâs not much of a step from that to see the purge being presented to the citizens of the galaxy as a way to rid them of religious as well as political corruption. Iâve probably mentioned before here that I do a lot of work on Welsh Methodism and the Revival movement, and I love to picture Uncle Owenâs anti-Jedi stance through that kind of lens. Like, you know, the Force is all âbells and smellsâ for the Jedi. In the Outer Rim itâs about doing an honest dayâs work and being glad of it.Â
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
Anakin carried that river stone around with him everywhere.
U - Three favourite characters from three different fandoms, and why theyâre your favourites.
Spock (TOS). There is all the inner angst of Spock reconciling the Vulcan and Human parts of himself. And he always has the best lines.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars). Another sarky guy using his outward calm to mask the mess he is on the inside.
Clark Kent (Superman). Again, on the outside an unflappable hero. On the inside a neurotic mess.
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!Â
The coolest thing about SW fandom is the never ending stream of amazing action figures. My day job is making / selling dolls and miniatures, so I can be fannish about SW in multiple ways right now. One the one hand, Obikin smut! On the other, making little aurebesh packaging and regular blogging about the latest releases. :D
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Accepted fact: DC Trinity are all gay. LGBTQ icons, the whole lot of em. Diana is Pan, Bruce is Bi, Clark is Bi/Pan/heâs-an-alien-he-doesnât-need-your-labels
Diana especially has no time for the heteronormativity of man's world and she would shut down any bs applying straightness to her real quick. Not even a question. No one lives most of their life on an island full of AMAZON WARRIORS and thinks âYes, I will be attracted to only men, a being Iâve never seen. That makes total sense.âÂ
Clark later in life is also like, âHeteronormativity is this super strange concept that some humans invented and decided to impose upon the rest of the world and why are you earthlings even like that??â But like, it takes him awhile to get to that point.
Growing up in Smallville, Kansas, and not originally knowing he was an alien, I see Clark going through a very typical gay realization that definitely involves a fair bit of denial. Once he learns about his heritage he kind of blames his Kryptonian DNA for what's "wrong" with him (his internal thought process; obviously there's nothing wrong with him). Then he finally comes out to the Kents and they love and accept him because that's what good people do and you best believe that Martha and Johnathan Let's-Adopt-the-Alien-Orphan Kent are good, loving people, and I will physically fight you over this (not right now though, cuz COVID).
The Kents acceptance and general nurturing and guidance help Clark accept his own sexuality (there are a lot of PFLAG type pamphlets around the farm for awhile there), and by the time he's an adult he's very much out and proud, if not necessarily loud. He just doesn't think it's other people's business, or even something they'd ever want to know about. So his friends know, but the average co-worker, eh probably not.
Then, one day Clark just wakes up (I imagine in bed next to Bruce) and has the realization like "Why do humans even have heteronormativity?? That's just the most unnecessary thing? Like you didn't have to do that? Bruce, why did you all do this?? Like it's such BS why!!??"
And Bruce is just like, "I'm. Asleep. I don't know. It's not my fault. For the love of Rao, let me sleep for 5 more minutes before one of my dumbass kids feels the need to break something or start a fight. Please."
The End.
#dc comics#dc trinity#batman#superman#wonder woman#bruce wayne#clark kent#diana prince#lgbtqia+#yes i am sure#no i do not accept criticism#dc headcanon
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Won't do all of them, but ones named:
Superman: I don't sound like that.
Kon: Yes you do. Lois, back me up here.
Lois: Sorry, Smallville, but the kid is spot on.
Flash: Bart, I don't generally use that catchphrase. Stop mocking me, please.
One of Flash's rogues: yeah, actually you do do that.
Bart: See, I'm not mocking you, I'm just trying to follow your example.
Cue various people begging Impulse to stop copying Flash.
JLD is actually proud of Anita.
Hal is torn between pleading for Greta to stop, and trying to get OA to give her a ring. He does actually beg, and Greta gets him to swear not to criticize her team again. It's not like HE has room to talk, after all.
When Diana complains she can, in fact, use technology, Cassie pulls out her Tim-compiled video/audio clips of her asking for help, and includes one of Batman complaining about her technological ineptitude.
Tim's is where it could get angsty. Too tired to write that though, so no angst it is.
This conversation happens in a public place and gets put on social media.
B: Robin, you are using excessive force, and I cannot condone it.
Nightwing: Yeah, you can't beat crooks into the ground no matter how tempting it may be. Restraint is important for Bats.
Tim: People is glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I'm just imitating you two, just like you said I should!
B: we do not behave like that.
Tim: I call BS. Tell that to my evidence folder I used to become Robin. He proceeds to list names, with injuries and dates.
N: cuts him off. "Robin, we still don't behave like that."
Tim: Who's this WE? Remind me how long the clown spent in the ICU after his last breakout?Who put him there N? Cause it wasn't me or B.
Both B and N are now staring at their feet.
B: desperately trying to salvage the situation: "Do as I say, not as I do"
Tim: I am doing what you said! I'm using you as a role model.
N: Fine. We're sorry. We retract our statements, and criticisms. Lead your team however you want; just, please cause less international incidents.
Tim, victorious, "Great, my team's spending the next month in space."
Yj takes to mocking their mentors behavior after being lectured for being irresponsible and the publicâs perception of YJ
Bart is going on about science that no one would understand even if he wasnât talking at Mach 3 and popping out of no where going âflash fact-â or starting a fight with a villain while eating an entire large pizza
Timâs whaling on some fucking rogue and dude is đ¤đž close to being unconscious and tim goes âđĄ now talkâ (it doesnât make it better that the rest of yj is in hysterics)
Anita mimicks the powers of whichever magic user sheâs seen or heard most recently unless she gets bored and decides to act out horror movies which just leads to a villain cutting the power but they realize Anita showed up and theyâre frantically trying to turn the power back on bc everyone thinks sheâs actually possessed
Kon goes full on âFear not, citizen! For I have arrived, a lone kryptonian with naught but justice in his heartâ along with saving one specific reporter first in every disaster (itâs linda and she thinks this is hilarious) he does hero landings and he says all the cheesy hero lines just bc he knows sometimes the medias perception of Clark annoys him (thereâs a clip of a fan confessing and Kon goes on about how his only love is justice)
Greta before retirement is saying the lanterns oath before every attack and clowning Tim any chance she gets but Greta after retirement occasionally does crowd control which is just Greta doing finger guns and saying shit like totally tubular and gnarly while leading civilians away from danger or going on long winded rants about planes
Cissie is telling every person she saves thatâs at least five years younger than her that sheâs adopting them and then paying off some random debt and never speaking to them again or flirting with whichever member of yj is closest/has already taken down their opponent this doesnât change much when Cissie retires, she just starts filing paperwork to adopt whoever gets second place and she will tell everyone that sheâs married to the yj member on the news no matter where she is or what sheâs doing
Cassie has a battle axe, a shield, and a lasso and somehow manages to use all three every fight while mimicking Dianaâs speech patterns and demolishing anyone that gets a hit on yj (the only thing ww takes offense to is Cassieâs over the top feigned ineptness when it came to technology âSuffering Sappho! What is this strange contraption?!â â𤨠my fucking phone??â)
#batfamily#batman#nightwing#cissie king jones#wonder girl#kon el#kon el superboy#young justice#justice league#too many characters to tag
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