#my sleeping pattern from before the meds is back

[halinski]

rant in tags about perscription medication and withdrawals

continued here bc i reached tag limit and i'm still??

it's kinda scary tbh

like i was scared for years now of what would happen off my meds and

when i tried tapering off my antidepressants oof i was breaking down every day and now i /know/ i'm dependant on them and idk if that's better or worse

and with the antipsychotics it's like i thought they were helping my depression too bc when tapering off i was also so panicked and depressed (tho my situation is kinda stressful rn)

but idk i've been trying meds on and off for half my life now and most of the time i'm like 🤷

but the truth is

it's fucking scary how it messes with your body

it's fucking scary when you're dependant on a pill

OR ALSO

when pills fuck your body up to the point you can only eat one thing

bc that's the reason i'm going off the antipsychotics and guess what, i'm able to eat more again now

idk if it's just in combination with the hormon pill tbh i'm just going off both now and we'll see how my iron levels and migrains deal lmao

i feel like i can't think straight anymore

gonna have to get new docs anyway so we'll see what they say if(/when) i go anemic again or if going off the antipsychotics will actually fix the issue??

if so, then it'll be like how did this sneak up on me, i've been taking them for 2.5 years like

??

and now i've lost 20lbs despite trying everything to maintain or gain some the past year and a half and i'm at my lowest weight since i was like a preteen lol

and that's all bc of a med that didn't feel like it had an acute effect

or maybe i'm so removed from my body i didn't notice until i got the acute gastritis ??

i mean i can't even be sure its the meds or not until i'm off

and tapering the rest off is gonna be so fun fuck

i dont wanna

i wanna be able to eat more than bread i guess but at this point the thought just scares me and like i associate it with pain and nausea

which as long as i can manage it is fine

but i've only tapered off half, i still have to taper off the other half of the dosage 😭

and with the hormon pill gone again the worst menstrual pain will be back and idk how to manage that, i guess hopefully with the meds gone i won't go anemic again but who knows at this point??

also praying my migraines don't come back but uh... i am pessimistic. i don't have much hope

anyway

moral of the story.....

ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO TAPER OFF YOUR MEDS KIDS BC EVEN JUST TAPERING IS SCARY AND GOING COLD CHICKEN IS PROBABLY HELL

doctors can be annoying (and make things harder, like in my case bc i literally asked if it could be my current meds MONTHS ago, and everyone was like noooooo but guess who was RIGHT) sometimes BUUUUT you should listen to them avout certain things

like

tapering off meds

[the-summ0ning]

Sleep Token HC: being in a relationship with vessel

Hello, I hope you like my final HC for Ves. Fluff elements with highly NSFW ideas. 🤠 I’m always open to HC requests as well 🤭

Vessel, vessel, vessel—where do we begin?

Vessel the bf that is so deeply profoundly in love with you

If he could he’d rip his heart out of his chest for you and just hand it to you, he would.

His love languages would be words of affirmation and physical touch

He often battles with icky thoughts of himself, and you’re his ever radiant light in his bleakest days, so he would go out of his way to make sure it was known

Notes everywhere around your house, even a month and half into tour, you keep finding them

Praises in your medicine cabinet, crumbled pieces of paper at the bottom of your bags bc he know you won’t find them right away. Little Sonnets on your desk or on the fridge just so you know how much you are loved by him

Once you stopped finding them around the house or in your things, he’d start sending flowers or treats with love notes attached. Just because gestures especially if the night before you told him what a long week it was and knew you were struggling

You have so many of these notes, post its, scraps of paper you’ve compiled them in a scrapbook/binder and it’s on your bookshelf now

Texts for when you wake up reminding you to take your meds/vitamins, and to keep up with your water intake—voice memos too

Honestly he’d send you voice memos all the time like it was your own little podcast

Having black paint smeared on you because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself

Or would want you to apply his body paint before a show. Squirming underneath your fingers as you apply it because of your featherlight touches, listening to his quiet hisses when you’d go too low and gentle

“We’re not going to make it out of this dressing room if you keep doing that, love.”

Vessel would love to be big spoon, having you tucked underneath him or your back against his chest. Tracing patterns on your arms, hips, and thighs

He always loomed around you, everyone knowing if you were there, he was somewhere lurking around 95% of the time. He was a quietly protective man.

Coming up when you were talking with friends at an event, a comforting squeeze to the nape of your neck and a drink to quietly check on you

Wearing one of his extra robes backstage. It was so big and light, perfect for the hot and humid venues, a great blanket tbh where you could use the hood to cover your face

There’s a folder in his phone dedicated with pictures of you in many spaces of the venues they played just sleeping with his robe over you

Also the amount of videos of you two just frolicking around backstage, helping him with dance moves whilst in his robe that dragged on the floor, nearly tripping on it, when you wore it because it was so long on you

You liked to go into the crowd during the shows, enjoying the atmosphere of fans. Vessel would get a kick out of that, and you two would make it like a game almost

Instantly being able to spot you in the crowd through the lights and smoke. Always looking in your direction to lowkey serenade you and do little inconspicuous moves directed for you. In return, you’d run your hands through up and down your body swaying your hips to his voice. His own little siren in the sea of people

He loved watching you jam tf out with the fans so careless in your own world dancing with everyone or receiving bracelets from the fellow concertgoers (he would panic slightly watching you try to go into the mosh pit every time tho, one time he actually had to send a member of the crew to discreetly retrieve you.)

I imagine vessel being codependent af, and the simplest of tasks you were always requested to tag along

groceries, pharmacy trips, picking up takeout—he needed his emotional support person. Bribing and rewarding you with little treats to lure you with him thinking you’d say no how could you he’d hit you with the puppy dog eyes I just know he’s master at that

Staying up or waking up to listen to his late night rambles/dreams/conspiracies tucked under his arm while sharing a joint or bottle of spirits

Or sitting beside him as he wrote song lyrics, quietly running them by you for your opinion. You just blinking slowly in awe with what his mind created unable to provide the input he wanted

I thinks it’s a mutual consensus among us: Vessel loves to bite. He can’t help his carnal primal urge to. He does it with his friends, you… Everyone had a mark from him at this point

I don’t imagine him being into quickies (unless he was absolutely throbbing and thirsting for you) this man would take his time. Setting the pace all during the day teasing you

He loved nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck, pressing kisses below your ear and whispering the filthiest things to get you flustered

“You look so good right now, I could take you right here.”

“I can’t wait to get you home and be deep inside you later, doll.” He would murmur, his hand squeezing your hip pulling you back into him feeling his already hardening length pressing in the soft flesh of your ass

Then when it finally happened, he goes at a nearly agonizing pace—he wanted to worship you. He didn’t like to fuck, he liked to make love.

intense and passionate, hips slowly rolling into you up til you were full of him. And he kept hitting that spot that made your eyes see stars and lulled to the back of your head.

He was not shy about how he felt, always moaning and praising you, but wasn’t too loud. Vocal fry as he quietly moaned about how good you made him feel

“You’re squeezing me so well,” rasping out, trying to look at where your bodies connected, resisting the urge to close his eyes

“Fuck, you look so pretty under me.”

He’s 100% a morning sex person

Not even letting either of you have a chance to get out of bed, one hand slipping down your front rubbing you softly while the other gripped your throat to turn your face so he could slowly kiss you—devouring your mouth with his—all in a blissed out half sleep stupor

Hehe, I woke up from my nap and chose violence horniness, sorry. Anyways thanks for the support and all the love on these 🫶🏻✨

[lvlyghost]

I love your stories so much I can't 😫😍😍❤️

Could you maybe write a angst to fluff ghost x reader story where the reader gets injured badly while ghost is on her side the whole time in the hospital while she is unconscious and he's having breakdowns and anxiety and all really angsty stuff and when she wakes up she comforts him and all is fluffy and maybe a bit smutty 🤭

No More Stars Left to Count

PAIRINGS: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

SUMMARY: Few things made Simon break down. Almost losing his girl takes a toll on him.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

TW: Smut! MDNI! Angst, hurt, comfort. Injuries. Panic attacks. Grammar mistakes just the usual... Do not read if you're under 18.

A/N: I'm actually quite happy with this one🥹🩷 Enjoy Anon! This is my first time posting smut and in another language so sorry in advance if there are mistakes! Corrections are appreciated ✨🐝

Masterlist✨

Simon's head rests on his left hand, his eyes bore into your fragile body. Several machines are attached to you, helping you breathe, pumping meds into your system. He doesn't deserve you by any means. He doesn't deserve your trust, your laughter, your body.

All he can think about— as his brown orbs can't find the strength to look away— is how miserably he had failed to protect his team. To protect you. It's been twelve days and you still don't show any signs of waking up; it wasn't abnormal for you to not wake up. The damage inflicted to your body had been great. Simon thought for a painful moment he had lost you for good. The woman he cared for. The woman he utterly loved.

He swallows hard.

There aren't many things that'd scare him. He's simply seen too much. But this? Was this truly his destiny? To lose everyone he loved? His family and now you?

He inhales sharply, his free hands traces your inert hand, tracing soft patterns on your pale skin littered with cuts and bruises. That very hand he adores to hold when you were together. He blinks, memories from your last night together flooding his brain as he sinks further down the chair, adjusting the hoodie over his head.

The night before leaving for the mission in Romania.

-

"No, wait look Simon! Give it to me!" You chuckle, under the covers, both of your bodies remain warm. It wasn't unusual that Simon couldn't sleep so he'd often come into your room and spend the night with you. "There." You pointed out. Your hand and his hand stretched out in front of you, slowly you touch his, spreading out your palms comparing hands. Your eyelashes flutter at the mere sight of his big calloused hand outsize yours, completely engulfing it. You splay out your fingers until they're intertwined.

His breath catches in his throat. He loved how small you were compared to him. He wanted to protect you from everything even from himself, but you had refused to leave him when he tried to push you away.

"Come here." He grabs your arm pining you down and under his gargantuan body. You squeal, laughing at the sudden change of position; Simon sets his body between your legs. Your arms rest on his sides, layers of muscle tensing under your touch. Tilting your head back, eyes meet the dark sky outside the window.

"Look at them." You mumble, Simon lays a kiss on your neck taking advantage. He loves the feeling of your steady pulse on his lips. "The stars are so bright tonight." He hums absentmindedly, hands coming to grip his blond locks.

There's a fire burning in your belly and the ache between your thighs when you feel the tent forming through his grey sweatpants.

"Need you, love." He grumbles. His hands undress your bottom half making you gasp.

"Simon..." soft pink lips kiss your body. Your chest, your stomach... until he's lost between your legs. Mouth lapping at your wetness. You squirm under his touch, it's intoxicating. It feels like you might combust. The fire running through your veins, the goosebumps on your sensitive flesh as you clench around nothing. Unable to resist it you grab him by the arms. "You know what I need." In the blink of an eye two bodies intertwined moving desperately chasing the sweetest end together. He murmurs soft encouraging words in your ear that sent shockwaves through your veins, Simon couldn't possibly be more deep inside you, hitting that sensitive spot that made you want to scream, nails digging on his back, surely leaving red marks that he would proudly show tomorrow.

The purple and orange that tinges the sky outside filters through the window, casting an ethereal display of colors around this room that hides away the few moments you get to spend with him as you finish together; feeling impossibly more in love with him.

"It's clearing already." You point out. Simon looks up from your eyes, albeit reluctant to miss the beautiful shade of your orbs. "No more stars left..."

He kisses your forehead, then bumps his nose against you before he finds your mouth.

"There'll be plenty more to count tomorrow, sweetheart. I promise."

But you're not counting them as he promised the night before. Instead he's shouting orders like an enraged man. Heart beating out of his chest, you were so close to the evac point with your squad. Five minutes ago he had squeezed your arm and kissed your temple before urging you to get in the land rover from the SAS. Only to watch it blow seconds later. His heart stopped and then the ringing in his eardrums.

It was an ambush.

And as the rest covered him he rushed to you.

The blood. Crimson blood all over the bodies. He knew what this meant.

"Sergeant!" He forces his body to move, dragging you by the straps of your combat vest to take cover behind one of the vehicles. He knows he shouldn't be moving you like that, but right now he can't think of anything else than getting you out of there... "Bloody fucking hell!" He roars.

What was that feeling, like his soul was being ripped apart...?

-

Releasing a shaky breath, Simon squeezes your hand once again careful not to hurt you. The IV in your hand too foreign. It's too much. The sight, the memories of the vehicle flying through the sky...

The pit in his stomach grows, a wave of nausea and uneasiness hitting him all of the sudden. Simon stands on wobbly legs, taking one last glance at you he steps out the ICU. Crouching down he yanks the balaclava from his face. Why was his chest so tight, and his vision filled with blackness? The incessant ring on his ears is real. Fucking real. It was supposed to be a nightmare... this thing pulling him down.

"Come back to me baby." He pleads in a hushed tone although he knows you can't hear him. Simon lifts his hands to find support on the wall in front of him. He breathes as much air as he can through his nose, tries to blink away the black dots.

"Lieutenant Riley?" A feminine voice wafts through the empty hallway reaching him. He holds out a shaky finger without even looking at her.

"Leave..." he warns.

"Sir? I...-" the nurse hesitates.

"Now!" He barks.

She scurries away but not before calling the doctors and the Captain to the med wing.

Simon stays there until his ragged breathing evens, he then goes back to your room, deep down he hopes—prays— that your eyes will open when you hear him. But you don't. He sits again on the couch where he's tried to sleep, tossing the mask away from him. His throat bobs, what's happening to him? It burns. The door creaks open revealing a concerned John who looks at him in disapproval.

"This isn't going to help anyone Simon." He scolds him.

"What do you want Price?"

"You need to sleep. And for... just for the love of God eat something son."

"Not until I know she'll be fine."

Price sighs closing the door behind him.

"She wouldn't want this." Even then, Price doesn't want to look at you. This had taken a toll on everyone. But Simon wasn't handling it well. Rubbing his eyes he scoffs. "Come on go get some rest I can stay."

"No." Both men stare at each other not wanting to back down. "I'm on leave you don't get to tell me what to do Price."

John crosses his arm.

"I'm worried Simon. I want her to be okay too. We all do."

Simon's jaw clenched, hands balling into fists. They don't really know. They don't know, can't comprehend the extent of his love for you.

"What if this was your girl? Would you leave her fucking side hm?"

A tense pause electrifies the air as the two glare at each other, oblivious to the other person whose eyes are tearing.

The beeping sound increases as your heart rate goes up. Two pair of eyes snap to the sound. Your hand tries to snatch the oxygen from your face, but Simon darts out with dread plastered all over his features. You faintly hear John calling the doctors.

"Easy, love. Easy..." he soothes you. Stopping your hands from moving. Your body is in too much pain, tears slip down your cheeks, once again Simon grits his teeth. If he could he'd take it all away. "Don't force yourself you're..." he trails off. "You're hurt."

It feels like you're body is being torn apart. The drugs are slowly leaving your system.

"What happened?" your croak out, throat dry and inflamed. He sits bringing the glass of water to your lips not before removing for a brief moment the oxygen mask. You take a small sip and thank him with a weak smile.

"Ambush." He explains. Hating that he can see the images all over again in the back of his mind. "Thought I lost you."

More tears well in your eyes, as weak as you feel you reach out your hands tracing his jawline and cheekbone. He closes his eyes, and finally breathes again, with you touching him he feels alive again. He wants nothing more than to go home with you.

"How many nights..."

"Twelve..."

The doctors rush in but before they drag him away you say:

"That's a lot of counting we've missed."

A press of his lips on your forehead, a silent promise to never let anything happen to you ever again. Even if it mean giving his own life for yours. He would do it any day. Better him than you.

"We've got the rest of our lives, love."

[louloulemons-posts]

Sleepy Snuggles

Eddie Munson X Reader

Summary : Just a drabble about Eddie coming home to his sleepy baby.

Word Count : 0.5k

Warnings : Pure fluff, mentions of a migraine, mentions pain medication, cuties in love, not proof read.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Trying to enter the trailer as quietly as possible, Eddie slid off his shoes. Wayne was working a night shift so he didn’t have to worry about waking him up, but there was you.

He knew what he’d walk into his room to find. You wrapped up in a blanket, one of his hellfire shirts on and little of anything else. He’d been out playing with his band tonight and had convinced you to stay home.

A migraine had been bothering you all day, you had tried to tell Eddie you were fine, but he said no, even saying he’d call off tonight’s show to make sure you stayed put. He smiled when he saw a note on the fridge door.

‘Hey Rockstar,

I know you smashed it tonight, like you always do. I made you dinner, make sure to eat before you head to bed, and have some water too.

I love you.’

Looking in the fridge he found some stew, he loved when you made it and you knew so. Even in the warmer months, he loved it, he then saw some bread rolls that he knew your mom had made.

He could never have imagined being loved the way he is by you, or your parents accepting him the way they did. He felt so lucky. He had two families that loved him so much.

Whilst he waited for the stew to be fully warm he drank a big glass of water, his throat feeling scratchy from all the singing he’d done. Grabbing a bowl and spoon he emptied the put and sat him self down.

Almost moaning when he ate the first bite of stew soaked bread. His body was tired and this was just what he needed, along with sleepy cuddles from his favourite person.

It didn’t take him too long to demolish the bowl of food, not realising how hungry he had been. Rising the bowl slightly, he clicked the light off and headed down to his room.

There you were, snuggled into the blankets, hair messy on the pillow. Eddie began to remove his jacket and rings from his fingers. Shimming out of his jeans, he did his best not to wake you up.

Climbing in gently, he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling your back to his chest. You hummed slightly, mumbling a sleepy, “How was your show?”

“It was good, how’s your head feeling?” He asked, rubbing your bare tummy. “Less noisy.”

“I’m glad. Did you take meds?”

“Mhm, then I slept. Did you get your stew? Made some for Wayne too.”

You turned in his arms to face him, eyes opening slightly to find his face in the darkness. “I did, it was delicious as always. I’ve gotta thank your mom for the bread too.” You smiled softly, playing with the ends of his curls.

“You sleepy baby?” he asked.

“Mhm, you must be too. Being a rockstar can’t be easy Eds,” you mumbled, clearly becoming delirious in your tired state. “Well we can sleep in tomorrow, make sure you’re taken care of too.”

“Oooh Doctor Munson,” you huffed as laugh, which Eddie couldn’t help grinning at. “Sure babe, Doctor Munson. I’ll take care of you My Love.” He kissed your head and you snuggled closer to him, rubbing your face on his chest.

Drawing patterns on your back, Eddie soon heard your soft snores, “Goodnight Sweetheart, I love you.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

[darkfantasysworld]

I’d love to see some more forced impreg, maybe with more forced sex while preg reader is growing :3 ? If you do decide to do this, anything else would be totally up to you !! I love how you write its so damn sexy

Aww, thanks Anon, here you go!

F!reader x M!bunnyboy

Your bunnyboy boyfriend, Zion, was always obsessed with the idea of having you carry his kids but you wanted to have a bit of a career first. You guys were already pretty financially stable but you had a degree and wanted to put it to use. You and Zion were having shots to celebrate his promotion. You reached your limit and insisted on stopping so Zion agreed and while you went and sat on the couch he made you a drink. You took it and couldn't taste any alcohol so you drank the whole thing while you and Zion talked. "Hey babe, can you make me another drink, that was really good.." You asked, handing him your empty glass. "Of course! Wait right there, my love." Zion kissed your cheek and went into the kitchen for a few minutes before coming out with another drink, since you seemed to like it he got you a larger glass so it would last longer. You sipped on it throughout your chat with Zion but realized something was wrong, your head was spinning and you told Zion you were heading to bed. Zion helped you up and into the bedroom then helped you undress. You were too hot to cover up so you laid on top of the bedding and closed your eyes. You slipped in and out of consciousness as you thought you felt something rubbing against your cunt. You were too intoxicated to move any part of your body, you were so out of it that you passed back out only to wake up to Zion getting in bed, he was undressed as well and he cuddled you, holding you close. You happily fell asleep in Zion's arms, cuddling up to him even though you were hot.

You woke up with a killer headache and groaned, Zion opened his eyes, his sleepy amber gaze met yours and he smiled a little. "Good morning, my love." Zion said, his voice thick with sleep, he kissed your forehead and rubbed your back, tracing small patterns on your skin. "Morning.. what happened last night..?" You asked, you couldn't remember anything from last night, you didn't even remember what time you went to bed. "We drank and talked, at about 10:45 you looked completely wasted, I helped you undress and get into bed, then I had a few more drinks while you slept." Zion responded, his dark brown ears flopped onto the pillow which made him look a little silly, plus his short, fluffy hair was a complete mess. You smiled at his funny appearance which made him kiss your forehead again. "You're so pretty.." Zion murmured, holding you closer as if he couldn't be close enough to you. You giggled at how clingy he was being, he was always clingy during hangovers so you didn't think anything of it. After a while you both got up and tossed clothes on, you took one of his shirts because it covered enough of your body that you could walk by windows and not worry about anyone seeing your intimate areas while Zion just put some boxers on. You both walked downstairs and Zion made a pot of extra strong coffee for your hangovers and he got some meds from the bathroom for you since your hangout was worse. He made your coffee the way you like it and kissed your head. "Thank you." You said, smiling as you took the medicine with the coffee. Zion sat with you until he had to get ready for work.

You were bored out of your mind while Zion was gone, typically you'd have the same days off but his schedule recently got changed. You remembered you had to take your birth control so you went up to your room but couldn't find it in your nightstand or dresser, you assumed maybe you just took the last one and forgot until you saw some on Zion's nightstand. You grabbed it and looked at the box, it was open so you decided to look at the pills but to your surprise there was a note inside. You pulled the note out and read it.

I noticed you were running low when I organized some stuff, I know it's not the same brand you buy but I couldn't find any other ones. I hope this will work, at least until you get your usual brand.

You smiled, you loved how thoughtful he was and you took one of the pills. You put the birth control in your nightstand and decided to clean up the house a bit, typically Zion did it but you wanted to surprise him. You vacuumed, dusted, cleaned the windows, organized some stuff, did the dishes from last night, cleaned out the fridge, and did the laundry. You didn't know where your sudden energy came from, maybe it was just boredom driving you insane. As you were taking laundry out of the dryer Zion came home. "My love?" He called out as he walked around, he saw you bent over, trying to grab a sock in the back. "I didn't think we were in the "help I'm stuck in the dryer" type of industry." He teased, walking up behind you and putting his hands on your hips. "Ha ha." You said in a sarcastic tone as you got out of the dryer, tossing the sock into the laundry basket. Zion smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist. "I love you." He said, giving your neck a quick kiss before letting go of you and grabbing the laundry basket. You smiled and told him you loved him as well before you both walked upstairs. Zion set the laundry basket on the floor and turned to face you. "You're my everything, love." He said, stepping closer to you and wrapping his arms around you. You wrapped your arms around him and smiled.

A few weeks passed and you didn't know why you felt so sick so you decided to take a pregnancy test. Zion was there to hold you as you checked it. "It's positive.. we're going to be parents.." He said, looking at the test, you could tell he was holding in his excitement based on his tail and ears twitching, he was clearly trying to gauge your reaction. You were shocked, Zion always pulled out or used a condom and even if cum got inside of you, you were on birth control, you shouldn't be pregnant. It's not that you didn't want kids, you just wanted to wait a bit, you wanted to put your degree to use before you started a family. You looked at Zion and kissed his cheek, even though you wanted to wait, you didn't want to regret getting rid of the baby, what if this was your only chance to have one and you got rid of it? Zion held you close, he could see the fear and uncertainty in your eyes and just held you.

At first you had a normal sex drive but as you got bigger you got more insecure which caused a lower sex drive even though Zion was almost always in the mood. You were laying in bed when Zion walked in and got on top of you. You could smell the alcohol on him and tried to push him away but he forced your clothes off and removed his own. You cried and tried to get away from him but he held you down and forced his cock inside you. He mumbled an excuse about how you're his girlfriend, he loves you, he's just expressing his love in a pleasurable way. His words were slurred as he talked about how hot you looked carrying his babies, how he wanted to put more in you, how he'd have to stop himself from doing this 24/7 or else you'd end up pregnant forever. Your heart skipped a beat as he talked about how the birth control he'd left for you to take was actually fertility pills, how the non alcoholic drinks he made you that night were drugged, how he was gentle with you so you wouldn't suspect a thing. You felt him cum inside of you but he didn't stop fucking you, you tried to fight back but it only made him thrust harder. You begged him to stop but he wouldn't, you occasionally glanced at the clock, you knew bunnyboys and girls had insane stamina but as you looked at the clock you realized he was going for hours until you passed out from exhaustion. It only got worse the further along your pregnancy got, the last time he got to do it during this pregnancy was when you were actively in labor and he just needed to fuck you through it, there was no way he letting you got to a hospital when you had a perfectly good pool that he made a nest in.

[buckyshoneybunny]

Birthday Girl

Bucky Barnes + Curvy!Reader 

Summary- It's your birthday and Bucky wants to make it special 

W.C.- 1122 

Warnings- reader has adhd, fluff, metions to smut, 18+ please no minors, cursing. 

A/N- Today is my birthday!!! Sorry I have been inactive; I’ve been busy and sick and just no motivation. I do have a fall fic coming!! I realized a couple of days ago I could have done kinktober but oh well. I have so many ideas and wips but not enough time and motivation. Anyway I do hope you like it and be on the lookout, I’ll try to get more stories out. Until next time my loves! (Thank you for the love!!!)  

Masterlist 

Bucky’s heart fluttered as he watched you sleep, your hair glowing in the early morning sunlight streaming in, though knotted. He brushed some hair behind your ear, peppering your face with kisses and causing you to stir. 

Eyes still closed, you smiled and snuggled further into Bucky’s side, causing him to chuckle softly. 

“Happy birthday, doll,” he whispered into your hair. 

You hum and bury your face in his neck. “Thank you,” you mumble.  

“You’re welcome.”  He rubbed his flesh hand down your thigh, the metal one holding you close. You both laid there in the comfort of your shared bed, basking in the warmth for a little while longer.  

You savored the calm, relaxing mornings with Bucky whenever you could, holding on tightly and never wanting to let go. Being an Avenger, Bucky wasn’t always able to spend these few extra minutes with you in bed. So, when he did get a chance like this, he snatched it up and milked it for all its worth.  

He relished in the feeling of your fingers drawing mindless patterns on his bare chest, your warm breath against his neck, hearing your heartbeat and knowing you weren’t just a figment of his imagination. He felt forever grateful for you, and he was going to make sure you had a great birthday.  

A knock on the front door of your shared apartment popped the bubble of solitude you had going. 

“Who’s that?” You grumble into his neck, voice slightly muffled. 

“That would be breakfast,” he chuckles. 

“When the hell did you order breakfast?” 

“Before you woke up.” You hum and start to get up before he halts your movements. 

“Oh no you don’t,” he huffs with a smile. “I will get that and bring it to you. You keep your gorgeous ass in this bed.” He jumps out of bed before you can protest, but not before getting his legs tangled in the sheets and stumbling, causing you to giggle. He darts out the room, not bothering to put pants on, answering the door in his boxers.  

You quickly get up to pee and take your meds before he gets back. Just as you get settled back in bed, Bucky comes in with a try. On it was a neatly arranged breakfast from your favorite breakfast place down the road. You don’t eat there often, not wanting to spend a fortune for just two people, no matter how good said food was.  

You gasp softly and sit up so he can place the tray over your lap.  

“Oh Bucky,” you sigh. “Thank you.” 

“Anything for my birthday girl,” he sat down next to you on the bed and kissed your forehead. “Dig in, baby.”  

You start shoveling food in your mouth, moaning at the taste. You of course share your special breakfast after learning he hadn’t ordered anything for himself. He denied, of course. But after a few empty threats he agreed and started to eat.  

You were full by the time your ADHD meds kicked in. Bucky took the tray away and you curled back up, ready to go back asleep. 

“Oh no ma’am you don’t,” he said, pulling the blankets off you. “You need to get ready. Nat and Wanda will be here at nine, which is-” he checks the clock. “-In 40 minutes.” 

You huff and pout. “Can’t we just stay in bed?” You bite your lip and run your hands down his chest, the muscles tensing the lower you go. He stops your movements right as your fingers reach the waistband of his boxers.  

“As much fun as that sounds, you have a big day today, so up you go.” He effortlessly lifts you out of the bed. 

You laugh and start to get ready. You dress in the blue jeans that hug your hips and thighs just right and make Bucky’s knees weak. You put a white fluffy sweater and thick heeled black boots on. While you brush your teeth Bucky braids your hair, his tongue peeking out between his teeth as he focuses.  

By the time you were ready the girls were out there waiting. With a kiss to your lips and his card in your hands because, it’s your birthday and I wanna treat you. You were off. You went shopping, got your hair and nails done, the works.  

You had an amazing day, the most fun in too long. By the time you were done you were exhausted, wanting nothing more than to take a hot bubble bath with Bucky and have a little fun in bed. But of course, he had other plans.  

As you, Natasha, and Wanda walked into yours and Bucky’s shared apartment, shopping bags in hand. It was abnormally dark, confused you turned on the lights and screamed, Natasha recording the whole thing. 

“SURPRISE!!” Everyone yelled and laughed at your reaction. All the Avengers were there, even Thor. Clint, his wife and kids, Sam and Steve, Tony and Pepper, even T’Challa and Shuri were there, everyone was there. 

But what caught your eye was the big, grinning goofball standing in the middle of it all holding a ‘happy birthday’ sign.  

“Did you do this?” You laugh. He nods and you hug him. He wraps his arm around you, the other holding the sign. “Thank you” 

“You’re welcome, doll,” he smiles, kissing your forehead. 

“Alright,” Tony claps his hands together. “Let's get this party started!” He pulls out two bottles of Whiskey.  

“Tony no-” 

“Tony yes!” He interrupts Steve. 

After a few glasses of Whiskey, many chimichangas, courtesy of Deadpool. A piece of cake, and many, many expensive and one-of-a-kind gifts later. You stood in the corner watching all of your friends family dance and party. You felt very grateful to be a part of this chaotic bunch of people.  

Bucky comes up next to you, wrapping his metal arm around your waist, tipsy from the Asgardian mead Thor and Loki had brought.  

“Hey doll,” he slurs. “Did you have a good birthday?”  

You nod. “I did, yes,” I smile. “Thank you, baby.”  

“The night’s not over yet,” he wiggles his eyebrows, a knowing smirk on his face.  

“James!” You scold playfully. “We have guests over!”  

“They won’t notice, come on.” He was already leading you to the bedroom. “Just 30 minutes.” 

“Fine,” you sigh dramatically, not bothering to hide your smile. “But only 30 minutes.”  

“Scouts honor,” he grins.  

45 minutes later... 

“Where is Bucky and Y/N?” Steve asks.  

“Fucking like the rabbits they are,” Tony slurs, absolutely hammered. Steve chokes on his drink, turning red.  

People say that birthdays and holidays get less fun as you get older, but with Bucky, you couldn’t wait to see what he was gonna do next. 

[peachesofteal]

peach I was diagnosed as bipolar this week. im scared and have no one to talk to. Its going to be the rest of my life and that scares me

tw mental health, medication, etc

Okay, let's chat.

These are my opinions:

First, you are not bipolar. You have bipolar. Having bipolar is not being bipolar. People who have cancer are not cancer. For me this distinction is important.

It is really scary at first. Your feelings are valid. A lot of people worry they'll never live fulfilled or happy lives once receiving a diagnosis. This is blatantly untrue. Yes, it's the rest of your life. No, you're not doomed or broken or sick.

Here is what I (personally) recommend:

See a therapist outside of a psychiatrist. Full stop.

Medication. Don't try to raw dog it. For most, it will end badly. For me, it ended badly on multiple occasions. Some people refuse meds because they believe they can manage on their own, and good for them, but there is no gold star for being unmedicated. My personal opinion is: it's dangerous. Additionally, it could take a long time to find the right med or combination of meds. It will be frustrating. Don't give up. Also, if you start taking meds and all of the sudden "realize you don't actually have bi polar" or "think you never had it in the first place" ... it means you took the drugs and the drugs are working. It doesn't mean stop taking your meds.

A support system. If you don't have a solid support system in your life, look up support groups for mental heath or bi polar specifically. Cultivate support in online spaces. Listen and learn from other's experiences. If there's absolutely nowhere else to turn, join the bi polar groups on reddit and take comfort in the fact that A. you're definitely not alone and B. there is always someone else who's done way more fucked up shit than you have. Trust me.

Self awareness. Recognizing depressive episodes, hyper mania, manic episodes will go a long way. This is really difficult. Hyper mania is almost impossible to determine from the inside looking out. Depressive and manic episodes are a little easier because they are/can be so extreme. Psychosis is impossible to recognize in yourself until you're on the other side. This is why a support system is really important. Get an app and track your moods, your feelings, your habits. Look for the patterns. Are you sleeping too much? Too little? Are you spending a lot of money? When was the last time you saw your friends, are you engaging in risky sexual behaviors, do you think you're god, are you sleeping for fourteen hours, are you talking so fast no one can understand you, do you think you're hearing things, are you doing a lot of drugs, are you driving across the country for no reason, are you making serious life changes that you've never considered before, are you flying off the handle with rage, etc etc etc.

Look back and see if you can recognize behaviors or symptoms you've exhibited and use that knowledge to help you recognize them in the future. Medication is not foolproof. Do not use this advice to look back and pick yourself apart.

No psychedelics. Not even micro dosing shrooms.

Be gentle with yourself and get enough sleep. Be honest in therapy. Get some sunlight. Exercise to the best of your ability. Do not skip your meds. Give yourself grace. Embrace who you are.

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

favouritism

summer adventures and simping

mark estapa x f!reader social media au

warning: swearing, sexual innuendos if you squint

liked by _maggiepilibosian, nolan_moyle and 1,294 others

ynofficial: my proud mother photo dump that didn't make the umich cut

psa: i tried to maintain a 'no bias' policy

view all comments

dylanduke25: I'M NOT IN THIS WHYYYYYYY 😭😭😭

ynofficial: i'm gonna give you a whole post i promise duker

dylanduke25: wait...are you gonna post THE photos???????

ynofficial: 🤫🤫

lhughes_06: dylanduke25 you're literally in two photos

dylanduke25: oh silly me i didn't recognise myself

nolan_moyle: me and duker are the favourites in this!!!!!

ynofficial: why is always a question of my favouritism with you guys

markestapa: you know why 😏

ynofficial: ok mr only in this once 😐

adamfantilli: i look like a child

ynofficial: you were 17 at the time of the photo so you kind of were...

luca.fantilli: FACTS

nblanks98: i'm the first one and i have a whole photo to myself so i'm obviously the favourite

markestapa: no

nblanks98: yes

markestapa: no

dylanduke25: i'm the favourite actually, i'm gonna have my own post

nolan_moyle: dylanduke25 we have equal numbers of posts my dude

dylanduke25: nolan_moyle but i'm gonna have a whole post

markestapa: but i'm still the favourite

dylanduke25: YOU WISH

markestapa: you get a whole post? watch the summer posts start coming in and then we'll see who's the favourite 😜��

ynofficial: i never thought i'd say this but please don't fight over who is my favourite. my favourite is _maggiepilibosian obviously

_maggiepilibosian: i'm just THAT girl 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

ynofficial: you absolutely are 😘

markestapa: 😦

edwards.73: ynofficial i do have to say that i am MORTIFIED by me in these

kienandraper: it's the horrific dad pose isn't it

edwards.73: YES!! IT IS!!! I AM APPALLED

markestapa: dw you're still cute

edwards.73: tell me something i don't know, estapa, and then get back to me

markestapa: fuck me what crawled up your ass and died this morning

edwards.73: regret. that's what.

ynofficial: are you hungover?

edwards.73: yes

ynofficial: whatever will you do?

edwards.73: please can you get me a glass of oj

ynofficial: i'm sending mark up i'm trying to find dylanduke25's photos

lhughes_06: and i'm not in this because??? 🤨

ynofficial: i'm saving your photos for the summer for clout

lhughes_06: smart 🙌

nblanks98: i just reread the caption and are you implying that you're proud of me for cooking two separate dishes????

ynofficial: yes. you have yet to send me a photo of your special pasta bake that looks edible.

nblanks98: IT IS EDIBLE

nolan_moyle: it's really not

liked by tyler_duke, graciebrns and 1,913 others

ynofficial: title-weforgotwehadtohandinanassignmentandthenightbeforewegothammeredanddylanrangmeatfourinthemorningpanickingsowedidthisonthewaytosaidclassandwewerebothviolentlyhungoverandfunfactiactuallypukednexttothetreedylanisleantagainst

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dylanduke25: the only thing i'd change about that caption is that we both only got an hour of sleep before i rang up and didn't manage to sleep the alcohol out of our systems so technically we were still drunk

ynofficial: i'm not gonna lie i forgot about that i think i blacked out

markestapa: i can never forget about that, it was the first time i had to wash your hair in nolan's sink because you had sick everywhere

nolan_moyle: the FIRST? there were more times?????

ynofficial: because the second time was edwards.73

edwards.73: i don't remember that

nolan_moyle: ok i'm sensing a pattern here

nolan_moyle: THIS HAPPENED DURING THE SEASON???

rutgermcgroarty: remember that time eddy came to practice and he had to be dressed by me, decked it in the tunnel, fell on the ice and bust his nose on his hockey stick and therefore had to be excused from practice and escorted to the med centre? it was then

nolan_moyle: that explains a lot actually

lhughes_06: my my my dylanduke25 you're looking absolutely radiant i just want to pinch your cheeks

dylanduke25: the invitation is always open 😘😘

kienandraper: that's a lot to unpack there

_maggiepilibosian: you can say that again

ynofficial: yeah it wasn't our brightest moment

nblanks98: aren't you advertising underage drinking in the comments?

ynofficial: um

this post has been deleted

liked by lhughes_06, kennedyclairewalsh and 2,007 others

ynofficial: IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER AND I LOVE (1) MARK ESTAPA

view all comments

markestapa: first

edwards.73: omg i love mark too

_maggiepilibosian: aaaaand the favouritism begins!!!

ynofficial: FINALLY

markestapa: i knew i was the favourite dylanduke25 nolan_moyle are you seeing this

dylanduke25: you're her favourite person, not hockey player

nolan_moyle: you're also not her favourite captain

markestapa: you're the only captain??

nolan_moyle: yeah that's the point

lhughes_06: an adorable, sweet-cheeked, fluffy muffin...then there's mark

markestapa: kindness is free 😞 it costs nothing 😞

ynofficial: i can't tell if you're talking about me or the dog

lhughes_06: 🤷🤷

luca.fantilli: at no point camping should anyone ever make that face in the first picture so wtf happened there

ynofficial: i tripped over a log and fell onto a rock and smashed my knee and mark took photos to document the moment

luca.fantilli: r u ok?

markestapa: i patched her up sir 🫡

nblanks98: again with the alcohol??

ynofficial: fun fact! i'm actually 21, i took a gap year so technically i'm a year older than my year group!!!!!

nblanks98: i missed your birthday?

ynofficial: yes but it's ok i forgive you

dylanduke25: mark looks so cute

ynofficial: doesn't he??????? he's just so AHBIGFKJA

dylanduke25: YES HE IS

liked by adamfantilli, jacob_truscott20 and 1,187 others

ynofficial: BLANKS CAN THROW SURPRISE BIRTHDAY BASHES EVERYBODY SCREAM ITTTTTT

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lhughes_06: ITTTTTT

ynofficial: fuck you

dylanduke25: and my invitation was lost was it?

ynofficial: if anybody has any queries, i would like to direct their attention to nblanks98 because he was the one who threw the party and i had zero clue or knowledge to its existence prior to said party

edwards.73: fresh 🥶🥶

rutgermcgroarty: seeing as though mark is at the front in the first photo of clear faces i conclude that he is the favourite

ynofficial: tis true young padawan

dylanduke25: why does everyone look bitable in this i just want to take a chomp out of them why do i want to do that

nolan_moyle: raw sex appeal

ynofficial: ^^

lhughes_06: that's a lot of half-naked people

ynofficial: just the way i like it

lhughes_06: say that again 🤨

ynofficial: i mean...not like that

nblanks98: i thinyk ive sed tbis before but i hope yiou bad a great birthfay and im sorry i missed it

ynofficial: if you apologise one more time i'm gonna hurl

nblanks98: please ont talk abut viut

ynofficial: idk what you're trying to say there

liked by lauren.rodolitz, edwards.73 and 1,196 others

ynofficial: the tri-ality of ma(rk estapa)n

view all comments

markestapa: first

markestapa: also: the last photo????

ynofficial: but you look so cute 😔

markestapa: you ALWAYS say that

ynofficial: because you ALWAYS look so cute

adamfantilli: i don't think that's how those bracket things work and i don't think tri-ality is a word

ynofficial: i'm making them make sense

adamfantilli: fair dos

dylanduke25: THE FIRST PHOTO THE SECOND PHOTO AHHHHH

dylanduke25: mark is so bf coded in those and it makes my heart go fast

ynofficial: ME TOOOOOO

edwards.73: PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

markestapa: tbh most of the time i wish we were wearing less iykwim 😉

edwards.73: you're disgustingly horny (fr the photo is so adorable)

nolan_moyle: I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE

ynofficial: nblanks98

nblanks98: that can be arranged nolan_moyle ☝️

markestapa: this is literally the second post from week 1 that has been dedicated to me and to me only dylanduke25 i'm so obviously the favourite

dylanduke25: WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT OF COURSE YOU'RE HER FAVOURITE BECAUSE YOU'RE HER BOYFRIEND!!! nevertheless i am her favourite bestie

kienandraper: i beg to fucking differ i think i take that spot

ynofficial: kienandraper is to me what markestapa is to _maggiepilibosian so that is absolutely correct kienandraper

dylanduke25: not only is that some weird couply shit, but i'm kind of offended

ynofficial: it doesn't mean to say that you're not one of my favourite people though duker, bc you are, i just happen to have a lot of favourite people

kienandraper: actually it's kind of the opposite of weird coupley shit because i knew y/n from class and she then met maggie through me who introduced her to the media side of the team and then y/n met mark

lhughes_06: cute

liked by ynofficial, _maggiepilibosian and 13,186 others

markestapa: if you would have told #1 and #2 mark that he ACTUALLY had a shot with the pretty girl with the camera, he would have been flabbergasted

view all comments

edwards.73: SIMP

markestapa: HAVE YOU SEEN HER THOUGH

edwards.73: you don't want me to answer that

markestapa: please don't

dylanduke25: baby mark was adorable what happened? 😔

markestapa: hEY

ynofficial: he's STILL adorable wtf

lhughes_04: the girlies in his comments agree

liked by ynofficial

ynofficial: you thought you didn't have a chance? bro bffr

markestapa: dude 🤨

ynofficial: *deep inhale to maintain sanity* you were (+ still are) the most KJAGSF boy in the world like you just make me hajshfaj

ynofficial: i'm just in disbelief that's all

nolan_moyle: you guys are my couple goals

nolan_moyle: also THE OCEAN PHOTO??? 😭

kienandraper: y/n likes shiny things...but she'd...

ynofficial: damn right i do drapernator...

edwards.73: i'm confused

markestapa: you're confused? i'm fucking confused bro

_maggiepilibosian: (taylor swift)(paper rings)(lover album)(2019)(pastel pink/blue/purple/yellow)

dylanduke25: what is that wet patch on your hoodie markestapa? it's sus

markestapa: water. after YOU threw it at me.

dylanduke25: but that smile on your face, huh? what about that

markestapa: all ynofficial

ynofficial: *dies*

adamfantilli: confirmed that ynofficial is indeed markestapa's favourite

liked by markestapa

liked by mackie.samo, luca.fantilli and 1,810 others

ynofficial: pathetic lack of debate necessary bc this one (markestapa for those unaware) is my favourite (and by pathetic lack i mean you guys were really delulu to think you were my favourite (i'm sorry if this is mean))

view all comments

markestapa: i fucking knew it

markestapa: you have a crush on me don't you?

ynofficial: whatever gave it away? 🤔

markestapa: OMG YOU LOOOOOVE MEEE

edwards.73: on a scale of 1-10 how hammered is he rn

ynofficial: solid 8 bc he's in his clingy phase

edwards.73: so glad you're the one dealing with that this time 🤮

edwards.73: also for the caption - girl, we been knew 🙄

dylanduke25: missy what do you mean I'M not the favourite????

ynofficial: you're not my #1 boo

dylanduke25: am i #2 boo?

kienandraper: that's me

dylanduke25: #3? 😢

ynofficial: tied with nolan_moyle, edwards.73 and nblanks98 then yes 😁

dylanduke25: ynofficial it's not ok to have that many favourites in your top 3

ynofficial: my favourites = my rules

ynofficial: or you can be #4?

dylanduke25: nvm 👍👍 i can be 3 👍👍

ynofficial: good boy 👍👍👍

markestapa: 😏😏

lhughes_06: PHONE OFF NOW ynofficial HELP NO STOP IT

nolan_moyle: i am honoured, truly 🙏🙏

nblanks98: as am i 🙏🙏

ynofficial: you're welcome 🙏🙏

lhughes_06: do i mean nothing

ynofficial: no (i don't actually have favourites apart from m and k but the rest are fragile and ik you can handle it) (still like you a lot though)

lhughes_06: it's because i'm devil scum isn't it (like you a lot too (for drunk mark: PLATONICALLY))

ynofficial: yes

edwards.73: but i'm devil scum (i'm ignoring the fragile part)

ynofficial: not yet properly, luke's runs in his blood (probably for the better)

nblanks98: WHAT'S THIS ABOUT BEING FRAGILE I'M A HOCKEY PLAYER

ynofficial: just that you're very bbg

nblanks98: actually i don't want to know

kienandraper: pecs 🤯

markestapa: omg 🤯 such a shocker 🤯🤯🤯🤯

kienandraper: oi

nolan_moyle: what a little studmuffincutiepie that markestapa is

markestapa: captain? 😧 is that legal???? 😧

ynofficial: i thought that NICKname was for nblanks98 only

nblanks98: we fell out momentarily and he's being petty

ynofficial: oh? okay???

[forest-falcon]

The Butterfly Effect

Chpr 16

⚠️ Erm, not sure what to tag this as...fluffy whump angst? Mainly fluffy!

Timeline starts as memory and ends in the present. Hope you enjoy!

💚💛👨‍🏫🚒🐦‍🔥

Night fell on Tracy Island, and Virgil flopped down onto the cool sheets of his bed. Training had gone well today, despite the odd hiccup; Tam taking to the jet-pack like a duck to water. Jonesy...well, he flew with all the finesse of a drunken penguin. Luckily, the med-scanner had reported no injuries, but for a bruised backside. The merciless ribbing (as to be expected from good friends) was decidedly more painful.

Virgil smiled.

Jonesy had just batted the jokes right back. The firefighter had a good sense of humour, and a thick skin - another vital trait in their line of work. It was like having a second Gordon about the place, which was in equal parts a blessing and a curse.

His piano, for starters; having been somewhat neglected since their guests arrived, had acquired a fine layer of dust. Gordon, of course, had wasted no time at all in scribing messages on its hood.

What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can't tuna fish!

Jonesy had laughed way too hard at that; and just a few short hours later, another dad-joke (of equal cringe-worthiness) followed. Only, this time, the handwriting obviously not Gordon's.

Why did the GDF arrest Virgil?

Because he got into treble!

Virgil sighed.

"EOS, please can you add piano polish to the shopping list?"

*. *. * .

Virgil drew idle angel-patterns in the fresh bed linen; savouring the luxury of being able to starfish in his king-sized bed after training...well, they weren't really recruits anymore. They had all integrated so well with the family, that it was nice to think that he'd been training friends.

Mac...Mac was quite quiet; that was until he and Brains started chin wagging about Star Trek.

I mean, he liked Star Trek as much as the next person, but those two must have mastered the ability of breathing through their ears. He'd never seen Brains talk so much!

And though he often opted out of their tedious-Trek-talks; it was wonderful to see their resident engineer, and friend, so animated.

Virgil was roused from his thoughts by the strumming of a gentle Spanish folk song; the lilting melody drifting through his open balcony doors.

Someone was humming. By process of elimination; he knew it to be Tamara. It was a female voice, and he had heard both Grandma's and Kayo's over Comms enough times to know that it wasn't them. He padded quietly over to the balustrade, taking in the night air as the music played on.

It was a beautiful night; the father stretches of ocean so tranquil; the surface glittered with dark starlight.

Virgil rested his head on folded arms, watching the seafoam gather and fade along the shoreline.

Usually, all this beauty went unseen. After back-to-back rescues; he was lucky to see a glimpse of his pillow before sleep took him. He sighed contentedly, and the music suddenly stopped.

"Oh God! I had no idea anyone could hear me! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to keep you up!" Tam set the guitar aside with a musical thud.

"No, no, please! Play on! I was really enjoying that," Virgil leaned his head over the balcony.

"I'm really not that good. I-"

"How long have you been playing?" Virgil stalled her from disappearing back from her balcony and into her own room.

"Erm...ever since my mum passed, so that's...six years - but it's all self-taught," Tam flustered shyly. It was the first time Virgil had seen her out of her comfort zone.

"That's really impressive. And...I'm sorry about your mom. We lost our mother, Lucy, when we were just boys. Time doesn't make it any easier, does it?"

"No... but I guess, those who are lucky have, or find others to live for," Tam sighed pensively.

They both stood silently for a moment, lost in memory and deep in thought.

After a moment, Virgil gently cleared his throat.

"Do you like stars?"

"Stars?"

"Mmmm."

"Yes. I mean, especially here. They're so vivid and... ethereal!" Tam enthused.

"Well, if you can spare ten minutes; I'd love to share something with you. You can see it best from the Comms balcony," he gestured.

"Oh...I mean, sure?"

"You don't have to. It's nothing really. I-"

"No, no! I'd love to see," Tam assured, seeing that whatever he was referencing, held a great deal of meaning to him...whatever it was.

"Cool. I'll meet you up there in five."

*. *. *.

Tam found Virgil already waiting outside of the Comms room.

He greeted her with a genuine smile, before turning his face to the tapestry of stars in the near-midnight sky.

“Okay. I'm no John, but you can't have two spacecase brothers without learning a handful of constellations,” Virgil waved vaguely.

“Mmm. I bet.”

"Erm...Do you know many constellations?” he queried, not wanting to patronize another potential spacecase.

“Erm, well...that one over there's the North Star.” Tam pointed to the brightest light gleaming proudly in the sky.

“That's…actually Five. John's obviously overdone his teeth whitening gel.”

Tam snorted as she laughed.

“Spoken like a true brother.”

"Alright...so you'll have to use your imagination...like, a lot..." Virgil smiled.

"Cassiopeia, can you see her?"

Virgil guided Tam's hand up to the constellation.

"Angle your head slightly. It's a..."

"M?"

"Mmm hmm. Now, Auriga - that's your O." He guided her wrist as she traced the shape.

"Bare with me for the next one!"

"Okay."

"This is where you'll have to really use your imagination. You see Gemini - the twins?"

"Erm...yep, got it!"

"Okay, forget their top halves.

"Said no guy ever."

"It's all about their legs." he winked.

"Look..." He guided her hand once more in the final shape of an M.

"Mom."

"Mmm hmm."

Tam hummed appreciatively; the loveliest of smiles forming on her face as she gazed on the astral wonder.

"It really is beautiful," Tam mused.

"Beautiful," Virgil agreed, watching her smile.

Quietly, Tam began humming the melody from earlier, and the palms gently swayed in the light of the moon.

*. *. *

Virgil roused.

Grandma!

He made to move before the rest of his senses had even come back online.

Pain was the elicited result.

He hissed and a gentle hand was felt at his shoulder.

"You're okay, I've got you, I've got you."

The voice was familiar but conscious thought still eluded him.

Everything hurt.

Thinking hurt.

Just then, the voice began humming a familiar tune that filled his darkness with starlight.

[buthowboutno]

DONNIES POV OF THE LATEST CHAPTER... PRETTY PLEASE? 🥺

you've caught me in an amenable mood, sure!

Here's a Donnie POV from the very end of chapter 24 <3

(it's v unedited, apologies)

---

"Wow," April said as she leaned on the counter next to Donnie, "They're really out cold."

Donnie snorted and continued his task of gathering up the empty bottles around the bar.

(He liked to repurpose glass when he could. The more time he spent re-shaping it into his desired purposes it was less time he had to keep depending on subpar tech companies.)

"Just wait until you put a movie on in front of Sweets," Donnie retorted, "I've never seen someone pass out so quickly."

April hummed, gathering up bottles in her own bag, "Should we wake them up and send them home? I bet Leo would make an extra pit stop for them.

"Uh," Donnie said, tilting his head in confusion, "They're spending the night."

"You're not making them sleep on the couch, Donnie."

"I am not making them sleep on the couch, April."

"Sunny and I are taking the spare bed."

"Yes."

"The Casey's have already claimed the cots in the med bay."

"Correct again," Donnie said stiffly, a faint blush rising on his cheeks, "We... Sweets and I usually share my bed."

"Ohhh," April said, trailing off, "Okay. I see."

"There's nothing to see," Donnie argued, "It's simply the most sensible and economical solution. It would be a waste of resources to keep a spare bed fresh and clean with the frequency of Sweet's visits."

"I'm sure."

"Good," Donnie said with a huff, his gaze falling back on you. Your chest rose and fell softly as you slept. Your hand rested against your forehead and twitched as the breeze started to pick up.

It was getting colder again. Truly unprecedented weather patterns this year. If Donnie was a betting man, he would expect snow again before May.

(The month, not Sweet's roommate.)

(Duh, Donatello.)

"I think that's the last of the bags," Raph said, popping his head out of the portal Leo was maintaining just to the side of the pool, "You guys need anything?"

"Wanna get sleepyhead inside?" April said, jerking her head in your direction, "I'm worried about them catching a cold."

"No," Donnie said quickly, practically on instinct.

April raised an eyebrow at Donnie. Her eyes glimmered with satisfaction for just a moment as she schooled her face back to a neutral expression.

Donnie didn't have the energy for her presumptions right now. Not after the last few weeks.

"Raph, do you mind finishing up the bottles for me?" Donnie asked. He already tossed his bag over to Raph before he got an answer and was quickly approaching your side.

You scrunched your face up as Donnie gently raised your head off the chair and managed to settle your torso against his. You were solidly snoozing again with your face pressed against Donnie's neck by the time he managed to slide an arm under your legs.

Donnie pointedly did not look at April and Raph as he stepped through the portal and avoided Casey's blatant staring with a swift departure down his hallway.

You muttered something incomprehensible as Donnie took an especially sharp turn.

It was like a second nature for Donnie to chirp at you and press his cheek against the top of your head as he activated the door to the lab. It was one of the things that Donnie was actively choosing not to think about.

(He had a list.)

(Hypothetically.)

(If there were things that he needed to address.)

(Which there weren't.)

Donnie was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he didn't even think about the fact that he had managed to get a hoodie onto you without considering any of the necessary steps he needed to take before that. Namely, getting your swimsuit off first.

He... Donnie didn't think he should be doing that.

"Sweets, you need to go get changed," Donnie said softly, trying to lift you to your feet from where he had set you onto the bed.

(He tried not to think about the wet mark you left behind on his blankets.)

(Where was his mind today?)

You managed to blearily open your eyes and nodded at him. You allowed him to guide you to the bathroom and obediently took the pair of sweatpants he pressed into your hands.

Donnie shut the door behind you and took a deep, steadying breath. He willed his mind to that calming blankness he reached for during meditation. There was no other option, really.

Not on the fumes Donnie was barely running off of.

Ten seconds in.

Change out of his swim trunks. Place in hamper.

Fifteen out.

Replace the comforter, deal with it in the morning.

Twenty seconds in.

Take off his battle shell. Set it on the charger.

Twenty-five --

You opened the door to the bathroom, the light pouring in behind you as you yawned widely. You half-stumbled, half-walked towards his bed.

Donnie had to catch you as you attempted to pull yourself onto his sheets, your hands failing to find traction on the satin.

You giggled sleepily, your hand landing on the collar of Donnie's hoodie while he attempted to tuck you in. You managed to find his arm and tugged at it, humming happily as you managed to pull it to your chest.

Donnie, already leaning over the bed and in grave danger of losing his balance, had to make a quick choice.

Pull away, calm his heartrate, and go sleep on the lab couch, or...

He could stay.

He couldn't--

Could he--?

You would never--

You made the decision for him, in the end, whether you were conscious of it or not. You pulled forward Donnie with the whole weight of your torso as you leaned farther into his bed.

It was all Donnie could do to keep from squishing you beneath him as he landed on the bed. He would be lying if he said he didn't delight in the fact that you were so near, that every bone in his body wasn't screaming at him to stay close to you at all times.

You snored softly next to Donnie, your ability to pass out within an instant never lagging.

He... would be staying. It didn't seem worth it to disturb you more than Donnie had to.

That was the most reasonable justification that Donnie could find, in any case.

(He really needed to get his hindbrain in order.)

"Shelldon, lights off."

[ominoose]

𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫-𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

Summary: Random drabble's about Steven Grant meeting other Oscar Isaac characters. No Marc or Jake co-concious, only referenced. Characters: Basil Stitt, Leto Atreides, Poe Dameron A/N: This randomly hit me and I wanted to write it because it was funny. Used a spinny wheel for it. Also idk if BB-8 can do that but now he can.

London was it's usual muggy, busy self as Steven ran down the street, hoping to catch the bus to work. It had been hard enough to get a job after the Museum Incident, but maintaining a position was proving to be a much harder endeavor between his abnormal sleeping patterns and head mates.

"Oi! Wait, please!" Steven was within touching distance just as the bus sped off, and at the lack of anything to rest his weight on or break his fall, the man found himself tumbling face first into traffic.

☽ 𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐭 (Lightningface)

+ When Steven first wakes up in the apartment, his first thought is that he's woken up in a bomb site. The apartment is a mess, furniture and clothes strewn everywhere haphazardly. He's momentarily glad Marc isn't replying in his head, knowing the American would have an aneurysm over the state of the place.

+ Basil is the one to find Steven, jumping up from his spot on the couch and staring at him like he's an alien. The first thought in his mind is that Ricky the Monkey did some crazy magic and brought a clone to replace him. Poor Steven barely has a chance to process the situation before he's trying to calm his scarred, other American look alike down and explain his situation. Nothing manages to convince Basil there isn't some magic going on here, but he stops viewing Steven as an evil replacement.

+ After the initial shock and awkward introductions, they manage to sit down and chat for a few minutes. Basil shares the story of the lightning strike, insisting that its imbued him with magical powers. Steven, bless his heart, immediately believes this and boasts about his own moon powers too.

"You know, I've always wanted to try jumping off the roof and flying, have you done that?"

"Oh no, my mate Marc usually handles that, but maybe we can practice together? Have you got a suit as well?"

"Yeah, it's this paper bag and bed sheet I fixed up myself! C'mon, I have a stool on the balcony-"

"Wait, hang about.... Actually, mate, on second thoughts, lets not."

+ Steven ends up convincing Basil to properly fix his apartment, not just brush away the broken shards and dust. So that's what they do for a while, busying themselves as they theorize on how to get Steven back home with only a handful of brain cells between them. Basil listens with surprising intensity when Steven ends up branching off into Egyptology tangents, and likewise Steven nods along when Basil brings up all the documentaries he'd watched recently. In the end, the apartment does end up in much better shape, and the pair become quite chummy.

"Damn. Thanks for the help... Maybe I did overreact a bit."

"Yeah, it's no problem bruvs, it happens. Surprised the doctors didn't give you anymore meds, though I suppose over here its not like the NHS."

"Oh, no I didn't go to the hospital."

"...You wot?!"

𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐢����𝐞𝐬 (Dune)

+ Coming to on hot, sandy slabs is enough of a trigger point to Steven Grant as they come. Coming to on hot, sandy slabs with weird astronauts in suits pointing space guns at him goes beyond frighting and circles back into 'Shit yourself' territory. Thankfully they seem to speak English. Unfortunately, his high pitched screams and babbling British noises don't make sense to them while they peer down their guns at him with confusion. It isn't until a booming voice draws everyone's attention that Steven gets a chance to breath.

+ Said breath is swiftly knocked back out of Stevens lungs when a wiser, nobler and older version of him walks into the room, commanding the attention of every single space soldier in the room. The man stares down at him as he lays huddled on the ground, curled into himself, and quirks a single well groomed eyebrow at him.

"I am Duke Leto of House Atreides. You have penetrated your way into my home. Who are you?"

"I-I-I'm S-Steven Grant. Of the... Giftshop."

The Duke continues his stony stare at Steven for a few seconds longer before holding out a calloused hand.

"Well Steven of the Giftshop, I think we both have many questions for one another, and hopefully some answers."

+ When Steven finally gets over being starstruck at the dignified, royal version of himself, and when Leto makes the accidental mistake of mentioning that they're billions of years in the future on another planet, Steven freaks out, having a 10 minute long panic attack. When that's over he geeks out instead, asking a million questions about technology, using apologies as commas and full stops.

"Do people still know about Khonshu in this era?!"

"I'm afraid I am not familiar with that name."

"Lucky sod."

+ Leto thinks the strange, weird sounding clone of himself is a schizophrenic long lost cousin, but at lease he isn't trying to kill him over a title. It's not as common in Arrakis, or the general noble courts, to find someone as earnest, honest and willing to learn as Steven seems to be, which earns him a surprising amount of respect from the Duke.

𝐏𝐨𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧 (Star Wars)

+ Waking up in a space ship that's doing somersaults mid-battle while dodging and weaving around beams trying to explode it out of the sky was almost as stressful as waking up on a London bus at 8am. Commendably, Steven didn't scream or cry, but simply had a silent panic attack until a rolling white and orange ball started beeping at him, or rather the ridiculously handsome version of him currently flying the plane.

"Who the hell are you and how did you get on my cruiser?!"

"Bloody hell, not another handsome American me!"

"What?! BB-8, check for a concussion!"

+ After being given a water bottle by the polite little droid, Steven finally managed to calm himself down by the time the ship touch down and the pilot in matching droid colours sprang before him, launching question after question. When he clocked Stevens face, he was speechless, brows slowly knitting over his eyes as he tried to make sense of what was in front of him. Mid stare-down BB-8 nicked the Brits skin, running a quick diagnostic test and beeping the results out to the pilot who's eyebrows swiftly un-knitted at the noises.

+ Taking advantage of the silence, Steven tries to explain himself and his situation, insisting he comes in peace and simply wanted to get home before Donna got another excuse to give him the sack. The pilot finally introduced himself as Poe, the best pilot in the resistance at that, and with a sigh he promised to try and figure out how to get Steven back to whatever galaxy London was from.

+ Poe tries to explain the resistance and the empire to Steven, who in turn compares it to Ammits cult and jointly rants about those who take choice and freedom from the innocent. Poe is happy enough that his weird blood ancestor is with the resistance, even if he does constantly regard him with a quirked eyebrow, wondering how in the universe he managed to evolve from this walking concussion. For a second time Poe is rendered silent as Steven mentions being Moonknight.

"Oh yeah, I've done that too, at least those Jedi blokes doesn't send their jackals after you though!"

"You've... fought? In battle?"

"Course, yeah. Fought off giant gods back to the underworld, stopped the day of reckoning as the souls of the living were flooding the underworld. It was just the other day actually."

"...You killed god?!"

+ Steven absolutely adores BB-8 and Leia, a feeling the bot and all of the resistance seem to happily return, much to the dismay of Poe. Steven's quite flustered from all the attention and questions, leaving Poe to drag him away in a huff, claiming they need to get back to figuring out how to send him home. It feels like a babysitting gig more than anything, but deep down it strokes Poe's ego when Steven ooh's and ahh's at all his resistance tales.

[doumadono]

Congratulations on reaching 3k followers! I hope you will reach an even higher number, you really deserve them for your talent and hard work! 💞💞

Before I make the request, I want to say that I really find it comforting that you have time for your hobbies and your medical career. I am in my last year of med school and I took intensive care in consideration. Sometimes I worry that I will have to completely abandon my love for video games and anime, but I found out there is still hope, even though my free time will definetely be more limited fjshshdhs.

I wish you infinite success on your medical path! ⚕️🧠

And for my request, I thought of:

- a Douma with a f!Reader

- sfw headcanons

- prompt no. 32. Sleeping in the same bed for the first time from 002 SFW.

Douma & Reader in the same bed for the first time - headcanons

A/N: I truly appreciate your kind words! Congratulations on being in your last year of med school and pursuing intensive care – that's an incredible accomplishment! Remember, while your free time may become more limited, it's heartening to know that there's always room to enjoy the things you love. Keep nurturing those interests – they can be a valuable source of respite throughout your medical journey. Wishing you all the best in your final year and beyond! 🌟 Once again, thank you so much for this lovely request, as well as for your warm, kind words ♥

MASTERLIST

One evening, you find yourself assisting Douma in preparing for an upcoming meeting with his followers. The tasks keep you busy, and as the night wears on, exhaustion creeps in

After noticing you're growing exhaustion from spending long hours with him, Douma suggests that you rest in his chamber. He assures that it's merely for your well-being, and you hesitantly accept his offer. "You seem exhausted, my dear. Perhaps you should rest for a while."

Douma's chamber is unexpectedly serene, adorned with soft, silk drapes that flutter gently in the breeze coming through opened door leading to the private part of the garden. You're surprised by the calming atmosphere, finding solace in the tranquil surroundings

As you settle into bed, Douma hums a soothing melody, his voice surprisingly melodic. The gentle vibrations of his humming lull the you into a peaceful slumber, chasing away your anxieties and tension

"What's that melody? It's beautiful," you ask

"It's an old tune," he begins, his voice holding a trace of nostalgia. "I don't quite recall where I heard it first, but it always brought me a sense of calm. I thought it might offer you some comfort tonight."

After you settled into bed, Douma's arm slips around your waist, drawing you into a protective embrace. The steady rise and fall of his chest against your back creates a soothing rhythm, lulling you into a peaceful sleep.

Douma's hold is surprisingly gentle yet firm, as if he's determined to shield you from any troubles that might intrude upon the night. His closeness brings a sense of security you've never experienced before

Throughout the night, whenever you stir or whimper in your sleep, Douma's grip tightens ever so slightly, his subconscious way of ensuring your comfort. His touch becomes a silent reassurance that you're not alone

You awaken in the middle of the night, your heart racing from a nightmare. Without a word, Douma's fingers brush against your cheek, his touch cool and soothing as he gently wipes away the remnants of your distress

When you wake up, you find yourself nestled against Douma's chest, his arm still protectively around you

After waking up, he lays with you in his arms. Suddenly he remarks teasingly, "You do realize that sleeping in my chamber grants you no special privileges, right?" Douma's fingers trace soothing patterns along your arm, the gentle touch acting like a balm to any lingering anxieties

"Oh really? I thought it came with a crown and a scepter," you reply, rolling your eyes

After that night, your interactions with Douma become less strained. You find comfort in his presence and gradually begins to open up to him, sharing stories and secrets in the quiet hours of the night

[topgunreacts]

Ayo! Greetings! I hope you are doing pretty well! I’m really sorry for asking this as I’m truly in dire need of help. My cat needs some immediate help for her surgery so I’m trying to raise some funds for her. If you have some spare time, please check it out the post that I have pinned for her, and if you feel it in your heart to help, please do us the favor by boosting the post or share it! Even if you cannot donate, spreading the word is definitely more than enough. Thank you for your kindness, and so sorry again for being this direct! <33

THIS IS A SCAMMER

But how do I know? And shouldn’t I reblog it just in case? It’s a valid concern. Fortunately, there are a few quick steps anyone can take to assess the validity of a charity request. Because at the end of the day, spreading a just-in-case message can have real negative consequences as other people continue to spread the scam on a just-in-case basis.

A sense of urgency (sickness, eminent surgery, etc)

They ask you directly to give them something

Familiarity, such as calling you “dear” or “hun”

Comments turned off

New account with few if any posts

Direct messages that ask for privacy in the matter

Use of pets, children, irrelevant mention of demographics (please help a disabled queer single parent feed their sick cat, etc)

No response to requests for more information

Copy and paste message that gets sent to numerous people

Photos that do not match up with the origin as found through reverse image search

Lack of creativity: you receive a similarly or identically worded request from a random account

Melodramatic backstory--we rescued this cat from an alligator attack that almost took the cat's eye!

Donation account linked to a country at high risk for hosting scam operations

And others. These are not ironclad rules, nor do they always show up in every scam post. Maybe they ARE a disabled queer single parent who can't afford to feed their sick cat. But these elements are patterns you can look for in order to make an informed judgment call. There is at least one popular tumblr account here that will not post any donation links unless the asker fills out a form allowing the account holder to independently prove their identity and issue. If a person is truly desperate and actually needs help, they will fill out that form. Asking for more information is always a good idea, as is doing a reverse image search to see where else the photos might have been posted. Checking keywords on tumblr is also a good bet. Remember: posting lies is quick and easy. Providing proof is not. And that’s critical if money is involved.

Scammers suck. But some of them are very good at what they do. They are masters of using people’s guilt and empathy against them.

Let's dig deeper.

First, let's check out that melodramatic backstory. It's a doozy!

It was actually her Birthday yesterday….well her gotcha Birthday! We found her on our balcony 4 years ago after an awful noise was heard and I still don’t know if she jumped up scared from something or if she was thrown on there 😔 She wasn’t chipped. Vet said it looked like she hadn’t long had kittens and looked about 3 years old herself. Couldn’t find her owners, so she joined our family. (Oh I looked for kittens believe me) She is the sweetest girl we ever met. She even purrs when she sleeps 😻we so love her. We just very recently lost our cat Mimi. She had cancer sadly but we fought so hard to help her but in the end it won. We have an elderly dog called Billa who just two weeks ago turned 20!!!! Any day now we could lose her, she’s feeling her age 😔 I mention those two because it’s just too overwhelming and feels like Maggie is the only one I can help now. Upon an annual vet visit recently with Maggie….so I could get flea meds for her and her brother Milow that they were due to have…the vet found she had two masses….or tumors. One at the bottom of her back next to her tail (I don’t know how I didn’t see it before I’m so ashamed) and when she pressed on her stomach, my loving Maggie started growling which I can honestly say in the time we’ve had her she’s never done that. We did an X-ray and she found a mass in her stomach 😔 we also did a biopsy. This is just so unexpected and so overwhelming after losing Mimi and knowing we will be losing Billa soon…just can’t lose Maggie also. I hate being in this position. I really pay forward as much as I can. I’ve helped out a couple of women with bags and cases of food for the cat colony’s they feed. One woman with food who has a lot of fosters who needed help with food. I think it’s 3 different pet surgeries I’ve helped contribute to for their treatment. It sucks to be on this side now but I’m really praying somehow it might be my turn to get some help to help Maggie get her ct scan so they can figure out the surgery route to remove the tumor from her stomach. I wish I was in a better situation at this moment to not need any help. We’ve always been there to help our babies no matter what they’ve needed, you have to try at least to help them.. And we’ve been able to pay for it ourselves until now. Now I’m able to work here, it can help set us up for future pet issues….I mean, we do everything for these guys including going to work lol but I’ve literally only had my permanent status the last few days instead of visas and it’s all been on my hubby until now who has been amazing, but after paying for Mimi’s help and then end of life, my flight to and from England for my immigration and all those fees and just paying for everything on his own…there’s a lack of funds now. I just want Maggie to get some help and will somehow have to make this happen for her, so please if you have the means to, you can donate to my paypal which is linked down below

Come on, dude. At least be creative. Please make note of the highlights: dramatic injury, insistence (with evidence!) that the scammer is a Good Person Who Gives Back, Cancer Cat & Old Dog supporting characters, immigration drama regarding visas, sick cat had kittens that were never found, etc.

[speculation incoming] Also, laws regarding the importation of pet animals from other countries are strict, and always involve a vet visit. I doubt a vet would clear a cat with tumors to fly out of the country. Even if they did, the timeline here is weird. This vet clinic is in California. [speculation over]

Okay now let's look at these photos. (PSSST I instantly knew this person was a scammer because I've seen these exact x-rays and screenshots on other posts with different cat images. That's something else to look for. Scammers want to expend as little energy as possible in their hunt for your money.)

Where is the scam coming from?

Hovering over the Paypal link, I see the account is located in the Philippines, a country with a high risk of scam hosting. Red flags on red flags.

How to Reverse Image Search

Find a search engine that will let you search by image. This is Google Images on a Firefox browser on PC. Clicking the little camera gives me the option to upload, paste, or give the URL to a photo.

This time, the photo search wasn't helpful. There were no identical matches that Google picked up right away. But I'm including how to do this anyway because it's good to know.

Search Tumblr

We all know tumblr search sucks, but after looking up "cat scam" in the search bar, I found Everything.

Wait a minute.

SHIT THEY GOT MAVERICK POST CANCELED

@kyra45 appears to have amassed some good resources for finding and documenting these scams.

Be aware, be smart, report scam accounts for spam, block them, and do not post donation links "just in case."

[youregonnabeokay-kid]

ADHD information for fanfic writers:

Diagnostic Process:

the diagnostic process is different in every country, but this is a basic overview

- an ADHD referral can come from any type of doctor, unlike referrals for other neurodivergences

- the wait list depends on where you live and how old you are. typically the younger you are, the shorter the wait

- ADHD has to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist or by a doctor who has taken a specialized course to be certified in diagnosing and handling ADHD

- most doctors will make you fill out a questionnaire about your mental health. these questionnaires involves sections about family history, personal history, and statements that you have to agree or disagree with

- a good psychiatrist won’t diagnose you with ADHD during your first visit. they will instead spend the first few visits getting to know you and the state of your mental health

- most people are assessed for depression when being assessed for ADHD. this is because depression can present itself in similar ways. if diagnosed with depression and open to medication, the psychiatrist will first prescribe antidepressants and see how those affect you before moving on with the ADHD assessment

Meds:

- most ADHD meds are taken in the morning since they normally wear off after 8-12 hours

- when meds wear off we go through what’s known as a “crash” or “medication rebound”

- ADHD crashes are pure hell which is why some people with ADHD choose to only take meds during the week or they do nothing on the weekend as a reset of sorts

- basically, when our meds wear off all of our symptoms come back at the same time and we get overstimulated to the point of exhaustion

- some people have smaller doses of their meds that they take at the beginning of the crash. this means they can prolong the crash by a couple hours

- for some people, the first time taking meds is hell. the change is very noticeable and abrupt. i wouldn’t stop talking because it was “too quiet” (it being my mind)

- your dosage is not based on body type or weight and just because you take a high dose in one drug doesn’t mean you take a high dose in all others (my ADHD meds are 10mg higher than the highest prescribed amount but my antipsychotics are .5mg lower than the lowest prescribed dose)

- vyvanse is most often prescribed to people with combo ADHD, ritalin to those with hyperactive ADHD (especially those with impulsivity issues), and adderall for inattentive (no, this is not something that is typically disclosed or well-known but if you’ve talked to enough people w/ ADHD you begin to see a pattern) other ADHD meds are available but less likely to be prescribed

- other meds are also taken into account when getting a prescription for ADHD. vyvanse is the most versatile and is usually the one prescribed if you’re on other medications

- ADHD meds are stimulants which means doctors will never give you refills (if they do, they could lose their license)

- since they’re stimulants, for the first year you have to go to the psychiatrist’s bi-weekly for the first few months, then monthly after that so they can see how you are doing

- ADHD meds are known for lowering sex drives and increasing hunger (sometimes the opposite may happen, as with most drugs, but these are most common)

- it takes about 1/2 hour to an hour for meds to kick in and many of us are able to tell the exact moment they start working

Other Substances:

- the neurons and chemicals in the body of an ADHD person are fucked. this means that many substances and medications have either no effect on us, or the opposite effect of what they are intended for

speaking from personal experience:

- caffeine makes me tired

- melatonin and other sleeping aids like dextromethorphan, which can be found in many cough syrups, make me hyper

- weed makes me feel lighter, but it never affects me more than that. i never get a “proper high” like other people (ie; i find no more joy or fascination in bright colours or moving objects than i usually do)

- while “sugar highs” in general are a myth, they’re real for people with ADHD! they stimulate our dopamine and opioid receptors which gives us a burst of energy

- additionally, people with ADHD are more likely to be addicted to illegal stimulants like cocaine because it calms them down (yup, you read that right. when someone with ADHD does cocaine their mind quiets and they mellow down instead of the usual hyper-active high that neurotypicals get)

Additional Information:

- we’re lacking some of the neurotransmitters in our brains so it takes us longer to process information, and we have “more” thoughts than neurotypicals since our additional thoughts aren’t processed out

- we get what’s called “executive dysfunction” or “ADHD paralysis” where we are physically unable to do things despite no real physical limitations (for non-ADHD folks: try putting your hand in fire. you’ll notice that you are either physically unable to or that your body somewhat restrains you from doing it. this is what executive dysfunction is like. for ADHD folks: do not try this since we’re also less likely to have self-preservation instincts)

- basically, i can sit for hours thinking about doing the dishes, screaming at myself in my head to just do them, but i’m still unable to

- we leave trails! we have so many thoughts going through our head that we forget them all the time, so when we get a thought like “i think the printer is low on paper, i should check” we abandon all tasks in favour of the new thought. however, the remains of those tasks stay where we left them, and thus, an ADHD trail is made

- we have both the worst and best memory of anyone you will ever meet. i might be able to tell you the exact outfit you wore on a specific day five years ago but i won’t remember what i ate for breakfast

- when we get bored, we get depressed. like, life is meaningless and i want to curl up in a ball and die depressed. sometimes we need someone to physically force us out of bed to get us out of our funk (and sometimes all it takes to get out of the funk is doing something fun which makes us feel ridiculous when we think about how depressed we were prior)

- since boredom is detrimental to us, we have to constantly be having fun which, in and of itself, is not fun. this is also why a lot of us end up doing shift work or working dangerous jobs

- we’re adrenaline junkies. this isn’t even a “most of us” situation, it’s all of us. the only difference is how we get that adrenaline. (some get it by jumping out of a plane, others get it by working on assignments in a time crunch)

- we’re social beings. even if we’re introverts, we thrive on social interactions. without them our dopamine plummets and we, once again, get depressed

- all silences are awkward to us. it doesn’t matter if you’re the person we’re most comfortable with in the world, silence is always awkward. or, more specifically, we feel like we need to fill it which is why we often ramble

obviously there’s far more to ADHD than just this and everything can change person by person but i hope this helps to gain a bit more of a general understanding on ADHD

[cherryblossomforest]

19th & 20th September 2024

19th:

Today I had to take Giggles to the vet for more vaccinations and more flea and worm treatment as I didn't have any more. I'm ensuring her health checks are all up to date because I think I've fallen off the ball with that.

She was a bit nervous at the vet but wasn't meowing or scared. She wanted to hide and her crate was on the floor so I made a cup with my hands and she hid her face in it which was enough for her to feel safe. It was absolutely adorable. I gave her many head rubs and scratches behind her ears which she loved and she purred which was reassuring.

The car ride always makes her a bit nervous but she's soooo much better than she was before. I play some LoFi instrumentals when she's super anxious but on the way back she barely cried at all and took a nap. It makes me happy that she's starting to feel safe in the car because then I can take her on more adventures and she won't be so nervous :)

One thing I do need to get on top of is her dental hygiene. It's tough because she hates it but it needs tending to so I need to invest in some things! I don't want her to end up having any problems in the future.

When I got back home I rested some more and got to preparing for my job interview. I wasn't anxious but I was nervous. I got some examples I wanted to use also and by the time my interview took place I was feeling more confident. I answered all the questions quite quickly but also in enough detail and I taught one of the interviewers something about mental health which felt super nice. She said what I explained was quite nice to learn so I hope I made a good impression and I did feel like it was a good interview too. I was kinda buzzing after.

I was reminded that for someone who's in crisis, I'm doing quite a pretty good job right now! It felt nice to have Elodie around for the interview and it felt nice to remember things from work which I hadn't thought about in years. I really hope I get this job because it would be perfect for me to work from home and earn enough to support myself, travel and pay off my debts. Then I can eventually start paying for private therapy too and get a knowledgeable therapist. I need that and I really do think I deserve this too! Another thing is that I can hire a cleaning service to help me deep clean my home because I can't do it with my pain and mobility problems so that'll also make me feel so much better and I know I can pay my friend to help me too.

I decided to watch Forrest Gump which sent my brain into a bit of an overdrive I think. I ended up being so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Just so exhausted! It definitely was triggering watching it again as an adult but very very relatable too in so many ways. Forrest definitely is autistic and Bubba too.

I ended up sleeping at completely the wrong time so I'm up at a weird time. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow and I see my doctor and I just really need her to help me. I need my meds increased and I need a care coordinator or social worker. I need better support or I'm going to end up back in the hospital and I just really don't want to end up back there but I get no support and I really need it.

20th:

I thought I was having an episode... I thought the ceiling was going to collapse because of a noise I was hearing which I couldn't identify. Messed-up sleeping patterns mess up my mental health dramatically. The noise was coming from my upstairs neighbours but the anxiety that it was the ceiling about to cave in was farfetched...

I need to sleep

My sleep was really bad and idk why it has to be like this. I had a nightmare that I just couldn't get away from someone and they even found me on this blog and they showed me not nice pictures that they took of me that I couldn't remember (I basically had amnesia for the events and another part was present...but more in a way that they wanted to hide it from me too and was happy - since when did I have DID in my dreams??) That was overwhelming and it felt so real that I woke up feeling like it was real. That's always my biggest fear.

I'm so tired and stiff that I've ended up late for my freaking doctors appointment and I want to cry because I had one job but I'm so exhausted. I feel sedated. If this doesn't work out I want to give up now... I'm ngl.

It was so lovely to see my Doctor she's so lovely! As soon as I sat down she was like "Is it getting bad again [name]?" and from that moment I was holding back tears and that surprised me. She asked me if I was getting support from family and I explained that we had a bereavement in January and she remembered it was Dead Brother then she asked me if I was getting support which I wasn't. She asked me what's been happening and I explained that every September I get so much worse and I feel so bad. She asked if it's an anniversary for anything and asked me to specify and I actually managed to say it's a trauma anniversary from being raped which was so confronting but such improvement on my part. She then asked me who and I explained Dead Brother.

I think this is significant because I tend to think I talk about what's going on with me a lot and I reallllyy don't. This blog is the only place I actually talk about my feelings and not even my doctor knows much about me. That's bad. This was something my old ED T also said to me and I thought I opened up to her a lot. I really don't talk to people and I'm always holding everything in. Even my friends say this too so it must be true.

Anyway, my doctor has increased my Mirtazapine to the highest at 45mg and wants to see me in 2 weeks. She's also referred me to the crisis team (🙄) and a mental health practitioner to talk to as well. I see them on Monday. She said she's going to refer me to see a social subscriber which will help me get out of the house and maybe do things and for the first time I'm going to give it a go. She even said if I really don't like it I don't have to go so that's reassuring.

Right now it's been 30 minutes that I've been in this car park at the gp so I'm going to find somewhere to go...

Sometimes I wonder why it feels like the world just wants me to die, I try so hard all the time to get help and keep myself safe and it's just like no one cares enough to help. As much as I'm grateful for this help from my doctor and I truly am... if me reaching out for desperate help for another year doesn't work I'm so done trying. I'm so tired.

Oh my God I am so tired of being so alone.

All I want to do is listen to music but I know the music that I want to listen to will make me feel worse.

I'm not sure if it was my first time admitting what Dead Brother did, but it was definitely the first time telling a professional or anyone in person and my brain is going crazy.

Yep. First time saying the words out loud. Wow. That wasn't a good idea in the middle of September... body memories and flashbacks have started but I've taken 2mg Lorazepam to help calm everything down normally 1mg is does a good job but rn I'm struggling. I'm also being distracted by my loved ones which feels nice and I'll most likely cry some more.

Why is this September different? I'm remembering more memories even before the doctors appointment. It's so bad... so so bad...

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

Comfort in Chastity (or not...)

Summary - Part 21 in the Comfort series

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader, Reader x Sam (platonic), Reader x Bobby (father-figure)

Warnings - Smut

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

A/N - G’day guys, got another fun (and heated) chapter for you guys this week. This one wasn’t really planned but it just flowed on from the last one and was a lot of fun to write. Until next week, enjoy! 

When you walk back into your room you find Dean sitting on the bed leaning against the headboard flicking through the TV channels. His hair is a wet mess and he’s only in a pair of black sweatpants. Having already showered when you returned from the hospital you just grab your toothbrush from your bag and quickly brush your teeth leaving the bathroom door open. You were only wearing one of Dean’s flannels and undies so when you leaned over to spit out the toothpaste and rinse you could feel his eyes burning into your exposed upper thighs. Knowing all too well the effect you’re having on you’re extremely flustered fiance you take your hair tie off your wrist as you walk out of the bathroom and “accidentally” drop in on the floor behind you. As you turn around and bend down to pick it up you hear him groan.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. Hurry up and join me you naughty little tease.”

“Me? What about you? With your wet hair and those pants and all that bare skin. Maybe it’s best if I sleep in the other bed…you know…just for the sake of your pledge.” You take a seat on the end of the other bed.

“I swear if you don’t get that sexy ass of yours on this bed right this second I’m gonna come over there and get you myself. If I have to do that I promise you’ll feel it the whole drive home.”

“Is that a threat, Winchester?”

“Do you really wanna find out?”

You make a thinking face and tap your chin as you pretend to consider his response. “Maybe…”

After a moment of silence, he groans and throws his head back. “Come on, baby. We’ve been through a lot just come cuddle with me already.”

You give in and join him. He pulls back the blanket and slides in under it, leaving you space to cuddle up next to him. You rest your head on his chest as his fingers trace little patterns on your hip and down to your thighs. Thanks to your nap and meds earlier you’re more awake than ever. And the movement of his fingers on your skin is just making you feel even more awake. The mixture of the teasing from moments before, skin-on-skin contact, and the comfortable air of intimacy and understanding between you leaves you feeling needy. You try to focus on the TV playing Dr Sexy across the room but it’s useless. Your mind can’t focus on anything but the wetness pooling between your legs and the needy feeling in your stomach. In an attempt to calm yourself down, you try to roll over and put some space between yourself and Dean. 

But as you move, his grip tightens, causing you to roll back and involuntarily rub your core against his thick thigh. You let out a tiny moan at the contact, but Dean hears it and gives you a confused look. “You okay?” he asks. Before you get a chance to answer he moves his thigh slightly causing you to moan out again. “All that teasing do something to you, Sweetheart?”

“I’m sorry. Just give me a minute to calm down. I meant what I said about this chastity thing being a good thing.”

“Last I checked you didn’t take any pledge. Did you?” He rolls his thigh against you again making it hard for you to think straight.

You moan out a small “no” at the contact.

“Good. Then there’s no harm in what we’re doing.” He grabs your hips and urges you to straddle his thigh properly. You put your hands on his bare pecs for stability and support. “That’s it, Baby. Just ‘cause I took that pledge doesn’t mean my girl has to suffer. You deserve to feel good and it’s been way too long.” He guides your hips to start moving against his thigh more forcefully. 

You moan out his name as you start to move faster against his thigh. 

“That’s it, Baby. You’re so sexy riding my thigh for your own pleasure like this. I missed seeing you like this. So needy for me.” As the sounds of your moans – littered with his name — fill the room and you start to fall apart on him, he feels so desperate for his own release but he tries to push it down. You start to spasm and lose control of your movements as you feel that familiar tightening in your core. Leaning forward you lean your head against his. He leaves kisses down your neck as he continues moving your hips with his hands. One of your hands starts to rub along his chest and down his stomach before your fingers dip into his waistband. It takes everything he has to grab your hand and bring it back to his chest. “This isn’t about me. Come on. Cum all over my thigh, Baby. Soak these pants for me.”

You dig your nails into his chest and moan out loudly as you feel yourself letting go. You continue to spasm against his thigh as Dean helps you ride out your high. He can’t help but moan and kiss you hungrily when he feels your warm wetness soaking through his pants all over his thigh.

“Holy-that was so hot,” Dean breathes out as you collapse on top of him breathing heavily. Once you’ve regained some of your composure he helps you roll over onto your pillow as he gets up to get a damp cloth to clean you up. He returns moments later carefully cleaning you up before offering you some clean undies to change into while he has a cold shower and changes into some clean pants. When he returns you’re fast asleep. He smiles at your peaceful form as he slips in beside you, cuddles up close, and joins you in the world of dreams.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You wake up tangled in Dean’s arms; a feeling you have missed so much. “So much for chastity,” you think to yourself. Despite your thoughts, you can’t bring yourself to feel an inch of regret. You roll over carefully so you can look at your fiance’s sleeping face. Knowing how light of a sleeper he is due to his lifestyle you know it won’t be long till he’s awake now that you’ve moved. 

You lightly trace your finger over the outline of his tattoo. The memory of the day you all got them filters through your mind. You’d been carrying the charms around for months but it was so easy to lose them or to hold onto them at all times, so Dean suggested getting the symbol etched into your skin. It’s not like any of you were strangers to pain so you had no arguments. But when you got in the chair you found the pain was different than that of a knife wound or even a gunshot and it went on for so long. Dean opted to go first in an attempt to reassure you. Once he was finally done he sat by your side and held your hand through the pain. You weren’t even dating yet, but he has always been protective and supportive to you. As you think about it now, that was probably one of the first days when you started to realise your feelings for him. While the brothers opted to get their tattoos on their pecs you got yours on your left ankle.

Dean starts to stir beneath you, dragging you out of your reverie. “Good morning, handsome.”

“Morning, beautiful. What’s the time?”

“I don’t know. Sam hasn’t come yelling at us to hit the road so that’s a good sign.”

“He can go whenever he wants. He’s got a car to drive back. And you and I have Baby.”

“Of course. Does that mean I can stay here a little longer?”

“Like I’d let you go anywhere. It’s been too long since I’ve had you in my arms.” He rubs his hands up and down your back.

“Not to ruin the moment, but can I ask…why did you stop sleeping in our bed?”

“It wasn’t that I was avoiding you or our bed necessarily. I wasn’t really sleeping anywhere. Ever since I saw you in that hospital bed it was all I saw when I closed my eyes. And the possibility that I could’ve lost you. I couldn’t protect you…I couldn’t save our baby. That’s all I could think about when I laid down beside you so I’d get up and let you sleep. I didn’t want to disturb you or make it any harder.”

“I understand. But Baby, by shutting me out and leaving me alone, you did make it harder. But thank you for talking to me now. I know we all handle grief in our own ways, but I can’t do this alone. I need you.”

“I got you, I promise. I’m sorry I haven’t been these past weeks but I was just trying not to burden you with my issues.”

“When are you going to learn that this,” you hold up your left hand showing off your ring, “Means that your problems are my problems and my problems are your problems. We share the same problems. Especially this one.”

He leans down to meet your lips in a soft kiss when you’re disturbed by a loud knocking. “Hey lovebirds, Bobby and I are heading out. I’ll see you back at home.”

“Get out of here, Bitch!”

“Jerk! See ya at home, Y/N!”

You give Dean a quick peck on the tip of his nose and then start to roll off of him, but he traps you with his hands on your waist before you can move.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“For a shower. We have to check out soon.”

He pulls you down for one last passionate kiss before releasing his grip. “Fine. I’ll get us some coffee.”

“Can we actually go out for breakfast? I miss our breakfast dates.”

“It’s a date. Hurry up and get ready.”

You climb off the bed and Dean rolls over to slap your ass as you walk away. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Winchester.”

“I can’t wait until I can call you that too,” he says as you close the bathroom door.

As the warm water cascades down your body you let your mind wander. Maybe you don’t have to wait. Maybe you could get married sooner rather than later and then just continue hunting until you find an escape to start a family. As you lather the soap into your muscles you resolve to discuss it with Dean over breakfast.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

A/N - Welp! That happened… Not sure about Dean’s logic though. What do we think? Did he break his pledge? 

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