#my self esteem doesn’t depend on what other people think of me

[seadem-on]

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[neptxn3]

Astrology Observations II

｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡

Disclaimer, these are observations I have made through personal experience and thorough research, observations also vary depending on other natal placements involved

doesn’t resonate ≠ untrue 

♅ Virgos tend to represent the trad wife far more than people assume taurus does, and that’s because Virgos ability to uphold their life (at least on the outside) tend to attract men who want a wife that can keep them on track

Some Virgo women tend to also attract gay men unfortunately 😭, again I think Virgos just seem like the perfect trad Wife and it will attract closeted men like flies. This isn’t to say all your partners will be closeted but the ones who are overly aggressive on your role in the relationship might be.

♅ Gemini moon children develop QUICKLY. These are usually the kids who weird you out with their extensive knowledge and self awareness that seemingly comes out of nowhere. The mercury influence allows them to digest many topics which in turn has Gemini moon children mentally developing at a faster pace than their peers

I’ve also observed Gemini moons are those annoying kids in your class that are a lot smarter and a bit condescending to others intelligence, not because that’s just the way they are, but their mercurial moon needs constant stimulation, and with a combination of their rapid growth you’ll see them climbing academic ranks which in turn can make them dislike school if they are not progressing at a speed they like. 

♅ Scorpio moons have a tendency to see the worst in every situation/person which can be a nasty habit, but this isn’t out of judgment, rather they don’t like to give people the benefit of the doubt. They don’t like to be screwed over and their best bet is to think of the worst scenario possible. 

♅ Aquarius Venus who are flaky in relationships and constantly cheat will eventually have karma handed back to them, usually in the form of being in their mid 40’s still single.

Aquarius Venus flaky reputation does stem from the fact that it is a Saturn influenced placement, as well as being fixed. It’s not that they hate any type of restriction to their freedom but rather to what extent you restrict them to. They can and will jump quickly into relationships but if they see any glimpse of possessive or controlling attributes they will leave. Again because it’s fixed and Saturn influenced Aquarius Venus knows once it settles down that’s it, they’re not going anywhere, that’s why they’re so scattered to find the right person who fits their criteria. 

♅ Moon/Sun harshly aspecting Neptune is the embodiment of “I hate my Mom/Dad, but I love her/him too”. Neptune harshly aspecting these planets can cause a huge wall of misunderstanding between parent and child, but Neptune blurs the lines so deep that the individual sees them “through rose colored glasses” and if incapable of harboring hate. I would even say there could be nights where these people will look back and remember their past relationships (Neptune = Dreams)

♅ 10h placements can sometimes struggle maintaining relationships due to the very contradicting nature of the Midheaven and ascendant. Usually people will perceive them to be very different from who they actually are.

This is also why they struggle with their self esteem (the natural square to the ascendant). Sometimes they feel like they need to keep up an image to satisfy others and that isn’t someone who they truly are 🥲

In synastry this also points to partners trying to change who they are/make choices for them because they think it’s “for the best” or “what’s good for them”. 

♅ Every Virgo rising I’ve met always gives me a small lesson on why astrology isn’t real but follow up with a “but can you read my chart I want to see if it’s true 👀”. I truly believe it’s the 12h Leo which makes them secretly a little self centered (hence the interest for things like astrology to attempt and figure themselves out) but the mercurial ascendant will always make them skeptical 😭

♅ Saturn conjunct Jupiter natives is a dangerous fire sometimes. I’ve noticed if they haven’t learned to balance this aspect in their chart, the people around them can suffer their warm and cold attitude. It’s almost as if one second you could be hysterically laughing in class together, and the next second they immediately stop and ask you to be serious and finish your work. WHERE DID THE VIBE GOOO?? The key here is moderation in whichever sign/house this is in

♅ Whoever said Neptune in hard aspect to Venus needs to practice saying positive affirmations (especially to Venus related topics) to themselves in the mirror was SO correct. Neptune indeed does reflect lies to you and reaffirming yourself in the mirror breaks that spell. I don’t think I’ve felt so beautiful since I started doing this. 

[justagirlwholikesadam]

The American: Welcome to Hogwarts

Remus Lupin x Fem! American! Reader

Prequel of The American: Welcome Back! -click to read

Summary: Entering their 5th year, Remus and his friends are told of a new student coming to Hogwarts. While dealing with problems of his own, Remus can't help but notice the new transfer student from America.

Warning: slow burn, bullying, issues of self esteem, suicidal thoughts, xenophobia against reader, name calling, the word mud blood is used a lot, very dark content.

A/N:I haven't read the books but I have seen the movies and read a shit ton of fanfic. I'm making stuff up as we go so my plot can work. There are some characters that I thought were real but where made up for fanfics. I hope people don't mind if i add them because i already wrote the chapter. I later found out while googling stuff abt The Marauders. I will be added them and other characters to my story with my own twist. With that being said, don't come for me if this character is doing this and that. Not sure how many chapters I'll be doing, really depends on the feedback. please read the tags before reading. Enjoy -L

Remus found himself staring at the tracks in front of him. His eyes studied the nails and the iron bars of the train tracks. He can hear the horns of the Hogwarts Express blasting indicating it’s near. It drowns out the sounds of the students and their families around him. He looks at the red and black train coming and Remus takes a step forward. 

Remus has thought of this a lot before, stepping in front of a train. Trains, buses and cars. Just one leap and it will be over. His fingers tighten over the straps of his bag over his shoulder as he thinks about it more. 

A quick death, what a wonderful relief. 

He hates having a full moon in the summer when he is away from Hogwarts. He didn’t have any of his friends during that time. They were off on vacation or doing activities with their families and Remus doesn’t have the heart to ask them to come over. His friends have done so much for him. He’s afraid of asking for too much and they will leave him for it. He doesn’t want to be alone. 

Remus takes another step forward getting a bit closer to the edge and as he looks ahead. His mouth slightly dropped open when he saw a man standing on the other side of the tracks staring back at him. The man stood there bloody, throat ripped open, slashes across his face and chest. Blood was gushing out from the man’s wound. He wore dark blue trousers and a white ripped collar shirt. The man lifted his hand towards Remus, reaching for him. With his finger, he pointed at Remus as blood dripped down from it. Remus feels the bile coming up his throat when the man try to open his mouth to speak. Blood came pouring out from his mouth and Remus stands there frozen in fear. Remus doesn't see a flash of red running towards him. 

“Remus!” He feels a force come at him making him take a step back from the edge of the platform. The train approaches, hiding him away from the bloody man. He felt Lily hug him and Remus shut his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her into a tight hug. He missed her so much this summer. He didn’t visited her like usual. He couldn’t. He was ashamed of himself. He tries to get rid of the sight of the man he just saw, he continues to hug her. Lily rubbed his back when Remus didn't pull right away. 

Lily Evans, was the first friend he made when he came to Hogwarts. She was the first to realize what he was and she was the first to not make him feel bad for being a werewolf. As times passed he was welcome into a group of three boys. They didn’t make him feel bad as well, they had even helped him by becoming animagus and stayed with him through his transformations.

“You haven’t written back to me all summer.” Lily said when they pulled away. The students around them started boarding into the train. 

“Forgive me, Lils. Rough summer is all.” Remus said as he grabbed his luggage by his feet along with Lily’s. She gave him a thanks and he just nodded. He wasn’t going to allow her to carry the heavy thing. 

Lily and Remus greeted the other students in their year as they walked to their usual compartment. Remus with ease placed the luggage on the top shelf as Lily sat down. Remus sat down with a huff beside her, next to the window, his favorite spot. Lily opened her beige shoulder bag and took out a brown lunch paper bag with the letter R written on it. 

“Mom, send you a snack.” Remus smiles as he grabs it from Lily. 

“She’s a saint.” Remus said as he opened it, taking a look inside. In separate plastic bags, he saw there were slices of green apples and a jam sandwich cut diagonally. There was even a small juice box. 

“Green apple, my favorite.” He comments. 

“Ugh, she likes you more than me.” Lily pulled out a bag of baby carrots instead of apples like him. Lily’s mom knew of Remus, he would visit Lily sometimes during break and the summer. Lily’s mom was always happy to see him and even called him a son at one point when he always offered to take out the trash or wash the dishes. Remus thought it was the least he could do since they had him over for dinners. Petunia wasn’t really fond of him, but he didn’t mind her. He ignored the names being aimed at him when he sat across from her during dinner. 

Remus chuckles at Lily then he takes the bag of apples out. “I’ll trade.” 

“You would really do that for me?” She asked him with a pout. 

“Hurry, before I change my mind!” Lily laughs and gives him the bag of baby carrots as she gets the bag of apples. 

Remus drops the baby carrots into his brown paper bag, saving them for later. He looked over at Lily when he noticed what she was holding out. He gives her a smile and grabs the slice of apple from her hand. 

Quickly putting it in his mouth,  he hummed at the sweetness of the apple as he chewed. Lily frowned and stopped mid-bite when she noticed Remus looking out the window. His eyes roaming quickly on the other side of the platform. 

“Looking for someone?” Lily asked and Remus looked over at her. He shook his head, telling her nobody. 

Lily is eating when Sirius and James come walking in. Remus rises up from his seat to greet his friends. Lily does the same. Remus helps Sirius with his luggage as James sits next to Lily by the door. Sirius sits across from Remus. 

He’s listening to Sirius ramble on about his summer, it was another horrid one. His mother had gone mad about tradition with the family. He was a disgrace for being a Gryffindor, but he was even more of a disgrace to his family when they found out Sirius doesn’t agree with the pureblood ideas. James and Lily are talking amongst themselves. Remus and Sirius just gave each a look, James was finally getting on Lily’s good side. 

Sirius hits Remus' shoes with his elbow that rested next to him. Remus had quite a growth spurt last year. He had his leg resting on the seat across from him.

“How was your summer, mate?! I sent you a letter, you know?” Sirius' cheeks grow pink and Remus notices it. 

“I’m sorry. I did receive it. I had a hard time answering back. Last moon was draining.” Sirius nods at him, understandingly. 

“Are you okay now?” He asks Remus. Sirius notices something odd with Remus when he doesn't answer right away. He didn’t like it one bit. Remus was usually cheerful whenever they came back to school. 

“Yes, Padfoot.” Remus answers as he leans his head against the window. Sirius decides to not push it and asks Remus about a book he was reading before summer break. He smiles when he sees Remus' whole demeanor change, Remus sat up and excitedly told him about it. The train lets out another sound and a few seconds later. The train began to move then after a few more conversations about Lily and James’ summer. One by one they started to doze off. 

Remus was sleeping with his head against the window. His body jiggled softly as the train kept on moving. He scratches his nose when he feels an itch in his sleep. Inhaling deeply, Remus’ eyes shot open when a scent hit him. The scent is new, it didn’t come from his friends. Remus felt a chill down his back, it was a strange feeling. He doesn’t know why he’s smelling it, the full moon has passed already. Why is the lycanthropy still residing in him?  Sitting up straight, he looks over at his friends. They are still sleeping, he wonders why Peter isn’t here. They have been taking the same spot in the train for five years now, so Peter couldn’t be lost in finding them. 

Remus felt his throat close up when the smell hit him again. He rose up from his seat, taking another sniff in the air.  He noticed the door was a bit open. He figured it was Sirius who usually forgets to latch the lock whenever coming back from the restroom. 

Remus decides to go to the bathroom and wash his face. He figured he was smelling things because he had a rough summer. He was barely sleeping at home. The nap on the train was the best sleep he had all summer. He shuts the door behind him then looks up and down the hall, it’s empty. The lights of the hallway were lit up, he saw most of the other people had pulled down the curtains for privacy as he walked to the restroom. Remus yawns as he walks inside the restroom and turns on the light. Rubbing his eyes he steps in front of the toilet to relieve himself. Letting out a small moan when finished urinating, he turns his head to the door. That fucking smell is there, he quickly walks to the door. He presses his forehead against it. Remus inhales the scent, it's on the wooden door. 

The scent of copper, the scent of a girl. 

Remus doesn’t realize at first but he breathes heavily, his forehead is pressed against the door as his right hand touches his chest and drops down to his lower stomach. He fist the sweater he wore on top of his uniform in his hand as he sniffs harder. When his fingers hits the zipper of his trouser, the urge to touch himself came over him. His eyes shot open and he quickly stepped away from the door. He stared at it, scared. This has never happened to him before. A scent that was making him horny, it was new to him. 

Remus knows this isn’t him, this has to be Moony. The wolf that resides in him. Moony should be gone by now but he isn’t. He leans against the wall of the bathroom and let's out a sigh. He shook his head as he looked down at his hands, he shut his eyes when he remembered how his hands looked with all that blood. He looks ahead at the mirror and whines when the background changes. He saw himself back again in the woods behind his house. 

“Stop it.” He hissed to himself as he looked away and started to push the button of the soap dispenser on the wall. 

Turning the hot water all the way up. He ignored the heat of the water as he washed his hands until it was pink and raw.  He kept telling himself, he had to scrub it away, wash the blood away. He looks ahead at the mirror and stares at himself. His eyes are staring at the new scar on his face. He hates his appearance, despises it. It’s just a constant reminder of what he is, a monster. His friends tell him differently but Remus knows he’s one. He truly is especially after what he did. 

Running his fingers through his hair, damping his sandy brown curls before turning off the light, he walks out of the bathroom. The hallway is still empty, he shuts the door and starts to walk back when he smells it again. His chest started to feel tight and he bit his bottom lip as he turned to face the other side of the hallway. 

He’s staring down the hall and he can smell it again. 

“Fuck.” He murmured when he saw that part of the train, usually students of House Slytherin, sits in. He steps forward carefully as he looks to the left. Most of the train compartments had the curtains drawn down, he stopped when one of the doors was slightly open. He guessed whoever was in there forgot to use the lock. 

‘Another Sirius.’ Remus tells himself as he looks inside. He sees a figure sleeping on the cushion seats, a leg hanging out. He frowns when he notices they wore jeans and sneakers. The person wasn't in uniform like them. Remus hears laughter further down the hall and quickly goes back. Last thing he wants to do is come face to face with a Slytherin. Making it back to his seat, he gently sat back down to not disturbed Lily who was leaning against James. He grabs the brown lunch bag Lily’s mom made for him. 

Remus quietly eats his sandwich as he stares out the window, watching the scenery. He never gets tired looking at the mountains and lakes as the train makes its way to Hogwarts. 

Shelley Mumps was the one who woke everyone the following morning. Remus had dozed off after eating his sandwich. He jumped out of his sleep when Shelley slid the door open with such force. 

“What happened?” James said in a sleepy voice as she shut the door and sat beside Sirius waking him up. 

“There's a transfer student. She's in our year.” Shelley said, looking at them. 

“Cool, can we go back to sleep?” Sirius said getting himself comfortable again against the wall. 

"She's American.” She added. Remus frowns. “They allow Americans in Hogwarts?” He questioned. 

“ Apparently because she’s here. Some of us saw her walking down the hallway. She was staring out the window. You should have seen the clothes she was wearing.” Shelley laughs and Remus looks away from her.

Lily just sighs at her friend. “What do you mean by that, Shelley?” 

“She had ripped holes in her jeans and her shoes looked dirty. She had this shirt with this ugly green army jacket. She looks homeless.”  Sirius was awake now and looked at Remus who kept quiet and stared out the window. 

“I'm sure, it wasn't that bad.” James said, clearing his throat as he sat up straight in his seat. 

“Oh please. The train is stopping soon. You’ll see her.” Shelley said before waving bye at them. 

“Tell me why you are still friends with her?” Remus asks softly, looking over at Lily.

“I have too, I share a dormitory with her.” Lily said, grabbing her bag as they felt the train stopped. 

They quickly got up and started to get their belongings. The students lined up and walked out the train. “Let's see if we can catch a glimpse of this girl.” Sirius tells Remus and James as Lily waved bye at them to find her other friends. 

Remus walked behind them as they walked to the waiting carriages. Leaving their trunks and luggage behind, they sat down. Remus looks around but has no luck in finding this ‘homeless girl.’ The carriages make it to the gates and they step down to walk towards the school, it was a five minute walk. 

“Peter!” James exclaimed and Remus looked over to see his friend walking towards them. 

“I missed the bloody train! My parents were furious. They had to drop me off.” Peter said with a sigh. Sirius and Remus shook their heads, Peter had a tendency of being late. They welcomed Peter with a hug.

“Did you hear the news?” Sirius asked. 

Peter rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Shelley gave me the full details on the new girl.” 

They walked together to the castle when they noticed a group of students standing by. 

“Oi!” James yells and a Ravenclaw boy, named Hems in their year, turns around. “What's going on?” 

“The American is with Hagrid.” Hems tells them as they get closer. Remus looked ahead to see. 

“Is she daft? What's she petting?” Remus hears another student ask. 

“Her name is-.” Someone said your name and Remus thinks it’s a nice name. He continues to look at you, trying to get a good look at your face. 

He can see Hagrid talking to you with a smile as you kept petting at the air but Remus can see the thestral you were petting. He could see its leathery wings flap for a second before circling around you making you giggle. Shelley was blowing your appearance out of proportion but it was exactly what he expected from a pureblood. He looks at you and he thinks your smile is pretty, that's what he noticed first about you. He looks at your clothes. You look casual. You look like a regular muggle, it reminded him of the outfit Sirius usually wears whenever going out to a muggle place. The green army jacket is a bit big on you. You wore a black shirt and blue ripped jeans. 

The thestral rubbed its head against your bookbag, you wore and Hagrid shooed the thestral away from you when it started to nibble on your bag making you laugh loudly. 

“What is she laughing at?” A student asked loudly. 

“You idiot, it's thestral.” Remus looks over and notices Severus with a group of Slytherins standing by. He was glaring at you as he answered. Remus noticed Hagrid leaning down to tell you something. You turn to face them and Remus sees your face for a second. Your eyes widened by the sight of them and quickly looked away before he could get a good look at you. 

“Two galleons, I’ll have her in bed by the end of the week.” Remus noticed an older student from House Ravenclaw speak out. Remus rolls his eyes when the group of students around him starts to snicker and begin to place their bets on you. He watches you walk away with Hagrid towards the school. 

“James? Sirius?” The guy said, looking over at them. 

“No, mate. I’m good.” James said before signaling his friends to keep walking. Remus doesn't want any part of it either. 

Sirius stops in mid step when one of them starts to laugh and yells out, “The American probably has diseases. You know they are sluts.” 

“15 galleons says she doesn't sleep with you.” Sirius said, making them stop laughing and look at him in disbelief at the amount of money he was placing. 

“You're on, Black.” 

Remus, James and Peter waited for Sirius to finish when he saw Severus and his friends walking away. James just glared at Severus and the long, dark haired boy did the same to James. 

“You really think she won't sleep with him?” Peter asked as they continued to make their way to the castle. 

“You have to be Shelley to sleep with them. I doubt she's like her.” Sirius said, shaking his head. 

Settling back down in Hogwarts was easy for Remus. He missed his bed and being around his friends. The atmosphere was different from back home. He wasn't alone, in Hogwarts he was surrounded by students, professors, and even ghosts. 

Getting ready for dinner, he spoke to Sirius about another book he got. Remus was fond of Sirius and even though they both came from completely different backgrounds. They were best friends. Sirius was the second person to figure out what he was. Remus had cried in front of him when he figured it out. Sirius didn't speak while Remus told him that he would understand if he didn't want to be friends anymore. Sirius just hugged him tightly. Hugged him until he calmed down. 

“You’re ridiculous. If you think, I'm going to stop being your best friend, mate.” Sirius spoke out after a few minutes. 

‘We’ll figure something out to help you. I promise.” 

Remus didn't believe it at first but when James and Peter figured it out he told them the truth. The three managed to become animagi behind his back and showed Remus when they accomplished it. He never felt so accepted before. They supported Remus during his transformations and mood swings when the full moon was near. They accompanied him in their animagi form to the Shrieking Shack then later carried him to Poppy Pomfrey. 

He was forever grateful for them. He really was so when he got too deep in his head and started thinking about dying and ending himself. He thinks of them. He thinks of Sirius, Peter, James and Lily. He thinks of his mom as well. 

He thinks about the time his mom would bath him when he was too hurt. She would feed him, dress him when he couldn’t move. His mother changed completely during the recent summer. She couldn’t look him in the eye and it broke him. His father who treated him differently already barely said a word. 

‘Oi!” Remus was deep in thought when James caught his attention. 

“You okay, Moony?” James said, walking towards him. They were in their dorm room, putting their stuff away when James saw Remus laying on the bed with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Yeah, Prongs.” James nods and sits beside him on the bed. Remus pushes himself up and holds himself by the elbows. 

“You know I wrote to you this summer. Like four times.” James said softly as Peter and Sirius were in the bathroom freshening up to go to dinner. 

“I know. I just-.” Remus feels James' eyes on him. “I don't know.” Remus lied. 

“Everything okay at home?” James whispered in a concerned tone, he knew about his life at home. Remus nods as Peter and Sirius come out of the bathroom laughing about something. 

“Ready to eat?” Peter asked as they put on their robes. 

“Yes!” Remus said getting out of bed, he looked over his shoulder to meet James' gaze who was still sitting down and staring at him. He did not believe Remus for a second. James drops it because he knows Remus hates being the center of attention so he drops it for now and says yes to Peter. 

Remus finds himself looking for you at the great hall but he can’t. He keeps his head down and listens to James and Lily talking in front of them as Sirius is talking with Marlene. Peter is next to him, trying to ignore Shelly who was talking about her summer. He was more interested in what's for dinner. 

“Welcome Students! Back for another year with us. I do hope everyone had a good summer.” Remus sighs as he looks down at the empty plate in front of him. The headmaster Dumbledore makes a few announcements about classes and a new teacher who will be teaching D.A.D.A. 

“Lastly, it gives me great pleasure to introduce a new student that will be joining us,-.” Dumbledore announces your full name and Remus repeats it in his head. He remembers your smile. It was so genuine, no one smiled like that to thestrals. 

“She’s from America, boys and girls. She will be studying with us. I want everyone to give her a warm welcome.” Remus looked up from his plate and looked over at the doors of the hall when it opened. He saw you wearing their uniform on. You stood next to Hagrid who urged you to walk inside. 

Remus claps along with his friends as you walk to Dumbledore and McGonagall, who had the sorting hat ready for you. 

“She looks like she's going to throw up.” Remus hears a Slytherin ahead of him joke. While you walked up the steps and sat down on the stool, facing everyone. Your eyes were looking down when McGonagall placed the hat on your head. 

The sorting hat hums as it rests on top of your head. 

“I feel it, young one. Don't you?” Remus saw you looking over at Dumbledore with a frightened look. McGonagall nods at you, easing your worries. You look down at the ground once more and your hands clasped on top of your lap. 

“Difficult choice, indeed.” The hat says. 

“A fighter!” The sorting hat yells, making everyone whisper. 

 “A protector!” Remus noticed the look on Dumbledore's face. 

“Oh- my, that is-.”  The hall quieted down when the hat stopped in mid sentence. 

“I know now! I see it!” The sorting hat crackled loudly. 

 “Slytherin!” Remus saw you lift your face to look ahead and Remus thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He took notes of your nose and lips. Your eyes and the way you looked so nervous made him feel bad. 

He looked away from you when the hall started to applause. McGonagall was kind enough to show you where the table was. You looked down at your uniform when you noticed the color had changed.  

He peeks between Lily and James and sees you picked the farthest empty seat from the table. He can see you take a deep breath as you look at the silverware in front of you when you sit down. 

Shelley is sniggering with an older student from Gryffindor who is sitting beside her. 

“What's so funny?” James asked. “She probably doesn't know what a fork is? Don't Americans eat with their hands?” The boy asked James. 

“That’s fucked up, lad.” Sirius says, eyeing him. 

“Look ahead, she's using them just fine.” Lily snaps before looking down to eat her food. Remus looks over and notices you have begun to eat as well. It was quiet after that, Remus ate and only looked over when he took a sip of his juice. They ignore the others who keep making jokes are your expense. They spoke about your hair and how you looked. Some thought you were hot while others thought you were ugly.

Sirius noticed how Remus was quiet. It was pretty normal for Remus to be quiet. Quiet Remus, who only speaks when spoken too but right now it was different. Sirius felt his best friend’s vibe completely off right then and there. 

Remus had different sides of him. He can be so quiet then be very cheerful and make jokes. Until the full moon comes, he becomes cranky and snappy. Sirius stabs his chicken with his fork as he looks at Remus. There’s a new scar on his face and Sirius doesn’t have the courage to ask him about it. Especially since he saw how Remus acted when asked why he hadn't responded to his letter. Something must have happened during the summer, Sirius thinks to himself. 

He noticed Remus looking over when he took a drink. He followed his gaze and landed on you. Sirius does a double take when he sees his younger brother Regulus walking towards you with his plate in his hands along with his cup. 

Regulus flashes you a smile. “Oh fuck!” A Gryffindor from the table whispered.

Regulus sits down across from you. “You ok?” Remus whispers when he sees it. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be? He’s with his kind.” Sirius says to Remus but he doesn’t believe that Sirius can just be okay. Remus knows the complicated relationship that Sirius had with his younger brother. 

It was a few minutes later when Regulus and you stood up. Plates are empty and Remus watches as you pick up the empty plate. 

“What is she doing?” A boy from the Hufflepuff table behind them says catching their attention and the voices in the hall become quiet. 

“Do we have to wash it?” It was a simple question that you asked. Remus gets annoyed at the fact that you get laughed out by the Slytherin table when you ask Regulus. 

Regulus shoots them a glare and shakes his head at you before telling you that there was no need. You can leave your plate there and the elves will get it and clean it. 

“Elves?” You frowned, and your eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“Like a Santa's elf?” Remus hasn’t heard the word Santa since he was a kid. 

Regulus tilts his head at you, he’s confused now. 

“She’s half blood then?” Remus hears the table start throwing ideas of what your blood is. 

“What the fuck is a Santa?” Sirius whispered to James then looked at Remus when James shrugged his shoulders. 

“Are  you sure that she’s in the right grade if she thinks Santa is real?” Someone asked loudly and people began to laugh. 

It had gotten to the point that the laughter behind Remus started to get to him. He didn’t find it funny at all that they were making fun of you. He wondered what did you know about magic, perhaps you didn’t know anything at all. His guess had to be that you were muggle born but he keeps it to himself because if he was right about you being a muggle born then you will have a difficult time, especially in house Slytherin.  

He knows what it feels like to be made fun of and he hates it. He gets bullied for his scar face. He gets bullied because he’s quiet. He gets bullied because he’s poor. 

He sees Regulus walking out with you from the great hall. He leaves a few minutes after saying he had a headache but he just didn’t want to hear the comments they were making. He decided to go to sleep early that night. 

He was glad he had a dreamless sleep. He didn’t dream about the man. It was morning and he saw you again walking with a younger student from your house to the great hall. Remus walks in with Peter and he sighs when he sees Shelly and Marlene there already, eating. He didn’t mind Marlene at all, she was kind and reminded him of the female version of Sirius. She was spunky and played quidditch with James and Sirius. 

“Morning, guys.” Remus greets them and sits down. While a Ravenclaw girl ahead of them rises up from her seat and runs to Shelley. 

“You won’t believe what I just heard!” The girl said to Shelley. 

“The American slept in the bathroom on her first night here. Her roommates are telling everyone. They heard her crying.” Shelley and the girl began to laugh. 

Marlene looks at the girls. “I don’t find that funny. She probably misses her home.” 

“Oh come on, Marlene.” Shelley said, waving her hand dismissing Marlene’s words. 

Before she can say anything James and Lily along with Sirius came in. “Morning.” They greeted their friends. 

“I’m not ready for classes.” James sighs as he sits down. 

“Guys, Penelope just told me that -.” Remus finally cracks and cuts her off when he slams his hand on the table loudly and looks over at her. 

“Would you shut up already? Enough making fun of the new girl.” He said and Shelley grows red from embarrassment of his sudden outburst. 

“You feel bad for nasty foreigners?” The Ravenclaw girl, Penelope asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“I feel bad for anyone that has to deal with tossers like the both of you!” Remus said, looking at her and Shelley. He stood up from his seat ignoring James and Sirius calling out for him. He walks out the doors and goes back to his room. He paces around the room, coming to terms on what he just said to Shelly and the other girl. He felt bad for calling them that name but he just got so angry. 

How can people make fun of other people suffering, he asks himself. He had lost count on how many times he’s cried himself to sleep during his first year coming to Hogwarts. Being alone and afraid that someone will find out his wolf secret. He checks the clock on the nightstand and notices it's almost time for his first class. He grabs his books from his trunk and hopes he doesn’t see Shelley or the other girl.

He started to grow worried as he walked to class that Lily would be angry at him for calling her friend a wanker. He was surprised when Lily hugged him when they saw each other for the third class of the day. 

“I can’t believe her!” Lily told him when she unwrapped her arms from him. 

“Don’t tell anymore but sometimes I get homesick. I’m in tears in the tub.” She admits to him. 

“You know how I feel about bullies.” Remus tells her and she nods at him knowing all too well about bullies. She was a victim like him, she was bullied heavily in her first year for being a muggle-born and sometimes even now. 

When lunch began he was walking with Peter who didn’t say much about the incident and Remus was grateful for it. They talked about their class they had last period. As he walks in he sees you sitting with the same younger student. You were smiling and so was the kid. 

The kid had a book open in front of you and Remus smiles at your choice of writing utensil. You were using a pen instead of a quill and you were writing down on a regular notebook instead of parchment paper. 

The kid kept talking while you nodded and wrote frantically. 

Everything seems to be going well, Shelley had decided to eat with her friend, Penelope at the other table. James and Sirius came soon into the hall talking enthusiastically about quidditch. 

“Guys! Guys!” Remus flinched when a group of Hufflepuff students came beside him and stared ahead at the Slytherin table. 

Remus looks ahead as well to see what all the fuss is about. Lance, from house Ravenclaw is in his last year and everyone knows him for being a bully. He was pure-blooded so he thought everyone who wasn’t was beneath him. He usually picks on the muggle born and the half bloods from any house. Of course no one interfered because they didn’t want to get bullied as well. Lance’s blue eyes widen as he walks into the great hall and makes his way to the kid sitting across from you. 

“He’s such a twat for always picking on Ruben.” The Hufflepuff next to him tells the group. 

“Ruben is the kid?” Sirius asks and they all nod as Lance gets behind Ruben and pulls on his hair making him yelp. Remus has never seen someone's eyes grow hard so quickly. The smile you had on disappeared. The hall grows quiet when you stand up from your seat. 

“Get the fuck away from him.” It was not usual for Lance to have someone stand up to him. He was caught by surprise from your words. 

“What did you say?” Lance said with a disbelief chuckle. 

“Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Him.” The great hall is quiet and Remus noticed a few teachers had risen up from their seats when they noticed what was going on. 

“What’s going on here?” McGonagall had walked towards the table and stared at Lance then at you. 

“Nothing, Professor McGonagall. Just having a chat with my friend Ruben.” Lance said, taking a step back while still staring at you. 

Ruben was almost in tears by the whole thing. Professor McGonagall walks Lance back to his table. 

“She just placed a death mark on herself.” One of the Hufflepuff near Remus said, shaking his head. Lance was staring daggers at you and you kept your eyes on him showing no fear, just hate. You didn’t take your eyes away from him until he sat down and spoke with his friends. 

“You might just win your bet. She got balls.” James says, turning back around to Sirius who turned as well to continue on with his meal. 

“What bet?” Lily asked the boys and they got quiet real fast. James being whipped for Lily ratted them out and she shook her head, telling Sirius how horrible that is. 

“I betted that she won't sleep with anyone, Lily!” The redhead girl shook her head as Marlene copied her. Remus kept silent as he glanced over the table and saw you grabbing Ruben’s bag. You and the kid started to walk out of the great hall after collecting your things.  

He was surprised when he saw you walking inside the classroom. You were a few minutes late for charms class. The professor grabbed the slip from your hands and pointed at an empty seat in the back. Remus almost drops the quill in his hand as you pass him to sit on his row. Remus usually stayed in the back because he was tall. A Hufflepuff girl, Nancy sat in the middle between you and him.

In the corner of his eyes he noticed you had taken out the same book as before and a pen. 

The Charm professor called out your name as he walked towards you. The student laughed when he told you that there is no pen and notebooks allowed only quill and parchment paper. 

“I’m sorry. Mr. Robinson. I‘m still learning how to use the feather thing.” You told him, looking up at him. 

“First, it’s called a quill and you're a witch now so you better start learning fast how to use it. Second of all, it’s Professor Robinson. Things are different here, Miss.” 

“Yes, Professor Robinson.” Remus looks away by the tone of your voice. You sounded so defeated. Professor Robinson walks away and continues with his lesson. Nancy leans over to you when you grab the quill from your bag and the ink. 

“Hold it like this.” She whispered to you showing you how to handle your quill properly. 

Remus goes back to write his notes, he hoped you realize not everyone in this school were mean. There were some students who were kind. Throughout the class, his eyes would glance over Nancy to you. 

After class Remus walks to the Gryffindor common room. Making it inside, he heard chattering and looked over to see Lily and Mary Macdonald. 

“Hey, Remus!” Lily said, waving him to come over towards them. They were sitting on the couch by the fireplace. Remus sits on the other side as Mary hands him a box of chocolates they were eating. His eyes widened and they giggled at his expression. 

Lily chuckles when Remus is wiggling his fingers trying to decide which one to take. James and Sirius came with their Quidditch uniforms on. Lily frowned when she saw them walking towards them. 

“I thought you guys had practice?” Lily asked and Remus looked over at them with a frown when they didn’t say anything. The guys just looked at each other for a brief moment. 

“Oh fuck, Sirius have nothing to say. It must be bad.” Mary said, trying to lighten up the mood but James and Sirius didn’t say anything. They sat on the couch across from them instead. 

“They canceled practice.” James said and Lily glanced over at Remus. It had to be more, James would be in tears if practice was canceled. He took quidditch very seriously. 

“Why?” Remus asked, grabbing another chocolate from the box. Sirius takes a deep breath. 

“The word is going around that the new girl is muggle born.” 

‘Shit.’ Remus says to himself. He was right. 

“She didn't know what it meant, they asked her about her parents and she told them they weren’t wizards. Those snakes dragged her by the feet to the quidditch field and slimed her while chanting mud blood.” Sirius said. Lily and Mary dropped their mouths open in shock. Sirius and James glance at each other. They were famous for their pranks. Being slimed in the field was a good idea but they didn’t like how you began to cry and how confused you looked about the whole thing.

“Never seen Professor McGonagall look so mad before. She started yelling.” James said, leaning back on the couch crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Did you see the new girl?” Lily asked and James nodded. “Yeah, the other professors had to help her off the field.” 

“Blimey.” Remus mumbled as the door of the common room burst open and Shelly walked in laughing with a group of students. Remus rolls his eyes when he hears your name being whispered. This year was going to be rough, he tells himself while popping the piece of chocolate in his mouth.

[isalisewrites]

A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Reflective Interlude

Hello and welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes in the Harry Potter series. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books. 

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Part Two Link.

However…

Hiya! *waves* I’m Isa, the author of this… Actually, I dunno what to call this series anymore. Anyway, thus far, you’ve heard a very satirical tone from me in the previous two posts, but that’s not my normal tone. I’m a rather laid back kind of gal with a side of sarcasm and deluge of emoji usage.

I have used quite a confident, even bombastically obnoxious tone in the effort to be entertaining and engaging with these posts. It was meant to be playful and sarcastic. It’s the internet, so I’m aware everyone’s attention is… kind of like a commodity, unfortunately. Look at TikTok or YouTube. How long does a 30s video hold your attention before you’re scrolling to the next? It depends for me, I’ll admit. People don’t have the attention span for long style posts such as these and that’s fair. Sometimes, I don’t either.

Thus, I used repeated ‘catch phases’ to maintain a rhythm and a thematic style through the series with a controversial title meant to hook a reader. I repeat the opening, even in this post. I repeat ‘Class is in session’ to show the beginning of the major section of the post.

However, in this interlude, I’ve toned it all down because I wanted to give you a window into my heart, my purpose, and my intent in this series. It is a reflective post that ends with writing motivation to you, my dear reader, as well as links to writerly resources. 

I’ve had a lot to think about this week and I realized that many writers (and other creatives) have to battle against an enemy found within themselves. This enemy often torments many with cruel, destructive thoughts; they burrow their way into so many writers’ minds. It whispers: “Can you really do this? Are you really sure you’re any good? Aren’t you just fooling yourself? They’re going to find out you’re just a fraud. So… why bother?”

Whose voice is that?

Let’s talk about the destroyer of creation, Imposter Syndrome, why I refuse to let the bastard infect me anymore, and why my confident tone in previous posts has grated nerves.

Remember: take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

(This means I write my posts with the honest acceptance and expectation that not everything will fit with your style, your vibes, or your personality. That’s okay.)

All right, let’s buckle up, my dear writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Let’s begin. And yes…

Class is in session on this little Tumblr post… should you wish to attend.

Having confidence or pride in one’s work seems to be taboo. Any brief moment in time where I tried to be proud about my writing or say, Hey, I’m a good writer, I was always told to be humble. “Don’t be prideful. Be humble.” It would often chip away at my self esteem. I could be a good writer, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel like a good writer.

But no more.

I have only given myself permission to be confident about my writing within the past month. This is why I started this series in the first place. I wanted to share knowledge and in an entertaining way. I make a bold claim that I’m a better writer than JKR; I analyze her writing to both improve my own understanding and to help others as well.

However, this does not mean I’ve ever been under the delusion I’m perfect. Absolutely not. God, that’s so fucking laughable! I am not perfect. I am not a perfect writer. I definitely don’t know everything. Someone once corrected me, informing me that snakes are venomous, not poisonous. Bless them, wasn’t aware of that. Immediately fixed that. One of the recent reblogs said geodes do not contain emeralds. God bless, I didn’t know that, though in the case of how it was used in TBG, I won’t be changing it since it’s within a character thought.

Sorry, Tom. I guess you need to take a geology class, too.

Ugh, and I have so many godforsaken typos. My soul withers when I catch a typo after I’ve posted a chapter. I miss things all the time. I repeat things because ‘that’s my thing’ and I don’t always catch them in my edits. I forget things all the time. Thank GOD for Dede, someone who loved TBG so much she spent countless hours archiving data from it, where she caught a number of inconsistencies and alerted me to them. I still haven’t been able to fix them yet, but I’m so grateful to her. I’ve noted them all down. Harry’s height often is incorrectly implied to be taller than it should be because my brain isn’t wired for imagery. My brain forgets TBG Harry is a short king at 5’4” while TBG Tom is 6’2” and I need to go back to fix all of those. 

I am not a perfect writer and I don’t claim to be.

My goals with this series are to study/learn for myself, teach/share knowledge with others, and learn some more from this experience. I love this kind of analysis. But there’s difference between my analysis of JKR’s writing and a number of those who have retaliated with an analysis of my writing. 

Instead of looking at my imperfections with the desire to learn from them, they were illuminated in the attempt to ‘take me down a notch.’ To those who put in the effort to make counterpoints, I do thank you for your contribution to this series. It is appreciated, even when given impolitely and with the intent to ‘put me in my place.’

Despite all of my errors and imperfections, I still stand by my statement: I am a better writer than J.K. Rowling.

Do you know who else is a better writer than her? I could list thousands of them. They’re fanfiction writers. They’re indie authors. They’re other traditional published authors. They are so many other writers that, yes, I do think are stronger writers than JKR. 

And you’re a better writer, too, so long as you wish it.

I sincerely want you to believe that.

Why? Because it’s clear within the Harry Potter series that JKR did not make attempts to grow as a writer. She just wrote. Perhaps she was under deadlines, but the lack of editing is pretty apparent to me. When you write a lot, you will inevitably get more skilled over time, but you have to actively be seeking improvement to see drastic change in your own skill. It is this lack of drive that I see within her work. She’s not making attempts to push the boundaries of her abilities and skills with each new book.

I’m not at the end of my journey of learning. I never will be. I love expanding my skills. I’m even learning during the process of writing these posts, too. I’m seeing more weaknesses in my own work and I’m now thinking on ways to strengthen my writing even further.

That’s the point of this series.

In the end, it’s not really about me. No, really, it’s not about me. I truly think it’s about the jealousy of seeing another writer be confident in their work. You see, I’m not supposed to be confident; I’m not supposed to act like I can help and teach others to write. How dare I. Posting anything about my work is an act of attention seeking. I’m supposed to be ‘humble.’ I’m supposed to be silent. I’m supposed to wave a shy, dismissive hand at compliments.

Why?

Why is being proud of one’s work and loving one’s own work such a controversial idea?

Imposter Syndrome often cripples creators. There’s already so much self doubt and anxiety in the world, but Imposter Syndrome can really wreck with a creator’s mind. It’s a poison. It stops you from creating what you love most. When you believe you aren’t good enough, then it becomes harder to try. Your belief becomes truth to you, whether or not it was true in reality in the first place. Perhaps, you sink into depression. You become anxious about sharing anything, for fear anyone might say even the slightest negative comment. The heart becomes fragile and brittle, and the muscle which builds skill atrophies over time. You see your work through a lens of self hate. You can only see flaws.

“I will never be good enough.”

When you’re in this state of mind, it’s hard to see the truth about your work.

But let me promise you something: your writing is far more beautiful than you realize.

In spirit, all creative writing is perfect to me with all of its typos and mistakes (yes, even all of the Harry Potter books!), but no single work is objectively perfect. There will always be room to improve your creation because you’re constantly growing. It’s why so many aspiring novelists fall into an endless cycle of editing their first few chapters. The more they write, the more they improve; thus, when they go back to their earlier chapters, they get stuck trying to update those chapters instead of pushing forward to the finish line.

Your work is valuable, no matter what. It’s beautiful. You’re allowed to love your work. You’re allowed to see the good in it and you’re allowed to have confidence in yourself. You’re allowed to say to yourself and to others, I’m a damn good writer.

You deserve to have love, for yourself and for your art.

I have often sincerely complimented other writers and, many times, after they respond with their thanks, it becomes clear to me they’re not confident in their work, yet they have still bravely shared it with us.

I’m so proud of them. Thank you for your bravery.

My heart breaks for them, too. They’re such good writers���such damn good writers. And I wish they knew and believed this.

I will always do everything in my power to encourage others.

How do you feel about your writing? Do you like your writing? You should. You really should because it is good. You created it, after all. There will always be space to grow and refine your craft, of course, but you are a good writer now. You’re going to be a better writer tomorrow and the next day, so long as you desire this growth in yourself. There’s no destination, though. There’s no magic level you have to reach before you’re allowed to have some confidence in yourself and your abilities. The only trap to avoid is remaining stagnant. Writing is a skill. Writing is a craft. This means it gets better through study and practice.

You can achieve that.

I know it’s hard, though. There are so many naysayers in life. There are so many people waiting to attack and bring others down, both on the internet and in our own families. How many precious fanfics have been lost because a writer received horrible, hateful comments? How many writers have disappeared from the internet because of this cruelty? We have lost many in all fandoms. That is unacceptable to me.

Uplift others. Spread love, not hate.

You’re allowed to be proud about your work, imperfect as it may be. Please, I beg you, don’t let the negative voices of others—including your own!—drag you down and steal the joy of creating. I know it’s so very, very hard to stand strong against such voices. Words have power, but you have more. Resist the naysayers.

What you have to offer the world is precious. Please lift your head and acknowledge that what you create is good. It’s great. It’s amazing. It’s fucking fantastic. You’re not an imposter nor a fraud. No one can offer what you can to the world. No one can write the stories you have in your head the way you can. Your style is unique to you. You’re allowed to love it as it is now and you’re allowed to love it whatever form it takes in the future.

Imposter Syndrome is a thief; toss it into jail and throw away the key.

My writing is not perfect and it never will be, but I’m a better writer today than I was ten years ago. I’m a seeker of my own growth. I’m often reading books on writing and watching YouTube videos on writing. I absorb it all because writing is my truest love and passion. My style has evolved from reading endless amount of novels and fanfics. I devour both. 

But I wasted a decade thinking I didn’t have what it takes.

And life is short. I can’t waste anymore time.

Don’t be like past Isa, please.

There’s a difference in refinement between an episodic fanfic posted over the course of years and a traditional novel published in whole, but I still stand by my work. I recognize my style will not be enjoyed by all those who read it. It’s okay if you don’t like my style. I’m eternally grateful for the many readers who do love my writing. I’m humbled and honored by the sheer volume of people who have commented, bookmarked, and have left kudos on my work. Thank you.

My style has evolved into what it is today due to a combination of two things.

I have ADHD. It’s why my style uses smaller paragraphs as a whole.

I have aphantasia. I lack a mind that can visualize pictures. I literally cannot see anything in my mind. When people say, “I can picture it in my mind,” that’s not me. I cannot at all. When there’s a lack of description in prose, it feels blank and empty to me. This is why I use vivid descriptions in the way I do because otherwise I feel nothing from my work.

It’s okay if this style doesn’t work for you. I love my style because it caters to what I need. I also love other styles that don’t use as much description; however, I can’t always follow what’s happening because of the wiring of my brain. I can get lost sometimes, but I still appreciate their style because I can’t effectively do what they can.

If you find no value in my style and what I offer in this series here, then that’s okay. I’m not offended. This series is for those who benefit from it. For you, there are so many other writers out there from whom you can learn and I’m more than happy to send you in the direction that benefits you the most.

Here’s a list of YouTubers you might find interesting.

ShaelinWrites has been working on many unpublished projects through the years and has lots of great discussion videos on writing.

Abbie Emmons is a self published author with solid writing advice in all of her videos. 

Alexa Donne is a traditionally published author with great insider information into the traditional publishing world. 

Ellen Brock is a professional editor. She knows her stuff.

I hesitantly suggest Jenna Moreci and her content on YouTube because I think she has some major weaknesses in her writing. Many others have seen this about her books. However, she is a successful indie author and her YouTube content has a lot of value.

Brandon Sanderson has an entire college course in a playlist on his channel. It’s a fabulous free resource if you vibe with his style of writing. Highly recommend. 

Here’s a list of writing books I recommend.

Elements of Fiction Writing, a five book series. My TOP recommendation is Elements of Fiction Writing - Beginnings, Middles & Ends.

Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wicked Good Prose

Let the Crazy Child Write!: Finding Your Creative Writing Voice

Novelist's Essential Guide to Crafting Scenes

All right then.

Thank you for sticking around. I hope you accept this post in the good faith it was given and was always given in the previous posts. Next post, I’ll be returning to my playful satirical tone. Hehe~!

Please do the world the greatest of favors and write. Create. Share your fanfiction. Become best selling authors, traditional or indie. I promise you’re far more capable and skilled than you realize.

Until next time.

Isa

[writerblue275]

Heya! Love your writings. I feel like I'm going insane whenever I read your HCs I just- Aaah! I'm getting sidetracked. Can I see your personal take on how HEARTSTEEL boys would take compliments? Imagining Kayn trying to play it off but then the second he gets alone he's jumping around and- Getting side tracked again. Sorry. LOL

Hiya there Anonnie! I’m so glad you’re enjoying my stuff!! I hope insanity in this case is a positive lmao. Happy to drag some of you along with me in my brain rot! 🤣 But you ABSOLUTELY can have my personal take on this. I LOVE this idea! Thank you for requesting it! 💙

How Heartsteel Handles Compliments

Inspiration: Requested

Genre: Headcanons

Type: FLUFFFF

Gender: Gender Neutral Reader!

TW: Swearing. Slight discussion of HS Ez and HS Kayn past which includes low self-esteem.

Extra: So obviously below I’m going to go more in depth for each member, but as a generalization, I think Aphelios and Yone would react similarly, K’Sante and Sett would react similarly, and then (double trouble) Ezreal and Kayn would react similarly when it comes to getting compliments.

Aphelios

Aphelios is interesting for this. I think in general his reactions to compliments depends on a couple factors. 1. Who is complimenting him? 2. What is the compliment about? (Either him personally/his personality or his work, his outfit, etc.)

If the compliment is from someone else (besides you or Heartsteel) about his work, he’ll give a soft smile and say/sign “thank you” to the person. He really puts a lot of love into his music so if people recognize that, then that makes him happy for sure! If the compliment comes from someone else but it’s about him specifically, he’d be shy about it.

Now with the other Heartsteel members and Alune, he knows them. Phel is comfortable with them. So compliments from them don’t phase him too much. He’ll thank them quickly. But even though he knows you and is comfortable with you (I mean you’re his significant other), you’re unique.

Compliments from you are a different story. He really loves it when you compliment him. When you compliment something personal about him? It makes him so happy he nearly short circuits. And it might sound a bit weird but with you he doesn’t express his appreciation verbally.

You will notice his actions express his appreciation instead. Like Aphelios will hold your hand more frequently. Or you notice his cuddles/hugs get a little tighter, his kisses more passionate. That sort of thing. A special sort of non-verbal appreciation and affection for the special person in his life.

Ezreal

Ohhhhhh my goodness. Ezreal needs compliments like someone needs water to survive a desert. Critically. Words of affirmation is his receiving love language, after all.

Not to mention his rougher history in the music industry. When his album got panned, it really shattered his confidence, especially since he was younger. So while he seems like he’s very confident and such, really a lot of that is a mask over some very deep-seeded insecurities. In reality, he puts a lot of value on compliments and how he’s perceived by other people.

Ezreal would d respond to other people’s compliments with that lovely cheeky grin he has. I think he’d want to play it off like “You like my outfit? Thanks! I gotta put my best foot forward for my fans, you know? It’s what they deserve!” It’s hard to describe what exactly that energy is. Self assured might be the best way to put it. (But you know the truth.)

And I think that’s also what energy he’d use early on in your relationship. He wants to seem cool for you. But I don’t think it would take too long for you to see the real him. Once he opens up and shows you that insecurity and vulnerability he’s hiding deep down, that’s when you know you’ve really earned his trust.

So at that point, please give Ez all the compliments you want to at all times. He loves it. He’ll be even more affectionate with you as thanks and will always be happy to compliment you in return. And while he eventually gets a little more used to compliments from the public, I don’t think he’ll ever get used receiving compliments from you. They help him more than you’ll ever know.

Kayn

(A/N: Anon I really like and agree with the direction you headed in your request, though I think there’s some added nuance to it which I will talk about below!)

With the general public/your relationship early on Kayn would play things cool until he’s alone. He has an image to maintain damnit. He’s the “rebel” remember?

But with you? As things progress and your relationship becomes more established, you see a remarkable shift in Kayn when it comes to how he accepts praise/compliments. At least with you/in private.

Part of the reason he brushed off compliments early on was due to inner insecurities after being kicked out of his old group. Not to mention people who were just shmoozing up to him to use him/his fame (fucking social climbers). But as he realizes you’re sincere when you compliment him, you love Shieda Kayn and not just Kayn the rockstar, and you’re not going anywhere, well it’s like a switch is flipped!

Now he needs/wants compliments from you like he needs air to breathe. And he’s far more open about accepting them. He’ll even ask you to elaborate on what you mean. 😂 “I mean I know I’m sexy, baby, but why specifically do you think I’m sexy?” And when you do compliment him, those are the moments when his giving love language of physical touch manifests itself to show his appreciation (use your imaginations).

His receiving love language is words of affirmation. So give him all the compliments you desire. He’ll accept them all! (He still tries to play things cool when he’s in public though, that’s just how it be.)

K’Sante

The fucking epitome of self-confidence like my god. K’Sante knows he’s HIM. (As he should because he absolutely is!) His self-confidence is a goal all of us should attempt to go for. (Literally like wow king go the fuck off I fully support this.)

K’Sante is definitely one of the members who will play it off the easiest. Not in a way where he makes it seem like it’s unappreciated, no no no, definitely not. But rather compliments don’t really fluster him or phase him that much compared to some of the others.

That being said, he still enjoys getting complimented by other people (deep down, don’t we all?), and he’ll thank them. He might be self-confident but he wasn’t raised to be a jerk. He appreciates the kindness of others! He might even respond in kind with a compliment for whoever he’s talking to! Or if it’s you then he’ll have like ten compliments ready to fire back at you off the top of his head.

The one area of his life where compliments really fluster K’Sante have to do with his designs. He puts a lot of effort into each piece he designs and creates, so for someone to notice and compliment that effort is something he very much appreciates. When he is flustered, you’ll notice he has to take a second to gather his thoughts and the right words.

Obviously your opinion means more to him than the opinion of others, so when you do compliment him, watch his smile get wider, watch his posture get a little taller, and watch as his energy gets even brighter and more infectious for those around him.

Sett

Similar to K’Sante, Sett knows he’s HIM. He’s called “The Boss” after all. That’s certainly not a nickname given to just anyone. Whether in the studio or in the ring, Sett knows he’s the man and 98% of the time he doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion or approval.

So because of that, again he’s one of the ones who will play off most compliments fairly easily. He’s not super flustered by them, though he appreciates them. And because Ma is the best and raised him with fucking manners, he of course, will always thank the person who complimented him for their kind words.

But now it’s time to focus on the 2% of the time he does care. I’m sure this comes as no shock, but there are only two people’s opinions he reeeeeally cares about. Yours and Ma’s. The two most important people in his life. When the two of you compliment him on something, this giant, confident, usually composed man actually gets a little flustered! Especially when those compliments come from you.

Sett really doesn’t seem like a blusher when it comes to other people, but when you compliment him on something innocent, his cheeks immediately turn just the sweetest bit pink as he gets the happiest grin on his face. (His reaction is definitely different when your compliments are regarding more…private matters, but I’m not going to focus on that rn.)

And his EARS. His ears are the biggest telltale sign he’s flustered. His ears happily flick back and forth, which is admittedly really cute. It’s just very sweet honestly, seeing how much your opinion means to “The Boss!” (He just has such a soft spot for you and I love it.)

Yone

Yone would be in a similar boat to Aphelios. Again it depends on who is complimenting him, what they’re complimenting him about, and the setting he’s being complimented in.

Now Yone is extremely talented at what he does. (We all know this.) And he knows he’s talented. Of course he doesn’t let that make him too arrogant or anything. Any compliments he receives on his music, he genuinely appreciates and will he show/express that sincere appreciation to whoever is giving him the compliment. Making music takes a lot of effort and to become respected like him is only a dream for so many other artists. That’s something he realizes and he is extremely grateful for the fans and everyone else who helped him get to where he is.

Personal compliments he’s just a lot more reserved about, especially ones having to do with his appearance. Like he knows he’s considered attractive, but honestly the only opinion he cares about regarding his appearance is yours. Anyone else he’ll give a soft smile and a “thank you.” But he wouldn’t blush or anything crazy.

But with YOU???? Any compliment you give him makes his entire day, week, month, etc. And when you compliment him on his appearance (because let’s be real how could you not??? That man is so FUCKING FINE) he actually feels pride about how he looks. (AS HE SHOULD.)

Compliments from you make that stoic exterior crack. Yone actually blushes a bit. And your compliments make him smile wider and bring a spring to his step. Compliments from you are what get Yone teased by the other Heartsteel members for reacting just a little bit like a happy puppy at times. (They’re in awe of you for having that power.) That’s your influence over him, honestly, and that’s how much he values your opinion.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for requesting, Anon! I hope I did your request justice! This was so cute and fun to write! Lmao the way I’d be complimenting them all the time because they deserve it. 💙

[meafortuna]

ASTRO NOTES #5

Mambo number 5. 😁 Take what resonates and enjoy it! 🫶

• I have never met a stronger person than one with Sun square Saturn/Pluto. There is nothing that this individual cannot overcome and trust me in their life it’s always something that they have to deal with. All of their life is full with challenges and obstacles that are really hard to handle, but these people… ❤️ They have to fight with something or someone all the time, there is no chance for rest. And the saddest thing is they don’t even realise how strong are they, instead of that they always criticise and underestimate themselves and never let themselves to doing what they want. Most of times this aspect has something to deal with problematic male figures in the life of the person. Sometimes can be a father, but i have noticed more often it’s about spouse/partner. They just attract abusive people who try to control them, because of their lack of self esteem. Incredible inner strength and I admire them. Hats off! 👏

• Venus in 5th house and their love for children. 🚸 I mean if i have to pick a teacher for my child it will be someone with this placement. The way they communicate with kids is so unpretended, they can make the child to feel like they are equal. They just have that joyful and childish personality, which perfectly match with the energy of the kids. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that they want kids (especially if it’s in the sign of ♒️ ♍️ ♑️ ♈️), let’s not forget that 5th house it’s also about what are the things that brings joy to us. Venus in this house can sometimes indulge too much in the pleasures of life and not want to take responsibilities like children. 🍬

• If you searching for a long lasting friendship, you should look for someone with Saturn in 11th house. These people have only a few friends, and most of them are from their early years. They look at a friendships as a responsibilities, so they will put much effort in you, but once they see you don’t do the same, they will cut you out of their life. Their group of friends often is small, because deep down they are insecure and don’t think they fit with anyone, or just because of their high expextations. Often times their friends are older then them. The bad news are the access to that circle of close friends it’s not that easy to get. So if you are already in there, stay there, these guys will be, no matter what, always there for you. 👫 * There is one quote that reminds me of Saturn in 11th house - “Friendship’s serious. Maybe more than love.” 🪐

• I found it funny how Moon in 1st house thinks they are good with hiding their emotions.🙈 Yes, they can control them or suppress them, they even won’t say if anything is wrong, because they don’t want to bother you with their problems, but their facial expressions will scream everything that’s inside of them. Except they wear their heart on their sleeve, their mood is entirely subject to how their environment reacts to them. People pleasers who need to stand for themselves more often. And also, stop using other people's problems to forget your own, that’s not good coping mechanism, ok? This applies to all Moon signs, doesn’t matter if is in ♑️ or ♏️, which are generally more secretive and private. *Sometimes if they suppress something that upsets them, their facial skin may get irritated. 🌗

• Mars in 8th house and their s*xual desire 24/7?! What’s that? 😅 Yes, they are pretty good when it comes to that part, but does anyone else have noticed how they can stand without having s*x for a really long time. ♾️ 8th house also represent taboos, and Mars in here can feel some sort of restrictions when it comes to s*x. Especially if Mars aspecting Moon or in Cancer, will seek emotional connection first, or their s*xuality strongly will depend on what’s going on in their inner world. They are not that type who just sit there and think “hm, i feel down today, i should have some s*x”, no quite the opposite. Just because this is Mars, doesn’t mean these people are only primal creatures. In this house Mars will crave for deep intimacy with their partner, there must be passion, something sacred, otherwise they don’t want it. ❤️‍🔥

• Mercury in Aries it’s the most blunt and energetic sign. Did they ever sit when they talk about something that it’s important for them? Sometimes it’s hard to listen to them, because they use all of their body in the conversation - hands, legs, head and I don’t know do i have to listen or watch them?! 🤸��♂️But on the other hand if they are not interested in the topic of the talk, they won’t even look at you, while you explain something, they just don’t care to listen. And I guess because of their energetic nature, they also learning new things faster than the others. 🐏

• I think Mercury in 7th house is the planet that want relationship more than others. When it comes to seventh house people would say that Venus or Moon represent the most our desire for relationship, but i would say that will be Mercury. Mercury it’s about what are our thoughts, how we learn, what kind of themes we like to talk about, how we think, how communicate… do you get my point? 🗣️ Natives with Mercury in this house are the one who truly desires for relationships with another people, not only because they need to communicate with others, but because that will put their mind at ease. Think about it - if something it’s on your mind daily, than isn't this thing of primary importance to you? Yes, Mercury here also represents that the individual will seek someone who is intelligent or communication will be really important for them in one relationship. 🔭

• I hate saying things that have been said hundreds of times, but Cancers are so damn manipulative and use your weakest spot to hurt you, especially women. 👩🏻‍🦰 What’s wrong with them? They are not over emotional, they just pretend to be like that so can make you do whatever they want. I have seen many, many Cancers that have such a narcissistic behaviour. I still love them, but I can’t justify that sh*t. ♋️

~meafortuna 💙

[shorthaltsjester]

It is such a bizarre choice to not have Vex see Percy forgive Ripley. The scene of her talking to him about forgiveness and how it is the only way to grow and how she carved it on Fenthras was such a good scene. Idk if they will still include it in another form now. Not to mention Percy says he forgave Ripley for himself, not for her.

no i doubt they will. and being honest i think this stems from choices they made in s1 with vex’s character that have just echoed down consequences because tlovm vex doesn’t really have anything she has to forgive herself for. she certainly has an ill-built sense of self, but it isn’t based in an actual flaw re: she is not responsible for her mother’s death but she was in fact a thief and frequently selfish during the campaign. but in s1, vex wasn’t really morally questionable in that way, she was just standoffish and cold and dependent on vax. for understandable reasons, she didn’t steal the broom, but she also has no history that’s disclosed to the audience of killing (even in self defense) or stealing and even her gold hoarding is like. one shot in the second episode when they’re fleeing from a dragon hoard. so then it’s hard to have vex be a character where forgiving herself is the sticking point rather than correcting her sense of self. in the campaign it was both because you couldn’t extract her greed (hunger) and self-interest from the fact that she was deeply scarred by her fathers insistence that she could never be enough.

but in the show at every chance they’ve limited vex to having low self-esteem which is fine, but does i think lessen the interest of a character like her if the basis of that low self-esteem is only her trauma and self-defence versus the more. call it self-offence that she did in the campaign. and i think that echoes into the relationship with percy. overall i’ve liked more than i’ve disliked with this version of perc’ahlia, but i do think there was a ramp up in s2 of feeling that hadn’t necessarily been shown developing (time limits time limits 😔) that much, and part of that is the lack of percy and vex reacting to each other being shitty people with hearts in their eyes. because they could both see the pain that was hiding under their shitty actions but were also just. find of the person doing the shitty actions. and ultimately i’ve kind of cut my loses with the level of like. snarky to each other while also being obviously in love and gross about it without ever admitting it to each other because they both have “How Could Someone Like That Ever Love Someone Like Me” complexes but i think im a bit more :( about the aspects of the characters that were truly just like. not good and not clean and not easily dealt with if dealt with at all that didn’t survive it into tlovm. like percy is truly not a good person (he’s not a Bad one either). like he does many many good actions, but he also is very willing to do horrible, horrible things in the name of what he vows to protect. and vex never really sheds the mask she learned to wear. there are people she allows to see through it but it stays for the entirety of c1 and some of matt’s choices suggest it’s something he echoes in portraying her in c3

anyway tldr. i agree about deeply missing the forgiveness percy and vex scene, even beyond the perc’ahlia of it all, it is one of my favourite cr scenes across all the campaigns, but unfortunately is one i’ve suspected to have been cut since tlovm’s version of saundor. i have the most naive of hopes that maybe i’ll be surprised but honestly i think i’d just be more questioning what the point of including that scene without earning it would be.

[pinkbunny268]

HANMA SHUJI X READER

I have Hanma Shuji brainrot. So, here are some headcannons of him in a relationship (one that he’s not that invested in if that makes sense). Fair warning: might be shit. But that’s okay.

Also! Not as fluffy as some people would like. However, if this does well I might do a delusional version. Lmao I can do that for a lot of characters if requested. This is mostly to get my creative juices flowing.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Let’s start off with the basics: in my humble opinion that no one asked for I feel like Hanma would only start to date you first based on looks. Sounds shallow but let’s face it he is.

Would only consider staying with you after really getting to know you and finding you to be interesting. Cuz that’s what he does for literally anything else. If he doesn’t benefit, find it interesting, or get an adrenaline rush from it what’s the point?

he would def make fun of you over small things just to keep your self esteem a bit low. cant have you figuring out you could do better than him.

Can be genuinely sweet at times but prefers to keep those moments private and away from prying eyes. Man’s does have a reputation to uphold.

However! I feel like he wouldn’t want to keep you a secret. Cuz if he thinks you’re pretty and exciting then other guys must think the same thing as well. And he wants other guys to know you’re taken.

It’s about a 50/50 if he’s down for PDA. Depends on the circumstances but I don’t think he shys away from it. There are times where he’s down to do it solely because either someone is eyeing you too close for his liking or he just wants to see you flustered.

He doesn’t care if you’re around gang related shit but let’s everyone know that you’re not to be messed with. You’re his and only his.

Introduces you to Kisaki and expects you to be around the two of them all the time, y’know? Like, he doesn’t care if you and Kisaki are alone but that’s it. He’ll drag you to what ever adventure he and Kisaki are up to and won’t tell you anything about it under the disguise it’s more fun to be in the unknown. When really, he wants to scare you. Or at the very least worry you.

Also, I feel like he’s the kinda guy to expect you to drop whatever you’re doing for him. Like, oops you’re at work and can’t come patch him up? Too bad, he needs you. And you don’t wanna let him down, right?

Major gaslighter. Ong.

“If you really loved me, you’d come see me right now. I really need you, doll.” - said with a shit eating grin on the other line. “When do I ever ask anything of you? And all those times I’ve done something for you? Do you just not care…?”

I also feel like he’d be one of those boyfriends where you’d be on and off a lot. Like when you do finally get the courage to break up with him he wiggles his way back into your heart with sweet words and fake promises that he’ll change, he loves you, you’re special to him and he wants to be better for you. When he’s already broken 3 of those promises before you even leave the building.

Bottom line: Hanma Shuji is a shitty boyfriend who’s bad times out weigh the good. You give more than you receive and he knows that. He gives just enough for you to be satisfied. But, he’ll still keep you around until he can’t get anything else from you. After all, he’s not really committed to you. Not for the long run anyways. Besides, can you even imagine being married to him? That’s a story for another time…

[littlemisspascal]

Rockford & Roan

Pairing: Tim Rockford x Female Reader/OFC 'Roan'

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: You meet Tim Rockford in the true crime section of the library of all places.

Rating: T 

Warnings: Language, reference of self-harming + assault, meet cute, Reader has a dog, Reader has military background, Superpower AU, They Were Roommates AU, self-esteem issues, soulmates-ish, original characters, worldbuilding

- Reader has no first name and no physical traits described in detail except for being shorter than Rockford

Author Note: Elements of X-Men and Sherlock/Elementary mashed together because my brain said so. I've got more of these two (plus another Pedro Boy *cough* Thief *cough*) outlined if y'all are interested in seeing more of this world. It was a lot of fun attempting this new guy 😊

Special thanks to @beecastle for beta reading and encouraging me 💜💜💜

Part 2

The Session

You cross your legs, trying to get comfortable, immediately grimacing when the plush leather couch squeaks as a result. Your psychologist’s office smells overwhelmingly of lavender from the burning candle on her desk. Dr. Odair insists the smell has a calming effect to combat anxiety, but you remain unconvinced. You’re unconvinced about a lot of the advice these mandatory sessions offer, actually.

“How’s your search going?” Dr. Odair asks, pen poised above a fresh sheet of paper. “Have you connected with anyone?”

According to the internet, Dr. Charlotte Odair is one of the leading experts on empaths, telepaths, and other similar mind-gifts in the world. She’s also renowned for helping discharged military personnel integrate back into civilian society which meant you didn’t have much of a choice seeing anybody else.

Most people’s emotions are a finicky and erratic mess, shifting and fluctuating depending on the countless number of influences stemming from one’s surroundings. Some feelings are easy to identify at once, others are too obscure or complex to be named. The latter are the ones which overwhelm you. The ones which bury beneath your skin, an itch you can’t scratch no matter how harshly your nails dig into your arms, deeper and deeper until they’re stained red. 

Dr. Odair’s emotions resemble crystalline waters, transparent and blatant. There’s no second-guessing with her, no hidden tricks. She’s been trained, masterfully so, to carefully bind her feelings to her will.

“Yeah, it’s been going great,” you answer, then nod down at your feet where a small, golden brown dog lies with his chin on his paws. “Connected with Banjo here over the weekend. We’re a total match for each other.”

She fixes you with a look over the thick rims of her glasses. “Is that so?”

Compared to humans, animals have a much smaller range of emotions. They broadcast exactly what they want like a neon sign, whether that be food, shelter, or a good petting. And if their desires are met, the hum of their contentment is a far more pleasant tune than most songs on the radio nowadays.

You’d actually been looking to get a cat when you went to the pet shelter, dismissing dogs as too needy and energetic for your liking, but fate had other plans. One look at the little mutt, with his tangled fur and deep, froggy bark, and you were signing the adoption paperwork within minutes. And still, even after that unexpected love at first sight moment, Banjo continues to surprise you with how easily he adapts to your routine, standing by your side like he always belonged there.

You tell Dr. Odair as much, but there’s no response even though you know she’s absorbing every word out of your mouth, turning them over in her head, analyzing each syllable. Her mood remains almost frustratingly steady, giving no indication as to what she’s thinking. That look remains though, blue eyes narrowing even further. 

“You never said my match had to be another human.” Your hands tighten around Banjo’s leash, hoping she doesn’t catch the defensive edge your voice has taken. 

Her pen starts to scribble a note across the paper, too similar to a doctor’s chicken scratch for you to read upside down. 

You bite the inside of your cheek, glancing towards the flickering candle. Damn it. 

“Miss Roan,” Dr. Odair begins, and you taste blood on your tongue, “I know it’s annoying, being forced to attend these sessions every week, but the fact of the matter is, empaths aren’t meant to live alone. Especially not after what you’ve endured. Finding someone to match with is what your empathy needs to finally settle down.”

She makes it sound so easy, like the rest of the world doesn’t have any issues with mind-gifts and the lack of privacy that comes with them. Like there isn’t a set of laws specifically written for people who can read thoughts with a single touch or predict the future through dreams because their gifts aren’t as flashy, as visible, and thus in the eyes of the government that makes them the scariest threat of all.

On the battlefield things were different. The laws of polite society didn’t apply, not out there amongst the pools of blood and ceaseless gunfire. Your mind-gift was a tool to take advantage of, capable of numbing pain away faster than drugs and boosting the troop’s morale to a near fever-pitch. There was no time to stop and assess the damage you were self-inflicting unintentionally by overworking your empathy. Nobody who cared enough about you as a person to recognize the warning signs—not even your own self.

It was a miracle, as your commanding captain would later put it, when enemy forces staged a midnight raid on the camp and a man pinned you to the floor, radiating nothing but vulgar lust, that your lapse of control only resulted in putting every hostile within a mile radius to sleep instead of killing them instantly. 

A miracle for the unit maybe, but for you it marked the abrupt conclusion of your military career. Loss of control of one’s gifts stipulated their immediate release from serving, even if in your case it saved lives. Your discharge papers were officially signed and filed by the higher-ups before you regained consciousness three days later with a pounding headache from hell. Your mind-gift, once seen as a helpful aid to win battles, was now a time bomb dumped into the hands of Dr. Odair to deactivate. 

And what is her brilliant solution? Matching. Or, as it used to be called back in the olden days when gifts were thought to be divinely bestowed instead of being entirely unpredictable mutations in one’s genetic code, soulbonding. A powerful connection forged between two individuals, locking their gifts together and intertwining their lives until death splits them apart. 

Movies and fairytales will describe matching as the ultimate manifestation of true love, but love’s got nothing to do with it. Matching is a direct result of a human’s innate instinct to survive. It most commonly occurs when one or both members of the potential pairing possess dangerous gifts likely to cause harm to themselves. Supposedly, the bond is instantaneous once the two meet, causing their gifts to settle down, easier to control. Balancing each other out as if they were two halves of the same whole.

Sounds wonderful. In theory, at least. The biggest problem with matching is it can’t be done with just any random person. It can’t be forced either, not even between established couples. The bond happens solely on the choice of the gifts, not the will of the people involved. The hows and whys and other intricate details of the fateful decision-making process remain a mystery, one perhaps beyond mankind’s ability to ever solve, but regardless, it’s hard to argue against the overwhelmingly positive end results. To date, every recorded pair has admitted their match stabilized their gifts and saved their lives from an early death.

So until your mind-gift figures out who it wants, all you can do is walk the streets of Fox Leap, searching for just the right stranger in a sea of wrong strangers, empathy buzzing like a live wire pressed against your brain with each disappointing encounter.

“I am looking.” You’re being honest, despite what the dropping of your eyes to the floor might suggest. It’s too difficult to meet her gaze, afraid of the pity you might find shining through her carefully maintained facade. “I’m just not sure they want to be found.”

The Meeting

You meet Tim Rockford in the true crime section of the library of all places.

Fox Leap Central Library has essentially become your second home ever since you sought shelter from the rain one miserably gray afternoon two weeks after moving there. It’s one of the few places in the city that doesn’t make you feel like ants are crawling along your spinal cord, designed with dozens of cozy spaces to curl up with a good book and cup of coffee and zone out for a couple of blissful hours.

Your eyes are drifting over the colorful covers of fantasy books offering to transport you to alternate universes full of mythical beasts when you feel it. A flash of anger, stronger and more intense than anything you’ve ever felt, illuminating your mind-gift identical to a streak of lightning tearing through the darkness of night.

The emotion fades just as fast as it made itself known, but your empathy bays like a bloodhound picking up a scent trail, urging you to follow it to the source. Your fingers twitch at your side. Not with the desire to scratch, you realize with surprise, but to soothe. You haven’t felt this kind of compulsion since you’d been on the frontlines, taking away the pain from bullet-stricken soldiers, but that had been your purpose back then, a duty expected to fulfill. 

This…This is a purely selfish want.

You bite your lip, glance down at Banjo, tail wagging as if to say what are we waiting for?, and then surrender to the temptation.

Three aisles down stands the library’s only other occupant in sight: a tall, broad-shouldered man in a white shirt and tan trench coat with dark, unkempt hair like he’s been running his fingers through it lately. He’s rubbing at his stubbled jawline, brown eyes glaring beneath furrowed brows at a book on serial killers. 

He’s the perfect example of tall, dark and handsome but it’s not his looks that has your pulse quickening, a flutter of something dangerously akin to hope beginning to stir. If Dr. Odair’s emotions are a crystalline pool, then this man’s are an ocean in the midst of a storm. Turbulent on the surface, rough and irritable, concealing unexpectedly mesmerizing depths luring your mind-gift to dive deeper and deeper–

“Psychic or empath?” the man asks without looking away from the shelf, a slight raspiness to his voice that has your stomach flip-flopping before full awareness of his question even registers.

Startled back into your own head, you can only manage an eloquent, “Huh?”

He finally turns, piercing you with his gaze, intense yet not unkind. The storm afflicting his temperament lessens some, followed by a series of feather-light curious touches along the edges of your mind-gift.

You suck in a breath, expecting the stinging bolt of displeasure that usually follows when someone interacts with your empathy. Whether they’re being delicate or not, it’s never fun to have the most sensitive part of yourself poked and prodded and toyed with. But there are no symptoms of a headache in the seconds that follow. Only a strange sort of thrill at the connection. A sense of rightness.

And there’s that damn fluttering again…

Once again, you find yourself caught off-guard, unsure how the roles have swapped so quickly from you seeking to comfort a stranger to now you being comforted by him.

“Empath,” he says after another beat, answering his own question with a confidence that’s neither tentative nor arrogant. It sounds like a regular fact of life. The sky is blue, the sun is hot, and you’re an empath. 

“Y-yeah, that’s right.” You nod your head, hands trembling where they are clutching Banjo’s leash. God, you don’t understand what’s wrong with you, why his stare has such a strong effect on your galloping heartbeat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

The man looks down at Banjo then, taking in his snaggletoothed grin and perked ears with a soft smile of his own. “Cocker, poodle, schnauzer—interesting ancestry. I bet you have quite the story to tell.”

How did he–? You shake your head, getting your thoughts in some semblance of an order now that you’re no longer the sole focus of his attention. “This is Banjo. I adopted him from the shelter last weekend. We’re still getting to know each other.”

“Oh, good,” his soft grin widens, revealing a dimple in the side of his cheek. “It won’t take long to catch up then. How do you feel about takeout?”

You blink, frowning because huh? Is he just asking your opinion or is he asking something…more? It’s been so long since you’ve been asked on a date, you’re not even sure what the common etiquette is anymore. Isn’t everything arranged online nowadays? Swiping left or right and all that app rubbish?

“My schedule is unpredictable which leaves little time for cooking or grocery shopping, so at least three days a week I order takeout,” he continues, seemingly oblivious to your increasing confusion. “I also have frequent bouts of chronic insomnia, sometimes I’m up for days without any sleep.”

“Why are you telling me this?” 

The question comes out sounding ruder than it had in your head, but if he’s offended by it the man shows no outward sign. “I figured if I were in your shoes, I’d want to know upfront the annoying traits of who I’ve matched with.”

“Who I’ve–?” you choke on the words, eyes widening.

Oh, you think faintly, a strange clarity sweeping over you, at last connecting the dots that seem so incredibly obvious now. What better reprieve for an overwhelmed mind-gift than an underwater safe haven muffling the chaos of the city. It’s you.

The Offer

“Rockford,” the man—your match—says, extending a hand to shake, warm and calloused. “Tim Rockford.”

You introduce yourself, probably looking a bit unhinged with how wide you’re grinning but you can’t help it. You finally found your match. The urge to run to Dr. Odair’s office and jump on her sofa, screaming he’s actually fucking real! at the top of your lungs is near irresistible.  

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Rockford says. “I had a feeling our paths would cross soon once I settled into my new place. An apartment a couple blocks from here. Three bedrooms. One for me, one for my office, and the other is yours if you’re interested.”

Your eyebrows lift incredulously. “Seriously?”

“A good roommate is hard to find these days,” Rockford responds easily, shrugging. “Who better to live with than my match?”

You think about sharing a space with someone else. Someone who's human that you can have a two-way conversation with over meals, who doesn’t react to your mind-gift with repulsion or contempt. He makes a good point; good roommates are hard to find. A yes sits on the tip of your tongue, held back by a little voice in the back of your head insisting it’s too good to be true. He’ll grow tired of you eventually. Get sick of you dipping in and out of his head like a parasite. You should say no. There’s too much of a high potential you’ll wind up hurt and alone again. It’s too risky.

But, another voice chimes in, deep down beside the fragile hope, if it worked out for all the other matched pairs, then aren’t the odds in your favor? 

“You barely know me,” is what ends up coming out of your mouth, a weak extending of a shovel for him to dig himself out of his offer.

He hums a thoughtful note, head tilting to one side, and your shoulders start to instinctively tense up in preparation of rapid backpedaling. A sudden wave washes over your mind-gift, though, steady reassurance drowning your budding fears.

“I know you’ve recently been discharged from the military,” he begins calmly, that same matter-of-fact tone from before. “I know you’re new to the city, not by personal choice but because you must attend mandatory sessions with a psychologist who resides here and has an excellent reputation with patients sharing your similar background. You’ve begun dreading the appointments—possibly because of trust issues, more likely because until you meet your match there’s very little she can do for your empathy and that frustrates you. And I know you adopted Banjo hoping he would pass as a substitute for me, but while he’s been helpful providing companionship, your mind-gift has continued causing you pain up until our meeting.” A pause for a quiet breath. “I think we have quite a solid foundation already, wouldn’t you agree, Miss Roan?”

“I–you–what?” You blink dumbly at him, brain function short-circuiting. Seriously, what? “How on earth…?”

“We all have our gifts."

And maybe it’s because he doesn’t elaborate further, meeting your quizzical stare evenly, still emanating steady reassurance, that makes it surprisingly easy for you to make a decision. You want to know this man. Not just his likes and dislikes, no, you want to know his happiness, his hurt, all the miserable shades of his sadness and every sharp pang of his rage. You want to look at him the way he looks at you: confident and steadfast. Unique to him in all the world.

If the stories are true and he’s going to be a part of your life for a long, long time, then you have the distinct feeling you’re going to need every one of those precious seconds to understand the infinite depths of Tim Rockford.

So, you nod your head. “Okay,” you tell him, lips curling at the corners into another wide grin when you detect how pleased he is with your agreement. “Let’s give it a try.”

“Meet me there tomorrow afternoon,” he says, grabbing the book he’d been burning holes into earlier with his glare. “445D Albatross Lane. Bright yellow door, can’t miss it.”

Then, turning on his heel in one fluid movement, he heads for the front desk, leaving you to process how a single meeting has just shifted your entire world on its axis.

[pencilofawesomeness]

Some Fairy Tail x Twisted Wonderland stuff

because I can merge my current media fixations if I want to.

I started thinking about which dorms the Fairy Tail peeps would be in, for the funsies, and then I thought more about it and then it spiraled into me actually drawing it. I have more ideas, too, but I limited it to one each. For now. 

Anyway have some of my thoughts, because I have nothing else to do with them. I have more, of course, but here’s a bit:

Erza: Heartslabyl [Housewarden; fae] —very much believes that rules are important, but in a chaotic way —forgets other people don’t think the way she does —easily stuck in her ways —passionate; can be very emotive —very dedicated to ✨ special interest ✨ (swords, armor, etc)

Natsu: Savanaclaw [dragon-fae] —feral gremlin child; can be pugnacious, but also pretty chill —stubborn but not particularly ambitious —doesn’t rely on anybody, necessarily, but also is very group-orientated —protective of friends pack —very emotive but allergic to being openly vulnerable —depending on backstory, has other people trying to dictate his future

Lucy: Octavinelle [human] —doesn’t like not having any control in a situation —pursues personal ambitions / personal happiness —likes ✨ contracts  ✨  —not above being sneaky, but keeps her word —collects keys friends etc

Gray: Scarabia [human] —allergic to failure —poor natural teamwork skills (used to doing things alone) —will throw away morality for success’ sake —self-esteem is an unstable pendulum —dabbles in scheming

Juvia: Pomefiore [merfolk] —cares about what other people think of her —will alter herself to fit in, even to her own detriment —very, very tenacious when she gets focused on something —she is beauty, she is grace, she will punch you in the face

Mystogan: Ignihyde [Housewarden; human] —anti-social is his middle name —dedicated to a job he did not want (cleaning up father’s mess, etc.) —really good with items and gadgets —just wants to do his own thing if he ever gets a break —life goals? nonexistent 

Freed: Diasomnia [half-human, half-fae] —likes to swear his loyalty to his peers; dedication to group —weird af has a certain decorum he upholds —magic is easier than a normal social life —confident in his abilities but not in how he is perceived —concerned about his sense of belonging

[the-kinnie-in-me]

Okay, well then I hope you don’t mind me returning with yet another request. I can’t help it, I just really love your writing <3

I would love some headcanons for tasm Peter falling in love again for the first time since Gwen (god, just typing that made me tear up lmao)!

Take your time, have fun with it, and have a lovely day/night :)

A/n: This has been in my ask box for so long holy shit- I'm so sorry about that. I was on an intense writer's block and I think the fact that its Valentines' Day where I'm at kinda inspired me. This is not my best work since romantic writing isn't my cup of tea 😭 But I still hope you enjoy this-

𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐌! 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐰𝐞𝐧:

⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎⚠︎

(I’m basing this off before he met the other Peters btw)

Let's start with some pre-relationship stuff-

I don’t really see it as love at 1st sight

It might take some since yk- his ex died because he couldn’t save her

How much time it would take would depend on how persistent you are in befriending him 1st

 There's definitely some remaining guilt and self-loathing so please be patient with him

He’s still a nice and friendly person so it isn’t that hard to befriend him 

In other words- You’re gonna have to buckle up since you’re about to experience the slowest slow-burn friends-to-lovers in history (Tho the fluff post and pre-relationship make it worth it)

Now onto the relationship itself

Aunt May adores you

She saw how you make her nephew happy after what happened with Gwen and approved of you immediately

“I saw how that boy mourned Gwen. I raised him for most of his life and it was devastating for me to see him like that. Then he met you, it was like it never happened and he was as happy as he was before. And I can’t express how thankful I am to you.”

We all saw how much effort he put into his and Gwen’s relationship- He would do the 1000% same thing with you

This is a bit angsty but- It just doesn’t feel the same?? THO IT DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU- When he was doing that stuff for Gwen he had a lot more self-esteem if you get what I mean?

HELP HIM GAIN HIS CONFIDENCE BACK

There have to be a lot of words of affirmation in this relationship homeboy needs it

After he gains his confidence it's mostly rainbows and sunshine

The reason why I say mostly? The topic of Spiderman.

I mean- He would tell you but he doesn’t want you to get involved 

He is very much persistent about that

He will give you every reason to not  get involved 

There’s honestly no win in this situation

If you don’t get involved you worry about him daily

*Peter enters your bedroom through your window*

“The hell happened this time?”

“They um- got me pretty bad”

You rush to grab the First Aid kit

“Yeah. I can see that.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad.”

“Are you sure…Because your tone kinda says otherwise”

*Sighs* “I’m not mad. Just stressed and worried because of you.”

If you do get involved he worries about you daily

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

“SAVING YOUR ASS”

Or

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be out doing Spiderman things?”

“Yeah about that- Whatever I was fighting got away and it seemed pretty pissed. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t gonna be petty and go after you”

I just realized the majority of this has been angst or about Gwen’s death in some way-

He doesn’t confront people when jealous

Poor boy just wants to leave with you beside him

He tries to hide it but it's kinda obvious

Tease him about it and see how long it takes for him to admit it I wanna test a theory

He is a total softy for you

Why can’t I find a bf like that on E-bay

A sane amount of PDA

Like hand-holding, falling asleep on him (albeit accidentally), and kissing on the cheek

He likes cuddling in private tho

Everything he does for and says to you just seems to be genuine-

A gentleman that was raised well fr

He will do so many things for you that it's concerning how fast he agrees,

“Hey Pete can you-”

“Of course”

This is entirely my opinion/ idea of him- I don’t see him calling you any pet names besides the occasional “babe” 

BUT- the amount of love and emotion traced whenever he just simply says your name makes up for it completely

Before I end this I just want to make 1 thing clear-

You are NOT a rebound 

He will do anything to prove that he never considered you a replacement for Gwen the moment he senses you feel that way

In his eyes, Gwen is his past 

In his eyes, you are his present and future

In his eyes, you are his everything.

[nahalism]

Hey 💌💌

I come to you with a question, in a bit of a desperate state. I have big problems with being jealous, paranoid. Especially in romantic relationships but it doesn’t always stop there. What do you think causes a person to be like this? Did you ever struggle with being like this? How can one even begin to unravel it, i wonder if it’s possible to be a human and just…not feel jealousy or is it part of the experience we can’t fully avoid?

(For some background:I have always been a jealous person but my life experience probably blew it to a larger proportion. The thing is i know most things rely on communication but the problem is ive spent a few years in a relationship that i thought had good communication, it turned out i was living in pretty much a constant lie for a few years. It made me realize pretty brutally that no matter how much you are made to feel and think one thing, if the other person is smart enough they can really hide anything from you for an extended period of time all the while giving you the illusion of being heard, seen, loved, cared for. How can i know the communication isnt falling on a rotten bed of lies over and over? How can i trust blindly, when i hear we have to come with an open heart and give each person the benefit of the doubt and full plate of trust from the get go for a relationship to work it feels like a death sentence, its just a matter of when and how. Sometimes i wonder if there is even a way out of it at all.)

hello angelll <3. sooo i actually dont think it has to do with communication in this instance. you can only communicate with clarity when you have clarity on a situation. someone triggered is communicating, but often communicates irrationally or in a way that inflames the issue. lets say a person is avoidant and their partner is co-dependant. the more the co-dependant person communicates, the more they push the avoidant person into silence and exacerbate the issue. im not saying its right, but that intentional communication requires skill, being emotionally regulated, and is deeper than being honest and speaking with good intentions. to communicate well, you have to know who your speaking to, and how to deliver what you wish to communicate. of course this is important, but i think its secondary in comparison to the main issue –> i really do believe whenever anything external has power over a person and their emotions it is rooted in the individuals feelings of self esteem and self worth. ultimately we tend to be attracted toward the familiar or what is comfortable. its why people who are perpetually in toxic relationships find 'good' guys or women to be unattractive or describe 'not having a spark' with them. its also why also why people tend to gravitate toward or find that spark with people who trigger or enhance their pre existing disposition toward things they don't no longer want to experience. for example, someone who doesn't want to be cheated on isn't looking for a cheat, but something in them is drawn toward the type of character who will do this and reinforce their habits or beliefs about relationship. so the answer to how to end that cycle is two fold.

1) you have a habit of acting out jealousy and paranoia in relationships. look at your relationship with your primary care givers and your first experience that blew those feelings of jealousy and paranoia out of proportion, then study them. understand the root of those emotions (usually insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and comparison of yourself to others, particularly people who are important or close to the person whose affection you want).

2) once you understand the root of the emotion, look at what you can do to solve it. how can you meet your own needs? how can you build a sense of self that leads you to feel comfortable and confident in what you have to offer and bring to the table? once you find the answer to this, begin to practice it. meet that need on your own. by doing this you evolve, and begin to expect more and better from both yourself and others. this changes who and what you find attractive, thus reducing the chance that your next partner is someone with the traits of a person who will trigger your jealousy and paranoia. – if you do the work properly, and develop (or work toward developing) a secure attachment style, it will help ensure that the person you are next drawn and attracted to also practices a secure attachment style. them being securely attached is invaluable, because it's inevitable that you will still experience moments of insecurity, jealousy, comparison, and distrust. someone with a secure attachment style will allow you to have those moments without inflating the issue, or giving you reason to be disproportionately triggered. however, they won't accept maltreatment which is good because their healthy boundaries will also hold you accountable. the more you engage in healthy relationships the more you rewire your pre-existing blueprint and feel safe enough to release those harmful traits.

its really important to get the root issue handled before trying to solve things with communication or whatever other solution. because those are the things that will ensure you find yourself in situations with trustworthy people that allow you to feel safe enough to be yourself. there is always the possibility that our own vices can begin to break people down and devolve into a form of self fulfilling prophecy. for example, someone suspects their partner of infidelity. the partner is faithful, however after years of defending themselves from their person 1's suspicions may begin to resent their partners accusations, and find themselves looking else where or experiencing attraction to other people. even though they never act on these feelings (never cheat), the lack of trust and persistent insecurity is what creates the room for the partner to grow distant. when the partner now tells them 'hey i dont want to do this any more' and two weeks later is in a new relationship, the person with those insecurities now projects this onto them and says 'see, i always knew you would cheat/move on/i wasn't enough', when that was never the case, just a consequence of the way they treated the person who has now moved on.

there will always be someone more beautiful, more attractive, more *insert desirable quality*. you have to love you, see you, and know why you are worth sticking around for. if you dont have this inner stability, you will always find external chaos, and be looking around you for who else can take your spot. the truth is any and everyone can take your spot, but no one can fill it the way you do. so focus on filling it, and loving yours. whoever is for you is for you. you won't have to fight for them, and it may not always be easy, but will it will always feel safe and feel peaceful. – sending you much love, courage, and discernment to work through this <3

[babiebom]

Hey!! I love ur writing for stardew so much. I was looking at ur rules & things u write for. And saw u do criminal minds ??? Like fuck yeaaaa!! I was wondering what ur headcannons would be with dating Spencer Reid? (Especially with him dating a genderfluid / nonbinary person with adhd) Thank you sm!!! Ur work is so amazing!! 😭😭😭

A/N: yeah!!! I do write for criminal minds, mainly the fic im working on is on ao3 and I’m debating on posting it here~ also thank you thank you for enjoying my writing!!!

A/N 2: B R O T H E R I WROTE THIS ENTIRE THING AND TUMBLR DIDNT SAVE IT SO NOW I HAVE TO REWRITE AND ITS GONNA BE WORSE THAN THE ORIGINAL BECAUSE I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE!!!! And I know whoever reads this (not you anon) will be like “why don’t you remember it’s your headcanons” ITS BECAUSE I FORGET JUST AS QUICKLY AS I WRITE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Tw: some cursing, adhd being portrayed by a person that doesn’t have it

Criminal Minds Masterlist

So before I get into these headcanons I do like to point out that I do not have adhd and I also identify as cis so I’m not writing this from a personal pov. Obviously I am going to try my best but I just want to warn people and say that if anything is inaccurate let me know!!

So what I know about ADHD is there is three main types

The inattentive type the hyperactive type and the combined type

And personally I feel like Spencer would know the differences in how it affects you and would behave accordingly.

But we’ll get to that in a second because either way gender-fluid or nonbinary has absolutely nothing to do with how he treats you!!

Like dude is in love with you he doesn’t care about how you identify as long as you’re happy he’s happy and he will always introduce you as his partner or significant other.

Like unless you’re feeling a certain type of way and want to be introduced in that way he is more than comfortable with everything just being neutral.

Like sometimes I think that he does go about these things in a logical way, so I feel like it could be very helpful as well as sometimes unhelpful y’know?

Like there are pros and cons to everything EVEN someone being the most understanding anyone could ever be.

The adhd can however come with self esteem issues and I know sometimes even if you’re proud of who you are and what you identify as, there will be some hard days where everything just seems hopeless.

And while I think he would do his absolute best to comfort you, he just doesn’t understand what you’re going through from a personal point of view.

He does stay with you through it and does whatever you need him to because he high key would feel awful that someone he loves feels awful.

OKAY now onto the adhd aspects

I think the differences between the three types means that there will be different ways that he handles everything.

So for the inattentive type I think he would become more conscious of everything around him that way he can help you whenever you need it.

While yes he wants to help you work on finding ways to manage the symptoms and stress he also knows that it takes TIME and that helping in this way makes everything slightly better for you.

So when you’re together and he can see you’re losing focus he either remembers everything that was said and retell them to you or try to get you to pay attention again without making it too obvious.

Like he doesn’t want you to be embarrassed and he doesn’t want the other person to feel bad or angry so he tries his best.

Or he reminds you of simple things like did you remember to place your keys in this certain place? No? Okay let’s look for them or y’know just put them there to make sure we can keep track of everything

Reminds you to eat

It honestly just seems like he’s a doting boyfriend but I feel like it would feel like much more than that

Like you’re cared for and loved

But also it depends on the type of person you are because someone doing this could also piss someone off and make them feel dumb.

I would hope that you’d be okay with it because it’s not a bad intention but I also understand that sometimes intent and impact are very different things so….

Sometimes gets his feelings hurt because he does like to go off on tangents ably things that he finds interesting and sometimes it’s hard for you to pay attention for an extended amount of time.

Knows you don’t mean it and that he’s used to it due to usually being cut off but it still sometimes hurts.

ONTO THE HYPERACTIVE TYPE

I think that this type would be more difficult for him to help with in my opinion

Like he himself has lots of things to do and has to no time to relax. So him being on the go and you being on the go is just too much.

He still wants to help but helping in this situation is difficult especially because trying to get someone to sit and relax when their mind is racing is almost impossible

Like sitting there thinking about how many things you need to do gets you more agitated and upset.

BUT I think that this type is more comical in a way with him because your conversations are just both of you going off on tangents and interrupting each other.

But it’s not offensive because both of you understand that’s just how your conversations work.

Also I think while it’s tiring for both of you there’s no one upset about both of you being gone all the time because I honestly think in this timeline you would have a job that allows you to maximize and take advantage of your adhd powers.

You understand that he’s just unavailable sometimes and he understands for you as well

I think it makes those days where you can spend all day together that much more special.

Does want to help you control it though, and if you want his help he will find ways that you can relax more because everyone needs a break once in the while.

Now with the combined type of adhd I feel like it’s more….unmanageable than the other two due to it being a combination of things working against each other and together.

Again if I’m wrong tell me (be nice though I’m trying)

And this type causes the both of you distress because he really does want to help but with everything clashing it makes it hard to be okay.

Like according to what I looked up it seems like EVERYTHING is impacted by it.

Like sleep problems, memory problems, self esteem issues, sensory issues, like damn stepping away from these headcanons are y’all ALRIGHT?

This is something that he would be like lmao I don’t know how to help you so all I can do is be here for you if you need something

Which is enough y’know

He is there when you’re breaking down, there when you’re happy. He helps you with your confidence and with loving yourself

Tries to help manage everything but in a less hands on way than the other two types.

Like with one or the other the things that are impacted are very specific things so it’s easier to help(not saying that it’s easy don’t get me wrong) but this impacts a lot more and is more general so it’s difficult

Does his best to be someone you can depend on.

I think he is very helpful with these things because of his experience with his mother

Like they’re not the same thing; adhd and schizophrenia, but like he’s used to dealing with people he loves not being in the best of mental states.

When he is not helping with everything I think in general he is a very touchy person ngl

Like he wants to be on you at all times

Not sexually and sexually like he just likes being with you.

Best guy best bf love him 💖💖💖

[insomniac-101]

What do you think of those who think the doctor fell in love with Madame de Pompadour ? I see tons of people take this story for one of the greatest romances of Doctor Who and I just don't understand why ? I mean, the doctor has a casavona personality, partly because he modeled himself after the type of man he thought Rose would like. Most of her flirtations are also all blondes, like Rose. The episode follows when he realizes that one day Rose is going to die and that he loves her, as he agrees to take Mikey, Rose's current boyfriend on board ! The doctor is not in a relationship with Rose at the time, but clearly loves her and having accepted Mikey on board, must have tried to be a minimum of respect. Especially since good... me too if Madame de Pompadour in person had kissed me like that I wouldn't have said no, and probably flirt.. It's literally like meeting one of the celebrities you have a crush on !

Hello! First and foremost, thank you for the question!<3<3 I absolutely love seeing all these perspectives and I feel truly honored that you chose to ask me:)

That being said, the reason why that story interpretation is so popular is partly because the episode's writer, Steven Moffat, stated it was so (in the confidential I believe, though I could be misremembering). Thus with him being the main writer for the episode, people take it for what it is. 

I think it all comes down to personal interpretation/ how much agency one gives to the intention of the writer- so for that very reason, I don't really feel any sort of way towards people who feel otherwise (unless they use it to invalidate the importance of Rose as a character, in which case, I do get annoyed haha) because there is indeed a drastic difference in the way that both RTD and Moffat interpret the character of the Doctor. So I think this episode being so divisive, is kind of a testament to that drastic gap in interpretations that occur (which is an interesting conversation in itself, but i’ll save it for a later post lol).

My take, is much like yours- I don't think the Doctor ever fell for her in return. Funny enough, how charitable I am towards the overall story of this episode, in particular, tends to change depending on my mood but I think I've seen it enough times to come up with an interpretation of my own that I feel flows well with the overarching narrative of the RTD era. (Though I must preface this by saying I have not recently rewatched the episode, so from here on out, I'm going straight off what I remember lol)

What some people see as love, I see more as a tragedy. Yet another unfortunate situation for all those involved because the Doctor is yet again left to face the inevitability of loss– how his duty as the Doctor does not lend him the same leniency that other mortals seem to have with their decisions.

I always felt the Doctor’s motivations for fighting for Reinette’s approval stemmed more from a place of trying to stroke his own ego. With his low self-esteem, he tends to gravitate towards people who challenge the negative perception he has of himself. To have someone so pretty and important fawn over him is flattering, and the fact that she doesn’t know him deeply is even more tempting- as it almost guarantees the last impression she’ll have of him will be positive rather than negative.

But that's just it- he likes the attention, and it serves as a temporary distraction from what he has with Rose, who's currently showing Mickey around. Another person who was partially brought along for a similar reason, to kind of serve as a buffer until he’s inevitably forced to confront what has yet to be addressed between him and Rose.

With the Doctor insisting on saving her, without the context of knowing she will become a major figure in history, she confuses his interest as attraction and acts accordingly. His appeal is the mystery surrounding him- how he's this figure who's heroic and caring, and she grows a fondness for him but never the real him, just the image.

I find it interesting how terrified the Doctor looks when she enters his mind, for that very reason. I think his fear is partially driven by the sudden vulnerability she takes out of him unwillingly, and it’s her lack of reaction at his horror that kind of drives the reading that she doesn’t really see him as a person but a fantasy. Because here he is trying to help her, and she takes the chance to violate a boundary of his without stopping to consider how he might feel about it in return.

For this very reason, I always thought their pull towards one another was more out self-serving reasons rather than a genuine connection- because if one wishes to stake their love on that little interaction they have, there’s never anything after that suggests that they genuinely like one another. Moreso, the fantasy the other seems to satisfy for the other.

So when he sacrifices himself, it's more to quell the guilt of messing with her timeline than love itself. Because with having left an impression on her since childhood, he now has to take responsibility for feeding into the belief that his reason for saving her is a selfless one.

Even if it is unintentional ( according to Moffat’s personal input, at least) some moments in the episode seem to validate this reading (that what Reinette and the Doctor feel for one another is not really love), mainly through the inclusion of Rose and the way she is used in this episode.

When he's on the other side, for example, and they're drinking wine- he never seems as invested in Reinette as he was when she was just another historical figure he was showing off to. He seems sad, and almost regretful of his decision, and you see him longingly stare at the stars, which coincidentally mirrors that of Rose's own scene, where she too blankly stares upwards.

Though it's not stated, the framing of this particular moment does seem to suggest that they are thinking of one another. To me, it cements that the motive to save her was not really one motivated by the prospect of living with Reinette but more, because it was the only real way to remedy the situation. He’s there out of duty, not out of free will.

When she leads him to her room, he seems distracted- not at all invested in what's happening. It's depressing how neither seems entirely content with the situation because even Reinette notices this shift in behavior. It breaks the fantasy, and when she prods and he refuses to admit what is quite obvious, that realization pushes her to show him the gateway that still remains. Because, in a way, it was a test to see if he’d choose her, and evidently, his reaction is brutally honest and nor one she wants if her expression is anything to go by lol.

His lack of interest in living with her is no better exemplified by the way he lights up (a stark contrast from the prior sadness he was seeping in) when he realizes there's a way back, and he goes to the other side, not even considering how Reinette would feel about it. The genuine confusion when he sees her sad- he seems to realize how callous his relief must have been and tries to find a means of remedying it. His offering to take her to see the stars is more like an olive branch of sorts. Something to distract her from the undeniable truth that he will never stay. Because if he had the choice- the person he's chosen to spend his life with is not her, but Rose.

Being stuck, with no means back to Rose, is what heightens his insistence to keep her with him in the episodes that follow. Because being deprived of the one person he loves, even for a moment, seems to make him realize that Rose is simply not someone worth losing and so he stops running. Or rather, where he runs, will always be alongside her and though he never voices his feelings, he shows them in other ways. Ways that only Rose, the person who knows him best and loves even the most flawed facets of his being, understands.

When he reads the letter, I always felt the expression on his face was more likely that of guilt than love. He feels guilty for having wasted so many of her years. Of having had Reinette wait for him to fulfill a promise that could only do so much to make up for what was a delay of the inevitable, her death.

His reason to mourn her is most likely spurred on by the realization that he never really knew her, considering how he spent most of his time with Reinette showing off. It must be sobering, even horrifying, to realize that someone put so much faith in him, only for him to disappoint them. How in the grand scheme of things, their absence doesn't change anything because they were put aside just as easily as they were including. Putting into perspective just how something as simple as the desire to be validated, could often have devastating consequences on those around him. It restricts him further, hardening his resolve that he must deprive himself of his temptations for a human life out of fear and in turn, only further drives his natural cynicism.

I think the major reason why I don't really like looking at this particular trip as a love story is because I feel it lacks a lot of substance. There's not enough evidence to convince me that they were ever in love, especially when competing with the overarching plotline with Rose that stems back to series one. Instead, I find the episode is far more compelling when one views it as a character study- where we see the Doctor stripped of all his more favorable qualities and indulge in something so selfishly human- his ego, only for the episode to end so tragically as a reminder that he's ultimately not human and can't get away with such a simple temptation.

(also I wish to clarify that when I say ego, I don't mean it as a bad thing. I think one of ten's more human qualities is that he often struggles to choose between the selfless and selfish choice, and it is something that is partially responsible for what drives his eventual spiral we see happen later on. His need for validation is human, and it's all the more tragic, given just how removed he is from humanity. It adds to the loneliness of his existence, where he is left to pine over what he can never have even if he so desperately wants it- which if you know me, I love that haha)

Had the story been anything other than a love story, I feel like it would have been more interesting and would have removed the troubling implications behind certain aspects of their romance. My biggest grievance with the episode is partly due to that, how half-baked a lot of the characterization feels (because there are many moments where you can almost see Moffat intentionally or unintentionally challenge Reinette's faulty perception of the doctor, as if shedding the rose-tinted glasses, but he never follows through. Which personally, only goes to fuel my dislike for the episode as a whole because what I love about the RTD era as a whole is that the Doctor is portrayed as imperfect. He's not above being criticized for his actions, yet this episode seems to only go on to glorify him as this saint and I just don't think that fits with what we've seen of this era but I digress), but I also think that’s why I partially enjoy talking about it. The beauty of fiction is that we can make do with certain aspects of a piece of media we like, and mold it to what we see as more fitting to the story. I may disagree with the notion that they were in love, because to me they never were, but I can make sense of them in other ways.

Hopefully that answers your question<3

[astupidgaydog]

hi!! Ik u might be busy and all very sorry but I just wanted to ask how F/Os work? Haven’t been pro ship/fic for very long I’m just a baby guys I’m still learning

★ Hello !!! F/O’s, also known as Fictional Others, are fictional characters that someone is dating or that someone has a romantic attachment with. This is the specific definition I use but I’ve seen a few people shift it to there liking throughout the years. There is more than just romantic F/O’s though !!!

Platonic F/O’s are used to describe a character someone considers a friend or has platonic feelings towards. This can also be used for familial F/O’s, a character someone considers a family member or has a familial bond to !!! ( Again, some of these definitions might change depending on who you’re talking to. )

There can be a lot of specific reasons someone has a F/O but for me specifically it’s for comfort. I don’t personally like saying stuff like ; “I love myself”, “I’m the best”, “I look great”, ect. It feels empty and doesn’t really help me when it comes to self esteem. But if I think about a character I love romantically or even a character I could see as my friend / family member saying that to me it changes the whole feeling. It genuinely brings me comfort and motivation.

Though, I know that doesn’t work for some people but it works for me and quite a lot other people from what I’ve seen online. Again, some people treat F/O’s differently than others. If you have any more questions I would genuinely recommend researching more about the topic !!! ( I also need to research more. I might have been in fandom culture for more than half of my life but I’m not ‘all knowing’ in the topic either. ) Thank you for the question and hopefully this makes sense !!! ★

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @atsu669

Your match is...

— Isagi Yoichi

✦ Fluffy.

✦ That’s the word that comes to mind when I read your bio.

✦ Fluffy.

✦ And as I often say: not everyone can handle fluffies.

✦ Right away, I ruled out all characters that displayed excessive, toxic, or unhealthy aspects from my choices to favor those who could create a positive ++ chemistry with you.

✦ I often have two preferred choices in terms of matchups: the duo ++ like with you and Isagi, and the duo +- where the + serves to bring balance and potentially help the - become a + in turn.

✦ Honestly. Were you expecting someone else? :)

✦ I wasn’t.

✦ Isagi is perfect for this kind of tandem, very sweet, simple, and honest.

✦ (Headcanons and the one-shot are usually included in regular matchups; since you asked for just a relationship analysis, I’m leaving them out of your matchup.)

✦ Let’s go!

✦ "I see myself as a really friendly and caring person. I always want everything best for my friends and loved ones. I'm that friend who's everyone's therapist but also needs one lmao." This screams Isagi, you know? Without a doubt, I affirm that he is the healthiest and most balanced character in the entire manga. He benefits from the considerable advantage of being the main character, after all. For as many characters and dynamics as possible to revolve around him, he’s designed to be very balanced in his characteristics—those less developed being the ones subject to evolution on the field.

✦ Your relationship, therefore, is based on trust, and that’s basically how we define a healthy and steady romantic relationship. Something that seems improbable with the rest of Blue Lock's roster.

✦ "I'm an introverted dude who almost never leaves his room, it's hard to make me go somewhere." I think Isagi is very versatile in terms of relationships and can connect with both introverts and extroverts. I don’t see him as someone who pushes others, but rather someone patient and attentive, which is a great quality, giving you the time to do things at your own pace. He lets you choose when you want to go out or stay inside. It’s not a problem because he knows how to keep busy outside with football and doesn’t need to be constantly glued to you—or anyone, for that matter.

✦ … Even though we know in-game, he can develop a kind of dependency because his skills really peak when he plays with someone.

✦ "I always want people to feel safe with me, I treat them with no judgment, I'm creating a comfort space for them to open to me." :D

✦ "I'm pretty much an overthinker, I'm overthinking everything CONSTANTLY, every little detail of my interaction with someone, and it's exhausting sometimes." I could see the puzzle pieces racing in your mind like Isagi on the field. We’ll come back to this when we talk about MBTI, but being an overthinker is due to your second cognitive function, Extraverted Intuition (Ne), which gathers data in bulk and processes it constantly, without pause. That’s why you often keep thinking about a conversation long after it’s happened or wonder, "What could I have said at that moment?" You might even understand a joke years after hearing it. When you finally get it, it’s because your function has managed to connect several ideas and give you the answer you didn’t get back then.

✦ "I often find myself overreacting to the smallest problems, I'm quickly panicking. I also tend to think lowly of myself." These are among the reasons I didn’t choose another character, not even Hiori, because I find him prone to a lot of anxiety and defeatism. Isagi knows how to stay positive, get back up after a loss, and even motivate those around him. He’s naturally talented at recognizing others’ strengths and helping them bloom in the best conditions. Since he also asks a lot of questions, it makes him able to understand your thought process. It’s easier to communicate with someone who gets how you think.

✦ "I have low self-esteem and often compare myself to others in terms of appearance or skills." Isagi's ambition and pride are very contextual due to football triggering these traits in him; outside of that, we’ve seen him in more normal settings, where he’s very easygoing, accommodating, and open-minded. I see him as someone humble who knows his place and is content with simple things. Even in terms of clothing (especially in terms of clothing, actually), he’s often the most simply dressed character, reflecting someone who doesn’t feel the need to overdo it. So I think he’s great at naturally making you feel comfortable and not in competition. Some people automatically make you feel like you have to prove something, like you need to be good enough or not let them down. In my eyes, Isagi doesn’t provoke that at all in others; it’s actually the opposite. People tend to underestimate him because he doesn’t physically exude something impressive. It’s simply because he’s spent more time working on his strategies and being in his head than focusing on external appearances.

✦ I definitely see you two talking for hours about both simple and complex topics. Redoing the world together until late at night. A thought pops into your head at a random moment, and the message is sent. I imagine Isagi taking the time to carefully craft his replies, even writing long messages to explain his thoughts from A to Z. This might have scared away many of his past conversation partners, but I think you’ll particularly enjoy it because, on one hand, it reflects his depth of mind, and on the other, it stimulates your own thinking, giving you something to reflect on. It’s mental nourishment.

✦ "I love, LOVE making gifts and giving them." I believe the love language Isagi most enjoys receiving is probably words of affirmation, especially from people he holds in high regard. That’s the case with Noel Noa when he suggests that Isagi could beat him; it triggers a big reaction in Isagi. Not verbal, but very internal. His heart races, it works on him, it’s as if Noa indirectly told him he’s very good. Well, I think that’s exactly the kind of words that could greatly improve Isagi's mood—the fact that someone validates his game, his analytical skills, his rapid development since the first chapter.

✦ On his side, he naturally leans toward valuing others. It’s a natural ability he has, with acts of service (like when he cleans up for others) and quality time (the fact that he spends time thinking about others’ problems). If he were to have a more specific love language reserved just for his significant other, I think it could be physical contact (holding your hand, seeking your company, getting close to you, wrapping his arm around your waist in public…) and giving gifts. I can easily imagine him spending hours in front of stores thinking of the perfect gift for you, from the content to the wrapping, to how he’ll give it to you, where, when, how, and why. He considers every possible parameter to ensure the moment unfolds in the best possible conditions.

✦ The Wiki said: "He thinks his strong point is being able to find other people's strengths."

✦ Definitely, his other love language to receive is getting YOUR gifts, especially handmade ones. And if they’re knitted clothes? You bet he’ll wear them all the time in public!

✦ "And for the last one, I learned how to crochet! I want to make cool bags and plushies for me and my friends." Hihi.

✦ "I'm a touch-starved person." Oh my god, I’m so glad I was spot-on with this.

✦ YES.

✦ Isagi holding your hand at the bus stop, Isagi waiting for you after work, Isagi hugging you at home when he senses that’s what you need... Isagi is perceptive; he understands without words, even what isn’t said. He’s the ideal partner to approach you with tenderness without ever rushing you.

✦ "So I like when the other side also initiates physical contact." Quoting this just for the pleasure of confirming my assumptions.

✦ "I like when the other side’s patient and caring." (Again.)

✦ In terms of communication, Isagi is one of the best choices. Just because he’s an introverted temperament doesn’t mean he’s unable to express himself openly—quite the opposite, in fact. He does it better than most extroverts; it’s a very important quality that many introverts have over extroverts, by the way. The fact that you both spend so much time in your heads makes you very careful with your word choices. You like your sentences to reflect your feelings as accurately as possible. You’re typically the ones who write a message, erase it, and rewrite it until the text is as faithful as possible to your thoughts. That’s the case with Isagi, whose natural tendency is never to speak without thinking: he analyzes for a long time before drawing conclusions and verbalizing them.

✦ This type of communication can still pose another problem if you are not aware of it: the fact that his reflection takes time sometimes makes him silent for a while, the time he needs to structure his speech. From your side, it may seem like indifference or ignorance, but he will teach you that this is not the case: he simply needs time to think and come back to you with the best possible solution. Since Isagi is INFJ, this behavior is a reflection of his Introverted Intuition (Ni). This particular function needs a lot of time but constantly works in the background. It is known for suddenly bringing forth an idea out of nowhere in the middle of its user's mind.

✦ This complements users of Extraverted Intuition (Ne), whose ideas are constantly flowing and always in motion. One thought leads to another; it's like tree-branch thinking. On the other hand, for Introverted Intuition (Ni) users, these thoughts all converge towards the user themselves, leaving only the purest and most refined essence, that one idea that will eventually emerge in their mind.

✦ Quoting the Wiki on Isagi after writing all this: "He likes when he is praised or given sweets." Words of affirmation and giving gifts confirmed ;)

✦ "I'm watching anime since I was, idk, 7 or 9, and it's a big part of my life." We don't know what kind of manga Isagi reads, but we know that he does read some. Given that he's rather curious and likes to learn about other people's preferences—well, to beat them at football, but outside of that, he's genuinely interested in the person. So, I think he's open to your new discoveries and likes when you pitch him the synopses, which sometimes makes him want to dive into them too. I believe he might occasionally binge-watch on his own to come back to you with his thoughts and spark a debate, or he might watch with you under the covers, commenting out loud on what's happening on the screen.

✦ "I also love to play games like Hades or Cult of the Lamb." I don't know this video game, but we know Isagi is more interested in football games. If you like puzzle, thinking, moral choice, immersive, or story-driven games, I think it could easily captivate him as well. In fact, anything that engages his brain can absorb him for hours. Maybe you'll both start playing Inazuma Eleven together, who knows. (Wow, that’s an old reference.)

✦ "I often find myself forgetting to eat or drink when I get caught up in the game." :) I don’t need to mention that Isagi, along with Barou, is the perfect character to remind you when it’s time to eat, shower, and sleep. But I’ll say it anyway because it adds a bit more nuance and realism to your relationship: Isagi cares about your health, and even though he knows it's important to you to be on the computer for everything you love to do, he cares about your well-being and will often poke his head around the door to ask, "By the way, have you eaten?" Until one day, when he knows full well that the answer is no. So, he comes into your room with a meal tray, without saying a word, because he wants to make sure you’ve got something in your stomach.

✦ I'm canonizing Isagi as a man who knows how to cook perfectly well.

✦ And with that, I confirm that the love languages you give match well with those Isagi loves to receive, just like the ones you love to receive are naturally what he gives.

✦ (I think the physical contact moments between you will be intense.)

✦ (Like… curled up under the blankets, cuddling for hours? He’s totally up for it.)

✦ "KAISER'S HAIRCUT" :) I think it’s the first thing he noticed about you when he saw you from behind at your first meeting, and he probably looked at you suspiciously.

✦ He’s definitely handling your next haircut.

✦ (Honestly, I love that haircut too, so fight to keep it.)

✦ (I want a picture.)

✦ Last little MBTI note as promised; the INFP-INFJ couple reminds me a lot of a parent-child duo. In the sense that the INFP tends to be more influenced by their own emotions and reacts on impulse, while the INFJ naturally has the ability to absorb and process information before manifesting any kind of reaction. I think this dynamic is very present between you and Isagi, and in the long term, it’s a very healthy and close relationship that awaits you. You may have some difficulty stepping out of your comfort zones, as you are both introverted and home-loving profiles. But the major advantage is your ability to easily understand the other’s psychological workings.

A word about your match: Probably one of the sweetest matchups I've made. I love writing for Isagi; he’s underestimated too often when he’s a true gem in the midst of this bloodthirsty jungle of competitors. Take care of your Kaiser haircut and your adorable boyfriend. Go on, now!

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | SEPTEMBER ‘24 MATCHUPS EDITION.