#it doesn’t belong to me
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I see your ronan lynch’s catholic guilt and raise you ronan lynch’s god complex. I wrote a tiny fic about it and adam parrish was there (in the fic, not with me although lets be real he’s always w me) It’s here and it’s for you but mostly it’s for @clotpolesonly
#it’s not exactly what we talked about#but you inspired me#and it’s taken me days even though it’s the shortest thing I’ve ever written#as always when I refer to my ao3#I have abandoned and take no responsibility for anything I posted pre 2022#it doesn’t belong to me#I don’t know her#don’t @ me#ronan lynch#adam parrish#pynch#trc#the raven cycle#tdt#the dreamer trilogy#ao3#taken me ages to post this post also#bc it’s new having fandom friends again#it’s been yearsssss
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#today I may have just about managed to clearly grasp the fact that I got absolutely nothing to do with how people treat me#with how people view me#and with how people paint me#even if they accuse me of being wrong and being stupid that is entirely their opinion#and I send it back#it doesn’t belong to me#my self esteem doesn’t depend on what other people think of me#i am much more than what they think and say#also i think i shouldn’t take it so personally when people point out my mistakes#because thats what they want to do. they want to paint themselves as better than me#and i know very well they make a lot of mistakes#so thats just something they do. its not something that defines me#even though their behavior is filthy and disgusting - they are like shit trying not to drown#personal
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I think I have religious trauma
#it’s not normal to want to bite yourself until you draw blood during the service#because it’s making you so angry#im just so sick and tired of everything#my life isn’t even my own#it doesn’t belong to me
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the thinkerrrrrrrrssss
#someone make them less hard to draw PLEASE#fnv#fallout new vegas#fallout nv#old world blues#fnv old world blues#fallout new vegas dlc#the think tank#dr 0#dr dala#dr klein#dr mobius#dr 8#dr borous#objectum#techum#robots#robot art#character design#my art#there’s too many ways to write their names bear with me#doctor 0#doctor dala#doctor klein#doctor mobius#doctor 8#doctor borous#tell me if this doesn’t belong in the -um tags i just think it’d appeal to that demographic (me. i#i’m the demographic.)
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Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#zenitsu agatsuma#nezuko kamado#there’s genuinely no way bro doesn’t have smth going on with his gender#nezukos bamboo necklace is chewlery btw hehe#I hope I was able to capture the expression of like#just genuine tender yearning#it’s something he’s always had the longing for but never quite understood where it came from#or even what it was#just a very empty hole in his body that he could only ever describe as self hatred and disgust even if he knew that wasn’t quite right#I think when they’re older nezuko would rlly help him like#get comfortable w the idea of actually exploring his identity#he’s spent so much of his life just truly and bitterly hating himself to the core#he couldn’t stomach the idea of thinking about who he was beyond the surface level#I think nezuko would make him feel so much more okay with himself and help try to get him to a point of at the very least knowing who he is#it’s a very long road that zenitsu really honestly isn’t sure if he’s comfortable with#but he can’t help but at least try#if not for himself but for the ache of the child inside himself who has so desperately longed for comfort and love and belonging#he wants to know that child who was so brutally outcasted could eventually find a home#he wants to believe there’s hope for himself#Zenko chan I love you so much#she is so important 2 me…..#sorry transed your zenitsu. no yeah we can’t undo it. yeah he’s a she now. sorry nothin I can do.
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dan and phil and the queer joy that is radiating from this new era on the gaming channel is my roman empire. the older i get the more i realize how important it is to see older queer people that are happy
#dan and phil#dan and phil games#it’s so nice#i’m like an ‘old gay’ now#(comparatively lil 13 year old me did not expect to live this long)#i didn’t know any old gays then#it was just me and gaggle of other mentally ill gay children#who were grasping at straws for representation#clinging to ruby rose and laverne cox like our lives depended on it#it just makes my inner child happy#maybe i’m assigning meaning where it doesn’t belong#but it means something to me#dan howell#phil lester#queer joy
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i will forever believe that s4 is Merthur’s Season bc oh my god the angst… the yearning… the everything😭😭😭 it was just so good
ep7 is one of my favorites because of the angst between merlin and arthur— like the scene agravaine exposes gaius for being a sorcerer and running away, and you can literally see merlin staring angrily in the background
most of the anger is at agravaine because he knows he had something to do with gaius’ disappearance, but also at arthur because he simply can’t believe that he would actually see gaius as a traitor
he even says it; “he’s given his life to the kingdom. he would never betray you.”
and the way he says it— solemn and reserved but so terribly heartbroken
but then you look at arthur, who clearly feels the same way but is dealing with what he feels is right in his heart versus what is expected of him as king
UGH i literally can’t the scene actually hurts so bad??? merlin’s evident heartbreak, arthur’s denial; it’s all too much 😭 you can feel the tension between them in the scene
and then following that merlin is literally waiting for arthur to come to him so they can try to find gaius. WHEN HES SITTING IN GAIUS’ ROOM AND THINKS ARTHUR IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKED ON THE DOOR. LIKE!!! THE HEARTBREAK!!! THE ACHING!!!
s4 ep7 is actually one of the best episodes in the show mainly because of how merlin and arthur conflict. it literally feels like they’re on the brink of their friendship ending or, as i like to call, their “divorce era.” obvs i wish they’d actual gone more into that at the end of the episode and have arthur and merlin just. Communicate. but we cant all get what we want ig😔
#bbc merlin#merlin fandom#merlin#arthur pendragon#merthur#gaius#agravaine#merlin season 4#this episode was literally merthur’s tolerate it era…#i CANT the conflict between and the heartbreak they share genuinely breaks me#out of all the times merlin didnt feel seen by arthur in this show this is definitely belongs in top 3#also remember there’s the deleted scene where arthur literally thinks merlin ran away and is physically incapable of functioning without hi#like he’s having a panic attack#he doesn’t want to lose merlin#they both deserved better
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thinking about how ultimately it was dazai who was too sentimental to stay in the mafia
#makes me a bit insane tbh#*his blood is mafia black* NO!!!!#hes a softie <3#like yeah he doesn’t care about morals and stuff. but he sure cares about his people#hot take that is why he’s actually not at all qualified to be the pm boss lmao#he’d never put the organization above the people he cares about#beast being the most obvious example#like he had a backup plan for after his death#but that plan sucked and immediately failed because he failed to actually consider anything beyond his immediate lets save my friend plan#in the canon universe as well!!! he was not ready to sacrifice oda#chuuya too!! remember when he would’ve rather had the whole city he destroyed than make chuuya activate corruption?#this got away from me lmao#guess this now also counts as dazai is not returning to the mafia propaganda#he does not belong there!!!!!!#anyways. i love him <3
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Banette and Grey again but they’re trainer renders
The banette and furret imgs were from google tho but other than that I made the rest (also Blank/Banette doesn’t have the zippers on her cuz this was both before the Banette_Mod.zip stuff and if Nintendo made her and Grey actual characters)
#creepypasta#creepypasta fanart#creepypasta oc#original character#oc#creepypasta fandom#grey doesn’t belong to me btw I just dont tag my stuff as lullaby anymore#for the same reasons that I don’t wanna be associated with fnf#pokemon creepypasta#pokemon creepypasta fanart#banette#furret#pokemon#saturationshipping#dangerbizz
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Okay, y’all. I know Soyona is smart, attractive, and she cares for her raptors— which I love that in a woman— but I STILL haven’t forgiven her for trying to kill my wife in Dominion.
Call me crazy if you must, but I’m holding a grudge. 😤
youtube
#Ughhh why does Jurassic World have so many attractive women?!#*distressed sapphic noises*#soyona santos#claire dearing#jwct#jwct s2#jwct spoilers#jurassic world dominion#Joke post#kinda#jurassic world chaos theory#Video doesn’t belong to me#Yes Claire is my wife mhm it’s true#See this ring? 💍#/j#Youtube#tw violence#Mama Bear Claire Dearing#My beloved
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Happy four year anniversary to this moment I think about at least once a week 🥲
#pat seeing tk come in and immediately starting to dance#trusting that tk would join in#and tk does !#pat had no self-consciousness he FIT he BELONGED#travis konecny#nolan patrick#tknp#flyers#no other teams <3#pretty sure literally no one follows me here who doesn’t follow me on Twitter#but it still felt important to note the occasion here too
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years ago kim cattrall did an interview and said that she doesn’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where she doesn’t enjoy herself and i was journaling this morning and thinking of it bc she is so correct for this
#ofc that doesn’t include the shit we HAVE to do but there is so much power in knowing the value of ur own free time#like maybe being busier like i have been has helped shift my perspective but like i get so little true frolic time to be creative and have#fun and write and socialize and do all that stuff that i love doing that it’s shocking to think that there was a time where i spent#precious minutes and hours of my life my free time that belongs to me absolutely sick with worry#worried about what other people think worried about not being good enough worried about how im perceived#worried about what I don’t know like do not ever put yourself in a situation where you aren’t enjoying yourself for even ONE hour if u have#the choice#valuing yourself and your time is like the most gentle act of self care there is
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I was telling my sister about Titans, and she was like, “the whole Bruce/Dick/Jason storyline is like the prodigal son story, with the older and younger brothers' positions switched,” and I was like ohhhh???
#bruce is a VERY imperfect substitute for God the Father but CONSIDER the older brother — the heir#takes his inheritance (his supersuit and tech and weapons and porche)#and leaves telling his dad not to contact him#and the younger son receives everything that once belonged to his older brother#knowing how fortunate he is while also having to constantly hear ‘your brother did it this way’ ‘your brother was better at this’#all the whole looking up to his absent brother as his hero#he goes to meet his older brother while he is away and is met with a barrage of ‘our father doesn’t care about you or me’#‘our father will destroy you to accomplish his own ends’#‘no you don’t really know him — *I* know him’#‘being the eldest son isn’t an honour at all its a curse’#and THEN a little while later that same older brother returns and is welcomed home with open arms#their father gives EVERYTHING back to his oldest#ALL the privileges and love and honour and money and even a new supersuit#all is forgiven and given back in full — more than in full#and that’s wonderful and beautiful but what is the younger brothers perspective?#and THEN their father gives the younger brother into the older brothers care#‘go see how your older brother does it and then come back to me’#so he feels cast off by his father#and his older brother barely pays him any attention being preoccupied with his own issues#although he never abandoned their father and always did everything he was asked it’s his older brother who receives all the praise#after being beaten down again and again he finally returns to his father#and is welcomed but not with nearly as much fanfare as when his older brother returned#what is that going to do to him???#titans#titans tv show#titans tv#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce wayne#the prodigal son
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b merciful….#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I don’t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog 😭#This’d be a different topic but. I don’t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so i’d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even then….. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God i’m fine. I’m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesn’t align with ours obvi but#‘Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?’ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc they’re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood 🤔 or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ‘but every demon likes to drink blood’ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesn’t belong as a devil??? bc he’s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought that’s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#There’s a lot more i’d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and i’ve seen a take that the ‘my friend at a farm’ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. It’s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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I’ve always been fascinated by female characters that are defined specifically by what they mean to the (mostly male) characters around them in an objectifying way but I don’t mean misogynistic writing because I fully believe the narrative can be aware of the tragedy of never belonging to yourself or being allowed to have any agency in your own life. The mysterious dead girl who is the object of everyone’s curiosity or grief whose relationship with the men in her life is the focus of the investigation. Like…. The horror of having no agency within your own identity & no power to change that or take control of your own narrative.
#alice palmer#the way her brother fakes a haunting to cope with her grief#& her shrink & her secret lover both just find her mystery & tragedy fascinating#even her own haunting doesn’t belong to her or get to exist under her terms#but actually this is about my oc alice Elderwood who I fully admit is heavily inspired by Alice Palmer lol#Alice Elderwood#she even defines herself by what she means to first her father then Henry then her brother then Nick#which. in my mind is part of why she’s doomed. she never lets anything be just about her#she’s too focused on catering her existence to the men in her life#& that is part of her tragedy#anyway#this app is how I think out loud don’t mind me#this is also true of#Claire Calloway#who only cares about being a good daughter to her father (& mother but her father is the one she’s working with to her own undoing)#& then she dies for a man#to an extent it’s also true of#Marion Sawyer#who is so consumed by fixing her brothers problems & mental state she’s willing to go to insane lengths#hm maybe the real lesson of this story is don’t do shit for a man ever / half joking
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Dear silm fandom, concerning Fandom meta. Might be provocative for some.
‘The silm fandom is misogynistic’ ‘Feanorian fans are misunderstanding the characters’ ‘Silm fans hate Elwing’ And so on.
Can we stop? Your opinions are not better if you like feanorians. Your opinions are not better if you like peredhil. This is not black and white. I won’t argue ‘not all silm fans’, because I recognise that we have problems. But condescension will not fix them. Thank you.
#Okay#I tried to keep this post as neutral and concise as I could#Because I’m having a lot of thoughts about it#and I’m going to get very opinionated in the tags.#I am sick of feeling hated by online strangers because they think I’m a misogynist#or they think I haven’t read the text#Or they think I’m not as clever#not as understanding as they are#Yes#I am fifteen.#Maybe you do understand the text more than me.#or maybe we both have valid opinions and you can stop telling me I belong in a category that isn’t mine.#I like celegorm#i accept that Celegorm has done vile things#i am still compelled by his character#I am not fucking reading him wrong#I am trying so hard to read him right#People will say ‘I am a feanorian stan but-‘ and proceed to insult all feanorian stans#Be nice#please stop acting all high and mighty#and I get it! It’s hard!#it’s hard to have opinions and be kind about them#Because not everyone’s opinions are the same#But for god’s sake you better think so hard about what you’re saying before you post it#because you sound like you are ignoring fandom discourse and the concept of ‘morally grey’ because of woke#And I know the very things I’m saying are exactly what I’m trying to stop#But I would like some counter-representation out there#I would like some honest conversation that doesn’t involve immediate side-taking#I also love arguing#i am also very hot-headed
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