#my notes on my old wip

[blodwite]

Jonathan Reid is a doctor first, a good person second, and a vampire as far down the list as he can manage to place it.

[bazpango]

[turbo-tsundere]

Content warning for gore, blood, burns & body horror.

A king with no crown and a holy fool.

(The element of venom/poison, stabbing/puncture wounds and destruction of a whole body is present in both of their deaths. Kokichi's pristine white clothes also end up being shoved down the toilet, and the poison made it difficult for him to breathe, so there's plausible callback to Miu also. Karma at its finest?)

If I could be the devil, you could be the sinner.

(Don't mind them, they're just spilling their guts)

(...)

(Concepts for scenes from a Gonta-centric survival horror game I'll never make. But it was fun to daydream about - maybe one day I'll finish other sketches and doodles relating to it into a more presentable state. The Cat Lady OST was playing on constant repeat while I drew this - Lily of the Valley, Don't Follow the Light, String, Plainwalker, Early Winter, Storytelling, Susan's Blue Sheep (alone again) - those in particular are now stuck in my brain when I look at those drawings, and what I imagine the "game's" mood to be like, at least the opening segment.)

(I felt both heartbroken and like a monster when drawing this one... But I wanted to draw something that doesn't conveniently erase nor tuck his mangled, swollen face away from view. Sure... in game it looks goofy. But I think mockingly disfiguring him was the point in all of this, too. And given the venom, the Schmidt pain index, how it rates some wasp species, the fact that those robot wasps could be packed with anything necessary really... it had to be awful. Really, every stage of Gonta's execution was excruciating and enough to kill a person on its own, but due to his strength he likely suffered through them all. I remember begging in my head he was at least spared the flame, that he was already gone by this point... But it's foolish to pretend it definitely was the case.)

I wanted to post something new, but I was either busy, ill, or focused on something else, so another sketchdump with oldies and wips it is. This time strictly 2020-21 stuff, drawn during the first few months after finishing the game; mostly to process the post-game/Ch4 sorrows. All very emotionally raw, very edgy stuff that I felt, to be honest, too shy to show before.

Like with any wip I posted before, I do hope to finish some of them properly one day, even though I don't know when. But that's fine, I've signed up for a very long ride with the bug man. Taking it easy is the priority.

Speaking of long-term projects, maybe there's no need to, but I do want to talk about my Gonta fancomic, so here goes.

It's a bit long, so I will continue under the cut.

(Some panel teasers first! ...Gonta sanity fine.)

I took a few months long break from personal drawings - an *actual* break, not just sitting in front of a screen, tired, stewing in guilt that I'm tired, and that I can't magically muscle through burnout, or headache, or exhaustion.

My brain was stuck in a loop of berating myself for underperforming, not doing well enough, for taking so long on "mere" 27 pages, when in the past I could finish a 90-page webcomic chapter much faster. I wouldn't let myself rest, because I didn't do enough; but I couldn't do enough, because I didn't allow myself to rest. And it's been going on for months and months.

What a stupid, unconstructive thing to do to myself. I was only spiralling down, intimidating and overwhelming myself with work on the one thing I specifically wanted to keep doing out of joy, not ambition and pedantism. So I decided to just say "fuck it" and stop for a while. Like, actually stop, do something else and try to feel unapologetic about it.

So I briefly took up sewing, a creative activity I had no personal stake in, and then I started PVP-ing in DS3 (sorry if I happened to kick your butt in there. Rest assured my butt gets kicked just as much), which did wonders, too, as non-artistic pastime.

And, in the end, it seems it worked.

I finally feel this internal drive to draw again. Sadly, I can't spend all of my free time on the doujin (I might need to open commissions soon), so my pacing will still be glacial... But there was an internal change from "I have to, I have to, I must..." back to "I want to". And this is all that matters.

Still, that makes me think... while technically I don't have deadlines, the comic has taken so much longer than I thought it would - and it will take a while still. Thus, I wonder if I shouldn't change my approach re publishing it.

The initial idea was to post it all at once when it's fully finished, but I debate releasing it one page at a time instead, while it's still work in progress.

Thing is, I don't think it would be good for overall pacing. I don't want to sacrifice it, plus I can't guarantee regular uploads, esp since I don't exactly work on the pages in chronological order (While the first page is done, it was drawn after I finished a few in the middle & at the end; and there are still a few important pages/panels in first half I'm a bit too afraid of touching just yet, wanting to do them justice. This is how I work in general, jumping around rather than sticking to overly strict linear order.)

The compromise would be to post like 3-5 pages per post, making it so each upload covers a specific scene, however, same issue arises - I can't promise regular uploads. In the end it feels like a half-measure. But maybe it's a good idea, despite that impression?

There's a secret option, too - if this takes absurdly long, my plan was to just post the storyboard, after replacing some panels/pages with already finished drawings. The thing is readable as is, and long finished on that front anyway. My personal deadline for that was "right before my current lease ends", but, well… I plan on extending it anyway, and again... it's just a back-up option for when everything else fails. In the end, I just want to finish the comic, and present it how it's meant to be presented, however long it will take.

All those things considered, I'll stick to the original plan for now... and then we shall see. I simply wanted to share where things stand currently, and where they might go.

And that's it! If you've read this far, thank you. See you in the undetermined future.

[jessaerys]

wip. don't worry it's powdered sugar

[dustykneed]

--Really, Doctor?

[francy-sketches]

This is like 3 years old but I just realized I never posted it and I still kinda like it so

[sesamenom]

went through some old files so heres a wip dump, featuring my horrible file names (incidentally also the reason why i had to go through everything to find a specific old file whose name i forgot)

ophelimae (put on hold bc i coulnd't figure out how to make the water work)

maglorconcert (teenage & adult maglor, put on hold bc the stadium perspective for the adult chunk was annoying)

feanorgame (concepts for a feanor survives au)

aaabalrog maglorsing

bbmaglor peredhelhiding (self explanatory)

ee2 (teenage elrond & elros. i don't actually remember which one is which in this pic)

bombadil (evil seasonal santa bombadil? i have no clue what the context here is but it looks like it was supposed to be included in a reblog of something)

wingdesign (wing armor design for rev gondolin prince elrond)

maeco1 (unfinished comic about how maedhros somehow managed to get ambushed by a small army of iron balrogs)

crittery (concept doodle for a vaguely entish quadrupedal tree creature)

centaurchairs (centaur wheelchair and prosthetic designs)

doddle (cool robot?) hands (whose hand? idk)

hdragons (i really like how the shading on the red parts turned out but i forgot what brush i used ;-;)

[djevelbl]

GUESS WHO I'M DRAWING NOOOOWWWWW~!!!!

[sglilac]

[hobbithoes]

billion trillion ancient wips from my old ipad 😵‍💫

[jaedoesart]

Oh yeah the hug-pose Brick I posted yesterday(? time is fluid) was actually a WIP of his new ref btw lol

[buffythevampirelover]

currently obsessed with the theme/trope of history is repeating itself. how could it not? it was always going to be this way.

[hoshiina]

guys im going to share you three characters i absolutely adore and you have to pretend to be surprised ok you have to act like this is ABSURD

[compacflt]

So one of the things that made me cry (and laugh) the most, when reading the whole series was in Debriefing when Ice has surgery and Mav kisses him on the forehead, then Ice types out “I am cured” with like no punctuation. (Because of course Ice is the punctuation man 99% of the time.)

One, Ice is actually so fucking funny with the “I am cured.” Like no one would believe how funny he actually is. (And I headcanon that Mav knows this, of course, but almost no one else believes him. Which drives him up the wall.) Two, that exchange was so simple but so loving??? Foaming at the mouth here. Especially after those crazy 30 years. So my question is, what are Ice and Mav’s kisses of choice? Forehead, cheek, regular ol’ lips, the world is their secretly sappy oyster.

I haven’t read that chapter of debriefing since fucking last October! Whoa! not sure how i feel about it .

regular ol’ on the lips :) it means something more than all the rest, it’s romantic in a way none of the others are (which is why it’s so dangerous)

okay yes re: ice being funny yes. wait wait wait let me find it in my doc hold on

here!

[rosseyartz]

Post it note doodle/sketch of Scott that I started yesterday!! I'll probably continue with this maybe make it into a digital drawing or something idk yet ee

[viking-writing]

The very first part of my Rammstein fic series is finally uploaded at Ao3!

(After almost 7 whole years of questioning and doubting myself as the annoying perfectionist that I am! I've now finally decided to publish this thing. Bit by bit, into the new year 2025!)

But please be gentle with me as I know the summary text and the "notes" might be a little "too long" for everyone to bother to read! (I was unmedicated when I wrote it and these long notes and summaries won't be added to every single chapter. I swear!)

<3

Mitternacht - A prologue to "Winterherz" (Formally known as "Liebeslied" but we'll see whatever this fic series will be called)) - Chapter 1 - gothicXviking - Rammstein [Archive of Our Own]