#my mental health has been iffy as is i just

[insufferablemod]

hheeeyyyy heyyyy go check out this song im very normal about yall B)

[baileyboo2016]

Welcome to another episode of Bailey being forgetful which puts Bailey in a bad place.

You might know how I need to refill my medication, right? and in order to get a refill delivered you need doctor approval. so i thought i had an online doctors appt scheduled but turns out i fucking didnt. now my mom and i are calling the doctor and trying to get a refill in for me. But Bailey can’t remember to check the caremark website for refill orders. And Bailey also couldn’t remember that Bailey had a doctors appt for refill approval scheduled in June. that i apparently just straight up forgot to go to. so my refill for august was just- denied. cause i had no doctor approval.

So now i just found out that I run out of medication in two days. how delightful! /s

I think a refill should be coming tomorrow so I am hoping that it does…

[dragonanne4fun]

.

[angstics]

saw a post a few days ago that said something like “itd be hard to find an mcr fan whose mental health hasn’t benefitted from the band”. i dont know if i can say my chem has done that for me. the processes of happiness, company, intellectual stimulation i get from the band aren’t special to it. i cant reward something for its ability to be loved. the very material of mcr is special, but i cant think of an instance where it helped me mentally. doesnt make me feel less alone or more understood. doesnt make me want to better my health. doesnt make me discover new things about myself. they arent holding my hand. they arent getting me to fix my heart.

the music just delights me. im about the functions. the way it works feels perfect. i love that i can so easily translate the instrumentation into images and emotions (summertime solo as devotion, destroya drums as a heartbeat). i love how the storytelling is clearly derived from movies and comics. i love the mythos that is constructed by band and public and fandom. i love how cleanly they can portray feelings i relate to. i love this tour. it works like nothing else in the world. all my happiness is sourced in the functions.

perhaps this is just how i feel today. i know i felt a connection btwn my self-understanding and the band a few months ago. tho i question that feeling now as having been influenced by others.

[ckret2]

I know that making things not only canon-compliant but canon-plausible is basically your hobby, and you tend to enjoy taking every little detail no matter how inane and incorporating it into the greater lore of your work. Have you ever had a moment where you were trying to find a logical explanation for something, realized that it was EXTREMELY STUPID, and now you just avoid writing things that will make it come up?

I think most fan writers have one piece of canon where they're like "Yeah, no, that was a bad decision, I'm just replacing [unbelievable event/racist character portrayal/blatant disregard for how mental health works in reality/etc] with [piece of fanon that makes it work better]."

Usually, even when there's an obvious author mistake, you still have a cool canon-compliant thing to do with it. Curious if there's any exceptions.

yeah, there's a few things.

Evidence implies that Ford fell in the portal in 1983. Evidence implies that the show takes place during 2012, but maaaybe 2013? The show says he fell in the portal "thirty years ago." He was probably intended to fall in the portal in 1982 but that doesn't line up with some of the dates (particularly, song release dates). Also, exactly how long did he know Bill between meeting him and getting portaled? And exactly how long was the paranoia era? My solution: the show takes place in 2012, Ford got portaled in *mumble mumble*, it's been """thirty""" years since he fell in the portal, we're NOT gonna worry about it, and maybe the Eurythmics released their albums a year earlier in the Gravity Falls universe did you ever think of that? Huh?? But at any rate I just try to quietly glide over the little timeline issues without addressing them.

Anything Bill says that would validate a real world conspiracy theory is a lie; but, much more likely, I'm just never gonna talk about it so we can ignore it completely, especially if the conspiracy theory is antisemitic or racist. "A cabal of global elites secretly rules the world and has a really cool break room"? Bill's lying; but also, we're NOT gonna talk about that, just chucking it out the window completely. "Bill helped fake the moon landing"? We can crack jokes about that one but only to establish that Bill was lying. "The Egyptians made the pyramids look like Bill"? We're NOT gonna claim the Egyptians made the PYRAMIDS for Bill, at most they might have redecorated them; but we're probably not gonna talk about them redecorating the pyramids anyway; and we're gonna crack jokes about how stupid Ancient Aliens style idiocy is; and maybe we're just gonna minimize talking about Bill's relationship with Egypt entirely.

(A side note: one thing i REALLY appreciated from TBOB is that it clearly established that they did not build the pyramids for Bill, just temporarily redecorated them; they did not worship Bill, they thought he was a pest; and the book went out of its way to have Bill say anyone who claims aliens helped with the pyramids is a con artist. It didn't have to do that! But it really improved things a LOT.)

Anything not mentioned by Bill that alludes to iffy real world conspiracy theories, we're just not gonna talk about. "America is secretly ruled by someone other than the president and nobody knows," not gonna talk about that, I don't care that it's Santa. "Dapperly-dressed reptilian aliens," not gonna talk about that, I don't care that they were here to go dog sledding. "Mt. Rushmore is secretly a bunch of robots built to defend America from a future threat," NEVER gonna talk about that, Mt. Rushmore is a carving made by a racist on stolen land sacred to several Native American peoples, it does not deserve to be made cool.

and speaking of Santa: I don't care for Jewish characters getting shoved into Christmas stories, especially if they're "wow, it turns out the Christians were right about the existence of this folkloric figure associated with one of their most important holy days" Christmas stories, so there's a high chance I'm just never gonna mention the Krampus plot lmao. If I do, it'll only be because I need to acknowledge the relationship building Ford & Fidds got. (Or to acknowledge Ford's rage at being commanded to conform to holiday expectations, which is REALLY funny and he's completely right.)

Those are the things off the top of my head.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for asking my suicidal girlfriend not to vent with me? First ask here, be warned for heavy topics about the above situation. Putting an emoji for easy finding. 🦐

I am a polyamorous person (22nb) with my long distance girlfriend (22f) of about 1 year. I love her deeply, and we have known each other for a long time when I used to go to school in person with her. I also have an in person queer platonic partner (22nb) who lives with me currently and has been with me for about 3 years. Both of my partners are suicidal and self harm, though the partner who is living with me has luckily seemed to improve a lot through being able to spend time with someone who cares for them constantly. My girlfriend...sadly has not gotten the same chance, since she moved long before we got together and has only her family to keep her stable (who have proven before this point that they are pretty terrible support systems, when they actively encouraged her self harming to become worse).

Luckily, I have had this rodeo before due to a majority of my friends struggling with this sort of problem, and when she began saying things in my dms that pointed towards depression and suicidality, I was quick to try to help her get into therapy. Whether or not this therapist is really the best is sort of iffy, as the therapist hasn't worked with her on a lot despite over a month of them working together, so...she hasn't gotten much work towards helping to change things and has felt somewhat stuck. I know she needs to probably get a new therapist, but due to not having insurance at the moment it's not an easy situation to just change. Since things have not gotten to improve, she...has still felt horrible most days will come to me in DMs to tell me how bad it is. Which, you know, should be fine, but it's the *way* she talks about it-- it's in a very vent heavy, far too much triggering information, Everything Is Horrible and there is no way to fix it and I should Die, way.

I have learned boundaries in regards to my own mental health due to just how often I have encountered things, and luckily, my other partner is great about it! They don't talk about their issues with suicidality all that much which can make me worried at times, but when they *do*, it's very much a situation of them bringing up how they feel and then us moving forwards to do something distracting or something that will help them. Instead of an info dump of Horrible Information That Makes Me Fear For Their Life, it's just. Moving to make sure they're doing better and changing things, identifying why certain feelings are feeling bad. But with my girlfriend, these topics come on suddenly without warning, are spoken in such a way that I feel like 1. I can't move on or change anything to help 2. I don't have a way to respond that will end up doing anything but make her feel worse. I feel at a complete loss of how to handle these things that she's just throwing on me. I haven't mentioned yet to her how bad these ventings make me feel because I'm worried it would make her internalize it and worsen her issues, though I know I do probably need to communicate it with her. I feel that she may just not be quite as mature as my other partner in how to handle feelings like this yet(most likely due to lack of support systems), and I WANT her to be able to talk about her feelings. I'm her girlfriend, after all, a little bit of emotional labor is always going to be a part of supporting people that close to you. Just...not in a way that will end up ultimately making both me and her feel like shit, and get her in a worse direction than before.

She eventually will be moving in with us next year, and I am wondering if I should try to wait to talk about it until then when she has more of a support to lean against, or should I try to figure it out right now. Right now could leave her...hurt and much more vulnerable, which would be a real risk considering the scenario. Would I be the asshole for telling her that she needs to work on how she talks about these topics, and that I can't have her continuing to put her emotions on me like this?

What are these acronyms?

[vechter]

do you have any fics where dick kicks ass? ive been reading a lot of relationship fics lately and i just wanna see him do some cool stuff! or any comics <33

hmm, all the fics i've read are older ones tbh because going into the dick grayson tag on ao3 is a true test of my patience and mental health now. but here's a couple of my favs:

greatest of ease by ijustwanttodestroy: multi-chapter outsider pov and it's just stellar. it was one of the first few dc fics i read so it will always have a special place in my heart.

strong enough to carry him by one_step_closer_to_death: dick and jason centric one shot. all the angst.

big d stands for big (demon)or by danishsweethearts: multi-chapter and still updating but this one is great. dick grayson as a part time exorcist. great voice for dick.

the primacy of personal conscience by birdsofthesoul: also one of the first few dc fics i read! multi-chapter, multi-pov, set in the modern comics era which is rare. genuinely fantastic writing and grappling with the morality and ethics of vigilantism. kinda iffy about some aspects of it but i adore this one.

as for comics:

nightwing (1996) #140-153: tomasi's entire run is just great. competent and complex dick grayson, when will you come back from war?

the brave and the bold (2007) #14-15: short story also featuring hawkman, deadman and green arrow, excellent stuff

let them live!: unpublished tales from the dc vault (2021) #2: one shot with a manipulative, earnest and hyper-skilled dick grayson

teen titans (1996) #12-16: this one also features garth, lilith, roy and wally. it has team-leader!dick & rlly shows how much everyone looks to him for directions + how well he can rise to that

justice league of america (2006) #41-60: this one is part of his batman era and it has donna! rlly highlights what a skilled tactician he is + how deceptive he can be

batman/nightwing: bloodborne (2002): i know i talk about this one a lot but it's just so good. dick grayson, you will never recover from that kind of devotion.

jla (1997) #68-75: obsidian age my beloved <3 dick leads a kinda B-team justice league to save the main one and he's great while doing it

batman and robin (2009) #20-22: okay, i know this is primarily a morrison run but the issues tomasi wrote for this are actually pretty solid

detective comics (1937) #871-881: this is snyder's black mirror arc and it has a healthy mixture of dick!bats kicking ass + some really great humour and dialogue. but also there's james gordon jr so rlly goes to show you can't have it all sigh

nightwing (1996) #35-37: part of NML where dick takes back blackgate for bruce. i've said this before but truly, no one shines more than dick grayson in a room full of people who want to kill him

just realizing a lot of the NML and dick!bats eras have some solid storylines if you're looking for a hyper-competent dick grayson. sadly, a lot of dixon's writing blurs together for me so i don't think i can give you individual issues.

hope this list helps, anon!

[ramiethewizard]

I have many critiques on Keeper of the Lost Cities. Don’t get me wrong, I love it as a series. But like any series, there are both obvious and unobvious flaws. Since I finally have a place online to talk about them I thought I’d share my thoughts! (Disclaimer: this is not bashing on Shannon Messenger or the series in any way!)

1. Too many protagonists

The series was fairly okay with the original gang in the earlier books. That group being Sophie, Keefe, Fitz, Biana, and Dex. There was a chance to connect with all of the characters and grow on each of them. I know I know, characters like Biana and Dex were still pushed aside a bit but they had a better chance at being involved again. But then only more and more protagonists joined. Adding Tam and Linh was iffy, but fine. Then you add Marella, Maruca, Wylie, Stina, all those people. We don’t have a chance to connect with the characters.

2. Obvious favoritism

A few people have pointed this out already, and I thought I’d do the same. Shannon has very clear favorites of the series - which is fine, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it’s used a little too much. Keefe is a very obvious favorite. We constantly focus on him and his story. At this point, Sophie AND Keefe are the protagonists. I love Keefe, but I want to learn about the injustices and discrimination of Bad Matches from Dex. I want to learn about the expectations of being a Vacker from Fitz and Biana. See what I’m saying?

3. Little plots abandoned

I feel like there have been so many times where Shannon starts this little idea and then throws it away. If you reread the books, you seem to find so many instances where there’s something, and then it’s just abandoned. For example, Magnate Leto (Forkle) says in I think Exile how he doesn’t have a wife and he seems quite sad about it. Or the time in…Flashback I believe where we meet Tinker. Tinker is such an interesting character. She freaks out when Forkle talks about explosives and he said that he wouldn’t make her build them - ‘not again’. HUH? And we’ve gotten no more out of it.

4. Overly focused on romance

Probably my biggest pet peeve with the series is that it is so so focused on romance. Having romance in the series is fine but there’s so much. I feel like Sophie barely even has any character left. You can tell that Shannon was just really excited to write the romantic relationships because even in the first book (WHEN SHES TWELVE) there are already intense moments. And the biggest thing is that characters like Keefe and Fitz (the love interests) are so much more important than characters like Biana and Dex (the friends). It’s a weird thing because Sophie should be apart of both groups but there’s just a weird focus on the guys that she’s into.

5. Lack of diversity

This is something that I think should just be improved in general. Most of the protagonists are very stereotypical and don’t have any diversity. Most of the main characters are white - which is fine but when it gets to be that ALL of the protagonists are, it just gets a little…you know? I mean, Tam, Linh, and Wylie are not white but they’re also not focused on at all in the series. It’s one of the reasons why people headcanon the Vackers to be POC so much. There’s also no LGBTQ+ characters - which again, fine for the most part but also…people of the queer community are incredibly common and the KOTLC characters seem so…not straight. So the fact that it’s been like ten books and there hasn’t been anything is just a little eh. Same with mental health, or physical abilities. Just a lack of diversity.

I love this series a lot, but like anything, it can always improve. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[batboys-cumdumpster]

I literally don't see how she is an abuser? Could you explain why you think that? All I see is a hurt person, who was just hurting herself.

First, being on anon makes me believe that you know that Nesta abuses everyone around her.

Second, Nesta herself holds a lot of self hatred for the way she abuses others.

When Feyre is having PTSD, it's Nesta's voice she hears slut shaming her, making fun of her for being illiterate, belittiling herself, etc. Nesta's entire character is about being abusive to others bc she feels worthless. Nesta also told Elain that it was her fault their father is dead and only said it to hurt her (abuse).

Nesta moved her father's cane out of reach; abuse of a disabled man. Nesta refused to cooperate with household chores unless Feyre begged, and even then it was iffy. Nesta stole the money Feyre made as a child to spend it on frivolous shit. THEN, Nesta demanded money from Feyre in ACOFAS to pay her rent and self harming activities of fucking strangers and drinking (she manipulated Feyre into giving her money to do this by agreeing to go to Solstice).

Nesta may not have been physically abusive, but in every single book in this series Nesta has shown emotional and verbal abuse and manipulation.

Listen. I get it, I used to verbally and emotionally abuse people when I was a teenager because I didn't know how my mental health was affecting not only me but others. I have BPD and I headcanon that Nesta has it bc she displays 9/9 traits, just like I used to before therapy.

I think my biggest problem isn't with Nesta herself, it's her stans, because they refuse to see how she abuses others. Every Nesta stan I see thinks she's some "real girlboss queen" for the way she treats and view others when Nesta herself knows she is in the wrong for how she treats and views others. It's like they're afraid to admit she's done any wrong, and it just makes it all the worse. Nesta stans make me hate Nesta bc they refuse to admit she's hurt others, but then they try going on about how Feyre or Feysand/IC have hurt others and demonize them for mistakes they've made (and these mistakes are mistakes and not prolonged abuse). My other problem lies with how SJM handled ACOSF and the very cheap, empty, hollow way Nesta had her "redemption" of saving Feyre. Let them have a conversation. Make Nesta apologize for her years of abuse and refusal to help at the old house. Make Nesta actually face the consequences of her actions instead of taking a hike and making friendship bracelets with people who excuse her behavior without even knowing what the hell she even did.

I am going to include just a few screenshots that showcase her verbal/emotional abuse to others.

[iamdevouring-god]

// Hi, mod here.

I hate repetitive shit like this.

Look. I understand it in character, I understand maybe wanting to try to piss off the Eldritch horror.

But I do not want several asks by (what I'm assuming) is the same anon just begging the same thing over and over.

WAIT FOR ME TO REPLY.

If you feel like it got eaten by my askbox,

SEND AN ASK TO ASK THAT.

DO NOT JUST SEND SOMETHING LIKE YOU'RE WAITING FOR ME TO REPLY TO A TEXT SO YOU SEND ANOTHER.

It makes me NOT WANT TO REPLY TO YOUR ASK AT ALL.

This has been a PSA.

Don't do this again.

(ps: I also understand it is ONLY 2 asks, but I still have my askbox marked as CAUTIOUSLY OPEN. Which I basically do when my MENTAL HEALTH is IFFY but not "bad enough" for me to FULLY SHUT IT OFF. It's been set to this because I have had THREE episodes in the last 5 days when I normally only have that many *if maybe one or two more* in a YEAR. So, yeah. I cannot fucking do this shit right now.)

[steelbluehome]

Collider

On 'The Falcon and the Winter Soldier's Curiously Iffy Relationship With Therapy

By Gregory Lawrence

Mar 28, 2021

I’ve been going to therapy for many years, and if you’re reading this, I suggest you do, too. It’s an exceptional tool in the ongoing journey of one’s mental health, a place where you can speak and be listened to without agenda. The therapists I’ve spoken with in my life have one common trait: Unflappability. They are professionals at navigating the complicated emotional lives of their clients while not becoming destructively emotional themselves. They don’t pursue anything but giving you a runway to find your truth.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is a welcomely grounded Marvel Cinematic Universe series, one less interested in the “big three” of supernatural baddies (“androids, aliens, and wizards,” as Anthony Mackie’s Falcon phrases it) and more interested in the traumas and struggles of getting chewed up and spit out by the systems of regular-ass life. Yes, Mackie’s Sam and Sebastian Stan’s Bucky are fierce warriors who have used state-of-the-art tech and super-soldier serums respectively to battle all kinds of strange folks. But two episodes in, the series’ fights are human-to-human, full of shades and nuance, and often hamstrung by the cruel machinations of a society so determined to make life hard for people (especially returning veterans).

That’s why I was happy to see Amy Aquino show up as Dr. Christina Raynor, Bucky’s court-ordered therapist, in the very first episode. As made evident by Bucky’s nightmare of the merciless acts of violence he took while under Hydra mind control (rendered with shocking horror-tinged brutality by series director Kari Skogland), he needs therapy badly. In their initial sequence together, we see Bucky behave the way we often see troubled protagonists behave in therapy scenes: He plays the silent treatment at best and is openly antagonistic at worst. He baldly lies to his mental health professional about his own mental health. I understand that our (anti)hero can’t suddenly be enlightened and peaceful and ready to move on from his inner conflict; I want to see him go through this journey over the season of television. But I still couldn’t help but want to scream through the TV at him, “Just tell her the truth! You’re only hurting yourself!”

Depiction doesn’t equal endorsement, especially when it comes to a complicated character like Bucky who has objectively committed murders, but there’s something that continues to be complicated about seeing the center of our journey, the person we’re to align ourselves with being so resistant toward mental health wellness, perhaps to provoke a response of “Aw, I understand, I’d behave the same way. Therapy is weird!”

Then again, Dr. Christina Raynor might not be the best therapist for Bucky, or any client. Dramatic license must be taken in any depiction of real life. Unlike the often aimless moments of regular-ass life, dramatic scenes must involve conflict, intention, agency, and a visible drive toward a visible goal. Thus Dr. Raynor, like many film and television therapists before her, takes an aggressive approach toward “meeting the goal of making Bucky well,” poking and prodding at him, trying her best to “get him there.” She simply drips with derision and disdain at every level of her interaction with poor Bucky, even snarkily acting out his past tendencies to commit brainwashed murders. On the one hand, she needs to behave like this for the function of the scene; to watch a character be a blank slate of non-provocation without any goal of her own would likely make a boring scene. The way the scene plays is a strong visualization of Bucky’s resistance and Dr. Raynor’s (and the audience’s) desire for him to know peace. But as she kept poking and prodding and needling and frowning, even while insisting that Bucky needs to trust her, I thought to myself, “Of course he’s not speaking up. Who’d want to spill their innermost secrets to this force who obviously has an aggressive agenda?” The scene attempts to justify some of this behavior by reminding us that Dr. Raynor is a soldier who’s seen combat herself. But the moment a therapist tells you “That’s utter bullshit” is the moment you find a new therapist, dramatic license or not.

Episode 2 pumps up some of the oddness of this therapy dynamic by injecting it with one of the key secrets to the MCU’s sauce: Tension-cutting banter. After Bucky is arrested for not showing up to one of his court-mandated sessions (another complicated moment of positioning the viewer as finding therapy to be an impediment to the characters’, and show’s, action), Dr. Raynor forces both Bucky and Sam to sit down in front of her and figure out what’s tearing them apart. Surprisingly, and quite touchingly, Stan and Mackie play this scene earnestly, the pain they feel toward each other and themselves seeping from the corners of their eyes into their full figures, even as they do bantery things like move their chairs close together without knocking their knees together.

But Dr. Raynor is over here roasting and toasting them like a damn Friars Club gala. She glibly but stridently positions the exercises she wants them to do as normally being done by romantic couples, not giving them any chance to breathe at the slightest moment of resistance, cutting her patients off at the knees under the auspices of helping them stand. She is sarcastic throughout, saying things like “No volunteers? How surprising,” and “Sweet Jesus” with the tenor of a middle school gym teacher ragging on the math nerd who’s getting whomped in dodgeball. And yes, there’s an attempt at fun and bravado in these back-and-forths, the way we see all kinds of other fun back-and-forths in other “serious” MCU moments, the way we see Sam and Bucky constantly treat each other like bickering children. But not every single moment of the MCU needs to possess this kind of tone, especially not when we’re trying to watch a mental health professional deal with such clearly damaged clients.

All of this, this brevity and impatience and snarkiness, is perhaps more understandable and better played in this episode, given the emotional states of our title characters and the fact that it’s framed by an increasingly sleazy, dehumanizing new Captain America (Wyatt Russell, simply throwing away the line, “He’s too valuable of an asset to have tied up, so just do whatever you gotta do with him, then send him off to me”). But it’s still odd and brittle in a way I find unnecessary, even unhelpful. The sequence ends with a genuine moment of clarity and understanding — a breakthrough, even — between Sam and Bucky, even though it ends with Sam leaving the room. Dr. Raynor’s response, simply, is a sarcastic, “Thank you. That was really great.”

“No bullshit tough love,” to use a word Dr. Raynor is fond of, is a sensible stylistic choice for any character in Falcon and the Winter Soldier, but I worry it comes at the cost of actual human connection, change, or empathy in these very sensitive moments. And I worry it all comes at a cost of further demonizing seeking therapy as a viable option for anyone watching. I love the way The Falcon and the Winter Soldier pushes forward in its darker-than-usual plottings, but I really love the way it stands still in its darker-than-usual emotional explorations. I don’t want Dr. Raynor, nor performer Amy Aquino, to suddenly become clipped or dampened or in any way made less of a human being. I just hope Dr. Raynor’s own in-universe therapist tells her to get out of the way of her own bullshit and let the characters explore themselves in future episodes.

[lumenflowered]

[A video file is attached. In it, Maria can be seen seated at an outdoor patio table opposite... a Dratini? Probably? The being's vaguely Dratini-shaped, anyway, from what a viewer can see through the glitchiness. Though the color's all wrong—it's a reddish-purple, which is odd even for a potentially shiny Pokémon.

"I am quite aware that this is not what you wished to speak of," Maria says, hands cupped around what appears to be a coffee cup, "but will Dee be... alright? Without you close by?"

The Dratini-adjacent being ducks her head in what certainly appears to be a nod. There's a mug of coffee in front of her, too, though it looks untouched and also has truly ungodly amounts of cream and sugar added to it.

"S'nice you cared enough to ask. As long as we're in, like, the same town? It's fine, that's close enough," Mallory says, if it can count as saying anything when there is no mouth moving. "More than that gets iffy, but she's more powerful than she thinks, in a worst-case scenario she'd be able to keep herself going for at least a couple hours, I do not want to test that!"

"Rather understandably." Maria looks a little paler as she raises her own coffee to sip at delicately. "What, then, did you wish to discuss?"

"Well, for starters..."

The not-Dratini's eyes narrow. The air seems to shimmer a little, then the video glitches for several seconds to the point of not being able to make out anything. Once it returns to normalcy, there is a young woman with short dark hair and vividly purple eyes sitting opposite Maria, who is staring a little at whatever she just saw happen.

"You forgot what I looked like. Probably a consequence of my ascension, if I had to guess, but there's few enough people who remember that already. You don't get to be one of them."

"Fair enough, I suppose." Maria sounds a little bemused. She gently sets the mug down on the table. "I do remember you now, though I believe your eyes were different then. It is... rather difficult not to remember the person who killed you."

"Yeah," Mallory agrees. "It is, isn't it?"

"Most of the details of that place... blurred together, I'm afraid. I don't remember—"

"I'm not telling you how many times you killed me."

"Ah," Maria says.

"I will tell you it was a lot." Mallory slurps at her coffee. The fact that it's steaming doesn't seem to bother her. "And that I was touch-starved enough that I didn't even realize you were tearing my heart out until there was nothing left I could do about it."

Maria winces. "I genuinely do not know what one could, or should, say to that."

Mallory, or her illusion—is that an illusion?—shrugs. "I wouldn't turn down an apology, if you feel like it, but I'm not holding my breath waiting for one. You were trying to make up for what you'd done in the fishing hamlet."

"I... yes." Her shoulders slump a little.

"Genuine question. Did it work?"

"No." Maria sighs. "No, it rather did not. It may have actually been worse than everything that I tried prior to... ending up in the Nightmare, but having a purpose of some kind did keep me relatively sane in that place—"

"I can count the number of people capable of talking to me in the Hunter's Nightmare on one hand," Mallory says. "Well, when I've got hands, anyway. Don't always anymore. But by Nightmare standards, you were incredibly sane."

"...Thank you?"

"Eh, don't mention it." Mallory waves one of said dubiously-there hands dismissively. "So what did end up working?"

"You say this as if something did entirely work. As if I will ever be able to truly escape from the past." Maria sighs. "I suppose what worked, then, is that I accepted that it happened, and... began trying to move on? The past cannot be changed, but..."

"But?"

"But it is also in the past." Something resolute passes over Maria's expression. "I can do better in the present day. In the future."

"Damn, your mental health really is way better! And by that I mean that you actually have some, what the hell."

"I am thoroughly uncertain as to how one should take that."

"It's a compliment. Probably." Mallory clears her throat. "And it makes me think that my hunch was right. That it is time for this."

She reaches to her side—into thin air, really—yet her hand disappears as if passing behind or into something. The air shimmers.

"Time for..."

Maria's words die in her throat as Mallory withdraws her hand. It's holding a sheathed weapon, one that appears to be an intricately-crafted twinblade.

To those familiar with the weapon, it is immediately recognizable as Maria's own Rakuyo.

The video ends there.]

[celestiall0tus]

Tarot reading time!

I had another tank in my mental health (gotta love it) so I needed a little guidance.

Spread: Celtic Cross

Question: What do I do moving forward?

So, I've experienced personal setbacks and am having issues moving past them. I have been seeing myself as a failure. I know online I have some following, and I couldn't be happier, but I can never shake the feelings of failure in my real life. It has brought me to a place where I'm looking back on myself in attempts to find my failures, but I do know I need to learn to let go of that. I can't change the past and need to accept that. Accept myself and stop absolutely blaming myself for the things I cannot change. I need to face this fact if I hope to find any clarity.

I'm a little iffy on the success of ace of pentacles. In the upright, it's a new financial or career opportunities, manifestation, abundance, prosperity, etc. At least, I need to let go and accept, well, everything. Granted the four of pentacles matches with me not being happy when I worry about my finances. I know money is not the absolute end all be all, but society and my mother say otherwise. I know being a writer and artist is what makes me happy. It can just be difficult with, again, everything. I just don't want to disappoint my family, the only reason I have security now.

The Star comes in as some hope, a possible reprieve in most cases, though I see it as a real sign I need to rediscover myself. To realign myself with who I am. The ten of pentacles lines up with ace of pentacles with financial success. Again, difficult to see as of right now. Three of swords feels like it's coming up now as my trauma and grief are coming up now as I face those. Lastly comes the king of cups that I can hopefully assume based on the reading being emotional balance.

All in all, I need to ground myself. I need to rediscover myself otherwise I'll lose myself. I cannot let my past define me.

[johanna-masons-wife]

Fic request for Gale Hawthorne. Can be on the shorter side. Exposing the aftermath on his mental health after experiencing and witnessing a near genocide. Maybe he gets triggered by some sort of accidental kitchen flame and, much like Katniss, has found his own closet he runs to. This one’s got a vent where air blows through and it calms him.

Hi! Sorry this took so long. At first I was a bit iffy about writing for Gale because I personally know so little about him, but I got a little more confident in my ideas, so here we are. Sorry in advance about any grammar mistakes, or general mistakes in lore.

Contains spoilers, and slight mentions of death.

જ⁀➴

Things were calmer in district two. The war had ended, and the presidents were dead.

Gale trudged through ‘2. The cold, crisp air bit at his skin and ruffled the strands of his short, dark hair.

He did regret walking out on Katniss and leaving her after everything had ended, yes, but he knew that was the best decision for both of them. Katniss had suspected that he had been the direct cause of Prim’s death, when in reality, he wasn’t sure whose bomb it was, or under whose order it was dropped.

Since then, the slightest things had set him off. Simply walking past a sewer drain reminded him of everyone they had lost attempting to sneak into Snow’s mansion. However, the worst of it came around fire. He was brought back to the bombing of '12, and how he felt so useless when he couldn’t get everyone to safety. Cressida’s words of reassurance rang in his head, 'You saved so many people, Gale. Without you there’d be no District Twelve, not even the memory of it.' But that’s not how he saw it. He saw it as he head done the bare minimum, and he could’ve done so much better. And with Prim…had the bombs not been dropped, or not dropped so soon, the girl would still be here, with her mother and sister.

So you can imagine what happened when he zoned out while cooking breakfast, and it set on fire.

He watched the flames for a moment, wide-eyed as he backed away in panic. Everything came flooding back, and found himself backed into a closet, leaning against the hard, cold wooden walls. The vent above him blew out a rush of cold hair, ruffling his hair as he sat under it. He let out a breath. It was just a small flame, and everything was okay.

The war was over, Snow was dead. He didn’t have to worry anymore. He sat in the closet for a few more moments, before opening the door and walking over to assess the flames.

Sorry about any mistakes, or if it just doesn’t make sense in general. I’m writing this at 3 AM, almost 4, so forgive me. (+ I haven’t wrote anything in months)

[lord-of-geeks-and-subs]

Sir? I... I'm looking for guidance? If you can? I have someone who's trying to be my dominant... but he doesn't care... about me? Like when I was sick not long ago (nothing too serious, just a lot of coughing and not feeling well), he didn't check in on me. Just said he 'needed me.' Even after I put into place that I required a platonic relationship of some sort for a dynamic, he has kept pushing for a sexual only one. When I reiterate, he responds with, "I told you I'm a dominant." I'm not... I promised I won't ghost but... I... don't feel safe (emotionally). He constantly feels like a battle. Including deciding that he could push my boundaries without any sort of communication (breath play is super... iffy for me) "I thought I could just ease you into it." No apologies or anything of the sort

I know you tend to lean towards harder kinks, and I enjoy some of those quite a bit and this is much softer stuff than what you post a fair amount but I feel unseen where I'm at mentally and emotionally

Okay, let’s start with the beginning. 😇 This is a big message with a lot of concerning things to unpack. So sit down please. And listen. I’m going to try to be as clear as possible. But this is going to be a lot.

Let me get straight to the point instead of building up to it.

This guy you are talking to is not a Dominant. He is a walking red flag.

A Dominant is always putting his partners wellbeing first. Regardless if you are a sadist, a rigger, into soft kinks or hard kinks or even a more strict Master type of Dominant. You always care about your submissive. Always. You always respect her boundaries and limits. You always show care when something is up. You don’t need to love your partner. You don’t even need to be friends with them, if that’s what you both discussed and agreed on. But if he’s trying to be your Dominant, then that means he has to take responsibilities for you as his sub as well. Meaning they need to take care of you, help you with guidance, put your wellbeing first and also just care about your mental and physical wellbeing. Men that say they are “dominants”, but only for the nudes, sex and nothing else are really not Dominants. They are just guys that… honestly… don’t know much about real kink. They are posers… just dudes that..Don’t get much female attention or attraction, thus online use the kink titles of “daddy”, “master” and “dominant” to trick inexperienced submissives into doing whatever they demand. Even if the things they demand have nothing to do with actual dynamics or kink. They are nothing more than fakers that ruin the name of actual Dominants and who selfishly ruin potential submissives interested in kink. They are disgusting individuals.

Now back to your post. If he doesn’t show care towards you then he’s not the right person to be your Dominant. Or not suited to be a Dominant at all. A Dom cares about their submissive. Just to give some examples from my own experiences. I’ve been in a handful of D/s dynamics. And also had a bunch of flings and casual situations with submissive people. I’ve always shown care. Obviously I invested more energy in the people I was in an actual dynamic with. But even with the casual flings or kink friends I would check in on their wellbeing, be considerate towards their mental health and make them feel seen and understood. Because that’s the bare-fucking-minimum. As for when I was somebodies Dominant. The moment you become somebodies Dominant things become real. It’s not about just a hook-up and thats it. You are now guiding this person. Responsible for them. Sexually and non-sexually. I’ve traveled 2+ hours to wait another 2 hours in the rain to make sure a previous sub/partner was okay, after she went through some distressing personal events and communicated with me that she was struggling. I’ve done regular calls with previous partners and even helped them sleep by staying in a call with them as they tried sleeping while listening to my voice, because they were struggling with sleeping and depression. And my voice is calming. I take my partners wellbeing serious, respect their boundaries, try to help them through life, create a safe space for them to vent, cry and be vulnerable. Support their mental health struggles. And make sure they feel seen, cared for and supported. Both in their kink journey as in their general mental health/wellbeing. Because again, that’s literally the bare-minimum. And something a Dominant partner always should do.

If you communicated that you need some form of platonic relationship, and he wants to be your Dominant but only on a sexual level. And you both have different needs in this. Then you are also just not a match needs wise. Move on.

Again. The guy is not only not a dominant. He’s also fucking clueless. Dominance and being a Dominant isn’t about just sex…you also guide your partner in their day-to-day life. And often to have a layer of control, guidance and such in their “normal non sexual” life. Not for the Dominants sake, but to support the submissive. Obviously how much a Dominant gets involved in these things depends on their submissive’s needs and comfort as well. Some D/s dynamics are mostly within the bedroom and that’s okay. But to say “I’m a dominant” as a reason to why he wants to keep it only sexual is fucking stupid and shows his ignorance. To use myself as an example again. I’ve had submissives who struggled with anxiety and choice making, so during those moments I would for example help them pick foods or groceries. I’ve also guided submissive in creating healthy life habits (with things they struggled with, wanted to prove on and gave me consent for!) like having a better sleeping schedule, spending more time on relaxation and self-care or working more regularly on school-work. That is the role of a Dominant as well. To create healthy habits, routines and establish protocols outside of the bedroom. You need that (platonic or romantic) relationship for that.

One thing that is crucial with every D/s dynamic. Is feeling safe emotionally and physical with your Dominant. They should literally be the embodiment of a safe-space for you. You should be able to trust them completely. Feel safe with them emotionally. Be able to feel vulnerable with them. Obviously this is easier for some than others. Trauma makes stuff difficult for some. But this is something that over time can grow and flourish. But if it starts with feeling (emotionally) unsafe… then wtf are you doing? Run? Leave?! How can you be feeling emotionally unsafe with somebody, but still wanting to put your body and wellbeing in their hands. Even if you only do “light” kinks. Kink on its own can be extremely intense. (AND DANGEROUS.) Imagine having sub-drops and this guy not caring about you?? You’ll literally be putting yourself in emotional and physical danger. You mention breath-play. Do you even know if he knows the dangers of breath-play. How to minimize the risk of brain-damage? So many people participate in breath-play and choking. But do you know how many subs become paralyzed or die because they trusted the wrong guy/person?? A lot more than you thought before. Him putting even the slightest pressure on your throat and doing it incorrectly could have already damaged you, and most probably already has.

Breath play is literally one of the riskiest kinks out there. I partake in it too. But you have to be extremely careful and conscious of the risk. And just “to do it” without communication. Without your consent. While this was your limit??? Is a HUGE red flag. If things would have gone wrong you could be paralyzed or worse right now. And do you think he would care or take responsibility?

Making mistakes is one thing. I’ve made those as well. Even recently. Sometimes there are misunderstandings, miscommunications or general slip ups during scenes. But as a Dominant you never want to put your submissive in any sort of danger. And if you realize you did something that she was not ready for or if something didn’t go well. You apologize. You take responsibility. Say sorry. Ask questions so you understand what went wrong, what her needs are and how to avoid it happening again. And you give her the proper after-care she might need.

Regardless of the kinks and how intense they are there are always a few basic things that should ALWAYS be in place. If you as a submissive miss a few of these. Or don’t see them in how you get treated by your (potential) partner? RUN. I’m not joking. Run. You are putting yourself in danger. Because:

A Dom should always show care towards their submissive. Not only when it comes to the sexual aspect, but also towards your general wellbeing, mental/physical health etc.

A Dominant should always respect your boundaries and limits and never ignore, neglect or push them.

Making sure you are and feel safe and feel understood/ seen is a Dominants priority.

A healthy dynamic always consist of mutual communication, care and consent. These are the three c’s that matter.

A Dom should never put you in physical danger without your full consent and the knowledge of the risks.

A Dominant always checks-in on their submissive.

These are some of the basic-bare-minimum things. There’s more. I might make some posts about D/s dynamics, safety and expectation soon. Because I feel like a lot of you inexperienced subs are putting yourself in extreme danger by getting yourself involved with these sort of people. Regardless sweet anon. You did nothing wrong. You deserve to be seen and understood. You deserve to be supported and guided in a safe way. You deserve to be cared for. By a proper Dominant who wants to help you grow and flourish. Not used by a dickhead guy that is faking it.

Stay safe. Choose for yourself. Protect yourself and your own boundaries!

[singto-prachaya]

Another watchlist already when it’s been only a month? Wonder if I can keep this up or forget again 😂 Anyway let’s get going.

Bed Friend

I’m enjoying this. However I didn’t expect this series to be heavy. The trauma Uea is dealing with oof. But please can we get better subs. It’s not the worst but still.

Chains Of Heart

I was ready to drop this because after 2 eps I was still confused and the subs didn’t make it any better. They were really bad. But since I hate dropping things I was like let me just try one more ep. And wow I was shocked when I saw the subs. They became so much better.

Love Syndrome III

Well what can I say. Low quality and terrible subs. Lee Long Shi really needs to find better projects to star in. Because so far all of them have been a miss. But either way I will try and continue this.

My School President

Well Fourth and Gemini stole my heart in Moonlight Chicken so I then decided I would bing this while I am home alone. One more ep to go while writing this. Anyway I am in love 🥰

Our Winter

Same as last time. No plot but at least it’s cute. They revealed the plot for their upcoming Korean collab and it’s about a fan who has feelings for his idol. I feel a bit iffy abut that plot but I’ll wait and see.

The End Of The World

This show is just not doing it for me. And today’s ep wasn’t that good for my mental health. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad show. Just not for me.

The Promise

Watched the 2 short movies before the series started and I really liked them. Despite the fact the sadness hit me hard and stayed with me longer then I wanted. Enjoyed the first ep. Heard some bad things about the second ep. I hope it’s not as bad as they made it seem.

Tin Tem Jai

I will just skip around for the side couple. Don’t care about the rest at all. 

Future The Series (12 March, YT, Gaga) 

Rookie Thailand BL’s are always low heat but I enjoy them. So I can’t wait for this.

Midnight Museum (7 March, YT)

You have no idea how excited I am for this show. P’tor and Gun in the same show? Sign me up! And 2 eps a week? Even better.