#my last shift is today
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i wholeheartedly believe in the curse of being a fanfic writer cuz wtf has been this past couple of days dawg
NO ELECTRICITY NO WIFI
COMPUTER’S DEAD
EVERYTHING’S IN A SUITCASE AND/OR IN STORAGE
I GOT A FLIGHT ON MONDAY⁉️
But hey… i’m writing ily pt3 in a notebook 😜 Good ole pencil and paper
Life may be strong but my Hobie brain rot is stronger 🗣️‼️
#and i’m cooking too#MUAHAHAHAHA#m00n's stuff#writing#no but deadass this is insane#can’t charge my computer and my drafts are on it 😭#but on a good note#my last shift is today#hEHEHEHE#hobie brown#cuz he’s getting me through this frfr#fanfic curse
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Ever since Narinder hurt himself trying to pull her cart for her, Forneus makes him ride on it whenever they travel anywhere together.
#super qucik and sloppy before work sketch since i didnt draw anything last night AAAAAAA#IF TODAY AINT ANOTHER 11 HOUR SHIFT ILL GET MY SHIT TOGETHER I SWEAR#i like to imagine forneus' cart is heavy as SHIT and that she IS in fact the only one that can pull it. not even kallamar stands a chance#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#cotl forneus
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you need a drink
#alan wake#control#control: awe#awedit#alanwakeedit#mk.op#mk.gifs#mk.edit#i got dizzy at work today for the last four hours of my shift and it felt like this
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now that my time at the boston tea party is coming to a close, im reflecting on my favorite facts and i think the best one is that one of the guys involved (my nemesis lendall of the john gray gay panic incident) is the distant ancestor of the guy who made the first philosoraptor meme.
history is a funny thing
#messages from the ouija board#sadies day job#only three more shifts#just had my last ship guarding shift today and one guy gave a lovely short speech on our last tour together#in front of guests and everything about how i taught him everything he knows about leading a mob and i got a little teary ngl#i wasnt expecting it at all and especially not from this guy who i did help train a little but like#hes not in my social circle and hes very stoic so it really caught me off guard that he thinks of me like that
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fuck it friday
tagged by @disasterbuckdiaz @pirrusstuff @daffi-990 @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks 💖
just a tiny snippet of the natalia fic bc I'm excited about it and I think it might be posted by the end of this weekend👀 this one takes place before the last snippet lol
prev snippet
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It’s a few seconds before he hears the sound of familiar steps, recognizing them immediately. Eddie’s home. Buck hears him coming, hears him stepping on that one squeaky floorboard two steps from the door – they’ve been meaning to fix that for ages – and finally the door opens, revealing a confused but pleased-looking Eddie. He’s in sweatpants and an old, stretched out t-shirt Buck’s pretty sure actually belongs to him, and his hair is all disheveled and flat on one side, like he’s been napping on the couch. He looks so perfect and so cute, and Buck wants to see him like this for the rest of his life.
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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @hoodie-buck @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @exhuastedpigeon @jesuisici33 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @diazsdimples @fortheloveofbuddie @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs
#fuck it friday#wikiangela writes#my wips#buddie wip#buddie fic#my writing#fic snippet#untitled natalia fic#fic: you can see it with the lights out (you are in love)#idk why but i love this snippet so much 😂#this is the last snippet of this fic i'll post bc i know exactly how i wanna end it and gonna finish it tonight hopefully lol#i had the worst week and today after I slept off my last night shift i had a kinda hectic day of adulting lol#and im so ready to do nothing but write and watch oth tonight haha
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Remind me not to post fics around my night shifts thinking I could use the pick-me-up; I am clearly way too touchy when I am sleep deprived. While I am trying to take things in the (hopefully) meant-to-be-helpful spirit of things, it is currently just not working because my mood is so low as to need a magnifying lense to be seen.
#chatter#personal rant#When people try to be helpful#it would be nice if they at least commented on the fic#gonna take a nap now#because I got in to work another night shift today#coworker asked me how I was doing#and I kinda burst into tears#so they sent me to bed#there isn’t anything to do currently#but it still feels like a personal failing#not being able to go into work and be ready for it#just to clarify#this has nothing to with the helpful comments#and everything to do with#practically getting no sleep on my last night shift#and just generally bordering depression when I am forced to be awake after midnight
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JIN DAY JIN DAY *SUPER TUNA BLARES*🐟🛸🐟🛸
happy birthday king!!!! you get the honour of being the first bts art I've done since 2020 let's go (click for full quality!)
#yes i DID paint this last week#but im working a 14h shift today so no fresh art#bts fanart#kim seokjin#jin day#seokjin#jin#bts jin#bts#gouache#traditional art#my art#jin fanart#20231204
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If I had a nickel for every time my dad and to go to hospital for: choking on a piece of meat during a post golf meal
I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot yadda yadda but damn dude how do you get a piece of steak crammed that far down in your oesophagus??
#this time seems less pressing (despite being air lifted from country hospital to the royal) because he can still breath#but its pretty jammed in there and he can't swallow so will have to wait all day for endoscopy to have a look at it#and play the worst version of a claw machine game people have#last time he was all weezing and stuff because it was obstructing airway#when i saw the message the first thing i was worried about was managing my behaviour so the fam (mostly my sister) dont get mad at me#if he died i would be sad in the way people frightened of their own mortality are#not sad in the grieving and miss him way#and i dont think my siblings realise how little i like him#anyway hes not dying and will be fine but it really shifts the mood this weekend and also means mama is not moving house today#and im pretty sure i can still go to a gig tonight (hes fine. i cant do anything anyway)#but i think my sister will go off if i ask to be sure
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i super regretted doing lines for these instead of coloured sketches so the lines are pretty shoddy. designs are subject to change but anyways
if you wanna read abt these guys: https://toyhou.se/26958153.puppeteer-info
more doodles:
#wellp time to go to work and think abt them there also#i hope its dead today it was dead last shift#but i doubt it cuz its nice out today and last shift it was freezing#these took me days to do cuz i just do not have the energy and have even less time#but the clowns..............#my art#art q#oc#ref#puppeteer#puppet#clown#clowncore#human#humanoid#puppetverse#flat#nc#sketch#also ill do a proper height chart edit#eventually.........
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god there are NO mtt centric fics on ao3 that i haven't already read 😭😭😭 so i have to resort to reading fics about my secondary interest but then it just hurts more because i end up missing not thinking about the mtt. they're like a drug to me if i go for too long not consuming good content (art fanfics videos rambles) of the mtt i start to actually tweak out
#tricule rant#i had to read hi3 fanfics today to pass time. it was nice but my brain was no enjoying the focus shift#b b but triglycercule surely you haven't read ALL off them- yes i have#everytime i join a new fandom i go on ao3 pick a tag and scroll through the tag until i reach the last page#this activity usually takes about 3 days. 5-10 if i pick a BIG tag#and ofc i did it for the mtt soooo ya. i DID in fact read all the mtt centric fics that are good in my standards
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its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost
#tiddytaco#b#thinking about it rn bc today while i was driving my mom home from pt#she saw someone she knew from years ago driving & was like FOLLOW THAT CAR & we met them in a parking lot#& the conversation turned to 'hey what the hell happened to your parents' pretty quickly bc our families hadnt been in touch#& it was a long conversation in the hobby lobby parking lot#& idk if itll ever Stop being fresh in my mind but now its Extra fresh in my mind#that whole time period was just so insane & awful#bc it was like Ok we're caring for both grandparents#& then my grandpa died#& all our pets at the time were very old#& when he died it occurred to me that we could easily lose both grandparents and all 3 pets within the year#it turned out to be like a long drawn-out year & a half from the first to the last#& looking back it seems impossible that is was that short a time period bc it felt like an eternity#we got off easy with grandpa bc he died before it got too bad but with grandma it just kept getting Worse#& the climax of the caring experience was traveling to take her to my uncle bc he wanted to take his shift caring for her#& that was so . So bad. SO bad#like it literally could not have gone more smoothly and it was SO bad#just thinking about it i feel like im there again i get so stressed out
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creature explorations 1/?
#my art#oc art#tadc oc#.menagerie#.exhibit: jitter#started this last night to lull me to sleep and picked them up today to come down from my tadc highs#rubs chin im trying to piece together how to ya kno#draw my own oc#ill probably have to dissect their outfit next which may lead to some shifting around#once i put down my j.ax playlist i think ill spruce up jitters for such an act
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Chronic pain having disabled Jace with a mobility aid 💖
#his cane is so decked out#going through it so I’m projecting again 💖💖 onto my fave lil guy~~~#ily disabled Jace ilyyyyy#I imagine he found one to match his wand so it looks like a large version of it#just also purple bc it has to be his favorite color#porter offers to carry him places and he refuses bc he likes to build his strength back up after being bedridden for a week or two#jace stardiamond#personal#feel free to ignore beyond this point#->#watch this is gonna be what pushed me to get my own can bc the days that my mobility is limited are fuckin rough#these last couple weeks have been ROUGH#I had trouble making it up the stairs when I got home today trying to put all the weight onto my good leg#just for THAT ONE to start hurting too#gah#bad bad bad day man FUCK#getting in and out of the car almost fucking killed me#I had to keep adjusting on the drive bc every turn shifted me back onto where it hurts the most
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the things I do for my little sister...... tsk tsk tsk
#She's dressing up as Sammy Lawrence for halloween#and given the fact I'm the artistic one in my family#she wanted me to make her a mask#and i did#It's been drying last night but I'll show the end results later today#i have shit going on on my end#rambles#painting#happy halloweeeeeeen#artists on tumblr#bendy and the ink machine#sammy lawrence#I have no specific fandom I like#I'm in a lot of them and like to shift to either one to my liking or how I'm feeling
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“Riddle, did you hear about the new war refugees?”
Tom sat comfortably in a fine leather chair by the fireplace. Its top back boasted a swooping curved wood carving of snakes at play, the detail work all done in delicate silver filigree. Admittedly, it wasn’t a very comfortable chair at all, as ostentatious as it was and no doubt older than Headmaster Dippet himself—but Tom would not be seen as picky of all things. His image of imperturbable Head Boy was undoubtedly always at stake.
Glancing up from his book, a spelt hidden copy of Dark Curses; The Uncounterable, Tom deigned Abraxas with his already drifting attention. “You’ll have to be more specific, Abraxas. There have been, after all, nearly sixty or so of them.”
Abraxas never huffed, but this was a near thing, “Yes, yes. Well, all those other ones aren’t worth our time. These refugees have just sorted Slytherin.”
Ah, that was interesting. The children sent here from Grindelwald’s warpath have all been the same in some way. They have come injured almost beyond repair, some still recovering in the medi-wing. They have come devastated by their loss, newly orphaned and longing for their homes. They have come angry, lashing out and vicious, headstrong to a fault— Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs through and through.
It was almost a surprise none had so far come with any ambition or cunning loud enough to sway the hat to their esteemed house. Surely the rumours of Slytherin House and their darker leanings could not have reached every new ear.
It almost had the makings of a conspiracy. Or it had, before these new students.
“More than one?” Tom asked.
Abraxas crossed his arms and raised his chin, pleased to have Tom’s attention. He loved gossiping, a terrible and useful habit that Tom often happily exploited. “Three of them,” he leaned in closer, “and they all claim to be siblings. But it’s absolutely absurd; they look nothing close to related. The only thing they share in common is their surname.”
Tom thought it odd that they would feel the need to lie about something so simple. “When did they arrive?”
“This morning. I passed by Slughorn, who could not help himself from sharing with Avery and me his absolute delight at having new Slytherins to take under his wing.” Abraxas frowned, “Though that was ages ago. It is strange he’s yet to introduce them to you.” He continued muttering, and Tom’s attention returned to his book, “You’re his favourite, Head Boy and all. You’d make the best impression….”
Tom hummed, noncommittal. It wouldn’t do to look anything more than humble, though he doubted Abraxas would notice. “I’m sure we will meet them soon. Lunch starts in an hour.”
— —
And meet, they did.
New students used to be all the rage. Tittering and giggling and whispering abound. Some stares of sympathy, pity. New students used to be an unnecessary building of energy that would last over the course of several days until it inevitably died off. So Tom was grateful when the shiny lustre of sad little children arriving in droves finally pittered into solemn, if curious, acceptance. Not an unusual occurrence by any means.
These three students appear to have brought that ridiculous energy back.
They entered the Great Hall late, and Tom assumed this was reason one of a long list that triggered the excitement. Slughorn and Dippet were decidedly absent, and when they arrived, it was with the new Slytherins in tow. This wouldn’t have caused any fuss if it hadn’t been for Slughorn’s naturally boisterous voice and Dippet’s worried frown at whatever inane things he was spouting. Their conversation drew attention like moths to a flame.
“And this is the Great Hall! Truly a marvel, is it not?” Slughorn proclaimed with large, outstretched hands. Displaying the hall like a muggle magic trick. Disgusting.
Reason two revealed itself in the new students’ reactions. It was customary to feel some sense of awe when seeing the Great Hall for the first time. Tom certainly remembers his. How the night shone brighter than he’d ever known it capable of away from the smog of London. How magic made even the stars that much more attainable.
But one of the students had simply stopped. He was half a head shorter than the other boy and about level with the girl, with dark hair and glasses. Tom couldn’t see much else that distinguished him from any other classmate, but there was a way he held himself that was so different from the other students that had come and toured the castle. He looked upon the duller grey sky of today’s dreary rainstorm with something that wasn’t quiet wonder or amazement. His siblings certainly didn’t share his interest, hardly glancing at the ceiling at all, finding the food much more appealing.
No, Tom was sure he wasn’t taking in the majesty of the hall’s fine spellwork; if anything, he seemed so incredibly relieved.
His siblings’ reactions to his pause, when they finally noticed he’d stopped at the doors and they’d gone on without him, Tom assumed caused reason three for the excitement. They rushed to him with a startled “Harry!” and grabbed his arms, gripping him hard enough to pull him out of his trance. His head bounced rapidly between the two, a lanky ginger and a girl with hair so poofy Tom thought her part puffskein, obviously bewildered.
The girl had gone so far as to cradle his face, her palm pressed to the flat of his cheek. Tom couldn’t make out the words from here, but the students lunching were suddenly less inclined to make much noise, the sound dropping to a polite chatter. Everyone wanted to eavesdrop, it seemed.
This led to reason four: these… siblings… they were really very, very close.
And suddenly the excitement knew no peace.
“Merlin,” Emmett Parkinson scoffed, “what are they? Lovers? I thought you said they were family, Malfoy?”
Abraxas dragged his attention away from their display to respond indignant, “That’s what I was told!”
“He’d also said they were triplets,” Cygnus Black chimed in, revulsion evident across his features. “Those mudbloods seem to have carried a nasty muggle trait here with them,” he smirked, “careful. It could be catching.”
Muted laughter carried its way through the seventh and some sixth-year Slytherins. It was rich of Cygnus to throw such blatant accusations of incest around, but Tom could admit that if they kept this up, the Evans would be torn apart within the day. Such softness was frowned upon in their house.
Slughorn and Dippet brought them to the staff table and quickly introduced them to the Professors. “These three bright minds are Harry, Ronald, and Hermione Evans! Our newest seventh-years! I’ve been told we can expect great things from them,” Slughorn said. He puffed up like he always did when he boasted about his Slytherin students. However, it was rare to see him boast about students he hardly knew.
Then the most curious thing happened.
Slughorn turned toward the Slytherin table, eyes searching until they fell upon Tom and ambled over. This wasn’t surprising; Tom expected to meet them as Abraxas had said and expected Slughorn to introduce them to him first. Abraxas was not wrong about Slughorn favouring Tom over others.
“And this is our very own Head Boy, Tom Riddle! Tom is an exceptional young lad. He’ll be invaluable during your time here regarding any questions or concerns you might have— a vital resource!” Slughorn chortled and patted Tom’s shoulder.
What surprised Tom, and what was wholly unexpected, was the blatant hostility after they were introduced.
Hermione Evans was a plain girl with a deep complexion, made plainer by her pinched brows and tilted head as though Tom were a very disagreeable book but one she just needed to get through to argue its faults fully. Finally, after a long moment of staring, she gave a little nod that seemed more toward herself than him and said, “Hello.”
“Merlin,” started Ronald Evans, broken from whatever trance had consumed him by the girl’s voice. He was decidedly the odd one out of the trio, with his tall frame rivalling Tom’s height and his bright hair and pale, freckled face. Seeing them all up close made it even more apparent how impossible their claims of being triplets were. Surely if they were triplets, they’d be a medical marvel. “I promise we won’t go to you for shite.”
Tom’s brows raised. Hermione Evans hissed out a berating “Ronald” and whipped around to stare at him aghast. She hit his arm when he simply shrugged unapologetically.
Tom ignored them in favour of casting his attention to the final Evans, Harry. Hermione Evans and Harry shared more in common. They shared wild hair and sun-kissed skin and height. Yet their differences were aplenty. Harry’s hair was darker, and his eyes were brighter— a vivid green that Tom couldn’t seem to place but knew was undoubtedly familiar— and he had a long jagged scar that cut down his forehead and through his brow. It marred his face with a dull unhealed red.
Harry did not look at Tom, refused to, and kept his head held high and sight straight ahead to the wall opposite. Such an intense focus.
When it became clear Tom wouldn’t receive much of a greeting from Harry either, he spoke. “Welcome to Hogwarts,” Tom smiled charmingly. It was the kind he pulled out on rare occasions when he knew people were looking down on him for his name and, ultimately, blood status. Though, he didn’t think that to be the problem at the moment. “If you do find yourselves needing assistance, I would be happy to lend a hand.”
“Very good!” Slughorn continued, oblivious or simply ignoring the odd tension. “I’ll be sure to get you your timetables by tomorrow morning, students! For now, enjoy the rest of your day!”
And then they were alone with all of Slytherin House paying very close attention.
Tom opened his mouth, readying himself to invite the trio to sit with him during lunch. If anyone could pick information out efficiently, it would be his knights, but Hermione Evans beat him to it, “Thank you. We would stay, but we have a meeting.”
She hooked her arms through her… brothers’ and stole them away. She dragged them back up the hall and through the doors, clamouring to get out as though the devil were on their tail. How very odd.
What meeting could they possibly have on their first day here?
Druella Rosier scoffed. “Mannerless, who could have guessed?”
“Evans certainly isn’t a wizarding name,” Emmett frowned, “and how are we meant to put up with more siblings? The Blacks are already ridiculous enough. Someone says ‘Black’ once, and five heads turn!”
“Come now, Emmett,” Alphard Black twisted around his brother and smirked. He pointed his fork at Emmett, careless even as it barely grazed Cygnus’s nose, who leant back unamused. “If anything, you could consider us practice. But judging by the look of them,” Alphard sat back and straightened out, “I doubt they’d even answer you if you called.”
The rest of the Slytherins bickered among themselves, content to poke their fun and gossip. Tom held his tongue; he kept a careful ear and tuned out when uninterested. The Evans seemed odd but nothing special. Tom could care less about their decorum or lack thereof as long as they didn’t make any trouble for their house.
— —
Tom spoke too soon.
They had vanished for the remainder of the day. No one had seen hide nor hair of all three Evans since their grand entrance during lunch. Tom was confident they’d gotten lost. But as he settled into his chair by the fireplace once more for the evening, enjoying the last moments of the night before his prefect rounds, they finally arrived.
Harry was in low murmured talks with Ronald, their heads bent close together, while Hermione Evans had her full attention on a tome in her hands. Following behind her in the air was a stack of five or six more. Had that been where they were? The library?
Walburga Black tutted from her perch on the leather chesterfield opposite, “They haven’t even introduced themselves and have hardly been here some hours, yet have already riffled through the library shamelessly?”
Tom was more bemused than offended. How they remembered their way to the library after Slughorn’s (most likely brief) tour was a more pressing mystery. But given how Hermione Evans flipped through pages of a book like a windstorm, he wouldn’t be surprised to learn she had a photographic memory.
And as absorbed in her text as she was, and without her brothers’ careful guidance while distracted as they were, she walked right into Waylen Mulciber. Who, Tom supposed, in her defence, anticipated her blunder. He had watched her wander deeper into the room with a vicious grin and hadn’t been inclined to move out of the way. Instead, Waylen stood there, arms crossed, wand already out, and took her minor collision with dramatics only rivalled by Abraxas himself.
“Watch yourself, mudblood!” Waylen shoved her back, and Tom’s brows arched as her brothers sprung into gear. Ronald caught her before she fell to the floor, and Harry Evans cast a quick spell to keep her trailing books up as they’d begun to fall when she did. The students still left in the common room took to the scene like the play it was, smiles sharp as they kept a close eye on the performance.
“What a joke,” Waylen continued, “to have tainted—“ his mouth pressed shut into a fine line. He panicked and reached up with both his hands to touch his throat and face, wand delicately balanced, and panicked more when his wand was ripped from his hold.
Harry Evans seemed to have taken Waylen’s starting rant as a cue to silence him and his shock as a cue to disarm him. Tom was nearly impressed at the speed of his casting, blindsiding one of the better duelling students, but it was hardly a fair fight. And Mulciber was an idiot on a good day.
“Harry, wait-stop. It’s all right; he doesn’t matter,” Hermione Evans said, holding a vice grip on Ronald’s arm, reaching out a hesitant hand to Harry’s wrist. His eyes were locked on Waylen’s, a severe frown pulling at his face, but when he turned his gaze to Hermione, they softened.
There was something about that look. It was certainly chastised, very apologetic, but also stern. A sureness that almost radiated. A loud he deserved it echoing throughout the common room.
But it relented. Harry Evans sighed and rolled his eyes to the heavens. When he spoke, Tom noted his voice as quiet, clear, and nearly casually authoritative. “Here. Fetch,” he said and tossed Waylen’s wand across the room. It stopped just beside Tom on the floor, a roll away from the burning fireplace. Tom did not doubt that was artfully intentional, and he felt the amusement of it all curling his lips. “If I ever hear you say that word again, I’ll do more than embarrass you.”
The silence lingered. Or it did until Ronald whistled something low and encouraging, its sound causing Harry and Hermione Evans to look at him bewildered. Then, when he gave Harry a pleased grin and a thumbs-up, the tension popped like apparition.
Harry snorted loud and unattractive. His hand slapped across his face in a poor attempt to conceal his onslaught of… giggles. Hermione shook her head in awe, a growing smile tugging at her lips, and kept a firm hold on Ronald’s arm as she grabbed at the sleeve of Harry’s robes and once again dragged them out and away from their fellow Slytherins. In a commendable show of magic, the tomes still hovering beside Harry kept stable and unwavering, following them out even as Harry Evans’s laughter became near uncontrollable. The sound of it echoed down the hall until the common room door slid shut.
The overall reaction to their escape was mutiny.
Loud screeches of how dare they and someone go stop them and does anyone know the counter for Mulciber rang out across the room amongst the murmured contemplation. When Tom looked over at Walburga and took stock of her appalled face, he was tempted to laugh too.
What a fascinating final year at Hogwarts it was turning out to be.
#tomarry#tomarrymort#harrymort#pov: tom#my fic#2.7k words#fic is unnamed at the moment#hi i forgot i posted that thing while i was at work yesterday so before i got to work today i thought i'd hand it over#i'll be mostly gone the next 12 hours trying to survive my shift so please take my wack attempts at making another tomarry time travel fic#and be kind#because picking names for past people is a challenge i hate#also i didn't read this over one last time before sending it so pray for me that there are minimal errors
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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