#my holds aftermath
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aww didn't i tell you you needed to learn to ask for the potty? now look what happened, you made a mess of yourself.
you do look awfully cute all blushy and drippy though. my poor baby couldn't hold it in could he~
I tried to ask!!! I did!!! i just, you just, I, it, I.....
😖😖😖😳😳😳 I.....
I couldn't hold it yeah. It was too much!!!! M sorry. I'll clean it up and myself up to and get into bed.....
#(and a snack and soft things ofc dw)#I wish i had someone else to clean up so i could just burst into tears 😅😅😅#but alas the lone life must be responsible#the towel is a good help in that regard#my holds aftermath
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iceman + his concern for maverick post-hop 31
#icemav#top gun edit#ice is a FASCINATING one to watch post-hop 31 imo because while yes‚ obviously‚ the focus is on maverick and his grief and devastation#ice is there the whole time in the background‚ watching. and he's visibly disturbed by what he's seeing. because yeah -#he and mav had a rivalry going and yeah he called maverick dangerous and reckless to his face and he stands by that - he does.#but the problem is that this time - this one fluke freak accident of a time - it wasn't maverick's fault at all.#an unrecoverable flat spin brought on by a compressor stall from ice's jetwash isn't something that maverick could've outflown#by sticking to textbook maneuvers. it was just shit luck and shitty circumstances aligning to create a tragic mishap.#but now - now ice can see the way maverick is unraveling in the aftermath#and i'd bet that on some level it terrifies him to see that.#he's used to seeing maverick with all that brash cocky confidence with the moves to back it up.#he's maybe even had a bit of fun jockeying against that. not that he'd admit that out loud. (yet)#but maverick's spiraling now - a hollowed out shell of his former self - leaking grief and self-doubt and despair everywhere he goes#and it actually hurts to look at for ice‚ seeing maverick like this. seeing how much maverick really REALLY fucking cared under that facade#and wondering if maverick is finally taking the stuff ice said to him to heart‚ but applying it all wrong.#so he watches maverick and eventually that concern builds to a point where he tries to offer an olive branch in the locker room#you can SEE how carefully he gathers himself - how much he's holding back - he doesn't want to say the wrong thing to maverick NOW#he doesn't want to make this worse than it already is. so it comes out stilted. it's earnest - but restrained. he can't find his footing.#he doesn't know where he and maverick stand now but he's sorry - that goose is gone‚ that maverick's going through this‚#that he doesn't know how to help or what to say‚ and - crucially - for his own part in this.#but he wants mav to stick around and push through this. even though he's dangerous. even though he's reckless. ice wants him to beat this.#so when maverick shows up to graduation‚ ice is encouraged. and he's a little warmer. maverick really might pull through.#but then‚ all too soon‚ it's ice's life on the line in maverick's hands. and it scares the shit out of him because maverick's not ready#and now ice - and slider - are going to have to pay the price for that.#and then‚ against all odds‚ maverick pushes through. he comes back for them. he comes back for ice.#and after that...well.#after that‚ ice does know what to say: a vow.#my amvs#linds original
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My great-uncle runs grocery stores and he told me about having to close down the one by the university because the students never bought fresh perishable foods there and (though I haven't been a college student these 6 years) I still am very proud of myself whenever my grocery list is just perishables
#today i got kale arugula smoked salmon apple lemon green beans and coconut milk#to be supplemented by chicken pot pie (homemade w homemade broth and chicken fat to make the roux) and butternut squash soup#and chia seed pudding and eggs to feed me for the week#am i like. a healthy eater?? i know i am but the amount of greens i actually want to eat rn is shocking#also hello i'm barely clinging to life and health in the aftermath of 2 trips in 2 weeks but i AM clinging#i am fed i worked out outside i am showing up at work and getting it done#i still have an entire conference paper to write in the next 8 days#and i need to get my car repaired#AND apply for a job (many things have changed in me so fast job-wise#but i can't really post about it til i journal about it but that won't happen for days)#my soul is so full though i got so much physical touch and saw beloved friends and their children#4 parently professors 10 dear friends and 3 children IT WAS THE BEST#and then today i had dinner with my friends here and goofed with the twins so :) all's well :)#i just am on a tight deadline to get my body and life stabilized before next weekend i take another road trip and pms#love you all i hold you dearly i intend to send forth mail. once i'm sane at home again. which may not happen til december#oh! and my copy of deep secret by diana wynne jones came in the mail while i was gone#and! i got to the colorwork part of my sweater and it looks AWESOME
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trying to stop myself from drawing winters family as ivan the terrible and his dying son
#vixen rambles#BEEECAUSE. BECAUSE IT COULD GO EITHER WAYY#could be a more bittersweet composition w mark holding ashe in the direct aftermath of s2ep39.#ORRR it could be so much Worse. could be the trickster holding mark. can you see my visionnnn
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#i know im still in the aftermath but i cant stop fucking coming back to this#i feel what he did to my body with the stress he put on me every fucking day#good days never feel like healing#they feel like brief breaks#just why did he have to go and take it over the edge#when he kept the abusive behavior down to a level i could at least justify to myself then i also got to enjoy all the ways he took care ofme#the ways he was good to me#'abusive behavior' i still cant bring myself to just call it abuse#then he went and had to take every stress he had out on me with the meanest shit that still rattles around my brain#and then when i finally ended it and he got his feeling hurt checking this fucking blog#he used every tactic hed learned would scare the shit out of me over the previous 2.5years and did it all in one afternoon#he came home and had a big yelling freakout just like his ex did to him cause he knew just how scary and traumatizing that shit was#and then i had to fucking steep in that apartment for nearly another 2 months#god i want to get to a point where i dont feel this in my literal bones#but i wont anytime soon#i just miss having someone who at the very least holds me and soothes some of my pain#even when he was the cause of it
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FUUUUUUUUUCK, WHY IS NINE INCH NAILS' WOODSTOCK '94 PERFORMANCE SO FUCKING GOOODDDODODDLJHKJHBGKJHLVLJHVJG
#LIKE I KNOW TRENT WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH THE AFTERMATH#BUT I STILL THINK IT HOLDS UP TO THIS VERY DAY#It's just so raw and full of energy it's like a fucking religious experience#i love it so damn much#nine inch nails#NIN#trent reznor#woodstock#woodstock 94#grace yelling#my dumbass NIN posting
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this composition came to me in a vision while sketching and I had to make it real
#it’s giving the ‘But whatever I do with this cage I cannot get at you and it is your soul that I want’ from Jane eyre#(2011) film#the scene where he’s holding her#this is basically the aftermath of my comic where stewys comforting Ken after arguing#i am feeling very normal about their bond when they were fresh teenagers#before life hurt them and fucked it up#Kenstewy#kendall roy#kendall x stewy#stewy hosseini#stewy x kendall
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I need to lock these gay ass motherfuckers all in a room.
For science.
#i want to see who comes out alive#my money is on sinjir or thrawn#ok but thrawn and kallus canonically fought and kallus got his ass handed to him#also eli zeb and condor watching from the sidelines-#sinjir would read them all to filth but I don't think he could hold his own in a fist fight should one break out#crosshair is a little shit who is definitely also going to say something snarky that's going to get him punched in the face#(like what happened with rex in s7 of tcw)#kallus probably has the most like self restraint in terms of taking verbal blows#and also thrawn#i think sinjir and crosshair would either be best friends or moral enemies#no in between#why are they all imps omg#idc i think crosshair is losing#crosshair is going to start shit but he can't end it#or maybe the spend the entire time bragging about their boyfriends idk#sw aftermath#aftermath trilogy#sinjir rath velus#alexsander kallus#tbb crosshair#crosshair bad batch#thrawn#mitth'raw'nuruodo#tbb#sw rebels#thrawn trilogy
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the family also found a new home! a former survivor base that had been overran by zombies, it has everything they need and ~more~. including a basement they haven't been able to get into yet, but so far they haven't heard anything, so i'm sure it's fine!
#ts3#aftermath gen1#aftermath legacy#i HATE dealing with terrain tools and their old lot was the WORSTTT i couldnt do it#so cheating is okay when it comes to my quality of life 😌#and theres no real estate in the apocalypse so u know what. be free caramels. own the entire town if u want.#criminals are coming soon so its get what u want now or forever hold ur peace
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Whooo I’m mad stressin about round seven
But I do know that the bass will be FUNKY
#ahghghh#it comes out SO SOON#I am not going to be able to do anything but think about to os#this#everything is going to be put on hold#assignments NO#homework? NO#alnst 7#yes#the only thing that will have my attention#and it will be the only thing i think about the rest of the day#im actually so scared#also#my poor roommate#shes got to deal with me#shes a real one#she listens to all of my ramblings and everything#a true homie#pray for me I won’t survive this round#and pray for her cause she has to deal with the aftermath#two people are going to die during round seven#whoever dies and me#but hopefully all goes well#or as well as it can#fingers crossed yall#feels like its evil christmas twas the night before alnst 7 and all through the dorm was rosie screaming and crying not out of the norm#alnst till#alnst luka#alien stage#alnst
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aww good for you sweetie pie. we're all proud of you~ have a nice evening! <33
🥰🥰 Thank you!!!! So much!!!! ahh!!! gosh! I will And thank you for helping!!!!! you have a good evening too <3
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I have so many varied and fun WIPs I could work on but my brain continues to scream “BE WEIRD ABOUT CHILDBIRTH! SURELY YOU WON’T WEIRD ANYONE OUT IF YOU KEEP WRITING ABOUT CHILDBIRTH!” and I’d like it to sTOP
#I HAVE TOKOPHOBIA CHILDBIRTH AND PREGNANCY IN GENERAL REPULSE ME#(not to be confused with ‘I find it repulsive’ — its natural and plenty of people find it beautiful and more power to ‘em! me personally…)#BUT I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT MARIO RUSHING TO HIS WIFE’S BEDSIDE AND FRANTICALLY TRYING TO HELP HER RELAX#WHEN IN FACT SHE IS ALREADY RELAXED AND HE NEEDS BREATHING EXERCISES MORE THAN SHE DOES#AND THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION THEY BOTH UNDERGO AS THE HOURS TICK BY AND THE PAIN GETS WORSE#PEACH HURTING AND ANXIOUS AND FRANKLY KINDA TERRIFIED BUT BLINDLY LEANING ON AND TRUSTING HER HUSBAND WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT#AND OF COURSE HE REFUSES TO LET HER DOWN BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH HE’S FRAZZLED HE’S NOT GOING TO LET HER GO THROUGH THIS ALONE#AND AND AND#PEACH TREMBLING AND WEEPING IN RELIEF WHEN SHE’S HANDED HER LITTLE GIRL AND FEELS HER TAKE HER FIRST BREATHS AND HEARS HER FIRST CRIES#MARIO PEPPERING HER FACE IN KISSES AND JUST REPEATING ‘brava! brava! brava!’ BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS SO STRONG AND SO INCREDIBLE#AND IT DOESN’T REALLY HIT HIM UNTIL THEIR BABY’S ALL CLEANED AND SWADDLED AND HE’S HOLDING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE JUST#STARTS FUCKING BAWLING#AND WHISPERING TO HER IN HIS NATIVE TONGUE ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER AND HOW HE’S SO HAPPY TO MEET HER AND HE’S GONNA PROTECT HER#THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH! THE FIRST SLEEPLESS HOURS AND DAYS! NAVIGATING IT ALL TOGETHER AND IT BRINGS THEM EVEN CLOSER#WHY AM I LIKE THIS#I SEE PREGNANT BELLIES OR NEWBORN BABIES IRL AND I’M LIKE ‘🤢’#BUT WHEN IT’S MY OTPS I AM LITERALLY OBSESSED#WHY#MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 😭😭😭
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Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason? Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair. Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman. Tabris: You would do something foolish. Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there. Tabris: I love you, Alistair. Alistair:
Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?
Me. It was me.
I made the ultimate sacrifice.
The achievement wasn't worth it.
#dragon age#dragon age origins#dao#alistair theirin#dao alistair#warden tabris#i'm genuinely so heart broken#i just wanted to see what ending you get when you reject morrigan's ritual since i have very strong opinions on it as i've discussed before#and it's more in character for my tabris to reject it anyway so this was the first time i did it and just...... i am hurt#like... it's such a hopeless 'what was even the point? she didn't deserve this' feeling y'know? she didn't deserve this!#and neither did alistair... he already holds so much guilt over duncan and cailan making him stay out of battle in ostagar#and then rose makes him stay behind so she can face the archdemon and die ALONE... while also robbing him of the chance to stand beside her#the way i play dao is alistair is forever in my party like i literally take him *everywhere* he is with rose the entire journey#they are partners in this forever and always and they planned to face the archdemon together but that changed with riordan's news...#and this is the first time since they met in ostagar that he hasn't been in her party and i didn't expect it to hurt so much...#plus i keep alistair a warden so he's left alone in the aftermath of a blight that took everything from him#and i know the end card was retconned but it says that he was so hurt over the warden's death#that he said it wasn't the same anymore and he fucking *left* the order and fereldan and his whereabouts are unknown after he made#a small monument for duncan in his birthplace like.... again i know that was retconned since he obviously didn't leave the wardens but OOF#oh and don't even get me started on morrigan and how she responds to being rejected like i'm chewing on all my furniture right now#there is so much to dissect in that conversation and i'm too emotionally drained to handle it right now...
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with respect to myself, this whole “i need to wait till i’m out of school to date,” “i need to wait till i’m more historically, politically, and culturally educated to date” is all bullshit. it’s the top surgery. that’s the holdup. they chop these tits off and i’m ready to go.
#for the record - i still think that those first two things are the WISEST course of action#but i’m just saying that i don’t think anyone could hold me back if the opportunity arises#because the top surgery thing is my real hangup#because that would be a LOT to go through with someone in a new relationship and i would rather Not#so it’s better to wait#and i have a feeling that MY confidence will increase a ton in the aftermath as well#i’ll FINALLY be able to dress how i want holy SHIT#no more needless layering and strategically shapeless flannels#thank GOD#and in the meantime i’ll just keep trying to learn as much as i can on the way there!#so that i’m as prepared as possible whenever the moment comes along#i’m really working on not being mean to myself about not knowing things#nobody comes into the world with this knowledge#and i was not given the resources growing up that encouraged me to learn these things#just because some people had parents or friends who introduced them to things when they were younger or grew up in cultural centers#doesn’t make them cooler or better than me#i am educating myself now and that is what is important#i enjoy learning and that is what is important#i WILL become my ideal self one day - i am getting better#i am not perfect - i am still fucking up a ton and insecure and stretching myself to the absolute limit#which is why it is probably NOT a good idea to date right now!!!!!!#but who knows… i’ll just go where the road takes me#and see how that works out
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33(???) days until Charlie...
#mira draws stuff#fate charlemagne#charlemagne#fgo#fate grand order#fate extella link#charlemagne countdown#do you ever think about how the pain at losing Roland and Olivier and the other paladins belongs to Charlie alone and not Karl#because I do and it pains me#the image of Charlie sobbing while holding Roland's dead body in the aftermath of Ronceveaux lives in my head very vividly rent free#sorry for the feel punch today but I gotta live up to my blog's tag line every now and then
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thinking about one dr martha jones tonight
#& out ‚ reign.#nightingale herself#cas reminder that my martha focuses heavily#on the year that never was#the aftermath and trauma of that year#and the big finish books specifically#she also holds the doctor accountable for his behaviours#and doesn't take his shit#as she should
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