#my heart says lizard......

[rocketbirdie]

You know dæmons? Like, Phillip Pullman, physical manifestation of your soul, you-but-an-animal-and-also-next-to-you dæmons?

What kinda dæmon do you think Zack would have. Obvious answer is a wolf/canine but I feel like that’s so overdone. But also I can’t think of anything more fitting for him post-labs. Maybe a jaguar? Something jungle, feral. Big. Idk, what do you think?

(Cloud’s dæmon would be a bobcat methinks. Reeve’s dæmon is just Cait Sith)

I'd never heard of it before so I had to look it up! Curious question... are there any rules against having a human as a dæmon?

Because if not, consider this: Zack and Cloud being each other's dæmons post-Nibelheim, due to Hojo's experiments. Humans are animals too, after all 👀

[comfortfood-sydcarm]

I think one of my new favorite Sydcarmy scene that I've been watching on repeat is from s2E10 when Carmen gets locked in the freezer and he's desperately yelling at Marcus to get Syd. Carm starts saying "Marcus Get Syd For Me Please" to "GET SYD!", "GET FUCKING SYD!" Following this wonderful post by @devisrina and @currymanganese who pointed it out first.

JAW is such an amazing voice actor!

[petrodragonicapocalypse]

let me preface this by saying i truly believe that stu mackenzie is one of the greatest musicians of our time. however. this is perhaps the most rizzless performance i have ever seen in my life

[the-acid-pear]

Honestly if you're of the belief Dave is some sort of reptile or adjacent creature the fact that he adopted a reptile and named him after Henry and then an amphibian and named it after Jack is... Makes me a little emotional.

[tj-crochets]

No crafting update today because I spent all my spoons checking out a local(ish) wildlife reservation/hiking place, which was awesome! I could not explore the whole place, and it is very much "only wheelchair friendly if the person pushing my wheelchair is capable of holding my entire weight against a steep slope and immediately pushing the chair up another only partially paved steep slope", but I walked the whole time*! I got to hear wolves howling through the forest and it is a whole hell of a lot eerier to hear on a foggy day in a winter forest than it was the only other time I've heard it, which was a very bright sunny day in an amphitheater at a zoo where one wolf howled alone on stage. There were crows cawing and wolves howling and it was absolutely magnificent and suddenly a whole lot of things from various fantasy novels I read as a kid hit very different. Like, I get why hearing the wolves howl in the night would be alarming now! *we did bring my rollator/transport chair in the car, and the backup plan was that my dad or my brother would go get it and push me back to the car if I needed help

[sntoot]

compilation of hyth’s shit driving skills, featuring an A rank in elpis (ty @asleepinawell for recording my terrible driving, not pictured is my squeak of terror when i realized the guy was still following us)

we didnt die tho!

[queenofnohr]

Idk if it’s just the artists I choose to commission but Aias truly does have different vibes than your average Karna-hair Au Ra

[spacebugarts]

Why do I always hyperfixate on things that no one else is interested in sgxkzgsjsgzjsg

[princekirijo]

I think more people with Spidersonas should draw what their sona would look like in Spider Ham's universe :]

[hemipteran]

I call this one : “the great lizard dance”

[theleanbean]

Infest the Rats nest beats nonagon and polygon because those two albums don't make me feel like an evil beast when I listen to them. Murder of the Universe beats Infest the Rats Nest because that one brings forth an eviler beast.

Rats Nest beats PetroDragonic Apocalypse because while PetroDragonic Apocalypse is about summoning an evil beast, I feel more wicked listening to Rats Nest.

[orbitsaturn]

"I order you to date my servant!"

─ in which a rambling lizard ("dragon") plans to use you for his self-proclaimed "world domination"

"once you get kinich to be all mushy and soft I'll be able to take over the world!"

kinich x reader

friends to lovers (idiots in love)

2.1k words

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k'uhul ajaw is a "mighty" and "feared" dragon, but one thing is hindering him from world domination.

it's his servant kinich!

but the fearsome ajaw has a perfect plan to make him kick the bucket. it's to utilize that one human that's been making him act up so much.

ajaw can vividly remember what's been happening the past few months. how his contractor has been staring off into space ever so often. how he seems to talk you more compared to other people. how he always lets his gaze linger on your form before you bid goodbye to him.

k'uhul ajaw has a hunch that his servant is lovesick.

and he'll use that perfect opportunity to finally make that arrogant human pay!

but the problem is, he can only come into contact with you when your near kinich since he can't stray far from his contractor.. well that's easier said than done since you guys have been "accidentally" been bumping into each other all the time. kinich is soooooo obvious about his feelings towards you ajaw finds it unbelievable that you haven't noticed yet! he almost feels bad for kinich. why can't you notice how lovestruck his servant is?! as ajaw is stuck in his thoughts a familiar voice calls out from a distance, one he can distinctly recognize.

"hi kinich! hi ajaw!" the voice, which came from you instantly made ajaw whip his head to his servant. archons, he can already see hearts in the fool's eyes.

"good morning." greeted kinich, he walked over to you and that's when k'uhul ajaw was going to put his plan into action.

"psst... psst... human..." ajaw quietly whispered to you, evoking a strange look from kinich. noticing kinich's suspicious look ajaw rushes to you. "look, i need your help. you'll be honored to help the great dragon k'uhul ajaw, yes? make kinich all mushy an-"

"GWAAK" ajaw is suddenly lunged backwards by kinich, his tail spiking up, face turning red.

"what do you think you're doing?" kinich eyes the little dragon suspiciously, "sorry if he said anything weird," he sends you an apologetic look before turning back to ajaw again. "now tell me, what did you tell them? i won't hesitate in putting you into time-out again." the yellow dragon quickly interjected, "NO! i never even said anything weird! and plus you never hesitate in putting me into time-out so i know that's a lie!" ajaw growls at kinich before quickly looking over to you.

catching ajaw's look you devised a plan to get a conversation with the small dragon without kinich getting suspicious, "yeah! ajaw didn't say anything bad. oh! are those grain fruit over there?" you point to the patch of grain fruit growing at a reasonable distance away from where you're currently at.

"oh? i'll get some for you if you want." kinich looks over to you, waiting for your approval.

"sure! we can share once you get a good amount!" you flash him a smile, "okay then," he gives you a gentle smile back before heading over to the patch of grainfruit. after the coast was clear you quickly turned to ajaw, giving him a confused look.

"so... what do you mean make kinich all mushy?"

"it's exactly what it means!" ajaw yells in annoyance, "he gets all mushy, his ears turn red, and he-" you quickly interject him, as you exclaim in surprise, "you mean i make him sick?!" you looked at the little lizard (dragon) worriedly. you figured he only talked to you out of obligation, but you didn't think he'd be sick of your presence! was he faking his kindness towards you the whole time?! then shouldn't you just start staying out of his way..?

no!

you always felt comfortable talking to him, you like (as a friend of course...) him for archons sake!!

"yes! you make him so (love) sick! how come you didn't notice yet?!" ajaw says, sighing in exasperation. geez, throughout every century humans seem to act the same, being stupidly in love. "anyways, I have a plan that'll help the both of us," ajaw looks at you with fierce determination, "I need you to be by his side as much as you can!"

huh?

"wouldn't that make him sicker of me?!" gasping, you look at the dragon in shock. if kinich already felt sick seeing you, why would you try to be near him all the time?! it's like basically saying 'im so annoying the only way to get rid of me is kicking me'

"that's the point! I need you to make him so mushy over you that when his guard is eventually down I can strike him down and initiate my plans for world domination!!" the little dragon laughs menacingly.

"err... and why do i need to comply with you?" you look at ajaw confused, "don't you like kinich? if you follow my plan it'll eventually get you two together!!" the little dragon looks at you, annoyed. "why should i trust you?! and what do you mean i like kinich??" you remark, eyeing ajaw suspiciously.

"you obviously like kinich! this'll help you both!" he starts outright screaming, turning red in frustration. you stare at him confused, you do like kinich, you wanna be with him all the time, but didn't kinich like you too? like as a friend of course!

but what does ajaw mean by making him all "mushy???" like... do you just... turn him into slime?

after much thinking of ajaw's words you feel a spark in your head.

wait, like mushy in the way you can't think of anyone but them?? like you can only focus on a person despite everything happening around you?? was that it?

a scream breaks you out of your thoughts.

"AAACCKKKK!!"

you look over your left and see kinich with a handful of grain fruit. your heart skips a beat.

huh? your heart skipped a beat?

focus!

you look at him, suddenly self-aware of everything around you. geez, why do you suddenly feel sweat forming on your hands?? why does he look extra shinier today?!

"are you okay?" he looks at you concerned. the gentle tone of his voice startling you out of your daze. you make eye contact with him, his amber-green eyes focusing on you intently. "yeah," you look away nervously, cursing yourself for acting nervous for no reason, "i'm okay," giving him a smile to reassure him.

"look, i know you're faking. are you sick?" he walks closer to you, "may i?" he hovers his hand over your forehead, and you can only hum and nod in response.

your heart kept beating quickly, did your heart always beat like this around him before? why were you suddenly so self aware of him when ajaw said that you liked him?!

as he gets your approval, his hand brushes the hair away from your face. your senses going into overdrive by the stimulation.

his face leans in closer.

you suddenly panic, closing your eyes.

wait are you even panicking?!

the sight of nothing leaves your senses heightened, you suddenly feel the humidity of natlan's weather, his hand against your cheek, the smell of his clothes permeating your senses, and the brushing of his hair against your face. you feel a sensation on your forehead, opening your eyes slowly you're instantly met with green and yellow hues, the shades of kinich's eyes leaving you mesmerized. his eyes have always been the focal point of his features, the way his eyes were akin to luscious greenery, and how his pupils were shaped like diamonds. they were beautiful. as you were staring at his eyes in a daze you were snapped out of your thoughts, as kinich mutters, you notice a look of concern painting his features, "your forehead's hot, are you sure you're okay?" his face dangerously close to yours.

"i-i am! it's just it's been hot lately!!" you exclaim, fanning your face, trying hard not to look away from kinich. yet, he doesn't buy your excuse, "eat this for now," he shoves a piece of grainfruit in your mouth.

"i'll walk you home." he sticks his hand towards you. "thank you..." you grab his hand, failing to notice the yellow dragon behind you, "i said make kinich mushy, not you." ajaw whispers menacingly behind you, while you glare at him.

what did he mean you're getting mushy?!

and since when did you ever agree to his proclamation??

turning your attention back to kinich, you notice he's still holding your hand. causing him to cough awkwardly and apologize.

"sorry." he lets go, awkwardly scratching the back of his head, "oh, it's okay!" you exclaim, quickly grabbing hold of his hand again. he gives you a small look of surprise before intertwining his fingers with you, causing ajaw to burst out laughing.

"HAHAHAHA!! you loveb-" as the small dragon gloats over his success the snap of kinich's fingers causes him to disappear.

thank goodness! wait.

did you just grab kinich's hand?! you were holding hands with kinich. do friends hold hands while feeling nervous about them?? no they don't... but what if some do?! do friends do this..?

as he walks you to your house you engage in small talk with him. but the topic of ajaw's deal that he made.

"he said he wanted me to make you all mushy, told me how your ears supposedly turn 'red' ." you recall ajaw's words to kinich, "oh, i see. don't mind him." his hand twitches, triggering you to look up at him.

what met your eyes shocked you.

his ears were red. his free hand covering his face, a tinge of pink painting his cheeks. is this what ajaw meant by mushy?

he's cute.

friends don't feel 'mushiness' around each other. people experience that when they like one another.

you like kinich, and you were burying your feelings in fear of ruining your relationship with him, but witnessing his reaction towards you firsthand gave you the push of confidence you needed to stop the denial in your heart.

you tug on his hand, "wait, kinich."

he turns to face you, the look of fondness in his eyes evident after you realize his feelings. "kinich, can we go to the mountain where we first met?" you look at him, hands slightly trembling. "are you sure? I don't want you to exert yourself too much if you're sick," his hand tightens.

you smile, "don't worry I'm not sick!"

──

you met kinich after he accepted your commission. you knew the people from the scions of canopy were adept with harsh terrain, so you were relieved when kinich accepted your commission.

your commission was simple, it was obtaining various herbs that grow in the sides of mountains, but you did offer a high mora award to anyone who accepted it!

"here you go." kinich hands over a basket full of herbs to you, "thank you so much!" you exclaim, smiling at him.

and now you're back on the same mountain again but for a different reason.

"the breeze here feels so nice!" you run around swinging your arms out, "kinich come here!" you motion him to get closer to you, which he immediately complies with.

you take in a deep breath.

this was it.

it was now or never.

"kinich i have something to tell you." you look at him, your voice trembling, "look, i've liked you for a while, i just realized recently, i don't want to make you uncomfortable so we can still be friends-"

"no." kinich interjects, grabbing your hand.

your eyes widen.

"i like you too." he says, his ears red, "so," he brings your hand to his lips, "i want to be with you," he says before pressing a kiss on the back of your hand.

without the both of you realizing, ajaw was out of timeout, the first person he spotted being you, realizing the opportunity he quickly yells, pointing at you,

"puny human! i order you to date my servant!"

but what he didn't notice was the flustered expression on you, along with kinich's glare directed towards him. realizing his mistake ajaw panics, "w-wait!! i didn't mean to-" the little dragon was cut off as he was sent to time out once again.

after the disturbance was gonekinich turns to face you, his hand still holding yours, "well," he gives you an amused smile, "i guess this was the first time i agreed with ajaw's commands." in response you smile back at him.

"i guess we should thank him when he's out of timeout!" you laugh before intertwining your fingers with his.

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sorry for late post anatomy is kicking my ass rn _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

[eomayas]

tell me a joke • hjs

pairing: husband!joshua x wife!reader, established relationship & parent au

genre: smut 18+ MINORS DNI!!!!!!!!!, fluff, slice of life, reader is jealous

synopsis: reader definitely isn't jealous when she sees her husband making another woman laugh, and she'd like to know what is so funny.

warnings: p in v, oral (f receiving), slight dom/sub dynamics, implied jealousy, joshua makes a bad joke (my bad).

a/n: i do think joshua is funny but for the purposes of this fic, reader doesn’t give him enough credit 😭😭 enjoy. this is sort of ass but yk.

your husband was funny, but he wasn’t that funny. your attention keeps being. pull from the group conversation you’re having, to your husband and another woman having a conversation a few feet away. you don’t have a problem with joshua talking to and with other women, you trust your husband and don’t feel threatened by other women. but, the amount of laughter you’ve heard come from her mouth in the last few minutes is enough to make your eyebrows raise and be curious as to when joshua picked up a side career as a comedian. again, he’s funny, but he is not that funny.

casting another glance in that direction, you take a notice of the hand she places on his arm and decide you’d like to hear some of the jokes he’s been telling, since he’s so funny. “hold on, i’ve got to go check on my husband,” you say to the group of women you’re currently talking to, downing the rest of the water in your cup and setting it down on the table. they all cast their eyes on joshua, a few of them snickering.

“do what you’ve got to do, girl,” you appreciate the support and start to make your way towards joshua until you are intercepted by tiny arms wrapping themselves around your legs.

“mama, we found a lizard!” your daughter shouts, bouncing on her feet. you look at her with big eyes and wide smile, bending down to pick her up and swoop her in your arms.

“really? was it a baby? or was it big?” you ask, carrying her over to joshua with you. it’s probably messed up to use your own daughter as a reason to interrupt your husband talking to another woman, but you don’t want to come off as jealous or clingy.

“mmm, in the middle. it was so cool, mommy! can i get one?” she asks, making you give her an absolutely not look. she pouts and gives you puppy eyes that always work on you, and sigh.

“let’s ask papa,” you say, sidling up next to joshua and interrupting the conversation. joshua looks over at you and your daughter and smiles a big smile, opening his arms to engulf the two of you in a hug. you feel a sense of relief wash over you, and you wish you didn’t because you really do trust joshua, you just don’t know the woman he’s talking with.

“ask me what?” he asks, a curious look on his face.

“oh, papa, can i get a lizard? please?” she begs, reaching for him. if anything, he was the one who would crack easiest out of the two of you. the moment she asks for anything, he usually says yes unless it’s extreme, but even then he’ll take it into consideration.

joshua flashes you a look of confusion and kisses your daughter on the cheek. “a lizard?”

“yes, papa, we just found one! oh, put me down please!” she struggles to get out of his grip until he sets her feet down on the ground, and she takes off running to go play with the other kids. you can help but laugh, your daughter being a ball of energy neither of you really know where to place.

“that girl, i tell you,” he chuckles, watching her run off and play with a look in his eye that breaks your heart in the best way. it’s the same look he had the first time he held her after you gave birth, one that lets you know that there’s nothing in this world that he loves more than being a father. “but hey, honey.” he says, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards him.

neither of you are too big on PDA, but you take the opportunity to kiss him, the hand that’s not holding onto his going to rest on his abdomen. when you two pull apart, he looks at you quizzically before remembering that you’re in front of company. “oh, minhee, this is my wife, y/n,” you give her a polite smile and extend your hand.

“hi, im yeji’s mom,” she says and you nod, the polite smile on your face. but you never drop joshua’s hand and he rubs the back of it with his thumb.

you decide that you’ve really seen enough and that it’s time for you to go back to the group you just came from. “well, it was nice to meet you!” you turn to your husband and kiss him on the cheek, your hand resting on his side. he can tell there’s something up, but he’s not sure what it is and knows it’s not the time to bring it up. he squeezes your hand before you slip away and out of his grasp, and makes a mental note to bring it up later.

slipping into bed, you pull on your glasses and pick up the book on your nightstand. you’re grateful for a calm and quiet night, your daughter having a sleepover with her cousins thus allowing you and joshua to have a night of uninterrupted sleep. your daughter is prone to waking up in the middle of the night, for a bad dream or otherwise, and ends up sleeping between the two of you more than half the time.

joshua comes out of the bathroom and shuts off the big light in the room, only leaving your lamps on the nightstands to illuminate the room. you look up from your page and give him a smile before going back to your novel. he hovers above his side of the bed for a second and you notice, ready to say something until he finally slips under the covers with you.

"hmm?" you hum, not looking up from the page you are currently reading. you can tell joshua has something to say, you know him too well, and he knows that you know him too well.

"it was a nice party, yeah?" you chuckle to yourself at the small talk. its his lead in, of course, to whatever is on his mind that he feels like he can't outright say.

"mhm. it was cute; minji had a lot of fun," you say. he makes a noise of agreement and then its quiet. you stop reading but keep your eyes trained on the page. he shifts in bed, and then a heavy hand is placed on your leg above the sheets. you feel its warmth all the same, and put your bookmark back into you book before placing it on your nightstand. "yes?"

joshua gives you a bashful smile and lightly shakes his head. "what was that earlier?" he questions, cheeks lightly dusted with a cute blush. you pretend like you don't know exactly what he is referring to, and furrow your eyebrows and ask him, "what as what earlier?"

he chuckles and lets out a sigh, gently patting your thigh. "oh, you're cute," he says, lolling his head to the side and looking up at you, an amused expression on his face. he knows you too well. "were you j- don't say it!" you cut him off and gently hit him across his stomach. he knows you hate that word, hate it being used in reference to your personality or behavior especially.

joshua captures your hand and brings it up to his mouth and places a kiss on the back of it. you watch him and let out a sigh through your nose. "I wasn't jealous," you state, but even you know that isn't entirely true. "I just wanted to know when you got so funny." you state. joshua laughs in mild confusion and sits up against the headboard.

"i'm always funny."

"no, you're not. but I love you anyway," you say, gently pinching his cheek. he rolls his eyes and pushes your hand away and you laugh. "if you're so funny, tell me a joke."

"you want to hear a joke?"

"if you're as funny as you and minhee seem think, yeah."

he smiles at you and squeezes your hand. "okay, i'll tell you a joke," joshua starts. you raise your eyebrows in anticipation. joshua presses a long kiss to your cheek, clearly stalling and further proving your point. "okay, i've got one." he says against your skin, gently dragging his teeth against your jaw.

"shoot."

he rolls on top of you and tugs you down flat onto your pillow. he kisses your neck, right under your jaw and then moves to the column of your throat. "what do you call a wet plain?" he mutters, mouth moving down to your collarbones as one of his hands skates up the side of your thigh and underneath your short, silk nightdress.

"a wet plain?" you question as his mouth skates across the tops of your breasts. he hums and hooks his fingers in the band of your underwear and pulls them down to your knees. "what?" you gasp when joshua drags two fingers up your folds, collecting your wetness and spreading it around your clit, making you twitch and knees press together.

joshua flicks his eyes up to meet your own and gives you a knowing look. flushing, you tell him the joke sucks, and let out a loud gasp when he disappears underneath the covers and attaches his lips to your clit. he suckles on your nub and yanks your underwear down the rest of your legs. "j-josh! fuck!" you cry ripping off your reading glasses and pushing the blanket down to rest on the back of his neck. your husband licks up between your folds before pushing his tongue into you hole, making you gasp and arch your back off the bed. sheets get crumpled beneath your hands and your thighs try to lock around his head, but joshua forces your legs open and uses his shoulders to keep you spread out for him.

your hips buck up into his face as he laps at you, sucking and licking at every inch of you. with each whimper and moan from you, joshua grows painfully more hard. his dick aches in his pants, desperately wanting to be free and buried inside of you. "o-oh, f-fuck! joshua, fuck!" you shriek. he knows your body like the back of his hand, understands what every whimper, gasp, and moan means. it all encourages him to keep going, but he knows that you are close.

joshua inserts two fingers inside of you and curls them upwards and attaches his mouth around your clit again. he fucks his fingers into you and you cry out his name, thrashing on the bed above him. your entire body feels hot and sweat coats you face, neck, and chest with a light sheen.

"im g-gonna cum!" you yelp, hips bucking up into his face. joshua continues to suckle on you clit and move his fingers in and out of you, pushing into that spongy spot inside. your vision goes spotty as the coil in the pit of your stomach snaps and brings you to your release. joshua slurps up your juices in an attempt to get every drop. you lie above him with your eyes closed as you try to regain your breath, your chest rising and falling like you've just ran a marathon. "shit." you breathe out, followed by a small whimper when he pulls his fingers out of you.

you crack an eye open when you feel joshua move from between you legs and sit on his knees above you. he places his fingers in his mouth and sucks your arousal off and shoves his other hand down his pants to stroke his aching cock. "fuck," he hisses, eyebrows furrowing as he shamelessly pumps his own cock in front of you. "baby, i need to fuck you." he says, his voice full of lust and desire.

"then fuck me," you say, pulling your bottom lip in between your teeth. you fully open your eyes to watch him pull off his pants and boxers to let his dick spring free. the tip is red and swollen, and pre-cum leaks out of it.

"i love, you know," he rasps, grabbing your left leg. he kisses the inside of your ankle before draping it over his shoulder and doing the same to your right. "does this feel alright?" he asks, fingertips mindlessly stroking you skin softly.

you nod and reply, "i know." to his previous statement. he kisses your knee and lets go of one of your thighs to grab onto his cock to line it up with your entrance. "i love you, too."

he smiles at you and leans down to kiss you on the lips, and to test if folding you in half is uncomfortable. when you don't make a sound of discomfort, he pulls back and starts to push his cock forward into you. when he presses the tip in, your mouth falls open in a silent gasp. he presses in a few more inches then stops to let you adjust to the stretch, but he doesn't give you long before he starts moving in and out. "fuck, you're tight," he grunts. you involuntarily clench around him and he lets out a harsh breath. "shit."

"more, joshie," you whine, grabbing a fistful of the sheets. joshua drops his head and speeds up his thrusts, groaning every time he pushes into you. you pant out his name and squeeze your eyes shut.

with every thrust into you, it feels like he’s knocking the air from your lungs. he’s reaching deep inside of you, hitting spots that have you seeing stars. “fuck, baby, i-i love you,” he grunts, pushing your legs closer to your chest. “and i love this perfect pussy.” you sob out his name, legs shaking on his shoulders.

“shua, i-i cant t-take it!” you cry out, clenching around him each time he pushes into you. that familiar knot forms in your stomach and grows tighter and tighter each second.

“i’m close too, baby,” his hips lose rhythm as he slams into you harder than he previously was, each thrust punctuated by a swear. “fuck, i’m close. fuck!”

moments later, you’re coming for the second time and he follows seconds behind you, filling you up and stuffing you full of his seed. he stays still inside of you, keeping his cum from spilling out of you. “i love you,” you pant, legs feeling like jelly when you try to move them off of his shoulders. joshua kisses you calf and gently takes your legs down onto the bed but keeps himself stuffed inside of you. “so much.” you add, reaching out to him. joshua leans down and captures you lips in a kiss. the movement makes his hips rock into you and you gasp against his mouth, hands splaying across his broad back. you can feel his love with the way he holds you, with the desire he kisses you with.

pulling back from your lips, you whimper when he moves inside of you again and he only winks at you before pulling his cock out of you. melting against the mattress is practically what happens, and he falls into place next to you. he grabs your hand and strokes the back of it with his thumb. “you don’t have to worry, y/n,” his voice is soft and makes you feel warm all over.

“i know. it was stupid,” you say, turning your head to look at him. he leans towards you and kisses your forehead. “i just wanted to laugh too.” you add pettily. joshua chuckles and sighs, rolling you onto your side and tugging your backside into his front.

“wanna hear another joke?” he mumbles into your ear, the arm that he’s laying on coming up to cup your breast in his hand while the other skates up your nightdress. soft sighs leave your mouth when he squeezes your boob and tweaks your nipple through the thin fabric.

“s-sure,” you breathe when his hand slips between your thighs. the setup and pun is lost on you, and you’re not sure if it’s better than the first because he buries two fingers inside of you and yanks the top of your dress down to let your breasts spill free. bad jokes be damned, he makes you cum two more times—once on his fingers and the second on his cock, your throat scratchy from crying out his name.

joshua may not make you laugh with his jokes, but he knows how to fuck you just right.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

What is… that?

warnings: none rlly, all fluff :3

@lampylamperson HOPE U LIKE IT !!

a/n: omfg this man IS TOO DAYUM FINE. am I back in my animated men phase ??

The last thing you expected while you waited for your husband to return, was for him to bring a giant kaiju baby with him.

You were sitting on the couch downstairs, your head being held up by your hand as you watched crappy tv shows, when you heard a loud banging noise from outside, you snapped your head up, to see kenji finally swimming in.

The door opened, and water flowed underneath Kenji as he slid onto the floor. “Mina! Emergency analysis.” He said quickly, you furrowing your eyebrows at his suddenness. You stood up, going to his side.

“Scanning for injuries.” She said, he breathed shakily, turning to look at you and back at Mina.

When she got to his hands to scan, he held them close to his chest, as if he was hiding something.

“Ken, this is very strange. According to my readings, you have a… a second heartbeat?”

“No. It’s not my heartbeat, Mina.” He moved his hands to reveal a pink dragon looking thing.

You gasped, eyes going what. “What… is that? Oh my god, Ken, is that a fu-“

“Yep, it’s the end of the world.” He interrupted, sighing, sitting up, the baby sliding down his body and to the floor. Your eyes were blown wide, in pure shock at the huge kaiju you had in front of you.

The baby looked curious, following Mina around as she floated.

“Um… is it okay?”

“She, ken. The infant is a she.”

She climbed all over Ken, trying to get to Mina with little giggles. You tilted your head to the side. “She’s kinda… cute.” You murmured.

“Her breathing seems normal. Reflexes okay. Heart rate seems slightly elevated, but-“

Ken grabbed her again, holding her in his hands. “Just give me the bad news.”

“I have absolutely no specific data on infant kaiju physiology.”

“Wait, I’m sorry.” He chuckled, putting the baby down. She eyed you curiously, and cooed a few times at you, reaching out. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mom and dad program everything they knew about these things into your electric brain.”

She began to walk towards you before Ken grabbed her again, pulling her towards him making you laugh when she had a little sad frown.

“She is not a thing, Ken. And we’ve never seen an infant kaiju. In fact, no one has.”

“Great, super helpful.” He said sarcastically. “Yeah, I think I’d be better off asking Siri.” He retorted, you rolling your eyes.

“I mean, Mina’s not the one that brought a giant freaking kaiju baby home, Ken.” You pointed out, he rolled his eyes and turned to you.

“Well, we have to figure something out. We can’t raise a damn… kaiju baby.” He told you, putting the baby back in front of him and groaning in annoyance when his color timer started beeping again. “Great.” He sighed, looking back at the baby when he realized something.

“Um…” he chuckled. “Why is she changing colors?” He pointed to her.

“Maybe you should ask Siri.” Mina retorted, making you stifle a laugh.

He chuckled. “Do not start, Mina.” He pointed at the robot in front of him.

“If I were to guess, Ken, I’d say she has imprinted on you.” She began to chew on his color timer, he quickly stood up and shook his head. “No. No. No, no! No, no, no!” He plucked the baby off of him, holding her out in front of himself. “Are you saying-“

“Yes, Ken. She thinks you are her mother.”

You had to laugh now, he bumped his head up onto the roof, letting out a yelp.

“I- I am not built for this! I’ve got a life. A title to win!” He groaned. “You do something nice and now I’m babysitting a giant- pink lizard thing!” He shouted. “We’ve gotta get it out of here.”

“And where would we put her?” You asked with a quirked eyebrow.

He groaned, looking down at you. His timer started beeping again. “Oh! Oh, oh, oh, we’ll take her to kaiju island!”

“Unfortunately, Ken, no one knows where to find it.” Mina points out.

He sighed, looking down. “Come on!”

The beeping on his timer became more rapid.

“Ken, it would be very bad if you changed back right now.” Mina said, as if he didn’t already know that.

A large burst of light and he was falling back down to you, you watching him thud onto the ground with a grunt.

He stood up, stretching before turning back to the baby behind him. He chuckled nervously, waving. “Hi…”

The baby’s face changed, her smile turning into a frown as she began to sob out, she let out a screech, large beams of light and energy coming from her mouth.

Kenji screamed, turning back to you and ducking down and grabbing you, pulling you flush to his body as he rolled over. All his cars had fallen, causing him to gasp out. You winced.

“What the heck was that?!” He shouted at the baby, you both standing back up, Ken still in front of you.

She let out more circles of energy, causing the both of you to run.

“She’s scared of you.” Mina spoke.

“Scared of me? She’s 20 feet tall!” He exclaimed.

“She doesn’t know you, she only knows ultraman!”

“Mina! Containment unit!” He yelled when you both had to continue dodging her attacks while running.

“Which one?!”

“The biggest one!” He shouted at her, you both finally panting and turning around when her screeching had stopped and there was no more attacks.

She was now in a giant glass container, her hands and claws on the glass, cooing with a sad face. Kenji sighed in relief. “Oh, God.”

You sighed as well, hitting your husband on his shoulder. “You’re cleaning this place up.”

“Oh, seriously?” He murmured, looking around.

“Hey, you’re her mother, not me.” You teased.

He groaned and shook his head at you. “I’m not her mother.”

“She thinks you are.”

He just rolled his eyes, lightly shoving your shoulder. “I hate you sometimes.” He murmured.

“You love me.”

[bitchfitch]

that's important context I didn't think mention: there are comments, more comments than kudos actually, but 90% of them are not responding to the fic, and are instead responding to the comment prompt I put in the end notes of every chapter. those prompts and most of the end notes (responses to which prolly make up another 8% of coments) are being left as is

we're talking "edited to the point there are no sentences in common between v.1 and v.2"

[frostbitebakery]

LOUD.

part one two three four five six seven eight nine

“You’ve got something there,” Quin says, gesturing vaguely at his own shoulder.

“I’m aware,” Obi-Wan signs. “It’s some sort of monkey lizard fungus.”

The monkey lizard fungus giggles into his shoulder.

Quin nods grimly. “I heard the only cure is to placate it with sweets and hope for the best.”

Anakin precariously leans over, heels accidentally digging into still bruised ribs.

Obi-Wan bites his lips behind the collar but of course Quin immediately detects his movements turning stiff.

Quin holds out an arm, flexing his bicep with wiggling eyebrows. It has the desired effect and Anakin jumps from Obi-Wan, swinging around the elbow before hooking his knees over Quin’s arm.

“He’s heavier than he looks,” Quin strains out.

They walk to one of the mess halls that’s open around the clock and mainly offers food and beverages to those clinging with teeth to their sanity during exam season.

One of the cramming Padawans looks up from their dozen holo books displaying graphs, and squints at them. “Master Vos, there’s something growing out of your arm?”

“Monkey lizard fungus,” Obi-Wan signs, hiding a smile behind his collar at the Padawan nodding to themselves as if that makes perfect sense.

“What’s with them?” Anakin asks, looking at the sleep deprived tableau and hoisting himself up and swinging one leg over Quin’s shoulder.

“This is your future,” Quin says gravely and Obi-Wan is catapulted to melting stone fire Darkness “You were supposed to be my Master!” yellow familiar eyes from a smoking alive corpse and the grief is ripping him apart “—see once you take your first assignments. The only places you’ll be is either here or the Archives.”

It’s been years since he last had a vision. It’s staggering, his heart thumping in his chest like a clock ticking down the inevitable countdown. But it’s not.

He looks over to Anakin who’s already watching back with wide eyes, the fear in his hands gripping onto Quinlan. “I won’t let it come to that,” he promises, fingers thudding together heavily but he’s still shaking off the vision and Anakin’s fear is a taste in the air by now. He can’t not make promises he only hopes he can keep.

Quinlan is silent during their exchange, gloved hands keeping hold of Anakin. The calculating look in his eyes a guarantee Obi-Wan is going to get cornered later.

.

“Do you like Depa being your Master?”

Let it be said, paranoia is a common infliction amongst Shadows.

“Obi-Wan,” Anakin sighs, voice breaking with puberty and annoyance. “Depa is wizard. She’s amazing even though she’s signed me up to all these classes.”

Obi-Wan looks over all the models, plans, and concepts with added calculations. There’s a data pad displaying language modules and another proclaiming the joys of agriculture. “It’s almost all in the engineering field,” he signs.

“Which makes her so wizard. You’d never have me taking up gardening though,” Anakin adds sullenly.

Don’t yearn for things I cannot give you, Obi-Wan has thought a lot in the past few years as the Galaxy seems to slowly steep in Darkness.

“Knowing what can poison you is important,” he signs, feeling restless and helpless. The mission he’s finished two cycles ago may still reside in his bones.

“I’ll just bite back,” Anakin says, tongue sticking out as he connects wires to ports. He presses a button and the thing he’s been tinkering with since before Obi-Wan left starts to purr smoothly. “Now she can even juice cocadooms,” he says, satisfaction purring just as smoothly in his voice.

“Well done.”

“I know,” Anakin responds airily and swivels around to face Obi-Wan fully. “You’re lurking in the shadows again so let’s get this tradition over with: Depa is an awesome Master and maybe I sometimes wish you’d have chosen me but,” he adds loudly when Obi-Wan lifts his hands to protest, “I also sometimes daydream Master Tiin had chosen me because he’s got his own modded Delta-7.”

The paranoia settles down as Anakin waxes over how wicked the new wing box skins and sensor fusions are, no, truly, you should see them, Obi-Wan!