#my grandma is making a huge pie for my cousin. she has never done that for me

[mxwhore]

my bitterness is all consuming

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Sandwiches and charming little huts 

Walking the trails of Charm Villa is like stepping into a bright, colorful, and cute notepad. Rolling hills with vibrant green grass and colorful flowers scattered all over. On the tops of the hills are rustic and whimsical little cottages and huts, as well as shops, cafes, and a library. Take a picture and you’d think it was from a stationery set!

After sleeping in until around eleven we met up with Gutsy and Livvy at Coffee Studios for a tour of Charm Villa. Gutsy’s a college friend of Daisy Jane who just moved to the village a few months ago. Livvy’s her niece - first cousin once removed - and she and Jack - her dad/Gutsy’s cousin - own Coffee Studios. The cafe was founded by Gutsy and Jack’s grandma, then it was passed down to Jack’s mom, and after she retired her son and granddaughter now run the place.

The cafe’s best known for their sandwiches and every few months they set up a contest for a new sandwich to add to the menu. Livvy was the one who started that tradition and it got popular so it stuck. Guess what today happened to be? While Lolly, Pancetti, Biskit, and Lyman prepped for the contest, the rest of us hung around the village before meeting back around 3 for the contest.

I’ve only met Gutsy a handful of times over the years and she always leaves an impression. The name Gutsy - short for Augusta - fits her to a T. She said that she never thought her impulsiveness and wild imagination would make her a good detective and yet there she was solving crimes and saving the day. Gutsy really does remind me a lot about Jamie, except a lot more extroverted and bold. Honestly, I’m surprised that they haven’t crossed paths yet.

So far Gutsy’s enjoying the peaceful village life. It’s a huge change of pace compared to her old life. Gutsy grew up in a boarding house that also ran a stable so her life revolved around horses since forever. Her father died when she was seventeen, opening up a can of worms that led to her getting tangled up with an embezzling scheme that he was involved in and indirectly caused his death. After exposing the crime, Gutsy joined a task force dedicated to investigating crimes relating to shady underground practices involving horses like racing and such. 

Daisy Jane and Gutsy met in college when they became roommates. At the time Gutsy was considering studying to be a veterinarian but ended up dropping out a year later because the task force was starting to take over her life. In retrospect, the whole being a vet thing wasn’t meant to be for her.

Being a detective was an unexpected turn for Gutsy, one that no one saw coming - and yet, at the time, it made sense. For a while, she felt that she found her calling, especially after being betrayed by what her dad and his friends had done. Maybe, in a way, she was trying to absolve him of his misdeeds. Solving mysteries and working with horses, what else can she ask for?

But then around last year things went sour. Investigating crimes has its dangers, which Gutsy knows all too well. She can handle being a target, but when loved ones are in the line of fire, that’s where she draws the line. The birth of her daughter Lulu led to Gutsy reevaluating her life choices. Eventually she decided that it was time to move on and give Lulu a stable childhood.

That’s why she decided to settle in Charm Villa. Other than her cousins and a small handful of relatives, Gutsy doesn’t have much family. With Lulu to take care of, a journey of self discovery was out of the question so she opted to stick close to family for practical reasons. With Livvy in college and only coming home every other weekend and Jack having experience as a young single parent as well as needing help with the cafe, Gutsy knew she and Lulu would be in good hands. 

While she finds herself much happier and less stressed in Charm Villa, Gutsy does miss being around horses. As far as she knows, the nearest stable is about two hours away so she hasn’t had a chance to visit yet. Maybe when Lulu’s a little older, she says. For now, Gutsy and horses are taking a long break. 

The way she describes it is like a close relationship that has gone a bit too codependent. All her life she grew up surrounded by horses so she related to them more than people. Her views on the family she grew up with, especially her dad, have been clouded in recent years. When she put together the pieces, she didn’t want to believe it, but at the same time, it all made sense. While being a detective gave her a sense of purpose, it also showed Gutsy how deceiving people can be. She always - and still - find horses more trusting than people, so in a way she relied on them as a crutch. Do it for the horses - that was her mantra whenever she tackled a case that would push her limits. Then that led to her letting the task force take over her life to the point that she had nothing outside of that. 

Eventually it got to the point where all she cared about was getting the truth out. Right and wrong, black and white, collateral damage was unfortunate but it didn’t matter as long as what’s done is done. As a result, Gutsy ended up burning a lot of bridges, which in turn made her question if she did more harm than good.

Lulu was her wake up call, the one who turned Gutsy’s life upside down and forced her to reevaluate her future. Being a parent wasn’t in the cards for her but in the end she made her choice. While the idea of raising a kid is still terrifying for her, so far it seems to be the best thing to happen to her. After spending most of her life jumping headfirst into danger and chasing thrills, Gusty realized the weight of her actions and how one can’t always jump to conclusions or make poor judgements just to get ahead of everyone else.

Maybe it’s another attempt to right her dad’s wrongs - that’s still something she struggles with - but Charm Villa, the cafe, Lulu, her cousins, it’s been doing her a lot of good. There’s still a lot that Gutsy’s uncertain about, but getting herself out of a bad place is a good first step. After everything she’s been through, I hope she finds that peace of mind she deserves. From the looks of it, I think she’s finding her way.

Around 1:30 we headed back to the cafe to help set up for the sandwich contest. When we were done, we had time to kill so Jack and Livvy gave us a tour of the kitchen. Then we made lattes and bread, which was a lot of fun. By the time we were able to master latte art, it was time for the contest to begin!

Candy Fruit Sando by Lolly A super sweet take on the cute Japanese fruit sandwiches! To kick things up a notch, the fruits are coated with a sugary syrup for an extra crunch! Fresh ripe fruit candied to perfection, freshly whipped cream that feels like eating a cloud and a soft and pillowy brioche to tie it all together - it’s the perfect addition to any bento box! Rod - Candied fruit?! Genius! 9/10 Snooty - I just wanna take pictures of it and make my friends jealous over how pretty it looks! 10/10 Sylvana - Strawberries and cream are a winning combo! 8/10 Audie - Aesthetic and yummy - that’s a win for me! 9/10

Spa Day Sandwich by Pancetti In need of shaking up your skin care routine? No need to swap out your face mask or moisturizer when you can have a sandwich instead! All the freshest veggies guaranteed to give you a healthy glow like cucumbers and seaweed seasoned with a zesty citrus glaze on a slice of lightly toasted pumpernickel. Snooty - My skin’s already feeling great! 7/10 Sylvana - This kinda reminds me of a salad, but in sandwich form! 6/10 Audie - This was definitely inspired by a spa! 6/10 Rod - Skip the moisturizer, go for the sandwich! 7/10

The Ultimate Dessert Sandwich! by Biskit What happens when you mash a pie, cake, and pudding into one? Well, we’re about to find out with this sandwich! The bread’s kinda like a pie crust/brioche hybrid and the sauce is a rich caramel custard. In between are thin slices of red velvet cake, blueberry-ginger pie filling, and slices of yellow cake. Sylvana - If this doesn’t satisfy your sweet tooth, I don’t know what will! 8/10 Audie - Talk about indulgent! 6/10 Rod - Perfect for a cheat day after an intense workout - but only in moderation! 7/10 Snooty - Are you sure this is a sandwich? 5/10

Take a Bite of Nature! by Lyman Need a palate cleanser after having too many sweets or processed foods? Nothing like fresh organic veggies to put your body back in balance! Green, leafy veggies, rustic roots, and crisp, sweet fruit on sprouted bread - all the flavors of nature in one tasty package! Audie - Crunch, crunch, crunch! 7/10 Rod - I wonder if this will make a good post-workout shake… 7/10 Snooty - Turn the bread into croutons and add some dressing and it’s a rustic salad! 8/10 Sylvana - This is probably better than some of the stuff they sell at health food stores 7/10

[adventurousrecovery]

Thanksgiving

I left Cliff’s studio and sped through town to meet my dad in the Rural King parking lot, but was unable to find his vehicle. He had been driving my mom’s car because his truck bed still held the camper from their recent vacation. I coasted through the parking lot before calling to verify his location.

“I’m right here!”

“Where?”

“Facing Ponderosa.”

I turn around and see a red Corvette with his familiar “elbow in the window prop” position.

“The red car?”

“Yeah, come on.”

I pull up on his right side, never taking my eyes off the vehicle.

“Did you steal it?!”

“No, I bought it. Wanna drive?”

“Okay!”

I grab my items of of my car and throw them in the passenger’s side of the Corvette wondering where the hell the trunk is.

“Is it a stick?”

“No.”

It sat lower than my car, but also seemed a bit more secure. Dad had not let anyone else in my family drive. He had apparently bought it in August which was the reason why he cleaned out the barn. I made a comment about Prince’s song, “Little Red Corvette” which was of no amusement to him. He proceeded to tell me about all the fancy little details until we pulled into the driveway at my aunt’s house. We walked up the steps, to the front door, and I just walked in. Dad didn’t approve.

“Usually people knock.”

Cool. I didn’t knock because I remembered the years before when my aunt would answer and tell us we didn’t have to as she rushed from the kitchen to greet us. I thought I would save her the trouble. I took off my coat and positioned myself in the dining room. I was starving. I hadn’t ate because it is tradition to fast so I might mass consume, but also because I didn’t want to be bloated (nor feel that way) when modeling/shooting. A half hour later she announced the food was ready and I quickly jumped in line, filling my plate. I strategically positioned myself at the table so I might avoid bumping elbows with those who were right-handed. My cousin discussed the details of her breast reconstruction as she had recently underwent surgery for breast cancer. I admired her positivity. I didn’t know. I was jealous at the support my aunt and uncle had showed. I liked them. I want them to be a part of my life, but I also know there is unspoken tension within the family. I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion that I couldn’t recognize, but couldn’t hold back. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me, leaned against the wall, and ugly cried. Where was this coming from? I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t depressed. I figured it was a result of the EMDR session two days prior. Mourning. I didn’t fight it. I let it happen. I looked in the mirror and could barely recognize myself. I was exhausted and pale. I cried until I felt I could regain composure and hopefully hide my red eyes and nose. I returned to the table only to feel exhausted. When all had finished eating, I moved to the living room and “napped” in the recliner which was completely unlike me. I isolated. Whatever I was feeling needed to be felt and only I could do that. I had emotionally exhausted myself. I tossed and turned for an hour before stepping into the kitchen where I’d heard my dad and aunt had been talking. My aunt noticed my presence and apparent isolation.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah. I got put on new medication and have been trying a new therapy.”

She looked at me, further assessing my body language. She knew something was off and that I was telling the truth, just not all of it. I knew she knew.

I wasn’t okay. This behavior was completely unlike me in a social setting, but I went with it. I had taken my new medication the night before assuming I would be getting a decent amount of sleep, but that didn’t happen. As a result, I found myself feeling a bit hungover contributing to my being tired.

“Are you ready for some french pie? Do you want pumpkin pie or french pie?”

“Both.”

She cut a small sliver of pumpkin pie and put it on my plate before pointing out a designated “no cherry” section of the french pie that she had made just for me. It’s tradition I scrape off the cherries and put them on dad’s plate while I eat the remaining goo and base. “The Witches of Eastwick” destroyed an possibility of me enjoying cherries. I ate my dessert before further isolating and checking out the Black Friday ads, another tradition minus the isolation. Another hour passed before most had left leaving my dad and I with my aunt, while my uncle took his mom home. I had joined my dad and aunt in the kitchen when my dad excused himself. When he had stepped outside of earshot, I turned to my aunt and verbally barfed.

“I did this thing and it has been the best decision of my life. Mom and dad would kill me if they knew, but I posed nude! I know it’s totally unlike me and I would never do such a thing, but the opportunity presented itself. It’s not sexual at all. Fort the first time in a long time, I’m happy and I feel alive! That’s what I was doing before I came here.”

She seemed a bit shocked. After seeing my enthusiasm, happiness, and spark of life, in comparison to the behavior I had been displaying, she accepted and seemed to understand. She didn’t put me down or crush my dreams as is common with my family, but she listened without judgement. I took a chance in telling her, but I hold told her things before because I knew she’d understand. My dad entered the room and we resumed our activities and prior discussion as if nothing had ever happened. When it was our turn to leave she walked us to the door and gave me a side hug. We went to grandma’s taking her some food. By then the sun was setting and dad suggesting turning on the lights. He was extremely excited about how they pop out the front. What he instructed me to do looked as if it turned on the brights so I questioned him.

“Just turn the switch.”

“Isn’t that the brights?”

“Just turn it on.”

“Won’t I blind someone?”

“No, just turn it on! “

He was getting extremely worked up, his excitement began fueling his anger.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

“No, just turn it on! It’s not the brights!”

I  turned the switch and lights popped out of the hood. What should have been an exciting moment turned into something scary and serious. Dad wasn’t even as excited as he first was. He sat stiff and serious in the passenger’s seat. I gripped the steering wheel, fought back tears, and struggled to convince myself that I did nothing wrong. As he stepped out of the car to give my grandma a plate of food, she asked about his car, and he struggled to hear her response. I watched as his face became twisted with frustration when I jokingly yelled, “HE STOLE IT!” I didn’t understand. I quickly stiffened up and ducked back into the car, as the smile faded from my face. He got back into the car and we drove home, a majority of the time spent in silence. I could feel his negativity which directed my words and movements. We pulled into Rural King and said our goodbyes as if nothing happened. I still didn’t understand what happened. Next, I sent my aunt the blog post about my photography experience knowing she would have some downtime as they drove for Black Friday deals. She didn’t respond until Friday evening:

“Sounds like you were very cautious about doing this and checked things out before you did it. I am proud of you for not just taking a whim and jumping into it. Bad things have happened in the past but you have learned from them too. Making you stronger and wiser in some ways. You are making the effort for your recovery and that’s the best thing. Which also means you really want it. That’s a heck of a start to anything.”

I ugly cried. I wasn’t looking for a response nor did I expect one. I took a chance in telling her and she could have told anyone and everyone. Instead, she offered support and encouragement. A wall was torn down in realizing that I am capable of making good decisions and someone is on my side. Perhaps she knew or has always suspected the things I’ve experienced? Maybe she did’t know how to approach without offending and potentially making things worse? My aunt has always been supportive...at a distance, but then I had never given her an opportunity to be. At that moment, I was glad I did. I felt blessed to have another in my circle and that I let them. It was a huge step to extend my trust to family and unknowingly the best move to begin with her. What relief that I could trust someone, especially family, with such an important, intimate, and defining experience.Seven years prior I had felt the same as I nervously waited to confess to my dad that I had been using drugs and made the decision to enter recovery. I had never been so scared, but I go this support and good night’s sleep in knowing that I had just done one of the hardest things I could do (aside from withdrawals). Now, I could breathe. I always knew, but I had been holding my breath for too long trying to keep my head above water. It doesn’t matter if she does or doesn’t know the things that happened within my immediate family and she didn’t have to. Again, I received validation without seeking it. I simply had to take a chance.

[upthenorthmountain]

Gonna Walk - Monday

Happy Kristanna week everyone! This week I’m ignoring the prompts (sorry) and sharing with you a story in five parts. Here’s part one, for today.

I’m gonna walk (gonna walk)

I won’t quit (won’t quit)

‘Til I get (’til I get)

To the bottom of your heart

- Gonna Walk, Barenaked Ladies

Monday

“Thanks so much again for driving me,” Anna said when they were still an hour away from the Lakes.

“It’s no problem. You’re on my way.”

“I know, but it’s still a bit out of your way.”

“I already said it’s fine. You’re giving me petrol money, I’ll still be on time to meet Sven at the campsite. Don’t worry about it.”

Anna hesitated for a moment.

“Because I was wondering, actually,” she said, “if you could do me another huge favour.”

“...oh?”

Anna bit her lip, glanced at him, then rushed on. “You see, when this trip was planned I was going to bring my boyfriend, and my cousin Stephanie? She was really keen to meet him, well, she’s never met any of my boyfriends because it just never works out that way and we have this joke, well, she has this joke, about how they’re all imaginary or all such losers that I can’t stand to introduce them to anyone. And anyway I was going to bring Rob this time and I told them all I had this great new boyfriend and they would all meet him and everything. And then. Last week, we broke up.” She sighed. “And I just said, to Steph, something about how he might not be able to come and she’s been teasing me all week by text message and winding me up and I can’t stand five days of it. I can’t. So. I was wondering. I haven’t told them anything about this boyfriend, because they were all going to meet him, I haven’t even told them his name, so -”

“No.”

“What? I haven’t even got to the favour yet.”

“It’s no.”

“All I need is to introduce you, then say you’re off to do your mountain-climbing thing or whatever, then I don’t know, kiss me on the cheek and leave and that’ll be it. You’ll never see any of them ever again.”

“No.”

“Please. Please. Just for five minutes while you’re in the house. It’s just my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle, and my two cousins. You don’t have to do anything other than say hello.”

“You’re mad. No.”

Anna pouted and slid down in her seat. “Fine.”

They drove on in silence.

Then she said, “I’ll go to France.”

“What?”

“The Year Six day trip to France. I’ll take your place. I know you asked Shirley if you could not go because you wanted to go to a wedding, and she said only if you found another teacher to take your place, and no one wants to because it’s a Saturday and ridiculous hours. But I’ll do it.”

“If I pretend to be your boyfriend.”

“Just while you’re at the house, yes.”

“It’s worth that much to you.”

“I know it’s pathetic. But, yes.”

He really wanted to go to that wedding. It was one of his oldest friends, and he’d been gutted when he realised it was the same day as the trip. And he hadn’t been especially wild about spending twenty hours - half on a coach, half in a foreign country - with sixty excitable eleven-year-olds as it was.

This was supposed to be a favour for a colleague, and a way to save some money on his drive up here for his half-term camping holiday, by delivering Anna to her family holiday ten miles away. That was all he was going to do.

But it was true he’d never meet any of her family ever again. And it was also true that he didn’t want to go to France. Oh, what the hell. What the hell.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

“You will?”

“Just for as long as I’m in the house. I will pretend to be your boyfriend, or at least will not deny it if introduced as such.”

“Thank you.”

“And you’ll tell Shirley first thing next week that you’ll take my place on the trip.”

“I will.”

“Okay.” He took one hand off the wheel and held it out to her. She shook it. “Deal.”

-----

The rented farmhouse where Anna’s family were spending their holiday was down the end of a long dirt track. Kristoff’s old Landrover bumped along, and Anna exclaimed over how glad she was that they were in his car and not her tiny hatchback (Kristoff privately wondered how she would have fit the two suitcases she apparently needed for five days in the back of her car, anyway). He parked to one side of the house and helped her get her cases out of the boot.

Anna knocked cheerfully on the door. After a minute it was opened by a middle-aged woman in a blue jumper who shouted “Anna! Anna’s here!” and hugged her. She beckoned them in and Kristoff followed them both through into a large, cosy kitchen at the back of the house.

“Hi everyone!” Anna said. “We’re here!”

“Anna!” An elderly lady stood up from her armchair and walked over to hug her. “It’s so wonderful to see you, my dear! And who is this? Your young man?”

“This is Kristoff,” Anna said, smiling and putting her hand on his arm. “He’s not staying, I’m afraid, he’s going over to Coniston to meet a friend, and they’re going to do mountain climbing and biking and kayaking and all kinds of things. But we drove up together. Kristoff, this is my grandma.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Mrs Rendell,” Kristoff said, hoping that was right, but apparently it was because no one corrected him.

“And this is my grandad,” Anna said, gesturing around the room, “And my Uncle John and Aunt Caroline, and my cousins Stephanie and Chloe. Everyone, this is Kristoff. My boyfriend.”

“Hi,” Kristoff said, and smiled round the room.

“You’re not staying?” one of the younger women said. Chloe.

“Oh, no,” Kristoff said. “I want to get over to Coniston before it starts to storm.”

“Probably wise,” John said, “But you’ll stop for a cup of tea, at least?”

“Ah -”

“Let him go, John,” Caroline said. “He’s right, it looks nasty out there. Well, it was lovely to meet you, Kristoff, even if only briefly.”

“And you,” he said. “Well, Anna, I’d best be off.”

“Of course,” she said. “Well, drive safe, let me know when you get there…” She raised her eyebrows at him. Oh, right, he was supposed to kiss her. He leant down and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Give her a proper kiss, lad,” Anna’s grandad said from the sink, where he was filling the kettle. “Don’t mind us.”

Kristoff looked at Anna. She gave a tiny shrug. Oh, sod it.

He put his hand to the side of her face and kissed her on the lips. Anna leant into it, and it was a few seconds before they parted.

“Okay, well,” Kristoff said. “I’ll see you all on Friday.” He waved to the room and left.

“He seems nice,” he heard Anna’s grandma say as he went out the front door, then he was back in his car. Job done, and he had a free Saturday in July to go to the wedding.

As he started the engine his phone beeped. Thanks so much, very convincing!! See you Friday x A

-----

It was already raining as he pulled away, big fat drops that soon turned the track to thick mud. Kristoff had to drive slowly, windscreen wipers thrashing. Surely this couldn’t last long. But the rain kept coming.

Once he was out on the main road - or the paved road, at least - he thought it would be easier, but no. The road was so narrow and high-banked it was basically a stream, with large pools collecting in the dips. He pulled over at the side of the road to find a new route on his phone, but he had no signal at all and it was no use.

He tried to push on a bit further. The road opened out and he thought he was in the clear, until it dropped down next to a river - and was completely underwater. As far as he could see through the pouring rain, it was flooded, and no way to tell how deep it was or if it was safe to try and cross.

He was going to have to go back to the house. Bugger.

-----

The dirt track was a running river by now, but Kristoff made his way along it eventually. He parked as close to the house as he could, then pulled his jacket over his head and made a dash for the door.

This time it was opened by one of the younger women - Stephanie? - who just stared at him for a second before calling over her shoulder “Anna! It’s your boyfriend.”

“Who?” Anna said, then “Oh! Well, let him in, don’t make him stand in the rain.”

Stephanie stepped back to let him in, then shut the door and walked away and back into the kitchen without another word. Anna came out into the hall. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. No. The road is washed out by the river, it’s completely impassable in this weather.”

“Oh, no,” Anna said. “Is there no other road?”

“No, not that I can see. I’ll have a look on my phone, if there’s any wifi here?”

“Ah, no. There isn’t.”

“Bugger. I’ve no signal.”

“It’ll be getting dark soon,” a voice said behind them. They turned and saw Anna’s Uncle John standing in the kitchen door. “You don’t want to be trailing around the countryside in this weather. Stop here tonight and make another go at it tomorrow.”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly…”

“It’s no problem! You’ll have to bunk up with Anna but I assume you don’t mind that,” and he laughed.

“Uncle,” Anna said.

“And he can help me peel the potatoes. Just making a lovely cottage pie,” he said. “What you need on a night like this, eh? Bring your bag in and Anna’ll show you which room is yours.”

Kristoff looked at Anna. Her expression was one of barely-concealed panic. “I -” he said.

“We can’t share a room,” Anna said quickly. “What will Grandma think?”

John waved dismissively. “She thought you were bringing him anyway. She’s resigned to it, just don’t mention it in front of her so we can all pretend it’s not happening.”

Anna and Kristoff looked at each other. “I guess you’ll have to stay,” Anna said.

“I guess so.”

-----

Nightmare. Nightmare. Kristoff had run out into the rain and returned with a huge rucksack, then before Anna could take him upstairs - and have a private conversation with him - Aunt Caroline was already showing him to the bedrooms. Anna walked slowly back into the kitchen, her stomach flipping. Would he go along with it? Would he reveal her to be a liar in front of everyone? He just had to be friendly and nice, she supposed. He could manage that for an evening, surely?

“So, Kristoff,” Aunt Caroline said as soon as they were back in the room with everyone else, “Anna says you work together?”

“Ah, yes. I teach Year Six.”

“The big kids.”

“Bigger than her Year One, yes. Twice as big, some of them. Ten and eleven year olds.”

“The little ones are so sweet,” Chloe said, stirring a saucepan on the hob.

“Exactly,” Anna said.

“You just like the little ones because you get to do more crafts,” Kristoff said, walking over to the cutting board and picking up the vegetable peeler. “You should see her classroom, glitter everywhere.” Everyone laughed and Anna flushed.

“You just like the big ones because they know how to sit quietly at their desks,” she said.

Kristoff shrugged. “That, and teaching Year Six means I’ve not yet had to clean wee off the floor, yeah.”

“Billy tries his best,” Anna said.

“By the time they get to me they're like proper little people,” Kristoff said. “They've still got a lot to learn but you can talk to them the same as adults, explain things and they get it.”

“My brother teaches teenagers,” Caroline said. “He loves it, but I don’t think I could stick it for long. Well, everyone’s different, and it’s a good job.”

Anna pulled a chair out from the table and sat down. It was okay; he was going along with it. He was even peeling potatoes, for goodness sake. This was fine. This was all going to be fine.

-----

It was nearly ten by the time dinner was finished and all the dishes washed. The older people retired first, then after only the four younger ones were left Anna declared herself exhausted from the long drive and she and Kristoff left to go upstairs.

Kristoff went first to the bathroom to brush his teeth and returned in his pyjamas. When Anna came back wearing hers, she found him unrolling a sleeping bag on the floor of the room.

“What are you doing?”

“Good job this was in my rucksack,” he said. “Can I have a pillow, though?”

The words you don’t have to sleep on the floor were on her tongue but she bit them back. Of course, this was the perfect solution. No one would know they hadn’t shared the bed, without them having to actually share the bed. And he had a sleeping bag, and the floor in here was probably still more comfortable than the ground he’d been planning to sleep on, so she didn’t feel bad about him having to sleep there. She picked up one of the pillows on the bed and tossed it to him.

“Thanks.”

“No, thank you. I’m so sorry this has been going on - I didn’t know if you’d go along with it -”

He shrugged. “I’m not going to humiliate you in front of your whole family. And I got a good dinner out of it. And I’m definitely not going to France.”

Anna laughed. “I can hardly say you didn’t keep up your end of the bargain, can I.”

“So your grandparents here are your father’s parents?” Kristoff said.

“Yes.”

“And, I’d guess - your Uncle John is your dad’s brother?”

“Yes.”

“You look similar.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Around the eyes, obviously I don’t mean you look like a fifty-year-old man.”

“I should hope not.”

“Where are your parents, couldn’t they make it?”

“Well, no. What with their having been dead for ten years.”

He looked at her sharply, but she clearly wasn’t joking. “They died in a car accident when I was fifteen. I probably should have told you that,” she said at his expression.

“Yes, I think so. Anything else I should know so I don’t look like a complete doughnut in front of everybody?”

“Um.” Anna climbed into the bed and lay down. “I have an older sister, she’s like three years older than me? Her name’s Elsa.”

“Oh yes, your grandma asked if I knew what Elsa was up to, but she didn’t seem to expect me to know so I said she’d have to ask you.” Kristoff turned off the overhead light and got into his sleeping bag. Anna switched off the lamp by the bed once he was settled.

“She lives in London. Works in finance. Even I don’t know what she’s up to most of the time. But other than that….my mum was an only child and her parents died when I was little. Dad just had the one brother, so yeah, this is pretty much my whole family, except Elsa.”

They lay there in silence for a moment.

“I’ll probably push off straight after breakfast tomorrow,” Kristoff said. “The roads are probably still not great so it’ll take a while.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m sorry to hear about your mum and dad.”

“Thanks. It was a long time ago.”

More silence.

“Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight.”

[punkpoemprose]

A Brief History of the Farm; Or Why Emily is the Way She Is

As requested, a brief (okay it got really really long) history of life, adventures, and my/ my family member’s fuckups on the farm.

@karis-the-fangirl I hope some of this is helpful/ amusing. Feel free to ask questions at any time if you’d like. If living in the sticks can be helpful to anyone I’m more than happy to share the knowledge I have.

So my dad has like the longest list of insane stories related to farmwork, so a lot of these will be his, and I should say that my family farm is only a hobby farm, so the work is a lot less difficult than my cousin’s dairy farm and the farms around me. We’re more of a subsistence farm/ homestead.

           When my dad was in middle school/ highschool he worked on my cousin’s dairy farm, and nearly died there five times that I know of (there’s probably more).

1.)    In the hayloft and a board broke out from under him sending him to the floor below (about a 10ft drop), which would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that the weak board sent him into a pile of very sharp tools that should have probably impaled him. He walked it off.

2.)    Was switching off equipment because he heard a storm was rolling in. The first strike of lightning in the whole night hits the barn, comes through the outlet, and knocks him flat on his ass, gasping for breath.

3.)    Was digging a trench for waterlines out to the barn. His little cousin was playing with her sisters in the back yard and went running, fell into the trench and straight on top of my father (she wasn’t necessarily small at that age and it was a 12ft trench). She nearly broke my Dad’s back, but it was lucky that she landed on him, because if she hadn’t, she likely would have hit a stone at the bottom of the trench and died.

4.)    Rolled a tractor (you’re not supposed to live through that), and not like a John Deere Mt or a little Ford or something, no, a huge commercial farm tractor with no cab. Again, he went flying, but walked it off.

5.)    Some kid decided to walk up to the back of one of the tractors when a PTO (power take off- basically a thing that spins wicked fast that you can use to power equipment off the back of a tractor, like a mower or what have you… this might explain better https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_take-off) shaft was running. If you so much as touch one of those babies when they’re going it can break your arm/ leg. God forbid you get a scrap of clothing stuck in there, you’re as good as dead. Anyway, kid gets too close, my Dad sees what’s about to happen and shoves the kid out of the way. You can probably guess what happens to Dad’s pants. If it weren’t for the fact that Dad yelled for the kid to move and the kid screamed, which caused my Great Grandfather to come running and shut the tractor off, I probably wouldn’t be here today. Oh, and what happened to him? He walked it off.

Mom wasn’t born on the farm. She was a city gal. Okay so like not a big city, but they had more than one grocery store, so that’s a city for me. My town only has farms, car garages, a post office, a town hall, and the general store an Amish lady opened up about a year ago (the pie is so damn good and her prices are so low it’s a miracle I bake at all anymore tbh, my grandmother has definitely given in all her thanksgiving pies were handmade by Laura Yoder and her three girls).

When she first started seeing Dad she was about my age (I think around 19 or 20?). They met at her summer job (at a plastic plant out towards Utica). My dad was her supervisor, and even though she had never done farm chores before, she started to learn on her visits. My father lived with his grandfather and the house desperately needed a woman’s touch, so Mom often did the dishes and tidied up for them, and she learned to crochet during the winter just to make my Dad a blanket.

By the time they were married Mom felt much more comfortable on the farm, but let me tell you (as she would, she’s a lovely woman and likes others to learn from her mistakes) she made some major mess ups/ had some adventures before and after the wedding.

She ruined about three weeks worth of green beans by weeding the row while they were wet (when you touch green beans while they’re wet they “rust” which is basically a disease/ blight that ruins the beans on the affected plants).

Planted three different plants that are so terribly invasive we’ve done everything we can to kill them since the early 2000’s and they still keep coming back (word to the wise if you ever want to plant spearmint do it in a pot).

Somehow Virginia Creeper ended up in our grape vines, and thankfully Mom only ate one berry (they look a lot like wild grapes). It lit her whole mouth on fire, and luckily she and dad were able to tear it all out before anyone else made the same mistake.

She didn’t fully cook Swiss Chard and had a similar adventure in mouth/ throat burning (The plants have tiny microneedles in their stems that will make you feel pain like no other if you eat it raw/ undercooked).

Once she made a pie with the apples off the back tree, and somehow managed to get several worm filled apples which did not reveal themselves until dinner that night, dead in the pie. In similar bug/ apple tree issues she accidently sent a wasps nest out of the tree and onto my father while picking apples (though Dad got his revenge when I was a kid and sent a chuck of beehive onto her by accident).

She was pulling weeds in the garden, accidently dug up/ pulled out a snake and panicked, not letting go of it, but running so that the poor thing (just a little garter snake mind you) was bouncing up and down the whole time, probably just trying to be free of her. She only dropped it when she ran over to my father (who’s terrified of snakes) and he smacked her hand.

When she was pregnant with me, she and Dad hadn’t accounted for such a cold/ long winter, so in the middle of February (7 months pregnant), she was up in the woods filling up a sled (that didn’t hold much but was heavy when full) with wood to bring back to the house. She had to make this trip 3-5 times in a day, and the woods are a quarter mile from the house in any direction.

When I was a toddler and my brother was a baby she worked in the garden with him in a playpen and I would be playing with my toy garden tools. My cousin, unfortunately, had planted a cornfield in the lot behind my house that he rented from us that year and I toddled off into the corn field. My poor mother ran through the corn field barefoot with my brother in one arm, screaming like a banshee for a good fifteen minutes. By the time she got back to the house, ready to call in a search party, I was being pushed on my swing set by my great grandpa (who was very hard of hearing).

My Gramp was the sweetest/ toughest man you would ever meet and doted on my brother and I terribly. He was half deaf, blind in one eye, his heart barely worked, he had a bad back and barely functioning lungs, but he would go up into the woods on the hottest day of summer to pick wild blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries for me and my brother. When Conner was a baby and I was a toddler he would do it for hours, come back, mash them all up for us with some sugar, let us eat it all, and tell us stories. My dad always said that he wouldn’t have lived as long as he did if it weren’t for me and my brother being around to give him something to live for.

As far as my experiences go I’ve been lucky to avoid anything too possibly life ending. Though we cut our own wood, and when I was a kid my Dad would fall a tree and cut it up and me, my mom, and my brother would load it into the truck or the wagon to take back to the house. Well my favorite thing was when he’d fall a tree on a hill so that we could roll the blocks down the hill to be split/ loaded. One time my shirt got caught on a log I was rolling, and it took me with it. I thankfully got thrown off the block before it could roll on my chest, but it got my leg pretty bad and it knocked all the air out of my lungs. I was pretty young at the time so my parents were worried. They made me and my brother stay in the truck the rest of the time, but we really just wanted to be out rolling more blocks. Also I’ve been hit multiple times by thrown pieces of wood to varying levels of damage to myself. I accidently broke my dad’s glasses when I didn’t see him and tossed a piece at him when I was about 12. But he was mostly fine and my brother broke a window doing the same thing when we were filling a shed, so we’ve all done something.

We use a tractor to plow out the driveway in the winter because we get so much snow. When my brother was a baby he loved riding on the tractor with Dad. (He called it a put-put because that’s the sound the exhaust/ exhaust cap makes when it runs). One time my dad hit a snow bank pretty hard and my little brother (probably about 2 or 3) went flying off the tractor and into the bank. I’m about 4 or 5, so I’m just sort of confused when my dad plucks my brother out of the snow and grabs us both (amazing given how puffy both of our snowsuits were really) and says the one phrase the three of us still share today “Don’t tell mom!”

When my brother and I were up playing on the edge of where the field meets the woods (where my great grandma used to throw the trash because they didn’t have pick up or anything like that) I sliced my finger open on a piece of glass and my brother said I’d have to get stitches so I tried hiding it from my mom for hours. I don’t know how much blood I lost, but my mom (God bless her) found out and managed to butterfly bandage it closed and made me drink a ridiculous amount of water. I probably should have gone to the hospital, but it never scarred and I lived. I have other stories that did leave scars, but I can sum almost all of them up as “young Emily really liked animals but the animals didn’t always like Emily back”. I didn’t learn obviously, I’m a Biologist.

When I started being able to do chores on my own I got my shoe eaten by pigs while bringing them slop, accidently pulled out all the plants and left the weeds in the garden because the leaves were very similar (thankfully we were able to replant them), I accidently broke a ton of eggs, I lost most of the hay out of a bale I was carrying, I ripped open a feed bag because I held it wrong, and I fell into what I will affectionately refer to as “puckey” more times than I’m willing to admit. I also freed all the fish my brother caught (because they were cute), cried over a bird that my brother shot by accident while trying to scare them out of the tomatoes, and with detached emotion named my three pigs breakfast, lunch, and dinner (my brother, who really isn’t a monster I promise, named his bacon, ham, and sausage).

I refuse to hunt, but I’ve gutted deer (the first time was an adventure trust me there), and for the last year I’ve been the closest thing my family had to a farm vet. The vet most people used around here passed recently and evidently a student of biology with a firm understanding of google is good enough for my family when it comes to the chickens and wildlife. I’ve only lost one patient and consulting with my actual vet student friends, she wasn’t going to make it anyway.

Also critters get into the house a lot and because I’m the only one in the family who isn’t afraid of them (mostly mice, bats, moles, and the occasional bird, my mom can handle the frogs/ toads/ salamanders herself), it’s been my job since I was about 12 to shoo them out. I don’t do snakes (because while I respect them I’m afraid of them), but I’ve been known to catch spiders and bring them out to the deck. The only thing I would ever outright refuse to catch is this fucking massive squirrel that used to hang out in the hay loft of my friend’s barn. It was a terror.

Oh and my brother and I had our hair chewed on by a horse when we were kids because we used to have straw blonde hair.

I overfilled a pressure canner once and I nearly died when we opened it prematurely because it blew the pressure gage clear off the top and just past my head.

My dog ran across a wet bridge and sent my cousin into the creek below where he broke his arm. I had to run back to the house (about a half mile) to get my mom to call his mom so we could bring him to the hospital (I was about 13, so he was either 14 or 15).

My brother and I have pulled more stone out of the fields around my house than I can count. Not little ones either. You can run little ones over with the tractor. I’m talking rocks the size of a laptop or larger. Once or twice we’ve found ones so big that we needed my dad to come through with the tractor to get them out.

I’ve been face to face with a bear (which is why I bring my brother, our 4-wheeler and his rifle whenever I go blackberry picking now), and we’ve all had deer, coyote, porcupines, skunks, and snakes cross our paths. Dad tries to shoot all the woodchucks out of the lot (they cause a lot of damage), but I won’t let him kill them if I’m around (same for the moles in the lawn and the field mice in the house).

There’s like a million more things I could say, but this is over 2500 words and I think I should stop now.  

[slyther-bird]

1-92 😘😘

Child pls… I’m gonna put these under a cut because holy shit that’s a lot of questions and I’m not flooding anyone’s dashes (forgive any typos pls. It’s late for me)

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

That would be you, so nah bro

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

Fuck no

3. Have you taken someone’s virginity?

I think so? I was told yes but I don’t know if that was true or not

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Sometimes, but it depends on the situation

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

Nope

6. What are you excited for?

Right now probably my next skating day

7. What happened tonight?

I shut myself in my room and watched vine compilations while fighting with a drawing and then decided I deserved alcohol and snuck into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. And got harassed by my cat because she’s ridiculous

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

I guess it depends on what happens when they get really wasted? I’m usually the one drunk and don’t remember a lot so I couldn’t say

9. Is confidence cute?

In the right situation yea, but not if the person is being cocky and rude

10. What is the last beverage you had?

I’m switching between a white wine and water because the wine isn’t cold and keeps drying out my mouth

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Maybe 3 max?

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Yup

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

If I can’t make it to skating probably just watch YouTube and draw

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

It honestly depends when I end up getting a job, but I do need more wood panels for mosaics so probably those

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Nope

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

I fucking hope so

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

You tbh

18. The last time you felt broken?

Probably within the last week? It was recent and it’s been a shitty week so

19. Have you had sex today?

Nah mate

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

Not really? I’ve been trying to keep busy with things so I can’t think of anything

21. Are you in a good mood?

I’d say a decent one

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

If it was totally safe and controlled then yea sure

23. Are your eyes the same colour as your dad’s?

No, mine are a really dark brown and his are hazel

24. What do you want right this second?

Probably some motivation tbh. Or a pita

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

I’m not interested in/looking for anyone right now so it wouldn’t matter?

26. Is your current hair colour your natural hair colour?

Partially. I still haven’t cut off the bleached bits yet. I really should

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Depends on their other qualities. I’m not totally in touch with emotions so something could make me laugh one day and not the next

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

My cat shoving her paw under my door because she heard me quietly singing

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Not really? Like I miss you but I usually do so?

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

It depends on what they did/want a second chance about

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

It was my brother so no not really

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I don’t have feelings for anyone right now, I’m trying to figure myself out before I worry about that

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

I haven’t been drinking it a lot because I’m actually kind of taking care of myself and paying attention to a diet lately

34. Listening to?

Waltz Op. 64 No. 2- Chopin (because it’s in the ost playlist for a fanfic I like)

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

I do in sketchbooks or randomly on my walls if I don’t have paper or my phone

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

I don’t know who the last person I kissed is so no?

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really. It seems like it’s more based on appearance than anything

38. Who did you last call?

I think you?

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

Definitely you, we were dancing in the car a bit ago

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

I’m not sure since I don’t know who it was

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Oh god probably some time last fall?

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Yup

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

I’ve embarrassed myself in front of a crush more times than I haven’t

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don’t tan at all if I can help it

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

I don’t think so, I think I was done bitching about sai a couple hours before I actually fell asleep

47. Who was the last person to call you?

I think my mum… She decided she needed to call me instead of texting me and scared me because my ringer was on

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Really quietly because there’s always someone here but yea. It’s honestly more of a performance tbh

49. Do you dance in the car?

Not wildly, but it depends on the song

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Yup. You need to remind me to let you try mine btw

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

At last year’s Lions convention I think

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Sometimes, but they’re nice

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Hell yea it is. I have more than one house to get ready for Christmas

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

I literally had those for supper tonight… One of my favourite things tbh

55. Favourite type of fruit pie?

I don’t like fruit pie all that much but I don’t dislike apple pie as much. As long as it’s drowning in caramel and warm

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

The only ones I definitely remember are figure skater, astronaut, astronomer, and palaeontologist

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Oh yea

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Literally more often than not I do

59. Take a vitamin daily?

No but I should be

60. Wear slippers?

Usually only if I’m sick

61. Wear a bath robe?

Not often tbh

62. What do you wear to bed?

Sometimes the clothes from that day, but usually boxers and a shirt or nothing, depends how much I can get off

63. First concert?

I’ve never been to one oops

64. Wal-Mart, Target, or Kmart?

Target was always the best when I was in the states for competitions but I haven’t been in ages so Wal-Mart I guess?

65. Nike or Adidas?

Nike because I like the name more. I don’t even really know what these brands make

66. Cheetos or Fritos?

Cheetossss. That’s how I corral my little cousins

67. Peanuts or sunflower seeds?

Sunflower seeds if they’re not too much work

68. Favourite Taylor Swift song?

Bad Blood or Shake it Off

69. Ever take dance lessons?

I took ballet and tap when I was younger. I was kind of thinking about starting ballet again because I like it and it’ll help with skating

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

Nope, I don’t even entirely know what I’ll be doing

71. Can you curl your tongue?

I can now. I couldn’t until I was like, 13 for some reason

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Never been in one

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

My cat touched my nose with her paw and closed her eyes and purred the other day so yea

74. What is your favourite book?

I guess Dragon Rider by Cornelia Funke because I always go back to it and it doesn’t get boring to me. I feel so bad because my favourites are definitely Harry Potter or Artemis Fowl but not a specific one, just the entire series really

75. Do you study better with or without music?

I never studied at all because that was always a guarantee that I’d screw up the test/exam

76. Regularly burn incense?

I wish, but my mum gets huge headaches from smells

77. Ever been in love?

More than I’d like to admit or think about tbh

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Maybe Panic! at the Disco, but I’ve heard that the tour Adam Lambert has been doing with Queen is good too. And it’s Adam

79. What was the last concert you saw?

I’ve never been to one

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?

Usually I’d prefer tea but sometimes I need the higher boost from coffee

82. Favourite type of cookie?

I really like these double chocolate ones my grandma makes. They’re so bad for you but they taste really nice and they’re super soft and gooey

83. Can you swim well?

I think pretty decently, but it’s not impressive or anything. I don’t like being in the water anyway

84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yup. But I have to hold my nose if I’m diving into water because of my piercing

85. Are you patient?

It depends what I’m supposed to be patient about but usually I am

86. DJ or band at a wedding?

DJ, they usually have a nicer music selection

87. Ever won a contest?

Competition yes, but I’m not sure about a contest

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89. Which are better, black or green olives?

I just got back onto olives and I only had green ones so I’ll say those

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

It’s fine as long as you’re careful. I’d be such a hypocrite if I said something against it omg

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Family/living room. Or a study

92. Do you want to get married?

It’s not off the table, but I’m not overly concerned about it at this point

I hope you appreciate that this took me 2 hours man I’m dying