#my feels are flared up

[pansexual-chocolate]

BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. if you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out!!!!

(p.s. thank YOU for being the bestest Edouard headcanon partner in helping me develop my characterization! can't express enough gratitude for all your help :DD)

Wow thanks for randomly hitting me where it hurts out of nowhere. I try my best to do my best and I'm so glad I can be a force for good chaos.

God so many of my mutuals are such beautiful people I'm going to at randomly but all of yall are so beautiful.

@givemeunicorns @jadenartemis @brownskinsugarplum76 @elektraking @americium-dioxide @rebellconquerer @tllgrrl @atiena-m

and whoever wants to

[thebibliosphere]

For all the progress I've made with my health (and I've made a lot), it's still one of the most annoying features of my MCAS that stress--or basically any too strong an emotion-- can trigger an anaphylactic reaction.

On the one hand, it's forced me to do so much therapy to get a hold of my emotional dysregulation and trauma, and that's a good thing. That's good for my emotional wellbeing.

But it's also a bandaid to the fact that my immune system is so broken it throws my entire body into fight or flight mode at the least provocation, and instead of choosing either fight, flight, or fawn, it goes for the secret fourth option which is to set fire to the house (me) and swell my throat shut.

Like that is the opposite of a survival instinct.

That is my body sensing the tiger in the tall grass, and going, "No, thank you," and noping the fuck out before the tiger can even get to it.

[ghosts-of-rishi]

Quick sketch of that scene from ME3 but you can see my soul leaving my body as the iterations progress

(Alt colours that looked nice, the rest are below the cut)

[homehauntsyou]

never ceases to amaze me the lengths that people will go to in order to pretend like sam isn’t naturally compassionate / kind and claim he only pretends to be, while emphasizing his supposedly “monstrous” traits that he supposedly must always be fighting against. why are you (broader fandom) pretending like every single thing he says is a part of an elaborate scheme. can you at least pretend to actually care about who sam really is for literally one singular second

[millenniumscreampuff]

Him. Again!

[edgepunk]

I'm still on semi-hiatus but I wanted to make this redraw based on this headcanon I talked about a while ago

[galedekarios]

wyll: this was a hospital? feels more like a prison. gale: a common enough interpretation. sickness has a nasty habit of making you feel trapped, if only within the confines of your body. gale: i once spent weeks convalescing in the hospice of st. laupsenn after a nasty bout of ruddy pox. for all their kindness, leaving that place behind felt like freedom to me. wyll: i've always relied on the kindness of the healers and menders of the coast. better a cleric's healing touch than a chirurgeon's scalpel.

i'm assuming this banter is supposed to trigger upon entering the house of healing, but it hasn't triggered for me. still very much interesting. not only does it offer another insight into gale's past before the events of the game, but also the hospice he found himself in for weeks is interesting itself as well:

"The Hospice of St. Laupsenn (N73) is a Sancturary of Ilmater in the North Ward of Waterdeep. In the City of Splendors, worship of The Triad has long been subsumed by the Halls of Justice, Waterdeep’s temple of Tyr. After the Time of Troubles during the early stages of the Spellplague, large swaths of the citizenry were afflicted with fiendish plagues. While most recovered with clerical attention, for some the effects of the disease continued to linger, resistant to the healing effects of magic. As few Waterdhavians would have anything to do with the fiend-afflicted sufferers, for fear of catching the plague anew, the llmatari decided to create a place for the lepers. The Order of the Golden Cup erected the Hospice of St Laupsenn, named for the priest who tended those similarly affected in the aftermath of the Weeping War, and have continued in quiet service to this day. The hospice is funded by private charitable contributions (many of which come from the personal holdings of the Lords) and tithes from the Halls of Justice and the Order itself." [source]

i was at first playing around with the idea of gale suffering from such a long illness because he might have been affected by the spellplague. then again, the spellplague usually affected magic users mentally rather than physically, so this might really just be the pox, common in big cities and beyond of course, probably during his childhood.

if larian had kept to the lore and the timeline, the effects of the spellplague should have been more central to gale's childhood and made it much more harrowing, especially since he is so intrinsically connected and linked to the weave itself.

[sweet-rabbit]

MITHRUN IS OF TOL INSTEAD OF KERENSIL DUE TO MARRIAGE don't lemme see people "correcting" me in tags or comments when it's in all caps

anywho, this was going to be another illustration for my fic, but didn't work out ie couldn't fit a scenario like it in the upcoming chapter that i'm still working on. decided to post it anyway 'cause i had fun. PS that's a phone Kabru's got, didn't feel a need to finish a background after all that plaid

[earphone-jacks]

Take Me Back To Miku

[droodlebug]

Hi !! I hate making posts like this but unfortunately there's not much else I Can do. Basically, I'm in like near 2k usd of debt from medical bills and mobility aid upkeep.

My doctors and I don't know what's wrong with me still, but it's progressive and has gotten significantly worse in the past few months. I haven't been able to work for over a year; I'm nonfunctional for the first half, if not all, of every day. Fatigue, paralysis, muscle spasms and weakness, incredible pain. It's all very. cool. I've been waiting to hear anything back from the disability I filed for in November of last year. It's been in the medical review since January.

And if you can imagine isn't Great when trying to afford my medications (including. . expensive. opioids) or the frequent doctor visits and tests. Here's a very fun screenshot of my bank account as proof of how much I have to offer:

At the current moment, I need at least $30 to cover the minimum monthly payment on one of my credit cards by October 15

I hate asking for help, but with the hurricane having gone by and the weather varying by near 30°F from day to night it's been a fight just to sit up, much less do anything that might get some funds. I would be So appreciative and endlessly grateful for anyone that would be able to help. Even if it's just reblogging my stuff, I can't express enough how much it would mean to me. Bankruptcy is probably in my future, but I'd rather not make that future come any faster than it needs to.

I have a Ko-Fi and I have commissions that start at 20 usd. For the moment, I can take up to 3 slots.

Thank you so much <3

[lesbianwyllravengard]

I know I'm so late to Bell's Hells but God Ashton's arc in episodes 77 and 78 is so damn important to me. The chronic pain they have felt all their life being something they've had to get used to and even embrace in order to fight but as soon as they take a second to think about it they get so angry and hopeless and feel broken and unwhole. God I know that so well. "I wanted someone/something to blame" I don't think anyone who doesn't have unexplainable or undiagnosed chronic pain could understand that shit it fucking sucks. Why am I like this. What did I do wrong. Why do I have to be in so much pain all of the time just to exist. Why do other people not have to deal with this pain. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else but who wished it on me. Why me. Fuck I'm tearing up writing this but yeah God I'm so glad Taliesin made the choice for his character that he did and tbh I'm disappointed in how the rest of the crew reacted bc they have no fucking idea what it's like. Like fuck, if I thought this super dangerous magical shard could help fix something in me, could in any way relieve my pain even if it's only to give me a reason/explanation for why I'm feeling the pain at all I'd fucking take it. Like yeah it was selfish and it was stupid but they have no fucking clue. Ashton's hopelessness and tunnel vision and desperation was so poignant and real

[msfcatlover]

Oracle!Tim has a wheelchair, but hates using it. He loudly insists he doesn’t need to when almost anyone suggests it. He can get around just fine on crutches, and it’s bad enough the way people treat him like that; he refuses to have them literally looking down on him.

Except, see, the thing is… he does need it. By the end of the day navigating on his crutches, Tim hurts. His back is screaming from the shoulders down, his spine feels almost swollen with how it takes over his senses (burning, throbbing, every click & grind of bone like having a knife wedged between the vertebrae,) the skin on his legs feels like it’s trying to crawl off his body, and there’s sharp needles of pain shooting through his leg muscles. If Tim spends the day on his feet/moving around a lot on his crutches, he’s going to spend the next 3 nights trying to be Oracle while flat on his back on the floor. (Tim does try to get around this by having wheelie chairs in all his offices and just not walking around much, but if the weather turns cold or a big storm blows in, even that won’t help.)

He gets better about it over time. Cass drags Tim into helping with her specific charity work, helping other disabled kids in Gotham. Tim ends up giving interviews in which he talks about being an ambulatory wheelchair user, how he’s treated when he goes out in the chair, how people act like it’s all a horrible lie if they ever see him get up from it, and how it combines with Tim’s own pride & internalized ableism to lead to him gritting his teeth and just pushing through. “It’s not worth it,” he tells Vicki Vale, a rueful smile on his face. “It’s never worth it, to go home and lay on the floor in too much pain to move, just so the people at the grocery store don’t see me in my chair. But I do it anyway, and I’m probably going to keep doing it… so if you see me out in public, please ask me if I’m being stupid, because there’s a good chance the answer is yes.” People laugh. Vicki calls him brave for talking about it. Tim says if he can raise just a little attention, make people a little more aware of how they treat people in (and out) of wheelchairs, he’ll have done something good.

Then he goes home. Lays on the floor. And tries not to cry while one of his loved ones rubs tiger balm into his back, because no, people don’t understand, it fucking hurts.

[pynkhues]

Another fanfic writer got ran out of the fandom this weekend because of a 'guilty by association' harassment campaign. She wrote fic of Loustat switching and having a very Canonverse relationship, and a teenager started insulting her writing and inciting harassment by others until she quit writing. The allegation was she was mutuals with someone else who was assumed to be racist, which is flimsy enough, but the real reason was obviously that she wrote popular, beloved fics that did not subscribe to the Hypermasculine Daddy Lestat and Hyperfeminine Housewife Louis Fanon.

This fandom is a horrible place and I am so glad you're still with us and haven't let these people bully you into silence, Sophie. It's so awful.

I'm really, really sorry to hear that, anon. Can I ask who the author is? I'd like to have a look and maybe send them a message or a comment if I can. Hopefully they might be a bit like me though and come back after giving themselves some time and buffer.

It's all pretty hideous behaviour though, and mm - - okay, you know. It's been a few weeks since it all went down with me now, and I've had a lot of people reach out very kindly in DMs, and also had to have y'know, I guess I'd say offbeat, haha, and awkward and heavy conversations with people in my real life, both personally and professionally (although I will say it's kind of been a relief, and half my family has already turned it into a running joke. My mum, who was the first person I told, watched Disclaimer after I recommended it to her, and she keeps texting me photos of the Kevin Kline stalker character with 'your erotic fanfiction haters' and asking me if I'm sure I didn't kill somebody's son, lmao), but I've been thinking about it all a lot, and - - yeah.

Look, this is going to sound off topic, but bear with me for a minute, alright? Over the last two weeks, purely by coincidence, I listened to the Behind the Bastards episodes on Rush Limbaugh. I love that podcast in general, and those two episodes are fascinating, and really worth listening to if you're at all interested in the media landscape's pivot to the right in the last few years. They really explore who he is as a person, his ascent in radio, how he managed that ascent, and the space he created in media which would after him be filled by Fox News, Tucker Carlson, Joe Rogan,et al.

One of the ways that he did this was by being loud, but also presenting himself as trustworthy, and really the only person anyone needed to listen to. He was a smart guy, anyway, anyone could hear that, and if people listened to him, they'd be smart too. One of the first majorly successful runs of this was his campaign against the show Murphy Brown, which is about a woman who is a single mother and a lawyer, successful, bright, and who interacts with a lot of gay people in different capacities in her every day life. Murphy Brown is famous for being one of the first shows to normalise both successful single motherhood, and LGBTQI+ people as varied members of our communities.

Now, Limbaugh positioned the show as offensive, and anyone who liked it as morally wrong, but more than that, he positioned his opinion as the only right one, and he would actively tell people not only to not watch the show, but to not engage with anyone who might have an opinion of it that wasn't his own. He did this by telling people they would be stupid, or 'missing something' if they didn't follow his obvious intellect, that they didn't need to think about it themselves, because he would do the thinking for them, Smart Person That He Was.

And so I'm like, y'know, listening to the podcast on my commute to work, and I just kind of think - - huh. Because it's kind of familiar, right? And I got thinking about how all those people were reblogging my 'vile anti black post' and telling all their followers to block me, thus trying to control their followers ability to see my posts, and presumably the posts of others, since they seem to do that a bit, and then I noticed that those same people trying to ensure everyone blocked me.....didn't block me themselves. And it suddenly just clicked into place.

Fascist rhetoric has come to fandom. Per the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

In simplest terms, fascism refers to a specific way of organizing a society: under fascism, a government ruled by a dictator controls the lives of the people in that society, and allows no dissent or disagreement. 

Fascism is more than just political, it's a philosphy and a mindset. Rush Limbaugh was a media figure, and he was a fascist, and interestingly - importantly - he did not believe in most of what he said. What he wanted was power, success, control, an audience, and to dictate the rhetoric in the media landscape because that granted him that power, success, control, and audience.

And look, I'm not saying these people attacking others with different opinions in the fandom are fascists, but they're using a fascist playbook. Their criticisms, harassment campaigns, threats to dox, actual doxxing, threats to not only involve but criminally endanger children (which I have since learnt my nephews were not the first target of - someone in this fandom who I won't name reached out to tell me they'd similarly threatened to send things to her children) (also I've seen posts that the people who initially were vocally strawmanning my arguments wouldn't do that, and sure, maybe they wouldn't, but all I can say is that if I knew members of my own corner of the fandom were threatening to find and send porn to any minor, let alone children as young as 7, I would be loudly and outspokenly condemning it), and attempts to suppress anything they don't agree with, is fascist behaviour.

They are allowing no dissent, no disagreement, and actively interfering with people's real lives to achieve that.

I don't think this will make any difference to them, I think some might not know what they're doing, but I think a lot do at this point, and I guess what I want to do in this post is just to share what I personally think that it is, and I guess - - mm, not offer words of advice exactly, but perhaps offer some gentle encouragement. I'd encourage anyone in this fandom - hell, everyone in life right now, given the state of things - to approach anyone who tells you there is only one way to create, only one way to enjoy something, or interpret something, or only a select group of people that you should listen to, with caution at the very least.

Fandom - again, hell, community - has always, to me, been about encouraging others to explore and engage with it on their own terms. Diversity of opinion is good, it's healthy, different takes on characters should be exciting, different iterations in fanart and fanfiction is a celebration of the fact that we bring our own stories to, well, stories, and anyone telling you who you should or shouldn't engage with without having a healthy, equal conversation about why you shouldn't engage with them, should be given respectful, reasonable doubt.

Anyway, I'm sure this'll piss people off again, but y'know, I don't really care about them at this point. I think their behaviour is ugly, antithetical to what fandom has always been about, and frankly, I think it's antisocial. I do care about you guys though, and I don't know. I hope this perhaps sheds a little bit of light for you in the same way that I felt it shed a little bit of light for me, or at least makes you think a little bit more broadly about what this desire to control is a part of, and how to engage (or rather, not) with it. But more than anything, I hope that author's okay, and that they've made friends in this fandom like I have who can offer their support.

[slasherflicks999]

slasher yippee!!

when i was like 13/14 i had a phase where i EXCLUSIVELY used a fun little lineless style and i missed it so i did it again but better

feels like it took FOREVERRR but it’s lots of fun :3

mostly just drew this bc i needed a new pfp LMAOOO but also more slasher art why not!

i also really really REALLY wish procreate had a pixelation/mosaic filter and 1bit layers like medibang does……. i love desktop medibang so much but MOBILE MEDIBANG?? ummm we don’t talk about her….

[untimelyambition]

having a strong hyperfixation on dan and phil in the year 2025 is so interesting bc my brain is having the normal hyperfix urge to learn as much as i can abt them and gather new information and i have to sit down and be like girl youve been here basically ten years at this point you know everything theres not anything new for you to learn

[mrmeepsmadmind]

SOCIETY KEEPS KILLING ONE OF THEM BCS THEIR FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE INCAPABLE FOR GALAXIES TO HANDLE !!!!!