#my dad is the worst person in the world
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anyways im tired of women villains getting off the hook for doing the same shit male villains do and are shamed for lol
#just like my real life#sigh#my dad is the worst person in the world#and i really dont like him either tbh#but apparently my sister who threatens to kill everyone and has the cops called on her sub sequentially and believes in weird qanon stuff#oh well she just needs to be given another chance and maybe with just enough therapy and love blah blah blah like#THEYRE THE SAME#YOU JUST THINK WOMEN ARE MORE INNOCENT BY DEFAULT THATS WHY YOU'RE EXTENDING SO MUCH MORE SYMPATHY#FDHJBDFVGHDHGF#LORDT#both are just as violent and just as likely to actually kill someone. but nah#shes just lost and crazy and confused and fragile and weak and just needs to be lead the right way :'(#you sure?#yall are playing with fire with this dumbass shit#this dumbass gender role shit and assumptions about how ppl are and wil lact based on their assigned gender has gotta stop#cis women have been just as shitty and violent as cis men in my life like. it needs to end.#cis women are not more innocent and therefore deserving of the banafit of the doubt by default more.#they just aren't.
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why does the pjo series have to unnecessarily villainize goddesses (hera & athena) or show them as silly ladies (aphrodite & demeter) BUT posiedon and apollo are somehow shown as the coolest/most likeable gods, even though arguably, they're right after zeus on terms of corruption?
ares shown as the worst god after zeus and hera amuses me. last time i checked, he was the patron god of amazons and literally killed a man for attempting to rape his daughter but guess who cursed women for rejection? apollo. guess who raped women when they said no (aside from zeus)? posiedon.
#all the gods and goddesses in the greek mythology are flawed in their own way#it doesn't make sense why the books were so unnecessarily biased towards certain gods?#it bothers me specifically that hera and athena are SO unnecessarily painted as villains#while posiedon is ‘cool’ dad ‘great’ lover ‘decent’ god ‘reasonable’ than other olympians#i get it he's the main character's father of a children's fantasy novel so rick painted him in a good light#but my man? then why are you painting other gods who are arguably just as bad as him as WORSE#shut up i feel strongly about it#i love the percy jackson series#but i hate how the gods are portrayed#is trials of apollo a good series? yes#does it make sense why he's shown as a human-like god with redemption arc#while hera is reduced to ‘evil stepmom’ and ‘bitch to annabeth’ even if apollo is JUST as bad as her?#no#and aphrodite is not some ‘silly fangirl’ whose personality revolves around shipping percabeth#she is powerful terrifying and cunning who can bestow some of worst revenge on those who offend her#demeter is not a silly crop goddess#her love for her daughter was so strong it almost ended the world and destroyed mankind#shes in charge of harvest and agriculture without her humanity will starve to death#shes just as powerful as the big-3 or at least she should be#posiedon is not this cool perfect rational god#medusa would disagree demeter would disagree pasiphae would disagree odysseus would disagree#apollo cursed women posiedon raped yet ares killed a rapist BUT nooo let's make ares the bad one#percy jackson#rr crit#greek mythology#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo
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NEW SOLARS FIC COMING UP ON AO3 !!
Hi all!
This is WinterBean (AO3 Writer) here. Just wanted to share with you guys that a new fic of mine will be showing up very soon hehehe... It's in the editing stage atm, but yes it has been sorta finished as a draft right now, sitting in between my first two fics in length (~12k+, although I'll have to change that depending on how long it gets after editing).
This focuses on Yumyulack and Korvo's relationship Post S5 Finale!
Here's a little summary of the story (S5 spoilers ahead!)
NAME: Papa Korvo
Potential Tags: Hurt, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, One chapter is a bit of a whump, yes this is focused on Yumyulack and Korvo, Post S5 Finale, ~ Daddy Issues ~, Yet another excuse to hurt my favourite character, Taco Bell Parking Lot Fight Scene, Bad Communication, injuries and overprotective father moments, could be OOC but I can't tell by myself, etc etc...
Summary: Yumyulack and Korvo struggle with working through their issues as a family, and things end up going a little bit awry. After all, Yumyulack calling Korvo 'Papa' seems to have some lasting effects. In the end, Korvo just wants to be a father, and Yumyulack secretly wants to have a father, yet they simply cannot get over themselves and admit they do really see each other as family.
But when things begin to go wrong, Yumyulack's desire for a father figure becomes more of a need as some fights are just a bit too hard to handle all by oneself...
Anyway, hope you guys have a good day, and I really hope this little taster summary (I'll adjust it to fit the vibe more once it's up on AO3, in which I'll post the link here)!
See you guys there, hopefully! Comments / reblogs with any additions/ideas/opinions are welcome!!
-WinterBean ❤️❤️
#solar opposites#This is my first time trying to post go easy on me if I post like a boomer#Really hoping this concept hits well#I just really like the idea of Korvo and Yumyulack having a parent/son bond that was mentioned in the finale#In the finale Yumyulack used it to manipulate Korvo but now he can't stop using it and it starts taking a toll#They're so emotionally difficult with each other and themselves#Also Korvo and Terry pull the world's worst dad joke that ends up being mildly traumatizing#If I write a sequel it'll be about Father's Day and Parent Teacher interviews ...#Tervo#This fic is serious to some extent#Trigger warnings will be updated if I see something dark in there#Surely I can't be the only person to react like this from the finale pls let the people see my vision the way I want them to
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:(
#i literally feel VIOLENTLY ill at the fact the hospital handled my mum’s passing so badly that her funeral is exactly ONE MONTH after it#i’ll forever be furious and angry and hurt and traumatised by the way they handled it#like A MONTH#it should not be happening this long after#and it’s her birthday on sunday so maybe i’m just feeling ten times worse because of that#but it’s not fair#it’s never gonna be fair#why the FUCK did she get taken from me like this#and then having to be the only one who knew about her funeral plans bc she only told me#and then everybody including my dad tells me how strong i am#IM NOT STRONG!!?!!?!??!?#i’m a girl who needs her mama. i’m just a girl who is so lost and confused and needs her mama#i literally want 2 die#tw death#i turned my tv off and immediately started crying bc i felt like the worst person in the world#did i not love her enough#should i have been better to get#*her#idk i just want her to know i adored her#and i need to hear her voice and get a hug#one of the last things she said to me was ‘i love you more’ well i love you most so how about that#tw grief#i am never getting over losing her#please . feel free to let me rant i just feel like i can’t talk to my dad or family bc like idk .#i always talked to my mum about my emotions and well! that can’t happen anymore lmfao 😭#i just need a place to vent the HELL out of my feelings bc i am not going back to therapy
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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imagine being akane and your weird pseudo dad who doesn't talk much sees the guy whose ass you just kicked in the middle of a high-stakes gunfight, saying "oh wait i know him", and then deadlifting this grown man and carrying him through the woods, perhaps for miles, and just.........not talking about it
#alice in borderland#alice in borderland netflix#aguni morizono#akane heiya#*exhales heavily through my nose* the untapped comedy potential...........#just a guy learning how to be a dad and a teenage girl learning how to be a person...on the world's worst camping trip
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It's a little interesting seeing the difference between 2016 and 2024 elections in my own reaction to it.
Like one hand, it's been Painfully similar. The horror at seeing the numbers turn out like they did. The feeling of dread gripping my chest. The fear. The backdrop of just pure *tiredness* throughout the day. Awful day. It's a miasma.
But in the 8 years since then, my life has dramatically changed. I went from having no deaths of anyone I really knew to losing like a third of my entire family. I've gotten very, very good at rolling with unexpected punches. I've had to be.
So with this now... it sucks. It really does. I'm so tired and resigned. I Really don't want to go back to how things were under him. But even with the horror and the resignation... idk. Maybe part of it is the fact that I've lived through a Trump presidency before, so I'm already familiar with the continuous monotonous despair that was his presidency. I'm not scared of an unknown evil. I'm resigned to the evil I already know and scared of what else he may do.
And after the completely unexpected loss of my father earlier this year... where I learned he was in the hospital and then just a bit over a day later he was dead. It was a kind of extreme life upheaval that I'm unlikely to experience that way ever again. So after having to roll with *that* punch... and having already rolled with the punch of a Trump election...
I'm tired. It feels like a bad dream. Feels like the bad path of a video game. The Wrong path. But Even Then... I'm not despairing. Not because I'm not scared, or because I don't think it's a horrible thing to have happened. But it's another awful fastball that life has thrown at me, and I have gotten very, very good at coping with those.
#speculation nation#of course on the wide scale a trump election is MUCH greater harm than my own personal loss#so i understand people who are justifiably upset and angry and scared at it. i am too.#but. ive lived through a trump presidency before. it was so so awful. but for things that hurt me Directly and Personally...#very few things can compare to losing my dad like that. that was without a doubt probably the worst night of my life (so far)#something with a marked Before and After. where i am a very different person now than i was before.#and i think a lot of it's the coping methods i picked up after it. which are very useful for Right Now.#knowing that something is awful. knowing that i can do absolutely nothing to change it.#accepting how awful it is. then trying to do what i can to brighten my And Others lives despite it all.#that whole habit ive picked up of focusing on the little joys... using them to remind myself that life is worth living...#not *ignoring* the greater issue. but knowing that it's not the end of the world. and life goes on.#it's gonna be a rough few years. im scared of how much damage hes gonna cause.#but automatically assuming the worst case scenarios will come to pass & then losing hope bc of that???#that doesnt help anyone. least of all yourselves.#so i think that's the core of it. the Roll With The Punches mentality that repeat severe losses has taught me.#this is another punch. and im rolling with it too. gonna do my best to keep going. and to survive. alongside all of you.
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principal difference between hellblazer/nbc constantine and 2005 keanu constantine imo, besides keanu constantine being american, is their attitudes toward food.
hellblazer/nbc constantine: pub food and hearty shit, meat and potatoes and stews and fish. appreciates a good meal, the effort/time it takes to cook it, and the social rituals that revolve around it. also has a taste for the finer things in life and will scam his way into high-end restaurants to fuck around and embarrass everyone there while eating goooood keanu constantine: runs on dunkin, lox bagels, and not much else. cannot keep things in his fridge or they will rot before he remembers to eat them. obliterates a mcdonalds hash brown in a single bite
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i just can't see an american constantine giving a singular flying shit about home meals or the family values associated with it#just Cannot be arsed. he's living at the burger king for breakfast lunch and dinner#also i Want to say that keanu constantine is a new york boy born n raised but nah. in my soul i know his ass is from boston#he does Move to and Live in new york after his misadventures in LA tho#it's a big Historical Site which seems on par with london for the kind of sordid and bloody political ghosts it evokes#which is very important to constantine's view of the world and who he is as a person#his family is a line of blue collar dock workers and his dad lost an arm in an industrial accident (canon event)#i also simply ascribe to the notion that keanu constantine has fucking had it with the universe and checked out completely#which doesn't help. he saved everybody once and achieved salvation now he's just. there. existing. it's the worst#food /#food cw#food mention /#food mention cw#just in case#( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.#is this a headcanon or am i just talking out my ass? Yes
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gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?
#i've known since the day it unceremoniously came in the mail that my degree is worth less than the paper it's printed on#yeah i needed to college experience for social and lersonal growth#but why couldn't i have gotten something out of it that can help me find a damn job?#what was the fucking point of going through all that?#(the social and personal growth obviously)#ahgggggg#i'm too broke and disabled to go back to school NOW#(the way i'm coping with the anxiety of waiting to hear back about the internal job i just interviewed for#is to have Officially Decided That I'll Be Rejected Out Of Hand. So What Do I Do Next?#it hurts but at least i can move forward if the worst come to pass#and it gives me something to do while i'm Waiting#ughhhhh#why couldn't i have sold my damn soul and gotten the shitty computer science degree my school had??#i remember visiting a house a friend was pet-sitting for and seeing the couple's gaming setup#and just seeing dollar signs. they both worked in computer science and made $$$#but at the time it sounded like the worst thing in the world#and i'd already changed my major once... loved what i was studying... and had my dad breathing down my neck about how much my education cost#i'm so lucky i don't have debt. thanks to my grampa. but holy hell did my dad lord that inheritance over me and make me dance for it#i don't think he ever got over grampa pulling *his* college funding bc he spent college fucking around and dropped out#couldn't wrap his head around that the narrow thing he'd trained me to be would never follow in his 'rebelious' footsteps#i beat myself up over A-'s there was no way i'd do anything other than take my grades seriously#but that was the problem. i was worried about grades and what sounded bearable to learn. not what was realistic to do with it#i wanted to get a fucking phd! with what fucking money!!!!#of course not that i had the support or the maturity to understand what it meant to choose an education that could grant me a career#but who can i blame if not myself?#dad always said i had to Go To College. there was no choice in not going. but as soon as college came he shoved me out the door#and slammed shut. how was i supposed to know what to do without him there to make me do things all of a sudden?#that took nearly a decade to learn dammit#personal
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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AU relationship conflict chart
#my heart is beating so goddamn fast after writing this because i relate to each and every one of them#how they feel about themselves is taken from how i feel at my worst and their opinions of eachother is either my envy#or my fear of the world's perception#txt#its incredibly personal ahah#vocaloid#context: flower's parents seperated after their mother found out that their dad had an affair on a business trip in china#xin hua was borne of that affair and when flower's mom found out things got shit for flower mikoto and hime#ia is still siblings with one and hippi was a music tutor so theyre all close#fukase is desperately alone#human condition
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a couple of weeks ago while i was listening to talking dad i got super paranoid about the idea that if hypothetically Will looked into my soul and judged me as a person he would fucking hate me and just that idea terrified me for a few days... i can't even listen to talking dad the same just knowing that the image of will fun liberal campos in my head is looking down on me in disappointment and disapproval
#i have not had a conversation w friends in like almost a month#i have not exactly been doing well#and may be losing my mind a bit#its just to me that someone i genuinely admire looking down on me and hating me as a person#is like one of the worst feelings in the world#idk its probs that listening to talking dad made me realise i had broken a moral code that i had wished to achieve#in a way that feels irreparable. i havent done shit the past few months tho idk what im getting hung up on
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I'm like. yea whatever cool to know abt learning about autism comorbidities for myself. like it just makes sense. then I realize my dad has these symptoms too and I start crying
#ehlers danlos doesnt effect me TOO bad. like im sweaty and oily and hairy and i dont have much cartilage in my nose.#at worst its in my knee and the cold weather makes my knee hurt a LOT like it gets stiff#then i think about in 2020 when my dad couldnt wear a mask properly or at all bc he has like the most minimum amount of cartilage#like his ears are basically soft rubber. they just kept flying off his face like they really did not stay on at all#not to mention like the other things. i do not believe he masks but i do believe he copes with living thru drugs and alcohol#like he doesnt have stims or echolalia (i don't either really though) but he smokes a lot. and mood. bc dealing with the world is hard#ive always thought he didnt understand living in the modern day but looking at it differently i think its that he doesnt get social cues#that well. a little more similar to agoraphobia since he gets along with his choice of people#but not anyone or anything else outside of his choice in people#and my brother is severely the most neurotypical person in the family aside from his adhd but hes on meds so.
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makes one mistake in life and immediately shrivels up like a raisin
#scratched my dad’s car terribly and have 2 pay for it to get fixed which is like not the end of the world this happens to everyone etc etc#but i still feel like the worst person alive <3 teehee
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my dad: “you should come home earlier so you can spend time with your mother”
me, internally: why the fuck would I do that
#shhh sharkie#I’m specifically a) lying to him about where i’m spending the night tonight#and b) spending as little time at home tomorrow as I can before I come back to the city#I have zero desire to spend any quality time with either of my parents rn#I’m driving to nyc to spend the night with my person tonight and sleep over with them#and then finishing the drive to ct tomorrow to drop off the car and then amtrak the fuck out of there#he’s trying to guilt trip me into spending the night in ct instead of nyc but like why would I do that#yeah i’d love to have an uncomfortable evening with a group of passive aggressive people who judge me and my life#and watch a shitty movie i’ll hate and be judged for how many glasses of wine I have#definitely better than getting free drinks at a gourmet restaurant while i wait for my SO to finish up work#and then go smoke/drink and get lovingly railed within an inch of my life#definitely time with my parents is worth more than that 🙄#edit: coming back to this about a month later (2/2) and i kinda do wish i had arrived earlier to say hi to mom but still#more in that like. my parents have this preconceived notion that I hate them but that isn’t true#and i’d like as many opportunities as i can to disprove that#but also my mom is a self-centered narcissist and any slight against her is the worst crime in the world#so i’m okay missing her. but i did still want to see her.#or any of my siblings. it was just my dad and the pets.#which is great! i love how each of the dogs greet everyone#have to deal with Daisy first cause she needs to be Held and tell you she loves you#and then Dolly needs to lick all the moisturizer off your face and be a little potato#and Odie whines and patiently waits his turn but then he gets swaddled with affection#it’s a whole routine i love them all so much#and i miss my girl so much
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God having complicated emotions is so fucking draining
#why do I feel so mad at my mom for being happy with a guy when all I fucking want is for her to be happy oh my god I’m the worst person in#the world#she’s officially started dating this dude and she fucking invited him to go to some resort on the beach for what was supposed to be a#memorial trip for my mom and dads anniversary like she’s going to the same beach and shit as she did with dad like two weeks before he died#and she’s being so fucking normal about it like what the fuck is wrong with you your husband hasn’t been dead a year and you’re bringing men#to the last place you and your husband were truly happy and you see no fucking problem with that what is wrong with you and then you want to#fucking talk about it and be so happy in front of me while I’m looking past you at my dads fucking urn and you see no problem#and she’s saying like you’re not gonna be there so why does it matter and I need to just keep thinking about it as days mom is distracted as#cigarette opportunities that’s what fixed me the last time mom was out on dates all the time
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