#i wanted to get a fucking phd! with what fucking money!!!!

[slippery-minghus]

gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?

[zwiebelii]

Gonna get my ass kicked today 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

[liinos]

It makes me fucking insane how grad programs are like oh did you not go immediately into a masters? Well you better have a good reason why or we might not think you deserve to get one bc you're not committed 🤭 omg you didn't cure cancer or solve world inequality before applying? Don't even look in our direction 🤮 it's so great you want to further your education it would really be a shame if we made it as hard as possible ����👈

[cusimmrbrightside]

I have always liked the idea of the school for mutants being very literally a school, and I know yes it is but I mean in the sense of if you want to be an X-men, you have to be a teacher. They have exams at the end of years, they have Ofsted checks (for those who don’t know what they are, it’s essentially people coming to check that the school is good at being a school) and they have teachers for every subject, which brings me to my next point;

“I’m Right You’re Wrong, Here’s What The X-Men (‘97 specifically) Would Teach As Subjects”.

(Also this is based off of UK school system but I use American terms like “seniors” and “AP” and “Midterms”)

Maths Teacher Gambit is surprising, for a guy most assume to not being entirely smart, an idiot goof off who’s the comedic relief. But you need to know numbers to gamble, and that he does with being very well versed in mathematics way past an AP level. He’s made the promise for every senior class that he will teach them to play blackjack on the final day, and has only ever lost once. Which is when the rule of “no betting real money” came into place.

English teacher Jean reminds me of the kind of teacher who would let the social outcasts into her class for their lunch breaks. The kids more likely to be bullied and she will fight tooth and nail to make sure those kids bullies don’t come into that classroom. they’re loud and shout and shouldn’t really be in there but no one has to know and she certainly won’t be telling them to leave any time soon.

Physics teacher Magneto is very specific to my highschool experience I’ll be honest. I had a physics teacher who was an actual Dr with a PHD and he hated being there. His classroom has (well, had since the building was knocked down about 5 years ago now) this one cabinet that was never fully shut, it was always open just about an inch or two, and he’d stand with his foot hovering just above it and then slam down on it whenever we got too loud so the noise would shut us up. That’s very magneto coded. Erik Lehnsherr would purposefully make the cabinet always a little open so he can do that.

Biology teacher morph is just a funny concept, a person whose physical form and change and morph into just about anything. They are considered one of the “fun” teachers, you could easily convince them to let you watch a movie all class as long as it was biology centred, but with classics like Osmosis Jones, you’re not stuck watching a documentary about animals giving birth.

Chemistry teacher Storm does not fuck about with children’s education. She is not strict by any means whatsoever, she just will not bend to someone saying they want to watch a film or should do a practical instead of theory. She has a set curriculum. She knows what she will be doing by the first week of the summer holidays and already has the room set up all pretty and organised.

Geography teacher Scott has the unfortunate job of telling his students that, they just won’t be looking at memorising country flags and politics. But hey!! Rocks are cool!! Beach shores are cool! Lake formations are cool! He’s the vice principal and designated nerd teacher. He once beat the elite four for a student on their copy of Pokémon Red because the student promised they’d do well in their midterms. Yes, he was in his 30s when the game came out, he doesn’t care.

History teacher Logan is a walking fun facts book. He’s exhausted, goes on smoke breaks on every gap of time he has, dislikes his job and will randomly get passionate about one specific topic, and will then dedicate his next 4 classes to that topic. Having been through a lot of modern history with personal experiences, he’s able to bring a lot of souvenirs to show his classes. Bullets, helmets, clothes he once wore hundreds of years ago, his personal memories of basic inventions like the vaccine.

PE (physical education) teacher Rogue is full of fun sports games, you can join any kind of sports team you can imagine and if you ask nicely enough, she’ll put Just Dance on a projector in the sports hall so you can just play that instead of actually play an actual sport. As long as you leave her class exhausted and without time to have a shower before your next class then she’s succeeded in making whoever your next teacher is absolutely miserable (bonus points if it’s Logan with his enhanced sense of smell).

Art teacher jubilee does believe that there is a right way to critique art. And she can be a little in your face about it. She does think you can have wrong opinions especially when it comes to your own art. If she overhears you saying you didn’t something wrong, she’ll scream into a megaphone “adapt, improvise, overcome!”. There are no mistakes! She’s eccentric, bubbly, creative and brilliant, the only one suited for the job.

It wouldn’t be a school without budget cuts. That’s why Nightcrawler is both the languages and religions teacher and he’s beloved at both. He comes up with roleplay scenarios the students can play to help learn their chosen languages, he has varied religious texts in his room and when he says to the students “I’ll pray for toy during exam season” he’s not actually joking.

(I forgot about Hank I’m actually going to cry he’s one of my favourites and I forgot about him. He’ll be in pt two or smth.)

[seat-safety-switch]

Everyone's trying to cut out sugar from their diets now. Sugar, as introduced to us by Big Industrial Monsters, has been inserted into all of our foods without our consent. A little bit is fine, but eating it with every single meal is fuckin' up our guts. And if you ask literally anyone on the street, they don't want their guts fucked up. Well, maybe don't ask that guy.

One problem is that we don't know what has sugar in it. Sure, you could read the ingredients, but the greedheads have corrupted the government into allowing them to hide the cursed crystals under one of many different names. Glucose-Fructose sounds like an interstate shipping company, but you better believe it's sugar too. The only answer is to rely on science, and by "science" I mean the biggest dirtbag with a mass spectrometer that I could find.

What is a mass spectrometer? It's a fancy science machine that looks at whatever you put into it. And with only a lifetime of expertise (or about 30 minutes of training) you too can understand its cryptic answers. Or at least, come back with an "I dunno, but it had some cool blinking lights." One such scientist is Dr. Mary Su, a PhD who has been kicked out of every lab in the tri-state area for her extreme views on the recreational use of nitrous oxide.

Here's how our arrangement works out. I bring Dr. Su some food, and then she tells me if it has sugar in it. Then I slip her a $20, which she spends on race parts (the only ethical use of money.) Unfortunately, our partnership has yet to bear fruit. On my way to visit her, I invariably get stuck in traffic for a few minutes, and then eat whatever I came with out of boredom. Or the rat in the glovebox gets it first, when my back is turned. Either way, nothing is left by the time I get to her ramshackle lab built into a disused nuke bunker.

You might have better luck. Or, you can just eat some broccoli. Once it's been deep-fried and breaded, it's gotta be pretty healthy for you.

[socks-nb]

“I saw someone comment how ford was forcing himself to hate stanely bc the moment he got burnt, ford immediately asked if he was okay as a reflex”

POOKIE (hiii POOKIE <<33) Sent me a comment on a tiktok video that had me sobbing at work and I’m not letting this character analysis get lost to the void because god dammit stan deserves so much better than the fucked up cards he was handed in life.

Ford definitely had to force himself to hate Stanley. Every time he started writing anything positive about him in journal 3 he’d immediately cross it out. I think that if he put any thought into it hat happened between them and his part of what he’d done it would have broke him. Because really what did he expect to happen to his brother after he got kicked out at 17? He knew it would be nothing good, but if he wasn’t angry he’d have to feel bad instead and that anger was a lot more palatable than the alternative.

Stan’s entire life has been nothing but living for and loving ford. As kids it was him who protected him from the other kids. It was Stan who was always so proud of him when their father couldn’t give a shit. It was Stan who after 10 years of being homeless. 10 years of being ignored. 10 years of his other half seemingly not caring where he was dead or alive. 10 years of horrors that “I had to chew my way out of the back of a car!” can only elude to. 10 years of either being chased out or chased down. But when he got that post card from Gravity Falls? He dropped everything and went straight there in the middle of winter. He had to travel several states to get there with what little money he might have had, gas alone must have been a nightmare. It was cold, his jacket was old asf, the Stanmobile couldn’t have been in the best of shape, and neither was Stanley himself. But he still came. And after all that he was just?? What? Threatened with a crossbow, immediately told to fuck off again, and then branded for fucks sake?

(Who else thinks about the fact that Stan probably never went to a hospital to get it treated so he had to deal with the infection on his own 😍🔫)

I’m surprised he didn’t have an even bigger crash out than he did in canon tbh.

And then when all was said and done, this highschool drop out spent the next 30 YEARS teaching himself quantum physics with a third the notes he needed, filled with ramblings of a paranoid lunatic, all to bring the only person who made his life worth something home.

Not just bring him home but making sure Ford had a home to come back too. Yeah he converted part of it to the shack but who does ford think was paying the electric bill? His mortgage? All of it was Stan. And what did he get in return? A fist to the face before later being told that at the end of the summer he’d be back on the streets. A 60 year old man, who’d lived in gravity falls, lived in the shack, for longer than he’d ever lived anywhere. Longer than Ford had even lived there. The first and only stable place he’d had since glass shard beach. He’d be back where he was all those years go, accept he wouldn’t have what he had the first time. Specifically, he wouldn’t have his youth, and he wouldn’t have his reason. The only thing that kept him going all those years was the thought of his brother and a blatant refusal to die. 60 year old stan has a hearing aid and cataracts, and is also legally dead. He wouldn’t have made it out there. Stan would have died.

Stan never got to have a life of his own. His life is and always has been his brother. Sure Ford didn’t get to go to the college he wanted, but he had a life and a pretty damn good one at that. He was never even guaranteed to get into that school in the first place.

As smart as Ford is, a perpetual motion machine is impossible. Physically and mathematically it can not happen. It was never going to happen. It would have never worked. Weather Stan was there that night or not, it would have stopped eventually.

Ford went to college, made a best friend, got 12 PHDs, got a large enough grant that he was able to move states again and build his own custom home from the ground up AND STILL ended up studying what he’d always dreamed too. And with bill he got to experience shit that he assumed no one else ever had before. His life really only god fucked up after bill showed his true colors.

Yeah, pushing ford into the portal was a fuck up. A MAJOR fuck up. But Ford acts like he’s not the reason fiddleford fell in, another person he had to lie to himself about and convince himself that they were the problem. He never even checked on fiddleford afterwards and Ford ruined his life. He took a father away from his wife and child, he made Tate grow up watching his father slip further and further into madness until he was unrecognizable. His mind was so fucked not even bill could handle being there. Or he acts like he doesn’t understand how easy the roles could have been reversed. How easy it would have been for Stan to fall through the portal instead of him. After going through the portal I don’t believe for a minute he didn’t run into at least one portal stan.

They both fucked up, but the difference is that Stan spent his entire life trying to atone for what he’d done, and Ford spent his entire life blaming Stan for everything that had gone wrong in his life, (which was practically nothing before he decided to make a deal with a demon because he thought he knew better than anyone who had ever met bill before) for a mistake he made when he was 17, like he everything Stan did for him before that point meant nothing. One fuck up was all it took for him to look at Stan the same way their father did.

I think allowed himself a minute to think even for a minute about the situation in its entirety he’d break. Being angry is easier than being hurt and afraid. It’s easier to deal with than guilt and regret. It’s so much easier than looking at yourself and having to question where you went wrong and acknowledging than you fucked up and hurt someone. But Stan spent his entire existence doing just that. Looking at himself and knowing that he fucked up and had no way of making it better. Feeling guilt and regret for a fuck up anyone could have made. Because he was a teenager and afraid of losing the only person he had, and he had t even meant to touch his project!! He hit the table and that was enough to make fords machine explode into nothing???? That always seemed strange to me. I genuinely believe that even if Stan hadn’t been there it would have broken anyways. Not that it makes it right what happened. Stan should have told Ford when it all went down. But Stan didn’t deserve what happened to him for the next 40 years after than.

These old men own my entire soul. All of it. I love their relationship so much despite how bittersweet and tragic it is but god I could talk about them for hours. I don’t know what I would have done if they didn’t get their happy ending.

[jewishregulus]

i could talk for hours abt regulus being a college drop out like it just fits him so well. I’m sorry i know the public will disagree but no one gets him like i do. he thinks he has to go to uni and get a degree bc it’s what hes supposed to do but honestly ? he doesn’t like it he wants to learn at his own pace w his own structure he wants to explore the world he has barred himself from for so long . like i love fics where reg drops out and gets like a sugar daddy just to have the money to go to the fanciest art museums across the world and look through them at his own pace….. free from his parents to do what he wants in his own way, not in theirs ….. my sweet angel boy

so many ppl think that regulus like genuinely wants to be like his parents and do what they do and that!! is so wrong…. even in canon…. yes he willingly joined the D.E but it’s bc he didn’t realize he could do anything else … why would he think abt anything else ???? he doesn’t have any other life this is his only option. so he will live in denial abt how much he actually wants it. he’s alicentpilled in that way (those who know know)….

that’s why the moment regulus realizes he’s unhappy he literally kills himself instead of trying to rebel: he doesn’t think he Can rebel. this is his only option. if he is miserable living like this than living will just be miserable. he only has one other thing to do and that would be to die.

anyways back on topic Soz but i don’t like it when reg like owns a business or still gets his masters or a phd or something like to me that doesn’t feel like him … i’m a big fan of sirius n reg ending up in the opposite of spots as to where their parents expected. his parents thought sirius would end up poor and uneducated doing odd jobs for cash and regulus, their puppet child, would end up rich and successful making connections and such…. and then it turns out sirius gets an education and proves himself as capable of being something without them, and regulus let’s go of his parents standards of living. sirius is designing his business cards while regulus is smoking weed in the back of barty’s fuck ass car . they are both at peak happiness. regulus gets to live his own life.

sirius proves to himself he is worth something and capable outside of his family, that he can succeed without them, that he isn’t going to fall from grace without them, and regulus proves to himself that the fall from grace isn’t much of a fall, and that he’s happier with the people he loves than with the career his parents wanted for him. that’s my vision

[complete-clownery]

Okay I wont get to work on this any longer tonight so imma just post this

So this morning I have realised some stuff about my Macaque home hc

So first of all you can see the human disguised Macaque with Bai He,

and so Bai He wasnt there or "planed into the house" three days ago, but I decided that, that just wont do, I want her with Macaque, so im going to have to go back and alter my original ideas so it would fit the concept of Bai He also living there with Macaque (I have quit a lot of ideas for that, but ill get to them when I have the time)

But its not the main reason I wanted to talk about this even with half finished ideas under constructuion in my head

The big thing you already saw the random old lady and the antic Store/shop, so its no suprise im going to talk about that a for a bit,,, not a lot tho cuz I dont really got the energy for this

Soo--- She does not have a name, but Ill work on that, shes not fully thougt out, but nothing really when it comes to my ideas and headcanons (its kinda like eating halfbaked dough)

so shes 73 years old divorced lady running a little antic shop in the outer cirkles of Megapolis. I was thinking maybe it was her who originally selled the whole building to Macaque and rented the free space under the dojo.

She has a daughter and a grandkid (didn't decide on gender yet)

Shes kinda inspired by @/ladygreenfrisbee's oc in the fanfiction sunbreak, a snarky but sweet old lady whos not taking any shit from the brooding, shadow the hedgehog wannabe.

When she was younger she worked in a Museum in Megapolis, working with antient historical artifacts and megical weapons, but she pretty much knew everything about anything in there, with history and old stories being one of her passions,

Thus after she retired she decided to open and antic store. Even tho its an antic store, she can be one of those people that you bring an old piece of furniture or object in and they can tell you if its legit or not. She is also willing to trade and buy stuff from you if its to her likings. She's fair and not a con artist, she has just enough money for herself and thats completely fine by her, shes a simple woman when it comes to living.

She has a ton of degrees, Dr. And Phd tytels and what nots, extreamly smart and knows a lot about history and mytology and different eras of the past, making it easier for her and Macaque to connect over old stuff.

Also I was thinking, even tho she couldnt tell that Macaque was the Six Eared Macaque himself, she knew that they were wearing glamours, She studied artifects and worked with demons who were experts on the field of magics and glamours, she knows her shit

And even tho She had a decent relationshipp with Macaque I dont think Macaque would willingly let her see his true form, maybe after he was very exhausted, and injured after a fight they couldnt hold it up and were like-- fuck it who cares (maybe it was after the final fight with LBD) and she obviously knew who they were imidietly seeing his Six ears (that even tho he let her see one time hé continued to glamour like he would usually, only letting go of their human disguise)

So after that she would start asking him a whole lot of questions about the past and what was it like, carefully avoiding the questions involving the great sage equal to heaven, cuz she knew what happend from jttw

But yeah Macaque found it funny how a child and an old lady are looking at him with similar shimmer to their eyes as they interrogate him on the past

She loves a good tea and has her own little blends that calm the nerves and ease muscle pain and stuff like that. After She and Macaque became more friendly with eachother she gifted them some tea that helps him fall asleep better and relax. Macaque checked them for poison twice and couldnt find anything, but still wasnt willing to drink from them until he had a very fucked up breakdown yippeee ✌️

After Macaque lived there for some years they somewhat warmed up to eachother, they would hold little tea paties and talk about stuff (annoying husbands and divorce) after Bai He started living with Macaque these tea parties increased in numbers, sometimes the ladys grandchild joining in when Grandma was watching over them, maybe they get along well with Bai He, maybe they had a rocky begining to their friendshipp, but they warmed up to eachother and now are pretty good friends (maybe, ill think about it more)

BUT!!! this was it for now its already 2:40 am and im waking up at 6:40 so even tho I have more to say ill be going now

Bye thank you for reading ✌️☺️

[slut4thebroken]

Assorted characters x stalker!reader hcs

For some reason I’ve been obsessed with stalker!reader ideas. Like for any of my current hyperfixation crushes lol. So here are some unofficial head canons I guess

(Jason Todd, Jonathan Crane, Jackson Rippner, Spencer Reid, Stiles Stilinski, Bucky Barnes)

Jason Todd - You met him one day on the street. Some guy was being a dick and not taking no for an answer. When he started yelling, Jason intervened. And you’ve been in love with him ever since. You know that he obviously loves you too, that’s why he was so kind to you that day— that’s why he leaves his blinds open and let’s you watch him change after taking a shower. That’s why he was “careless” enough to let you find out his alter ego. Why else would he have trusted you so much to share that secret with you if he wasn’t in love with you too?

Jonathan Crane - Along the same lines as Jason. But you’re a student in his class. Everyday you sit in the front, your chin resting on your hand as you stare at him, mesmerized by his smooth voice and pretty face. You like the reaction you get when he makes eye contact and you don’t look away— he stumbles over his words and forces his gaze somewhere else while clearing his throat. His day to day life wasn’t particularly exciting, he spent most of his time on campus or at Arkham. But the one night he deviated from his usual schedule, you got all giddy and followed him eagerly. That’s how you found out your professor was the infamous Scarecrow. After learning that, you wondered if he’d ever want to test his fear toxin on you, leaving you a writhing mess for him.

Jackson Rippner - (I actually started a one shot with this plot lmao) You don’t know how a professional terrorist who stalks people for a living didn’t realize you were following him. It’s not like you’re very good at it. But you watched him watch other people, swooning when he became particularly violent on an assignment. You wondered how he’d react when he found out. Would he be flattered— impressed? Would he try to kill you? Or maybe— and this was your preferred option— he’d fuck you instead, making fun of you for being so desperate that you resorted to stalking him. He seemed like the kind of man who would enjoy degrading and humiliating you and you couldn’t wait for when that would finally happen.

Spencer Reid - Your genius professor with an IQ of 187 and three phds was entirely fascinating to you. You read anything and everything about him, including all of the cases he’s worked and any interviews he’s done. Once that wasn’t enough, you started following him around. He was so intriguing and captivating— the way he just ordered a coffee and handed the barista the money had you swooning. The first time you followed him, he had noticed you— made eye contact with you— so you made sure to be more careful. On days where he wasn’t teaching because he was away helping the BAU, you were incredibly bored and almost depressed. You missed seeing him every single day.

Stiles Stilinski - Stalking him was how you found out literally all of his friends secrets. You liked watching him talk animatedly to Scott from across the library, getting scolded by the librarian several times before being asked to leave. You liked watching him by himself, the way he fidgets with anything he can get his hands on and struggles to focus on whatever task he’s trying to complete, it’s endearing. What you didn’t like, however, was how he looks at Lydia. Every single time, you have to physical restrain yourself from walking over and bashing her head in, telling her to back the fuck off and leave him alone. Especially because she usually ends up making him sad. If he were with you, you’d always make him feel loved and appreciated. You wouldn’t act like some spoiled, airheaded tease (not the internalized misogyny lol).

Bucky Barnes - Stalking Bucky was one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. He’s so in tune with his surroundings, knows when there’s a threat before anyone else does. He also knows when he’s being followed. So you resorted to casual stalking— going to the gym when he’s there, sitting in the living room when he’s there, arguing with Sam about what to watch, etc. You also liked watching him through the security cameras in the tower. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but you could see the true, genuine Bucky. Not the Bucky he pretends to be around everyone else. This was the Bucky who likes romcoms, listens to music, does his best to cook, walks around in just sweatpants, not worrying about having to hide the gruesome scarring on his shoulder at the base of his metal arm— or any other scars for that matter. He has a lot of them and you ached to kiss every single one and tell him that you still think he’s incredibly handsome and pretty.

Part 2 with their reactions when they find out lol?

[grison-in-space]

I did a bit of de novo genome assembly way, way back in the day which I have never been able to use professionally because my PI refused to spend $2000 more on getting new read depth. He had ordered the reads before actually learning anything about the pipeline and only about half of the libraries he had ordered were usable in any given pipeline, see. (Some had been for older assembly methods and others had been for newer ones, basically.)

Rather than find the money to fucking get me the reads to do it right, he heard about an open source project called RACA that was some dude's dissertation arguing that you COULD use some of the worthless libraries to fill in the gaps of the assembly and get a functional genome out of it. I spent two years trying to move massive quantities of data through that fuckhead's pipeline on the campus supercomputer to get the assembled genome out, and then I got to the end and found there was no output as fastq files or ant other format recognizable to me.

(Give me a break, I was 23 and had also been frantically learning acoustic analysis, basic electrical engineering, and technical equipment maintenance in the two years since I had started learning to code. Plus I was figuring out what I wanted my dissertation to be. I'd never grappled with anything more complicated than our home-written library of matlab acoustic analysis before, and it simply hadn't occurred to me that anyone would publish a non-functional pipeline to achieve a goal quickly anyone verifying that anyone else had done anything yet.)

Anyway, eventually he collaborated with someone else who ponied up $2000 and a postdoc to get new reads. My name was not on the paper, so that's two years of my life developing a particular and fairly unique skill set that I will almost certainly never use.

In retrospect it's less surprising than you might think that the PhD took eight years and absolutely shattered my confidence.

And the best part is that it was just about impossible to predict at the time that shit would go quite this bad, except that some people handle power well when they're stressed and some people maintain a strong layer of cognitive dissonance over their knowledge of power such that it's never real enough to be responsible about but always real enough to win a dispute.

Anyway I think every student should have two advisors so that everyone in the department should have to immediately know about it when a PI is floundering and have a strong direct incentive to do something about it. A LOT of my problems could have been fixed with one look with a gimlet eye from a senior, more experienced researcher being not impressed at a student under their supervision running on an endless treadmill to nothing. Frankly a lot of my problems could have been solved if my mentor had formal training or literally any supervision that could deliver metrics faster than "how close am I to my previous mentees?"

I know a lot of dual advised students wind up in a tug of war between two advisors, but like: that's the point. If one of them turns out to be insane and malicious then a) the students all have clear lines to bail, b) the other ones all realize quickly that bailing out the chaos and career damage of someone who is fucking it up is way more work than resolving the problem, and c) the one with more tethers to reality has a way bigger likelihood of formally retaining the student when and if a third party has to examine the contract.

Just. It was such a fucking waste. And not because anyone necessarily wanted it to be wasteful, either, or any malice, but because I was... mm, I think the fifth PhD student in that lab and that's actually not that many to be learning on. Systems that set you up to play with decades of people's lives should have more fail-safes and places for people to learn before they get to be the sole director of someone else's career for five fucking years, not less. And yet!

[doiefy]

nct 127 as cursed college profs

very partially based on stupid shit i've had the pleasure and misfortune of seeing in my own classes. happy finals season girlies </3 i rise from my casket of inactivity to bring you the shit post i wrote on the subway on the way to an exam. whose class do you think you'd survive?

cw: cynical college humour because i'm coping, adult humour

taeil: not even that old, but barely knows how to use technology. spends the first 15 minutes of lectures trying to figure out zoom, then the rest of the time poorly explaining quantum mechanics from a textbook written 20 years ago. trips down the stairs two days into the semester and goes on medical leave, only to be spotted on vacation a week later. no one even gives him shit for it.

johnny: originally the cool, chill prof who occasionally went out for drinks with his classes, until he realized he was cool and tried to get even more hip with the kids. now he uses bad memes in his slides and films tiktoks in his lab. the number of students who ask to get drinks with him significantly boosts his ego, but no one tells him they’re doing it just to cross “drinking with a prof” off the frosh bingo card.

taeyong: the sweetest, loveliest, kindest soul you will ever meet—except he’s only taught twice in his life, just got put in as a replacement for a prof who tripped down the stairs, and gives you the most god-awful final exam known to man. he’s also stressed out (on your behalf) at any given moment, to the point where he just passes everyone with an 80 and calls it a day.

yuta: the hip, fashionable prof who only serves looks and random commentaries on society in the middle of his lectures. undergrads fight to the death to join his research group, but the ones who make it eventually realize he spends most of his time partying with the department’s money. yet still, groundbreaking work comes out of his lab every year…

doyoung: retired from research a few years ago to teach full time, but not a single person knows why. he may offer the clearest, live-saving explanations in his lectures—but he constantly looks like he wants to go home and will decimate your entire existence with a single look if you ask anything about the syllabus two weeks into the semester.

jaehyun: the hot single prof. every single freshman girlie has a sickening, concerning, fanfic-esque crush on him. some go as far as nearly failing his class and then booking office hours with him before finals, only to find out that he’s been using Doyoung’s teaching material for years, without credit. he is very much horrendous at teaching on his own. and very much gay.

jungwoo: wanted to go into early childhood education, somehow got coerced into doing his masters, then his phd, then post doc, then— still fulfills his dreams by treating his students like kindergarteners. this includes gentle parenting of frat boys who won’t shut the fuck up during class, handing out healthy vegan treats, and encouraging “mindful moments” while you write the hardest exam he has ever administered.

mark: refuses to teach because he doesn’t think any of the kids will take him seriously, is forced to anyways by the department. as a prodigy so fucking removed from what it’s like to be stupid, he ends all his quantum lectures with “this is pretty straightforward,” and books it back to his lab on an electric skateboard. yes he built it himself. no he won't let you try and ride it.

haechan: shares an office with mark and spends most of his free time figuring out which organic compounds he can mix together to perfectly recreate the texture and smell of cum. if he doesn’t show up to class, it’s because he’s terrorizing pigeons on the street for science. shows gruesome videos of explosions and chemical fires for a chemical safety lecture. has had the fire alarm pulled on him at least twice.

[karatekels]

(Before you get mad because my Master List isn't currently my pinned post, you can find it here)

Well, I was hoping to give you all a more positive, happy update... but now you get a mixed bag.

I found out yesterday that my beautiful, wonderful PhD supervisor got my graduate funding extended for another year, meaning that all the extra work that I've either done or signed up to do this year is just a nice, extra little windfall that means I don't have to worry about money as aggressively as I have been, so that's a win! I cried happy tears for a very long time.

Unfortunately, this week my chronic fatigue which has been slowly going away over the past year has decided to start coming back.

I've touched on my chronic fatigue and pain a bit here before, but the gist of it is we don't really know what's causing either or how to treat either. At least I'm in Canada, so I haven't had any medical debt relating to this, but on the downside our medical systems are so backlogged I haven't been able to delve into very many tests to really get to the bottom of it. I won't rant about the pain because I've been dealing with it for most of my life and, as shitty as it is, I can usually still coexist with it, but the fatigue...

OH, THE FUCKING FATIGUE.

For me, my fatigue isn't wanting to sleep in longer in the morning or something I can chase away with coffee, or something I can just yawn through as I go about my day - it's an infuriating and debilitating clusterfuck. It usually means I don't sleep well during the night, and I will randomly be unable to function for hours at a time. I can't really think properly, my limbs will go numb, and I usually just slug out on the couch until it passes. No amount of sleep will make the sleepiness go away, and when it comes on, there's nothing I can do (it's a good thing that I don't drive, because if it came on while I was behind the wheel I would pretty much have to immediately pull over, lock the doors and pass out).

The good news (as I'm trying to see it, anyway) is that between my body being largely useless and my finances no longer being as much of an issue as anticipated, I can - and have to be - a bit gentler with myself, meaning I'll probably be at home more than I already am, and looking for a way to escape.

aka "MORE DAYDREAMING AND SUBSEQUENT WRITING!"

I can't promise I'll be churning things out the way I was last summer (jeez, remember last summer? what the hell was I thinking...) but I can pretty much guarantee I'll be writing a lot more than I have been so far this year, and I hope you're looking forward to that possibility as much as I am!

Basically, I just wanted to check in to thank you all for your patience, explain my lack of writing this year, and encourage those of you who are healthy to really appreciate it. I turn 30 in less than two months, and so much of my life (and pretty much my entire adult life) has been impacted by these unpredictable, unfixable problems and it really sucks. So, if you can do a cartwheel, a wheelkick or some kind of jump for joy, please do it for yourselves, and know that I'd join you if I could!

Thanks for reading, and we'll be back to your regularly scheduled smut soon, ya filthy animals!

- KarateKels

---

Tl;dr: Good and bad things are happening but hopefully both mean you'll be getting more writing from me?

[topazadine]

A masterclass in how not to market your books, in one singular tweet

Yes, I have redacted the username because I don't want you to go harass said writer. Don't do that.

Now, let's look at how we can learn how NOT to market ourselves using this tweet.

Stop trying to justify yourself.

Don't bother telling me that it is a "purposeful stylistic decision" because frankly, I do not care about your stylistic decisions, same as no one cares about my stylistic decisions when reading my books. I care about how I engage with the work. Your feelings as an author do not matter to me, and I know they don't matter to my own readers, either.

If you are constantly getting criticism for your prose being too dense, then that is a YOU problem. The market is telling you that your writing is unpopular because you're making it too difficult for the average person. Instead of doubling down and insisting that you are right and special and perfect, listen to the criticisms you're receiving.

Do not talk down to readers.

If you condescendingly tell me that "it's okay to look up words when you're reading," I am not going to read your books, even if I am perfectly capable of doing so. You have just told me that you think I'm an idiot. The last thing I need in my life is to be sneered at by an author whose product I have purchased.

I have a BA in British Literature and an MA in International Relations. To say that I am familiar with dense prose would be an understatement. Read some Robert O. Keohane and you, too, can hear your brain cells liquifying in real time.

And that's fine, because not only is Robert O. Keohane a celebrated scholar of international relations, he is explaining complicated concepts that involve a lot of moving parts. Your fantasy book should not be so complicated that I need to take notes so I know what the hell is going on. (I have ranted about this before.)

I will suffer through this kind of prose if I am paying significant amounts of money to do so. I will not struggle through this kind of prose if I am under no compulsion.

Unless your book is required reading in a class (highly unlikely), people are reading for enjoyment during their limited free time. It's one thing to have a few funky words here and there that are clear through context cues, quite another to litter your books with so many weird words that I have to spend half my time hunting through a dictionary.

Don't try to tell people how to read.

You, as an author, do not get to tell readers how to read your books. That's not your job. You don't have the right to patronizingly tell people to "take it slow." You provide a product, and then the readers take it from there and get to engage with it however they so choose.

Yes, I roll my eyes at TikTok girlies who say they skip long paragraphs or only read dialogue. I have the right to say I think this is stupid, but ultimately, I don't get to tell them how to read.

If that's how they want to engage with the product they have purchased, that is their right, same as I'm entitled to make bread in my rice cooker or turn my iron into a doorstop if I want to.

Your readers don't care about you, but you need to care about them.

You know those directors who have a clearly obvious fetish because they include that same thing in every single movie? Yeah, we laugh at them. We don't think it's cute and quirky, we think it's weird and gross. If you're forcing your reader to think about you constantly by interjecting your own opinions and needs into your work, it's off-putting.

A good book does not force you to think about the author at all. You are absorbed in the story and forget that someone even created this because it feels real. It feels genuine.

Yes, it's your handiwork, and your essence will be in it, but that should not be the primary focus.

Stop letting your ego get in the way.

Your readers are not sitting there going "waow, so cool" when you churn out a 500-page screed of PhD dissertation prose to talk about two elves fucking. They're probably thinking, "wow, this author is really far up their own ass."

Then they have a few options:

Continue reading because they think it will make them cool and intellectual to finish a self-important screed about elves fucking

Put the book down because it's annoying and they don't care

Grit their teeth and keep going even though they hate it because they are a completionist

None of those bode well for your reputation as an author. Except maybe the first one, if you are attempting to appeal to an extremely limited audience of pretentious nerds.

If you are trying to sell a book for profit, then you need to know what people want from a book they purchase. Clearly, the author has faced complaints about the dense prose, and instead of realizing they have a market mismatch, they make it everyone else's problem because their ego won't let them change.

The instant you feel the need to defend yourself against justified criticism, you have failed.

Of course, if someone misinterprets your work or uses it as their own soapbox, or attacks you as a person, then you are more than welcome to defend yourself.

But if you get worked up over someone complaining about your prose and condescendingly tell them that they need to just get good, you have failed as a writer. You've failed to tell a story people want to read because you just had to ensure everyone knew you're super special and smart.

I've seen a lot of queer writers do this, sadly: get sucked into stupid drama because of their ego and then turned a bunch of people off.

This person writes books that are within my genre and interests, but they've just told me that if I want to read a book for idle pleasure and not devote all my brainpower to it, I'm stupid and not reading it correctly. So why should I give them money to spit in my face and tell me I'm an idiot? No thanks, not my kink.

I will tell you right now that you're more than welcome to dislike my books. You can think 9 Years Yearning is the stupidest fucking thing you've ever read if you want. You can say that on the internet for everyone to see. In fact, I encourage you to. Leave a brutally honest review.

DNF it, tell your friends you didn't like it. Whatever. I can't control your thoughts and I can't tell you how to read it.

That's your right as a consumer. If I failed to tell a story you enjoy, that's my fault.

Will it hurt my feelings? Sure. No one likes to be told they didn't do a good job. I want you to like my work because I wrote it for people to enjoy. I made up these little guys and put them in a situation, hoping you'd experience a fraction of the happiness I feel when writing.

But ultimately, I know you don't care about my feelings as the author. You care about your enjoyment of the work and your experience, as you should.

Don't listen to authors who talk down to you and imply that you're stupid if they write a book whose prose style you don't like. They're speaking from a place of ego, and that's their problem, not yours.

[catboybiologist]

Random actual vent that is probably more venty than my usual random little things, but occasionally I have to step back and think how asinine the salary system for PhD students can sound to people outside of academia. I really just want to like... lay it on the table, because it really is fucking dumb and I occasionally want validation that its fucking dumb.

Note that this is all coming from a traditional lab sciences, in the US perspective. Also, I'm really fucking ADHD and have a really, really shitty brain for bureacracy, so this is a rant and isn't really intended to be informative and might be wrong in places, its just me word vomiting.

Let's start with something straight off the bat- grad school isn't really school. It's work that creates value for the university, and you happen to take one or two courses on the side that the university has determined will make you better at that work (your mileage may vary). It's an entry level job, essentially. You create value for the university in one of two ways- you either contribute to research that gets them grant money, or you teach undergrads that pay tuition. We'll get back to how that affects you later, but first lets talk about something else: what the university claims they pay you vs what you actually get paid.

On paper, my income is approximately 3 times as much as my actual, take home income. There's two reasons for this. The first is that I am technically charged tuition by the central university, which is then immediately paid off by the source of my income. In official job titles, that's technically included in what you're getting paid, although most universities don't even bother advertising that. The other confounding factor is that you're literally always considered part time. The exact % time varies depending on your exact schedule, and of course your university, but its actually weirdly consistent even between universities. Technically, the work you do on your thesis isn't "work", and the university doesn't technically pay you to do it. Even though the work you do on your thesis literally generates revenue for the university in the form of grant overhead. But we'll get to that. If you're a researcher for a given appointment term, you're expected to also do research activities that are unconnected to your thesis- which is ridiculous, because there's no lab in existence where the work isn't all interconnected in some way.

Half time appointments are common, but lots of different percentages exist.

So, if you ever see a figure that says that a grad student position is paid at about $80k a year, that's whats going on. The highest take-home income I have EVER heard of in the US for PhD students is $54k, at Stanford neuroscience. I think its a bit higher now, but that at least gets you a ballpark. Most STEM PhD students on the high cost of living coasts are paid 30-40k ish, and in cheaper areas you can expect to take 5k off of that. These are for degrees that usually make six figures on the job market.

And then there's the other convoluted problem- the source of the funding. This is where the academia salary model really has a unique brand.

Basically, when you're a PhD student, you're not working one job for the full 5-7 years. You're constantly flipping between job titles within the university, and who exactly is paying you changes as a result.

The most basic distinction is researcher vs teaching assistant. TA is easy- you work "part time" (but oh my god those workloads are not part time sometimes [although the class I'm TAing now is very chill so its w/e][fuck you molecular genetics at my master's uni tho]), and the department you're teaching for pays for your tuition and your salary as a result.

Researcher is a bit weirder. Basically, each lab is conducted as its own independent financial unit, managed by a Principle Investigator (PI, or to any grad student, the professor/boss/research advisor/liege/monarch/authority of the lab). The PI is constantly writing lab wide grants to supply the core funding of the lab, including the salary of the grad students. Grants can be pretty general, but there are also very specific ones that check in how the money is being spent. These include training grants/fellowships/tbh the name is arbitrary for a lot of these. Those are grants that are written to supply the salary of a specific grad student.

Couple things to note- the university charges the PI in a lot of ways on this. Notably:

They charge tuition on every grad student, as mentioned previously, which under a researcher appointment is paid from the PI to the university.

They charge overhead on grants- basically, they take money out of every grant the PI gets.

If the previous two sources aren't enough, oftentimes universities will pay rent on the amount of building space a lab takes up (although this is very inconsistent between universities)

Researcher appointments are considered favorable to teaching appointments, because they mean you can spend more of your time on your thesis. But, its dependent on whether your PI has the funding to pay you all that, which is a big if. So, every quarter or semester or year or however much your university decides to renegotiate it, you essentially switch jobs, in a way. Obviously its a lot more simple and streamlined than actually switching jobs, but your title, responsibility, source of income, and sometimes your actual pay changes constantly.

And to anyone who has been through a PhD, you're nodding along like this is all the basic stuff, because all this is so NORMAL. Like this is all the normal system, and this is the bare basics of it as well. And it's weird that it's normal, right? Like, most of my career has been tied to academia, so I don't have a fantastic benchmark for this, but this isn't how it works outside of academia like... at all.

Over the course of late last year and bleeding into this year, multiple graduate student unions have had strikes or negotiations regarding pay scale, but its been a very difficult situation for the average grad student to untangle because of how weird the source of pay is. Because technically, even though you functionally work a single, salaried job with slightly changing obligations, what's happening behind the scenes is that you're essentially hopping between jobs every couple of months. In an ideal system, those jobs always have the same pay, but that's increasingly becoming not the case. Sometimes that means getting paid more overall, sometimes slightly less. Union negotiations have made this pay slightly higher overall, but its still a mess of a system.

And obviously, there's paperwork associated with so many of these steps.

So in my last post, when I said "getting a grant", that was what I was referring to- applying for training grants that will guarantee that I don't have to teach extra or get extra money from my PI for the time I'm here. I'd love to get more teaching experience, but ofc I want to do it when I want to, not when I have to. I'm applying for multiple training grants over the next couple of months that will hopefully fund my salary specifically, and hopefully I'll get at least one of them. And tbh, I don't even care that much about teaching, I more want them because it'll dramatically simplify all this for me.

I love what I do to death, but untangling this shit is what gives me imposter syndrome more than anything. I think my arrogant streak shows when I can genuinely say that I've never felt imposter syndrome based on my scientific knowledge. I have felt it over two things- my motivation/productivity (which is a different rant entirely), and the fact that I am really, really bad at untangling the level of bureaucracy required to just... exist here. Just give me my fucking paycheck and let me do my science, and tell me when you want me to teach.

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: Closer to You

Since his wife divorced him, A.J. Crowley makes good money writing romance novels. Having his characters fall in love is far less risk than doing it himself, especially while he takes the time to explore exactly who he is and what he likes in the bedroom. Sexual psychology student and cam worker Aziraphale enjoys understanding pleasure. But only from a safe distance. He's too busy working on his PhD to fall in love. The idea of making himself so vulnerable to rejection again is, quite frankly, terrifying. It seems a simple enough arrangement to help each other out, and lend a hand when needed. They are such big fans of each others' *work*, after all.

Length: 44,049 words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Best for: At Home, After Dark, Human AU, Comedy

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by TawnyOwl95

*Minor Spoilers* How the hell do you guys keep coming up with the most devilishly good stories?? Here we have Crowley as a romance writer, who is just coming to terms with his queerness and lack of sex life. Aziraphale is a sex researcher who struggles with relationships and lets out steam by performing on cam. This premise really intrigued me because you’d expect the roles to be reversed. Usually Crowley is depicted as the sexual one, and Aziraphale the bookish professor. This story said nah flip the script.

This was absolutely delightful. The chemistry was off the charts, they can’t handle even 5 minutes in each other’s presence without wanting to devour each other. They are exactly what each other needs and wants sexually, but they'll come to find out it's more than just that. They compliment each other so perfectly intellectually and that's what I love in every iteration! How they can volley ideas back and forth and keep up with each other's wit. Their relationship has great ups and downs, and I was engaged the entire time. The only thing that took me getting used to was Aziraphale as a youngish student. It's in character definitely, but he's not tickety-boo grandpa here and at first it felt strange. The author has a handle on it though, and I bought into this younger Aziraphale fairly quick.

That’s not all there is to this story though. We have excellent side characters with Gabriel, Nina, Maggie, and Warlock all used to wonderful effect. I particularly loved Gabriel, who was so funny in every scene leaning into his Jimbriel side. Warlocks addition proved to be a great plot line too.

The other amazing thing about this story is that it works as a meta commentary on smut that felt like a mini therapy session for the reader. A big part of Aziraphale’s work, and their discussions, revolve around why people read smut. How it soothes anxiety by redirecting negative thoughts into pleasurable ones. The safety and comfort that smut brings due to the lack of visuals and real world hang-ups. The way it’s cathartic for both writer and reader. It sees us and says, we both know why we’re here let’s make the most of it shall we? Not only was it fun to read in that meta way, it was a genuinely insightful conversation.

Some more word salad to describe this one: bold, mature, thoughtful, hot as fuck, funny, engaging, and did I mention hot as fuck? At home after dark read. I binged this one, you’re going to get sucked into this plot so I’d carve out some time for a single sitting.

Read it here, fic by TawnyOwl95

[bl00dalchemist]

Since you're sick (ME TOO GET WELL IDIOT) Imma ask for ALL of the questions for Genshin :3c

SADISTIC MF (ilu get well soon too baby)

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Childe.

At first the jokes about him being a fuckboy were absolutely funny but now i think they absolutely fucking suck and people have taken it as if it is canon AND I HATE IT.

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I normally dont check too much into theories bc honestly they just carry the same ones and in a very good way, so i actually can't think of one rn sorry JFJFBF

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Haikaveh, if i wanted to watch a hysterical blonde and a stoic mf bicker, i'd go watch a white couple fight.

But fr i dont like it bc they always fuck up their personalities so absolutely bad it makes me go ewww, also they reduced kaveh to being alhaitham's stupid friend who can't do shit right and its just?? Ewww x2

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

Tough one bc I don't like to say 'WELL EVERYONE IS WRONG ABOUT THIS BUT AM RIGHT' bc everyone has their headcanons BUT- I really hate the way some people treat Dottore as if he was just a boyfailure who sets trashcans on fire bc he cant get his phd.

The man is a damn evil genius, even arlecchino would have thrown hands with him if he weren't also a harbinger NFJBGN

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

I was going to pick one of the girls but that might be biased since am a fucking homosexual so i will say Zhongli! Atm the guy's just some man going around working in funerals and correcting historians about rex lapis NFKFJ not that hot sorry.

💜: Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?

Cyno???

The slutty little shorts, he goes around shirtless, he's got a spirit inside him??? HOTTIE

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad/good as everyone else seems to think?

I will merge this one and the next one bc its the same character so here we go.

Ppl always go one way or another with childe, like, come on!

They either turn him into a horny stupid dumbass or an edgelord and am honestly very tired bc the man is so morally gray most of the time! He released a beast on liyue to bring rex lapis out, but not because he's the devil, he just wanted rex lapis to come out but turns out ppl were actually able to protect themselves! terrible job supershit!

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

That people satanize it too much!

"it pushes gambling addiction!" So does every gacha out there, the point of a game made by a big company is to make money, but guess what! You can play totally for free if YOU JUST PLAY THE DAMN GAME INSTEAD OF EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO BE GIVEN TO YOU!

And if u dont want to play and think its fucking predatory and its bad for you: delete your fucking account or sell it so you can't go back. Seek help even.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

I don't think theres a major character outside the twins and dainsleif so i will say i just think sethos is pretty but so unnecessary lmao

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like?

Arlecchino/Furina or Wriothesley/Lyney.

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

The queer circle is so absolutely wide that i dont actually think theres a single cis/straight bitch in this game ngl.

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?

One of the main siblings, wouldn't it be absolutely fucking painful???