#and it doesnt help that no matter what i do if it isnt smth exactly in line with my parents thinking theyre so judgy about it 😔

[puppyeared]

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

[liinos]

It makes me fucking insane how grad programs are like oh did you not go immediately into a masters? Well you better have a good reason why or we might not think you deserve to get one bc you're not committed 🤭 omg you didn't cure cancer or solve world inequality before applying? Don't even look in our direction 🤮 it's so great you want to further your education it would really be a shame if we made it as hard as possible 👉👈

[scrollypoly]

Okay trying this again. I finished reading that document, and im going to try and go over my thoughts and hit all my points again.

This is all just for the main callout being shared, though i have been sent more i am going to read later on. All my knowledge of this is from this document.

EDIT: not seeing the document anymore so im just gonna put a link so anyone can access it and understand why im saying these things about it.

EDIT (march 25): Alex has made a response to this document here

1. The document is a mess, but it does have some points that have credibility and real concern. Im going to hit those first so that no one misses them.

TL;DR: Alex has had inappropriate interactions and relationships with some users in discord servers, some of which are minors. This includes threatening suicide, sharing sexual photos without consent, and having inappropriate parasocial relationships with various users. Alex is shown to be struggling with their mental health greatly and i believe their patterns of that mental health struggle has lead to them seeking comfort and positive interactions from other users, despite the relationship they have to these users as a creator.

If you just wanted to know what the callout was for, there ya go! I read the whole thing and that is a summary of the main credible points of concern that i read. Now im going to go into the messier parts of this document under the cut

2. My trust in this document is unfortunately skewed to not trusting it. The bulk of the first part is centered around the authors romantic relationship with Alex, and what i gleaned from that is really just. Alex is struggling a lot with their (gonna use neutral pronouns because i dont know which ones they would prefer, so if someone lets me know otherwise ill change it) mental health, and that is what lead to the events of that relationship. I understand that struggle greatly, especially with the struggle to break the cycle and find professional help. I honestly really dislike this first part, both parties sounded complicit in the issues of the relationship, from miscommunication to boundary issues. I also do not agree with starting off such a long callout post with your relationship issues, unless it comes down to smth that can be an actual threat to others. A callout post should be for warning others of a dangerous or malicious individual, not for talking about how bad your relationship was, and it tarnishes the credibility of the document by showing immediate reason for a negative bias towards the subject. I dont say this to condemn or fault the author, truly i know what that feels like to be in such a relationship with those struggles and be hurt from it. Something of this intent though just isnt the place.

3. I hate, hate, hate how screenshots are used in callouts and this is exactly why. Almost all of these screenshots are unhelpful; they are either one single message, don't relate to where their postition is in the document, do not support what is being told or shown in the document, or are just unrelated or extraneous to the information we're given. Ive already seen a few people talk about how these screenshots were edited, and while i do think theyre not edited and truthful, i can see where those users are coming from. If you use screenshots in a callout, they need context and more information and actually useful information. Literally, pictures that are presented as evidence are entirely blocked out and censored; why even bother with showing them as evidence?? Some of these dont support your claims and honestly even refute some of your claims.

4. I still believe that this document is transphobic. I dont care about what Alex has said, and honestly i dont really care if they said it was a joke either, as their talk in these screenshots is wishy washy and appeasing at times, and it honestly doesnt matter how Alex identifies. Most of the screenshots that show Alex engaging with their gender identity and presentation have no sexual content or implications in them at all. It is literally just a person engaging in transfeminine clothing and outlets and it is being called predatory. There are a select few near the very end that are sexual in nature and content, but i cannot connect the sexual behavior that is shown to the entirety of Alex's transfeminine experience. Calling transfeminine people, even people that just appear transfeminine and might not be, predatory for simply dressing femininely and engaging with identifying as female is shit behavior to do. You can call Alex out for valid concerns and inappropriate behavior without calling into question the validity of their trans identity and experiences, and maligning their transfeminine idenity. Do that instead of perpetuating transmisogynistic rhetoric.

5. So much of this document is just. Not good. I was honestly about to call the whole thing as bullshit for a bit, because the actual harmful actions are at the very end of a very long document, and there was finally some credible evidence alongside it. If anyone wants to read it for their self, just be prepared for that. But yes, this callout is here for a reason, and shows that some pretty shitty actions had been committed. And, of course, there are other documents and posts now circulating as well. As far as i know rn, Alex has not made a statement. I don't have a Twitter, so that skews my view as well.

Basically. Idk what else to say really. Support those who were hurt by Alex's actions, give the benefit of the doubt to any victims that come out. But also just. Read the information being given, please. Have some responsibility and integrity for the information you spread, and dont just mindlessly share callout posts like this. Know what youre talking about before you reblog callout posts about anybody

Ok, with the whole thing about alex kister rn . . . Begging yall to actually read that callout for once, cuz im only halfway through it rn but it reeks of transmisogynistic bullshit. Especially after what happened to so many transfemmes on this site

[botanyshitposts]

is that why you think mammals have more than two sexes

idk if this was supposed to be like, a bizarre transphobic jab, but partially, actually. in biology very, very few things actually occur in binary groups; i prefer to imagine biological sex, as well as gender, by imagining two overlapping bell curves. there’s an average that we expect from gender and sex matching up at birth because most people will fall within the first quartile of the curves where all the most average genes were turned on and all the non-genetic factors surrounding that turn out in an average expected way, and there are more people who still are just as male or female but have different genes turned on and off or whatnot and wouldnt check every single box if like, The Chromosome Police showed up and made them do a cheek swab or whatever, and there are people who are intersex, which covers a wide range of different expressions of the genome.

but! we don’t have The Chromosome Police and we don’t need them, because we have gender to do this for us, which is something that has much more to do with a mix of genetic and sociological factors. in my opinion, gender makes it so that even if you’re a cis man who doesnt have like, idk penis gene #435 on the Y chromosome, youre still a man, and even if youre a woman who doesnt have vagina gene #874 turned on, youre still a woman. hell, some people go their entire lives without knowing that they have full extra chromosomes. it just....it just doesnt matter.

to expand on this, my theory is that gender serves the function of convenience more than like, a law or whatever; we have a system where there are usually a small set of things that happen as a result of a wide range of thousands of different things that turn off and on during development, and a lot of different moving parts are going on in that department that help mitigate disaster if one deletes itself or whatever, and not all those things are guaranteed to turn on or off, and as a result we’ve developed a system where regardless of whats in your pants- because anything could be there, honestly, evolution works in systems and as a result doesnt know or care- there’s a social thing that functions differently on another level thats more elastic, so no matter if you’re a woman who was born with one singular penis gene turned on or a woman who had a lot of them turn on, you both can kind of be in the same clump of ‘people who are this’. not ‘people who look like this’ or ‘people who do this thing’ or ‘people who have x combinations of chromosomes’, but ‘people who, for whatever multitude of reasons and results or relationships with themselves, are this way or another way or are existing successfully in some distant combination of ways’, and having those people around- if we follow this theory- apparently was not at all disastrous enough for evolution to pump the breaks and start killing people who never activated Penis And Vagina Gene #1456. in fact, trans people have been around as long as humans have, and that includes nonbinary people, intersex people, and cis people with different gender expressions. ancient societies had us around, there are just as many of us now as there always was, and biology just. it does not care.

think of all the things that go into a person. there is a whole lot of stuff that we do not understand. there are so many things that could change, or differ from individual to individual, and having a lot of moving parts like this with millions of different viable combinations of biological and environmental things works, because it means that the entire system doesnt break like a fucking twig if both a penis and a vagina gene turn on at the same time, or if little grog in the forest grows up hunting mammoths with his 8 moms and no dads in a nomadic tribe in prehistoric france. it also means that even if someone ends up as another combination, they dont immediately collapse into a heap of dust! great system, for the most part.

now, this is all contentious. first of all, this is my own set of theories on why this exists, and second of all i have complex feelings about the science surrounding this itself; as a biologist im fascinated, but as a trans queer person it’s terrifying. the reason this is is because there are two groups of people who want to learn things like this: people who actually want to study the details of human sex and gender, and people who want to find The Ultimate Queer Gene to ‘fix’ us forever, which like. as ive covered before. egregious moral, ethical, and basic human rights reasons aside. not something that actually would improve us as a species even if we did go to the farthest ends of the bell curves i mentioned and manage to transform the entire human race into two massive homogeneous supermale and superfemale groups with only the the most Epic And Extreme big dick and boob genes selected for (or, if were going off TERF logic, femurs of a bizarrely specific length or like, a skull shape or smth, you can see where this goes very quickly).

like. this shit is complicated. it is. sometimes, things in biology- especially when it comes to real people of our own species- are best left as enigmas, you know what im saying. but in the meantime, we can take estimates, we can say ‘we can make an educated guess about the biological sex of a skeleton by looking at their pelvis’, but we cant say ‘all cis women have femurs of exactly x cm, which is absolutely a normal and not creepy thing to obsess over’, and we cant say ‘all human beings are either male or female and that looks one of two ways’, because as we know from intersex people and all the other caveats in this subject, this is not true.

we can say with confidence that most human beings have a gender that matches what is average for their biological sex (which doesnt always define itself as the exact same set of characteristics to begin with) but not always, and most human beings have have a gender which falls vaguely under the umbrella of two vaguely defined existences, but not always, and most women have a femur length between x and x cm long, but women come in all shapes and sizes and therefore it isnt a good way to define what being a living breathing person of a particular circumstance means or looks like, holy shit, etc, and we can use this knowledge to make educated guesses about the world, but we can also use knowledge of what isn’t the majority of people to make educated guesses about what those guesses mean, and what roles they play (and hopefully will get some more rights in the meantime).

so yeah like. most people are one of two biological sexes, but its more complicated than ‘peepis or vagornio’, you feel.

[cubedmango]

oh god ok so what i did was just rewatch the episode and wrote thoughts as they came along but that made it really song so IM VERY SORRY IN ADVANCED BUT I HOPE U ENJOY READING THOUGHTS 1) adachi taking care of kurosawa by getting him the day off makes me want to bite something theyre so sweet 2) kurosawas worries in the beginning IM JUST. I NEED HIM TO CATCH A BREAK SO MUCH BUT I KNOW THAT IS NOT COMING THIS EP 3) i will beat the other companys ass up for bringing everyone so much stress (1/???)

KFHDKFHKDKF DONT BE SORRY reading these asks was so fun, and A Huge Mood on everything u said fr 😔 (gonna put the rest of them here under the cut bc it got long fhsjhd)

(2/?) 1) adachi going up to talk to the other company when kurosawa isnt there yet bc he wants to defend him like saying he didnt have any documents with IM JUST. LIKE THINKING HOW MUCH HE'S GROWN.... speaking so clearly and everything 2) but god the way he came in and was like adachis worried abt me like sir im glad ur happy (?) abt that but ;v; the ppl who want to bite ur head off - so endeared by rokkaku being like why didnt u let me talk to them >:( hes everything to me

THAT THING W ADACHI EXACTLY !!!! HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SOBS LOUDLY........

kurosawa, hungover and deeply sad and having to come into office on his day off: but i still have to be gay though . adachi cares abt me wow <3

ROKKAKU MY BELOVED HES SOOO [incomprehensible noises] hes my little son i care he

(3/?) 1) kurosawa not wanting adachi to come along bc he doesnt want him to see him like that like ?? hey?? u stop thinking like that- BUT LIKE I REALLY LIKE HOW WHEN EVERYONES TALKING ABT KUROSAWAS MISTAKE... adachi is the first to speak up for him because yeah!!! ur right!! everyones asking him for help!! and rokkaku being like we're depending so much on kurosawa!! AND IM JUST. HOW IT PARALLELS THE TIME IN THE COMPANY RETREAT WHEN KUROSAWA STOOD UP FOR ADACHI....

YEAHHH THE EP 4 PARALLELS and adachi actually reminding everyone that kurosawa is also Just Some Guy Who Makes Mistakes is ..... smth smth park bench scene flashbacks cries

(4/?) 1) glad urabe was like we should take care of each other like yeah and WHEN URABE WAS LIKE THATS TRUE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MEN IT MADE ME LOSE MY SHIT like yep! close friends! and i also lost it how like right after rokkaku was like let me go! if theres a fight we'll outnumber them! LIKE ITS ALWAYS ABOUT FIGHTS WITH U.... hes so unhinged 2)kurosawa being upset that adachis protecting him like cmon man...ur not useless!!!!!! adachi saying who protects who doesnt matter like yes go off adachi

urabe said "u two look like a couple. a couple of besties!"

rokkaku always down to throw hands no matter what universe its beautiful

UR RIGHT ADACHI...... U BOTH PROTECT EACH OTHER..... WAILS.............

(5/?) 1) kurosawa is so ridiculous getting like jealous of tsuge holding onto adachis shoulder and stuff even if i have to acquiese that hes right them suddenly not talking to each other is a lil eyebrow raising 2) also adachi buying time for kurosawa so he can send an email so true <3 we love to see it- LIKE WHAT KUROSAWA DID I WAS LIKE YEAHHH LETS GO!!! u go make sure its no longer ur problem 3) AND JUST. adachis presence gave kurosawa the ability to do this. like wow... his strength for real

kurodachi power couple-ing their way into getting back at the other company so true their brains are so massive. personally i loved adachi finding the footage himself in like 10 seconds flat and then he goes to the other guys and says "im not good w that stuff" its so fucking funny. king shit

(6/?) 1) GOD AND HOW KUROSAWA SAID HE WAS SO HAPPY THEY BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN SILENT UNDERSTANDING NOW LIKE THATS SO ENDEARING HOW HES HAPPY ABT IT BUT ALSO. YEAH. 2) them just holding hands and taking a walk rlly made me feel a type of way like my god its so sweet i cant believe these two- when adachi was telling him how he didnt believe it at first bc kurosawa was perfect and how he sees himself as boring and kurosawa instantly was like youre great too they make me sick in such a positive way

THE HAND HOLDING GODDDD adachi being comfortable enough letting it happen in public made me Scream . also i hc'd maybe he wanted to bc he thought it might be the last time he gets to do it ..... Haha :)

THE FUCKIGNGJDNGJ KUROSAWA IMMEDIATELY DEFENDING HIM AAAUGGHH hes literally finding out magic is real and his bfs been reading his mind his whole time AND YET???? HIS FIRST INSTINCT IS TO COMFORT ADACHI???????? i hate these two i hate them (real)

(7/8) 1) AND HOW KUROSAWA WAS LIKE WAIT THATS NOT THE POINT AND LIKE ASKING FOR HELP. 2) adachi being like so amused abt how kurosawa had such odd thoughts like god theyre so in love i cant believe them 3) ADACHI TELLING HIM ALL THE THINGS HE REMEMBERS ABT KUROSAWA AND HOW AT FIRST HE THOUGHT IT WAS STRANGE BUT THEN IT EVENTUALLY MADE HIS HEART BEAT FASTER LIKE. IM SO UNWELL. SO FUCKING UNWELL. LIKE HE THINKS EVERYTHING ABT HIM IS CUTE LIKE CMONNN I NEED TO PUNCH THE AIR FROM THIS

all those flashbacks got me so bad i swear esp the forehead kiss one i had to lie down....... these two make me so sick i cant handle it

(8/8) AND. AND. AND. THE CALLBACK TO KUROSAWAS CONFESSION. THE PARALLELS ABT HOW THIS IS ALL SO MUCH AND RESPECTING WHATEVRE CHOICE IS MADE. IM JUST SO. how did u handle this at the time how. -- IM REALLY SORRY I RLLY DID JUST SEND 8 ASKS I HOPE THEYRE SOMEONE READABLE

THE EP 7 CONFESSION PARALLEL TOOK ME OUT I CANT BELIEVE THEY DID THAT........... i did not handle it well i spent the whole week up to ep13 coming up with . So many possible ideas for what could happen next it was A Time . the actual ep13 made me insane tho its too good pls look forward to it

FKHSFKJD AGAIN DW !!! ur always welcome to scream abt cm in my inbox its v fun seeing other ppl react to the radio drama hehehe

[jakeyp]

idk just the vibe i get from her actions sometimes

mmm i don't know nonnie 🤔 what actions especifically? also, i wrote an essay about this so i'll add a keep reading akjdhsd

i'll say the same thing ppl say when they claim that charles loves jake more than jake loves charles - everyone has different ways of showing love! in his proposal, jake mentions that she pretends to like die hard and we've seen how she listens to him when he rambles about it. that's one of my fave love languages. jake is OBSESSED with die hard, and amy doesn't really care for it. but she still listens to him and as a person who is sometimes an amy or jake in those situations, that means a lot! but it's not just that ofc, she really loves him for his personality. she's helped him grow. some people think he loves her more bc of his sacrifices, but that's exactly what makes him grow as a person! and amy lets him be a dork anyway. there are other couples that people compare to them where the guy is goofy but the girl will punch him whenever he makes a joke and that's just not.... cute. this doesnt happen with peraltiago though! jake will mess up sometimes too, like he'll spend money on dumb stuff, and amy doesnt even give him a hard time for it. she's never done anything, imo, that looks like she doesn't love him as much as he does? love isnt even smth you can measure like that i think. id say shes clearly grateful for everything he does for her and is always there to support him - look at the finale! he makes a big decision of leaving his dream job and she basically says i'm here for you no matter what you choose to do. so i think they love and respect each other equally :D

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[zhuhongs]

Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX) 

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi  and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5  when it was rlly out of place and  there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[littlebabycrybtch]

oh my god but remember when ‘pro recovery’ btiches entire schtick basically was just shaming ppl into taking showers. HOW did we let it end like that like thats the funniest most childish entitled privileged baby shit i could have ever imagined out of any activist space and yall just fell for it n took it seriously as Shit. ‘responsible allies’ but hygiene and therapy was ALL you entitled ableist bastards ever complained abt!! the least consequential one and the most expensive/inaccessible one!!! like!!!! you ppl literally didnt know what u were doing and didnt care how Actually Helpful your goals were, you were venting!! so you just kept throwing mockery at ppl for not living up to your standards and acted like u were fuckin psychiatrists, it was inexcusably selfish and ignorant behavior tbh and ill stand by that forever. ‘tough love’ mentality and tumblr phds have done 1000x more damage than good for us.

like bro i cannot Believe i had to witness mentally ill and sick/disabled ppl who were lucky to get food in that day or pay their bills, trying to explain that being told en masse how disgusting their behavior is (yknow, specifically the behaviors that happen to be the most visible and uncharming to others, while yall remained all but ignoring other behaviors you could have actually helped with) isnt beneficial for their recovery, and getting exploited in the ableist internet cringe clout corners if they tried to say showers arent rly a matter of survival compared to the realer shit they really could be doing to self help, makes it even harder. like they tried over and over again to make it click that sometimes they fall behind literally OUT OF an immense effort towards self help and that should be recognized instead of ppl hyperfocusing on a restricted idea of whatever pretty little pattern ALL recover is supposed to follow.... but no smfhhhh ppl just plugged their ears while the ppl this movement was Designed to Help were trying to out the flaws and show exactly whats wrong with its focus, which was failing to a point that it goes against what it claims to be. there was this tunnel vision obsession with reaching the ‘end of recovery’ like thats a real thing in every situation, and p much all symptoms were demonized as if recovery doesnt START AT SICK... and then faketivists trying to validate their judgments in ways that very blatantly arent in the best interest of others bc they wont even Listen to them just responded like ‘but its not my fault if im uncofmortable on a bus around some1 smelly :/// itd be good for you (and me) to fix that first! ik whats best for u ok ur wittle brain is too broken to have an opinion on this, ngl its kinda cringe lol i can smell ur post from here ew get it together weirdo. but get better soon uwu’ and neurotypicals/abled ppl listened to your ass!!! they let you convince them that matters most and now they cringe on us more than ever so thanksx you fuckkin modern heroes but uhm anyways people drop the r word constantly now where you are whiny brats these days LMFAO,,,,, idk man maybe just try thinking of saying ableist slurs and disrespecting nd/disabled ppl as like, having a stinky ugly un deodorized personality 😲omggg so embarassing ew cringe we should all mob together to do smth abt that immediately gross gross ewww

[drbriangay]

Hey, so a little bit ago someone asked me if i would do a tutorial type thing on how to achieve realistic drawings and although this would probably fair better as a video my voice is shit and i can make sure i get everything down if i type it out.

I think the best way to do this is take you through one of my drawings? My latest Brian drawing i saved a decent amount throughout it so i can kind of comment on each process of the drawing. For the this drawing i drew it on Photoshop CS5 which is important bc i do utilise a lot of the tools there so if you use smth different then im sorry but im sure there are alternatives! I’m going to talk you through this drawing:

Because i dont use natural skin colours in my drawings i start drawings in black and white because i find that easier to control the tones? and then i can colour the drawing afterwards in whatever colour and play about with it instead of sticking with a colour from the get go. 

I start with painting the entire background a light ish grey because 1) its nice to work highlights and shade into a mid tone and 2) having pure white as a background can be a bit uninspiring? even with my sketchbooks i always make backgrounds before i do anything on them.

I then take a large brush, i use a mid-dark toned grey for this, i don’t like going in super dark super fast, and kind of mark out where everything goes super loosely, precision and proportions really don’t matter at this point, it will probably look bad but that’s fine! you’ll refine it as you go on!  the brush i use for this stage is usually just a soft non textured brush, but i don’t think the brush you use at this point really matters. My drawing will kind of look like this at this point:

I then go in with a smaller brush with a darker colour and kind of refine the face a little bit, i really take in the shapes of the face i’m drawing and try and get a good base to then really work on the shading/highlighting. Again, although this is your base to work on the proportions aren’t super important, it may still look bad but whatever is wrong with it you can just draw right over it to correct it! This is why i try and not give up on drawings even if they aren’t going the way i’d like it to because you can always correct it! my drawings never look amazing when i start them but i like to work into them as much as i can and i usually end up with something i’m proud of! anyways lmao, this is what my drawing will look like at this point: 

This is when i start the proper like working into the drawing with highlighting and shading and things. I also change my brush at this point! Honestly any brush will do but i really like the aesthetic of having a super textured brush, I do sometimes change up my brush every so often but the brush ive been using more often than not is this brush:

Also at this point i try and not use pure black or pure white, if you’re trying to go for a realistic look then i feel pure white n black really don’t factor into a face.I also think if you use more mid tone colours then there’s more of a natural gradient? which looks more realistic i feel. Of course if you like the aesthetic of having a high contrast then go for it! this is just how i personally like to do it.

I know a lot of people work by gradually working the whole face, like do loose highlights and dark tones on the whole face and then refining it but i like to do each part of the face one by one and i usually always start with the nose, this isn’t important lmao i just enjoy drawing noses so it’s what i start with. i think the use of highlight is super important to utilise when drawing the nose because its what suggests form,, this is my drawing will look like at this point:

I do end up darkening the shadow on the right side of his nose and the bottom of his nose but i usually get to this point and then move on and then once i do more ill go back and try and bring more dimension to the drawing.

Also! one of the best tools on photoshop that you can utilise and in some of my drawings it’s my saving grace is the liquify tool. Basically if you do the drawing and get to a point it would be hard to paint over then u can use liquify, as i was doing other parts of the face i realised that the nose was supposed to be a little to the left and the eyebrows had to be lower down so you if you open up liquify you can just click and drag the nose to where you want it to be so:

it’s a super helpful tool that really helps you get the facial features exactly where you need it, i used it a couple times throughout this drawing. I don’t think sai has it but you can use the lasso tool and rotate it or whatever and just draw over the little break it makes in the canvas:

so the next thing i do is the eyes and eyebrows. I’m usually not the greatest at getting the exact eye shape but again, liquify is your best friend. An important thing to note is the angle of the eyebrows in relation to the middle of the nose, Brian’s eyebrows are quite straight so i tried to keep them that way. I also started darkening up the drawing, i didn’t quite go full black, the darkest colour i used is like just off black. This is what i have so far:

Also another important thing to remember is the lighting of the image, in the image the right side of his face is more shadowed so the shadow on the left side of his nose wont be as intense as the right side and things like the bags under his eye on the right side would be slightly more prominent. Also because of the brow bone, theres more highlight on top of the brows and usually a shadow underneath because the brows are more elevated and the eyes are sunken in a lil bit. There will be a lil bit of highlight on the inner corner of the eyes though. 

In the next part of the drawing i just add a little bit to the forehead and cheeks :

I think by this time i had adjusted a couple of things like the angle his face was at was a little bit too tiled in my original draw so i just free transformed it and fixed the angle and the face i think was a little bit too wide so i just pulled it in a little bit. I think another thing to remember that places like the cheeks and forehead wont be pure highlight, especially with like men and older faces there will be more subtleties, with Brian he has highlight on the top of his cheekbones but the highlight is kind of broken up with the line that comes down under his eye and the forehead isnt a smooth bump above the eyebrows, especially with the lighting of the image the highlights get broken up a little bit. 

The next drawing is a little fast forward, i forgot to save in between but ill try and talk through everything:

When finishing up I realised the left eye/eyebrow was a little too high so i liquified that baby up to bring it down just a little bit. Another thing i sometimes struggle with is getting the exact shape of the face and angle of the jaw but you can just keep on drawing on top of it until it looks vaguely right. 

For the lips and mouth i think its kind of just a matter of trying to get a sense of the shape, look at the cupids bow and the length between the top lip and the bottom of the nose and how far the lips come out in relation to the nose as well, i think as well the shadow underneath the bottom lip is usually all you need to suggest the shape of the lip, it doesnt look all too natural if theres like a solid like to show the shape of the lip, the top lip though, because of the way the light is sitting on his face is almost completely shadowed, so the highlight on the cupids bow that goes down to the edge of the mouth is what helps give the mouth form. With teeth because they’re in his mouth so they’re not going to be super bright so i didnt add any highlight to them and just used a dark tone to outline the shape of them at the bottom and used a little bit of shading in between them to differentiate between them. 

For the eyes i usually just leave them without the pupils because it’s my brand but it wasnt looking quite right to me so i added a little outline of the pupils, i didnt want to do the full pupil because i like adding a lil smth interesting in the eyes but i like the way they turned out!  

The jaw you can usually bring out with the shadow of the neck. I didnt really feel like drawing the outfit so i kind of just did a couple of lines so show that he was wearing a shirt with a collar.

 Also for brian because he has so much hair i more often than not just use flat colour for his hair and because his hair is so dark it usually works fine but with people like Roger who has lighter hair is doesnt usually work out well? especially with a more realistically drawn face. I was originally going to keep the entire background that colour but it wasnt looking quite how i wanted to. I coloured first though, and tbh my colouring process really doesnt take me that long, the longest part is just working out what colours id like to use and what looks good with the drawing I've made.

So for colouring i use the gradient tool, you have have a gradient thats two colours that will make your drawings look like this

but recently ive started using the gradients with three colours so the highlighted sections will be a different colour to the base colour, i really like the way this comes out, without any other editing itll look smth like this:

I like to play about with the settings a little bit because i do enjoy the way this looks but it’s kind of a bit overpowering and i think sometimes the details of the drawing can get lost when you overdo it a bit? 

If you go through this itll give you many different versions of that gradient and i like to go through it and see which i feel compliments the drawing

heres a couple examples

The one i ended up going for was dissolve but it was a bit too intense so i turned the opacity down to 57%

which gave it a kind of static feel which i was in to, to finish it up i added a tiny bit to show some shoulders and then i wanted to add a tiny bit of a background so i used a flat pinky colour and put that around his hair and then on top of the background i added a little bit more into the hair.

and added so more vibrant pink into it as well just to spice her up a little bit.

[stevethehairington]

so like what about a gallavich fic that's like very very loosely inspired by baby driver? (and when I say very loosely I mean very loosely lol)

like, ian works at this diner, and one night mickey comes in really late at night, and he just sits alone at the counter and orders a coffee, drinks it black, doesn't say anything except his order. ian isnt the one who serves him this first time, but he notices him. and so of course, he notices when mickey returns a few nights later. and then it becomes a constant thing, mickey showing up in the diner. he always looks kind of haggard and tired, but also amped up, like he's a little paranoid of something maybe. ian takes his order the second time he's there and from then on out he always makes sure he's the one serving mickey. ian always tries to make conversation with mickey, but mickey isn't very receptive and doesnt do much more than grunt or give terse, one worded answers. occasionally he'll snap at ian to shut up or back off- he doesnt like the prying. hes never been one to share much about himself with others, especially strangers, and he doesnt get why some waiter is so interested in his life. one time, ian steps outside to take a smoke break and mickey confronts him about the questions (this happens after a night where ians being particularly chatty, maybe he asks a few questions that hit too close to home) and so mickey follows him outside and he's just like "the fuck's with the 20 questions in there, huh? you workin' for someone? someone pay you to ask me that shit?" and ians like "woah, hey no. no one's paying me, what the fuck. im just trying to be friendly, you seem... you seem lonely. and sad." or smth like that and that hits too close to home too and mickey gets defensive and maybe he like throws the first punch or something and they get into a scuffle, and when the fighting dies down they're like maybe slumped against the wall of the diner or smth and and mickeys like "i dont need friends" or smth like that and ians just like "okay" and then mickey leaves or whatever. but he still comes back again, and ian still serves him but there's some sort of mutual understanding now. ian still tries to talk, and this time mickey talks back a little. they begin to befriend each other.

outside of the diner, mickey is definitely involved in the criminal sphere. he works for this guy with this group of people and they rob banks and shit or smth and he can either be part of the team that does the robbing or he can be the getaway driver, doesnt really matter which, but he's involved with this, but ian doesnt know that ofc. though, the closer they get the more he becomes clued in that mickeys part of something not so good.

one day mickey comes into the diner and hes even twitchier than usual and he keeps looking over his shoulder (which has a lot to do w the fact that he decided hes done doing this shit and wants out and his boss isnt so thrilled w that) and ian comes over with his coffee and pours it out and mickey stares into the cup for a second then looks up at ian and goes "let's run away. let's fuckin run away" and ians like "what?" and mickeys like "yeah cmon let's do it, lets get the fuck outta here and let's not look back. you're always saying you wanna leave, so let's do it" and it takes a minute for ian to properly digest it but then a slow smiles spreading over his face and hes like "shit, yeah, okay let's do it"

and so they plan to split to get the shit they need and meet back at the diner later and theyll get into mickeys car and they'll hit the road and just drive away.

and so. this is where it gets kind of hazy in my mind and it could go a few ways so I dont really have the details hammered out. BUT. im thinking that either:

a. mickey doesnt end up showing up for a reason that likely includes his boss finding him and like maybe threatening to hurt ian if mickey doesnt comply and continue w the heists and shit. and so ian waits for him and he never shows. but then he shows up st the diner either the next day or a few days later and ians upset with him and he serves mickey but he doesnt say a word and hes clearly pissed and mickey tries to apologize for leaving him waiting and then explains that it's not a good idea, he doesnt know what he was thinking. and he makes the decision to break up with ian bc he thinks that will keep him safe from his boss's threats but he doesnt tell ian why hes doing it just makes some bullshit thing up that hurts ian. and maybe ian tries to fight that all like "what the fuck where is this coming from?" but mickeu ofc refuses to say the real reason just says it isnt working or smth

or b. mickey gets a visit from his boss, again, with the whole threatening to hurt ian if mickey tries to get out and leave and shit. but mickey does show up and he doesnt have any bags and ians like wheres your shit? and mickeys like we cant do that anymore. it's not happening. and ians like what? what the fuck? why? and mickey has been so valiantly been trying to keep ian out of his 'work' life and not involve him in any of that criminal shit so he obviously cant tell ian the real reason why so he has to like make up so bullshit reason or whatever and ooh maybe he could like break up with ian bc he thinks doing that will protect him bc if they're not together anymore his boss cant use him to control mickey or smth like that.

but either way, mickeys boss ropes him into another job and it's like a big one or smth and it ends up going bad and mickeys in trouble or hurt or smth idk yet and basically whatever it is it means he's stopped going in the diner, and ians fucking worried bc even if they are broken up he still loves him and he still cares and he connected enough dots to know that mickeys involved in some shit he shouldnt be and maybe he saw mickey get into a verbal argument w his boss outside the diner one day and the dude was shady af and ian thinks something might be up and also maybe he hears smth too, like someone mentions smth big that happened like "oh did you head about that bank robbery gone wrong? apparently someone got shot" or smth like that idk and that gets ian really worried bc he thinks mickey might have smth to do with that and so he maybe tries to go to mickeys house and see if hes okay and he finds hes not okay, and I'm even hazier on what happens in this part lol I havent exactly thought this far in terms of details but idk something happens w mickey and ian has to help him get out of it and the truth obviously comes out and ooh okay maybe to help mickey get out of trouble (maybe the cops are involved somehow like maybe they're looking for mickey but they haven't found him yet?) and something leads to ian blowing up a van (hehe gotta include those nice nods to canon right? lol) or wait maybe a police car instead?? and idk maybe in the end they do end up skipping town and driving off and they're both on the run now but they're on the run together lol idk.

the ending is kind of rough, but I'll try to think of smth better for that, or someone can suggest something better if they think of anything.

but YEAH. this was my brainchild of the night so. enjoy it. and who knows maybe one day I'll actually write this??

[vampsting]

Why don't you like crabbng? I don't like them either but I just wanna know if they've done anything bad. I mean obviously their art is kinda iffy but??

while she doesnt make the absolute worst content in the fandom i think just labeling what she does as ‘iffy’ is being kinda ignorant

she has clarified time and time again all her bkgs are trans, and in her fantasy au comics says he is pre op as she doesnt wish to focus on things like dysphoria. thats fine and dandy on its own, in fact we need more trans narratives shown in that light. however, hes pre op with nothing like hormone blockers, so that means shes constantly drawing a minor with their boobs out. when shes an adult, and claims to be against the sexualization of the bnha kids

to further on that she gives the girls better outfits that cover up more however will put bakugou in honestly really fetishizing outfits, going as far as making the shirtless sleeve bullshit that ppl complain abt kirishimas hero costume into a constant thing in bakugous fashion sense. theres also the fact i had to mute her on twitter bc often times when she ended up on my tl one way or another it would be constant shit of bakugou being bruised, chained, and bloodied (and of course, shirtless), and its honestly all, really fucking uncomfortable.

her other transmasc character, red riot, is an adult but has top surgery. while boobs shouldnt be inherently sexualized in society, that are, and if you want to make a statement about it, you dont use fucking minors. especially when youre portraying one thats part of a minority you have power over. so crabbng constantly draws a trans minors boobs out, and never has done that with any adults, when it would make so much more sense for bkg to cover his chest all the time and the adult trans character to be the one with a pre-op chest out. no one else is tits out beside a character who is a trans minor.

the only reason she gets away with this is bc of her simple style. ive seen fanart of her comics that looks almost exactly like fantasy au genderbend bkg stuff where the artist didnt cover the chest either. like...a minor being a trans boy doesnt give you excuse to draw their boobs out, and you shouldnt use your simple style as a way to get away with it. like this whole thing has just been an adult trying to make excuses to draw a minors boobs instead of thinking “oh! that IS gross of me, i’ll stop doing that!”. art isnt made in a vacuum, so you cant really claim its not sexualized when society at large still sees it as such, and she does too but only with the girls cause its more convenient to her work

ultimately thats not even the worst thing, whats really bad about all of this is how she handles criticism, which is by claiming “dont defend me, this is all valid” along with more paragraphs of bs and doesnt change a damn thing. she responded to them with bullshit instead of actually fixing anything. when i first brought up these criticisms i was a huge fan of her work and i was 15, and to bring up smth that i realized had made me uncomfortable to be greeted with paragraphs that all i could describe as academic crytyping is really ugly.  like... shes too prideful that shes soooo good abt trans issues she wont fix the simple thing of not drawing a kids boobs out. literally just a shirt would solve this issue but she thinks writing rants of her cis & adult opinion on the matter is more productive. or she does the basic bs about how she cant ~please everyone~ which is the exact argument anti sjws & media creators say when lgbt rep in media gets criticism as well

i think its also side eye worthy how she publishes anons that claim to be trans men who were helped by her shit too whenever criticisms are brought up. like... all thats doing is stroking her ego, on top of the fact its not unlikely some cis fan was angry abt ppl criticizing their fave fanartist and lied abt themself on anon cause that honestly really damn easy. it also rubs me the wrong way how she earns money off her comic that constantly has a minors boobs out.

i guess tl;dr: crabbng constantly draws a trans minors boobs out against all criticism (including much from trans men, many are minors themselves, to which she responds with bullshit instead of actual improvement) along with other sketchy & hypocritical shit and im tired of seeing her so uplifted among the fandom until she straightens her shit out, and until she does, she will only continue to make me very fucking uncomfortable. and if she ever sees this she BETTER actually get off her ass and do smth instead of just saying “youre valid :) but im not changing anything”

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[ilygsd]

110918

the only reason i even like this ugly fkn cunt is because we’re so similar. or at least were, he’s grown a bit more than me so i obviously appreciate his help and experience and knowlege or whatever.

but fuck him in the fucking asshole, not only is he a white man, not only does he get triggered by ”i hate whites/men” and ”ppl listen to u cus ur a white man” and takes it SUPER PERSONALLY and accuse me of fucking attacking him and shit. hes acting like a fucking dick when we’re fighting and the thing is……. HE REFUSES to admit when i say we’re similar in the way we fight??? he’s like ”no, im not” and im like YES BITCH YOU ARE YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING CHILD

he’s so fucking aggressive, manipulative, guilt tripping and just…. COLD. i swear what the fuck is wrong with him? i’ve met him 3 times, and we’ve fought 2 times. ive known him for like 2 weeks and we’ve already had 2 major fights??

the only reason im not fucking murdering him on the spot is because 1. im not a fucking idiot. i know my limits. i CANT control him, i CANT manipulate him. i dont have any power over him and 2. i fucking like him?? if i dont apologize he’s going to go on for fucking ever and eternity??? i like him and im actually genuinely sorry that he’s hurt even if he’s a fucking pussy who got triggered over smth as petty

like excuse ME!! the way he fights is REALLY triggering for me??? the first time i was terrified. it was like flashbacks and shit i cried for a whole day and i hadn’t even met him back then. i was SO SCARED and SO SHOCKED. because IT IS I who usually have his position. it is I who usually put people in their places, NOT the other way around. i HATE being scolded, feeling like a worthless little piece of shit

i knew that i should’ve blocked his ass because that can really be SO damaging to me. also there’s a risk im goong to explode as well and we’re just gonna trigger each other and fight to death…. but i didnt because i was too god damn curious of what he had to offer. is it really possible for me to be happy as well? is it really possible for me to heal and grow like him? ERHM well obviously he’s not in his ”complete form” yet, fucking psycho when he get angry, but he’s pretty happy and kind and positive generally

i worried so much about me draining him with my anxiety and issues but he said he wouldnt let me drain him. he said he always put himself first and the he basically would leave if i try to pull anything on him. why the fuck did i even worry about him when he’s trying to manipulate and guilt trip me?? I AM SO PISSED. HE REALLY TRIED TO DO THAT THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

during our first fight it worked because i was SO SHOCKED, as i said. and i was SCARED. but fuck him in the asshole he really- he really tried to FUCKING DO THAT TO ME

he accuses me of being disrespectful of his limits when he goes fucking bananas, everythings happening so fast i cant even process what just happen, i dont even have the time to apologize cus hes all over and everywhere. and he’s so fucking threatening. he’s like ”if you dont…..” and he doesnt realize what the fuck he’s doing?? i apologize because 1. i hate these fights and 2. i like him i dont want to hurt him but he’s like ”i have nothing to apologize for”

STUPID FUCKING CUNTBAG YOUR UGLY TECHNIQUES ARE WAY OVER MY LIMITS, YOURE DISRESPECTING ME 101919X MORE THAN I EVER DISREPSEXTED U BY CALLING U A WHITE MAN.

(also can we talk abt how this motherfucker understabds that whites and men are privileged but he still doesnt get why reverse oppression isnt a thing and that it is GROUPS that are privileged and NOT individuals??? like he’s that fucking dumb)

that shit actually HURT!!!! i think he’s really immature during fights, i think he’s really fucking pathetic and i’m glad i’ve come to that conclusion rather than beating myself up. yes, i now understand that this is probably what it feels like for the counterpart when im fighting with them and im fuckig sorry that im acting like this psycho

BUT!!!!!! what really HURT was that he HONESTLY TRIED TO MANIPULATE ME. if i hadn’t called his ass out this time he would have gotten away with it AGAIN

bitch, he’s fucking 23 years old. he’s 4 years older than me. he also KNOWS!!!!!! i have a stupid crush on him and he STILL!!!!! TRIED TO GUILT TRIP ME, TRIED TO MAKE ME OBEY AND SUBMIT TO HIM, GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG

im so pissed and a part of me wish i would just have exploded but i couldnt because it was fucking 1 am and my family was asleep and i couldnt fucking shout at someone over the phone. also it actually made me feel a bit superior and mature when i was all calm and he still was upset (even though he wouldnt admit it, stupid proud brat. his voice changes distinctly). okay YES, i MAY have patronized him a little but also NOT!!! i was just really tired and sad and i still liked him so like….. i was just upset and trying to calm him down

its kind of hilarious how i had to tell him to stop sounding so aggressive and he was like ”im not” and i was like ”yes you are” and so he actually KIND OF stopped and it was easier to talk to him. wow i feel so powerful lmao. omg in really not any better than him am i? i know im not because no matter how much he denies it…….. im literally exactly the same when i fight 😔😔 i tell myself i wasnt like that because i didnt WANT to, because i want to be MATURE but a part of me honestly thinks its just me knowing my place. i like him more than the likes me, he can use that to his advantage, there was no reason or possibility for me to dominate him.

im still very pissed though and just because i like him i still REFUSE to follow him like a little puppy. ive been so worried ALL this time that i wouldnt be able to keep up with him intellectually, that he was too good for me, too smart and too kind. PFFFFFFFT!!! im sorry but i swear i was just idealizing him or smth. its his fucking voice and scent, its like a drug it makes me all calm and dizzy but objectively…. dont fucking let him manipulate you. if he ever makes you feel like yo should apologize and that tou did wrong, ask yourself WHY. an east escape is not the right answer. call him the fuck out. i think and hope he avtually would appreciate it as well……. even though he’s so fucking stubborn and proud OMG HES SO PROUD I CANT, I AM PROUD TOO BUT NOT TO HIM. or maybe a little since i now refuse to fucking message him, maybe a little bit manipulative but no, im still mad, the way he acted lady night was fucked up. why does he have to be so proud with ME???? is it because he doesnt feel as emotionally connected to me as i do? yeah probably

that stupid motherufcker…. when i told him ”instead of threatening me that you’re gonna hung up if i dont ’respect’ aka BEHAVE accordingly…. you could just say ’hey im not comfortable talking right now, i need to hung up’ AND HE WAS LIKE ”but we’re not that close-/but we’re not that emotionally-” or something like that and i was like……. is this dipshit clown really serious?? ”uhhh its more like COMMON SENSE AND RESPECT” and he was like ”yeah maybe…” YEAH MAYBE? NO YOU KNOW IM FUCKING RIGHT

god that piece of shit really thinks he has me wrapped around his finger or something. im attracted to him but what he doesnt understand is that he’s still a plain white man. he had NO IDEA how much im controlling myself by even letting myself fall for a white man. does he really think he can like…. i sont know?? i fucking asked him. because i said ”i dont demand or threaten you” and he was like yeah i know. and i was like woahhh…. wait a second….. ”do you think i dont because i like you? do you think i would just follow you whatever?” and he was like ”im not gonna answer that”

oh my god he really thought didnt he. stupid ass white boy really thought i would choose him over myself or any of my siblings of color. smh poor jack.

im going nuts. okay…. if he EVER pulls something like this again i wont be so sure i’ll be able to handle this on a mature level. the worst thing is though that i HAVE TO. because even when i DO, he’s so fucking ptronizing. like te WHITE MAN just jumped out???? if i were to lose my shit……. ITS SI FRUSTRATING AND ITS EXACTLY WHY I CANT BE WITH A WHITE MAN. i was avtually very fucking calm and he STILL managed to make me feel like i was the ”bad guy”.

ughhhh im fucking insane. this…… whatever the fuck our relationship is cus this boy is apprently only interested in me what the fuck that now even means?? okay so we can like hang out and be physical and cuddle and shit but we’re not a couple and its NOT limited to being exclusively us. apparebtly i should still feel flattered though?? cus he doesnt find anyone attractive and he needs some sort of chemistry??? im sorry boy but i am NOT flattered. you do you, i get it, it takes time for you to fall in love with someone but im obviously still much more emotionally invested. that not your fault. thats my problem. my abandonment and attatchment issues. honestly im so fucked i cant even differ my feelings. my feelings for him are strong but idk what they are. some days i feel like platonic friendship, other days an older brother, a romantic partner and sometimes even a dad/parental figure. like im that fucked up i just need a STRONG BOND i dont care what

i low key hate myself for how i ended the call yesterday. thanks to that, now i cant bring this up again. its too late. the fight is ”over”. i was like ”i still like u bye goodnight sweet dreams” but now im like ”i hate u ugly bitch”.

god my head

[isaacathom]

ok heres my eurovision liveblog thoughts i guess

i love slovenias look but im not a.... trap fan?? is that the genre? not a fan of that. also not a flashing light thank, thank you.

‘the need for everyone to fall in love’ the need??????? sfuck off

uhhhhhh...... oh thats cute. oh those lil videos are cute. and i appreciate them. i wish she’d say the /O/ in old because she clearly can but it just sounds like ‘ahld’ or smth.

what wa the point of the australian presenter to spoil the fact her husband showed up on stage like that wouldve been sweet if i hadnt KNOWN it.

‘electronic groups’ oh god AGAIN? oh thank god. oh this is nice.

‘really gets under your skin’ wow these presenters suck. thats very much the wrong metaphor. like that literally means the opposite of what you WANTED it to mean. shit. fuck.

these presenters honestly are just kinda ass. also ‘songwriters are saying it doesnt make sense’ ??? are they stupid. its. its not exactly abstract expressionism?????? what the fuck are they talking about. also what was hthat camera cut with a bald man just side eyed the camera like hes ready to kill. my god. what a legend. but was thatcomment.a joke? wild. oh it was a joke. ok. yea no im not feeling their humour. also why do they keep cutting out.

oh im really liking portugals. like it just feels nice. its sorta cozy.

‘thats one way to put it’??????? was that a gay joke?????? what the fuck was that. what was that?????? like, she said ‘listening to music for 73 hours straight’ and she went ‘straight? thats one way to put it’ IS IT A GAY JOKE???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. im so confused. i dont understand. pls. why.

ooh its time for the invader, im Ready???? i think im ready. im sorta not but i sorta am. no choice, i cant pause. im liking this song though. ok cool im getting second hand anxiety about knowing an invader is coming. im not ready. i have no choice but OH BOY!!!! oh boy!!....... ok she handled that fairly well, but the fact her vocals kept going does look weird (tho its just clearly a backing vocal track to help boost it or to allow her to hold long notes, so im not fussed)

i like this song tho, i sorta wish she’d taken the reperform . ooOOOOH ‘absolute cockhead’ same. i like that they decided to cut to an interview to allow for the backstage crew and security to figure out what the Fuck just happened. like its obvious it was an unplanned interview but i think that was a good way to do it. a+

oh fuck thats ethereal. wooooahhhhhhhhhHHH. oh bitch. oh my god. i love this. oh i REALLY like this one. gave me chills. also, ‘crazy colonel sanders’ what, the flutist? yall are uncreative fuckers. he looks nothing like colonel sanders, in ANY way. like he just loosk like your reclusive grandfather. or like uhhhh montgomery montgomery from the asoue movie (i forget the actor sorry i know hes big)

oh this song hurts and it really shouldnt. ow. fuck. im meant to be doing my essay and im crying on the couch bitch Fuck. listen dude songs about close family dying hurt me so bad. HES CRYING TOO!!!!! bitch. ow. god no wonder he came 4th, that shit fucking Hurt me. oh my god. my throat hurts. god dammit germany! no!!!! bad!!!!! i came for fun. im slain.

im a fan of this albanian song too. it feels sorta like im listening to uhhhhh...... one of chelseas french musicals, actually. specifically robin du bois. i think its the instrumentation. big fan. oh my god i Love him.

why is their outfits being designed by gautier matter. wow those are square shoulders. i wish he hadnt. looks like something a Sith Lord would wear. the shoulders are better in context of the whole outfit. just..... not on a close up, i dont think. uh lovely song btw. oh the converse do not work with that outfit. why is she wearing sneaker esque shoes. what the hell was that.

he did a backflip?? in rehea- woah. hold on. black bars????? they havent been there the whole time, have they?? this looks like an aesthetic choice???? im confused. oh no did he have to dance like that. was that to fill in for the backflip they had to cut because he hurt himself. :| did they just dab. this is disgusting. i mean the song is nice but Why tho. czech hipster man, why must you hurt me. also i love how ‘whats up eurovision’ worked perfectly with the beat. v nice.

i heard viktor krum, what did he do. what does he have to do with this. why the fuck did they mention viktor krum, that actor is bulgarian and this is denmark???? i cant rewind. did i miss a joke. also ooh this is a fun viking beat.

WHAT HE FUCK DOES VIKTOR KRUM HAVE TO DO WITH IT. these commentators absolutely suck. i literally dont understand. they look NOTHING like durmstrang??? yall fuckers seen the movie?

also wow this is the much hyped australian act................. hmm. yea no we deserved 20th place. this isnt great. it also doesnt feel like shes hitting certain notes? but im tone deaf so i cant judge. this really isnt great. like ‘oh were a win chance’ yall blind from patriotism. i prefer most of the others. this isnt great. (i mean i dont wanna be that downer asshole but i Mean......... this is a competition and we got what we deserved here) oh god no that didnt work. nnn nah.

also STOP THE FUCKING FLASHING LIGHTS you fucking assholes. oh my god. im just /begging/. oh my god shut the fuck up commentators. these commentators honestly fucking suck. i hate them.

the commentators dabbed. Why. WHY. whats wrong with yall. fuck me.

also im still bewildered by the ‘straight? one way to put it’ joke like genuinely what was it. if the prior performance had been one of the gayer ones that i know are coming up, then maybe itd make sense. this is bewildering. heyyy its the ncis lady. i like her.

im waiting to finally hear israels unbutchered song ver (the ‘vote for israel’ ad presumably fucked it).

fuck i need food and i cant pause. god, is every song a favourite, yeesh. small aside - im sick of bands with a Single female. cowards. i mean this band is fairly diverse and i appreciate that! thats very nice!!! its not a specific knock. just like.... come on........... where the girls in the big bands at.

X RATED WIGGLES???????? are you all fucking mad. good lord this shit is absurd. oh this feels like a gameshow set. i like this. oh i like this. this is an aesthetic. i love the illusion stuff. im a Big fan. i dont think id call any of this x rated... m, certainly. wouldnt ban most of this from tv, you feel me. i thought that was quite fun. can you stop talking over the actual presenters please, you australian cockheads. im really hungry.

ooh i like this. edm, right??? i kinda dig it. like its hit or miss for the genre but i like this.

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE BLACK BARS. fuckers. it was stylistic, right? i appreciate it.

oh. screamo? fantastic. just what i want! :) precisely my genre :) big fan of screaming :) OOH this opening beats though, ooooohhh fuck yea. lets hear it boys. oh, les screaming, more yelling. no im mostly okay with that. its in hungarian but thats aight. im sure the nordic countries appreciate this hard rock representation. also, flashing lights!!! stop! oh im not a fan of the backup singers there. thats a shame.

‘unique song’ thematically??? yall fucking crazy weve covered both bullying and metoo in two previous songs. ya dunce.

ok lets hear it. OH her vocals are gorgeous. also by ‘referencing jpop’ are you talking about the outfit??? im mixed on it because idk shit about ~culture~ but it is cute, i suppose. i dunno anything about jpop either.

but wow that ad really did not represent this song well. dumbass.

huh. country. weird. i mean this is nice, sure, but its not my thing.

HEYYY IRELAND!!! helloooo. this is nice. just nice and sweet. like that was just nice.

ooh cyprus. oh my fucking god STOP SAYING FAVOURITE you absolute fucking balloons. ‘how does she get the outfit on’ you can see the zip and its obviously a full body suit, ding dong. dumb man. im liking this though. big fan.

oh final song, thank god, i can almost go get FOOD!!! im hungry.

was that a russian overlay. interesting?? i also feel like some of these overlays definitely arent italian. are they singing italian tho? are the overlays just thematic w/ some subtitle esque ones? its nice though. like, the message is definitely in a good close and i love it on that level..... on a uh...... Song level? not really.

well that was neat.... im getting food. oh jeez the commentators almost spoke over each other yeesh.

why do they keep saying fucking viktor krum. im so fucking mad about that. its so fucking stupid. like thats. thats not. thats not remotely close??? you dumbass.

not an exhaustive list, but i like norway, portugal, UK, germany (brings me to fucking tears), albania, france (STOP GOING ON ABOUT GAUTIER), finland, bulgaria, moldova, sweden, israel, cyprus. theyre nice. germany fucked me up the most so i think im legally required to say i wish germany had won.

‘heres sandra bullock and jennifer lawrence’ shut the actual fuck up.

anyway im leaving. that was fun.