#my dad is 11 years older than my mom

[athenaalexandria]

My granny is a fucking savage

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

.

[the-kneesbees]

just watched my brother graduate

[sunnyxjarrus]

I actually don’t know how (lie) but somehow my brain refuses to register that people can actually be married for like even 15 years like in my brain 10 is the absolute max (neither of my parents have had a marriage that has lasted over 7 years)

[ur-stepdad]

finding a playlist called Dad Rock and it's all shit i listened to in middle school

[ayyponine]

not me wanting a relationship just so i can have a diff place to sleep every now n then

[smol-sunnie]

Was I hungry or did I just need to psychoanalyze my cousins and aunt and uncle for an hour and 30 minutes with my parents

[crumplstiltskin]

unckuna au hcs migrated from x

main post: i cant draw rn but like this for a random unckuna au hc (from my verse so dont come @ me if it doesnt fit with yours)

unedited btw so don't come for me!!! some things are subject to change bc i said so

1. sukuna daps up  young choso as a greeting bc he thinks its funny with the size difference + how choso goes along with anything

2. sukuna has the passcode and key to jin and kaori's house so they find him randomly in the house sometimes. he likes to nap on the couch bc its nice and deep

3. sukuna met kaori first but they were all involved with bad company when they were students. kaori and jin immediately started to clean up their act after they started to date

4. yuuji used to cry looking at sukuna but at one point after seeing the twins side by side he just started laughing and never stopped???? rorschach test on sukuna's face ✅

5. sukuna and jin kick their feet behind them when they do tummy time with yuuji

6. yuuji named sukuna's cat cheese burger. they call her chizu

7. choso is kaori's first child and jin's step son. he rarely calls jin "dad" (usually something similar to "mr. jin" "uncle" "sir" etc) but when he does he's shy about it and jin also tends to get teary eyed ☹️

8. sukuna lives in tokyo. kaori has long stretches where she lives in tokyo for work. jin travels back and forth between sendai and tokyo. yuuji lived with wasuke until high school+his passing, then he moved in with his parents in tokyo.

9. choso is wherever yuuji is. but when he moved to sendai the first time they cut his hair short and he sulked for a week. he had to keep it trimmed short until he graduated middle school. he went to a local vocational school instead of high school

10. when choso and yuuji go to tokyo during holidays everyone stays at sukuna’s place bc it’s bigger. otherwise kaori stays at company housing (if jin is visiting kaori he also stays with sukuna)

11. kaori is older than the twins by two years 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ ‍‍‍kenjaku (kaori’s brother) is older than the twins by three years (kk irish twins!!) jin is the older twin.

12. kaori had choso at 20, only started dating jin a couple years after that bc he was too busy pining and she was dating someone else, married jin at 26 and had yuuji the same year. choso and yuuji are 6 years apart

13. sukuna likes to offer to stand in for parent discussions about yuuji’s life. kaori never takes him seriously even if he is only half joking (he says that yuuji is also HIS bc jin and sukuna are identical twins. genetically it’s true but this does not impress her at all….)

14. megumi and yuuji met during one of the holidays he was in tokyo for. they occasionally met the following summers and sometimes ask their parents to call each other until finally they became classmates in hs (when yuuji moved out to tokyo)

15. the twins and toji knew about each other by reputation (same circles but they’ve never met and they dont wanna talk about it either 😭😭😭esp not around his innocent wife)

16. tsumiki is megumi’s neighbour+childhood friend and they basically grew up together. she sometimes stays with megumi’s family bc megumi’s mom is friends with hers and she works a lot of nights.

17. sukuna pretends to be annoyed by choso but one time after he said he doesnt love young choso he went to cry in his bed and it hurt sukuna’s feelings lol

17.1. (he remedies this later by talking to him and saying he really likes him though and he’s his best friend—all while frowning and shaking his head at kaori who was watching)

18. sukuna and uraume have been besties since elementary school. uraume used to have a crush on jin (but they never liked sukuna that way for reasons related to his personality ☠️)

19. sukuna fixes cars and motorcycles in his free time. he only has space for a single bike in his garage, but he often visits one of kenjaku’s properties to work on other ones that kenjaku has.

20. kenjaku is in prison‼️‼️‼️

21. yuuji and toji’s rs is exactly like that one radio episode where they talked about yuuji being a (lovable) nuisance to his life…megumi’s mom and tsumiki both treat him like family

See: [podcast] Will Toji & Itadori get along well?

22. when jin and kaori ask yuuji about nobara they always refer to her as his gf (not true, they aren’t dating, never will). nobara always complains about it when she comes over and begs on hands and knees for them to stop (they dont bc they think its funny)

23. as an infant yuuji liked to sleep on sukuna’s chest bc of the cushion :robloxmanface: jin got jealous and started working out just bc of that

24. nobara and kaori are so close sometimes they go on little shopping dates and send the pictures to yuuji and jin🤷‍♂️ people on her insta keep asking her if “her mom” is single and yuuji fights for his life in the replies

25. sukuna also gets a lot of attention on yuuji and nobara’s socials but they leave him to the dogs. if it gets crazy they just start blocking everyone after sending them the link to sukuna’s account

26. megumi’s insta is just candids of his friends and dogs mixed into photography. no captions except on bday posts

27. if yuuji asks his parents for something and they say no, he will sometimes ask sukuna if he is desperate (who will always say yes if its amusing enough bc hes an enabler)

28. yuuji makes sukuna do a duet with him every time they bring out the karaoke machine at big family parties (sukuna just stands there breathing into the mic)

29. jin is a stay-at-home husband 👍 kaori’s the one making bank and insisting jin wear his cute lil apron when she comes back home

30. as an infant yuuji only ate whatever jin/wasuke/sukuna made. they didnt feed him any processed food unless it was baby puffs or something like that

31. heights for fun (sorry uraume they gave you a lil boy body….or am i…🤨)

32. the only person sukuna is scared of is jin and maybe wasuke one time when he got mad (he's usually pretty mild-mannered, just frowns a lot)

33. sukuna has never had a steady gf in his life🤷‍♂️ when they start getting too comfortable with him and telling him what to do he cuts them off

34. he always introduces girls he's interested in (beyond hooking up) to uraume. if uraume thinks the vibes are off even a little bit he drops them. jin and wasuke have only seen a few in passing

35. tw????? sukuna uses "gay" the millennial way. as in "wack"

36. yuuji has  tried to wash/rub off/erase sukuna's tattoos on several occasions

37. jin and sukuna greet each other by wrestling and doing silent takedowns. when yuuji gets big enough he also does the same thing with sukuna (sukuna never lets him win until he actually starts taking martial arts classes and he has to take him seriously😭 sore loser)

38. besides his own food sukuna only eats homemade food his family (wasuke, jin, yuuji + uraume) make. he’ll eat kaori’s food if jin makes him but he pretends to have a hard time swallowing it

39. sukuna is always in bed by 11pm!!! he sleeps in the dark with blackout curtains and a pillow on his head. doesn’t move an inch. hotel sheets with high thread count. bedroom never above 20 degrees celsius

40. sukuna used to steal food off yuuji’s plate to mess with him but after he noticed that yuuji would push his plate closer to him on purpose (to feed his poor uncle) he stopped 😔

41. child yuuji has called sukuna to finish a tub of ice cream (to get rid of evidence) that he shouldn’t have been eating but bc sukuna was all the way in tokyo and yuuji in sendai he couldn’t save him from getting scolded by wasuke 💔

42. sukuna has billed a girl for staining his shirt with makeup

43. sukuna and uraume sometimes pretend to be father and child to get family discount 👍

44. twins and uraume are only one year apart. they are just built different…sukuna built like an industrial fridge, uraume like an immortal elf on the shelf.

45. sukuna and yuuji decorated yuuji’s first helmet together (for skateboarding). the theme was dinosaur but it ended up looking like a rooster

46. the glovebox in his car still has stickers yuuji stuck on when he was small

47. once jin caught sukuna going🥰😚😝 with baby yuuji and when sukuna realized he was being watched he pretended to be asleep……..

48. sukuna has an album on his phone just for yuuji. half of it is burst pics of baby yuuji in action (dont ask why he didnt just take a video)

49. jin matches his outfits to yuuji’s

50. when they lived separately sukuna would sometimes get blurry pictures from jin’s phone of things yuuji would photograph (baby foot, jin’s scalp, wasuke in the garden, etc) and sukuna would text back very seriously (eg “tell your dad i can pay for his trip to turkey”)

51. whenever he babysits outside of the house and comes to pick up yuuji sukuna asks where “his accessory” is in reference to the baby and kaori hates it😭😭😭

52. if he HAS to, sukuna only uses metal tin containers for food. you can distinguish who made yuuji’s lunch that way (metal tin + looks gourmet = sukuna, food with faces +cute dividers = jin)

53. uraume and sukuna always invite yuuji to test new menus so he’s kind of acquainted with sukume’s industry friends. they think he has a gift in it too.

54. megumi and choso are so awkward together they usually sit in silence if left alone in a room….yuuji and sukuna think it’s so funny for some reason

55. jin is the last person to realize yuuji and megumi are dating when they eventuslly do. sukuna is the one to tell him but kaori (clocked it, asked nobara) and sukuna (mental math) realize first.

56. sukuna’s cat is a ginger maine coon😊

57. sukuna built a catio behind his shophouse for his cat

58. sukuna wears saxx underwear

59. sukuna and gojo go on food and bar crawls together (they play stupid games to see who should pay. gojo always pays)

60. choso is a nurse🫶

61. yuuji gets ""free"" scans at the hospital whenever he thinks he broke something (9 times out of 10 he's fine)

62. when yuuji calls for “dad” sukuna will always look, sometimes he’ll catch himself almost responding (jin always catches him too)

63. choso doesnt actually have the face tattoo in this au. i just draw it  bc i thats what i’m used to 🙃 sukuna has all his tattoos though

64. sukuna thinks blended chicken protein shake is an abomination. he believes in chewing your meat (his fav protein shake is vanilla flavor)

65. jin always greets yuuji at the door when he comes home (before anyone asks he likes to act busy when kaori does so she can backhug him hahahahhaha)

66. difference between bffs

🐯🐺= they also kiss…

🐯🔨= act like siblings

⛩️❄️= evil girl telepathy, will snicker about you together without saying anything

67. sukuna is the type to get a new phone just bc his gallery is full also “doesnt it look cool though” (jin gives him the dad look)

68. yuuji was the deciding factor (excuse) for sukuna not to have his own child bc when he realized during a discussion b/w jin and sukuna that his uncle wouldn’t have time for him he got sad and cried lol

69. when sukuna takes choso and yuuji out together he makes them hold hands and walk infront of him so they dont get kidnapped 😭

70. sukuna has gotten emo over yuuji outgrowing his baby clothes. jin straight up bawled

71. if they don’t meet for a while (12+ hours) and sukuna lifts his hand yuuji will get under his arm for a hug. choso will get a shoulder squeeze or a sidehug and jin will get his ribs crushed. he nods his chin at kaori (very rude)

72. bc they grew up together and choso has been fussing over yuuji ever since he was born, yuuji is the only person choso is comfortable hugging and making extended physical contact with. he doesn’t mind his mother touching him but anyone else?? very flustered

73. sukuna treats nobara like family and he’ll call her his neice if a random person asks. has let her apply makeup over his tattoos for fun, will drive her places if kaori isn’t around. they also talk about luxury brands together….

74. when yuuji was sick as a baby jin would cuddle him the entire time so he can feel warm. if sukuna is around he’d also take shifts with jin. they wouldnt let wasuke bc he might get sick (sukuna: he might pass away from a cough)

75. sukuna got jin a baby wrap for the above reason….otherwise yuuji would cry his head off if he was put down for even a second

76. (when sick) yuuji cried less the older he got but he would still hold his caretaker’s hand and follow them around the house if they were making food, etc…

77. yuuji doesn’t cry a lot or make a fuss in general though 🤷‍♂️he’s the kind of kid to wave at strangers and say hello

78. the rare times yuuji gets combative is bc sukuna is provoking him 😭 that stands true throughout his life. bc if he has questions they all answer him and he takes it as true (sukuna will lie and then yuuji looks foolish which will lead to arguments)

79. callback to the tweet below but yuuji has asked sukuna on several occasions if he has a job to do when his uncle gets on his nerves

i realize sukuna acts jobless in the unckuna au but its only bc he gets to make his own hours most of the time if he’s not booked for an event/job 😭

80. after yuuji and nobara start posting sukuna online his insta and business profiles go viral. the requests get concerning sometimes but every time there’s a big private/foreign one yuuji asks if he can go (answer is always no)

81. sukuna, jin, and yuuji (after childhood) come down with a cold maybe two times a year. choso and kaori get sick more often. and choso plays it up bc hes dramatic

82. megumi has been scouted by modeling agents a few times. of all the times it happened while out with nobara she chased them away out of spite (not that megumi was interested in the first place)

[luminoustarlight]

As Fate Would Have It | Chapter Two

It's your first day of work at Skywalker Enterprises.

◂ chapter one ▸ chapter three

rating: mature | pairing: dilf!anakin skywalker x afab!reader | wc: 3.7k | read on ao3

warnings: swearing, age-gaps, sexual fantasies

The moms at St. Lucas Preparatory School are shameless. Single, divorced, and married women (and some men) alike can’t help but hold their breath when Anakin Skywalker steps onto campus. The dads are intimidated by him and the moms… well, let’s just say the moms have less than school appropriate thoughts about the billionaire. 

Anakin detests the end of the year. He hates being involved at the school. He doesn’t want to spend 2 hours of his day off packing meals in a crowded gymnasium with other parents who also don’t want to be there. 

He doesn’t want to make small talk or ask about Luke and Leia’s classmates because frankly, he doesn’t give a crap. The only children he likes are his own and he won’t pretend otherwise. 

“Mr. Skywalker,” Leia’s teacher, Ms. Clark sighs, “you are the only parent in my class who has yet to sign up for a slot at this year's Cranberry Sauce.” Cranberry Sauce is just the name the school gives the Thanksgiving Drive to make it sound more “fun”. 

Anakin gives his children a kiss on their foreheads and sends them through the school gates. Once they’re out of earshot, he addresses Leia’s teacher. “I already wrote a check to buy the damn food. Isn’t that sufficient?” 

“Mr. Skywalker,” Ms. Clark repeats with annoyance. If it were up to her, she’d let Anakin donate all of the money he wants in order to keep him from volunteering at school events. She thinks he’s arrogant, stuck-up, and far too handsome for any man to be. So she decides to loathe him since she can’t fuck him. But Headmaster Franklin is adamant Anakin attends the event. 

“I really insist that you participate for at least an hour at Cranberry Sauce next weekend. It is important for your children to see you involved at the school. At their school.” 

Anakin’s tall and broad stature seems to grow even larger at this statement. How dare this woman insinuate anything about him as a father? 

“You think I’m not involved in my childrens’ lives?” Anakin has just enough self-control not to completely raise his voice at his daughter’s fourth grade teacher. Especially since parents are continuing to drop off their kids. “You think I’m an absent father who gives the school money to compensate for my lack of paternal instincts?” 

“I didn’t say that,” Ms. Clark answers cautiously. “There is no need to make a scene. I have no doubts you are an excellent father, Mr. Skywalker. I don’t think Leia would be the young lady she is if you weren’t. One hour. That's all we ask.” 

Anakin raises an eyebrow. “We?” 

“Oh, um, well-” Ms. Clark stammers. Busted. She sighs with defeat. “Headmaster Franklin would very much like to see you there.”

“I’m sure he would,” Anakin replies smugly. Headmaster Franklin wants him there for publicity. Anakin should be more pissed about that than being accused of not being a present parent, but he’s not. He likes his ego stroked every now and then. “One hour.” 

“Thank you,” Ms. Clark smiles tightly. “Does 10-11 work for you?” 

“Fine,” Anakin waves his hand dismissively as he gets a message on his phone. 

Ben Kenobi 

Your new secretary is here. 

Shit. It’s Anakin’s first day without Dorothy. No wonder the morning has gone the way it has. Between Luke spilling orange juice on his shirt, Leia’s uncooperating French braids, and his conversation with Ms. Clark, Anakin can’t help but fear the change in routine with a new assistant. He types his response. 

Anakin Skywalker

Assistant. Not secretary. I’ll be there in 20 minutes. 

Ben Kenobi 

If you say so. 

Ben Kenobi is Anakin’s closest friend. Some might even call them brothers. Ben is fifteen years older than Anakin, married to the mayor, and enjoys fly fishing on the weekends. He’s also Luke and Leia’s godfather. Should anything happen to Anakin, there is no one else he’d trust to raise and watch over his children than Ben Kenobi. 

And Ben knows better than anyone that Anakin doesn’t like change. He’s been dreading Dorothy’s last day since she told him she was retiring a year ago. How was he going to find someone as good as her? Someone who anticipates his needs before he does? 

That’s why he tasked her with finding her own replacement. He’s just too busy to interview a replacement for Dorothy himself. He wouldn’t know what to look for, anyway. If he doesn’t know what he wants in a woman to date, how is he supposed to know what he wants in a new assistant? 

.

.

. 

“Mr. Skywalker is not in at the moment. Can I take a message?” You’ve uttered that exact sentence at least seven times since you arrived at the office at 8:00 a.m. Now, as it nears 9:00, you expect to see your new boss very soon. 

Each time you hear the elevator ding, you look up with hopefulness at the arrival of the esteemed Anakin Skywalker. What will you say to him? How will you introduce yourself? Will he be nice and welcoming? God, you hope so. You’ve read just about every article, watched every interview, and listened to every podcast he’s done to prepare yourself for the job. The consensus is the same in all of them. 

Anakin Skywalker is generous, he’s polite, and generally gets along with everyone— if you don’t get on his nerves. And, according to Dorothy, he’s a charmer. 

“Yes, absolutely,” you say while taking notes of the message on a legal pad. Your head is down so you don’t notice Anakin walking out of the elevator. He stops 5 steps away from your desk. His ribs feel like they’re collapsing around his lungs because of that voice. Why does he know that voice? 

“I will let Mr. Skywalker know you called as soon as he gets into the office.” You hang up the phone and as you look up, there he is in all of his gorgeous glory. 

You actually have to tell yourself to take a breath because he’s even more handsome in person. Faint lines around his eyes represent years of life he lived before you were born. His dark blonde hair is combed back effortlessly and is it wrong that you want to run your hands through it? Yeah, probably. He’s your boss and over twenty years older than you. 

“It’s-” Anakin can’t even say more than that because holy fuck. Is he dreaming? He squeezes his eyes and then opens them, only to see you now standing with your hand extended to him. “It’s… you.” 

“Um, yes,” you say while awkwardly returning your arm to your side. “I’m Y/N. Your new assistant. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Skywalker.” 

“I- um, yes,” Anakin clears his throat. Christ, that wasn’t even a sentence. “I need to take care of something,” he says on his way towards his office. “I am not to be disturbed until I come out. Do you understand?” 

“Y-yes. Yes, sir,” you barely answer before Anakin’s office door is shut violently. Well, that certainly wasn’t the introduction you were expecting or hoping for. You’re starting to think not meeting him beforehand was a bad idea. It honestly should’ve been a red flag but Dorothy insisted it was fine. 

It doesn’t seem fine. 

And things definitely aren’t fine. For Anakin, that is. To say he’s freaking out is putting it lightly. He paces the length of his office, shoving his fingers through his hair and muttering to himself. “It can’t be. There’s no way it can be her.” 

Maybe he’s hallucinating. Maybe he’s having an incredibly vivid dream where his favorite OnlyFans performer, who he has known as HoneySuckle for the last three years is his new assistant. What did you say your name is? Anakin couldn’t hear you over the erection that was forming in his pants because he knows your voice. He’s cum from your voice alone. He’s cum because of you so, so many times. 

This can’t be happening. 

He’s never seen your entire face but he knows it’s you. He’d recognize your lips in a police lineup. He hears your voice in his wet dreams. He just knows it’s you. 

And the fact that he has a hard-on is a problem. A problem he wishes you could take care of but you can’t because now you work for him and he’s your boss. This is all so, so wrong. 

Anakin doesn’t so much sit on his leather chair as he does collapse into it. This was never supposed to happen. Yes, he has dreamed about meeting you on more than one occasion. He’s thought about telling you who he is during your countless direct messages so many times. He’s thought about using his infinite resources to find out who you really are on more than one occasion.

But he always concluded that it would be so insanely wrong and borderline creepy if he did that. You were always supposed to remain a fantasy. Just a nameless woman on a screen who doesn’t live in the same country, state, or city as him. 

Yet here you are— sitting outside of his office, taking his calls, calling him Mr. Skywalker and being even more beautiful than he could have imagined. 

You are no longer the woman on his tablet spewing filthy words as you make yourself orgasm. You’re tangible. You have a name- although he can’t remember what it is. He replays the interaction over in his head. The feeling he felt when he saw you was reminiscent of seeing his wife walk down the aisle at their wedding. He was a blundering mess then, just as he is a blundering mess now. 

He doesn’t even want to think about your first impression of him. He’s supposed to be Anakin Skywalker for crying out loud! The suave, handsome millionaire who has the ability to make men cower and women fall to their knees. The embarrassment he feels from that interaction is enough to subdue his hard-on. He pours himself a bit of Bourbon, shoots it back like it’s a normal thing to do at 9 in the morning, and prepares to reintroduce himself to you. 

Anakin smooths his hands down his slacks before opening his door. As his eyes are magnetized to you, his heart starts beating irregularly. Get a fucking grip. 

You stand attentively when you notice Anakin walking towards you. Worried you made a terrible impression on him, you wait to speak. But Anakin doesn’t say anything either and now he’s standing in front of your desk, all tall and lean and smelling like Cedar and Whiskey. He’s looking at you with an expression you can’t read. Did Dorothy tell him anything about you? Or did he go into this just as blind as you did? 

His eyes seem to dance all over your body which makes you feel like he’s studying you. Or criticizing every single thing about your appearance. From your simple burgundy dress to the pearl studs you bought with some of Skyguy81’s most recent (and overly generous) tip. 

Finally, because his gaze on you was becoming too much to bear, you are the one to talk first. “Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Skywalker?” 

Yeah, you can remind him of your name for starters. “Do you have messages for me?” is what he asks instead. 

“Yes,” you answer, picking up the pad you’ve been scribbling notes on for the last hour. “Rex sent over the final schematics for the 0525 project that needs your approval by 3 p.m. today in order to begin production. Mayor Kryze’s office called about the upcoming Gala in December and wanted to know if you would be in attendance. And if so, how many tickets should they reserve? Oh, and someone from St. Lucas Preparatory School called to let you know that your son ripped his pants and needs a new pair brought to school because they don’t have any new pants in his size.” 

Anakin taps his index finger on your desk while he listens to you. He barely registers anything you say because it’s really hard to hear your voice without getting aroused. It’s hard even looking at you without automatically picturing you naked. There’s not an inch of your skin he’s never seen. Well, except for the top half of your face which now, of course, he has seen. And God, does he love what you have to offer. 

You’re still relaying messages but suddenly you’re bent over your desk, gripping the edge of it with pale knuckles as Anakin slams into you over, and over, and over. He’s making you yelp his name so loudly the whole building can hear you. 

“Mr. Skywalker?” 

Anakin snaps back into reality where you’re still fully clothed and definitely not moaning his name. “What?” comes out a little harsher than he intended. And he immediately regrets it when he sees you visibly shrink right before him. 

“What- what would you like me to tell the Mayor’s office?”��

Anakin has gone as a bachelor to the last two Christmas Galas. Ben stays close to Satine the whole night and he really doesn’t see the point in asking a woman he has no interest in to be his date. Plus, going alone lets him leave the party with whomever he wants or to call it a night and go home early to watch ELF and drink peppermint cocoa with his kids. 

“Have them put me down for 2.” 

You nod whilst making another note on the pad. “And what about your son’s pants?” 

“Did they say where he ripped them?” 

“Right down the middle,” you answer. 

Anakin shakes his head. “Oh, Luke,” he mutters to himself. “Alright, I’ll go home and get him a new pair.” 

“Icandoit,” rushes out of your mouth. 

“What?” 

“Sorry, my mouth moved faster than my brain,” you reply, hoping Anakin will find it endearing instead of annoying. “I said I can do it. I don’t mind. It’s my job, isn’t it?” 

Anakin opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything. Yes, technically it’s your job to do this sort of errand. But Anakin doesn’t want you going to his house alone, sifting through his son’s drawers, and bringing him new pants to his school. 

Primarily because he’d much rather you be in his home under different circumstances. 

“We’ll go together,” Anakin decides against his better judgment. “I’ll drive.”

.

.

.

So, Anakin definitely didn’t think things through when he said he’d drive. 

In what world did he think sharing a close, confined space with you was a good idea? This whole morning has been a cluster-fuck. Honestly. He’s still struggling to wrap his head around who you are. When you announced Squirting for Sky was going to be your last video, he thought what a devastation it would be to not look forward to your videos every week. Who would’ve thought you’d be the one replacing his dear old assistant the very next week? The odds of it all are overwhelming. 

But isn’t this what he’s always wanted? The opportunity to meet you? To know your name and know you personally? Every wish of his has been granted— except for the fact that he is your boss and you are technically his subordinate. He says technically because Dorothy always felt more like family than an employee. 

You could be family. 

You could be so much more than his assistant.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Anakin. Be reasonable. She’s your employee. She’s practically a kid. 

Anakin looks over to you for the first time since getting in the car. You’re pressed against the side of the passenger door, knees angled away from him and arms crossed over your chest. “Are you cold?” 

“Oh,” you say, looking at him with a tentative smile. “A little.” 

“You should’ve said so,” Anakin turns on the heater and your seat warmer. “My kids call seat warmers butt toasters. Let me know if your butt gets too toasty.” 

You have to bite your lip to keep from laughing. 

There’s an awkward pause as Anakin realizes what he just said. He absolutely cannot think about your butt any longer than he has to because we all know how that will end.

 (A hard cock, in case that wasn’t clear). 

 “I mean, uh- shit,” Anakin briefly closes his eyes to compose himself. Let me know if your butt gets too toasty? 

“Just turn it off yourself if you get too warm.” 

Do you make him nervous? No way. You decide to let it go. “Kids? Plural?” 

“Yeah.” Anakin drapes his right arm over the center console and taps his fingers against the gear shift. Long, dexterous fingers at that. You have to look away before you start thinking about something completely inappropriate of your boss. “I have twins. A boy and a girl. Luke, he’s the silly one. Right now he’s big into archeology. He’s also pretty clumsy, hence the rip in his pants. And Leia, my daughter, she’s far too serious for any 9 year old to be. She says she wants to be a senator when she grows up.” 

This is the longest you’ve been able to look at Anakin without feeling your cheeks burning. Now, they’re just hot because of the heater blasting in your face. “You light up when you talk about them,” you say. “You must love them a lot.” 

“More than anything,” Anakin doesn’t hesitate. “Here we are.” 

You should’ve been paying attention on how to get to his house from the office. Surely, you’ll be running these errands on your own if things go well with your employment. Oh, well. That’s what the Maps is for. 

Anakin’s house is a stunning Eichler. It looks straight out of an Architectural Digest cover. The lawn outside is perfectly cropped and perfectly green but littered with a soccer ball, football, a baseball bat and whiffle balls. You wouldn’t have pegged Anakin for a mid-century modern kind of guy. You would’ve thought he’d opt for an insanely modern, sterile house. 

As you walk through the atrium and into the main body of the house, it’s clear it is a family home. Anakin uses his foot to sweep his kids’ shoes out of the way so you don’t trip over them. “Sorry about the mess.” 

“It’s okay,” you shrug. Anakin’s house isn’t even all that messy. It just looks like a home. There are so many pictures on the walls, it would be impossible to look at all of them in one go. One in particular, though, catches your eye. It’s the largest out of all of them and the only one in black and white. A significantly younger Anakin is at the bedside of who you presume to be his wife with two bundles of babies in their arms. They are both looking down and smiling. His wife was stunning. They definitely made an attractive couple. 

It’s not lost on you that there are no other pictures of Anakin’s kids with their mom. He’s only spoken about his wife’s death in one interview, about a year after her passing. If you remember correctly, she died shortly after the twins were born. 

You can’t imagine the kind of pain and heartache Anakin must have felt losing his wife. You don’t know what it feels like to experience that kind of grief. You want to tell Anakin you’re sorry for his loss, but what good will that do? Is there any consolation in that at all? 

You’re still looking at the photo when Anakin returns from Luke’s room with a new pair of tan pants. You can feel his presence right beside you and the silence is louder than words. 

He shouldn’t have brought you back here. It’s only your first day and you’ve already seen too much of his life. 

“Let’s go,” Anakin orders. You nod without a word and follow him out to the car. 

The tension in the air is palpable on your way to St. Lucas Prep. You feel like you’ve done something wrong by simply stepping foot in Anakin’s house. His whole demeanor shifted when he came back to the front room with Luke’s pants. Does he regret bringing you to the house? If so, why? Dorothy clearly laid out your responsibilities to you. Tending to personal matters at Anakin’s house is part of the job. You are not just a professional assistant, but a personal assistant, too.

You can’t stand not knowing why someone is upset with you. “Did I do something wrong?” 

Anakin’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. “No.” 

Wow, how reassuring. “Okay, then why do I feel like I did something to upset you?” 

You’re really pressing your limit with him right now. You’ve only just met 2 hours ago. See, this is why meeting him should’ve been part of the hiring process. You’d be a lot more acquainted with each other than you are right now. 

If only you knew how acquainted Anakin is with you… 

“You didn’t,” is all he says. But with a twitch of his jaw, you still feel like he’s not telling you the truth. 

“Look, Mr. Skywalker,” you begin. “I understand Dorothy meant a great deal to you, and her leaving is going to be an adjustment. But I promise you I am capable of this job. I’m never late, I’m up late all the time so if there was anything you needed, I’d be able to fulfill it. I love kids, I’m a hard worker and I would really appreciate it if you gave me a chance before making any decisions about me.” 

“You’re right,” Anakin says. “I’ll give you a chance.”  But he’s already made up his mind. He doesn’t have to ‘give you a chance’ to know that he wants you. He is crawling out of his skin with how badly he wants you. And he knows it’s wrong, probably immoral, but he really doesn’t care. Because now that you’ve been inside of his home, the boundary that should exist between him as your boss and you as his employee feels impossibly blurry.

◂ series masterlist ▸ chapter three

[sweetadonisbutbetter]

Could you maybe do a child reader x Ozzie and fizzy? The details are up to you, I just want them to be my dads! Thanks❤️

AWE OMG ☹️☹️☹️☹️ MY FIRST OZZIE AND FIZZ ASK BLOWS UP (i love them a normal amount) YES!!! This will be more in a headcanon bc I have so many thoughts and if this was a fic i think i would spend a year on it LMFAOO- Reader will be around 11-13! Slightly older kid but still a kid at the end of the day!! Also because my tiktok feed is filled with lamb girl reader will also be a lambkin!! A good portion of the beginning is me explaining the lamb demon premise lol

To be love is to be changed | Fizzmodeus x Child! GN! Reader

Relationship: Familial Warnings: None!! Pretty fluffy!!

You weren’t the typical demon, looking more like the sheep in the overworld than any demon in hell. 

Soft fluffy wool covered your body, save for your face. Your rounded snout and big eyes with semi-long lashes differed from the other hellborn children. Black hooved for feet and hands, making it slightly inconvenient to do day-to-day tasks, however, your kin adapted. Visibly the image or purity in a place of debauchery. Seemingly the only speck of light in a place that was consumed with darkness.

Fizz was the one who found you in the greed ring, taking you in after seeing you steal from a Shark Demon. He liked the balls you had to do that (and was insanely worried that something would happen to you if you got caught.)

Since Fizz welcomed you with open arms, and you weren’t that much of a threat (you are literally a child lol), Asmodeus opened you with even wider arms.

Ozze is the mom while Fizz is the dad. Nothing you can say will change my mind on that.

While Fizz does fret over you, it is nothing compared to Ozzie. If Ozzie is at work and gets pulled aside to be told that you hurt yourself or are sick, he will cancel his show and head home immediately.

While Ozzie is a worryrat, he isn’t a helicopter parent. He actually believes that you need your independence, especially since you aren’t that young. However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the hell version of Life 360. He tracks your ass so much that if he gets the low battery notif, he is calling you to tell you to charge your phone. 

Fizz on the other hand is more of the chaotic parent. As in you both are banned from the kitchen, both separately and alone. To make a long story short, it started with the fork on fire and escalated to the hallway mat being singed. If you look under the replacement mat, you can still see the scorched marks of soot that were just too hard to get out. But that doesn’t mean Fizz can’t be stern with you. If anything, you prefer it when Ozzie is stern, since it is a little eerie to you when his smile isn’t there. 

Do not be fooled, while they will give you some of the things you want. you will not be spoiled insanely. You still have to pick up around your room (they told the staff not to clean your room), and in turn, you get an allowance so you can buy the things you want. 

If you try to hustle them and tell them that the other hasn’t paid you to get double the amount, literally do not get caught. They won’t pay you for your next allowance LMFAO.

In the beginning, you only called them Fizz and Ozzie, which they respected. It made sense in their heads since they weren’t really your dads, and they kinda just picked you off the streets. However when you got comfortable enough to refer to them as your dads? They were over the moon and cried to each other. 

How you approached the topic with them was by having them sit down in the living room with you.

Ozzie and Fizz were sitting down on the couch as you paced the floor. You had invited them to the living room stating that you needed to talk and asked them to sit. Albeit they were very confused as to what you needed to talk about, and seeing the worry on your face, didn’t really help with the nerves. They were holding one another’s hand as a comfort. There was a brief moment where you stopped and looked at them, before turning and beginning to pace again. Fizz and Ozzie looked at one another, asking if the other knew what was going on and denying it.

“Uhh…Kid?” Fizz starts after a bit, looking back at Ozzie for a moment before he looks back at your pacing figure. “Is everything alright?”

Instead of answering, you stopped and looked at the two of them. You left the room, furthering their confusion. It didn’t take long for you to come back with a laptop, the same one they had gifted you after a month of your stay. You connected it to the TV and put on display a PowerPoint.

“REASONS AS TO WHY YOU SHOULD ADOPT ME AND LET ME CALL YOU MY DADS.”

You had made a PowerPoint to talk to them and ask them if it was okay if you could call them dad

In said PowerPoint, you gave all the reasons (most of which said that you were awesome) and benefits of adopting you (benefits were that they get a cool kid in turn). You also went over the possible dad name variations for them and the reasons behind them. You even gave the origins of the names which amused Fizz to no end.

To make a long teary heartfelt story short, they adopted you. 

However, they had to do so in a way that didn’t get the media’s attention. Just because they were celebrities and figureheads, doesn’t mean they want you in the spotlight. Rather they agreed to wait until you were either close to being or were an adult to even announce that you were their kid (if you wanted to).

This also means that if you wanted to go out, you couldn’t go out with either of them, since the media knows that they were together, it wasn’t too far out of the picture for them to have a kid. This also extends to you not going to hospitals, rather they get a physician to come to their place and check on your health. It is this whole thing where they have a security check the doctor for any decisions or any stuff that could record your existence. (Said physician is threatened that if anything about you was leaked, they would hunt him down personally.) So sadly not a lot of days out together, however, they make up for it with at-home movie nights, game nights, and even sleepovers.

Very keen on your privacy, both in the public and at home. They always knock and make sure to not do anything to cross any of your boundaries. 

Ozzie has to be careful not to talk about too much of his work around you. You may not be a little kid, but you are still a kid and he believes that no kid should be exposed to his field so early in their life. Fizz is also careful not to talk about Ozzie’s work and doesn’t go too in-depth about Mammon’s treatment around you. 

If you are prone to nightmares, they will both personally comfort you. Even if you feel silly about it, since in your tween mind, you are too old to have your dads wait for you to fall asleep because you were too scared, they don’t mind. They will drop whatever they are holding if it means making you comfortable. 

Overall very lovely parents, and they love you dearly. With you in their lives, they feel that they have changed for the better and they cannot imagine their lives without you. Seeing you as their shining light, as they continue to raise you, they hope that your bright light never diminishes.

omg dude i rewrote this so mant times because the first attempts were kinda depressing bawling NAYWAYS IM SO HAPPY WITH HOW THIS CAME OUT AND HOPE U GUYS ENJOYED HEHE

[brat-pack-it-up-boys]

My take on Dallas’s backstory

Warning: yap session and different opinions

• His mom and dad are separated, his mom left when he was around 4-5, and yes, she did give him his necklace

• This one’s controversial and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it be before, brace yourself everyone, but… Dallas Winston had a loving father (is shot dead behind a Denny’s)

• Listen I’m not saying he was the best dad but he tried, just some people aren’t meant to raise kids

• His dad’s also a cop

• He also had a big brother, 4 years older than him and his name is definitely something like Houston, Austin, Smokey, or rodey(short for rodeo)

• He was always the trouble maker, the fun loving, wild kid who would do things just to mess with his police officer dad

• Dally was the little kid who took himself to seriously, always wanted to be just like his big brother

• Then one day, they’re living in New York, dal’s 11, his brothers 15, dally’s brother lets him tag along, it’s nothing big, it’s not even a rumble, just a dumb fight

• Someone calls the cops and all the kids fighting scatter, running away from the police doesn’t help anyone’s case, and there’s a shot and dally’s brother just drops (Winston boys when being shot by the police)

• Dal’s 11, he’s a kid, his brother was just killed in front of him so of course when one of the cops runs over to check everything out, he resists, he sees the cops face, the one who shot his big brother, dally freezes, the cop freezes too, it’s his dad

• Nothings ever the same in the family, Dallas is different, angry, angrier than any child his age should be, his dad’s trying to fix everything, put it back together but he just can’t

• It’s a few months later when he requests to be transferred somewhere, anywhere away from New York, he can’t be where he killed his son

• They end up heading to Kansas, dal gets out of the car at a gas station and books it, he eventually ends up in Tulsa, meets buck who definitely doesn’t remind him of his brother and just sticks

@stew-magnetos-version (because he asked)

[buckrecs]

2023 𝙗𝙪𝙘𝙠𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙘 𝙧𝙚𝙘 1

masterlist | ✨- fav fics | status - complete

All of them are COMPLETE Series.

1. hurts like hell by @extremelyblackandwhite

Bucky x Maximoff!Reader

she loses him at the battle of wakanda and grows into a morally grey witch trying to gain him back.

2. Broken by @soulgazingwithbucky

Bucky x Reader

You built the bridge between you and Bucky Barnes, but he only knows how to watch things burn.

3. Blood Petals by @picassho-18

Mob!Bucky x Assassin!Reader

When the famous death hungry assassin, the Blood Mistress, and the charismatic mob boss of Brooklyn city, James Barnes meet, heads will most definitely roll.

4. It’s A Match by @ofstarsandvibranium

Chubby!Bucky x Reader

You’re back home for Spring Break and you’re swiping through Tinder in the middle of the night. You come across the profile of your high school history teacher that you may or may not have had a slight crush on. Throwing impulse control out the window, you swipe right. Lo and behold, you’re shocked to find that you matched.

5. Ruin by @sinner-as-saint

Mob!Bucky x Reader

You work at a café owned by your family, close to your uni. And most of your days are pretty laid back and calm, but that is until you catch the eye of the mob boss. Your cute skirts and soft sweaters make him weak. Your innocence captivates him. And he wants you, badly. He wants you in his bed, wants his hand under those cute little skirts… he wants to ruin you. 

6. A Taste for Older Men by @seventven

DBF!Bucky x Reader

y/n is moving back in with her parents after breaking up with her college boyfriend. due to an emergency at work, y/n’s dad is unable to pick her up and sends his friend bucky in his stead. to bucky’s surprise, y/n is no longer the innocent girl he remembers from years back.

7. Always by @jadedvibes

Best Friend!Bucky x Reader

Bucky realizes he's in love with you right before graduation, but you accepted a job offer across the country. Fortunately, nothing, not even distance can hinder the way you feel about one another.

8. Running From the Past by @green-eyeddragonfanfiction

Bucky x Mutant!Reader

Reader is a mutant who was experimented on by HYDRA. Due to her unique powers, she escapes without being seen when the Avengers attack the Hydra compound she’s been kept in for the last 5 years of her life. Her mutations and Hydra experiments allow her to blend in with her surroundings and change her appearance in minor ways, though the changes are only temporary. She’s now on the run, avoiding both Hydra and SHIELD.

9. Operation: Faking It…? by @povlvr

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Surely faking a relationship to improve the public opinion of one beefy super solider known as Bucky Barnes would be the easiest of mission for two well seasoned Avengers? Tony Stark seems to think so & decides to task you with 'Operation: Faking it', but what happens when you realise there might be less faking needed than originally planned?

10. Misconceptions by @firefly-in-darkness

Bucky x Reader

Bucky Barnes overhears a conversation that he shouldn’t have…

11. Bucky & the Beast by @thejamesoldier

Assistant!Bucky x Boss!Reader

“You were an asshole back in high school but now you’re my boss.”

12. Buckyvision by @fictionalmemories ✨

Bucky x Reader

While fighting Wanda with you, Bucky gets hit with her power and wakes up to a reality that’s not his own.

13. Best. Date. Ever | Best. Proposal. Ever by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Bucky x Reader

This wasn’t quite what you had in mind.

14. Just Like You by @ladyfallonavenger

Dad!Bucky x Mom!Reader

The Reader loses Bucky in the snap and life presents a whole new challenge.

15. Heart of Steal by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Knight!Bucky x Princess!Reader

Sir James is known throughout the lands as the most fearsome and honorable warrior. Ballads have been written about him. Men fear him. He is the most trusted knight of the King Henry. So why has he given up the glories of war and pledged his loyalty to Princess Y/N? 

16. will you love me tomorrow? by @buckys-darling

Bucky x Reader

You and Bucky are friends who fuck and nothing more. That’s what you’ll keep telling yourself, at least.

17. I Needed You by @ofheroesandvillains ✨

Bucky x Reader

Reader tries to make sense of her feelings, it doesn’t really go too well, especially when Bucky already has a girl. 

18. sweet by @noceurous

FWB!Bucky x Reader

it was something cliche but your fuck buddy fell for you nonetheless, even though you swore you would never do relationships again. But rules are meant to be broken.

19. Hope Of It All by @bethdutten ✨

Bucky x Avenger!Reader

set between WS and CW; after saving Steve and breaking from Hydra, Bucky remembers you from the helicarrier. He doesn’t know where else to go.

20. Season Of The Witch by @msmarvelwrites

Bucky x Enhanced!Reader

Your witchy abilities get you in quite a bit of trouble from time to time… But this time you don’t mind so much. 

21. The Last Word by @thefallenbibliophilequote

Bucky x Reader

you and Bucky never get along, it’s not that you hate him- it’s just that he always finds ways to get on your nerves. You’ve had enough of it.

22. Super Mom by @marvelous-imagining

Bucky x Single Mom!Reader

23. Take Me Out by @shamevillain

Assassin!Bucky x Assassin!Reader

You and Bucky are both professionally trained assassins. Both contracted to kill the other. Both completely unaware.

24. Like I Want You by @tmpestuous

College!Bucky x Reader

you and bucky have been best friends your entire life and it’s never been anything but platonic. so why do things get so bad when he gets a new girlfriend?

25. Overthinking by @galaxy-siren

Bucky x Assistant!Reader

Tony and Bruce’s lab assistant, Y/N, is harboring feelings for Bucky. When she accidentally texts him that he’s cute, she overthinks the whole situation. It might just take the meddling of the other Avengers to work this out.

26. So This Is Love by @ofstarsandvibranium

Chubby!College!Bucky x Reader

friend and roommate, Bucky, is a bit of an annoying fuckboy. He sleeps around as well as tries to be as annoying to you as possible. But here’s the thing: you don’t mind any of it.

27. Some Alpha by @/ofstarsandvibranium

Alpha!Bucky x Reader

Bucky is an Alpha, but can never seem to find someone who wants him to be their Alpha. Until he finds you, a Beta, who’s as firey as an Alpha, yet also tender-hearted like an Omega.

28. The Favors by @bbyboybucket

Virgin!Bucky x Reader

Reader assumes that Bucky is experienced due to him being a ladies man in the 40s, however, she finds out that he’s never been touched and decides to help him out.

29. take my breath away by @buckycuddlebuddy ✨

Dilf!Neighbor!Pornstar!Bucky x Reader

who knew that your silent, very good-looking neighbor with the cutest kid was such a devil under his grumpy and quiet behavior... 

30. Capital Letters by @sinner-as-saint

Writer!Bucky x Assistant!Reader

James Buchanan Barnes, one of the best, most admired and affluent authors of your time turns out to be nothing but a heartless man... or so you thought. 

[goat-guy-tm]

Mouthwashing headcanons that I cannot get out of my head;

Organized by character cause I'm normal

Jimmy is at the very bottom so you can skip him if you want.

This bitch is long and took me like two hours to write I wanna lay down...

Curly:

Bisexual Trans man because honestly he has a bit of t-boy swag

For some reason I have convinced myself he's 37. IDK why.

Comes from a pretty big family. He's the second eldest of 8 kids, his older sister is technically only a half sister but still.

He has two moms and one abusive/dead beat dad. Idk I can't explain it I just feel it in my brain that he's got two moms.

He's a mama's boy but in like a good way, not a weaponized incompetence way.

He's technically a nepo baby. His grandfather on his bio-mom's side is a director/board member of Pony Express, thus why Jimmy constantly talks about him "getting his life handed to him on a silver platter". His grandfather actually had nothing to do with him getting the job, as he has a different last name and no one actually realized they were related for a WHILE. He is the reason Curly dreamed of being a space-crafy poilt though.

He smokes cigarettes often. When he gets stressed he smokes a lot more, but he's in denial that it's a problem. Jimmy got him into smoking in the first place, peer preassuring him into it. Jimmy now conviently always seems to have packs of cigarettes on him during hauls when Curly never brings them, specially for when Curly gets stressed. (Not in like a gay way, in like a manipulative way to keep him subconsciously needing Jimmy in some way)

He is surprisingly strict when it comes to "no fraternizing with subordinates". He likes to keep his work and personal life seperate, and especially to not allow any feelings to be developed for any of his crew mates.

His first name is Grant, he was named after his father and eventually grew to hate his first name because of how horrible his father was, but he keeps his first name because his mom likes it on him, it helps her connect better memories to that name instead of the horrible ones his father gave her.

Jimmy was his only friend for a while, which is why he is so die hard about wanting to believe Jimmy is a good guy, plus Jimmy manipulating him for so long to believe Jimmy was the victim of a lot of stuff.

He is a fucking mountain of a man when it comes to muscles. Bro is buff as fuck and scary when he wants to be.

He's been the captain of the Tuplar since he became a captain (roughly 11 years). That ship is his baby.

Anya:

She's omni, if you asked her to really identify her sexuality she would say it's complicated, but she just says she's bisexual.

I feel like she's in her early/mid 30's for some reason? Like 33 at the time of the game. I know realistically she could more so be like, 26-28 (assuming she tried getting into med school the SECOND she was graduating high school)

She's been part of the Tuplar's crew for roughly 4 years, she was transferred to them after getting the medical certification from Pony Express to be an on-board nurse. Before that she had worked with another crew for a while.

She also smokes cigarettes. Significantly less than Curly does, but she still does from time to time. She started after her 4th try into med school, where she then got extremely drunk to cope with failing again, and had drunkenly bought a pack of cigs. She eventually regretted it, but was also in such a low point mentally that she thought "why the hell not" and started smoking regularly. Eventually she smoked more when stressed, which was when she was studying or getting ready for an exam of some kind. Because of this her regular smoking went to her smoking a fuck ton before and after stressful events (mostly tests) because her body has subconsciously attached to that helping her study.

She is an only child. Her mother died when she was a teen, which eventually led to her and her father having an estranged relationship. After her mother's death, her father went into an almost debilitating depressive state, becoming an extreme workaholic and albeit unintentionally neglecting Anya during her teen years. Now-a-days they are doing much better and are trying to reconnect with each other. Her father adores her and becomes devastated when news of her death on the Tuplar eventually reached him.

While Anya is not shy in any way, she is commonly seen as so simply because she keeps to herself a lot.

She worries quite a lot about money since her family didn't make a lot in the first place, and her mother was a big financial gash on them, which led to pretty extreme finance anxiety.

She's actually a big horror fan, especially horror books and often gets a bit too into them and feels like she's being weird about them, but no, she just really likes them.

Her intrest in phycology is spurred on by this, as reading phycology books makes her start to wonder about villian's reasonings. Jimmy would have been an interesting case for her if he hadn't been who he was.

If asked about any of her interests she will start to excitingly info dump, only to get embarrassed and stop, and refusing to continue when told it's fine.

Caffeine addict. She gets ungodly amounts of extra esspresso in any coffee she drinks.

She would read Warrior Cats.

Daisuke:

Pansexual trans guy. You see that Hawaiian shirt? That's peak t-boy swag right there. Lost his mind when he learned Curly was trans too.

Most likely either 20 or 21, making him the baby of the crew. Swansea balks at him every time Daisuke mentions it cause he's the same age as Swansea's kids.

He is autistic, one of the biggest reasons he has trouble figuring out what he wants to do with his life as he physically is not capable of imagining what his life will be like a few months from the present.

He would have been a DeviantArt kid, and an Animal Jam kid.

He gave the whole crew fursonas within the first week of working there. He also gave them ponysonas, but then he threw away Jimmy's after hearing what he said about Polle.

I feel like he has an affinity for small bugs. He loves saving them from being stuck in rooms, and get actually really angry when someone kills one for no reason. He snapped at Jimmy once for smushing an ant that had somehow gotten onto the ship. Reasonably there was no way to save it but Daisuke was still pissed about it.

He has a pretty strained relationship with his mother, even though he is still actively trying to gain her approval. His dad is pretty removed from his life, his dad is there, but anytime Daisuke asks his dad to stand up for him or anything his dad just shrugs and tells him to just talk it out with his mom. His mom doesn't want to talk it out. That's why he tries to get Swansea's approval, and especially feels bad when he gets injured in the vents Swansea specifically told him not to touch. (His cousins are the ones to hold the funeral for him, his mother says she wishes he would have at least done something productive before dying like that. [she's half an asshole, half going through immense guilt])

He is an only child. He had always wanted to be a big brother, and had asked for a little sibling so many times but his parents kept refusing, eventually he stopped asking but he still wished he could have been an older brother.

He has a really weird addiction to root beer.

I can't explain it but I feel like he'd be a big SCP Foundation nerd.

Swansea:

CisHet ally. Everyone is scared he is homophobic when they first meet him, but he knew his kids were gay before they did.

He was a veteran. Ended up getting medically discharged which was one of the things leading him into his alcoholic days.

He has three kids; two daughters and one son.

He has been working on the Tuplar almost as long as Curly. He joined the original original crew about 5 years into Curly being captain.

If Curly wasn't the only one allowed to use the food synthesizer and if they had actual food on the ship he would have been cooking meals for the crew every night to feel like he was at home again.

He pretends to hate it, but his music taste is 90% white girl pop. He also listens to like metal and rock, but still.

A girl dad through and through. His daughters are the world to him. Extra why he was so pissed and passive aggressive with Jimmy after Anya told him what he did to her.

Had a punk 'phase' during his teens. Still punk in beliefs, just not apparencies.

He's one of those old Brexit geezer types.

He and Curly keep betting on football (soccer) whenever not on hauls. Spoiler; Curly keeps losing.

His family and Curly's are actually surprisingly close. Whenever their respective family members are off on hauls during the holidays the two families spend them together.

I like to imagine his wife's name is Ophelia. I can't explain why, I just feel like she has some ethereal real pretty name.

His wife and Curly's moms have girls nights every week. Eventually Anya got roped into them when the ladies learned of her (to Curly's dismay).

He won't admit it, but he acted like a dad even before Daisuke joined the crew. He found himself often looking out for Curly when he thought the younger wasn't taking care of himself.

He has hand made bracelets from all his kids in his dorm. He hides them to keep up the tough guy act.

Jimmy: (cw; mentions of obsession, codependency and referenced suicide)

He thought he was bisexual, but it actually is just a really bad obsession with Curly. Otherwise I chose not to think about his sexuality.

He is the same age as Curly, 37, but maybe a few months younger than him (which is another thing he holds against Curly for some reason).

He joined the Tuplar crew a few years before Anya did, but wasn't promoted to co-pilot until the year Anya joined the crew.

He unironically uses Reddit and 4chan

One of his only hobbies includes doxing kids online.

He is like, the worst kind of brony you could have the misfortune of meeting.

He is an orphan and has been since his pre-teen years. It's what left him with nothing and did horrible things to his mental perception of his life.

He met Curly when they were both about high school age. He instantly became attached to him and would get extremely jealous when Curly would seem to have any other friends beside him.

Because of this he became very manipulative to Curly, constantly playing the victim card and then acting like Curly not believing him meant Curly hated him. This got to Curly pretty bad, and is one of the only reasons they stayed friends for so long.

The only reason he got into weight lifting is because he knew Curly worked out regularly, but it never really entertained him so he barley did it.

He thought he held power over Curly, unbeknownst to him he had actually made himself quite co-dependent on him.

The only reason he started working for Pony Express was because Curly had. He became quite angry though when they were not originally put onto the same crew, and weren't until Curly was promoted to a captain and given his own ship.

This is when he started the "Curly gets whatever he wants and was handed his life" thought, trying to find any way to reason why Curly was promoted so young and fast but he wasn't.

Even with his obsession with Curly, he doesn't spend a lot of time with him outside of hauls. His feelings would filp flop between obsession and disgust towards him. It doesn't help that Curly's family doesn't like him anymore.

He calls Curly 'Grant' because he knows Curly hates it and only ever does it to piss him off and then call him an asshole for getting mad at him, cause they are supposed to be friends, aren't they?

In his mind, if he isn't in some way better than Curly then he is nothing.

It wouldn't be till before he takes his own life that he realizes Curly is his life and has been since they were teens, and that without Curly he felt like he was nothing.

[awesomedurraworld]

some of my Fullmetal alchemist headcanons: Elric Brothers edition

Edward experienced favoritism in his childhood, he was often met with the lines that he is the older brother and wasn't allowed to act in the same way Alphonse did. Which led him to act out most of the time.

Trisha’s main caregiver was Edward, since the Rockbells couldn't help her full time and Hoho wasn't there. Edward learned everything that his mother did in order to run the house while she was bonded to the bed.

Ed blames himself for Trisha’s death because he fell ill with a cold two weeks before her death. She pushed herself to take care of him and that made her body weaker which lead her to pass away.

Because of that Alphonse when he gets angry, he screams that their mom’s death wasn't their father’s fault but Ed’s

Yuri Rockbell was the closest one to the boys after their mother’s death, he took it upon himself to make sure that they were taken care of and had enough money and all their living needs, he also made sure to spend time with them every day.

After Yuri’s death, Edward and Alphonse were alone, they didn't have enough money to pay for bills and electricity or buy food which lead them to steal sometimes.

When they got caught, Edward will always take the blame, which left the whole village to say that Edward was a brat and a bad boy while Alphonse was the total opposite.

When families from cities come to look for orphans to adopt, and they visit Resembool where all the orphans will line up hoping that they get adopted- the Elric brothers were never wanted- sometimes families choose Al who refuses to go without his brother.

Edward and Al, although close to their granny, she abused them mentally, and sometimes on occasion, physically. They didn't know that was abuse until after they started to work under Mustang.

Alphonse finished only 3ed grade ( while Ed first grade since he dropped out to help his mom.) before they went to study under Izumi for a year before they were kicked out from her home and they made their way back to Resembool.

They tried to bring their mom at ages 10 and 9 ( instead of 10 and 11.) and of course that failed. They ended up living with the Rockbells for 6 months before Major Mustang found them.

Edward joined the military before he turned 12. He was 11 and some and his first birthday after he joined was the 12th.

Both brothers idolized the Colonel, subconsciously or consciously. Since he was their legal guardian, Edward’s commander and the adult who was stable in their life, it just seemed to fit.

Edward is short because as a child he didn't get to eat well, therefor his body did not grow well- unlike Al who ate his meal and Ed’s ( Ed used to give him his meals because let's face it, Ed is dumb like that.) he dislikes being called “ small.” because his mom used to nickname him her small man. So when people make fun of his height, they make fun of his mother’s nickname.

Edward’s harsh, angry, loud and impolite personality comes from two points, the first being not having guides growing up. Maybe Al is considered more polite but really, Ed raised Al while raising himself. Al is just sweeter and is shy and he doesn't put the angry mask on like Ed. And the only reason Ed does have it on is to protect himself and his little brother.

Al calling Ed “ big brother.” or “ brother” more than by his first name because Al sees Ed as an adult if that makes sense? Those names are titles, just like when he called Trisha “mom” that is her title. Ed’s title is “ brother.” because Al can't call him mom or dad so he just sticks to their relation.

Ed’s red jacket was inspired by the colonel’s black one. We see Ed coming to the state exam and receiving his watch while he wears all black- I bet He saw Colonel looking cool with the black coat and since he doesn't want anyone to think he is copying his CO, he went with the red jacket instead.

At the start of his millitry career, Ed refused to sleep and eat to the point he developed disorders. He genuinely thought he deserved to live the same way Al was living- Thankfully he had the whole team Mustang catching him and helping him get better and receive help.

Speaking of team Mustang, they are all just a family to each other, and that includes the Elrics! The boys viewed the men ( Jean, Haymans, Vato, and Maes.) as their uncles, since they acted like ones and it just felt right thinking about them as If they were uncles. Kain being younger and closer to their age, Ed and Al saw an older brother in him. Riza took a longer time for them to see her role in their life, before it dawned on them after a couple of years how much motherly she is towards them, it wasn't the same way as Trisha or Izumi, but Riza was their mom too. As for Roy he was the father they needed but had the hardest time admitting that since the word “ Father and Dad” meant HoHo. Eventually tho, both brothers found happiness in these titles.

Ed’s foodie personality continued even after the promised day. Starving for days as a child made His body always wanting to eat more than a normal person's because it is scared it will go through starvation again.

Sure Ed and Al are close but you bet they still fight like normal siblings on normal things- like who get to sit in the shotgun seat or the upper bunk in the bed or gets to do that one chore.

Ed grew his hair as a promise to Al. He burned the house as a promise as well. The house one so he won't quit and go home and the hair as a reminder, he will not cut it until Al can cut his hair too. So that day when Al got his hair cut after PD, and Edward got one too.

Ed and Al went back to Resembool. They both took a year break before Ed joined the military again as a research state alchemist after Roy was able to pull a few strings, that way Ed could research alchemy and get well paid in order to get Al into a university.

When Roy knew that was Ed’s goal, he surprised him with the fact that he will pay for both of their educations. Saying that “ both of my kids deserve the best education. You did plenty for your bother, let me now carry that burden.”

Alphonse stuided Biochemistry and then traveled to Xing, to learn Alkheasty.

Edward studied physics and engineering ( double majoring!!) he started playing with the idea If humans could fly using vechails ( I like to think he started sketching airplane.) After he finished his studies and traveled around for few months, he proposed to Winry.

Alphonse and Mai decided that they will play as the aunt and uncle in the family as they weren't ready to be parents yet with their lifestyles.

Edward and Winry had 6 kids and Ed was a stay at home dad while Win countined her ever-growing business.

Roy adopted the Elrics, but no one really mentions that. It was after the PD, as a promise that he will still take care of them and look after them even when they left the army, and that they will always have a place with him- all the good parental things.

Ed’s kids are named after important people or things in life. Like his oldest, a boy is named Yuri Roy Elric, honoring both of Win and Ed’s dads. And so on with the rest of their children.

Alphonse gave his gate to Ed as a birthday gift, since he stopped using it and just saw it a fitting after everything Ed did to him.

Edward when he shared that with Roy and how he has his alchemy back, he became a soilder again, “ Colonel Elric.” and became Roy’s bodyguard ( since Hawkeye and him got married.) and Roy’s secret weapon. No one knowss that Ed has his alchemy again so he always took his enemies by shock.

Alphonse lives in Xing and is a honorable member of the royal family.

Ed opened the gate and exchanged his automail leg with his arm. It was painful getting a new port, but for his new bodyguard gig, it seemed like the best choice, since his arm is his weapon.

[muclunga]

My theory/head-canon on how old Abed is

(Wasnt sure whether to label as head-canon or theory due to how this is mostly just a bunch of coincidences, in this essay i will-)

I believe his birthday is March 24th 1987, making him 22 years old at the beginning of season one.

Facts-

1. His birthday is March 24

2. Season one takes place in the fall of 2009

3. He had to help his dad in their falafel restaurant because post 9/11 racial-profiling was destroying the business

4. He grew up watching the 1964 Rankin Bass movie Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer every Christmas

5. Abed is older than Troy

6. Abed is younger than Britta

7. Dan Harmon, in the behind the scenes for the episode G.I. Jeff, cited Abed as being “too young” for the G.I. Joe episode to be centered around him

Why these matter-

1. See #4

2. See #5

3. Abed would’ve been 14 at the time, making him the youngest possible age he could legally work in a restaurant

4. Rankin Bass Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’s first, and earliest, home media release was on VHS in 1989. This would’ve made him two years old, closer to three years old by Christmas of ‘89, a very formative age and good time to start a tradition. One could argue that he and his mom watched it when it aired on tv but we see at the end of Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas that they are watching it on a VCR. It doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch as we see multiple times in the series that Abed has an extensive dvd/vhs collection

5. In Mixology Certification, Abed’s ID and being legally able to drink are not considered an issue, unlike Annie. He is seen legally drinking (presumably) in Communication Studies, making him at least 21. In the same episode, Jeff references the fact that Abed apparently doesn’t drink. This makes it sound that he can, but just choses not to.

6. Amongst other instances, in Investigative Journalism, Britta says “Vacations are wasted on the young” while referring to Troy and Abed.

7. In this Interview/Behind the scenes, Dan Harmon talks about how the plot came to be, “‘This must have something to do with Abed’s psychosis, why is Abed seeing things as 80’s G.I. Joe? Why would he do that? He’s a young fella.’ And that conversation led to ‘Why are we asking about Abed?’.” G.I Joe ran from September 12, 1983 –November 20, 1986. I personally don’t believe this rules out that he wasn’t born yet or that he never watched it, it’s more so Dan Harmon and the other writers being so adamant that this was before Abed’s time, to the point where they opted for Jeff instead, that makes it seem worth noting.

Anyway. That’s it. Just thought it was neat. But hey, that’s just a theory, a fILM THEO- *gunned down by firing squad*

[tethrras]

OK EVERYONE here is my CHESSA LORE so far

under the cut :)

her dad was a lowly goon in the cadash crime family hierarchy and he died shortly after she and her siblings were born in 9:11 Dragon - the cadashes decided they did not need to take care of 4 freeloaders and sent them on their way

their mom decided to go to ferelden, thinking they would need workers to help after the orlesian-ferelden war, but it turned out they did not :) so she started prostituting herself yayyyyyy!!! but this quickly turned into a series of unhealthy relationships with her patrons and yes this was happening with chessa and her siblings (they're triplets) on the other side of their shitty house in denerim

chessa started working in the market at a young age and learned how to charm people ;) but like genuinely LOL she got very good at sales and upselling and whatever. she's TECHNICALLY the oldest of the siblings (she was born on one side of midnight, her siblings were born on the other half) and so she felt like it was her responsibility to take care of them when their mom spiralled out of control

they were all adults by the time the fifth blight came around and swept through denerim, and by the time of awakening, they had gone to live in amaranthine; amaranthine was then also destroyed, so they moved up to highever, were chessa started working as a salesperson and her siblings did..... something IDK WHO CARES

she really liked highever but was starting to get bored, esp because her siblings were starting to get married and then checkra eventually had a couple of kids (carda would have them, but a bit later). she had some casual relationships with Sexy Human Guys but they all got boring eventually

when the inquisition started and she heard about inquisitor cadash, she totally thought it was a sign. so she joined up with the inquisition after skyhold where she met varric!!! who had become her favourite author!!!

inquisitor cadash is very much not a leader so chessa ended up giving her some advice and guidance (chessa is a few years older at this point). varric took interest in her bc she's gorg but also super smart and witty and could keep up w him in conversation

leliana eventually recruited her to be one of her spies - not a rough and tumble spy, more of an infiltration person. so chessa left and then her and varric started sending each other letters :) she was mostly like i'm gonna be bored and have no one else to write letters to... but she secretly loved the attention and just had a huge crush on him LOL

after inquisition leliana keeps chessa on as a spy and then eventually sends her overseas to kirkwall, where she hangs out with varric for a bit while working on a mission. they get close and kiss and have sex but they decide not to commit to anything

after trespasser, the inquisition is disbanded and leliana keeps chessa on as a spy DOUBLY for the solas stuff. chessa and varric decide to work together - she is henceforth inserted into the missing and any of the media where varric and harding are going on hunts for solas :)

they get really close and start an official relationship and are dating for a few years, but chessa brings up marriage and kids and varric is like Well what's the point. atp he has fully been to family gatherings in highever with checkra and carda's families (i actually hc they might've moved to kirkwall but more on that never). and so she's like :/ bc i love u and want a future w u? and he's like well with solas still out there there might not be a future? so she's like ok we're done then, i'll leave the solas hunting up to u and build a family with someone else

they don't talk for a year or two and then the solas investigation starts heating up again, so the 6 month period or whatever that rook is with varric and harding is actually chessa back with them helping the investigation, but they know a LOT more than before so she feels a lot more confident. her and varric reconcile and are together again for like 3 of the 6 months before veilguard takes place.

and then. well.

some fun facts!

chessa DID make her and varric get some of those forever-bracelets that ig influencers always promote i think that's suchhh a dragon age thing LOLLL, hers is silver and his is gold. she did also cut it off after they broke up. they get it fixed tho. lol.

absolutely a materialist and loves spending money but WILL NOT buy from a person who tries to upsell her

on that note she loves jewelry and has a bunch of chunky chains and bracelets and earrings. you can always tell she's coming bc she's clanking all over the place

her black lipstick is because she thinks it makes her look cool and hot 🫶

her and varric do eventually get in a spat bc he's like Stop buying me jewelry i can't wear it and you don't have enough money to be spending on it. then she sends all the jewelry she gave him to checkra and next time they visit he is DECKED THE FUCK OUT

she is a morning person and loves to wake up early to make sure she looks good for the day ahead :) starts getting sleepy super early and then pretends she is not tired. she has fallen asleep on varric's shoulder many times and sometimes she cannot be woken up when she's REALLY tired bc she's such a heavy sleeper

despite being the oldest of her siblings, she is the shortest (abt 3 inches shorter than varric). she never hears the end of it

and that's it so far :)