#my brain just kinda does it on its own :(
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core 1, 2, and 3 ('courage' 'demise' and Hylia)
its what sits inside their ribcages, the core of their spirits that cannot defend themselves you cant usually see it since its too bright and their energy spreads through their entire body when they are alive
a deities last lifeline; once their cores are exposed they can survive within their, essentially dead, bodies for a while but as it is breaking apart they too will fade eventually, completely at the mercy of whoever might find them if given enough magical energy they could revive it and initiate healing (few people would be capable of giving enough magic to them for this to work, however they could keep a core alive for longer until someone who has more magic to give is found or enough people capable of giving magic are gathered; as of now this is a worldbuilding thing as it will not be used in the story, a defenseless core of a deity is no match to the grasp of the gods after all)
#ganondoodles#art#concept art#zelda#tloz#loz#demise#hylia#i hope posting them together isnt too spammy#i also edited core 2s tail since i didnt quite like it#i also hope its not taking too much of the mystery of how the deities work#i am unfortunately one of those pople that have to come up with answers for everything#my brain just kinda does it on its own :(#i wish i could keep a cool mystery that adds to it all but alas#im a lore guy#lgnjdrknfkngsjkdbhfjs
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miskellaneous
#tumblr is still my doodle archive#my art#venitas#ffxiv#kh#sprawl au#ooooo veni you are so creature#first of all. Bunny. Bnnuy. I would like to consider the bunny. Sorry for trapping him he’s doing plot in my brain#I drew vani a while ago but I should have made him a catboy. I will next time I draw him#second of all back in pic order#ari is trying to be kind but violence is extremely fun for him. He loves it. He loves to gloat and he loves to cackle#if he’s allowed at a target for his pent up rage and aggression he gets weird#second of all I’ve been thinking about gender as one does. And what it would look like 5000 years in the future#so like in sprawl. there’s an entire timeline of gender studies and anthropology that leads from our time#through where the entire notion COMPLETELY fell apart; through where there was a resurgence of ancient gender roles#back and forth and in circles and where new things sprung up and fell and debates about the validity of self went nuts#Xion knows a lot about it bc she will claim trans as a label vanitas also knows a lot of things because he Doesn’t consider himself#trans. vens confused he was literally never taught about any of this. unity(divine) has its own… kinda messed up way of doing it#he got lost somewhere around the advent of gene augmentation and nonhuman drag (she didn’t have to go into that detail she just thinks it’s#really cool)#(Also that was really early —)#Anyways. vanitas is also getting his sense of touch back up there. xions a miracle worker#transgender is even a slightly archaic term. it completely died for about a thousand years and then came back with a retro wave
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Various HSR Casts vs Escape Rooms
Summary: Some of the Star Rail characters vs how they’d do in an escape room.
I went to an escape room recently and thought “Sure let’s put characters in an escape room and see what happens”. Also this isn't edited at all. Sorry lol
Trailblazer (Stelle/Caelus)
The few times that I’ve been to an escape room, there’s always a reminder and rule that the game is about “brains not brawn!”
…And the Trailblazer is the reason why
Is somehow a little too convinced that if you just pull harder, maybe it’ll finally open (you’re not supposed to open it)
HOWEVER, because they are really nosy and like digging around a lot, they’re actually pretty good at finding hidden things that may be the key to a puzzle you’re trying to solve
I can see them just throwing ideas out and shooting their shots until something clicks for someone else to solve a puzzle
If you didn’t already get booted out of the room for property damage, I’d say you have a chance to make it out of the room together
8/10 — You just really have to make sure they don’t just. Destroy everything.
Dan Heng
A little rough to cooperate with because of how quiet he tends to be, but he’s smart and can solve puzzles
He’s really good with the puzzles that require attention to details, so two things that don’t seem associated but actually are? He can get that down for you
Will more likely start in his own corner without being told and figure something out on his own while you handle another corner
If he notices you’re struggling with something, he’ll help and offer suggestions and that’s mostly how the both of you would wind up working together for the puzzles at all
Also another person you have a chance to make it out with, but really depends on whether or not the two of you manage to overcome the silent barrier
7.5/10 — Generally good but you know—
March 7th
Another memory to record down!
She would have tons of fun with the escape room; it’s just like being a detective from The Angler Mysteries!
….But admittedly, she leaves you to do the puzzles yourself. You’re the sidekick after all!
Will cheer you on while you do the puzzle, and more or less take the credit for when you solve it, saying “Of course you got it down! You’re the sidekick to a genius detective!”
Good at bouncing ideas off each other though, so that’s a given!
If she does solve anything, it's pure accident BUT she'll act like she totally did it on purpose.
7/10 — She’s great at support and she just has good energy as a partner! Just not good at puzzles herself.
Welt Yang
He’d love the chance to try and do all the puzzles himself if given the chance but of course, with time ticking, he relents to splitting the work up.
Very good at cooperating that tbh, you’d probably want to work alongside him to the puzzles but…inevitably winds up turning into him doing the puzzle instead BUT HEY WE CAN CALL IT TEAMWORK SURE
Honestly a good sport in escape rooms, but unfortunately because he takes his time with the puzzles, you either run out of time or nearly run out of time before you make it out
If you don’t finish, Welt’s more likely to ask for the solutions which. Um. then you can’t come back to the game after unless you really forget how to do the solutions, but I don’t think Welt’s really one to forget
9/10 escape room partner with a -1 because Slow.
Serval
Oh you know she’s going to be such a great partner for these
She’s smart. She’s friendly and warm. The two of you are definitely going to make it out of here and it’ll be extra fun!
She'll hype herself up when she manages to complete a puzzle and she'll definitely hype you up too when you complete one
If the two of you stumble on a puzzle you can't solve, she’ll definitely have both of you try to put your heads together to figure it out.
She's also the one I bet could have a chance of getting the both of you out in record time
10/10 partner but maybe because I'm biased and you can't go wrong with Serval
Gepard
Even despite it being all fun and games, the diligent and responsible face of Captain Gepard Landau is a tough one to break.
He's a little too serious about this because he focuses too much on trying to finish on time rather than the fun of the game
Starts delegating the work between everyone and is constantly the one trying to regroup and fill everyone in so everyone's on the same page about puzzles and everything
Very much continues being captain. In the escape room.
Please help him ease up a bit he's probably stressing himself out more than anything
7/10 He gets it done and you manage on time but again. A little too serious even for his own good
Sampo
What are the chances that he leaves you to do the puzzles on your own?
You know him: with the number of times he’s been in trouble there comes an equal amount of times he’s escaped
So to speak: he’s good at escape rooms
…Except he uh. Doesn’t exactly…. Solve the puzzles that the escape rooms set up.
Maybe if you push him, sure, but chances are he’ll play dumb and pretend he’s stuck on a situation and then you wind up having to do all the work
You probably have to keep a careful eye on him because I can imagine this guy possibly leaving out the entrance and leaving out there if you don’t notice soon enough and well. Now you’re on your own in the escape room 🧍🏼
Force him to stay and he might actually give you a winning chance to get out of the escape room on time because of how fast he works. You’ll start wondering if he’s done these before and what kind of situations caused him to say things like “oh yeah I’ve seen this one before.” But hey you’re winning
Also with how fast he is, there's a chance you could get out record time. But. You know.
6/10 — Seriously. Have a leash on him so he’d stay and solve it. Otherwise he’s out within the first 3 minutes or something. Without you.
#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr x reader#x reader#hsr stelle#hsr caelus#hsr trailblazer#dan heng#march 7th#welt yang#i feel like... its not really random but it was like the characters that sit in my brain a lot lmao#serval landau#gepard landau#sampo koski#this is mostly for my own self indulgence but hey! if it makes someone else laugh or giggle at the thought sure ok#btw does anyone know proper ways to tag characters. i seem to just kinda toss whatever i can think of#its not so much an x reader tbh as it is more hc#but ! can be read as an x reader...if you want a date at escape rooms. i would LOL#hazy dreams
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the boy-but-not-that-way-ism of riz gukgak send tweet
#not art#have been chipping away at a more... proper? so to say. piece of the kids for keepsake. and since its of them at the beach Im rotating#gender stuff in brain again. riz and gorgug ping a lot of the like funny gender stuff in my brain#very specifically adjacent to cultural understanding of it all... like I did say I do think riz has a gender and it can be#translated to ''man'' in solesian understanding but also that boy has close to no self awareness nor does he want to#he grew up as ''goblin'' before ''boy'' and it's kinda how he perceives himself. got a gender but doesn't wanna do much with it#kinda imagining him seeing his grandparents again and realizing that there's a gap there between himself and his grandpa too#and sitting with that for a bit. not for long that kid doesnt do that but for just a little bit#man I truly really do love that riz is aroace. my boy of the unquantifiable unimportant margins....#gorgug though is 100% trans lmao. there's a kinda distance to his own body in how he acts#that's kinda common in ''mad scientist'' characters? (or maybe my perspective's just skewed due to willow jenkins lmao)#kid spent the first two seasons fitting himself in places he Should be able to fit. and s3 is pretty much all about him Making New Spaces#thing is despite looking ardently for like. the reason Why he can't fit in in the first season I think gorgug really does#love his gnome parents and love being their child. and its confusing and tough to have to learn why something you love still hurts you#he wants it to not. he wants to make sense. and then it does and it changes nothing really#until he actively makes choices based on what he's learned. like. damn idk how to word it but#just like the ability to say ''actually this Is my life what are u gonna do? stop me from living it?'' is a powerful force#its rly fun to look at these two guys in these contexts thats like#they will never win the gender game just by virtue of being who they are. it's not designed for folks like them to win#but riz would simply not play and gorgug would design his Own game he's the champion of. and I think that rules
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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hi. for people who saw gatsby: an american myth. do you remember mckee asking nick for lunch. and then gatsby in like the next scene inviting nick for lunch. because i remember.
#not pjo#chitter chatter#when gatsby was like 'we should do lunch' i was like. hello. fucking. hello. are we. hello.#gatsby really said we just met literally 5 minutes ago. come meet my father figure. normal normal thing to do jay.#to be clear gatsby also asks him to go to lunch in the book. but like. there's a time skip. and also#in the show after mckee asks they immediately start making out on the couch. none of this ... nonsense#so the vibes are a LITTLE different in my brain.#i saw a few people say they didnt think gatsby and nick flirted enough and like while i do think that think part of it is we're#in nick's pov but not his HEAD#he DOES start singing about gatsby's smile for no reason until jordon is like. alright buddy. lets talk about daisy.#like nick was just Doing That. pull it together carraway.#but i got the vibe (JUST my take) that gatsby was like. kinda into nick. zero reason to be leaning into his space like that sir.#however when he actually MET daisy again he became kinda singularly focused on her again#i mean he built his whole lifeup to this moment#he says it at the end. he murdered pieces of himself to bring himself here. for DAISY.#him snapping back to daisy mode makes sense to me but he still reaches out for nick as a comfort in the sense that hes like#nick do NOT leave please stay with us. daisy does the same. and ofc part is that theyre really. fucking awkward. but like.#LET ME HAVE MY OWN NONSENSE INTERPRETATIONS. HES TRAPPED BY WHITENESS AND CLASS AND HETEROSEXUALITY.#hes already so much of an outsider trying to fit in. (i also think he loves daisy or an ideal at least. and she's EASIER to love. safer.)#nick inherently has more freedom even as a gay man in the sense that hes richer and white and an ivy league dude i mean you understand righ#right????????#even if its in the book i do wanna point out the parallels between those moments. im choosing to see it as deeply intentional <3#this show had a lot of repetition and parallels (see daisy and myrtle in a lot of songs and scenes)#(one i LOVE is tom giving myrtle a necklace and daisy later giving TOM her necklace in case he sees anyone he knows. idk love that shit)#im...gonna queue this#im embarrassed to talk about this show so much. so. into the queue it goes!!!#all the worlds a stage#so like. anyway. thats where i think nick's mind immediately went when gastsby asked him for lunch. personal headcanon <3#gatsby after one convo: we're doing lunch // me and nick immediately: oh ok! guess that's a date then!
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Something seriously lacking in my art is the ability to tell a story in a single illustration.
I've gotten so used to drawing my characters standing around doing random things that I've never practiced telling a full tale/putting implications into my pieces that require more thinking/looking.
It also comes from a lower amount of details in my works by default [since I like to get pieces done fast], but I'm tired of using that as an excuse.
#vent#kinda#sorry I'm just having a rough one tonight but I'll recover lmao#I think the AI art thing is really getting to me cuz like.#Anyone can make pretty images if they study and practice hard enough#[not to detract from people who don't tell stories with their images!]#but something in my brain wants to fight back because AI will never be able to Tell a Story through its images.#It can't make narrative choices through its regurgitation of random elements. It will never tell a cohesive and interesting tale through#detail choice#the worst it can do is create surface-level 'pretty' images by smashing together a bunch of mushed up information#but storytelling? that's human touch#that's intention. Thought. Choices.#and idk it's really bothering me lately that my images almost never... 'say' anything about a character.#this does not apply to anyone else's art I look at#it's just a standard I'm starting to feel my head apply to my own work and nobody else's.#which I'm taking as a sign that this is something I'm unsatisfied with#but the thought of starting to develop a completely new skill like that? terrifyingly daunting.#Sorry for the wall of tags I'm havin' some hella moodswings tonight#happens a lot when I get inspired by art I see#which I'm trying to work on but yaknow#it's a long process#anyways how's your night goin#I'm gonna cheer myself up by eating some amazing asparagus casserole
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Currently obsessively thinking about a silent hill from Mary's perspective. Starting in the hospital, the nurses replaced with doctors, faces blacked out except for white shiny gnashing teeth. She only has in her pockets a note written on hotel stationary that says I'm Sorry.
Escaping and meeting a young man, cute and a lil awkward, who says you look a lot like his girlfriend Maria, and shes missing too? Can we look for her together?
Hes... sweet, a bit quiet. He gets very close to Mary often, pushes her boundaries, but this is all weird and strange and maybe hes just scared. When she mentions it, however, he makes a rude remark abt Just Wanting To Help Her but backs off.
They get seperated when the Red Pyramid Thing, unchanged in this version, comes and attacks them both, but chooses to persue him.
Laura is still there, and when Mary and her meet they cling together. She talks about an awful, ugly man she met earlier, and to watch out for him. She helps guide Mary through a maze like area before the Other World sets in and separates them.
The monsters in Mary's Silent Hill are almost all larger then her, and many masculine in appearance. They attack her head, try and choke her. Certain ones cough and gasp, arms thrashing wildly and thrashing on the floor when knocked down. Some seems to have exposed, black lungs that stutter to breathe. If Angela and Eddie are the same in this version, then their boss fights remain the same. The Abstract Daddy just as horrifying to Mary as it is to Angela.
Every reunion with the man, hes different. Less nice, more haunted looking. He starts to call her Maria, and barely acknowledges her if she corrects him. Following his advice leads to darker and more dangerous areas. The Red Pyramid keeps coming and chasing him away, but shes always collateral damage when that happens.
Eventually, she makes it to the hotel. Hes waiting for her in the hotel room, haggard, almost unrecognizable from the man he was when they first met. He has a monologue about how she's been sick, and hes been trying his best to be there for her. She doesnt understand, she doesnt know him, shes NOT Maria! She never will be. She starts coughing.
He makes to leave but at the last second turns, and hes a monster now. Large, fleshy, imposing, always trying to suffocate her under thick hands. Upon his defeat, two Red Pyramids arrive and stab at the dying thing over and over until finally impaling themselves.
There are different endings still. She remembers her disease, and her murder, in most of them. In the best ending she leaves the town with Laura, likely still ill, but alive again. In one of the worst, she wakes up in the trunk of a car, as water begins seeping in.
#silent hill#silent hill 2#i have a few other ideas for this but wasnt sure how to work them into the prosey wording this took#i think Angela's story goes the same way but instead of James being flustered and kinda unsympathetic#Mary has kind words but no way to help#and their final meeting isnt as hostile as her and james but its still bitter#gameplay wise i also am imagining James Constantly being up on Mary and like pushing her into monsters while trying to atk them himself#instead of always trailing behind#Mary doesnt get her own PH bc hes a punisher and she doesnt need punishing (its why Angela doesnt have one but Eddie does yknow)#but im tempted to say she gets a prefinal boss that is Maria in some way#not like how we know maria but im thinking a mix of the Mannequins and the Flesh Lips enemies#its got the moth/butterfly motif still too#i do have a kinda clear scene in my head#of late in the game leading to this fight Mary has just shaken off James again and hes fully in the Youre Maria :) mental state#and she passes a mirror in a hall and sees herself as Maria. she turns back to look again and Maria smiles before reaching through and#grabs Mary by the throat as she transforms into the boss#crazee talk#i wrote this over the course of an hour and a half directly after waking up today#what was going on my sleep brain#took all day to post it bc i wanted to edit the tags on desktop and i had stuff to do
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TaTr is real and good. <- have a whole story in its head that would NOT fucking happen in canon.
#show doesnt give us anything my brain fills in the gaps#itd I GUESS be an AU but in my heart and mind its real jus lemme have this#Tenn gets re encoded as a service drone after the incident with the SIR units. tallests would rather put the blame on her than admit fault.#They get sent to moo ping 10 not as a prisoner just to work there (i go back on forth on what her specific job is. BUT its low profile.)#something like a custodian. tenn takes it as best she can but she DOES have a bit of that dramatic i want to get revenge feels.#like they've just lost their mission through no fault of her own. its a difficult time for her as she starts to kinda...question things.#like the way the world (or the only one she knows) works around her. but she also knows there isnt much they can do yk.#eventually she meets Tak there. who IS there as a prisoner.#i think theyd bond over the way theyre both victims of circumstance. and how they couldnt do anything to get where they were when meeting.#but hey. maybe being at your own rock bottom isnt too bad if someone's on the same level.#one thing leads to another they start their own “resistance” BUT really it is just them chilling in space.#theres lots of gaps BUT. but....shhh lemme have this i know its corny and would NOT fucking happen but they make me giggle happy smile.#ZIM SPEAKS#oh also mimi is included too. mimi is their emotional support kitty.#kitty mimi is forever i luv her FOREVER.#also i use they/she for tenn jst so theres no confusion ^_^!
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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Assortment of sketches n doodles of my most recent brainworm inducers
#couldve cleaned some of these up more and arranged them more nicely but ehhhh#sharing anyway tho cos they are On The Brain <3#dao#oc: noya tabris#oc: var'renan mahariel#mutton the mabari#(he gets his own tag too :] )#my ocs#my art#i think i gotta change my strategy for this playtrhu cos so far ive been 'leading' with noyas and consequently kinda rushing thru renans#which makes sense cos she is the one who does most of the talking n stuff rn but its still a shame#ik im probably making this wayy more complicated than it has to be lmao but its fun to figure out in any case#edit: oh also side note cos i know it probably doesnt make much sense w/o context hdfslfd but noya and renan dont get on very well rn#bc they both got prejudices and theyre both not making it any better bc noya wants to actually like. talk#cos how are we gonna solve anything otherwise?? but also renan is not in the headspace for any of this rn which she doesnt get#so its just a cycle of them getting fed up with one another#but yea theres a lot going on with them rn and im super bad at explaining it hdlsjdf
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thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.
#toy txt post#i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism#whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how#and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection#and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it#and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends#but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of#course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on#offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably#accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put#any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be#the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least#(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about#a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs#i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about#and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for#her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to#explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not#decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional#characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons#sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it 👍 idk. much to explore. much to think about#also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does#so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun#anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing#also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like#probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just#funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. ♡#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr
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it does kinda feel like everything im in is dead. all the roleplays, all the games, its all kinda. just nothing. idk it just kinda feels bad
#and i know logically why most of these things are dead#but like thats not stopping my brain from being like 'ok but actually its not cause of everyone including you being busy'#'its because everyone Secretly Fucking Hates You :)' and i like 'would you stfu you stupid pile of tapioca'#but yeah i do kinda feel like ive been really annoying folks lately between like some really insane interests lately#everyone kinda falling out of the shaed interest at once leaving the group kinda>????#and like. every time a shared interest died so does the friendgroup but also like this friendgroup existed before the interest! it just#existed w/o me cause i was the added on member who kinda just kept tagging on and wouldnt fuck off#but i dont have like. any other friends atm so thats like. concerning? idk i feel really isolated lately#i wish i could contribute more to things but i just dont have the talents required most of the time and when i do i have some sort of#technical issue or time issue that prevents me from doing it#man idk i just wanna do things again but i dont wanna bother folks#and i wanna feel like im not bothering people when i focus on weird stuff cause like im deffo bothering people rn when i spam asks n shit#im deffo bothering people when im infodumping about 2b and radioactivity and tornados n shit too but like. man idk#maybe i should take a couple days maybe a week and like. kinda just do my own thing alone for a while#play some single player games n shit watch my documentary videos and not share weird facts from them
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i also just don't understand the neurochemical theory for ADHD i guess. i mean, as far as i can tell, stimulants have genuinely helped me a lot, especially with sensory overload and being able to activate focus at will more often. but they haven't changed the core part of me that just goes too fast, if that makes sense. when i was a kid, most of the adults around me were convinced that (and it sounds fucking stupid, sorry, i promise i am not making this up) i was like... so smart that i had excess neurons that fired so much it caused literally every symptom of ADHD you can imagine. sensory overload was because i had like, heightened senses and took in too much data, talking fast and on a train of thought was because i just thought faster than other people, stuff like that. it's definitely a lot better than being told i'm stupid and defective (though i got a fair bit of that too, depending on the adult), but pretty obviously pseudoscientific and also the reason i didn't get diagnosed till age 16 despite the extremely obvious flags i was throwing up. regardless, that explanation that my brain was simply structured differently, that i basically took in too much data too fast, always spoke to me a lot more than the idea that it's caused by my dopamine receptors only. i just don't generally link most of my symptoms to my emotions or adrenaline levels most of the time. certainly it plays a part, but the way i talk, the sensory stuff, and the way i learn and process new information seems to be largely unexplainable with dopamine levels.
#i suppose i am kind of also just describing autism#and it's entirely possible that i just have comorbidity going on#but psychiatry is far from an exact science and i can't help but wonder if there's more to it than brain chemicals and maybe its more to do#with electrical signals. god that sounds dumb i need to learn neuroscience#i hate gifted kid shit man it's so stupid. i had a good teacher for most of it that mostly just had us do like#typical stuff for autistic kids tbh. different puzzles and logic games some sensory stuff#she did a lot of cool stuff with different tests she had us take about learning styles and whatnot#but it's stuff most other kids could've benefited from so there was no real need to have it be its own program#also you got in on an iq test but got kicked out if your grades dropped which is dumb and kinda defeats the purpose#they probably should've given everyone iq tests at the beginning of each year and based it on that#...scientific legitimacy of iq aside#i do think there is some merit to the sort of horseshoe theory of intelligence they used#it was basically an ese class for high functioning adhd and autistic kids#and maybe high intelligence does cause neurodivergent symptoms but ive yet to find valid data to prove it#i mean i think most of the other kids wouldve found it boring but only with that one teacher#later teachers that my siblings had just had kids do projects and research stuff#i do think i would've acted out a lot more without that as an outlet for the ole noodle. also helped w executive dysfunction a ton#it just. could have been a regular ese class for kids w/o intellectual disabilities. the gifted label is dumb
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had a weird dream about saw :[ am now plagued by the visions tm
#i think i listened to willow a bit too much my bad#also uhhhhh headsup for gore?? i guess ????? idk i just need to talk#amanda and john were seated across from each other on black chairs and both wearing black robes too (his was from V iirc)#for a few instances before they start talking john bears the head of billy in a full scale kind of thing#its not until amanda opens her robe that we see his actual face#it was a pretty quick but kinda gory scene#she opens her robe to show live flesh. a brain sits still alive and pulsing in the middle of her lungs like a tree growing in her chest#and she looks so desperate. so eager yet so scared. but the way she opens it is so simple like shes really just throwing cloths around#shes angry too#when she does that his head gets ripped off from his neck by a nylon string hanging from above (tightened to it by a small knot)#theres moments where we can also see her own face in there too just. liveless while occupying john's space like some kind of mirror#it was a bit too much for someone who had school in a few hours#(i feel silly for sharing this but i just never really had a dream related to saw before and neither do i know why that happened only now)
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brain: I've got thoughts about wyatt-before-the-masoning, the microphone, and NaN with regard to how they appeared in your canon
me: oh? lay em on me
brain: I can't actually tell you any of said thoughts, though, only that they're here
me: thE N WHY ARE YOU INFORMING ME
brain:
brain: does it help to know that for you, NaN was very much their own entity, and that the wyatt theory for the mic was either partially or fully accurate? also your wyatt (as in the player in your canon) was not 14, he was 18-19 roughly
me: not as much as you'd think, actually
brain: ok well get nullified then <3
brain:
#wolf barking#i need a kin tag#all i know the 3 of them are . sort of separate things#and the mic was a physical object sort of#and just kinda did its own thing?#and chilled somewhere during expansion up until s24#brain says it was with me#or in my approx vicinity#and that the tweets in s24 were less... calling it to me and more trying to get it to wake up in any way possible#like i said it does whatever it wants#[takes brain out. pitches it at a wall at 100mph. goodbye you piece of shit]#this is most ive rver talked abt aspects of a canon wwow you guys are lucky#...........................................................................................................................................#im nervous#but also i am free
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