#hazy dreams

[floralpowders]

Various HSR Casts vs Escape Rooms

Summary: Some of the Star Rail characters vs how they’d do in an escape room.

I went to an escape room recently and thought “Sure let’s put characters in an escape room and see what happens”. Also this isn't edited at all. Sorry lol  

Trailblazer (Stelle/Caelus) 

The few times that I’ve been to an escape room, there’s always a reminder and rule that the game is about “brains not brawn!” 

…And the Trailblazer is the reason why

Is somehow a little too convinced that if you just pull harder, maybe it’ll finally open (you’re not supposed to open it) 

HOWEVER, because they are really nosy and like digging around a lot, they’re actually pretty good at finding hidden things that may be the key to a puzzle you’re trying to solve

I can see them just throwing ideas out and shooting their shots until something clicks for someone else to solve a puzzle 

If you didn’t already get booted out of the room for property damage, I’d say you have a chance to make it out of the room together 

8/10 — You just really have to make sure they don’t just. Destroy everything. 

Dan Heng 

A little rough to cooperate with because of how quiet he tends to be, but he’s smart and can solve puzzles 

He’s really good with the puzzles that require attention to details, so two things that don’t seem associated but actually are? He can get that down for you 

Will more likely start in his own corner without being told and figure something out on his own while you handle another corner

If he notices you’re struggling with something, he’ll help and offer suggestions and that’s mostly how the both of you would wind up working together for the puzzles at all 

Also another person you have a chance to make it out with, but really depends on whether or not the two of you manage to overcome the silent barrier 

7.5/10 — Generally good but you know—

March 7th 

Another memory to record down! 

She would have tons of fun with the escape room; it’s just like being a detective from The Angler Mysteries! 

….But admittedly, she leaves you to do the puzzles yourself. You’re the sidekick after all! 

Will cheer you on while you do the puzzle, and more or less take the credit for when you solve it, saying “Of course you got it down! You’re the sidekick to a genius detective!” 

Good at bouncing ideas off each other though, so that’s a given! 

If she does solve anything, it's pure accident BUT she'll act like she totally did it on purpose. 

7/10 — She’s great at support and she just has good energy as a partner! Just not good at puzzles herself. 

Welt Yang 

He’d love the chance to try and do all the puzzles himself if given the chance but of course, with time ticking, he relents to splitting the work up. 

Very good at cooperating that tbh, you’d probably want to work alongside him to the puzzles but…inevitably winds up turning into him doing the puzzle instead BUT HEY WE CAN CALL IT TEAMWORK SURE 

Honestly a good sport in escape rooms, but unfortunately because he takes his time with the puzzles, you either run out of time or nearly run out of time before you make it out 

If you don’t finish, Welt’s more likely to ask for the solutions which. Um. then you can’t come back to the game after unless you really forget how to do the solutions, but I don’t think Welt’s really one to forget 

9/10 escape room partner with a -1 because Slow. 

Serval

Oh you know she’s going to be such a great partner for these 

She’s smart. She’s friendly and warm. The two of you are definitely going to make it out of here and it’ll be extra fun!

She'll hype herself up when she manages to complete a puzzle and she'll definitely hype you up too when you complete one

If the two of you stumble on a puzzle you can't solve, she’ll definitely have both of you try to put your heads together to figure it out. 

She's also the one I bet could have a chance of getting the both of you out in record time

10/10 partner but maybe because I'm biased and you can't go wrong with Serval

Gepard

Even despite it being all fun and games, the diligent and responsible face of Captain Gepard Landau is a tough one to break.

He's a little too serious about this because he focuses too much on trying to finish on time rather than the fun of the game

Starts delegating the work between everyone and is constantly the one trying to regroup and fill everyone in so everyone's on the same page about puzzles and everything

Very much continues being captain. In the escape room. 

Please help him ease up a bit he's probably stressing himself out more than anything 

7/10 He gets it done and you manage on time but again. A little too serious even for his own good

Sampo

What are the chances that he leaves you to do the puzzles on your own?

You know him: with the number of times he’s been in trouble there comes an equal amount of times he’s escaped

So to speak: he’s good at escape rooms

…Except he uh. Doesn’t exactly…. Solve the puzzles that the escape rooms set up.

Maybe if you push him, sure, but chances are he’ll play dumb and pretend he’s stuck on a situation and then you wind up having to do all the work

You probably have to keep a careful eye on him because I can imagine this guy possibly leaving out the entrance and leaving out there if you don’t notice soon enough and well. Now you’re on your own in the escape room 🧍🏼

Force him to stay and he might actually give you a winning chance to get out of the escape room on time because of how fast he works. You’ll start wondering if he’s done these before and what kind of situations caused him to say things like “oh yeah I’ve seen this one before.” But hey you’re winning 

Also with how fast he is, there's a chance you could get out record time. But. You know.

6/10 — Seriously. Have a leash on him so he’d stay and solve it. Otherwise he’s out within the first 3 minutes or something. Without you. 

[still2021]

Still waiting

[codgod]

if this is a dream, i’m never waking up

[cosqf]

a messy sketch. i cant stop thinking about them

[butchyy]

[lia-serrano]

Some moments are elusive - they disappear and are not easily grasped or remembered. Perhaps we recall them in a hazy image or a dream. Photography brings back what we lost.

© Lía Serrano

//

[mysteriesmuse]

Princess Reader x Royal Guard Katsuki Bakugo

Bakugou Katsuki’s job is literally to stand by you day and night. You promoted him to being your personal guard and now he follows you around the castle like a dog. Katsuki thought he would hate it. Thought he would have to do something to get himself fired. Something that would make you dislike him because everytime he was around you his skin definitely felt red hot and he had a slight nauseating sensation in his stomach. It’s only when steam started pouring out his ears with him clenching his teeth and palms that he was able to pinpoint that feeling. Oh yes that previous feeling was jealously and Katsuki Bakugou apparently didn’t hate you. Because he really felt jealous about this stupid suitor that was attempting to woo you. He liked you. He had a crush on the princess he was in charge of protecting with his life. Not that, that would change. But now he had a reason to get to know you more. To make the same impression that the other elite guards made with small talk that put you at ease during any shift changes.

BECOME THE BEST GUARD IN THE CASTLE: CHECK

MAKE SMALL TALK & GET IN GOOD GRACES WITH THE PRINCESS: IN PROGRESS

WOO THE PRINCESS: ??? So Katsuki really freaking struggled with small talk. Plus, I mean the guy knows practically everything about you. How is he supposed to make small talk if he can’t just ask the questions? Trick question he still can. In reality he doesn’t really have to. He’s supposed to be a rather stoic and sentient figurine that guards you. His first few attempts were meet with startled eyes and strange looks for the next few weeks. You’re known to be fairly cordial and friendly with the guards, but his reputation proceeded him. Big Scary Guard Dog Bakugou. That’s who you were told was your new guard. And that’s what you expected for the most part. A quiet guy who may or may not be a piece of eye candy following you around like a shadow. Oh boy, were you wrong. He was definitely a piece of eye candy. Actually he was the piece of eye candy that was apart of your elite protection group. A very silent man Bakugou. And after the first couple of weeks of him assigned as you personal guard your opinion on that changed. Bakugou grunts out a G’mornin’ and a G’night to you every day. Almost looks strained, but it’s pleasant nonetheless. And he’s incredibly observant too. You catch him in the hall to your corridors arguing with a servant about the bouquet of flowers she’s attempting to bring in to replace the last bouquet on your writing desk. “Shitty - ahem - her majesty prefers another variety of flower. Go back and procure some of the blue snowball looking ones.” After that you noticed that the vase continually held varieties of flowers that you’d complimented on in the royal gardens. And from then on your awkward guard/royalty relationship bloomed like a hillside. A cascading flurry of one beautiful thing after another. ——— When you’re cozied up in the quiet royal library to enjoy a good book you pause and peek over the top of the novel in your lap. Almost out of curiosity or disbelief that Bakugou is the one asking a question. He blinks out of genuine curiosity and you open your mouth and start to turn the book around so that he can see the words of the story you’re gesturing at. He gets you to go on and on that way. Nothing but a few affirmational vocals from him that he’s still listening. And he loves watching your expressions almost more than when you insist that he do something. Read his own book, after all it is a library. He dismisses it all. And yes your highness he can read and write just fine. This is just his job. Well not the secretly pinning over you while you read, but the watching part. And He learns that you actually know a lot more about kingdom politics than he previously gave you credit for. You’re smoothing over diplomatic matters with a carefully inked letter and secretly keeping promises about exports and materials your kingdom has pledged.

All while you sit and hum at your writing desk. The way you gently tease off your shoes with your toes at the heels when you’ve decided you’re going to be in for a long while. And Katsuki knows then that you’ll idly wave for him to sit instead of standing at his post the whole while. Except he starts to develop the nasty happen of staring and when you catch him looking he’ll chose between grumbling and turning away as his ears turn pink or blink unyielding and say “just doing my job, princess”

Katsuki likes the suave of the second one, but it really ends up being 50/50 with it. ————

But 100% of the time your strolls through the royal garden have him itching to take some armor off as the sunny warmth makes him sweat buckets underneath the layers of his uniform. Not to mention you walking this close already has his skin hot enough. The way you walk shoulder to shoulder just has him practically drooling at the thought of holding your hand. - Exhibits extreme self-control every stroll. Oh and when the fruit and vegetables are ready to be harvested you like to take teasing strolls into the royal orchards and gardens to taste the first ripe fruit of the season. Always curtesying as you point and ask him to grab a mandarin, or plum, or peach, or nectarine, or lemon, or apple, or whatever it is. And you’ve usually tried just before hand. On you tip-toes waggling your decorated fingers into the air. The sunlight bouncing off your jewels that adorn your skin and cascade daggers of rainbowed light upon your face. And it’s always just out of reach. A fresh shiny pout on your face when you turn and ask him to pluck one. And Katsuki usually just has to stand and put his arm up to grab one as you patiently wait and watch. But you’re admiring him just as much as he admired you. Staring up at his chiseled jawline. The wheaty stubble that decorates his face. You long to feel it prickle underneath your fingertips. Wonder how it would feel tickling the edges of your kiss when you finally set your mouth against his plush lips. You admire his impeccable physique. His staggering size as he barely stretches his shoulder to reach the fruit. And the way his golden tan glistens underneath the dappled light of the sun; glistens from the profuse sweat elicited from his layers and layers of chainmail and armor. All brushing over his adams apple before he gulps and turned to hand it to you. And Katsuki loves to hold it in his palm in the way that you have to pick it up. Feel your fingers gently prod and caress the skin of his palm as you turn the fruit over. Mulling over its quality before wordlessly holding it back out. He huffs and grabs the fruit as you take him to the stone wall. You sit and pull out a handkerchief from between your breasts if he’s not swift enough in supplying you with his. And Katsuki will grab his dagger and slice up the fruit, setting the pieces down onto the handkerchief before you plop one into your mouth. His hands will still and his eyes flick to your face watching as you chew and make a satisfied moan. The rest of your stroll will include these snack breaks. Taking “samples” as you call them of the seasons fruit. And the royal gardners have since decided to ignore the two figurines of their princess and the royal guardsmen sitting on the stone walls chattering and pressing handkerchiefs into sticky thieving fingers. ————

In the royal kitchens he accompanies you as you excitedly follow behind a kitchen maid who’s sent for you to do a testing of the new desserts the chef has been working on. Despite your official look of composure he knows that you’re excited by the little bounce in your hair from your steps. Katsuki always clunks down to the table when you beckon him to sit. Frantically patting the chair next to you after he’s been a right gentleman and pushed your chair in. You always think he looks rather scared with the way his carmine eyes dart around the empty dinning hall before the procession of maids and chef come out into the hall and display a plethora of desserts in front of you. They always wave you on with glee before retreating to the kitchen to finish the next batch. Your mouth practically waters as you pick up your fork and spear the perfect first bite. Only to turn to Katsuki with your other hand under the utensil holding it up to his plush pink lips which immediately turn into a defensive scowl. You’re always muttering something about your safety to “taste test for me? Make sure there’s nothing poisoned?” Except Katsuki’s never been sure that’s your real agenda here because you always gently spoon the first bite of your special taste testing into his mouth and if its something chocolate it always taste like Heaven despite it being a brand new recipe. (You’ve got the best chocolatier in the kingdom) and he always a little groan slip out. His face melting as he chews and swallows. (he’s going to be doing a lot more of that)

Before he nods muttering it’s safe. Not that your food would be poisoned because the staff and kingdom are all pretty loyal here and him and the elite guards are way to fricken scary to have on your tail. But he humors you anyway because technically that’s protecting and you’re right it’s in his job description. And then you, without changing forks, without doing anything else immediately set the fork he just used between your own lips and lick off the icing residue between your pink lips and hum before taking a real first bite yourself. And you do it all while maintaining perfect eye contact with him. And he can feel blood rushing to weird places all over his body. And it goes on like this for every single plate they offer. HAVE THE PRINCESS FLIRT WITH YOU: yes? maybe ?? At this rate he’s not sure why the kitchen staff haven’t mandated you with a royal poison taste tester with your insistence of him having a bite of every one of your plates. Seriously what are these people thinking! They’re thinking that there’s some real true love blooming in the castle and who are they to get in the way! Plus, it’s a good practice for any wedding cake samples they do in the future. Of course they won’t ever tell y’all whose wedding they’re preparing to cater. ———— While you delight in that. Katsuki delights in nothing more than your dance lessons. He likes to watch you glide, or try to, across the floor with every step. Definitely feels a weird blooming of secondhand pride when you practice a new step a few times and smooth it out with practice. Overall he finds it very peaceful and relaxing watching you laugh and groan and be belittled by this ancient teacher they have for you. Stands at the door tapping his toe in his boot to the beat. When this ancient woman that he just loves comes over and insists that he mustn’t “just stand there and look handsome. Make yourself useful she needs a partner” which always causes your head to swivel like a chicken as he detaches a few layers of pure metal off his body to make the dancing “easier and more realistic for her highness”

So now he gets to stand bare of any occluding armor and he can feel your e/c gaze washing over his body and the ripping muscles that he’s always had hidden under that armor. Adores the chance to hold you in his arms and practice doing the steps that you’re working on. And he’s attended enough of these things and the balls to be able to pick up on his part pretty quickly. Katsuki, not to toot his own horn because he would never, has to say he’s pretty darn good at dancing. Stupidly good for a royal guard which he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be clunky and clumsy, but as soon as the armor is off he’s as graceful as any one of the princes or dukes you’ve danced with ball after ball and gala after gala. He’s humongous. Practically a head taller than you and his shoulders are stupidly wide and it’s like you’re in a cocoon of just him. His stupid minty breath whenever he’s mumbling something snarky or whispering the counts just loud enough for your teacher to know he’s actually helping. The flopping bangs that fall into his face whenever he needs to look down and see what your feet are doing. Usually because you’ve accidentally skipped a step or done something that messes with his leading because how can you not! Except this only fuels Bakugou’s ego more because he’s never seen you mess up with any partner at any of these balls you attend. The logical part of his brain says it’s because this is your dance room and you’re practicing. But the other hopeful part of his heart says it’s because maybe you’re flustered. Maybe you feel something too. And you definitely do. The oddly warm, but searing heat of his hand on the small of your back makes you stand up. His shoulder and bicep and forearm all a fluttering mass of muscle that languidly stretches and twitches underneath your arm. His meaty and calloused hand that holds yours, which is incredibly clamy except you’re not sure if it’s you or him! And your annoying dance teacher who constantly whacks your limbs and buttocks whenever you do something wrong, which only makes your guards impeccable poker face quirk into a smirk before she starts the music again. And unfortunately the old crone has caught on. Because your lessons after having danced with Katsuki are immensely improved. And your performance at balls is flawless at best, so she’s going to keep asking the young rugged handsome guard of yours to keep stepping in as your partner for dancing because he seems to be the only one where you actually have to work for that composure. ————

[dieversa]

“Happiness was different in childhood. It was so much then a matter simply of accumulation, of taking things - new experiences, new emotions - and applying them like so many polished tiles to what would someday be the marvellously finished pavilion of the self.” ― John Banville, The Sea

[smile-files]

we both lost because we couldn't find each other

(objectober day 26: lose)

[hazyerrors]

Dreamtale belongs to @Jokublog

[floralpowders]

In Routine - Gepard x GN!Reader

Summary: You and Gepard have been well acquainted now for a while, and Gepard wants to find the courage to ask you on a date. 

I don’t really remember how I started writing this. I’m pretty sure it was while I was going through Serval’s companion quest and while sobbing over Serval, I somehow started this so…here it is! As my second x reader lol

All fluff!

Word Count: 817

It’s fair to say that Gepard was…beyond nervous. The two of you have been getting along well with one another, and he couldn’t help but grow fonder and fonder over you by the minute until what was once manageable conversations became a test of endurance to see how long he could talk to you without growing red in the face or stammering through his words.

So, it was very clear in his face that he had something or someone on his mind. If you ask him about it, he’ll argue it must be that the two of you were so close to one of the local heaters that reside all across Belobog (even if you really weren’t, but perhaps all those layers of armor was finally getting to Gepard). 

However, if you don’t ask him about it, Serval would be quick to pick up the task to tease him: pinch his cheek and tease her little baby brother about his newfound crush and urge him to just confess already. She even goes so far as to try and offer Gepard some help in how to ask out whoever the cutie that stole Gepard’s heart is, which Gepard has to turn down because no way would he allow his sister to have more reasons to tease him. 

After some time of practicing — on his own, not with Serval — he finally settles on a plan. The next time he would see you, that will be when he finally asks you out.

He approaches you, his face as stoic as usual, but if you take a closer look, the corner of his lip twitches, his brows curtly furrowing for only a second — little signs of his nervousness when it comes to you. 

He had planned. He had practiced…and yet— 

“If you have the time, would you, uh…. How would you…Would you be able to accompany me with…” 

Then he blanks. The Captain of the Silvermane Guards blanks, and his face bursts red.

But he needs to say something because now you’re staring at him with those beautiful eyes of yours.

“Would you… be able to accompany me on patrol?” He forces out at the speed of wind. 

That? He was going with that? Oh, he can imagine Serval laughing at him now. This was his chance to make this special, and he chose to do something so…mundane. Something he’d always ask you to do. 

But because it’s something he always asks of you, you agree to come along (though his stuttering may have gotten your attention. He has been stuttering a lot more lately, though).

So the two of you go on your way, following the same patrol route that Gepard always takes you…but something is different. 

It would be silent from time to time between the two of you when Gepard was focused on being vigilant to his surroundings, but it wouldn’t be so silent that the two of you just never spoke.

You find yourself in this unfamiliar silence between Gepard as though the walls of Belobog came down between the two of you as you walked on. 

In actuality, Gepard had no idea what he was doing from here on. He was aware of how eerily silent it was between the two of you. He was trying to think of a way to make it better but not make it awkward because this was what the two of you usually did anyways, and yet he intended this to be more. If only he hadn’t gotten his tongue tied…

Eventually, the guilt catches up with him; he needs to be honest with you. He stops the two of you in the middle of your walk and apologizes. 

“I…didn’t actually require your company with me during this patrol….The truth is I had wanted to ask you if you’d accompany me for a date…but I failed to overcome my fear. I apologize.” 

It was so stiff, even for Gepard. He knew that, and he felt a little ashamed of that. 

“I understand if you have better things to do. I won’t fault you if you must go after this.” 

But little did he know that you also had feelings for him — long, unspoken feelings for him, and now it was your turn to confess your feelings back. 

He’ll look at you, both flustered and mildly distraught that you love him despite such a blundering attempt to court you, but more than anything, he was so happy that you returned feelings. 

“If that’s the case,” Gepard clears his throat, “Then let me ask you out properly some time.” 

You agree to wait for him then, but you can’t help but smile at him and assure him, “For the record, Gepard, I also like being on patrol with you.”  

Give him a while after that; he needs some time to recover before he tries to ask you out. Properly, this time. 

[dollybites]

just went through at least the third circle of hell

[hazy-lilac-dream]

do you ever really like a character for completely inexplicable reasons and whenever someone is like “why do you like this character so much??” you just have to go “idk man asdfghjkhfhkjffjjdgkk”

[thefigureresource]

Shinano : Dreams of the Hazy Moon [Azur Lane] 1/7 scale from Good Smile Arts Shanghai coming February 2025.

[intertexts]

oh you wanna think about muse and trickster? yeah? it's been a while since I put a heartbreaking nhw post in your inbox <3 I know u love the prime dehumanization loss of bodily autonomy defenders. << im not even remotely trying to keep the acronym the same anymore. I've lost the plot. ANYWAY

briefly mentioned this before but because I loooove the aesthetic so much I think at least one important muse confrontation should happen in the tricksters city, specifically in the amusement park. make it like a fuckign scooby door episode everything is all abandoned and run down but as the wards are walking down a boardwalk or something all the lights flicker on and some distorted fuckign. carnival music starts playing and they find muse sitting in like. the rebar scaffolding or whatever in the ferris wheel. just like grinning chin in hands kicking his feet watching them. this image is so clear in my mind. some creep shit !!!! also its like when they first go to the spirit world to get tide back from.mal and end up in the amusement park. except ashe isn't with them this time

uhhhhhh also thinking about. downtime. when muse isn't out being destructive and causing chaos for funsies. like... does he have a bedroom????? does he eat does he sleep??? idfk !!!! I would assume he has to or else he'd fucking die but !!!! man the trickster is so far gone I don't think he even realizes his puppets are real people anymore. that's a fun little doll for him to play dressup with. literally never going 2 get the image of him braiding muses hair and like. putting makeup on him and dressing him in fancy little outfits out of my mind. making myself ILL. smile! good evening I'm gently placing the knife box in your in. << as I was going to type inbox I accidentally typed out inventory. yknow what I'm keeping it. knife box directly into your inventory. watch out they're RUSTY

GOD. THANKS FOR THE KNIFE BOX MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knife box directly in my inventory!!! u know what this means is that now i can use them :3 <- has been drawing wards stuff abt this for the past two hours ^_^

this is so fucking good though yeahhh.... i love creepy carnival shit so much. he trickster probably Knows it's very over the top and horror movie creepy and just a little absurd. he's so fucking fun 2 think abt since he's literally always doing shit simply because it is funny to him. we can swing a trickster justification for anything probably. i bet he fucking saw traps people!! anyway. ashe isn't with them this time. except..... well. he kind of is. :(

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABT DOWNTIME. FREQUENTLY. i guess. the answer to this is he lives however the trickster&co does. the image of him coming back in his fancy intricate little outfits to some disgusting nasty bloody industrial warehouse where they're posted up & always being this very jarring contrast to the gore and violence is really good. the image of him having a perfect doll bedroom and going through a fancy little routine half the nights when the trickster is in a good mood or feeling it & just. getting thrown on the bed & the door locked to pass out for a couple hours whenever he forgets or is busy is also really good. literally anything we do to muse makes me feel some kind of way man. i also have had the extremely vivid image of the trickster braiding his hair & chatting about all kinds of horrific things excited sleepover style to muse who is just. Visibly Not There in my head for so long. not even like he has to touch him, he could be making him do all these things for himself! he's literally controlling him! he just does it for fun!!!

anyway i think post-muse ashe should get to freak out very badly in a multitude of ways whenever anybody touches his hair. like i think he's touch-adverse in general (& miserable about it because he's also so touchstarved & his brain simply whites out in distress anytime anyone touches him because. literally the only person doing that was the trickster!!!!) but i think specifically his hair being messed with is a bad trigger for him. makes him freeze up n go nonverbal for hours. dakota knows that he's jumpy about touch but he still wants to do something for him & before the everything he loved them playing with his hair (its so long!! wibby & dakota think its so pretty!! virion's the only one who knows how to braid it because of his mom!! ashe melts into a puddle over it every time because nobody's ever done that for him before!) so he goes to just run fingers through it & ashe just. fullbody locks up and goes weird and still and silent & doesn't protest or fight back when dakota shakes his shoulder or smth and his eyes are distant and sort of dark and empty like virion's were most of the time when they first met him... maybe he wants to cut it a little bit just because he hates that it's been covered in The Ooze and he can't do anything with it without thinking about how the trickster would do the same thing but also he hates the idea of getting rid of the one thing abt himself that he really likes & is a little connection with both of his parents because of the trickster also, when he's already taken so much from him. (it does have to get gross and tangled and matted because he refuses to put it back or do anything to it for a while though. maybe virion helps him sort it out & it's slow and painstaking and miserable for both of them and they both feel better at the end of it.)

[autisticredhood]

important personal jason characterization 2 me is that part of “coming back wrong” is that he cannot feel his past self. he remembers his past but hes completely severed from himself pre-death, that version of him is distinctly gone. being a living person is like a russian doll with your younger selves layered inside of you & rattling around but resurrected jason is just the outer shell russian doll constantly aware of how unnaturally hollow his inside is