#my blog statement

[shmaroace]

don't get me wrong, i love all the positivity around being aro, like "be proud of being aro!! love who you are!!", but we never talk about how hard it is to reach that spot. so here's to the aros who are still trying to understand themselves, who aren't proud of who they are yet, who are still coming to terms with their new identity.

[phosphorus-noodles]

very sorry for not doing the assignment professor you see i was busy writing 5 note posts on tumblr dot com and simply could not leave. you know how it is

[wispforever]

halloween was scary this year

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

realised. dean is the perfect viewer avatar for a horror show. he gets to be both the action hero and the quippy, self-aware wiseguy who knows he's in a horror show. he provides a safe point; a comfortable power fantasy for you to experience a story through. he's ash in the evil dead. he's a gunslinging tough guy, and you get to see those moments where heroism sits on his shoulders like an ill-fitting leather jacket. and even when he gets his turn at being captured and victimised by the narrative, it's filtered through this mythic lens first. he's the tormented hero; tortured by villains, tortured by the constraints of his role. yeah he gets bruised, beaten bloody to a pulp, torn to shreds and killed, but his perception of reality never gets thrown into serious doubt (unless it's played out as a gag). the narrative valorises his sense of right and wrong, because that's what heroic stories do. their heroes provide moral center, regardless of how we might judge them. the lines dividing hero, anti-hero, and villian are paper thin, and dean isn't truly ever allowed to be ambiguous. and the hero always wins in the end, even when he dies.

meanwhile sam is the abject object of the horror show, a character who gets trussed up, chased, tied up, ripped apart, cut into, possessed, exploited, manipulated and psychologically hounded. he's carrie covered in pig's blood. he's the marginal person people are cheering on either to die - or to live past it all. he gets his turn at playing both movie monster and victim, always occupying the liminal space between both. abject horror lives within him. he's violated with demon blood, he consumes demon blood. he hates halloween because he vomited his guts up in front of a room of normal children. he will never get to be normal, he's designated the freak on multiple levels, but most significantly, by the way his narrative frames him. he's living inside a world that is at its core, fundamentally frightening and horrifying - full control over himself and his surroundings is always slipping away, just beyond his reach. his grip on reality and the world around him gets thrown into question by the story consistently. what's right? what's wrong? what's real? what isnt? the narrative punishes him - because that's what happens to you when you're living in a horror. he can never run away from his nightmare reality, it catches up to him like a curse nipping at his heels. the only way out for him is through the punishing fire. in order to survive, he's required to be pushed to the absolute brink of instability; emotionally, physically and mentally. he emerges out the other end, barely holding it together but somehow alive - like the bloody final girl, changed irrevocably by what she's experienced.

[gayeddieagenda]

man.... it's all fun and games but i want eddie and buck from the tv program 911 to get together (on the tv program 911) so bad

[ruegarding]

ppl have been taking the idea of "post things u enjoy" to mean "don't be negative ever" when all it actually means is that if u dread what u are doing for fun, you're not doing it for fun. i enjoy critical thinking and analysis. sometimes that includes tearing into something or looking at its lost potential.

[palmettoshenanigans]

The thing is, "Nothing" isn't something that can feel the ache of loss or lack I think. Like,,, when you introduce things like "something" - where you can have a positive value - you can also have a negative value. You can have ten dollars, and you can owe someone ten dollars. You can have ten more than nothing, or you can have ten less than nothing. Zero becomes somewhat of a doorway i suppose? You never stop at zero and just rest there. Either you're in debt, or you want more. The only solution is to remove Things, Stuff, Etc from the equation. Can't have or owe anyone ten dollars if there be no dollars

When you choose to stop and sit there, at nothing, in the home of Zero, 'more' and 'less' cease to mean anything. Cease to affect you. To me this is oddly similar to the concept of Being Here Now, in the Present Moment, unconcerned with the hauntings of Yesterday or the threats of Tomorrow. I am Here. I Am. Here. Now. That's it.

Now feels very similar to Nothing. Not because there is an emptiness, but because there is a Radical Refusal to engage with ephemeral potentials and what-could-be's. They don't exist. What Is Here and Now exists.

when asked, "what do you want?" the response "nothing" doesn't mean 'there is nothing that i care to want', it means 'i am accepting of what i have Now, and i ask naught for anything else, lest I be distracted from what is Here'.

"Nothing" is like Radical Acceptance. It says "This is what Life has served me. This is what I'm working with. This is where I will focus my attention. Wishing for More of something Good or wishing for Less of something Bad will only serve to create more suffering within me. I choose instead to attend to the matters at hand. The good, the bad, and the ugly."

"I want nothing." == "I am accepting of what I have Now, and I ask naught for anything else."

"I am nothing." == "There are no titles labeling me Greater or Lesser - they are all false. I simply Am."

"This is nothing." == "There is no specialness that makes what is going on between us more or less than. We simply Are."

Andrew does not want. He will simply Be that which he Is, Here Now, with whomever is with him, and he will take them as they Are. And if what Am and Here and Now equates to is something good, well...

He'll take it.

[gertritude-art]

Embarassingly, I haven't mentioned it on this blog, so I figured I would officially state that I stand against the ongoing ethnic cleansing/genocide of Palestine by Israel. I genuinely don't know what to say other than that I hope every politician - especially those in my country, the US - who has signed off on the murder of what is now twenty thousand civilians suffers forever.

[pfhwrittes]

hey p this is nobody you know but do you have thoughts about depot mouse seeing something they shouldn't have seen? 😇

hello friend! (who i definitely don't know, no siree) i waffled over this and my search results are now full of dubiously legal activities that i definitely haven't ever seen in practice, not even once mr/ms/mx GCHQ person checking online traffic. (i also got distracted by portakabin set ups, but that's a separate issue.) and then my brain spat this out for the tradieverse.

does it answer the prompt? eh, vaguely. but i hope you'll be pleased with it.

tags/tw: non-sexual semi-nudity, russian pet names (pchelka = little bee, myshka = mouse, milaya = darling/sweetie/dearest), light angst at the end, and a very brief mention of choking.

author's note: barely skimmed for typos and bad grammar as always and a patented (by @/391780) abrupt ending because i couldn't figure out how to end it and it was getting away from me.

at this point, you're certain nikolai thinks it's funny to have you running around after him. flitting from your office to the driver's "lounge" (another portakabin, this time outfitted with a row of lockers, a sagging sofa, a table and set of scattered chairs, and a small kitchenette area), you yank open the door and your waspish comments die on your tongue.

nikolai is leaning against the counter of the kitchenette. in his pants. in just his pants.

unbidden your eyes skate over his broad shoulders, down over a glimmering gold chain that is nestled in thick, dark hair that spreads wildly over his chest to a soft stomach, to land on the tightest pair of black briefs you've ever seen.

"hello, myshka." nik's voice snaps you out of your staring and you feel heat flooding your cheeks as you tear your gaze away from his... underwear to meet his amused brown eyes.

"i, um, i was looking for you." you absolutely do not let your eyes drop below his neck as nik redistributes his weight as he laughs.

"and now you have found me." nik grins, a flash of surprisingly white teeth considering the amount of black tea and cigarettes he imbibes.

"yes, i wanted to - sorry, but why exactly are you in your pants?" you blurt out.

nik shrugs his broad shoulders and you drag your gaze up to look just past his left ear where a damp lock of black hair curls lazily.

"my clothes are wet." he says simply, like that explains everything. it probably does, knowing the very little you do know about nik.

there's a beat of silence where nik continues to grin and you ignore the way your neck and face are blazing with heat.

"right." you clear your throat uncomfortably. "anyway, i need your receipts."

"it's no problem, i've already handed them to farah." nik waves your words off with a lazy flap of his hand.

"yes, it is a problem! you can't just hand your receipts off to the head of the company, nikolai!" you huff irritably and nikolai interrupts you with a loud boisterous laugh.

"ah, pchelka." he sighs fondly, "always so busy running around, you miss what's right in front of your nose."

that brings you up short and you scowl furiously at him. of course he would think that, all he has to worry about to getting from the depot to the job site and back again. he isn't having to chase wayward drivers around for scraps of paper, or answering the phone to a disgruntled jonathan price when he can't get hold of nikolai, or answering emails with the subject line "how much 4 hardcore??" that you hope to god have come from a bot and not some sad, lonely weirdo thinking that a haulage company offers pornography.

the grin on nik's face flickers slightly and you see his eyes are no longer amused, but soft, almost apologetic.

"sweetness, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to imply-"

"it's fine." you interrupt him, your tone has gone flat and professional despite the way frustration burns at your lungs, urging you to unload all of your irritation on the man. "i'll just go ask farah for the receipts."

nik takes a step towards you.

"milaya -"

"no, really nik." you turn away to push at the door, "thank you for your help as always." you shove open the door and stomp across the dirt to the office you share with farah, leaving nik behind you in his underpants.

(later in the afternoon, after you had emailed farah to send you copies of nikolai's receipts, you lean back in your chair and refuse to let your mind drift back to the glittering gold chain resting on nik's collarbone.

and if you do, it's only because you're thinking about wrapping it around your fist to strangle the insufferable man with it, honest. )

[viktoriaashleyyx]

"The only reason we are having this hearing is because someone got their feelings hurt in a debate, and I dont understand why we are wasting taxpayer dollars. Next time, tell your big boy to show up prepared to handle the WOMAN in the room, who, hopefully, will become the next President of the United States."

-Jasmine Crockett

[the-kipsabian]

[toskarin]

in a few years, you're going to hear people say "we didn't know!" about the carnage in palestine, and when you hear that, you have to understand it to mean "the created consensus had not yet shifted" and know that they will leave you, too, if the tide of opinion tells them to. these are not your bedfellows

every piece of material evidence was screaming at them and they chose to ignore it in favour of public messaging

at absolute most generous, they were useful idiots lacking principles to guide them and they would let it happen all over again if given the chance. at worst, they're lying

it's horrifying. it's disgusting. I hope they find hearts so that they can break when they realise the abyssal fucking depths of what they've done.

[journeytojaburo]

The origin's version of the char shower scene being set in a swanky hotel and garma's watching him on a video call the whole time

[jakowskis]

idgaf if you see them as platonic i see them bouncing n doing tricks on it!!!!!!

[sophsicle]

Soph I love you but Taylor Swift does not “make herself the victim” there’s so much valid shit that has happened to her for us to feel that way about her, which most of her fans honestly don’t even see her as - granted there as some obnoxious ones but that goes for all fandoms.

Like for example of the experiences I was talking about.

- being sexually assaulted and then being called “greedy” for suing the guy.

- being painted as a “snake” because she didn’t react well to someone writing a misogynistic song about it. Which I feel like is a valid reaction as a woman in entertainment.

- being groomed at 19 by a 30+ something year old.

- getting called a snake worldwide for a narrative that 2 people - who were more famous than her at the time invented.

- being bodyshamed constantly when she had an eating disorder

Yes she’s privileged and has always been, coming from money and having fame, but she does not portray herself as the “victim” and the fact that people think she does just for standing up for herself makes me sad, not because of her but because being a woman myself it just paints the picture that women’s pain or experiences will always be brushed under the rug because we’re classified as “dramatic” and “we should take it with more grace” “be thankful about the good things” like??

I understand that you don’t like her but that assessment just seems wrong.

like i just. you realize you're proving my point right? like this - not just this message, but all of the ones i've gotten where people are waxing poetic about all of the struggles taylor swift has had and how she is absolutely a victim and how dare i suggest otherwise - is exactly what i'm talking about. you feel the need to jump down the throat of anyone who says anything remotely negative about her. this is the whole "victim" narrative, that she is vulnerable and must be protected and defended from all negativity at all times at all costs.

and like. that is on purpose. she has cultivated that narrative for this reason. so that publications are now afraid to post reviews of her albums with bylines because their journalists are getting death threats if they criticize her.

i am not suggesting that taylor swift has never had anything bad ever happen to her. that would be insane. i am trying to say that this culture that has been cultivated within her fanbase of defending and protecting her, is extreme and irrational. and when you don't buy into it, it makes a lot of the content surrounding taylor swift very hard to swallow.

[paranormaltheatrekid]

I genuinely think a person’s tumblr blog is a glance into their psyche.