#my biggest problem is that as a person i am a hopeless romantic

[eorzeanflowers]

11. Opinion on platonic ships?

Adore, love, a joy to see. I always want to see MORE! :D On my own side, I have a huge web were all my characters are connected and the like... I just have never put it to paper!

And on the other coin, I am always up for platonic ships! Archie in particular is very big into them! Rivals, besties, just ordinary friends, I will eat it up. <3

[gregmarriage]

do you suppose when my dad had three daughters, he’d guess that two of them would get married to men and give him a ton of grandkids, and the other one would sit in her room, dykely and autistically

[ash-says]

Things to be aware of as a Hopeless Romantic:

We all have been there daydreaming about the perfect man, the perfect life, the perfect whatever,etc. Still life is not full of roses and thorns are inevitable.

So here are some aspects to look out for according to me so that you won't fall in the delulu is the only solulu trap.

Remember if you follow me, we don't do regrets here. We accept, take accountability and move on. We don't soak ourselves in problems. We solve them effectively.

1) Drop those rose-colored glasses. Crush them under your feet and now look at the world again. Learn to accept reality. It is what it is. Not what you make it out to be. Learn to become an observer of your life from time to time. It will give you the real picture.

2) Potential is useless if you are not leveraging it. It's a trap both for yourself and others. You see potential in him of changing and being a good guy?? Girl, he *IS* not a good guy. It's not your job to raise a man. It's embarrassing. Stop babysitting grown men.

3) Standards are important but ensure they are not rooted in fantasy. Let's be honest finding a man who is rich, dark, tall, sexy and talks in the way you read in your romance novels is difficult. I am not saying it's impossible but don't be too rigid. All I will say is make sure you are also on the level where if you come across such a man he should be ready to date you.

4) Men view sex differently than us women. I know many of you will get triggered after reading this but the majority of men really view women as sex dolls. Blame the porn industry maybe. Good men exist but not every other man who talks sweetly is good.

5) A person in your life treats you nicely. Always talk sweetly, tells you that you matter to them but their actions don't match it. Chances are you are being breadcrumbed. Plans being cancelled? Messages being unseen? But when confronted all you get is,"Sorry love, I was busy. I was going to do it. You matter a lot,etc etc." Breadcrumbing. Be smart it can happen even in friendships too. I understand people get busier with time and things do happen. Use your discernment to see who really is busy and who is faking to be busy.

6) That uncle was so kind to me. He talked to me sweetly and always tried to help me out. Now, that's really sweet of him. Next he calls you home to help out with the household chores and he is alone at home because his wife is out of town for some work. Would you go and help? Yes. Will you go alone? No. That's unsafe.

No matter how much a gentleman a man appears to be you are not allowed to be in a situation where he could potentially take advantage of you. You always bring along a friend or deny it. I know it's wrong to not help someone but at your own risk. No. Never. It's common knowledge in our society.

7) Dreaming of a Prince Charming to whisk you away from all your troubles??? Dream on. The idea that a soulmate or one person will magically solve all our issues is dumb. We as human beings add to each other's happiness rather than becoming the core of it.

8) One of the biggest mistakes I have seen girls around me make is of being fully invested in a relationship to the point one small fight makes them depressed. That's codependency. It's unhealthy.

9) Never make your relationship your identity. You should always have a separate identity out of it. Stop curating yourself for your partners. Morphing yourself according to their likes and dislikes. That's one way ticket to an identity crisis after breakup. Compromises are essential but changing your core self??? Crazy shit.

10) Your relationship should not be the reason for your downfall. It happens especially with my intense girlies we invest so much of ourselves in the relationship to the point it becomes our focal point and when it faces upheavals we are devastated. The mental distress starts flowing in other areas of your life and suddenly your grades are falling, your career seems unstable, etc. Develop the emotional strength to compartmentalize your emotions and not allow them to overflow in other areas and affect them.

Imagination is fertile but being delusional is being stuck in a swamp.

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

[pixelchills]

Chill's ramblings about the DCA fandom and personal feelings and issues towards TSAMS (both positive an negative):

(I'm writing this like an essay but treating it like a diary, so if I jump from subject to another, it is because I am just typing as the thoughts hit my head. Sorry for being so wordy.)

I simply feel like I need to write my thoughts down, so why not share them with you. Maybe you can validate my feelings or something, I don't know.

Intro:

So, oof, I got a fic rec from @thedenofravenpuff and I'm loving it so much I really wanna draw fan art for it...

But the problem is that it's a TSAMS fanfic and I've sworn to my name I'll never draw anything related to the show because that will make me engage with a part of the fandom I'm not comfortable with.

My biggest issue with TSAMS:

I have such complicated feelings towards the show and its fanbase and I do not wish to make my life and work more difficult because of it as it already is.

My own work and characters are already constantly being compared to TSAMS. When I first introduced Solar to my fic, he was constantly being referred to Eclipse from TSAMS. Now that the show had a character with THE SAME NAME, it has been even worse.

Dolldrop Moon has been compared to Lunar. Even though the dolldrops existed before the youtube channel was even created (and Lunar made his debut much later).

The biggest issue I've had has always been the fanbase, that takes the show as the canon for Sun and Moon from FNAF and uses it as an excuse to harass shippers like me because they think Sun and Moon are brothers.

I've first handedly seen the damage the fanbase has done to some of my friends who draw, or have previously drawn art for the show besides their own AUs and personal headcanons of Sun and Moon as lovers. I'm sorry to tag you, but @kriimhild and @fablekitty : I've seen how the immature side of the show's fans have treated you, I am so terribly sorry you've had to defend yourselves over and over again for things that were not meant to be mixed up.

I have posted some ideas of a possible Animutant Moon and Sun forming a polyamorous relationship with Solar in the future of "My Dear Daffodil" on my personal/adult Twitter account. Someone kept commenting on my posts that I was glorifying incest, because Sun and Moon were brothers and Solar was their cousin.

The post had "Animutant" in it. Not "TSAMS". These comments came from a person saying they were 19 in their profile. So it's not just kids who can't tell not every fanwork is about TSAMS. It's starting to be some adults too.

Vice versa I've had another person comment on my very clearly SFW Twitter how they're following me because I am an adult artist who draws TSAMS incest. I have never drawn TSAMS art. I ship Sun and Moon, but they're never related with family bond, because I love presenting them as lovers.

Why I ship Sun and Moon:

Because I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic love. Every single story I write is always about love.

The only exception to this is the Poppy Playtime comic I am doing. But even then, I was originally planning for a romantic love between Dogday and the Player. Yet, I decided to leave it, and keep the relationship open for any type of representation the reader themselves will prefer.

I used to watch The Sun and Moon Show when it first started airing. I loved their playthroughs. I had a big distaste for them calling each other brothers, as well as some of the first "lore" videos they had. My biggest issue at the time was how Moon treated Sun, though. As someone who grew up with an abusive sibling, it sometimes just hit a bit too hard at home.

But it got better after Eclipse and Lunar appeared. Moon was more caring, and I started to really like his character development. There was one episode where Sun explained to Lunar that he and Moon had simply just "decided" to be brothers, despite not having a canonical relationship.

This actually made me really happy. Because the Old Moon was aroace, the love he felt was simply never meant to be romantic, but platonic. And by making Sun his brother by choice clearly indicated that Sun was always the one he loved the most - in a way that was suitable for aromantic person like him.

And it really made me enjoy the show for a while. Sun is my favourite character, and despite not always liking the way the show presents him, I always feel so much love for him, no matter the AU he is in. So I loved that Moon loved him more than anything, even if it was just platonic. Because I've always been under the impression that the canon Moon loves Sun, and is only under a virus to protect him. For me, the best part of any Sun and Moon AU is to know that Sun is the most important thing to Moon.

Why I stopped watching TSAMS:

And then that Moon I had really started to like, who loved Sun more than anyone else but just platonically, died.

It hurt so much I simply stopped watching the show. I've watched a few episodes here and there after that, but I am having a hard time liking the show the same as I did before.

Partially it's because of the fanbase. Partially it's because I don't find the lore very interesting and some of the stuff a bit repetitive. Partially it's because I am scared to see Sun eventually crumble up into madness, because he has been through so much.

I like the New Moon. He is funny and nice, what I've seen. His relationship with Solar has been interesting, and I genuinely hoped they would've been able to take the romantic route after Moon said he wasn't sure if he was aroace anymore. But as I said, I've only watched a few episodes after the old Moon died, so I don't know either of their characters that much to form any strong opinions about them. I just listen to the Monty and Puppet podcast once in a while and get a little inside to some of the lore that has been happening.

But hey, at least there's fanfics. Which is why I am rambling here today.

Fanfics:

It is a rare treat to find Sun x Moon fanfics that aren't simply just porn, or do not include reader inserts. So since my romance-filled brain needed something to fill the void, I've started reading some TSAMS fics with romance (that wasn't between Sun & Moon) and plot in them.

I know Solar was settled to be a "cousin" to the weird family tree of TSAMS. But I simply crave for Solar and New Moon to be at least queerplatonic. Solar is not from their dimension, no matter how much they decide they're 'cousins' it doesn't make him their real cousin or relative because they're not from the same world.

Sun and Moon are brothers but they technically gave birth to Eclipse, who then created Lunar so Eclipse is technically Lunar's parent and then brother and Lunar is Sun and Moon's brother and... do you see what I'm trying to say?

The family tree is so complicated that I don't think I'm a horrible person for shipping Moon and Solar and reading fics about them. Tell me if I am wrong though.

The FIC that is making me question everything:

So Puffy recommended this fic by @theinfamousdoctorf , "Eclipse Meets His Match".

I'm currently on chapter 40, and I am genuinely surprised how much I am liking this fic so far. It got everything; redemption and character growth, the representation of Sun as the good, glowing angel he is in my mind (for canon, and every AU. He is always perfect in my eyes I love him can you tell lol), slow-burn romance, drama, excitment, plot, jokes and funny moments... even if there are a lot of mentions of sex and sexual pleasure, it doesn't feel out of the place as there is so much more to it too.

Eclipse's redemption to become better and realising he is in love with Sun has been so interesting to follow. Sun deserves the love. I love when Sun is getting loved. I literally ship him with every other animatronic in the games and love it when people ship him with their self-inserts and OCs. Because I love him so much I want him to be loved in every possible universe he is in.

Even bigger bonus to this fic is the second pairing, Solar and Moon, which I already opened up about above. I don't know how much the fic is truthful to the canon lore of the show, but I wish to pretend this fic is the canon now /hj.

I love the characters and how they're written. I love the descriptions of their flaws and hopes and dreams. How vulnerable they can get. How closely they stick together. And as an appreciation for making me tearful and excited about fanfiction in such a long time, I would hope to be able to gift the author some fan art for their fic.

But I've sworn to not draw anything for the show. For my own good. I've got too many awful comments already from the fans of the show despite never doing any art for it. I am just scared it will turn things worse.

End words:

I don't know if creating a new alias would be the right choice. So my main name/account would be spared from the confusion that the show's fans seem to stirr into, where one tsams artwork turns all of the artist' work into tsams.

I don't care if the art style would be recognisible. The artist would be me, but not PixelChills. Just so I could gift something to the author of this fic that is currently saving me from the boredom of being unable to write my own.

Thank you.

(This text has been typed on my phone, so pardon for any typos).

-Chill

[liztical]

At times, I think I am my life's biggest paradox. The way I think, the way I act, the way I speak, my whole existence is like a paradox to me.

I love nature but I also don't like rain and I am afraid of thunderstorms. I love making friends but I don't want to tell them my problems. I tell my friends it's human to make mistakes but my tiniest mistakes eat me away. I am extremely ambitious and love the things I do, but then, I am extremely lazy too. I am a hopeless romantic, very hopeless, but I am afraid if I fall too hard for someone I might lose my own self. I am very confident about myself but it won't take me the slightest moment to get insecure when someone better read, better dressed shows up. I love myself, a lot. But, there are times I look in the mirror and don't like the way I am looking. I am an over-sharer(if that's even a word, but you get it) but I also have some major trust issues. I don't care about what others think but I also want to be likeable. I am really sensitive but I am also really tough. I am very happy but I also cry a lot.

Even my thoughts. At times, I'd think people don't really have bad intentions, it's just a matter of perspective but then I also judge a lot of people for the one thing they did wrong to me. I'd think honesty is just so very important but I also think a truth that might hurt someone shouldn't be said unless necessary.

There's so much of these things that this list could go on forever. But, then I think our lives are a little too long to hold on to just one personality, just one perspective, just one ideology. Wouldn't it be too boring to live such a predictable life?

[yankstrash]

i need your advice, i am almost 19 never had a boyfriend or my first kiss and i just feel so sad and i feel like gross about myself and idk on what to do because i just want love and to love a guy; but i feel like i am not pretty enough to get a guy../ if you and kenz could help and id you know luna if y’all can give me advice i would appreciate it

i promise you not having your first kiss or a boyfriend is not as big of a deal as it seems. i didn’t have my first kiss till i was 17 & a senior in high school, & at that time people around me were already having sex & i was like WHAT. it may seem like a big deal but i promise it’s really not, you go at your own pace & do what you’re comfortable with & if you’re not comfortable doing that with anyone then don’t ! it is not worth it. i wish i never kissed the first guy i ever kissed. i wish i didn’t have my first time with the guy i did. hell, i wish i never even met my first boyfriend (because he’s that fucking awful). there’s really no rush for these things because a lot of the time you end up regretting who you share it with & it sucks regretting

i hate that you feel that way about yourself because i can guarantee you it’s not true. i don’t know you or what you look like but i’m telling you you’re beautiful. everyone is beautiful & i hate when people think they’re not just because they’ve never had a relationship. if anything you’re probably too good looking for any of the idiotic men around you & you don’t need any of them.

honestly, boys are fucking nasty. & 99% of them don’t deserve any girl. i wouldn’t even be worried about never having a boyfriend, most boys refuse to settle down & only want to hookup so the girls who want relationships scare them (their loss, not yours). not your fault & nothing to do with you that they can’t keep their dick in their pants & refuse to settle for one person 🫶🏼

self love baby. it’s easier said than done but you’re you & there’s only one of you so love yourself for exactly who you are & the right person will too. when the time is right, the right person will walk into your life & love you the way you’re supposed to be loved. there’s over 7 billion people in this world & you’re 19, you have SO much time to meet someone & a whole world of people to choose from. it’s no problem that you haven’t yet, these things take time & it’s not always easy but i promise you will one day. you haven’t fallen in love yet because the universe hasn’t sent you the person who will give you exactly what you deserve, YET. but it will happen. in time.

you can’t rush what’s meant to be.

i’ve had 3 ex boyfriends & i didn’t love a single one of them. i’m almost 21 & am yet to be in love with a boy & i am the biggest hopeless romantic so it SUCKS but i know that the right boy will come along eventually & that’s not something i want to rush because i want it to be the very right boy. don’t rush it, be patient & it will come.

you ARE beautiful. you’re perfect the way you are. you will meet the person you’re supposed to be with. i love you & i am always here for you.

this goes for EVERYONE. i am always here to talk or try to help. i’m not sure if this helped but i really hope it did.

(at the end of the day, we don’t need boys. boys need us. they’re gross & don’t deserve any of us beautiful ladies)

[saintwisona]

last reblog (cw sex, sexuality and maybe abuse???):

I am a hopeless romantic but. Sex? Lately when I think about it I just. Don't wanna think about it actually lol it's wild, maybe it's cause i'm still sad about losing my partner but I haven't really felt that urge since they left, and it's made me wonder if I enjoyed sex because it felt good or I enjoyed it because she felt good. Like I never really prodded her for it and kind of just made myself available to her when she was in the mood...

I know i've said I am a demi-Lesbian and like, don't usually like sex to begin with so maybe it's just the loss itself that I'm feeling. I don't know.

I think i'm content with never doing it again, because I probably won't ever do it again.

I will still forever be a hopeless romantic and disaster of a person when it comes to falling in and being in love. I think that's one of my biggest shortcomings, how I love so readily and so deeply. Willing to attach myself to whom or whatever if it means I'll be loved in return...it's already caused a significant amount of hurt, more than 1 partner using me and basically SAing me routinely. It's been a journey to unwind those feelings, to accept that they were the problem, and I was a victim. It's taken even longer to be okay with my body, my expression, who I am... and everytime I lose love, I feel myself regress a bit.

But still I love, because there are people worth loving.

[coppermarigolds]

DYW Letter

Hi, Yuletide writer! Apologies for the delay in getting this letter complete. Thank you for your patience, and for whatever you write this year! (I am also perfectly happy to receive treats.) Here are a few notes on my fic preferences:

What I like: Genre-wise, pretty much anything goes–angst, romance, fluff, humor, etc. I love fics that dig into characters’ heads: what they’re thinking and feeling, what drives them, how they interact and react to the world and the people around them, and so on. I also love female characters being awesome. That doesn’t have to mean being physically kickass, either. It could be anything from a witty line of banter to a thoughtful conversation to a creative problem-solving method, just to scratch the surface. I particularly enjoy female characters being assertive and taking charge in romantic relationships. Smut is very welcome, though I typically don’t read anything more hardcore than some light bondage–please no watersports, etc.

What I’m not so into: Rape/non-con is my biggest DNW. I would prefer for character death to be avoided if possible, unless the story deals with the ramifications of a canonical character death. Also, while I’m fine with an angsty story, I tend to avoid fiction that goes full-throttle bleak and hopeless. Angst with a happy–or at least hopeful–ending is much more my jam. Finally, if writing smut, please avoid anything with a female character being dominated by a male character. (Femdom, on the other hand, is encouraged!)

Merge Mansion "What's Grandma Hiding?" Ads, Tim Rockford

Admittedly, I requested this because I love me some Pedro Pascal, especially in that tight white shirt. However, I'm also addicted to the mobile game itself, and am fully up-to-date on the story there, so feel free to include characters and/or story elements from the game as well if you want. But as far as Rockford goes, feel free to take him and his story in any direction you please! Is he a good guy who genuinely wants to solve crimes, or a shady cop who collaborates with bad guys (or somewhere in between)? Does he have a partner/kids at home? (I am, of course, fully here for single-dad-Pedro a la Mandalorian or TLOU if you choose to go in that direction.) How does his job affect his personal life, and vice versa? What's his backstory, and why/how did he get into police work? As far as the mansion-related crimes and mysteries, feel free to go in any direction you want there, as well. I love mysteries of all kinds, so you basically can't go wrong (aside from, as mentioned in my DNWs, no rapes please).

Midnight Mass, Warren Flynn, Leeza Scarborough

I found the ending of this show to be absolutely perfect, and yet I also really want to know what happens next for these two sole survivors. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be a teenager and lose not only your parents, but your entire home and community–and to be unable to talk about it with anyone, because how do you say, “the entire population of my hometown got turned into vampires and burned alive?” In a very real sense, all these two have is each other. How do they explain to the authorities what happened? Are they detained, or at least under suspicion, and how does that turn out? Are they able to stay together, or at least in contact, after the fact, or do they get shuffled off to relatives or foster care? If they do get separated, do they meet up again years down the line? Do they get together/stay together romantically? There’s so much potential to dig into here, and I’d love a story about any or all of it!

Star Wars: The Acolyte, Jecki Lon

I love Jecki and was gutted when she died in canon, so I'd love a story where that just...didn't happen, lol. You could reimagine the rest of the canon events with Jecki surviving, or take the story in a whole different direction. Or, if you prefer to remain canon-compliant, that's fine too! I'd be equally happy with a story set in her past prior to the events of the show, which we of course know very little about. I'm a big fan of mission-fics, if you wanted to write a story about her going on Jedi adventures, with or without other characters. If you want to include other characters, I'd be particularly interested in something focusing on her master/apprentice relationship with Sol, diving deeper into what he's like as a master and how Jecki responds to his methods. I'm especially curious about how he would have approached being a master to another young female Padawan after his fraught experiences with Osha, and how that would have affected Jecki, especially once Osha comes back into the picture. I also love Yord and his relationships with Jecki and Sol, so feel free to include him too if you like. As far as shipping goes, I'm totally down for Jecki/Osha--it was disappointing that they hinted at a possible attraction between them only to immediately kill Jecki off. (Platonic Jecki/Osha friendship would also be completely welcome!)

Star Wars: Outlaws, Kay Vess

I haven't actually finished this game yet, but I'm making good progress on it, so I hope to have it done by Christmas! I absolutely love Kay and would be happy with literally any story about her, past, present, or future. I love how she has so much earnestness and bravado, yet also is dealing with some very real abandonment issues, all while making things up as she goes along, forging through a very big and very messed-up galaxy. A story expanding on her relationship with her mother, whether pre or post-game, would be very welcome. I'm also totally down for mission or heist fic centering on any thorny situations she gets herself into. As far as shipping goes, I don't have any hard-and-fast preferences, but would be very open to Kay/ND-5 (I love his dry sarcasm with her) or Kay/Vail.

True Detective: Night Country, Rose Aguineau

I thoroughly enjoyed this whole season (full disclosure: I have only watched Night Country, not any of the previous TD seasons), and I found Rose particularly fascinating. I would have happily watched a whole show about just her. I'm a huge fan of stories about compelling older women, especially older women who aren't relegated solely to wife/mother roles. And Rose has clearly lived a very interesting life. How, for example, does she know exactly where to go on the ice to dispose of a body--and how to prepare the body so it doesn't resurface? Exactly how many bodies has she been involved in hiding, and why? I'd also love anything relating to her ability to see the dead. Does she ever see any of the people she's killed (or whose bodies she's dumped)? How does she relate to them, and vice versa? What was her reaction the first time she saw a dead person's spirit? If you want to go even further back to her pre-Alaska days, that would be welcome too. I know in the show she says she used to be a professor, but was that really true? And how exactly does one go from professor to ghost-whisperer-body-dumper in the middle of nowhere, Alaska?

I hope these prompts are enough to get some inspiration going, but if you have ideas different from anything I've listed here, please don't feel constrained. I'll enjoy whatever you write. Thanks again, and happy Yuletide!

[ruminate88]

Just an Addiction or True Love? Self discovery era.

Healing Journal 09/14/24 at 8:03 pm

The more I research, read, spend time alone reflecting on my past life AND dig deep inside my soul, I can see the patterns where I chased superficial and emotionally unavailable men blindly and was obsessed with them:

It is possible becuase I did not feel smart growing up; due to external influences from the authorities in my life at the time plus the limiting beliefs created for me in childhood, I then fear being vulnerable and rejected by men I have big crushes on. I was a hopeless romantic and often idealized my relationships. I made up the fairytale endings within my mind and ignored reality. (IT ALL MAKES SENSE)

When Cody love bombed me, it was for sure a fantasy for me. I ate it all up becuase it was everything I had dreamt of in a relationship accept it’s not realistic! Of course I’m going to believe it’s love, like in the movies and hide there. Cody seemingly accepted me but I was putting on my best self too! Then when Cody ghosted me, my biggest fears were confirmed and it’s like a part of me knew I wasn’t good enough; yet I made no changes within myself or within my dating life. I was literally ghosted and saw no problem within my life, other than, Cody is a jerk and I’m this “loving hopeless romantic who is just so innocent.” 😇 🤡

I moved on from Cody but felt sick over him. I was numb and hated myself. Rather than to figure out why I hate myself or why I was so “obsessed with Cody” I HONESTLY just replaced him with Andrew. Suddenly when I’m with Andrew now, he’s doing the same thing to me Cody did. Praising me without end, so I’ll be hooked in the jaw. Andrew is reeling me in and once he had me trapped in his web, it’s like, “Cody who??” Suddenly my WHOLE life is about Andrew!!! I’m 100% totally obsessed with Andrew… but did I ever ask myself why? No. I didn’t stop to think that normal people don’t obsess over their partner. My parents certainly didn’t act obsessed with each other.

I told myself it was “love” and believed becuase it was so hard to walk away from Cody and Andrew, that I must really care about them. I believed I was 100% selfless in the relationships because of how much effort I put in to making them happy but they didn’t seem to care abut me at all. Now it’s some years later, I’m married to a guy who I am NOT obsessed with at all. Yet I feel comfortable to be myself with him for the most part and noting is intense with him. I do NOT feel the same crazy intense emotions I felt with Cody or Andrew. As I learn about emotional abuse, I began to mull over the past and automatically label my exes as emotionally unavailable and blame them for all my emotional barriers and trauma. As if I have a healthy attachment to people and I’m also emotionally stable or available.

I came across some videos that got me really thinking more and looking deeper inside of me. Was it possible, I had a wound from childhood that caused me to fear rejection and feelings of unworthiness. I then chase these emotionally unavailable men becuase I can hide there AND Andrew kept crying, “I’m not good enough for you”. Which actually validates me into thinking I could be a better person than how I feel. I must be sooooo great becuase he doesn’t even feel “worthy of me”. But I’m not so great…. I was made to believe in school I wasn’t capable of doing things for myself without an adult. I battled that lie even now I fight that lie.

Cody and Andrew were superficial, treating me like an object and making me believe I’m only good for sex and I think a part of me was actually subconsciously comfortable there because then I don’t have to face my fears. I can just be their sex toy and get all their attention and praise. I believed they were extremely handsome men so that boosted my ego into thinking I can get handsome men to “want me”. Accept when I’m discarded, now my ego is bruised and I have to face myself. Also I was the family caregiver, I was use to focusing on others and did not like focusing on myself. Another good reason why I would date toxic men who are self centered. Was my reasons for dating them also selfish though?

I feel Andrew gave me many many lessons that have been both painful and insightful. I feel he was a blessing and a curse. I believed I was falling in love with him but the more I walk this healing journey and do more shadow work, its very possible I was just idealizing Andrew. Making up in my head the version I wanted him to be. Making up the version I also wanted to be with him. There’s no “perfect couple”. All this time I’ve been crying inside, “Oh but I loved him so much… why couldn’t he let me love him?” BUT it’s possible I loved the person I wanted him to be. I think I did right by blocking his number and setting him free. I do want what’s best for him and myself. I don’t regret him truly. Especially if he’s the one to make me self aware and open my eyes to truths about myself. He can be the bridge from the old me to the person I’m becoming. I’ve NEVER loved myself and the way Andrew hurt me, it forced me to lose me to the point I needed to hit the reset button. This is progress ❤️‍🩹 A year ago I was angry at him and going through major withdrawals. Right now, I’m actually excited to be growing as a person and I want the same for him. I do pray he’s also becoming self aware and in his “self discovery” era. How fire would that be? But I have to stay focused on my own path no matter what and leave him behind ❤️‍🩹 it’s been painful cuz I’m not just “losing him” but “losing the old me and beliefs.”

[user5726816393]

A couple months since my last post, tonight seems as good a night as any. Attended the wedding of the first friend I made in Chicago, and boooooy, it was so nice. The location, the ceremony, the shuttle, the dinner. Magnifque. *chef's kiss* All while still feeling like a really small and personal event. The vows and words shared by homeboy's bride and her sister genuinely brought a tear to my eye. They really spoke from the heart and it showed.

And in the midst of this beautiful display, I couldn't help but feel a literal stabbing pain in my chest. My biggest insecurity: that I'm single as fuck. I've made strides in my career, my personal life balance is in a good place, my finances... well, that's not going too great, but my mental can handle that. Everything else outside of my dating life is achievable with hard work and a bit of guts.

But dating??? Ugh. I've told the same fucking story over and over: "I'm not looking, I'm focusing on myself, if it happens it happens." God, I'm fucking begging you, make it happen. LOL. I'm lying to people through my fucking teeth, I want it SO BAD. But it can't be just anyone, it has to be the right one. I'm such a realist with every other aspect of my life, that if I caught cancer, I honestly wouldn't even be that phased. That's life, if it plays put that way, that's just the hand I'm dealt.

But when it comes to my love life, I'm still a hopeless romantic. And I blame all these fucking people with their perfect relationships and their perfect weddings. Y'all got me fucked up. And it's because of these unrealistic expectations that it's fucking me up, because I've set the bar so high, that I don't want to try and force things to happen if something ain't there.

But as the realist in me will note, and as my friends back home would say: you don't shoot, you don't score. You're an ugly, nerdy ass short motherfucker. If you don't hustle and make moves, you ain't gonna get shit. Girls aren't gonna just fall in your lap. And you know what, yeah, you're right. But I want the girl who wants that quiet, ugly, nerdy ass short motherfucker. The loud, fun, extroverted life of the party motherfucker ain't me.

And therein lies the problem. How does one find their forever person, one who adores them for who they are, when the person they are is the kind of person who doesn't put themselves out there? The kind of person who doesn't to play the game, and who doesn't want the chase.

"Bro, you're asking for a lot, and not wanting to put in the work." Yeah, I am, but in my head, it's not supposed to be work. It's just supposed to be right. But at the same time, these expectations scream, "then when the time is right, it'll work out. Stop stressing and let life run its course." ... yeah. That's true too. But man, it's really lonesome seeing people find their other half while sitting here waiting for mine to stumble in.

Maybe I'll never find that person. Maybe I should be ready for if it never happens, and learn to be happy and sufficient by myself. But man, I hope it never comes to that.

[lovecomesin]

30 Days After 30 (Part 1)

Thirty days ago I entered into the newest journey of my adulthood, 30 years of life. I had always imagined what my life at 30 would or could look like but I never could’ve possibly imagined that I would be here. Where exactly is here you ask? I’ll tell you: 30 with my own house, a new car, the dog I always wanted, with an easy job and life is truly perfect and feels so good. I am still single and have officially been so for the past 6 years since I broke up with Jordan. I have had romantic encounters since then but none worth mentoring now nor revisiting either. This new stage of life for me is so personal its feels as if it has manifested into its own form. I am so motivated and determined to live a life that is pleasing to God and myself that I cannot even begin to move in the ways that I used to. There were so many moments in my past life where I was truly unhappy, confused and abused and I stayed simply because I had already been there for so long. I did not love myself to the fullest nor did I stand up for myself as fiercely as I deserved. No more! It is directly my responsibility to showcase the life I want to live for myself. So I will give God, this life and this world all of my healthy love, light and joy that I have found. Life has truly been beautiful in a way that I haven’t experienced before. There was a major shift and I am different now. You would have to meet me again to even understand who I am now. I know now more than ever that I have to be the blueprint for the life I want. I am the one who shows people how I want and deserve to be treated. No more making myself smaller to easily be digested. No more ignoring my boundaries and desires to appease others. And no more getting in the way of my own happiness. A huge lesson that I learned was I was a part of the problem. I played a huge role in the story of my life during my 20’s. I allowed bad friends to linger to long, bad relationships to linger to long and bad behavior to linger to long. I thought by giving more of myself to people they would see just how amazing I was and finally do right by me. I adore myself for my ability to love even when others are not loving me in the way that I desire. Just as I adore myself for being a hopeless romantic for the better part of my whole life. I am taking this time now to say farewell to the hopeless romantic that is Ebony Walker. I no longer wish to be a fool in love who always hopes for the best outcome even when the terrible truth is right before my eyes. The girl who laughs in the face of danger and gives anyone who dares to date her a chance simply because they requested it. The woman that I am practices discernment. As a woman who is the head of my household I have to make sure my house is in order first and foremost. I have to make sure that the decisions I am making make me happy and honor myself and the God I serve. I have been beyond disgusted with the behaviors and relationships where I allowed such vile situations to happen but no more. I look to the future with my head held high and a huge smile. I am finally free. Leaving childish things behind was a choice only I could make and I would only be able to make it when I was tired enough and I was exhausted. I do not want to get back into a place where I consistently teach people that I come second in comparison to everything else. I do not want to go back to loveless relationships that make me feel lonely and miserable. I do not want to go back to friendships where I was used and not supported. Getting a house at 27 was one of the biggest moments of my life and I still wasn’t prepared for the major shift that followed. I can proudly say at 30 that I have it down packed and I’m continuing to love this journey into my adult life. I do not grieve those that I have lost along the way because it is that very loss that lead me to the greatest joy and blessings. I’m not even certain if I would have been able to be in the place that I am now if not for the major shift and declassification of those relationships.

[libbee]

8th house synastry and OBSESSION

First of all, I did not know anything about 8th house synastry before it happened to me. I'm writing this to share my raw personal experience. Perhaps it will help someone someday, or it will assist other astrology students to learn about this strange synastry.

About me: I am scorpio ascendant with moon and venus in 8th house in Gemini. My romantic situationship (very toxic) happened with Aries ascendant, moon in 3rd house in Gemini and venus in 2nd house in Taurus.

Before the synastry happened: I was a normal happy girl. Young, naive, clueless, hopeless romantic, emotional, black and white thinking, obsessive personality, addiction prone personality, atheist, emotional rollercoaster, used to read astrology for future prediction, browsed a lot of memes, hated reading books, maladaptive daydreaming and mental rumination.

My life before 8th house synastry: Things were getting tougher in all aspects of my life but I did not think much about it.

During 8th house synastry: I became obsessed with this man. I used to talk to him in my daydreams and fantasies. Unfortunately he was a womanizer predator alcoholic cheater liar and manipulator but I was just obsessed with him. We were not even in a relationship but I was OBSESSED. I forgot the whole world. It started so subtle and then it consumed me like a demon. I was no more the same person. I started telling him my dark childhood secrets and family secrets. I was in a storm of emotions and craziness. The whole world ceased to exist for me. My mind was a mess. I used to daydream all day about him. I was not even interested in him as a person. I was just obsessed with a mental image of him. I pictured him like a perfect person with no flaws. Somewhere deep down in my heart, I was deeply insecure about myself. This man was taking advantage of me and I let him. My obsession lasted 3 years! I did not know how to get it of it. I did not know why it happened in the first place.

How i broke my obsession: self transformation. Personality change. Brutal honesty with myself and what was lacking in my life. Complete change of identity. Facing my weaknesses and failures.

My life after 8th house synastry: I am calmer. Interested in occult. Self aware. A part of me has died sometimes back. I feel like a ghost has left my body. I was so exhausted and tired. I was so drained and empty. My whole life broke down. Studies hobbies family life and my identity. then I made everything from ground. I quit my vices (porn binge eating Maladaptive Daydreaming envy jealousy). My self confidence has shot up. My self esteem has improved. I am very spiritual now.

What was the 8th house synastry like? We talked about me mostly. I overshare everything. My childhood, problems, psychological issues, secrets. After I figured out he was a wrong man, I sent him many emails expressing my anger frustration etc. I was so frustrated that I was going through a strange obsession that nobody else was going through. It had ruined my life. The obsession itself was crazy. I used to talk to him in my head. I would rehearse all the conversations in my head. My mood depended on how he treated me.

It was the worst mistake of my life and the biggest life detour.

A part of me has died. I dont remember who I was before this. I dont remember the girl who talked to this man. I dont remember anything or anyone. I dont have victim mindset. I have no desires for relationship. I have no desire for romance. I am interested in spirituality and philosophy. I am interested in occult and esoteric. A part of me has died with this obsession.

Am I happy with this transformation? No. If I had the choice I would go for a normal life.

What did the obsession feel like? Blinding. Crazy. Brainless. Mindless. Emotional fool.

How did it improve my occult practice? I became very spiritual and firm believer of astrology. I am skeptic but also have a firm believer.

How did it change my love life? I dont know. I am single.

What placements are in my 8th house? Moon and venus. Both of them are so pretty feminine. These two beauties in a harsh house. These beauties in a storm. Two beauties in a graveyard haunted by the ghosts of 8th house.

Any advice to others? It is destiny. It is fate. 8th house synastry (moon in my case) was like the death of old me and birth of new me. I dont think it could be prevented. I knew the red flags but ignored them. I knew how wrong it was but ignored it. It was destined to happen.

[occasionally-good-authoring]

fortune favors the bold (and i am a coward)

kinda maybe came up with the title first and didn’t entirely follow it but damn, i think i did something with the wording.

liking doesn’t do anything, so please reblog so others can enjoy it like you did!

tw: smoking

@xanadaus

Moonlight is sewn into Simon’s hair as he laughs, loud and bright. Jace hangs onto every word he says like they’re the last things she’ll hear. He doesn’t understand any of it, but god are his words beautiful. Simon’s hands move as they talk, simple movements with freckled arms. Jace just watches him, like a character in a movie that she watched so long ago and has now turned to gold in their memory. 

It is just them, sitting on the roof of the Institute, a pack of cigarettes between them, still almost full. Smoke hangs in the air, filling Jace’s lungs while Simon’s is held forgotten in their left hand. The smoke hurts in a wonderful way, like the sting in his knuckles after using the punching bag. They are alone up here, wind soft on their cheeks. Alone together with Simon’s beautiful words and the sweet, acidic smoke. Jace can pretend that this is how it will always be, just them and Simon together. 

But it won’t be. Simon’s beautiful words aren’t his to keep, or have. They’re Maia’s. Simon’s words are for Maia to have. So Jace sits on the roof, alone with the most beautiful person she’s ever seen.

.

Simon’s smiling widely, the kind of smile he only has around Maia, then one they used to wear around Clary. Jordan’s voice fills the coffee shop, strong and loud but the sweetest sound is Simon’s guitar. 

He’s dancing around the best they can, leaning into his mic whenever Jordan needs background vocals. She can barely hear his voice, but when they do it sounds just as beautiful as the way he talks. 

“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” Izzy says. Jace takes a drink of his coffee, Izzy shakes her head and punches Jace’s arm lightly. “The biggest idiot ever.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He takes another drink, wishing they could pull a cigarette out and fill their lungs with that painful smoke. 

“Jace, you look at Simon like he hung the stars.” Jace’s throat tightens. 

“And you look at Clary like she painted the Mona Lisa, I don’t see the problem here.” Izzy stares at Jace for a bit, disbelief clear on her face. Then she laughs.

“Clary is my girlfriend who I am very much in love with, thank you very much for proving my point.” Jace doesn’t respond. Izzy sighs. “Look, I know you love him, or at least like him a whole hell of a lot. I also know you probably won’t do anything about it, but you should. Tell him, I mean.”

“I can’t.” She could, they dream of it. They dream of a confession where Simon laughs and kisses him. But that’s all it is.

The dream of a hopeless romantic who’s never fell in love before this. 

“Okay,” Izzy says quietly. Jace goes back to watching Simon, the lights reflecting off their glasses. Smiling and laughing while he dances around, playing his guitar and singing with his beautiful words.  

Izzy rubs their shoulder, standing up, leaving her untouched coffee for Jace. It stays untouched as she stays lost in Simon’s beauty. 

“I don’t love him,” Jace says in a whisper to no one. “I don’t.”

.

Simon’s broken up with Maia, has been for a while now, and he’s smiling wide. They’re dancing around the kitchen on his and Jordan’s apartment, screaming along to Simon’s playlist of happy music on repeat. Sunlight filters through the blind, while Jace watches them with a smile on his face.

They see a spatula lying on the counter, smiling even wider and grabbing it, singing loudly into it like a microphone. The sunlight is weaved into his brown hair, breathtaking in the yellow light. Simon laughs and reaches out of Jace, a pristine hand reaching out for her scarred ones. 

He grabs it, letting Simon pull them into his frenzied spinning dance. Smiles and laughs fill the sunlit room, music flowing over them in waves of beautiful chords. Simon’s smiles are so bright, as if he’s made if sunlight himself, melting Jace in the best way possible. 

She’s in love, so beautiful in love with his own sun, like Icarus who’s already flown too close. They’ve fallen horrible with a being made of laughter and beauty. Spinning around in a wonderful orbit, and they are in love. Izzy was right and they are in love. A beautiful pain of love.

“You have no idea how to dance, do you?” Simon asks, breathless and flushed. 

“Wasn’t a training requirement,” Jace says. Simon shakes his head, and grabs his phone.

“You’re about to get the best lesson you’ve ever had, Pretty Boy.” For once, Jace recognizes the song Simon’s playing. City of Angels shakes in Jace’s ears, Em Beiholds voice loud and soft at the same time. 

“What now?”

“Do whatever you want along with the music. Jump, spin, wave your arms around like a madman. Boom dancing.” 

“That’s bullshit, Lewis.” Simon shakes his head with a fond sigh. 

“Just do it, trust me here. Who’s the one in a successful band?” Jace gives up, and begins to spin in time with the beat of the music. And a smile grows, maybe even as wide as the ones Simon wears when he’s on stage. 

The sun watches Icarus, already fallen, and maybe starts to fall himself.

.

They’re on the roof again, it’s quiet this time. A sunset, painted in the watercolors of night falling basks them in orange pinks. Cigarette smoke sticks in the air, yet again, and they both breathe it in. 

Simon’s hand sits dangerously close to Jace’s and he cannot breathe. The orange sits in his glasses, a cigarette between his lips that looks so damn kissable right now. 

She is in love, and Simon is the sun. And he would fall over and over again and deal with this terrible pain of love untold, like the acidic sweetness of the smoke in their lungs. 

[ppangjae]

THE STORY UNTOLD | Jaehyun

SEVEN LETTERS | THE STORY UNTOLD

SUMMARY. Jaehyun finds himself catching feelings for you, his best friend. But the problem is that he’s in a relationship with someone else. In hopes of receiving a sign, the last sign he expects to receive is a letter. A letter from his future self. 

GENRE. soulmate!au | childhood friends to lovers!au | fluff | angst

WORD COUNT. 6.6k+ words

author’s note. BEFORE you read this, i strongly suggest you read Seven Letters. this is a sequel to that fic. if you haven’t read Seven Letters, you’re probably going to get really confused when you read this sequel. also, i just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who read Seven Letters. the amount of feedback i got is just so overwhelming and i never expected things to turn out like this omg. happy reading!

—Future

This is impossible.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

Johnny frowns. “Like that.”

Jaehyun lets out a scoff. Johnny lets out a soft snort, shaking his head at his best friend who’s sitting across from his desk. Johnny adjusts his glasses before clasping his hands on the table. “Do you not believe me or something?”

“This feels stupid. No, this is stupid.” Jaehyun mutters, gesturing at the blank piece of paper on the desk. “You want me to write a letter to my past self? About what?”

“You do know that I charge my patients an extra fifty bucks for every half hour past their scheduled appointment time.” Johnny reminds me. “If I were you, save your fifty bucks and start writing your letter.”

“Stop lying, you don’t do that.” Jaehyun scoffs again. “What is a stupid letter to my past self gonna do? Change my future?”

Johnny points at him. “Bingo.”

“And you expect me to believe you?”

“Why don’t you just try it? Besides, if it doesn’t change your future, at least you did yourself some self-counselling. Closure. Don’t you want closure?” Johnny folds his arms. He has a point. “As your best friend, I care about you. But I’m tired of having you come here for counselling sessions.”

“You’re not helping—”

“Just give a try! God, you make me want to pull my hair off my scalp and I’m already losing hair from all the stress you’ve been giving me since your divorce.”

—Present

“Jaehyun, you have mail!”

His mother is waving an envelope in the air just as he steps out on the front porch. He squints his eyes at the envelope with suspicion. “Who sends letters these days? We live in a world where technology is evolving—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just take your mail, Jaehyun.” His mother disregards his ramble by placing the envelope into his hands. “Your father wants us to make a trip to the grocery store. Do you want us to get you something?”

“I’m good,” he replies. He’s too busy staring at the familiar handwriting on the envelope. The strong familiarity bothers him. 

As his parents are hopping into the car and pulling out of the parkway, Jaehyun’s heading back inside of the house. He’s gently closing the door shut before making a beeline for the kitchen. He pulls out the kitchen scissors and cuts the envelope open.

“Why is this letter so thick?” He thinks aloud, pulling out a 10-page letter. “If this letter isn’t life changing and if I waste my time reading a thick ass letter, I might just combust—”

He stops mid-sentence when he finally realizes it. It’s his handwriting. He’s confused. Why would he send himself a letter? In fact, why would he send himself a 10-page letter when he can literally just type it all out in an email instead? He tilts his head in confusion. He decides to start reading it. 

To Jaehyun,

Don’t be alarmed. You recognize the handwriting, right? It’s because it is your handwriting. 

I am you from the future. 

You’re probably wondering how and why you’re getting this letter. Trust me, I’m not even sure if you’ll get this letter. But if you do, then damn, what the flipping fuck? 

Read this letter carefully because it will be a lot to take in. 

He lets out a laugh. Is he going crazy? Him from the future? Sending him a handwritten letter? For what? What kind of sick joke is this and who is pulling it? Who is the culprit? Oh right, it’s him from the future. 

I made the biggest mistake and I need you to fix it. 

Do you remember Y/N, your childhood best friend? Y/N is your soulmate. You are destined to be with her. As I write this letter to you, I have lost almost all forms of communication with Y/N. 

I made the biggest mistake of falling in love with someone else. I fell in love with someone who I am not destined to be with. I married this person and have been married to her for three years. We had just filed for a divorce a month ago. 

His eyebrows knit together in confusion. His future self must have fucked up that bad that he resorted into writing a letter to his past self. But why? 

I don’t want you to experience what I went through, past Jaehyun. I don’t want you to lose Y/N. I’m sure you don’t want to lose Y/N either. Y/N is everything you could ever want. 

He’s almost done reading the first page of the letter before carelessly shoving the letter back into its envelope. He’s rushing out the door with his car keys. He’s literally running out the door in nothing but a pair of sweats, a hoodie, and his infamous pink house slippers. There’s only one thing on his mind right now.

Here are three things I need you to remember:

The moment you realize you’re in love with Y/N, you must tell her before it’s too late. 

Y/N will be moving out when you get this letter. Y/N will be moving into another city and won’t tell you. 

Y/N’s going to board the train at 4pm. You must get to her before then if you plan on confessing to her. 

It’s funny how all it takes is one sketchy letter from what claims to be his future self to make him realize the truth; he’s in love with you.

Those feelings you have for Y/N? Yes, they are true and sincere. Y/N has been in love with you for the longest time. It was my biggest mistake of thinking it was a joke and letting her become the one that got away. 

—Future

Jaehyun puts his pen down onto the table and picks up his cup of coffee. He can already imagine his past self cussing him out for making the letter too long. But he made sure that he stated the most important points on the first page of the letter. 

There are many things that he regrets doing. He hopes that his past self will make things right.

“Where are you, Y/N?” He thinks out loud as he looks out the window. 

It’s the first snowfall of the winter season. There are couples scattered down the sidewalks, enjoying and taking advantage of this romantic day. He can’t help but remember the first snowfall that changed the way he saw you. He remembers it like it was just yesterday.

He picks up his pen and continues to write his letter.

If you get to Y/N on time, tell her that you love her. I wish I told her.

I regret not telling her.

You’re probably wondering why the fuck is this letter so long? But trust the process. I’ll tell you all of the things I regret doing in this letter because it’s the only way to give myself closure. 

I caught feelings for Y/N on the night of Christmas Eve. In fact, I was probably already in love with her before that. But on the night of Christmas Eve, that’s when I realized that I was in love with her and that she wasn’t just a best friend.

He sucks in a deep breath and places the pen back down onto the table. He shuts his eyes and remembers that night.

“Y/N!” 

You’re standing right in front of him, snowflakes slowly falling from the sky and landing on the top of your head. He feels warm with his thick scarf wrapped around his neck, but your presence makes him feel much more warmer; like home.

“Jaehyun!” 

You finally spot him when you hear his voice. He feels overjoyed. He feels like he’s floating among the stars that scatter across the sky. This is the first time he’s felt this way in weeks. Heck, probably months.

He stops to look up at the sky. “It’s snowing!”

“The first snowfall of the season.” You add, letting out a soft giggle. “Long time no see, dork.”

He remembers looking at you in awe. Your hair had grown longer and you had matured. The snowflakes that fall from the sky make you stand out more. You’re smiling at him so wide that your eyes form into beautiful crescents. He remembers feeling his heart stop. He remembers wondering why he always felt this way whenever he was with you.

“Do you know what the first snowfall of the season means?”

“First snowfall means first love. It also means that the person you’re with on the first snowfall of the season will be the love of your life.”

“Do you believe in it?” You let out a lighthearted chuckle. “If you do, then that means I’m the love of your life.”

“Why? Are you in love with me or something?” He chuckles as he makes the joke.

He swore he saw your smile falter. He swore he saw you look taken aback. He swore he saw you look serious for a split second before mustering up a fake smile and saying—

“Me? In love with you? No, you’re my best friend!” 

“You’re joking. Stop joking around, Y/N. Are you in love with me?” He asks for reassurance.

You shake your head. He swore he felt his heart shatter. He swore he felt disappointed. He swore he felt heartbroken hearing you tell him that you weren’t in love with him.

Because he’s in love with you.

He’s caught feelings for you.

“I see you as my best friend, Jaehyun. Nothing more and nothing less.”

But who would’ve thought that it would be a lie?

—Present

He hopes he’s not too late. He hopes he’s not too late. He hopes he’s not too late—

If you get to Y/N on time, tell her that you love her. I wish I told her.

I regret not telling her.

Don’t be a hopeless fool like me.

You’ll regret it. Ever since I married someone else, all I’ve ever done was reminisce and regret.

I hope you get to her on time. You must get to her on time. Or else you’ll be a little too late… again.

She’ll be waiting. In fact, all she’s done was wait for the perfect time and moment.

“Y/N!”

He spots you sitting on the waiting bench. You’re holding what seems like a letter. You’re shoving the letter into your pocket. He starts jogging up to you after running across the entire parking lot. He even bought himself a train ticket just to get inside the station to find you. 

And he’s glad he did.

“Jaehyun?”

He’s rushing over to you. He watches you stand up to greet him until he crashes you into a tight embrace. He shifts all of his weight on you as you stand there, completely caught off guard. “Jaehyun, what are you doing here?”

He pulls away from the hug. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? What are you doing here?”

You look up at him with a confused look. “I—I got hired at a company out of town. I moved out. I’m moving into an apartment in another city—”

The letter from his future self was right. You’re moving out of town for your job. You’re moving out and you didn’t tell him. The letter was right. What kind of magic is this? 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He frowns.

“I figured it would be best not to tell you because I knew that you would hold me back. And if you held me back, I don’t think I’d ever move out.”

“But you should’ve told me. I came over to take you out for lunch only to find out that you’re moving out of town and into a new city. Do you know how sad I felt?”

“I’m sorry—”

“And then I started wondering why you didn’t tell me about this. I started to wonder if I did something wrong. I couldn’t think straight. I drove all the way here in hopes that I don’t miss you and that I catch you right before you ride.” He finds himself rambling. “If I didn’t catch you on time, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Jaehyun—”

Before you go to the train station, I want you to break up with Yeona— “I broke up with Yeona.”

Y/N will probably get mad at you for it. “What?! Why would you do that?!”

He looks at you for a brief moment. You are mad. A laugh of disbelief threatens to escape his lips. 

“Why did you break up with her? She’s in love with you, Jaehyun! You’re supposed to propose to her—”

Tell her that you’re in love with her. Because you are. I was a stupid fool for not believing that my feelings for her were true and real. Don’t be like me. 

“Because I’m in love with you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m in love with you.” He lets out a nervous laugh as he repeats it for you.

When you tell her that you’re in love with her, it’ll be the most simplest thing to do. When it comes out of your mouth, it will sound right. It will sound like you’re meant to tell her that you’re in love with her, because you are.

“You’re in love with me?”

His future self is right. He’s completely surprised at how perfect and easy it felt to tell you his feelings for you. It was like he was destined to tell you. Loving you sure is easy.

“I’m in love with you, stupid.”

You blink up at him. “Jaehyun, you’re not making any sense right now. It was just weeks ago when you asked me if I should ask Yeona to marry you. It was just weeks ago when you told me that you missed her a lot. It was just weeks ago when you thought my confession was a joke—”

I want you to tell her that you’ve been in love with her since the night of Christmas Eve.

“On Christmas Eve, I picked you up. Yeona and I were going through a rough time in our relationship and I was starting to question if we were meant to be together. I asked and begged for a sign.”

“A sign?”

“The first snowfall. You and I were together on the night of Christmas Eve, where we both witnessed the first snowfall. You asked me if I knew what it meant,” he explains. “I thought ‘Is this the sign I’ve been looking for?’ and then I joked around asking if you were in love with me, not expecting you to say yes. And you did. I couldn’t believe it.”

“Jaehyun—”

“And that summer where you didn’t come up to the cottage. I felt lonely even though I was with Yeona. Things just didn’t feel the same.” He lets out a shaky laugh. “Everything started to remind me of you. I just knew Yeona was annoyed about it. I kept talking about how this and that reminded me of you. It was all starting to make sense.”

“But you still had thoughts about asking her to marry you.” You say and he shakes his head.

If she tries to test you by saying that you were contemplating on proposing to Yeona, I want you to say this— “I asked you for your opinion on it because I couldn’t trust my own decision. I wanted to see if you would say no. A part of me was begging you to say no.” He tells you the truth. He really was hoping you to say no. “But you told me that you love me and that your confession wasn’t a joke. That’s when I knew.”

“So,” you mumble. “You’re in love with me?”

“I confessed my feelings for you three times already.”

“But I want to hear it again—”

“The train is arriving in two minutes. The train is arriving in two minutes.” The speaker announces. The two of you look at each other.”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.” He confesses again. He can say it as many times as he wants, and it will still feel true and it will still be sincere. “But do you really have to leave me here?”

“I’m in love with you too, Jaehyun.” No matter how many times you’ve already told him that, it always feels like it’s his first time hearing it. He can hear it over and over again and he will still feel like the only man in the entire universe. “And yes, I have to go, Jaehyun. I can’t keep taking the train everyday to work.”

“Can I move in with you, then?”

“Not until you give me a kiss first—”

“How about I marry you instead?”

If you both end up together, which I know you will, 

I will finally get the closure that I needed.

—Future

He looks up from his phone to stare up at a building. He looks back down at his phone to make sure that he’s at the right address. As he confirms the address, he shoves his phone back into his pocket.

“Y/N?”

He spots a familiar figure exiting the building of the company that you work at. The figure is walking away and down the sidewalk. He finds himself following the familiar person, trying to catch up to them. Once he finally does, he taps on their shoulder. They turn around and it’s not you.

“Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else.” He apologizes.

“Oh!” The woman exclaims. “You’re Jeong Jaehyun, right?”

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “You know who I am?”

She nods her head. “You’re Y/N’s best friend, right?”

That’s odd. How does she know who he is— “Yes. Do you know her?”

She smiles. “I’m sure you’ve known of me. We were roommates in college. Do you happen to remember that infamous cookie recipe—”

“Holy shit.” That’s all he utters out. “Those cookies are fucking delicious but—how—you guys work together?”

“I see her on the daily and we’re kind of tired of seeing each other. Honestly, we both thought we’d never see each other again after university. But here we are,” she chuckles, extending her hand out. “I’m Sunghwa, by the way.”

He shakes her hand. “Nice meeting you.”

She tilts her head. “Are you looking for her?”

He slowly nods his head. “Well, actually, we left on really bad terms—”

“I know. I kind of hate you for that.” She cuts him off while shrugging her shoulders. “But what can we do, right? Unless you have the power to change the past, there’s not much we can do. But I do believe in fixing things for the future.”

“I’m sorry—”

“Save that for Y/N.” She smiles. “Y/N took two days off from work. She’s probably in her apartment getting some rest. The company had just finished its merge with another company and ever since then, she hasn’t gotten any rest.”

“Do you know where she lives?” He asks.

“I do. I’ll give you her address,” she replies. “But promise me one thing.”

“I’ll do anything—”

“Don’t tell her that I gave you her address. She’ll kill me.”

“You’re already wilting? I just got you yesterday!”

You stare at the vase of roses sitting on your dining table. There are a couple of petals that have fallen off and a few of them have wilted. You frown, taking a few of them, along with the petals, to dry them and add them to your letters.

Sitting on one end of your dining table is your last letter to your past self. You glance at it. Your phone buzzes in your pocket, diverting your thoughts from the letter. “Hello?”

“How are you, honey?” You hear your mother’s soothing voice on the other line. “Have you run out of groceries? Is your fridge full? I hope it is. If anything, your father and I can drop by the grocery store before visiting you on Friday—”

“You don’t need to, mother.” You chuckle. “I just came home from the grocery store. Hey, do you know how to stop flowers from wilting so fast?”

You can hear her frown. “Have the roses wilted already?”

“Yeah, and I just got them yesterday.” You sigh. “It’s okay. I’ll just make another stop by the flower shop to get a new bouquet.”

“Have you been eating your meals?”

You smile. “Yes, mother. In fact, I’m going to be meeting someone tonight.”

“Is it a boy?” 

You snort. “No.”

“Do I know them?”

“I’m meeting Yeona tonight.” You say softly. “We’re going to have dinner at a restaurant that opened up down the road. I’m not sure how it’ll go but—”

“Are you sure you want to go? You don’t have to meet her if you don’t want to.” She cuts you off. 

You purse your lips into a tight line. “I asked her if we could meet. I’m surprised she said yes, to be honest.”

“You know, when your father and I heard the news about their divorce, we weren’t sure how to react.” Your mother begins. “But Jaehyun’s parents didn’t seem to mind. In fact, when we paid them a visit, they seemed more… relieved?”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. “Relieved?”

“It was like a weight was lifted off their shoulders.” Your mother explains. “Ever since they got married, there was never a peaceful day between the two.”

You frown. “Ah, I see.”

She notices your sudden quietness. “Are you perhaps… still in love with Jaehyun?”

You let out a lighthearted chuckle. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”

“You know, you should try to get in touch with Jaehyun, sweetheart. You’re his only best friend. I’m sure whatever tension you have between the two of you would go away the moment you see each other.”

You sigh. “It’s easy to say but hard to do, mother.”

“I know, I understand.” She says softly. “Have you sent out your letters?”

You laugh, looking at your last letter sitting on your dining table.

“I’m actually sending out my last one on my way out.”

—Present

He runs his fingers through your hair as you’re sleeping peacefully next to him. You had a rough day at work and the moment you came home, you knocked out on the bed. Jaehyun took this opportunity to finish reading the letter he received from his future self.

I’m sure you’re wondering what happened between Y/N and I. Now, sit tight because this will be a long one.

On July 31st, I asked Y/N to go to the beach. I asked her because I knew that Yeona would be going to the beach that day. I figured it was a great opportunity to try and make Yeona jealous, and maybe get to know her more. And we did. 

But something felt off.

I remember Y/N asking me if we could go to the town fair instead. The town fair was only open for a week. But I was persistent on going to the beach instead. I wish we went to the town fair instead. 

Ever since I lost contact with Y/N and ever since she moved out of town, she stopped going up to the cottage for the summer. Those summers have been lonely. Whenever I go up to the cottage for the summer, the town fair would immediately remind me of her and how much I regret not taking her to the fair instead. 

Jaehyun’s phone buzzes in his pocket. He looks at his phone to check the new text notification, only to take notice of his phone’s lock screen. It’s a picture he took of you when the both of you rode the Ferris Wheel. 

“Y/N—” 

“Yeah?” He takes a quick candid photo of you.

“Did you just take a picture of me?”

“Yes, I did. I think it’ll be a good picture to use for your Tinder or something. I’ll send it to you.”

“Why, you little—”

“Sent it!”

He looks up from his phone to see you looking down at yours. You’re busy muttering underneath your breath over how he took the worst angle of your face. A smile threatens to form across his lips. He sets it as his lock screen.

On August 14th, Yeona and her parents came over for dinner. I was so in love with Yeona that I decided to tell her the truth. I told her that Y/N and I weren’t dating and it was all just an act. At the time, I was so happy to see the look of relief of Yeona’s face. That night, she confessed to me. She told me that she was in love with me and that she’s glad that Y/N and I weren’t dating.

But believe me when I say this, her confession didn’t feel special. I remember feeling shocked. I remember wondering, is this how I’m supposed to feel when someone reciprocates your feelings? I remember asking myself, shouldn’t I feel happy right now?

But my thoughts were interrupted when Yeona pulled me in for a kiss. I was surprised. I was caught off guard. Y/N suddenly walked out on the porch and saw us kissing. 

That night, I officially asked Yeona out. But on that same night, I remember walking past Y/N’s room to hear her crying.

I felt horrible. I felt bad. 

On Christmas Eve, Y/N’s arrival time was delayed by an hour. I remember being so excited to see her after months of talking to each other through a laptop screen. I remember being so excited that the moment her father announced that Y/N would be arriving late, I insisted on picking her up instead.

I’m glad I did.

Around that time, Yeona and I were going through a tough time in our relationship. It seemed like she was falling out of love with me. She was posting more photos of her and her guy friend on her account. Our video calls were becoming less frequent. Our good morning and good night texts were becoming less frequent. I really thought that this was it, this was the end of it all. 

I was slowly catching feelings for Y/N. I think her absence really got to me. When Yeona and I passed on our usual video calls, I’d call Y/N instead and we’d talk for hours on end. She would even have a midterm the following day but still made the effort to talk to me. I was finding myself texting my usual good morning and good night texts to Y/N instead of Yeona. But now that I think about it, I think I’ve always been in love with Y/N.

I was just too stupid to realize it. 

I asked and begged for a sign. I was too blinded by love and I wanted a sign to tell me that being with Yeona was right. That fighting for our relationship was the right thing to do. That trying to mend our already broken relationship was the right thing to do.

When I picked Y/N up at the train station, it was the first snowfall of the season. We made a couple of jokes about the first snowfall that somehow led to me asking her if she was in love with me. She said she wasn’t in love with me. She continued to joke around.

I wondered, is this the sign I was looking for? I remember thinking, if this was the sign, then it’s pretty disappointing.

Because a part of me was hoping Y/N would say that she was in love with me.

—Future

“You came?”

Yeona came earlier than you. She’s sitting at the booth, greeting you as you take the seat right across from her. This feels awkward, you think to yourself as you take off your coat. Right on time, a waitress comes by your table to give you two glasses of wine.

“I hope I’m not late.” You say with a lighthearted chuckle.

She smiles. “I’m just a bit too early.”

“How are you?” You ask.

She takes a sip of her wine. “I’ve been doing better. How have you been?”

You smile. “Likewise.”

As the both of you are picking dishes to eat from the menu, you can feel her look at you every now and then. You’re not sure why she’s staring at you, but you pay no attention to it. As the waitress collects the menus and your orders, she leaves the two of you to talk.

“When you called me to ask if we could meet, I was quite surprised.” She chuckles. “I figured that I’d be the last person you’d want to see.”

You bite your lip. “To be honest with you, I’m surprised you came. I was sort of expecting you to bail out on me.”

The both of you share a chuckle. She looks out the window. It’s snowing. “Have you seen Jaehyun?”

You shake your head. “I haven’t gotten in touch with him for years. Ever since your wedding, actually.”

She tears her gaze away from the window, specifically from the snowflakes that fall from the sky. She looks at you, surprised. “Why not?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I guess I was just too busy with work. I mean, I still am, but—”

“You should, Y/N.” She places her hand on top of yours. 

You stare at her hand that’s on top of yours. There’s no longer a wedding ring on her fourth finger. It kind of throws you off. “I don’t think he’ll want to see me. I bet you didn’t even want to see me either—”

“When Jaehyun and I got divorced, I felt like I was finally setting him free.” She confesses. “I felt like something or someone was holding him back. I knew it was always you, Y/N.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Yeona. Jaehyun’s not in love with me—”

“First snowfall means first love. It means that the person you’re with on the first snowfall of the season will be the love of your life.” She cuts you off. You look at her with slightly widened eyes. “That’s what Jaehyun told me. He also told me that the first snowfall always reminds him of you.”

“Yeona, I’m not sure what to say.” You say with a breathy laugh.

“You didn’t attend our wedding.” She mumbles. “Jaehyun was looking for you the entire night. Even when reception was over, he was still looking for you. Let me remind you that I was the one he got married to. It felt weird, it felt heartbreaking, because although his bride was standing right beside him, he was still looking and waiting for someone else.”

“I didn’t attend your wedding because—”

“Because you’re in love with him.” She finishes it for you. “Y/N, I’m not stupid. I can see it with my own two eyes. You’re in love with him and he’s in love with you.”

“Shouldn’t you be mad at me?” You ask.

She shakes her head. “I wish I could be mad at you, but I’m not. Our divorce was mutual. We filed a divorce because I knew Jaehyun was in love with you, and he still is. But we also filed a divorce because I was slowly falling out of love with him and falling in love with someone else.”

“But I feel like this was all because of me—”

She smiles. “Don’t feel bad. If there’s someone who should feel bad, it should be me. I’ve been selfishly holding Jaehyun back for so long, for three years, from someone he should be with.”

You wipe away tears that have managed to stream down your cheeks. “I—”

“Can I ask you one favour?”

The waitress arrives with your dishes and places them onto the table. As the waitress leaves the two of you again, she reaches out to hold your hands.

You nod. “Sure.”

“Please get in touch with Jaehyun. I’m sure he’s looking for you.”

—Present

Jaehyun calls it a night, placing the letter back into its envelope before putting it back in a drawer. He turns off the night light and settles in bed, wrapping his arm around your waist. You snuggle closer to his chest, continuing to let out soft snores. Jaehyun smiles, using his other free hand to tuck a few stray strands of hair away from your face.

“Good night, Y/N.”

On August 8th, Y/N and I had a conversation at the bonfire. I wanted to test the waters again for the second time. I was so confused. My mind was in love with Yeona but my heart belonged to Y/N. I asked her if I should propose to Yeona.

She looked at me and asked me if I love her. I said that I love her. But she asked me if I love her with all my heart. It took me a while to answer, but eventually, I said that I love her with all of my heart.

Y/N simply smiled at me with a smile that didn’t look real. 

She said, if I love Yeona with all of my heart, then what was I waiting for?

I remember my heart answering her question with,

I’m waiting for you to stop me.

—Future

“Thanks for the ride, Yeona.”

She smiles. “No worries. Text me when you get home safely!”

And off Yeona goes. You watch her car get smaller and smaller as it grows farther. You let out a happy sigh, stepping inside of your apartment complex. You make a quick stop at the mailbox, placing your last letter to your past self into the slit. As you hop onto the elevator, you find yourself thinking back to your conversation with Yeona. 

Just as you step out of your elevator, you stop in your tracks. 

“Please get in touch with Jaehyun. I’m sure he’s looking for you.”

Sitting right in front of the door to your apartment is Jaehyun. He’s looking down at his phone. The closer you get to him, the more you realize that he’s playing a game on his phone. A smile threatens to spread across your lips.

“Excuse me, sir, but I think you’ve got the wrong apartment.”

Jaehyun recognizes the voice and his head shoots up. At first, he doesn’t recognize your face. You had definitely matured. You look like a grown woman. Your hair is long. He looks up at you in awe until he realizes how stupid he looks. He’s immediately getting up onto his two feet, but you stop him when you take a seat next to him on the carpet floor. 

“Y/N,” he breathes out. “Hi.”

You smile. “Hi.”

“I—Long time no see.” He stutters, scratching the back of his neck.

“How did you get my address?”

“Well, I got it from—”

“You got it from Sunghwa, didn’t you?” You cut him off with squinted eyes. He gulps nervously, nodding his head. You sigh. “God, I’m going to kill her for this.”

The both of you look at each other before bursting out into laughter. 

He bites his lip. “How—How have you been?”

You fold your arms. “I think I should be asking you that, Mr. Just Got Divorced.”

He chuckles. “I’ve been doing better. Actually, I think I’ll do even better now that I’ve seen you.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really.” He sighs. He feels hesitant to ask you a question he’s been dying to ask you. He decides to take a leap of faith. “Have you been seeing someone lately?”

You shake your head. “No. Why? Should I be seeing someone—”

“No.” He cuts you off. You glance at him with a look of suspicion. He feels nervous again. “Well—that’s not what I meant! What I meant was—”

“What are you doing here?” You ask him with a soft voice. You’re looking at him seriously. “Why did you want to see me, Jaehyun?”

“Because there are many things I want to tell you.” He mumbles.

“And what are those things you want to tell me?”

He swears he feels his heart is on fire. He avoids your gaze. “I’m in love with you.”

It feels nice to hear him say it. It’s like time has slowed down and it’s just the two of you in the universe. When you don’t reply, he courageously looks at you to get some sort of answer from your eyes.

You smile. “I know.”

“You know?”

You hum in reply. “I know that you’re in love with me.”

“But are you in love with me?” He whispers. “I mean, it’s fine if you’re not. I just figured that it would be best for me to let you know that I’m in love with you. All I want is closure and a piece of mind knowing that you know that I’m in love with you.”

“You’re rambling agan, Jaehyun.” You chuckle. You look away from him. “What if I’m in love with you?”

“Are you?”

You let out a sigh. “God, I’m so in love with you, Jaehyun. I’m still in love with you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m in love with you.” You repeat yourself.

“You’re in love with me?”

“I’m in love with you, stupid.”

He doesn’t say anything that it makes you start to worry. You look at him, only to find him looking at you. You really want to kiss him. But you’ll probably have to save that for later.

“So,” he mumbles. “You’re in love with me?”

“I told you like three times already in the span of two minutes, Jaehyun.”

“But I want to hear it again—”

“I’m in love with you, Jaehyun.” You repeat it one last time for him. “But do we really have to be sitting on the floor like this in front of my apartment? When we could literally be chilling inside?”

“I’m in love with you too.” He whispers. “And no, we can definitely go inside. If you’re okay with me being in your apartment, of course.”

“Or, you can move in with me. Do you want to move in with me?”

“Not until you give me a kiss first—”

“How about you ask me to marry you instead?”

“Would you say yes, though?”

You laugh.

“Yes.”

“Babe, I’m going to make a quick stop downstairs! I just need to mail something.”

Jaehyun sees you give him two thumbs up. He’s hopping into the elevator to lead him down to the lower floor. He steps out of the apartment and reaches the mailbox. He seals the envelope before placing his letter to his past self through the slit.

He dusts his hands off. “I hope you get there safely.”

—Present

“Babe, have you seen an envelope?”

You step out of the washroom to find Jaehyun rummaging through the drawers. “An envelope? No, why?”

“I swear I placed it in this drawer last night, but now it’s gone.” He frowns, checking all the drawers one last time before sighing with defeat. 

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion. It’s probably his letters, you think to yourself. “I think I might know where it went.”

“Really?” He asks.

You nod. “Yeah, I’ll look for it. You should go take a shower before you run late for work.”

As he steps out of the bedroom to take a shower, you open your closet to pull out a box where you’ve put all of your letters in. You can hear the shower turn on as you close the closet door shut. You take a seat on the bed, opening the box—

“What the fuck?” You blurt out.

You’re pulling out the letters, one by one, but as you take them out, they all start to disappear into thin air. One by one, they start crumbling up into thin dust, disappearing in your fingertips.

And what was once a box filled with letters from your future self is now, empty.

And just like the letters that have disappeared as if they’ve never happened, the future has been successfully rewritten.

author’s note. thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this short sequel to seven letters lmao. kjsdhfjkshdf 

[fandom-imagines-stories]

A Bourbon Street Wedding

Enzo St. John x Mikaelson! Reader

Part 4 of 4: ( Part One, Part Two, Part Three)

Words: 3859

Summary: The big day has finally arrived.  You couldn’t have asked for anything more perfect. 

Notes: I can’t believe it’s been around 3ish years since I started this series. To anyone out there who is still reading, thank you! This is the final part in my Enzo and the Originals Series and I really hope you guys enjoyed. Thank you so much for reading! Warning: So much fluff ahead. Lovey dovey fluff, family fluff, just all kinds of fluff. 

-

The New Orleans’ sound did not wake you up. It was the feeling of someone looming over you as you slept that crept deep into your slumbering mind and forced you awake. Your eyes fluttered open and you screamed. Caroline stood over you, hands on her hips and rage in her eyes. 

“How are you still sleeping?” She shrieked yanking the covers off of you. You groaned and turned your head to look at the alarm clock. “The wedding is only seven hours away! We need to get ready!” Enzo rolled over, covering his ears with his pillow. Caroline grabbed your hand and Enzo’s arm and dragged you out of the bed.  

“Caroline, I appreciate how much you’ve done to help, but-” Enzo started groggily. Caroline shoved a bag of hair product at him and pushed him out into the hall. 

“Damon got here earlier, he’s waiting downstairs for you.” 

“But-”

“No, buts, we are already way behind schedule.” Caroline huffed. Her planner-face calmed and she smiled at both of you, stepping to the side so you could look at each other. “Alright, you two. This is it.” The last time you would see each other before the ceremony. You just stared at Enzo, speechless. Neither of you could even begin to know what to say, so you just laughed nervously. Caroline slammed the door. “Okay, let’s do this.” 

Bonnie, Rebekah, and Hayley all burst into the room. Hayley pushed play on the stereo and music blasted, mostly cheesy romance songs that Caroline had insisted upon. Bonnie popped a bottle of champagne and Rebekah toyed with your hair while Hayley and Caroline talked about their daughters. 

“Hope is staying with her grandmother this morning. Mary is bringing her later.” Hayley explained. 

“Ric’s staying with the girls. He sends his best.” Caroline announced. You nodded and smiled. Alaric was your friend, despite his complicated relationship with the rest of your family. Then again, most of your friends had a complicated relationship with your family. Caroline scowled. “Stefan has elected himself as the selfless martyr who will not be attending so he doesn’t ‘cause a scene’.” She rolled her eyes. You took her hand swinging it back and forth playfully. 

“You deserve better.” You noted. Bonnie raised a glass.

“Amen to that.” She handed out the drinks and the morning passed by with many giggles and indecisive arguments over what color lipstick you should wear. When all was settled, you were cast into a frenzy of makeup and hair curlers until Caroline declared your look to be ‘just right’. 

Meanwhile, downstairs, a reluctant vampire stood outside the gate, tempted to turn around and run as fast as he could in the opposite direction. Of course, the first person to greet him didn’t exactly put his mind at ease. 

“Damon Salvatore…” Klaus chuckled darkly. “What a pleasure to see you again.” 

“Niklaus.” Elijah called from inside. “Do stop frightening the best man.” The oldest living Mikaelson came out and stood by his brother. “Hello Damon.” Damon gave the pair a reluctant wave. The magic witchy Mikaelson- one that Damon didn’t even know existed until now- invited him in and the three lead him to the room where Enzo was getting ready. Damon death-glared him as Freya went upstairs and the brothers stood on either side of him, like minions of death. 

“Please tell me you’ve got bourbon.” He grumbled, side-glancing the two originals, waiting for one to pounce. Enzo watched in irritation as Damon threw his stupid, trademarked leather jacket onto the chair. Kol glared from his spot on the sofa. 

“I thought we’d already gone over the guest list.” He sneered. “I would’ve made sure that this-”

“Behave yourself Kol.” Elijah warned. 

“It’s nice to know none of you have changed.” Damon snarked, snatching up the bottle of bourbon on the side-table. He poured himself a drink and downed it quickly. “And neither has your taste in liquor.” Enzo growled.

“You’re here for a reason, Damon.” He groaned. “You already missed the bachelor party, now please, do something helpful.” 

“You missed one hell of a night, Damon.” Kol smirked, licking his lips. 

“Yeah, I heard about those call girls going missing.” Damon noted. “I’m surprised at you, Elijah. I never took you for one of us miscreants.” Elijah kept up his stoic expression, his tone betraying his slight annoyance.

“I refrained from last night's activities.” 

“He was absolutely no fun.” Klaus whined. “Lovesick fool. Hayley’s practically got him on a leash.” Kol and Klaus both snickered. Elijah shook his head, but couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He really was a lovesick fool, not that he was ashamed to admit it. And with Davina and Cami both gone, he didn’t reprimand his brothers for their partying. 

“I believe that I was not the only so-called ‘buzzkill’ at the party.” He pointed out, his eyes on the groom. Damon’s jaw dropped. 

“Enzo?” He fake-gasped. “Has our blood-thirsty party man finally turned into a hopeless romantic?” Enzo rolled his eyes and shrugged. 

“Just because I’m not a brute, doesn’t mean I’m a hopeless romantic.” He smirked. “Undeniably in love, yes. But not hopeless.” 

“I think I’m going to be sick.” Kol pretended to gag. “You remember you’re speaking of my twin? I know a couple secrets about her you would not find so romantic.” 

“Kol.” Elijah scolded. “We wouldn’t want Lorenzo getting cold feet now would we?”

“Yes because then I would have to remove them.” Klaus threatened, casting a dark look to the groom. Enzo gulped and began to tie his tie over his pristine white shirt. Elijah had picked it out, which meant that it was the best money could buy. 

You both looked perfect. After all, this was the biggest moment in all your centuries of living. The girls gathered around you and let out a collective sigh of awe. This was it. 

The guests were beginning to arrive and you felt your heart pounding, wishing that you could be with him to calm your nerves. But of course, it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony and with your shared history of weddings, you needed all the luck you could get.  And so you waited, tapping your foot at an alarming speed and trying to take deep breaths. 

“Everything alright dear sister?” Kol wondered with a smirk, leaning against your doorway. Caroline, Rebekah, Bonnie and Hayley were all getting ready to be the perfect bridesmaids and Freya was preparing to officiate the wedding. She had been so excited when you asked her and you couldn’t think of anyone else you wanted to say the words ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife’. 

“What could go wrong?” You looked at your twin and smiled nervously. Kol’s face suddenly darkened. 

“Well I can think of something.” He growled. You turned to see who he was looking at and gasped. Kol stepped towards Marcel.  “I don’t recall sending your invitation.” 

“I just came to tell Y/N congratulations.” He held up his hands a sign of peace. “I don’t want to cause any problems. Not today.” Kol continued to loom ferociously over Marcel until you stepped in between them. 

“Kol, why don’t you go make sure that Klaus hasn’t killed any of the guests? I don’t want a single speck of blood on him when he and Elijah walk me down the aisle.” You were able to shoo him away before he could object, turning back to Marcel with fiery eyes. “Of all the days you decide to make amends…”

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness for not telling you I was alive all those years.” He started. “I’m asking you not to hate me. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were before everything happened. We were pretty close friends, you and me.” 

Thick as thieves, more like it. While Marcel was like a son to your older brother and a lover to Rebekah, he was always one of your dearest friends. You were devastated when you believed your father had killed him. When you discovered he was really alive, you were both relieved and furious. All those years and never once had he reached out to find you. Seeing him stand before you now erased all of your anger. 

“You say it like I’ve forgotten.” You cried, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you for coming, Marcel. You don’t know how much it means to me.” You pushed away with a small smile on your face and tears in your eyes. 

“Hey,” He comforted, placing a hand on your cheek. “We can’t have you crying before the wedding.” 

“Would you stay?” You pleaded. “Please, Marcel. It would make this day even more perfect.” He gave you a look. 

“Can you promise none of your siblings are going to try to kill me?”

“You know I can’t.” You both laughed and he agreed to stay, sneaking down into the courtyard where the ceremony was taking place. With him gone, you were alone again and the unstoppable nerves returned. “Come on, Y/N. You have faced centuries of trials and vicious enemies. You’re just-”

“Pledging to spend the rest of eternity with someone with probably as much emotional baggage as yourself?” Klaus finished, stepping into the room. Elijah had managed to get him into a suit and he completed it with his famous mischievous grin. 

“Shouldn’t you be downstairs with Elijah?” You put your hands on your hips. 

“Oh come now, don’t be so cross. It is, after all, the happiest day of your life.” He replied smugly. “I simply wanted a word with you before the festivities begin.” He led you to sit on one of the sofas, taking your hand in his own. 

“What’s this about, Nik?”

“I know that I have been… difficult these past centuries.” He smirked and you couldn’t help but laugh in agreement. “The truth is, Y/N, that I am completely afraid of losing your love to someone else. But I have seen the way you are with Enzo and I simply cannot bring myself to take it away from you. I may be a selfish bastard, but even I do not wish to see you unhappy. I wish you the most joyous life, Y/N.” 

“Klaus,” You placed a kiss on your brother’s shoulder. “My love for you will never falter or diminish, no matter how much of a thorn in my side you are.” He gave you the loving smile that you often wished to see more of. Klaus was troubled and all you hoped for was that one day he would find the kind of happiness you had found with Enzo. 

“You look stunning.” Elijah noted from the doorway. He held out his arm. “Shall we?” Klaus and you stood and the three of you walked down to where you would be entering. Caroline and Bonnie would be first, then Rebekah with Damon, and Kol insisted on announcing you like some kind of queen. You were pretty sure he just wanted to get a laugh out of the crowd before you walked down the aisle. Of course, it was just nice to have your twin want to take part. 

You could feel yourself trembling as Caroline and Bonnie started walking. Rebekah and Damon were bickering even as they began down the aisle. You took shaky breaths and felt Elijah chuckle. 

“Everything is going to be fine.” He assured you. 

“You know, it’s never too late for me to kill him.” Klaus whispered and you elbowed his side. Kol gave you one final smirk before heading out to the front of the space. 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” He greeted. “You are all here to celebrate the union between Enzo St. John and my beautiful sister, Y/N Mikaelson. Us being twins, I could share a great deal of stories about Y/N…” He looked back towards you and you glared at him. “But that will have to wait until the reception. Now, without further adieu,” He had an exceptionally smug smile on his face now and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his final words. “Here comes the bride.” 

Enzo finally was allowed to turn around as the music began to play. His heart leapt and his breath hitched. You were the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen. In fact, gorgeous wasn’t even the right word for it. Nothing could describe how you looked as you walked towards him.  As if his eyes alone had calmed you, you felt your nerves wash away and the brightest smile spread across your face as you took the first step down the aisle. The faces of your closest friends turned towards you and with each step, you felt emotions bubbling up inside. As you reached the end, Klaus gave you a wink before taking his place beside Damon, removing a stake for his pocket. 

“Klaus!” You hissed. He gave you a mischievous grin.

“Couldn’t resist.” He said, Damon taking the stake from him.  Elijah lifted your veil and you felt a tear roll down your cheek. He smiled and wiped it away, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

Freya beamed at you as she greeted the crowd and thanked them for coming to witness your union. Enzo couldn’t take his eyes off of you. The ceremony itself was simple and you and Enzo stared into each other’s eyes the entire time.

“May I have the rings?” Your oldest sister asked. Damon handed Enzo your ring and Rebekah handed you his. “The couple has prepared their own vows.” Freya nodded for you to begin and you took a deep breath, taking both of his hands in yours.

“The first day we met, you were trying to kill my best friend. However, just a few years previous so had I.” You laughed through the tears now freely falling down your face. “I thought that the only promise I would make was to my family. Our code of always being there for each other, and although it has been tested- multiple times-” You shot Klaus a look. “I want to extend that to you. I promise to love you and to protect you and cherish you. Always and forever.” You slid the ring onto his finger and laughed to yourself, wiping away the tears. You looked into his eyes to see that he was crying too.

“I didn’t know what it was like to be loved.” He began and for a moment you thought he’d blubber more than you had. He always was a romantic. But he composed himself as best he could. “Until I met you. You saw past all of the bloodshed in my past. All of my pain and anger. You had had your fair share of hurt over the years and you decided to take a broken soul and mend it. You saved me.” He took a deep breath, feeling a tear roll down his cheek. “And I plan to spend the rest of our lives trying to repay you for the love that you’ve shown me. Always and forever.” He put the ring on your finger and you both laughed at how emotional you both were. Freya smiled. 

“What are you waiting for? Kiss her.” The crowd erupted in applause as Enzo dramatically pulled you into his arms and lowered you into a dip before kissing you for the first time as your husband. 

-

The reception was held at Rousseau’s, which was heavily decorated with roses and lights to the point that it no longer looked like a bar, but something from a fairy tale. Again, the handy work of Caroline. Klaus watched Caroline from his seat at the head table as everyone waited for you and Enzo to arrive. 

“Now that Lorenzo is officially family, I recommend you don’t give him the same treatment that you gave us for the past few centuries.” Elijah straightened his cufflinks with a smile, giving Klaus a side glance. 

“Of course not, Elijah. The daggers don't work on him.” Klaus grinned mischievously. “Although, there’s always the crypt in the basement.” 

“Don’t even think about it.” Rebecca chimed in. Elijah looked across the table to Hayley, feeling a deep desire to one day have this with her. To have the happiness that his sister was now experiencing. Hayley saw him and smiled, her eyes lighting up his soul, or whatever was left of it. Perhaps one day...

The doors opened and the newlyweds entered. You still couldn’t quite believe it. In all your years of living, you couldn’t think of a moment when you were half as happy as you were now. Enzo’s fingers were laced with yours as you walked towards the main table, seeing the smiles on your friends and family’s faces. The guests cheered as you took your seats. Dinner was quickly served and it wasn’t long before Rebecca stood, tapping her glass with her spoon to get the room’s attention. 

“Ah yes, it is time for the dreaded speeches.” She announced with a smile. “Being the maid of honor, I am obligated to speak for my dear older sister. And since I have over a thousand years of stories, it was difficult to pick just one. I succeeded however, in finding a memory that I believe best describes my sister.

“She and Elijah were the only two to escape Klaus without being daggered and shoved into a box.” She gave Klaus a brief glare before continuing. “In the late 1800’s, when I awoke, many things had changed. People I loved turned their back on me.” Her eyes came across Marcel, but didn’t linger for long. “Elijah reintroduced me back into society, but it was Y/N who helped me nurse a broken heart. She made me believe in my own strength again. Y/N showed me the love that only an older sister could. I am beyond delighted that her heart has finally found its equal.” She looked at Enzo happily and feigned a scowl. “But know that should anything happen to her, you will not only have my brothers to worry about.” 

“Duly noted.” Enzo nodded, his hand having never left yours. All eyes were now on the best man. Damon took a long drink from his glass and stood reluctantly. 

“There isn’t a lot I can say about Enzo before him and Y/N met. When Enzo and I first knew each other we were prisoners. We were trapped together, tortured together, and experimented on.” You felt Enzo’s grip on your hand tighten at the memory. “When I got my chance to escape, I took it. I betrayed him. Decades later, he swore revenge on me and tried to kill my girlfriend.” Reading the confusion in the crowd, he smirked. “Don’t worry, this bromance has a happy ending.” 

“Of sorts.” Enzo whispered to you and you both laughed quietly. 

“My point is that Enzo hated my guts until Y/N got him to forgive me. I believe her words were ‘There are better ways to spend an eternity than seeking revenge. Especially against an old friend.’ Anyway, here I am and here they are, so I guess we all know the end of that story.” Damon glanced at you and despite his usual smirk, you could see the sincerity in his eyes. “Elena was always rooting for the two of you to end up together, so that meant I have to too.” The crowd chuckled at his last comment, but you stood up from your chair and pulled the snarky vampire into a hug. 

“Thank you, Damon.” You whispered. “I miss her too.” You felt him return the embrace and smile sadly against your cheek. 

“She would have loved this, you know. All the gushy romance and twinkling lights.” He said, fixing a hair that had fallen out of place and tucking it behind your ear. You nodded.

“You’ll have this with her someday, Damon. And when you do, I will be the one giving the speech.” 

“Over my dead body, Mikaelson.” He snarked. “But I guess is Mikaelson St. John now. Jeez, that’s a mouthful.”

“Sit down, Salvatore.” You shook your head in amusement. As you went back to your seat beside your husband, you noticed a member of the wedding party’s chair was empty. A rush of panic shot through you. “Elijah, where’s Klaus?” 

All of your siblings turned to the vacant seat and their eyes widened. Everyone started to split up to go find him before he could cause any trouble. 

“I’ll go get Caroline, she went to the bathroom.” Bonnie said, taking off in the direction of the restrooms. You and Enzo decided to check the kitchen but were not at all prepared for what you would find. Sure enough, there was Klaus. And Caroline. On the counter. You quickly shut the door, trying to contain your laughter. You took Enzo’s hand and headed back to the table, grinning like an idiot.

“Well it’s about time.”

-

As the night slowly died down, Enzo clinked his glass to acquire the crowd’s attention. Everyone focused on him as he stood, shooting you a bright smile. 

“May I have everyone’s attention? First and foremost I would like to thank each of you for coming out to celebrate this wondrous occasion. Some of you are from this beautiful city, and some came all the way from a small town called Mystic Falls.” He turned to Damon and smirked before returning his loving gaze to you. “But to end the night, I wanted to say a few words to my new wife, Y/N.”  You felt the blush rise to your cheeks and the warmth rush over you. 

“A few months ago, I discovered who my family was. As it turns out, after a century of searching and hoping, they turned out to be a bunch of thieves and betrayers. No resemblance to me, I’m sure.” The room laughed. “I’ll admit that I was crushed. But now, the Mikaelsons have accepted me into their family, some more willing than others.” Klaus shrugged with a smirk, still flushed from his little rondevu earlier. 

“I almost had you.” He teased. Enzo continued, holding his hand out for you, lifting you to stand beside him.

“None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for the brilliant, caring, incredibly sexy-” he winked and you giggled, “most wonderful girl that came into my life when I thought I had no reason left to live.” You laid a hand on his shoulder, feeling tears start to well up in your eyes as they started to in his. “She made me see that maybe there was a slight shred of hope in this eternity we were both stuck with. Y/N became my world. A world I would do anything to protect.” His hand slipped into yours. “Now we may have our disagreements, and I’m sure we have a long road of bickering and evading certain doom.” He held up his glass in one last toast for the night. “So here’s to one hell of a forever.”

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks

[clairecrive]

“Burn” - Bane x reader [Requested]

A/N: this is for this anon. Thanks again for requesting! I missed writing for Bane.

Warnings: angst

Word count: 2.5K

Taglist: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @sopxhiea, @shadow-of-wonder, @fandom--0verdose, @fuseburner, @kind-wolf, @innerpaperexpertcloud (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

The vastity of the night sky had always helped y/n ease her worries. Surely, whatever was bothering her couldn’t be as big and impossible to solve as she was making it out to be. Because, would you look at that? The universe is so big and we’re so small, so insignificant. and that applied to her problems too. 

At least that was what she always told herself whenever she’d feel lost and hopeless. Thinking this way helped her put things into perspective. And sure, not everything was as easily solved but, even in that case, it helped a bit.

And so here they were, she and Bane were laying down staring up at the starry sky. Sometimes, they would spend it in silence, just enjoying the warmth and comfort the other’s body would bring. Others, like this one, they would easily fall into conversations about everything and nothing.

“Was there someone special in your life? Someone you wish to get back to?”

“You mean, romantically?”

He nodded.

“No. Single for life.” She did a peace sign to lighten up her embarrassment but Bane was curious and did not pay it any mind.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve never given your heart to anyone?”

“Well, if you put it that way I have to change my answer to yes. Being in a relationship with someone and giving someone your heart are two wholly different things.”

“Let me rephrase then. Have you ever been in love?”

She really thought about the answer, her mind going back to any romantic involvement she might have had during her life. Even if she scouted her memories, she found that it wasn’t a yes or no question.

“I guess,” not only was the word she chose explicative of her indecision but the tentative tone of her voice left no doubts as to where she was standing. But Bane was confused, to say the least.

“I’ve always been under the impression that love was one of those things where absolute certainty was involved when it came to its presence or absence.”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I have had mostly one-sided crushes, you know?” she started but Bane could see the faraway look in her eyes and knew that she had more to tell but was lacking the right words. So he waited.

“I said ‘I guess’ because I don’t really know what love is. I mean, everyone has a different take on it depending on their experiences but I don’t think I’ve ever felt it,” she paused turning to meet his eyes, “once there was a guy I strongly had feelings for. Even that was one-sided though and it took me a long time to recover from that because he was my best friend at the time. Looking back to it, I guess it was love or the closest thing to it that I’ve ever felt for someone. It hasn’t happened again though so I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Maybe it wasn’t love, just deep infatuation. Or maybe I just confused my love for him as a friend for something more. I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I fall in love with someone else. “ She concluded and refrained from correcting that when with if. she couldn’t see herself being as lucky as to have someone that cared about her and that loved her in the future. But Bane didn’t need to know that.

Turns out that those unspoken words had become a sort of oracle, ‘cause here they were now, years after they had that conversation. Just when she thought that she had found that one person to share her life with, to give her heart to, life quickly come into play letting her know that that wasn’t the case.

Because the man that had saved her from a destiny worse than death, who had given her hope and made her trust him to the point where she had felt safe enough to open up to him and allow him close to her heart, had now shattered whatever remained of it.

"So let me get this straight, first you save my life than you decide to keep me with you so you basically kidnap me, get me to fall in love with you, put me through an insanely difficult training so that I could stay with you but it was all done in vain because now you’re  sending me away?"

"I'm not sending you away but you cannot stay here anymore. I’m doing this for you."

"And why is that? What changed?" and when Bane stayed silent she added, "what happened to 'I want you always' ?"

"I did not lie to you." His words were in striking contrast to the ones he had said before but y/n had learned to read him and could tell that this time he was not lying. But then the question naturally arises, what's really going on?

Nothing out of order had happened in the last few days. Bane and she had been the same as always, even his work had proceeded as usual. So what was it? What was she not thinking about? What was she not seeing?

Letting her mind go back through the last day to fat check that nothing happened, she went through their actions. Light breakfast together followed by a not so light tête à tête then they trained together until he had to deal with something for his work and she had occupied herself otherwise. She had called him to see when she could get dinner started and he said that he had a meeting with Talia first but had come right after. They had dinner and while they consumed their healthy and perfectly balanced meal she shared with him whatever came to her mind while he ate in silence. See, nothing out of order.

Wait a minute...

He went to meet Talia.

"It's her, isn't it?" Suddenly, everything was clear. She knew what had happened, what had changed. And she sneered at the pull Talia had on him. Suddenly, she understood but at the same time, the last year lost its meaning.

"I just wish I realized earlier that you didn't care about me as much as you said you did," turning she went to her cabinet to get her stuff, "I wouldn't have put myself through so much otherwise." 

Nodding, she knew what she had to do. She had to leave. There was no reason to stay. Resolute and defeated she put everything her eyes fell on that was hers in a little bag. Clothes, lingerie, cosmetics, books. But when her eyes landed on the little box where she kept everything connected to him, her heart broke further and her anger was fueled. 

In there, there was every present Bane ever gave her. Every little thing that made her think of him in some way. The letters he wrote her whenever spoken words failed him. She knew that going through its content would equal to a chronology of their relationship. If it was possible her heart broke even more. Everything she did to stay with him, everything he did to keep her now was all vain. She gave up so much for him, for a man. Her former self would be ashamed of her and knew that her heartbreak was contributing to making her feel something akin to that. 

"Here," she said walking where he was standing, "take this. I don't want it anymore," and she threw it at his feet. The only acknowledgement on his part was a tilt of his head but it wasn't needed. He knew what it was and what she kept inside of it. He felt a pang in his heart but kept his face void of any emotion. 

"I'll want you always," she said mocking his voice, still stuffing stuff in her bag and chuckled with mirth, "what a load of bullshit." 

"Actually," stilling for a second, with a shirt cramped in her fist she faced him, "I am the biggest clown between us because I believed you." retrying her stuffing, shaking her head she added in a whisper, "I should have known better," but Bane heard. 

As soon as he decided on this course of action, he had also prepared for her reaction. He knew her well and so far she hadn't done anything that he hadn't expected. And while he had been ready, he couldn't help but feel hurt by her words. He knew how she was looking at this situation, knew that his words had led her to believe it to be so. At the same time, a little part of him wished for her to oppose to his words, to see right through them and see that he was lying. That he had been honest when he had told her those things, he had opened up to her and meant everything. But knew that she was too lost to rage and hurt to think clearly. And it was also the reason why she was acting up and had thrown the box on the floor. He knew that she deeply cared about it and what it meant to her. He almost thought of offering some kind of comfort, to give her some hint about what was really going on. But knew that it would be unfair to her. After all, he was doing for the sake of her safety.

“You know,” her voice brought him back and his eyes were immediately drawn to her, “isn’t it funny how you man always pride yourselves to be strong and all that bullshit when even someone like you, who’s the epitome of masculinity and strength, at the end is totally subjected to a woman?” 

They would always have this kind of conversation. Bane, being a leader of a huge army, had the tendency to be bossy. Even in situations when it wasn’t needed. It was just who he was and he felt the need to remind her of his alfa status an unnecessary lot of times. While she could enjoy this inclination of his when they were in bed, she definitely couldn’t stand it in their everyday life. And now, it made her feel stupid that she had to put with it and learn how to deal with it but when it came to Talia, he just did whatever she told him to. Also, this changed her consideration of him. What a clown. She had tried to warn him about his rather toxic relationship with Talia but he’d always get angry and dismiss the conversation either by leaving or shouting at her. She could remember their last fight about it like it was yesterday. It was also the first time that she had ever doubted her relationship with him. The first time that she had thought that maybe she had made a mistake by staying with him, by falling in love with him. Maybe she should have left as soon as she had rescued her. It wasn’t for the motive of their fight, neither her jealousy and worry about his relationship with Talia, but it had all to do with what he shouted her in rage that made her blood run cold and her heart shatter. For it was said that angry and drunk people were the more honest ones. And since that moment she couldn’t help but wonder if he really thought what he said to her or if it was just an impulse propelled by anger as he had explained.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have saved you.” 

And then, as if that wasn’t enough, he decided to twist the knife further.

“I told you not to fall in love with me.”

As if one could choose who they fell for, she remembers thinking.

Those words still haunted her to this day. It happened a while ago and Bane had made it up to her, mostly. But it was in situations like this that they would come back and mock her for even forgiving him and thinking that he loved her as she loved him. To think that even a small part of him thought that it was best that he had left her to suffer in the hands of a sex abuser until he would have eventually tired of her and killed made her sick. How could anyone say something like that to another human being? One they presumedly loved? She couldn’t wrap her head around it. Bane had then explained that by that he didn’t mean leaving her with her captor but simply bring her with him and keeping her with him. Despite the fact that his explanation made sense, y/n still didn’t think it made things better.

And as for his second statement, it went mostly unmentioned. 

Sure, that had been something he had told her in the beginning. It was after her training required them to spend most of their days together since he wanted to attend to it personally. Y/n knew that being in the military and with his past, it wasn’t easy for Bane to show emotions let alone let someone close enough to him to allow himself to love them. She understood that. She had a few things she was dealing with that made it difficult for her to entertain the idea of something more between them.

But that was almost a year ago. So much had happened in their life and between them that even though the words were not spoken aloud, she felt the shift in both their behaviours when it came to them. Hell, they even started dating. 

Not that any of them labelled it that way. But that was beside the point.

They slept together, they ate together every meal, they lived together. If there was a band on both their left ring fingers and it was a more conventional setting, people would assume they were married. 

While y/n didn’t like thinking about what they had in that way, she surely considered the commitment they had made to each other equivalent to a marriage. 

She hadn’t considered Talia though. 

Or at least, she had hoped that if she ever would try and come between them, Bane would stand up for her. 

Turns out that she really was foolish.

“Whatever, I guess it’s not my problem anymore.” Giving him her back again, she closed the almost full bag and went to put on some shoes and coat. 

“I don’t have any use for it, you should take it with you.”

“Neither have I. Burn it, see if I care.” 

And with that, y/n turned around and walked out of their shared apartment at last.

It hurt to say the words, it hurt that things had ended to abruptly, it hurt that even after all this time he didn’t care about her, it hurt like hell but y/n was resolute in leaving all of this behind her. Yes, it wasn’t going to be easy and maybe it would be like leaving a hot fire trail behind her but at one point the fire would burn out, wouldn’t t? 

It may take a while but she would be okay,