#must say something about me when the only yaoi I like is toxic

[papercutslut]

"I still love ya"

[adhd-merlin]

merlin S1 rewatch: episode 9

let’s move on to ep 1x09 because I need to get on. with my life. I already re-watched this ep months ago and I can’t be arsed to do it again so I’m going to use screencaps and perhaps the transcript to refresh my memory.

kilgharrah warning merlin that excalibur MUST NOT be wielded by anyone but arthur, and merlin handing the sword to uther literally the next morning is so funny to me. it's kind of the same thing that happens with the cup of life, when iseldir tells merlin “hey this is important so don’t lose it okay?” and five minutes later we see the cup rolling down a hill. I love consistent characterisation. please don’t give this boy anything important for safekeeping he has enough on his plate already!!

I think Arthur’s coronet looks a bit dumb but still it’s nothing compared to the horrendous Burger King crown he'll wear as king. why did uther get such a prettier crown. why couldn't arthur just wear his father's crown. so many questions

why did they name the undead knight tristan, was he supposed to be the tristan? I think he was. I think their take on tristan and isolde in S4 was so disappointing btw. anyway moving on

Merlin: Gaius have you seen that knight’s crest before? Gaius: No, I don’t think so. I didn’t see it clearly. Actually I’m not even sure I saw a knight. Perhaps it was a trick of the light or a collective hallucination

Sir Owain: I don’t need luck Arthur: oh fuck he’s going to die

Arthur’s face after Uther holds him back and someone else picks up the undead knight’s gauntlet. so much self-sacrificing acts of bravery and NONE of them done by him. wrong and upsetting

S1 Arthur I'm not sure how to tell you this so I'll just say it. your haircut looks dangerously close to a mullet

Merlin: maybe arson can fix this

Nimueh telling Uther she was his friend!!! fuck season 6 I want a Merlin prequel

he’s a precious baby. he’s shmol. only tiny

gwen doing her whole “you know I'd grant you anything merlin… I mean, not anything! haha” meanwhile merlin is too worried about keeping arthur alive to notice. GIRL HE'S BUSY

WHY. who stands like this

he holds this stupid pose the entire time morgana is talking to him. imagine begging someone not to commit suicide while they brood and look out of the window like a sullen byronic hero. I would have pushed him out of the window. drama ass bitch

this is the second nighttime encounter between uther and gaius in this episode. uther saying goodbye to gaius before going to fight in arthur’s place. toxic yaoi. is this anything

YOU KNOW NOTHING YOU STUPID CHILD. I love that Kilgharrah is a hater and a bitch. to be fair to him he spent 20 years in solitary confinement so he's earned it

gaius drugging arthur then gently helping him into his bed is hilarious. he’s so good at lying and drugging people. big fan of gaius using his evil talents for the greater good, or just to have a laugh sometimes which is equally valid

what a fine blade you have there… it would be a shame if something were to happen to it

he’s wearing silver bracelets!! plural!!

[Enter Arthur, visibly furious]

Gaius [gathering his things]: I've just remembered I've left something on the stove. I must go right now immediately

Arthur [while Gaius scurries away]: YOU HAD GAIUS DRUG ME??

arthur and uther little father and son moment was cute ngl

there are a few more scenes until the end but I don't have much to say about them except that I love gaius and merlin's relationship

Gaius: [stares loudly] Merlin: [pretends not to notice]

[goldyluna]

👎⛴️💔🏆 please 💖💖💖

👎Who is your least favorite yttd character?

I think Gashu maybe? I just don't like him. As much as I don't like Midori (I said it so many times already), I think Gashu is worse in some way. Maybe because the way he treats Ranger and doesn't let Safalin give him any positive emotions, how cold he was while shooting him. Or the connotations as a father of Kai (and Ranger) — it just brrrrr. How a father could behave like this (and this also makes me think about Meister... If he really is Sara's father, and everything points at it, then he is also a piece of shit)

I also don't really like Ranmaru and this one I realllly don't know why. Like, he is just my least leeeeeeast favourite of them all. I am really curious about him tho. His First Trial is the most mysterious, I think. We don't really know anything AND he was talking with someone.... Curious. Oh, and I also liked the "creepy murderous" switch in the logic route

🛳What is your yttd OTP?

I love Keishin and Naoreko the most. It just works the most in my little brain. Just ...Save me toxic yaoi and doomed yuri... save me...

I don't have anything more to say, thank you for your attention.

💔What is your yttd NOTP?

Every not legal ship of course lol

The most hated by me is Sara x Keiji, I have goosebumps every time I see them in any sensual situation, art or anything. This is one of my blocked tags, I so despite it

The other one is SouShin. Brrr, terrible. But with this one I just don't like the romantic take. Romanticizing this relationship is realy not fun... But when it is written really good and it shows how toxic and fucked it is? It is the only way I will like or even love it

🏆Who do you think the ultimate survivors will be?

Sara of course. She is the main protag, so it is almost impossible for the true ending to be without her. I also think Gin is most likely to survive with her. Kanna could also be the ultimate survivor... Ugh, it is hard.

I am sure Reko would pick Kanna and Gin over herself... And Kanna really wants to live for her sister and brother so I don't think she would sacrifice herself (it is possible but I think something must happen for her to choose death). So maybe Sara, Gin and Kanna would be able to escape?

If we go with the theory that there is a chance to escape... Then I think it is real for all of them (or most) from the emotion route and the logic route will live. But then Shin (himself or his AI or idk, by a diary or a dream) has to tell others how to take off the collar and then they have to find a way out.

[biopanik]

The Morality of Fandom Activities

This might as well be an essay, so apologies for my long asf post. Just a few heads up: this is in no way talking about people who support incest irl and MAPS. Those are extreme cases that I'm not qualified myself to talk about, I only know that I don't want them on my page 😭

I stopped having a very active social media presence when I was finishing high school. For me, this was a huge deal, because as the token weird queer kid all my life, Tumblr and fandom culture provided a safe space for self-expression, developing my writing skills and exploring myself. Fandoms usually play a huge role for teens, since their interactions and their experiences shape their mindsets into the primary form their adult brain takes. Whenever I look at my old posts, I can see the points where I was maturing, I could see my opinions change very clearly without always connecting old posts to significant life events.

What is very important to take into account is that I was in ALL the "red flag" fandoms, even some niche ones. BNHA, Homestuck, RWBY, Okegom, Voltron, you name it. I was into it, I had Instagram edits of it saved on my phone. As a result, I am familiar with all kinds of fujoshi, yuri bros, proshippers, etc. I'm not here to inform you about my entire digital footprint though. I'm here to discuss fandom morality. Fair warning, I will be referring to a bunch of dark themes vaguely.

I want to start by saying I understand the appeal of a toxic ship. A ship that is straight-up problematic given the context of the story. Be it because the characters are abusive to each other, a very big age gap or them being blood relatives - I get it, even if I'm one of the people who's easily repelled by this shit. I get why Junjou Romantica, for example, became so popular. The big body proportions, the "forbidden romance" trope, the guilty pleasure, I get it. I understand how nerdy young women would fawn over yaoi because they craved a soft male touch. I understand the south park proshippers because they inserted their younger selves into the characters and imagined scenarios where their own fucked-up childhoods would make sense.

My experience with Funamusea helped me understand that things that are taboo can be appealing in a fictional form. There were a lot of issues because the horror used in Funa's games was centered around sexual battery and assault. To me, that made perfect sense. Funa games are packed to the brim with gore, war, mental abuse, and disturbing characters. Of course, there would be SA in such a fucked up setting. Rape is a horrifying thing that no one should face because it is a subcategory of violence. VIOLENCE IS SOMETHING NO ONE SHOULD EVER COME ACROSS. Therefore, why is it that people who write stories containing this trope receive so much hate, but 1940s war aus for example get praised? Why is FMA a pacifist masterpiece and not torture porn?

For "glorifying" real-life horrors? Triggering people? Let's broaden this.

Think of your favorite slasher film. Your favorite best-seller horror book. Do you think that the people behind these stories are freaks and murderers? Psychopaths are capable of fitting in anywhere they want, even fucking churches. So it is useless to assume creators are moral instigators for their VILLAINS. Now let's think about Colleen Hoover and Sara J Maas (or as I like to call her, Sara J Ass). Their "love" stories are super popular because of the immense marketing that they have received, despite profiting off romanticized harmful content. Backlash is still minimized in contrast to anime niche, because they are backed by million-dollar industries and the fact that they conform to the norms of a straight story. Although that, is a topic for another discussion - how problematic characteristics are "musts" in irl relationships.

Lastly, I want to talk about the so-called community saviors who want to protect these platforms. Those who want to build a safe environment so that no predators infiltrate our sacred grounds where we discuss Persona 5 ABO dynamics. A lot of them are oftentimes victims of this sort of abuse. I myself have come across groomers. But tbh 15yo kids who reblog Shiro X Keith are not really the enemy? Anyway, that's a little besides the point. I want to directly talk to these people right now, hear me out: you are hypocrites. You only pretend to care about Tumblr communities but do not hesitate to accuse someone of abuse (any kind) and tell them to end their life. How are you protecting anyone like this? How are you a positive role model for the children partaking in fandom activities when you show clearly that you wish death upon someone. VIOLENCE IS SOMETHING NO ONE SHOULD EVER COME ACROSS, I re-iterate and you possibly agree, but YOU ARE STILL VIOLENT, and justify it by being "virtuous". How are you any different from @\hivliving? Her actions will forever be engraved in her victims' heads, even if she was humiliated in the end. Then again, it would have been better for her to write a shitty low-quality fic about Hamilton having HIV or whatever the fuck, if looking up basic things about HIV was so difficult. After 7 years in & out of fandoms, there's one thing I'm fine with, and that's bad fics.

Ultimately there is so much more I want to say. I might cover this topic on my bestie and I's podcast sometime (soz it's in Greek). The bottom line here though is not about keeping a neutral stance on problematic media. It is to enjoy whatever the fuck you want just because it makes you happy. It is to differentiate what's a wolf in sheep's clothing from what's a sheep. It is to accept that kids will ALWAYS lie about their age to access all sorts of NSFW. God knows I did so. It is to recognize them and realize that their creators and fans are most likely not going to act out every bad thing that occurs in said story. Because if that were the case, with the rise of all the Yeagerists, we'd have so many bitchless college students trying to start little rumblings of their own, and the world would be a much funnier place.

Now go outside and spread your moral philosophies to people outside your Discord server

[nyasialiveshere]

For colored girls: think piece for educational purposes; opinions welcome tho

So i was thinking on how, 90 percent of black female exo stans going from normal kai fans to hardcore fujoshi's to distance themselves from the kmusic nd black women movement is kinda sad, like just b ur self people will think what they want to think regardless its sad the lack of creativity these spaces had because so many fell into group think and feared being x'od out(no pun intended) from a fandom. it'll never be that serious. I'd like an actual study done on why most people get into hard-core shipping particularly females and particularly neurodivergent ethnic women, is it simply cause of naturally being in love with a couple(which is just voyeurism and still implies projecting yourself on one part of the relationship 4 real just look it up some twilight article from 2007 written by a white dude might pop up tho) or is it to distance oneself from the prison of the body avoid the harsh realities of gender inequality. Boys don't have to deal with periods, hormonal imbalances and physical vulnerability or at least as not as much as women typically do (if anyone disagrees pls go read any book on femicide in 1st or 3rd world countries its eye opening). But going back to what i was saying it kinda shocked me when i realized unlike other races there was more of an imbalance in the hetero-crushing fangirl and the vocal Fujoshi side of the fandom when it came to black women. Surely racism and simply wanting to be liked and possibly even avoid racist backlash by being apart of something that basically excludes all discussion of an idols toxic, s*xist, hetero er*tic behavior or really any conversation that a ethnic person w a brain would eventually call out. Wearing the fujoshi badge of honor would come with a certain code of conduct not mentioning too much outside of what would make the average shipper uncomfortable. Even if a shipper were to post a social climate topic talking of or reposting a thinkpiece this is basic liberal internet code of conduct being a shipper primarily a yaoi one of course that is acceptable. But anything digging to deeply in the behavior of pathology of a person or even(gasp) possible odd problematic things concerning the very ship you all congregate over that would be to much and you should be swiftly blocked lest anyone end up thinking to hard. I think many people have thought quite long and hard about it seeing the trend of intense idol worship, shippings, then completely deactivating of accounts leaving many pockets of the internet old kpop ghostowns. Because still to this day I wonder if for no other reason than just nobody talks about it, how interesting some of the most beloved exo ships including jongin like kaisoo could have long histories of simple unhealthy or toxic behavior towards one another and it either be swept under the rug, mass deleted( super common), or my fav have a black nd white filter put over it or have it slowed down.

For that reason i believe exo ships must be the korean kpop yaoi equivalent of justinxselena/ justinxhailey because of the pure blockheadedness of the shippers only caring about crafting the narrative. In exols so wrapped up in identifying with a homoerotic ship that common sense and decency leave the window. I won't touch on the dehumanization, overs*xualization ( thats a whole literal book i could write because they were kids who got groomed to be appealing to women and men alike and have unrealistic anime like bonds with their group members, and fellow trainee's) regardless on if you think they are together or not hell literally who knows but ignoring the system itself is messes up and not wanting to kill the l*st you have for your ship long enough to see it..its too much. These companies are not right they are truly a flashy version of slavery no part of it is cute including the ships companies sit down and pair up. Again there are still shippers of couples that are dead and divorced, many couples are secret no on can say for sure what is and isn't true but what is true above is that children desperate to make themselves and their families proud are taught to be s*x symbols before they are done with puberty. The same puberty as many of their fans were going through as they first laid eyes on them. I'll never forget in the one direction documentary they brought in a neurologist to describe how the fan's brains as mostly preteen or teenage girls were extremely affected almost to the point of hysteria. I just can never back down on the boy/girl bands craze being distinctly built for young girls. It is. It is real life barbie and ken. The way they view the teen girl market is predatory, evil and ends in destruction of young minds.

The fact that johnny kitagawa was exposed yet people still revere him and his work like he did something tells me so much about the world and era we are in. I truly believe people have/will have the same sentiments towards lee sooman. But look what he did for kpop...what did motown do for black music? Sold it to the literal devil. People as a commodity is slavery. People's relationships, their affection, how they express love, their intimacy being wrapped up in a bow for you is slavery..comfortable slavery but still slavery none the less. They are designer slaves, ultra house slaves. I need more realistic conversations about the nature of this particular pocket of capitalism. Without the sob story attached about how its a..or rather a particular idol or a paticular relationship is your salvation..no its not. hollywood married couples with kids break up. The self identifying * delulu fantasy* im a real life manic pixie dream girl this idol is my emotional support...yes emotional support idol I've heare this so many times before. But people always mis speak, what you mean is that idol is your virtual emotional support dog.

Because what else could you call feeling entitled to wanting to control someone's viewpoint, disliking how masculine or feminine someone is on a particularly day ( the domkai subkai or alpha omega debate with him sends me each side completely ignoring all humans have a balance of maculine and feminine energies. Denying someone polarity as a human being is something else.) and how that disrupts your view of who you feel they should be, showing praise when they are a good boy and feeling okay to drag them when they did what you consider bad, feeling that person is less than human, nothing more than a virtual pet.

I am interested to see how people react when sm no longer has control and the freedom on their personal image.

when the malewife member gets an actual wife and has children and is conservative then what..thats not far fetched that is just realistic.

When reality sets in will the kpop fandom still like them, everyone says yes a if exo hasn't been under contract since their brains werent fully formed and sm controlled their image even if you think they didnt.

I has to get offline when chen's wedding was happening and people were using behind the scenes footage of members next to one another at a most likely an assigned seat wedding. You think a married man is gonna put his band members spread out next to family...wild nothing was learned. But the shippers laugh at the stan shippers who don't want him married

the exo is family fans is no different than the they shouldnt date fans you are implying they would put a group over their own wellbeing or even their children now thats where you're buggin. The people who retort we pay their bills we made them..nope wrong gain technically you didnt, their sponsors, managers, ceo, makeup artist all who they know better than any fan helped make more so than any fan. Fans are customers, one person stop going to a restaurant or store, ten more people see a commercial or celeb endorse it and go in droves

one customer stop shopping at a luxury grocery store because its too expensive or the store changed too much

doesnt matter to the store because its not a store just like an idol they have a team upkeeping it and keeping it running and evolving, getting or rather paying or giving incentives to wealthy or influential people to keep their product or corporate entity running and successful.

People back then were shocked when liam started revealing things about the group the fans had no ideal about. These are people, who are mostly contoured into whatever the richest person in charge thinks they should be how on earth could you know anything beyond your own nose watching video content made by the same people who created the celebrity avatar they occasionally embody.

Im still learning new stuff about the entertainment industry nothing is ever certain Media is an illusion even whats behind the curtain seriously, a lot of what people think is fanservice is...but not for regular fans its for super duper rich people the same ones who keep the companies and comebacks going. But anyway most of this is known subconsciously anyway. Gifts aren't allowed but somehow certain fans can gift items worth more than the rent at an idols dorm, these special fans aren't bratty rich girls but again its a lovely story pushes to further demonize women making women the ultimate villains when at the end of the day women are getting financially, spirituatually, creatively and physically drained by men whether in the physical or metaphysical by the characters in kwangya.

Theres so much more to say but eh i only said a few problematic things

oh and because I sped past it and i don't wanna come back to this and clarify, people be speed reading i know sometimes I'm people. What i meant concerning the kai shipping sitch is that every yaoi ship he is in there was a time said other half of the ship went there with either his features ( which is featurism and worse than colorism every idol skin whitens but i noticed people consistently saying or alluding to his looks being other which if you didn't know in far east asia featurism would be pointing out someone not having the typical far east asian features and having more austrailoid/negroid features. I never noticed this til I went back after my brain developed. This would be why all those years ago taemin said he looked like he was from south america which was a bit more accurate than kai saying he thought taemin was usher. There are other instances between these two but im just putting an example. Exo certainly had there fun but on the tail end of exo's career you will only see kai himself making fun of his skintone. You can feel however you want but I just find it interesting the same standards the public has with heterosexual relationships even fictional shipping fandom just doesn't exist when concerning yaoi. But again I feel thats for obvious reasons. The shipverse which mainly includes the highlight reels heated onstage moments or fluffy ones.

Anyway whatever i can tier rank ships another day. All the ones I have seen that may have actually had something going on.... nobody cares, which means it's mostly just group think. Its the tribe aspect. Notice there's no one shipping oxygen and hydrogen its a true bond definitely real but there's no fanclub/cult

[doodle-dog-diary]

Saltober DAY NINE: Hobby

Original post here

Technically this is a hobby that is my own but yeah couldn't think of anything else to write about

(Warning: please do not talk to me about Yarichin Bitch Club. Do not play the YBC opening song anywhere near me. I WILL rip your throat out in a very unsexy way.)

Psst.

Come closer. Closer. Yes, that's it. I have a secret to tell you (tbh it's not so much a secret as just something I don't usually go around telling people, but I digress)

I read yaoi.

No, I didn't just go through a phase when I was like 13, I read yaoi as in, I'm still doing it now. Present tense and all. NO NO PUT DOWN THAT PITCHFORK I CAN EXPLAIN

I think I must have started when I was 13, maybe 14? When a self-proclaimed-fujoshi friend of mine introduced me to it. (I feel like back then every female friend I had was either already familiar with yaoi, or into yaoi. I don't know why, it feels like yaoi was like, an integral part of the Teenage Girl Experience)

I then discovered the amazing world of free manga reader sites, and no one could stop me from then on (except maybe almost getting caught once, but still). In those early days I started out only reading yaoi that was recommended on rec lists, in an effort to filter out the icky weird toxic bullshit (It didn't always work. Remember that opinions are subjective, and sometimes someone's memories of a thing may be tinted with nostalgia). I then learnt how to judge books by their cover with some degree of success (you can tell which works are more recent based on the art style. More recent stuff is less likely to have problematic elements, like abuse and rape being portrayed as romantic)

Ok, I know how this sounds, before you say something like, "but Doodle! That sounds like a lot of trouble! Wouldn't it be a lot easier to just, you know, read something from another genre?" I will say that yaoi, just like literally every other genre of fiction in existence, adheres to Sturgeon's law (90% of everything is crap), so it's not like I have significantly higher chances of finding something that is not crap with any other genre. I would know, every time I went to the library and picked out a YA novel (the sort geared towards teen girls) 9 times out of 10 it would be the same old "boring brunnette protagonist who insists that she's ugly even though she's not has two angsty hot dudes chasing after her, everyone looks like a model, also magic and werewolves" bullshit. So yeah, I'd rather take my chances with yaoi, because…

…Second, I…like pretty boys. YES I KNOW I'M AROACE THAT DON'T MEAN I'M BLIND,…also I'm a degenerate weeb, I just like looking at pretty anime boys, what can I say

Third, I've adapted. I've learnt to embrace that So Bad It's Basically Psychological Horror Yaoi lifestyle. I mean, if you can't escape it, you might as well just embrace it, you know?

Listen, man, reading bad yaoi may be an acquired taste but is an EXPERIENCE. Especially yaoi from like, Ye Olden Days. Those are a whole different level of fucked up. I could pick some random yaoi that looks pretty old, and the title would always be something that's really cute and cheesy, like, "doki doki first kiss" or something like that, and the mc experiences violent sexual assault within the very first chapter, without fail, every single time. That shit really fucks you up, man.

Also, I LOVE how yaoi mangaka will go, "you know what would be real fucked up?" and then go and draw a whole ass comic about shit that's fucked up. But potray it in a sexy way.

(Seriously. I just read one where it's like a collection of short stories, and in one there's a guy who's a literal pedophile. Like seriously. His friend asks him "what kind of girls are you into" and he deadass stares at a group of elementary school kids and says "you wouldn't get it" like no joke for real goddamn. Same guy goes and molests his little twink classmate not two pages later. The whole thing is portrayed as a cutesy high school romance)

Before I end this, word of advice, it's something I learned from my yaoi rec list days, some people will say shit like, "oh, go give Junjou Romantica a try…go read Sekaiichi Hatsukoi…trust me it's good…really the most wholesome romance story in yaoi history…" THOSE PEOPLE ARE LYING. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. I WATCHED JUNJOU ROMANTICA WHEN I WAS MAYBE 14 AND IT SCARRED ME FOR LIFE. SERIOUSLY DO NOT DO IT I AM 100% SERIOUS I AM NOT FUCKING AROUND JUST DON'T DO IT

[orionsangel86]

I agree with the overly fetished views that fandom seems to have of gay men. As a gay man who’s really short, it’s soooo fuckin weird to have people assume I’m a bottom??? Like, I don’t even know you enough to disclose my sexual life and you’re making? weird? assumptions?? Also, there’s a certain fan artist who shan’t be named who makes a certain shorter character super feminine and it kills me every time

EXACTLY

Urgh I’m sorry fandom makes you feel that way.

I’m gonna put this under a cut as I am about to rant about this topic because it is my biggest gripe within fandom. Don’t read on if you are here for fun happy positive things. Beware fair readers, there be strong potentially offensive opinions and plenty of fandom wank down below...

Fandom is unfortunately filled with CIS het women who like to stereotype and force men into their preconceived internalised misogynistic perceptions that to be short or slender means you are the weak dainty “girl” in the relationship and that’s why whichever character they deem the “girl” is also ALWAYS the “bottom”. It also is the same way fandom tends to muddy the waters between sexual positions top/bottom and BSDM terms dom/sub, where bottoms MUST be submissive as well. Half the time you will see posts talking about character traits which perhaps might indicate a submissive streak, and people will take that to mean that a character is a bottom, when the two do not correlate and it is highly problematic to assume that they do.

It’s so fucking problematic and I don’t think that these (mostly straight cis female) fans realise that by encouraging these harmful stereotypes, they are actually also being totally misogynistic and anti feminist. Women are not all bloody Anastasia Steel’s for christs sake (and don’t get me started on that god awful book/movie series). A women can be tall, broad, muscular, she can be dominant and strong and she can damn well top a man if she wants to.

When it comes to shipping male characters in gay/queer relationships, fandom MUST stop inflicting outdated heterosexual stereotypes on them. It seems like fans find a pairing they like (for instance Dean and Cas) and then immediately have to decide which one of them plays the female role. They then twist and change the characters, their traits, the way they look etc, so that one of them is basically a woman. That character then MUST be the submissive bottom and URGH I HATE IT.

(Making a quick note to say that whilst these particular common stereotypes within fandom are very much a problem, this is not to be confused in any way with fans taking their fave characters and headcanoning them as trans or nb or anything else genderwise which reflects an even more marginalised group and is usually a type of fanwork created by fans who are in fact trans or nb themselves.)

I’m not gonna comment on specific artists, but I tend to block urls of bloggers whose stuff I feel is particularly problematic and I also now have the WONDERFUL post blocker xkit extension OMG it is a GODSEND I highly recommend it. If you keep seeing a post on your dash because everyone is reblogging it even though it is super squicky to you (like for instance an obviously feminised Cas or Dean is squicky for me) you can use the extension to block that particular post so you never have to see it again regardless of how many of your mutuals reblog it. Its amazing!

I know that on this hellsite we like to encourage everyone to be as creative as possible and that everyone is valid and we don’t kinkshame and everything etc etc, and I’m all for that, whatever floats your boat and all that. But there is a line, and the line is when what you are doing becomes offensive to the marginalised groups you are supposedly supporting. Like I really don’t care if you are into tentacle sex or hell, even a furry, but I do care if the only way you can comfortably support a gay ship is to force either of the male characters into a “female” template and give them a “self lubricating asshole”. Like... come on. This is why I hate A/B/O. If you have to force gay men to fit a hetero model, you aren’t supporting gay men, you are fetishising them. You are also probably kinda homophobic.

What I really hate about this stuff is how it always seems to be the problematic stuff like this that blows up and becomes a trend and suddenly everyone is jumping on board and no one is given a second thought to how fucked up it is. WHY IS A/B/O EVEN A THING?!? It started as a J2 beastiality fic like WHY DID IT BECOME SO POPULAR?!

Why is Twist & Shout so bloody popular too? Its not even in character. They aren’t even Dean and Cas! Cas is a pale skinny little TWINK?! WHHHHYYYY? I don’t understand it if you ship Destiel wouldn’t you at least want the characters you are reading about to BE Dean and Cas?!? Don’t get me wrong I love AU fics, but I still want to be able to picture and hear Dean and Cas in the characters being described.

Why was it such a thing in the early seasons to make Cas a girl? (that’s hyperbole obviously but he might as well have been based on some of the early fanfics/fanart I’ve seen and immediately noped out of.) Misha Collins has never looked anything like that! He’s never been feminine looking and just because the dude can pull off a dress doesn’t mean you can force him to suddenly be the cute tiny pale perfect curvy pretty submissive beauty you can’t help but imagine Dean with. If you want that for Dean, ship him with Lisa. Stop forcing Cas into a model that just doesn’t make sense for the character.

This goes for Dean as well of course. The dude may have a thing for pink panties and ballet shoes and taylor swift sure, but can we not feminise him to the point he is unrecognisable as the character please?

I know that a lot of this has routes in YAOI. Something I have generally avoided because quite frankly it disgusts me. I find the whole thing just super uncomfortable and messed up and see it purely as a straight womans fetish. So much of fandom shipping behaviour comes from YAOI and its caused a lot of the toxicity we have seen over the years. I think it has got a lot better in recent years though because the queer community is slowly gaining a monopoly in fandom (imo) and as they (we, I should say, as my bisexual ass has quite clearly had enough of this) become more interested in shipping and fandom culture, we can also start educating those straight fans who might be willing to listen and learn. Maybe one day we can say goodbye to the problematic trends of today, or at least, keep them on the fringes of fandom as more and more people wake up to the fact that they are harmful.

And if that means I never have to look at an image of a short pale “pretty” Cas with womanly hips again, I’ll crack open the prosecco and consider it a win.

[hoeforjotaro]

My thoughts on Nostalgia and Takano

I kind of wanted to share my thoughts on Takano after recently reading so many negative things about him, I’m aware of his actions from act 28 being inexcusable, but a lot of yaoi manga have very forceful relationships where the seme does this kind of shit, it’s not just SIH or JR. I feel that it’s something normally found in yaoi. Not all yaoi are like this but I feel the majority is like this.

Spoilers

I’m not saying I’m okay with it but at least after reading the chapters that follow act 28, in act 29 Ritsu has some alone time where he ends up doing the deed in the bathroom while thinking about Takano which gives us some insight that Ritsu has been enjoying his *cough* activities with Takano because he does have feelings for him (we all know that) but he’s a tsundere and doesn’t confess his feelings, in act 30 for whoever has read it, Ritsu defends himself from another possible rape like scenario with Nao, if Ritsu really didn’t want Takano I now know he could have easily pushed him away and made things clear with a good ol’ punch to the face, (he did slap him in the stairs at the library once I know that but it felt completely different from what happened with Nao) everyone blames Takano but he only acts that way because Ritsu has never made things clear about their relationship (he asks him if they’re fuck buddies), like Takano literally gave him an out by confronting him about his feelings, reject all that Takano is, if Ritsu didn’t want him he’d feel disgusted whenever Takano touches him but he doesn’t, it’s like Ritsu is giving him all these confusing signals and leading him on in a way.

End spoilers

There’s clearly a lot of hurt and heartbreak in act 28 but I still feel that the backlash Takano gets for that chapter is too much, because even if in that particular chapter he raped him, isn’t that essentially how it’s always been? So why now? After act 28 is when people started reacting to it? If you were a fan of Nostalgia up to that point and only realized during act 28 that the relationship was toxic then I dunno what you must have not realized when literally Takano did it with Ritsu while he was drunk and without proper consent the first time after 10 years. If you kept reading and enjoying Nostalgia after that then I dunno why act 28 gets so much hate.

Even knowing all of this don’t give me hate for having my own opinion, but I genuinely love Nostalgia and they are my favorite pairing, even if other people see it as a toxic relationship. I literally just want them to be happy together and to move past all that negativity and be lovey-dovey like Takano said.

[glutko]

FNaF Bootleg Merch VII: Come Back to Me(xico)

View the previous six parts here.

After a year of inactivity, this series has returned. eBay has finally listed enough bootleg FNaF toys for me to do a new, extra-long entry. And let me tell you, they’re particularly rancid this time. I wasn’t trying to aim for that, but here we are. 

In addition, there may or may not be non-FNaF figures that are only here because they popped up when I searched FNaF on eBay. So look forward to those!

So, without any further delays, let us dive into this rabbit hole once again...

Where do we begin? I know! Let’s talk about the current line of Mexican FNaF bootlegs known as “Five Nights at Freddy Twisted The Twisted Ones”. Why is the name so weird? Well, that’s because it comes from the official label, as seen below:

First off, what the hell is up with the Funtime Freddy/Bonnie figures? They’re Funtime, obviously, but also Nightmares? Or Twisted, due to how bad the figures look? And why are they holding puppets of themselves? Bonnie in particular looks like he tore off Bon-Bon and is holding it in the air like a display of victory.

Nightmare Funtime Foxy’s paint scheme is so bad that I thought his chest cavity was smashed open and his guts were falling out. Only Ennard looks presentable. Good lord. But it doesn’t stop there, friends: there are two more bags in this series. Let’s get some Twisted animatronics up in here!

...On second thought, maybe not. 

From left to right, we’ve got a confused Twisted Foxy with a broken jaw that’s made out of scabs, Stealth Mode Twisted Wolf that wears an ill-fitting tie whilst reciting Hamlet, an easily-impressed Twisted Bonnie who’s trying to copy Wolf, and a Phantom Twisted Freddy who looks absolutely putrid, and not in the way that Scott Cawthon intended. Looks like he was made out of a rotting avocado. Disgusting.

We’re not done yet, though. Let’s take a look at the third and final bag in the Twisted series. And it’s a beauty.

Where do we even begin? The Twisted Puppet with an orange squeezer in its chest that’s clearly a ripped-off fan design? The mutant Springtrap that looks like a cross of Scraptrap and that Salvage fandesign? The 12 oz. Mouse reject Stanley made out of sacks? Or the Twisted Nightmare Chica with peeling paint and a torn bib that says “LETS”? Here’s the answer - none of these, as I don’t want to look at this image anymore.

Here’s a bag of translucent Bendy and the Ink Machine figures that popped up because I searched FNaF on eBay. Yep. Don’t give them to a child, they’ll eat it and die from toxic paint or something.

I know I showed these filthy figures in a previous part, but man, seeing them in a proper display and under normal lighting is so fucked up. Look at Chica, man! That shit is utterly horrifying, and I know it’ll kill me in my dreams tonight. The Bonnie and Puppet aren’t much better, either. Also, why does Foxy have huge shoulder pads? Are they trying to make him look like that buff anime version of him and failing miserably?

Hey... you ever heard the term “half-assed”? Where someone does a lackluster job at something?

This isn’t even quarter-assing it. Did the person who make this have a vague description of Ballora to go off of? “Yeah, there’s this robot girl who looks like a half-naked ballerina. Her face splits into four halves. Also, she wears all-pink, except for her tutu, which is purple and looks like it’s made out of one of those paper ruffs you’d find in a birthday decoration. Get to work.”

Ugh. I need something to take the taste of crap Ballora out of my mouth. I know! Let’s go visit our lovely Rockstar animatronics! I bet they’re doing well this time of year!

Hm. I made fun of figures similar to these in the last part... but these are lower in quality, implying that the bootleggers are ripping off bootleg toys again. That’s right - it’s another case of bootleg Inception!

Speaking of, here are the original figures for you to compare them to, because I am too lazy to come up with my own content. Or maybe these are the bootlegs, I don’t really know. 

I will say this, though - Scrap Baby looks absolutely terrible. On both of them. The face rivals paper Ballora in terms of sheer crapness.

Yaoi Hands Toy Bonnie. Yes. I have no idea what fan design this figure is supposed to be ripping off. I don’t think any FNaF character has a design quite like this. Is this a repaint over an existing non-FNaF figure? Please let me know.

Edit: It’s a figure of Drawkill Toy Bonnie. Huh.

Let’s take a small break from these crap FNaF figures and look at a set that was recommended to me by eBay. Y’all ever heard of Miraculous Ladybug?

The bootleggers have, and dear GOD what the hell is wrong with their EYES. They are wired, man! They’ve taken some bad drugs, and now they’re suffering and paying the price. Also, what’s up with those short chibi things? Are they supposed to be that big and freakish? 

Can we please stop looking at this image? 

Ah, yes, there we go! For our final bootleg set, we have these... figures of the plushies? I don’t really know. 

Why are there two Mangles, one of which appears to be absolutely plastered with blood? What’s wrong with Toy Bonnie’s face - did he have some of the drugs as well? Why does the Puppet look like it’s fallen into a vat of paint stripper? Why does Foxy look like he’s got a vest made of turkey on, as well as fake fingernails for ears? Why are there two Freddys? Why is one of them hiding behind Foxy? Is he shy?

Is... is that Loss on Chica’s bib?

And that’s all I have for now. I must say, I do hope that the bootleggers find out about Help Wanted and Security Breach. Then we’ll have quality Vanny, Glitchtrap, and Glamrock figures to point and laugh at.

[hozukitofu]

More chillis please

Being the person who assumes the landscape of their environment upon entering the room and often designated as kin of the furniture, Yachi is very happy when people speak at her and not to her, so that unnecessary conversations do not occur and everyone can go back to ignoring her as they did before.

Acquiring a retail job runs something similar to that vein.

A retail job in a relatively functional business is great. People still try to be friendly - older people, and older men, which, no - but it's not too unbearable.

She gets a message, one day, while she's getting a one-on-one tutoring session by Yours Truly, Chameleon Expert Man Himself, Kinoshita, on calculus and tactics of evading eye contact. They're revising what she should know, she's confident that going to the job, with these new skills, will maximise her invisibility, when her phone vibrates and seeing as the team shares absolutely zero boundaries, she pores over the message with Kinoshita, who bites into a slice of orange.

"New shift?" He chews, eyebrow lifted.

She's noting that down as a skill that she needs to be taught. Kiyoko-san does it very often and it makes grown men cry on the spot. Yachi can weaponise that and turn it on the creeps at work. It can work for her.

"Hmm," she nods, mouth full of orange slices. Kinoshita slaps a napkin to her face, picks up her phone and types a response out. By the time she swallows the pieces of citrusy goods and wipes herself dry of unwanted orange spit, there is a hovering screen with the line I'm good to go on Saturday. Same time as usual? waiting for her approval from her upperclassman.

"All good, Kinoshita-san," she gives him two thumbs up, because he deserves it.

"I'm going inside to tell Chikara we're almost done. Send it and pack up. We're bullying Ryuu to buy us food," he rises, takes his books with him, and gives her a jaunty wave at the doorway.

She hits send. Working at the bakery in Miyagi central shopping district with the locals is great, but working in busy Tokyo where she will know nobody and the customers will assume she is a speaking brick wall?

Ideal.

She sweeps all her books into her tote bag and sprints after Kinoshita.

-.-

The nature of the bakery franchise she works at is that she rings in all the sales when customers approach her with the baked goods and she restocks when bread is running low. That's the official job description.

Recently the bakery, influenced a little by by multiculturalism and mostly by the owner being completely smitten with the Vietnamese literature teacher with the dimpled smile who passes by their bakery every second day, they also have a banh mi side gig.

According to Suga-san, what the workplace is doing is very similar to Subway, but more Asian. Regardless of the plagiarism of what had been done in food chain stores, this is her job and if she wants to save up for a nicer tablet for graphic design then she just has to suck it up princess and cry her way through the world of earning hard cold cash.

So now she makes bread. Per order of the customers who now have to interact with her, human to human.

It is just as uncomfortable for her as it is for the customers so - equivalent exchange?

Anyways. Now she has Stories. The team sets aside time to provide group therapy for Yachi and the Woes of Being a Slave to Capitalism. It is aptly named group therapy because it is a bunch of highschoolers sitting in a loose collection of volley playing brats and consoling a little blonde girl of her retail hardships.

Today's story, she muses as she runs nose first into Asahi's abruptly stopped back, must be the More Chillis Please episide.

It happens like this -

It is 10 o'clock, she had been there for two hours and made, to the worst of her memory and knowledge, at least twenty individual banh mi. She is righteously outraged by the smell of egg mayonnaise, and if somebody shows up in the store again she will Scream.

Anyways, once the moment of Mandatory Two Hour Fury manifested and dissipated, she settles back into greeting customers, offering her services, and registering sales.

She sees the two boys, clad in similar sports jackets, not a uniform, but it is close enough, on their very very tall and lanky frames.

She is immediately brought back to the sight of Kei and Asahi, except Asahi is twice as wide as one of these guys.

Yachi ties up the package for her current customer, bides them farewell and good luck on their date, and turns to the two boys, her Customer Service Voice already on its routine greeting and question.

"Hi, welcome to Dreamworks Bakery. How can I help you today?"

The slightly shorter boy, with bushy eyebrows and wow those really look like caterpillars, wait until the team hears about this, leans forward, friendly smile fixed across his crooked front teeth.

"Hi there, if you don't mind, can I have one pork roll please, that's cut in half."

Yachi sets to work, doesn't think too much or too hard at why there are two boys and only one bread. She picks up the tongs, considering the viable options -

They are sharing this tiny loaf of Vietnamese bread roll, which, is never going to be enough, even for her, and she eats roughly a sixth of the amount Kageyama eats, so that says Something. Maybe it's just a snack. Who knows

The grumpy boy with the face mask willingly walked his friend or walked with him to this busy bakery to wait for him to buy a small snack, which, Amazing Dedication

She finishes it up, takes the knife to cut the bread in half but wonkily, because she has a healthy fear of knives, you know, as a normal sensible human person would. The boys have been chattering between themselves, the one who ordered constantly bumping into his companion, grinning and tugging on his arm. While from the companion's end there is the long suffering Stop being annoying universal eye roll and sigh combo, it's done with the same degree of exasperated fondness Kei huffs at Tadashi, the unspoken but loud What am I going to do with you, you troublesome creature?

Yachi thinks that everything happening is meant to both be a private moment and a routine, and she shouldn't pry. She also thinks that she is reading too much into this, that toxic masculinity is slowly eroding away with her generation and boys can care for each other deeply without the gross gushing of others around them of Amazing, uwu, yaoi babies.

That had actually happened with Suga-san and Akiteru while they were running an errand so Ew. She's not going to become one of those people.

It's not really a big moment of deep euphoria when the shorter boy with the bushy caterpillar eyebrows slips a hand into the other's pocket, leaning right up into his side, under his retreated chin. It is a cuddle manifesting slowly in front of her eyes, and she pauses in her struggle with the paper bags and her two pieces of bread, to blink and the scene make an Ah sound in her lizard brain.

"Cool," she hums.

"Sorry again, but," Caterpillar Brow leans up against the glass, "would you mind adding chillis onto one half?"

Yachi is already stretching one nearest to her hand open. "Tell me when to stop."

He flashes her another winning smile. "You're so valid."

She grins, sprinkling chillis in the tiny half. After a good half of the bread is covered, and he asks her to stop.

Only for the masked friend to lean forward, tug down his face mask, and speak softly.

"Add more, please."

Because Yachi assumes things, as she does, like a presumptuous idiot, she goes on fulfilling the request and thinking that it's for the masked friend. The masked friend doesn't like ordering so his friend had taken up that responsibility for him and he has the taste bud of titanium which explains the excessive chilli situation.

"Is this," she is afraid to ask, "enough?"

She tries to make eye contact with both boys, but because the Presumptuous Moron Energy is on high visibility that day, the masked companion tugs his mask up and draws out his wallet, sighing softly.

"This one," he jerks his head to his companion, "likes his food to strip off skin when he eats. I hold no jurisdiction over his questionable tastes."

It's all kinds of a wonderful, wonderful plot twist. She accepts the payment and wishes them farewell in a rather mechanical manner, and spends a good half of the day just processing everything that transpired. Everything from the masked friend taking the bread from her and pulling the strap onto his wrist so he can hold the other boy's hand, to them knocking heads as they walk away, the excitable companion speaking onto his neck as they disappear into the throng of people.

Asahi apologises for almost running her over and into a medically induced concussion, but she reassures him that she's fine, I've been the victim of a spike before, Asahi-san, this is like a small shove next to that, oh no don't cry, please, I'll live.

Story time is going to be Lit.

[themattress]

This is my final response to the toxic waste of space that is intotheventures, aka the KH2-hating anon troll who is literally insane over the fact that KH2 is the most beloved game in the franchise. I didn’t want to pollute the KH Trinity blog with more of his nonsensical bullshit.

(BTW the REAL trinity is Birth By Sleep + 1 + Chain of Memories).

That makes no sense whatsoever, because that leaves a blatantly incomplete story.

What is natural about Sora falling to his knees for Riku? Nothing. 

He wasn’t doing to “for Riku”. He did it because he thought Riku was dead, all the evidence he was getting pointed to Riku having died, and he was overcome with relief that Riku, his best friend, was actually still alive after all. It was not an intentionally-written yaoi bait scene, no matter how fans took it.

What did the added AkuRoku scenes in Final Mix add to the story? Nothing. 

I’m not talking about Final Mix, I’m talking about the original KH2.

But yeah, that scene had no purpose being there.

Also “he made me feel like I had a heart” is cringy.

“Cringe” is the new, ill-defined buzzword this clod throws around to bash KH2.

And how is it cringy? It is quite literally saying what Roxas did for Axel.

Have you looked at a single reaction command? Sora chopping a building in half isn’t a shallow “badass” presentation? It’s all style, no substance, it’s more blatant than anything in any other KH game.

Except in KH3 where you get Keyblades that transform into new weapons of ultimate power, can summon fucking Disney World rides to inflict massive damage upon your foes, has Sora running up walls and even jumping on falling boulders, new reaction commands that feature more flashy “badass” moves, shotlocks where there are even MORE “badass” moves to be pulled off (something that was also in BBS), Flowmotion where you’re flying all over the place...literally everything about KH3 is more “all style, no substance” than KH2. It’s right there in front of everyone’s eyes, and you’re only denying it because you are a hypocritical, intellectually dishonest freak.

Sora became more idiotic (he wasn’t this dumb in DDD, contrary to popular belief, he was just blissfully unaware and let his guard down) and hostile, constantly taunting and insulting his opponents for little to no reason (contrary to popular belief, he was not like this in the other games)

“Contrary to popular belief”, and then you don’t back up your claims. Yes, Sora WAS that dumb - no, much dumber -in DDD, and even in KH3 there were more “lol, Sora’s stupid!” moments than in KH2, with his friends constantly mocking him about it. He was also just as hostile toward opponents in KH and COM, including to the point of killing them, and that’s not even factoring in Roxas combining with him at the start of KH2. There is nothing remotely OOC about Sora in KH2, you’re just whining about him not being the pure, positive soul you want him to be

Kairi became a shallow love interest

And yet she had a shit-ton more mitigating qualities than in KH3, which you deny.

Riku was more sullen

Because behaving exactly like the cocky asshole he was before would’ve indicated that he had no remorse for anything he did and had learned nothing, had suffered no consequences. You say “sullen”, I say “human”.

Namine only appeared for brief scenes and had little personality

How is that a problem? KH2 was never meant to be a big Namine-focused game.

Roxas’ angst was really overdone.

Again, no explanation as to how/why.

Personally, I think his angst over being completely fucked over was proportionate.

Too often he just magically solved the problems of various Disney characters, like Simba.

Yes, which he also does in the other games, including KH3. By this logic, he was a Gary-Stu in the original game because he trapped Jafar in the lamp and not Aladdin.

He’s not a Gary-Stu in DDD because he ended up failing the exam after Xehanort rigged it, and his idiocy cost him greater than in KH2.

I’ll give you that one. Riku was the Gary-Stu of 3D, not Sora.

KH3 connects all of the worlds and is better at not having filler.

Again, how/why? You cite no examples, and can’t defend against the MANY examples of people in their reviews of KH3, both text and video, saying how the Disney worlds are probably the biggest case of them being filler yet, as Sora has literally no reason to be messing around in any of them, and what the Organization gets out of them is incredibly nebulous and ultimately doesn’t really matter either. 

 A lot of things are just brought up and either resolved too quickly (like the “I can’t use the Keyblade!” scene or just dropped (”While you’re there, the nature of that world may tempt you to do something dark. You must resist that temptation at all costs!”).

Again, just like almost every other KH game, including/especially KH3.

None of the rest of the cast really contribute anything, most are just plot devices to pad out the character count. Kairi didn’t do anything better than she did in 1, Riku’s screentime was mostly spent lamenting about his very existence, HPO did nothing anyone else couldn’t have done, same with Namine, their roles are mostly interchangeable and obligatory. Plus KH2 had a much larger cast of OCs than KH1 + CoM so it’s a much more glaring flaw.

Kairi, Riku, HPO, Namine, etc. all do things that Sora absolutely could not do and would have failed in his quest without. You are confusing “screentime” with “contributions” - none of them have the screentime Sora does (because he’s the fucking main character), but they all play the roles they are supposed to for the story. Again, not that different from most other games, including KH3 where there’s an even LARGER cast of OCs, and yet you’re constantly defending that game despite it doing the exact same things you perpetually cry about KH2 doing, and usually doing them worse.

Submit your own character: The Organization.

How the fuck are the villains a case of “Submit your own character”?

Sex scene: Obviously none, but Kairi’s panties are close enough. In no other game was she used for fanservice/sex appeal.

The panties weren’t an actually thing you were supposed to see in-game, and if you think she wasn’t used for fanservice/sex appeal with her equally titillating short-skirt design in KH3, you’re fooling yourself. 

“That was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers!” (This sounded outdated in 2006)

He’s part of a computer simulation run by an old man. This is how said old man thinks that teenagers actually talk. It’s actually pretty brilliant.

“Sorry, “Mommy”, your poopsies are toast!” (Cringe)

How?

“Hmph, maybe you should have kept some to yourself.” (This maybe fits Riku, but NOT Sora!)

Again, how? 

“You gonna cry?!” (OOC, and doesn’t make sense in context. Frustrated Jacob even made fun of this line.) ”I guess you think you can psych me out by saying really random stuff!” (Like the above, FJ made fun of it.) “Tough talk for someone who stood on the sidelines while his Nobody flunkies did all the fighting!” (WTF)

Basically “Waaah, Sora’s a meanie-head to the poor Nobodies!” Gag me.

“[Maleficent]’s toast.” (Cringe, doesn’t sound cool in the least.)

So “badass presentation” is bad, yet you hate a line if it doesn’t sound “cool”. Got it.

“Lowlife.” (OOC)

HOW? DEFINE your goddamn TERMS, you utter twat!

“I bet you can’t even fight!” (OOC, just sounds like a prick)

“Just give it a rest! You’re Nobodies! You don’t even exist! You’re not sad about anything!” (He says this after meeting Axel, Roxas, and Namine. Plot hole + OOC)

“Then stop moping and DO something!” (later) “Why stick around if he’s not even gonna try?” (later) “C’mon, Goofy.” (This is too OOC to be Sora.)

Again, you want Sora to be perfect and nice to everyone. Got it.

In short, your ranting and raving means nothing. Not to me, not to anyone. You can keep up your insipid KH2-hate posts on your fringe blog, you can keep spamming the same messages in people’s ask boxes when they dare criticize other KH games over KH2, but KH2 is always going to be the most beloved entry in the franchise, KH, COM and KH2 are always going to be the real KH Trinity, and you aren’t changing people’s minds on that. Ever.

And now, to quote the great Ansem the Wise:

We’ve said enough! FAREWELL!

[19possums-blog]

On tianshan relationship and their fandom, i guess ?

hello there @nightfayre !! Im the 5asks anon lol (the one abt the last chapter of tianshan). I wanted to thank you for your answer and continue to rant in your askbox but i figured it was so long that mb it would crash ur box lmao, so I... kind of created a blog..... hm. well theres no bad reasons to create an account is there lol ?? (also is there no way to send a long ask ?? why is it so limited :(( )

So once again thank you for anwser, and what an answer ! You raised many points i didnt think about and that was very interesting. I knew i would be glad to hear your thoughts ! the rest under a read more coz i think its going to be looong lol

(( To do a sort of disclaimer : I despise fandom discourse and im more of the mentality “let ppl enjoy what they want as long as it dont hurt real life ppl”, and “dont like dont interact”. So everything im going to say is not an attack against anyone, but just a way of prolonging a manhwa that i like. Most of all, i want to emphasize that at the end of the day, its just a manhwa : it doesnt justify being mean or aggressive towards other real life ppl. If you find yourself raging while reading fandom wank, just stop reading, block, and go outside a little. My way of enjoying the manhwa is to be analytical, to criticize (positively and negatively) and to look at the material source as well as the fandom in itself ; if its (understandably lol) not your definition of fun, this post may not be for you !))

Ur totally right in saying that the hardest thing is separate morality, reality and fiction. I hope my asks didn't come across as a 'u shouldnt like tianshan bc its not morally good'. There is a lot of puritan push back on tumblr lately, and im totally against it. Everyone is free to like/ship what they want ; reading only ‘morally good’ literature wont prevent you to become a nasty person - i would argue itd be the exact opposite, as your spirit wont be trained to think critically or to evaluate a situation (and every situations is always grey) by your own means. Also, its important to separate fantasies/what you like to read and who you are/what you do. To be embarrassingly honest, and like many people, one of my sexual fantasy is rape ; but in my real life, im in a queer anarchist collective that actively fights against rape culture and defends rape victims. That is why i dont have a problem with SheLI/Mo shippers (or even HeCheng/SheLi shippers) even if its not my cup of tea, but i would have a problem if in real life (irl) ppl would say to irl Mo that irl SL is good for him (or if they wouldnt find it wrong that a irl 30yo Cheng is involved wt an irl 15yo Li). I digress.

But then again this confusion about fiction/reality/morality is at the core of the tianshan fandom -and many fandoms. I dont know about you, but i grossly see 3 types of ‘trends’ depending on how ppl interact with the source material  :

1.The ones who think you cant like something while being critical of it. I love 19 days but I think there are flaws in it, beyond tianshan dynamic (like how OX handles the transition between funny and dramatic moments –I think its badly done). It doesn’t mean I personally hate OX and wish harm to their family oc. Worse than this, the ones who, because they dont like certain things in 19 days, feel free to harass OX on their social media.  Here its a confusion between fiction and reality and a lack of critical thinking.

2. the ones that loves Tianshan because they think it fits the trope “Dark, handsome, tortured violent boy who is violent towards fragile, sweet, pure cute boy because he loves him” and the typically associated trope “the pure boy will change the violent boy by the pureness of his heart”. Aka the most common yaoi trope. Again, if it pleases people to see Tianshan like this, good for them and i hope they have a nice time reading 19 days. Lets face it, I love really bad yaoi and books. Its just not how i see tianshan at all, but to each their own. I just have a problem when these ppl insist that its an ok behavior to have in real life and say things like “possessiveness is a proof of love” uncritically (hint : it isnt). For me, its the difference between enjoying fast food (thats okay), and wanting to force everyone to eat fast food and to find it pleasurable (not okay).

3. the ones that think what you like in literature defines who you are, and so in order to be a “good person” you have to only like “morally good litterature” -there are the ones I personally find the more interesting bc they can ask good questions. But alas, in most cases its just puritanism badly disguised and currently they are in all fandoms. Lets not delve into the issue of this statement : what is ‘morally good’ ? who are in the authority to proclaim what is good ? how can you recognize what is ‘morally good’ if you dont see what is ‘morally not good’ ? is it literature’s responsibility to educate its audience ? do literature have to point out “watch out audience what just happened is not okay” as if we were brainless children ? whats more important : what you like reading or what you do irl ? .... Okay i totally delve into this lmao. Here its a confusion between fiction and morality and a rejection of critical thinking : we could say its like when the Catholics prohibited women from reading bc it would pervert them and think of the children).

Returning to the specifics of what we've been talking about  : so in this last case, you (generic ‘you’) think that you are a good person ; so you have to read morally good literature. So in this case, fandom isnt just a harmless hobby, but a proof of how you are morally good, imagine the stakes ! But alas, you happen to like 19 days and most specifically tianshan. You said (@nightfayre​ ) that you judge Tianshan unhealthy as they are now, and i wholeheartedly agree with you, so im not going to discuss why since you already explained it so well. So, what happens when you like a morally not good ship, but you think liking morally dubious things makes you a bad person ? You bent over backwards to explain that, in fact, this ship is morally good, to protect your integrity. And thats why, in 19days fandom since the last chapter (and its the same thing with every chapter where flaws of HT are revealed!), there are many posts going around “hm, in fact, what He Tian did is good ! i know it can seems like hes a violent asshole who dont respect MGS because he punches him, threatens him, and dont listen to him, but hm.... in fact its because he’s nice...” and then they do mental gymnastics to justify what is, obviously, not morally justifiable. And i find its a pity because, my guy, my buddy, nobody is going to throw you tomatoes if you like a morally dubious character, and also bc nothin is morally good ! everybody does what they think is the best in ‘problematic situations’ ! and thats what make life interesting ! and so, 19 days interesting ! The flaws of HT (and MGS) are what drawn ppl to his character, bc it makes him real, its makes him contradictory, we can project ourselves in him, and we can see a complicated character with awesome latent potential. And yes, treating someone like a territory bc you care about them is a flaw lol. (on this subject : i saw ppl saying that its protectiveness and not possession : if you protect someone like you would protect a territory, then its not a healthy protection. you deal with a human whose agency you must respect, contrary to a territory).

MGS and HT are the product of what happen to them in their early childhood and then their adolescence. Like you said, they grow up in a violent, twisted world, where being emotionally distant is the norm. I would even say that they are expected to conform to the standards of (toxic) masculinity : channel all your emotions into anger, caring is being weak and feminine, prove your worth by your physical strength, be in control in all ur relationship, etc. I would say thats why Mo is so hostile towards HT : HT challenges his masculinity, by seducing him (everyone know that the biggest fear of macho men like HT and Mo is being considered gay -_-) and being stronger than him. Lets face it, Mo has kind of a homophobic issue, like all the boys. Between JY who tells HT its disgusting being told hes handsome by a man (at the beginning of the manhwa, i hope by now he had grown out of it), or Mo who tells HT he isnt happy that a guy is on his bed or who desperately wants to prove his heterosexuality by saying he likes all cute girls to his baldy friend... HT is more nuanced, but at the end, when he ‘seduces’ Mo, its always predatory. He doesnt let himself being vulnerable and he aggressively touches Mo even without his consent. For me, its a way of proving his domination, not his interest (and when i say that, i dont mean that HT is not genuinely interested in Mo -just that his actions dont translate this). ZZX is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with his masculinity lol, but then hes the healthy one in all aspects (thats why i dont like his character and am not invested in zhanyi, even if irl i would love to be his friend).

With all that being said, oc HT wont know how to adequately express genuine concern and interest in Mo ! This sort of social interactions is not something you just know, its smth you learn. And in HT and Mo’s cases, nobody was there to teach them -we could even say that ppl in their life made them unlearn caring behaviors. So HT does what he does best : he fights and forces, and is surprised when Mo thinks (obviously) HT is evil. And also, like you said, Mo will never be (at least how he is now) a driving force in their relationships bc he will always run away from bonding with ppl. So here we are, HT being the only driving force in their relationship, the same HT who only knows violence. No wonder that their relationship is like this...

As it is, i feel like tianshan is kind of in an impasse right now. One or the other is going to have to evolve if we want to see their relationships changing. Either HT learns how to care without being violent (seems complicated if Mo doesnt challenges him, bc HT isnt going to realize this without feedback since its how he has always functioned), or, more likely, Mo is going to be honest with him and tell him that his behavior is hurting him. Though more probable, I dont see it happening anytime soon : for one, Mo isnt capable of seeing when he is hurting emotionally and what is hurting him ; and also, bc Mo doesnt know any other language than violence, not unlike HT. I think its smth most of the fandom ignore, how violence is smth that HT and MGS both have in common, and how if HT wasnt violent, MGS certainly wouldnt consider him at all.

Anw im excited to see where OX is going with all this ! Like you said, the forced kiss was pivotal to their relationship, so im kind of hoping it would be the same here ! I just hope they wont... do like usual and just put a funny chapter and ignore this latest development.....

OMG i wrote soo much and there is so much i still want to say.... i think im going to do a second post... sorry about the spam lmao

( @nightfayre : i dont know how this site works yet, is @ you alright ? will it show you my post in your notif or should i send an ask ?  bc i want you to see my answer, but i dont want you to feel pressurized to respond or interact or anything !! above all dont feel pressurized, i was sad last night when you wrote ‘im sorry to not answer more quicly’ bc you should answer at your own rhythm or not answer ! your blog is a hobby, not an obligation, so dont feel bad to not do more when yo already do much !! )

[eledritch]

someone: do you still ship klance?

me, internally: I love the dynamic of Klance and I love writing the ship. It was my first ship in the Voltron fandom and my first Voltron Klance fic Bonding Time is still my most popular. But it’s a constant frustration, because the more Klance content I reblog, the more anti blogs and art and posts are recommended to me. Because so many Klance fans are antis, and so Klance is associated with antis, which is so sad because I don’t want to be associated with such a toxic side of a fandom and I know many other Klance shippers don’t either, or don’t see the harm in anti arguments because they support Klance, and they’re defending Klance, so it must be okay, right? I hate that so many antis who ship Klance are also Lance stans, because I love Lance but I do not appreciate the iterations of Klance which make Keith out to be little more than a prop to support and lavish love upon Lance when he needs it - forget Keith’s feelings and character development, he’s from Texas and loves knives and making terrible decisions LOL. I hate the “there can only be one” mentality among so many Klance fans, who will go out of their way to bash other ships in order to make Klance the only “safe” and “non-problematic” one. I hate that the argument “because it’s not Klance” has literally been used when one shipper was asked why she didn’t ship or like Hance, I hate that people label Pidge/Lance as problematic even though Pidge and Lance have great potential as a couple and their age difference is the same as Keith and Lance’s, and most of all I hate that antis who ship Klance (...which is most if not all of them) claim other ships that “interfere” with Klance like Sheith or Shance or Shklance are pedophilia and unhealthy, when they are neither. I hate that antis who ship Klance will go so far as to attack other shippers with slews of hate, death threats, give them labels using words they do not even understand, and worst of all invalidate the experiences and trauma of actual CSA victims in their quest to make Klance the one true pairing. I hate that Klance fans have attacked the creators and voice actors of the show in the same way, I hate that @bext-k has been treated so horribly here on tumblr and then been told she couldn’t defend herself because her bully was a minor (a minor, but not a toddler, someone who is perfectly capable of not being an asshole and whose age does not make it okay for them to say the things they said). I cannot stand the Klance meta posts that analyze the heck out of every interaction between the two of them, and at the same time ignore much more meaningful interactions between characters like Shiro and Keith and deny that there could be anything more than friendship between them. It isn’t that deep, I’m sorry, it just isn’t, and it’s embarrassing to see how far of a reach Klance fans make sometimes in order to make their ship as canon as possible. And look, to a degree, I get it. I love Klance. But I do not love the way so many Klance shippers have broken apart this fandom and created spaces so toxic that CSA victims’ voices cannot even be heard without being shut down, mocked, and insulted. I do not love the way I now I have to check every unknown blog’s description before reblogging a post from them to make sure they don’t say “shaladins get out” or “stinky anti” there. I do not love the way that adult antis claim they are protecting minors and then turn around and reblog nsfw fanart of Keith and Lance, two characters who they apparently see as minors, even going so far as to tag it with things like “yaoi” or “this is so sinful” or something equally insulting. I do not love the way antis gaslight and guilt-trip, I do not love the insidious mob mentality that leads to people feeling afraid of not thinking the way other antis do. I do not love the all too prevalent fujoshi culture found among Klance shippers - have you ever noticed that the overwhelming majority of Klance shippers are teenage to twenty-something girls? Whereas all of the queer guys I know of in this fandom are multishippers and/or ship Sheith or Shance. Why don’t we acknowledge that? Why don’t we acknowledge that queer guys, whose relationships we are writing/drawing/analyzing and fangirling about, have an opinion here, and that their opinion maybe, just MAYBE, matters more than ours? In Hypable’s Battleships poll, this was literally proven - way more guys voted for Sheith than voted for Klance. But Sheith is the toxic relationship. Uh-huh. Right. Okay. Even though they're both adults and have shown each other nothing but love, trust, and respect. This is what infuriates me about so many Klance shippers. The willful blindness to even acknowledge that other sides, other ships, may have merit. And of course this isn’t all of them, I ship Klance and I know many others who do and who don’t share this mentality that makes me so sad and upset. But there are a significant amount of Klance shippers who do. Why can’t there just be a dialogue? Why can’t antis be people who may not like Shaladin ships but understand that this is a fictional show, people are entitled to their opinions, blacklisting tags/blocking users/not looking at content you don’t like is a valid option, and words like pedophilia and “go kill yourself” should not be thrown around as lightly and frequently as they are? I wish we could. I really wish we could. And I also wish I could ship Klance as much as I want to without constantly being reminded of all the hate spread by people who call it their OTP.

me: yep haha ofc klance will always be close to my heart!

[camilliar]

I'm curious about your trans headcanons now. I see occasional fic with CP characters as trans men who are already fully transitioned by the time they get to college, but I would be really interested to see the dynamics of a character coming out as a woman. Especially a character who presents very masculine in the comic, like Jack.

Hiiiii, Ilove this ask, come here, let’s be friends.

I’m not muchof a headcanon person, by which I mean, when I have ideas about characters Itend to put them into stories instead of “what if” informal posts. Thiscomplicates my cool fannish image because I look very inactive when really I’vejust been writing tens of thousands of words that, like a dodo, I absolutelywill not post as WIPs. On the other hand, it does mean I’ve written 20,000words about Jack being trans. I’ve mentioned it here,but I’m not sure to what extent it’ll end up as a story that gets posted.

At theoutset I should say that I take a center-liberal approach to fic writing, whichis to say, I like things to be canon-compliant when they’re not straight-upAUs, but I’m not fundamentalist about what canon-compliant means. I think there’sroom to write a story that adheres to the comic canon but posits that the circumstancesof the characters’ lives and relationships might shift in the future, beyondwhere canon takes them. In that sense I think you have to look at who Jack isif you’re going to do this, and there isn’t a lot of overt evidence that he’ssuffering gender confusion.

There is,however, a lot of subtext. Jack’s story is, in a lot of ways, about strugglingto conform to a neat performance of masculinity. He works incredibly hard tomeet these social expectations; the kind of person Jack is supposed to be doesn’tdeal with mental illness, or drug dependency, or like boys. There is a lot oftextual evidence in the comic that he is consciously or subconsciously fightingagainst these things by controlling the aspects of his life that he can bringin line with expectations: how he spends his days, what his body looks like,and what he reveals about himself to other people. He’s vague and sometimesobfuscating about that, and puts his experiences in terms of what he doesrather than who he is, which I find to be an interesting kind of detachment. Hegoes around telling people he is dating Bitty, but in the comic so far hasn’t identifiedas gay or bi or even something more general like queer or not straight.

I liked thatmoment where he was talking about thecosts of playing hockey that he’s willing to endure, and he mentions, “The expectations and the spotlight …. The anxiety…” Obviouslyhe has expectations for himself, but by and large “the expectations and thespotlight” are things that are external to Jack, things happening to him; Ithink given the recurring theme of people speculating on and assessing him,fairly or unfairly, it seems like he is thinking of these expectations as thoseheld by other people, not ones he’s placing on himself. His anxiety is not anexternal thing, though; it’s something that’s real but is only ever happening inhis brain, that he’s doing to himself. It might be exacerbated by a toxicsports media culture and the general drag that is patriarchal heteronormative bullshit,but his brain is something for him to own, and he’s putting some distancebetween himself, and that.

It’s interestingto me that Jack comes out to George when they’re running. Some of this ispractical; Jack wants to talk to her in as private a place as he can, and heprobably doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to get her alone at work, and itmight have been too much build-up for him to reach out and say, “I need to getyou alone so I can talk to you.” At the same time you have to look at all thethings Jack is tacitly communicating to George: I’m dating a dude, but, I’m still an elite athleteconforming to all of the other expectations of masculinity, I’ll go on this runwith you, I’m down for whatever you put on me, I’m the same person I was the last time we went on a run. He even puts on a dude-ish baseball cap before he gets out of the car, like he’sputting on his dude drag to go have this conversation. God forbid hisconfession that he’s with Bitty undermine George’s view of him as one of herhockey players.

Even hischoice of Bitty as a romantic partner is something I don’t think the fandomexamines enough. Partly it’s because Check,Please! is a yaoi slash heart-eyes adoraboo webcomic, so a good portion ofthe audience is going to just accept this canon couple as a given withoutlooking into it too deeply. I remember Ngozi saying somewhere, at some point,that Jack needs someone really special to get through to him, with theimplication being that Bitty is that special person, he is a flawless angel childwho straddles both ends of the gender-presentation spectrum with his tinyperfect ass bisecting the middle, god bless him. But I’m cynical so I can’tjust take that as a given, and I have to think about the way in which thepeople we associate with, and especially, the people we are attracted to, areways in which we practice our own identity construction. How does standing nextto Bitty make Jack look? Maybe Jack doesn’t think about it in thatstraightforward a manner, but he must be aware on some level that this is goingto reflect back on him. Why does he send Bitty a zillion roses for Valentine’sDay? I mean, the comic isn’t there yet, but let’s think this out for a second: it’sa textbook male gesture to send the person you’re dating flowers. So, Jacksends Bitty shitloads of flowers. It’stoo easy to just say that Jack is super intense and he gives 110 percent, he’sso extra, etc. Like, yes, he is extra, but why is he so extra? Because he canbe? Or because Bitty will be 110 percent happier with 110 extra roses? Or because he’strying to perform 110 percent masculinity?

Writingabout Jack coming out as a woman and transitioning is an interesting way toneedle at his character. (And also, an interesting way to needle at myself, youknow, that’s writing for you.) Back to my center-liberal mode of fannish participation:I do not think that Jack is fundamentally being written this way, but rather,that it’s one way to interpret and examine how Jack relates to himself andparticipates in traditional masculinity. There are a zillion other ways to dothis, and I find that almost every OMGCP fic I write or post I make is essentiallygetting at the problem of Jack’s character from a different angle. (Except onefic that’s the same, except, Kent Parson instead.)

For me, a majorissue in the problem of Jack’s character is that trying to establish himself inthe echelons of professional hockey caused him to suffer greatly, to the pointof almost dying, possibly intentionally—but he decided, for some reason, thathe wanted to go back for more, and try again. So much of the work I see in thisfandom is about how Jack pushing himself to overcome his issues and succeed inhockey is a positive character trait, and readers are proud of him. But Ithink, within the canon and within the fandom, there is a major unansweredquestion in the form of, what the heck is going on with this character that hecannot and will not stop doing things that have the potential to cause himserious harm? Is he just autistic, and unable to detach from this thing he’sfixated on? Is it that he has literally never thought about anything else hemight do with his life? Or is it that he cannot stop thinking of himself as ahockey player? What would happen if he did? How would he start to think abouthimself, if he stopped thinking of himself as a hockey player and began to thinkof himself as anyone or anything else, and stopped compartmentalizing hisidentity and his experiences?

His brain ishorribly roadblocked. “I don’t think about this stuff too much,” he tellsShitty.And, sure, that’s normal, especially among men raised in hyper-masculinecontexts. But it’s normal because those men exist in a social context wherethey should be afraid of what they might find out about themselves if theythought about it too much. He then makes a joke about how he’s a robot andmakes fun of Shitty’s arguably less fraught romantic life, as if Shitty havingfeelings for Lardo is some kind of weakness. He then picks up Shitty and throwshim in a pile of leaves, which is so painfully overt and demonstrative adisplay of masculine and dominant behavior that Bitty notices from inside andyells at him. I don’t think this is what Ngozi intended, but it’s a fair enoughinterpretation of what’s going on: Shitty made Jack feel a little too much, ora little too conscious of himself, and so he has to respond by emasculatingShitty. Shitty’s like, “Love has changed you,” but like, I dunno, has it, or,how has it?

Granted, alot of this is nebulous, because we don’t know and probably won’t find out muchabout what happened to Jack when he was in juniors, what happened to Jack whenhe was in rehab, or what Jack’s decision-making process was when he applied tocollege—by which I mean, it’s unclear if he just saw it as a means to an end.It’s also unclear how Jack handles his anxiety—is he in therapy, is he takingmeds? It’s unclear how he thinks of himself in terms of drug use—for the mostpart, ending up in rehab at 18 is incongruous with having a beer every now andthen, though it’s also worth asking how having a beer at key moments makes himlook to other people, or how it makes him feel about himself. We just don’tknow that much about Jack, for all the comic is largely about him. It can bedifficult to pinpoint exactly how much he knows about himself, and why he’smade the choices he’s made, because many of those decisions are opaque toreaders.

But, that’swhere fandom gets to work. So I come back to the trans Jack thing here. Jackhas spent most of his life, probably, being told (perhaps implicitly more thanexplicitly) that he needed to do certain things and seem a certain way in orderto be taken seriously, and not be suspected of any kind of femmey or queerinclinations. (He knows that being with Kent Parson could have “really messedwith” their hockey careers, for one thing.) Am I saying that butch people, like, don’treally exist, and it’s all a construct? I don’t want to stick my nose into anature/nurture thing, but it’s undeniable that the style you project is part ofa complex network of influences, some of which are prejudices. To write Jack astrans is to ask questions about how those prejudices have affected him, andwhat might happen if he discarded them.

In terms ofhow a story about trans Jack would look, I can tell you what I’m interested inexamining: biology is destiny, and Jack’s body is pretty materially mannish. Towhat extent would it be possible to conform to that, reject it, subvert it?Jack’s attraction to Bitty is probably fixed, but Bitty is gay, and being withJack is an aspect of his constructionof self. How does Bitty cope with having someone else’s decisions destabilizehow he thinks and what he thinks he knows about himself? Jack is a publicfigure with a lot of privilege, but nor does Jack seem like an ideal or enthusiasticspokesperson or model for trans (or gay, or mental health) visibility. We don’tknow if Jack has any awareness of queer discourse or narratives, or how Jack wouldeasily fit into those, or not. How long does Jack think about this—is itsomething that occurs to Jack slowly, over many years, unsure how to act on it?Or is it something Jack realizes, suddenly, and wants to act on immediately? Howdoes this change how Jack relates to Jack’s parents? To the idea of being a parent? Would Jack want to playin the NHL as a woman? How does retirement and a life after hockey fit intoJack’s process?

Ultimately Idon’t think this fandom does that great a job at interrogating characters, orthe general situations they’re in. I’m kind of shocked at how little discussionthere is of what being a not-straight-guy paying hockey means. There’s a lot oftalk about how toxic masculinity is bad and learning to love yourself is good,but I don’t think the fandom is honest about just how physically andpsychologically damaging a hyper-aggressive sport can be, and why thesecharacters put themselves in harm’s way to endure it. It’s not just makingfriends and the thrill of winning and being Canadian; there are socially coded valuesinvolved. Bitty wrestling with his fear of checking to become marginally betterat hockey (if not at NHL-level) is, through one lens, a story about personaltriumph over adversity. But through another lens it’s a story about someoneputting themselves through hell and exposing themselves to harm over and over again,voluntarily—and for what? For camaraderie, for some scholarship dollars, forJack’s ass, sure—but that’s not all Bitty’s getting out of this.

So too withJack, is the thing, but times a zillion. And I wish the fandom did a better orat least more open job of addressing this. Writing a story where Jack is atrans woman is one means of doing so, or asking, why is he so freaking extra? What’she getting out of this? What does all that extra jocular dudeishness and hockeyfervor compensate for?

What’s itdistracting him from?

And whatwould happen if you took that away?

[49scribes-a]

Me: *laughs* Most of the time, yeah. It just bothers me when I end up being one of them. I like t' think I'm better than that most days but, aha... what was phrasing you used? "Ego the size of a small country?" Maybe that really just makes me a narcissist *snorts*

X: Did I say that? =smiles innocently= I must have been having an off day, 'cause I'm pretty sure I meant the size of a small continent. :) X: Don't feel too bad about it. Shit happens. And even if you're the bad guy, you still gotta live with you, so no sense beating yourself up over it. Just do better. Haha. Which I see you're trying. That's all you need.

Me: :> Cheeky vixen. Not that I'd have it any other way XD Me: And ye. Working on it. Live and learn.

X: That's my name. Don't wear it out. Or do. :P X: Seriously, though, I'm glad you're doing okay with it. And you're taking a surprisingly healthy approach to it too. :)

Me: Just the healthiest health nut to ever health their way to health. Me: Emphasis on the "nut" part. :)

X: You're that alright. And I mean that in the most loving way.

Me: Ye I know ;)

X: I'm in the mood to write something ... waffy. It'll probably wear off.

Me: Hey I'm game if y'want to lol

X: I bet you Lavi is looking at you like you lost your mind. Haha. I don't know how fit him into waffy. :P

Me: *snorts* Nah we just kind of accept each others' certain brands of instability and duet over the rubble of what may have at one point resembled sanity, its cool :)

X: Okay, then, O Duo of Agreement and Tranquility. How do you propose we get Lavi to be waffy? Because I'll write the starter first thing in the morning if you can name me a situation. Haha.

Me: Okay, to be fair, I'm finding more than one definition of waffy and yes he is giving me a look at some of them but he's not saying no haha. So if y'wanna make sure we're on the same page that'd be great.

X: Like romancy! Haha.

Me: Okay, I figured but I had t' be sure lmfao. Me: Save the "Wait are we talking about the same thing here or..." bumble pffft.

X: I'm now curious. What other definitions are there? X: And which ones did he not say no to? :P

Me: *snorts* Ask Urban dictionary. Me: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=waffy Me: And mainly he gave me a look because a lot of them seem to put emphasis on yaoi and yuri and last he checked LaviLena was a very Het ship and he was vERY confused for a moment lmfao.

X: Pffft. Calm down, Lavi. Just talking romancy. Haha. Though it's probably gonna be toxic romancy, knowing us. So maybe waffy isn't the right word. How about ... hm ... I'll have to think of one. Kissy? X: Bah. X: That's still too cute.

Me: Don't hurt yourself. *laughs*

X: Then you're stuck with kissy. How you like them apples?

Me: I prefer peaches. Me: ...now I want fruit.

X: No. B| X: You get nothing for being a smartass. X: Especially not peaches. X: Or kissy. X: S'it.

Me: I'm gonna get peaches just because you said no. Me: No one can stop me now.

X: Fine!

Me: And while I procure peaches I am going to contemplate the kissy long and hard until I think of something.

X: I said no kissy, jerk. X: =sticks tongue out at you=

Me: :p

X: ... Do you actually have peaches? Because I kinda want one now too.

Me: PFFFT. Me: Only canned. Me: Which is just not the same if we're being at all honest.

X: I have a can too actually, funny enough. It's mixed with pears. X: And no, not the same.

Me: Ironically pears was the other thing I thought of saying in response to the apples.

X: It's a fruit orgy. X: I meant salad. X: Damn auto correct. X: Pfft.

Me: ,,,I'm not sure whether to believe that was auto-correct. *snorts*

X: You totally should. =shakes head no=

Me: I'm just glad I wasn't eating anything yet because I would have choked and I don't want "died choking on fruit while reading the words 'fruit orgy'" on my obituary page.

X: But why not? That would be one sick obituary. X: Also life and death in the same breath. One of those fruits can get pregnant. X: ... X: Okay, I wish THAT was auto correct. X: All of it.

Me: I'm framing that on my wall. Me: Forever. Me: #NeverForgetFruitOrgy2k17

X: I demand kissy payment for the memorable moments. X: Wait. I said I didn't want kissy. X: Right. So I could reject it. X: That's right. X: =snorts like a priss=

Me: Don't toy with the poor boy's nonexistent heart, he's only got like... none. Me: ...I'm never gonna be able to eat fruit salad with a straight face again. Me: or probably any fruit for that matter.

X: I am, legit, so pleased with myself. I can't even put into words how pleased I am with myself. Just. So pleased. And to think that auto correct was going all "fruit orchid?" No, bitch. Orgy. I meant what I said. Haha.

Me: Which one of us has the ego again? *smiles wryly*

X: I am an adorable little girl that knows no bad words and what is an orgy? =blink, blink= X: Is that like an instrument? X: Sounds a bit like organ, doesn't it? X: And speaking of organs ...

Me: *snorts* Me: Here it comes. Me: ...that's what she said. Me: Yep I'll just escort myself out now.

X: ... I rubbed off on you!!!! X: And here I was gonna make some heavy handed comment about reproductive organs.

Me: *side eyes Lavi* ...rubbed off on someone anyway.

X: He wishes.

Me: Well according to him, there are likely many reasons he is attributed to a rabbit, including but not extensively limited to his propensity to run away from Kanda's explosive temper. Me: *snorts and shakes head*

X: ... That was a bust. Also kinda like a bunny. So he's right there. Haha. X: Who is Bunny? X: Now that you mention it.

Me: My fiance.

X: That makes a lot more sense. X: My apologies. I will stop making sleepy innuendos. Haha. X: Coffee at midnight ain't a good idea.

Me: *snickers* You're fine. Its actually been really lifting my mood. I mean just talking to you in general but comedy is always good for the soul.

X: In that case, hold my beer and gimme that mic. It's stand up time. Pfft.

Me: Don't hurt yourself. *snorts* But yeah I'll hold your beer. U go.

X: =sits back down= X: I got nothin'.

Me: Best show. Me: Roaring applause. Me: Oscar award.

X: Ahem. You mean standing ovation? X: =taps foot=

Me: Yeah that.

X: Flowers on stage? And chocolates? X: And ... fruit baskets?

Me: *snorts*

X: I hate the fact that that sounded vaguely dirty.

Me: "Vaguelly"?

X: =hits you with a dictionary=

Me: That's fair. Me: But... Me: *opens up a page and holds it out* Me: I think the word you were looking for is "Overtly".

X: I think the word I was looking for was "Maimed."

Me: ...well that doesn't sound right.

X: Sure it does. Will describe you to a tee if you persist. X: =grins sweetly=

Me: So was that supposed to be a vague threat or an overt one...

X: Realistic. B|

Me: Glad we cleared that up.

X: We're just all about the definitions tonight, aren't we? I mean, fruit orgy, fruit salad, life is too short to care about these distinctions. X: It's all tasty anyway. X: =coughs=

Me: I have concerns.

X: Oh?

Me: Many concerns. Me: Self-explanatory concerns.

X: Start the list, I'll stop you when I feel like addressing them.

Me: Well first off. Me: Plants are asexual.

X: Imagination begs to differ. X: Anthropomorphic plants have interests. X: And they're not always wholesome. X: I don't see what your damage is.

Me: Second of all. Fruit salad is typically cut into chunks. That's like making it with a disembodied limb.

X: You're just jealous that the peach likes the green pear more than you. X: It's in chunks 'cause the clothes are off. X: I think. X: Yeah. Let's roll with that.

Me: ...if you could only have heard the wheezing sound I just made.

X: Did guy imagine a grape stripping to porn music? X: Because your life isn't complete until you imagine that.

Me: Did now. Me: Third... Me: Okay y'know what. Now I can't unthink that.

X: You're welcome. X: =sticks out grape leggy=

Me: If I have to suffer you're going to suffer with me.

X: Oh, lover peach!

Me: THIRD.

X: Yoo hoo! X: I'm sorry. Am I distracting you? X: I totally don't mean... X: Oh, wait, the grape's taking off its stockings.

Me: How would a fruit orgy even work, is what I want to ask. But then I remember fruit stems and center seed holes and I probably answered my own question. Me: You're welcome. Me: This is it. Me: This is the height of intellectual debate. Me: Fruit orgies.

X: And the banana appears on the scene. X: To give our discussion more subject matter.

Me: I'm done. You win. There is no distinction between a fruit orgy and a fruit salad.

X: Point, set, match. X: Although, I'm not sure who the winner is. X: I will never be able to eat fruit salad again.

Me: Really? I will.

X: ... Of course you will.

Me: Of course I will.

X: You are so extra. I love it.

Me: I just live to see people's baffled expressions when something like fruit salad makes me laugh uncontrollably. Me: And hey, more fruit for me. Me: Its not gonna eat itself.

X: ... No it's not. I hear that's very hard to do. Gotta be a gymnast. X: That banana might actually stand a chance.

Me: Its a shame that, despite being agnostic, I still find it in myself to believe in Hell, because there's probably a place for me in it and I don't like hot places. Me: I'm pretty sure fruit orgy counts as reasons why I probably make the list.

X: ...Based on that somber take on your future, I imagined what you must have thought. And it wasn't petty. X: Tsk tsk.

Me: I've gone down a road of no return.

X: By the House of the Rising Sin. X: No typo.

Me: Sounds about right.

X: And in that exhilarating note, I'm going to bed. (Always leave them wanting more.) X: I assume that kissy proposal shall be waiting On my desk at 10 AM sharp? X: And Gai forbid you mention fruit.

Me: Will you be mad if its there at 9:59?

X: No. But I will be if it's 10:01.

Me: Then yes ma'am.

X: I wanna say one more vaguely dirty thing. But it might be too much. Haha.

Me: Only because it'll inevitably be followed up by another. *smirks*

X: I was just gonna innocently retract my earlier statement. You can mention fruit in your proposal. As long as whip cream is involved. X: Thank you! And good night! X: I'll be here all week.

Me: Cheeky vixen. Me: Goodnight and sleep well!

[gayroleplayads]

Yaoi Modern Fantasy

TL;DR: I’m looking for a partner for a literate multi-paragraph yaoi modern fantasy roleplay featuring a specific character of mine and some others (addons, if you will). Romance is an absolute must, whereas smut is not. I do request samples so please have one or two handy. The roleplay and OOC chat will take place over Skype, this is nonnegotiable. Name: Surisse (You can call me Su/Suri, whichever you prefer) Gender: Female (I only roleplay with other female writers, sorry guys.) Age: 25 (Please be at least 18) Timezone: Eastern Availability: Usually on to chat. Cannot promise replies daily but weekly. Roleplaying Experience: Give or take thirteen years, not counting breaks. Loves: Talking in OOC, getting to know my partner, character development/interaction, romance, toxic relationships, cheating, angels, demons, domxdom (whether it’s m// or mxf), romance/fluff, heartbreak Hates: Instalove, plotless smut, PWP, too much drama, short replies, inflexibility, being forced to play one gender/one role Sample: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yJexb6wmhecXbPeMrNf3SL4VGKoAimyyInmI98VMJcM *Do I have to read your sample?: Yes, I have actually been asked this and was utterly flabbergasted. But in all honesty, yes, I do expect you to read my sample; the link’s not there to just look pretty. Seriously, we all prejudge or have prejudged at least once in our lives, and I have willingly provided you with a sample knowing this. It's for compatibility purposes. *How many samples do I have to give you?: At least two will suffice. *What are you looking for in a sample?: How you write, how many typos and other mistakes you make, etc. Don’t just choose something random, give me what you feel are your best posts. It’s a sample, I’m assuming you’ve had it around for awhile and have had enough time to go back over it and fix any errors in it. I’m by no means a grammar nazi; however, you should understand how mistakes look to someone you’re just meeting for the first time. Post Length: I average five paragraphs (or about 1000 words) per reply and would much prefer a partner who can match this, and then some. We will write in third person past tense. While I cannot guarantee a reply every day, I really do love talking to my partners—I’m looking for friends, not just another face in the roleplaying world. If there’s a lack of a connection between us in just chatting, I’m afraid I don’t see how we could possibly have any chemistry while writing together. Setting: Modern Fantasy! Character: Profile will be given after samples are exchanged and after we have determined we are well-matched. I will, however, tell you a bit about him. His name is Jasper and he’s a 26 year old Sagittarius. He's a pretty chill dude with a darker side to his personality, and an equally dark past. He's the younger half brother to my main character, although, neither knows the other exists; I do plan for them meeting one day, but the older brother is taken and would only be making minor appearances. He loves changing up his look every so often and likes to think himself as original. He has unusual powers and isn't really human, but he's not necessarily a supernatural (or nonhuman) either. He's not looking for anything serious but obviously can be “persuaded” if the right guy comes along. Character I Want to Play Against: If I had to give Jasper a “position in bed,” I’d say he’s a switch/seke so I’d prefer a switch. Though, I do like letting the characters figure it out between themselves. I don't want a character who’s clearly made for Jasper, throw me a curveball. What species your character is doesn't matter to me, and it surely won't matter to Jasper either. **I am open to throwing in multiple sexualities into our roleplay and do have other characters available. Ask if interested!!** Plots: I have a very loose, very basic idea for modern fantasy, taken from the Night World series for those that are curious; it consists of supernatural creatures (fantasy and mythical alike) living in the modern world where humans either know of them or don’t, or don’t believe in them at all. There is a heaven and hell where angels and demons reside. The supernatural on earth have their own secret society in which they abide by their own rules while fitting in among humans; and angels make sure everyone is kept in check. Demons are allowed to roam the surface so long as they have permission from a higher up. There are laws against killing humans and even falling in love with them, the latter resulting in harsh consequences. Would love to hear your input on this! Contact Details: Skype: Ashtainw. **When you contact me, be sure to introduce yourself and tell me a little bit about yourself. I will ignore requests that do not have this info; fair warning.**