#musing on something dont mind me

[wr-n]

if my art is lifeless then i create lifeless art

[ratatatastic]

do you write fic on ao3?

unfortunately for everyone involved i do!

[the-kipsabian]

"why is kip sabian wrestling orange cassidy again they do it too many times"

this is the fifth match in over a year. you think thats too much? just admit you hate good chemistry and love and shut the fuck up

[ukusreticence]

tfw you have ideas in your noggin but can't properly convey them

ignore the yellowish doodles as it was just kinda brainstorming but the "fractures" thing and loose concept of the more concrete version is kinda what i really wanted to get out

exploring ideas on like, ig how to interpret God (for HH purposes)? dunno my brain kept thinking of The Stranger from Slay The Princess.

in a way of, i cant think of one idea of how to interpret them so fuck it its all of them

also kinda had the thought process of, well i still see them as a void being and its kinda funny imagining that if side b is forced to obey the whole equilibrium between "good" and "bad", then would be funny if God had to in a way as well but creates other beings (the angels) to do it for them so it just casually bypasses that

which is also really funny since the concept of good and bad likely came from them in the first place since its not like the void literally had anything like that beforehand

idk loose random brain rot brainstorming imma probably not come back to this concept again

[caffeinatedopossum]

My anxiety and depression feel like the ocean. Even when I'm not drowning in it, I'm having to fight to swim and it's exhausting. Even when I'm not swimming in it, it's still there, waves greedily lapping at my feet. It's always there.

I don't talk about it because there isn't much to say. Everyone already knows the ocean exists, yknow? Telling them it does just seems redundant.

Even when I'm sitting safely on the shore I can't stop thinking about it, staring at it, swaying where I stand because I've forgotten what it feels like to stand without the waves. Just waiting for the tide to rise again because I know it has to. Waiting for the ocean to disappear even though I know it never could.

[thestarprimal]

I’m finally reading Book One of The Dragon Prince novelization series. I haven’t made it far (still in the beginning), and I am liking what’s been added. I can tell this was stuff they wanted to put in the show, but couldn’t for time restrictions, I’m sure.

That being said, one of the oddest changes I’m seeing right now is that Soren is /seventeen/ at the start of the novel: "I'm only seventeen, but now I lay dying!" (pg 21)

but he’s eighteen in the show (this is confirmed when TDP twitter put out the ages, heights and birthdays back in 2018; see image below).

(source)

As can be also seen from the image above, Claudia is sixteen at the start of the show. Two years older than Callum. This also seems to remain the same in the novel: "Although she was less than a year older than Callum" (pg 19). Claudia and Callum's birthdays are one month apart, but her birthday comes before his. I just- AAAHHHHH

It feels like an arbitrary choice, and I’m wondering why they did that. There has to be reason for it. Soren’s birthday is in January, it already passed by the time the main series starts on both accounts of the show and novel.

I don't know, this is really just me going on late night ramblings. Maybe there wasn't any real particular reason for changing it and I'm just a crazy person for thinking Too Deeply about characters ages. I just have to wonder what the purpose is for changing Soren's age by one whole year. Maybe there is a reason for it, and I just have to keep reading (and I will). But it's just odd.

[ievaxol]

salute emoji salute emoji salute emoji. i prebooked persona 3 reload bc it finally hit swedish storefronts. february is now not only for lingering seasonal depression but also gaming!!!!!!!!

[rpvmsx]

@elisethetraveller liked for a short starter

Somehow, Johnthaniel didn't recognize this part of the void. If that is, in fact, still where he is. You'd think after a few thousand years, he would have seen it all, but alas, not this.

The presence of another, seemingly living, thing only startled him further.

"...You're a ghost, or something. Aren't you?"

[gu6chan]

ohhhh wait i just remembered my older half-sisters are in direct range of hurricane milton what the fuck

[herooflions]

Def need a break from one of the fandoms I'm fairly active in (not on this blog though) genuinely tired of it :/

Sucks cause the game is really really important to me but the company behind it butchered the remake imo so that is def not helping

[iid-smile]

★ — doing the 'we listen and we don't judge' challenge with bllk boys!

isagi, bachira, karasu, nagi, rin, chigiri

content — maybe ooc especially for karasu, nagi is a red flag, underwear mentioned in karasu's, bachira is gross (please beware) 😧

a/n: not my idea, but i dont know if i should tag or not 🫣 trying to write out what im imagining in my head is the WORST so pls bare with me 🙏🙏 also there might be mistakes bc my grammar is shit

★ — isagi yoichi

"you know how we were playing mario kart the other day?" his thumbs twirl around each other amid his struggle to make eye contact with you. he's always felt bad lying to your face, but that specific time, he didn't really lie, only hid it from you. "and you lost really bad on that one map?"

at least it's better than what you were expecting. you've seen some couples break up over this trend despite being picture-perfect, and you didn't want to be victim to that curse either. "uh huh..." you nod.

"i searched up where the best shortcuts were and spent three hours every day for a month practicing speed runs."

"nooooo!" your hand lands on his as disbelief washes over you. "baby, why would you do that?" betrayal. betrayal. your own boyfriend has kept something like this a secret for how long?

"i'm sorry!" was it selfish to admit that some weight was lifted off his shoulders too? or that he's actually done that with the majority of the maps? no, he won't say that. "i just—"

"that's my favourite map too..." you pout up at him. you weren't actually that upset, but you knew that looking the part would earn you some cuddles and kisses, which you were craving right now.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry." his arms wrap around you as he whispers out soft apologies, his lips pressing on your temple. "i'll teach you what i know, okay?"

★ — bachira meguru

"we listen and we don't—"

"i dropped your toothbrush in the toilet three times in a row and i didn't clean it afterwards."

"..."

"what?" bachira's eyebrows raise in confusion, slightly cutting out of the frame as his feet fiddle around as he plays with the electric yellow tips of his hair. "oh! also once there was no toilet paper, but i really really needed to dookie, and only your towel was there, so..."

oh, you don't even want to touch him. or yourself. or anything at this rate. mind you, that event happened yesterday, not a long time ago. "seriously!?"

"what?" his innocent act strikes again, looking at you with big eyes as you struggle to wrap your head around whatever he's just said. and why the hell are they all linked to the bathroom? is that why he spends hours in there at a time?

"you told me that was chocolate!" you gasp, the walls guarding over the truth crumbling down all at once.

"some of it was, yeah. i think i'm lactose intolerant."

oh, god...

★ — karasu tabito

"what, i just say something i've never told you?" karasu muses, his eyes on you rather than the camera as he leans on the kitchen counter, head nestled on his fist.

he hums mindlessly, mind reeling through memories. what hasn't he told you? the words 'i can't think of anything' remain on the tip of his tongue, but after a while, his eyebrows twitch. it was certainly something, but that's what you wanted, right?

"i've worn your underwear once... i think." he admits, acting like that was an ordinary thing to say.

um... what? "what do you mean 'you think'?" in your 'rage', you feebly punch at his chest, only for it to be caught with ease by him.

he knows full well that he could overpower you if he wanted to, but he lets you have your fun, or frustration, pushing back on your hands with equal strength. "no, no, you said no questions." he chuckles, finding your efforts to fight back adorable.

"but—!"

"that's your rule, not mine."

★ — nagi seishiro

"we listen and we don't—" you tug on the sleeve of nagi's hoodie, trying to coax him into sitting up. "sei, at least try to look at the camera."

for a few seconds, there's a few mumbled 'no...'s from him, as well as your near desperate pleas for him to at least attempt to do something for you for once. every time you want to do a cute or funny tiktok trend with him, it's always a struggle for to get up, or in most cases, listen to you at all.

right when you least expect it, he has his response. "i used to hate you a lot. maybe still do. there. are we done?"

your jaw immediately drops. "sei, you can't just..." you're hurt, confused, conflicted and... now you don't know what to do. should you continue? should you cut the video and ask for him to explain himself?

"that's what you wanted me to say." his voice perks up from behind you as he plops onto his back again. the sound of his game fills your ears once more as you're still stunned in silence, only for him to pour more salt onto the wound. "or do you want me to continue?"

yeah, you are not posting this.

★ — itoshi rin

rin blinks at you in confusion as you try to break down the trend to him, his eyes unusually wide as they remained trained on yours. he's just so lost, because why would he ever want to say something mean directly to you just for a funny video?

once it's his turn, you have to give him a little nudge, signalling that it's his turn. honestly, he doesn't even know what to do, even after your little demonstration before him.

he thinks, and he thinks, and he thinks, but nothing comes to mind. "i like it when you wear my jerseys."

you almost wanted to melt from how cute his tiny confession was right then and there. you inferred as much, but hearing him say it out loud "that's not something i can judge, rin."

"i don't really have anything to say." his gaze drifts around the room, landing on the camera for a split second before looking away.

scoffing, your body turns towards him. how does he not? "you judge me all the time!" you blurt out, remembering all of the times you've been a target of his foul mouth.

"that's because you're weird. sometimes."

"sometimes— you know what, it's better than what i've heard you say to certain people." literally everybody he knows fits under the 'certain people' umbrella.

★ — chigiri hyoma

you were a little scared, because chigiri seemed a bit too on board with the idea. knowing him, he's got a lot of stuff to say, bad or worse. hell, he could insult your entire existence and that would be the genuine truth, based on the gossip you've had together, but he's not that mean to you. right?

he looks you dead in the eye. "i've made a pros and cons list about you five times, and the last one was a week ago."

"hyo!" you immediately exclaim, playfully pushing his side. not as bad as you were expecting, but it certainly stung.

he simply shrugs his shoulders. "i mean, there wasn't any cons the last time, so..." you both stare at each other, and his lips thin into a straight line, pulling off the most unbothered expression that he could.

"you're lying." and he's never been a good liar either.

ignoring you, he turns back to the camera, somehow managing to hold back his giggles as he refuses to elaborate. "we listen and we don't—"

"chigiri hyoma."

"we listen and— ow!" the video cuts off with you delivering a barrage of hits against his arm. don't worry, they were all light and they didn't hurt; as you claim, not him.

[honeytonedhottie]

how to be more feminine⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🩰

this post is inspired by an inbox question i answered on wednesday so i wanted to elaborate on things that make me feel more feminine and how to BE more feminine…💬🎀

SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH WOMEN ;

surrounding myself with women and making more friendships with women then with men has helped my femininity so much i feel. because like, as a woman we can relate to each other more and often times female friendships are just so much more pure and beautiful.

i feel like when ur friends with a man 99.9% of the time they end up wanting to pursue something romantically. also i noticed that when im with my male friends they like to tease and kind of roast each other but with my female friendships we bring each other up instead.

and its not like one is better then the other, but female friendships are better for my confidence and femininity as a whole which is why im friends with a lot more women and only a few men. in general female friendships have just healed my soul 💗.

THE SELF CARE ASPECT OF FEMININITY ;

when u take care of urself like u should, not only is it addicting but it makes me feel 100% more feminine. because you should care for urself like you care for a goddess. give urself the best that u possibly can and take care of ur mind body and soul.

take care of ur hands and feet

dont be afraid to be high maintenance

the self care aspect is important! make sure that ur keeping up with ur hygiene and using sweet smelling perfumes and soaps. taking care of ur body through what u eat, what u do etc. remember that ur inner translates to ur outer so dont forget to do the self concept work which leads me to my next point

THE FEMININE SELF CONCEPT ;

shift ur mindset and start to think of urself as beautiful, precious and feminine. make a vaunt if u want but make sure to say ur affirmations because that builds confidence. self love + confidence are so good for the cultivation of ur feminine energy.

CREATIVITY ;

femininity is all about creation and being creative so its important to find some ways to cultivate ur creativity and ur natural gifts. a way to cultivate ur feminine creativity is through makeup. makeup is such a beautiful art form and a reminder that you are your own muse.

ACCESS DENIED ;

another thing, dont give just anyone access to ur mind, ur time and ur body! not only are you protecting urself but ur also protecting ur time, emotions etc. can you imagine how draining it must be to always be readily available to everyone at anytime? like no.

everyone has their own boundaries and rules based on the way that they see the world, but when ur thinking about things like who has access to ur mind, time and body make sure not to be accessible to everyone cuz you're sacred!

[prismkith]

Omg i just read your previous arcane request and i really liked it, would you do the same strange/weird reader but with the men of arcane (I love my frail Victorian man viktor) 🙏🥺

'Dont mistake me for the wind when she blows' pt 2

Arcane characters with a weird/otherworldly partner

Pairings: Viktor, Jayce, Ekko

Viktor:

This man would ADORE YOU!!!

He thinks you are the most fascinating person in the world. He could just watch you interact with the world for hours and never get bored. 

will let you hang out in his lab/office while he works, and he will often look over at you and catch you completely zoned out, staring into space wide-eyed. He’ll stare for a few minutes, wondering what could be going on in your mind that has you so blind to the world around you. Eventually, he’ll snap you out of it to call you over and show you his progress in his work. 

The way this man looks at you. Just stares at you with stars in his eyes while you ramble about something he lost track of a while ago. Watching you go on your little rant, absentmindedly wandering around the room and fidgeting with whatever catches your eyes. When you finish your ramble you pause and stare at him for a response. He just chuckles and says “You are truly a wonder”.

Jayce:

Definitely struggles to keep up with your faster rambles and odd speech patterns, and can find you a little overwhelming but you two still find plenty of ways to connect. 

When he found out you collected scrap metal, he totally geeked out. Now a regular date for you two consists of going out and finding pretty scrap metal and jewelry and anything you can get your hands on, and then spending the rest of the night welding together. Building little trinkets, inventions, or art pieces together. You have the creativity and vision, while he has the muscles and tools to execute it. 

Slowly as you start visiting his apartment, you find all your little projects together and slowly begin decorating his space, until it's practically a museum of your relationship. 

Ekko: 

Finds himself whispering “What the fuckkkk” every ten minutes when you guys hang out. 

Like for example, one time you two were hanging out in the firelights community, sitting on a bench some of the kids built and painted years ago. He looks down for literally one second, and when he looks back up you are twenty feet away, crouching on the ground and petting the raccoon he has beef with (said raccoon chases him every time he tries to take out the trash) and he just stared in utter disbelief as you treated his fuzzy rival like a house cat. 

You are 100% his muse. He has painted and sketched you more times than you can count. He has a tiny painting of you he keeps in a secret pocket of his jacket near his heart.

Instead of either of you ever verbally making things official or asking the other out, one day you just started painting an hourglass on your face to match his. Neither of you acknowledged it, but everyone knew that was when you two became inseparable.

_______________________

A/N: ask and you shall receive! these have been super fun to write lol, I was struggling to think of more habits and traits to give to the reader so I asked my friends for a list of any weird/odd habits I have or things I do for inspo, and oh boy was it humbling.

[mncxbe]

ANNE DONT MIND ME PLS you write so good and reading these drabbles made me want to request one of my own !!

imagine professor!dazai giving u an extra lesson after class 🤭 it's 12 from the list btw <3

CHIYO MY DEAR♡ i'm so happy you requested this one. hope you like it. I made Dazai a literature professor👀♡

12 — Professor!char giving you an extra lesson after class

ღೀ๋࣭ ⭑𝒄𝒘: lowkey unethical, sex toys, semi-public space, creampie

"Keep reading, bella, you're halfway there."

Your professor's voice carried a hint of mockery as he soothed your thigh with a hand, pushing the silicone toy deeper inside you. You winced at the sensation, shooting Dazai a desperate glance over your shoulder.

Osamu Dazai was the new literature professor at your college– some prodigy kid who finished his PHD by the age of 25 and whose novels sold like hot cakes and now everyone was singing him praise. Frankly, you weren't too impressed by his accomplishments, but he was the only professor in the whole faculty who actually encouraged you to write something different, out of the norm; so you did anything to stay on his good side.

Even if it meant helping him around the office and fucking him from time to time. Not that you'd complain, Dazai was incredibly good looking and knew how to please a woman.

So naturally, when your professor asked you to come to his office after class you expected a quick fuck, as usual.

But the smug bastard had you bent over his desk with your panties lowered mid-thigh and a vibrator shoved up your pussy, making you read the assignments your colleagues turned in while he made snide comments on the side.

"Was that supposed to be a metaphor? 'The mist of the summer evening' what's that supposed to mean? God, I swear these texts are getting worse and worse..."

"Ngh– 'samu please" you whined, shifting your hips "Can't we just do this later?" The ache between your legs was almost unbearable, you needed him inside you, not that stupid toy.

"Sorry, bella, I have to grade this paper by 6. The kid's coming to discuss it" he mused, watching your walls clench around the toy with keen eyes. God, your pussy was divine– his pants were tightening just by looking at you.

Reaching a hand towards you, Dazai touched your folds, gathering your slick and smearing it all over the inner part of your thighs. "My, my, you're dripping, dear. Better hurry up and finish reading if you want me to fuck you properly" His deft digits found your bundle of nerves and gave it teasing flicks.

Your mind was starting to get foggy, the sentences melting into a jumble of letters as you struggled to read the last paragraph out loud. It was painfully embarrassing, the way your body jolted up as he drew slow circles on your clit with his thumb, how desperate you were to have him inside you. All the while, Dazai was toying with you, playing with your pussy like it was his favourite toy.

The second you were done with your paper you let it fall on the desk next to you. "Done, I'm done." you huffed out, looking over your shoulder to see Dazai's teasing smile.

"Good job, bella. I think it's worth at least 60 points. I mean, it's a progress from the last assignment he turned in. What do you think?"

I think you should stop messing around and fuck me already– you wanted to say back but all that came out of your mouth was a breathy yes, sir. i'd say so too.

The man got up from his chair and slowly ran a hand through your hair. You could hear him unbuckle his belt and lower the zipper of his suit pants, your hips swaying in anticipation. "You're such a pretty girl" he hummed, removing the toy from your pussy with a wet pop and alligning himself at your entrance "And obedient too. I think you deserve a reward ah shiit—"

A broken whine slipped from his lips as he slammed himself inside you, the grip he had on your hips growing fiercer. Fuck, your cunt was basically sucking him in. You were so damn perfect he swore he could spend all day fucking you and it wouldn't be enough.

Your moans filled the tiny office, the smell of your arousal lingering in the air, fueling the man's need. His hips snapped against yours, the tip of his cock hitting your sweet spot with each thrust. "Y-you're so tight bella think 'm gonna– fuck i'm gonna cum soon"

"Me too me too 'samu" you mewled as the tight knot in the pit of your stomach snapped and you came around his cock, soaking it in your juices.

It wasn't a surprise you came so fast, he'd been edging you for hours and you were so sensitive. Even now as your walls pulsed around him, Dazai's fingers found your puffy clit and your body jolted up. "W-wait 'samu you can't I just–"

"Want you to cum again with me, donna. Can you do that for me?" he huffed out and your pussy fluttered at the sound of his breathy, whiny moans, pressure building up in your core again.

When the two of you reached your high again, his hips halted flush against yours, his milky cum shooting deep inside you. The man's breath was ragged and he hissed when he slightly pulled out, watching the sticky substance form a ring at the base of his cock as it dribbled out of your hole.

Something sparked inside him at that moment and he quickly flipped you over, caging you between his arms as he leaned over your frame. Droplets of sweat clung to the tips of his hair as he pressed his forehead against yours "Can we do it again?"

"But Dazai we just–" you wanted to protest but he cut you off with a deep thrust, making you choke out a moan.

"Don't care bella you don't understand what you do to me I can't get enough of you" he sighed, slowly, almost lovingly, rocking his hips against yours, his lips ghosting over your cheeks, jaw and down the expanse of your neck, making you shudder. You'd lie if you said that his confession didn't stir something inside you too.

Before you could answer, a knock on the door snapped both of you out of the intimate moment you were sharing. "Um... professor? You said I could come by at 6 so we can discuss my paper"

𐙚prompts closed

[kpop---scenarios]

Awakened (1)

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Reader

Warning: Language, Toxic Boyfriend, Jealousy

Word Count: 2.1k

Everything Taglist: @piscesrising01 @baby-stay92 @kisses-too-the-moon @dwaekkiiracha @rylea08 @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @satosugu4l @iovecb97 @lordmaahes-nsc @sailorkoss @minh0scat @pixie0627 @50-husbands @jinnies-muse @yaorzu-blog @joyofbebbanburg @number1jeonginstan @skzooluvr @jisunglyricist @ambersnowxxx @stay-tiny-things @thegingerthatwaited

@wife2straykids @silly250 @tsunderelino @1810cl @anskiiz

@ayyonoona @31maze13

A/N: Let me know if you wanna be tagged for this one!

When you started this job, you were happy and so in love with your boyfriend. But now, your boss has got you questioning everything you used to know. You also had no idea how much of an interest he would take in your personal life, not that you minded, he only cared about you as an employee, and that's all it meant…right?

“How was the day, Y/N?” Your boss, Changbin asks, his back leaning against the wall of the elevator as you both ride down to the lobby. He crosses his arms, his eyes searching your face.

“It was good. How was yours?” You smile. Changbin smiles back at you. “Good, good. Are you still with Jeno?” He asks, raising his eyebrow.

“I am yes.” You say, your stomach turning into knots. You hated when people asked about your relationship lately, you weren't at your happiest with Jeno but you kept hoping that things would go back to being better between the two of you, but so far no such luck.

“Y/N…” He sighs. You look down at your shoes, but thankfully the elevator door dings before he can say anything. It had seemed like Changbin had wanted to tell you something for the last few weeks, but you were scared and you didn't want to hear it, not right now. You knew Jeno was out in the lobby, waiting for you and if he saw you down and anxious, he’d get mad and start asking questions. That’s something you needed to avoid. When the elevator doors opened, you instantly perked up, smiling and laughing.

“My goodness, Mr. Seo. You're too funny.” You say, a little too loudly, while you walk out of the elevator. You scan the room, your eyes landing directly on your boyfriend, who's leaning against the receptionist desk with a scowl on his face. You keep your smile tight and your eyes bright as you and Changbin walk up to him, forcing the worst fake laugh you had ever heard as the two of you approach him.

“What's so funny?” He asks, glaring at Changbin.

“Oh, um… Mr. Seo just told a joke about something that happened at lunch, that's all.” You smile, linking your arm with Jeno’s.

“I never knew you were funny.” Jeno mutters, giving you a small smile.

“I'm only funny when I'm around someone I like.” Changbin smiles. “Y/N. I'll see you tomorrow.” He says, waving to you before he heads back towards the elevator.

“Why do you have to work for him?” Jeno sighs, pulling you out of the building.

“I don't know what your hatred towards him is about, but you need to get over it.” You groan.

“It doesn't matter what it was about. What matters is I dont fucking like you working for him!” Jeno snaps. “I think you should quit.”

“I'm not quitting. Good pay, with benefits, paid time off, paid sick days, and raises? I'd be crazy to ever let it go just because you don't like my boss.” You say, removing your arm from his.

“I dont just not like him, Y/N, I fucking hate him. He's got a thing for you. So, I'm not asking you. I'm telling you, you need to quit.” Jeno snaps again.

“And I'm telling you that I'm not quitting. He doesn't like me. Get over whatever your issue is with him and leave me out of it.” You say, walking away from him.

More often than not your fights with Jeno always stemmed from any mention of your boss, and it all started after you had brought Jeno to the company's Christmas party, where Changbin and Jeno met.

**

“I want you to meet my boss.” You giggle at Jeno, pulling him towards Changbin. You thought the two of them were relatively similar and thought they would get along well, but your plan for the two of them to be friends was spoiled awfully quickly.

“This is your boss?” Jeno whispers, his eyes wide as he backs away from you and Changbin.

“Hello, Y/N.” Changbin smiles at you. His smile quickly turns to a frown as he looks at Jeno. “This is your boyfriend?” He asks. You nod your head with a smile.

“How long have you been together?” He asks, jaw clenched.

“Two years.” Jeno pipes up, giving a look to Changbin.

“Ah two years, really?” He laughs. “It's good to see you man.” Changbin smiles, pulling Jeno in for a hug.

“Does she know?” He whispers into Jeno’s ear before letting him go and looking at Jeno, who swiftly shakes his head no without you looking.

“You know, Y/N…We have a code of conduct here for a reason. I think employees dating pieces of shit should be added to that, yeah?” Changbin asks.

“Do you two know each other or something?” You drunkenly ask.

“Yeah. From the last place I worked. You know the one I quit.” Jeno says.

“Wait… is this who you'd come home and complain about all the time?” You gasp. “He was the reason you quit, wasn't he?”

Changbin smiles widely. “You quit?” Changbin laughs. “Did I get under your skin? I wonder what I could have possibly done. Or maybe it was because you were a shitty employee who did shitty things.” Changbin smiles, pretending to gasp, covering his mouth.

“Y/N, i'm not feeling well. Let's go.” Jeno snaps.

“You can go.” Changbin laughs as Jeno begins to walk away. You stand there, drunk, confused and torn on what to do.

You turn to leave but Changbin calls you back. “Y/N. You know you don't have to leave. I'd like for you to stay.”

“Y/N! Move it!” Jeno snaps, waiting

“I… I should go. I'm sorry about this.” You whisper to Changbin, quickly running towards your waiting boyfriend.

**

“Stop being dramatic, Y/N!” Jeno yells after you but you ignore him, continuing to walk away. You had originally planned to go back to Jeno's for the night, since you had some work clothes there already but now you wanted to just go home. You waved down a cab, leaving without him, he didn't even send you a single text the rest of the evening. You were not going to message first.

Unfortunately, you weren't a stranger to his childish behavior, this wasn't the first time and sure as hell wouldn't be the last time either but it had been 7 months of Jeno complaining about your boss and it was getting really fucking old.

**

“Good morning, Y/N.” The receptionist smiles at you as you walk into the building. You give her a small wave as you make your way to the elevator, scanning your card to send it down to you. Once it's there, you step on, humming to yourself as the elevator takes you all the way up to the 25th floor, the robotic voice letting you know you're on your floor. You step out and head directly for Changbin's office, setting your things down on your desk that was right outside his door.

Changbin had probably been the best boss you'd ever worked for. He was sweet, kind, funny, supportive and not to mention extremely good looking. If Jeno asked you, it would be a straight up denial, but you did have a small crush on him. But if you spend 8-10 hours with a man like that, you're bound to have an innocent little crush. It's not as if he would ever reciprocate your feelings anyways.

“Y/N.” Changbin says, opening his office door.

“Good morning, Mr. Seo.” You smile.

“Can I see you for a moment?” He asks, walking back into his office.

You nod your head, walking into his office, closing the door behind you. You sit down in the chair across from his desk, crossing your legs along with your hands in your lap.

“Are you okay?” He asks, adjusting his tie.

You tilt your head slightly, giving him a confused look. “Yeah?” You laugh. “Why wouldn't I be?” You wonder.

“I heard… Well, I was told that Jeno was yelling at you on the street yesterday. And I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He says.

Embarrassment immediately covers your face, making you cover your face with your hands. “I'm so sorry, Mr. Seo. Please don't worry about me. It's nothing.” You say. Luckily your desk phone begins to ring, giving you a chance to excuse yourself. “I should get to work.” You say, leaving his office as quickly as you could.

You tried to avoid Changbin’s gaze the rest of the morning as much as you could. You really didn't want to continue the conversation. It was embarrassing enough that people overheard your argument with Jeno. You didn't want the sympathy looks too.

“You know, Y/N.” Your coworker, Jamie begins. “Mr. Seo has been glancing over at you, all fucking day.” She giggles. “It's been weeks of him just staring at you.”

You look over towards his office, seeing him sit at his desk through the big windows. He was working through a pile of paperwork, but every few seconds he glanced up, in your direction. The second your eyes locked, you turned around, redness covering your face once again.

You needed this day to end right now. The afternoon went slower than a usual Friday. You still hadn't heard a word from Jeno and honestly, that hurt. You felt like he didn't care about you in the slightest, the fact that he was wrong and he still hadn't reached out to apologize made you feel worthless.

Once the clock hit 5 o'clock, you were ready to leave and do absolutely nothing for the weekend. “Y/N.” Changbin says, clearing his throat, leaning against your desk. “You've had a hard week.” He sighs. You nod your head, agreeing. “I'd like to take you out for a drink.” He says.

You're surprised, this was the last thing you expected, but honestly what else were you going to do? And you liked spending time with Changbin, he took your mind off the shit with Jeno.

“I'd like that.” You smile. You grab your coat and your purse, following him to the elevator, feeling giddy like a child on Christmas.

“Come on. This is a great wind-down place.” Changbin murmurs, opening the door for you. You walk in and immediately hit with the smell of alcohol. You loved that smell. You start looking around but Changbin steps in front of you, turning you towards a table, pulling out a chair that faces away from the rest of the bar.

“What would you like to drink?” He asks.

“Double vodka and cranberry please.” You smile. Changbin nods his head, walking up to the bar, leaving you to look at the wall, but not for long. He came back quickly, drinks in hand, setting yours down in front of you.

“So.” He says, glancing over your shoulder. “Have you heard from Jeno?” He wonders.

You take a big swig of your drink, shaking your head. “Unfortunately not. Nothing since I left him on the sidewalk yesterday. I just don't understand.” You sigh.

“Do you mind if I ask what the fight was about?” He asks. You finish your drink quickly, just in time for the server to bring you another one, taking your empty glass and replacing it with a full one. You take a big swig of your new drink, looking Changbin in the eyes.

“To be completely honest. It was about you. It's always about you.” You groan. “He really hates you. And he won't tell me why.” You say.

Changbin laughs. Loudly. “Figures. We've never gotten along. Even at the last place. Especially not near the end.”

“Will you tell me what happened?” You ask, taking another sip. Changbin drinks his beer, setting the bottle down on the table. He takes a deep breath.

“I want to…I just don't know how…” he pauses.

“What the fuck is this?” You hear from behind you. You turn around, seeing Jeno standing there, glaring at Changbin.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, standing up. You try to get his attention but he's so focused on Changbin, he barely notices you're there.

“Why are you here with my girlfriend?” Jeno snaps at Changbin.

“She's stressed out. Because of you.” Changbin answers. “I was being a good friend, trying to help her because her boyfriend is a piece of shit.”

“A good friend?” Jeno scoffs. “Don't act like you don't wanna fuck her.”

“And you don't act like I'm not standing right fucking here.” You yell at Jeno. “Stop ignoring me!”

“What else am I supposed to do with a whore who throws herself at anyone who gives her the slightest bit of attention!?” Jeno yells at you.

Your mouth hangs open in shock. Changbin stands up from his chair, rushing towards Jeno, getting in his face.

“You're really calling her a whore?” Changbin spits. “How about you tell her about why you were really FIRED? Huh?” Changbin yells.

“And then we'll see who the whore really is.”

[gin-juice-tonic]

Talking about a single bill book page under here

The thing about this page is, for something that was supposedly ripped out, it doesn't really contain anything that strikes me as needing.... to have been... ripped out.

Sure, he talks about being lonely here and maybe that could be embarrassing to him, but it's not like he hasn't talked about being an outcast before, his entire about page has a section dedicated to his trials and tribulations with his peers when he was younger.

Additionally, there's many times in the journal where he seems to have written something he feels he shouldn't have. Though ripping that thing out isnt usually his method of choice. He much prefers to scratch things out.

Why couldn't the page have existed like this? Or even, if the entire thing truly is too embarrassing to have in your journal, why did you write it there in the first place?

It seems to me that the only reason this page was included with the other Bill pages was to set up the narrative of Ford's loneliness. (That within Journal 3 proper isn't really needed, because one can already ascertain that...). Doyalist reason? Sure, Alex is trying to set up his story. Watsonian reason? Naturally you turn it around and see it as Bill trying to set up his own story.

This page's existence in general isn't the only beef I have with it though. While we're meant to accept it on the basis that he ripped this out, Ford engaging with personal feelings, especially negative ones like this in such a blatant way is... unusual. I'd say he's much more prone to distracting himself away from that sort of thing with his work.

For the journal especially, this page would have to take place pretty early, as it's supposed to be pre-Bill. Which is weird, considering a later page in the original J3...

Of course, like I said, we the audience can understand Ford is lonely. And I'm not trying to say he doesn't know it himself, but he does not engage with it.

The thing about this page though, is that it's much more than just a single spot where Ford's own loneliness is mentioned. It's a turning point for the way Ford writes. Prior to Fiddlefords arrival, Stanford takes a few pages to introduce himself, then everything following is either an anomaly page or the occasional muse page. Like I said before, it's all very work-focused.

After Fiddleford comes to town, Ford is forced to feel the full extent how lonely he's truly been, and he starts to write a lot of pages of his and Fiddleford's adventures together, including his feelings during. (insert everyones favorite lines here:)

But he also starts to write about something else...

Over

and over

and over

again...

Fiddleford's renewed presence in his life really opened some mental-block floodgates in Ford's mind. From experience, sometimes you really aren't faced with how truly lonely you are until you are provided with some respite from it.

Again, I would like to say, it's not that I think he wasn't lonely before. He definitely was, and it's certainly part of why Bill was able to target him. But would he have written it out like that at that point in time? In the journal no less?

I dont really think so. I think he was doing everything in his power not to think or feel it.

And writing it down isn't really what I'd call conducive to that.