#more where that came from truly
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Wait.... Wait... HUH???
When did this happen??? Theres over a hundred of you here?? I'll SOB. 😫😭💖💖💖
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who have followed me. I'm still relatively new to the windbreaker fandom but I’m so happy I decided to become a part of it and to be here with you all. Thank you for taking the time to read what I work on and even more to enjoy it.
I just wanted to say this has been such an amazing experience since joining and I’ve had the absolute pleasure of meeting some of the sweetest people I’m honored to call mutuals. A special shout out to @eevees-hobbies @fushigurioo @suosgirl @stunie @to-eden @littleplantfreak and so many more. Thank you guys so much for being so welcoming and just for showing me such kind friendship I will forever be grateful to you all. 🥹🥹
I have so many things planned and I hope you stick around and enjoy! Thank you all so much again okay I’m going to go sob now bye. 🏃🏻♀️💨💨
#samsrambles#i’m gonna cry#i love you all sm#thanks for putting up with me#and my chaos#more where that came from truly
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Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#zenitsu agatsuma#nezuko kamado#there’s genuinely no way bro doesn’t have smth going on with his gender#nezukos bamboo necklace is chewlery btw hehe#I hope I was able to capture the expression of like#just genuine tender yearning#it’s something he’s always had the longing for but never quite understood where it came from#or even what it was#just a very empty hole in his body that he could only ever describe as self hatred and disgust even if he knew that wasn’t quite right#I think when they’re older nezuko would rlly help him like#get comfortable w the idea of actually exploring his identity#he’s spent so much of his life just truly and bitterly hating himself to the core#he couldn’t stomach the idea of thinking about who he was beyond the surface level#I think nezuko would make him feel so much more okay with himself and help try to get him to a point of at the very least knowing who he is#it’s a very long road that zenitsu really honestly isn’t sure if he’s comfortable with#but he can’t help but at least try#if not for himself but for the ache of the child inside himself who has so desperately longed for comfort and love and belonging#he wants to know that child who was so brutally outcasted could eventually find a home#he wants to believe there’s hope for himself#Zenko chan I love you so much#she is so important 2 me…..#sorry transed your zenitsu. no yeah we can’t undo it. yeah he’s a she now. sorry nothin I can do.
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okay so i was going to post a poll on peoples' interpretations of taako & sazed's relationship but i went and looked back at the transcript of the chalice episode and i can't even post a poll because i just can't think of enough options that would actually be supported by the text?
its very very clearly a predatory apprenticeship where taako is getting free labor from sazed in exchange for teaching him, and then sazed begins to feel entitled to an equal share, at which point taako shuts him down and speaks to him in actually a pretty cruel way.
taako 'hired' sazed to be a driver and assistant and "general roadie" and i think it's perfectly fine for taako to not want him to be performing as an equal partner, but also, he was clearly taken advantage of. like sazed's proposition is an equal split of both the work and the "glory" and presumably the profit, which is a fair suggestion, but also fair for taako to turn down. but also taako was exploiting sazed's adoration in order to not pay him for his work.
i don't think that equal partnership was something taako ever even let on could be a possibility, he's pretty clear in the conversation he has with sazed that it's not something he's interested in and he "doesn't wanna keep having this conversation." its definitely something sazed really wants, but i don't think it was ever promised to him, it seems like something he's thought of that he's bringing to taako, who immediately shuts it down.
and as unfair as paying for a lot of work with cooking lessons is, it seems like that's what sazed agreed to, and it's also worth acknowledging that even though this is an arrangement i would consider unfair within my own cultural context, it could be considered completely normal and fair in faerun, like similar to a blacksmith's apprentice or something
so i guess the only questions are what sazed agreed to and why, and whether or not taako actually liked him or was just mean to him all the time. idk its all very interesting on its own let alone when compared to taako's later relationships with angus & ren, but not really open to as much interpretation as i’d thought
#mine#taako#sazed#taz#the adventure zone#taz balance#i’ve said it before but i truly have no idea where the exes thing came from. there’s nothing to suggest that. that’s clearly not the dynamic#taako is sazed’s mean boss#which is much more thematically rich anyway#someday. someday i will write the fic about sazed & angus & ren and taako's relationship to teaching#cause like. emotionally wrt to their relationship. keeping in mind the fact that there is not an equal power balance here#i think taako really did like teaching sazed and wanted him to be a beloved apprentice#and sazed really did want taako to be a mentor he was close with and a genuine friend#like they both wanted essentially what taako has w angus & ren later on#but taako hadnt grown past his self-centeredness yet cause he'd just never faced consequences for it#and sazed was too jealous and entitled#so they both had these flaws that soured the relationship and ruined the possibility of genuine friendship#and then of course the murders
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do you think the reason agatha’s trial felt weird is because she was the only one who did not actually buy into the mythos of the road since she knew the truth? like that was why no perspective change and all the other reasons why people thought it was a fake trial
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#txt#i really liked the idea behind how the witches road came to be#like showing her and nicky coming up with the lyrics and everything#but i felt like there was a lot of these last two episodes that felt weird or jarring#i think that’s partly the fault of it being such a short run time for the whole show in general (tbh that’s probably like most of it)#but there were just also weird choices? idk#like jen’s big declaration about protecting them in honor of Lilia or w.e and then just.. flying off to nowhere??#or the way Both billy and agatha kept switching how they felt about each other with like every sentence#I did really like her thing where she helped him get tommy a body though#and her and rios vibes were off too. like it felt like there should have been a little more build up before they fought after the road?#like when they were still talking on the road it felt like they could have done more with it#just like jen getting her powers back could have been more#or billy standing up for agatha could have been more#billy’s homecoming and attempting to banish agatha too#I liked that his parents were there but it was so quick and then he just.. leaves again?? no problem?? and I guess they’re fine with it now#like it felt like the things they did well. they did really well#while everything else felt.. idk.. kinda flat?#which honestly was the same feeling I had after watching agatha’s trial episode#honestly this show need at least another 3 or 4 episodes if not more#and I know people are going to make this all about agatha and rio but i really don’t think that’s the issue#i do think the story could have benefited more from showing more of their actual backstory or a few more interactions with them or just#like i said earlier done more with what they had. again that scene on the road before rio dips could have been used way more effectively#and I don’t mean in like having them be soft or lovey like I know a lot of people wanted (never be against that) but I don’t think it was#needed.. but Something was??#i feel like overall what everyone went through on the road didn’t actually truly effect them or change them?#like jen left. agatha and rio were like back to liek the road never happened. everyone else but billy is dead#i think the only person who was truly changed was maybe billy?#which makes the whole journey feel so unsatisfying? like things could still have ended the same while still showing them changed? idk
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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In general, is the word 'pastry':
an umbrella term for baked goods
or a term specifically for baked goods containing pastry (puff, shortcrust, filo, choux etc.)?
I was completely baffled by the responses to this poll by @likeadevils that I saw yesterday and I have not stopped thinking about it since, so I gotta understand this classification difference I was unaware of before!
#I've had v similar poll ideas in my drafts from before polls were a thing lol#I have a v specific interest in categorisation hierarchies and to suddenly find this one??#one where I hadn't even considered there would be any mismatch with my semantic hierarchy??? beautiful#truly seeing a poll where 50% of the responses classed a muffin as a pastry was insane and I must learn more#linguistics#I wish I could have got some age ranges in here too but I'll just stick with (limited soz) locations for now#I hope this gets a decent number of responses bc I have.............many more where this came from#upslappoll
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Tomorrow is my birthday, and the first one in 5 years* where I'm not sick (the bar is low for this when you start your life sick), facing some kind of disaster, or both. Got to see my friends, my mom and bro are coming this weekend, and my coworkers are taking me to lunch tomorrow. I reallyyyyy hope it's gonna be a good year?!?
#*kind of in a weird place emotionally#where a timehop from 2019 w [pick a name]#at a dinner that i prob made a dumb post about#came up and i almost cried in my office#like ???? no ????#but it was less about him specifically and more like#i'm pissed that i haven't found the v v good parts#in anyone else yet#on a related note my coworkers are trying to set me up#w someone but i simply cannot do a third j#whatever whatever i truly am rly happy#with my life and with pistachio ice cream!!!!!#tbd tbd tbd
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I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.
#blue chatter#am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no.#ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing#but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics.#and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t.#and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture#which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people#autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf!#not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people#depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay#but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL#and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them#I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house#their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting#I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation#they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo#which is rly neat#it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’#which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower.#but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes.#oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her.#which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page.#Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time.#which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e#it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid#and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’#and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun#I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^
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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
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genuinely, though, this has truly been a time to be a lurker on jp music project twt
#quick timeline of events straight from my twt dash that i still cant believe i had the joy of witnessing:#the chaos began a few months ago with the tu.yu deletion threat. then things seemed fine for a bit*#*(if you don’t count the en.strries and pj.sktwt beating each other in the qrts every other hour or so)#then nghy became canon and that’s when the coincidences began to line up in a bewildering series of events#nghy outrage came first. then kinchan (hanamaru llss) announced her marriage (surprisingly gom was there in the comments which was funny)#but what wasnt funny was people trying to cancel her *just* for getting married. (c’mon guys cant you be happy for your oshi smh)#and *then* people tried to cancel the new ll group for allegedly using a.i generated album artwork based off a low res image#which was quickly debunked by subsequent releases over the following days but. the damage was done. smh#and *t h e n* tu.yu deletion was cancelled via twt poll. which. was a choice. ig.#(still think they should’ve deleted instead of guilt tripping their fans with the poll options tbh. but oh well.)#and *now* there’s the. choice. made by en.st. that im not touching with a 10 foot pole bc everything that needs to be said about it#has already been expressed more eloquently by twt users and their ‘creative’ threats to the management. it’s still a horrific choice though.#b u t there was someone comparing the en.st. ‘choice’ with lxl last stage (the part where the green dude tore up the ‘new member’ paper)#and someone qrted that and said sth like ‘well that’s well and good for lxl’s story. b u t…’#‘(hw) management ruined the story of a love series character (hiyori) by pairing her off with a childhood friend who appeared from nowhere’#‘so maybe it’s not the best example to use when it comes to management choices’ and so………..#we’ve come full circle back to nghy outrage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a time to be alive. man. seriously.#i think it’s a truly terrible coincidence how all of these happened within days of each other (minus the tu.yu initial deletion notice)#…anyways i think twt is a horrible place to be on. that’s all.#but. point is. i think everyone should just try to be decent(?) people on the interwebs#if you have nothing nice to say just don’t say anything at all yk~~~~~~~#…unless you’re an en.strrie. then pls direct your complaints to the official management instead of each other~~~ it’s all their fault~~~~#so glad i dont care much for en.strs anymore tbh. md.chips who left early back during the sudden pivot to chi.kn were on to something tbh#…aight enough doomscrolling for one evening. back to cleaning idolsengen pages (or trying to at least)#this has truly been an immersive asuna experience… or something
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We were raised on cocktails of Disney movies that brainwashed us into believing our lives were not complete without our white knight coming to save us from a miserable, cat‐filled future as a solitary childless hag. That we could never hope to be happy unless we were worthy enough to be chosen by one of them. So it makes sense that these women cling to disgusting, vile practically dickless excuses for human beings who don't even make them happy. It's the thickest smokescreen in the world, but once a woman chooses to or is forced to disperse it, she will spend the rest of her life trying to understand why she was willing to settle for so fucking little, and barely recognizing that past version of herself.
#personal#i GUARANTEE you none of these women are happy with their trump suckling men#women (childfree or not) tend to love like mothers do. unconditionally.#doesn't matter how miserable you make her#if you gained a woman's love and trust you will have to behave in truly heinous ways to get rid of her#and even then it might take a while#but men love only insofar as the arrangement benefits them. that's it.#start making trouble or disturbing his peace by advocating for your needs and youre gone#you are so utterly replaceable to a man don't you get it? so why are you treating him like there aren't billions more where he came from?#the smartest thing women can do is learn to love men like men love women.#only up to the point that they are providing consistent benefit to you#the second his actions don't match his words the second he backtracks on his promises#the INSTANT you catch him in even a white fucking lie#to the fucking curb#because you know the moment you represent the slightest inconvenience to him he will no longer “love” you#women need to remove their heads from their asses and realize the fleeting validation of a ring and wedding#isnt worth cohabitating with someone who can never love you with a TENTH of the depth and intensity you do him forever#buy yourself some cute jewellry and throw yourself a party done and done#saved you years of therapy and 3 autoimmune diseases#4b movement#patriarchy#toxic masculinity
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staring at some old posts like 'i have regrets'.
#venting in the tags below#its nothing about anyone specifically just as a general fandom view#of one specific fandom that we wont tag#just left that little buffer right there so if you dont want to read you dont have to. there is a lighter note at the end.#but that fandom just... sucks overall. dont get me wrong! we loved it as a kid#but its just... the same issues different characters. a divide amongst everyone.#and nothing can really be done about it because its just.. there.#you cant stop it.#no matter what: what you do is wrong.#weve tried in that fandom for years. literal years.#and its always been an outcasting feeling.#at first: we were too mature. then: too old. now: just plan old fucked and wanting to stay away from certain characters#'so you hate them?' no. they hurt and bring up bad memories.#'so youre not supportive?' i am supportive. its completely fine for me to say its not my cup of tea. because its not my cup of tea.#its... a shame really. but im glad that the bodys mom is able to see us smile again from a new place. much more accepting and comfortable.#its nice. it really is. i feel welcomed and like i belong around here.#i dont feel shamed for being sourced from the fandom im in#it feels.... nice. it feels like home. like this is where we were meant to be.#thank you. im glad we came back to tumblr. im glad that were still here. im glad that -despite everything- were still fighting the world#we may even have a better job opportunity than ever before! finally getting some sort of sleep at night. finally feel.. just safe overall.#safe on tumblr that is#i know we wont truly ever be safe. but one step at a time. one step at a time.#the fire fighter
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ive decided that andoras almost always has crazy makeup and wigs on simply bcus its fun for him. and everin doesnt see him without any of it on until after the birthday party debacle and loses it slightly bcus she thought that was his real hair the whole time wdym youre BALD (hes not bald his hair is just short)
#my post#the wondrous oc tag#madineau#the lore is stored in the tags#world so beautiful. i love making shit up about my ocs#did this partly bcus i wanna include more ridiculous hairstyles in this bcus i realized that i can#and this is perfect for andoras bcus he literally doenst do anything all day anyways. so he just gets up spends half the day gettnig ready#and then spends the rest of it hanging around ev and bothering her#theres a bit of bright colors and markings like aposematism. like watch out hes toxic do not approach#like ev gives a shit though#ANDDDD ive managed to incorporate MOON SYMBOLISM. bcus god what is this story if not just the moon a thousand times over for no reason#(the reason is it was like 2 am i was delirious on sharpie fumes and got really emotional about the moon out of nowhere)#so like when hes first introduced his makeup includes a new moon. new beginnings and all that#during the birthday party hes got a 1st quarter moon. for intention. bcus thats when ev and an get a little normal about each other#and an specifically realizes oh hey. i actually liek this person. and i think she likes me too. i dont want this to ever stop.#smilesss he realizes this while theyre dancing. and ev is laughing and relaxed and SMILING for once and an wishes he could watch that smile#forever...#dreamy sigh. ive had that scene living in my head for years now#i think i came up with that after reading knifetrick. bcus i loved the party scene soooooo much <33#where was i. right moon makeup.#so in the very very very end andoras has a full moon#sealing of intention slash continuing the cycle. because its implied hes gonna overthrow the government and kill the current leaders#thats a big jump from where we just were. bear with me here a lot happens in this story#like the birthday party and that tender moment. is interrupted by the rev squad showing up and trying to convince a crowd of people to#murder ev#which more or less works pretty easily btw. they all just go 'ok bet' as if they werent attending HER party.#its fine its whatever its ok. ev doesnt think theres anyone she can truly trust but she does so anyways and just prays they dont turn on he#bcus the only people she has left in the world are her 2 advisors who hate her and her best friend who also maybe hates her
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started a thread on twitter about things i'd want in a Genuine remake of Ocarina of Time and since i don't have any loz fuckers as followers there i thought i'd share here
after Link frees Nabooru from her brainwashing, there should be a follow up mini boss fight against Kotake and Koume where Nabooru is your ally in battle, and then you're both blindsided and Nabooru is kidnapped again
in Ganondorf's castle, when doing the barriers, each one should have a mini boss at the end that's a mockery of the sage the barrier represents. if we're doing vocal dialogue, the imposter should taunt Link with words regarding their relationship to him and his goal
could we PLEASE bring back the Light Temple and make it a real thing
and also the medallions need actual uses, not to just be quest items. idk what they would do, but they should do something! there was beta content that pointed to them being useful in some manner but it was scrapped in the final product
definitely more environmental storytelling is in order, especially in regards to the temples and their original purposes. i'm personally ready to do the hell out of some headcanon world building myself.
set in actual aftermath of clearing the temples, like unfreezing Zora's Domain after clearing the Water Temple. add bonus reasons to return to temples, like treasure hunting for rare items that have no bearing on the game itself.
#text#ocarina of time#legend of zelda#oot link#from yours truly#a non exhaustive list of things i want and there's more where that came from#ask me anything
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okeydoke as I have not had much energy for working on stuff lately (but lots of motivation) I'm not gonna do proper NaNo with a wordcount or anything, BUT I am gonna make it a goal to get some amount of work done on a writing project every day (at least until I go away on the 24th). Main priority blaseball projects are, in no particular order:
Fic about the ending
Abner fic
Simon's Quest
secret fic(s) :)
get the Talkers exchange set up
Aside from that, I've been poking at more non-blaseball stuff, which is a good excuse for me to plug my writing blog @cyndakip! All my fics get posted there, so if you're interested in my writing beyond just blaseball (especially if you like pokemon), I recommend following me there, since I don't post non-blaseball fics here.
#I'm in a weird place rn where the end of blb is coinciding with me finally feeling ready to get back to nuzlockes#and I very much want to keep writing blb fics! it's just complicated by me getting smacked over the head with pokemon motivation#and separate from that I think it's just been hard for me to work on blb fics knowing that it's over#writing the ending fic in particular means confronting that. and I definitely haven't fully processed it yet and idk when I will#I really truly do want to keep writing blb fics for a long time but I worry there will be not much of an audience anymore#and I know that doesn't matter. I'm gonna write what I want and I know some people will still read it. but yknow. it's rough#also my relationship with pokemon and the nuzlocke community has been really fucking complicated these past few years#to the point where I stopped engaging altogether bc it was stressing me out too much and I had lost all confidence in my writing#this happened to be right before I got into blb. which came along at the perfect time and gave me the community & confidence boost I needed#now it kinda feels like we've come full circle. blb has changed me and now I'm ready to go back with a whole new attitude#I just don't want these two things to be mutually exclusive! I want both! but that's easier said than done#especially bc I haven't had enough energy to work on much of either lately! I want to say things are getting better on that front but#it's complicated. you know how it is with human bodies. treacherous things#the thing is I don't want to waste this. I feel ready for pokemon again and god I missed it and I'm gonna ride this wave of motivation#if I had more energy this would be less of a problem. ah well#gonna get all this done sooner or later#talking moistly
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When I approach Yelan (or anyone else I've written), I don't just look directly at her character, but I also look at her surroundings. Both the ones that she knows by some semblance of necessity, but also those that she chooses. Like here, I talked about the Chasm, and what being 'okay' with existing down there needs to mean for a character, because it's not normal. Someone's surroundings, room, or home say a lot bout who they are and what their mindset, or specifically, their perspective is of the world. And sometimes, I think it says more about people than even the characters realize.
This brings me to the topic of the city of Fontaine. Now, I personally think it's rather obvious that a lot of the nation takes from historical France, and so when looking at it, I think it really adds to remember its monarchy, the view that the 'common folk' had of it, and its inevitable demise to non-existence today in terms of importance as a result. So my first question is, who constructed or decided on its layout? Was it Furina, Neuvillette, Egeria? Whoever it was, there's a lot that can be said about their view of the world and their placement in it when you look at locations of buildings. Look at where Palais Mermonia, its governing body, is located within the city; it sits at a rather astounding elevation in comparison to, well, everything and everyone else in the city. This frequently represents the concept of 'distance' between groups in one way or another, and seeing the consistency in other nations, this is something that is rather intriguing to me, especially keeping Fontaine's characters in mind (and considering this is the nation of 'justice'). Mondstadt has everything almost entirely uniform, with arguably the church on the highest level (but it isn't greatly elevated in comparison to all else), but it's joined with the plaza and statue which are a common gathering site for all people in the city. Liyue had the gods and adepti visibly living among the humans back in the days of the Guili Assembly for reasons of 'integration' (my apologies to numerous from our dear Guizhong!) The fact that numerous adepti now live far outside of the harbor is a different matter entirely, and the one who seems to function within a semblance of separation of sorts is Ningguang with the Jade Chamber (but I'm not one to speak on behalf of her character as I don't bear the knowledge). Inazuma also has the Tenshukaku at a higher elevation in comparison to the rest of Inazuma City. Sumeru is interesting, but ultimately Nahida was kept at the very peak of the city, far out of reach of humanity— but that's exactly the common denominator that has my interest, the distance between the 'governing body' and humanity for one reason or another.
But Fontaine really takes separation to a different level in my opinion (and again, think of this when you think of the person having designed the whole city), not only because of the above which I'll elaborate more on in a moment, but also its separation from the outside world. Now, this is interesting to think about if you keep in mind that it was perhaps done in eventual protection of the city's inhabitants in terms of the prophecy (which means that this would have been constructed anywhere during or after Egeria's reign), but then why is only Palais Mermonia far above the water's reach? If the walls surrounding the city were ever breached during said prophecy, all its inhabitants are pretty much immediately caught in the flood and would drown, which tells me nothing positive of the city's 'architect' or whoever signed off on the designs. But if not done for the prophecy, then why? Stand in the middle of the Court of Fontaine and really look around you, the only sights you really have of the outside world are the sky, and it's obstructed by a fair bit of the waterways and gardens that hang overhead, which you can only properly enjoy when you take the ages long elevator to the upper level where the palace is located (which, credit due, seems freely accessible to everyone in present-time). But if you don't venture up, how much of the outside world do you get to see? It feels very secluded, very much under lock and key. On some level (and this is one of the many reasons why I think that the Meropide is so excessively important in Fontaine and it's likely why we spent so much time there; it's all to show the ever, ever important contrast and nuance between this 'autonomous nation within Fontaine' and, well, 'Fontaine'), it almost feels like a prison, regardless of how pretty it may look or come across (and despite not 'lacking rights'). And considering how people in the Meropide speak of not always wanting to return back to the 'overworld' following their sentence, I think that there's definitely quite a bit of truth in that. But again, stand there and look around for yourself.
Now to return to the original topic, but keeping the last one in mind as well, look at one other thing that I'm unsure how many have really kept an eye on: the massive effect Palais Mermonia's level has on the rest of the area (inside and outside of its walls). Have you ever walked through the city of Fontaine at any given time of day or night, north to south, east to west, clockwise or counter-clockwise circling through it; have you ever seen how it overshadows an immense part of the streets below it either entirely on its own (which to me signifies a very domineering presence), or together with those outer walls that surround the city? I know how I've spoken thoroughly with people before about how much I enjoy Fontaine and how dark it is in its storytelling, but despite how gorgeous this region with its water- and landscapes are; its city bears quite a heavy weight to me. I don't know who designed it, or ordered it to be constructed in this way, but nothing about the city itself truly, rationally, shows a healthy perspective versus its citizens.
Me: /continues on to ramble in tags because I'm me and I'm a nuisance with always more to say than I know how to coherently put into these posts.
#[ meta. ] the chances are if i open this door; there can be no witnesses left alive. is that a sufficient reason for you?#[ i love how i'm writing a liyue-based character and here i am rambling about fontaine. ]#[ listen my little french heart just ached at this. i've been sitting on it for so long and have been wanting to talk about it. ]#[ but every time i hear 'fontaine is so pretty' -- i agree. i truly do. and the city has become my new 'hub' away from liyue harbor... ]#[ which says a ton in itself. ]#[ so trust me when i say i enjoy it and find it gorgeous. but i don't have any real kind words to spare on who designed it. ]#[ and i don't mean that in an insulting/bad kind of way but more so in the sense of-- whichever god likely designed this-- ]#[ how much worth was placed where; you know? ]#[ this is why i find the gods and all of their differing views so inherently interesting. ]#[ but then i also sit here longer and think more of the meropide. ]#[ and how THAT is supposed to be the prison. hmmmm. and yet /that/ is the place many seem to not want to leave anymore. ]#[ the place that is run and made better by the person whose tragic case was entirely missed and neglected by the authorities. ]#[ ah yes; the meropide. aka meropis-- the retelling (was it a parody? i believe so) of plato's story of atlantis. ]#[ which was sunk by the gods as punishment to its people for leading lives they deigned morally unjust and petty and /greedy/. ]#[ ah yes. the references never end. ]#[ granted we know how the meropide came to be-- so if egeria was in charge of that. chances are she likely was for fontaine as well. ]#[ well-- ]#[ well. ]#[ yep. i have more to say but i'm struggling to find my words-- so here we are for now! ]
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