#minor crack

[werewolfsmile]

Yeehaw, have another product my hyperfixation!!

[watch it on youtube]

This was so much fun to make despite being a bit tedious at times. I hope you all get some enjoyment out of it like I did!

[cryinganabell]

Can u tell what is my new hyperfixation is???

[deadsetobsessions]

This is based off of that one tiktok from @sorruna where it’s the audio from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse.

——

Dick Grayson was a sneaky, intelligent little shit.

He was also dumb. These things are not mutually exclusive.

To this day, one of his best kept secrets- one of the many, many that he had now- was something he’d take to his grave.

Or to Jason’s grave, at least.

Dick sat down and began telling the story to ears that would never truly hear it.

——

Batman’s voice rumbled behind him as Dick, in his Robin suit, stood blankly on top of a roof.

“I know you snuck out last night, Robin.”

Dick froze, train of thought about his dinner derailed. Holy busted, Batman! Quick! Play dumb!

“Who’s Robin?” He asked, the years of performing in front of a large crowd coming to save his ass.

Not that dumb!

Batman sent him a dry look, reprimand already poised on his lips. Dick, however, was nothing but a good performer. Nay, a dedicated performer.

Quick! Do something out of character! He shouted at himself, panicking visibly. He stepped backwards, an idea appearing in his head. In his defense, it sounded like an amazing idea at the time. He had no idea it would blow up into a Justice League issue. If he had known… Dick would have lied better, probably. There was no way he was going to let B bench him for weeks!

“Who the fuck are you?!” He yelped. Dick apologized mentally to Alfred and his parents. Batman paused, stunned.

“That’s my question. Who are you?!” Bruce asked, immediately hostile. His son doesn’t curse. Well, not in any normal way anyways. Dick quickly backpedaled by yelling at him with a heavy Vlax dialect, missing his parents terribly as he screamed stranger danger in rudimentary Romany. After this, he was going to have to convince Bruce to get him a language tutor. He refused to forget one of the only ties he had left to his parents.

“Wait, wait- you’re my son.” Bruce replied back, in perfect Romany. He looked more convinced but still skeptical.

“My dad is a circus performer! Not a flying rat!” Dick screeched back. He couldn’t help but feel touched about Bruce seeing him like a son.

“Oy! Keep it down out there, you assholes! Some of us like our sleep, damn!” A random Gothamite screamed out of their window.

“Yo, shut the fuck up! The vigilantes are helping to keep the rent low, motherfucker!” Another Gothamite shouted back.

….

Needless to say, Bruce quickly brought Dick back to the cave- with precautions to make sure he didn’t figure out where the Cave was if Dick was actually someone else.

——

“You would have loved it, Little Wing. B was running around like a headless chicken. The memory loss protocol was actually made because of me, you know.” Dick chuckled, sniffling as he talked to the carved gravestone.

It did not reply.

——

The blood tests came back. Yeppers, Dick sarcastically thought, who woulda thought I’m me?

Reinforcements were called in.

Meaning, Batgirl.

“Watch him while I contact Justice League Dark.”

“You think it’s magic?” Barbara asked.

“Yes. There was no one else near our vicinity that could affect Dick like this. He has no head wounds.”

“Eesh. Okay, go. I’ll watch him.”

Bruce disappeared in his zeta tube, looking harried. So, to everyone that’s not a Bat, he looked absolutely terrifying.

“What did you get yourself into now, Boy Wonder?” Barbara sighed. Dick was careful to keep any signs of recognition out of his face.

“Stop calling me that! Where are my parents?!” He asked back. Barbara coughed and looked uncomfortably away.

That’s right, Babs. I’m pulling out the orphan card. Feel bad. Dick hid his feral grin.

“They’re… uh, busy.” Busy being dead, Barbara thought, immediately wincing at her own thoughts. Apparently, Dick thought the excuse was lame too, and he sent her an incredulous look.

“Would you like refreshments, Master Dick?”

“What?”

Alfred held out some cookies on a platter, giving Babs a quelling look as she tried to reach for his share.

“Oh, wow, these are really good!” Dick said as he shoveled cookies into his mouth. He tried to replicate the reaction he had when he tried these for the first time, and from Alfred’s satisfied look, Dick nailed it.

——

“Robin doesn’t remember who he is.” Batman rumbled as he all but dragged Zatanna and Constantine by the scuff of their jackets towards the zeta tubes.

“Hey, wait-”

“We have no time.” Batman snarled, tossing the two magic users into the zeta. He punched in the destination.

When they got there, he glared at the two magic users until they got into the cave.

“Damn, Bats. Really living up to your name, huh?”

“Not bad,” Zatanna said as she looked around.

“Robin,” Batman- Bruce- reminded them. He did a quick glance over to check on his kids, and found them satisfactorily uninjured. Though, Barbara was looking worse for wear. Bruce quickly found out why as she stalked to him.

“You deal with him.” She muttered. “I’m going home.”

Bruce blinked and nodded. “Get home safe.”

Zatanna and Constantine followed Batman as he walked towards Robin. It was odd to see the normally laughing child frown.

“It’s you! The kidnapper! Where are my parents?!”

Bruce winced which, for him, was akin to a full body flinch and recoil. No wonder Barbara was so tired.

“Fix it.”

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Batsy.” Constantine grumbled.

“Well help, Batman. Though… I’m not sure if he should be doing that.”

Bruce sharply turned his head back to where Dick was. Emphasis on was. Because now, he’s halfway up the giant dinosaur the Robin had insisted they keep.

“Robin, get down from there!”

“Stranger Danger!” Dick hollered back.

Batman- Bruce Wayne- sighed.

“That’s high level magic,” Zatanna hummed. “I can’t feel anything, but I know for sure that he won’t die. Magic like that either dissipates naturally or…”

“Lasts forever,” Constantine finished.

Bruce groaned, shooting off a grappling line and swooping upwards to catch Dick as he fell from the giant dinosaur.

——

“I pretended to get my memories back later,” Dick chuckled. “And pretended to forget the whole thing. Bruce was so relieved that I stopped knocking things over and trying to do cartwheels in high places that he totally forgot I snuck out.”

Dick patted the headstone.

“But between you and me? I’m pretty sure Alfred knew. I think B pissed him off that week.”

[muffinlance]

Read "Suki, Alone". Liked it in general. But can they please, please hire someone who knows both the show's actual events and how to follow through on a character arc? Because guys. Guys. That comic is not implying about Suki what they meant it to be implying, and all because of literally one line.

So like. From a writer's standpoint:

What they meant to do: show Suki as a community-oriented person who cares for her people, and believes in everyone succeeding together.

As opposed to (spoilers): the thief girl they set her up in contrast with, who's pretty upfront and consistent on primarily looking out for herself. She betrays Suki for one (1) corn chip to improve her own life at the prison, no surprise.

But the problem is: they give Suki an inspirational line to the effect of "we're all working together and we'll all break out together"

You know

The thing she does not do in the show

So if both the show and this comic are canon, then instead of setting up a compare/contrast with the thief girl, they've just set up a comparison. One were Suki is arguably worse, because she's been leading a significant number of prisoners on with her "we'll all fight and win our freedom together!" business, only to straight up cut them out of the escape loop and abandon them, whereas the thief is only leading Suki on in the sense that Suki keeps telling her what it's morally correct to think and confuses snide replies with agreement

My dudes. My fellow writers. You people actually being paid for this. There were so many ways to fix those awful implications against our girl's character, the simplest of which would be to not include that line. Or they could have, you know, made it canon compliant with what actually happens in the show, so that this comic doesn't set Suki up as a betrayer instead of a community builder. Like... just send all her good prison buddies off to other prisons in the wake of the warden finding out they're colluding. Have it timed to be right before the next new prisoners arrive, thus setting it immediately before the Boiling Rock episodes, so Suki didn't have anyone left in the prison she'd want to take with her on a breakout. For bonus points, include a page or two of her and her Kyoshi warriors opening up the cell of one of her prison friends post-war, thus implying she's tracking down and actually fulfilling her promises. Maybe even show her doing the same with thief girl, who was established as being imprisoned on false charges anyway, and also showing that Suki is A) the bigger person, and B) willing to acknowledge her own role in mistakes (because I cannot emphasize enough how much thief girl was not hiding her own priorities, and it was Suki who approached HER with all this, not the girl ever doing anything special to weasel her way in) (this would also open up an opportunity for paralleling Suki's earlier in-comic mistake of not listening to one of her friend's very valid thoughts and feeling, which lead to the girl leaving their island alone pre-canon; a "seeing people as they are, not what you want them to be" moment)

Anyway yeah enjoyable enough for a quick read but another one for the "this can't be canon or the characters are So Much Worse than they were in the actual show" pile

At least Aang didn't promise to murder anyone in this one

[sterekorgtfo]

Buck: Tommy’s not allowed to ride my dick because if I look up and see those big hairy tits of his bouncing up and down as he rides me, I’m nutting in two seconds.

(Individual reactions.)

Hen: We should be significantly less close. You’re demoted to acquaintance.

Chimney: I kind of miss my rebar induced coma right now.

Bobby: No talking about fornication at the dinner table. But I’m happy things are going well with you two.

Athena: Get out of my house.

Maddie: As your sister, I’m happy things are going well, but I don’t need to know these things.

Ravi: GYATT damn.

Eddie (texting Tommy): Hey, what’s up?

[avocadoraisin]

fuck it, catboy myers doodles

[oh-allie]

shakespeare and swooning

alhaitham x g/n reader

synopsis; you read one shakespeare play and now you want to impress your "buddy" alhaitham with your newfound knowledge !! what could go wrong?

fluff, g/n reader, TOTAL CRACKFIC, OOC alhaitham, SWEARING, kind of a modern au ???? i mention "ringing tighnari" but that could just be imagined as using the akasha terminal !!!! didnt write this with a modern au in mind

warning ‼️ PLEASE dont expect this to be accurate, if youre a big classic literature fan then dont attack me for not being a NERD ☹️ just imagine a poser using their fancy words (because they think its cool)

you know how libraries are supposed to be a place of study and tranquility? no the fuck you don't, or at least you don't care, because running through the house of daena with shakespeares, "romeo and juliet," in your hands is NOT very tranquil.

multiple poor akademiya students look at you, PISSED OFF because your shoes are going clu-clonk on the marble floors, which wouldn't be an issue if you weren't scurrying through the library.

is that kaveh ?? he's giving you the same look he gives alhaitham every day ..

... but this is IMPORTANT !! you're on a MISSION right now !! you just finished reading the first act of "romeo and juliet," and you're convinced your brain has expanded tenfold in size.

you're now rushing to your good pal haitham to share your knowledge! how kind and gracious!

you're stopped before his house, you've known him for long enough and gotten close enough for him to let you come in whenever. you know kaveh isn't home, and haitham would never purposefully work overtime, so you're certain you can get his attention and show off in peace.

why are you so adamant about showing off to alhaitham? is it REALLY showing off, or are you trying to, heehee, impress him?? its too late to be flustered at this thought because you already unlocked the door with the spare key kaveh leaves behind one of haithams ugly ass decorative plants and you've taken off your shoes and oh god hes right there and the sunlight from the door is lighting up his face in that way that only happens to him and hes looking at you with a suprised, slightly annoyed, but incredibly fond look and oh no what was your plan again?

"greetings, alhaitham! ☝️🤓" you say, finding a surge of confidence remembering the story you read.

"... hey. what are you doing here?" his response is quick but before you respond he continues, "did you just say greetings?"

"indubidibdibdly! hath you be surprised?" you pretentious hipster. you think youre SO cool, but unfortunately your little crush doesn't seem very impressed either.

"okay, what are you doing? you're being weird." he's not even looking at you, and he's back in his chair before you can rush over and sit on the couch. "is something wrong? should i get tighnari to give you a checkup?"

you'd be touched by the care of the suggestion if he wasn't so cheeky in his tone.

"wha, what, no?! no what the hell- stop ringing tighnari."

"are thou o'er wrought with admiration?" you grin, somehow still under the impression that you sound cool.

he gives an eyebrow raise to that. not bothering to mark his place in his book, he stands up.

"i lie testy in why you act so unpregnant, my dear."

"what"

HUH ? what did bro just say ? testy ???? unpregnant ?? MY DEAR ??? backtrack again, UN-WHAT ??

"be still my beating heart, thou hast taken mine with absolute cunning." is he making fun of you i genuinely can't tell ... its like hes speaking in moon runes right now.

"haitham, heheh, WHAT are you DOING ??" you can't help but laugh at his funny little words, magic man. even if you're clueless to what he just said to you.

"whatever doth thou mean?" he's totally making fun of you !! after ALL your effort to impress him too?

"well, usually i do all the ranting and you sit pretty and listen, so it's weird that you're talking so much, especially like THAT?" fym sit pretty ....

"when words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain." that sounds familiar, but you can't think about it longer before he continues, "shall i compare thee to a summers day?"

"ALRIGHT, i recognize that one, dummy." you laugh, "were you really not impressed by me?" you whisper, the rush of embarrassment you shouldve felt in that library is finally catching up with you.

he stares at you for a second. you just wish you could find out what hes thinking up there, if you could even understand it.

and then he lets you into his mind, with a simple "i love you." as if alhaitham, renowned scribe of the akademiya, top student, couldn't find the words to describe how he felt for you.

or maybe that was what he felt for you. he loved you.

"... you called me unpregnant."

a/n; i read romeo and juliet like... 3 years ago.... so.. uam... 😇😇 totally accurate! hope this crackfic style of writing isnt too niche so this doesnt flop because EMBARRASSING....... do people even like al haitham anymore like guys lets go back to the good old days before the FRENCH came in..... (this is just me projecting cause i havent played genshin in a while and i still lovelove sumeru)

[aceinthefreakinspace]

*slides you more aspec nygmobs ft. Martin as our favorite adopted boi*

Part One | Three | Four

[mrpuzzlessimp420]

Mario Simulator (Joke Fic)

Chapter 1

Ships: Marware, BatteryAcid (Mr Puzzles x Orange Juice), SMG34 (minor)

Mushroom Akademi was your normal pseudo-japanese highschool and Mario was a normal student.

He had... awful as shit grades because he didn't concentrate in class (god I wish I was that carefree ) and had a decent enough reputation, expect for that one incident where he was caught... you don't want to know what he was caught doing.

Anyway, Mario was normal.

He awoke to his loud two trucks alarm and started to get ready for the day. Putting on his highschool girl uniform that definitely did not look like the sailor scout uniform, not brushing his teeth and grabbing a plate of spaghetti to eat.

He quickly checked his phone to see that it was... 8 a'clock??? He was going to be late and get told of by SMG4 because of it!

Spaghetti plate still in hand, he rushed out the door, trying his best not to trip and be a clutz like he always is.

He eventually arrived at the school, only 2 minutes late and ran to his class, before realising he had no clue where he was going and had to check his timetable, which he also realised he lost like 5 months ago.

After 10 minutes of searching for his class, he finally found it and sat down in his seat, absolutely exhausted, spaghetti plate still in hand.

"Mario? You're late again? This is the 20th time this week! You know what I don't care, just don't be a nuisance like yesterday." Karen stated, not giving a crap about Mario because she is a girlboss, a legend and the moment.

The lesson went surprisingly quickly as the entire time Mario was finishing of his spaghetti or talking to SMG4 about memes or some cringey shit like that.

When the lesson and 2nd period was over, it was finally break.

Mario ran to say hello to his friends before a figure caught his eye.

The figure was a tall, handsome TV head giving out audition leaflets for a school play, rather dramatically you could say... and pathetically as he was literally on his hands and knees begging one student to join, a crying baby face replacing his normal emotes on his TV head.

Mario's heart skipped a beat. Oh how he had fallen for this TV head for the past couple of months. Yeah he tried to mind-control his friends to force them to preform in a everlasting play but that was ages ago. Honestly, Mario was down bad for him, his patheticness, his passion for the arts, his dramatic nature. I mean he was even good to look at, I mean look at those cables and wires (bro 😭) .

"Mario? MARIO!"

Mario finally snapped out of his god damn solioquy and lovestruck pinning just to be faced with a very annoyed SMG4.

"Where you even listening to anything I said?" SMG4 asked, pissed that Mario hadn't been listening for the 100th time this week.

"Uhhhh..." Mario said before saying the most, disgusting, revolting thing you ever have seen that had to be censored for the sake of EVERYONE'S sanity.

"What? No??? I was explaining the entire FNAF lore." SMG4 explained like the cringe pathetic loser he is.

"I honestly still don't get it." Meggy stated

"I do." SMG3 stated, with lovestruck eyes that told everyone in the room that he did not understand anything SMG4 just said and just liked to hear SMG4's voice

"Ha ha Gayyyyyy!" Mario shouted before being punched in the face by SMG3

"Shut Up! You like Mr Puzzles!!!" SMG3 declared, deflecting Mario's accusation back onto Mario.

"That's because he's-" Mario was once again censored by the Great Fanfic Writer in the sky who didn't want to write out the disgusting thing Mario just said about Mr Puzzles

"We.. didn't need to know that but anyway what was I on about again?" SMG4 asked, forgetting his entire lore dump he just did a few minutes before hand.

"You were on about the lore of FNAF?" SMG3 stated, looking back at SMG4 with eyes that were screaming with 'I love you so much, I want to hear your voice all the time, we are friends, we are literally soulmates made for each other, I would literally die and kill for you.'

"Oh yeah!" SMG4 was a oblivious idiot and didn't notice SMG3's obvious pinning "Anyway Foxy Bro killed his own brother or some shit and got really depressed ig, couldn't be me"

SMG4 went on to ramble about FNAF again but Mario got bored immediately. Why would anyone care about a Purple Guy and some dead children? The lore was way to complex for Mario's stupid little brain anyway, he couldn't even count to 10 let alone remember all of that.

Mario's focus went back to the pathetic Vox look-alike and sighed lovely.

He was perfect to Mario. Absolutely perfect. Though he was a bumbling idiot and still not fully redeemed, he was harmless and Mario knew he could fix him.

Mr Puzzles was now acting like that desperate clinging to a student to get them to join didn't happen and was still handing out leaflets for the audition.

Maybe Mario could audition? It's not like he had anything better to do with his life other than eat spaghetti and annoy SMG4 24/7. And it gave him the excuse to hang out with the handsome TV head.

Before Mario could think any longer, a new character appeared on screen and jokely spooked Mr Puzzles, which caused Mr Puzzles to jump and move his hands dramatically like a primary schooler trying way to hard in a poorly done school play.

Mario immediately didn't like this new figure. How dare they spook their one and only true love? And be friendly with him? (Damn Mario just let him have friends, he needs them desperately)

The figure was tall, taller than Mr Puzzles in fact which was a surprise, and extremely buff, looking like that one yaoi art base (you know the one). His head was replaced with a glass of orange juice which for some reasons had eyes on it, like working eyes. Mario didn't question it though as the canonical SMG4 universe was already lacking of lore on how the fuck Mr Puzzles is alive after he cut his head off.

"Awww, did I scare you pookie bear? I'm sorry~!" the figure said, kissing his lover on the check loving.

"I-It's okay OJ-Kun! You just scared me a little that's all." Mr Puzzles said, extremely flustered and shy now out of no where, acting like a uwu soft twink.

Mario was seething with anger. Mr Puzzles had a lover? A boyfriend? This was not okay. Only Mario could be his boyfriend and if he couldn't, then no one could.

An idea popped into Mario's head, quite surprising as he probably didn't have any braincells left.

A very... unique idea.

You see, there was something actually... unnormal about Mario.

He was what you would call...

A yandere.

(part 2 when??? Lol)

[orbitular]

hey guys is this . is this anything

[blackbyrenflowers]

I've decided that I'm going to be an Aerion Brightflame apologist for whenever the Dunk and Egg show comes out. This isn't because of anything to do with the Targaryens or Dunk or me thinking he's hot, I just feel like it'll be funny so I'm starting early.

[ghost-bxrd]

… very tempted to write a part for the Court Family Au cuz I’m itching to write the crack ship that is Cobb and Bruce 🤣🤣🤣

[cilil]

This poll is crack, but I may be down to write a fic for the winning kink(s). I'll get the results right after my exam so... let's see ;)

[billdenbrough]

cannot possibly express enough how strange this one is. ok. @naturecalls111 prompted me (technically for microfic monday, but it was quickly determined to be untenable) kevaaron + frogs. there was an additional, informal element to the prompt she wanted that rocketed it from 488w (already egregious) to 1.6k (don't look at me), but i'm already wrestling with my psyche enough abt this one lmao. we'll leave that part to be a surprise so i don't have to think about it anymore HAHA. i guess. anyway. kevaaron + frogs, for mina.

“This is your fault,” Aaron says.

Kevin is affronted. “How could this be my fault!”

“Nobody cares enough about what I do to curse me,” Aaron points out, huffy. As huffy as a frog can be, anyway. “But you? Absolutely. You’re also really annoying.”

Kevin sulks.

“How sure are you?” Neil asks, following Nicky into the room. “I mean. Frogs?”

Nicky gives him an incredulous look, then snatches Kevin off the desk. Kevin makes the world’s most indignant croak, which everyone rudely ignores, except Aaron, who rolls his eyes.

“He has a queen mark,” Nicky exclaims, brandishing Kevin at Neil. “What kind of frog has a tattoo?”

Neil stares at it, then sighs. “Okay. Sure. Why not. So it’s Kevin. How do you know it’s Aaron with him?”

“Kevin wouldn’t leave without him, so it had to be one of us,” Nicky explains. Kevin thinks this is an optimistic reading of his character. “Which already probably meant Aaron, but I’ve confirmed he’s the only one also missing. So.”

“How did this happen?” Neil muses, sitting down on Kevin’s bed. His bed is right there. Kevin strongly considers kicking him. Except he doesn’t have the right feet.

Almost immediately after he has that thought, his mouth opens—without his express permission—and his tongue goes flying, a projectile aimed right at Neil’s face.

Neil barely manages to dodge, throwing up his arms and falling backwards quickly enough that Kevin’s tongue narrowly misses his skin. (Thank God.) 

Nicky squawks, dropping Kevin, who thankfully lands on the desk. Aaron is watching Neil with interest. And Kevin—

Kevin is just pleased his aim and ability to forcibly correct Neil’s behaviour is still intact.

“Oh, gross,” Nicky complains. Neil looks relatively unruffled, though he shoots Kevin a slight glare before moving to his own bed. Thank you.

“Yep, that’s Kevin,” Neil mutters. “I wonder how Aaron got wrapped up in this.”

Nicky cocks his head.

“Assuming turning people into frogs is a real thing—which, okay, yeah—then I have to assume it doesn’t happen randomly,” Neil says. “And as annoying as Aaron can be—” Aaron rolls his eyes. Again. “—It’s gotta be Kevin, right? The reason?”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” Nicky says immediately. Which is so rude.

“Maybe they were together?” Neil muses aloud.

“Or it’s like a fairytale,” Nicky says. At Neil’s confused—and slightly judgemental—look, he elaborates, “You know, like, The Frog Prince! Or The Frog Princess! Or—that movie coming out, the Princess and the Frog!”

“This is too many frogs,” Neil mutters, but looks attentive. “So what’s the common theme? Other than frogs.”

“You know, normal fairytale stuff,” Nicky says, waving his hands through the air. On the desk beside Kevin, Aaron has gone still. It’s weird that Kevin can tell—it’s not like Aaron was especially mobile in the moments prior, after all—but paying attention to Aaron isn’t that big of a surprise, these days. “True love’s kiss, all that.”

Neil goes still too.

Aaron is looking at Kevin, gaze watchful, eyes intent.

Kevin looks away. Unfortunately, this means he’s looking at Neil, who is observing him with a calculating expression. At least Neil can’t expect a response, Kevin thinks. Small victories.

“Well,” Neil says. Kevin assumes he’s talking to Nicky—as strange as Neil is, conversing with a frog is probably out of even his realm of behaviour—but he’s still looking at Kevin. Ugh. “That might explain it.”

“Huh?” Nicky asks.

Kevin cannot look at Neil anymore.

Aaron is still looking at him.

“Neil frequently has bad ideas,” Kevin says, a pre-emptive defence.

“I don’t disagree,” Aaron says. It’s fucking weird. He’s a frog. Green and disproportionate legs—maybe he should try keep those when they get back to normal, Kevin thinks, suddenly daydreaming of a genuinely tall defence line; and then his thoughts shift a little to the left, Aaron’s knobbly knees but now they’re green and his calves are endless, pressing against Kevin, and wow, okay, Kevin is shelving that one before he gets too anatomically-confused, what the fuck—but still so Aaron. It still feels the same, him looking at Kevin, and now there’s something in Kevin’s throat to swallow past. He’s not even sure if he still has a throat, technically.

Neil and Nicky are still talking in the background, a buzzing noise that Kevin can’t focus on.

“Fairytales aren’t real,” Kevin says.

“We are frogs,” Aaron enunciates. Which is a reasonable counterpoint.

“This is ridiculous,” Kevin mutters.

“Kevin,” Aaron says. This is going to do something insane to Kevin’s dreams, he thinks, dismayed. Aaron croaking his name, and it being completely understandable. Life is so hard.

“Ugh,” Kevin says. His tongue goes flying past, apparently the frog equivalent of throwing one’s arms up in exasperation.

Aaron watches it go past, then looks at Kevin. If they were normal, he thinks Aaron’s eyebrow would be raised, or face tilted to the side, or something to that effect. People don’t think of either twin as especially expressive, but Kevin knows Aaron’s face, has mapped all its mountains and shifting planes. He misses it, suddenly, fiercely. More than the consistent pulse of exasperation and disbelief at their situation, the underlying desire to get back to normal. It’s an active, immediate thing: he wants to see Aaron’s face again, a deep-seated ache.

“Careful,” Aaron says. “If you keep throwing that tongue around, I won’t let you put it in my mouth.”

Kevin chokes. His tongue tangles itself on the way back into his mouth, his eyes bulge, and he makes a sputtering noise. Neil and Nicky don’t even pause their discussion.

If there’s a way for a frog to look calm in the wake of their friend (?)—also a frog—almost dying in response to an implication of flirtation, Aaron does.

“Aaron,” Kevin wheezes, once he’s got his tongue safely back inside his mouth and has reminded himself how to be a person.

“Kevin,” Aaron returns. He sounds so calm. So sure. And Kevin still knows him, down to his bones, but in this body, he can’t figure out his tells as easily. He can’t watch the movement of his knee, the furrow of his brows, the curling of his fingers into a fist. There’s no jaw to tighten, no hair to run his hands through, and while he still has eyes, they’re not ones that Kevin has memorised the way they soften.

“Is that a joke?” Kevin asks.

“We’re frogs,” Aaron reminds him. “We’re already the joke.” Before Kevin can decide how he feels about that, Aaron says, “Kissing you? Sure. Why not. Worth a shot.”

“Why not,” Kevin echoes. “Worth a shot.”

Aaron looks at him again. Kevin thinks maybe this is what it looks like for a frog’s eyes to soften, but who knows? Maybe he’s just looking for what he wants to see.

God, this whole thing is fucking ridiculous, but maybe the most unsettling part has been realising how much he misses seeing Aaron’s face. He’s gone longer without seeing it, obviously, it’s just—he’s never had to look at Aaron without it being Aaron. He can’t explain it better than that.

“Maybe I wouldn’t mind,” Aaron says suddenly, “if it were a fairytale.”

Kevin blinks. (Oh, that was weird.) He thinks that over.

“Oh,” he says, then smiles. He thinks he smiles. He’s not really sure what his mouth is doing. It’s unnervingly large in relation to the rest of his body.

“Oh,” Aaron echoes, but he hops closer. One hop. Two. His legs are very strong, Kevin notes, but then he stops thinking about it, because Aaron is really close.

Kevin cannot believe he’s maybe—probably—almost certainly—about to kiss Aaron for the first time. And they’re fucking frogs.

Kevin hops that last step, moving in closer.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes again. Kevin has never seen a frog do that before, though jury’s out as to whether that’s because normal frogs can’t, or because Aaron Minyard brings a level of exasperation previously unknown amongst the species.

Kevin leans in, and kisses him. It’s the weirdest sensation he’s ever had—their bodies are approximately 30% mouth right now, which is a lot to deal with—but then Aaron’s mouth is open a little, and Kevin’s weird, powerful tongue darts in and tangles with Aaron’s.

This is fucking insane, Kevin thinks, and then there’s a sudden whoosh of air through the room, and suddenly the desk crashes and he and Aaron are sprawled across each other on the floor.

Human.

And naked.

“Oh my god,” Nicky says. “You’re back!” And then, tilting his head at Kevin, “And naked.”

“We’re leaving,” Neil announces, grabbing Nicky by the elbow and tugging him out of the room. His expression is dismayed. “I don’t want to see you today,” he says over his shoulder, which Kevin would like to apply to Aaron, but probably mostly means him.

Aaron is beneath Kevin, which luckily means his modesty is protected, given his usual hangups (Aaron and Neil often tell Kevin that it’s not that everyone else has hangups, but that Kevin is entirely too open with nudity; Kevin largely ignores this); unfortunately, it does mean Kevin landed on him, and now he’s groaning.

Kevin gets off him, then looks at him. At his face. God. He missed that face.

“Why are you staring at me?” Aaron grumbles.

“After everything that just happened, that’s your question?” Kevin asks, incredulous. Fucking fond, because of course it is.

“Everything else has a root cause of you being annoying,” Aaron says. “This—”

Kevin leans in, cupping Aaron’s jaw with one hand.

Aaron shuts up.

“Take a guess,” Kevin says. His voice is – soft. Too soft to hide behind.

There’s so much going on Aaron’s face, eyes quick, expressive, roving all over Kevin’s, taking him in, figuring him out. Then his expression clears.

“You’re so annoying,” Aaron says, and then he surges up and kisses Kevin.

It’s much better, Kevin thinks, getting to do this as them.

[pickleking8]

11 - Adoption Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be - Chapter Eleven

Words: 945

Ao3 Link

Previous - Masterpost

Tw: death of a minor due to beating/fire/explosion, kidnapping, lmk if I missed anything

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When Jason Todd was six years old, he believed in magic, and he thought that his father was the most magical of all. His dad, who worked so hard, and always came home late, with a resigned and drawn face, who still made sure to hug him, play with him, tuck him in and tell him a story before bed. Jason loved hearing the soft voice of his father spinning fantastic tales as he slowly slipped into sleep. He had a lot of magic, then. 

When Jason Todd was seven years old, his father went to prison, blamed for a petty crime he didn’t commit, and there was no more soft click of the door as his father came home, and no more stories, and no more soft voice lulling him to sleep. A little magic died, then. 

When Jason Todd was nine and a half (and it’s important never to forget the “and a half”, or he’ll be upset with you), when the house had gotten bare and his mother had gotten quiet, his father was killed in Arkham, in a brawl. Not the nicest way to go, as the drawling man on the phone had said, bored and indifferent. Then, a lot of magic died, to be replaced by sadness and anger. 

When Jason Todd was eleven, his mom died too, taking with her hugs and movie nights and warm tea and homework help, always ever so patient in explaining exponents for the tenth time, and many more numbers of things, including their apartment. She had gotten quieter, and sadder, after his father’s death, and didn’t really get better, but she still made time for him, and loved him the same, and made sure that he knew that. By then, Jason was nearly out of magic, and nearly full of other things, like rage and grief and sorrow and desolation.

When Jason Todd was twelve, after a year of running, from everyone and everything, he stole Batman’s tires and hit him with a tire iron. Right in the stomach, and Batman would deny until the day he died that he yelped. Soon, Gotham met Robin, and stood in admiration at his gaiety and delight with the world. Jason gained magic, then, and gained more and more as time went on and he healed, anger and sadness not gone, but not weighing him down. Jason fell into stories once again, into the magic that they wove, into helping others, into going to school. Jason was happy, and Jason was loved. 

When Jason Todd was fifteen, he died, and it was horrific. He was given hope for his mother, and it was ripped away. He was beaten, pain blossoming across his skin, before an explosion roared and a blast of hot air washed over his already flushed face. He died, wishing, hoping for his dad to come and save him, for his magic to be real, hoping against everything that his end would not be here, on a gritty concrete floor in a dimly lit warehouse. He died, feeling flames lap against his clothes, his fingers, his cheeks, protected not by the tears that ran down them in torrents, leaking from under a mask he believed would save him. He died, accompanied by the sound of sickly sweet, cackling laughter ringing in his ears, and, ever so faintly, so quiet he couldn’t be sure it was actually there, a quiet click of the final door closing, and soft voice telling him stories, lulling him into sleep. 

When Jason Todd had been dead a year and a half (sixteen, he would have been sixteen, a junior, exploring and loving everything in the way that teenagers do), he used up the last splinter of magic, born from hope, and clawed, screaming, choking, and crying, out of his grave, dark clay coating him and his favorite sweater, the bright baby blue smeared with an ugly, dried-blood red. When Jason Todd burst from the crumbling dirt, he was met with a cool, crisp night, fresh air (not rot, it didn’t smell like rot, he didn’t want to smell anything rotting ever again), and a woman, clad in flowing, dark clothing and smiling just like his mother used to. She said her name was Talia, and she helped him up, leading him away with a smile sweet as medicine. 

When Jason Todd had been dead three years (he would have been eighteen, gone to college, studied the books he always loved, learned as he always loved), he came back to Gotham angry and hurting, drowning in betrayal, unable to break the ice holding him down and slowly sinking into frigid depths. He wanted to be avenged (he wanted to be saved), not just for his death but for his childhood, for every moment that was ripped away from him. And if his dad Bruce wouldn’t do it, then he would. It was easy, simple as that (why didn’t he save me?). When Jason Todd was three years and eleven days dead, he watched through the beady red eyes of the manor cameras as his family the Bats snatched a desperate, beaten child, wrenching his hands away from a scraping metal fence, and carried him back into the manor, eyes wide and tears running down a crumbling facade (just like Jason’s had), flinching away from the green-tinted light like it were really a flame that lapped at his skin, his screams echoing just the same as if the manor had been a dim and gritty warehouse. And it may well have been: both places were filled, now, to the brim with bitter and desolate hope, and a resounding call for salvation.

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Jason Todd makes his debut! Also, sorry for the long break between updates! The motivation just wasn't there for a while, and school was really busy. And I know I say this every time, but I'm excited to get back into writing, and hopefully this time the motivation gods will favor me and there will be another chapter sooner than three months from now. Anyway, thanks so much for reading!

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Taglist: @tkiesai

[justaghostingon]

Is it wrong to date a guy from an enemy faction when your country doesn’t exist anymore? Asking for a friend

A kaebedo au in which kaeya lives in a spy drama and albedo in a sitcom

Note: Minor spoilers for some lore from Pernhari lore books

Given what we now know about how the crimson moon dynasty came before the eclipse dynasty and was more focused on alchemy, i would like to submit a theory that albedo is from the crimson moon faction

His master rhinedottr is famous for her alchemy after all, and he followed in her footsteps.

Not that these factions mean much to albedo, k’hanriah is long gone, and there is so much more in the world to discover

But Kaeya! Kaeya was sent as a spy by the k’hanrians who haven’t given up yet, they still have hope and cling to old traditions.

They served the dynasty of eclipse, of course the differences between crimson moon and exclipse matter to them

Especially if i go out on a limb and theorize the crimson moon had something to do with the fall of k’hanriah. Like a revolt or political infighting. Side eyes “the exclipse was swallowed by the crimson moon”

So it makes sense why neither kaeya nor albedo were aware that they’d meet another k’hanrian in mondstat, much less another captain in the knights

Kaeya spends a day in agony, fully expecting albedo to jump him and make kaeya follow some new “mission” or something

That is until albedo mentions alchemy, specifically kemia. The pride of the crimson moon’s alchemists.

Combined with albedo’s seeming lack of knowledge as to who kaeya is, this can only mean one thing.

Albedo isn’t a spy from eclipse here to get Kaeya back on track. He’s a spy from crimson moon here to do the same thing as kaeya!

Naturally kaeya can’t let an enemy spy get to close to mondstat! Especially since they might not be friendly like him!

Plus he’s grown up on stories that blame the crimson moon for k’hanriah’s fall. (Also the gods and abyss, but come on, we all know the rival political faction was the real enemy here) he does not want that to happen to mondstat

So kaeya decides to get close to albedo, feel him out and see what his intentions are, and dispose of him if he needs to.

Unfortunately for him, a wrench is thrown in his plans in the form of Klee. Sweet, loveable klee who adores her big brother albedo so much, and would definitely cry if he were to suddenly vanish, and he just couldn’t do that ot her (also there is an all powerful witch who will definitely destroy mondstat if they make her precious daughter cry)

Now kaeya must find other ways to handle mond’s latest ticking time bomb and figure out his secrets, all while trying to ignore how those eyes make his heart skip a beat (from fear, he lies to himself)

Meanwhile, albedo clocks kaeya as a k’hanrian from the eclipse faction the moment he saw him. Given how it was all over kaeya’s clothes, he thought this was intentional.

And sure, kaeya never talks about his homeland, or his people before mondstat, but given everything that went down its probably a sore spot. No one else brings it up ir comments on his heritage so albedo just assumes everyone knows and no one talks about it out of respect for kaeya, and some other illusive social cue.

So when kaeya starts getting close to albedo, with his signature flirty moves, albedo does not think this has anything to do with crimson moon vs eclipse. He thinks this is just kaeya trying to get to know the new captain

Maybe he’s curious about alchemy?

So he shows off a few cool potions to a wide eyes kaeya

Kaeya internally: is this a threat?

Albedo internally: i am winning at social interaction 😁

Albedo figured kaeya would get bored of him soon enough, when he realized that albedo’s job of alchemy is a lot more math and a lot less cool explosions.

But when kaeya sticks around, asking questions about albedo’s past, befriending klee, expressing curiousity in what exactly his potions can be used for, albedo starts to get suspicious

It’s not the alchemy itself. Albedo offered to teach kaeya some small potions and kaeya all but leapt away in his haste to refuse (those childhood stories of “touch alchemy and u die” realy stuck with him)

So he goes to sucrose and timeaus and asks them.

Sucrose is equally baffled, wonders if maybe kaeya just really likes chopping up ingredients

Albedo: hmm. He does do it everytime i ask…

Timeus: oh my archons, kaeya has a crush on you.

Albedo decides to test both theories. He stops letting kaeya cut his ingredients, but that doesn’t deter him. So he checks to see if Kaeya is attracted to him

By silently crowding close to kaeya to hear if his heart speeds up

Kaeya meanwhile, has a stone faced alchemist pushing him into a wall, is absolutely thinking he’s about to be murdered (and that it’s hot)

Albedo notices the speed up. Ahh so he does like me.

Kaeya: i have to go now! Proceeds to rush out the door.

Albedo is confused. If kaeya likes him, why is he running?

He asks timeus and sucrose. Sucrose offers to stalk him for a while to find out why. Timeus replies that albedo was “too forward” and that people like “to be chased”

Albedo, chasing kaeya: is this what u want?

Kaeya: oh god he’s gonna kill me!

The method that albedo picks to woo Kaeya is to offer him a fancy lunch he cooked, complete with a traditional khanrian delicacy: the spider sandwich.

Kaeya does not enjoy this, his mind running wild trying to figure out what albedo is trying to say to him by feeding him spiders.

Albedo decides he can’t trust Rhinedottr’s ideas of “traditional delicacies” (who knew her spider sandwich wasn’t normal?)

So he turns to sucrose, who has been stalking kaeya. She proposes a date that she has gathered from her research: take him drinking.

Now if albedo had started with this, it probably would have gonne much easier for him. But after a week of being stalked, chased, and fed spiders, kaeya’s guard is way up.

He’s convinced this is an attempt to get him drunk to get information out of him. Well good luck with that, kaeya’s no light weight, he’s certain he can drink albedo under the table, and get him talking instead

Albedo is a but hesitant when kaeya suggests a drinking competition, but goes along with it.

The result is a very drunk albedo cuddling up to kaeya and whispering the periodic table seductively in his ear.

Kaeya was not prepared for that. Not at all. He comes back home thinking that the crimson moon really trains their spies to be good at keeping secrets

Albedo comes back to his home confident at a successful first date

Things continue onward in their will they won’t they, until one day kaeya wakes up in bed with albedo, in matching pjs, klee sleeping between them, and realizes that seduction was the crimson moons game all along, and he lost.

But oh well, its not like he’s really following eclipse’s orders anyways. He thinks as he goes back to sleep

The end