#might make a post about the underlying reasons when I feel I can handle the criticism

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Not sure if that's the ace or the lesbian speaking, but Viktor really looks here like the sculpture of an acient hero someone put into a pool for decoration. Yuuri must be very happy to be graced with this sight in his parents' onsen and have the privilege to marvel at this beauty every day.

[dededaio]

the reason a lot of people largely unfamiliar with modern kirby go "forgotten land did X thing for the first time in kirby, it's so cool", even if it's often not the case, is not only because they probably barely played kirby, but also because forgotten land puts most of the series best qualities at the forefront the way no other game did.

big post follows where i ramble with comparisons to other games while highlighting what i think forgotten land did right.

first of all, it's very upfront about it's theming. and it's very important in how it stands out.

i ADORE kirby triple deluxe, don't get me wrong. and I LOVE the fairy tale theming of the game, but if you weren't *aware* that this is what the game goes for, it can easily fly over your head.

kirby is inherently whimsical series, so a lot of fairy tale-isms in that game don't stand out nearly as much as it was probably intended. it could've been easily remedied if the game framed itself as a "fairy tale" more rather than them keeping this subtle. similar to how classic paper mario games had storybook intros, for example.

star allies similarly has a big theme about friendship but due to various factors, it feels superficial at best or unnoticeable at worst. because a lot of aspects that theoretically could make it work are not highlighted enough.

if you don't have prior context of other games, it doesn't come across as this game celebrates friendships kirby acquired over the past 25 years of the franchise's existence and more like he's casually brainwashing them for his own cause.

i understand that with big amount of playable characters you can't possibly make unique animations for every single one of them to sell you on this idea, but if you can't handle the scope, then don't go for said scope.

jambandra cult's dark parallels to the franchise's main cast are likewise not highlighted enough because most of it is not shown via gameplay or cutscenes but through easy to miss pause screen text.

robobot and now forgotten land are partially so loved because it's very clear what's the overall theming of the game and it's stages is. in robobot it's funny robots, capitalism, industrialism, colonization. in forgotten land it's memories, responsibilities, nature, abandoned civilizations. it's not me just reaching, game is called "forgotten land" and part of leon's motivation (albeit when he was under id-f86's influence) is his frustration with being left behind by the former leading civilization of the planet, aka them up and leaving their responsibilities behind.

forgotten land stands so much to people because it gives it damn ALL to stand out by making every facet of itself being connected to underlying themes the game presents.

second, game goes out of it's way to SHOW the player what kirby is all about. it's not shying away from exposing the casual player to lore or the importance of post-game content. instead of only hinting that all of this stuff might be important, game demonstratively nudges you into the right direction, whether you were initially interested or not.

"the lore" is tied to the main secondary collectible. a gameplay element. if person playing the game is invested to 100% it, they will most likely try to collect them all and read all of the flavor text in the process. likewise, even if player is not interested in 100%-ing the game, they might be hooked by the flavor text itself and be interested what it has to say about other copy abilities, characters, objects.

previous modern kirby games didn't try to make you feel engaged with the lore the same way. sure, there were some benefits of the pause screens that FL can't replicate (we lost the classic type of flavor text where the final boss directly addresses Kirby and we hear their thoughts), but it's a small loss in grand scheme of things.

simply pausing the game to read the flavor text is not stimulating the same way as directly working to get it. it becomes more intriguing this way, RNG element ironically making it even more special when a figurine with especially juicy lore pops up.

similarly, post-game content was made explicitly all "canon" in FL. not entirely new concept, we had similar cases in "revenge of the king" in super star ultra and "heroes in another dimension" in star allies, but FL is the first game that actively encourages you to do more stuff after you did the main story. it literally baits you with the "to be continued" screen after the credits.

not only it helps the game to beat "it's short!" allegations by making it clear that even besides main story there's plenty of stuff to sink your teeth into, it also simplifies the importance of post-game modes too. there is no "what if scenario" or "parallel story" bullcrap. it's straightforward. "isolated isles" picks up where main story left off, "ultimate cup z" picks up where "isolated isles" left off.

and the last, but certainly not least, the characterization.

i will argue that forgotten land is the best kirby game since kirby 64 in terms of giving personality to the main cast. some people accused elfilin of being a little bland, and admittedly his personality is not as fun as, say, magolor or susie, but he's still likeable and fleshed out in his own way. we actually get a lot more dialogue from him than you might expect, he has a lot to say in the waddle dee town and he comments about various locales on the world map, even ones where he would be kidnapped during the main story.

likewise, bandana dee, meta knight and king dedede all got their moments to shine. this partially ties to flavor text being easily accessible, but due to said flavor text no longer being tied to SIMPLY boss fights, it means that their characterizations and side-plots can be expanded upon further. making their roles in the story feel more thought out than it might come across otherwise.

and even outside of that, each of them gets a shining moment that shows what are they all about. meta knight casually challenges kirby on a training duel and gives his all. the first fight we have with meta knight where he's not under some sort of mind control since squeak squad. bandana dee constantly reminds us that he's very much willing to help us and canonically accompanies us through out entire adventure even if we don't take him with us. king dedede, while brainwashed for majority of the game, gets to do single coolest and selfless act through his entire history of existence, finally putting final nail in the coffin of "dedede is a villain" crap.

forgotten land might not be the first game to do any of the things i just mentioned, but the presentation means EVERYTHING. forgotten land impressed a lot of people, left a strong impact, precisely because it had way better presentation than any kirby game that came before it. this is precisely why it resonated so much with so many different people and will continue to do so.

[system-of-a-feather]

Gonna share the Feathers Ramble from my Friend Group Chat; @hiiragi7 was just commenting on how a line from this post was a really good line, and so I just kinda rambled expanding on it and I felt it was worth sharing here as well

"no one other person will be able to give you "the pass" to use a label that will absolve you of the responsibility to be able to understand the history and weight of the term"

Now that Im off work like, its just honestly something that I find to be a lot of the issue within a lot of discourse spaces is that people are looking for people to answer what is and is not okay, asking for what the rules that they should follow is / are and who is better or worse, more right or more wrong

When really people should be looking for understanding of the purposes behind those discourse topics and the individual stances and the principles that underlie them more than the "should I or should I not" and "is it good or bad for me to do this"

Cause like there are VERY VERY few topics that have a clear cut "correct vs incorrect" way of doing things

Like even if you get to things that seem obvious like the n-word and who can or can't say that, generalizing those rules do tend to work for the majority of the population, but when you get to the really specific fine grains in the rules and the PRACTICAL application of them in non-online spaces, even things like that can get fuzzy and a lot more complicated than "you are racist if this and not if that"

Because with the n-word, you still have to think about the diversity of the "black" populus and how individuals may or may present / look "not black" to someone doing a cursory glance such as those from afro-latine backgrounds. And then there is also the complexity of navigating and respecting inner city and gang based experiences while ALSO, you know, not promoting harmful and racist language and the practical complications that come with that.

(Disclaimer: I don't know too much of the in depth about this topic to really have a stance on the nuances. It's a topic that has recently been brought up that I sometimes reflect on and think about since there were aspects more complicated than I ever considered that were presented to me. Since I don't know much I defer to "play on the safe side of what people with more insight and direct experience with this topic say" and "I am never going to say it and I don't plan to look the other way in any obvious situation where its inappropriate", but I acknowledge that there is probably a depth to it where it gets complex, and honestly, I'm not comfortable having a strong opinion beyond the general rule of thumb.)

And in the end, the only rule I think you can really say is for really any word, label, language, etc is that you can use whatever word you can reasonably find yourself comfortable with saying bearing in mind the history, weight, and impact that the word, label, etc has on individuals and your role in it (which isn't always inherently "you are making it worse" because you might not be, if you are a transwoman using transfemme that's just being part of the typical group)

In the end of the day, use words you feel are justified in using and accept the consequences - good or bad - of the decisions made; thus its important, in order to keep the consequences neutral or positive, to be able to be comfortable and confident in being able to explain your reasoning for using the term, language, label, etc

You gotta know what your role in using the term / language / label is, and to make sure your role and how you handle the term / language / label is in line with your moral compass on what you feel right in doing and that you are doing your due diligence to minimize any impacts you think would be bad to your own moral compass

It's largely why I think people who genuinely acknowledge, openly discuss, and are forth coming about the term "tulpa" in tulpamancy spaces are more than welcome to use it

There is a debate whether or not it is appropriate for someone in the modern tulpamancy community to use the term "tulpa" and thats always going to be an ambiguous debate; but if you are acknowledging the racist and appropriative roots and are actively doing your part to encourage discussion and acknowledgement of the damages done, then you are honestly doing more to repair the damage and bring awareness to the historical issue in order to better the future and you are likely doing so with more respect than most people offer

Thus its not so much a "these people can say this and these people can't" as much as it is "people who understand the weight and history of the term and align their behavior and impact onto that to do minimal harm (and ideally help) can use it if they feel there is a positive way"

You can't and shouldn't make anyone do or not do things by waving value labels around because in the end those things aren't something objective whether or not we like them and they become less and less objective and clear cut the more specific and nuanced in the situation you get

The only real thing you can ask is for people to really understand the ACTUAL background and depth to the words and things they say and do and let them make their own decisions on how their behavior interacts with their role in the history and impact of it all and if they can, in a right mind, say what they are doing is good / justified

And whatever judgement they make with that calculation is really just something they themselves can make. If people think something that is harmful is "good / justified" then they will inevitably get naturalistic results and consequences that they have to own up to. If people think it isn't, then simply they don't have to do that thing

But ya know, that's just a Feathers Ramble of the day

At the end of the day, we all just want to be able to go to sleep with a clear head and what people decide to say and do and the amount of diligence they want to put into covering their bases is a decision each and every individual must make on their own

[rainbowsky]

Weirdly enough I’m loving AT. Even more than DC and LY ( this last one I haven’t finished it yet). It takes me a lot to gen into c dramas in general but this one is entertaining from the start. It’s propaganda but also Marvel is propaganda and most American movies so

Hey Anon, you might not realize it, but that statement is actually pretty troubling. I'll explain why.

CW/TW - discussion of human rights atrocities and police brutality (without descriptions or details)

It's true that Hollywood is incredibly propagandistic. It's also a well-known fact that Marvel has partnered with the US military to get some of its films made, Captain Marvel being the most egregious example (although the degree of propaganda varies wildly from film to film and isn't a constant, so we shouldn't paint with too broad a brush here).

However, statements such as the one above can be a reflection of - or can lead to - dangerous, highly inaccurate false equivalences. It's extremely important to think very consciously and critically about what these terms mean and how they apply in different regions and under different regimes.

False equivalence is a logical fallacy that's frequently used to manipulate public opinion and to deflect or discredit legitimate criticism. These false equivalences often become part of the widespread public discourse, and accepted by the vast majority of people as reasonable, and true.

A common example of this is the claim that climate change is 'still being debated' and that 'scientists can't agree' on it (therefore we can't be sure that climate change is real) when actually, there is no meaningful or legitimate scientific opposition to the notion of human-caused climate change.

98% of climate scientists agree that the science shows climate change is real, and the remaining 2% of outliers are based on studies that have no coherent basis and employ no scientific rigor. This 98% agreement represents an iron-clad scientific consensus on the matter.

But by drawing that false equivalence, climate change deniers and fossil fuel advocates have managed to very successfully derail the arguments of climate scientists and environmental advocates, and sow doubt in the minds of the public at large. This has directly led to a lot of confusion among the public and a huge delay in addressing the issues underlying climate change.

In many cases fossil fuel advocates, by spreading this false argument, have even managed to convince governments and populations to support an increase in fossil fuel projects and subsidies.

I've watched this notion that western nations are "really no better than China when it comes to propaganda" gain more and more traction lately, and I find that extremely alarming. The differences between these nations and how they handle propaganda couldn't possibly be starker.

It isn't the prevalence of messages that makes propaganda sinister, it's the consequences and the stakes surrounding it all that makes it sinister.

We cannot draw equivalences between different nations and regimes based only on the fact that they all feed propagandistic messages to the general public. Such equivalences are misleading and potentially very dangerous. Every country engages in some level of propaganda, but the circumstances surrounding that propaganda vary wildly from region to region.

Let's take the example of every country's tendency to extol the virtues of their leaders. Every country propagandizes about the leader to some degree. Does that make those nations equivalent? Hell no. If saying that "the supreme leader is a giant dildo" gets you laughed at in one country and imprisoned, tortured or murdered in another, how can you call those situations equivalent?

Rather than re-invent the wheel I'm just going to base a lot of this on a previous post I made where I discussed this issue, so if some of you feel deja vu, that's why. 😅

It's absolutely true that propaganda is everywhere, and that China doesn't have a monopoly on pushing a political agenda through entertainment media.

What’s NOT everywhere is the complete, often brutal, enforcement of the viewpoints and mindsets the propaganda is pushing.

What makes other countries different with regard to propaganda isn’t the amount of propaganda we have, it’s the stakes surrounding the propaganda.

What is the propaganda trying to achieve?

What genuine access do people have to dissenting opinions and contradictory information?

What recourse do they have if they disagree?

What’s the outcome for people who go against the narrative the regime is pushing? (aka how are the ideas enforced?)

In many parts of the world, everyone has ready access to a wide variety of perspectives and opinions on an issue. They have the ability to question and investigate claims, and get a second, third, fourth opinion on the matter.

When people disagree with the official message/position on something, they can print up t-shirts, start an org, form a protest group, take that opinion to court and maybe even win, organize acts of civil disobedience, take to the streets and disrupt normal functioning of a city or even a country as a means of making their voices heard.

And any of these actions could actually result in change - sometimes major, sweeping change. But even if they don’t, people are still free to do those things. They are free to take those actions against their governments and in most cases will suffer no dire consequences for speaking their mind. And if worse comes to worst and someone doesn’t like what their government is doing, they can leave.

In China, open access to information is prevented to the best of the regime’s capability, which is extensive. The Chinese government actively, aggressively walls off the country from the rest of the world to ensure the public cannot access the open internet or the open marketplace of ideas.

They actively censor and repress dissenting opinions, and they do this in a way that's often nearly invisible to the average Chinese citizen. Someone will do a search on a topic and get no results. They'll try posting about something and their post won't go through.

People who fall afoul of the regime are often ‘disappeared’ - held against their will in ‘reeducation camps’, their families and friends threatened, tortured, jailed or otherwise harassed. Prevented from leaving the country. Even if they do manage to leave, they may be involuntarily ‘repatriated’, tortured and jailed.

The regime has increasingly been using sophisticated means to dig into social media posts of people living outside of China who speak critically of the regime or its policies. These are people sharing their thoughts on international platforms, many of them citizens of other countries. The regime has been identifying the people making these posts and using thuggish tactics in order to silence them. One guy who spoke critically of the regime had all of his social media accounts shut down and his parents disappeared for 10 days.

Taking a stance against the official position can have dire consequences in China. That is what makes the propaganda sinister. That's what makes those false equivalences so troubling.

By drawing those equivalences so casually in their speech, people unwittingly spread false information about the situation in China. They are unwittingly doing propaganda work for the regime - helping to provide cover for their human rights abuses and making them seem benign and 'just like everyone else'.

They are not 'just like everyone else'.

Having said all that

I'm not saying all this to condemn or chastise, rather I'm saying it to educate and awaken.

People who draw false equivalences aren't always malicious, nor are they necessarily lacking intellectual capacity. It's easy to fall prey to overly simplistic thinking. We all do it. Even seemingly benign concepts such as 'gaydar' are examples of overly simplistic thinking.

Not only is it easy to fall prey to simplistic thinking, it's often incredibly difficult to get access to reliable information, to fully examine and weigh ideas, and to apply critical thinking skills. Most of these things are never taught in school and are extremely rare among social groups. It's just not part of most people's everyday lives.

It's this degree of intellectual difficulty that makes propaganda so insidious. It's what makes logical fallacies like false equivalence so effective against the general public. Logical fallacies are ideas that sound perfectly reasonable to the average person, but which are in fact, incorrect and deeply flawed.

Propaganda capitalizes on all of these factors, all the better to fly under people's radar.

So to be clear: people who fall for this stuff aren't idiots or assholes, they're just ordinary people coming up against some pretty intensely well-crafted false narratives that seem reasonable to most people.

For anyone wanting to learn more about logical fallacies, there are many excellent resources online. Here are just a few:

Rhetological fallacies

Master list of logical fallacies

A good YouTube clip explaining what fallacies are

I (and others) have talked previously about propaganda in this post, and the posts in this thread.

As for the real purpose of your ask, Anon - I'm not surprised people have been enjoying it. GG is an excellent actor and I've no doubt his performance has been amazing.

EDIT: I have done a fairly comprehensive follow-up post on this topic.

[gay-snom]

contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

[bandsanitizer]

Okay but that scene in the hospital as letting Buck know what he means to Eddie and Christopher, not just as Eddie’s coworker or firefighting partner. Not just as someone who cares about Christopher. Not just another person there to help make being a single parent easier for Eddie. No, that scene was Eddie informing Buck that he is family—for real. That he’s Eddie’s best friend and the person he trusts the most. That he’s both a good friend to Christopher, but a remarkable guardian in his life, too. And this is so important in timing. (Explained after the “Keep Reading” because it’s a long post.)

Disclaimer: I recognize that everyone has different experiences, views, and definitions, regarding family, parenting, and the interpretation of canon. This is mine and yours are yours. This isn’t heavily romantic-Buddie inclined, nor is it intended to be, but it can be read as such. Also, spoilers for up to the s4 finale.

At the beginning of season 3, we learn what Christopher means to Buck. In his fight to save and find Christopher—risking his life—Buck showcases that he loves Christopher, that Christopher is important to him, and, in how he doesn’t have the “Oh, shit! How do I tell Eddie?” moment until he sees Eddie, it solidifies that Buck’s care for Christopher is not lenient on Christopher being Eddie’s son.

Later in s3, in the market, we see how Eddie views Buck regarding Christopher. By bringing up Christopher in the argument (“Christopher misses you.”), Eddie acknowledges a level of responsibility Buck has regarding Christopher. Granted, Buck loves kids and he’s a softie so that comment would hurt either way, BUT Eddie is not the kind of person to just use Christopher for the sake of a guilt trip. Eddie knows Buck cares about Christopher, Eddie knows Buck probably didn’t think things through, and Eddie wishes that Buck did. As much as that stands, however, it’s made clear that Eddie expected Buck to consider how it might affect them and Christopher. A big responsibility to place on a typical friend.

Yet, since this is coming right off the tsunami incident, Eddie’s expectations aren’t unexpected, but an extension. He said that there was “nobody else in the world,” that he would trust with Christopher more than Buck. And then for Buck to cut everyone off? Like it wouldn’t even matter? That doesn’t fit the way Eddie views how Buck cares—particularly, how he cares about Christopher.

Then jump to Eddie Begins. This is where we clearly see how Buck views Eddie and further confirmation that Christopher is in fact Eddie’s everything.

Buck’s reaction to the well collapsing on Eddie is very similar to his reaction to losing Christopher in the s3 tsunami arc. Distinctly different levels of reaction than he had towards Bobby being in danger and Maddie being held hostage with the rest of the dispatchers. Something Buck mentions to Sue about the latter, is that Maddie has Chimney. Bobby also has Athena. Hen has Karen. Eddie has... Well, Eddie has Buck and Buck has Eddie. The show has been pairing off characters and naturally, Buck and Eddie are one.

So his reaction to losing Eddie being similar to his reaction to losing Christopher, is a way of non-verbally conveying that Buck cares about Eddie a lot. To the same degree or within the same intensity as he cares for and loves Christopher. That it’s not just what they mean to other people in Buck’s life, but what they mean to Buck, himself. And with the contrast for worrying about Maddie or Bobby, it’s a recognition by Buck that in the same way Eddie and Christopher have a place in his life very different from the rest of the firefam, so does Buck in their lives. That he knew Maddie needed Chimney in that moment, and in losing Christopher and Eddie that he was that person in their lives. The one that’s supposed to fight with everything they got to make sure they’re okay.

We already knew how much Eddie loves his son prior to Eddie Begins, but we see his love and care for Shannon, as well. Plus, we get some sort of recognition that Eddie has much regrets over not being there for Christopher when he was younger. This is significant, particularly if you ship Buddie, but even without a romantic lense, it emphasizes the relationship between Buck and Eddie & Christopher.

The show pushes the idea that Shannon fell short at being a good mother to Christopher. Granted her running away wasn’t great parenting, but so did Eddie, and it’s not like Shannon didn’t try later. (Also that’s a completely different post.) What matters here is that Eddie trusts Shannon with Christopher. While it isn’t easy and he certainly has hesitations about Shannon leaving again and how that instability affects Christopher, it’s not that Eddie doesn’t trust Shannon with caring for Christopher. Eddie expects her to also be his wife and to have his back, and it’s in the emphasis on their marriage and getting a divorce, that focuses in on how much Eddie&Shannon weren’t working, not how much EddieShannon&Christopher were not. They both ran, under different circumstances, and they both stepped up to the plate when it came to caring for Christopher. (Again, it’s a different post for me to go into my thoughts on how them running wasn’t ever out of a lack of love or care for Christopher, and how much it was likely their marriage not working and worries about how that would affect Christopher.)

So, anyways, the point is that Shannon was there to care and love Christopher when Eddie was not. Eddie was there to care and love Christopher when Shannon was/is not. And in the s4 finale, Eddie points out the fact that Buck was there for Christopher when he was not. This, also tied to the having each other’s backs being used with Eddie and Buck in the beginning of s2 and later with Eddie and Shannon, points out that Buck role in Christopher’s life is heavily parental.

In the living room scene about Hildy and video games, the tactic of Christopher switching from reasoning with Eddie to asking Buck is very much the “ask the other parent” strategy. The look Buck gives to Eddie then (similar to the one he gives in the playdate scene in the s3 Christmas episode) is very easily read as “Eddie is the parent,” but Eddie giving Buck a look back becomes permission for Buck to handle it and that’s not just Buck being Eddie’s best friend, but Buck as someone with a parental/guardian role to Christopher. (Also consider Buck’s dynamic with the other kids of the 118–he’s very much and very strictly young fun (uncle) Buck, no?)

And with Christopher running to Buck when he was upset with Eddie and didn’t know how to express everything he was feeling—a moment when Buck was there for Christopher when Eddie couldn’t be, as well as something along the lines of knowing parents talk but still going to the other parent for something you don’t know how to talk to the other about.

The brief phone call was very parental—there’s no discussion regarding why Christopher would go to Buck or if Buck was okay with it or Eddie apologizing for it or any realm of discussion outside of Christopher is okay and Eddie is on his way. Granted, as a parent, priority just being Christopher being okay since he was missing makes a lot of sense. But there’s this underlying sense of “Of course he’s at Buck’s” as well as the innate trust Eddie is displaying with Buck.

This trust in Buck is also seen with Christopher as Christopher opens up to Buck. And the tone Buck takes & the conversation they have, is also fairly parental. Buck’s empathetic to Christopher and he listens and he gets it—he knows how scary it is to feel like you’re losing people—but he’s also pretty clear that Christopher running off wasn’t okay and that he needs to talk to somebody. And then, Buck says Christopher has him and promises that Christopher isn’t going to lose him.

This is an promise of permanence. Buck can’t technically promise he’ll always be there for Christopher—that’s something that cannot be truly certain. And interestingly, Shannon and Eddie have also promised something vaguely forever towards Christopher as well. Notably, in Shannon’s letter about loving Christopher “even if it’s from a distance” and like everything that went on in the flashbacks of Eddie Begins. So, the scene becomes Christopher and Buck recognizing the importance they have to each other.

Which means: Buck knows he cares for Christopher and Eddie. Eddie knows he cares for Christopher. Eddie and Buck knows Christopher cares for both of them. Buck and Christopher are aware of each other caring for each other. Buck’s always been aware how much Christopher means to Eddie. So what’s left?

Eddie recognizing he cares for Buck and the two of them being aware that they both care for each other. The first of which the s4 finale tackles and the second that becomes alluded to by the end of the hospital scene.

There’s a lot of reasons for why that over the year Eddie never told Buck about changing his will. It’s scary, it’s a lot of responsibility, etc. It means that while Eddie is aware of how much Buck loves and cares about Christopher, the responsibility of being a parent is a whole other thing. And yet, Eddie doesn’t really have many doubts about it. Yes, there’s the small thought that just maybe, just maybe, it’s asking Buck for too much—but as it’s said in the finale, Eddie knew Buck wouldn’t refuse.

So why not tell Buck and why tell Buck then? Because Buck needs to know that Eddie cares about him. That in telling Buck earlier or even going to Buck earlier, could come across to Buck as Eddie measuring something—whether that be how much he cares about Christopher or how much he can trust Buck or something else—it leans heavily on Buck means something to Eddie because he cares about Christopher. And while that’s true, that’s not it.

Eddie says he’s telling Buck now because Buck said he thought it would’ve been better if he was the one that got shot. Because Eddie is well aware of Evan risk-taker, doesn’t think before he does, “it would’ve been better if I was shot” Buckley does majority of what he does and thinks majority of what he thinks because he believes he’s expendable—but he’s wrong. And Eddie is trying to show Buck he’s wrong.

That Buck matters to Eddie. That Eddie trusts no one with Christopher the way he trusts Buck. That if he can’t be there, then there’s no one Eddie wants more than Buck to be there for Christopher. It’s a huge responsibility to say, “If I die, you’ll have to take care of my son,” but it’s also privlege. It’s a trust. It’s saying that I’d trust you with my world if I wasn’t around to care for it. If Buck didn’t matter to Eddie, Eddie couldn’t have possibly changed his will like that. If Buck didn’t matter to Eddie, then Eddie wouldn’t have set forth the very possible risks of upsetting the family he has—that Christopher has. That while it comes from caring about his son and wanting the best for him, considering not just what is best for Christopher but what Eddie believes is best for Christopher is very fueled towards caring for Buck.

Because, note that logically there’s a lot of ways that Eddie and Christopher moving back to Texas would’ve been better for Christopher. There’s a lot of ways that Christopher being taken care of by Eddie’s parents that would’ve been better for Christopher. Because it would mean being surrounded by family. It would mean foregoing many of the real financial struggle single-parenting can have. It would mean 100% security that Christopher would have people to care for him—given Eddie’s risky career. And yet, that’s not what Eddie believed was best for Christopher—or at least it wasn’t what he wanted for Christopher. That Eddie would fight tooth and nail to secure a stable and fulfilling life for Christopher on his own, if it may be, if it meant Christopher being with his father. Because Eddie wasn’t there for a few years, and he regretted that, and wanted to be a father for Christopher now that he had a chance to.

So, where logically, leaving Buck to have custody of Christopher if Eddie dies doesn’t make the most sense because Christopher has extended family in both Texas and LA, it was what Eddie thought was best. It was what Eddie thought was right. Almost like how it’s pretty clear Eddie’s parents didn’t like Shannon, and yes their relationship was rocky, but Eddie stands by the similarities in their running from the family and Eddie doesn’t put up with insults on Shannon’s parenting. That while between the two of them, yeah there were issues and they both can agree they weren’t great parents to Christopher in the times they weren’t there, Eddie also doesn’t let it only fall on Shannon, doesn’t stand for implications that Shannon did anything less than love her son and do better when she came back. Like literally the worst part of both of their parenting comes down to the one instance they left. Yes, not great, but, especially as a tv drama, it’s never to say that they don’t know how to be good parents. Outside of leaving, they’re capable of caring for Christopher and loving him fully. (Again that’s a whole other post)

But the point! Is that Buck loves Christopher. Christopher loves Buck. Buck loves Eddie. Eddie loves Buck. And there is no one in the world Eddie trusts more than Buck to be there for Christopher when he can’t be and to fight for Christopher. Both are also notably traits that both Shannon and Eddie display to each other (taking over parenting when the other isn’t present & overall fighting to be part of their son’s life).

All in all, this is to say that the finale points out how much Buck means to Eddie—something that hasn’t be made completely clear before. And by Buck’s face after Eddie says Buck isnt expendable, it’s a bit of a new thing for Buck to realize, too. That while they’re both well aware how much they care for the each other and how much they care for Christopher—there’s been a lack of realizing how reciprocal that care is between the two of them. (Which like romantic shipper goggles on, that’s part of where Shannon&Eddie fell apart. That while they both saw they loved Christopher and loved each other for that, sometimes there was a lack of loving each other outside of that.)

This coming within the same time of them individually starting (sort of for Eddie) romantic relationships, emphasizes a permanence in each other’s lives (that is explained nicely by @/mistmarauder (link will be in reblog/notes).) It considers the many ways that them being best friends and family is a for-life sort of thing, that isn’t bound or restricted by romance or blood or anything of the sort. They chose each other. They choose each other. And whether or not Buddie becomes canon, Buck-Eddie-Christopher are 100% an established family unit within the 118/firefam and the s4 finale was meant to establish that clearly. That where Buck & Eddie naturally pair off as the 118 does, Buck-Eddie-Christopher form one of the smaller family units that are focused on within the 118/firefam.

And if, you want to take it more romantically, Buck and Eddie realizing how much they mean to each other as something reciprocal (so far on Buck’s end, we still need a clearer moment where Eddie goes “oh! Buck cares” but the “are you hurt?” moment came close) is a great continuation for growing feelings and extended slowburn, friends to lovers Buddie-endgame. Like they’ve established Christopher loves Buck, Eddie loves Buck, Buck loves them, and Buck fulfills the sort of parental role well. Not much more checkboxes to fulfill for canon Buddie excepting navigating feelings, epiphanies, and the romance of it all. It’s not set up to only allow for Buddie, so there’s, as usual and expressed, room for other paths of canon, but it’s good set up should they choose that to be the direction they decide they want to go in.

[starleska]

when Logic twists: an analysis of Logan, cognitive distortions, and a future Side

spoilers ahead! this is a little deep-dive into some foreshadowing in the latest Sanders Sides episode, and what i believe the team are going for in terms of Logan’s arc. just some thoughts i had after the episode - i hope you enjoy, and would love to hear your thoughts too :) tw for discussion around mental illness, trauma, abuse, intrusive thoughts, therapy, etc. 

so, we all know that Thomas does a marvellous job portraying difficulties with mental health. he uses interactions between his Sides to carve out fun stories that dramatise the the internal struggles which come with facing complex situations, including those which arise from your specific history and mental illnesses. the writing behind Sanders Sides often uses consideration of real symptoms and therapeutic techniques in order to impart useful advice to the audience who may be struggling with similar issues. with all of this in mind, i thoroughly believe that a good chunk of you are correct about this new Side (foreshadowed in Logan’s eyes) being Wrath, or some variant of Stress or Anger, and here’s why: 

Logan is the side of Thomas which is constantly needing to pick up the slack. not only does he spend a good deal of his time de-escalating conflict between the other Sides, he is constantly letting his own dreams (and consequently, needs) fall by the wayside to comfort, validate and assist Thomas' overall desires. we even literally see him benched during the court case with Janus - his input is considered unimportant unless he is deemed as the voice of reason. with this understanding, Logan is viewed by the other Sides as a Side who doesn’t need help. He’s Logic, so they believe he always knows what is appropriate, and how to control himself - or even that he doesn’t need to control himself at all.  yet i don’t believe this to be the case, and i think ‘Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts’ foreshadows this in an intriguing way: by utilising the dynamic between Logan and Remus. for context, i am speaking as an individual who suffers from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), a form of PTSD. whilst the Thomas we know in the Sanders Sides universe is of course somewhat sanitised and simplified for the easier imparting of moral lessons, we know that this Thomas suffers from issues with intrusive thoughts, low self-esteem, and high anxiety. whether or not these can all be attributed to an underlying condition is irrelevant, but what is intriguing is whether these symptoms are being exacerbated by traumatic, triggering or otherwise stressful events affecting Thomas’ life - which, based on the direction ‘Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts’ went (using the relationship with Nico as a conduit), i think is true. when you experience a number of traumatic events or an acute amount of stress, your Logic can become faulty. let’s think about Logan not as a super-genius who just knows what is the correct thing to do all of the time: his knowledge comes from a bank of information and experiences, which he constantly uses to provide a ‘rational’ stance next to the more ‘emotional’ traits of each Side. yet Logic relies on evidence in order to build up this ‘rationality’. let’s think about a scenario wherein you are told every day by someone that you are ugly. now, if this occurred later in life, your Logic might have already rationalised that this is not the case - that you are beautiful just as you are, that this person is seeking to hurt you, that they are projecting, etc. your Logic would make those reasonable counterpoints based on past experience. however, if you were told by multiple people throughout your life, every day, that you are ugly - say, from caregivers, or close friends - you would internalise ‘i am ugly’ as part of that internal Logic. in the first scenario, you would be able to accurately evaluate the thought, ‘i am ugly’ as a cognitive distortion. however, in the latter scenario, you may be unable to, because you have this bank of ‘evidence’ that other people perceive this as reality. even if those people are abusers, or have an ulterior motive, the notion will be internalised and become your reality - so your Logic will say, ‘i am ugly, based on all of the evidence.’  i find this interesting because in this latest episode, they specifically had Logan call attention to cognitive distortions. we must remember that Logan is a part of Thomas. this is Thomas attempting to rationalise with himself, to implement mindfulness and CBT techniques which he knows to be successful, because they have worked in the past and he has it on scientific authority that they help with intrusive thoughts. but this leads us to a question: what happens when you experience so many traumatic events, or so much stress, that your Logic turns against you and begins to validate your intrusive thoughts?  imagine for a moment Logan’s awesome rational power - but levied in support of all of Thomas’ deepest fears. in my own experience with CPTSD, a horribly thorny mental trap is the one you fall into when you start down the path of ‘i must be a horrible person, just like they said. i must have deserved everything done to me. look at all of the evidence.’ these thoughts often appear rational due to the intense nature of the sufferer’s pain, particularly if that pain is repeated or prolonged. i believe that Logan’s outburst, paired with Thomas’ fretting over not receiving a call back from Nico, are supposed to represent the building stages of this mental trap. such thoughts are difficult to emerge from, but they become even more difficult to deal with when met with a powerful emotion: Rage. if you have cause to think thoughts of the ‘i am a disgusting human being’ variety thanks to trauma, stress or similar negative events, often there is a good deal of pent-up Rage stored alongside. justifiable Rage, one might say - it certainly feels so in the mind of someone who has suffered so terribly. if one is prone to hating themselves, feeling inadequate or other fertile breeding ground for intrusive thoughts, they may also sometimes snap into the opposite extreme - becoming infuriated by everything that has happened to them, and that they are still needing to deal with yet more pain in the present. this is something i have suffered from personally: when mixed with trauma, it is equal parts emotional dysregulation, and being triggered by something. you might be enRaged by the idea that you were ever ‘passive’ as a victim of something terrible, and want to ‘fight back’. in other words, the emotional state of your Rage will feel justified - and this can cause you to engage in some deeply destructive behaviours. this is why i believe this new Dark Side will be Rage (or an equivalent). Logan’s ‘STOP IGNORING ME!’ speaks of a breaking point brought on by years of fixing other people’s problems, only to receive very little in return. there’s a misconception that people who are ‘good’ at handling stress or fixing other people’s problems (i.e., not showing much of the strain) are simply less stressed as a whole, and therefore should be saddled with yet more stress. Logan’s screaming at Remus, and Remus’ delight at Logan’s response, shows us that Logan is exhausted from all of the hard work that he’s had to do in order to fight Thomas’ intrusive thoughts and cognitive distortions, alongside the massive amount of stress in his life. likewise, by giving into his impulsivity and opening up more opportunities for further stress, Thomas has allowed Logan - and his Logic - to become vulnerable to Remus and intrusive thoughts. Logan may have successfully been able to dispel the intrusive thoughts which had no basis in reality (for instance, a murderer hiding in Thomas’ closet) - but what happens if Thomas is given validation for an intrusive thought? in other words - what if Logan feels he has reason to listen to Remus? i believe this Rage has been simmering within Thomas for a long time, and his debut is going to be explosive. there are lots of ways this debut could be written; some have theorised that Logic and Rage will be a kind of antithesis to the Creativitwins, wherein the two are fused as Thomas has internalised his Rage as having a Logical root. this would have Rage not as a separate side, but a kind of version or alternate mindset for Logan, a bit like how he was when in Virgil’s room. i would not be surprised at all for this episode to include both Remus and Janus - Remus, revelling in the intrusive thoughts which Logan/Rage is now allowing to fly free, and Janus, delighting in Logan/Rage’s validation of destructive behaviours, which may well include Deceit. i could also see Virgil being drawn in by this irresistible combination of Anxiety-fuelling thoughts - intrusive thoughts inspiring inadequacy, Deceit inspiring fear of being found out, and the terror of Logic being twisted to validate every fear Virgil has ever had for Thomas. you know when someone has hurt you really badly, and so in your head you come up with countless (awful, unrealistic, hurtful) ways to ‘get back at them’? that’s what i think the next Sanders Sides episode is going to be like.  of course, like Anxiety, Intrusive Thoughts and Deceit, Rage will have his uses too. i believe, if any of this theorising is correct, that the next Sanders Sides episode will follow a narrative discussing if Rage is justified when one is hurt to a massive extreme, and what Logic can one follow when it backs up every destructive impulse. are you being Logical if you are full of Rage? basically, i think Logan (influenced by a breaking point and giving over to Rage) is going to do everything in his power to be destructive, under the idea that it is the only Logical thing to do. i believe he will fall to the horrific power of cognitive distortions and mental illness, and that the other Sides will need to use their strengths to bring him back. anyway, that’s all my thoughts! my apologies for any inaccuracies, or if anything in here was upsetting. i’d love to hear what you think about this, and your own theories! :D take care 💏

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFP with social anxiety here. I have a therapist but we're focusing on some other issues right now. In the meantime, I was wondering if you had some advice for me. I know you're not a professional (you say that multiple times in your posts) and of course I'm not asking you for a fix for my social anxiety with this - I'm just asking your help to understand what part my cognition could be playing in all of this cause I'm really curious.

Basically, my problem is the time frame right BEFORE I meet someone and, sometimes, immediately after. I don't really have problems socializing in the "middle", if you get what I mean; I'm easily adaptable and once I'm relaxed, once I realize no one is there to attack me, my mind starts getting ideas and I kind of know what to say, even though I'm a bit out of practice and I still have problems convincing other people of my emotions (like, mirroring their emotions so that they know I agree with them and stuff like that; for some reason they never ---believe me when I say it with words).

When I make plans, anyway, and I still haven't met the person, I get this anxiety: like I would rather stay home than go there because it's going to be "boring" and I'm probably going to feel like an idiot or make some sort of social gaffe. I mean, I do kinda get bored after a while anyway, but I also know I tend to overestimate that level of "future boredom" to the point it hurts me to even think about showing up and forcing myself to think of stuff I can-- say.

I get anxious because I start thinking about the way people used to treat me in the past (I've always been the black sheep of my family and/or my social circles and I vividly remember some bad things they used to say to me) and I start worrying that, deep down, they still think of me like that and they're never going to forget that "preconception of my identity" and open their eyes to who I am now, or I guess to who I've always been.

I do realize it doesn't make much sense, this "who I ----really am" part - but I've always had the impression that I was a bit different than the "me" they percieved, maybe because after many, many years of being accused of "selfishness" and "inability to tune in with the emotional atmosphere" I learned that in order not to ruin the "social mood" I should've adapted myself to the group - but the problems is that I suppressed "myself" in the meantime (and with myself I mean, like, my real interests, the things I'd like to talk about for ages without-- having to be interrupted or looked down on because, quote unquote, "ok, cool, but we don't really care").

I understand now that if they don't give me hints of actually caring about the subject I should stop rambling like a fool, but this is making me feel like I have nothing "useful" to offer them and therefore bringing the anxiety I'm struggling with. It makes me scared that I'll never be able to be myself around them because of the "social rules" I want to respect to be accepted, & to make----it worse I'm out of practice like I said before and sometimes it just gets too awkward and I want to get out of there.

I bet I'm doing something wrong because friendships and relationships in general are not supposed to be "boring", am I right? And yet until I don't get distracted by the actual conversation, I feel like it's going to be really boring and uncomfortable and sometimes going through it is SO horrible... most of the time I end up making up some excuse to go home earlier and talk----my internet friends instead (thank God for the internet!!!!). Anyway, thank you if you'll answer! And have a good summer vacation c:

-----------------------

The first thing I notice is that your thought process bears a very striking resemblance to many INFJs who struggle with social anxiety due to poor Fe development (see past posts). As a general rule, if I have good reason to suspect that someone might be mistyped, I won't provide info about function development until they undergo a proper type assessment. Otherwise, they might adopt the wrong method of improvement.

You say you want to understand what part your cognition plays in the social anxiety you experience, so I will mention the aspects of your cognition that seem most significant:

1) No Chill: You overthink things to an extreme, to the point of self-sabotage, perhaps even creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. when expecting the negative actually makes the negative happen). Overthinking means that you're not confronting the real obstacle getting in the way of your socializing. You're constantly trying to envision, imagine, or predict what will happen in a social interaction? WHY? What's the point of that overthinking? It's how you avoid confronting your fear head on.

2) Insecure: Your "predictions" are too often faulty because of being tainted by your underlying insecurities. You're insecure about being attacked, being accused, being misjudged, doing something wrong, being deemed of no value or unworthy of care, not being accepted or acceptable, dying of awkwardness, feeling bored, feeling uncomfortable, and on and on. You've described your thought process in detail. But nowhere do I see you confronting your insecurities, digging deeper into them, in order to understand the root of them. Insecurities are a manifestation of fear.

3) Control: Irrational anxiety is oftentimes about trying to control things that you shouldn't be trying to control or cannot have any control over - it wastes mental energy and leads to futile behavior. As long as you're trying to control social situations and their outcome, you are either trying too hard to make reality match up with your expectations or you're fumbling whenever reality unfolds outside of your expectations - you become rigid and frail. You claim to be "adaptable" but everything you say after that only proves you don't know the meaning of the word. You can't handle unpredictability, hence, the attempt to be in control by trying to "predict" everything. Do your attempts to control actually work? Do they help or hinder you? If they mostly hinder you, then isn't it time to change your strategy? Anxious people often believe that having more knowledge or control is the answer to their fear. But, in your case, the huge cost of being controlling is being incompetent. What's worse, the fear is still right there running the show.

4) Unresolved Trauma: You attribute your troubles to your past. Fair enough. Growing up in a social environment that did not respect and appreciate you is painful, even extremely traumatic for certain personality types. It also makes people too hungry for validation. It's natural that you wouldn't want to feel the pain of it again. However, if that pain remains unexamined and unresolved, you will unconsciously keep seeking to resolve it, which means re-enacting the trauma over and over again throughout life. The proof? Every time you meet someone, your first stance is defensive, because the first thing that comes into your mind is that you don't want to be attacked or invalidated. That old pain is running the whole show because you are deeply afraid of experiencing it again, yet you don't realize that YOU are the one calling it back up and rehashing it. What are you doing to resolve the pain rather than indulge the fear?

5) Self-absorbed: Social anxiety makes people too absorbed in their own thoughts, feelings, hopes, and expectations. They are too preoccupied with what they want, what will happen, how they will be perceived, how they might make a mistake, how they might be attacked, etc. This means they're not truly present with people, so the relationship can't really go far. Driven by fear and insecurity, they are always behind a wall, too difficult to reach.

Even if you happen to meet the right people, do you make it easy for them to befriend you? It seems that you can't open up with ease, you can't go with the flow of the other person when they don't live up to your expectations, you can't keep your emotions in check and misjudge situations, you get bored when it's not about you, you run away instead of making things better. Looking at yourself objectively from the outside, would you want to be friends with someone like that?

If you want to have good friends, you first have to BE a good friend. You want care, love, and validation? We all do. The best way to receive it is to be the first to give it. By being more aware of other people's needs and doing more to show that you care about them, you put them in a better position to care about you and meet your needs in return. This is the difference between actively trying to "make" a friend vs passively wishing for a friend to drop into your lap.

Being a friend isn't about what "value" you have, as though you're some kind of object being appraised and sold. Being a good friend is quite a simple matter of putting out the energy to care and show that you care. When you meet someone who's moved by your care, they will care for you in return. When you meet someone who's unmoved by your care, figure out the real reason why, in order to determine whether you should keep trying or put your energy elsewhere.

You never really know who you'll hit it off with. One of my favorite experiences in life is making a friend in the unlikeliest of places. As an adult, meeting new people is a numbers game. All you can do is keep pushing yourself to meet new people. The more people you meet, the greater the odds of clicking with someone. If you're looking to meet like-minded people, go to places that are likely to have people who share your interests. If you don't hit it off with someone, simply move along. You don't have to be friends with everyone, do you?

Yet, you take every little social interaction so seriously that each step is like life or death - that's what makes socializing tiring, laborious, and unfun. Why not enter into every social interaction with an open mind and an open heart? Why not truly go with the flow, without having to undergo the repetitive ritual of predicting what will happen or fussing over what did happen?

6) Poor Emotional Intelligence: This point is the common thread that runs through the previous points, which is why I keep repeating the word "fear". You have extremely low tolerance for negative feelings and emotions, which means you really need to work on learning how to deal with your emotional life better. Any little sign that things won't turn out the way you want and you start to panic, overthink, blame, or flee. Why do you recoil from yourself and your own feelings and emotions? Why are you so easily shaken by boredom, awkwardness, invalidation, failing, other people's negativity, etc? Why do you react so badly to these things (when others just brush it off and keep going)?

7) Low Self-Awareness: It's not enough to just name the fear ("I'm afraid of____"). Does the label explain why you have this particular fear and not some other fear? It's not enough to blame the past ("It's because of ____"). Why did someone else with a similar past as yours not develop this fear? To get to the root of fear, you have to identify, in exact terms:

what aspect of you has to change to overcome the fear

what aspect of your identity has to "die" (i.e. be let go of) in order to evaporate the fear

Until you answer the fear properly, it won't go away.

[rouiyan]

𝘔𝘠 𝘗𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘐𝘕 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘎𝘖𝘈𝘓 [ 𝘭.𝘥𝘩 ]

⧏ hyuck’s installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐

synopsis: you’ve decided that the boy in ‘66’ is yours.

✧ ice hockey player!hyuck x (fem.) reader x ice hockey player!jeno + best friend!renjun

✧ genres : fluff, minor angst ✧ word count : 2.3k ✧ disclaimer : swearing

✧ author’s note — finally my brain had the gall to pull through with this idea but i'm left with the realization that all my hyuck fics are just him simping for u.

hyuck internally sighs, his head ringing and ankles sore, as the buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the third round. he’s almost elated, even though he’s sure his team hasn’t won, by just the fact that the game is over. hyuck is by no means sick of ice hockey but lately, the mere idea of it drives him into exhaustion. as he turns to expect the disappointed stare of his coach, he’s surprised when he’s met with a halfhearted smirk. weird, the coach should know more than anyone how lazily this game had played out. but then, as an afterthought, he checks the scoreboard and realizes with an oh shit, that they were tied with the opposing team, somehow.

his line of vision is parting from the board when he makes unfortunate eye contact with the person entering the rink. your hair is pulled back with a pale pink scrunchie and your outfit is a certified mess of oversized hoodie and sweat shorts upon white sneakers. he can quite literally feel the heat that is quick to rush to his cheeks, unfailing to hide his flustered state. he knows he looks stupid but he still can't help but stare and ogle at new and blatant eye candy as she crosses the threshold into the cold space. half your figure is  now covered by the wall that separates the stands with the rink though it doesn't matter because he's still equally enamoured by simply your presence. 

"hyuck, why you staring at y/n?"

hyuck can only wince inwardly as he stutters out, "that's- that's y/n?" it seems unfair that renjun's been hoarding such a pretty specimen to himself. "like your best friend, y/n?"

"yeah, what about her?"

"br-bro, you never mentioned that she was pretty."

"hey, don't even think about it. you're the last possible person i'd set her up with. plus, she's with jeno, they went on a date after practice last time, remember?"

there's an underlying disappointment in donghyuck's tone when he's only able to produce a soft, "oh," because frankly he doesn't know why he's so worked up over someone who he's never even met and that's also dating one of his close teammates. amidst his confused trance, he almost fails to notice his coach call for a pre-game huddle.

he ends up tuning out most of it, now distracted by how jeno keeps glancing back at you and making funny faces, you returning them with the! cutest! little expressions he has ever had the pleasure to lay his eyes upon. the rest of the game is played out with enthusiasm on his part, even going so far as scoring in two more points. he's quick to doubt the truth but donghyuck knows that it's whoever that girl is in the front seats that's making him outdo himself.

the game ends and his team wins, claps and cheers at how the game had turned around in their favor, but donghyuck reverts into a sulky demeanor as soon as he's off the rink and into the locker rooms. he notices jeno, being quick and almost feisty with the other boys that are taking too long for his liking in hogging the showers. donghyuck assumes it has something to do with the (gorgeous, wtf) girl that's waiting on him for a date. hardly fair, he thinks, if only he'd met you earlier by chance, he knows he'd definitely have the ability to charm you out of your wits. after all, he's smart, his face is undeniably agreeable, his sense of humor is top notch, and well, what's not to like?

instead of getting closer to you as he so hoped he would, he ends up becoming more familiar with the routine disappointment, and yet delight, at seeing you show up after practices, games, and eventually, team gatherings outside the rink. he's okay with it, he thinks. but it becomes frequent, even, that you show up out of the blue, with the invitation from jeno, and he's starting to lose his cool when it comes to the simplest of interactions. being included in a conversation with you was no problem, as long as he wasn't talking. eye contact? bearable, but not for more than half a second. and the utmost unfortunate luck for the boy if you ever asked him to pass you a fork, or a spoon, or a goddamned napkin. 

he's not so sure anymore, one sullen night, that he could ever make you his, even if he was gifted the chance. when you're not by jeno's side, you're by renjun's, and if that isn't telling enough about how uncomfy you feel around everyone else, he wouldn't know any better. but even laying within the deepest, darkest parts of night, the screen on his phone displaying your more recent instagram post of you on jeno's back, a sun setting beach painted behind the two of you, he finds his heart yearning to know more about you. he knows you're not one to reach out, to make friends unless in a situation that calls for it, so he supposes now is as good as a time as any to shoot his shot, at being friends.

he braves himself for this hefty task. his breaths are ragged and his heart is already hammering a deep crater inside his chest at just the thought of following through with his plan. his fingers are shaking and his pupils are twitting at about the same pace and it appears that none of his bodily functions seem to be within his control anymore. but before he can press the button, his door is thunked wide open with a hard force, the handle even going so far as to lodge itself neatly into the wall that's now been broken through. donghyuck's mouth is hanging ajar but he's barely surprised to see that the culprit of such heinous and costly action is jeno. lee jeno. 

donghyuck makes swift and subtle actions to shove his phone underneath his pillow but when he takes a good look at the boy's face, he realizes that he didn't need to be so discrete in the first place. jeno's eyes are swollen, and not in the way that suggests he got into a big manly manly fight and came out the victor, but in the way that looks as if his three cats died, all at once, and he'd taken it upon himself to cry for each of their mothers respectively. 

the same eyes rove about the room before settling on the bed, his body following suit but moving as if it were part of another entity entirely. the mattress sinks down low with his body weight and he repositions himself so that he's laying down comfortably, his legs still hung over and down the side. donghyuck can hear jeno's ragged breaths, not unlike his own a minute ago, and he wonders what hell of a day the boy had had to render him into this state of numbed consciousness. but before he can even form the question that sits at the edge of his mind, jeno's voice reverberates lowly in the silence of the room.

"she broke up with me," donghyuck blinks purposefully, "something 'bout how she thinks she might like someone else, fucking bastard."

"is she the bastard?" donghyuck tries to disassociate his feelings from his words and come across as...helpful in lifting his friend's mood.

jeno chuckles, "no, hyuck, she's not the bastard. bastard's the guy who has her heart. i'm glad she told me though, she's never been one to hide things."

"yeah, would've been worse if she dragged it on, huh."

"yeah, a lot worse."

donghyuck's voice almost gets caught within the confines of his rationality, "did she tell you who he- the bastard is?" he sighs inwardly, knowing that this was none of his business whatsoever, but the desire to know seeps into his thoughts. 

jeno sighs as well, "no, not really. she said it was some boy on the team though, might even be you now that i think about it."

"oh," is, yet again, the only thing he is able to produce. 

the new revelations seem to give life to donghyuck. the mere idea that there's a possibility of interest in his direction is something that he thrives off of. mundane tasks like washing the dishes are now enjoyable hobbies, no actual brain work, head empty, thoughts of you exclusively. when it comes to practice, you're no longer there, your presence reduced to hushed talk between the boys and renjun, asking him if you really are the reason jeno's been so out of it, letting easy pucks into the goal left and right. hyuck is relieved, though, that he gets a break, a step back to rethink his crazed emotions. maybe it really was just simple infatuation. maybe it was just because he hadn't gotten laid in awhile. or even just the fact that he's been hanging out with the boys too much and that the first girl he set his eyes on in days ultimately became the protagonist to his daydreams. hell, he is especially glad that you decided it wasn't worth showing your face at the rink for the time being for jeno would've been downright devastated.

that whole paragraph of feelings is bluntly disregarded and thrown off track as he enters the corner cafe a few blocks down from his house and is met with you waving your hand excitedly at him and motioning for him to sit with you. he doesn't hesitate, of course, but makes sure he takes slow and deliberate steps to the window booth you're sitting at just to make sure he at least gets in four deep breaths before he is inevitably subjected to not breathing in your presence.

"hyuck, it's been awhile, i hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable or anything," your face morphs into an expression of realization as it hits you that calling him over was entirely to satisfy your own hopes and dreams. the boy sitting across from you, smiling lightly, might as well be feigning a pleasant disposition, grossed out by the girl that dumped his friend just because she thought she was interested in someone else. by the end of this thought, your voice is reduced to a timid pitch, "you can leave if you want, it's all good."

"actually, i think that it'd be more uncomfortable for you if i left." he feels his heart constrict at the sight and the knowledge that his words enlightened your composure. you take it upon yourself to start some light conversation, not wanting to disclose the reason you'd called him over in the first place just yet. your heart picks up pace, rivaling hyuck's own, and you can't help but think of the sheer likeliness of the luck you'd just encountered. just as you decided to brave up for once and not take advantage of your best friend setting you up on one too many blind dates that were just, too artificial for you, the boy whom you had taken a liking for had shown up before your eyes, breezing through those glass doors as if it were a sign for you to just take charge. 

"and i was telling him-"

"are you free friday?"

"what? oh, what?!"

"i'm asking if you're free friday."

"i- i mean yeah, i have practice at three, but i'm free afterwards."

"let's grab dinner together then."

"oh shoot, okay, like with the boys? 'cause i could ask them if they're down."

"no, i was hoping it could be just us. like a date."

"so, hold the fuck up, you're asking me out on a date?"

"yeah, why…? am i not allowed to do that? is going out on a date with me gonna break bro code or something?"

"n- no, nothing like that. it's just...you can't possibly be serious."

"oh, trust me, i'm dead serious."

"...holy shit, i'm in."

donghyuck fucks up big time at practice, his cheeks are way too hot and he's sweating gallons per second. his jaw is clenching and unclenching in hopes that the action might make him a little more attentive while on ice but instead, he finds his eyes roving over to your figure in the stands far more often than he'd like to admit. he thinks, no he hopes, that jeno is okay with the fact that you're not here for him but rather the 'boy on the team' he'd unknowingly referred to a few months back. hyuck knows, though, that renjun is definitely not okay with it, the aforementioned boy throwing just as many glares at hyuck as hyuck's many glances towards you.

practice is over long after he hoped it would be but you're patient and supportive nonetheless. his eyes crinkle and his smile widens as you sidle into him for warmth in the cool air of the ice rink. hyuck solves this by removing the hoodie from his own, accustomed body, and gently tugs it over your shivering one. he thinks he handles the wave of adoration that consumes him pretty well, even able to ease the corners of his lips down a tad bit. "you're cute," you pull at his cheeks and suddenly things are not so easy to handle. 

donghyuck does eventually get used to all the sneaky shit you pull just to get his ears red and shy smile blossoming, but he knows he'll never get used to the sight of you in the stands, adorning his spare 66 jersey with everything else fading, and fading further away until it's just you and him, and him and you.

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — i hope you find someone that holds you in such high esteem as hyuck does in this fic, i'm sure you deserve it <3

[informationsorter]

Can DID be caused by therapists? Can DID be caused by seeing it online and in popular media? What about if you know someone who has it - can that make you think you have it?

This post is going to be looking at the article "Iatrogenic and Sociocognitive Models of DID". It has some cool brain scan pics, but a lot of medical jargon which may be intimidating or confusing.

TLDR; My personal interpretation of this article is that there is no basis for assuming that all DID is "made up" by a patient being convinced they have it by either a therapist or social environments.

Below I have quoted a few key points from the article, and have done my best to explain them a little more.

Firstly let's start with some definitions:

Iatrogenic = When a therapist or mental health professional accidentally or purposefully convinces a patient that they have a specific issue/disorder. Tumbly user misachips has offered this extra clarification on the definition of Iatrogenic: “In terms of DID and its myth, iatrogenic often implies the condition is pushed onto the patient by a therapist indeed, but the real definition means that the condition was caused because of medical intervention or treatment! so for example, side symptoms of medication are iatrogenic, hairloss due to chemo is iatrogenic, muscle atrophy after a coma too, etc.” Sociocognitive = When a person begins to believe they have a disorder, or starts experiencing symptoms of a disorder, after being exposed to the disorder/symptoms in a social context. Traumagenic = When a disorder is caused by the patient having experienced trauma. In DID this specifically means when DID is caused by long term or repeated childhood trauma.

"Iatrogenic dissociative identity disorder is DID that results from suggestion from or coercion by a mental health professional."

"Likewise, sociocognitive conditions are those that are caused by internalizing symptoms seen in the media, in friends, in family members, online, or in other social settings."

"While there are cases of both iatrogenic and sociocognitive DID, most cases of DID are thought to be traumagenic, or the result of long term or repeated childhood trauma."

- This article seems to be addressing whether DID is caused by trauma, social influences, or by mental health professionals pushing a disorder on a patient.

It states that all of the above may happen, but it goes on to focus on traumagenic DID. *Note: if you are worried that your disorder may be caused by outside influence such as a therapist or social media, please talk to a (different) therapist about these fears. It's ok to be worried about this, particularly if you are highly suggestible, but you should try to identify whether it is a valid fear or whether it is just denial. Regardless, being open with a trusted and experienced therapist will help you.*

"DID patients have smaller hippocampal and amygdalar glands, something seen in those who were abused as children and have posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)"

"... DID cannot be said to be the same as PTSD. Individuals with DID and co-morbid PTSD have larger putamen and pallidum volumes compared to individuals with only PTSD with these volumes being positively correlated with severity of dissociative symptoms."

- While DID patients and child abuse survivors both exhibit the same physiological differences within the brain, DID is not simply "MEGA PTSD!!!".

*Disclaimer*: I don't actually know what putamen and pallidum volumes are, or what they are related to. But the article makes it clear that a patient who has both DID and PTSD will show one result, and a patient who only has PTSD will show a different result.

"There is also evidence that DID is not iatrogenic. Some of the symptoms of DID might become visible only after diagnosis or treatment, but many are present before this point."

"As well, appropriate DID treatment is unlikely to cause additional or worsened dissociative symptoms as it measurably leads to patient improvement. It lowers self-injurious behaviors, leads to fewer hospitalizations, and increases adaptive functioning."

- It’s not unusual for patients to only start noticing or start presenting some symptoms after diagnosis/treatment. I personally believe this is mainly due to increased awareness of the symptoms, and the realisation that certain things are actually signs of abnormal mental health or an abnormal childhood. - You may be scared to think that you have DID, scared that things are going to change or get worse. But the studies here show that there is no reason to believe that that is true. In fact it states very clearly that finding out you have DID and then beginning treatment for it with a good therapist, will make your life better, not worse.

So even if it feels like you're getting worse, it is not likely to be true. If you are feeling overwhelmed, or as though you are taking steps backwards instead of forwards, talk to your therapist about these feelings. Your therapist should work with you to make sure you're only taking on as much as you can handle. (This is true with all therapy, not just for DID.)

"More evidence that DID is neither iatrogenic nor sociocognitive lies in the blend of underlying symptoms that the disorder contains that one would not learn about through the media, the vast majority of professionals, or casual online resources. Before the publication of the study "A New Model of Dissociative Identity Disorder" by Paul F. Dell in 2006, many of these symptoms were unknown, not associated with DID, or not clinically associated with DID, yet the study finds that a strong majority of individuals with DID experience all of the symptoms tested."

- This part talks about how if DID were sociocognitive (created by exposure to social media etc), people would only present with the most well known symptoms. But there are many symptoms that people with DID experience which are not addressed in social media or in entertainment (such as movies). It's basically asking: How could so many different people who don't know each other, have these same symptoms (which aren't shown online or in movies etc) if those symptoms weren't real?

"Finally, it should be noted that some cases of DID are not traumagenic, iatrogenic, or sociocognitive but pseudogenic (factitious or malingered). This final type of "DID" is addressed here. That pseudogenic DID can be distinguished from genuine DID also supports that DID is caused by more than outside influences as it shows that iatrogenic or sociocognitive influences are not enough for an individual to sufficiently feign DID. "

- The article ends by mentioning people who purposefully fake DID. They believe that this further proves that DID is not caused by outside influences (therapist, social media, movies, etc), because someone without DID, who is genuinely trying to fake DID using these sources as a "guide" to faking it, can not fake it well enough. They link another article, which I will link here too. But please note that I have not read this article about "pseudogenic DID".

Now here are the cool bits about the brain scans:

"In none of these studies are individuals without DID able to match the differences between trauma oriented and non-trauma oriented parts even if the control individuals are highly fantasy prone."

- This shows that there is a clear difference between people who have DID, and people who are pretending to have DID. Note: This isn't saying that everyone claiming to have DID should undergo a brain scan to prove it, it is simply stating that they used people without DID who were pretending to have DID in order to see whether the reactions in the brains were the same, or whether there was a fundamental difference between DID and fantasy/acting.

"The same study finds that individuals with DID are not more fantasy prone than the general population, a finding that refutes the idea that DID is caused by fantasy proneness or suggestibility (Reinders, Willemsen, Vos, Boer, & Nijenhuis, 2012).8 "

- Though it is a common theory that one of the indicators that a child may develop DID/OSDD is an increased imagination, this study did not find that to be true.

All quotes from: https://did-research.org/controversy/iatrogenic.html

[gagmebucky]

hiiii i wrote this awhile ago but took it down because i was 👉🏼👈🏼 embarrassed about it (because i do not have the skill to pull off peter parker) and sorta still am but everyone’s been so nice to me about it i thought the best way to repay the kindness by posting it for those who did like it 😅 (originally inspired by spider man 2 with andrew garfield but loosely set in the 2018 issue of the amazing spider-man.)

in which the guys are making fun of peter and accidentally see a video of him fucking you. (includes avenger!peter x girlfriend!you, peter’s pov, voyeur!steve and voyeur!bucky, a sex tape featuring d/s dynamics, bondage, praise kink, exhibitionism, unprotected sex.) 

do not repost.

—

Despite being twenty-one years old; a proper adult who lives with his high school sweetheart, a photographer doubling as a seven-year veteran vigilante in the dangers of New York, Peter Parker is still considered as a super-powered amateur to his seasoned peers. 

Nonetheless, given his success in countless battles in the state, country, world and even galaxy-wide, he more than qualifies to hold the title of Avenger; it’s official now. A laid-back induction ceremony and his very own identity card: a sturdy rectangle, shiny with full clearance and all. Yet, as an official member, his teammates still treat him like he’s that same goofy, out-of-his-depths sixteen year old.

To be fair, yes, his style of heroism isn’t the most serious. He favors levity in the face of danger, a cheeky flare with smart quips and an infuriating grin. Even after taking a beating from the worst of foes, his demeanor never wavers because in the end, he wins. The villains are slayed and the people are saved, even comforted by the boyishly confident way he works. 

But beyond that persona, he has grown into a skilled warrior. On that note, he wants to be regarded as such—at least, to a certain extent. The jokes and teasing, poking fun at his age or the shenanigans he gets himself into, don’t bother him. No, his playful wit handles it with relative ease, and he’s a good sport about it. The only thing that he’d want to see change is some recognition that he isn’t a naïve kid anymore and is fully capable of taking charge when needed.

With his recent acceptance into the gifted pantheon, he’s intent on making that known. The jesting can continue but he wants it to be with an understanding of his capabilities. Luckily, a perfect opportunity has presented itself to showcase his abilities: a training session. 

He’s late. And yes, he knows that’s probably not a good impression to make.

In his own defense, it isn’t technically his fault. He forgot that you, his personal alarm clock (amongst other things), left early this morning because you volunteered to help his aunt move. Four years of mornings and nights, he’s gotten used to—and prefers—your languorous wake-up call.

Without your reminder, he regains consciousness fifteen minutes after the scheduled time and ends up scrambling to the compound. In a flurry, he throws on his suit—unknowingly backwards, he realizes later—trips at least three times over his own footing before he finally springs out of the balcony with webbed bursts.

When he reaches his destination, Captain America and the Winter Soldier are unimpressed; mid-simulation, it powers down. Both super-soldiers whirl around to face him, fixing raised eyebrows at his disheveled arrival.

He adjusts his now front-facing suit and shuffles forward into the space with as much confidence as an interrupter can have. “H - hey, guys,” Peter greets sheepishly and manages what he hopes is a charming smile, absentmindedly fidgeting with his phone. “Lookin’ good for a couple of geezers.” 

Unfortunately, Steve Rogers is not charmed or disillusioned from the tardiness. “You’re late, Parker.” His arms fold, and he shakes his head when punctuating his disapproval with an echoing, “Again.” 

Thankfully, to his right, more relaxed and cool, Bucky Barnes steps up. “C’mon, Stevie. Y’can’t be that surprised,” he chimes in matter of factly, contrasting against his friend with amusement sparkling in his blue eyes. “What’d you expect with Parker?” He gestures at the younger superhero. “Kid’s gonna be late to his own wedding.”

(Beside the point, but worth noting, he will not be late to meeting you at the altar. That is, of course, if you accept when he pops the question. Which is going to happen relatively soon, considering he has the ring in his nightstand drawer.)

The consult seems to relax him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right and—Peter, you—seriously, man?!” Steve sputters the last bit when he glanced over to see him blatantly check the notification that’s vibrated in his hand (on the device that is ruled to be stowed away during training). “Now the phone?!” 

Even though he shouldn’t, being on thin ice with Cap and all (pun not intended), Peter’s gaze flickers down to see your contact name appear on the screen, and he can’t resist. While Bucky guffaws a laugh at his audacity, he’s swiping up to pull up your text thread. 

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:37AM: spider boyyyyy you’ll never guess what i found in a box labeled ‘peter’s junk’ ;;;)

peter, 10:37AM: those magazines are NOT mine and i don’t know how they got there.

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: not quite but close, naughty boy

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: for a man who depends on keeping secrets and a penchant for home movies, you might ought to keep a lock on your phone unless you want someone to see me like this...

> you 😛❤️🥰, 10:38AM: (video attached)

Immediately, he recognizes the pornographic thumbnail. One glance, and he’s remembering the first couple of times you guys explored the exhibitionism side of things. It was at the end of his freshman year of college and taped on a phone he thought he had lost. But he must've forgotten it at his aunt’s house, and she tossed it in the box until you came along. 

Although there’s been plenty more made, he recalls that one being a shared favorite, his especially. When long-distance duty calls, it was his go-to media. The angles, your face and body beneath the lights, the sounds it caught, you once asked if he considered switching to cinematography instead of photographer

Subconsciously, his teeth run over his bottom lip, feeling that blazing spark of desire igniting in the pit of his gut, partially at the memory and partially at what’ll happen once you guys can re-watch it together; his thumbs start typing away with that message.

“Peter!” Steve’s exasperated voice snaps, but to no avail—the real gall of the youngster, or the effect of you. His weight shifts toward his best friend, and he nudges him with his elbow. “Kids these days!” The hundred-something year old’s gaze cocks a brow back over. “Is that why you were late? Blowing off training to text your girlfriend?”

The text delivers with an audible bloop. Finally, his concentration gives, and he can look up, though his expression is clueless from the last minute. “Huh?” His brain registers what he missed, and he winces. “Sorry, Cap. My bad.”

Bucky chuckles. “Give him a break, Steve,” he faux comes to his defense, a teasing quality underlying his tone. “He’s young and in love. It’s not his fault he’s pussy-whipped.” He cracks him an antagonizing grin as Peter rolls his eyes. “He can’t go an hour without sending those little weird pictures with heart eyes, or she might not know he’s thinking about her.”

“As if you know anything about romance, old man,” he fires back and presses past them with squared shoulders, correcting him quite seriously: “And they’re called emojis, by the way. But that’s not what I was doing, if you want to know so bad.”

The brunette tilts his head thoughtfully, and small hackles arise for reasons he doesn’t understand, or pay attention to. “You know, I do want to know really badly,” Bucky decides and poses a question to his left, “Wouldn’t you, too, Steve? Aren’t you curious what his girlfriend sent that was so much more important than training?”

The blond mimics his actions and clicks his tongue. “Yeah, I am.” 

Peter’s eyebrows pinch while his skin tingles and the hair on the back of his neck stands straight up. “What—” Before his senses process it, one of the super-soldiers plucks his phone out of his hands and darts back beside his best friend. His jaw drops as he tries to follow after him. “Bucky, you asshole—”

“Some spidey senses, huh?” The Winter Soldier lifts it high over his head, utilizing his six-foot stature against his five-ten like elementary school bullies do and older siblings to their juniors. “Haven’t ‘cha heard about sharing with the class?” He laughs and practically stiff-arms him to squint up at the screen. “Aw, he can’t wait to see her. What’s it been, more than two hours since you two saw each other last?” 

Conceding to the height difference, Peter stops his physical efforts and diverts it to someone reasonable. “Cap, you gonna help me out here?” he addresses the entertained onlooker in the most friendly voice he can manage. 

“The kid’s got separate anxiety not just from his girlfriend but phone too, Buck,” Steve drawls with a lopsided curve of his lips. He side-steps Peter to stand next to Bucky, and for a second, he thinks he’s on his side despite the tease, but he simply adds a stern, “So be careful. You don’t want to break it, or Parker will have a fit.”

Peter crosses his arms and scowls. “Ha, ha,” he retorts dryly, only somewhat amused by their banter. He tilts his head up at them, and the duo look thoroughly pleased with themselves. “You know, you guys are kind of dicks.”

“No, we’re your mentors, kid,” Steve corrects with a wink and rests his arm on his friend’s shoulder. “This is a lesson. No phones—” He jabs his thumb back in reference to the device’s unlocked screen: “—when you’re supposed to be training.” 

“Yeah,” Bucky chimes in upon glancing up from his phone. “And a little advice, women don’t like clinginess. Try being a little more stern and see how that works for you. If you’re able to manage that. But I won’t hold it against ya if you can’t.”

“Uh-huh,” Peter patronizes with a bob of his head, biting back a response pointing out the hundred-something year old’s inexperience. Instead, he focuses on the electronic readily loaded up with some private content. With that, he decides to do the rational and mature thing and ask nicely. “Noted. So, uh, can I have my phone back now?” 

To his shock, Bucky merely flashes a smirk and his thumb scrolls half-heartedly over the thread. Thereafter, he leans toward Steve and raises his cell for him to see. “Oh, look, it’s a video,” he teases. “What could Y/N send that would take priority of training?” 

There’s an unspoken let’s see then a metal finger taps the play button. Before Peter can think, much less react, Captain American and the Winter Soldier are watching how he effortlessly renders his pretty little girlfriend into a cute nonsensical yet eager mess— 

In his point-of-view shot, the ratio holds in portrait view in a bid to capture every bit of you. Above you, the camera focuses on you and your beautifully debauched state beneath warm lighting where it’s unalienable that the camera was made for you. 

Your eyes are dilated brightly, desperate with desire as your lashes flutter up at him. A sheen coats your features and glistens like glitter at the highest points of your face while the shape of your face is framed by your stretched arms. 

Your wrists are bound over your head, splotched with expertly sprayed strong, white webs. The mesh sticks them together in a criss-cross, comfortable but nearly impossible to break out of, fixed in place atop his headboard. The tautness tugs a mild strain on your figure so your breasts are jutting out like an offering, and it’s obvious he’s taken advantage of it. Darkened marks adorn your glowing complexion, peppered across your décolletage with imprints of his teeth; including your nipples, sucked swollen and tender. 

The angle trails down until it reveals the sight of him mercilessly pounding inside of you. His better-than-average girth is sliding in and out of your tight channel; slicked in shared translucent essence, creaming around the base, your inner walls visibly clinging to his cock with every backward stroke. His hand splays on your mound, using his thumb to abuse your engorged clit. He easily keeps the sensitive nub pinned under his control despite your wildly twisting hips. 

Like the display, the soundtrack is equally obscene. Loud, your stuffed depths gush and squelch as skin slaps rhythmically. Your breathy, wanton moans overshadow both, drawn out whimpers, almost nonsensical other than the syllable of his name. A melody of neediness, you sound so fucking pretty, (depraved, like a whore, you once told him during your little film marathon with a sly smile), and for him specifically.

The frame pans upward and confirms you look just as good. A perfect mess, unhinged by the skilled ministrations of your boyfriend. Passion beads on your forehead like reflections off of a diamond. Panting, your lips are plumped from kissing parted with mewls of pleasure. 

“P - please—I need to—can I - I please—” You’re begging like the sweet little thing you are, incoherent babbling the result of his excessive edging. Of course, you know better than to give into the sensations ravaging you; instead you ignore your visceral desire and ask him for your release. “Peter, please!” 

A deep chuckle vibrates behind the camera as his big hand slides into view, trailing over your jiggling tits to the slope of your throat. “Maybe,” he says breathily and grasps the line of your jaw between his fingers. “Open your mouth first, babe.” 

No more preamble necessary, you follow his direction, your pink tongue flat over your Cupid’s bow. Immediately, a long string of his saliva drips into view and onto your taste buds; the vulgar act is accepted with a swallow and a quivering moan of, “T - thank you.” 

“Good girl,” he praises huskily, and the voiced approval has you visibly shivering. “Alright, then, pretty girl. Make it good for me, and c’mon—”

Before your otherworldly reckoning washes over you and his teammates can watch your bliss immortalized in film, Peter snatches his property back. 

Not much force is necessary as Bucky’s grip has been stunned loose. A dark expression permeates on young hero’s face but not because of embarrassment; if he was still nineteen or eighteen, he would’ve been mortified that his titular superiors caught a depraved glimpse of his sex life, on both his and your behalf. Rather than, there’s just a flit of annoyance when he folds his arms.

“Shit,” Bucky is the first to speak, exhaling the swear raggedly. His blue pupils have widened in obvious attraction, dilated dark, blinking rapidly as if it’ll help calm him down from the clip of you, his innocent seeming girlfriend, all ruined and begging. “Parker, fuck, I - I didn’t know you got down like that.” 

There’s a swell in his chest, pride beating steadily while he remains reticent-faced. He prefers you keep your bedroom activities secluded there. Yeah, he likes to be in control and you like to be controlled but it’s only in a sexual nature. Yet, their reactions—stunned, embarrassed and viscerally affected—surges smug satisfaction he’s never known before through his veins. 

Even the prestigious Captain America is bothered, though he may try to hide it. He clears his throat, a flustered pink coloring his cheeks. “Peter, uh,” he says, barely maintaining the confidence to look him in the eye after witnessing his girlfriend like that. “We - we shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like that.” 

“Uh-huh,” is Peter’s response, a hint of a smirk curling on one side of his lips. “Why don’t you guys call me after you’re finished with your cold showers, and we can actually train. Until then, I’m gonna go to my girl who’s more than eager to handle mine.” He pauses. “Maybe if you guys ask nice enough, I might let her show you how well I’ve trained her.”

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

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i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he��s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

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this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

[kingofthewilderwest]

What's amatonormativity??

I’d encourage you to go to Google or check out tumblr tags and posts on amatonormativity to learn more!

Amatonormativity is the internalized cultural mindset that romance is default and central. It especially conceives of romance as the single most important relationship in someone’s life, to the point it should be focused upon and sought out above any other bond. It treats romance like the universal ultimate solution to any of our emotional bond problems (loneliness, intimacy, trust, support, longevity of relationships, etc.). Amatonormativity is heavily ingrained in many societies, like the mindset I find in people in the United States.

Of course romance isn’t a bad life experience! For many people, it can bring great joy. When people criticize amatonormativity, people aren’t criticizing that romance can be a great thing in someone’s life. The problem with amatonormativity is that it treats romance as the ULTIMATE thing, the ONE solution to our need for emotional fulfillment.

It’s important to understand that amatonormativity has profound negative side effects, whether you’re allo or aro, whether you’re queer or straight, and whatever gender you are. Society takes a lot of things for granted regarding romance and this can stunt our happiness. It stunts our ability to bond with other people around us or find satisfaction within our lives.

Amatonormativity underlies emotionally stunting assumptions like..... (disclaimer... I will often use language defaulting to the Western cishet perspective, because that’s the mindset of my broader society... I myself am an aroace enby and have more nuanced understandings of gender, gender expression, gender roles, sexual attraction and identity, romantic attraction and identity, etc.)

Automatically assuming that just because a man talks to a woman, the interaction MUST be romantic in nature (this of course intertwines with heteronormativity -- many of my points will intertwine with heteronormativity). It assumes there’s no such thing as “just friends” between people of “opposite” genders. This in turn can result in us losing opportunities to bond to, understand, or properly respect... literally half the human population.  

Treating friendships as secondary. Treating friendships as temporary. Treating friendships as more replaceable than romance. Treating friendships as less “deep” and important to our time than romance, even a romance you started two days ago with someone you met last week. By doing this, we lose the chance to grow deeper with someone near us. It limits the potential by which we can bond with another human soul and find happiness.  

The belief we are unlovable and not worth anything because we can’t find a romantic partner. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen people disregard their own worth because of this, and it makes me deeply sad. The truth is that our worth is not at all tied to whether we have a romantic partner. We can be so deeply loved and cherished in all sorts of relationships. Of course it’s still valid if you feel single blues because you want a romantic partner, but tying the concept into “I am worthless OR I’m dating” clearly is an emotionally harmful concept. It can result in everything down to hooking up in a relationship that you aren’t ready for or don’t like as much as you pretend you do.  

The belief that we are utterly alone without a romantic partner. I notice this often ties into the amatonormative belief that we can only get good physical touch, trust, emotional and physical intimacy, etc. through a romantic partner. I feel this mindset is especially pronounced in cishet men, since USA culture treats masculinity as lacking outwardly expressed vulnerability, and ergo you might not be getting your emotional needs met through your platonic and familial relations. The one “accepted” way of getting your emotional needs met comes through The Girlfriend / Wife. This belief prevents us from reaching out and finding support through other people in our lives. We can find love and comfort in friends. We can confide about our emotional struggles and find relational intimacy (great trust!) through familial and platonic bonds. Hugs, snuggling, other acts of physical affection are what humans need, and don’t need to be relegated to One Person Only. Plus... if we assume that our emotional struggles should be fulfilled by One Person Only... that puts enormous pressure on that partner to provide for everything. No one’s that strong. We need support networks, not one designated “save me” individual. It’s pure unhealthiness to mount burdens only on one person, and bottle yourself up otherwise. I often see this fallacy pop up when people start a new romantic relationship. You might barely know the person, and yet you’re trying to rely on them for everything, and you’re trying to be the person they’ll rely on for everything. You dive deep into the expectations before you really know how to handle it, and in the process become psychologically overwhelmed because of the Huge Responsibilities this role seems to entail. Being in a romance doesn’t automatically mean you’ve reached peak intimacy! Note: it’s not to say that romance can’t be a major avenue of security. Of course it’s a great way to fulfill intimacy, trust, physical needs, etc. Of course it can become a bond full of loyalty. But romance is actually like any other relationship... a familial relation can be weak or it can be strong, a platonic relation can be weak or it can be strong, and a romantic bond can be weak or it can be strong. The fallacy is that we are treating romance as *THE* way to fulfill all these diverse emotional problems, socking it onto one individual when it might be beyond their single load to bear, and then not seeking out help from the other sources that are around us.  

The belief that the only person you can live with is a romantic partner. Living with non-romantic roommates (aka living with friends) is seen as an undesirable inconvenience and something you only do temporarily because you financially have to. It’s seen as an immature youthful thing rather than something an established adult might do. Living with friends long-term out of chosen happiness is not something that crosses the mind of many people... it’s assumed you’ll either move out to live on your own, or marry and go and live with your partner.  

The belief that adulthood progresses through a very specific sequence of events. You go to school. You leave on your own. You marry. You get a house. You have kids. There’s a reason it’s common for family to nag you  “When are you going to get married? When are you going to get married?” Because clearly you haven’t made an important step of adulthood, an important step in life, unless you get married. I’ve noticed that for many of my friends, even those who are comfortable with the life choice to not get married... they express they don’t feel “as adult” as their married peers. And many people in society won’t treat them “as adult.”  

Harmful beliefs downplaying spousal abuse, like those people who try to argue “you can’t rape your wife / husband / spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend / significant enby / significant dumbass. That’s not what rape means.” Because a sexual-romance is the GOOD thing, right?  

AND MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE!!!

Some people of course have a better handle on their relationships than others. Some people are better at ignoring what society considers most important or most default. Some of what I’ve said above is when these beliefs are treated to their utmost, rather than what some people will do (lots of people have close “besties”, for instance). But amatonormativity+heteronormativity creeps in everywhere in society.

It’s the reason why, in most Hollywood movies, the protagonist is a man and the main actress is his romantic partner. It’s the reason why these two characters might start a steamy romance even before they know each other well; who needs to write ACTUAL understanding between the two characters when they obviously are going to fall in love and fuck?

It’s the reason why advertisements are so sex-oriented (reminder note: society usually doesn’t distinguish sexual and romantic bonds). Advertisements try to make their product appealing by associating it to romance, the Ultimate Desirable. Here’s how to make you look hot so you can attract someone in a romantic-sexual relationship, because THAT’S the ultimate goal of life, right?

It’s embedded in linguistic expressions. If someone asks if you’re dating, you respond, “No, she’s only a friend.” Or. “No. We’re just friends.” Friendship is being treated as lesser. Breakups are treated as inevitably bad even if you choose to be friends afterwards -- because clearly being friends is “taking a step back”, right? Even the word “break up” -- oooo that’s bad sounding! (There have been multiple times I’ve ended romantic relationships where I’ve turned the phraseology on the head and told them it’s a step forward to better, happier, healthier, stronger bonds... and they had to think it through, because amatonormative society forgets this can be the case.) “Friendzoning” is seen as a crime in part because you’re not going to be as intimate with someone as you want to be... despite the fact that having a non-romantic and/or non-sexual relationship with someone could be JUST as meaningful and deep!

I’ve FREQUENTLY seen church study groups that offer only these options: young adult small groups, women’s small groups, men’s small groups, and married couple’s small groups. Because clearly the only “mixed” gender situations out there are when you’re too young to be married, or you’re married.

And frankly, I think it’s one of the reasons why fandom likes to play hook-up with all the characters. Shipping is SO much fun! I love shipping! This is not a comment against the act of shipping! But if everyone needs a romantic partner to be happy...... mmmmm.... yeah let’s rethink what the underlying assumption is here. It’s that default assumption that “romance=happiness, romance=ultimate goal, romance=happily ever after, friendship=lesser.” If two characters in a show don’t canonically hook up, fans can get angry... even if the relationship showed on screen is one with a lot of trust, loyalty, happiness, and intimacy.

I am aroace. I don’t know how many other friends in the aro and/or ace community have talked about how lonely and unhappy they feel, because all their friends around them are looking for sex and romance and ergo don’t treat their friendship deep enough for my friends to get their emotional needs met. It’s easy to feel left out in a world where everyone is looking for romance, and ergo you are never the bond they want to pursue.

There are many ways in which we can achieve close bonds with people. This is why I think it’s important to talk about amatonormativity. Again, I’m SO happy when my friends are happy in a good romance. That’s a good thing!!! But it’s so psychologically destructive, whether you’re aro or allo, to live in a world where romance is considered The One And Only Key to relational happiness.  

Talking about amatonormativity has the goal of helping us be aware about how society idolizes romance and/or sex. The goal is to help everyone know we have many options by which to pursue good, deep bonds in a variety of ways. The goal is to make sure we don’t treat romance as the only acceptable way to live. The goal is finding ways for humans to get our needs fulfilled healthily and widespreadly. The goal is to be more comfortable with and more accepting of people who don’t follow The One Righteous Path Of Required Romance, so that we can all be more comfortable with ourselves and the relations around us -- including being comfortable with our romances!

[peblezq]

For the writer ask!

6 - What’s your favorite method to get past writer’s block?

10 - What’s the weirdest/coolest research you’ve done for a fic?

Thanks!

6- I am telling you, as someone who used to only be a panser, ever since I started outlining my book, I have never had any issues with writer's block. When I learned that there is no set in stone way to outline, I just figured out a method that worked for my scatterbrain. Basically, make a basic major plot point outline so I never lose track of the main story. Little plot points are kind of a free for all. I add them to a more detailed document so I don't forget about them, but for the most part I add them as I write.

Another thing that is super important; I used to have issues with writing because I had a scene from a different part of my book in my head. I also learned that you do not have to write your books in order. If you can't stop thinking about a twist in the middle of your book, or a scene at the end of your book, write it when you think of it in another document and label it accordingly so you don't lose it! [ie. "(Character's) death scene" or "The part where (Character) discovers (Character's biggest secret)" etc.]

If you post updates as you write, people will have to wait longer with this method, but I promise it is so efficient in the long run. Not writing a scene you're thinking about because it doesnt happen yet is quite literally you blocking your own creativity. Obviously don't completly ignore the chapter you're working on, but also don't ignore those bouts of inspiration.

Even if you'll "never end up using the scene because maybe the story changed a bit" - you'll still need that scene for something. Maybe you'll just alter it to fit into your newer story or maybe you'll use the idea in another book. Regardless, just let yourself write what you wanna write in the moment and that is progress to completing a book. I promise you it works cause I finished writing 2 novels over 90k words with that method. (All the books I wrote before took too long to finish or I just never finished them cause I didn't know where to go since I never outlined.)

Your outline isn't set in stone. You can stray a bit from it, but always update it accordingly to what you change because having that guideline to where you are going with your story is a fucking lifesaver when you get writer's block. You just look at your outline (aka your plot safety net) and you suddenly know what to write.

And if you still have writer's block one day for whatever reason, then use that day to edit/revise what you have already written so far. I feel it is too daunting to leave any and all editing to the very end of writing. I think it's good to edit as you progress through. Do not edit as you are actually writing new stuff cause that will fuck up your flow. Edit when you aren't actually writing. (It at least works for me.)

Anyways, that is how I avoid writer's block. Find a method that works for you to eliminate that issue. Just ask yourself what you actually have issues with and find solutions to those problems.

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10- the coolest/weirdest research I did for a fic might be (this is just the first thing that comes to mind) looking up medical practices in the late 18th century and reading about heart diseases and how they were handled even back in the late 1700s. Turns out that even in the 1770s, some doctors discovered a correlation with too much alcohol consumption, bad fatty foods, and smoking could lead to a heart condition that could lead to what we now call a heart attack. It kinda blew my mind that they knew all of this so fucking long ago. It wasn't commonly known and people probably didn't give a shit about it. Even now, people will still consume things that destroy their hearts even with the knowledge out there, so perhaps there is another underlying mental issue like depression also involved that they would not have known about back then. Still neat information, tho.

Thanks for the ask!

[maxwell-grant]

Thoughts on the Shadow's Doppelganger, Lamont Cranston

The funny thing about Cranston in the original stories is that, yeah, one of the most famous scenes across all Shadow media is the “Lamont Cranston Talks to Himself” chapter in The Shadow Laughs, where we learn that The Shadow is not Lamont Cranston, but has usurped his identity, and now shows up at his bedside looking like him, talking like him, knowing more about his own life than he himself does, and ordering him to leave town, effectively blackmailing him into letting him use his face. It’s a very iconic scene that exemplifies a lot of what makes The Shadow unique as a character, and you can imagine why so many adaptations have gone with the idea of Cranston being either a hapless stooge bullied into submission, or an actual villain, because that whole scene is very much a horror movie scenario. 

Thing is, none of them seem to remember how Cranston and The Shadow’s relationship developed past this. I’ll post this excerpt from Atoms of Death:

"Good morning, Cranston," came a quiet tone from the foot of the bed.

"Good morning, yourself," returned Cranston, rubbing his eyes without noticing the visitor.

"You should say: Good morning, myself," chuckled The Shadow, dryly.

Cranston was pulling down the sleeves of his pajama jacket. He sat bolt upright, staring. Then a slow smile showed on his lips; one that was almost a replica of The Shadow's.

"So it's you," remarked Cranston, sleepily. "Well, I knew that last night. It was about time we crossed paths again. Well, old man, you landed me in for plenty this trip."

Cranston shoved bedclothes aside and perched on the edge of the bed. He found cigarettes on the telephone table; The Shadow supplied a flame from a lighter before Cranston could ignite a match. The millionaire noted that The Shadow's lighter bore the initials "L. C." 

"You handle every detail, don't you?" questioned Cranston in admiration. “Jove! I remember the first time I met you. In this very room. You dropped cloak and hat and left me looking at my own face as plainly as if I had seen it in a mirror. Just as it is today."

"And I advised you," recalled The Shadow, in Cranston's own tone, "to take a trip abroad, while I used your identity. You were a bit exasperated at first."

"I must admit that I was. I threatened to have you arrested, as an impostor, until you proved that you knew more about my affairs than I did. I really believe that if it had come to a showdown, I would have been proven the impostor and you the genuine Lamont Cranston. Jove!"

"Jove," repeated The Shadow, quietly, "You have acquired that expression recently, Cranston. I shall remember it for future reference. You have a penchant for acquiring anglicisms during your sojourns in British colonies. Jove!"

"Bounder and blighter," laughed Cranston. "Don't forget those. I still use them occasionally."

Or this excerpt from The Hydra, which is an incredible book where the chemistry between the two really shines:

Lamont Cranston woke up and wondered why his head still whirled. It took him about half a minute to learn that the motion came from the fact he was riding in his limousine. Someone must have put him back in the limousine and Stanley was driving him home. 

He didn't have to guess who had helped him on his way, for at that moment Cranston heard a low-toned laugh beside him. He turned to see the black-cloaked figure of The Shadow.

"What did you hit me with?" asked Cranston. "All four of your automatics?"

"I'm only carrying a pair tonight," replied The Shadow

Look at these two dorks, just palling around and getting into shenanigans and The Shadow outright joking around Cranston, like they are just two old chums having a laugh at the weirdness of their lives. The “real” Cranston didn’t show up very often in the original stories, especially in the last stories when Lamont Cranston essentially became the real identity of The Shadow, but when he did, part of what makes him stand out as his own character is that he’s funny. Gibson gets a lot of mileage out of Cranston as this guy who is completely nonchalant and chill about all the weird shit that happens to him, even in The Hydra after he kills a man with an elephant gun, he’s still more or less the same, he largely just walks out of it with a newfound realization. 

Relieving Cranston of the elephant gun, The Shadow steered his friend into the closet. Hauling the big weapon with him, The Shadow opened the door to meet and dismiss arriving servants who had dashed upstairs when they felt the house quake. 

"Whenever I see this gun," began Cranston, coming from the closet, "I'll remember what I did with it -" 

“Quite right," interposed The Shadow approvingly. "What you did to Mance will make amends for any elephants you may have killed. Too bad Mance didn't bring along a few more Hydra Heads.”

Slowly, understanding dawned on Cranston. He'd never compared his big-game hunts with The Shadow's quests for men of crime. He felt that The Shadow's cause was justified, but it had seemed outside the field of sport. It still was, but Cranston, now that he had dealt with a murderer who deserved to die, was realizing that his game hunts were more deserving of rebuke.

His encounters with The Shadow gradually changed Cranston from a useless millionaire wasting his resources and talents on idle pursuits, to...still largely a useless millionaire, except his resources and talents are no longer wasted and he’s gradually grown into a useful ally and friend to The Shadow. The Shadow tends to have that effect on people who work by his side and even Cranston, the guy whose main role in his organization is to just stay away and be useless somewhere else, can’t help but change a little into a better person when he appears. 

There’s an interesting article written by Bob Sampson called “The Third Shadow” which refers to the Bruce Elliot run of The Shadow Magazine, which is incredibly maligned by fans and not without reason, the stories all largely suck and the Shadow bears little resemblance to his former self, instead mostly feeling like a diet take on the radio show Lamont, more of an average detective. The theory Sampson puts out is that, during this period, it was actually Lamont Cranston who became active as The Shadow while Allard was busy overseas, and I definitely like this theory. It makes sense specially considering The Hydra sets up for Cranston to become more pro-active and serious:

While not the towering master-mind of Allard, he does become the next best thing: A post-war sleuth. He even indulges in wearing the cloak and slouch hat from time to time (to varying degrees of effectiveness), while trying to laugh like Allard (also to varying degrees of effectiveness) as if to fulfill that forbidden fantasy until he finally gets it out of his system. After all, The Shadow pretended to be him, why not the other way around?

As Bob Sampson put it: “It is always Cranston who explains all and takes the credit”. 

Probably very cathartic for Lamont, who for the last 18 years was relegated to being a distant supporting player in his own life. Cranston is still in contact with the agents however. He even receives "assignments" from Burbank. 

This entire arrangement could only be with The Shadow's tacit approval. Let us remember, Cranston was not merely some insipid fop. He certainly had done his own share of exploring and was indeed a hunter. He could handle a variety of firearms, was familiar with exotic peoples and their customs, knew how to stalk dangerous animals through the jungle and veldt, but he was not, nor ever claimed to be, a master secret-agent and soldier.

I think it is fitting that the writing is completely different for this period as well. Not the enigmatic journalistic style of Allards exploits, but the witty, modern champagne fizz of Cranston's odyssey in a Post-War world. He feels a full range of emotions. In the Gibson stories, The Shadow is at arms length. In the Elliott stories, Cranston is sitting right next to you on a train or an airplane or roadster. 

It’s also interesting to consider how Lamont Cranston has basically become the true name of The Shadow in pop culture. Often times it’s the name people use when they specifically want to reference The Shadow, the supposed “Ghost of Gay Street” hauntings in Gibson’s former apartment took the form of Lamont Cranston, and even in the stories, more and more people became aware of it as the years went by (which also helps reinforce the idea that the “real” Cranston eventually took to acting as a fill-in for The Shadow, to draw attention away from the real Shadow’s operations), and Gibson even mentioned a few times that Cranston was The Shadow’s “favorite” identity along with Arnaud. Which is kinda fascinating to think about and does hint at some weird underlying aspects of The Shadow’s psyche, that his favorite identity is one not his own.

And at last, there’s these passages from The Whispering Eyes, a book that does not mention Allard once, and the very last Shadow novel: 

From beneath the seat he was taking his black garb. Cloaked and hatted as he stepped from the cab, Cranston merged immediately with the darkness. He had become The Shadow. 

Cranston's switch to his other self could well be attributed to a hypnotic mood. The mental lapses produced through hypnosis were the sort that would often cause a subject to revert to habit. Now, as The Shadow, Cranston was still in what might be termed a haphazard mood. He was skirting through darkness, pausing, changing direction, behaving generally as though avoiding something that did not exist.

Lang had flung away his glasses; his eyes now showed the shining, hypnotic force that the lenses normally softened. He recognized the eyes that met his above a leveled gun muzzle.

The Shadow's eyes, yet strangely Cranston's, for this was one time The Shadow did not care to disguise them.

Which begs the question: Did Cranston succeed in fully becoming The Shadow? Or did The Shadow succeed in fully becoming Cranston?

[hetacon]

New Years, Same Fears

Word Count: 920

Pairings: Platonic LAMP, Prinxiety, Logicality

Warning: Swearing, slight discussion about depression and medication for it

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Summary: With the new year finally coming around, Virgil is once again hit with the weirdness of it all. Maybe that’s just his depression talking though... Yeah, probably.

(Stay to the end of this to see my thoughts on the story! The taglist will be reblogged when this posts until I know what’s been going on!)

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Virgil sighed as he looked out at the window of Logan and Roman’s apartment, sitting on the small ledge.

“Hey, what’s up?” Roman asked from where he and Patton were playing cards, his divided attention allowing for Patton to slap his hand down with a whoop.

“Aside from you letting me win over Ro, sighing isn’t a good thing, kiddo!” Patton hummed, his attention now on Virgil too.

Virgil looked over to the two of them and shrugged. “Eh, it’s not anything bad or whatever, new year is going to feel weird is all.”

“How so?” Patton asked, resting his cheek on his hand.

“It’s just the same kind of thing every year, it just always has a weird vibe to it. Part of me is glad about it but the other part of me is so thrown off by the fact that another year has come by. It’s just strange is all,” Virgil answered with a shrug but he turned to Roman and Patton with a slight smile. “I’m just glad I have great friends like you guys, it makes it not feel as scary most of the time, you know?”

Patton was hugging him within moments, squealing. “Awwwwww, Virgil, that’s so sweet! I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you!!”

“I love you too Pat,” Virgil chuckled, hugging him back tightly.

“You know I love you too emo, you’re stuck with yours truly for a looooooong while,” Roman added in to which Virgil laughed, leaning in when Roman came over to kiss him.

“Hey hey, no kissing until the countdown you two, nasty!” Patton teased to which Virgil stuck out his tongue. Patton just booped his nose gently before pulling the three of them together in a hug again.

The lock of the apartment door clicked open and Logan stepped inside with some bags in hand as he kicked the door closed with his foot, snowflakes in his hair and his glasses fogged up. “So sorry everyone, I forgot to go to the store yesterday and Roman barely managed to remind me. Hopefully he’s been good company.”

“For your information, I am always good company Specs, and I am for one offended that you would think otherwise!” Roman pouted before laughing, kissing Virgil’s hair.

Patton went over to help Logan with the bags, taking them to the kitchen as the two talked, Patton tilting his head up to kiss Logan.

“Hello darling,” Logan said with a smile as the two got to work preparing everything.

“Hey Pat, what was that about kissing again?” Virgil called to the kitchen to which Patton’s arm appeared, flipping Virgil off. Virgil just laughed loudly.

Patton and Roman were continuing with their card game later on in the evening when Logan handed a mug of tea to Virgil, sitting next to him. “How are you doing lately?” Logan asked him.

Virgil took a sip of his tea and shrugged. “Depressed honestly but figuring it out, you know? Think that might be why I’m in a funk,” he muttered, watching the snowflakes outside.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Logan supplied in a gentle tone.

Virgil nodded slightly. “It’s just that everything feels like nothing and nothing feels like everything and I’m not sure if it’s because of things going on in my life or because of my own head. I can’t tell which part is doing this and if I can fix it or not.” He let out a sigh. “I really want to be excited while I’m here with you guys and everything but I dunno, I just can’t right now, not completely at least.”

“I understand that, it’s difficult to feel much joy from things like this, even if you are genuinely excited to get to the new year,” Logan said in his most comforting tone. “Though if I may, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.” He took a few folded up papers out of his shirt pocket and unfolded them, holding them out in front of Virgil.

“What is it?” Virgil took a hold of the papers, looking them over.

“I did some research for you about psychiatrists and antidepressants. I figured that you’ve been a bit too busy to handle it so I thought it would be beneficial to aid where I could. It’s up to you though, you aren’t going to be forced to take any actions you don’t deem necessary.” Logan smiled softly, patting Virgil’s knee. “But I wanted to do it for you if need be.”

Virgil chuckled, giving Logan a bittersweet smile. “I know I always say that I don’t get why you hang around me when there’s so much going on with me but thank you, I’m glad you’re in my life Logan.”

“You’re welcome, I take it the gesture is appreciated?”

“Yeah, this actually saves me a shit ton of time,” Virgil laughed. “Was thinking about meds yesterday actually, I was going to bring it up tomorrow.”

“Well I’m glad to know that we’re on the same wavelength,” Logan said.

Virgil didn’t feel great, he rarely ever did, but he felt alright as he and Roman kissed at midnight, Logan and Patton pulling them into a hug afterwards. He had some pretty great friends to start the new year with, that he knew.

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Holidays and anything out of the ordinary have always felt weird for me. I love holidays like Christmas and whatnot but for some reason, I’ve struggled a lot the past few years with truly enjoying them. There’s this underlying feeling that the world is somehow coming to an end once it’s over that always seems to sneak up on me. I don’t know how to explain it but that’s why I kind of wrote this story. I’m not sure where I’m going with my life but hopefully I can figure it out, that’s what I hope for anyone reading this honestly