#its My post and i get to pick the subplot

[sonofcelluloid]

Sonofcelluloid’s Top 30(ish) Favorite Devil’s Minion Fics:

In no particular order, this list only includes finished works that are relatively canon compliant (I’ll be making separate lists for AUs and fics in progress.) Anything in italics is a direct quote from the fic or its description. Please remember to check tags and ratings before reading.

You’ll Always Be My Favorite Ghost by lestatslestits: Tales of Armand’s turbo autism as Daniel gets to know and love him. This one is so sweet and had me laughing my ass off.

outcast of all this night by gaypiratedivorce: Modern Devil’s Minion fic of all time. Rewired my brain. "I mean, I don't know how you guys did it in Renaissance Italy, but most people this century get to at least second base before wearing each other's blood around our necks." There’s a part 2: my aid against the boredom of the eternal where they finally hook up. And honestly every fic from this author is a banger.

I’d Break the Back of Love for You by kurow: 70s Armandaniel. A rescue and a sick fic wrapped in one, and I’m a sucker for both.

Like That by GrayGiantess: Fluffy 70s Armandaniel. A tooth achingly sweet first kiss fic, featuring Twinkie’s. Again, every fic from this author is a banger.

The Beginning is the End is the Beginning by trinityofone: Daniel sees a wild vision during his turning. “I deserve this,” Armand said. His hold on Daniel’s throat was almost a caress. “After what I’ve been through, I deserve something of my own, don’t I?”

make a home from a rented house by sleepdeprivedsurgeon: Daniel realizes Armand has never really had a room of his own before. Armand slowly builds his own safe place. Super fluffy autistic Armand stuff. Domestic vampire polycule bonus.

the spiral is unspooling by reedroad: Armand helps Daniel recover their Devil’s Minion years via old video tapes they filmed of their meetings. Absolutely heart wrenching and wonderful and charming and had some of the most jaw dropping plot twists I’ve ever experienced in a DM fic. The last chapter absolutely floored me and rewired my brain forever. May be my #1 fav.

forever’s gonna start tonight by trinityofone: Hate fucking with a happy ending:) Sort of a soulmate fic as well. “I fucking hate you. And you hate me. So something is making us do this.” “I don’t hate you,” Armand pants. “You mean nothing to me. Don't stop.”

care and keeping by katplanet: A surprisingly tender guide for how to step on your boyfriend. Bonus Danlou. Smutty and fluffy and freakayyy. GREAT dialogue. Very funny as well.

hell is: by cannibalenthusiast: Another turning fic. Post Dubai blowout, Armand and Daniel bond over martinis, breakups, and a Survivor marathon. They bang about it. Great ending.

5 Times Daniel Molloy Imagined Killing Marius de Romanus (+1 Time He Actually Did It) by platoapproved: This one is genuinely a masterpiece. Probably my #2 fav. Lots of protective Daniel, some really cool and original vampire-lore stuff, Louis and Lestat being beautifully supportive along with other new side characters. Armand finally gets to process his abuse among allies. A really touching Lestat subplot as well. HEAVY trigger warnings for all Marius related assaults, but obviously we get to watch him die horribly to make up for it:) Absolute banger of an ending, totally sticks the landing.

lesson three: parasitic infections by kanxie: 70s Armandaniel. Armand picks out Alice as a third and does NOT like the way the night progresses. What unfolds is some of the CRAZIEST psychosexual (emphasis on psycho) gremlin Armand shit I’ve ever seen in a fic. So perfectly Armand. Short and sweet, sad ending.

open up your skull, i’ll be there by Anonymous: First time fic. Armand dipped after Daniel’s turning and when he shows up again Daniel ain’t letting him leave. “Your blood is my blood,” Daniel says, and Armand does not flinch. “It’s your blood getting me hard. Your blood that’s pumping through me.” Armand licks his lips, and still doesn’t move. “Please. Armand, Armand, please.” “Beg for it.” “I am begging for it, this is what begging looks like —”

Disintegration by lilacaisle: Daniel goes crazy when Armand locks him in the apartment and tries to burn himself with a cigarette so it will feel like being bitten🙈 Armand does BDSM about it. This one’s actually book Armandaniel but I didn’t notice it until like the third read because it fits show Armandaniel so perfectly.

baby, cry baby by Babeblox: Daniel seeks out Lestat for an interview after Louis’ attack, but he’s being haunted by someone else. Canon divergence. This one legit made me cry. Dark but very sweet. Wild ending.

get in my mind (do you see my heart?) by Marenke: 70s Armandaniel, Armand character study. Armand is pretty sure he and Daniel have never had a problem a little brainwashing couldn’t fix. SICK AND TWISTEDDDDD (affectionate).

The Importance of Being Armand by Siria: Daniel and Armand talk about the power of naming. "If you can imagine a different set of possibilities for me as a vampire, ever think of what you could come up with for yourself, if you put your mind to it?"

Bumpin' That (Bumpin' That Bumpin' That Bumpin' That) by TheAngelsAreWatching: Daniel and Lestat are fuck buddies. They are on a tour bus a la Word Tour. They do coke. They try to bang. And then Armand stops time and walks in. Armandaniel fuck crazy style. Pure filth (affectionate).

Run, Arun! by TheNightColors: Autistic Armand, character study. Daniel learns it was considered a “crime” to turn Armand due to his “mental retardation”. Armand explains what it was like to be an autistic child in the sixteenth century, and an autistic adult for 500 years after. Heavy stuff. Trigger warning for all things relating to Amadeo’s past and for the internalized ableism instilled in Armand by his upbringing.

a haunting just for company by valkyrisms: Post Dubai blowout but pre Daniel’s turning, Armand crashes on Daniel’s couch. A modern Devil’s Minion fic for the ages. These weirdos love each other so bad. Some really memorable tender scenes. This one’s a fan favorite. “You’re fond of me.” “You’re a nuisance.”

The Company of Monsters by ruiqi: A full deconstruction of Marius’ abuse from Armand’s pov as he struggles to keep old patterns from repeating with Daniel. Overall I think this is the most realistic depiction of what it would be like for Armand to come to terms with his abuse in the modern day, especially regarding Daniel’s involvement. He’s totally out of his depth but wants so badly to help. This one made me SOB. It’s honestly a really tough read, but beautifully done. “You said, last night, that he wanted an angel,” says Daniel, “but no one's an angel, Armand. That wasn't fair to you. Besides, who would want an angel when they could have you?” “No,” Armand says. “No, you can’t say that.” “You can’t fucking stop me,” says Daniel. And it isn’t tagged, but this one is incredible autistic Armand representation. Probably my #3 fav.

Smart Boy by heliza24: Just a really good 70s Devil’s Minion era explanation of the events leading up to Armand’s decision to take Daniel’s memories away. Quite a bit of infidelity stuff in this one. Also delves a lot into Daniel’s family history, and an emotional affair is established between them long before they actually hook up. Very emotional. Heartbreaking last chapter.

We Dared Eternity and Won by faerywhimsy: A 70s Devil’s Minion era telling of the four good years they had before everything imploded. Louis has somewhat of a distant obsession with Daniel in this and so is very involved in Armand’s decisions regarding him. Favorite scene is when Armand saves Daniel from a hotel fire and the near loss devastates him because it makes him realize he’s in love with Daniel.

reprise. by SheOfBadIdeas: In Dubai, Daniel demands Armand show him the memories he stole. Armand relays the tale of their romance, but Daniel is begrudged to give Armand the satisfaction of giving in to it. That doesn’t last long;)

Waiting by bandedbulbussnarfblat: 70s fic. Daniel is living with Alice and hasn’t seen Armand in two months. He gets a call from Armand, who just got a proposal from Marius asking him to be his companion again. “I told him I couldn't go back. That I was waiting for you.” Daniel sucks in a sharp breath. Fuck. Armand's voice sounds almost wet, strained and raspy. He finally sounds as vulnerable as Daniel always wanted to see him be. “Should I keep waiting for you, Daniel?” (It’s just banger after banger with this author too.)

The Monster of my Memories by GrayGiantess: In Dubai, Daniel has just remembered his relationship with Armand and he’s PISSED. Armand gladly reminds him he’s waited 40 years for Daniel, he doesn’t mind waiting a little while more, and he’s not so sure Daniel has the same conviction🙈 Phenomenal subby old man Daniel material.

Delicate Machinery by Lilac Tinsel: An in depth look at the 70s love affair that neither man ever saw coming, in all its complicated glory. Really dives into the psychological consequences of Armand’s constant rejections. Amazing take on what the actual memory alteration would look like. The part that broke me: “I’m sorry for– for all of it. I didn’t realize how much I took. I just… wanted to stop thinking for a moment.” Armand blinks slowly and his eyebrows knit together. His voice is small but steady. “Did you take the drugs so you wouldn’t feel me anymore?”

You Taste Like Suburbia by CannibalGender: This is the only unfinished work I’m putting on this list because it’s so fucking good as is and gave me chills when I read it. It’s the 80s, Armand, famously normal about his partners' families, haunts the Molloys. I absolutely love Alice in this. Paints such an intriguing picture of what these years might have looked like from an “outside” pov.

Two parter I’ll chew you up and I’ll spit you out and Oh dear diary, I met a boy by weathermood: Loumandaniel in Dubai, set just after the season 1 finale. Asks, what if Daniel doesn’t want to remember? An exploration of identity while Louis and Armand try to persuade Daniel to allow his memories of their past relationship to be restored. Explores dreams and memories beautifully and with delightful humor. Classic unhinged Armand.

138 lbs, for the metrically challenged by hummingbeeoOo: Fluffy and funny. After Daniel’s turning and subsequent hunting down of his maker, they’re shacked up and happier than ever, but a little something from the interview has kept nagging at Daniel. Or: there is exactly zero way a beanpole like Armand weighed a measly 62.5 kilograms a day in his adult life. The end of this fic had me kicking my feet and giggling. This whole series is great tbh.

This list is my pride and joy. Thank you to the anon who asked for recs<3 Feel free to share your own favorites in the reblogs:)

[italian-lit-tournament]

Italian literature tournament - Third round.

Propaganda in support of the authors is accepted, you can write it both in the tag if reblog the poll (explaining maybe that is propaganda and you want to see posted) or in the comments. Every few days it will be recollected and posted here under the cut.

First, propaganda for Ludovico Ariosto, then for Guido Cavalcanti. The quantity of material will be colossal, so just scroll down for more.

For the Ludovico Ariosto stans:

by @larmegliamori

The opposing party has brought on the big guns, I see: us Ariosto girlies, gays and they must bare our teeth and ambitions.

So, here's my two cent on why you should vote Ludovico Ariosto!

Extreme relatability: Deeply entrenched into the politics of his time (as the firstborn of ten children, of which one was disabled and other five were women), but at the same time just wanting to stay home to live of his poetry? Dare I say iconic. Perfect representation of us literature kids.

He actually managed to marry his muse, Alessandra Benucci, and did it respectfully!

Working various jobs for patron(s) he didn't particularly like? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Not to mention his most widely known work, the poem "Orlando Furioso" (The rage of Roland), has all the goos stuff us modern audiences would like! It features:

A wide, diverse cast, spanning from Ireland to India, stretching probably to the (by then) newly discovered Americas;

Fantasy elements: faeries, sorcerers, giants, orcs, the first modern iteration of the hippogryph and even a fantastical voyage to the Moon!

Citations and references galore: from Virgil to Ovid, from old chansons de geste to Boccaccio!

Proto-feminism and gender studies: Ariosto's female characters, although often very feminine, are actively involved in their story arcs. The poem also features two warrior women, Bradamante and Marfisa, the former of which is the protagonist of her own subplot. Said subplot heavily relies on gender, may it be appearances or not. And let's not forget the famous tirade at beginning of the fifth canto, where the author berates femicide! If you're willing to open your heart to his writing, Ludovico Ariosto reveals himself to be a compelling, layered, modern author, and yet there's a levity to his writing that works like a balm. Vote for Ludovico Ariosto (even if only for the memes)!

I'd also like to add that Ariosto's Orlando Furioso, in the 70s, got a theatrical AND television adaptation that was too campy for its own good.

It featured, amongst other things:

- 1500s inspired costuming (it sure was... A choice but I'm not complaining)

- Mechanic horses (that literally ran on rails) and hippogryph:

- Olympia of Holland, one of the most tragic characters in all the poem, as a vamp (slay):

(Posing with Orlando/Roland in on the left, with her lover Bireno on the right)

- Astolfo literally ENTERING INTO A HOLE TO GET TO THE MOON:

The television adaptation was partly shot in the famous Baths of Caracalla, in Rome. If you want to witness this masterpiece yourself, it's on YouTube! In two parts.

Remember to always stan Zio Ludo, and vote for him! ✨

Hello everyone! For today's Ariosto Propaganda Piece, I'd like to talk about the Satire.

Those seven pieces written in terzina dantesca (because our boy Ludo knew how to pick his role models) are an interesting insight about early 1500s society and Ariosto's character and private life. They all start from an actual event in his life and enlarge towards society as a whole, often with a critical eye towards it.

The first one, destined to his brother Alessandro and a friend, starts these absolutely iconic lines:

[Quick translation: Ruggiero, if you make me so ungrateful in the eyes of your descendants, and it bears me no advantage to have sung your worth and your mighty deeds, why should I stay here, since I don't know how to cut huns on a fork, nor how to hunt games with hawks or dogs?]

A bit of context: Ariosto's first patron, bishop Ippolito d'Este, had to move from Italy to Hungary and wanted all his court to follow him. Ariosto refused because of health and family matters, and he was threatened with the loss of all the benefits he had previously granted him. Note that Ariosto was basically a kind of personal secretary to Ippolito, carrying out different important missions for him, and even risked his life a couple times to carry them out. So it's understandable he feels disappointed at his patron's reaction... and that's why, in this more "private" writings, he complains with Ippolito's ancestor, the hero Ruggiero he had extensively wrote about in his main poem.

Honestly, a genius move. Not something you see often in poetry, is it? Another reason why you need to vote for this man ;)

For the Guido Cavalcanti stans:

Propaganda in favor of Guido Cavalcanti by @eresia-catara

May I add further propaganda for Guido: He's a noble, he disdains aristocrats, he was Florence's number one Server of Cunt, he was the city's faggot, he was heretical, he went on a random pilgrimage but interrupted it and managed to be buried in a church anyway, he had an archenemy who sent some men to murder him on said pilgrimage, he came back and tried to murder him back in plain daylight, he gave zero fucks about politics, he got exiled because he was considered a menace for the city. He SAW DANTE's poetical talent, encouraged it, shaped it, and through him the whole of italian literature. Think about it. Also they became besties until they evolved to a tormented psychosexual haunting dynamic (see break-up poem) where Dante himself actually exiled him. In the 13th century his poetry anticipates so many of the literary themes of the XXth century, going from fragmentation of the self (his is basically vivisection and dispersion of his parts), to dissociation from one's own mind and body, lack of identity, irony, desecration, his poetry is full of schizophrenic-like hallucinations, reading them is truly a trip, and yet his language is profoundly meoldic and sweet. And there's also gender-fuckery. and theater, of course, because his poems develop like a scene from a theater (adding layers to the dissociation). So really he has it all guys.

The thing is, Ariosto feels very contemporary but Guido is the og relativist and unreliable narrator. His poetry offers NO truth whatsoever you only have a sequence of schizophrenic hallucinations and what he describes only seems like it's real but who knows, the narrator is dead, how can he even speak or if he's alive he's not because he has dissociated himself from his body and is only coldly contemplating his own murder. He's not reliable because he has lost his reason, his soul has crubled into pieces and each piece has fled his body. Also he hears voices, and feels a sadistic presence in his mind in the form of a woman watching him die. This man was too ahead of his time, he was too dramatic, too eccentric, but also too acute and sensible, he must have looked deranged and we love him for it. and deserves to be voted!

Guido Cavalcanti propaganda by @girldante

GUIDO CAVALCANTI PROPAGANDA ABBIAMO:

LA DISSOCIAZIONE SCHIZOFRENICA:

IL COMICO, IL SIMPATICO BURLONE, IL MEMATORE ANTE LITTERAM:

IL MACABRO, IL GORE, I SINTOMI™

IL BREAKUP TOSSICO PASSIVO AGGRESSIVO CON DANTE

in conclusione

you can find my old propaganda here, but listen, while i do respect zio ludo's rizz, a vote for guido cavalcanti is a vote for gender roles reversal, death-life liminality, medieval atheism, antisocial freaks obsessed with philosphy who imagine their pens are talking to people about their owner's suffering (what is wrong with him), eye carving enjoyers (what the FUCK is wrong with him), sons who are sacrifical lambs, people who have long swinging necks like geese (allegedly???), and gay breakups involving dante alighieri. and also, well, I don't recall ariosto wearing a miku binder. twice.

in conclusion

Guido Cavalcanti propaganda by @apis-vergilii

Here’s my Guido propaganda: @girldante and @eresia-catara have already covered the poetry reasons, and I’m here to get metatextual about the whole thing.

Simply put, this is the Weird Niche Hellsite, and Guido is the Weird Niche Hellcandidate.

We live in an era of the cynical enshittification of the internet. In a sickened sea of dying social platforms, AI slop, and every last pixel being for sale, THIS is still the webbed site where a bunch of strangers can rediscover a lesser-known medieval poet in all his angsty, gothy glory, abandon all pretense of ironic detachment or mature indifference and go absolutely apeshit over his life and work, breathlessly and deliriously creating everything from exhaustively researched essays with footnotes, to anime fan art and inexplicable photoshops. This is the place where Goncharov happened. This is the place where we stole the president’s shoelaces. This is the place where a heretical medieval Tuscan stilnovista got himself a full-on Fandom, and we are all so much the better/worse for it.

So vote for the spirit of the old internet in all its dorky glory. Vote for the joy of learning things for fun and not for school. Vote for the bizarre Florentine emo goth. A vote for Guido Cavalcanti…is a vote for all of us.

if all else fails to convince you, well, i don't recall ariosto having an historical fantasy saga centered around him where he gains clairvoyance and gets increasingly more and more manipulated by the manifestation of his generational trauma. also he gets out of his body to have epic fights with spiritual creatures.

this should be a testimony to how his cuntserving echoed through time

Propaganda by @girldante and @eresia-catara that I guess should be read together:

well. seeing as we're on topic. Was Ariosto ever described as having

les bras d'Hercule avec des mains de nymphe by a 19th century french story? It is not made up guys, he served androgynous cunt so hard it didn't go unnoticed. Guido simply suggests fluidity.

Like. Arms like Hercules and hands like a nymph.

And Lorenzo il Magnifico also Fangirled over him in a letter to the Federico of Aragon

he (Lorenzo il Magnifico!!) was simply begging him to read his poems, and that's because they are absolutely eatable in all their irreverent, elegant, goth glory.

Finally, Boccaccio wrote about him in his Decameron (VI,9) and, truly, can you say no to him:

this little ballerina? look at how sad he looks!

would you look at that! Guido Cavalcanti propaganda is publicly sponsored by thee Lorenzo De' Medici himself!!!

as for the last bit, Boccaccio's novella from Decameron, where Guido calls out a bunch of idiots through a riddle that said idiots will take a bunch of time to understand and then proceeds to abandon them jumping over a grave, was cited by thee Italo Calvino in his Lezioni Americane as an example of his conception of lightness, as in the ability to lift oneself over the heaviness of the world.

In conclusion: Guido Cavalcanti is literally your fave's fave.

[roseadleyn]

something that really bothers me is how much jude is done dirty by the fandom.

like let me lay out jude for yall. jude is a ruthless warrior, a girl who saw her parents murdered in front of her when she was only seven years old. she's not angry and bitter, she's very calculating and doesn't just want to survive, she wants a place for herself. in some kind of way, jude can be called a courtier — she's not as subtle as one and not like cardan or lady asha, but she's cunning and will do anything for power. she is morally grey, and she's actually very intelligent too. ten out of ten, this is how fmcs are written.

but the fandom has never done jude any justice. like they say she just kills her way through every problem — she doesn't. she's extremely intelligent and was raised on strategy. jude ran cardan's court for a full year while juggling spycraft duties and missed on no marks. she does kill out of panic ( valerian, balekin ), but a) she was being attacked and b) even with valerian, she made a plan to hide it and get away with it and she did. jude is smart, not all willy-nilly murdering people.

and secondly,, jude is really remarkable? like this 19 year old human girl, takes the crown, makes a puppet king, rules his court from the shadows and runs her own network of spies, maintains every foreign relation and juggles her own dysfunctional political family, deals with the weird loverboy king crushing on her, fights in a war, saves her lover, and she pulls it all off? and this is just off of the top of my head,. but for some reason this fandom has delegated her to love interest. every jude post is about her and cardan. the jude duarte tag is just cardan and jude, jude and cardan, jurdan, heres how jude dealt with her feelings for cardan!! and then why i think jude should have exiled taryn from elfhame!!

its honestly.. this issue is with the whole tfota fandom, turning a brilliant political fantasy with romance subplot into a mainly romance genre,,, but jude is my main one. female leads in ya are never valued properly or done any due credit - either by the author or the fandom or both. the fact that such a strong, well written character is always being portrayed as lover and sister, queen only in the context of loving king... it's very tiring. i want to see more of jude. how her trauma affects her, habits she might have picked up in elfhame, her hobbies, etc. its just, okay im gonna stop rambling now

BUT WAIT. ANOTHER THING,, i will now need every artist to draw jude the way shes written,. by which i mean give her muscles. she foughtl off a group of men with an axe and uses swords, daggers, crossbows and has been training since she was seven. draw her with muscles, her scars, her missing finger

[tyrantisterror]

At Sea Without a Map Post-Script

After two months of so, my little writing experiment At Sea Without a Map has come to an end. And because I'm vain, I not only felt compelled to share it, but to talk about it in depth after the fact, so here we are. This is going to be long, though, so I'm not only going to break it into sections, but put it all under the cut for the sake of your dashboard. So go ahead and dive into the depths of the Sea of Monsters with me one more time!

Part 1: Never Stop Blowing Up

The writing process of Wizard School Mysteries Book 3 was really strained - not because of the book itself, mind you. When I was actually able to work on it, Book 3 came together really well - I think it required the least substantial rewrites of any my novels thus far. It's just that real life was kind of beating the shit out of me while I was trying to get it done - or maybe the better metaphor was that it was just slowly but steadily draining me of energy all the time. I'm honestly surprised I got the book out in roughly the same amount of time as the first two - by the way life had been treating me, it should have taken longer.

But when I got done with it I was accutely aware of how tired I was. I still had the creative drive, but fuck I needed something simple as a palette cleanser - something easy, and more importantly, something that was allowed to be bad. I needed something creative to do that was surplus to requirements and fully within its rights to suck ass so long as I had fun making it.

Around this time, I decided to rewatch Dimension 20's Never Stop Blowing Up. Brief explanation of what that is: Dimension 20 is an actual play show, i.e. a recording of people playing D&D and other TTRPGs. I'd say its reputation is built on the contrast of its main DM, Brennan Lee Mulligan, who makes these meticulously crafted campaign plans, and his chaotic band of improv comedian players who promptly derail those plans spectacularly. Like, a good deal of the show's humor comes from Emily Ashford or Ally Beardsly doing something so off-the-wall that it shatters whatever the scene was going to be and creates a far more absurd and zany spectacle in its place. Which is why Never Stop Blowing Up is pretty notable, because it's the one campaign where Brennan himself is the agent of chaos, fully unleashing his own brand of madness that the players struggle to keep up with. And fuck does he seem to have fun with it.

Of course, all of the analysis above is purely from the outside looking in - it's likely that a lot of the "chaos" is played up for the audience. But still... there is something to the idea of a person who's been working on meticulously structured stories letting loose and just doing something extremely stupid.

So I decided to give myself a Never Stop Blowing Up moment - a short story that would be simple by design, with no standards to live up to or goal beyond "have fun telling a silly little story." I then came up with a few key criteria:

It can't be set in the Midgaheim/ATOM universe. I don't want the burden of figuring out where this story would fit among others.

It's gotta be a romance. People who've read my books might have picked up on the fact that I like to write about people falling in love, for the same reason I like to write about fire-breathing reptiles and friendly monsters (i.e. I use writing to indulge in things I'll never experience in real life). I've only used romance as subplots in my fiction before, and tend to feel a bit guilty if I focus on it too long - like I'm being self indulgent. Well, this is all about self indulgence, so the romance should be front and center.

It's gotta be SIMPLE, episodic even. Not complex plotting required.

I almost chose my xenomorph romance for this, but I had developed its outline to the point where it would be too complex to fit. I then considered a sort of superhero story that could be pitched as "what if Bringing Up Baby but Katherine Hepburn's character is a Harley Quinn-esque supervillain and Cary Grant's character gets turned into some sort of horrifying genetic mutant in the first ten minutes." That one hit a weird roadblock when I got to the character brainstorming phase (the first phase of any writing project I do) - I was trying to figure out what the mad scientist who turns out Cary Grant-figure into a mutant would be named, came up with the name "Dr. Skullfuck," immediately realized that having a character named "Dr. Skullfuck" is a Mark Millar-ass writing move that I could not allow myself to do, but then couldn't stop thinking of the name "Dr. Skullfuck" and giggling, which just brought all thinking to a grinding halt on that project.

(I'll still probably do it someday, though - just, you know, without Dr. Skullfuck)

Inspiration struck again, though. I'd been getting into Epic: The Musical, a musical retelling of The Odyssey, and it put me in the mood for a sea monster story. But, more than that, it got me thinking about one particular archetype from sea monster stories - but that brings us to the next part of this Post Script...

Part 2: It Was Always About Calibani

Ok, so, one of the big changes Epic: The Musical made involved Odysseus's encounter with the sirens, and before you read more of my rambling, I'd like you to watch two animatics for the two songs in question here:

A summary: one of the sirens takes the form of Odysseus's wife to try and tempt him into getting in the water, Odysseus tricks her into giving him directions, captures her and the rest of her kind, and proceeds to have his men slaughter them horribly. In the OG story the sirens don't die - nor does their song involve imitating a man's wife, for that matter, it's just a really pretty song.

This is done for an important narrative purpose - Epic: The Musical is focused on analyzing the moral ambiguity of Odysseus, and how it is constantly challenged by the impossible choices he is forced to make in his attempt to get home. At this point in the musical, Odysseus has decided to stop trying to be a compassionate man, shirking all mercy in favor of utter ruthless pursuit of his goals. These two songs are meant to be unsettling as hell - this is the beginning of a series of heartless choices by both Odysseus and his men that will culminate in the mutiny and complete annihilation of Odysseus's crew, as well as Odysseus himself being so hopelessly stranded that nothing short of divine intervention will save him.

I bring this up because when I first heard these two songs - specifically while watching these two animatics - it, like... it devastated me. I was so horrified and sad, so shaken by it. And part of it was for the reasons outlined above, but admittedly that wasn't the gut reaction I had. No, my immediate reaction was, and I quoute my own broken brain verbatim here: "You can't kill the sirens! They're not for killing, they're for loving!"

...now, those of you who know me are probably not surprised by this very stupid sentiment coming from me. One of my more popular posts is just me talking about how down bad I would be for various folkloric monsters whose whole shtick is "looks like a pretty lady but Watch Out." But as a person filled with immense self loathing and doubt, my brain immediately looked at that very stupid sentiment I expressed and said, "Wait, no, that's fucking dumb, I'm fucking dumb. The sirens are remorseless murderers. These sirens in particular preyed upon a man's love for his wife, who he has not seen in twelve years, to convince him to let them kill him. They are, by all standards of morality, Very Fucking Evil, and if they were not women you would not feel bad about them getting killed."

And as my brain argued with itself over this topic, I got to thinking about the various monstrous/othered sea women of The Odyssey - not just the sirens, but the witch Circe, the nymph Calypso, the monsters Scylla and Charybdis. And I thought about the others of their kind in other myths and folktales - selkies, mermaids, etc.

There's an archetype of sea monster that focuses entirely on one specific anxiety sailors are prone to, namely the fact that (for a good deal of human history) being on a boat meant spending a lot of time away from women. The horror of this monster is how it uses that desire for female company to tempt people into danger - like a mirage, it leads you to expose yourself to danger in pursuit of an illusory comfort.

But, unlike real world mirages, these monstrous sea women DO exist in their stories. More than that, they're often, like, sad and lonely. Their narrative purpose is just to be a temptation, but that doesn't change the fact that they do have lives of their own in these worlds. And, softie that I am, I can't help feeling sad for them, especially the ones who actually seem to want the same companionship the sailors they tempt want. Sailors don't stay with their Circes, they don't marry their Calypsos. The sirens live on a barren rock, alone, Scylla is left to wallow in misery at her monstrous form, and the selkie always has to leave for fear of being trapped by a person who won't love her on her terms.

I realized I had my hook for this simple, easy, silly little sea monster romance story: I was going to give a sea woman the happy ending she'd never get from anyone else.

Sailor may be the protagonist, but make no mistake: At Sea Without a Map was always, always, ALWAYS about Calibani.

The goal with Calibani was simple: I was going to set up a fairly standard Monstrous Sea Woman, but where other stories would let her be in one episode of the travel narrative and move on, this one would stick around. She'd be an unambiguous predator of human beings - an open and admitted maneater - but she would have no true malice to her. She, like all predators, eats what she can get to survive, and it just so happens that she's adapted to eat humans. And the story would pose the same question to the reader that my brain posed to me during Different Beast: is there any way you could make a siren-style sea monster sympathetic? Can you make a normal person who doesn't have my particular brain rot look at a maneating siren and think, "You're not supposed to kill her, you're supposed to love her!"

One of the few unavoidable plot points of At Sea Without a Map was that Calibani and Sailor's relationship would become romantic. What kind of romance it was could have varied substantially - it could have been one-sided, it could have been toxic, it could have been far more tragic OR far more comedic. But it was always, always going to be a romance of some sort - the goal of this experiment was to make you, the reader, love Calibani. All else was icing on the cake.

I decided to base Calibani's personality on Miranda from The Tempest - i.e. a sweet girl who is both wordly and naive, who understands the strange setting of our "lost at sea" story far better than the audience viewpoint character does, but views the mundane world of the audience viewpoint character with wonder and naiveté. In fact I almost named her Miranda outright... except I already had a character in the setting I chose for this story who had that name, and as an allusion to the same Shakespearean character no less. So I settled on naming her after Miranda's adoptive sibling (of sorts), Caliban - more fitting in some ways, as Caliban is a fish-human hybrid who is arguable more native to the magic island in The Tempest than Miranda herself.

(Calibani isn't the only Tempest name homage, either - her mother, Sycorax, takes her name directly from Caliban's unseen but oft-spoken of witch mother. Dr. Antonia Warefore takes her first name from Antonio, one of the human villains in The Tempest who hopes to use being lost at sea as a way to perform a coup. And the mothman Iriel takes her name from Ariel, the wind spirit in The Tempest who aids the wizard Prospero in controlling the magic island. If Sailor has a "real" name, it's probably either Ferdinand or Miranda, the two lovers who manage to blend civilization and the wilderness together with their romance.)

Visually, I wanted Calibani to not be any common archetype of sea monster woman, but rather something that evokes the popular images while still being her own thing. She's not a mermaid or a siren or a selkie - she's basically "what if a sea serpent was also a girl." In-universe, she's chubby because she, like all marine megafauna, needs blubber to survive. Out-of-universe, she's chubby because I've found that routinely drawing cute chubby girls is good for my mental health.

Part 3: CYOA

Now, while we live in a post-Muncher society where shame and cringe are emotions only the cowardly should experience, I am nonetheless Very Catholic about expressing my own feelings of, like, liking girls and shit. I cannot help feeling guilty when publicly expressing adoration of women without, like, an excuse - it's gotta be a joke or something, you know? I can't be genuine about it, or else Jesus will beat me with a cane for disrespecting women with my lecherous gaze.

But luckily I've cultivated a loyal audience of fellow monsterfuckers, which meant I had an excuse lined up: if I made this a choose your own adventure type deal, a story with audience participation, then you all would be my accomplices. And Jesus can't cane all of us! He doesn't have enough hands! I found a loophole bigger than his stigmata!

Plus I love collaborative story-telling - there's a thrill in not having total control of where the narrative is going. As Brennan Lee Mulligan must know, there's a joy in having to deal with the chaos thrown your way by letting others grab the figurative ball, even if just for a moment.

Part 4: Offbeat Melody

Since I did not want to set this story in Midgaheim, I decided to steer myself away from a vaguely medieval setting altogether. But I also didn't want to limit myself with the need for "realism" that putting it in a normal sea would require, and making a new setting whole cloth would start pushing this project into "not easy" territory.

Luckily, I had a setting lying around that I hadn't played with in a while, which just so happened to have a location that was PERFECT for the sort of Never Stop Blowing Up style madness I was aiming for. For a few years I ran a Monster of the Week TTRPG campaign called Offbeat Melody, and one of its core setting elements was taking the goblin universe hypothesis in paranormal science (yeah it's a real hypothesis) to an illogical extreme. We had specifically seen glimpses of the Sea of Monsters in Offbeat Melody, i.e. the parallel universe where monsters like Nessie, Ogopogo, Champ, and the like all hail from. Well, why not have a whole story set there? It's literally a universe devoted solely to creating sea monsters - what better place to strand our modern Odysseus?

Offbeat Melody was always sort of a Never Stop Blowing Up project, or at least NSBU adjacent. Some of my most unhinged story-telling moments are in that campaign - you could make a supercut of just the "commercial breaks" in the various sessions and it'd basically be an I Think You Should Leave episode. Taking one obscure corner of its multiversal world and exploring it in detail was perfect for this project.

Part 5: Monster by Monster

With our main romance as sorted out as could be for a CYOA story, it was time to figure out the "episodes" of this sea voyage. I settled on there being ten to roughly align with The Odyssey - just in terms of number, mind you, not in a one-to-one comparison. The first was, obviously, Calibani herself, which left nine more slots for me to fill with monsters. Let's go through them together in brief:

Tree Storks - any lost at sea story eventually has to get its protagonist into an island at some point, but this immediately begs the question, "Why don't they just stay on the island where it's safe?" The answer to that question has to be, "it's not safe there, actually." The Odyssey does this quickly and cleverly with a one two punch: the first island seems safe until you realize the food on it brainwashes you into forgetting everything except your desire to eat it, and the second island is full of delicious sheep but also giants who will eat you just as easily as they eat the sheep. When other islands show up in the story later, you immediately regard them with suspicion, because you don't know HOW they're going to be fucked up, but they definitely will be. My goal with the second episode was to establish the same sort of danger - that land is NOT safe, that islands WILL be fucked up and dangerous in ways you might not expect.

I also wanted to establish that this is not just a sea of monsters, but a very WEIRD sea of WEIRD monsters. It couldn't be any old monster on this island - it had to be one that was unique, unexpected, and maybe just a bit silly while still being menacing.

I've always felt that there's a lot of un-mined horror potential in storks, cranes, and herons - any bird with a long neck and spear-like beak it uses to stab smaller creatures from above. Just imagine yourself in a frog's place in the world - tiny, going about your business, when suddenly something shoots down at you from above and impales you before you even feel the shadow fall over your face. Or perhaps you did see the shadow - some of these birds spread their wings to create shade specifically to attract fish, and then spear the poor little bastards.

Well, what do people often look to islands for when out at sea? Shade - the shade of a palm tree. And palm fronds kinda resemble feathers, don't they? Wouldn't it be both ludicrous and terrifying is there was a stork big enough to mimic a palm tree - and wouldn't that be a DEVIOUS trap for a sun-drenched sailor to fall for? So the Tree Storks were born.

The Globster - I made a list of sea monster archetypes in the early planning for this project, and one I wanted to include was a kraken, i.e. some sort of tentacled sea beast. But I didn't want to do JUST a big squid or octopus, or even a riff on them. I wanted to take the idea of "big sea monster with lots of tentacles" into a stranger direction.

Since the Sea of Monsters is explicitly the home universe of lake and sea monster cryptids, I thought it might be fun if ASWaM's kraken equivalent was a globster - just a big ball of rotten meat. I love drawing monstrous faces, so I decided it'd just be, like, MADE of hideous rotten faces, all melting and congealing together, with its tentacles doubling as the tongues of its many mouths. A perfectly wretched image that, like the Tree Storks, would do well to establish how Fucked things could get in this setting. Plus similar monsters had appeared in Offbeat Melody, which would make for a fun sense of familiarity for the, like, five or so readers of mine who had listened to that campaign before.

Captain Peter & the Dolphin - Another thing I did in the early planning stages of this project was make a list of the different sea voyage stories I know and love, the most contentious of which is The Life of Pi. That's a story that I love on a literal level but kind of hate on a figurative level - its whole theme/message is that doubt is the worst thing you can have, that if you don't commit to believing something with zealous conviction you are a coward. As a person who thinks doubt is valid, that "I don't know" is sometimes the ONLY truly valid answer to a question, I have issues with that message.

But I can't help loving the beautifully ludicrous idea of a non-anthropomorphic tiger sailing the ocean on a big Odyssey of its own. Like, if that story didn't actively hate me for being agnostic, it would be one of my favorites.

So I decided to, you know, just steal the idea of a tiger Odysseus. The tiger in The Life of Pi is named Richard Parker. Richard Parker also happens to be the name of Peter Parker's dad. Hence we get Captain Peter - the figurative son of Richard Parker, if you will. And to ratchet up the absurdity of a tiger Odysseus, I made him a pirate and the sole sailor of his voyage. Somehow, this tiger has manned a boat on his own.

Captain Peter was intended to be the hero of another story - a sign for the readers that it IS possible for a stranded person (or, in this case, tiger) to survive out here. To that end, he had to rescue our heroes from another threat, but not one that would be interesting enough to take the focus off of the tiger pirate. Originally I planned for that threat to just be a big shark, but I ended up liking my shark design too much to put it in a role that small, so I quickly designed a nasty dolphin for the role instead. I think that worked out well, honestly.

Dr. Neptune - Episodes 5 and 6 were the mid-point of this journey, so I wanted the two monsters of those to escalate things significantly. I figured episode 5 was probably a good place to FINALLY give some meaningful exposition on what was going on, and there are a lot of stories about mad scientists doing weird shit on islands in my big list of sea voyage stories I love. So we get Dr. Neptune, a classical brain-in-a-jar mad scientist who's affable enough to give more-or-less accurate exposition but loony enough to be a problem. This also felt like a good spot to remind the reader that Calibani is not just a girl with a tail but rather a Sea Monster herself, and one that we'd been making stronger by allying with.

With his human-but-not-quite nature and cyclops eye, Dr. Neptune could sort of be seen as the Polyphemus of this story, couldn't he?

The Crocodisle - One of the sea monster archetypes on my list was "the island that's actually a sleeping monster," of which there are many in mythology and folklore. My favorite is the Jasconius from the voyage of St. Brendan, mainly because it's more or less benign and actually comes back to help St. Brendan and his crew at the end of the story. I always love when I can find an old story with a friendly monster in it.

When thinking of my own spin on the island monster concept, I remembered the only Magic the Gathering card I had as a kid, which I still have and love to this day: The Sandbar Crocodile. This card already inspired Crocogon's color scheme in The Atomic time of Monsters, but I felt I could go to that well again one more time, and so made a crocodile that wasn't just a sandbar, but a whole damn island to itself. And, like Jasconius, it turns out he's pretty chill.

I did not think of the pun name "Crocodisle" until I was actually writing the chapter in question.

The Femdom Mermaids - These three were a late addition to the roster. When I had Calibani bring up mermaids early in the story, I realized as soon as I wrote her rant about them that we'd HAVE to meet some later on in the story.

The readers had significantly shaped Calibani and Sailor's romance by this point, and I decided that it could be useful to have a chapter that was devoted to showing definitively how these two were good for each other. I thought the mermaids could provide a good contrast: have them act out a seemingly more benign take on the monstrous sea women trope (they abduct our hero to protect and care for them!) only for it to quickly feel MORE deranged than Calibani's comparatively simple desire just to eat him.

The spirit of Calibani's rant about mermaids was taken from weird* girls I knew in high school complaining about cheerleaders, so I wanted the mermaids to look like the sea monster equivalent of popular kids to Calibani's chubby weird girl. Two of them got the names of famous beauties - Helyne = Helen of Troy, Clio = Cleopatra.

(*when I say "weird" I mean it in a complimentary and affectionate sense)

Bob, meanwhile, kinda... rebelled, I guess? Before I had names for them, I listed "bob" by her as just, like, a descriptor for her hair cut, but then I liked it as her name, and once she was named Bob she became more than just a mean popular girl. She was a weirdo too, the little punching bag of the two mean popular girls who did their dirty work and smiled through their abuse because hey, at least they included her. It gave the trio an easily defined dynamic, helped make two of the three more visibly nasty, and gave us comic relief in an arc that could very well have gotten too uncomfortable otherwise.

And I guess it worked - readers REALLY loved Bob, and were very vocal about it, and I realized mid-arc that I had accidentally made her too likable to just leave in this arc. So Bob got to be rescued from her awful friend group thanks to readers like YOU.

Lord Ironteeth - yeah, this was the shark that was too cool to be a minor threat. When I drew his noggin, I realized he would need a chapter of his own, one with gravitas. I decided he'd specifically be the threshold guardian -once we beat him, we'd know for sure how to get home, even if there were a few more threats in store.

Spindle Inc and Sycorax - when I was a kid I used to have this recurring nightmare about being on some sort of underwater sea station that had this huge sea serpent trapped inside it. I'd look at the sea serpent from a window within the station and see it coiling in its tank, only for it to look at me with fury. In that glance I would suddenly realize two things with absolute clarity: first, it was going to break free and kill everyone, and second, we deserved that destruction for what we had done to it. The terror of the dream was less that the sea serpent was going to break free, and more the guilt of knowing that all the mayhem that was about to unfold was our fault to begin with.

I thought that would be fun to homage with the penultimate chapter of this story. OBVIOUSLY the sea serpent was Calibani's mom, obviously the trauma of its capture was why Calibani grew into a predator that specializes in hunting humans, obviously we would have to free the sea serpent despite that running counter to Sailor's goal of getting home. Easy, easy, easy plot point to include.

Spindle, Inc. is the primary antagonistic force in Offbeat Melody, so they easily slotted into the role of the arrogant humans who captured this monster for nefarious and selfish motives. They could tie a lot of other plot threads together too - Dr. Neptune was a scientist who worked for them as a contractor only to get screwed over (i.e. they stranded him in the Sea of Monsters, expecting him to die, and then used his research to make their own base of operations in it), we'd learn of him through a spindle briefcase left behind by some unfortunate rogue agent who got eaten by the Globster while he was trying to escape, hell they could even be one of the possible origins of Sailor themself (more on that later). Very useful villains, Spindle.

The Abyssal Mother - I knew the last sea monster would need a lot of punch to it. I briefly considered just a big whale - the Moby Dick to Spindle's corporate Ahab - but it felt underwhelming after all that came before. So I went for arguably the most dramatic possible sea monster, a full on Cthulhu-style elder god. If you're a frequent follower of this blog, you might know I have particularly high standards for Eldritch Abominations, so I realized this was going to be a pretty big challenge for me to live up to, and decided to keep the cthulhu in question reserved to the last few entries as a result - the less it appears, the less it has to live up to.

I realized I had a good angle when my experiments with the Cthulhu "squid for a head" concept ended up having a face framed in shadow - you know, the same visual that our protagonist has in most appearances. That provided some very juicy parallels between the two that made this final monster feel particularly noteworthy to me, ones that I'll leave you to ponder, since they tie into...

Part 6: Themes

I did not set out to have a theme in this story. I just wanted to make a sailor and a sea monster kiss. That was my only goal.

But I really don't begin with theme in ANY of my writing. I figure out topics I want to address, but for all my novels I feel like the themes didn't start coming together until about halfway through the first draft, when enough of the elements of the story had been set down and interacted with each other enough for me to realize what I was saying with them. A huge part of my second and third drafts for my novels have focused on making the themes of my stories more concrete and unified.

Well, ASWaM is very much a first draft of a story, but it's a simple enough story that I think the theme found itself pretty well despite lacking subsequent drafts to refine it.

ASWaM is about doubt and direction. It's about being adrift in a world that is in many ways hostile by nature, about not feeling like you're where you're supposed to be or even WHO you're supposed to be, and about setting off aimlessly in the hope that maybe you'll find your way to that mythical land of "what my life is supposed to be."

When I began the story, Sailor had amnesia and wore clothes that obscured their identity as a way to make it easier for anyone to step into Sailor's role. Sailor had to feel like You, the Reader, and so we don't know their name, their gender, their eye color, their hair color, even their skin color (note that their hands are always wearing gloves, and their face is always in shadow).

But it also meant Sailor is, well, undefined, at least at the start of the story. Sailor doesn't know who they are, what they are, how they came to be. Sailor feels distinctly that they should be Something Else, should be Somewhere Else, should be Someone Else, should not be who/what/where they are. Sailor is plagued by doubt, by a need to go in a different direction, by a need to be other than they are.

This initially contrasts with Calibani, who begins the story very confident that she is doing exactly what she was designed to be doing and acting exactly like she should be. As they interact, they begin to shift each other in opposite directions - Calibani questions her existence and nature, sometimes to a self destructive degree, and Sailor begins to find something about who and where they are that they like. They find a healthy middle ground together - doubtful enough to want to be better people, but with love for themselves that allows them to not feel the need to up-heave their lives entirely.

I knew at the start that I would build an expectation for there to be some answer to the question of who Sailor is and where they came from, because those are the questions that begin the whole narrative. I brainstormed a number of answers to those questions, but once I got a few chapters into writing the story and saw this theme of doubt developing, I realized I couldn't answer them. From a thematic standpoint, the doubt HAD to remain. So I gave hints to possible answers, bits of evidence to support the possibility of them being true, but never planted a smoking gun that answered it for sure.

Sailor can't know the answer because NONE of us know the answer. Outside of blind Life of Pi style faith, you cannot know for sure that you are living the life you're supposed to live. All you can do is figure out whether you're happy with the life you've got, or if you need a change. Sailor will never know who they are supposed to be, but they did learn who they are, and they love that person now.

For those curious, the possible Sailor origins are:

Occam's Razor: they're exactly what Dr. Neptune theorized, i.e. a human who got stranded in the Bermuda Triangle (or the Devil's Triangle or any other number of paranormal triangles) and fell into the Sea of Monsters. The trauma of that experience gave them amnesia. It's just brain damage and bad luck.

A Spindle Experiment: Dr. Warefore mentions that Spindle has been trying to find a way to make a human who can evolve like the denizens of the Sea of Monsters. Sailor may well be an attempt to do just that, perhaps one they wrote off as a failure and abandoned (they do that a lot)

A Deep One: Sailor is the offspring of one of the denizens of the Sea of Monsters (most likely the Abyssal Mother herself) who has somehow been tricked into believing they are human, to the point where they seem to be human to everyone else, even other monsters. Maybe a human summoned a sea monster to breed with on earth, and Sailor ended up being subconsciously drawn back to the Sea by their blood. Maybe Sailor never actually lived on earth at all, but was only made to THINK they had as part of the transformation into a human.

The Platonic Ideal of a Sailor: the Sea of Monsters is full of archetypal concepts, and arguably a sailor trying to find their way home is just as archetypal as any sea serpent, mermaid, or kraken. Our only proof that humans aren't native to the Sea of Monsters is Dr. Neptune, and he's not as reliable an expert as he claims to be.

This theme of doubt and direction also made the compass more important to the narrative than a simply mechanic for audience participation - a compass, after all, gives direction, and the feeling that Sailor is not where they're supposed to be, that they need to head in a different direction, is ultimately the catalyst of the plot. The compass is, in many ways, the antagonist of the story - the force that keeps Sailor from accepting themself. I realized this a little after I started making the different directions have personalities - initially they just represented broad concepts (North = follow conventional wisdom ala the North Star, South = preserve your short-term self interest at all costs, East = act with curiosity and be willing to take calculated risks, and West = throw caution to the wind and do anything that seems novel and exciting), but over time they became little characters themselves.

Since it was our thematic antagonist, I decided to pepper in some ideas about what the compass might be in-universe - and, in a move that would no doubt frustrate the compass, we also don't know for sure which of those is "correct." Is the compass a poltergeist, some amalgamation of dead sailors who try to steer other lost souls home? Is it a malign entity that leeches off of those desperate enough to seek its aid, living through them while pretending to aid them? Is it a device Spindle made to lure sailors to their clutches, OR to guide their experiments in human/monster hybrids? Was it a cursed item that forced a sea monster to assume a human shape? Who can say - the compass sure can't, it can only tell you a direction to go in.

Part 7: Q&A

Since this was an interactive story, I felt it was only fitting to add one last interactive element to this post-script write up, and some of your happily obliged me by sending in questions.

When I noticed how fast readers were falling for Calibani, I figured there was a good chance we'd end up staying in the Sea of Monsters. By chapter 7, I figured it was more or less a given, and by the end of the Lord Ironteeth encounter I was almost 100% sure Sailor would remain at sea. There was always a chance, though - while a look at the polls shows that the audience got more and more on the same page towards the end, there were always dissenting voices, and the desire to get an answer to the question of Who Sailor Was remained strong, as a number of people kept trying to find angles where they could get that AND stay with Calibani.

I was surprised early on by how easily the audience fell in love with Calibani, to the point where I made a few posts commenting on it. I mean, I shouldn't have been - as I said earlier, I have cultivated an audience of fellow monsterfuckers on here, and I know at least a few of them saw my bait and knew they could get me to be freaky in a way we found mutually agreeable (thank you all again for helping me escape being caned by Jesus for being horny).

Like, we REPEATEDLY ignored developing the plot in the Tree Storks chapter for several days just to spend more time with Calibani - something that I enjoyed immensely (this whole thing was an excuse for me to write and draw a cute chubby sea monster girl as much as possible aftter all) but also knew as a storyteller was not what most would consider a good story call. I like how it turned out, but it defied conventional narrative wisdom, you know? I was surprised.

On the other side of the coin, I was also surprised by how the audience NEVER chose an option that was humorously disastrous. I gave plenty of them, and, like, generally in collaborative storytelling there will be at least one moment where your collaborators decide to do the really, REALLY stupid thing that makes everything spiral out of control really quickly. I figured at least once the audience would choose the troll response, but no, you guys worked hard to keep Sailor and Calibani alive. You refused to let them hurt each other, refused to let them throw themselves into danger, refused to imperil them for your own chuckles. It was very sweet and unexpected.

I say "you refused" but to be fair it's not like NO ONE voted for the troll options - they generally got a handful of votes, just one that was beaten by a landslide of more reasonable options. Hopefully those of you who voted for the troll options enjoyed Bob throwing you a bone by disintegrating Dr. Warefore - that was my consolation prize to you.

Yes. I knew at the beginning that there would be two endings for this story: either Sailor leaves the Sea and goes home, or Sailor stays there forever. Or, you know, Sailor dies as a result of you guys choosing several stupid options in a row, but as stated above you guys avoided those scenarios pretty decisively.

Had Sailor gone home, the following would have occurred: first, they would forget everything that happened in the Sea of Monsters. Second, they would wake up in a hospital, having been found in the Atlantic Ocean by a human-recovery charity run by... oh, isn't that funny, some tech company named Spindle Inc! Spindle would foot the medical bills and even offer Sailor a job, but Sailor would decline because even now they're still not sure what Spindle even does. Sailor would go back to their life and find it familiar and utterly mundane, but not particularly happy. Their father died when they were 18, their mother was never in the picture, they have no siblings. They worked an office job and were sort of a nonentity - that position has long since been filled, but Sailor gets a new job and lives out much the same life: simple, mundane, dreary. Every now and then they get a pang of desire to leave, to go to sea, but they push it out of mind. They never even see the ocean again as long as they live.

Sailor would have gotten the normal life they thought they were supposed to have, the normal memories and name and identity, the mundane life of a normal person. And they just had to trade everything they found in the Sea of Monsters to get it. A question is answered, a direction is followed, but is it the right answer, the right direction?

Well, I think doubt would have remained.

I had a very vague idea for there to be some sort of man-eating giant in, like, a crystal castle. He got cut to make way for the mermaids.

I wanted to fit in a big whale and a giant crustacean, but there wasn't room or an interesting angle for me to want to make room for them. Saved for a possible sequel, I suppose.

I also wanted to have a scene with, like, DOZENS of sea monsters, including some of the ones from Offbeat Melody, but the goal of "this should be EASY you dumbass" made me kill that idea pretty quick.

Thank you!

The primary inspirations were:

The Odyssey and Epic: the Musical

The voyage of St. Brendan

The many "weird shit happens on an island" movies in Toho's filmography, i.e. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Son of Godzilla, Yog Monster of the Deep, Matango, etc.

The Island of Dr. Moreau

The Boy and the Heron

Ponyo (specifically Ponyo's parents - I wanted Sailor to have the same desperate energy as that wizard who fucks the giant sea goddess)

The Life of Pi

Slay the Princess (perhaps most obvious in the use of second person narration, multiple voices in the protagonist's head, and falling in love with a creature that has tried to kill you at least once)

I'm going to use this to springboard to a related point in a second, but first a genuine yet humorous answer: Yes, absolutely yes, I am enough of a big romantic sap that I would give everything about my life away to be with a person who loves me and explore a world of monsters in a heartbeat. Hell, I would have jumped in the water the minute Calibani asked and died with her fangs in my neck and a smile on my face. I am dumb this way. Do not follow my example.

On that related point, though... Most stories like this, I daresay ALL stories like this that I know of, end with the hero abandoning the fantasy world in favor of reality, never to return. And that seems like the proper choice and lesson on the surface - we don't want to tell audiences to give up their real life in favor of a fantasy, after all. That's encouraging escapism, and that's not healthy!

But, like... textually speaking, the fantastical world IS real to the characters in these stories. And it's often not really an escape - was Sailor's life devoid of conflict and suffering in the Sea of Monsters? Fuck no! It's just that they figured out how to deal with that conflict and suffering - they built skills and a support system, they adapted, they learned how to overcome what was there.

I think it can be argued that sometimes the return to a "normal" world is, in itself, an escape - the idea that your life can spiral into chaos but that's ok, you can just reset everything and go back to The Way It Was and Should Be is just as unrealistic and unhealthy an idea as You Should Escape to A Better World. Sometimes your plans for your life fall apart, sometimes you're thrown into a place you never intended to go, sometimes you have to learn skills you never anticipated needing and ally with people you never thought you'd befriend to deal with problems you never dreamed you'd have to overcome. And sometimes it's ok to look at your derailed life, your Not Where You Should Be life, and say, "Well, I've learned how to live here... maybe I can stay."

Especially if there's a cute chubby sea monster girl who loves you.

Bob was never supposed to appear past chapter 7, but about halfway through that chapter I realized the audience and I myself would be heartbroken if we didn't rescue her. Definitely for the best - she provided some well-needed comic relief in the final chapters.

This is gonna sound snarky, but, yeah - there were 58 choices with four options a piece, and we only chose one of the four. While some of the options would have similar results, almost none would have had identical outcomes. And some would have been VERY different.

Like, to go back to the beginning: when Calibani attacked, we could either throw a net on her, harpoon her, try to drive around her, or hide below deck. We picked the net, but for the other three options:

Harpooning would result in us hitting her in the thigh, causing her enough pain that she collapses on our deck and we, horrified at the violence we committed, just sort of push on. Calibani would be wounded for at least the next chapter, perhaps longer, and significantly weaker (and probably harboring a great deal of hidden resentment while also being genuinely scared of Sailor). She would be vulnerable during the stork attack, forcing Sailor to take a more active role in that chapter.

Trying to steer around her would result in us essentially fighting her with our boat, resulting in the boat capsizing and Calibani getting tangled up in it. We'd wake up alone on Stork Island and have to travel in search of our boat, alone and vulnerable among man-eating trees. We'd run into Calibani again, also beached and in trouble, end up recruiting her to help us get our boat out of the sand.

Hiding below deck would end in a sea storm that leaves us inside our boat as it's beached on Stork Island. We'd fend off the storks alone, and run into Calibani once we get our boat out to sea, as she got away more or less unscathed.

All of these would have majorly changed the trajectory of our relationship with Calibani and our identity as Sailor, despite seeming to have the same component parts on the surface. Now account for how similarly slight changes in the other options could have gone, and we could have had a very different story indeed.

Part 8: Our Girl

I just think she's neat!

[swiftfootedachilles]

do you think ian would get Mickey's name tattooed on his body or he would pick something else to honor him? like a drawing or something

ok so my headcanon has always been that ian gets an M on his left ring finger! i stand by this headcanon with my life. i had another tattoo headcanon for ian but i cant remember it and i couldnt find my posts where i talk about it. i think it was a lil matching tattoo with mickey

but the other day i was driving home from work and i randomly thought of something. canon divergence: in prison, ian gets his back tattoo covered up. originally i thought if mickey doing the tattoo, but tbh i dont think he could successfully tattoo something that large. he knows a guy who can do a great job. why in prison you ask? idk i just think its fun and cute and i wouldve rather seen that than the byron subplot. idk we didnt see enough of them doing shit in prison together!! i wanted more prison boyfriends!!

anyway its probably easiest to cover up that tattoo with something like two roses. mickey designs it :) at first hes not sure if maybe ian is being impulsive because of mania, but mickey tells him the original tattoo was a manic impulse, and anything is an upgrade from a pair of tits. plus he gets a lot of comments from other inmates about it. he just wants it all to stop and to not be constantly reminded about it. so mickey draws the design and hooks him up with the best tattoo artist in the prison in exchange for lots cigs, phone time, and commissary deposits (a la lip, to be paid back at a later date)

yes it gets infected. no its not as badly infected as mickeys chest tattoo. yeah it doesnt look the best, and it hurt like a bitch. but its better than what he had before. and he felt it was needed to start a new chapter of his life. prison sucks and he obviously doesnt wanna be in there, but he has mickey now and hes trying to make the best out of the few resources he has in there. counseling, the library, life skills classes. its not much, but its better than the constant reminder of the worst chapter of his life

[t4transsexual]

when i was going through a rough breakup with someone who was very bad to me, i told my now-girlfriend (but at the time was just an instagram friend) that i had missed reading but developed depression at around 10-11 years old due to childhood abuse and bullying for being autistic and gender non conforming and since then havent picked up a book, but didnt know where to start. she then pushed me to go to the bookstore and pick out a book to read, and i read and finished that one (hell followed with us by andrew joseph white). recently i bought another book by the same author, "the spirit bares its teeth" that apparently has an st4t subplot which is very fitting for me, as well as the main character being an autistic trans man and coming from an abusive household, and ive never related so much to a character in a book it's unreal. representation is important and the first book was great but the main character wasnt autistic and i cant relate to a non autistic character. and shoutout to my girlfriend for getting me back into reading after all this time, shes a reader herself. im putting this on my t4t blog because we're trans people in love. heres a pic i took of me laying on her while she was reading (she moved her book out of frame)

its one of my favorite pictures with her, and she makes me so happy, and i really am happy. im glad she got me back into reading. i know transphobes who see my account will harrass us for being who we are publicly, but i also get a lot of trans people who are happy to see two trans people who love each other, and i just wanna remind yall that you can be really happy too, not in spite of your transness even, but as a direct result. the community ive been blessed to have as a trans person and the people ive met and have bonded with because im trans and we're trans have been so valueable and important to my happiness. this post is all over the place but if you take anything from it, its that you can be happy as a trans person and you should prioritize your community🏳️‍⚧️💜

[coralpolyp]

The Complete Works Vol 1: Finding the Flow

Wide version of the book cover I threw together in Procreate for this fic at the time - there's another version which is arranged to fit a Wattpad cover

Welcome to The Complete Works! This is a two-part archival project I'm doing, where I gather together every piece of unreleased Splatoon writing I've ever done that does not pertain to an ongoing project, and put it all up publicly on AO3, alongside my own personal reflection on it, both over there and over here - what worked, what didn't, why I didn't finish it, and how it influenced what came after it. And I mean everything - full multi-chapter sequences, half-written chapters, plot outlines, one-sentence headcanons, and French revision, it's all here.

Finding the Flow

Started: 9th October 2022 (Earliest dated work in private)/20th December 2022 (First chapter posted to AO3)

Abandoned: 14th February 2023 (Last AO3 update)/29th June 2023 (Final attempt to work on it in private)

The fic itself: AO3

Unused content/Complete Works: AO3

It feels like it's been much longer than it actually has been, but this is the first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote - and the first one I ever gave up on too! I had original writing experience outside of school prior to this, but it was my first time working in a fandom, and my first time posting anything online.

This one was supposed to be a prequel/origin story with Marina as the protagonist, beginning at the end of Splatoon and ending with the beginning of Splatoon 2. I got the urge to start this not long after having watched the absolutely phenomenal Takotsubo Heartbeat, and also having just finished Better Call Saul. It goes without saying that I was in love with the ethos that both stories shared - that of taking intriguing but underdeveloped characters from an existing story, and building an unexpected and compelling backstory for them, which sheds new light on the source material without ever retconning or contradicting it - you never would have imagined that these characters had suffered so much when looking at the source material, because not even the people who created it imagined that - but once you see it it makes too much sense to look away.

Finding the Flow was a flawed, if noble, attempt at picking up what Takotsubo Heartbeat was putting down, and exploring Marina's life as an illegal refugee just trying to have a music career. Maybe I would have succeeded if I finished this one, but when I look back on what I wrote I find it rather hard to read, it's just not very good.

I had a very hard time writing the opening to this one, given how tricky the tone was to nail down - lesbian fluff, xenophobia, break ups, and killing someone don't usually need to occupy the same story, but here we are. I had this one fully plotted, and to this day I can somewhat applaud myself for the overall flow of it when I look back - there was some quite bold and satisfying payoffs, such as the police station scene, the breakup, and the big fight, but even at the time I was acutely aware of the sheer lack of meaningful character arcs outside of Marina herself. I feel like this was before I actually enjoyed writing, and it was more fun to daydream about it in lessons than it was to actually write it. It took me a long time to realise that being an "idea guy" isn't good enough - anyone can do that, the people that get remembered are the people who put in the work to make it real themselves - which still isn't quite as applicable to myself as I'd like it to be.

Once the daydreaming ended, and I burned myself out on caring about Off the Hook, this fic was as good as dead. One of the few subplots this fic actually had ended up being expanded into its own thing, All My Favourite Songs, which I also never finished! I feel like I still occasionally pic plot ideas from this thing's corpse whenever I'm going near similar subject material, and in my head I still treat most of what I had planned for Marina as canonical - not that that matters because she's only had one speaking role in my work since then.

What happens in it:

Marina narrowly escapes from Octo Valley, getting wounded in the process. She journeys aimlessly, (as did I as an author) in search of where the Inklings live, infatuated with the Squid Sisters and their song. To keep herself company (and asa bandaid solution to the fact that there is not a single other character for like 8 chapters), she makes the Squid Sisters her imaginary friends, albeit with their personalities completely wrong as she has never heard them speak before - it is then revealed in a flashback that this tendency towards imaginary friends and other such childlike behaviour is a result of military recruitment at an early age, and premature repression of such tendencies.

She spots the Inkopolis skyline from atop Mount Nantai, but has to hide when an Inkling Girl (Pearl) climbs up, screams a whole bunch, and then leaves.

Marina is fascinated, and regrets not confronting her. She decides to camp out near the observation deck until the girl returns, during which time she records the Ebb and Flow demo on a beat-up keyboard - the only thing she took with her, revealed to have been a gift from her Sergeant - a woman fiercely loyal to the regime, albeit with a more sympathetic and supportive approach to leadership, which brings with it a misguided and self-righteous sense of knowing what's best for everyone, better than they know themselves.

The Octarian forces catch up to Marina, and a firefight breaks out at dusk. She fends them off and retreats down the mountain, accidentally bumping into Pearl again - literally.

What would have happened next:

(This is abridged, the full version is here)

Feeling guilty about her usual abrasive tendencies, Pearl takes the paranoid and distressed person with weird hair speaking a different language home with her to try and help her out, not knowing what Octarians are. Marina plays her the Ebb and Flow tape, and they form a band.

Later, when her Inklish is much better and they're working on their debut album, Marina sees a wanted poster of her own likeness in downtown Inkopolis, put up by someone who is apparently wary of the "Octarian menace". Knowing she is now being hunted down by both her former allies and the people of Inkopolis she is trying to assimilate with causes her a great deal of distress, which Pearl notices, but never gets an adequate or truthful explanation for. She processes her emotions through writing more personal songs and going for long walks at dusk.

During their debut gig in a small lounge, Marina impulsively sings in Octarian on the last song, which gives her a deeper connection to the lyrics and makes her performance incredibly moving. From then on she always sings in Octarian.

The next morning, Marina is arrested, and has a humiliating experience at the police station at the hands of Octarian-hating police officers. The man pressing charges interrogates her personally, and identifies himself as the author of the wanted poster and an audience member of the gig - Craig Cuttlefish. The interrogation is interrupted by his grand-daughter Marie barging in and urging him to drop the case, saying that he's taking his NSS duties way too far. He does so upon learning that Marina likes the Inkantation. Marie sponsors Marina's residency in Inkadia, and they are both given a mountain of paperwork to do.

Marie and Callie take Marina out of for coffee, and offer to kickstart Off the Hook's career - pushing for them to be signed to the same record label as them, recommending them to their producer, Shy-Ho-Shy, and letting them open for their next concert, where they perform their debut single Ebb and Flow, which is released the same day.

While preparing for said concert, Marina discovers a homeless community of Octarian refugees one night - they had followed in Marina's footsteps, but received no support from Inkling Society on arrival. Marina realises that she has nothing to give them, despite her life of luxury, as all of it actually belongs to Pearl - they warn her that she is no better off than them, but she does not understand. When she gets home, Pearl and Marina begin dating. As the relationship goes on, Pearl becomes more uneasy with Marina's inability to tell her who she is and where she comes from.

The relationship is not made public until their second concert. Pearl tries to kiss Marina on the lips on stage, without her prior consent to the stunt, which angers her greatly.

Later, Pearl discovers Marina's paperwork, which includes mention of her having been arrested at one point. Marina still fails to explain anything, and they agree to break up, with the band going on hiatus and Marina leaving the house with nowhere to go.

She returns to the homeless community, which she discovers has been completely wiped out by her former sergeant, who is disgusted by her betrayal of the Octarian regime. Penniless and alone in a individualist society which doesn't want her and has little to no welfare provisions, she almost accepts, but ultimately refuses, doing battle with the sergeant and killing her when left no other choice.

Marina goes on to live a meagre life in hiding, DJing under a pseudonym, producing for Harmony, and crashing at Marie's apartment every night, sleeping in a room that used to belong to Callie, who has now gone missing.

Dissatisfied with her creative output without Marina, and aware of the ggrowing legend around the band's sudden disappearance, Pearl tracks Marina down and Off the Hook is reformed. Together they complete and release their debut album, and are hired to host Inkopolis News.

For more, read Finding the Flow or The Complete Works

[pyromanicsghost]

I genuinely don't understand why people hate the new season. Spoilers to follow.

To start, the Five and Lila subplot was shit. I won't front - it existing outside of the plot made it easy for me to just act like it didnt happen. Diego and Lila and Five deserved better and it sounds like the actors knew it. But if a bad romance subplot could ruin a whole show, I'd hate a lot more things.

I'm on the fence about Klaus's plot - felt like sidelining him and was questionable. But also a natural part of Klaus's life. Lila had her kids, Allison had Claire, Diego his family, on and on. Klaus's whole life was avoiding being sober and then a huge focus on sobriety. This is his thing. All y'all loved his drugged antics and it gets messy and sad especially when facing it post rock bottom and change.

I see a lot of Ben being unimportant complaints - Ben was always auxilary and a mcguffin there to bond or split the group - Umbrella Ben was a concept, a guilt source, Klaus's conscience, Klaus's id...never a character and dead before the show ever began. Sparrow Ben was literally never part of this family and plot about the family embracing him would have been nice, but him having his own solo quest because he is alone in this world was also fine. Jennifer was a plot device - and in a comic book show about another apocalypse thats not neccessarily a bad thing - especially with a group of dynamic characters I care about on the board.

I see a lot of complaints about the lack of fun villains. What was Sy (I know who was in him but that performance was fun)? Gene and Jean? Those are classic villains that are right up there with the Swedes and the Handler. Hazel & Cha Cha are still standouts but thats not cause these guys sucked.

I see a lot of ending complaints - going from "it was all for nothing" to "it was harmful". If it was harmful for you please be safe and that's a personal decision each time - but also that's media sometimes. It wasn't an irresponisble move like The Magicians or 13 Reasons or other things that just don't consider the audiences needs in order to gain shock value and I don't think they did anything irresponsible with it.

(I am a survivor of unalive attempts, one right after magicians so I get it. And I'm a year sober re: Klaus stuff.)

But, I loved the ending. I don't think it was all for nothing. They saved thier families! They saved everyone! The whole world! Universe! Future and past! Their moms! Hundreds of people who died in their fight to save it, on either side because without the conflict caused by them they're lives were different! I wish the Flash, or Winchesters, or anyone else who keeps ruining lives and causing death and strife sometimes on an apocalypse scale or multiverse timesplit scale had, at literally any point, said "Actually we should value this over my mom/brother/self"...like the scale was apocalyptic. That has a cost. And wow they fixed more than even I hoped. The families? Nice. Hazel and his diner wife are where I got emotional - very nice touch to show everyone.

Why isn't there a kugelblitz? Either the deletion of the timelines and that energy removed the issue Golden Compass style or its a fun comic book show with time assassins and a new element called marigold.. take your pick. It's never been that deep.

The marigolds at the end were probably not thought about as much as anyone on here has. I thought it was just a fun finale goodbye, like getting a bouqet at curtain. I liked that Ben and Lila both had one.

Genuinely confused and had to write to the void and see if I'm alone or crazy. I recommend a lot of people read and watch more media for literacy and stop hoping for plots that are fanservice as they often tank good things and fanfiction and your imagination remain goated, often better, or touch grass and realize the silly fun comic book apocalypse multiverse romp may just be a lil dumb and that's okay...if you read all that I'd love feedback 🩷

And I loved so much more than this stuff! Claire being an actualized young adult and loving her uncle and mom and being a teen? Viktor getting the validation he craved. Diego getting his skills and lust for life back. The fucking cut from baby shark to "He's dying" and so many shots/editing/music choices that highlight the dark comedy this show is.

[triscribe]

@the-dracologist You, my kind soul, are getting your own post: first of all there are so many Els. So many. And what was true in one continuity gets turned on its head in another. I have not been reading Superman comics for eighty years so I do the best with what online database-poking can tell me. But as for your other comment:

House El taking a child from house Zod and raising him as one of their own could go so hard in a setting like Westeros

I am gonna take FIVE MINUTES to explain my vision and then go back to the pre-plot family tree wrangling:

“Welcome to the Reach, young Wayne,” Lord Jonathan of House Kent greeted him, when Bruce arrived at the deceptively named ‘Smallcastle’. What once in ancient days began as a short single tower overlooking the nearby farms had over the centuries grown into a truly sprawling citadel, taller and grander towers ringed with thick walls to protect the many-layered keep and out buildings.

Bruce of House Wayne gets fostered at Smallcastle, growing up alongside Clark, whom everyone knows isn't actually the trueborn son of Lord Jonathan and Lady Martha, because their marriage went nearly twenty years without any sign of a child, but no one says anything about where the babe must have originally come from because he's a delightful lad raised by fair and generous parents and everyone agrees he'll make an excellent Lord of the Reach someday.

Except. It turns out 'Clark Kent' is actually the Kryptonian princeling Kal-El, thought deceased with his parents when their ship sank in a storm. A servant of the Kent household found a chest washed up on shore, containing a wailing infant with an unhatched dragon's egg. Jonathan and Martha don't tell the kid this until he's nearly sixteen, just after Zor-El, who became king after his brother Jor-El's death at sea, also dies unexpectedly.

The last El remaining, the only Kryptonian bloodline capable of taming dragons and thus sitting the throne, is the five year old princess Kara, whom several people immediately push to get control of. So, in order to try and forestall a potentially devastating war, the Kents tell their son the truth, who promptly shares it with his foster brother Bruce, who's response is to go "an egg long since turned to stone won't do you any good in proving your identity. Let's go find you a dragon."

(That turns into its own subplot)

Anyway. The boys locate a grown dragon, Clark bonds with it, and they arrive at the capitol city just in time to prevent battle from breaking out between the royal guards, the City Watch, and the army camped outside the gates. Said army is being led by General Dru-Zod, who's wife has just given birth to a healthy baby boy back home, and he's insisting on a betrothal between Lor/Chris and Princess Kara, which will neatly put him in the position of Regent for the next decade or so.

Others object to this. Including Clark. And when Zod turns his attempt at grasping for power into a formal challenge, it comes to a duel.

Whether I let Clark fight his own battle or have Bruce step in as his champion, Zod loses by a hair, agrees to yield, and then goes for the last second backstab. His ass will be getting eaten by the dragon.

After all is said and done and Clark's butt is firmly on the throne, he does the entirely reasonable thing and sends for Lor-Zod, to be raised as a ward/hostage in his court (or possibly handed to the Kents as a new fosterling, I'm not sure which yet). Kara will be getting to pick her own spouse-to-be in due time, and then I can get back to the Wayne Family Nonsense that I've been daydreaming about for days now.

(Amongst others. Dorne ruled by House Sandsmark, aka Hippolyta and her sisters and daughters and niece. The Vale of Thanagar, under control of House Hol. A distant tropical land called Tamaran, and the exiled Princess Kor'iand'r seeking refuge. The Iron Isles ruled by House Arkham. And of course House Wayne managing all the North, which Bruce gets very hands-on with doing, which means lots of travel between distant keeps and holdfasts and lots of opportunities to find kids in need of parental assistance. Oh, and also- King Beyond the Wall Slade Wilson. That's gonna be a fun one.)

But first I gotta finish the Kryptonian family tree

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 17: Qikiqtarjuaq

Or, if Arthur had his way, Quikiqutarjuaqu?

Q (because The Name is very annoying to type) is, as I said back in my Boston post, not one of my favorites. And I wish it were, because, like Ottery St Mary (which has its own divisive moments), it has SO many classic bits. The traveling lemon! Le bear polar! Farewell bear facts! From that perspective it's incredible.

But it has a weird tone problem, and to me, the whole thing comes back to Nancy Dean Liebhart.

Yes, yes, it's because she's American and Americans on British sitcoms are never great, fine. But I think in this case it goes beyond that, because a lot of the episode ends up circling around her and her reactions. Martin wants to impress her; Douglas seems to (though it's not explicit) want to piss her off, if it'll mean dinging Martin in the self esteem in the process; Carolyn wants to show her that she doesn't matter. (Arthur, of course, just wants to tell people bear facts. Lovely Arthur.)

To be clear- the Martin-Carolyn plotline would have happened regardless, because he's genuinely pissed about having to cancel a paying job. Their whole scene feels a little bit... almost too much? Like, Carolyn is actually pretty cruel to him in her response to his request, and Martin's rant back to her is almost too pathetic, if that makes sense. It's internally consistent from an emotional standpoint, but it feels out of sync tonally with the rest of the episode- which is one of the reasons why I felt genuine uncomfortable when Douglas wanted to continue the traveling lemon game and Carolyn was like "oh well maybe not"... because Carolyn had just had a serious come-to-Jesus moment with Martin and Douglas was still in his own stupid world about trying to be an asshole.

Because here's the thing. Douglas was SUPER unprofessional throughout. The episode knows this obviously, and acknowledges it outright in the end. There's a power struggle between Martin and Douglas about it, and we've seen that before. But the difference is... I don't think that this one was actually very funny. It just feels like Douglas being a jerk for the sake of it, and then when that ends up involving things like the Bear Polar and Captain du Creff, which are gut-bustingly hilarious, they just go together like chalk and cheese.

To get back to Nancy Dean Liebhart- it's all her fault, in my opinion. She's just not funny, and as I said about Hester Macaulay in Cremona (who I don't think was as bad as this...), she needs to either be really funny or really wrong in order for the hijinks of the plot to work, and she's neither. All of the above conflicts circling around her (entirely reasonable!) complaints, and her weirdly arbitrary decision to pick on Martin about them which of course ends up being the place where the plot starts... it's just uncomfortable because she's basically right but the episode treats her like she's ridiculous.

I'm curious if any British listeners will disagree with me on this- I'm wondering if there's just a British trope of "naggy American woman" that makes this funny in the UK. Maybe some kind of Karen trope, but where it doesn't matter what the complaint is as long as the accent is (mostly) right? I don't know. Nancy is definitely somewhat Karen-y in how she comes across and how she talks to people, but her points are largely valid (and therefore not super funny) and that's fatal for a character like her. It forces us to pay more attention to Douglas's response and how he's being deliberately spiteful specifically to screw with Martin, and to the weirdly intense Martin-Carolyn subplot, and then contrasts it with the nutty Bear Polar subplot and Arthur and his bears, which are all super silly. And it leads to it just being... strange, tonally, and not in a way that I personally like.

Without her, I think a lot of the same things COULD have happened, but they'd have happened on their own terms. We could have seen Martin be annoyed at Douglas for the Hitchcock cabin address and seen that as "Martin being a stickler" rather than "the paying customer being annoyed," and it would have been more like other similar episodes where Martin is the safe pilot and Douglas is the good one. We'd have seen Martin be annoyed about not being paid and having his paying work sabotaged, and maybe even him taking that out on Douglas a bit. And I think it would have de-intensified certain things in a way that would have helped. Nancy Dean Liebhart just fucked with the rhythms of the show and wasn't even funny enough to justify it.

This whole rant makes it seem like I hate the episode, and... I don't, really. There are too many good moments. But I have to watch it with my finger on the "skip" button.

[haljathefangirlcat]

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “Beowulf” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

literal years later, when I least expected it: dude I swear I just saw Cain's spawn lurking in the fens

My buddy the narrator pacing: Hrothulf is plotting against his uncle

The thing about Beowulf is... I never quite got the hype about it. (Yes, we're not Supposed to use words like "hype" about world literature Classics, especially from ancient times, or to make light of them in general. Shut up and contemplate the fact that social media posts expressing nothing more than personal opinions and feelings aren't generally meant to be the same thing as academic work to be shared between academians in an academic context.) Ofc, I understood its historical value, including in terms of linguistics and philology. But in terms of "would I pick this as reading material to obsess and fall into a research hole over"? Despite trying a few times, I never quite got past ALL the references to God every other line. ("Snorri was an Evil Zealot who set out to knowingly and purposefully Christianize Norse mythology For The Evulz" crowd, I will tattoo each and every single one of those all over your body so you can't look into a mirror without accidentally reading one ever again.) The apparently disjointed "Beowulf fights Grendel and then Grendel's mother in Denmark. Years later, after going back to Sweden and becoming king, he also fights a dragon but this time he dies" narrative didn't really appeal to me, either. Nor did the presence of (afaik) exactly one (1) named female character. (Wealhtheow, babe, in hindsight I'm so sorry.)

I'm not sure what changed, exactly. It's just that, some time ago, I finally got around to reading Grendel by John Gardner, and I loved it and thought "wow, this would have made me either bawl my eyes out or stare off into space for like five-to-ten minutes after finishing it, had I read it as a teen." And after that, I found myself thinking "well, now I should probably get to know know the original story," and finally picking up my copy of Tolkien's translation of Beowulf, and realzing there actually was a lot going on in the story, and getting way too engaged in the looming "Hrothulf kills Hrothgar's kids" subplot that doesn't even really resurface in any later material about Hrolf Kraki (though those aren't exactly free from fucked-up family dynamics, either...), and going "!!! Volsungar mention!!!!" at the bit about Sigemund and Fitela despite already knowing about the Sigemund and Fitela bit and the whole "who actually killed the dragon first/in which tradition" question, and losing my mind at the bit about Hama and the "necklace of the Brosings" and "Eormanaric's hate" because, yeah, I already knew about that one, too, kind of, but recently I've gone into a little bit of a Brisingamen deep-dive, and a while ago I read a really interesting commentary and translation of the Hildebrandslied that had quite a lot to say not just about the specific hatred/enmity of a powerful king for an adventurous hero but also about the shift from Odoacher to Ermanric as Dietrich' von Bern's enemy, which ofc (?) got me thinking about Eormanaric/Ermanric/Jormunrek's apparent widespread reputation for being an asshole, something there probably has to be some accessible paper in English about somewhere out there...

Ahem. Anyway, I also found myself alternating reading Tolkien's translation with watching Grendel Grendel Grendel, the weird and very simplified and toned down but still somehow very enjoyable and sad kids' movie adaptation of Gardner's Grendel. And Beowulf & Grendel, the one without any magic where Grendel's a traumatized Neanderthal on a quest of vengeance that's somehow also quite a good watch despite the wonky editing, the cast and crew being possibly cursed by the Norse gods, and ofc, the time-displaced Neanderthals. And Animated Epics: Beowulf, which I might have actually watched once as a child, thinking about it. And Simon Roper and Jackson Crawford's read-along, featuring interesting linguistic, literary, and historical notes as well as Australian!Hrothgar, Beowulf making it exceedingly clear that "some of my best friends are Danes!", and some unforgettable exchanges such as "I used to tell my students the story about that time I almost drove off a cliff when they were worried about their exams to make them undestand that I, too, had experienced the fear of death :|" "I'm glad you didn't perish :)" "Thanks. :|" (I'm on the Fits 8-11 video, btw. Even if, when it comes to Tolkien's translation, I'm already at the part where Beowulf says goodbye to Hrothgar and sails back to the land of the Geats. Look, I remebered thos videos existed somewhat belatedly.)

I think eventually I might also end up rewatching The 13th Warrior (which I'm gonna go out on a limb and say might be the true origin of the ahistorical Neanderthals in Beowulf & Gredenl, but I remember liking that one, too). And Outlander (my beloved "aliens crash-land in Viking Age Scandinavia and fight each other while being Sad & Tragic in their own ways" one, not the Scottish one) but specifically as a Beowulf reimagining this time around (rather than as "the movie that could have totally had the Brooding Hero, Fiery But Sweet Warrior Woman, and Hotheaded Rival-Turned-Friend invent modern polyamory, because that wouldn't have been weirder than having a character called Boromir" like every other time). Maybe that weird post-apocalyptic Beowulf that was the first to do the "Grendel's mom's got it goin' on" thing, too, at least if I can find that snarky review of it on Youtube again. Probably not the Uncanny CGI Desperately Trying To Be Live-Action 20O5 Beowulf where the titular hero keeps screaming "BEOWULF!!" and "I'M BEOWULF!!!" just in case the audience's intelligence levels can't be considered to be above the average rock's, and that also decided to add a foot fetish/body paint kink note to its cover of Grendel's Mom, though, unless I can find any snarky review of it. (I remember reading somewhere that the director actually hated Beowulf, as in the poem itself, and accepting the bit of info without question. The high heels-shaped feet are just one of the reasons why I wonder if anyone ever asked him if perhaps he hated women, too. At least his work supposedly contributed to the writers of Outlander being told "there's already too many Beowulf movies coming out!" and going "whatever, we're gong to do our own thing! With blackjack and hookers aliens and shieldmaidens", so I should probably thank him for that.)

Unfortunately, while I'm pretty sure I'll be able to avoid writing down a list of Adaptations I Absolutely Need To Check Out One Day Or I'll Die (i.e. Every Single I've Ever Heard About) like I did for The Nibelungs In Their Every Possible Form, all of this had the unforeseen side effect of reminding me that, even when I didn't have much if any interest in Beowulf, I used to have a bit of soft spot for Unferth. I mean, how could I not, when I imprinted on Hagen von Tronje when I was eleven-years-old? Give me a guy who knows all of The Hero's heroic deeds and still doesn't find him all that impressive from their very first meeting, and I'll just "👀" at him. Though from what I knew, this guy in particular seemed to go against his character type by becoming more friendly with the hero and lending him his ancestral sword, which seemed pretty interesting. Especially because he was apparently a fratricide, too? And you wouldn't expect a guy who killed his own brothers and got a "... and that's why you'll go to Hell!" by The Hero over it to have any kind of redemption arc/sudden reveal of hidden depths in any positive sense. And there was also that paper (which, ofc, I didn't bookmark at the time, and now I want to kick myself for that until I remember the title or at least the author...) arguing that maybe him telling off Beowulf about the swimming race was less about him as a person and more about him having a specifc role among the thanes in Heorot that included testing strangers requesting to speak with Hrothgar to figure out if they really were who they claimed to be or if they could actually live up to their reputation...

Again, I blame John Gardner, at least in part. He has a really crunchy Unferth, who definitely reawakened my interest in the character. The on in Grendel Grendel Grendel wasn't half-bad, either, though very different in some respects. But the original, too, ended up being actually so much more fun (meaning, so much more to chew on/rotate in my mind) than I could have imagined from my vague memories.

First you've got the iconic "didn't you look like a total loser against Breca, and isn't that literally all there is to know about you?" "shut up, you're drunk, a kinslayer, someone I have never heard anyone tell heroic tales about, and also, maybe if you were braver Grendel wouldn't keep eating you guys" banter, and I'm starting to realize that might be already more juicy, in terms of both Beowulf's and Unferth's characterizations and their interactions together, than I ever thought it was. Then you've got a line that sounds an awful lot like "everyone could see Grendel's severed arm hanging from the ceiling and that shut Unferth up" and seems to imply some sort of lingering bitterness on Unferth's side when Heorot is in the middle of the celebrations for Grendel's death. But then Unferth actually starts being described in much more favorable terms, almost as if the narrator were pointing out that, despite what the audience might think after his first appearance, there's a reason he's close to Hrothgar and has a good place in his hall... even if at the same time Unferth's praised for his "mighty heart" (something quite different from cowardice), wisdom, and the trust everyone in Heorot apparently has in his mind, there's actually another reference to him having had no mercy for his relatives "in the play of swords" in the past. (Fun little detail: that line comes right after one to the effect of "Hrothgar and Hrothulf were there and no betrayal had yet happened between them"...)

Until, finally, you get Beowulf preparing to go fight Grendel's mother and Unferth giving him his family's swords, Hrunting. And all kinds of entertaining things happen in relation to Hrunting.

You've got Unferth not remembering his first words to Beowulf because he was just really, really, really drunk when he said them, which seems to go well with Beowulf himself calling out his speech as a drunken boast but not with the "that shut him up" line I mentioned before. (Which leads me to wonder: was he actually too drunk to know what he was saying? Or did Beowulf give him an easy out in case he regretted it, which Unferth eventually chose to take to try and smooth things over?) You've got Unferth being "mighty of valour" yet not daring to go after Grendel's mother himself and "forfeiting glory" while giving his weapon to a "worthier" warrior, but his sword getting some lengthy praise nonetheless, to the point of being basically deemed infallible, and Beowulf not only not making any more comments on Unferth's supposed lack of bravery but calling him a man of "wide renown", praising his sword some more, vowing to succeed in his heroic feat with Hrunting or die trying, and telling Hrothgar that no matter what happens, Unferth must get it back when it's all over. And after that... you've got Hrunting utterly failing to kill or even harm Grendel's mother.

Except, that's literally the first time it ever fails at anything? And Beowulf can only kill Grendel's mother when, with the help of God, he finds a magical sword forged by giants, which implies there was no problem with it (and, by extension, with Unferth?) as the whole situation simply needed a little something extra to be dealt with?

Then, you've got Beowulf actually bringing Hrunting back, even if it wasn't much use to him when it really mattered. And praising it again, making sure to publicly clarify, while addressing Hrothgar himself, that no, it really is an excellent sword. And, after some more "the monster is dead!" celebration, Unferth himself (unambiguously "bold", now) having the sword brought over again not just to lend it Beowulf, but to gift it to him.... a weapon that is both nothing to sneeze at and, as Beowulf himself has acknowledged while praising it, a family heirloom. (From a guy who probably already has enough complicated feelings about his family without running around giving that kind of stuff away, to boot!) One Beowulf accepts once more, and gladly, already figuring it will be "a good friend in war, a power in battle" and saying absolutely nothing bad about it (the narrator goes "oh he's so gallant!" at him after that bit, which is admittedly kind of hilarious in itself, but still, imho, not really much to go on if you want to think he's not being sincere) right before he announces his intentions to sail back home.

I'm gonna be honest: I had already read most fics tagged Beowulf/Unferth on AO3 before this Beowulf binge. And now, I've gone and reread them. I've actually read the ones I'd missed the first time around, too. Not that it took me much time at all, but still. WildandWhirling has two really lovely ones. This innuendo-heavy one is a delight to read, too.

I think I might end up writing at least one more. Maybe canon!verse, if I manage not to spiral into researching Old English attitudes to homosexuality, or maybe Modern!AU, if I manage to find a good way to transliterate "sailing off to another country to slay monsters" in this century in a convincing way. Even just to have more than six works in the tag itself. But we'll see...

I suppose, in the end, the whole point of this random, almost stream-of-consciousness post (besides freeing up my head from at least some of my recent Beowulf thoughts) might have turned out to be just that, no matter who they are, fangirls will, indeed, always make them gay. (... I say, as if this was a surprise and I didn't already ship a number Nibelungenlied-and-adjacent gay ships I got into way before any of this.) It wasn't its original purpose but *shrug* I'll take it.

Then again... come on. All that talking about swords. *grin*

[mushiemellows]

for the ask game do you have things to say about kiwi n mozu ? its really cool to me that they got to be relevant in SRH, smiles. 12, 20, and 21

oh yes yes yes!! I looooved making them into real characters in SRH. For a lot of the headcanon questions, I'll be talking about the little things that i used to flush out their characters in my brain that then informed how I wrote them, if that makes sense.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

So I do hc them both as transwomen. This literally never comes up in my writing, but it's rooted in the canon backstories for both of them (unhoused in their teens, in the same way that Franky being trans has partial root in his parents kicking him out at 10. And the whole FF is clearly all queer coded, and a big part of why I write Zambai as gay). I also needed to give them slightly different motivators to differentiate them from each other. So Mozu's a little more serious, a little more Family focused, she's slightly more logistical. By the time I have them running the bar, she's handling more of the finances and things like that, where as Kiwi's more of the face bartender. Kiwi, on the other hand, is a little more invested in her friend group outside of the Family. Like, they're both friends with Tiff and the others, but Kiwi is more in that circle than Mozu is. Also, Kiwi's a lesbian, idk if the microscopic Kiwi/Nami subplot is ever picked up on, but I did write it that way. And it's not a hc, it's a style decision- Toei, I'm begging you to give these women their deserved melanin.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

I mean, easy answer is Franky. Second easiest answer is each other. Third easiest answer is Tiff, but she's an OC so that doesn't count. I do think post-Franky leaving, Mozu and Zambai get closer as they both step up to fill his position, while Kiwi gets more invested in that secondary friend group. In the same tone as the Nami/Kiwi thing, I actually do think those two would get along if they spent more time together. I think Nami would like both sisters under different circumstances, we're just never really shown them. On the flip side, I have Robin and Mozu getting along slightly better. It's the interlocking big sister-little sister dynamics, on repetition, if that makes sense. But less properly sisterly, more just complimentary.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Oh I loooooooove writing when they both tell a story at the same time. One of my favorite scenes to write was them essentially recapping the first third of the plot to Zambai, it's so much fun letting them bounce off each other and finish each other's sentences. They need to be their own characters, but I also love when they get to combine (they are like crystal gems to me). What I don't like? I don't like how little I have to work with. There's just scraps in the canon, so I had to build a lot of them up myself. In a way this was a bit of a blessing, they got to be whoever I needed them to be as long as it supported whatever Franky was up to, but it was still a challenge. Also- the true hardest part was the hours I spent remembering which was which and which was older (Mozu is younger and is the one in yellow, Kiwi is older and is the one in pink. it took me 13 chapters and 275k to cement that in my brain and I'm still certain I got it wrong at one point or another. I had to make a nemonic device.)

[zukkacore]

you reblogged that director's cut ask meme and i KNEW exactly already the scene. towards the end where it starts with:

"Disappointment. “Look. Whatever fantasy you’re trying to cling to, I don’t want any part of it. If you need anything, get another me to do it for all I care. I’m just—done playing house, Porter.” to "How ridiculous."

OR anything about the pomegranate tree which. i put my phone down to stare at the ceiling when the pomegranate tree was mentioned.

HIiiii!!!!! Thank you so much for sending me this honestly you picked a good one.

Ok. this scene is crazy bc i think it was the flashback scene that felt the most necessary to include. Not the one i fought the hardest for (jace good/bad teacher you have my heart ended up making sense but for a long time i was like cut that shit. You know you just want to be indulgent. Until i realized the ratgrinders haunt the narrative). Nor the one that feels the most. Obvious I guess? Or the most evocative? (The one where they're at Porter's house feels like so vivid and real to me not like necessarily bc of my writing its just like real in my mind like if Jace is reading Porter's memories there's definitely something in there that is just Precious and Heartbreaking and Deeply Ironic and almost simplistically affectionate in its portrayal of the Old Jace.

Anyway. This scene in the backyard felt. Necessary I guess? But i also worried i was trying too hard to make it work. It actually wasn't even really originally about Frosty Fair. Like. Jace still was walking out bc of a fight abt the ratgrinders but it was more abstract? I think the fact that its like ruben was getting attacked by grix is a throughline though for jace taking damage for TRGs in the forest. The ratgrinders were not originally going to be this like chekovs gun and like i honestly felt kinda bad that i was like. hm. awfully convenient for Jace to forget abt them so quickly in favor of getting. some dick but also like that's the whole POINT. I was like. Well i can at least highlight how absurd that is by making him ashamed but not really altruistic enough to do anything about it. But its like. Kinda the throughline now.

Originally I was like. Honestly rly embarrassed bc i felt like Jace taking damage in the forest was such a contrived way to get him and Porter to hook up like oooooh patching up injuries how original. But I feel like. There's a whole subplot kinda ABOUT jace taking the damage now. Now the whole story is about how he cares.

And post-Jace HATES that that's the reason Porter brought him on b/c he's so alienated from that version of himself, and he's disgusted with himself for feeling like he's never doing enough or caring enough. For being neglectful and running away. So when Porter grabs his wrist in the memory,

“I don’t think so, Stardiamond. You want this to work. You care, you always have. I know that’s who you still are.”

it's like. He's not seeing Jace for who he is. He's still clinging to the past. But also don't think he's completely wrong. Because jace does take that damage in the forest. He always had that capacity to care in him.

Anyway. I'll backtrack to the. Top of the scene tho.

Disappointment. “Look. Whatever fantasy you’re trying to cling to, I don’t want any part of it. If you need anything, get another me to do it for all I care. I’m just—done playing house, Porter.

Ok so this comes right after the whole. Jace wants Porter to acknowledge what he means to him. & Porter only mentioning his utility to The Plan. So. In my Mind the fantasy that Porter clings to about Jace and the fantasy Porter clings to about the house of sunstone heir of the cliffbreakers thing is made of the same stuff. It's all a glorious past that has been lostt to him. It's all something he's desperately trying to cling to.

There's also the fact that Jace says "I'm done playing house, Porter" (which i know is epilogue coded what can i say we get metatextual up in here). But. To me that's about. This idea of family. Porter feels he's been denied something of his lineage. In his mind he's doing this for his family as well as himself. I really wanted there to be something in there about Jace basically saying like. Why do you need to do this for your family. I'm your family. But it felt too on the nose and maybe not true to the character. B/c like. What family? The whole Jaceporter and the ratgrinders make up like a shitty fucked up fall of the house of usher type family is so real to me. But the thing is. That's a fantasy. Most of the ratgrinders are shatterstarred. Porter is clinging to something that doesn't exist.

And he says "if you need anything, get another me to do it for all I care." which. I think I needed to justify something within the text... But besides that. "get another me to do it" is so like. I think there's two things in there. 1) Jace is talking about his own replaceable nature within the plan. Calling attention to the fact that Porter actually COULD replace him, he just doesnt want to because he wants it to be jace. He just won't say that he'll say i need you you're so important blah blah. 2) obviously that's a bit of a jaceclone reference. He's saying literally another me, and long as I personally get that distance from you idc.

already talked abt the you care line so I'm gonna skip past it.

Another swing of Bigby’s Hand. This time, it’s a miss, and it dissipates—too rattled to concentrate. Jace seethes. “I don’t give a fuck what you think of me, or about who your Jace was. I’m —”

Ok. So like. I've talked about this a little bit, but I actually I do have a soft spot for the guardians of the galaxy 3 i actually think its pretty good and i don't like peter and gamora really but i think gotg3 uses them in very interesting ways b/c Quill keeps trying to insist that this gamora (a gamora from another time who never experienced the movies) should live up to the gamora from his memories. The line i actually really like is "What are you so afraid of within yourself that you need me to be something for you" which AAAAGGGGHHHH i feel sick about is very jaceporter to me. (The other scene that is very them is gamora saying “you know. I’m still not who you want me to be” and him going “yeah but who you are ain’t so bad” “I bet we were fun” “like you wouldn’t believe.” PORTER YEARNS FOR OLD JACE BUT ALSO ?? DID OLD JACE LOVE HIM TO THE POINT OF INVENTION?)

I don't think Porter would ever refer to the old jace as His Jace but I definitely think this jace conceives of it that way. & this is even more fucked bc PORTER put him here. That shit just happened to Gamora. PORTER is the one that wanted to actualize and use Jace but also misses who he used to be. And porter isn't wrong that this jace has the capacity to be as "good" at the old jace, but he's definitely not willing to acknowledge the harm he's caused or the pain this jace is in. I almost ended the exchange with "I'm Jace" but i felt like that also would be too on the nose. The fact that the name Jace is inherently a little bit silly does take a bit of the bite away. Sorry bestie beloved but its true ur name is ridiculous.

I think so much of this fic is Jace reconciling that he wants to be loved but he doesn't know in which way. Like. On the one hand he's saying please love as I am—as a person who has undergone irreconcilable trauma, different and the same. On the other hand he's saying please love me as I am— as the doggish, devoted frankenstein's creation that can't help but love his creator. And I think there's a little bit of both here. A little bit of Why are you asking for the old jace when i am what i am, the person you made, someone else, and i'm RIGHT HERE. And its a little bit of Why are you asking for the old jace expecting me to be something i no longer recognize, can you at least acknowledge that this trauma has changed me, that i feel different, that i feel as if i can never go back. But maybe those are the same thing

I also want a brief sec to talk abt that bigby's hand. I just wanted something that would leave a large impact i think? Like. this is such a WEIRD pull but i was watching that dirty laundry w/ brennan in which he talks abt getting in a car crash where the car trenches a hole in the grass and stops just shy of a woodchuck hole and he starts laughing in shock. I thought abt that a lot in the scene with the Motivational Poster bc of the laughing of shock but i also liked that imagery i guess of trenching a crater.

Pain, as the rage crystals and untamable arcana course through his veins—he can feel it in the present, too—and then the Jace in the memory surges so bad that he passes out on the lawn, but not before frying the nearby pomegranate tree to a crisp with a jolt of lightning. Jace turns away from that one as if flinching from a raised hand. Despite everything, he wishes most of all to apologize about the tree. He could laugh. How ridiculous.

Im playing a little loose with sorcery stuff but aint that the sorcery way i guess. Anyway I like in other fic when Jace has a hard time controlling his sorcery due to being shatterstarred as a way of being like yeah he's discordant with himself. Its sooooo good. I think the rage here is a little bit his and Porters. I don't know if thats how it works in the text but i made the call that jace's rage can also incite the crystal to act up.

OK SO lastly. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP THE POMEGRANIT TREE JUST BC ITS FUN even tho its literally is like. Yeah I love Hadestown and Jaceporter are soooooo persephades / orphydice coded. I liked the imagery of his surge being so bad that it kills the something dear to Porter in the garden, and I was like. Frying a tree sounds cool. And I was like. Well if its gonna be a fruit tree of COURSE it can't be any old tree it has to be a pomegranite tree. OF COURSE. And it's not stated but i do think it kinda was the centerpiece of that garden. And of course like. A pomegranate on its own already means a lot. In terms of like. Death n rebirth Persephades and this idea of the cycles of the seasons and leaving n returning and the overlap with this idea of like, corruption and a Fall from grace

Also a shoutout to my ability to neglect real world facts. "Lily, white, and Poppy red. I trembled as he laid me out. " Yeah, Porter decimated the poppies in the fight. They're completely out of season but we can play pretend.

I do think him wanting to apologize for the tree is like. Such a funny moment. I think after i wrote what happened to the tree i felt bad for said tree. There is something really sad abt that. So i think Jace would feel bad about destroying something that takes so long to grow, that Porter cares about, and find away to blame himself even tho Porter is the one who started everything.

Anyway. This scene felt. Necessary bc i think there needed to be some semblance of showing them in like. Actual conflict. at the time i actually did NOT know that THIS would be THE FIGHT in the exhange that Porter was talking about earlier. When he said "i thought you meant it this time". i mean. its not explicit but I do think there's a finality to the interaction that implies that yes. Jace was fucking serious this time. And again there's that throughline of the ratgrinders haunting the narrative. About Jace caring and feeling like he's never caring enough.

Like, so much of the story is ABOUT Porter looking right past jace and i felt like there should be scene that. Says it outright. But also. Not being completely wrong. IMO. B/c I also think Jace was threatened by the version of himself that porter sees. And he thinks he doesn't live up to that. he COULD never live up to that. (And in some ways he does. In some ways. He's might even be perfect in his own way. He kinda loved Porter to the point of invention so)

[deebormzone]

Deeborm's Big New Year's Gamer Post!

Happy New Year!

Will it be a happy new year? Probably not. But as the Greek philosophers once wrote:

pls rember that wen u feel scare or frigten never forget ttimes wen u feeled happy wen day is dark alway rember happy day

And in the spirit of those wise words, here's some good stuff I've enjoyed recently, as well as some stuff to look forward to in the year to come.

Yet Another Steam Sale

It's been a long time since these sales have been anything special, but for Gamers like me, they're still good opportunities to scan for bargains.

I mainly look for indie games on deep discounts. Bonus points if they're relaxing. I'm an old man now, and if something on screen moves too quickly I panic and drop my mouse.

Wilmot Works it Out

The perfect game for me. You play as a happy square who puts jigsaw puzzles together and then has a cup of tea. I think there may soon be a too-close-to-home subplot about how Wilmot needs to go touch grass, but for now I am safe.

Webfishing

It's Animal Crossing but for fishing only. Also allows the player to talk to freaks online while doing the fishing. Very relaxing, and there's progression! Unfortunately fishing is dull so I can only do this for 5 minutes at a time.

Atlyss

I was pretty skeptical of this one despite hearing about how good an action RPG it is, but then it went on sale and I gave up trying to avoid it. Movement is fast and fluid! But you have to use that speed to skillfully avoid enemies. Harder than expected! Maybe I picked a bad class (rogue?).

Grindstone

I love Match-3 games! But it feels like nobody really makes them nowadays. The most popular one lately is, what, Huniepop? And I'm not usually about that life.

Grindstone isn't a Match-3 but it's close. It has the player drawing a line through colors of enemies, and then you get a bunch of points. Satisfying, but I wish they didn't use so much toilet humor. I hate that shit, literally.

Robo Quest

As part of my endless quest to find a Borderlands game that doesn't have Borderlands humor (see: toilet), I picked up this one. Great so far; despite the action it's fast and fun. Roguelites are favorites of mine since in those, even failure has its benefits.

Additional Gaming (Non-Steam Sale) (Real)

Palworld

I finally got an upgraded computer, so I can finally play this one!

I think I've finally grown out of Pokemon. It just feels dopey these days, and I suspect that's because it always was, I just never cared until now. But the disease (Pokerus?) still festers within me.

Thus, Palworld. It's been doing very well for itself lately! It's not really a Pokemon successor, but it does a lot of stuff with the concept that Pokemon won't do, and I don't mean the factory farming or automatic weaponry. Having your Pals use their powers to help with building and cooking really adds to the team-building feel of the game, while also reducing the tedium of base building.

Fallout 4

As part of my endless quest to find a Borderlands game that doesn't have Borderlands humor (see: toilet), here's Fallout again. I love the series but I've played it exhaustively. To keep things fresh, I'm trying the ultra hard Survival Mode, which should last about 10 more minutes before a roach kills me and I give up.

Against the Storm

This roguelike town-builder has had a bunch of updates since I played it last. For one thing, it's now possible to beat the game. I think.

There are also a bunch of new resources, like "tea". But it's not for drinking - the only use for tea is something called "treatment" at the "Tea Doctor". I don't know what that means, but the people in my settlement love it so much that I win games due to accumulated happiness. Until proven otherwise, I'll assume the Doctor pours it directly onto people's heads.

The Game Awards 2024

I got tricked into watching TGA again this year. I know it's going to be mostly crap, but I fall for it every time anyway. Fortunately they got the top shelf Muppets to attend this time.

I don't really care about the awards themselves. I'm mostly in it for the reveals. But there were some good ones!

Dog Game 2 is frankly astonishing. Team Clover's revival also means Viewtiful Joe could be back on the table as well, but I won't get greedy. This game will do for now, and I look forward to its release in 2035.

Project Century is also interesting. I don't know if it's Yakuza or what, but it sure looks like it. LaD Ishin was a lot of fun in its historical setting, and this could be similar.

It's a lot of fun seeing Balatro nominated for Game of the Year at the Game Awards (and elsewhere). The game industry nowadays is made of billion dollar projects worked on by thousands of people, all of whom get laid off five minutes before release. And this year, sitting next to them at the pinnacle of the medium, is one guy with a deck of cards.

The most dramatic depiction of this is the Game Awards GOTY medley, which is always a highlight of the show.

Nowadays the Game Awards gets more viewers than the Super Bowl, and here on the world stage is the main theme - and only song - from Balatro being played by full orchestra right next to fucking Elden Ring. That poor solo dev must feel like he's in a permanent, waking dream.

My one complaint about Balatro is that it means my beloved UFO 50, probably my own GOTY, got snubbed in every indie category. Mossmouth worked on that gargantuan collection for years and years, and deserved better. I hope it shows up again for a console release - it'd be perfect on Switch.

The Future Of Gameing

There's some good stuff coming up soon.

Firstly is Dog Game 2 (pirate edition). This will be short for an RGG game but I'm down for anything the studio puts out.

One day later is Civilization 7, which is currently PC Gamer's Most Anticipated Game.

This is actually a very big deal for me. I grew up playing Civ 2, back when you would earn fabulous AMVs for building world wonders.

And lately I've been playing a LOT of Civilization. It's the perfect old man game.

Of course Civ 7 screwed up the whole series formula and is going to be a lot more expensive, but that's true of any new installment of anything. It's possible the changes to core systems could actually make a more enjoyable game.

Also the playable leaders are getting real crazy. You get to be Machiavelli.

He claimed that his experience and reading of history showed him that politics has always involved deception, treachery, and crime. He advised rulers to engage in evil when political necessity requires it, and argued specifically that successful reformers of states should not be blamed for killing other leaders who could block change.

Speaking of which, the Switch 2 is likely to release this year.

I'm not too excited about having to buy another console. Nintendo hasn't been great lately - probably because they're getting ready for Switch 2 - so they'd need some solid launch titles to grab me. It would take either

A new 3d Mario AND a new 3d Zelda

or

Smash

In Closinge

This might be the year I get back to work on my own game, Evil Justice.

Right now, it's a story with 146,000 words, with about a four-hour playtime. I think it's the most successful project I've ever had!

But between the effort required and my demanding job, I've fallen off. Lately, though, I've been feeling some of that old drive... fingers crossed.

That's all for now. I hope everyone has a very good 2025! If I've learned anything, it's that self-esteem is the key, so make sure to treat yourself like a friend.

[zombolouge]

BRACE YOURSELF ITS QUESTION TIME

What’s your current writing project(s)? How do you feel about it, how far along are you? Anything else you want to share about it?

I LOVE YOU JELLY you sent me so many kickass asks that I can't wait to answer. I shall do one every other day so I don't spam my followers and also so I can mull over all the answers in a ponderous, serious manner. ;)

Currently still poking the rapidly expanding middle of Fanatical, my sequel to Indefensible in my Ace Attorney series. Indefensible picks up about a couple months after AA6: Spirit of Justice and follows through an original plotline in the AA universe. I wrote my own cases for it and tried very much to make reading them feel just like it would if you were playing a new game, except I showed all the emotional bits in between the investigation/trial scenes. I also gave full arcs to like...all the fucking characters so this bitch was long lolol but I am exceedingly proud of it and will show it to anyone who even remotely expresses an interest in AA with big, pleading eyes, hoping that they'll read it.

Fanatical takes place about 7-ish months after the epilogue of Indefensible, picking up with a certain auspicious wedding and then immediately plunging all our favorite lawyers into further mysteries. I found while writing Indefensible that I absolutely love writing mystery, even though it also makes me insane, and there were (unbelievably) a few things I didn't get to cover in the first 500k words I wrote. So as I approached the ending of Indefensible, I started thinking about if I had enough to build into another fic, realized I did, and got to work on that. It currently has about 90k of it posted, another 50k written (out of order, which is why I can't post any of it yet lol).

It's been vexing me for a few months because there were some details of the plot my brain hadn't fully visualized yet. I'm getting much, MUCH closer to having a clear vision of it, though. I've finally got the plot beats mapped out, and I can finally see which characters in particular needed a little more attention to their arcs. It's pretty hard to write mystery, even harder to write it when I have at least 21 individual characters to map out an arc for, and something so complex definitely takes time to fully consider. I feel bad that it's been so slow going and that I had to take a break from it, but I haven't put it on full hiatus yet since it's still the project I'm focused on.

So far the theme is clear to me, though, and the biggest plot beats are firm, it's just a few of the subplots that need some TLC. Not every character has to be active for every part of the plot, but I do need to know where their head is at and what they're doing, and how that will intersect with the parts they are actively participating in.

I'm hoping that I can get it on the page before the new Dragon Age game comes out, because that WILL force Fanatical into hiatus because I'll immediately be working on DA stuff. If I don't have most/all of Fanatical done by end of September, it's hiatus will probably be another long one, and I'm very stressed about that. Hoping those that have read it will forgive me, since they already had to weather a years' long hiatus on Indefensible. Did my best to make it worth the wait, tho. ;)

Thank you for giving me a chance to ramble about these things, I LOVE talking about my work and processes and thoughts about characters and stuff, so I always welcome asks. <3

[ballsballsbowls]

I wanted to ask, since you read a lot of erotica and romance, do you have any recs for people interested in plot-heavy erotica? Thanks in advance!

I know how difficult and frustrating it is to see erotica (especially popular erotica!) that's got plotting somewhere between "shoestring" and "incoherent." In fact, there's a couple of semi-popular erotica authors that I gave up trying to read because they basically can ONLY write sex scenes and everything else is an incoherent mess. If feels as though you can really only write a lot of sex OR a lot of plot.

I'm still not getting as much plot as I'd like most of the time, but stuff that has helped me get a FEW tolerable books is:

I, pretty much universally, don't read books under 250 pages. I'm sure there's a lot of pretty good erotica for my ereader that doesn't meet that page count, but I suspect plotting it not its strong point.

Scifi/post apocalyptic/fantasy/paranormal is almost certainly going to have more plot and contemporary is almost certainly going to have less. Fortunately, I like those genres pretty well, so that's not really a hardship for me.

Obviously, mind the trigger warnings and all of that since I am useless for that stuff. Everything links to amazon because that's where I'm buying things, unfortunately. I've picked all of these up either for free or for 99 cents, so if you have time to wait you can get them pretty inexpensively.

Actually billed as erotica, either on Amazon or by author:

Beyond Shame - Kit Rocha

Post-apocalyptic/scifi with a political/gang plot, main pairing is MF but there's plenty of other stuff including MMFF. The religious theocracy part of it was a bit of a tough read this year, all things considered, but I really liked it otherwise. When I get my TBR a little more manageable, I intend to read the rest of the series, which goes on sale fairly often.

2. Initiation: Sex Wizards 1

Fantasy with mostly M/M and M/F but there's a lot of other stuff, too. I don't know that it has quite enough plot to make it onto the list, but I feel like there's enough worldbuilding to make up for it, hopefully.

3. The Rose Contract - Scottie Kaye

Fantasy political thriller with primarily M/F. This one maybe just sneaks onto the list as I'm not quite sure it has enough actual sex scenes to count in my mind, but it's billed as an erotica. These are also shorter than I normally read. I've read the first three books and do intend to read the others at some point.

Technically billed as romance, not erotica

Dark Deception by Sarah Piper

Paranormal vampire romance with substantially more sex than your average vampire romance and substantially more discussions of art history. Main pairing is MF. I bought the next book in the series.

I also have to recommend Emma Holly again for this, which is a copout as I have already recommended Emma Holly to you, but one of the most universal complaints that she got about Strange Attractions and the Hidden series both (both of which I've read and liked) is that she's got so many B and C plots in them that don't pay off because of the length of the book. Strange Attraction's entire haunting/hallucination subplot is pretty notorious for this.

I have a wishlist on amazon that's mostly 'porn with a decent plot' recs that I am desperately watching for sales, and I mostly got the recommendations from this thread, so I am hoping to have read a lot more porn with plot in the next eight months or so, but who knows. My TBR of dead tree books is about 50 books and on my ereader is about 250, so we'll see how fast I get to much of anything.

I debated sitting on this ask for another few days and thinking a little harder, but I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you.