#might have affected me mentally. so like there's a lack of understanding here.

[elytrafemme]

you all will be infuriated with me but i’m being dead serious this time, this isn’t a “haha let’s get my mutuals telling me they think i have this in a joking way” this is like, i’m seriously considering this sort of thing.

i’m wondering if i was wrong about the borderline thing. 

and to be clear because i know at least some people might jump on this, i’m not saying all the symptoms i attributed to it are gone. those are still existent and bpd is the best explanation out of the countless of other conditions i’ve read research papers about, talked to professionals about, or otherwise studied. like this is the best thing i have to go off of. 

but i think i’m very used to being wrong about these things. i was wrong about being part of a system, which i guess i can elaborate on but at this point like, i give up, at some point i’ll go through and delete my pluralkit because i’m tired of this shit. i was wrong about every other condition i thought i had and to be clear part of why i thought i had those conditions was me just trying to humble any other option but bpd. so if they were successful, well, that’d be unexpected.

but that still makes it extremely strange and i honestly am doubting if i have bpd anymore.

[nyctoaerah]

TWTWTWTWTWTW: GORE TWTWTWTWTW

Hi, I love the Yandere Gojo series! I'd like to make a request. My request: Yandere Gojo gives his non-sorcerer lover the worst punishment he's ever seen in his life because she keeps trying to run away… he makes her unable to move or run again. either amputation or broken bones. But in the end, he regrets it very much.

⋆♱⋆REMINISCENT

⋆♱⋆SYPNOSIS: Satoru loves Suguru deeply and he misses the latter so much, so how could he let go off you? How could he let a pretty little thing like you slip through his fingers when you’re literally just like suguru?

⋆♱⋆WARNINGS: Yandere (duh) bone breaking, Surgery stuff, Satoru himself is already a warning, Satoru has Capgras delusion disorder, Both Reader and Satoru ended up having shared psychosis disorder. Satosugu.

⋆♱⋆PAIRINGS: Yandere! Gojo Satoru x Fem! Non-sorcerer reader. Satosugu.

⋆♱⋆NOTE: okokok, i know that you didn’t requested satosugu anon, but there’s a reason why there’s satosugu in here, and it’s important in the plot. Hope you understand<3. Broken bones is already a bad punishment, but i’ll add a twist on it;) Hearts and Reblogs are greatly appreciated<3. Please do support me in wattpad and quotev too<3 i suck at doing angst, sooo.... Idk.. might make a part 2 though.

MASTERLIST

HE WASN’T THE MAN that you once knew, no longer the gentle soul who showered you with affection. The bond you shared over four years had been pure, filled with love and warmth, until that cursed night , Twenty fourth of December in 2017.

Satoru’s mental state appeared to deteriorate drastically ever since that day. The once warm and affectionate gaze he used to cast on you had now transformed into a cold and distant stare, devoid of any tender emotions.   

Sometimes he would blame non-sorcerers like yourself too, grumbling things under his breath like

“You non-sorcerers are the reason why suguru went spiraling”

You didn’t grasp the true meaning of this statement until you did a little digging into Satoru’s past. It was then that you realized you had been living in a state of blissful ignorance.

And after learning about his troubles, instead of scolding him for his erratic behavior and pushing him away, you chose to approach him with kindness and understanding—You felt bad, for you would mostly just yell at him for acting like that, when you didn’t knew the reason why he was like that.

You made every effort to comfort him and show him that you cared deeply for him, to show him how apologetic you are for being so ignorant. However, at times, you also confronted him with harsh truths in order to bring him back to reality. 

In these moments of brutal honesty, Satoru took notice of the uncanny similarities between you and Suguru. From the way you conducted yourself to the gestures you made, tie your hair up, everything seemed to echo Suguru’s presence.

The way you spoke, moved, the way your lips would curl up into a smile, the way you would laugh and interacted with others all carried a trace of Suguru’s aura.

And your voice, fuck, the softness of your voice was reminiscent of the way suguru’s voice would soften whenever he talks to satoru.

Despite lacking a clear physical resemblance, the essence of Suguru seemed to radiate from you in all aspects of your actions.

And perhaps, it’s the way that you managed to make him see suguru in you was what made him so obsessed with you. He saw echoes of his beloved friend in your every gesture, your every word. Sometimes, in a strange mixture of jest and earnestness, he would playfully dub you and Suguru, as if to merge the two of you into one entity. Sometimes he would joke about you being suguru’s genderbend.

You found it peculiar yet endearing at first, dismissing it as a harmless quirk borne from grief, as you had always seen it as his coping mechanism. Little did you know, this oversight would prove to be your gravest mistake.

Despite the warning signs he showed, his redflags, you somehow chose to endure it all.

And that was your biggest mistake.

His once-charming gestures now morphed into suffocating constraints, possessiveness, obsessiveness. Slowly but surely, he isolated you from the outside world, severing even the most basic ties of communication with your own family.

Your past talking stage and lovers would be either found dead or missing without any trace. The friends who once stood by your side now regarded you with wary glances, distancing themselves.

Of course, you felt a deep sense of sadness, believing there was a flaw within yourself. And seeking solace and understanding, you opened up to Satoru, shedding tears as you shared the studf that you were facing in your life. In your moments of vulnerability, he offered you comfort, reassuring you that he was all you needed and that you should distance yourself from other individuals. He warned you that these individuals posed a threat to your well-being, emphasizing that their intentions were harmful—and insisting that he was the only one that you need.

As much as you wanted to believe Satoru and trust him completely, your innate intuition stopped you from fully buying into his facade. Because despite his convincing demeanor, a lingering sense of unease tugged at the back of your mind, suggesting that something wasn’t quite right.

Moreover, Satoru showed a tendency to involve himself in even the most mundane of tasks, such as brushing your hair, typically tasks you would manage alone. It seemed as though he viewed you as some kind of doll, someone he could manipulate and control at his own whim. He made sure to always be in close proximity to you, refusing to give you any moments of solitude. The only instances where he allowed you some privacy were during bathing or changing, and even then, he seemed reluctant to leave your side.

His obsession became so intense that he became insistent on your constant presence by his side, whether he was on a mission, teaching, or interacting with colleagues. His students and coworkers all recognized the unhealthy attachment, with Shoko and even Megumi expressing pity towards you for being caught in Satoru’s suffocating love. Despite the visible discomfort from all parties involved, Satoru remained unmoved, justifying his actions to keep you close at all times.

Even when Shoko attempted to reason with him and knock some sense into his fucked up mind, Satoru would manipulate the situation to shift blame onto them, for separating him with suguru—and that they’re the reason why he only has you now.

Nanami also tried to intervene by trying to convince the higher ups to arrange dangerous solo missions for Satoru in hopes of separating you two, but his stubbornness prevailed.

Maki and Nobara also attempted to intervene, even organizing girls’ nights as a means of providing you with a break from Satoru, yet their efforts were futile. 

Ultimately, the support from those aware of the situation—Nanami, Megumi, Nobara, Shoko, Maki, and others—proved futile in alleviating the troubling dynamic with Satoru. Despite their best intentions and efforts, your circumstances remained unchanged due to Satoru's unyielding obsession on keeping you with him.

Everyone knew how fucked up he was, but what can they do?

Satoru is the strongest after all.

Your parents weren’t even aware of your situation, as you were not allowed to talk or visit them.

One instance stands out in your memory, when you attempted to say that you want to speak with your parents, and he adamantly refused, claiming it was too perilous. Despite feeling frustrated at the time, you ultimately acquiesced to his wishes. The following day though, a horrifying discovery awaited you— the lifeless bodies of your parents. It was at this moment that you began connecting the dots, reflecting on the untimely death and murder of your previous partners, the gradual alienation of your friends, the look of pity his students and colleagues gives you, the persistent reasoning of people trying to separate you from satoru, his increasing control over your actions, and the coincidental deaths of those you sought to interact with. 

The realization dawned on you that all of these  events were orchestrated by Satoru himself, with the sole intention of keeping you entirely under his influence. And an overwhelming sense of fear crept into your chest, prompting you to devise a plan to escape while he was on a mission. 

----𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐄, 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐁𝐎𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆

Your entire body was engulfed in pain and weariness, each muscles contracting in pain, your breaths labored and shallow as if your lungs were about to give out—About to rupture, and a searing sensation in your chest as it tightens, heaving with each labored breath you took.

Your feet were raw and bloody, multiple cuts on it from the jagged edges of rocks you have stepped on, perspiration was all over your body in rivulets, and a dry, scratchy feeling in your throat due to lack of moisture and oxygen.

Everything burned, yet you persisted in moving forward, walking a fine line between imminent collapse and the urgent need to evade getting caught by Satoru—your boyfriend.

Rather than face capture, you were willing to risk death in your desperate attempt to escape.

You’d rather die trying to escape than live without trying to fight for your freedom.

The exhaustion consuming you mattered little, all that occupied your mind was the need to break free from his grasp and his control over you.

The passage of time was a blur, perhaps an hour had passed since you began running, your energy waning as your vision blurred with fatigue. 

Lost in the vast unknown surroundings, it seemed as though you were trapped in a never-ending loop. Uncertain of your location in Japan, the isolated landscape consisted only of a sprawling mansion, trees, and barren land devoid of any signs of human life. It felt as though you had been completely cut off from civilization.

As you continued running, tears streaming down your face, your mind were spinning and every hair on your body stood on end at the sound of his voice suddenly booming.

“Hm? Is that you that i see there, [Name]?”

You froze.

“What have I told you about leaving without my permission?”

The sound of Satoru's voice sent a shiver down your spine, freezing you in your tracks. Every fiber of your being screamed at you to keep moving, to escape his reach, but the fear of his wrath paralyzed you in place.

“S-satoru.. what are you doing here...?” 

You couldn’t comprehend how he had managed to be here when he was supposed to be on a mission. Your mind raced with confusion and disbelief.

“No, what are you doing here?” He asks, staring down at you coldly.

“Are you.. trying to run away?” He questioned you as he stepped closer to you.

Your breath hitched, throat constricting as you looked up at him with wide eyes, not knowing what to say.

“I-i..”

“I-i wasn’t i swear—”

You were left speechless as you were suddenly shoved you down, causing your head to hit the ground with a sickening thud. Blood trickled down your forehead as a cry of pain escaped your throat. 

His gaze bore down on you with a chilling intensity, sending shivers down your spine.

“You’re trying to leave me..”

“I trusted you,” he whispered shakily.

“How could you? I made sure to go back as soon as possible after my mission was finished so that you won’t be in danger... And now you’re running away and putting yourself in danger?”

Out of nowhere, his hand tightly gripped your throat, squeezing with such force that it became difficult to breathe, leading to a sensation of suffocation and a blurred vision.

“S-satoru n-nnh! L-let go!”

Struggling to break free, you frantically attempted to pry his fingers off your neck, letting out choked screams in the process. Your body thrashed around violently, desperately trying to fend him off by kicking in all directions. 

“You’re really just like suguru... always trying to resist..” 

“I trusted you,” he whispered unsteadily, his voice cracking.

“But what have you done?” he asked shakily.

His pupils trembled like leaves in a fierce wind, his entire frame quivering with an unsettling intensity. Those piercing sapphire eyes bore into you, sending shivers down your spine in the dim, eerie stillness of the forest.

“L-let go p-please satoru!” You begged.

“P-please. A-ahn.. let g-go, ‘Toru, please,”

“T-toru, haaah, i-i c-can’t breathe”

He seemed to pause at that when you called him “Toru.” 

And slowly, his grasp slackened, leaving you gasping for precious breath as your lungs desperately clawed for every molecule of air.

You coughed, again and again and again, and he just watched you.

When you finally managed to catch your breath, you turned to look at him, your face contorted in anger abd fear.

“Y-you’re crazy satoru,” Your voice emerged hoarse and jagged.

“You’re crazy, i swear” You rasped as you dragged yourself away from him, only for him to close the distance.

 “Crazy?” he repeated.

“Yes, crazy for love.” His fervor seemed to border on mania.

“Yes I’m Enamored, Suguru.” he professed with an almost unsettling zeal, his voice now carrying a hauntingly romantic lilt as though the torment he inflicted on you was an act of devotion.

Your breath hitched.

“What...?” your eyes widened.

“I’m not... Suguru...” Your voice faltered, delicate lips quivering. Pain pulsed through every fiber of your being, urging you to run away, yet how could you escape from one so consumed by his own distorted reality? Satoru appeared to be in a haze, his eyes vacant and unseeing—He was in his delusional state.

“Suguru, let’s go home..” Satoru mumbled.

You swallowed thickly. You were about to make a dumb move, but fuck, he really needed to snap out of it.

Gently, you cupped his face between trembling hands, hoping your tender touch might pierce the delirium and make him snap out of it.

“Please, ‘Toru, focus on the sound of my voice. It’s not suguru, it’s me”

But he remained ensnared in his twisted visions, oblivious to reality.

“...Satoru... ‘Toru, listen to me. I’m not suguru.”

“I’m not him. I’m [Name], your girlfriend...”

Again, and again and again, you tried to convince him that you’re not suguru.

“I’m [Name], the one that you met at the bakery that you liked so much... And i’m not suguru ”

You phrased it in different words.

And yet...

He was still lost in it.

“What are you saying suguru?”

Dread constricted your heart, each moment bringing you closer to the brink. To flee would surely send him into a frenzy but to stay would probably result in suffering. 

“Don’t say things like that... Suguru”

he whispered.

“I still haven’t forgave you for running away.” He uttered, and a pit formed on your stomach.

“I’m [Name], not suguru—Toru... Please, fuck, snap out of it”

He ignored you as he gently caressed your cheek before guiding your head towards his for a kiss. Your heart pounded as your lips met, the sharp sting of his teeth on yours making you whimper.

“S’toru... Stop...”

When he didn’t stop, you reacted by biting his tongue hard, making it bleed. Surprisingly, this did not deter him; instead, he released a soft moan of pleasure. 

“Oh fuck... You’re still the same as always, suguru.”

You gasped as he finally pulled away from the kiss.

“Sa-Satoru... What the fuck..?” You shrieked. Why the hell did he said that? Does this meant that... He was in a previous relationship with Suguru? Did he used you as a rebound? No, fuck, he sees suguru in you.

You understand it now.

“I’ll make sure you don’t do it again,” He whispered.

“Huh?”

“Make sure that you don’t massacre a whole ass village again so that they won’t separate you from me...”

Slowly, deliberately, his other hand drifted downward toward your ankle. Your heart drops as you felt him do that.

Oh fuck, he’s not planning on snapping your ankles, is he?

“Satoru, no, no, no, no, no!”

You strained against his crushing hold, but could only witness in horror as his fist closed around the delicate bones.

“If you do that, i’ll never forgive you— AHHH!”

A strangled scream caught in your throat as you felt the unmistakable snap of your ankle splintering beneath his strength.

White-hot pain lanced up your leg and your vision blurred with tears of misery. Before you could process the pain of the first break, his hand was upon your other ankle. You knew what was coming yet were powerless to prevent it. Another sickening crack reverberated through your shattered nerves as satoru callously contorted the joint beyond its limits. Bone fragmented, muscle tore, and ligaments ripped apart, leaving your legs crippled and limp.

----𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍

His fingers pressed insistently beneath your chin, a mixture of gentle caress and firm control as he meticulously groomed your hair, each stroke designed to emulate the exact style of Suguru’s locks.

Tying it back partially, he sought to replicate every minute detail, ensuring you bore an eerie resemblance to his obsession—Suguru. But the true horror lay in his pervasive fixation upon you as Suguru incarnate. He paid face surgeons to sculpt and mold  your face until the reflection in the mirror bore a warped semblance to Suguru’s features, he would drape you in Suguru’s attire and bestowing upon you the very essence of his fucking bestfriend.

And the worst of it all? he managed to find suguru’s daughters and practically forced you to take care of them—like the way suguru would take care of them. Even suguru’s daughters were horrified — yet they were too scared to even refuse.

All of the horrors that he had made you go through broke you completely.

“Perfect,” he murmured with a self-satisfied hum, stepping back to survey his handiwork.

You just sat there, disoriented, and feeling hollow as an empty shell.

Stripped of your true identity and coerced into being someone else you weren’t. The drugs he administered clouded your mind, the brainwashing eroding your sense of self until you could no longer discern who you are. The only thing you knew is that you’re suguru.

It was a bad punishment, real, real bad punishment.

Your identity was snatched, and you were no longer yourself.

He furrows his brow, observing the silence that hangs between you.

“C’mon speak, suguru.” he urges, his gaze piercing into yours.

“Isn’t it perfect?”

Suddenly, a flicker of realization dances in his eyes as they narrow, scrutinizing the subtle yet noticable difference between your eyes and suguru. The shift is imperceptible to most, but to him, it is a glaring anomaly that demands attention.

A smirk curls onto his lips

“Seems like we need to adjust those eyes of yours as well, huh? Don’t you agree, suguru ?” 

Satoru sighed as his calloused fingers tangled themselves in thick ebony locks, pulling your motionless form taut against his chest. An ichor-cold sense of wrongness had settled itself deep in his marrow, its barbs tearing at his insides. 

His beloved Suguru was already here... But... Where is his [Name]?

“Nanako and Mimiko would be upset to see you like this suguru...”

​​​​​RING

RING

Satoru blinked at the sudden shrill clamor emanating from his phone—and he realized that someone was calling him, still cradling your form  against his chest with a singular hand. He took the device from his trousers one-handed, calloused fingers opening his phone.

When at last the lock screen dissolved into view, an icy shiver seized his marrowed bones. 

It was you—in your normal self, kissing him in the cheek, and you two looked very happy.

Why did suddenly felt wrong?

...

... It felt wrong...

So, so wrong.

Why did nostalgia for your genuine self now claw so vehemently at the fissures in his heart, when only Suguru had the right to reside there?  

[obsessedwithceleste]

Mattheo Riddle Headcannons

©️ obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.

Being the son of the Dark Lord is no easy task. Obviously.

Growing up, Mattheo had very limited contact with other people, which stunts his social skills a lot, especially with his peers

Once he breaks out and has the ability to meet other people, he's 100% an extrovert because he feels like he has to make up for everything that he missed out on

Growing up alone though made him very independent and self sufficient

Lots of trust issues, lots of abandonment issues

But he's also very bad at picking up on social cues, and reading other people's emotions

He grew up being outwardly judged by everyone around him, which caused him to develop a sort of apathetic attitude as a buffer

This gives him a sense of freedom because if he doesn't care about other's opinions, he can do whatever he wants, they'll judge him either way, so why not do what makes him happy

Mattheo also has a deep internal rage

Like, level 11 out of 10 on the scale of anger issues

He bottles up all his emotions and frustration with the world, often lashing out and exploding at the smallest triggers

His frustration mostly stems from the fact that it's not fair that he's suffering for the actions of his father. Because at the end of the day, he's still innocent in all of it

This is also why he's particularly spiteful and disdainful of authoritarian figures

He simply doesn't owe them anything

At Hogwarts it's hard for him at first. It's pretty clear that he didn't have much of a childhood and that he was forced to grow up much too fast

And once again, he finds himself being judged by everyone, so nothing new

His biggest pet peeve is when someone complains about a minor "tragedy" from their childhood, because he's absolutely certain that he had it worse

Lowkey victim complex™️

He's able to eventually bond closely with Theodore Nott, sharing a lot of similar childhood trauma (we <3 trauma bonding) and surprisingly Lorenzo Berkshire who shares his fuck-all mentality

Many assume that he's a malicious bully, based solely on his last name, but he's really more of a chaos instigator

He rebels against authority and stands up for what he might find to be an injustice, but he'd never go after someone without cause

Hogwarts is one of the first places he's able to truly act his age

He joins the Slytherin quidditch team,

He's a beater (which is kind of therapeutic as it allows him to let out a lot of his anger)

Often skives off of class,

He's not book smart like Theo, but makes up for it with street smarts

And likes to pull Theo into the fray simply because he can

This is also how he gets his reputation for frequently sleeping around to put it nicely

Mattheo grew up with a distinct lack of affection from those around him which causes him to search out any hint of it that he can find

He doesn't really use girls per se, he just doesn't quite understand the concept of love

But when Mattheo falls, he falls hard

The first time he catches feelings, he's absolutely terrified that he's under the influence of a love potion

Very confused, very upset, and denies it to the ends of the Earth

But once he comes around, he's all in

He doesn't like to think of himself as jealous, just territorial.

Jealousy is when something isn't yours and you want it. But you belong to him, and he'll be damned if he doesn't defend his territory

He also isn't shy at all when it comes to PDA, simply because he wants everyone to know what's his

Definitely love bombs, but he doesn't know what that means

Won't bat an eye before hexing someone for looking at you too long (will act innocent and pretend it wasn't him)

Honestly probably would not be the best partner initially because he's so used to being independent

And would likely try to hide a lot of his anger and emotions from you because his biggest fear would be being judged by someone he loves

It would take a lot of time and effort to work through, but Mattheo would be willing to put in the work because he's determined to have the one thing his father never could

[local-crying-boy]

ℂ 𝕆 𝔻 𝕞 𝕖 𝕟 𝕙 𝕖 𝕒 𝕕 𝕔 𝕒 𝕟 𝕟 𝕠 𝕟 𝕤

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

How they are like in a relationship pt2

Characters included: Alex Keller, Philip Graves, Nikolai, Hadir Karim

A/n: I don’t know a lot about other CoD characters that I have not written this headcannon for, so I apologise for my lack of knowledge and that the others are missing <3

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Alex Keller

Our little American is the sweetest man here.

He’s one respectful, kind and loving man (not like the others aren’t) but he’s the type who just knows what’s going on with you by a simple look

He calls you names like ‘baby’ ‘sweetheart’

He’s got a list of jokes he wants to tell you, and has told you the CIA one a few times in hopes that it does soon become funny

Loves it when you tell him stupid jokes as well

Phillip Graves

Pet names like ‘sweetheart’ ‘honey’ ‘doll’ ‘baby’. Stupid little ones you expect southern Americans to use (for obvious reasons)

He doesn’t like leaving for missions when you and him got together, he wanted to be with you and give you all the love you deserve

So, since he can’t always be there, he would drown you in gifts and affection the minute he got home.

He usually tries to show this all the time, but you know that sometimes he just simply comes back completely and utterly mentally and physically exhausted.

He can’t say much about what he does, but he can still somewhat confine in you (as much as he insists he’s okay)

Nikolai

King of forehead kisses. You cannot tell me otherwise.

He’s talk asf (well, he’s taller than me and I’m short asf), so he can just tower over you and plant soft kisses over your head.

He’s older too, so he’s screaming major respect and being a decent man that you might not find in younger lads (for example the boys my age -.-)

He was also reluctant at first to be with you, his age was one thing as the age gap between you and him was a little too large for his liking.

However, you heavily grew on this man and he couldn’t help but FINALLY admit his feelings.

RUSSIAN NICKNAMES

Most of the time you don’t know what he’s called you, but, hey-ho, at least it’s something.

Has, at least once, insulted you in Russian without you knowing and covered it up as a pet name (you never heard him call you it more than once)

Hadir Karim

Hadir knows how it feels to loose those who are close to him, he’s practically lost his entire family due to the war going on in Urzikstan.

When he first met you, he wasn’t planning on falling in love with you, let alone date you.

However, one things leads to another and the two of you ended up getting together (yipeee)

His worst fear is losing you, after everyone he’s lost, he doesn’t want to lose another.

If you’re a solider, he’s mostly watching out for you when you’re fighting, waiting for the moment that he might have to jump in and make sure you don’t die.

It’s an extreme, of course, he knows you are completely capable of taking care of yourself, but caution didn’t kill the cat, curiosity did, and he’s happy to admit he’s not curious to see if you could survive the worse of the worst.

Speaks little sentences to you in Arabic, he doesn’t care if you understand or not (he hopes that, one day, you’ll be able to catch onto certain phrases and words)

Masterlist

[nortsauce]

HERE COMES NORT, YAPPING ABOUT FANDOMS THAT I’M NOT EVEN IN!

(And i’ll be typing the rest here because there are too many slides so read bellow)

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

My LONG ASS rant on how MHA (among other things) fails to present its ab*se victims in a good way,

Starring the todoroki family

So, i know literally no one cares but i feel like it needed to be said: but MHA has a BIG issue with victims of abuse being treated kinda shittily, to making whole arcs about their abusers.

This isn’t a HUGE thing, as the lack of sympathy for Hawk’s abusers was definitely there, but they still were portrayed in a semi-sympathetic light. This is not the main focus however.

I’m sure many could go on and on about Bakugou and Midoriya’s relationship, but thats not what i’m focusing on.

I’m focusing on the most OVERLOOKED and ABHORRENTLY handled dynamic of the Todoroki family

I will be going over each of the characters and why they suck in some way, but as a whole i have to talk about this: Each one of the characters of the family are all victims of abuse in some way, and represent the different ways that trauma affects the victim, i understand that.

All in all, they do a good job of portraying the different ways in which the people handle abuse,

Endeavor being one who never dealt with his past egotistical superiority complex and threw his baggage onto his family/children to live vicariously

Rei being the one who is emotionally/physically damaged to the point of a mental break

Touya being the ex-golden child, and the one who continued the cycle of violence (and misogyny but thats another topic for another paper)

Fuyumi being the one who holds onto an idealized version of a family that possibly only existed in her dreams, being codependent and longing/working to get those “happy times” back with her family, clinging onto smth that was possibly never there

Natsuo being the one who is (justifiably) angry at his abusers, cuts his family off and goes to pursue his own life/dreams

and finally shoto

the one who realizes his role as the golden child is only for his parents to live vicariously, breaks his cycle and is trying to figure out who he is.

These are all great representations of how people cope/handle trauma, and i believe that was on purpose, considering that it also speaks on abuse of children on baselines of being in a famous family.

However, certain aspects are clearly not handled properly; allow me to explain.

Shoto, the youngest of the family, is often seen as the architect of the abuse, as the family was actually quite “fine-living” (i’ll come back to this) before shoto was born.

There were obviously cracks in their family from the beginning, Touya being the golden child despite not being able to physically handle his own power without hurting himself (an allegory i’ll discuss), the fact that Enji (endeavor) basically bought his way into marrying Rei, and of course enji’s complex of being less than All-might.

However, many characters seem to blame the birth of Shoto for breaking the camel’s back, and starting the domestic violence that had already threatened to spill through.

It’s shown through the anime that shoto has a kind heart and never liked enji, due to the fact that he would harm him, his siblings, and his mother,

but for being the tritagonist of this show, we never get to see how he really feels. In all of this, perhaps we could see him feeling guilt for being the reason his family is broken, the possible resentment yet dependency he has for his father, the thoughts on how he feels conflicted yet guilty about his mother and continues to blame himself.

Its interesting how he never stops blaming his father, but regardless we only get his apathetic views on his father and no one else. Its saddening to see the sideline of the victim of abuse while his abuser gets a whole arc. But i’m not there yet.

Moving on we have Natsuo and Fuyumi. I grouped them together because they both have opposite ways of dealing with their trauma, as Aforementioned: Natsuo tries to cut all ties while Fuyumi tries to be a “normal” family with her remaining members.

Both of them have valid ways to why they act this way, and its tragic, however, the way they deal with their youngest sibling, shoto, is disheartening to say the least.

Both of them understand how Shoto was physically abused since he was 5, and neglect to form any sort of connection with him despite his better efforts in natsuo’s case, using him as leverage against his father and nothing more, while in fuyumi’s case, basically presents him in her fantastical version of him in their fantastical “perfect” family life, causing him to have multiple meetings with his abuser and forcing him to relive the trauma so she can have peace of mind.

In hindsight, this is all interesting heavy topics to explore in a character, and i was honestly curious to see how it would be handled

however it all faltered as soon as I saw the hospital scene.

SPOILERS:

After Dabi’s Dance, the todoroki family comes to visit Shoto and Endeavor in the hospital, both of whom are heavily bandaged and bed-ridden.

Despite this all, Rei, Fuyumi, and Natsuo force todoroki, who is burnt and recovering his voice, to get up and walk over to his father’s ward to speak to him.

Shoto, despite being unable to form full sentences, makes it FULLY CLEAR he does not want to be there, by closing the door to his ward, and attempting to leave. Despite his clear efforts, his family makes him go in to talk to him.

this 16 year old boy being forced out of RECOVERING, fully bandaged and barely able to talk, forced to visit his abuser to hear him cry about not being able to fight his own son, depsite also being his son and physically harmed by him since childhood.

In my opinion that wasn’t a good move on any of the family’s part.

Rei is a difficult subject to discuss. She is clearly a victim and has been for. while. She is mentally distant after being harmed for so long and spent time in a psyche-ward to handle herself.

Saying that she was a bad mother would be too far in my opinion, as she did her best to provide a nice life for her kids as well as defend them from her husband.

Not much is said about her, but from what we can tell she loved her kids very much, until the abuse started.

I feel the blame for shoto began with her, not being able to face her own son after the “death” of her first and the fact that his face reminded her of the abuse she’s faced from endeavor.

Her character is honestly an interesting one, but she is not safe from my scrutiny of the hospital scene. She was very brave for facing her abuser like this, however, she did not have to drag her bedridden youngest into the fray.

She is the DIRECT reason shoto has a scar on her face, (indirectly endeavor’s fault)

But i will never blame her for the abuse she faced for her children, by her husband and to an extent, her own son touya, which leads me into my next point

SPOILERS

Touya, aka Dabi, is the “Late” eldest brother who was originally Endeavor’s ticket into living vicariously to defeat all-might and be the number 1 hero.

I could go into the psychology of his character but he is ultimately very interesting. In all honesty the way he is presented as being the consequences of endeavor’s actions is palpable and honestly quite raw. At a young age, he was handling the pressure of being his father’s perfect creation, and the fame and fortune that followed as he sought his father’s approval. Soon, his quirk began to burn him every time he used it, a fact that endeavor ignored to pursue his goal. Touya’s power became self-harm at some point, an allegory for his disregard for his own life and well-being for his father’s dream which ultimately (literally) exploded on itself.

Touya’s story is interesting, from his abuse causing him to act like his father craving his approval, which lead him to act put against his mother and shoto, while laying his baggage onto his younger siblings, to losing his mind and realizing that he wanted his father dead and continuing the cycle of abuse further.

This is all a deep and interesting way to look at abuse and how the abused may become an abuser, HOWEVER.

MY critique here, is how sidelined his whole arc is, as his story is more portrayed of Endeavor’s past coming to haunt him, all for the watcher to sympathize with endeavor rather than understand how the abuse endeavor put onto touya made dabi. This whole arc was framed to be sympathetic towards endeavor, and to fear Dabi. Don’t even get me started on how Shoto’s feelings meant nothing in this arc, as well as being immediately cut off by a surprise cameo of a character that possibly discredited Dabi’s expose video on his abuser.

Finally, we get to talk about the elephant in the room: Enji Todoroki, endeavor himself.

What is there not to say about this man.

I feel I should start eith the obvious:

The forgiveness/sympathy arc for endeavor was quite possibly the worst thing to ever happen in the anime, and this is not subjective.

The whole arc is based around how Endeavor is a victim of his own mind and is trying his hardest to make up for being a terrible person.

Personally, i love to see character arcs of villains becoming a better person, but thats the very thing: Endeavor is trying to ask for forgiveness from his family, who he abused for 15 YEARS. This is no exaggeration as Shoto is now 16, and his cracks started forming as soon as he was born.

Endeavor had illegally married a woman that he basically bought his way into,

was illegally “breeding” (eugh) for quirk benefits,

Treated one of his son’s like a vicarious version of himself

Physically abused his son (age 5+) his wife, and verbally abused the rest of his children

isolated his son

treated his son like a weapon

and finally felt too prideful for any sort of meaningful apology.

This all adds up to a character who only felt sorry for his actions after the consequences started hitting him in the face, as he only felt remorseful when Shoto refused to be associated with him.

Now, some of you may be thinking: “A lot of characters are forgiven for more, why would he be the exception? It’s fictional why do you care?”

There are several reasons to why I care but i’ll speak in terms of framing for now. This show is highly influential to not only kids (as it is a KIDS SHOW) but to adults as well. May i direct your attention to the man who saved a woman from a murderous ex-boyfriend by blocking his machete hits all because My Hero Academia inspired him to take action and be a hero?

Or how about a murder that took place because the accused was inspired by an invader zim episode (the dark harvest)

Whether you like it or not, fiction HAS an affect on reality. Yes, we can determine what is real and what is fake, but you cannot deny that a lot of what media we consume helps us be who we are.

If the show promotes more sympathy towards an abuser than their victims, then people may find themselves sympathizing real world abusers over the voices of victims.

I wont speak on delicate subjects but I can already see affects of this happening, as people rally to defend famous people accused of being abusers rather than listen and provide support to the alleged victims.

In conclusion, These topics are definitely not easy to write, and I, for one, am NO expert and my word should not be used as gospel truth or a guideline on how to write these characters.

This is all simply my opinion on how the bias towards abusers in the show leads for the message to be skewed and marred in action.

I understand that no one is perfect, but if we only reward and sympathize with those who only seek redemption after they face scrutiny, then we lose the meaning of what makes someone worthy of forgiveness.

These topics are deep and interesting, but the way they are handled in this show is simply bad writing.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk and again: no shade towards the writers. Just critiques!

[schizodiaries]

a guide to hearing voices

(Note: this information was given to me by my therapist and is not my original writing. The information provided in this post comes from the UK based mental health charity known as Mind, and is paraphrased by me.)

What are voices?

A hallucination is a perception you may have that is not shared by those around you. Hearing voices is a type of auditory hallucination where you hear voices when no one is present, or that other people cannot hear. Some examples of voices you may hear include:

Hearing your name called when no one is around.

Hearing things as you fall asleep.

Feel as though you can hear other people’s thoughts.

Threatening voices that tell you to do dangerous things.

Friendly voices that encourage or support you.

Multiple voices arguing or talking with one another.

There are many reasons why you might hear voices. Some reasons include lack of sleep, hunger, physical illness, being under the influence of drugs, grief, abuse/bullying, physical illness, trauma, spiritual experiences, or mental health problems such as psychosis.

How can I help myself cope?

Understanding your voices and how they relate to your past may help you feel more in control, recognize when voices cause problems, stand up to your voice, or develop a better relationship with your voices so they don’t interfere with your life.

Some questions to help you think about how your voices relate to you are:

What was happening when I first heard voices?

Where was I and how was I feeling?

What did the voice say?

What did they sound like?

Do they represent a person or a problem?

Are there any patterns to the voices?

What do the voices want me to do?

What do I want to do?

It may be helpful to keep a diary and record when you hear voices or what they say. This can help you identify patterns and understand how they affect you over a period of time.

Here are some suggestions to help you feel more in control of your voices:

Ignore them, block them out, or distract yourself.

Give them times when you agree to talk to them and times when you won’t.

Tell them to wait.

Stand up to them, ignore their commands and threats. They have no power over you.

Try to ignore the voices you don’t like, and focus on the ones you find easier to listen to.

Use grounding techniques, like taking note of the things you see, hear, smell, etc.

The recovery approach

This helps reframe the way we see recovery. The main principles of the recovery approach are:

Live the best life you can have the you can with your experiences and the consequences they’ve had.

Focusing on what you can do, not what you can’t.

Making your own choices and being your own person.

Seeing recovery as a journey, not a destination.

Seeing setbacks as ways of learning more about yourself.

Maintaining hope.

How other people can help

If someone you care about hears voices, you might find it hard to understand what they are experiencing. But there are many things you can do to help support them.

Accept that their experiences of voices are real, even if you don’t understand it.

Try not to make judgements about what hearing voices means for them.

Learn their triggers.

Remember that they are still the same person you’ve always known. Hearing voices doesn’t change who they are.

Ask them what would help, and avoid making assumptions.

Reassure them that they are not alone. There are lots of reasons why people hear voices.

Encourage them to talk about their experience. To you, to a doctor, or to a support group.

Learn more about the experience of hearing voices and fight the stigma.

Help them seek treatment and support, if they want it.

[garlic-and-vanilla]

This ask is in your inbox because my brain has apparently chosen to title you as The Illithid Understander and I feel like you might have interesting thoughts to contribute to this topic (please don’t feel obligated to respond tho!)

When I played through bg3 for the first time, what really stood out to me about the Emperor as a character was that he is full of ambiguity. Many of the questions about him, on both a personal level and on a broader level as an illithid, simply do not have concrete answers in canon. I thought that it was so neat how the writers enshrined a vessel for open dialogue regarding some of the biggest themes and questions of the game/story in a character. I thought the whole point of the Emperor’s character is that there’s no One Right Answer about: its intentions, its morality, how much it still is or isn’t Balduran, how much it is or isn’t a monster, why it cares so much about the PC, if it made the right choices, etc.

Which is why I was utterly shocked to find out that SO many people played the game and just… unquestioningly seemed to think that many of those aspects had concrete answers. That this character that, to me, was defined by ambiguity, had been determined by so many to simply be Evil.

I have my own theories about each of the questions/ambiguities listed above, of course, based on my interpretation of canon. But I see them as just that, theories and interpretation. Maybe my perception of the Emperor as a bunch of unanswered questions is just an interpretation, too, but then what was the writers’ intent? (Did my success in high school English classes make me overly confident in narrative comprehension? Lol)

I’ve read many an interesting take on the Emperor on tumblr and ao3 that seem to vibe generally with the whole It’s Supposed to Be Ambiguous thing, and I’d love to hear your take.

First of all this is so funny and I am so honored to be The Illithid Understander lmao.

Second I am very sorry I haven’t answered this sooner. Alas I am not used to ever receiving asks and just now realized I even have one. And what a wonderful message!!!

Honestly I think you fuckin nailed it my man. In a game that spends so much time and energy asking the player to think about questions like “what does it take to be a monster,” “what aspects cause a person to become monstrous,” and “when does it become worth it to become a monster” the Emperor is the ultimate answer. The non-answer. His character embodies all the questions the game wants to ask, and then doesn’t answer any of them for you.

The game shows you characters and says “this is a monster.” Ketheric Thorm is a monster, and Orin and Gortash, despite how sympathetic their backstories and motivations might be. It shows you cycles of abuse, manipulation, cult mentality, and indoctrination. The power of grief, love, fear, and ambition to lead people down monstrous paths even as they think they’re doing the right thing, or the only thing.

You as the player character directly help your companions navigate these themes. You see how they’re affected, how they struggle, what they might become if they choose to give in, and what they become if they don’t.

Do they become monsters? Do you let them? Do you encourage them?

The game shows you clearly what monsters are, and waits to see if you’ll become one yourself.

Withers asks you, “Do illithids have souls?”

He claims they don’t, initially, but that story is contradicted the moment he meets the Emperor in the High Hall, and when you meet him after undergoing ceremorphosis yourself. There’s also lore out there that says illithids do have souls— non-apostolic ones.

So far as the game is concerned, I’m not sure there’s supposed to be a solid answer to that question. I think— like you do— that it’s supposed to be ambiguous. He is not a character the game points to and says “here is a monster.”

I agree with you wholeheartedly that the Emperor is made of ambiguity. The lack of answers are my favorite thing about him. He’s a mass of unanswered questions that you look at and see the themes of the story inside.

Is the Emperor a monster just for being a mind flayer?

Is he a monster because he came to embrace the power his illithid nature brought him?

Because a friend turned on him, claimed he was lost, and he killed them in self-defense?

Because he dominated Stelmane, a situation we have no context for?

How much of his behavior is genuine? How much of Balduran remains, and how much is illithid? Does he even know himself? Does it matter?

He’s a big mystery. We simply do not know everything about his past. We don’t know how much of his behavior is real, or an act. We have to make the deliberate decision to take him at his word, or not. To trust him, or not. To love him, or not. All of this complicated by the reality that his mind and experience are alien to us (a whole other post by itself).

Ultimately, there are no answers except what we come to decide about him for ourselves.

Some people have decided that he’s evil, for various reasons, and sure, that’s certainly a way to answer the question. To end the ambiguity by deciding the Emperor is, after all, a simple monster.

But isn’t it so, so much more interesting if he isn’t?

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: MESSAGES FROM THE SUPER BLUE MOON

Left: 111; Right 333 Disclaimer: Take what resonates and leave the rest. You are not allowed to copy my work under any circumstances. All personal readings are paid. All thing mentioned in disclaimer in my pinned posts applies here.

🌑111🌑

You are worried about something that you have just started or will begin soon. It could be college, job offers, but something has you worried. You are doubting everything suddenly and no matter what you do or where you go, it creeps up on you. You need to observe, the more you reject the awareness of the negative thoughts, it feels the more powerful they get. Do not think yourself as the thinker of the thoughts, you are a mere observer, so identify as such, tell them, now that they have spoken, now you are aware of them , and later say ‘ I do not consent to this’ and let it be. The key is to simply observe not control and when they do not get the attention they so wanted, they’ll leave you be.  You are extremely intelligent, mental gymnastics is your thing, some of you are good chess players, logical, love to deduce things. Here you are being told to use your creativity, you have being given a tool, whatever that might be in your specific case, you are being told to use to to go to calm waters, or the ruffled ones will wash all over you. Do not be afraid of the shadow, see it, learn from it. Acceptance is key here, for a lot of you, denial is your coping mechanism, but it is not working in your favour anymore. You have suppressed feelings for too long and now they want to come up, clear limiting beliefs, become aware of them. THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF YOUR SHADOW WORK JOURNEY(for a lot of you).  There is more to the problem, like you can’t even put your finger on it, there is self doubt, you go one way and the other seems more like it, you are in a mental maze, what is your strength is not applying here and you my friend, are frustrated, FIND A NEW ANGLE, A NEW WAY. For you are dealing with the subconscious, not an easy fae.  (The messages won’t stop, if I go on, I’ll go on forever)  COMMENT' 111' to claim healing. 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading to heal your shadows.🌙

🌕333🌕

Word channeled: GRATITUDE JOUNRAL.

You have a lack mindset. No matter how much balance you achieve, or growth, you focus on what you don’t have and let that affect how you feel about the rest. The main important thing is money, you feel insecure about it, at this point, you just want a lottery or someone to spoil you. You are tired and desperate. You are being told to see abundance in other areas, like look at this example: person sitting in the shade of the tree crying, all they think is if I had some money, I could buy an apple, what he doesn’t realises is the tree he is sitting underneath is the apple tree. You have it right there. Sometimes, abundance is you, your skills to get the fruit. Whether you buy a dress or make one, at the end you still have a dress, and during the process, you still have to make effort, whether at the dress or somewhere else. BASIC NECESSITIES ARE OF COURSE NECESSARY, but this is not we are talking about. This is different, someone blaming and self pitying. You are being told to keep a gratitude journal, the more you thank for recieving the more the universe gives. It only understands the word yes. So if you say ‘I am poor’ it is so be it. So affirm good things especially while eating, me mindful to not watch anything while eating because it goes straight to the food, whatever they are saying on the tv. ESPECIALLY NO NEWS AND CRIME DRAMAS.  The good news is you are almost there, almost there to reaching equilibrium, at the end it’s all about balance and trust me when I say, it’s not far away. Keep focusing on the good, be happy with what you have while working towards what you want. This is healthy attitude, remember the universe does not respond well to desperation.  COMMENT' 333' to claim healing. 🌙DM for a personal tarot reading to heal your shadows.🌙

-

EL TAROT

[hello-nichya-here]

I have a question that might be offensive, and I'm sorry in advance for any hurt it may cause. I've been trying to search for an answer online for a while but I'm not able to find a proper one, and hoped you could help me.

From what I have gathered, autistic people do not wish for there to be a cure for autism, which I understand because well, it would change your brain and the way you view the world. Some even insist it cannot exist (which I'm not so sure about but whatever). My main question is, there are thousands of people out there who are affected by some kinds of ASD so severe that they can never lead a proper life, will never mentally develop beyond a child, and often have to live through agonizing pain and overstimulation. When it comes to these cases, would they not prefer a cure? So wouldn't it be more ethical for a cure to exist, but taking the cure not be compulsory? Those people are obviously not on social media, so their voices go unheard. But wouldn't they and their loved ones not want them to be in pain?

Thanks in advance.

First off, here's why a "cure" is indeed impossible: autism is a neurotype, not a disease. It's not the brain or any organ/system doing something it shouldn't or being damaged by some internal and/or external factor. An autistic brain functions DIFFERENTLY, not DEFECTIVELY, though obviously there is a variety of ways in which it manifests, and it is very rare for an autistic person to be ONLY autistic, there's often one, or more, conditions affecting them at the same time (anxiety, ADHD, schizophrenia, depression, OCD, etc). It is also likely a result of multiple cromossomes working in atypical ways (unlike with Down Syndrome, which is a result of cromossome 21 and ONLY 21 working differently) - and we still don't know which ones, or even how many said cromossomes are.

What does all of that mean for a cure? It means that:

1 - To make an autistic person non-autistic it'd need to be possible to discover it when they're still a fetus and somehow force their brain and entire nervous system to form differently - both things modern science can't do and that we're not sure will EVER be possible.

2 - It is very likely that even if a cure is possible, it will NOT be a one-size-fits-all kind of deal, and it will work on some cases and be useless in others.

So it is already a far, far, FAR more complicated deal than just "If we put enough money, time and effort into it, we can find a cure." Part of the reason why many autistic people are sick of nearly every fucking charity about autism being focused on a cure is because, instead of that money going directly to us or to our caretakers (be it family or any form of hospice/home) and having a very real positive effective, that money goes into searching for a something that might genuinely not be biologically possible.

This is sadly the common history for nearly every group under the large umbrella of Disabled People. Sign Language was discouraged and even made ILLEGAL in some countries long before there were was a reliable, safe way to allow deaf people to hear. There are THOUSANDS of horror stories about people with any form of paralysis or mobility issues being just let root and die in their beds, even after all kinds of mobility aids were invented because "it's a burden to the caretakers" and a "miserable life to live anyway." A disabled athlete in Canada has recently complained about lack of accessibility and was offered EUTHANASIA as a solution because God forbid someone has to build a ramp.

The sad reality is that many non-disabled people are only interested in helping us if the help is guaranteed to make us 100% "normal." If it will gives us a decent, and sometimes fully/mostly independent life, but not make us able-bodied/neurotypical it is NEVER considerd "good enough", and is often talked about as a "set-back for the cure." Giving us ways to communicate our needs, find emotional support, employment, or at the very least multiple sources of aid that will allow our families to not be on "caretaker mode" 24/7 and to not fear what might happen to us once they pass away is considered A SET BACK. Because we're not "cured", but are also not dead.

They're focused on trying to "solve the mystery that will totally lead us to the cure IN THE FUTURE", but never on hearing our VERY basic requests for stuff that would greately improve our lives NOW - Autism Speaks, the largest autism "charity" (hate-group that literally uses "therapy" created by nazis to "help" us) literally popularized the myths that we don't know ANYTHING about autism, how it happens or how to help people with it, and making the "official autism symbol" be a fucking puzzle piece.

The "finding a cure is more important than anything" narrative talks over the needs of EVERY autistic person in existence, including the ones that cannot express their opinion or understand their own condition enough to HAVE an opinon, and yes, including the ones that actively WANT to be "cured."

And speaking of people who do genuinely want to be "cured" of their autism: it is extremely naive of you to think there's any change a cure wouldn't be made mandatory if it existed, and that the choice would be left to the individual, or even to a parent/caretaker on the more "extreme" cases.

Like I said before, things like Sign Language were made ILLEGAL in many countries for the crime of helping disabled have a better life without curing them. We still have cases of doctors operating deaf babies/toddlers without the parents consent. Wheelchair users constantly complain that people just randomly decide to "help" them by pushing their chair towards where they assume the person wants to go, without saying a word to them, without letting them change direction and sometimes even being careless enough to fuck up the chair.

Disabled people CONSTANTLY get called stupid or selfish for not opting for long, expensive treatments that will often only TEMPORARELY make them abled-bodied because being "normal/not a burden" should be more important than anything, including the completely unnecessary and often brutal emotional turmoil of getting used to a "normal" life just go then have to get used to being disabled again. And yes, autistic peoplel, from the completely indepent ones to the ones that need constant care, who have said they would NEVER take a cure for it if one existed, ALREADY get condescending, and sometimes openly hateful, comments about it all day, every day, everywhere. For saying we don't want to take the IMAGINARY pill that can "fix" us.

Our lives are already considered lesser, our opinions are already disregarded, and our bodily autonomy is already denied constantly (see the more "harmless" things like people that think it's funny to force hugs and kisses on those of us who hate most physical contact, to doctors that have injured or KILLED us through unnecessary, often violent means of restraining us during meltdowns). If a cure existed, we'd be straight up forced, or at least constantly pressured, to take it. There's a reason WE are the only ones discussing how unethical it'd be to force us to be "cured", while most neurptypicals have not even heard of that objection, and half would get mad at us for being "ungrateful" - after all, they spent so much time, money and effort on this thing (that we've been rejecting from day one), we can't just refuse it like that!

I know you probably mean well, anon, but the sad reality is that nearly every talk of "curing" autism (and almost anything that is considered a disability) is often rooted on nothing but society's very open disgust and disdain towards our very existence, not a genuine desire to make sure we're safe and happy - and as you can imagine, we're mad that we constantly have to justify our right to be alive and actually listened to, not spoken over by people who are "trying to help" by telling us to shut up and be glad that they're trying to make us "normal."

[quitealotofsodapop]

I love all the ideas and your response has given me some more to chew on for this au ty. (I might have already sent this but I'm not sure it sent but if it did i am sorry for the double ask)

[Wukong spending the Journey getting hit by all the symptoms of pregnancy during those 9-14 years.] the morning sickness is def the worst for him.

[Many foes back off just by the tired firey glare in the King's eyes.] his presence alone is usually able to get most of them to back off, but for those who were still going to risk trying a tired "I am running on 2 hours of sleep, crippling isolation and lonliness, and I haven't been able to keep any food down for three days, I am not in the mood" glare is enough to sen them running for the hills.

[Wukong never managed to tell Macaque about the Egg in that lifetime.] this fact breaks Wukong's heart, and it breaks Macaque to when he later learns that was with child the whole time because having a peacful life and a family was all he really ever wanted.

[He's convinced that the Egg's presence at the Samadhi Fire was what caused the Rings to Split and hit Ao Lie.] I was thinking that during the Samadhi fire ritual the egg suddenly started "kicking" and despite his attempts to not let it affect his performance the pain is what causes him to slip, allowing the ring to split. he absolutely blames himself for this.

[By isolating himself, he accidentally causes his body to *turn down the heat* and extend the process even longer.] he's gonna be so mad when he finds out thats one of the reasons it took so long. but maybe it was for the better, with no support group it would have been difficult to raise the egg on his own. the egg was "no troop, these are not prime baby raising conditions, i stay here longer", like giving Wukong time to find a safe and loving situation to give birth in.

[he geniunely believed that keeping MK whilst the Stone Egg was still draining life force could kill the cub. So SWK is forced to give the little toddler up to save his life.] again, as unfortunate as it is, perhaps for the better. even if not being adressed for the right reasons at the time Wukong knew he wasn't in the position to be caring for someone so young at that point, and the fact he took measures to ensure that MK still got a stable and loving home to grow up in says a lot about how even if he couldn't provide for MK he already loved him. the lack of being in the right headspace to care for an infant is also probably another reason for the egg to "turn down the heat", not able to be mentally there for child, child says in womb till he can.

[When him and MK finally reunite, its a little awkward but MK immediately understands the reason for the Monkey King's retirement.] does MK remember Monkey King, or is it a "I just met an actual god/my fav hero of legend and their pregnant" kind of awkward?

[MK, thinking its a bad breakup situation: "oh ok. I guess you're owed some long-overdue paternity leave, huh?"] this is funny if you remember the fact that this likely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Wukong and Macaque actually having a bad break up, causing Macaque to leave and Wukong to lose the one thing keeping his body from triggering the egg making process. in a way, it is a bad break-up situation, just not exactly in the way MK thinks.

[MK only asks about the schematics on the Egg after Wukong makes a comment about being "like this longer than even Lao Tzu's mother".] Wukong def brags that he's had the longest pregnancy out of any immortal now.

[He returns to Pigsy's that evening silent with a horrifed look on his face.] the rest of the gang notice, they ask, MK explains what Wukong told him, and now everyone is silently horrified for the rest of the night.

[The Spider Queen can sense that theres a new life within the King, but she decides its an issue for after the takeover.] Wukong is kinda surprised when she doesn't instantly try and use it against him, she just responds that she still has some honor. this does not stop her from draining his power though. Wukong's far more concerned about a certain other demoness present learning about his egg...

[DBK frees himself, not only from the fear of losing his wife and his son, but also out of fury that Wukong had been hiding his condition for so long!!] he is not happy to learn that Wukong put his egg at risk with Samadhi fire situation and by fighting him, or that Wukong had hidden it at all from him as his sworn brother. and also with the webs draining Wukong's power it was putting the little one at risk, can't let that happen either, not if he has something to say about. DBK def learns about it because he overhears the deeply concerning conversation between SWK and LBD while their tied up, him being tied up close to Wukong and all.

[PIF demands a proper baby shower when she hears about it from her excited husband later.] PIF sitting at the dinner table, reading a book and eating while she waits for her husband and son to come home: why do I hear loud footsteps getting rapidly closer? DBK busting open the dining room door with Red Son tucked under his arm: DARLING WE'RE GONNA BE GODPARENTS!!!! PIF & Red Son: WHAT? cue a very excited bull king explaining everything to them

[but becomes concerned when his Sun refuses to fight in any way that leaves his stomach exposed.] protecting a specific part of the body usually means there's a vulnerability there, but Wukong didn't fight like he was injured, Macaque knows what that looks like and that wasn't it so now he's confused. the only other kind of vulnrability he could think of invovling one's stomach that would make them seem bloated as well as make them want to get away from the fight as fast as possible is if he was pregnant, but that can't be the case here can it?

["The Shadow Play" becomes more a plan to trap the Monkie Kid gang for answers. MK spills the beans. Macaque stares blankly for a minute before yelling in frustration. It's too much emotional baggage to process right now!] he lays awake for nights on end trying to figure out if its really what he thinks it is with the little evidence he has, and then he just can't take it anymore and sets up the play. trapping the gang in his lantern and threatening MK until he spills, MK does and even though an answer is what he wanted it takes a moment to process that he had been right, then he lashes out when more questions came to mind. how? when? for how long? who's the other parent? MK frees his friends while Macaque is lashing out and they make a break for it, they escape before Macaque can threaten more answers out of them.

[now with the additional threat that she will harm the Stone Egg if Macaque fails her again...] Macaque might not have answers about the egg, but it's still Wukong's egg at the end of the day. sure just the other day he'd been totally fine with the idea of killing the guy but now... was there still hope he could have the life he wanted with his Sun? even if he couldn't he could never bring himself to knowingly harm his former lover's unborn infant. Wukong ofc doesn't know this at first, and gets really worried about Mac getting involved. he doesn't want to have to choose between him and his egg ever again, but he will if he has to. the problem is avoided entirely when (much to SWK's surprise/confusion) Macaque straight up acts like doesn't exist while hunting the gang in s3. for this subtle blessing SWK is relieved and grateful.

[Macaque breaks the King from his possession by casually placing a curious hand on his swollen stomach, smiling in a way Wukong hadn't seen in centuries. "I know," is all that is said as the two monkeys allow their foreheads to touch.] it's such a simple thing, but it's a certain type of soft kindness he hasn't felt in years, that he missed very deeply, the domesticity of it, makes him feel like his moon really is his again. he bursts out crying and almost sends them both to the ground when he collapses into Macaque for a hug.

[LBD is unexpectedly destroyed by the Stone Egg itself. She did not count upon the Egg recognising her as a yummy source of spirtual energy as she was possessing it's parent.] egg was hungry, and SWK was feeling drained after being possessed, LBD was right their and strong and had hurt the egg's parent. so LBD gets nommed on. naturally.

[MK is a little disturbed, but glad that the demoness is gone-gone.] the can't see it happen, but they all feel an absurdly powerful force emanating from SWK suddenly tearing apart and absorbing LBD's soul. everyone's a little shook up by that one. Macaque: did- did the egg just- SWK frozen on spot, with a nervous and tight expression: *exasperated inhale* yeah... everyone else: oh gods there was also a little concern that eating LBD whole soul would have consequences.

[Until the newly unpossessed Monkey King doubles over in pain and cries for the Bodhisattva to help him. Guanyin is on the scene in seconds, glaring at her little brother angrily. Half the gang stare jaws dropped at what is happening while the rest are panicking.] everyone was chilling, settling down and gtting some food after everything, SWK was feeling the most content and happy he had in ages as he refused to anywhere other then glued to Macaque's side, and the egg was like, "I just got a massive meal, and the whole troop is here now, guess it's time to come out now". Wukong surprisingly casually sits up and tells Ne Zha to go get Guanyin, NOW, being the patron god of infants, he quickly realizes whats going on and bolts for the south sea, the others clue in and start freaking out at this point too. Gaunyin is not happy at SWK for putting himself and the egg at risk with both the Samadhi fire (again, they also tried to warn him off it the first time) and with fighting LBD alone, but thats a conversation for after the egg is born, hatched, and healthy. Tang's fanboying over meeting the Guanyin is stifled only by the painc of egg on the way.

[After many hours of painful labor with Macaque clutching his hand for support, Wukong *finally* greets his baby for the first time.] Wukong is def squeezing so hard at one point that Macaque thinks his hand is either gonna break or pop off, it doesn't do either, but it is numb by the end of it. Macaque gladly would do it again if it meant getting to be there when the egg was born and hatched. Wukong def jokingly tells his newborn that she "sure kept them all waiting".

[Her dark fur is hard to ignore. As well as the ice-blue eyes that stare between the two monkeys with wonder. And the little excited chirps she makes that sing the tune of Wukong's favorite songs.] the ice blue eyes are from the last minute bone demon meal ofc, but what if the dark fur actually comes from Wukong's longing to be with macaque as a family again, and those feelings during early pregnancy were so strong it changed the infant's appearence in order to fit not just Wukong but his desires/emotional needs (that being having the family Macaque always wanted with him). Macaque def cries when she has dark fur like him, makes him feel more like he's possibly a bio parent. Wukong is def in love with everything about his little one, down to every little sound she makes. I like to think he would talk to the egg whenever he was alone while pregnant, and was also always humming to them, maybe the infant somehow knows some of those tunes he was humming and tries to mimic them fresh out of the egg.

[Yuebei Xing is celebrated across the many Realms as the first Stone Monkey to be born from a Stone Egg in milennia. Gold Star comes down from Heaven in person to bless her arrival.] they jokingly thank Gold Star for being too busy to oversee Wukong's punishment, because if he had Wukong likely wouldn't be holding the most precious ball of fur in his arms right now.

[singeing Azure Lion's fur as he goes to take the Jade Emperor's throne. All present, including members of the Brotherhood, laugh at the coincidence.] it's hard not to laugh, given the coincidence. the only one not laughing is Azure, who just saw his life flash before his eyes.

[Yuebei's whole family are willing to *destroy* the divine animals if even dare touch a single hair on her little head.] knowing Azure, he's either fantasizing about Yuebei being Wukong and his infant, or plotting how to use her for blackmail. or both. either way Wukong's none too happy to learn who's got their hands on his little one.

[The retrieve Yuebei after they enter the palace and see the three usurpers beaten to a pulp. The infant monkey rolling around on her butt as she giggles. Azure begs the crew to "please take her back".] Azure was perhaps a little too lost in his triumph and day-dreaming to notice the ultra powerful infant he was holding beginning to grow restless and playful, one of his many mistakes. especially seeing as she had little to no strength control at such a young age.

All in reference to the core "slow boiled stone egg au" post.

You did send a less detailed version of this ask a few days ago, I just hadn't gone through my inbox enough XD

I love the detailed responses though! It's nice to see so much interest in my silly aus!

[the morning sickness is def the worst for him.]

Based on my previous ironic pregnancy headcanons, Wukong occasionally gains a food adversion to his fave fruit ever; Peaches. Some days his brain/body just decides "Eww no. bleh. Spit it out right now" and the nausea hits him hard. Wukong is dismayed whenever it happens.

["I am running on 2 hours of sleep, crippling isolation and lonliness, and I haven't been able to keep any food down for three days, I am not in the mood" glare is enough to sen them running for the hills.]

[-this fact breaks Wukong's heart, and it breaks Macaque to when he later learns that was with child the whole time because having a peacful life and a family was all he really ever wanted.]

[the egg was "no troop, these are not prime baby raising conditions, i stay here longer"] + [the lack of being in the right headspace to care for an infant is also probably another reason for the egg to "turn down the heat", not able to be mentally there for child, child says in womb till he can.]

Pretty much yeah!

Stone Monkeys only have this backup for the absolute last resort when things are at their worst enviroment-wise. No mate, no troop, no support system, no mental health = Egg ain't moving. Think of it like the formation of a geode - it can do it either over a natural couple of centuries, or in a few months with intervention.

"Asleep" Stone Monkeys who are still buried know that they're unlikely to ever be recovered, but their egg can still be found by other troops and hatch in response to socialization even thousands of years on.

However, "Awake" Stone Monkeys with an Egg cooking need to have an active support system in place for the baby's development to progress faster/less riskily. By shuting out the outside world, all Wukong did was accidentally set the Egg to "sleep mode".

Sadly, even if Wukong was wrong and his body identified baby!MK harmlessly as a troop member - SWK simply wasn't in the mental headroom to raise a whole baby without someone to help him.

[does MK remember Monkey King, or is it a "I just met an actual god/my fav hero of legend and their pregnant" kind of awkward?]

The second one mostly. MK honestly can't remember his earliest memories beyond the sight of SWK's egg fragment + possibly Nuwa, and thats with supernatural help.

In a slightly sad note, it's possible MK *remembers* being held by someone soft with a round belly + gold eyes. He assumes throughout his life that this person was his birth mother before he was given up/orphaned.

[this likely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Wukong and Macaque actually having a bad break up]

MK is right in his own way XD

[Wukong def brags that he's had the longest pregnancy out of any immortal now.]

Wukong's been carrying the egg since the Journey days, about the Tang Dynasty (690-907 AD)/irl Xuanzang's departure in 629. So that Stone Egg been slow boiling from anywhere between 1394 to 1116 years. 0_o

Either way SWK has beaten Lao Tzu/Zi's mom (pregnant for 62-80 years), and def brags about that fact to whatever immortal will hear.

[DBK def learns about it because he overhears the deeply concerning conversation between SWK and LBD while their tied up, him being tied up close to Wukong and all.]

DBK overhears LBD making threatening references to Wukong's conditon and immediately interrupts her villainy bs to yell at his sworn brother.

(inside the giant Spider Mech) LBD: "All will fall into place soon. Even with the unexpected additon of your... future heir." *guestures hand around SWK's stomach* DBK, furious ans still wrapped in web: "WHAT!?!? HEIR?! SUN WUKONG!! Are you so reckless that you'd fight even when your unborn child could have been harmed!?" Wukong, wrapped in less-tight web: "Not the best time DBK. I can handle it." LBD: "Quite. Then again it is all in char-" DBKm interrupting: "REALLY BROTHER?! YOU DIDN'T TRUST ME TO KNOW!? If I was aware of your condition - I would have never dared to invoke your anger! Even my beautifully ruthless wife would agree with me!" LBD: *glares at DBK in annoyance* "Ahem." Wukong, ignoring her: "I couldn't let you guys know! Look, I've been fine on own for centuries now!" LBD: "Exc-" DBK, super-concerned: "CENTURIES!?! WERE YOU WITH CHILD DURING THE RITUAL!?!" *DBK busts out of his bindings and gently grabs SWK* DBK: "LADY GUANYIN WILL TAN BOTH OUR HIDES WHEN SHE HEARS ABOUT THIS!" LBD: *gives up and leaves*

[DBK busting open the dining room door with Red Son tucked under his arm: DARLING WE'RE GONNA BE GODPARENTS!!!!]

After the initial shock wears off, PIF immediately summons a catalog to look for baby shower supplies. This is a monumentous occassion! She ofc assumes it's Macaque's fault (she's not wrong XD) and that this might be her future sworn niece/nephew! She simply must organise everything for her idiot sworn brother and his mate!

Red blinks in confusion before confronting the Monkie Kid gang about it later. Mei demands PIF's contact details right that second so that they can swap party ideas.

[even though an answer is what he wanted it takes a moment to process that he had been right, then he lashes out when more questions came to mind. how? when? for how long? who's the other parent?]

Even with knowing how Stone Eggs works, Macaque has such a mental 404 error at the news that he's reduced to yelling garbbled questions at the gang until they leave awkwardly.

[...was there still hope he could have the life he wanted with his Sun?]

Macaque spends most of S3 trying to bat away any thoughts/predictive sounds of a happy domestic life him and Wukong cna have together.

[it's such a simple thing, but it's a certain type of soft kindness he hasn't felt in years, that he missed very deeply, the domesticity of it, makes him feel like his moon really is his again. he bursts out crying and almost sends them both to the ground when he collapses into Macaque for a hug.]

I just love this image. The possession being broken by Macaque expressing softness, his vunerability, to Wukong. And the possessed King snapping out of it since he's so conflcitingly overwhelmed by the joy of having his Moon back again + the weakness he feels.

[egg was hungry, and SWK was feeling drained after being possessed, LBD was right their and strong and had hurt the egg's parent. so LBD gets nommed on. naturally.] + [the can't see it happen, but they all feel an absurdly powerful force emanating from SWK suddenly tearing apart and absorbing LBD's soul. everyone's a little shook up by that one.]

Yuebei's first immortal kill is in fact LBD, preformed before she was even born. Once the switch "flipped" on the possesed SWK, the Egg recognised LBD as both a threat to her parent and a tasty source of Dao, hence; nom-nom-nom.

All thats left behind of the ancient bone demon is a picked-clean skull. The Ten Kings and Yama feel this hungry act from beyond the Realms and wonder *what* creature could have created such a great power vacuum.

[the egg was like, "I just got a massive meal, and the whole troop is here now, guess it's time to come out now".]

Ah, a fellow party crasher, just like her baba. Wukong and Macaque can barely enjoy the bowl of noodles they've stolen (in good humor) from MK when Wukong's face just drops from a shift in his body.

[Tang's fanboying over meeting the Guanyin is stifled only by the painc of egg on the way.]

Tang: "Oh gracious Buddha! The bodhisattva Guanyi herse-- oh gosh this is a lot grosser than I was expecting..." *gets woozy and hides face in Pigsy's chest*

[but what if the dark fur actually comes from Wukong's longing to be with macaque as a family again] + [Macaque def cries when she has dark fur like him, makes him feel more like he's possibly a bio parent]

Oooo! Wukong's emotional need to be reunited with his mate was so great that it impressed upon the Stone Egg itself.

Imagine how much crying would be involved if little Yuebei just so happened to be born six-eared as well? Macaque and Wukong would never stop sobbing over how cute their baby is!!

Macaque is still very much assumed by the demonic/celestial/mortal public not in the know of Stone Eggs, to be Yuebei's other bio parent. Hard to refute their claims when the little Monkey Princess has such lovely midnight-dark fur and glowing ears.

[I like to think he would talk to the egg whenever he was alone while pregnant, and was also always humming to them, maybe the infant somehow knows some of those tunes he was humming and tries to mimic them fresh out of the egg.]

Thats so super adorable I love it! <3

Wukong loved talking to the Egg when he was on his own on the island. He'd talk to it about what his old Pilgrim brothers were like, what happened in Heaven, his early days on the mountain, and how much he wishes to be there to see all the little havoc's she'll cause in the future. He def recorded a tape + wrote letters to Yuebei before she was born ala "For Steven" in Steven Universe... just in case his immortality didn't work in the end.

Babies can hear things going on on the outside irl as early as 14 weeks along - it's how they become acclimated to the voices of their family. Little Yuebei spent so much time in the "final run" hearing show tunes, action movies, and the voices of Wukong's new found family/troop that she thinks theses are all "good noises"!

As Yuebei looks around at her "troop" she tries matching a "good sound" to them. Everyone is just aww-ing at her tiny chirping mimicry, and burst out laughing when she gets to Pigsy and makes a deep sound they swear sounds like "freeloader!".

Her pre-natal eavessdropping does however, lead her to fall asleep to the heavy metal soundtrack of the Monkey Cop series. XD

[Azure was perhaps a little too lost in his triumph and day-dreaming to notice the ultra powerful infant he was holding beginning to grow restless and playful, one of his many mistakes. especially seeing as she had little to no strength control at such a young age.]

Yuebei decided that "Kitty" wasn't playing with her, wasn't holding her right, and wasn't even singing to her! And she wanted to make her frustrations known.

I love these mass responses, even if it takes some time for me to reply. Ty so much for your interest!

[strawberrycakelove]

No one will ever convince me that SasuSaku has nothing wrong.

No one will ever convince me that everything is fine with SasuSaku and that Sasuke is a person who is minimally or decently happy with his situation or his marriage.

How Sakura manages to be happy in her relationship is a complete mystery to me, this can only be explained by her being insane or very egocentric and the mere label of "Sasuke's wife" being enough for her, which does not speak in favor of her mental health.

Sasuke was defeated by Naruto and therefore considered himself defeated by life.

(I consider this quite dramatic and exaggerated, actually quite lame, but it's worthy of a 16 year old mental age show, as the characters matured and aged, the series could have matured too, but whatever.)

And he's lacking enough backbone to come to terms with that (and remain at the mental age of a 16 year old forever too, there's even some justice here with Sakura acting like a 15 year old after 30), he might It's ironically fair, but no one is going to convince me that there's nothing wrong here.

Then he took Sakura, because that was understandably what he had left at Leaf, and he probably just kept her and had a child to demonstrate that, if not, he was at least on good terms with the village (because he doesn't stay in the village, he is he was always traveling/doing missions etc), he was not unwilling either, as he placed a child there of his blood as a guarantee, that he would at least not destroy his son's house.

It's my haedcannon, he's not complimentary to Sasuke, but I'm not obligated just because I sympathize with his character, because love, affection, attention and a family he didn't give to Sarada even in her most critical years.

It's as if he had completely forgotten his own resentment towards his father in his childhood because he realized he was passed over to Itachi.

Ah! but Naruto did the same to Boruto!

No!, Naruto didn't even have a family to have a better reference, it's very likely that he believes that having blood ties and being alive is enough (after all, that's what HE missed, a living family and blood ties)

Naruto is at least within Boruto's reach, and I think he truly believes that's enough.

Naruto just doesn't understand that Boruto expects his father to come to him, probably Naruto thinks that if Boruto needs something, he will look for him, like Naruto did when he needed something from someone and didn't hesitate to get it.

Naruto doesn't understand that Boruto isn't as independent as he is (Naruto doesn't even understand that he himself needed to become independent).

It's natural for him not to understand to a certain extent, Boruto has everything he didn't have (besides family and blood ties) he has talent and intelligence, why wouldn't he be independent?

Sasuke already knows very well that (having family and blood ties), talent and intelligence, does not make you naturally independent (as he resented his father's lack of attention and brooded for years about not knowing more after having managed to call his pay attention to the fireball jutsu), as he is another who was forced to become independent on his own.

And yet, he chooses to ignore Sarada's needs and feelings, being rude enough to say it was none of her business.

What do you mean, it's not her business to have something about her family? What do you mean, she of all people and being his daughter, wouldn't have similar feelings?

Sarada looks like a piece on a game board, and it's not like a person, let alone a Shinobi in a Shinobi Village, in history, wasn't commonly treated like pieces on a board, and I think Sasuke just accepted playing the game.

Which is decadent for a character who was so outraged by the inhumane way his clan and his brother were treated, with someone who insisted on bringing the Kages back to life to find out why they would find it acceptable.

To someone who asked Kakashi what he would do if he lost everything he loves.

To someone who said that if they wanted everything to go back to the way it was before, that his clan would be brought back.

For someone who resented his own survival of the massacre.

He knows what it's like, he knows these feelings very well, he didn't collapse for nothing after Itachi's truth was revealed, he knows it all very deeply.

He is not like Naruto who grew up and survived absence and emotional emptiness, Sasuke lived in a hell of pain and longing exactly because he knows how much of this can be lacking in a person.

Then he ignores Sarada's feelings.

Sasuke sank into a pit even deeper than Kakashi's after being defeated by Naruto.

Sarada really looks the piece here.

Why did he allow himself to have a child if he wasn't in a position to have one?

It's not like he couldn't have figured out how to avoid conception, he lived with Orochimaru for years and even studied to defeat him, for lack of intellectual capacity he isn't, in a world where even Madara could in a rudimentary way make a graft , that he couldn't not figure out how to do contraception. Are there no condoms or vasectomies in the world of Naruto?, in a world where eyes are transplanted as replacement parts? He accepted being without an arm, sterilizing himself would be the least of it, and with medicine from Naruto's world this should be easily reversible.

He was simply irresponsible to allow Sakura to get pregnant and forget about Sarada for 12 years.

Sakura was also irresponsible, but her character has always crawled in the mud when it comes to both self-love and common sense, so her choices being more than questionable in the intimate field simply isn't surprising. But Sasuke's descent into rock bottom is shocking. No one will ever convince me that there is nothing wrong with SasuSaku. With Sasuke or Sakura here.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

aaaaahhhhhh I need to scream about Taylor swift. just FUCK HER. oh my god. I have depression. it fucking SUCKS. and she leaves her boyfriend for being too depressed ATYHYTFBD HRRRGGGGGGGGG. AND THE PHSYCE WARD AESTHETIC. WTF IS WRONG WITH HER OH MY GOD. yubvefinhj arrrggghhhhhh I want to rip my skin off she makes me so mad.

I know this ask is about a month old now- I apologize if you were waiting for a response. I'm sensing a lot of frustration and anger here. Let me know if I am off base.

I thought receiving this was interesting- which is why I would like to reply. I understand your frustration- as someone who has also struggled with mental health, as I am sure many of us have, it is easy to let the frustration bubble up into anger. Taylor Swift, and her music, has remarkable impact on the culture.

I want to pause for a moment here- and let you know that I understand your anger. I cannot describe the feeling I had realizing that Swift’s latest album is basically an aesthetic co-opting of real mental health struggle.

Also- I work in an English Department- do you have any idea how obnoxiously hard it is to not role my eyes every time I think about the most pretentious and stupid album title ever: "Tortured Poets Department."

I really think she got one fake college degree from NYU and fancied herself an academic. (Please spare me the ineptitude).

I understand- and I also realize that this ask was but a brief moment of your day-if the anger is overwhelming, I would still urge you to recognize your own power. Oftentimes, I think anger releases out of frustration because we feel the person causing this frustration has so much more power than us- they exist above us- out of reach. As such, there is no way to truly communicate the frustration- or seek any recompense for it. A lack of ability to communicate- and be heard- can cause anger, it is human nature. We are both social creatures, and intuitively reactive. Both a blessing and a curse.

Please recognize that no matter how loud the divisive few, like Swift, are- culture is with the people, always. Combat the negativity with whatever positivity you have to give. Personally, I combat the negativity I see in the album by analyzing it- holding it up to the light and hopefully showing others how and why this is wrong. I do this with many authors- I've lambasted Hemmingway enough times now and written myself into an early grave railing against Joseph Conrad. Do not fear- or give frustration into anger- what you cannot control; instead use your own gift, whatever that may be, to give something good to the world- in the process it will make up for the bad.

Please note too that I am not talking about toxic positivity- about the kind of positivity that requires "everyone be nice all the time and never say a single curse word ever ever ever" UWU- BS - but rather actionable positivity. Definitive actions you take in the world- to right the moral wrongs. For me, this meant going to school- getting an education into moral philosophy and Literature- so that I might teach other how to critically analyze the world around them. All in effort, to affect actionable positive change, however small, in the lives of others. Teaching them to not only think about the concept of tenets of their reality, but to intentionally act with a moral backbone as they traverse their own lives. A metanalysis of self- that sincerely codifies our own agency in creating our reality. Ultimately, I act with intention, seek education, to give myself a tool with which I can work. See- actionable positivity. I seek to give people a reason to identify their own agency- their own power- and hopefully use that to be empathic, kind people, who think for themselves.

What, I wonder, does actionable positivity mean to you?

I really believe this- as silly as some people might find me for saying it. I really think only positive action, forethought and analytical, engaged minds, can rectify the moral corruption others bleed into the world. Swift is but one morally bankrupt individual amidst billions of people- all with differing moral centers. I say that among billions Swift will fade into obscurity. Hopefully, the good will outweigh the bad- to negate the negative cultural impact Swift has. Hopefully, we will all be smart enough to negate the environmental destruction of Swift as well (but I am a philosopher and not a climate scientist- so I suppose I must leave the particulars of that kerfuffle to the professionals).

I cannot comprehend the thought process of those who know better and still choose to continue supporting Swift. This album was a final straw (of sorts) for me. Frankly, I cannot comprehend the thought process of Swift either- who decided to write a whole song about how she is bored with her long-term boyfriend because he has depression.

Not to mention how cruel it is to out the mental health status of another- she was also marketing the album predicated upon the idea of this being a "break-up" album, which instrumentally has the effect of modulating the tone. Tonally, she defined this album by her own myopic lens of human experience- and her selfish desire to eternally be the damsel in distress. No- Swift is never a grown woman in control of her own actions, in any of her songs, she is instead eternally pointing a finger and say, "look at what you made me do."

The effect of marketing this album as a "break-up" album has the rhetorical effect of rendering every song on the album as blame-pointing from each of Swift expressed "down-trodded melodrama" not as a symptom of her actions, but as the result of her breakup. It even modulates the extent to which she can ever conceptually admit to any wrongdoing, because she has effectively embedded the rhetorical appeal "not my fault" into every aspect of her life. Thus- even if she did say "I'm at fault" it is overwritten by the tone of her own innocent, damselesque persona. People would still view her as the victim. Now, would this be a problem if the breakup was explicitly mutual? Maybe- maybe not. This is, however, a problem when Swift expressed again and again that the breakup was due to the other party- either being too depressed, or not being quick enough to marry. Thus, her getting bored enough to emotionally cheat.

In essence, Swift created a type of rhetorical vortex around the album though which every song is instrumentally telling about a different facet of her own instinct to paint herself as a victim of circumstance in every situation.

Not only was the ultimate onus of her album- breaking up- but it was also her "going crazy." She, on one hand wants to shame others for having a mental health struggle, while also co-opting it, using it as an aesthetic, and then reverting the narrative back to her being the ultimate victim because now- get this- she's the super sad one. So sad that she needs to dance on top of a giant metal psych ward hospital bed for the TTPD set of the Era's tour. She's so sad that she needed to cheat on her long-term relationship, then immediately pivot into a new relationship with someone who she thinks "looks like a high school bully."

What I think is truly heinous- is just her representation of her own mental health downturn as legitimate, and others mental downturns are illegitimate- or are an inconvenience to her.

Is this really the message I want millions of women around the globe to hear and internalize? no- because it is cruelly self-centered and melodramatic.

So- yeah, it's just so painfully mean-spiritied.

Anyway- I don't want to run away with my answer here, so I will leave off here. I hope you did not mind my waxing poetic a bit in the middle there- I am in a reflective mood tonight. I've been rereading various texts I wish to include in my freshman class on critical thinking. So, I am dwelling on what it means to critique Swift- keeping in mind my ultimate intentions, in life, which is to inspire people to think for themselves.

Anyway dear- this answer is becoming too long. Rest easy- and I hope you know that anger can be a wonderful tool- for fueling passion.

Good luck out there.

[9w1ft]

I liked your answer about bearding and the 4th wall and finding another guiding light.

I think part of the problem for people is that she is not doing what people want her to do and that makes people frustrated. What most people don’t understand is that part of the parasocial nature of celebrity worship means that the fan feels a such a connection with the celebrity that, mentally and emotionally, it puts part of the celebrity inside the fan. The celebrity’s public actions or experiences feel like they are happening to the fan, not just to the celebrity. The result is that if the celebrity does something the fan sees as bad, the fan feels like they themselves did something bad. Which feels bad. But it’s something they have no control over to change, because it’s not them doing it. That lack of control causes people to lash out. It is the same if someone attacks their celebrity, they feel like they themselves have been attacked and then they lash out at the attackers while feeling things like embarrassment, hurt, sadness, and anger. All unpleasant feelings.

Additionally, people are not shy about making theories that she is going to what they want her to do. Fans post all day long on social media about what her Easter eggs and hints and lyrics are pointing at, and then when she doesn’t do the predicted things, after the fan has stated online to the world that this is what she will do, they then feel like she purposefully did things without their feelings in mind, people might make fun of them for being wrong, and again they don’t have any control of it, but they feel like they should, because of the parasocialism.

The only way out of these feelings is to do whatever you can to minimize the parasocialism and accept that you have no control over anything she does and that it is not personal. For some people that will require them to unstan their celebrity and redirect their attentions to things that don’t give them these unpleasant feelings. Which is very hard to do when you are very invested.

You often advocate on your blog that if Taylor’s actions are making people feel bad, it is up to them to take a break or move on. Thank you for that!

yes thank you and i do agree, and i think it has become even more pronounced in the past ten or so years with the advent of social media. the phenomenon that when you stan someone, they become almost an extension of the self.

add into this the fact that so many young people cultivate a sense of self worth from their online presence, in an environment where feedback is instant and happens on a mass scale.

we used to talk about this a lot on here back in lover/folklore era, when people started talking more about gaylor swift on twitter or instagram and then tiktok. particularly with tiktok, there was this this HUGE surge of people talking about gaylor with their own face, using their real names, with backgrounds showing all of these place markers— university flags and sweatshirts, indications of the terrain from windows, talking about where they’re from even. and it just floored me. because for years on tumblr, that kind of gravitas was displayed only by swifties begging for a taylor like, reblog, follow, concert meet and greet, or secret session invite, etcetera. people poured out their life stories. and suddenly you had people talking about Gaylorism with their whole chests, for the world to see.

so it’s not just historical parasocialism, but it’s also colored by the stakes that people have created for themselves. i understand the thought process behind why people get mad when taylor doesn’t be gay the way that they want her to, or if she does stuff that “throws gaylors under the bus” — because these kids have their lives on the line. they have made themselves easy to bully and doxx, they have almost, in a way, made their amassing followers and allies as this sort of.. metric? by which their social lives can be affected. if taylor does something that is not an extension of their values, they risk losing all of their friends if they don’t react to it in the right way. and letting go of special interests and communities is easier said than done, it is traumatic, i think, and hard to grieve because of how intangible it all is. so i think that it’s important to look out for ourselves and one another because at the end of the day, it’s all we can control.

i’m not sure i can articulate it but… it’s just so different than when i was in school or when i was younger.

i think it’s much easier to have a clear mind when you’re an anonymous person on the internet. even then, power struggles happen or people get stuck in the trappings of parasocialism as you say, and despite being anonymous are unable to remove themselves from taylor’s life choices. and i think it’s possible to harbor a little parasocial relationship with taylor (and karlie. hi karlie!!) in your heart and still have it be healthy. you’ve just gotta acknowledge the barriers and road signs around you, i think. and just try to be aware of the fact that you’re not like, in the decision room with her. if you really believe and think this community is for her and important to her, i think that, in her absence, or inability to be unequivocally present, that it’s our responsibility to shoulder the upkeep of this planet for her. keep things tidy and running and worthwhile. if taylor’s dreams do suggest that on this planet only the gentle survive, maybe it’s a hint that she would hope we be gentle. idk. just a thought.

[elbarkla]

Check it out everyone, 3 years of art progress! And I wrote a guide for beginners! 😊

Hi! I’m Laura, age 31. I’ve always drawn occasionally, but never really stuck with it. Frankly it stressed me out. I’d draw for a month, then cry a bunch, then quit for a couple more years. But this time I turned it into a habit somehow. I’ve been drawing near-daily since Feb ‘21 and my life is better for it. Art’s a huge part of me now; it affects how I spend my time, how I express myself, and how I see the world. I feel like a happier, more complete human being.

So here’s what worked for me. This is a guide for hobbyists (I don’t have commercial ambitions) and it may or may not work for you. But I hope you can learn something from it regardless. Without further ado, my thesis:

 ~ Laura’s Steps for Drawing A Lot and Hopefully Getting Better ~

 1 – Manage Your Health 

Know what’s bad for your art? Depression! Glad I got around to treating mine. But for real, if you lack self-confidence you might want to check your mental health. It isn’t the sole factor but it can rapidly overtake the others. Every day I see a post like “how do I improve, every time I try to draw I’m overwhelmed with thoughts I’m bad at everything and a burden to the people around me”. That’s relatable but not a healthy way to see yourself. Low self-esteem can be treated. Please consider talking to someone - you’re a wonderful, lovable person and deserve a happy life.

Also, try to get plenty of sleep and eat regular meals; it helps with everything. Exercise is worth a shot too. Going for walks is good for your mind and body. Yes it’s boring, but boredom gives you space to imagine things.

 #2 – Make It Fun

You’re taking this too seriously. Yes, you. It’s just a hobby. Take the pressure off. Have fun.

What does that mean? It means you need to make art approachable. It has to be a comfort hobby you’re naturally drawn to. That means killing all thoughts of what you SHOULD do. If it makes you want to draw, go for it. Anime characters? Pretty ladies? Fanart? Furries? Doodles from imagination? Zentangles? Pencils? Digital? Do it. If drawing the “right way” burns you out, draw things the wrong way instead. You know who draws a lot? Children. You know who doesn’t draw super well? Children. Have that mindset. Draw like a child. Don’t compare yourself to others; just enjoy the process of creating something. You had that ability once and I know you can reacquire it.

 Intimidated by an empty sketchbook? Don’t wanna ruin a white page? That’s OK; find something you don’t mind ruining. Grab a half-used notebook and a ballpoint pen. You EXPECT those to look horrendous. If you can have fun filling that notebook, you can have fun drawing regularly, and if you draw regularly you can slowly improve your art. It happened to me. I went from rarely drawing to wanting to do it every day. I still sketch in ballpoint now; it’s fun and comfortable.

Also, if drawing’s NOT fun? That’s OK too! There’s loads of ways to express creativity; go do do one of those. For me it was The Sims 3, then knitting, then drawing. Find something accessible and build your confidence up. The world needs bonsai trees and Minecraft castles just as much as drawings. <3

#3 – Seek Instruction

You’ve made drawing a habit, congratulations! You’ve probably learned heaps already; it’s natural to work out techniques as you go. But deducing art wisdom from scratch isn’t super efficient. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when you can learn so much from others.

You can do a paid course (great way to meet people), but you don’t have to. All the information’s free on the internet! Teachers will cover the same things in different ways or from different perspectives. There’s no exclusive knowledge; the more you study, the more overlap you’ll notice. It all comes together for a more complete understanding of fundamental concepts.

Here’s some of my favourite resources (currently all available free online)(except the Winslow one which was taken down, boo):

  r/artfundamentals, ie. drawabox.com . A great starter course on how to hold a pen, draw lines, build forms and so on. You can follow structured lessons or just practice whatever you need to.

How to Draw: Drawing and Sketching Objects and Environments from Your Imagination, by Scott Robertson. This book’s the gold standard on perspective and great for technical thinkers. It gets VERY advanced but there’s basic stuff to learn from as well. If the textbook intimidates you, try this excellent video playlist by Dan Beardshaw. He walks you through the same concepts in a simple approachable manner. Vital information if you want your work to look 3D.

anything by Andrew Loomis. He’s an icon for a reason; the Loomis head is a standard art tool to this day. I also enjoy the anachronistic career advice (“all advertisers will pay for a well-drawn head” or whatever it was). Here’s the ones I’ve read and enjoyed:

Fun with a Pencil

Figure Drawing for All It’s Worth

Drawing The Head and Hands

Creative Illustration (my current fave, great for composition)

Classic Human Anatomy in Motion, by Valerie L. Winslow. Hot take – people who say “learn anatomy” to beginners are idiots. SO MANY fundamentals come before anatomy if you wanna draw good-looking characters. You’ll get better results studying proportion, form, gesture, shapes and composition first. But if/when you want to learn bones and muscles, this is the book for you! It’s probably overkill, but I loved the breakdown of facial muscles and how they create expression. Top-tier reaction image material.

Proko!! Fabulous Youtube channel. Not only is Stan a great teacher, he invites on other artists too. Just go to his search bar and plug in a keyword; you’ll always find something helpful. I recommend his channel if you want to draw humans (loads of gesture, forms, proportion, anatomy etc.), but there’s a video or two on everything. Some of my other favourite videos:

Mind-Blowing Realistic Shading Tricks. Simple effective intro to light and shadow, I still go back and learn from it.

How to Draw Dynamic Shapes – FORCE Series Part 3. So compelling I bought the book afterwards. Blew my mind, instantly improved all my shapes and in turn my composition and gesture.

Painting Skin Tones and How Light Affects Color. Marco Bucci’s a genius with colours, he explains value and saturation in such fascinating ways.

Digital Shape Carving with Scott Flanders – good companion to the shading video above, teaches dramatic silhouettes and cel-shading within a really interesting workflow.

Google. Any question. Throw it in. Someone’s made a video or reddit post about it. You’d be surprised! I swear, the number of times I’ve typed “composition tips” or “digital watercolour clip studio paint” or “how draw horse head”.

Remember, take it easy. Don’t burn yourself out. Back off if you feel the tears creeping in. Study should supplement your drawings, not replace them. If in doubt, revert to step 2 – “bad” art is better than no art.

4– Study Life

If you did step 3 you’re way ahead of me on this one. USE REFERENCES. Draw things from photos (or real life if possible). Fill your brain with visual information. Here’s a thread I made for sharing references of humans.

What if you prefer to draw from imagination? That’s fine – try a hybrid approach. Doodle whatever comes to you, then look up references and try again. For example I’ll doodle a bear, then draw from photos of bears, then doodle new bears using the things I learned. It’s fun and also a good way to test your knowledge. You may also enjoy combining different references; eg drawing animal fusions, combining poses with an outfits etc. It gets easier to do the more you practice.

Between art pieces I keep a balance between drawing from imagination, drawing from reference, following art lessons, and studying other artists. Speaking of which –

5 – Study Art

Ever heard “Don’t draw anime until you’ve learned anatomy?” or “Learn the rules before you break them?” I strongly disagree with both of those statements. Fundamentals are great but there’s never a point you stop learning them, and studying life won’t teach you how to stylise. That’s why you also need to learn from your favourite artworks. This gets easier/more efficient as you build your broader art skills, but you can learn styles at any point of your art journey (see – step 2). In fact, it makes study more enjoyable, since stylised art can look better and feel more “you”. You already know what you want to create– why not start now?

Let’s take anime as an example. That’s a huge genre with loads of variation. So, what’s your personal taste? Round and cute, or sharp and serious? Choose your favourite shows and study how they do it. Observe their lines, shapes and proportions. Then try it yourself. Make fanart. Not only is replication good art practice in general, it’ll teach you a bunch of new tricks. For original work, pull from loads of sources, the more diverse the better. Work in your love for Silver Age comics or medieval tapestries or German expressionism. The more places you learn from, the more unique and personal your style will be. Your art becomes a visual scrapbook of all the artists you love. I think that’s beautiful. <3

 6 – Find Community

Art friends! Best thing ever. You can bond over your shared obsession, commiserate over tough parts, and learn about art together. A lot of my drawings are in-jokes exchanged with my BFF. I’ve known them from childhood (lucky) but apparently adults can make friends too. Fandom spaces are great for this; many Discord channels have a dedicated artists’ zone. You can also try r/sketchdaily or challenges like Mermay/Inktober if you want a sense of community.

If you don’t have art friends (yet), that’s OK; parasocial works too! I like watching “Draw With Me” content on Youtube. It’s great to put on while you’re creating, especially when you don’t have the energy for something educational. Not only is it inspiring, you can learn tips and tricks along the way. And of course, you can never go wrong with Bob Ross.

 7 – Be Interesting

The very first step was to manage your health. In a way, we’ve looped back to the beginning.  Because no matter what you do, art begins and ends with who you are. You can practice fundamentals 12 hours a day but if you never live your life, you’ll never make interesting art. No one cares for artists whose only character trait is how hard they grind. So go be the most vibrant version of yourself. Take up weird hobbies. Make weird friends. Seek new experiences. Question the beliefs you grew up with. Read books for a while instead of drawing. Develop your principles. Embrace what makes you different. Survive the worst year of your life somehow. Learn what makes you thrive. Your art won’t be for everyone. But it WILL mean the world to some. And to me, that’s the whole point of doing this. Good luck, fellow artist. The world is your adventure yet to come. I believe in you. <3

[daybringersol]

if asexuality or aversion to sex comes from trauma, that is absolutely something a therapist and you are supposed to address, that's not queerphobia and equating it to conversion therapy is kinda disgusting and queerphobic itself lmao

That is not what I said in the slightest, to a point where im questioning if youre asking me this in good faith at all. Please actually read and/or reread the words I typed before accusing me of things like this. My initial post was not even worded in a way that was vague enough to be misinterpreted this way.

If you still don’t understand how misguided you are, here is my attempt at putting it more clearly :

Yes, aversion to sex and/or romance and lack of sexual/romantic desires can come from trauma. Therapy can help that, if you find the right therapist. However, from my own experiences, I can tell you that the way a lot of therapists approach this is at best, ineffective, and at worst, downright retraumatizing. If sex and/or romance makes you uncomfortable, being convinced to take part in sexual/romantic acts without you having desires for it or being downright averse to it is a recipe for disaster (for most people). It just puts you into more non-consensual and traumatizing positions. That is what exposure therapy is, and that is what most therapists have tried (and sometimes succeeded) to do to me. Horrible experience, would not recommend to anyone. This approach tries to cure the symptom instead of the issue, and is deeply based in ace/arophobia (seeing “fixing” a lack of attraction as more urgent and important than addressing the source of the issue, the actual trauma).

Also, no. If someone doesn’t feel like fixing their trauma for any reason, nobody should push them to. A therapist can absolutely inform the patient on the benefits of doing so, but trauma work is incredibly hard, very much a long-term thing, and can put the patient in an extremely vulnerable headspace. It’s the mental equivalent of breaking a bone to set it right again. For an abuse victim who just got out of that situation, it is completely understandable for them to want to enjoy their new-found freedom and joy as much as they can, for as long as they want. Pushing them towards trauma work without the right environment, mindset or literally anything else they feel might make this not the right time for it can cause further damage, especially knowing how the current psychiatric institution works.

Asexuality and aromanticism, however, do not come from trauma, or any other neurological differences. It might be affected by it, and people with life experiences similar to aro and/or ace people are welcomed in the community (for exemple, sexual and/or domestic abuse survivors that are sex/romance averse), but it is not caused by it. Most therapy settings are not informed about asexuality, and assume it is a symptom of a underlying issue, that needs to be fixed. The same kind of exposure therapy that I talked about earlier is often used to “cure” aro and/or ace people, putting them those same non-consensual and traumatizing situations. That is conversion therapy, and medical use of coerced corrective rape. These therapists are, often with methods similar to gaslighting (and I use the original meaning of the word here, not the diluted tiktok version of it), convincing people to do sexual and/or romantic acts that they have no desire to do, to fix an issue that doesn’t exist, with the explicit goal of making someone not queer. Please explain to me how that is not conversion therapy.

Other forms of arophobia and acephobia are prevalent in psychiatric institutions as they are today, tho I wouldn’t call most of those conversion therapy. You only need to look at the notes on my post to see what I’m talking about.

I genuinely hope that this is a formative experience for you, and that in the future, you learn to actually read what is written before you send messages like this. Have a good day.

[ikamigami]

Was not expecting Moon and Monty to immediately get smashed-off-their-ass drunk together and Puppet is the sober one but oh well, Moon's gonna have a fun time with that hangover

Yeah, he'll have a fun time with that.. I hope though that he won't be too angry.. cause idk how Sun will take it :/ (that's why it's important to drink responsibly so you won't make others around you worry too much or be uncomfortable around you)

Though I'm not surprised that Moon got drunk so quickly lol he kinda seems like someone who gets drunk easily

But for Monty.. I didn't expect them to get drunk so quickly.. but I knew that they got drunk sometimes with Foxy..

And I think that it was kind of expected that Puppet wouldn't get drunk lol

Also.. I'd like to address something here if you don't mind it, dear anon..

Cause let me be clear.. this was a funny episode where friends are hanging out together, drinking alcohol and getting drunk.. and it was obviously made to be fun episode..

While on the other hand Sun's drinking was never presented in a funny way.. in most instances when Sun's drinking habits were brought up someone was worried - New Moon, Puppet, Foxy - so it was setting a completely different tone compared to whenever Monty and Foxy or now Monty and Moon got drunk..

And let me tell you something.. people were upset about me saying that Sun might have an alcohol problem.. mostly because of their personal experiences with alcoholism.. and while that's valid.. at the same time people don't have to get drunk - because this was most common argument against Sun having drinking problem because he wasn't drunk - to become addicted to alcohol because that's not how addiction works :)

If you drink daily to relax - ease anxiety or whatever - and you also lie about your drinking habits - how many drinks you have per day etc. - and you act reckless - you're breaking law or you're making bad decisions - it's a huge red flag and it means that even if you're not getting drunk from drinking alcohol, it's still affecting you - your decision making - which is one of the easiest ways to become an alcoholic..

And this is exactly what was with Sun.. and now he stopped drinking - from drinking every single day to not drinking at all - and he's in worse mental state.. like again it's understandable considering what happened with New Moon and that NM tried to kill Earth and Puppet tried to force Sun to agree on killing NM.. but at the same time they brought up a few times already that Sun is thinking about finding himself new drinks - and what's worth noting is that drinking alcohol worsen symptoms of psychotic disorders (and other mental disorders as well) but the same goes for when someone experience withdrawal..

And again we can clearly see that Sun is in worse mental state than he was before - even before his first (major) psychotic episode - he's more depressed, he's paranoid (recent example - his uneasiness around cutouts in Moon's lab and in case you didn't know it is caused by paranoia), he's most probably experiencing hallucinations and he's having suicidal thoughts and most probably he's having delusional thoughts - also Sun's hands are shaking a lot but because he has anxiety it can't be used as hard proof that Sun is experiencing a physical symptoms of withdrawal, same is with him being more tired and him lacking motivation or that he doesn't enjoy doing the usual activity or he's performance is worse than usual cause it's most definitely caused by his depression.. but than again all of these symptoms could get worse because of alcohol withdrawal..

I wouldn't be surprised if Sun started drinking in secret (secret drinking is a thing btw) just to cope with his symptoms but mostly with hallucinations, delusions and suicidal thoughts.. but it may not happen.. but if it did happen it'd make his mental state even worse..

Also I'm treating this very seriously.. just because I'm not including people's experiences regarding this topic it doesn't mean that I'm treating it as a joke.. because I'm not.. I'm talking about Sun and I compare his experiences with experiences of those people who match.. comparing Sun's experiences to everyone else's would be pointless and just straight up stupid..

Sorry if this come across as rude but I was accused of not treating mental disorders seriously and with respect just because people don't like that I relate to Sun - when surprise surprise they do exactly the same thing with their favourites - so you can imagine how much frustrating it is to me (especially if you know about my mental issues and what I went through in this fandom)

But again I'm sorry for ranting under your ask, dear anon cause most definitely it wasn't something you were expecting to see in the answer..