#most people who have BPD are way more fucked up than me

[elytrafemme]

you all will be infuriated with me but i’m being dead serious this time, this isn’t a “haha let’s get my mutuals telling me they think i have this in a joking way” this is like, i’m seriously considering this sort of thing.

i’m wondering if i was wrong about the borderline thing. 

and to be clear because i know at least some people might jump on this, i’m not saying all the symptoms i attributed to it are gone. those are still existent and bpd is the best explanation out of the countless of other conditions i’ve read research papers about, talked to professionals about, or otherwise studied. like this is the best thing i have to go off of. 

but i think i’m very used to being wrong about these things. i was wrong about being part of a system, which i guess i can elaborate on but at this point like, i give up, at some point i’ll go through and delete my pluralkit because i’m tired of this shit. i was wrong about every other condition i thought i had and to be clear part of why i thought i had those conditions was me just trying to humble any other option but bpd. so if they were successful, well, that’d be unexpected.

but that still makes it extremely strange and i honestly am doubting if i have bpd anymore.

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more ��‍♀️.

[onyourhyuck]

LUKEWARM. L.DH | Episode 1

— Title: ‘Wasteland, baby.’

— Summary: Hong Yujin is the new patient at the psych ward admitted for her eating disorder. On the first day of being admitted she meets Haechan, a patient being treated for his bpd. Yujin already claims to hate him; he is everything she dislikes. Loud, annoying, self destructive.

— Genre: Psych ward, hospital, mental illnesses, can be triggering so read at your own risk, guys take care of yourself, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of bpd, suggestive, smut, angst etc.

— Notes: please don’t read if you’ll be triggered !! Take care of yourself guys.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Yujin is emotionally constipated and Haechan is a meddler.

The two most complex cases in the ward — happen to be each other’s triggers and worst of friends in the whole of hospital. Putting these two and two together is like asking for a death wish to happen.

You see punishment takes in many different forms. Yujin is convinced that god is punishing her with Haechan messing up her life whenever she’s in a good mood.

The young girl only recently started to enrol in this hospital not out of her own choice. News spread around quickly of Yujin and of course Haechan wanted to see the newbie for himself. She remembers how he bothered her with so much questions on the first day. Now Yujin wishes he would choke and shut up for once.

If there was a thing to describe him. It would be running tap water.

Strange interpretation right? Yujin likes to think that Haechan’s like tap water. Distasteful, stale and unpleasant.

So far it sounds accurate to Yujin.

A plop of weight pressed on the mattress with shoes on the hospital bed. The boy crossed his legs over the covers with a gleeful smile gazing right back at the owner of the room who looks to be the most pissed he’s seen her yet.

How exciting. Haechan loves getting reaction out of people the most. The girl has been his main source of entertainment here since she arrived. It was like a blessing from God, or so he likes to think.

“Get out.” Yujin states not even bothering to say hello or ‘please get out’ it was just a flat out unemotional reaction equivalent to ‘fuck off’ which he pretends that it hurt him. But it didn’t in reality.

The boy gasps pretending to be a freaking sob but he stopped acting when the expression on her face did not budge. Haechan was intrigued by Yujin’s bluntness. Most other patients would’ve backed down and been submissive to him, but not Yujin. He liked that in a very twisted way.

“Oh come on don’t be such a stick in the mud, let me hang out with you.” Haechan flashes her a little smirk hoping it would encourage some agreement between them.

Yujin heavily exhales. Might as well add some smoke particles, Haechan swore he saw her head turning to flames any minute.

“No. If I want to hang out with someone like you I would get a pet dog. Now get out of my room!” The arms extend out towards the door so Haechan can see the way out.

Taken aback by such statements but not letting them phase him outwardly. Haechan definitely notes from bothering her as of lately he did notice Yujin was rather a feisty individual. Deciding it would be even more fun to get on her nerves and push the already pressed buttons even more just for the fun of it. He didn’t actually care that Yujin was upset.

Haechan’s back pressed on the wall while he was sitting up on the bed this time. Legs crossed over the covers with that devilish smile.

“Oh calm down you’re in a mental ward, I’m sure you’ll come across much worse than me.”

The audacity to have Haechan smiling at her at this time? Yujin feels every inch of her body blood boiling to the point she couldn’t stand straight and see clearly.

Yujin glares over at the boy who made himself comfortable on the bed unannounced with one leg over the covers as if he owns this freaking ward to himself. Yujin stands there in middle of the room immediately ready to protest to the boy who gave no ounce of care.

“Who do you think you are?” Yujin says with an unamused expression.

The boy notices Yujin’s reaction to him sitting down on her bed and her glare. It would fun seeing someone else react this much, Haechan sometimes wonders if her head will explode someday.

The girl has only enrolled recently. He grins from ear to ear. It was fun however. Especially to a guy like him.

Haechan leans back on the bed and rests his feet against the wall. He grabs a magazine off the bedside table and begins to read, as if he’s at home. “Oh come on, what makes you think you own everything here? Who do you think you are?”

Haechan taunts her back. He can’t get enough of this interaction. It was like watching a sitcom on television but he was starring himself.

The moment which was full of tension like a chalk scraping at the chalkboard in a classroom. It felt like a million knives stabbing in the same constant pressure point on a body. It wasn’t a good energy at all so when the young nurse walked in on the moment, she was rather surprised to see Haechan on the bed already harassing the new patient.

The nurse furrows her eyebrows. “Haechan shouldn’t you be in your room taking your medication with nurse Joong?”

His eyes dart away from Yujin to the nurse rather eerily and he slants forward with a dropping smile. “Awh bummer — well this was fun.” He said it like he spent most of the living moments in this ward.

Yujin couldn’t put her finger on it, but it certainly sounds like Haechan was used to the pills prescribed.

But before he was fully leaving he whispers to Yujin. “Welcome to the Wasteland, baby.”

Not quite understanding what the boy meant. Yujin frowned and turned back but by then he was gone on his way.

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work. Please reblog this blog and follow me for more updates it helps a girl out !

[drowninglilys]

This might be a just me thing but when I see people who think Mikasa is a poorly written female character (she is NOT and I could give you a list of reasons that would be higher than Mount Everest why she is my favorite in the show), they don’t expand on it. They say she had wasted potential and move on and it’s usually male character fans or m/m shippers.

I have nothing against the two of them. I like a lot of m/m in attack on titan but I don’t like the ones that frame Mikasa as “the mom” “the villain” or “so done with her silly boys”. I wouldn’t say I’m a canon male character fan since I hc Armin as nonbinary or transfemme but Armin is still my second favorite so in a way I am.

My problem is that if you are going to say Mikasa has wasted potential, why don’t you elaborate why? Give me five different ways her story could end and an in depth analysis of what you could do better, besides complaining, slapping a lesbian label on her and doing nothing else. I beg you to delve deeper into her character and explore all facets of it.

she is my favorite, and yes at times she is underutilized and I don’t blame her fans for getting angry that she doesn’t have more to do. But in terms of fans, I think it has to stem from a lot of internalized misogyny and subtle racism the aot fandom has towards her. Because while yes, she is complex to understand, she is perhaps one of the most frustratingly beautiful characters I have come across in media.

I have so many hcs for her, so many ideas of how to elevate her story, and yet I see people pushing the same “tired girlboss” troupe that they have for years. Let her fuck up for once! Let female characters be insane or evil like the male characters are! She isn’t a girlboss! She’s a traumatized, elite solider who never had a proper childhood and is stuck in a codependent, abusive relationship with the same man who saved her from child traffickers! Writing Mikasa Ackerman as the “mom” in your m/m really tires me out because we all know that while she is protective, she preheats Trader Joe’s microwave frozen on a good day and has ice soup on a bad day. Yes, she is pretty, yes she is my sweetie honey pie angel bear, but she deserves your time as much as Eren does. I just wish there were more Mikasa blogs dedicated to this amazing female character. And I wish for a minute that people would pay attention to her more instead of just saying she’s “under utilized”. Because while she is, I need people to also understand they need to like female characters more.

The real Mikasa fans know she has autism and bpd but sadly those aren’t explored in fics.

Altough she is a lesbian to me and in a happy polycule with historia, Annie and Armin

[da-rulah]

hiii, may i request some copia comfort for a burnt out fem or gn reader ?

(mild warning for burn out and mental health crisis below)

i just dropped out of art school because of a mental health crisis (bpd episode) and i just feel like a huge failure because even though i've worked hard to get here for years, i couldn't handle disregarding both my mental and physical health in order to reach a barely acceptable quality of the projects i turned in. the worst of it being that i could have succeeded if only my mental health didn't constantly get in my way (thanks a lot to my professor who was like 'well you've got more potential than the greater part of people here but you can't seem to use it so you're kinda screwed xoxo') so i'm kind of a mess rn to say the least lmao

feel free to ignore my request if you're not comfortable with these topics since it can easily be triggering to a lot of people :') also i truly think you're one of my most favorite fanfiction writers ever, like you had me since the first part of confessional and i'm so hyped for the next chapters of the mayor's daughter !!

cheers ! :))

Hey lovely! I'm so sorry you've gone through that, and fuck that professor, what the hell!? You gotta do what's best for you, at the end of the day. I hope you're doing better now, and I'm sorry it's taken me a little while to get around to doing this for you! It's a little short, but I hope it's what you were looking for! ❤️

TW/ burnout, depression, slight NSFW but not really?

Copia jumped at the sound of the door to his quarters slamming shut, the rat he'd been playing with out of his cage crawling up his cassock sleeve in fear. He heard your footsteps stomping closer and quickly hurried to put his beloved pet back in his cage before you came in so he could give you the undivided attention you seemed to need, judging by the noises of exasperation you were making.

When he exited his bedroom and found you slumped on the couch, head in your hands and shoulders shaking, he immediately ran to your side.

"Amore? Hey... shh, it's okay. Talk to me, eh?" he cooed, crouching down before your feet and cradling your shoulders.

"I-I can't... s'too much!" you wailed, your fingers winding into your hair and gripping on for purchase as if it would stop you falling deeper into this feeling of helplessness. You couldn't catch your breath, your chest spasming with every sob you let out.

Copia knew this had been brewing... He'd tried to get you to slow down, to take some time for your self and allow yourself to relax but he knew it was easier said than done. He himself struggled with his workload, and knowing when to take a break.

"Amore, breathe with me, hm? You must breathe, tesoro..." he said, his tone soothing as he began to take large and deep breaths, exaggerating the noise so you could hear him over your sobs and begin to follow his guidance.

It took a few minutes, but slowly, your grip on your hair loosened, your lungs relenting in their spasming, your breathing evening out to shaky at best, but manageable.

"This is good, my love. You are okay, I'm just going to run a bath for us, hm? We can relax together, I won't let you go. Just give me a few moments..." he told you, now lifting your chin so he was able to see you clearer. He smiled softly when you nodded and peppered a kiss to your forehead. "Molto bene, you keep breathing for me, I will be right back."

He did as he had promised, running a hot bath with all the soothing soaks and scented candles you would be able to handle without getting a headache.

When he came back to you, he took your hand in his, gently pulling you up from the couch and guiding you into the bathroom. Still sniffling, you wiped at the tear tracks on your face. Slowly, Copia took care of the clothes you were in, stripping you of your layers along with his own. There wasn't even a flicker of arousal in either of you, simply a need to be close to him, to find yourself comforted by him.

Finally sinking into the fragrant warmth with him, you settled between his legs, your back hitting his chest and finding comfort in the skin-to-skin contact. The warmth of the water eased your tense muscles, and the heartbeat behind you serving as a metronome for your own racing heart.

For the first time in weeks, you felt some peace.

Naturally, his arms encircled you, holding you as his fingers laced with yours. He rested his chin on your shoulder, pressing featherlight kisses to your jaw every so often. Not once did he ask you to explain what had happened, and not once did he make you feel silly or like you had overreacted.

There would be time for talk later - but for now, Copia knew that you needed to relax, to feel his comfort. He'd give you as much as he could in droves, so long as he got to see the faint hint of a smile by the end of the night.

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Hello!

This is a humongous ask with a lot of context please please feel free to ignore😵‍💫

So I hold the hc that Ford is absolutely NPD, that Stanley has CPTSD and perhaps even BPD (we see him obsess over his FP throughout his entire life and while he represses as much as he can, it is still very clear that he feels DEEPLY either negative or positive emotions.)

I am in the middle of writing a fic where both men fall into the portal. If you are interested in understanding the premise, basically Bill fucks up by showing Ford exactly what happens during the some lowest moments of Stan's drifter years. Bill wants to destroy Ford's self worth and show him that he is a monster "just like Me"

The result being that Ford is wracked by Narcissistic injury. He contacts Stan, Stan comes, fight happens near the portal, Stan gets burned, but before Stan can push Ford into the portal, Ford rapid-fires some panic apologies and begs for forgiveness about .. everything. They are both physically fucked and by sheer bad luck end up falling through the portal just as they begin to communicate.

My AU is called Trust Falls

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/59665708)

At the moment in my writing I am working on the delayed reaction of Ford's narcissistic injury paired with the somewhat foreign to Ford idea that he has to not just rely on Stanley for both of them to survive but in fact Stan has skills and knowledge that Ford simply doesn't.

I am personally a BPD autistic person (with NPD people in my life that I love and I know love me) and I am struggling to properly represent Ford's internal struggle with this. I am also struggling to work in other NPD traits such as his manipulation of circumstances.

Another aspect to my story is that Ford is going to go through some pretty intense psychological trauma (think the Lamp story from reddit) and I want him to struggle to feel connected to his humanity, for some later healing when they get back to their home.

As an NPD person, do you have any recommendations on ways you would approach his injury and perhaps ways his ego would get them into trouble with locals around the multiverse?

I am trying really hard to not just simply ignore his NPD qualities in favor of "yay the boys can hug it out" bullshit narratives that I groan at.

I’ll try and do my best in wording all this, and will mostly be going off my own experience, so naturally I don’t speak for every narcissist, but I hope this can be of help anyway!

When it comes to writing and understanding Narcissistic Injuries, one of the most important thing to keep in mind is the root of it, as those will inform the character’s behaviours and reaction. The most common feelings related to Narcissistic Injury are things shame, humiliation, insecurity etc, and because we are usually unable of coping with that, and our view of ourself has just been challenged or even damaged, we turn those feelings elsewhere as a defence mechanism: anger is the most common response I find.

In Ford’s case, I imagine it’s only further worsened by the fact he has to rely on Stan. Honestly, that would probably piss me off if I was in his position. His self-worth has just been damaged beyond repair, which is already going to cause an array of negative emotions, and now, he’s been made even more vulnerable, with someone who simply put, knows more than him in this situation. It would be a blow to his pride.

I can see him doing things like refusing Stan’s help or going against what Stan tells him to do, believing he can handle a situation or do it better, lashing out and trying to prove his worth again, but he’ll likely only make himself feel worse in the process. It’s a horrible cycle to be stuck in.

You have to remember when writing that Ford’s response is only a shield, protecting himself from others but also his own feelings. He doesn’t want to acknowledge his own weakness. That’s just not an option. Every little disagreement in this state is going to be more than that to Ford — it’s going to be an insult. He may interpret Stan’s words as telling him he isn’t capable, or that he isn’t smart enough, when Stan is really just trying to help them both survive.

Hell, he’ll probably respond like this to most forms of assistance or locals trying to correct him, becoming snappy or defensive, insisting he knew that, or that they don’t need help, because he has it under control. I know for a fact I, even with how much I’ve improved my coping, still snap back with how I don’t need help, or that I was managing just fine, or that I actually intended to do that all along. It’s easier than just admitting you’re struggling.

I can see Ford pissing off a few people with that mindset.

It probably does help that a lot of this also stems from guilt, which means he likely feels responsible for Stan, and only grows more frustrated with himself when he can’t protect him.

Also Manipulation! I think I can word this one a bit easier I’m way more self-aware about that sort of thing.

The thing about manipulation with narcissism, is it isn’t always the obvious things. When manipulating a situation, it can be as simple as very intentional comments designed to garner attention or sympathy, although, intentional as it is, in my own experience, this tends to run on auto pilot. It just… is. You just do it. It’s also sometimes about speaking confidently enough that you convince people your idea is the better one, and thereby securing your own preferred outcome. Most times, it’s habit. Also, for me, and I think for Ford in this situation, manipulation is a way to regain control, if it helps to think of it like that?

Ford has to be in control, he has to be perfect, he has to be the smartest in the room, he has to be worth something, he has to make it up to Stan, otherwise, what has his life even been for?

Apologies if this is messy or doesn’t clear up certain things. It’s nearly 12am as I write this so I’m just balling it. I really appreciate you putting in the effort to write this kind of dynamic though!

[undeaddollz]

patrick hockstetter analysis hi, i realize there was spelling mistakes on my henry bowers one but i'm really too lazy to go over it all and fix em so if theres some on here too then ignore it! don't come at me for the hypothetical disorders i'm saying patrick may have, i do believe he probably is on the spectrum somehow and i will not listen to anyone who says otherwise.

patrick is SO INTERESTING, the disorders that i suspect he has is possibly CIPA as he doesnt show much reaction to pain and possibly some sort of BPD or autism but im more sure of CIPA. but it's confirmed for him to have solipsism he doesnt think other people or things are real, the reason he killed his little brother avery is because he felt avery was real and his parents were taking attention away from him. he doesnt like deviating from his schedule, he expects dinner to be at the same time, parents to be in bed at a certain time every day but the baby took away from that and so he suffocated avery to death. i believe he also has a sort of god complex as he thinks he decides what happens in the world. he doesnt think him harming people and animals matters because they aren't real anyways and meerly toys for him so he doesnt get bored. we don't get a lot of background on patrick let alone his parents but the movie gives us jack-shit about him. he's obviously a pyromaniac and doesnt seem to have any reaction to pain, laughing when henry hurts him after patrick sexually assaults him. he has a sort of psychosis, he doesn't love anyone besides himself but its not in a narcissistic way. he doesnt really have attachments to anyone, his family could die and he'd just be worried about whats for dinner. he'd only be upset cause it ruins his schedule. He would be upset if bowers gang died but simply because they bring him entertainment and its someone to bully kids with. I feel he probably was subjected to some sort of trauma when he was younger, possibly sexual or some form of neglect. people arent usually born acting how patrick does and all the adults shown in derry seem to be abusive or neglectful. his favorite past time is to torture kids and animals, he enjoys taking their lives, he has a fridge full of tortured animal corpses, mainly cats. since the fridge is his favorite thing it gets used as a factor of his demise, after sexually assaulting henry he goes to his fridge and is killed by pennywise. he loves to spend time at the barrens/junkyard since thats where a lot of the violence happens, those places being frequent bowers gang hang out spots. Bowers gang is scared of him, most adults are too. theres rumors floating around of patricks hobbies so people often let him do whatever he wants as to not agitate him. I dont know if victor and belch exactly know about the fridge as its a little hidden away in the junkyard but henry knows, when patrick teases henry for "letting him" sexually assault him henry shouts "if you fucking tell anyone about this im telling everyone about your fridge and you'll be taken away" or something similar. Henry keeps him around since 1, hes deeply scared of patrick and doesnt want to anger him 2, he also finds ways to entertain henry, helping him blow off steam from the abuse at home on other kids and sometimes animals. henry seems to be a big fan of animals but when he starts to go crazy after patrick dies he shows similarities to patricks behavior, growing violent with dogs and cats and being more murder-driven with his bullying. patrick seems kind of obsessed with henry but it could just be finding henry useful or a good source of entertainment and he can torture henry to end up getting what he wants. patrick is only fueled by his own selfish desires, he has no exact motivation for doing anything, other than him deciding he wants to. psychosis can be drawn out by not sleeping sometimes and maybe patrick could suffer from hallucinations, in the movie it seems he's scared of what he's killed coming back to life but honestly i dont think thats really accurate as i dont think that is something he would think about and he already feels no guilt about it so i think it was just the movie being stupid again. so if he does have hallucinations i think he would be indifferent to them, maybe only being annoyed they arent always at the same time every day.

[clusterlgbt]

You know - I’ve been thinking a lot about fakeclaiming lately, and about faking disorders in general. And I’ve realized I don’t care, and I hate fakeclaimers way more than I hate fakers, and I’d rather support 100 fakers than doubt 1 one person who may or may not be real.

First of all, obviously there are some people who fake (or even just exaggerate!) their symptoms due to a mental illness to begin with. Factitious disorder, HPD, etc. There’s also the hypochondriacs, people with health related OCD, etc that might "fake" without realizing due to accidentally self-diagnosing. Or wrong self-diagnosis (or wrong professional diagnosis!) in general. And there’s also people who are just misinformed.

I guess I am annoyed by the people who are like “oh i get distracted sometimes so that means i have adhd” but i don’t really count that as faking. That’s just not understanding.

In fact, I won’t even fakeclaim people who clearly CAN’T have the disorder. What I mean by that is, well, for example, you have to be 18 to be diagnosed with ASPD. But that doesn’t mean you fall asleep NT on your last day of being 17 and then you wake up with ASPD on your 18th birthday. So if I see a minor self-dxed with ASPD, I don’t think fakeclaiming them does much good.

I have 2 disorders that arent even in the DSM - maladaptive daydreaming disorder and c-ptsd. Does this mean people have the right to fakeclaim me? And if so, what does that mean about my symptoms? Does it mean they're less real because they're not technically a part of a legal diagnosis?

I'll be honest - and it's hard for me to confess this - occasionally I've seen some disorders that I doubt “really exist”…for example i’m often skeptical of things like ODD and conduct disorder. I think most of the time, that’s just kids not wanting to be controlled by authority and it’s often overdiagnosed in minorities and/or abused kids. But I won’t claim those disorders don’t exist at all, because clearly people exhibit those behaviors and suffer because of it. And even if someone IS misdiagnosed, well clearly that's because they're suffering in some way, right? Yes, as a youth liberation activist, I do think ODD is often overdiagnosed, and I often wonder if it'd exist at all if the youth were truly free. But until they are truly free and we can actually figure that out, who I am to claim that it's not real?

Lately, the internet likes to argue if certain addictions exist. Porn, sex/masturbation, the internet itself, gaming, etc. I'm skeptical of most of these myself, not because I don't think they're addictive whatsoever but because, again, I think it's a label that is often slapped on to people by sex-negative people, luddites, etc. But, like, man - if I see someone that says to have those disorders i’m not gonna fucking say “no you don’t, those things don’t exist.” I’m gonna offer support!

Clearly if people are DXing themself with something its cuz they think something is wrong and they deserve support. Wild concept, right?

It's also why i hate the whole concept of “oh you’re not mentally ill you’re just a teen/stressed/Going Through Something.” Even if that IS the case, they still deserve support, and honestly if someone even "just temporarily" or "just barely fits" the criteria for a mental illness or PD or whatever I’m not gonna tell them theyre lying and that it’s temporary and that they shouldn’t self dx. Situational mental illness and borderline mental illness (not BPD, literally towing the line between having a diagnosis and not) are very real things. So even if someone claims to have a disorder despite missing one or two DSM criteria, I am not gonna tell them they don't have that disorder.

Like…….someone saying “I have BPD” or “I have depression” or “I have psychosis” in a self-diagnose context isn’t just giving you a disorder - they’re also telling you SYMPTOMS and BEHAVIORS that describe what they’re going thru, or think they’re going thru, and by fakeclaiming you’re basically telling them, “No, you’re not.”

So no, I don't fakeclaim anyone. Even if they're a minor with ASPD. Even if they have a disorder that I don't technically think should exist in the DSM. Even if they have a disorder that DOESN'T exist in the DSM. Even if they have two or more disorders that completely conflict with one another, such as say, AVPD and HPD.

There is absolutely a time for us antipsych/psych-critical activists to critique the DSM. There is absolutely a time to talk about how certain disorders will be overdiagnosed in certain minorities (and underdiagnosed in others, but my G-d, that is a rant for another time and day because that in itself is a whole book). There is absolutely a time to talk about how something that's classified as a disorder shouldn't be a disorder at all (transmeds, if you've read this far, fuck off, my gender is not a mental illness).

But there's also, more often, times to just let people be. Do not fakeclaim anyone, even if you really doubt them. Even people who truly do intentionally fake are people who are needy of attention and support in some other ways. And whining about how they fake being mentally ill does not help them.

[r-ottweiler]

what are some of your headcanons for the heathers characters? or do you just stick to canon?

I have plenty of my own headcanons

This gives me an excuse to write them all down actually, lmao

Sometimes i stick to the canon, Othertimes i use my own versions of them. I think all the heathers art i have posted so far has been a mix.

Anywho, Long list of my headcanons underneath. (I am learning to use tumblr features this is cool)

I project alot onto these characters, So these may not be very canon. As implied by them being headcanons.

Heather Chander : (Mentions of CSA, labelled with "ONE" beginning. Skip if needed)

She's a silly little narc and i love her for it. Me for real

Absolutely privelleged. Her family is rich, white, she's heterosexual/romantic (Presenting at least. She's a little bicurious, Sure.) ...

I tend to see alot of "This heather is her favourite" Headcanons, But i typically dont agree. Her "favourite" changes based on how useful they are being to her at the moment. But even then I just dont think she has favourites. She both hates and loves them all equally. (hates a little more than loves lmao)

She is an only child, Which led to her being way too independent for her skills, Which leads her to never ask for help since she "Didnt need it as a child, So why would she need it now?".

!!!!ONE!!!!! Her parents didnt really pay attention to her as a child, So she found it from other people. Particularly a certian family friend. She didnt tell her parents about what was happening untill said family friend made a joke about him and heather when she was ~7, Which led to family friend being cut off. Her parents didnt deem it important enough to get her therapy, or any form of help, She had minimal support.

Her act of love language is physical touch(Giving) and gift giving(Receiving)

She is 5'8

If you want a condescending petname she is your go-to. Each heather has their own little nickname that she uses. Occasionally endearingly. Most of the time, mocking and/or condescending.

Very silly girl indeed.

Heather Duke : (SH mentioned beginning with "ONE", skip if needed)

Evil BPD haver . Evil evil evil evi

This isnt a headcanon of mine but i like the poc representation with her. I dont like how the musical did it but the fan content is nice to see

She's queer, but (if she ever were to be open about it) she just labels herself as "Whatever is most convenient at the time".

!!ONE She does cut occasionally, Sometimes because she thinks the scars are pretty and for pity points from dumb people to get what she wants ++but she also does it sometimes because of disordered stuff (linked with BPD headcanon) and other things

personal beef with drama kids. thats all. She thinks theyre annoying as fuck and will take any chance she gets to piss one of them off

Pretty privellege. She just has to pout and any desperate guy will give her what she wants

Heather Mcnamara : (SH mentioned beginning with "ONE", skip if needed)

She is not nice. That's it. Thats the headcanon.

Very passive aggressive when she wants to be. Less with her ''friends'' but she's still kind of an ass.

BPD+NPD . Little loser

She smokes weed . She thinks that perfume hides the scent but she just walks around smelling like weed and lemons. Makes her very recognisable, Though

She's probably kissed heather duke more than twice. Who knows?

Also pretty privellege.

!!ONE She also cuts, but much more than HD does, and mainly only because of disorder linked issues.

her fp is heather duke!

She cannot swim. Only heather chandler knows this, And she wants to murder her everytime its brought up.

cannot spell restaurant. do better. (she spells it as resturant, will not correct herself as 'thats how it sounds')

she CAN however, Skateboard. She only learnt when she was ~13, she has never attempted it after 15, Because she thinks its weird, and looks dumb.

Veronica :

my silly npd autist weirdo. i hate her

If she doesnt see her drink being made every step of the way or make it herself, She will not drink it. She doesnt even know why. She has paranoia around it.

Has punched holes in her walls. Albeit mostly accidentally.

She has anger issues. Alot of things annoy and agitate her.

Shorter than heather chandler by 1 inch and she never hears the end of it. She's slapped HC over it before. Also never hears the end of that.

She's intersex!

She can play the guitar, But she doesnt do it much. She's only really played it for heather mcnamara once or twice, Otherwise she just does it to de-stress and calm down on her own.

These are only the girls, and only afew of my favourite headcanons, But i have plenty of my own little headcanons for other characters.

[momentsofamberclarity]

don't call me nonnie.

i know that not all proshipping is sexual, but it's still portraying pedophilia/incest positively

the bullet point lists were because i just wanted to separate each sentence into a different point because they were all sort off disconnected

the "they're just pixels" argument doesn't work because every single thing you see on a screen is a bunch of pixels if you zoom in, with that logic every image posted online is "just pixels", including actual csem

Fine, I won't call you that. But riddle me this, anon; why am I showing you more respect than you're showing me? Why have you told me to go fuck myself multiple times in place of having a discussion?

Here's the thing ... the only way you will find csem is if you go looking for it. You are not going to find csem on tumblr because it would break community guidelines. But fictional characters under the age of 18 do not count as csem and numerous child protection services have stated that those are just art.

Likewise, the only way you're gonna find fanfiction of 'kids being raped' as you keep putting it, is if you're trying to be a white knight and seek those writers out purposefully so that you can harass them like you're doing with me. Because most of the proshippers I know tag their stuff so that it can be found by the target audience and blacklisted by the people who don't want to see it.

And here's the thing about proshipping which I think is the biggest hurtle of the anti community. Proship doesn't mean 'I support active sexual predators hurting real living children'. 'Pedophile' as a term is meaningless at this point because everyone on the internet uses it to describe anyone they disagree with. You're better off using predator and paraphile. Predators are the dangerous people who don't give a shit about fiction because they have full-intent to harm others. But the majority of paraphiles? They're no-contact and/or fiction-only on their paraphilias, or they do consenting adult things with their consenting adult partners that are roleplaying with boundaries set in place for a reason.

I've been on the internet since before the term 'proship' even popped up. Back before that we called it Dead Dove, Don't Eat and Don't Like, Don't Look. 'Proship' as a term has the same meaning as those old ones, it's just shorthand. It means 'I support the rights of others to ship whatever they want in their own space regardless of whether or not I like or condone it because I don't know them and it does not involve me'. You don't like the content? You have a block button and you are encouraged to use it to curate your own online experience just like the artists and authors posting that content are.

The fact that you're still here means you're hearing some of what I'm saying and possibly having a hard time coming to terms with it. Believe me, I went through a period of morality crisis between my bpd and ocd telling me that fiction could affect reality and I thought that thinking bad things ( like intrusive thoughts ) made me a Bad Person. But thoughts are just thoughts.

So if you want to come off anon and actually have a conversation with me, I promise I'm not going to name-drop you. The purpose of this blog has only ever been about clearing up misconceptions about proshippers and paraphiles because I used to be uninformed about those topics myself until my partner and another super close friend explained them to me in a way that I could comprehend. And that is that thought crime doesn't exist. And fictional characters don't have autonomy and therefore cannot be abused by your thoughts, your art, your writing, etc.

But if we did away with fictional expression of paraphilias in a healthy artistic manner ( like KOSA is currently trying to do ), the world would be a more dangerous place for potential victims, because paraphiles and predators are always going to exist whether you choose to accept that or not. My own abusers never faced charges, only one of my partners' abusers is rotting in jail, and that is the reality of this fucked up world that we're living in. People with niche fetishes aren't monsters - most are even too embarrassed to talk about them. Active sexual predators online who hop into the DMs of minors to be creeps are a real world problem. And that has nothing to do with the proship community's philosophy of 'ship and let ship'.

[mush-dooms]

I've never been one to have a lot of friends, but this was true especially in grade school and high school, and because I constantly felt excluded I would go out of my way to at the very least be nice to the "weird" kids. I'm not gonna pretend I was perfect and I definitely did participate in the occasional mean-spirited "joke," but for the most part I made an effort to make people feel included. i still think about two of those kids especially. one was visually impaired/blind and came from a low income family, and was the kind of person to exaggerate stories to the point of them being unbelievable. i remember a group of boys thought it would be the funniest thing ever to ask her on a fake date knowing she had a crush on the guy who was gonna ask. i essentially told them to fuck off and they apologized and never did ask her on the fake date, but that incident made me think that people thought we were friends and after that I started avoiding her. i still feel guilty about it. wonder what she's up to these days. i hope she's happy.

another was a girl that, if i had to guess, had bpd, and also came from a low income background. she would constantly be crying in class and would tell people about how/where she self harmed or attempted and didn't have the best hygiene. but she also seemed like a person who just needed someone to be there for her, give her some kind of support and care. one day she stopped showing up to class. i ran into her at the grocery store a couple weeks later and she told me she was engaged. mind you we were probably 16-17. i genuinely wonder if she's still alive, let alone doing okay. i just wonder if I could have done something to help. i can't save everyone but sometimes I really do wonder. me having not been a complete asshole to her just doesn't seem like enough. i don't remember her last name so I have no way of knowing what she's up to these days. idk. all this to say that i barely knew these people and I still think about them and maybe there are people who feel that way about me. maybe we're all more connected than we think.

[themouthwasher]

sighhh, this is my selfship sideblog, for jimmy, i selfship with him

i guess you can call me LP, kinda like lp records lol, thatll be my nickname here, he/it pronouns, 18 years of age

taken by my beloved @swansuke (and jimmy too of course)

pleaseeeee check hidden theres some clarifications in there cause i know an account like this needs clarifications (plus a bit more random info bout me)

PLEASE READ THIS!!!

yes i know hes a horrible piece of shit, i dont support his actions, i hate him, but my brain says fuck all to morals when it comes to stuff thats fictional and decided "hey this guy seems silly, im gonna fall in love now!" whenever i think of lovey dovey stuff i try to place it in a sort of au where he didnt do... all of that. but yeah, theres really no "good" way to do it is there? i get most people will see it as wrong no matter which way i try to spin it so just please block and move on if you have a problem with it

not particularly proud of the fact i selfship with him (if you couldnt tell by how ive been talking about it so far) which is reason i made this blog, im not gonna admit this to anyone else so i might as well make an account where i can love him anonymously, honestly i have quite a bit of internal turmoil over loving him but thats to be expected when its... him. expect random bouts of "i fucking hate this man he makes me so mad /srs" immediately followed by doting on him cause my brain hates me being happy

tldr; i dont support his actions and lowkey hate the fact that i selfship with him, but hey i didnt chose to fall in love (if i could chose this would be a daisuke blog just sayin)

a bit about me

uhmm ive got autism, adhd, and bpd, and i feel like that definitely all shows itself in the way i act, i guess i act pretty unstable?? im also a very paranoid person, over like, everything, idk what causes it but its basically the stereotype of what people think of when they think of paranoia, i dunno i think that pmuch sums up whats wrong with me

i draw sometimes, though i doubt ill post anything, and i like music a lot, its my spintrest (but ill try to keep music talk to a minimum lest anyone manages to figure out who i am by my music taste) other than that uhhh i guess i like horror and bugs, and i bet youll never be able to guess what my favorite game is

no dni, if i have a problem with you ill block you and thats that, i guess im neutralship but really i do not careeeee, doubles can interact too! in fact please interact!! lets gush over jimmy together

tag list!!! woohoo!!! this post is also tagged with all of em so you (or more likely i) can easily click on them and get scrolling

"💚 i can fix this" is my rambling tag, check that out to see me talk about how much i unreasonably love that man

"💚 tuplars copilot" is for fanart reblogs

"💚 kills 99.9%" is my misc reblogs tag, whether it be non fanart posts about jimmy or completely unrelated posts that i reblogged with him in mind

"💚 polle says" is my ask tag, just any posts where im answering any asks i get

"💚 lp draws" is any of my art that i post, couldnt think of anything creative for this one

"💚 chatterbox" is me either talking to other people or posting stuff that doesnt really have anything to do with jimmy (and the tags not a reference, how revolutionary!)

"💚 i hope this hurts" is things reblogged/posted with hatred or anguish in my heart, i mightve actually got seething mad at jimmy seeing/making those posts but bleh whatever its jimmy so on the account it goes

"💚 not safe for tuplar" i think im so funny, i wont be rebloging anything too extreme and ill try to keep post like these to a minimum, but thats just there if you wanna mute it i guess

"💚 favorite posts" is self explanatory

[rawbin-hsr]

The previous anon articulated it so well bc I just saw what they're talking about and I'm honestly confused why they thought u were saying anything wrong like 😭😭 are we sure we have the same guy here? Aventurine while yes knows what being loved feels like, he's gone through enough things and changes in life that that little frame of reference won't serve him well, especially within a romantic context bc he doesn't have ANY reference.

I read what you wrote as him not really meaning to (even reread) and yeah, he wouldn't Purposely want to be abusive to his romantic partner, but it still borders on it. What a lot of ppl get wrong is that, emotional abuse doesn't have to always mean the perpetrator is fully aware of it themself.

Maybe bc I myself have bpd, but it's so easy to see. When someone's avoiding negative feelings they have about themself (jealousy, insecurity etc) they can easily externalize this blame (and for him, that's so much more likely, it's literally a defense mechanism) or even, projecting his own view of himself on how you view him only to end up upset. (And then, the random clinginess that comes after this pushing away, why would it happen if not for trying to convince you to stay even though what he keeps doing is generally not a good thing to do in a relationship?) He wouldn't have known healthy attachment, didn't grow up with a safety net to be comfortable with that, hell, he thinks people closest to him (in canon) are sort of "tolerating" him. Are we really surprised?

Like, you never said aventurine is doing it with intent or even awareness bc yea he isn't!! He'd realize some of his actions sure, but stuff like "pushing you away" is probably shit he genuinely considers good for you, and it's not even like completely wrong he's in a high and risky position. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like a mf, and I think that's the biggest tragedy of it all, because he doesn't fully realize how bad his actions are from another pov, and it's not like a single Convo can get him to understand that.

Anyway, sorry that was a lot more incoherent than I thought and I was firmly stating a lot of things bc I can pull up stuff to back my claim but ALSO bc they pissed me off if u don't like something just scroll I've been doing that for years on this app I never felt the need to go yell at someone bc I don't agree with how they interpret a character 😒😒😒😒 I hope ur feeling better, rsd sucks ass I always get so overwhelmed whenever I experience it but ur intent came across very clearly actually dw

I’m literally in tears I’m so grateful multiple people are taking the time to reassure me thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹 I was really doubting myself and my own take on him, it makes me feel so relieved I’m not the only one who has this specific take on him haha I was lowkey worrying I was a terrible person for a moment there 😭

And yes, exactly !!!! I think you were very coherent in this, in fact I think you formulated what I meant to say better than I did 😭😭 Like there’s a lot, a LOT of nuance to it !!! He never does it out of malice. He just doesn’t know any better. He tries to do what’s right and what’s best for you, he’s just… kind of not good at that because his whole perspective is skewed.

I do still think they were right that I shouldn’t have used the word ‘abuse’. It’s a very loaded term, and I think abuse requires a power dynamic, which is something I think he would try to eliminate in a relationship. Like, yes, he is a powerful man and he sort of needs some leverage to stay in control (of both his own life and his relationship with you), but I think he fucking hates the idea of being “above you” in any way. (Though to be fair he still could unintentionally create an uneven power dynamic — he’s the one mostly in charge of when the two of you interact. I think he loathes himself even more when he realises that.) I think it would be best to stick to the word “toxic” because it feels most fitting from my pov

[paleio]

okay you've tagged bpd!percy and Puerto Rican/Filipino!percy on my different posts now and they have made my day twice so I have to ask you to elaborate on one or both pls and thx po naman 🤲🤲

(-helyeahmangocheese)

okay honestly i suck SOOO bad at headcanons because the characters i tend to develop them for are also the characters that are so deeply attached to my own brain that we end up kinda bleeding into each other. there are two different percy jacksons to me—the one i play with in his natural environment and view as a really compelling and interesting individual, and the one that has been inside my head so long he's molded into the shape of my skull. sometimes the line is blurry which is why a lot of my headcanons aren't actually backed up by anything in the canon. i do really like PR/Filipino!percy as is, but bpd!percy doesn't actually make sense (in my opinion) for the way he narrates in the first series. you could argue for it in heroes of olympus but i honestly like your bipolar!percy better and think it makes way more sense.

THAT BEING SAID. i refuse to believe that annabeth chase doesn't have bpd. the attachment issues, the constant fear of abandonment, the sudden mood shifts. it makes her bitterness toward rachel make more sense—percy is clearly her fp (favorite person) so of course she's scared of being ignored or replaced. she was probably panicking constantly throughout the last two books, thinking percy would completely cut contact with her if he got with rachel. it would also better explain her struggles with luke, and with morality as a whole. she seems to have trouble seeing situations and people as anything other as completely evil or completely good (in the first few books at least, she does get to work through this to some extent). her mother? perfect, a genius, always right about everything. her father? horrible, irredeemable, worst parent in the world. of course, this is a struggle for a lot of kids and teens (morality is hard and complicated!), but combined with everything else—and from personal experience—i think bpd works extremely well for annabeth.

as for PR/Filipino!percy, i just think it's neat :3 it could be either or both, but the idea of sally jackson being an immigrant or a child of immigrants makes for some really interesting ideas and goes well with the themes already present in the books. her being a first gen college student would be so cool and so sally, and her financial/familial success would feel even more vindicating. plus it's so tough for neurodivergent kids who are also poc. it would add another layer of bitterness to percy, and possibly another parallel to luke. i personally don't think the luke/percy dynamic is as good or interesting if luke is white and percy is poc, especially because to an extent, luke is RIGHT, and it's kind of uncomfortable to have the only white guy be the most revolutionary character (even if he goes about that revolution in the worst way possible). i was really excited when pjotv cast charlie bushnell as luke and i desperately hope they actually acknowledge that he isn't white (i'm not super optimistic but there's still plenty of time). because that's fucking important. he grew up in a place where he already felt unloved and betrayed by his father and ashamed of his mother, but it would make such a huge impact on his psyche and perspective if his community also alienated him. for context, the town luke canonically grew up in is like 97% white in real life. luke probably felt like he had to be better than everyone around him just to get the same amount of understanding and recognition and love as them. imagine how much harder his anger at the gods—at the world!—would hit. and then imagine if he had that in common with percy. imagine if they bonded over that anger when percy first got to camp (TLT musical, anyone?). and imagine, after luke has gone to kronos's side, percy looking at him and seeing the exhaustion and fear and resentment in his eyes and recognizing it. because that's what percy sees when he looks in the mirror.

AUGHHH. anyway.

those are some of the feelings i have about these headcanons. not sure if any of it makes sense but i'm not going to edit this massive block of text because just looking at it makes my head hurt 👍

also i love your blog. you are so right about everything all the time

[everythingwasnormalhere]

Stan Marsh headcanons?

first i love my main au stan because he's so !! and because he goes thru lots of changes as he grows up,,

Tw for alcoholism, depression, s/h, attempted sewerslide, hospitalization...its stan what did you expect

Most popular stan hc ever: he's an alcoholic. But like,,, till he's like, 12-13, he only drinks in the mornings so it helps him get through the day, like antidepressants but bad 💀

When he's 12-13 some people his age start drinking for fun, and so he sees it's socially ok so he starts doing it too

Yeah everything is way less shitty in the moment, but when he's sober it's even worse than before. Oops

Well anyway his friends don't really notice he's doing this, sure they're kinda concerned when they hang out and he's getting drunk, but yk,, typical Stan it's not that bad

This is an obvious one but he's depressed asf

And btw. All sp kids have gotten something misdiagnosed in their lives, like this is canon the medical system in that town sucks

So Stan has anxiety, but it was misdiagnosed as asthma (haha not me projecting)

He didn't get it diagnosed right until he was in his teens

But he doesn't have it anymore

He also has insomnia and BPD

The amount of times he's split on Kyle is insane

Anyway about his depression !!

It remained undiagnosed for a Long while

It got better and worse and better and worse and yeah you get it

On the worst episodes he would spend weeks not getting out of bed

At the beginning he'd say he's sick but at some point he gave up and stopped with excuses

His friends (Kyle mostly) would check on him but he wouldn't really talk to them much (on another episode of: stan giving up on life!)

Also he would spend time with the goth kids sometimes, mainly when he was at the worst points

The goths were kinda pissed he would leave them every time he felt better, but Stan's kinda their adopted kid lmao they have a soft spot for him<3

Welp anyway he starts s/h-ing at 11-12

At first it's not really noticeable but soon it gets worse

He covers it with wristbands but eventually the wristbands don't cover it all

And so, after his parents find out, at 13 he goes to the psych ward for the 1st time

It's only for a couple weeks, but it gets him to get so much worse

Nobody at school knows what he was doing for those weeks, besides Kyle because Stan went to him first thing after he got let out

Kyle is Worried. btw.

He gets hospitalized 2 more times after that

Once at 15 after he attempts

And another at 16, after a huge ass breakdown in which he asked his parents to take him there because he was scared of what he'd do otherwise

People in town only know about the one of when he was 15 (it was big news)

Besides Kyle and Kenny, Kyle because Stan tells him every time and Kenny because,,,he's Kenny he just Knows

After the 2nd hospitalization, he starts taking actual antidepressants

They don't do That Much but they still work better than nothing

Short after the 3rd time he goes to the psych ward, he finally manages to stop s/h

And slowly he stops covering his scars, as they're a reminder of how he's healing :)

Since he's 14, he starts bleaching his hair every few months

Now it's closer to straw than to hair but whatever issok

It's also incredibly greasy, so much it's insane

When it's really really bad he wears a dark blue beanie with some pins of obscure bands and some his friends gave him

His clothes are mostly black, and the ones that aren't are still alt

He wears eyeshadow all the time

And his parents don't allow him to get tattoos so he and his friends draw on himself instead

He's still in Crimson Dawn, he's the main singer and guitarist :)

His guitar is red and he takes so much care of it

The same can't be said about its case, that thing's fucked up

He's also the one who writes most songs, it's become kind of a coping mechanism for him<3

They're not famous, but they're not completely unknown either - they've played in some cities besides South Park, and they have a bunch of listeners on Spotify

They're the kind of band that almost nobody knows but the ones who do are the most loyal fans ever

"wHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW CD??? You gotta listen to them Right Now"

By the way Stan is late to every practice

The days when he's not arrived at least 10 minutes late are almost non-existent

Same for school

At school his worst subject is definitely math

(He probably has dyscalculia but he doesn't have it diagnosed)

He likes music best obviously

He's also pretty good at history and English

Btw he has a musicals phase for a year or two

His favorites are the historical ones, like Hamilton and Les Miserables

His family life isn't the best

He stays at Tedrigri farms on weekends, the rest of the time he spends it at his mother's

Shelly's kinda physically abusive still, but not as much as when they were kids

Btw he fucking hates staying at Tedigri so most nights he cycles to Kyle's or Kenny's instead

Fun fact he has a scar on his side from when he was 13

The m4 were jumping a fence to get to this one abandoned house (Butters was grounded)

And when it was Stan's turn he got cut with the fence and fell

That scar is huge and he's super insecure about it

Another fun fact he plays Brawl Stars

His favorite brawlers are Brock and Kit

And in general also the ones with attacks like Shelly's and Bull's

He's bisexual :) and ultimately broke up with Wendy when he was 16

(one of the things that triggered that huge breakdown btw)

He also had so many gender crisis, finally he decided he's just non-binary (he/him) because everything else was way too confusing

Aaaand i think that's it? Tell me what you think :D

[alpydk]

So BPD/EUPD (my essay)

I said I'd make a post - Not BG3 related in any way, so ignore if you're not interested in that. - Warning it's long. -

Also TW (sui, s/h, MH...etc...)

BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) / EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder)

I only got diagnosed in 2022 - late for most who get this, but looking over my life, there are a lot of big red flags that show I should've got diagnosed earlier. Going to be from my life with it, can't speak for the others with it, so hey, this is how it is for me. Like all illnesses - It's A sPeCTruM!

So I'm EUPD type Borderline under the DK rules. Some argue there is this 4 types things but there's no research at all here for it. They treat with meds (useless for me I've found) and DBT (basically used for mental illness, it feels like.) - I am raw dogging life thanks to circumstance which explain why I can be a little tetchy at times.

To be diagnosed, you must fulfil 5 of the 9 criteria below (which honestly feel so fucking vague and overlap with so many other conditions basically anyone could be diagnosed it feels like.) There are a number of people who find they're actually AuADHD / CPTSD etc and yeah, BPD can be a problem once it's on your file, so find a good doctor who knows their shit. This is not a fun condition to have. Around 10% of people with BPD are estimated to die by suicide, a rate far higher than the average. - Fun right!

The 9 criteria are:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in Criterion 5) - For me, I cut people off instantly or even before I get to know them. It is simply easier to be alone than risk being abandoned. Backwards isn't it? - If you've got into my circle somehow you're probably off the wall fucking nuts (like me). I will push people away to prove I'm right and that they will abandon me because that's easier to manage.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation - When I had my break, I became obsessed with a guy I knew. His emotions dictated my emotions. If he was happy, I was happy (you get the picture.) - If he worried about me, I felt validated and so I spiraled. How worried could I get him to be? When he didn't answer or didn't reply in the way I wanted, he became an asshole in my world. (splitting) Instantly he'd be cut off, or he'd be goaded into speaking with me until I was happy with him again. This went on for months.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self - See Nana. This is a difficult one to explain without it getting depressing. I have no concept of who I am as a person. If you ask about core values, I don't know. If you ask about hobbies, I'll usually mirror what's being presented in front of me. I have been so conditioned growing up to hold back that I build no connection unless it is acceptable, and now I'm older, I'm basically lost playing in masks. Yeah, enough on that...

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in Criterion 5) - Binge Eating and spending are my big two. I did drinking when I was younger. Sex is.... a topic...

Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour - I have not S/H'ed in over a motherfucking year! Does that mean I don't want to? Fuck no. I just don't have access to it.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) - Like a fucking seesaw. You'll see it on my feed. Major depressive angst and then I'm wanting to fuck Rugan and Gale in some sort of super masc sandwich, all in the space of 3-4 hours. When I say a mood will pass, I fucking mean it.

Chronic feelings of emptiness - yeahhh. Self explanatory, right?

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g. frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) - I lose my shit pretty often. I've learnt how to bring it down, like I'm not one for temper tantrums and public displays. It's all internal and brewing constantly. Take, for example, the other night. I lost my shit over something really minor (simple insecurities causing me to lash out. I have since blocked the offender like a mature moron, even though they probably don't realise or even understand why. I'm still angry at them though.) - Either way, gives an idea of what it's sort of like in my head.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms - This hasn't been as big a problem as it was during my breakdown. At that point, I'd travel to work and could not tell you how I got there. I still have moments of dissociation which are problematic, but it's manageable.

Anyway - That's the 9 and as you see, I get a nice big tick next to each one. People with BPD pretty much always have a nice trauma backstory to boot as well.

Personal things that bother me. Someone questioning my diagnosis. A big thing with BPD (at least for me) is validation. Having someone say my diagnosis could be wrong doesn't help me when my sense of identity is so fucked. I trust my doctors. They were thorough and they have so many more years of experience than google.

The other thing is the "my ex had, my MIL had..." Did they? Or are you just doing some arm chair psychology to explain why they were a jerk and as such preventing people like me from getting real help due to stigma? On this note - 7 psychiatrists I went through before one would even agree to see me, simply based on a potential diagnosis. Patients would be easier to work with if Drs didn't have preconceived ideas before we walked through the door.

Oh, one last thing of annoyance - FP's (Favourite person) - I fucking hate this term. You see, the obsession thing earlier - That's technically what this was, but thanks to tiktok and other social media sites some people like to RP mental illnesses now and FP's are their fucking lives. I just.... bug bear rage there.

So yeah, that's me. That's my essay on my mental health and over sharing for the week, and possibly an explanation for why things have been so erratic recently.