#might be a shout actually

[immortalsins]

crisis of an electrical materials & fields exam today. my calculator wasn’t capable of giving me sine of a number x10^14 (showed a maths error instead) so i wrote out my process if i was able to calculate it ... came home and sent a stressed email to my professor who never answers his email ... sat down and realised that no matter what the sine value was, the final answer would be so small that you could kind of consider it zero so i had to send an apology email to the same professor saying i’ve got it now then made myself some tea and i haven’t moved since lunch

[tomorrowillbeyou]

happy birthday to the one and only ^_^

[seecarrun]

Eddie is a horrible, awful, absolutely despicable human being.

But in his defense, tele-therepy should be illegal for anyone as loud as Richie Tozier.

Eddie wasn’t trying to overhear Richie’s session, honest! But the laundry room is right next to Richie’s office, and when Richie wears his headphones, he has an even harder time controlling the volume of his voice than normal, allowing Eddie to hear just about everything said on Richie’s side of the conversation.

Eddie was in the process of switching over his whites from the washer to dryer when he hears him, muffled but unmistakable, in the next room.

“I mean, I can’t just tell him,” Richie says. And after a beat, totally scandalized and kind of bitchy, answers, “Uh, he could hear me?”

Eddie snorts to himself at that, tossing a pair of briefs into the dryer.

“He doesn’t,” Richie says now, matter-of-factly. “He won’t.”

Eddie tries to hurry along the process a little, beginning to feel guilty about ease-dropping, but the next thing he hears gives him pause, despite himself.

“I don’t want to ruin what we have with my stupid feelings. I just got him back, the last thing I want to do is push him away again.”

Methodically, Eddie shakes out a dress shirt, slower and quieter than usual. For….no reason.

“I’m not ‘using negative self-talk’,” Richie gasps, offended, “I’m being honest with myself, which is something you told me I need to practice in my day-to-day, Julie.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, absolutely siding with Julie on this one. Richie has the worst habit of going down doom spirals, concocting ridiculous and unfounded hypothetical scenarios to talk himself out of believing anything that could make him feel joy.

It’s infuriating, especially because Eddie knows he does the same.

“You’d understand if you met him,” Richie continues, sounding sad and almost…wistful? “There’s no way Eddie could love me back.”

Eddie immediately slams the dryer door shut and bolts from the room, not even turning the dryer on in his haste to get as far away as quickly as possible, overcome in a mixture of guilt, shock, panic, and, he flushes, excitement.

Holy shit.

[nyctocollective]

friendly reminder that plurality is caused by trauma. trauma is defined as an event that has a severe negative impact on oneself. there are going to be dark parts of plurality that no one wants to talk about. the brain created you to cope with what it went through. it's okay to have parts (or wholes) that have “twisted” desires, attractions, innerworld or external relationships, sexual or emotional needs, etc. other people might call you disgusting, evil, immoral, but it's just part of being traumatized. it's going to be unpleasant or unsightly.

read the tags.

[pup-pee]

she red on my stoner until the red sun never sets IT NEVER SETS I AHVENT SLEPT

[pyrrhiccomedy]

who loves the antichrist

Olivie - His Lover

I remember his heart in my heart.

I remember his weakness, his follies, his flaws.

I remember that he can be hurt, and put my hand over his wounds.

When you stand upon the burning hill;

When you huddle in the dark;

Do not forget that I alone remember your heart.

Volo - His Knight

My lord burns me, spends me, restores me.

My lord's hand is my hand: my lord's will is my will.

My lord aims his sword at heaven, and I am his sword.

I tremble; I shiver. I stand before a greater light.

Have mercy upon me, my lord.

My anguish is complete, and my soul is yours.

Bellefleur - His Queen

I will make him for my hand.

I will make him for my enemies.

I will make him what he wants to be made.

He is great, and I will make him greater.

Look neither to the left nor right. Trust my hand upon your back.

A sword exists for a purpose.

[phantom-of-the-501st]

I'm Sorry

Echo has a lot of things he wants to tell his brother

Tags: @saturn-sends-hugs @inkstainedhandswithrings @the-bi-space-ace @floundrickthewayfarer

You broke your promise.

I trusted you and you broke it. But I guess I broke mine too. I said I'd never leave you. I'm sorry. I get angry at you sometimes, for leaving. I know it wasn't your fault. But you promised me that we'd be together 'til the end and yet you're not here.

I feel bad. I feel bad whenever I get mad at you. It wasn't your fault. And it's hypocritical of me. I left first. And I guess maybe you didn't break anything. You didn't leave me because there was no me left to leave. But I'm still angry. I came back and you weren't there. You left and you took a piece of me with you. I've never been whole since and I get so angry at you because of it. You vex me. You infuriate me. And I hate you for it. And I'm sorry. Because it was never your fault. I wish I could apologise to you but I can't. You're not here. But I'll keep saying I'm sorry. I'll store every apology until I can give them to you. Every single one. We'll make a trade. I give you every "I'm sorry" and you give me that piece of me back. Make me whole again.

I think about you. I think about you all the time. You're not here and yet I can never escape you. I see your sadness in the rain, your happiness in the sunlight between the trees, your anger in the lightning and your laughter in the wind. I see your frustration in the growing tide, your peace in the flowers in the meadows, and that twinkle in your eye reflected in the stars. I see you everywhere and yet I can't see you at all.

The others asked why I never grew my beard out. I said it was because it was too much of a bother to maintain. I lied. It's because I can't bear to see your face every time I look in the mirror, or at my own reflection in a pool of water. You haunt me. Every moment of every day, you haunt me. I hear one of our brothers laugh and I turn expecting to see you. Every time someone walks through the door I hope that I'll see that stupid tattoo of yours again, or that smug look on your face. But it's never you. It never will be.

Remember Rishi? I think about it often. Is it a bad thing that it doesn't hurt as much? We lost our whole squad but it doesn't feel the same. It hurt but we healed, we got better and it makes me sad but I'm okay. At least, just a little bit. But you? I don't know how I'll recover from that. You were my other half and now you're gone. The boys left a hole that could be fixed but you took a part of me with you and never came back.

I wasn't even there when it happened. He was. Sometimes I feel like I remind him of you and that hurts. Maybe I don't have the right to feel bad about this. It was a war. We made stupid promises and I broke mine first. I have no right to be mad at you for breaking yours when you couldn't control it. He was there. He held you as it happened. And he still doesn't get angry at you. He's a better man than me but he always was. He's a better man than all of us. Maybe he would have been happier with you here but there's not much we can do about that now is there?

People say that death is the worst thing in the world. Is it? Does it feel worse than this? I can't imagine it. I feel like my soul has been ripped from my body, like my lungs have been filled with lead. My heart burns with an immortal fire and yet I feel cold. I feel so cold.

You were my warmth. And you left.

She has the same laugh as you. I don't know how. I can't explain it but she does. And a twinkle in her eye. It's not yours but it reminds me of you. She would have loved you. And you her. I wish you could have met. Our younger sister. Our older younger sister. It's strange but when did life ever make sense? I ache knowing she'll never get to meet you. That you'll never know the joy that she brings. She glued a part of me together. Started picking up the shards and putting them back in place. I love her for that. I love all of them for that. For helping to hold me together, just a little bit.

But they'll never make me whole because you still have that piece of me with you.

We always joked about getting old, made bets on who would get grey hairs first, who would need a cane or glasses that hung on a chain around their neck. I always said it was you. You were the oldest. And yet I look in the mirror now and I'm the one who got there first. Not the cane, nor the glasses mind you, but the hair definitely changed. I watched each one. Each silver strand. Every one reminds me that I got here before you. And that you'll never get here. You broke your promise. And you won the bet. And I hate you for it.

I hate you so much for leaving and I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You never wanted to hurt me and yet you broke me. I'm in pieces because of you.

And I'm so sorry, Fives.

[rcmclachlan]

Trademark: Top-tier Bucktommy writer + generally Cool + getting Buck pregnant

Thank you + thank you + thank you!

[jacki3moon1e]

hey

im going to be the first one to tag this (seriously) with the "fusamari month 2024" tag

it is officially fusamari month guys!1!1!!1!1!

[budgieio]

I like to think Phantom's flexible ass would sit in a chair the same stupid way I do

[ctrl-lupin]

Stop pretending you're not having fun

[enquire]

Gizmo Stardust!

Okay... it's Yamato's time to shine. I'm pretty happy with him! He was fun to draw and pretty easy to pick colors for... I do think maybe he could use a gear bag, or a vest, or something of that nature. I've been trying to only add accessories or clothing when it serves a purpose, so waffling a bit on that here... oh well. Maybe later.

Gizmo Stardust is a prolific inventor who lives in Canterlot with his father and sister. He's also heir to his dad's company, Stardust Industries, which recently became a lot more successful thanks to his inventions. Gizmo's hoofwork is present in many of the technological advancements in Canterlot and beyond.

One example (that brought Stardust Industries to where it is now) was Gizmo's most well-known creation; the airship. The introduction of a new form of flight to Equestria revolutionized the transportation and shipping industries. The airships Gizmo designed elegantly mesh together the mechanisms behind Equestria's balloons and trains, but require very little fuel thanks to sails which function in much the same way as pegasi wings.

Gizmo's also has a family friend, Thrift Twinkle, who he and his sister have known since they were little, thanks to their fathers being friends as well as business partners. Thrift and Gizmo are still pretty close, thanks to being friends when they were foals, and the fact that they got their cutie marks practically together.

This happened while Gizmo and Thrift were working together to save their respective family businesses. It was Thrift's business savvy and creativity which kept them from going under, and Gizmo's invention of the airship which brought both of their companies flying back into success again. Thrift helped Gizmo's inventions get off the ground, and worked to keep him funded until he finally completed his work.

Naturally then, the rebranded 'Phoenix Goods' was the first company to support and benefit from Stardust Industries' latest and greatest invention. And so, they managed not only to save their parents' crumbling businesses, but rocket them into unprecedented new highs.

It was during this process, through creating and helping each other, that both Gizmo and Thrift got their cutie marks. And more than proved their mettle to their parents at the same time. Both of them were overjoyed (and a little relieved, because they were blank flanks a little longer than most, and far longer than Gizmo's sister was)

When the two of them were younger, Gizmo had cheered on his sister when she got her cutie mark. When he got his, she responded in kind, throwing him a huge party and inviting practically everypony she knew to celebrate. It was during this bombastic party that Gizmo met Saber Frost.

He stumbled across him while taking a break from the chaos out on the balcony, where Saber had spent most of the night away from the light and revelry inside. Surprised to find somepony he didn't know awkwardly standing on the outskirts of the gathering with nothing but a glass of punch and a stony look on his face, he struck up a conversation. They hit it off, and Gizmo convinced the other not to leave the party, instead inviting him to join the two siblings for a quiet walk after the celebration concluded.

They may live far apart, but that doesn't stop them from seeing each other pretty often. For one thing, Thrift has reason to visit Canterlot on company business fairly frequently. And whenever he does, he makes sure to set aside time for the trio to hang out.

It was on one such visit that Gizmo introduced Thrift to Saber. They didn't click at first, but Gizmo and his sister, as usual, brought their friends together without too much trouble. Since then, three became four whenever Thrift was in Canterlot.

And when Saber was reassigned, Gizmo helped encourage him to request the region of Equestria where Thrift lived. Knowing his friend would be there to look out for Saber made him a lot less worried. Even though Gizmo knew it was for the best that Saber left Canterlot (and in fact had been trying to encourage and persuade Saber to accept the reassignment for a long time) he still misses their weekly chats over coffee and tea.

I love that I have enough ponies done to start weaving their stories together now. Also here's what he looks like without the hat or goggles:

[sinfulsunni]

occurred to me that my beloved tumblr con girlies probably haven’t seen this clip so I bring a gift for all you fellow sluts and whores. pls enjoy con calling a guy a good boy and then slapping him.

full credit to the tiktok acc who originally posted the clip

[bleue-flora]

Why I think c!Dream is Autistic - Part 2

[Part 1] - [Part 2] - [Part 3]

If you haven’t read part 1 (eventhough I did try and write these as like separate things) I do recommend you go do that...

Did you do it? Hi hello, welcome back. :) Okay, now having gone over general traits, let’s talk more about the second part of my original statement [post]: “c!Dream is autistic and the consequential misunderstanding and miscommunication is a root of all the problems and conflicts” which I have covered a bit already [here].

So, because we think differently, communication and social interaction is often at the heart of a lot of our struggles (after my diagnosis at 20 I realized just how many of the conflicts in my past came down to this). Me and my therapist like to make the comparison that because autistic people’s brains are structured differently it is as if we are speaking a different language and as a result it ends with things being misinterpreted. Because as we all can recognize, when a language isn’t someone’s first, there are times when things don’t come across properly. Both because of perhaps a lack of words, different slang, tone, culture… etc. When you don’t take translation into consideration, it leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding as a lot of poor assumptions are made and conflict is often the result, especially because our inclination is to think the worst of people. [funnily enough here’s a great example between some anons about translation and communication 1 -> 2 -> 3]

As such, while autistic people have issues communicating with neurotypicals, we often don’t have issues communicating with each other - we speak the same language. So, it isn’t that we are any worse at communication in general than everyone else (in other words Dream is not the sole one to blame here), it’s that we are struggle to communicate with the neurotypical like we are speaking two different languages without even realizing it, so of course we struggle to understand each other. 

I think (hopefully lol) we can all agree that the root of the dsmp conflict is miscommunication and not understanding each other. But the thing is, miscommunication in the standard sense, in our day to day life or in the climax of a romantic comedy is about the absence of communicating, like Quackity not talking to his fiances. It is to have information, an opinion, view or assumption that goes unsaid and then leads to struggle just because it was never talked out. However, in Dream’s case it isn’t that he doesn’t talk it out or not share his side of the story, because he does. He does a lot, he does communicate, how else could Dream apologists understand him even before the finale without his own pov detailing his thoughts. 

He does talk about it but his autistic mind is using logic and facts against an emotional response leading to him being unheard. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether tyrant is the right word, they are just expressing their feelings of being controlled by a larger power, but Dream is too focused on pulling out the literal definition and the facts to see the real issue at hand - that they feel controlled and overshadowed by him. So they think Dream doesn’t care, and Dream thinks their points don't matter because their facts were wrong and no understanding is reached. Dream can use logic all day - Why would someone not want to escape a prison they were being tortured in? Why would someone make a prison and then plan on putting someone in an unfortified 1x1 hole in the wall? How can I be the tyrant when Eret is literally the king? How can I steal the discs if they were literally given to me after a fair duel? - but against people just spewing words out of anger, hurt, feelings of abandonment it isn’t going to make a difference.

Perhaps one of the most notable and tragic examples of this is George’s dethronement, in the aftermath of Techno’s attack and the Spirit speech, where Dream meets Sapnap’s and George’s emotions with logic and facts.  (See [here] for full transcript, the following is trimmed down from two different vids)

[18:54] George: “Why—why do you think- why do you think I shouldn’t be king anymore?” Dream: “I think that… you would be safer if you were not, right?”

[23:56] Dream: “You’ll just be targeted if you’re the king, and you wanna be able to like, get revenge on Tommy and stuff, right? So, we can like work to—We can work together. Me and you.” George: “Hm. Sounds like you’re sugar-coating it.” Dream: “No, nono—I mean, it’s a little bit sugar-coated, but it’s also like… it’s just better because you don’t get attacked by everyone, and you can do whatever you want without having to worry...”

[25:37] Sapnap: “George, Dream said he didn’t care about anything on this SMP which… That just means he doesn’t care about us.” Dream: “Okay, I’ll have you say, I was—Okay, I wasn’t—I wasn’t—I didn’t actually mean I don’t care about anything.” George: “Why did you say it then?” Sapnap: “Yeah?” Dream: “Listen, listen! The reason I’m even saying George should step down as king is because I care about him. Because I—He’s been getting attacked, and I care about him, and I don’t want him to get attacked.”

[27:28] Dream: “What did you do as king? Like you didn’t do anything as king like decree or anything...” George: “I’ve been the best king this server has ever had!” Dream: “Yeah, I agree. I agree. But you’ve also been the least safe king because you just get attacked all the time because people don’t like me. And therefore, they don’t like you because you’re behind me, and you’re my friend.” Eret: “By association.” Dream: “Yeah. By association. So, like that’s the same reason, like, Sapnap’s got into some, you know, drama and stuff too, but…”—“Sap, stop pointing the damn bow at me.” George: “Just say—Just say you hate me.” Sapnap: “Yeah, just say it.” Dream: “George! *laughs in disbelief* George, I don’t—Listen to me. I care about you. That’s the reason I don’t want you to be the king.” Sapnap: “First—first—Listen to this. First, he says he doesn’t care about us, and now he’s demoting you as king.”

In this conversation over and over he reiterates how he cares and is trying to keep them safe from being targeted and attacked and yet after everything is said and done, his friends somehow leave that conversation thinking he doesn’t care about them. Why? Because what Sapnap really needed was validation for him feeling hurt, but instead Dream kept reasoning with his emotions with the concrete actions, details and facts, essentially saying that what he feels doesn’t matter because it’s not truth, which was never going to get through to them. They are listening but they aren’t hearing eachother, both think they have made their point and the other side has poor intentions for not reacting appropriately. 

It took Tommy to literally experience Dream’s point of view to understand him and realize his intentions weren’t inherently malicious. Because only then could he shatter his assumptions and misconceptions about intention and motivation. Only then did he know which questions to ask Dream for him to get Dream to answer in a way that made sense to him. Before Tommy experiences Dream’s pov in limbo and after, Dream’s arguments and his answers for why don’t really change, he talks about peace and family so many different times, but it’s only after Tommy goes into his head that he’s able to actually translate what Dream was saying so he can hear him, understand him, see him.

It’s the assumption that the way you understand someone is what they meant to say that causes these issues in communication. Me missing social queues or body language that’s sending me a message and you assuming I don’t care or have a certain opinion on the matter because of my response or lack of response when in fact, no I just did not get the message after all. And as such as an autistic person it often feels like neurotypicals expect us to read their minds because they are sending messages, communicating how they feel just not in a way, not in a language we understand.

So, why do they ask that for the snake and not for people? - because people don’t speak snake, but surely people do speak people, so they assumed they don’t need to ask because they assumed that they can follow the train of thought because it's just like theirs. They assumed they understood each other but it’s like an American and a Brit arguing about jumpers without realizing they are two completely different clothing items.

[butevrythinggoesaway]

People on ao3 AND tumblr stop tagging Noir when he has nothing to do with your work/post challenge

[a-bucket-in-the-void]

hmm maybe i should curl up and hide in a blanket cave