#might as well just rant here about it
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I'm finally in 2nd year...wow (tbh since March but I forgot about the blog's existence so...)
#Really really gonna study and post everyday#fucking need the motivation cuz college is taking away my happiness#might as well just rant here about it#med school#med student#student life#study blog
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Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze
#guess who got their final scores back ahaaa#class avg was 60 percent 😭#also I have blocked the transformers tag on TikTok that place is a hellhole#bit of a vent here but it’s so crazy#I was talking to a person I didn’t even follow a while back and we were making jokes like yeah the autobots ship megastar#on my fyp a couple days later and I see them reposting “shipping megastar is bad and gross’ like bruh what#I saw one of my followers commenting ‘yeah can’t believe it’s so popular’ I HAVE POSTED MEGASTAR BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE#I POSTED MY STARSCREAM AND MEGATRON FIGURES RAILING EACH OTHER#I only started posting cause I was like eh if it’s getting banned might as well#these people were poisoning my fyp smh#I’m convinced it’s just a moral superiority thing like all of those people who thought abo was so cringe and then someone was like#‘I secretly like abo’ and everyone agreed that they also like abo and it’s not that weird anymore#Ngl though. it is kinda sad but also kinda funny#sorry for the rant cause I talked about it before and I don’t want to keep on talking about it but those two baffled me#transformers#transformers fanart#megastar#megatron#starscream#transformers g1#megascream#maccadam#its like watching one of those religious couples where one of them is gay and theyre like 'I am working through my gay to be straight'
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*drags myself through the floor and slams this down*
I present to you
FULLMETAL BARTENDERS AVIAN AU
Divine Nugget Au
(Rant as to why I chose the White-throated Needletail as Blurr's bird and some minor AU lore under the cut)
And that's not all! It comes with a FULL FLEDGED COMIC!!!!!
I spent a whole fucking week on this
I haven't done a comic in 4 years now, I can't believe this is my come-back XD. Though, on that note, know that I probably won't be pumping out any more comics - not any time soon, at least. But I do got more stuff planned for this au! If you ask about it, I'll 100% rant about it LOL
Tw// ⚠️mild gore in the 3rd panel⚠️
While exploring the woods with his team, Swerve had an unfortunate encounter with a crazed hunter. In an attempt to escape, he got injured, but it seems he wasn't the only one caught in the crossfire...
.
.
Okay
So when you look up what the fastest bird in the world is, Google with show the Peregrin Falcom
But there's a catch
The Peregrine is only fast when diving
When it dives to catch its prey, it can go up to 389km/h
Which yeah, pretty fast
But when casually flying, it only goes up to 120 iirc
The Needle Tail?
It can go up to 170km/h
Some have even recorded going over 300! (Close to the Falcon's dive, I believe)
Additionally, these birds only fly. Their habitat is literally listed as "the air," and some even believe they sleep while flying! They only ever land to brood and mate, and then they're off again. Their legs are so short that, if they ground, they can't fly again because it doesn't give enough room to flap their wings.
It fits Blurr perfectly!
It also has a blue-ish colour pattern I can work with lol (it's green, but it looks blue, lol)
Though, also, he isn't 100% like the Needle Tail, just based off of it. I still want avians to be sorta their own species and doesn't have to be exactly like their bird counterparts cuz they aren't them, they're their own thing.
That said, Blurr is one of the shortest from Avians population, still.
They're pretty big.
Another trivial detail of the design!
I was stuck between having his arms be his wings or have them be separate
Until I saw a drawing where they had both, and I realised, "Wait, why isn't that done more often! That's so cool!"
So that's sorta what I did
It's mainly to catch small prey when grounded and to stay better perched up on trees since they're much bigger and having extra fingers helps a lot. Or when they're climbing against a tree to pick up fruits, it gives them an extra boost and can better hang from it
But they're pretty much useless besides that lol
Just neat lil design choice
Other lore stuff. The time in which the au takes place is vaguely modern? But with fantasy aspects? I still haven't decided lol
Technology exists, but not in the way we have it sort of deal, idk, this au is pretty bare bones right now, so go wild with it XD I don't mind it, I love brainstorming it with people. I know this au isn't as big or complex as some others out there, but it's fun, and I hope yall like it too fjsjajaj
#my art#divine nugget au#swerve x blurr#ref sheet#transformers au#fullmetal bartenders#blurve#swerve#blurr#maccadam#tf blurr#tf swerve#avian au#idk i wanna give it a different name but im coming up blank so if anyone got a better name feel free to suggest it XD#im kinda nervous to post this fjsjakakkf#i want people to have fun with this like they do with kef's aus but i know im not thst big LOL#i do have two characters i plan to do next#as a reward to those who read the tags (i see you 👁👁) I'll tell ya and say one of them is ratchet#also as another little tag bonus#feel free to send me an ask asking what bird your favorite transformers would be#yall may not know this about me but im crazy about birds and ive done so many avian aus in every fandom im in#i just never posted any until now XD#so I'll gladly rant about them#just uh...be aware i dont know all that much bout the idws yet and ive lost my access to half of it right now#ill try to research the characters best i can but if i dont know them well i might not be accurate in my interpretation fkdkskska#but anyway#here's this silly little au#to the 5 people who see this post i hope yall enjoy it and have as much fun as i did making this :3#and expect more cuz this was so fun to do LOL#juzt not any time soon cuz my health is SHIT and i also dont draw at lightning speed like some people here XD ill probably stick to writing
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HWAT DO YOU MEAN THREE ENTIRE MILGRAM CHARACTERS ARE DEAD AND IN THE GROUND??? HELLO???? IT ISN'T EVEN SEASON THREE??????
AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU AMANE WHEN I GET YOU
#milgram#im gonna be fr idgaf about haruka#but SHIDOU???? MAHIRU???? THEY DID NOTTTT DESERVE THIS#AMAN IDGAF IF YOU'RE A LITERAL CHILD YOU SHOULD BE BEHIND BARS !!!!!!#THIS IS NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!#well at least i know yuno and kazui are alive and well! my blorbos <3#i know their ass is leaving with three innocent wins !! they should NOT be on the same level as the rest of the prisoners in there#the crimes being the right to choose and homosexuality...... like damn bitch sure#let's throw you in with brainwashed cult child organ harvester manipulative bully and self-proclaimed vigilante#yuno is fully guiltless idgaf she just needs to get through her skull that what she did was a REASONABLE CHOICE for someone her age#kazui should probably not have lied but given the stigma and everything.#trusting someone with your deepest secret only for them to kill themselves over it like let's be real!!!#ms girl could've done literally ANYTHING ELSE !!! 'oh but she just found out her marriage was a sham' DIVORCE?? LISTENING AND COMMUNICATION#but nooo her first choice is LEAPING from her BALCONY like so dramatic for what!!#and i ranted again. anyways who gaf my post my tags my rules#edit tags below#ok so obviously nothing is confirmed. amane might not have been it she might've had help whatever#i still think this is not an environment in which she can heal. sorry. get her OUT and into therapy STAT#here she's only causing a slew of unnecessary problems! let the nine year old LEAVE and get PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP!!#amane is here just for the shock value and the infighting she causes bc nobody in their right mind would put her ass in here#that being said#AMANE WHEN I GET YOU WHEN I GET YOU AMANE
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Hot take but Teen Titans vol 3 era Cassie wasn’t that bad. Her designs were kinda terrible yes, BUT. It did have some interesting characterization and I feel like people wanna ignore that completely because they gave her lipstick?? Like how can you ignore her arc around the grief of losing her basically sister just cuz she kissed some boys or whatever. Ttvol3 Cassie definitely could’ve been better, like, leagues better, but still. It’s important to her story and it’s weird when people try to ignore it entirely
ALSO without ttvol3 we wouldn’t have had the mess that is Rose and Cassie. This is the price we have to pay for toxic yuri
#ramblings#raine does dc#dc comics#dc#teen titans#cassie sandsmark#wonder girl#okay I might delete this ranting lane BUT I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS OKAY#like the unnecessary sexualization of her when she was supposed to be like 16? that was super fucked I genuinely hate that#but they did that in young justice as well! to Anita! and no one talks about that as much#like. Cassie went through genuine character development and became the leader of the titans and had to go through grief#and while the writing sucked ass most of the time it’s a pretty solid character arc#the one year later arc specifically is very interesting to me#people talk so fucking much about how Tim tried to clone Kon like he’s so weird when she was out here joining a cult like he is not special#AND ANOTHER THING. HER WHOLE DEAL WITH ARES#that was genuinely so interesting and it’s TRAGIC that they don’t talk about that era anymore#if only they let literally anyone but Geoff johns write it <\3#if there’s any teen titans comic with Cassie that I genuinely hate it’s the new 52 one#maybe one day I’ll see some good parts of that comic but rn I fucking hate that#does any of this make sense? idk#there’s a perfect world in my head where ttvol3 was better#and Anita was there#why wasn’t Anita there#I’ll make another post about that#another time
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i think i'll probably elaborate on this eventually because i'm not sure how well i can word this right now, but essentially one reason i keep coming back to homestuck is that to some degree it's also an excercise in self examination? i enjoy it as a work, but i also feel compelled to dissect my response to it, for a variety of reasons. if you think that sounds like a nightmarish ouroborous of OCD-fueled pointlessly mastubatory overthinking then you'd be right
#its entertaining intellectually challenging something that pisses me off a little bit AND an object of nostalgia and sentimentality#and i like that i can engage with it on all these different levels but sometimes i get really weird and convinced i'm being wrong or mean o#well it doesn't matter to be honest#i feel like my current prescence in fandom doesn't really reflect my attitude and i don't know why i care about that so much but i do#the cute art and yaoi fanfiction is just the highest returns for the lowest comparitive effort yknow? i like to play + have fun#and yet... it's not enough. but as it stands i don't really have the ability to take bigger swings. or the balls to be honest.#speaking of yaoi i have come to view dj as expressions of those different and conflicting parts of my personality#mr i must brutally dissect myself and little miss intellectual coward. what if they got along after all. and what if they fu#actually ive said enough about that. i've said enough for an entire week here and i'm probably pissing people off now. anyway:#i think my best fanwork is ultimately about me and not the work. like i don't really feel comfortable making assertions about the work.#but i can use it as a means to get at stuff i might not have otherwise... yeah. idk. sorry about this stupid insane rant. goodnight all
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A Rating & Scathing Review of RWBY Characters:
Done by: Me (surprise!)
This is a serious review where I seriously analyze each character and rate them all seriously!!
If I hurt anyone in this, I’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s nothing personal.
That being said, let’s get on to the ratings!
Ruby Rose:
Can I just say:
I really just love Ruby. Isn’t she awesome? Like. Man. What a lovable, strong, caring, amazing person! Had the weight of the world thrown onto her, and she didn’t care, she just kept doing what she thought was the right thing. And when she broke? It was still selfless. She thought she was doing the world a favor after all her mistakes. Then she came back because she knew she could do and had to do more for everyone. She needs a hug and all the love.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Weiss Schnee:
Weiss??? The way she opens up and goes from being all, “friendship? Who needs it.” To, “I! Love! My! Friends! Friendship is magic! I will fight tooth and nail for them! They are the most important people in the world!” And the way she became so open minded after learning from different perspectives? Gotta love her.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Blake Belladonna:
Oh my gosh and another of my favorites: Blake! She learns to let herself be loved by those around her! She learns that letting people in isn’t a weakness, but a great strength! She is a fierce protector and a whole civil rights activist taking the world by storm! She finds a way to show love now in any scenario when beforehand she didn’t because she was scared to get hurt. Gosh. Spectacular.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Yang Xiao-Long:
Don’t even get me started on Yang. Protector Supreme. The way she used to let her emotions control her to controlling her emotions??? I’m in shambles. From learning how to live for herself and not just her sister??? It’s important even though she missed rubys pain she’s only human and she’s beautiful!! The way she loves through her actions and defends through her words??? Just kill me now.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Jaune Arc:
Oh yeah and Jaune??? The character development??? Wowza. The way he’s always there for those he cares about??? Fantastic. The way he would throw everything away just to be there for his friends?? I am deceased. His fortitude and determination to keep pushing through?? Ugh.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Nora Valkyrie:
Nora??????? My Queen????? With her heart a beautiful storm that she projects to all those around her??? Her protective nature over everyone??? How she learns that she needs to love herself and know herself before she can truly dedicate herself to another???? Literally puts me 6 feet under.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Pyrrha Nikos:
Pyrrha??? Don’t think I’m leaving her out of this! Her heart was so strong with her convictions and her love for her friends that she literally did everything she thought she could to protect them. She wanted to define her destiny and save the world in the way she thought only she could. I will literally never recover.
Rating:
Infinity/10
Oscar Pine:
Oscar???????????????? My baby???? My precious little prince??? Innocent farm boy who keeps getting slapped in the face by literally everyone (seriously crwby this poor boy needs a break and a hug) literally losing his soul but wants to spend every second he has doing everything he can for remnant???? He didn’t ask for this???? And yet here he is??? I haven’t stopped crying since V5 thank you very much!
Rating:
Infinity/10
Lie Ren:
Ren????? My boy??? Who feels like he always has to be the strong one emotionally??? Who always has to mask his own emotions to take care of others???? Who literally developed a semblance, a manifestation of his SOUL that is empathy??????? Like what???? Who would literally rather be dead than without Nora?? Who tried to take up the mantle of Jaunes emotional support humanness???? Orkcmekwkqo.
Rating:
Infinity/10
I could go on for the rest of my life for these people and literally every other character.
Also, how come tumblr doesn’t have more colors available??? Truly a tragedy and quite rude if I might say! Hmph!
I really hope someone gets some giggles out of this like I did!
Let me know if anyone wants me to do another HIGHLY critical review (ahem) and rating of these characters.
Gonna go cry now bye-
#I just love rwby so much????#like each and every character is so important to me???#I love all of them???#except maybe cinder and Salem and watts and Tyrian#cinder might find her way into my good graces some day but this is not that day#but I do love her whole character as a villain#as in I love to hate her sometimes#but oh well#I’m sorry I just needed to rant about everyone being amazing#also#i ship everyone with therapy#please give them therapy#they really need it#rwby#greenlight volume 10#greenlight rwby volume 10#greenlightvolume10#save rwby#crwby#save crwby#ruby rose#weiss schnee#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#jaune arc#nora valkyrie#pyrrha nikos#oscar pine#lie ren#how many tags can I fit in here
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when people bring up the racism, homophobia, transphobia, romanticization of domestic abuse / rape / pedophilia / incest, literal actual written porn of literal actual real life flesh and blood children, et cetera et cetera on archive of our own, one of the ao3 stannies’ main defenses is “you can just filter out the tags if you don’t want to see that!” when that defense has no fucking legs to stand on.
ao3 is not an archive, it is barely even a website: a rant <3 (very long)
ignoring the fact that it’s a problem that all of that is permitted on the site in the first place (i guess child porn and racism are fine, and the people who allow it on their platform are fine, as long as i, personally, do not see it), that defense literally means nothing. it’s assuming that every little thing on ao3 is tagged properly and it absolutely is not, and if you think it is you are dumber than rocks. i mean for fuck’s sake, just touching on archive warnings and not tags, “creator chose not to use archive warnings” is literally a valid option for fic authors to use when it should fucking not be.
if someone is a freak who thinks that pedo shit is hot, they might not tag it as “rape” (archive warnings OR tags). i’ve literally seen underage father/son rape porn with no trigger warning tags but “child abuse if you squint”. IF YOU SQUINT. if someone thinks that domestic abuse is actually cool and sexy when attractive people do it, they might not tag it as “abuse”. if someone is a freak who likes incest, but bends over backwards to justify it by only shipping adopted family members, then they tell themselves that they don’t view it as incest, and might not tag it as “incest”. if someone is a racist, a homophobe, a transphobe, et cetera and they wrote bigotry into their fic (or else wrote a deliberate troll fic to trigger people on purpose), do you really think they’re going to tag it as racism / homophobia / transphobia / et cetera? and some people get kicks out of writing purposefully triggering content and either leaving it untagged or mistagging it so that people will read it unsuspectingly.
even for just general content tags, it’s a mess. people just forget to tag things all the time. people deliberately won’t tag the endgame ship of their fic because “it’s a spoiler heehee”. people use the romantic or sexual “x / y” tag instead of the platonic or otherwise “x & y” tag, sometimes by mistake sometimes on purpose. it’s a joked about issue how people will tag characters or ships that appear in their fic for two sentences.
there’s no standardization of tags, which is a pretty obvious problem. what first comes to mind is the “dead dove: do not eat” tag which should just not be a tag at all because it just has no meaning. depending on the individual fic writer using it, it could mean anything from “literally the most sickening and depraved thing you’ve ever read in your life” to “horror w/ gore”. but it applies to other vague tags too - different fic writers will have different ideas of what the tag means.
in addition to that, what is and isn’t made a filterable tag, what tags are made synonymous, et cetera, is entirely up to the whims of the site staff. as an example, if you’re trying to look for fanfiction of a singular animated disney movie, the infinite crossovers with other disney movies will not actually be counted as crossovers (which they are) because they’re classified as the “disney theatrical animated universe” (which isn’t a fucking thing), so you can’t filter them out the “exclude crossovers” way. if you try to filter out the fandom tag “disney theatrical animated universe”, it’ll show up with zero fics because that tag is synonymous with every disney animated film (regardless of if the fic author actually used the tag “disney theatrical animated universe” or not), thus also filtering out the one you actually wanted to find.
and do not get me fucking started on the “all media types tags”, which also just shouldn’t be a thing because it makes it fucking impossible to find the specific fics you’re looking for. some people use it in place of tagging a specific canon / adaptation when their fic very clearly draws from one specific canon / adaptation, and you can’t filter it out because it’s synonymous with every fandom tag under its umbrella.
as an example of the issues of both the “all media types” tag and mistagging in general: as a fan of the witcher books, it used to be a fucking ordeal to find fanfiction specifically for the books (post netflix show release). some show fans would, for whatever reason, tag their fics with the book fandom tag in addition to (or even in place of!!) the show fandom tag when their fics were unquestionably show-specific, meaning i could not simply search only in the book fandom tag. i could not simply filter out the show tag, because some show fans would, for whatever reason, tag as fucking “all media types”, when their fics were unquestionably show-specific. and alas, i could not filter out “all media types” and the show tag, so that i see only those fics which have been deliberately and exclusively tagged as the book, not only because as mentioned some show fans would tag their show fics with only the book tag, but also because the fucking all media types tag filters out the book tag as well, leaving me with zero fucking fics REGARDLESS of if the author actually used the “all media types” tag. now, thankfully, i’ve thankfully seen this issue in this specific fandom lessen, but it still occurs in other fandoms and i guarantee that it didn’t lessen in the witcher fandom because of any fixing of the site on the part of ao3 staff.
another common defense of ao3 freaks is that it’s an “archive”, and therefore can’t get rid of anything anyone posts, and disregarding the fact that that is not how archives fucking work, they don’t just allow anything and also ao3 DOES get rid of fics... when they say that they don’t like proshippers, apparently, archives have... you know... archivists. they have someone or a team of someones making sure that everything in the archive is *properly fucking categorized*. they have someone or multiple someones making sure that everything they recieve (1) belongs there and (2) is properly labeled and organized. same for libraries. meaning that if ao3 really were an archive and not a sub par fanfiction website, they’d have something like that in place. something as simple as a report button for fics with a review team that will see if something’s been mis- or untagged. they’d have some kind of standardization of tags (especially the warning / trigger tags) and have proper tagging enforced in some way. and then they could also do something like stop being spineless racists, queerphobes, and pedos have the barest minimum of content guidelines saying that you can’t post fucking hate speech.
if something is mistagged or untagged, the most you can do is leave a comment politely asking that the author fix the issue, and then hope and pray that they do that. and if that person thinks [insert form of abuse] is hot, or if they’re just straight up a bigot that wrote bigotry into their fics to be bigoted, or they’re a troll that gets kick out of deliberately traumatizing people by tricking them into reading their mis/untagged fics, they might not! AND if you see a major tagging issue on an orphaned work, or a work that has an inactive author / hasn’t been updated in forever, good fucking luck getting even a negative response.
you can’t permanently block tags (i mean even tumblr.hell has that), meaning that if you would like to search for fic without coming across something troubling, triggering, or just something you don’t like, you have to either (1) do a work around by having a bookmarked link for every fandom you’re in or every character you like with all of your tags already blocked, (2) download browser extensions that do the work for ao3 because they can’t be bothered themselves, or (3) input every individual tag every time you search ao3 and don’t forget that all of those options only fucking work at all when everything is tagged properly, and we’ve already established its not. you also can’t actually block people (you can only prevent them from commenting) meaning that if there’s a specific person you’d like to stay away from your fics or a specific fic author that you don’t like and would like to stop seeing their fics clogging up the tag, you’re out of luck (though for the latter you could insert “-[username]” into the “search within results” box, but then uh oh we’re right back around to having to input that every time or have a bookmark)
their archive warning system is shit. first of all it’s functionally useless because, as mentioned, “creator chose not to use archive warnings” is an option. what’s the fucking point of special required archive warnings if you’re going to allow people to opt out anyway. second of all, aside from “chose not to use warnings” and “no warnings apply”, the only warnings are “major character death”, “graphic depictions of violence”, “rape/non-con”, and “underage”. disregarding the fact that they shouldn’t be allowing porn of underage characters in the first place (but i’m talking to a brick wall on that issue) and that “non-con” (and “dub-con”) as terminology needs to die, it’s just fucking rape lets not use weasel words... this is a paltry list of possible warnings. there’s no official warnings for depictions of: domestic abuse, animal abuse, depictions of racism / homophobia / transphobia / et cetera, suicide, self harm, et cetera et cetera. and we return to the issue of standardization of tags. in your required archive warnings at very least, there should be a standardization of what these mean, but ao3′s own faq is just like “ehh... you decide. we’ll leave it up to you”. what qualifies as graphic depictions of violence? two people may write the same level of violence, but qualify “graphic” differently, and make different decisions regarding their warnings. and we also return to the issue of: if a freak doesn’t see something that is clearly rape as rape, they might not tag it as such.
this website gets a disgustingly large amount of money every year that it doesn’t fucking do anything with. it’s been over a decade and they’re still in fucking beta. features that would actually be useful, like an actual block system, don’t exist. they technically have a report system for abuse and harassment and such, but apparently what they qualify as abuse and harassment is fickle. ao3 defenders seem to be very proud of the legal work they do for fandom / fanfic authors, but they set aside a very small amount of the money they get every year for legal advocacy, and they actually use even less of that, because it’s not the early 2000s “anne rice hates fanfiction” era anymore - you aren’t going to get fucking sued for writing fanfiction in the first place. based on their own self-reported yearly cost of upkeep, they literally already have enough money to run the site as they are now for the next twenty years.
once again: ao3 is not an archive. it is not a library. it is barely a even a website.
#specifically a website run by freaks#who care more about ppl's 'fannish experience' than they do ppl of color abuse survivors and the real children ppl write p!rn of#anyway here's the rant i promised in the coming days since that one post#also i know people will come at me and say that dddne DOES have a meaning its a signal that the reader knows what theyre getting into#so cant be upset if it upsets them#or something along those lines#but (1) we've already well established that the reader very likely doesn't know what they're getting into#because a lot of the shit on ao3 is untagged or mistagged#and a lot of stuff with the dddne tag specifically isnt properly tagged because authors use dddne as a catch all#and just put that down instead of actually properly tagging their work#and as mentioned the authors that use it that way use it for literally anything that might make something uncomfortable#from the sickest shit there is to a little bit of gore#and you can say that those authors (who use it without also tagging what exactly they're talking about) are using the tag incorrectly#but oopsie! that then circles back around to (2) if someone is using a tag incorrectly there's no way to deal with that#other than a comment and a prayer#i speak#anti ao3#anti archive of our own#fandom nonsense#my monologues
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today's mishima is: is it obvious that im also at the peak of my jjba hyperfixation rn/j
(the background is not mine, see below for the original screenshot)
original:

#had to peer review this. ALSO. SORRY THAT MISHIMA IS. WELL HE IS A MAIN FOCUS BUT. ITS JUST THE BACK OF MISHIMA#i wasnt sure if i should post it bc keiji is also here but OH WELL! propoganda time#daily mishima#kazumi mishima#keiji shinogi#yttd#your turn to die#they are..... so bruabba coded..... okay? you must understand#i might make a post ranting about it/analyzing the parrelels between both ships but#thatll go on my main blog#keimishi#keishima#technically#i forgor to tag it#as it
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling
#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here#you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes#easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i#happening. so that’s good#and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a#terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness#but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person#not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good#or bad#or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done#which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have#anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment#now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel#we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing#like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol#apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol#this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else#because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school#but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath#anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks
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how do you cut someone off
#like without drifting apart gradually bc tbh i dont wanna be close friends anymore#i feel constantly misunderstood and perpetually weighed down in this person's presence#we're close friends but i dont even like her anymore#and i feel BAD about it but i just cant stand their ass! everything feels like a competition with them. everything feels miserable.#it's definitely partially my own fault bc i do a lot of comparing due to our laundry list of similarities#but it's partially their fault bc shes always adding fuel to the fire#like we can never just agree on things#and whenever i try to balance myself and stop being so competitive here she comes with her damn#need to make even more comparisons between us#also like. they cannot just shut up about how hard life is#Trust me i know! i take 3 pills daily for psychological issues. i have been since i was 18#like they always have to talk about how haaaaard having ADHD is how difficult their life is like#it's one thing to open up to your friends and vent every so often and another to make your illness your entire personality#i rant about all my issues in depth on tumblr BECAUSE i know better than to dump all that onto my friends who are already struggling#im not saying it's Trauma Dumping to talk abt ur problems but holy shit in moderation#like i dont have the mental or emotional capacity for this!!!!#that might sound really mean and god forbid extremely individualistic but it's truly because#im trying to HEAL im trying to RECOVER#and with someone constantly messaging me about their ailments and symptoms and struggles! well it makes me feel like we're both bound to be#stuck foreverrrr#also apart from that i dont enjoy their company. they used to be interesting and now they're just negative half the time if not more and#constantly playing the devils advocate for seemingly no real reason#im not perfect either in fact i can be a real asshole in friendship im aware. but this one particular friend has been pissing me off for#over a year and that has to mean something#like why now and why for this long?#if it really is a Me Problem then okay! like i fucking suck im horrible or whatever lets not be friends so that she can be happier!#idgaf anymore maybe im the bad guy but either way we're better off apart#z.post
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i did okay i guess
#so i got a b in the other exam#it might have been a more difficult one because one person in my friend group in that course actually failed it#unfortunately i can't see the average on this exam but i might have done fairly well#i can't really complain when others failed the exam#at least i almost got full points on the quiz but the writing part let me down a bit#it's just a bit anoying because so many of the grammar mistakes were actually typos 😩🤦♀️ like i know how to write these words correctly#but i type so fast on the computer sometimes the letters of a word get switched up and i don't notice it oof 🥲#and i didn't have time to proofread it otherwise i might have noticed#altough i'm just a bit oblivious to my own mistakes if i had to read someone elses text i would notice surely#i also forgot a few commas or put them in the wrong place never were not my strong suit altough i got better with it#this might also have to do with ranting here on tumblr too much lmao 😅 i'm getting into the habit of typing too fast haha#just a bit unnecessary but i still have the 2nd exam and homework also accounts for something#an a is still possible#i keep thinking about what if only i got 2 more points on the quiz and another 2 on the writing task (if only i made less silly mistakes) 🥲#just missed an a by 3.5 points#but i have to believe i will do even better on the 2nd and get enough points for an a overall#i will bother my professor with sending him many practice writing texts before the next exam and also try simulate the time restrictions#because otherwise i can write so well if i have time to think how to correct and improve my texts but i need to be able to find mistakes#also in shorter amounts of time
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I see a lot of people have made covers of the snippet of Everybody's Waiting (the new JO track)
I may do it too but at the same time I am hesitant given that I am 90% sure they won't see it (since everything else I'd ever made have never been noticed by them - Bojan's big share yesterday included) and if by chance it is getting seen I am not sure how I'd feel having the first thing noticed by them be just another cover
I am probably overthinking things again
#so here's the t in the tags (aka me ranting)#I have not felt great about my art or my contribution to the joker out and käärijä fandom recently#I have honestly felt like an art block is coming#the few things I have been able to create just doesn't feel good to me#and I don't get the same satisfaction of sharing it either#Ik I should be grateful for whatever faves and views it gets but I cannot help but feel underappreciated#which in turn doesn't make me feel motivated to make more#the last few days I have actually been more drawn to playing my guitar and writing songs than creating artwork#so that is what I've been doing#in that regard creating a little cover would maybe be fun#and yet I fear I'd fall into the same trap as with the art#that now I might make something to share with the fandom it has stakes#and in the end the stakes will be too high since I cannot help but compare what I make#and so I will lose interest in making music as well#honestly I feel kind of lost#I have had days I just stop working for half an hour to several hours#falling down an unproductive rabbit hole where I just stare out into the blue or at a youtube video#I don't want to be here#I want to love what I do and love sharing it with you again#but after a pretty productive and somewhat decent january#I now feel meh about it all#thank you for reading my tag novel#I will go now#micahs thoughts#micahs foolery
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been in kinda a weird spot regards to my own art lately where nothing seems good enough or i feel like ive been on a downhill streak that ive barely touched my tablet since the year started except when its school related..,...., probably burnout from an entire year interning for animation and concept work i feel a bit lacking and falling behind wjhdhfjehd
#its not a race im aware but ive always been generally unconfident in myself its just been. especially bad lately!#been doodling here and there in sketchbooks at the very least ive gotten worse at traditional than i used to be wjdhhdhesjdhd#theres a lot of things ive yet to/really want to draw but if you dont see anything from me for weeks at a time then thats probably why 👍#duck rants about something#ive considered deleting this acc several times to be honest. though after having gone through seeing a few of my favorite works and artists#/writers do the same i was pretty torn too while im sure they had a good reason#i doubt it but that small chance someone might feel the same if i went through with it did have me reconsider#well its not gonna happen anytime soon i dont think smhfjejdjd too attached to this acc#apologies if you read this far. normal 2am thoughts
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ugly maths.
i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.
thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!
you... wanna see?
okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!
huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?
here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.
now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.
why ugly?
because it makes me ugly.
those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.
87, 75.
the thoughts are as follows:
• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.
• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.
• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!
okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:
that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.
4, 708.
ugly maths.
the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!
27.
mmmm.
6161, 1061.
5100.
87, 75.
12.
mmmm.
you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(
it made me :)
well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.
they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.
1.
have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?
i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.
oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.
ready?
838, 245.
(want a hint? the green numbers!)
838, 87. 245, 75.
9.6, 3.3.
ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!
the numbers make me ask new questions:
• why is it not good enough?
• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?
• is all this maths this really good for you?
no, it isn't.
i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.
ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.
ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.
i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.
#helia rants#cw vent#i'm okay but i'm not#this has been playing on my mind over the last couple of weeks#it's aimed at the sky rather than anyone here#i know i'm not the best myself as commenting. i justify it to myself by affirming i don't read much. which i don't.#since the start of the year i have tried to comment on everything i have read#bearing in mind i may also dm someone rather than comment because i want to scream and ramble about their fic more personally#that being said. i know i'm not the only one who finds themselves doing ugly maths#and in turn starting to feel uglier too#i don't like looking at the numbers#i was doing well at the start of the year#but as i open my drafts and look to a new chapter and at the notes i wrote#i can't stop myself from opening the fic. from seeing where it's at. from seeing if it's changed. from checking my inbox to see if...#if only...#what it's meant is that i've come to a point where a fic i loved has become exactly that: a fic i loved. past tense#the other fic is still a fic i love. but i know deep down that that is tied to the numbers too#i hate that this is what i've become#because i have tiny fics. fics with 50 hits and maybe 1 comment. and i love them. i still love them#but when it comes to the big ones. the multi-chapters. the hefty fics. after a point all i see are numbers#and those numbers have come to determine both my happiness and fulfilment as a writer#and so i am ugly. i am sad. i am pathetic.#and i don't know how to stop.#helia's stuff#this was meant to save back into my drafts. i was editing tags. tumblr decided it should post. so... so be it.#also this is not an attention thing if anyone dares go 'oh but you're a good writer uwu' i might do something we'll all regret#this is also not a 'ffs comment on my fics will you 😒' hell no#it's just about me. and my issue. and my unhealthy relationship with these fucking numbers.#gotta get this shit out of my head somehow :)
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