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th3wayilov3dyou · 4 months ago

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" 'cause everytime i get to cloose, i just go mess it up " 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ - MIU

In the beginning, everything with him seemed simple. There were laughs, silent gestures that spoke louder than words, an understanding that needed no explanations. Every day spent together felt like a small miracle, yet inside me, something began to crack. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t our story. It was that voice in my head, the one that never stopped. It whispered that I wasn’t enough, that sooner or later, I would ruin everything. And every time I tried to push it away, it returned stronger, more insistent.

He looked at me with eyes full of love, and I wanted to believe it, truly. But every kind word felt like a promise too big, too fragile. As if a breath could shatter it. So instead of letting myself go, I started to build walls around my heart. It was to protect myself, or maybe to protect him from me. The closer I got, the more I felt the fear grow—the feeling of inadequacy, of never being enough for everything he seemed to give me without asking for anything in return.

In the end, I was the one to destroy it all. I thought leaving him would be the right thing, that by doing so, I would put an end to my uncertainty and constant guilt. I said goodbye, hoping the void I felt would fill with peace, but instead, it left only a silence that was more deafening. I hoped distance would free me from my fears, that I could finally breathe again. But without him, every breath felt heavier, and my loneliness wrapped around me like a shadow I could no longer shake off.

I never stopped thinking about him. Memories of his laughter, his gaze, those moments when everything seemed possible flooded my mind. Every time I told myself it was better this way, another part of me screamed that I had made a mistake. I knew he was moving on, that his life continued without me, while I remained stuck, trapped between what I had lost and the fear of never being able to redeem myself.

I tried to convince myself that I was okay, wearing smiles I didn’t feel, like a mask behind which to hide the chaos within me. I found myself checking my phone, hoping for a message, any excuse to reach out to him again. But every time I thought of getting closer again, I stopped, paralyzed by the terror of making another wrong move, of ruining everything once more.

Sometimes I wondered if it was right to seek him out, if I was just clinging to a dream that could no longer exist. I felt like a castaway trying to hold onto a wave slipping away. Yet every thought returned to him, to us, to what we were and what we could have been if I hadn’t allowed my insecurities to smother everything.

I longed for a second chance, even though I knew it might just be an illusion. I wanted to show him that I could change, that I could be the person he needed. I dreamed of going back, of fixing what I had broken, of breaking the bad habits that had erected barriers between us. But every time I thought of him, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was too late, if his heart had already found a new direction.

Deep down, though, I knew that the real obstacle had never been him, but myself. My fears, my doubts, were like chains holding me captive. Until I learned to free myself from them, I would remain trapped in this cycle, destined to ruin every beautiful thing I touched. And maybe then, I would be truly ready to begin again. Maybe then, I would be ready to love without the fear of not being enough.

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octoberconstellation · 4 months ago

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19 but you act 25 now

✩ julie. bisexual, she/her. libra.

music finneas, chappell roan, 5 seconds of summer + their solo projects, lady gaga, tyla, maisie peters, little luna, cxloe, jensen mcrae, fleetwood mac, ashe, cyndi lauper, elton john, dodie, ed sheeran, alec benjamin, grace enger + jake minch + kevin atwater, gracie abrams, halle, megan thee stallion, jewel, boygenius, conan gray, noah kahan, dwight yokam, olivia rodrigo, taylor swift, sabrina carpenter ,

movies & shows the princess bride, mean girls, bottoms, dead poets society, lisa frankenstein, it's a wonderful life, the sound of music

books & prose - anne of green gables, fahrenheit 451, the hunger games, the little prince, the handmaids tale, rebecca, to kill a mockingbird & go set a watchman, the yellow wallpaper, a series of unfortunate events, song of achilles, girl by jamaica kincaid favorite songs - a concert six months from now + partners in crime, i'm still your boy (luke hemmings), twinkle twinkle little star, california (chappell), mr brightside, never gonna give you up, paparazzi, hot mess (dodie)

sideblogs:

@like-lovers-or-partners-in-crime (aesthetics)

@you-look-like-stevie-nicks (stevie nicks, but I forget to post there)

@my-beloved-ghost-and-me (shitty photoshop but I forget to update it)

#intro post #julies moodboards #julies edits

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southernbells · 13 days ago

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( kristine froseth . cis woman . she / her ) . ⸻ savannah grady , a twenty - five year old , has survived another day in red creek where they have lived for nine years . the southern belle is known for being eccentric and insecure and is often associated with the smell of lavender and cigarette smoke , pumpkin chai tea lattes , smudged eyeliner . in a small town where they work as a head chef at lakeside grill + the drummer at redstone bar word travels fast . it’s hard to keep a secret , and it looks like the boogeyman knows that redacted .

trigger warning for mentions of abortion, anxiety, emotional abuse, pregnancy

STATS.

full name: savannah elizabeth grady

age: twenty-five

hair color: dirty blonde / light brunette

eye color: blue

piercings: both ear holes, left ear cartilage

tattoos: too many to count, they are all across her body, most of them either stick n’ poke or done by her friends

distinguishing features: freckles sprinkled across her cheeks, contagious laughter, legs that go for days, a crooked but friendly smile, a southern accent that never quite went away

preferred style of clothing: mostly thrifted clothing or anything passed down from her aunt or borrowed from her friends with like minded style. she is really big on cardigans or jackets over flowy dresses/skirts/maxi skirts. mixing feminine/soft/girly pieces with band tee's or something more casual.

frequently worn jewelry/accessories: funky earrings/rings/jewelry that has been made by her or bought, friendship bracelets, her infamous yellow bookbag, worn down sneakers and cowgirl boots.

sexuality: bi-sexual/bi-romantic

occupation: head cook at lakeside grill + the drummer at redstone bar

positive traits: adventurous, eccentric, warm

negative traits: reckless, insecure, naive

CHARACTER INSPIRTATIONS.

peyton sawyer (one tree hill), lexie howard (euphoria), lane kim (gilmore girls), julie taylor (friday night lights), laura lee (yellowjackets)

CHARACTER PLAYLIST.

tied together with a smile - taylor swift

gypsy - fleetwood mac

matilda - harry styles

mess it up - gracie abrams

AESTHETICS.

the smell of lavender and cigarette smoke, the banging of drums, the taste of refreshing lemonade on a hot summer's day, infectious laughter, baby pink scrunchies on your wrist, thrift shop adventures with an iced chai tea latte, freckles sprinkled across cheeks, mascara stained pillowcases, a field full of sunflowers, blasting your favorite songs alone in your room

MINO BIO / HEADCANONS.

savannah was born as youngest of two children, growing up in a small town in rural kentucky. her mother, a bakery owner and her father a teacher/football coach, the grady's could be considered a 'white picket fence and perfect' family.

the grady family grew up on a small family farm, with your typical farm animals and crops.

she grew up in a very strict and religious family. this meant going to church multiple times a week, praying before every meal, volunteering in the local community, and not falling victim to anything secular.

hard-work was an ethic that was drilled into the grady children since birth. if savannah wasn't helping around the farm or the bakery, she was keeping up with her school work or extra curricular activities (such as beauty pageants, girl scouts, and cheerleading).

savannah has always struggled with feeling like the black sheep of the family, constantly feeling over shadowed by her older brother, older to her by two years. he was always more extroverted and naturally talented with sports and other extra curricular activities. savannah on the other hand? she was more on the introverted and eccentric side. not taking a liking towards football and any sports for that matter. she was much more interested in reading or sneaking on the family computer to listen to music on youtube (but always deleting her browsing history).

savannah tried her best to play the role of a well mannered, perfect daughter. going with the flow and playing the parts to make her parents 'proud of her', but in the back of her mind, she always felt like she wasn't the golden child. she struggled with always feeling slightly inadequate in comparison to her brother. if her brother was getting straight a's and scoring touchdowns, she was only getting b's and winning second or third in beauty pageants or other competitions. she couldn't quite measure up, feeling like she could never be her true self and show her true colors.

music became a coping mechanism and outlet for her when she entered into her late middle school and high school years. always trying to be a kind soul to her fellow classmates, she befriended some of the more 'loner' girls of her grade level. after hearing 'gypsy' by fleetwood mac on her ipod, savannah commented on the song and saying she enjoyed it. after doing a deep dive and discovery of fleetwood mac's further discography, there was no turning back. she wanted to learn more, discover more music. making a secret youtube channel and joining music blogs, she started her journey of discovering more artists/bands. she felt slightly guilty doing this, feeling like she was living a double life.

as she transitioned into her high school years, that is when she began a bit of a rebellious streak. she could be found sneaking out a few nights a month with friends, headed to the next few towns over to underage drink and sneak into concerts. her parents had no idea what she was doing but strict parents raise sneaky kids....

when she was sixteen, she began a secret relationship with a senior at a rival highschool of her's. savannah was drawn to the older boy, the total dirtbag rocker type who was in a crappy garage band with hopes of making it big. they bonded over their music tastes and not so favorable homelives. she was head over heels for him, not knowing anything else since this was her first serious relationship with anyone.

their relationship ended very abruptly after savannah discovered she was pregnant after losing her virginity to him. feeling terrified and not knowing what to do, savannah would end up having an abortion behind her parent's back. her bestfriend and her mother drove her to a clinic a few hours outside of town, trying their best to provide comfort towards her.

savannah struggled pretty hard with the aftermaths of it, cutting ties with her boyfriend and claiming that she had to end things due to her parents finding out about their relationship. her mother would find out about the abortion a few months following it after discovering a journal entry from savannah. savannah secretly kept a journal under one of her floor boards, along lighters, a small bag of weed, and skimpy clothing/band merch she knew that she couldn't wear around her family.

her parents were furious at her, exploding in front of her and showing just how disappointed in how much things she had been hiding from them.

they would choose to ship her off to her aunt gina who lived in northern michigan, in the town of redcreek. basically choosing to disown her, they wanted her hours away from kentucky and out of their hair.

soooooo she went to southern living to midwest trailer park living, the adjustment not being the easiest?

it takes a bit for her to adjust to life within redcreek but she is able to complete high school, having made a small group of friends from the cheer squad and other hobbies. she was far from being part of the popular crowd in comparison of her previous school, but she was okay with that.

college was in the back of her mind but she wasn't interested in pursing a degree right after graduating. her aunt gina didn't want to pressure her into making any choices and doing what felt right for savannah.

currently she is just kinda vibing at the moment, working at lakeside grill as one of the line cooks and also being the drummer at the redstone bar. her ultimate goal in life would be for the band to break into mainstream success or to work within the music industry in other capacities. she also kinda would love to open up her own restaurant since she loves to cook??? so very conflicted

OTHER FUN FACTS.

she has not spoken to her parents since she moved to redcreek, she has considered calling or writing a letter to them, but feels like for her own mental health, it's for the best she still keeps the distance. she occasionally keeps in touch with her older brother, giving him random life updates every few months through texts.

despite the hardships she has gone through, she still tries to have a soft heart with others.

she loves her morning cigarettes / the devil's lettuce ;)

is a cat person 1000000%

fleetwood mac is her all time favorite band

can be considered an introverted extrovert. is 100000% a talkative person when she is high/drunk. If she is comfortable enough in your presence, she can open up.

her love language is physical touch and food. she loves cuddling with her friends and hugs! (even just in a platonic way). she also loves being that friend to make your favorite meal or snack if you had a bad day.

she is a mom friend who can always be seen sporting her beloved yellow bookbag. It’s one she has had for years, covered in her favorite pins, buttons, and decorated in song lyrics and notes from her friends. It is usually filled to the brim with a mix of random and useful items. her friends often tease her saying that she can live out of that damn bag of her’s.

is very competitive with claw machine games.

she is definitely the kind of friend to not ask for gas money and will wait for you while you tie your shoes.

she has a decent online following on instagram/tiktok. she makes mostly lifestyle and cooking content. she has had a few of her tiktok videos gone viral from her vlogs at the restaurant and her grwm's with her outfits, people feeling drawn to her eccentric style of dressing.

the key to her heart is sour candy and sunflowers.

mixed drink of choice of a vodka redbull.

LOVES thrifting, most of her clothes are thrifted <3.

is a bit of a hopeless romantic but is such a sucker for rom com's!!!!

FULL BIO.

coming soon.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

( here are some general ideas, i am also always willing to brainstorm other ideas ! )

unlikely friends

side business/hustle customers - savannah has a side hustle where she bakes cakes/pies/cupcakes/other baked goods to make some extra $$$

side business/hustle colleagues - i would love for people who maybe help her with baking or delivering said baked goods!!

A ROOMMATE PLEASE! she lives in a cute little two bedroom apartment with her kitty <3 <3

drinking/partying buddies

a bad influence

platonic soulmates/besties .... i beg

big brother/big sister friendship - people who look out for sav because she's a naive little bunny

concert/music buddies

book club buddies? there HAS to be a book club in red-creek? or not?

smoking buddies

people who first befriended her when she moved to redcreek

pals from when she lived in the trailer park

friends from high school that she lost touch with/drifted away from?

co-workers/fellow line cook crew

A LINE COOK OR OTHER GRILL EMPLOYEE THAT DOESN'T THINK SHE DESERVED TO BECOME HEAD CHEF??? WORKPLACE RIVARLY?

regulars at the grill

customers at the grill that chewed her out one time and made her cry so now she avoids them like the plague

current and or former flings

a blind date that turned into a friendship???

a first date that turned out TERRIBLE

one night stand

someone she ghosted or someone whom ghosted her?

#redcreek.intro #abortion tw #anxiety tw #emotional abuse tw #pregnancy tw

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svnflowermoon · 2 years ago

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“ LACY, OH LACY, I JUST LOATHE YOU LATELY . . . ”

i hope you enjoy your time here <33

anon list || pronouns page || pinterest || spotify

➵ you can call me lucy or luce and any other nicknames that fit, also i adore petnames

basic info. ➵ they/she, 17, lesbian (also somewhere on the aroace spectrum idk babe I'm confused), certified romantic advice-giver, enfp, gemini, nz, i adore dogs, plant mum, i love painting, pesto lover, writing is my life, i love going on walks and picnics, I'm 100% a spring girlie, i can't live without music, spotify is the loml, pinterest whore, i hate coffee (sorry), avid lover of platonic love, i overshare on the internet, slytherin, i don't ship real people but idc if you do as long as you're respectful about it, i love character design!!! i've been told by my best friends that i'm a real life nick nelson & remus lupin (also a wet cat but let's just ignore that ahahaha <3 i am insanely obsessed with halley's comet by billie eilish and i literally have a tag for it that's how much i adore it (#THE SONG OF ALL TIME) i often disappear from tumblr for a while due to my mental health <3 free palestine!!!

music. ➵ billie eilish, conan gray, maisie peters, gracie abrams, chappell roan, FINNEAS, holly humberstone, lyn lapid, sabrina carpenter, olivia rodrigo, ABBA, arctic monkeys, fletcher, queen, claire rosinkranz, girl in red, phoebe bridgers, boygenius, renee rapp, troye sivan, lauv, harry styles, niall horan, lizzy mcalpine, griffy, johnny orlando, ricky montgomery, zayn, maggie lindemann, louis tomlinson, beabadoobee, ella jane, cigarettes after sex, emei, tate mcrae, lana del rey, melanie martinez, 5sos, the neighbourhood, chase atlantic, clairo, hozier, paramore, and more

books. ➵ osemanverse, hunger games, anne of green gables, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, a good girls guide to murder trilogy, the other side of the sky, his dark materials trilogy, red white and royal blue, i kissed shara wheeler, marauders era (not the actual series just the marauders. also anti jkr ew fuck that bitch), six of crows, shadow and bone and more

movies + tv shows. ➵ spiderverse movies, marvel, stranger things, heartstopper, young royals, red white and royal blue, first kill, anne with an e, hunger games, gilmore girls, i am not okay with this, my policeman, shadow and bone, she-ra, httyd, and more

characters. ➵ natasha romanoff, wanda maximoff, james potter, kate bishop, loki, katniss everdeen, max mayfield, robin buckley, tara jones, tori spring, alex claremont-diaz, jimmy kaga-ricci, georgia warr, evelyn hugo, remus lupin, sirius black, regulus black, lorelai gilmore, remus lupin, sirius black, elle argent, tao zu, beth harmon, finnick odair, jesper fahey

art. ➵ i love art but posting it is terrifying. i've just started doing digital art last year but my stupid ass drawing tablet broke so uh yayyy no more of that for the time being. i mainly paint but I'm doing printmaking at school so that there's more variation

my blogs. ➵

alt acc: @goldwingangell

writing: @svnflower-writes + my ao3 is sunflowerrmoon

mediocre poetry: @lostmypagewhenyoukissedme

aesthetics: my moodboards @partyfavorr

billie eilish icons: @eilishicons

note. ➵ i would love to be friends with you, please do not hesitate to message me/send me an ask (preferably an ask im an awkward mess in dms) i literally cannot shut up so if you talk to me abt anything i love i will enthusiastically respond (often in all caps) <3 my discord is the same @ i use here and if we're close you can ask for my insta <33 if you know me irl please stop looking at my blog. there's a 96% chance i don't want you looking at this blog, please don't take it personally <33 also, i'm sorta selective abt who i follow back and i rarely follow people back who don't have an intro post or a bio with an age bracket, name, and pronouns.

➵ thank you for reading my intro post <3

“. . . AND I DESPISE MY ROTTON EYES AND HOW HARD THEY FELL FOR YOU .ᐟ ”

#luc posts #mutuals <3 #luc writes #luc draws #ask response #← my main tags #navigation

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