#mentions of the Diaz parents

[sonofatoasterwaffle]

still the one

Buck’s just arranged himself on the couch when Eddie comes out of the bathroom. He looks soft and tired and a little raw, his hair damp. It hurts to look at him so Buck doesn’t. 

He knows he’s not good at keeping any of this inside. Though, he did try throughout the evening, because that seemed best for Christopher. Too bad that kid is smarter and more emotionally evolved than both of them and bailed for his room right after dinner. Their son had stacked the dishes in the sink before informing them that their “vibe was off” and that he’d be in his room doing homework until it was time to play Apex with his friends. 

Thirteen is proving to be a fun age. 

Eddie had tried again, then. “I never said you did something wrong—"

Buck had cut him off, because bullshit, and Eddie needs to stop repeating that. “It doesn’t matter that you said the words ‘you didn’t do anything wrong’ because you went on to describe exactly how you think I was wrong!” 

And they were down the rabbit hole again. 

But now it’s late. The dishes are done and the kitchen is clean and bags are packed for school and work tomorrow. They’ve gone through all the motions of getting ready for bed, both checking in on Christopher even though he insists he’s too old to be tucked in these days. And there’s nothing else to busy themselves with.

Buck’s stomach roils with feeling out of place and uncomfortable somewhere that’s always felt like home. They’re married now. Buck gave up the loft months ago. There’s nowhere to run. And Buck has nothing to say that isn’t ugly and twisted up and bleeding.  

Eddie seems to have fewer qualms. “Do you need space?” 

That… Buck wasn’t expecting. “What?” 

Eddie sighs, takes a step closer. “From me. Do you need space from me tonight?”

Honestly, Buck doesn’t know what he needs. He just knows that he’s needy and clingy as a general rule and they’re already fighting and it feels sour and unwieldy in his chest to still want to be wrapped in Eddie’s arms despite all the unresolved things they said. He just knows he doesn’t want to make things worse. “I thought, uh… I assumed you might.” 

Eddie shakes his head. “Come to bed?” 

“Do you— are we—?” Buck’s not sure how to ask, but he’s definitely sure he can’t keep talking about this tonight. 

Not without saying those strangled and hurt things that he doesn’t completely mean. Probably won’t mean at all come morning. Buck knows people say you and your partner shouldn’t go to bed angry. But continuing this uphill battle when he already feels exhausted and cornered and defensive like a scared animal sounds like hell. 

Eddie answers the question even though Buck couldn’t ask. “Nah, I think we should table it. Talk tomorrow when we’ve had some time. Just…” he looks at the floor. “Could we maybe just be mad next to each other?” 

The knot of tension in Buck’s stomach lessens just a little at the thought that Eddie still wants him. Even though they’re arguing. Even though it feels like they’re talking in circles and getting nowhere. There’s something in knowing that they have more work to do, but that they don’t have to do it all tonight. That there’s time and that maybe tomorrow it’ll feel better. Less raw. Easier to communicate. 

“Yeah, okay.” Buck says finally, taking his pillow with him as he follows Eddie to his—their— bedroom. 

Buck rounds to his side of the bed, tosses the covers back. Eddie always sleeps closest to the door. At first, Buck had thought maybe it was an anxiety thing. Needing to have an exit. Had even made jokes about it whenever they slept away from home and Eddie still picked the side closer to the door. “Just in case you need to make an escape?” 

Eddie would chuckle, but say nothing, a slight blush rising in his cheeks. 

Buck marked it down as just a little quirk of Eddie’s, thought little of it. Until they visited El Paso together for the first time last summer, and Ramon made a passing comment about how he always puts himself between Helena and the door, no matter where they’re sleeping. “Anything that comes through that door would have to go through me, first.” He’d said, half joking, kissing Helena’s cheek. 

It had made Buck’s heart swell in his chest, and he’d caught Eddie’s eye just in time to see him blush again, offer a slightly sheepish grin. 

Now, it makes Buck melt a little every time they get in bed.

He’s not a small man. In fact, he’s got a few inches on Eddie and definitely more bulk. But the fact that Eddie thinks about it like that. Like Buck is something precious to be protected? Buck can’t fault him for it. It’s romantic if a little traditional. It makes Buck feel secure.

Even tonight, the steady repetition of getting into bed on their respective sides settles something in Buck. He’s still upset. He still wishes Eddie would see it his way. He still needs to find a way to explain this to Eddie in a way that he’ll understand so they can figure out how to deal with it. But they get to take a break. They get to try again tomorrow. 

They don’t get as close as they normally do, mindful of each other’s space tonight. Eddie’s facing away from him, arms pulled in when they’d usually start out sprawled over each other. But after Eddie turns off the lamp, after he settles into the mattress and pulls the covers over his shoulder, he reaches out with one foot, hooks an ankle over Buck’s calf. “I love you.” 

That knot untangles just a little bit more. “Love you, too.” Buck replies, shifts the leg Eddie’s snagged a little closer to the middle of the bed. “See you in the morning.” 

It’s a promise. An offered touch of legs under the blankets of his own. It’s not everything. But it’s enough.

Also on AO3

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking about step 9 and the whole concept of forgiveness of one’s self and others and it bringing healing and how bobby and Eddie have been paralleled a fair amount and the idea that Eddie started this process back at the end of s5 with his forgiveness and acceptance of his father but how he hasn’t yet gone anywhere near his mother and their relationship .

How his catholic guilt storyline seems more likely to play on his reltionship with his mother than his father (if his father wasn’t around that much it would’ve been Helena taking him to church etc each week) so the idea of an Eddie - Helena storyline that plays on catholic guilt and potentially his queerness in relation to that has me chewing on glass - it could be so epically good

[annaliseblr]

can shows stop redeeming shitty parents? i thought brooklyn nine-nine finally changed this when i saw captain peralta, where they ended the ep with jake confronting his father, but then they brought him back next season and gave him a really random redemption arc. then rosa's homophobic parents got redeemed, which didn't annoy me as much bc her dad at least properly apologised to her, and her mom definitely put a lot of work into fixing things - they changed, jake's parents didn't.

9-1-1 is by far the worst offender of this i've ever seen. buck and maddie's parents emotionally abused and neglected them their whole lives, to the point where maddie was essentially raising buck on her own at the age of nine and buck only ever got attention when he was injured, maddie didn't leave her abusive husband in part because her mother would just say, 'i told you so,' and buck became the human embodiment of passive suicidality. then they just?? forgave them?? in one episode?? then chimney's shitty dad came back, and he made amends with him bc his daughter 'needed a good relationship with her grandparents.' eddie's dad was never around and the only things he did that involved eddie were yelling at him for trying to help his mother when she was in labor and declaring him the 'man of the house' at age 10. also, both his parents hated his wife, treated his son like an infant, and tried to get custody of said son. but he forgave his father and practically never addressed anything his mother did.

how to get away with murder thankfully never redeemed jorge castillo, which i approve of, but then connor's dad, who literally said he knew connor, and he knew oliver wasn't right for him (which is absolutely insane to say when you ran out on your son when he was 12) [he still could have been part of connor's life while being with ted!!]. and it basically just ignored that connor's mom let him, a teenager, have sex with a man in his twenties. because letting your son get raped is fine, i guess. and then annalise's dad, who didn't believe her when she was raped by her uncle, came back into her life. yay.

and then there's community. what annoys me is that they let jeff and pierce's dads be thrown into unforgivable territory (which i approve of, honestly - they sucked and advanced gay and cooperative escapism in familial relations are two of my favorite episodes), but britta's parents deserved forgiveness and britta was somehow in to wrong when she was molested and her dad took the guy's side??? she had to forgive her parents? that was just unfair and blatantly hypocritical.

stop redeeming horrible parents, please.

[warpedpuppeteer]

Please watch

https://x.com/bucksdaylight/status/1800876967061008885?s=46

Okay this damn video. A couple of things.

It's canon that Buck baked cookies for Christopher's class?? Buck has gotten Chris ready for school. Buck has cooked meals for both Eddie and Chris multiple times. Buck has helped Chris with his homework. Buck takes Chris out all the time. Buck has given him life advice. We don't see Henren or Athena and Michael doing those things daily either does that mean they're not the parents? 🧍🏽

I don't know why they think Chris calling Buck 'dad' would in any way or form take away the importance of Eddie being his biological dad. This person seems to think someone can only have one dad in their lives. Step-parents exist? Queer parents?? Foster parents?? They're not any less because they're not your biological father? Some biological fathers don't even deserve to be a father.

They also seem to think you're only a parent if you both do the exact same things for a kid, which is not true at all. Parents have different roles they play and different sets of responsibilities. One parent will be more into the emotional aspect and the other might handle day-to-day things. One parent might have a career that doesn't allow them to spend as much time with their kids as the other. Yeah, some parents might share all the same responsibilities but mostly they don't! This is so common in ANY family. You're not less of a parent if you don't make breakfast for your kid to school lol.

When you tell someone "there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you", in this world, that is beyond any fun uncle territory. That is a co-parent.

Chris ran to Buck first when he was mad at his own dad. Chris most likely has Buck's address memorized because he called Uber. Chris didn't want to talk to Eddie but was willing to talk to Buck.

I'm convinced people like these watch a completely different show than the rest of us because Buck's involvement in the Diaz family is NOT just as a fun uncle. The Will itself is the biggest proof (despite their clown ass dismissing it). You don't name the 'fun uncle' as a legal guardian. You will choose someone who you know will step into the role of a parent for your child; someone who will take over all of your responsibilities as a parent in case something happens to you. If you wanna' see what a fun uncle looks like then look at Chim with Denny. Look at Buck with Jee-Yun. That's fun uncle.

You don't have to be romantically involved to be a co-parent but the fact that they're saying even if they date he won't ever be Chris' dad?? Reeks of homophobia and hetero normative bs if you ask me.

Also I hope the last episode was a slap to their face because 'fun uncles' don't get that involved in family matters. Eddie's parents didn't even ask why Buck was there 🤷🏽

They can say whatever they want but it doesn't negate canon. Buck is co-parenting with Eddie. Buck will never be the dad that is Eddie because that belongs to Eddie, true. But he can be another dad to Chris and it doesn't make him any less of a parent for that.

[buddiesmutslut]

Hot Take

BUCK IS THE BEST PERSON TO GIVE DATING ADVICE TO CHRIS, HEAR ME OUT.

Okay, I know we're all laughing about women fleeing Buck and how awful he is at relationships, but I don't feel like that's true.

First of all, just because a relationship ends, doesn't mean that it FAILED. Dating is as much about getting to know YOURSELF, what you want out of a relationship and what your own boundaries are as it is about getting to know the person you're dating. It's about growing, and learning from your mistakes, and I feel like Buck HAS done that. I'm not saying he's a perfect dater (the Taylor/Lucy thing, wtf was that?) but also, he has gotten better.

With Abby, he grew from fuckboy Firehose to someone that is considerate and thoughtful to his partner. (I don't LOVE that we credit Abby for his growth, since he was the one that made the initial boundary to not meet up right away because he didn't want to fall back into that sleep with anything that moves mindset, but she is mostly credited with it canonically, so we're going to use it.) Also, she didn't leave because Buck was a bad boyfriend or anything. She left because she needed to find herself after her mom died, and that's it.

With Ali too, she left because of his job, because she couldn't handle being with a first responder, which is a genuine concern for a LOT of people. It's hard to love someone with a dangerous job like that, and not know if they're going to come home at night. It had nothing to do with who Buck was as a boyfriend.

With Taylor, that whole relationship was a mess, IMO, them getting together when they did was a recipe for disaster. Obviously, Buck shouldn't have asked her to move in because he was scared to tell her about Lucy, but I'm not saying he's a PERFECT dater, I'm saying he's learning, and that's what's important. When he did admit to the kiss, Taylor is the one that decided that it wasn't a hard line for her, or she would have broken up with him, living together or not. It probably would have been awkward and complicated, but it was all of those things when they DID break up later in the series. From this relationship, Buck learned that it's better to be alone than it is to be with someone for the wrong reasons.

He has had a lot of growth from s1 to the end of s6, and that is clear in his dating.

Now, everyone that's saying Eddie should go to Bobby or Chim for advice, I'm going to say this: It's easy to date when you immediately find the person you're going to marry.

Let me be clear, I'm not saying that Madney & Bathena don't have their own struggles within their relationships, but Bobby and Chim got pretty luck, they found women that they clicked with and then eventually fell in love with almost as soon as they went looking.

When Bobby decided he was ready to move on from Marcy, the ONLY person we actually see him dating in the show is Athena, and they end up married.

After Tatiana leaves Chim, and he decides that he's going to be himself and look for a genuine connection, Maddie is conveniently placed in front of him.

I'm not saying that either of them are bad daters, or bad partners or anything, but we don't really SEE them date. Maybe it's because they're older and they already know what they're looking for and what they can and can't accept in a relationship, but realistically, it's wild to think that you're going to fall in love and get married to the first person that you find when you start dating. The majority of people have to date around and actually look to find the person they're meant to be with, not magically find them right out of the gate.

Especially for a FIRST first date, it's all about figuring out how dating works, what is and isn't expected and acceptable and navigating getting to know a new person, as well as yourself, and I think Buck is the clear best option when it comes to experience about women. He's had several girlfriends and also convinced only God knows how many people to sleep with him, so he's obviously charming, and pleasant to spend time within a romantic situation.

Also, God knows nobody is asking Eddie for dating advice, since the man only married his girlfriend bc she was pregnant and then had to be told (BY BUCK) that he deserved to be happy in a relationship instead of sticking it out for everyone else.

Anyway, this has been on my mind ever since that interview came out with everyone making fun of Eddie for going to Buck because he's had (based on what we're reading about Natalia's character) 4 "failed" relationships, but again, I truly believe that a relationship ending does not automatically mean it failed.

Also, Eddie goes to Buck because they're CO-PARENTS & SOULMATES but all of this other stuff too 😂

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 40

Chapter 40 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Eddie is back at the 118 and while he is welcomed with open arms. However, they now know and keep talking about him being married to Buck, which makes it harder to cope. Until, finally, it boils over and he snaps.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: referenced emotionally abusive parents, internalized misogyny, internalized homophobia, insecurity, self loathing, injury, homophobia mention

~~~

Chapter 40: The Affair

When he comes into work again, nine weeks after last being in the 118 firehouse, he is greeted by cheers. Hen comes up to hug him first, squealing: “Welcome back! We missed you.” Then she whispers: “Chim did the cake, I told him it was a bad idea, but he insisted.”

“Thank you,” he whispers back, before stepping out of the hug.

“It’s good to have you back, Eddie. You were missed,” Bobby says with a kind smile and a clap on the back.

“Yeah, missed you too. Thanks, Cap,” Eddie smiles, feeling a little overwhelmed. He half thought they wouldn’t want to have him here either, but instead, there is that warmth again, just like there had been on his first-first day. It feels good, albeit a little too much.

“Eddie,” Chimney grins, presenting him the cake, “welcome back, my man.”

He is grateful for Hen’s warning as he looks down at the cake. It’s a standard rectangular party cake with frosting that they often get for occasions like these. With swirly letters it reads: Welcome back from your honeymoon!

If circumstance had been different, it would have been a little funny. However, right now it’s just a reminder of everything. Eddie never had a honeymoon, two marriages, but never a honeymoon. He never married out of love. No one ever actually wanted to be with him. Buck doesn’t want to be with him.

So, he just stares at the cake for a beat too long, his eyes sad. He hates that despite it all, he can’t just be normal, so he mentally yells at himself, until he has manages to suck it up. Then he deadpans: “Har, har, Chim. Very funny.”

“Thought so too,” Chimney grins, luckily having missed the split second of pathetic-ness that Eddie let slip through the cracks.

He plasters on a smile and they dig in. Eddie hasn’t seen them often, but they don’t mention him running, instead telling him of the horrors that were the floaters send to replace him and how glad they are that he is back. By the time the alarm goes off for the first time, the smile is real.

However, one thing Eddie hadn’t taken into account when saying yes to Bobby’s offer to come back, was that they know now. That they know and are okay with it now. Which means that they talk about it. Mention it. Eddie hadn’t counted on how often they would mention it.

That first 24 hour shift, Chimney jokingly calls him Buckley-Diaz and at the end they all tell him to say hi to his husband when he gets home.

They probably mean well, wanting to show him that they’re over the anger from the hospital, that they don’t have any bad opinions of his life choices. That they can joke about it. A part of Eddie thinks it’s sweet. It’s more than his parents have every managed and they’ve had three years to get used to the fact that Eddie and Buck are married. Another part of him aches at the reminders.

While the Buckley-Diaz dies out, the joke of telling him to ask this or say that to his husband sticks around. He’s heard them do it to Buck too when he came home earlier than expected and caught Hen on her way out, but still.

Furthermore, they ask him about it. It’s always innocuous, just them trying to fill in the blanks of what is their two year scheme whenever something comes up that reminds them of something that’s been bugging them.

Eddie can’t judge them for being curious, for wanting to know. He just wishes that they didn’t make him know alongside them.

Naturally, he knows the most of it, since he and Buck started actively lying together. However, Buck had been deflecting by himself for a year before that and Eddie is now getting to know some of the fibs he gave them.

Because of that, he now knows Buck said he had a hottie to pick up when referring to Eddie that time his parents came to Chris’s seventh birthday. That he went to Bobby for advice on how to deal with them. The in-laws, that is.

It makes him feel weird and he hates it.

Everything makes him feel weird. The jokes, the questions, the casual reference to the fact that Eddie is Buck’s other half. That he will go home to Buck. That Buck is Chris’s other father.

He’s never had that before. His parents have always pointedly ignored acknowledging Buck’s role in Eddie and Chris’s life and with tía Pepa and Abuela it was never this frequent and he wasn’t aware of it like he is now. To have people confirm his reality over and over again makes him feel exposed in a way he isn’t sure he dislikes entirely, which only makes him feel horrible.

And that is not even mentioning the new fresh hell that is being aware of Buck in more than a romantic light. Of dreaming of him sucking Eddie’s dick or, more shamefully, him pushing Eddie into the mattress as he plows into him. Which are now playing alongside the flashes of domesticity and unmasculine tenderness that Eddie shouldn’t crave. He instated a self imposed ban on jerking off to avoid thinking about it after he found himself wondering if Buck’s calluses would feel the same one morning in the shower.

So within a week, he finds himself texting Buck that he’s meeting up with Bosko to catch up, a lie he can’t verify. Instead driving to a different shady spot than a random parking lot after texting the number of an even shadier guy.

The atmosphere is very different to the fight club he went to before, more a fighting ring. There are spectators and there are fighters, as well as underhand dealings that are probably smarter to stay out of. Everyone got that memo, it seems, because everyone leaves everyone alone. In a way, it’s nice.

What is even nicer, is the wad of cash that gets pushed into his hands after he’s beaten the shit out of some guy. It’s a lot. It’s enough that Eddie can be reasonably certain they can buy Chris that Nintendo Switch he wants without issue when his birthday rolls around again or Christmas. Or save up, pad up the savings they lost during the suspension that was Eddie’s fault.

It’s the start of a spiral.

He acts normal at work and home, but Buck’s presence is everywhere, driving him insane with emotions he doesn’t want to deal with. If it’s not that, he gets randomly attacked with an anger at how unfair the world is. The fear of almost losing it all. How easily they left. How he is glad to be back, but it’s not going to last. Not to mention the pressure of the expectations that tug on him and the fact that he’s not managing to push the feelings down like he was able to before Buck.

All these things have him returning to that fighting ring over and over again. It’s a craving. A habit he can’t seem to kick.

When he tries not to go, he feels himself tightening like a spring, ready to shoot off into space. He gets snippy and grouchy, which is fine. It’s fine. He can deal. … Until he snaps at Chris during a stressful moment as they’re getting ready for school. Then it’s not fine.

It’s just an irritated: “What the hell, Chris. Why are you not ready? I told you to get ready. We have to get going now! I don’t care about your excuses.”

He apologizes and Chris doesn’t seem to affected, but it sticks with him. Haunts him. He wants to bridge the gap, not deal with any of this internal shit and just continue on as normal until it falls apart.

Snapping at Chris isn’t normal. He doesn’t want that for him. He’s never wanted that for him. So, he accepts that he needs the outlet. Just for now. Just to bridge that gap.

Thus, Eddie finds himself going to the fighting ring more often. It escalates from being once a week to going twice, until he finds himself there almost nightly, as his excuses get less and less believable.

Buck hasn’t tried to bring it up yet, but Eddie makes sure to evade him just in case. He either comes home late enough that Buck has dropped off on the couch or when he’s at PT. Or he only makes Chris’s pick up, forgoing his usual pre-pick up nap so he’ll arrive with Chris, who has become his oblivious human shield.

It’s only a matter of time until Buck can’t take it anymore and busts down his door instead of letting him ‘sleep’ until Chris needs to go to school or comes home. The unspoken question of where he’s been, bubbling closer and closer to the surface as Eddie’s avoidance of answering becomes more and more suspicious.

After six weeks, it finally boils over.

His shift has just ended and he feels the itch, but thinks he can push it forward until tomorrow. He can make bedtime tonight, but tomorrow Chris has that sleep over. So it’s better to be late then. He has already been missing dinner and bedtime here and there. It’s not a lot, but it’s been unavoidable and for now it’s better than the alternative: snapping at Chris.

As he’s mulling it over, Hen slides up next to him, opening her own locker as she says: “Me and Chim are gonna go out drinking. Just a beer or two. Want to join?”

“No, I can’t. Thanks though,” Eddie replies, putting away his stuff. It’s true, since he has to make bedtime when he can.

“Sure,” Chimney snorts behind him.

Eddie whirls around, frown on his face as he demands: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, you’ve been pretty chipper at work, but Buck says you’re being weird at home, staying out late. You’re worrying the husband and that can only mean one thing; you’re having an affair. I put good money on that, so don’t lie now, Edmundo, what’s her name?” Chimney grins.

The grin feels like a trap, like he’s being cornered. The confrontation with what is supposed to be truth, but Eddie is too broken to adhere to, combining with that stupid husband comment. His heart slams into overdrive and his defenses rise up from the ground. He snaps: “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Chimney’s eyebrows immediately lift, but before he can say anything, Hen does: “We’re just curious, Eddie. He didn’t mean anything with it.”

It’s a tad too gentle for his taste as if he can’t take it, as if she knows he is sensitive. He’s not sensitive. He can take it. “Well, mind your own business.”

Now Hen and Chimney are exchanging looks and Eddie starts aggressively stuffing his shit into his bag so he can get out of here before he implodes.

He’s not fast enough and now Hen’s voice is even more gentle. “You don’t have to tell us, but we’re here if you want to talk. I know we might not have always given you that impression and we’re sorry for that, but we won’t judge. You can tell us.”

“Maybe,” he slams his locker closed, “I don’t want to.” He glares at her. “There is nothing for you to know. I’m not Buck, I don’t want you invading my life. Just because I share it with him and you know now, doesn’t give you a right to know anything about me, okay? I forgave you guys for what you did to us, but I didn’t forget. You have no right to demand any trust of me, now leave me the fuck alone.”

With that said, he stalks out of the locker room, anger wafting off of him. Hen and Chimney are too stunned to speak after his outburst, so he makes it to his car safely.

Inside, he punches his steering wheel and lets out a muffled noise of frustration. Any thought of having a peaceful night at home is now ruined. If he turns up like this, he’ll only fuck up the happy atmosphere of home. Especially since a part of his anger is directed at Buck.

Buck had no right telling everyone he’s acting weird. Eddie is allowed to act weird, which he isn’t by the way, Eddie is behaving so normally. Now Buck put thoughts into everyone’s head and they’re assuming things about Eddie that aren’t true. Confronting him with the things he wants to avoid. It is all Buck’s fault. All of it.

If Buck weren’t so kind, Eddie wouldn’t have met him. If Buck weren’t so amazing, Eddie wouldn’t have- If Buck weren’t so good, Eddie wouldn’t need to be worried about him. If Buck weren’t so sweet, he wouldn’t have remembered all he forced himself to forget, to push down, to suck up. If Buck weren’t so attractive, Eddie would have never had to flick that switch and he could have lived his whole life in ignorance. He would have been normal.

Tears well up in his eyes and he angrily wipes them away. He doesn’t want to feel any of this, he doesn’t want to think about any of this. With harsh movements, he starts up the car, automatically finding himself at the fighting ring.

The organizers are more than happy to see him, gladly putting him in a match. Eddie is good at this, money flows.

He doesn’t care right now. He isn’t thinking of the bills that can easily be paid, the crappy car he might be able to replace soon, because he won’t be able to rely on the Jeep anymore after the divorce, the gifts he could buy Chris, the money he can save up for a rainy day. There is just the anger. The rage. The fury that needs to get out, the control he needs to get back. The failure he needs to override with a win.

Nothing exists except for the ring, his opponent and his emotions.

Eddie gives a beating like he has never given before. It’s a spectacle probably, because he can hear the cheering even through the rushing of blood past his ears. He’s punching the world, punching Buck, punching his papi, punching the 118, punching Brandson and the priest at the Church he grew up with. Punching himself. They all blur together on the face of his opponent and he beats them until he goes down.

For a moment, he stands there. Victorious. He’s a winner. He’s doing good. He’s a man. He’s normal.

Then he realizes his opponent isn’t just down. He’s seizing and choking. Instinct takes over and he checks on the patient, any feelings forgotten in the face of professionalism. The man needs medical attention.

He yells for them to call 9-1-1, but no one does. The guy that got him wrapped up in this even starts arguing with him as he pulls a bit of the guy’s nose out of his airway. Tells him not to do it when he rips someone’s phone out of their hands.

A part of him thinks that he shouldn’t. This operation is shady, has been from the start. They keep record of 9-1-1 calls, it could be Maddie on the other side of the line. However, then he looks down on his opponent, on the guy he punched so hard he started choking on a bit of his nose, and he knows it wouldn’t be right to walk away.

Eddie calls 9-1-1.

The second he does, everyone scatters. With this kind of report, there’s a chance police will show up and no one wants to get caught.

It’s not like he wants to either – one stint in jail was more than enough for him – but he needs to make sure he didn’t kill a man tonight. So, he sits the man upright, then retreats to a building nearby and waits.

Inside his pocket his forgotten phone vibrates. He grabs it to see a slew of increasingly worried texts from Buck as well as a voicemail. The others probably told him Eddie stormed out and Eddie never bothered to even text an excuse. With a heavy heart, he plays the voicemail:

“Eddie? Where are you? You’ve been missing dinner and bedtime left and right and that’s fine. It’s fine. You’re a grown man and I don’t care what you do, but you gotta come home,” Buck’s recorded voice says desperately.

Buck lowers his voice, as if he’s covering the mic so no one can hear. “I keep making excuses to Chris that you’re at work and he tries to understand, but he misses you, Eddie. He wants his daddy to tuck him in and I-” he cuts himself off with a choked off noise that almost sounds like a sob.

He takes a deep, but shaky breath: “I can’t replace you. I never want to replace you. Chris needs you here. He needs you home. You can’t keep staying away like this. I can’t keep disappointing him with your absence. I can’t keep lying. Come home, please.”

Fuck.

Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck.

Eddie thought it was okay. Thought it wasn’t that much. Thought Chris was oblivious. But he isn’t, he misses him. He and Buck both miss him. They want him home. He’s not been home. Buck’s been lying that Eddie has to work, so Chris will understand. In Chris’s mind Eddie hasn’t been home, because he has to work.

Eddie has become just like his father.

No, he’s even worse, because at least papi was actually trying to provide for his family. Papi might have been never home, but he has never needed to do this like Eddie does. He never needed an outlet like this. He could just be normal, instead of nearly beating a man to death.

God, Eddie nearly beat a man to death. The reality of what happened settles in on him. He nearly beat a man to death. He’s a monster. He’s violent. Dangerous.

The first responders arrive on the scene and Eddie almost drowns on dry land in the shame and the fear when he recognizes his former coworkers. He ducks for cover, but he’s pretty sure Bosko spotted him. He prays he’s wrong as he attempts to swallow down the guilt. It’s a feeble attempt.

He can’t sneak out, so he stays hidden, but it doesn’t work. Soon Bosko is right in front of him, not even bothering with a hello as she asks: “So, are you the one who saved him or the one who almost killed him?”

“Both,” Eddie answers, honest and laden with shame.

“What the hell, Eddie!” Bosko exclaims. “Fighting was supposed to be a healthy outlet, not an obsession. I thought you’d realized that, that you’d quit.”

“I know,” he says, curling in on himself. “And it’s not. It- It just got out of hand tonight.”

“Yeah, I bet.” Bosko looks angry as she crosses her arms. “Tell me, that hit to the nose, was that a lucky shot? Or had he dropped his hands?”

Eddie feels her tone grating on his nerves. He still feels out of whack, his mind buzzing with the high of the fight, the adrenaline of having to save the guy’s life and the horror at what he had just done, as well as all the guilt brought on by the voicemail. He can’t use her judgment. Her anger. So, defensively, he says: “Tap out or knock out. Those are the rules. He didn’t tap out.”

“He was so punch drunk, he couldn’t even lift his hands to protect himself. You think he should’ve had the presence of mind to tap out?” Bosko retorts, giving him a challenging look, before her face drops into something more gentle. “Eddie, you need to talk to someone.”

A part of him is rearing up to fight her more, but then the police sirens start up. Bosko looks back and groans, then starts shrugging out of her turnout coat.

“What are you doing?”

“Saving myself the trouble of having to bail you out of jail again,” she says, handing him the turn out coat. “Put this on until the cops leave.”

Eddie does and she leads him to his car without any trouble. When they get there, she takes the coat back and recrosses her arms: “I’m not done with this conversation, by the way. You’re lucky I didn’t turn you over. What you’re doing is dangerous. You can’t go on like this.”

Now that he’s had a moment to cool off, the horror has overtaken again. He remembers Buck’s desperate voice pleading at him to come home, but it’s overlaid with the visual of the bone crunching under his hand.

He can’t keep doing this, but he doesn’t know how to be normal at home without it. He still remembers the built up last time he tried, the way he snapped at Chris. It was minor then, but what if it gets worse. What if this time he goes too far? What if he hurts either of them? He can live with being absent like his father, if he never has to be violent. He never wanted this for himself. For his family.

“I know,” he says, sounding distraught to his own ear, but unable to bring himself to care. “I- I can’t- I can’t go home.” He looks up at Bosko with big eyes. “I can’t go home after this.”

Bosko looks at him critically for a moment, then sighs. “Fine. You can stay at mine for now. I’ll text you the address and meet you there after my shift. There’s a spare key taped above the cat-flap on the inside, you can take the couch.”

“Thank you,” he says, so overtaken with relief that he doesn’t even comment how unsafe it is to have a spare key there.

“Now get out, before anyone else sees you and I’ll make sure your man doesn’t die,” Bosko tells him and Eddie flinches slightly at the words.

He’s still in shock as he drives to Bosko’s apartment. It’s alright, not particularly nice, but not especially shitty. Just average. Normal.

It seems like everyone can be normal, except for him. He is a freak, who hasn’t just been lusting after the man who does so much for him, who hasn’t just been imagining a life he isn’t allowed to have. But he’s a freak who nearly killed a man.

Eddie hasn’t been home for enough nights that Chris is starting to miss him. He’s absent and leaving a hole like his papi had. However, he doesn’t fill it with good intentions, with needing to provide. He’s filling it with violence.

Tonight, Eddie nearly killed a man. Tonight he came face to face with the kind of person he’s become.

Bosko was right, he can’t go on like this. He needs to regroup, get himself in check, maybe take Bosko up on the offer to help. She said Ronnie did it for her, that he helped her get out of a dark place, gave her space to figure herself out.

He needs that right now. He needs to sort himself out. Figure himself out.

A yellow-y cat jumps onto the couch next to him. Eddie hasn’t made a move to lie down yet, unsure if he should or can, or if he should wait for Bosko. She said she’d meet him here after the shift and that he can take the couch, but he’s not sure to what extend that was an invitation.

The cat – who he assumes is Butter, since there is a white cat who has been glaring at him from the moment he arrived – has no such reservations. He just makes himself comfortable on Eddie’s lap, wiggling around until he’s comfortable.

Eddie holds his breath, unsure what he should do. It doesn’t feel safe to be to close to such a fragile animal, but pushing him off also feels dangerous. The last thing he wants to do is hurt Bosko’s cat on top of it all.

Desperately, he looks around, meeting Mayo’s eyes. She glares at him and hisses, Eddie looks back as if to say ‘I know, I agree, I also don’t know what this idiot is doing.’

Then he realizes he’s trying to reason with a cat and he looks back down. Butter wiggles again, nudging against him as if to entice him into petting him. Again Eddie hesitates, then gently strokes one finger across Butter’s back. The second he does, Butter starts purring happily.

Message received, he thinks, continuing to gently stroke Butter’s back as he stares at the cat. It feels wrong to have the trust of such a small creature. Just a small, dumb animal, who doesn’t realize how dangerous Eddie is.

Butter has a tiny little brain, he doesn’t know that Eddie a danger. He doesn’t know that he should run instead of curl up. Eddie is sure that anyone else who saw him, would know that he is a monster. Something to be feared. To be backed away from.

How can he ever face Buck and Chris ever again?

~~

A/N:

Poor Eddie, I just keep making it worse for him, don’t I? But don’t you guys worry, it will be just as bad for Buck and Chris >:3

Also I keep telling myself that I’m not going to add more Bosko, but then I end up adding more Bosko. She wasn’t meant to be such a big part of this, but I love the version of her I created, however pushy she may be. We deserved to have lesbian Bosko and I will not take criticism on that.

Sidenote: I don’t actually think Eddie is a danger or violent. However, this is the current vision he has of himself and we are in his head.

[williexmercer]

the fandoms reaction to seeing Eddie and Kim

[calsvoid]

you’re telling me that at the end of an episode about parenthood they showed eddie and ana taking care of christopher and not eddie and buck

[bidisasterevankinard]

I rewatched 6x11 again and I now can't stop thinking. Ofc Eddie didn't change his will cause Buck is alive, BUT i can't stop think how while Buck was in coma Eddie had to at least consider idea about that soon he would HAVE TO change it and who after Buck he can trust with Chris. And I'm sure it scared him. I'm sure when idea first came to him he was trying to occupy his mind with ANYTHING else cause he needed to stop think about worst scenario, cause it felt like he already put Buck in grave, like he's already saying good bye, like he's loosing hope and giving up on Buck. Like he's not having his back. But day by day, more Buck in coma more Eddie had to think that MAYBE Buck really would never wake up, maybe he really should consider put someone new in his will. And then they all were waiting to hear if Buck is breathing. I'm sure it was the moment Eddie really couldn't stop thinking about loosing Buck and how he would had to change his will AGAIN. And he was praying to NEVER do it. And Buck came back, Buck stayed. BUT Eddie still now should consider another variant for Chris IF Buck would be first one to leave them

[mymistakewriting]

Diaz Family Dynamics

This comes with the standard warnings of 'hey if you think I'm bashing this character, I'm not' and 'if you don't like my content, you don't have to interact with it because I ain't fighting with people over opinions'. With a single exception. I am absolutely bashing Helena and Ramon Diaz. They're terrible parents and even worse people. my asks are open for questions or conversations!

I also have other thoughts about Eddie, including things involving him and Shannon, and more things about him and his sisters, his traumas, etc. However, I think this post is a little too heavy to share all of those. If you're interested in any of them, let me know. I'll do a separate post for them later regardless, but I'd love to see what people are interested in hearing about.

Trigger warnings: PTSD, talk of child neglect & abuse. It's Eddie Diaz and his family, that's it's own warning.

Let's get the hard stuff out of the way first, shall we? As someone who's been in shoes similar to Eddie and Maddie as oldest sibling who's had to step up and be a parent to their younger siblings, there is no situation where a child is raising another child and it's not because the actual parents are neglectful at best and abusive at worst. The Diaz parents are both. And it's exactly the way you'd think. Helena is shown to be verbally and emotionally abusive to Eddie in the flashbacks we're given during Eddie Begins. She sits back and watches her son, who's a newly single father and still healing from injuries he gained in a war that he ran to in part because of his parents struggle with multiple jobs at once, doctors appointments for himself AND his son, and did nothing to help. Instead, she used the fact that he was struggling as an excuse to ask for custody of Christopher. And considering Eddie grew up with that same style of abuse, that he shielded his sisters from receiving it, too? Yeah, I hope she burns in Hell for it.

And Ramon. Oh, Ramon. He's equally shitty to Eddie when it comes to verbal abuse. He abandoned the family (for work, yes, but what decent father looks at their 10 year old son and tells them it's time to 'man up'?). And no one has a fight style scrappy enough for genuine street fighting, the way Eddie's got, unless it was learned originally in self defense and then refined later on with actual lessons. I'd put money on Ramon having laid hands on Eddie a time or two before he got big enough to fight back. I've seen it, I grew up with kids who have that exact fighting style and that's what it was from. And the way he never turns his back on his father when they do interact? It's a survivor's skill that you learn the hard way.

Also? All of Eddie's doubts about him being a good dad? His worries that he's fucking Christopher up when he's given everything he's got for his son? Those come from his parents, too. He's always tried to make sure he wasn't like either of his parents, but those doubts don't leave very easily when you've spent your whole life not knowing anything else. Helena definitely drilled it in the entire time after Eddie came home from overseas that what he was doing for Christopher's sake wasn't enough. That he wasn't a good enough parent.

I'm also entirely sure that Eddie's lack of skill in cooking stems in part from his childhood. He was the oldest sibling of three, and he was helping raise his sisters. He probably tried to learn to cook by the time he was 12 for their sake but was told no by his mother. They're a Southern family, do you know how much time some boys are allowed to spend in the kitchen when there's daughters around to learn to cook instead? Sure isn't enough to learn anything. And I 100% believe Helena just refused to teach him. He learned how to cook eggs when he was 12, but no one ever taught him anything else until after he moved to LA, where Pepa and Isabel stepped in and tried to teach him. But it's harder to learn to cook in your late 20s when you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders already than it would be when you're a kid. It's just an unfortunate fact that some aspects of toxic masculinity like that are furthered by the mothers here in the American South. Sometimes.

Additionally, Eddie's never considered that he could be anything other than straight (I think he's bisexual but demiromantic, but that's just a headcanon). Again. Welcome to the South. He grew up Catholic. No way in Hell that Ramon didn't threaten to 'beat the gay out of him' the first time he was overheard jokingly flirting with a friend in high school. More families are like that down here than I want to admit. My own included. Just look how quickly Eddie's communication style changes when he realizes something sounds flirty. All those times he's jokingly said something to Buck and then went too serious directly after for no discernible reason? Bet you anything it's that.

He didn't leave despite hating staying with his parents after Shannon left not because he couldn't (Pepa or Isabel would've let them stay until he got a place, I'm sure that's what happened anyway because he packed them up and left on a dime anyway) because he had to make sure his sisters were out of his parents' home first. He'd rather suffer than leave them unprotected from it all.

All three Diaz siblings went no contact eventually. Then Eddie switched to limited contact because he thought Christopher deserved to know his living grandparents after Shannon's death. The only time they all show up is when it's required (like at Ramon's retirement party).

And final comment involving the Diaz parents: Eddie never wanted to marry Shannon. Another unfortunate tradition here in the South that still happens (less frequently, but happens): sometimes the parents force a marriage in the case of an unplanned pregnancy. We've had several in my family. Eddie loved Shannon, yes. But he never would have married her on his own. His parents forced it as soon as they found out Shannon was pregnant. It's part of why their marriage was so toxic, I think.

[eggmacguffin]

eddie diaz is the strongest man alive if that shit were happening to me I'd killed myself

[moonmoonthecrabking]

i want to write many things. many many things. in all of them, i would like a minimum of two bi characters, and in one of them i want all characters to be bi.

neither is common in media, so i guess it means i have to make it myself, even if it's just for me.

[tommygotwrittenoff]

also love the idea of eddie bringing buck along to help out at some pta event and all the single parents are like 👀👀 and hit on him and eddies just losing his mind watching it happen

[mazzystar24]

Okay but picture this a couple of eps into s8 Eddie shows up at bucks all happy I mean downright giddy and just BLABBING but we the audience can see buck looks sad but we don’t know what about (and Eddie doesn’t notice at first cos yapping) then Eddie reveals the reason he’s so happy is cos Chris wants to come back and basically being like pack your bags we are driving to Texas (according to Google it’s an 11hr and 49 minute drive and also Eddie canonically just assumes buck would be involved cos why wouldn’t he) and obviously when he says the Chris coming back thing we see buck instantly brighten up

But then Eddie’s brain catches up and he’s like wait a minute what was up with his vibe before I said that and he looks around realising the loft is in ‘buck is sad’ mode and then buck drops that him and Tommy just broke up and before he asks that he doesn’t wanna talk about it (and we the audience hadn’t seen this so we spend the ep as much in the dark as Eddie is) so Eddie (while concealing his conflicted happy bt are done but concerned for buck emotions) is like even better we’ll take your mind off it with the road trip! 🤩

Maybe Buck tries to be like oh I’m not gonna be good company or oh I don’t wanna impose and Eddie’s just looking at him like he grew two heads and is like what are you on about you dumbass (affectionate) I literally always want your company and you never impose

And boom it’s a Texas road trip episode

Shenanigans ensue on the way to get there maybe, flat tires, people needing help,etc

Maybe they stop at motel on the way cos it’s a long drive or cos of one of the little things that happen (and there is only one bed <- damn who said that???) and they go to a bar (preferably cowboy bar for cowboy hat Eddie reasons- and when I say cowboy bar I use that loosely because the vibes we want is save a horse, ride a cowboy not be gay, get shot - we are a pink pony club not republican club) and buck is acting weird the whole trip but they’re still their drunk affectionate selves but there is a vibe that we and Eddie are both meant to think is cos of the breakup, maybe buck even gets hit on and drunk buck is a yapper and starts talking abt loving a guy who’s never gonna love him, etc, etc and Eddie overhears and thinks it’s tommy and hello complicated feelings again

As the trip goes on buck starts getting more at ease

Eddie is still concerned tho

Buckley Diaz family reunion and all the feels

And this is when you guys get to choose your story:

Either once buck and Eddie go home and they have a moment that’s like their usual ones (very romantic but gaslighting is saying it’s platonic) and when buck is alone we get a flashback to the bt breakup and its revealed that buck has feelings for Eddie (whether that is realised during the breakup or he broke up with tommy cos he realised etc)

Orrr

Diaz parents being dickheads, we get a will mention AND an Eddie confession that is overheard by buck, (then either buck acts on it before the ep is over or we are left on a question mark) AND THEN we get the flashback

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

Not to beat a dead horse, but Buck and Eddie’s arcs are perfectly aligned for a love realization from both of them very very soon. Buck has just been informed textually that he has his “last” to look forward to, that he’s “ready” now that his first is no more. And the last scenes of the midseason finale (not to mention the interviews) showed us beyond a shadow of a doubt that Buck is about to crash out over Eddie. Specifically. Edmundo Diaz. Moving to Texas. And yes, this is an Eddie-centric crash out because Buck already had all of summer and into November to process missing Christopher, even if it was never meant to be a permanent separation. But now his best friend has told him that he’s going to move back to El Paso, and suddenly it’s all Buck can focus on. How strange!

And Eddie. Eddie was just told that he should allow himself joy, anything that brings specifically him joy. He danced, he teased, and then he impulsively leaped right into moving halfway across the country to be with his baby again. He’s still doing things for others, as much as moving would reunite him with Christopher, he’s doing it because he thinks it’s the right thing to do, not because it would be right for him (or even both of them). He’s contemplating leaving his found family (Buck included) behind because he is still so focused on the Chris of it all. And as a parent, he can’t bring himself to do anything less, even if actually moving to El Paso would bring him insane levels of stress and pressure from his mother (and possibly his father). He’s following Christopher’s lead even though it’s been months, and nothing about their relationship has really improved. He’s not finding his joy again, as much as he might lie to himself that reuniting with Christopher is all it will take. Eddie still doesn’t see what’s right in front of him. That his best friend and partner in nearly every way would sacrifice anything to make Eddie happy again, to bring Eddie joy. He doesn’t see that Buck makes him laugh even when he’s spiraling because all he can see right now is his son. But if they continue the thread of finding joy, then Eddie will absolutely understand after he spends a little time in El Paso, or even just planning to leave while Buck is boarding up his heart.

They’ve been so close other times, i.e. The Couch Theory, but this time it is all textual. They are the person each of them spends the most time with outside of the work scenes. The person they go to for support. The one who listens to their needs, and tries their best to help, or to be that supportive shoulder. We haven’t gotten a Buck and Maddie scene or an Eddie and Bobby scene. It has just been these two men, sitting in their kitchens, their living rooms, the hospital room, comfortably inside each other’s spaces and heads. They are glaringly obvious partners. It would absolutely insane not to tell this story all the way to it’s rightful ending.