#medieval shitposting

[troythecatfish]

[the-merry-otter]

How To Make Medieval Hose 🪡

Just don’t actually

[ian-thebean]

Hot tip for all you ladies out there:

If your husband cannot satisfy you in matters of conjugal love, consider taking a trip to the statue of Saint Uncumber in St Paul’s cathedral. If you set a peck of oats at her feet, she’ll straight up destroy your husband! Once Saint Uncumber has carried him off, maybe try one of those convents you’ve heard so much about. I hear it’s a very fulfilling place for those inclined to assist their sisters in Christ.

[catacomb-rats]

Medieval French farmer girl, circa 1320 AD: Hast Þou not plenty of mice in Þy grain barn, little beaste?

Medieval cat, eyeing her mutton: mrow :3

Medieval farmer girl: Uhg, Þou art a slothful creature. Fine-

Medieval cat, now with a mouthful of mutton: ^-^

[r-aindr0p]

Since the sleeping beauty is set in France do you think the dipsomania gang can speak French🤔?

Omg I forgot the tale was written by Charles Perrault... somehow I thought it happened in germany because the disney castle was inspired by the Neuschwanstein castle :') I could see them having learned french since Malleus is royalty and it must be important to communicate with other nobles, protocol stuff etc etc... In my mind Lilia can speak french but it's absolutely outdated, Malleus and Silver could absolutely nail it, but somehow imagining Sebek speak french is ?? kinda cursed ?? He'd try but it would sound like the poor guy got cursed and it'd worry the others immediately. "Sebek contracted french, get well soon 😔🙏"

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Absolutely hysterical to me that Gwayne’s final straw was seeing Criston with Alicent’s favour. He’d been in silent disapproval of their relationship up to that point, happy to turn a blind eye, then peeps him huffing his sister’s hanky like it’s poppers and is all:

[baudouinette]

Time Travel Issues: Curing Leprosy in the Middle Ages

I’m sorry I can’t be Claire from Outlander 😔

My first little comic lol (based on a meme but instead of leprosy it was about electricity) the idea was better in my head but I tried to depict it as best as I could

[garlandedspirits]

[troythecatfish]

[loathsome-little-creature]

I just heard a fucking noise, if it’s that fucking wizard again I’m boutta get on some who goes there typa shit ong

[hecho-a-mano]

my life would be a lot better if I owned a medieval dagger that looks slightly like it could be from a dark fantasy piece of media

[youtubeminecrafter]

5 year olds at knight school be like “My liege could beat up your liege”

[befuddled-calico-whump]

"trans people aren't in the Bible"

neither is football, happy hour, or microsoft excel, Trevor, grow up

[squircatlies]

Wearing your boyfriend's hoodie is out.

Wearing a dead prince's breastplate is in.

[fullyautomaticassaulthammer]

Went to Kuttenberg and none of the wenches there knew you.

[baudouinette]

& he didn’t even live to see my age :(