#meanwhile this season is some serious shit

[confoodles]

TUA SEASON 4 SPOILERS ❗❗❗

Lila's and Diego's pipeline from flirty, might possibly kill each other, bi4bi, malewife and girlboss couple to way too realistic married couple, who resents each other and is clearly struggling and teethering on the edge of a divorce is sth that is so devastating to ME specifically

[shiftermia]

— Swimming Realizations

jj maybank x reader

pouges x reader ( pre-season one )

where the Pogues just had a peaceful lake day and your boyfriend came to the realization that you’re it for him.

a/n: It’s been so long since I’ve written anything. But I went a different route and wrote a maybank blurb since us obx fans need a pick me up. And A told me that there’s no fluff, just smut of jj on this damn app. So you’re welcome.

“Oh my god, JJ, be careful!” You exasperatedly shouted to your idiot of a boyfriend, watching as he balanced himself on one leg on a wooden beam of the dock of the chateau.

“He’s fine,” John B argued with a grin, gesturing to him.

“He’s one hundred percent going to fall,” Pope immediately disagreed with a dry nod.

Kiara, from beside you looked up at the blonde, squinting from the setting sun, “I hope you fall backward!”

The four of you were in the lake behind the Chateau, simply hanging out, having some beers that Kiara stole from The Wreck. It was relatively peaceful until JJ came bounding from the kitchen with a sandwich in hand and declared himself a ‘Multitalented King.’

JJ scoffed, mouth full of bread. “You guys have no faith in me. I’m like—” he fought to balance himself, making you watch carefully. “The most balanced guy ever.”

John B chuckled, brushing his wet hair off his forehead and shooting a weary glance at you. It was a well-known fact amongst, well, everyone, that you were very protective of the blonde. And also someone to stand on edge— all the time.

You couldn’t help but be easily stressed by something so mediocre as JJ balancing himself over water. But what if he fell backward and hurt himself? What if he fell wrong and hit his head on the dock? If no one else would worry, you would. Let’s say it was your official job.

“Did you not fall out of a moving van two days ago?” Pope remarked, skin glowing as he swam to lay on his back.

“Okay, that was like— a complete accident.” JJ poorly excused, eating the last of his sandwich. His blue eyes were squinting down at you all, water dripping off his lean frame. “Kie pushed me.”

“Wha—” Kiara’s mouth dropped open and she looked at you. “That wasn’t me! It was probably John B and his iron foot!”

John B’s grin dropped, “You serious?”

“J, you were hanging out of the van,” You interrupted their blaming fest. “Now, get down, I’m not gonna help you if you get hurt.”

He laughed, a warm, heart-full sound that made you want to hear it again. “As if you wouldn’t be the one to fish me out of water.” He switched legs, stretching his arms out to balance himself.

You rolled your eyes, suppressing your own smile. “Okay, fine. Stay up there, I don’t care.”

“Oh, you don’t care?” He raised his brows before doing a front flip into the water, making you exclaim and outstretch your arms.

The pouges laughed at you, making fun of how you acted like you could catch him as JJ resurfaced, shaking his head in your direction like a dog.

You sighed, shaking your head and swimming over to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck as one of his clasped your waist, the other holding you both afloat. “You make my heartbeat rise way too much.”

“You make something else rise,” he bluntly commented.

The pouges groaned, “C’mon, man seriously?”

“I don’t need to hear about that.”

“Disgusting.”

Meanwhile, you smiled wildly and avoided all eye contact. “Shut up.”

He ignored everyone, who honestly should’ve been used to it by now, and pressed a wet kiss against your jaw. “Pretty baby.”

John B splashed water at him, igniting a splash war for a little too long for your and Kiara’s liking before everyone had settled down, simply floating as the sun disappeared and the moon rose into the sky.

Until Pope cursed, “Shit, I gotta go home.” He swam to the ladder, ignoring everyone’s groans of displeasure. “My pops is gonna kill me, I got curfew!”

“Ugh, that reminds me,” Kiara rolled her eyes, heading to the ladder. “My parents are making me help out at the restaurant tomorrow.”

John B closed his eyes, floating starfish in the water. “Well, see you guys tomorrow, I guess.”

You tilted your head, feeling JJ hold you bridal style in the water. “Um, hello? You have to drive them?”

From where you were, you could see his face drop and could visibly see him about to consider a swim further down the lake before he loudly groaned. “You guys are the worst.”

“You drove ‘em here, B.” JJ retorted, chuckling at his best friend.

Though, John B ignored him. “How is it that the rich one doesn’t have a car and me, the poor one does?”

Kiara curled her lips, blinking down at him. “Um, because my parents don’t trust me and you guys are bad influences.”

“You’re the one stealing beer from their cooler,” you retorted back with a chuckle, earning a quick obscene gesture from the girl.

The trio waved to you both, John B shooting a quick wink to JJ that none of you noticed before it was just the two of you.

You let out a content sigh and detached yourself from JJ. Quickly, you dunked yourself in the water, but when you resurfaced he was gone too.

You looked around confusedly, sniffling from the warm water. Not a second later, though, hands grappled at your legs and settled them on a pair of shoulders.

You giggled as JJ lifted himself out of the water with a gasp and you helped move his wet hair from his forehead as he wiped his eyes.

“What’re you doing?” You giggled softly, leaning down to try to meet his eyes.

“Nothin’,” he shrugged, tilting his head back on your thigh to look up at you. “Swimming.”

“Well, I can see that,” you bounced your brows, grabbing his hands that were on your legs and holding them up.

He began spinning around in the water and you let out a small squeal before he abruptly threw you off his shoulders and into the water.

JJ laughed, sniffling and watching you sputter out of the now lit-up water from the makeshift dock lights.

You splashed water at him, “you dick!”

He covered himself but didn’t throw any water at you like you expected him to. Instead, he let out a deep breath, staring at you, eyes so dilated that you could barely see the blue you adored so much. And if you hadn’t spent the entire day with him, you would’ve thought he was high.

“What?” You asked breathlessly, bobbing in the water in front of him.

JJ shook his head, he never was good with words. Just something so minuscule as this, messing around and laughing with each other… it was so natural— domestic.

He’s never felt anything like this. He blinked adoringly at you, “I just—” he cut himself off with another shake of his head. Breathing heavily, he could feel it deep in his chest. In his soul.

You swam a little closer to him, feeling him grasp your waist and pull you closer.

JJ looked into your eyes and grinned— softly, lovingly, intensely— it made your heart stutter and had you feeling awfully shy.

“What?” You asked again, quietly.

His fingers trailed upward, innocently gliding over your body until they pushed your wet hair back and cupped your cheeks. He then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead— as if to steady himself, before he pecked your cheek, jaw, and the corner of your lip before he littered kisses over your face.

You giggled, eventually tucking your face to hide in his neck.

But he didn’t let you, pulling your head up to finally kiss your lips. It was soft at first, conveying what he wanted to say— I love you, I’ll never let you go, I love you, only you.

You felt your closed eyes tear up, he’s never kissed you like this.

Then it got a tad harder and he let out a breath, whether of relief or utter devotion, neither of you knew. But you rubbed your thumbs on his face, wrapping your legs around his waist.

You parted, mainly for air, and JJ tucked his face in your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you, somehow keeping you both afloat.

You tenderly ran your hands through his blonde strands, “J?”

He sharply inhaled, but didn’t reply. Instead, pressing more kisses on your neck and shoulder, fingers gripping you like you were about to leave, though you would never.

“Are you okay?” You mumbled, lifting his head to look into his eyes, tracing his features with your light touch.

For a long moment, he simply stared into yours, then clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “ ‘m gonna marry you.”

A wide smile stretched across your face and you let out an incredulous laugh. Not because his words were unfathomable, but because he said it like it was a fact. There was nothing you could do about it, he was going to spend the rest of his life with you.

You pressed your face against his, ���Really?”

Honestly, the way you asked made his heart squeeze in his chest. So tenderly, so sweetly. JJ nodded, one hand coming to cup your cheek again. “Yeah, baby.”

You laughed again and pressed a hard kiss on his cheek and lips. “Well, I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.” He kissed your jaw once more and hugged you, the two of you floating in the warm water, orange and blue lighting up the sky and soft lighting in the water.

It was a promise. And he would hold himself to it.

[pixi4]

**OBX SPOILERS**

Can we talk about the fact that Obx4 is not about good plot, writing or character based story. It's about shock value and fan service.

JJ Maybank, who literally hasn't had a moment of happiness in the 4th season, gets killed by the end so that were shocked and hooked for the next season.

We get one shot of him dead, his friends barely even crying and them BOOM gets buried in the fucking ground in the place that's not even his home, literally plopped into the fucking ground like a piece of rock. Audiences don't even get time to process his random ass death and suddenly John Bs stupid ass monologue shows the flashbacks of JJ and how he was a good friend and all that shit.

If people who WROTE this fucking show can't understand that JJs character goes FAR beyond just being a good friend, then I guess I'm not even surprised by the end.

We were CONSTANTLY shown aspects of JJ that in some other universe would've been properly explored. He's clutches his chest constantly, perhaps suggesting he's got a heart thing or breathing difficulty, his home life is shit and not a single adult gives a fuck. John B is practically stalked by the CPS in season 1, but no one bat's an eye at the fact that Luke abuses JJ. He's got dyslexia and kleptomania which is only ever played for laughs meanwhile Cleos kleptomania is regarded as a serious thing she had to do to survive. He can never sit still and constantly switches back and forth, obviously ADHD coded. Whenever gang argued before, JJ used to pace around and put hands over his ears suggesting he has some bits of PTSD from unstable home environment.

All of THAT exists and is true about JJ yet in John B fucking monologue he's reduced to just "a good friend" ????

Literally NOTHING of his trauma is explored or even touched upon aside from that bit in season 1. NO ONES trauma is explored except for Sarah's (no hate to her) and John Bs.

Fuckin bs.

Imagine being given up by your dad (who killed your mother btw) to a morally questionable man such as Luke, who then proceeds to beat you and emotionally manipulate and torment your for years, neglecting you and abusing you. To then suddenly being told you're not actually his and that all that beating and abuse COULD'VE been avoided had someone actually wanted you. Then you meet the said biological father only for him to lie to you, manipulate you, gaslight you, scam you, attempt to kill you once and then fucking succeed in killing you..... The amount of disrespect for JJs character.

Fuckin Luke, the biggest abuser is JJs story is alive and well and FUCKING JAIL FREE??? WHILE JJ IS IN THE GROUND???

The angry faces of others and Kiaras "revenge" implies that season 5 will be about seeking revenge and sinking further into darkness in order to right the wrongs of JJs murder. But guess what?? Sarah's pregnant. That storyline itself is basically ensuring that happy ending is in sight. For basically all of them, because as Kie said: takes a village (to raise a baby). Motherly vibes are gonna spread their positive energy and then they'll heal and John B will most likely give another boring ass monologue about how People die but they also live and heal and shit and how everybody deserves happiness with shots of the gang raising the kid and riding off into the sunset....

Guess who fucking deserved happy ending THE MOST out of all of them???

JJ fucking Maybank.

Every season of obx focuses on on Pogue. 1.- John B, 2.-Pope, 3.- Kie. Imagine waiting for your own season only for your character to constantly be dealt the worst of cards, be perpetually disregarded and have shit go from worse to worse to in the end fucking die randomly???? If I was Rudy Pankow I'd fuckin sue.

The shit that pisses me off the most is that it's so painfully obvious that Rafe will inevitably get a redemption arc and his own happy ending, possibly even with Kie since people love to ship her with a man who's a) mentally and emotionally not at all alright b) is a murderer who never served his time and got one of her friends framed for it causing him to literally be chased out of his own home for crime he did not commit while he was still a minor c) has tried to kill her d) has tried to kill her best fucking friend, who is his own fucking sister

Infatuation with sociopath men in media HAS to stop. But it most likely will not stop any time soon and JJ is yet another victim of shipping wars.

I can't even read stupid ass fanfics anymore because I'll always remember that JJ is not alive in the Canon anymore.

Who ever gave the green light in the making of the end of season 4, sincerely and disrespectfully, I fucking hate you.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

[chefkids]

Have you considered making a list of all the predictions/possibilities and then checking off which are right?

Some of these are serious and some of these are not so serious

Tina goes full Mom on Sydney

We see flashback of Tina being a mom and starting off at The Beef

Mikey trying to set shit on fire

Richie flashback to Tiff leaving him because he's spending so much time trying to take care of Mikey

Richie accepts that it's over with Tiff

The staff hates Carmy, loves Syd

Richie plans on quitting but is convinced not to

Sydney gets sick/burnout and is forced to take time off

Carmy is put on time out for being insane

Nat, Tina and Richie threaten Carmy about how he's acting and how Sydney will leave him

Carmy meets Emmanuel

Syd meets Donna

Carmy helps Syd move to her apartment

Sydney throws up on Carmy

Sydney avoids signing the partnership agreement

Syd gets him to write up a new partnership agreement in her terms at the end of the season

Sydney calls out the I'm sorry sign for being useless

Carmy draws something specifically for Sydney, not just using the menu planning as an excuse

Carmy makes an overtly romantic move on Sydney

Nat, Tina, and Richie makes comments about the nature of Syd and Carmy’s relationship

Nat asks Carmy why he’s actually doing all of this when he had said “Fuck stars” and why he’s doing all of this for Syd and he finally opens up about his feelings to her

Carmy cooks for Sydney

Syd and Carmy table scene part 2 things go bad and she turns Carmy down

Big sydcarmy fight happens about her leaving and he basically says "I can't do this without you" and she says "Well I can, I did do it without you"

Sydney is offered a job somewhere else, tells Carmy she’s going to take it, but doesn’t in the end

Carmy tries to shut down The Bear cause he doesn't want to do it without Syd

Sydney has a feelings realization moment like Carmy did with the panic attack

Carmy tells Syd "I love you" while apologizing

Sydcarmy kiss goddammit!!! It's time!!!

They receive bad reviews that send Syd and Carmy in a spiral

Marcus receives some sort of high praise or award

Carmy gets credited for Syd's dish, rivalry/jealousy conflicts for how he's getting recognition and she's not

Power outage at the restaurant again

Carmy/Syd starts a fire at The Bear, probably Carmy sleep cooking

Carmy hallucinations/sleepwalking nightmares while cooking

Carmy ingests hallucinogenic mushrooms, accidentally

Sydney stabs Carmy

Someone yells at Sydney and then something awful happens to them #sydkarma

Carmy has a dream about Syd

Carmy's old Chef actually comes to The Bear

The Bear Cookbook offer

Natalie is mad at Donna because she thinks she didn't show up to F&F night

Ebra's sandwich window is popping off

OG neighborhood locals hate on the restaurant and try to sabotage it

Marcus makes a new donut

Marcus handles grief pretty well actually, meanwhile Syd and Carmy respiral with their own mommy issues/death grief

Carmy becomes paranoid about every guy after he finds out Marcus ask Sydney out

Luca offers Marcus a job

Carmy avoids going into the walk in for a while

Richie/Fak try to secretly set Carmy and Claire up in a “chance encounter” so he’ll see her again

Claire tries to get back with Carmy because Fak tells her that he loves her

Carmy turns down Claire and tells her he was not in love with her

The extended Faks try to beat up Carmy

Claire connects the dots between Syd and Carmy

Fak realizes Carmy likes Syd and is completely shook

Pete tells them they have a very very small chance of meeting Jimmy's payment deadline

Donna apologizes to Nat and Carmy

Donna gives them the money to save The Bear. Sells her house?

Chris Storer is forced to respond to his crimes

[sans-undertales-pussy]

Now I'm going to say sm extremely cringe about smiling friend and y'all have to promise not to beat me with baseball bats but I honestly have the teeny weeny itty bitty headcanon/theory/fcked brainrot thought about Charlie being a closeted gay man in deep denial

EXHIBIT A:

The whole random gay/homoerotic acts running gag with this dude

Meanwhile as of seasons 1~2 this dude has YET to show attraction to another female character despite openly doing it with dudes. The only two examples of it being with the Mustard coming onto him (which he bluntly rejects) and his girlfriend (she is irrelevant and he has never shown any form of affection towards her)

Regarding his girlfriend (apparently her name is Zoey at least according to some of the credits this is never mentioned in show) specifically- She just exists to be Charlie's girlfriend. She isnt even acknowledged by any of the cast. Theres a tickle in me bones that tells me this gal is just his beard

EXHIBIT B:

Charlie having a shit ton of internalized homophobia he's covering his ass for just legit makes a lot of sense for his character

Being both christian (this is a lot more present in S2) and his obvious insecurities with his masculinity.

Shit like him unironically using terms like "alpha male" and having to verbally compensate for not being what he thinks an "alpha male" is

^ Making excuses for why he didnt fight a dude 5x his size and strength, or him laughing at people getting scared but when he gets scared he gets defensive and pissed off

With that said I'm not trying theorize this as if it's a serious dramatic thing. Smiling Friends is the most unserious show ever. More like the subtext gives a bit more depth to Charlie's character. And it makes his actions an extra layer of comedically pathetic. Like dude acts like he knows the chicks meanwhile he kisses his male coworkers casually and has never kissed his supposed girlfriend he probably forgets exist sometimes

[piracytheorist]

FINALLY

Thoughts on episode 2x01!

I'm so making a crack recap out of this. Idk if it's going to be this week, but I may have to skip all the other episodes up to this point XD

Ok for those of you who don't know, the bullet-in-butt date (which I can finally mention openly as it's not manga spoiler anymore!) was the only manga chapter that hadn't been adapted that I read from very early on, way before I decided to stay anime-only so I knew everything about it. So I expected the beginning. I actually like that we don't see Yor do her slaughter at that place. She's like a ghost, or a legend, as the short-lived survivor calls her.

Look at her! So cute, covered in the blood of her victims 😌

I do have to say, I was surprised by the amount of blood they showed. I think they actually put the violence up a notch in comparison to the previous season, bringing it much closer to the manga levels of violence.

It's also a bold choice to like, actually open the season with this. It's serious business and I appreciate that. I'm not too big on violence but I also don't like it when it's "purified" or whatever. We're watching a show where two of the main characters kill people left and right. Blood is a prerequisite at this point.

Anyway! GRANDE upgrade on the animation, oh my god! It's all in the little movements and additional "swerves" of the characters' forms. I don't have the time to make a gif now showing that but it's obvious they took the money they made the previous year and put a lot of it on animation budget! Love it!

Aaaaaaaand new music! Most of the new stuff is quirky and funny, perfect for Anya and Franky's shenanigans :D Looking forward to see what new pieces we'll get with this season!

I had some frail hope they would have titled the episode "Date with a Bullet in the Butt". Can you imagine. We were robbed. Robbed!

Ever since I read that chapter I went like, Yor says she treated the wound... does that mean she got the bullet out? Or is she actually walking with the bullet in her buttcheek all this time? I mean... it is called the "bullet-in-butt date" after all...

The way all of this could have been solved by Yor going like "I tripped down the stairs and fell on my butt and now it hurts to walk and sit". But then we wouldn't have this! It's the funny miscommunication that makes them, really <3

The way Anya worries about her! I felt a little sad for her because this is the first time she sees her mama so beaten down by a job, I think?

One of the ways you see the upgraded animation: the way Yor trembles as she straightens up after reassuring Anya, and then the dizzy walk to her room as she goes to rest. Awesome.

Yor just walks it off and Anya is like "Mama is actually immortal, wow" meanwhile Loid is losing his absolute shit

"WIFE IS SAD. THE WORLD IS ENDING. I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED HER TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING. I AM A HORRIBLE HUSBAND."

Oh, I adore the different colouring on the memory scene. I also love how the gossip trio just falls on Yor the moment she slips out that oh no they don't do all the conventional couple things!!

Dude is genuinely confused. BestTM SpyTM of WestalisTM, flabbergasted by a woman with social skills in the negatives.

It was eight in the morning. On a weekend. Yor was way too excited for the date she ran to get ready and they were out all day. My god. When am I gonna get my learning date with my emotionally constipated fake husbando

Twilight has a smug grin on his face as Franky accepts the cheque as payment to do chores. I love that addition!

As I love this

Franky grabbing Anya's hand and waving to them for her. They really knew how to handle an already funny chapter and use animation to add more humor to it!

Look at him, starting off so smug but then

He's truly an intelligence agent, trying to work with the information he has on hand. Since he doesn't have the information that Yor is injured, his plans are doomed to fail.

The way Franky is down with everything crazy Anya proposes. I love that duo.

I also liked the way they allowed Bond to sit this episode out, since that manga chapter takes place before the Doggy Crisis arc and Bond is not yet part of the family. I do have some thoughts about the timing of this episode but I'll get to that later.

And here we have the angst punch in the gut, as others talked about it, it's a point in Twilight's character to not see anything fun about the spy work that it's not even fun to play spy. Since one of the moments adding to that is an anime only scene (from the part where Anya makes secret codes) and the dialogue here is just slightly different from the same scene in the manga, it looks like it's a deliberate choice to make anime Loid more sensitive about this specific thing. Interesting!

I gotta say, it would be so easy to objectify Yor and her body with where her wound was. But even though they showed her in a pants-tight-enough-to-hurt-your-butt-wound situation, it was still pretty clear what the focus was. I really appreciate that.

Yor says no to the tight pants and Loid apologizes??? Why wasn't that in the translated version of the manga??

Like here especially, with the face they gave him and the way Eguchi delivered that line it was pretty clear that Yor's reaction made Loid feel like he crossed a line with what he told her. What happened in the manga translation???

VERY interesting picture choice for the movie poster! Ostania gots propaganda to do, after all!

I love how Anya fell asleep during the film while Franky cried his eyes out. Poor sap XD

And LMAO Anya seeing her parents leaving from the spa and trying to get Franky to move but he's too busy getting a massage! And then some added wackiness with Yor being so tense from her wound that she made a murder glare enough to scare a bear!

And Loid is still like DAFUQ AM I DOING WRONG

I like though, that he is not blaming Yor at all. He doesn't consider her irrational or ungrateful for the date, he just sees it as him not having done enough research... and in actual reality, he doesn't have all the data needed, specifically the whole "bullet-in-butt" thing. I'm sure he would have planned differently had he known that XD

Poor Franky XD at least he's finding ways to vent XD

The way they animated Yor's reluctance to sit was great, lol. I'm not sure it was clear she was "hover-sitting" but it was funny in any case.

I loved the tension when we saw the surviving Red Circus member! It was handled so well dropped right in the middle of a funny episode.

This had no right being this funny. But also. Anya is imagining a "default" kind of guy because even though she's reading the guy's mind she doesn't know how he looks like, so she's just making up a face to play out her imagination. Great detail from the manga already.

Anya imagines Loid saying he'll abandon her if he finds out about Yor being an assassin. That's another angsty punch in the gut but also for another post probably XD

The timing here feels a little weird. This chapter was supposedly long ago, when the family was still getting used to living together. Franky sees Anya worried and goes like "Even though they're a fake family, she worries so much?" and seeing that in the anime, practically two episodes before this one he went like "Hey do you love your dad and mom" and she said she does... idk maybe in the adaptation process some things could be left out so that they can make more sense.

How did neither Yor nor Loid suspect something wrong with the suddenly very thick and muddy cocktail she was offered?

Once again, upgraded animation as Yor drinks the pufferfish poison! I love it! Hopefully it'll keep being that good for the rest of the season :D

I remember the tension I felt when I first read the manga in that moment. I was like oh no! And then I was Anya

Gremlin Anya is back and I love it

Anya goes ahead and Home-Alones too close to the sun and fucking makes a bomb. That's a whole other level. You really don't want this girl turning evil, she'll take over the world XD

She should have seen her entrance as Thorn Princess' ally! She was epic!

There was some violence censorship there, as the bad guy in the manga is shown a little burned and bleeding after the explosion, but in the anime he's just... ruffled or whatever.

Idk they probably decided it would be too much to show that a child caused such violence XD

So does Loid go on thinking that Yor was in a super bad mood and then everything went away as soon as she downed a glass of cocktail? I also just realized she just went bottoms up on it, lol.

The episode was great and the date was funny and cute at the end. But.

GIVE ME BLUSHING LOID YOU COWARDS. SHOW ME THAT BLUSH. YOU GAVE US "HIS SMILE HIDES A HINT OF REAL EMOTION" YOU CAN AFFORD GIVING US A BLUSH. *screams* *eats drywall*

The date ends well and with fun! Then the monster wakes up again the next day.

Loid's got a lot to learn. Who knew humans can be complicated!

Overall, a great introduction to the second season! I'm happy we got the bullet-in-butt date and I'm so excited to venture into new stuff that I know next to nothing about :D

[tevanbuckley]

If you could take Tims place for 8b how would the rest of the season play out? Would you put Tommy and Buck back together and if so, how?

oh where to begin...

tbh i think the bucktommy stuff is the easiest to fix, because the biggest problem (outside of needlessly losing an interesting new character) is it puts buck back to square one, so it could be solved by pretty much any variation of them getting back together. personally, i think the cleanest way would be to have tommy reach out after the kidnapping. would that be the most satisfying resolution? no, but it would stick with the theme of tommy showing up for buck and could be nested within the maddie storyline without taking up a ton of limited screen space. then i'd have buck actually think about his sexuality for thirty seconds (and say the word bisexual).

eddie is difficult bc his arc is dependent on how much truth there is to the speculation of ryan wanting out, but either way for the love of god PLEASE bring up shannon! my thing with that situation has always been eddie's refusal to accept that for all intents and purposes he didn't lose his wife, he lost his ex-wife, and i think having him finally grapple with that would be a good way to conclude his arc (whether he moves to texas or not).

athena is...frustrating, i think there's maybe something in her training new recruits. it would certainly give a bit more structure to her storylines than "random cop shit." i know a certain amount of copaganda is inevitable but 911 is especially bad for it (and imo has actually gotten worse over the years), partly because they refuse to take an actual stance (like why tf was the lady who got shot a sovereign citizen? the audience isn't stupid we know that's not the average victim of police violence). in theory the training stuff could help illustrate how policing is rotten all the way down the chain and potentially challenge some of athena's beliefs (i will be shocked if this happens)

for bobby i'd bring back some of the stuff that was touched on last season. he was an active suicide risk for christ's sake and are we really gonna drop all the tragic backstory about his family and then do nothing with it? perhaps his brother reaches out and causes problems or passes away.

madney and henren meanwhile i fear are a bit of lost cause this season. presumably madney is gonna be wrapped up with the kidnapping/pregnancy shit, which again forces chim into the position of "maddie's worried husband," don't get me wrong i think we'll get some stellar acting from kenny (and jlh) but "madney being sad," is not particularly interesting at this point.

similarly all the really juicy stuff with mara/ortiz/gerrard has already been pissed away — could've been especially interesting if hen and chim were still on the outs during the kidnapping but oh well — if tim's serious about wanting to "blow stuff up," one way to do that would be having hen consider a move to captain at another station. which (assuming they get s9) could even facilitate bobby taking a promotion down the line and her coming back to the 118 in his place.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2024 Anime Overview: Mayonaka Punch and SHY Season 2

Mayonaka Punch

Masaki runs a successful YouTube (or ‘NewTube’ as they call it) channel with her two friends, however arguments arise, and she ends up punching one of her friends during a stream. She’s dropped from the channel and the internet turns against her, dashing hopes of starting over. Meanwhile, a vampire, Live, is dreaming about a beautiful woman offering blood to her and she discovers the girl of her dreams is Masaki. So Masaki strikes a dangerous deal with Live so she can start a brand new YouTube channel with the vampire as the star...

Canceled Youtuber x Loser Vampire yuri. This is the kind of shit I watch anime for.

Do you support women’s wrongs? Are you an appreciator of female characters who are loveable shit heads? This is the show for you! I love that Masaki is absolutely in the wrong, her punch is not justified and the show never pretends it is, she’s unabashedly selfish and the show loves to point that out, yet she still has a lot of pathos, and you really begin to root for her and her budding friendships (or possibly more with Live?) The four vampires Masaki team up with (and one vampire desperately trying to keep them in line) are all unapologetic disasters, and they make a fantastic ensemble comedy.

The dynamic between to group and the way they form strong bonds with each other through the chaos is fun to watch, and almost every vampire gets a nice focus episode where you come to feel for them. Fu’s episode is a highlight here, being so devastatingly sad and sweet I believe the people who say they cried over it. While the show never gets that intense again, we do get to see these ridiculous assholes put themselves in wacky situations for the sake of clicks, from stranding themselves on an island or getting in an ill advised garlic eating challenge.

But the core relationship is obviously Live and Masaki. Live is downright horny for Masaki’s blood, from the moment she imagines Masaki coming to her in the nude in a dream. The blood=sexual lust metaphor is...incredibly thinly veiled. Masaki is completely willing to take advantage of the down-bad vampire, even seductively baring her shoulder at one point to make Live do what she wants.

But of course, it’s not all horny antics…we slowly watch Masaki warm up to Live, meanwhile Live come to love Masaki as a person, going into a depression whenever she and Masaki are separated for a while, only to be all blushes and on her way to confessing when she gets a phone call before Masaki cuts her off. Masaki helps Live and the other vampires come together, and the vampires help Masaki out of her creative breakdown in return.

And Masaki really is going through it, getting so much criticism from and hate from the internet she doesn’t feel she can show her face again. She did do the bad thing, but it’s hard to not feel sorry for her when all the criticism beats her down, and the show subtly gets across that the performative internet outrage accomplishes nothing but being detrimental to the target’s mental health (and how often the target is not an evil irredeemable person). It’s great that Masaki is by no means the “perfect” victim, but the show still invites you to empathize with her. The way the comments are represented as swirling around her head wherever she goes, forming a cloud of smog she can barely see through—it really captures what that's like, as someone who's also been bogged down by internet drama

But the show also doesn’t group in all the negative criticism as vile bullying either, showing how some people can think their comments aren’t that serious, and think of it as regular criticism or playful ribbing that's tone gets lost over the internet…the show seems to understand internet (or at least YouTube) culture a lot better than a lot of anime do, showcasing the way it brings out creativity and comradery and also the way it can make you forget the joy of creating in your desire to please the fickle masses, and the way net users can twist and misconstrue things.

I thought the finale was very strong, but I’ll admit a tiny part of me was hoping for romantic catharsis between Live and Masaki or at least something more explicit and charged than what came before, and yeah, I didn’t get that. But I fully expected not to get that, as the many hits I’ve taken over the years as a yuri soldier have toughened me into the cynical woman I am today. Aaaand the show makes it pretty obvious they’re trying to leave room for a sequel, so that softens the disappointment a bit. I’ll also admit I was a little disappointed some angsty backstory that was teased ended up…not amounting to much, to put it in a non-spoilery way. I think the direction the show chose to go in for the finale was for the best and perfectly fitting for the story it was telling, especially considering the time constraints, but man, I am a sucker for some angsty gay backstory so I couldn’t help imagining could-have-beens.

However, it was a great series all the way through, and I’d love to get that sequel, even if I’m not holding my breath for all my yuri dreams to come true. It’s a solid, funny, well-animated good time with some messy, relatable adult women, many of whom are incompetent gay vampires, and honestly, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Shy Season 2

The second season of Shy was a disappointment. While the first (review here) was a little rough around the edges at times but had a lot of charm and a strong emotional arc, this season’s conflict was extremely repetitive and dragged out. The show is suddenly about ninja family drama, which would have been fine if the ninja characters added something new to the mix, but they really don’t. Fights go on and on with the same sentiments repeated over and over again by multiple characters. The comedy sometimes feels awkward when the next minute the show tries to get you to take the goofy villains seriously. The show has a big cheesy save-this-person-with-the-power-of-friendship anime finale…only to suddenly decide next episode “whoops they weren’t saved after all that was all for nothing tragedy time now” YOU CANNOT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS SHOW, it isn’t a tragic twist, it just feels like you wasted our time.

The anime’s strained resources are really showing this season too- it held together reasonably well in the first season despite being a clearly modest production, but is more and more off-model throughout this season, with a lot more obvious shortcuts.

It’s such a shame, because Shy was a female superhero show with so much potential and endearing characters and huge yuri undertones, so I wanted it to do well. There are still moments of charm, but if the writing stays this level, not even a hero can save it.

[mvmnbnv]

Hi, I don’t know if you’ve spoken in depth about your feelings on Vi’s relationship with Caitlyn or what you think of Caitvi, but I know you mentioned you can’t seem to enjoy the ship as much. Although they said Arcane is now canon, we can all assume the general direction of her character will be like in the game. How do you feel about that? Would you be satisfied?

I know for myself I can relate to not being able to enjoy the ship as much. How I consume content around them has kinda been lowkey ruined because of their fans. I definitely think I’m being ridiculous and overly sensitive.

I just dislike how they’ve chosen to speak on the overall characters/plot/storyline especially ones that are quite serious, but then analyze things in the most black and white way. Including Vi’s character where they can’t even try to put herself in her shoes and think about everything she’s experienced, but then just be so…shallow about it. It’s like they’re not seeing her entire character or story. Just her relationship. Her own fans can’t even give her some basic empathy.

I hate how I’m basically letting them ruin the show for me. It’s ridiculous of me to react this way.

hi!

i havent spoken in depth here about caitvi mostly because my content is pretty vi centric. if anything i just mention caitlyn in passing unless i have an analysis on her too. but i really am unsure about how i feel about the ship atm, and its mostly because of what we've already seen but also what we havent seen. and yeah then there's the fandom itself. they speak about vi in pretty shallow ways when it comes to her pain and it just gets frustrating. but its also the choices theyve let us know they made with her and it almost seems like she has no plot outside of caitlyn. during her pitfighter arc caitlyn is all she thinks about. not vander? her mom? Loris (her big enforcer buddy) after they parted ways? hell not powder??? the one who she failed in her mind?? they were planning on putting a cupcake on the back of her jacket? really...? during a time like that? meanwhile one of the writers go on about listening to songs about unrequited love and how they inspired her decisions...like im not a fan. I already know the unrequited stuff is going to be coming from cait's side because of where she is at this point, while vi puts all this time into her, another creator even implying that cait is pretty much home for her now.. the imbalance in this relationship is just icky to me and i feel bad for vi's end of it. especially after having everything ripped from her during her pitfighter arc. for fuck sake i need them to adress this attitude she has toward caitlyn as the character flaw that it is. but the thing is i havent even watched the show so how do i know they dont, yknow? and the way things are set up in their LoL lore, from vi having her own place to them only being speculated to have had something going on by the people around them but not really being confirmed, makes me hopeful for vi. i need her to start putting up boundaries, start having a spine and to not just lean on caitlyn, because we already see it not end well for her. this season is going to stress their power imbalance further and it makes me just hope they go about it in the right way, and that vi isnt just some love sick puppy crawling back to cait after all the shit she's done (enacting martial law, working with ambessa etc) because she's dependent, espeically when one of the writers has been going on about unrequited love...that just feels gross.

in conclusion yeah, its kind of a mix of fandom and what has been presented so far as far as trailers and whatnot. dont feel bad that thats how you feel, it happens lol. but we all will have plenty of time to make our own conclusions when we see the show in its full glory

[moonshynecybin]

hyped to find out if bez’s very transparent desire to befriend marc/make marc fond of him will win him over(or at least get him remembered) by the end of the season. will it get him judged by vale? who knows! definitely not bez hes just doing whatever he fancies

i dont even know if bez wants to be friends i think its something much more subliminally horny and intertwined with like. a need to be liked or at least held in SOME regarded by marc. like i think when bez was doing his hungover postrace/gala/test instagram trawl after valencia 2023 he saw marc's ice brittle PR smile say i dont have time for that person. next. to a reporter dead fucking serious like bez was NOBODY, and the bottom dropped out of his stomach stone cold. what do you mean he doesnt like me or care about meeee??? energy. marc didnt even do him the dignity of shit talking him to the press :(

and now hes all aflutter because hes actually fr battling THE marc marquez (even WITH the rivalry blinders on its like. fighting with an icon of the sport. the same sport youre obsessed with. truly. hes real and hes here and im good enough to be on a podium with him which means IM good type insanity) anddddd the postrace endorphins slash puppy dog tail wag need 2 please instincts took over and he started to truly smooth over valencia in his brain like the memory erasure device in the men in black movies. beep. never happened. crucially he DOES want to win him over in the sense that he wants to be NOTED and RESPECTED. HORNILY. meanwhile marc is adding bez's actions to his carefully curated mental catalog of Enemy Infractions to Be Noted at Later Dates on Various Racetracks

[phatburd]

For shits and giggles, I fed the idea of Napoleon’s Marshals done Bridgerton-style into ChatGPT. It started kind of normal, and then went further off the rails deeper I got into the first season. I felt this gem should be shared with everyone. Enjoy. I will be posting one episode a day, if I can remember it.

Title: The Marshal’s Court

Genre: Romantic Dramedy (In the style of Bridgerton)

Setting: The First French Empire, Napoleon’s Marshals as the central characters

Season 1, Episode 1: “The Batons and the Blows”

Episode Synopsis:

The episode opens in 1804, a glittering ceremony at the Tuileries Palace, where the newly created Marshals of the Empire gather to swear their oaths and receive their Marshal’s Batons. This distinction marks their official ascent to the highest ranks of Napoleon’s army. Most of these men have fought together for years—some since the Italian campaigns—bound by loyalty, shared triumphs, and bitter rivalries.

Opening Scene:

The lavish atmosphere hums with tension. Each Marshal’s uniform is pristine, their batons shining in the candlelight as they await their moment of glory. But beneath the surface, there’s more than just military ambition on display—old grudges, simmering jealousies, and complicated friendships run deep. The camera pans to Marshal Davout, standing stiffly near Murat and Bessières, already casting suspicious glances at Murat’s flamboyant attire.

Marmont, denied a baton, leans in to Junot, whispering, “If Bessières can be made a marshal, then anyone can.” The camera catches Bessières overhearing the remark, his face darkening with wounded pride. Junot smirks, but there’s something unsettling about his grin—hints of his impulsive, reckless nature already showing, though his more troubling mental decline remains subtle for now. The men are unaware that Napoleon himself watches them closely from a corner, ready to intervene in their personal lives as much as their professional ones.

Lannes exchanges a glance with Bessières, their once-close friendship clearly fractured, a remnant of the Consular Guard budget scandal that saw them at odds. Lannes’ temper is barely restrained as he grips his baton, every movement purposeful and aggressive, setting the tone for his character as a man of passion and action.

Meanwhile, fan-favorite moments develop:

• Murat swaggers with confidence, already half in his mind imagining himself as a king, while Bessières watches him with conflicted admiration. Fans begin noticing lingering glances between the two, the first on-screen hints of the clandestine romance that has been a subject of fan theories for months. The ship, known online as Bessimu, starts gaining traction.

• Ney, standing near Soult, mutters something under his breath about Soult’s ambition, adding fuel to their historically documented rivalry. Soult glares but remains silent, plotting.

Junot’s erratic behavior hints at future struggles. He interrupts a serious conversation between Davout and Masséna, challenging them to a random duel of wit that leaves everyone bewildered and concerned about his judgment.

As the ceremony draws to a close, Napoleon makes his rounds, offering calculated words of encouragement (and veiled meddling) to each Marshal. He gives Lannes a sharp look, clearly intent on sending him to Portugal soon, much to Lannes’ irritation. Napoleon is later seen commenting to Duroc, his loyal aide, that “These men will tear each other apart without me. Just as I planned.”

Fan Reactions:

The episode sends fans into a frenzy. The Lannes fan club, already upset over his eventual historical fate, celebrates his brash, sword-banging diplomacy. #LannesLives trends on social media, with fans demanding a fictional rewrite to spare him from his historical death. Bessimu shippers are overjoyed by the subtle but unmistakable romantic tension between Murat and Bessières, creating a storm of theories about where their storyline is headed.

Online debates about the accuracy of Marmont’s snark, the portrayal of Soult’s cunning, and Davout’s icy demeanor dominate forums, with some fans pointing out that the show has taken slight creative liberties, but to thrilling dramatic effect.

Historical Easter Eggs:

• Marmont’s bitter comment about Bessières’ promotion references real-life tensions in the ranks.

• The Lannes-Bessières fallout, stemming from the Consular Guard budget scandal, is rooted in true events and marks a key point in their strained relationship.

• Napoleon’s meddling in his marshals’ lives, especially his push for marriages of convenience, is a real-life tactic he used to secure alliances, adding layers of historical drama to the romantic subplots.

Next Episode Teasers:

• Murat is seen leaving Bessières’ tent at night, a secretive and tense interaction that leaves viewers speculating on how their relationship will evolve. Will Bessières continue to wrestle with his devout Catholic guilt, or will his heart take the reins?

• Lannes is summoned by Napoleon to discuss his new diplomatic assignment in Portugal. Will Lannes’ fiery temper clash with his new role, or will his sword-banging diplomatic style pay off?

• Junot’s mental decline begins to surface in more overt ways—he challenges Marmont to a duel in a fit of impulsive rage. How will his peers react as his once celebrated impulsiveness becomes more concerning?

• The brewing rivalry between Davout and Bernadotte reaches new heights as Bernadotte schemes to undermine Davout’s position. Sparks fly at a banquet where both men attend with their wives.

• Historical nod: The Marshal’s next military campaign looms, with the possibility of them fighting side by side—or against each other.

[hawkinsunderground]

every time i start to feel like i'm deluding myself about byler happening, i give myself a reality check using the classic 'if they were all straight' scenario, and then i stop doubting. if everything remained the same--same relationships, same dynamics with friends--with the only difference in the show being that Will was a girl, it's almost painfully obvious. And because all a m/f couple has to do is be in the vicinity of each other to get shipped, byler probably would have been more popular even in the earlier seasons.

Mike spending an entire season right by his girl best friend's side, desperate to help and fighting to stay near her as she slowly gets possessed. Then at the end of it all he gives her a whole speech crying and saying that choosing to be friends with her was the best thing he's ever done? I guarantee you even with milkvan developing a bunch of people would have jumped on the byler train, and more others would be thinking that Mike and Willow or whatever would eventually get together later on, with warring opinions on who the better ship is.

Mike neglecting his girl best friend who is now hinted to have a crush on him in s3 while trying to get over being kidnapped and everything she went through? Spending all his time with Eleven even though byler had just been so close the season prior. There's no way at least some ppl wouldn't be thinking romance. The whole 'Mike's probably repressing his feelings and pushing Will away because he's scared' idea that a lot of bylers believe suddenly wouldn't be a reach anymore if it was a straight pairing.

Sectioning the two of them off to have their little cali romance all the while hinting at serious relationship troubles and conflicting character arcs for Mike and Eleven. Meanwhile the shrouded love confession from 'Willow', the obvious flirting. You can't look me in the eyes and tell me that people wouldn't be losing their shit during the entire apology scene if Will was a girl. The flirty smiles, the "I didn't say it." "You didn't have to.", the intimacy of his apology to 'Willow' in comparison to the apology from Mike to Lucas in s1. Along with all of the other scenes where Mike is clearly different with 'Willow' compared to the rest of his friends, he's always near her, etc.

Atp I feel like the general consensus would be that they're setting up a Melvin breakup and Byler endgame. Mike putting his hand on Willow's shoulder and promising they'll get through this together while literally showing Midleven crashing and burning in the same scene? In one of the final scenes? You're gonna tell me that people wouldn't be thinking along the lines of romance, with the love triangle pointing in byler's favor?

Mike's 'love' confession would come across as the lie that it was and a lot of people would probably be saying that Mike is not confronting his true feelings. They would be drawing the same comaprisons we are--that it didn't even work and the gates opened, that his (girl) best friend had to tell him and guide him to confess to Eleven, with them finally as close as they were around s2 again and Melvin not even really getting back together, with clear issues still present in the finale. The direction they are going to take things in s5 would become obvious without the straight goggles blinding people to some of the most obvious character and relationship arcs that have been done a million times.

The only difference would be the lack of struggle due to homophobia and would probably be more centered on Mike's inability to confront his feelings due to a fear of messing things up between himself and Will, along with losing el because he doesn't love her the way she wants him to, keeping to the core of his character in either scenario

You're gonna tell me that if people saw this and it was mike's girl best friend sitting next to him, they wouldn't be jumping at a romance arc between the two of them?

or his reaction to them being friends again, a smile and voice we've never seen used with any other character, noticably different?

the physical proximity, the fact that they seem equally flirtatious and affected by the other despite Will being the only one with confirmed feelings atp it's too obvious--if it were a girl sitting next to mike people would definitely be drawing some conclusions Anyway, byler endgame

[king-of-wrath]

Analysis

Naturally, spoilers below

Throughout the trial in Mastermind, Hell's racial caste system was on full display. Satan openly stated that Goetia are "valuable" and for that reason, Stolas would NOT be executed---despite being convicted of the same crime Blitzo was initially accused of and was barely a second away from being executed for

While Blitzo's execution was filmed publicly "to remind all imp-kind why our [Sins] power should never be challenged", the trial itself wasn't recorded. As much as the trial was an obvious sham, Blitzo wasn't being made into a spectacle until Satan gave the guilty verdict. But even though Satan decided guilt without seeing any evidence---just going off Andrealphus' dramatic claims and Striker lying his filthy rat ass off---and presided over a complete miscarriage of justice, the demons in the audience were just as responsible as Satan

When Ozzie and Bee asked for Blitzo to be heard, Satan didn't immediately refuse them. He instead put it to a vote, asking "Who wants to hear hours of testimony?" and "Who wants to kill this imp bastard and get home in time for lunch?". Though Satan was clearly in favor of execution, he didn't decide it himself or give himself a vote. Apart from Ozzie, Bee and IMP, every other demon in that courtroom said "Forget about testimony, kill the imp". While it can be reasoned that the audience were all Goetia of varying rank, it was their collective apathy that spelled doom for Blitzo

But Ozzie and Bee didn't oppose either the ruling or the sentence. While Ozzie frowned at his phone, reading pleas from Fizzarolli begging him to do something, he didn't and neither did Bee. Even when Satan stood and proclaimed "I am the law", the other Sins present---including Ozzie and Bee---reaffirmed it with "He is the law". Meanwhile, they only showed true disagreement when Satan claimed he had ruled Hell before Lucifer's fall (which Vivzie herself went on Twitter to confirm "was full of shit")

Granted, there are reasons why Ozzie and Bee wouldn't publicly jump to Blitzo's defense (especially if romantic relationships between high and low-class citizens is a serious taboo) and in the next episode, they might appeal to Satan. They might convince Satan to view imps as more than mere servants and/or prove that Andrealphus and Stella are the real criminals, but we'll have to wait and see

When Blitzo was released, walking home from the courthouse, imps waved and cheered at him. Some even held a banner saying "We <3 Blitzo" outside their window. It's likely that when Blitzo screamed "All I did was try and rise above the place you all [royals] forced us [imps] into", it resonated with them. Of course, Blitzo also showed a sense of honor by taking full responsibility to save the rest of IMP---effectively sacrificing himself for imp-kind, in a way

But when the crowds saw Stolas (self-proclaimed mastermind of the scheme, the Goetic noble who used and abused IMP), they threw shit at him. As far as those imps seem concerned, Blitzo was truly innocent and got saved at the last second by a sudden confession from the actual criminal. However, they weren't calling for Satan's downfall or the abolition of the caste system. They may have only viewed this moment as "a near miss"---an instance where an innocent imp nearly got axed, but because of "scheming Goetia" rather than a serious flaw in the justice system or anything Satan did "wrong"

While outright rebellion could POTENTIALLY happen in future episodes (since Vivzie has said that she intends for Helluva to be a 5-season project), the imps don't seem very energized to do so right this moment

[tremorsmackenzie]

kind of an unpopular opinion, but one of my favourite things about the later seasons of aos is deke. i feel like he brings some things to the show that the early seasons had and that got a little lost in all the misery since then.

like yes, he fucks up a lot, but its intended as comic relief and those are some of the best episodes imo. 6x4 for example just makes fun of techbros, like the stealing of ideas, self aggrandizement, and complete misunderstanding of women.

and he gets plenty of shit for it, but the show also makes it clear that underneath all of that is a good heart and that hes there for the people who need him when it counts. like how hes immediatley ride or die once izel becomes a serious threat.

and in everything that he does he is clearly the man from a dystopian future who never had anything. he doesnt understand racism, he tries to get as much money as he can because thats what hes used to and he never had much, and is scrambling to try and understand how earth works. but he also tries to be better because what he was in the future was born out of necessity and needing to survive, and he tries to fit in with the people he looks up to, and to show empathy and compassion. as a character, hes very consistent in his motivations and actions.

and these are things that the team werent really doing all that much anymore. i got the feeling that while they are very much family, the degree to which they took care of each other in the later seasons compared to for example season 2 (when daisy just got her powers), was less, because they became too used to all the craziness and it was basically expected theyd all still show up and do the job regardless and noone really had time to do more anyway.

meanwhile heres deke, used to a lot of severe circumstances himself, but given a second chance and now presented with all these hardened spies treating world-ending events and deeply traumatic personal crises like minor inconveniences, and his reaction is to try and show them the degree of compassion and support they should have because all of this is indeed very much not normal.

which is the role daisy had in season 1, and kind of fitting if you ask me, cause in a way it brings everything full circle.

[vienna-salvatori]

It's been 10 years since 1x07- The Hub first broadcast (Nov 12 2013)

So, in honour of an episode that's been playing on repeat in my head for a decade...

Here's my theory on what's actually going on with Victoria Hand, and why she's actually a paranoid-but-clever strategist, not as petty and incompetent as she comes across as.

Ah, series 1. Those were the days. The HYDRA reveal hadn't happened yet. Everyone was happy! They trusted each other, mostly! Sure, Skye's allegiances were questionable, but they got over that eventually. May might've had that whole "secret line to Fury" thing, but they sorted that too. Coulson might've had his head messed with, but it's not like that caused serious problems with his judgement until series 2.

... that we know of.

Here's a couple facts: 1) The team are running worldwide missions. Despite this, in one season, they end up passing through The Hub on three separate occasions (The Hub, The Magical Place (I think), and Turn, Turn, Turn/the finale arc.) It's clearly a bit of a, well, hub, for SHIELD activity, and sees a lot of people coming in and out. 2) It's unclear exactly how long Hand has been in charge of the Hub, but we know from s7 that she's been in SHIELD a while. There's nothing in series 1 to suggest that her command of The Hub is a recent promotion. Coulson, meanwhile, was recruited by Fury just out of high school. He's been in the field for decades by this point.

and-

3) When Coulson first meets Victoria Hand in 1x07, he claims to know her only by reputation.

Yeah, no.

I think it's highly unlikely that he's never crossed paths with Victoria Hand before. They might not know each other well- I, personally, think it's best if they do, but YMMV- but I cannot envision a scenario where the two haven't run operations together before.

My assumption, then: they did know each other. Coulson's had his head messed with, though, and he's forgotten all about it.

From Hand's perspective: that dude she really doesn't like has just shown up. He was supposed to be dead, but whatever, they work for SHIELD, shit happens sometimes. That said, he's got the strangest team she's ever seen- Melinda May back in the field, two sci-tech kids who didn't even pass their field exams, John Garrett's antisocial protege, and an enemy agent. (We, the audience, know that Skye is clear, but Hand has no reason to think anything but the worst of her.) He's also pretending that this is the first time they've ever met, for some reason.

... Maybe it's a weird prank.

She decides not to engage with it, because she has a lot of very important work to do and she doesn't really want to deal with any of That Bullshit. Except, Coulson's acting really differently to how he did before- I don't think it's very controversial to say that pre-Avengers Coulson and AoS!Coulson are two very different people. Melinda May- who she knows is one of his closest friends- is... not calling it out, for some reason. Also, he does have a history of recruiting wildcard agents, but usually he follows protocol once they're in. This random kid he found in a van is just wandering around poking her head into things, and Coulson isn't stopping her even though that is against the system. Hand might not like Coulson, but she knows that he does his paperwork and follows the rules. He'll bend them completely out of shape, but he won't break them outright without very good reason. Or at least, he used to do that.

The whole situation is alarming on so many levels. So... she decides to test him- the stupidest, most obvious test that Phil Coulson- who has always been pedantic about the safety of his people- will catch instantly.

She'll "forget" to file the extraction plan.

He'll spot it, of course. He'll spot it instantly, and she'll roll her eyes and file the paperwork she's already filled out. She'll say that this is why they have procedures and it's important to follow them, not just turn up in someone's airspace with a team that makes no sense and ignore all rules and protocol.

Except, Phil Coulson does not notice. It takes his team members breaking protocol in front of of all of them for him to spot a problem in the mission paperwork she physically placed into his hands.

And that? That is not Phil Coulson. She might not like Phil Coulson, but she does know him, and he always looks out for his agents. That's not Coulson, and May is playing along with the imposter for some reason, even when she knows him even better than Hand does.

In the end, she just lets it all play out, because this is so far off what she expected she honestly wants to know how far it reaches.

If she tries to chase up Coulson's file afterwards, she'll hit the (canonically very weird) firewalls and restrictions around TAHITI protocol. If she tries to report the oddities to Fury or Hill, they'll brush her off- again, TAHITI protocol. There's something wrong with that dude and no one in her agency is taking her seriously.

So. Once the HYDRA reveal happens, and she starts looking for moles? Well, there's one really obvious place where standard SHIELD protocol is failing. The issue stretches to some pretty high levels, too- this isn't just baby-agent incompetence. That probably means Coulson's HYDRA. May must be too, if she's covering for him. Skye is, still, basically an enemy agent, Hand won't lose sleep over her. I have... thoughts... about the fact that Hand outright tries to shoot John Garrett out of the sky despite, or because of, their working history, but she's definitely suspicious of him, too. Ward is his agent and likely to follow his lead- when the Twist happens, Ward plays up how betrayed he is, and Hand buys it without question, which makes me think she did know they were pretty close. Simmons is already in the Hub, she can clear her separately.

Really, the only actual loss if she was to take that plane down would be Fitz.

Hand brings down the plane because she has legitimate reason to believe Coulson is an enemy agent, and so is the rest of his team. When she sends her people to storm the BUS, she wants Coulson alive, because he's probably the highest-ranking HYDRA member she can actually get her hands on. She wants some answers, damnit. The rest are acceptable losses if it comes to that.

[kemihaydeestantonva]

I'm just going to word vomit my season 2B predictions for Helluva Boss here so I can come back later and see how close I was to anything!! I find this speculation game really fun.

OKAY

Predictions! The full moon starts out with the duet, apparently, so my guess is - Blitzø has been doing a lot of opening up lately so I think he is actually going to try and make this full moon more intimate (with Fizz's help) meanwhile Stolas is freaking out and preparing to have a serious talk with him. Blitzø pulls out all the stops (omg that giant ass candle lmaooo) Stolas gives him the crystal and shatters Blitzø's plans. He takes it as a HUGE rejection, the talk escalates to a fight, they break up.

Apology tour is Stolas and Verosika somehow teaming up, she makes the tour all about shitting on Blitzø and maybe Stolas initially goes along with it or maybe he interrupts and finally publicly stands up for him. Blitzø makes amends with Verosika in some capacity, takes the first steps in being accountable for his past actions towards them both.

Ghostfuckers is the ghost busters one, and that creepy blonde guy is Leviathan - he lures them in as an unassuming bellhop with the ghost hunting thing, then traps him and Millie. I'm assuming he has some sort of possession powers, and being the embodiment of envy he forces them to face what they envy about each other, intense fight ensues. We get backstory on Millie, who she was before IMP, how she joined, ect.

Mastermind is the episode with the agents and the cherubs, I have no idea how that is going to play out but it does look like they figured out a way to open a portal to hell. From the picture we got of agents one and two dressed in IMP cosplay I'm still desperately hoping that a furry convention setting might happen because I think it'd be hilarious

Sinmas is the one with all the Goetia family gathered, along with the sins. Looks like some sort of big shindig. All the apple and snake architecture tells me it'll be in the pride ring but I doubt there will be any Lucifer cameo (I don't think they could legally even if they wanted to). I'm guessing that the scary Zestial looking guy is Satan, and I think he's going to be bad news (I think when Mammon told Oz he'd "regret" admitting his love for Fizz that he was going to go over his head and plot something nasty with Satan. Or maybe Mammon teams up with Leviathan and the sin stuff is tied to the ghostfucker episode not this one, but the episode title hints otherwise)

I think Stella is going to turn Via against Stolas over these episodes, he's going to spend this entire time grappling with his breakup and figuring out how to move on, it's a prime time for Via to feel neglected and for Stella to make a move - and the gathering is going to be like, a public reckoning scenario resulting in Andrealphus fighting Stolas, and Blitzø will swoop in and protect him! No idea where this will ultimately leave their relationship but one I hope it starts to mend by the last episode. (I also don't get major bad vibes from Vassago so maybe Stolas won't be entirely friendless at this gathering??)

Anyway that's what I got so far, see y'all at the full moon