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growingstories · 2 months ago

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The will

Andreas Müller was a handsome, fat, 43-year-old chef who helmed a prestigious Michelin star restaurant nestled in the mountains near Zurich. The restaurant was a family legacy; his grandfather had founded it, and though his father had shown little interest, he still owned it. Andreas, however, had turned the establishment into a roaring success, earning it two coveted Michelin stars through sheer passion and culinary brilliance.

Every month, Andreas' father would visit the restaurant with a new girlfriend, collect an envelope of cash, and leave. Despite this strained relationship, Andreas cherished his own family—his loving wife and two beautiful children. They would eat together every evening in the restaurant before service, reinforcing their tight-knit bond.

His culinary team admired him, ensuring he tasted each dish, brewed him the finest coffees, and ate leftover meals with him after shifts. Over the years, this routine, coupled with his sedentary lifestyle, had led to significant weight gain. His favorite sport, skiing, was now a distant memory as his size made it impractical. Andreas often felt like a father figure to his leaner, more energetic team. The warmth of summer was suffocating for him, making him keenly aware of his desire to lose weight, but the cycle of indulgence persisted, and he gained a few more kilos each year.

Life took an unexpected turn when Andreas' father died suddenly. Out of respect and to arrange the funeral, Andreas closed the restaurant for a few weeks. The resulting stress and absence of excessive food intake led to a surprising few kilos lost, giving him a sense of relief. The departure of his father, while sad, brought a strange sense of freedom.

Two weeks later, just as Andreas planned to reopen the restaurant, he received an urgent call from his father's lawyer, inviting him to the will reading. The lawyer's insistence on keeping the restaurant closed until then sparked curiosity. Andreas mused about the odd request but complied. During the interim, he whisked his wife away to a luxurious spa for five rejuvenating days. They reignited their connection through healthy eating, mountain walks, and even some fitness workouts. Refreshed and lighter, Andreas beamed with newfound vigor as he walked into the lawyer's office.

At the office, Andreas was introduced to Julian, a handsome, muscular 28-year-old. The reading revealed a startling secret: Julian was his half-brother. Their father had accumulated considerable wealth through successful real estate ventures, amassing €50,000,000. The will stipulated that Andreas and Julian would each receive half the inheritance, but only after five years. Moreover, Julian would assume the role of general manager at the restaurant for that period.

Panic set in, and Andreas stormed out of the office. Yet the next morning brought a surprising turn. Julian reached out for a coffee meet-up, and Andreas, intrigued, invited him to the restaurant. They bonded over their shared experiences of an absent father and agreed to the arrangement. The future looked manageable; five years seemed like a fair trade for lifelong financial security.

Julian immersed himself in hospitality, learning the ropes from the team. Mornings were dedicated to studying food and wine, afternoons to menu tastings, and nights to running the shift. His 16-hour workdays bore fruit; the staff valued him, and patrons were charmed by his professionalism.

To Andreas' delight, this newfound balance allowed him to focus on cooking and prepping during the day, leaving evenings to Julian. Andreas even snuck in gym sessions and skiing trips, shedding more weight and rediscovering vitality. His relationship with his wife flourished; they laughed and shared pleasures like teenagers. Meanwhile, Julian, though popular and diligent, struggled to keep his fitness in check amidst the calorie-laden environment and relentless schedule.

As Julian's culinary journey progressed, the team adjusted their focus. They prepped meals, ensuring he tasted everything, leading to increased portions and frequent snacking. The grueling schedule left no room for the gym, and Julian's once-defined abs gave way to love handles.

Andreas, now leaner than ever, radiated health. His marriage thrived, and with the support of his wife, he embraced a slower pace. Julian, despite his growing girth, garnered guest adoration, embodying the restaurant's charm. The stress and fulfillment of his role were addictive, and he convinced himself that cutting down on food was a goal for tomorrow.

Desiring deeper culinary knowledge, Julian enrolled in a part-time prestigious cooking course. Here, he met Conrad, a talented young chef driven by the dream of working at Julian's renowned restaurant. Conrad showcased his skills through irresistible dishes, flirting and impressing Julian along the way.

Their chemistry was palpable, and though Julian remained professional, the allure was undeniable. After evening shifts, Conrad persistently brought more culinary creations, leading to intimate moments. Julian's confidence in his body waned, but Conrad reassured him, emphasizing that a hospitality professional needn't have a six-pack.

Returning from a rejuvenating spa weekend, a thinner and more radiant Andreas advised Julian to moderate his dessert indulgences, a remark Julian brushed off with humor. Conrad's persistent presence and exceptional culinary talent led to an apprenticeship request, with Julian insisting on impressing the team.

In the kitchen, Conrad faced competition from Leo, another ambitious and handsome young chef. Their rivalry birthed extravagant tryouts, pleasing the head chef. Julian, swamped by lavish meals, confided in Conrad, who nonchalantly admired his larger frame. Exhaustion often confined Julian to just laying on his back during sex, yet Conrad's admiration soothed his insecurities.

As the five-year mark approached, Andreas' transformation captivated the media, and his newfound fitness made him a regular on cooking shows. His shifts at the restaurant dwindled, while Julian, now significantly heavier, embraced the role of the restaurant's big-hearted patriarch.

Julian's popularity among guests soared, and Conrad and Leo secured permanent kitchen positions, curtailing their competitive tastings. Julian contemplated his future, ready to ease the pace and shed some weight with his €25,000,000 inheritance. The brothers, having navigated a unique journey, stood poised to honor their father's legacy in their own distinct ways.

#fictionalweightgain #maleweightgainstories #maleweightgain #weightgain #weightgainstories #fictionalstories #wg fantasy #wg fiction #exjock #aiweightgain

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shion-yu · 1 year ago

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Day 17 - "You Look a Little Pale"

Love at first flu sight. Whumptober 2023! I’m using the @ailesswhumptober's prompt list. This story is about my OC Shumei - here’s his profile if you’re so inclined: https://toyhou.se/23743470.shumei-tw

TWs: Medical abuse!!

Julian had been planning this for a long time: the day when he would finally be able to recreate the most pivotal experience of his teenage years. The time that Shu had had the flu. But back then, it had been a surprise; Julian had shown up to play only to find his next door neighbor Shumei red faced and stumbling at the door. His mother was out of town for the first time ever, only for Shu to wake up that morning alone with a high fever.

As soon as Julian had seen him, he became addicted to this weaker and more pitiful version of his best friend. He’d taken it upon himself to nurse Shu back to health for those days that his mom was away, going as far as to look up how to take care of a sick person in the library. He’d warmed Shu up soup from a can, mopped his face with a cold towel, correctly timed doses of tylenol and ibuprofen for his friend... Only to find it was over too quickly.

Shu was embarrassed about it and pretended it hadn’t happened, but Julian couldn’t get it out of his head. For the first time he’d felt truly relaxed and satisfied with the exact moment he was living in. There was no way he was ever going to let himself stop trying to feel that way again.

He studied to become a doctor, thinking that perhaps taking care of sick strangers would fulfill his passion. That’s really what he thought it was back then - a passion, and one he was proud of. But the further along he got in his schooling, the more he realized that even emergency surgery still left him feeling empty. Caretaking wasn’t his passion - Shu was. Every face he saw contorted in pain, crying, drawn with fever... He couldn’t help but imagine Shu in that situation, and then his heart would stir. Imagination could only go so far though; he needed to find Shu again.

It was a stroke of brilliant luck that Julian ran into Shu after so many years in that coffee shop. Well, Shu thought it was luck - Julian had been learning his habits for some time now. They happened to sit down and talk, and Shu would find that his once brooding and socially challenged best friend was now a successful and beloved doctor. Shu was looking for a new place to live; Julian had a spare room.

“Come stay with me, just for a bit. It’s no trouble.”

No, no, he couldn’t, it was far too much of an imposition, Shu tried to say. But Julian insisted, and it was hard to say no to those striking dark eyes. “Well, maybe just for a week or two.”

By day two, both of them knew Shu wasn’t going anywhere. He ended up in Julian’s bed instead of the guest room, Julian’s naked form spooning him from behind as they slept. When he woke up, it was the best sleep he’d had in so long... Was that what was always missing from his bed before during all those sleepless nights? Someone to hold?

For the first few months, things were amazing. Shu couldn’t remember when he’d last had so much fun; if he’d ever clicked with someone like this before. Julian was funny, he was kind, he never put Shu down like his ex-boyfriends had... The sex was incredible, and boy was there a lot of it. It felt like his life couldn’t possibly get better.

Julian felt the same - except the part where things couldn’t get better. He knew the best was yet to come and the anticipation of it made every blissful day with Shu even more exciting. Finally, though, today was the day. He had a long, thin pipette of live influenza virus to drip directly into Shu’s nostrils while he slept. He had already vaccinated himself with a high-dose flu vaccine; meanwhile, Shu hadn’t gotten to getting his shot yet which was perfect. As smoothly and quickly as possible, Julian hovered over Shu’s sleeping form and did the deed. The tiny droplets of liquid went right where they were supposed to and now all Julian had to do was wait.

Julian told himself not to expect much for the first twenty-four hours, and indeed nothing did seem to come from it. Don’t be disappointed, he told himself. You’re a doctor. You know it takes time to manifest symptoms post-exposure.

The second day, Julian was hypervigilant. But he still couldn’t tell if anything was amiss - that was, until they were picking up dinner and he noticed Shu leaning his face on his hand rather heavily. “Are you tired, darling?” Julian asked him, forcing his tone not to seem too eager.

“Hmm? Oh, maybe a bit,” Shu said. He cleared his throat, Julian watching his Adam’s apple bob up and down slowly. Was he just imagining things, or did Shu look ever so slightly paler than usual?

“We’ll go to bed early, how about that?” Julian suggested. The sooner they could sleep, the sooner Shu may or may not begin to show symptoms. Shu agreed easily and Julian could barely fall asleep with the excitement fluttering around in his stomach.

And then, in the morning, it happened. Like any good flu did, Shu “unexpectedly” woke up with a sudden high fever and the aches and chills that went with it. Julian gave him the utmost sympathy as he held a thermometer under Shu’s tongue. Shu couldn’t keep his lips sealed with how hard his teeth were chattering, but the reading was still high. 102.1.

“Tch. You’re running such a fever,” Julian cooed sympathetically.

Shu groaned. “Just mby luck ond a holiday weeke’d,” he sniffled, his words blunted by congestion. Talking caused him to wince at his sore throat and he let out a sharp series of harsh coughing. Julian could hear exactly how the congestion was weighing his breathing down.

“I know. It’s terrible timing,” Julian hummed as if he hadn’t planned this exactly. “But I’ll just have to take care of you. You know, like when we were kids.”

Shu cough-laughed in response, but by the end it was mostly coughing. “That was one d’ove the worst weeks ind mby life,” he said.

Julian smiled. “Not mine.”

Shu blunked at him, red-rimmed and watering eyes brighter than usual with fever. He looked younger like this - disheveled and wrapped in two thick duvets. To Julian, the sight was precious. “Really?” Shu asked incredulously.

“Really,” Julian said. “I fell in love with you that week.”

“Stop it. Itd’s dnot nice to mess with a sick person,” Shu said. He was either blushing or his fever was going up. Julian hoped it was both.

“I’m not messing with you. I’ve loved you since then.” Then he leaned down to kiss Shu, only to get a panicked hand shoved in his face.

“Are you crazy?! You do dnot want this.”

Julian hummed. That was true. Flu shot or not, there was always a risk. But he planned to hope for the best - well, the best and what all the multivitamins and antivirals available to him could do. “We sleep together. If I’m going to get it, I’ll have already got it,” Julian pointed out. “But I see your point. Air kiss for now, then.” He blew Shu a goofy little kiss, making his boyfriend wheeze in what he was pretty sure was supposed to be a giggle.

“You are crazy,” Shu said.

Julian smirked, leaning forward so his head was hovering over Shu’s intently. He was so beautiful like this, Julian thought to himself. He already didn’t want it to end. “But you love me,” he said in a deep voice.

Shu nodded, resting one slightly shaky hand on Julian’s cheek. “I do,” he said. “I really do.”

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ladyhindsight · 2 years ago

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tda + robert related rant

i may be a declared 'fan' of the tsc universe but there are so many stuff that i would like to fix on the approach and there is something that frustrate me and i think you and others probably have realized: it takes a lot of the shadowhunters' 'credibility' away that it always seems like -20 year olds are better than +25 year olds at everything. that's just ridiculous and unrealistic since shadowhunters are supposed to get better the more experience and training they have.

i think the only adult that supposedly kept his "badassary" from the young days was valentine, and mind you the circle was supposed to be "the best of their generation" as stephen was pointed as being (of course he was the one to be especifically pointed as so, i won't even go there)

something else to point out is how absurd it is to say emma is the next jace. the next jace is jace. he is on his early 20s, emma is four years younger than him. they are the same generation. the jace of the generation is still jace! for fuck's sake, it's like their life is over once they reach 25!

which takes me to some of my annoyance with tda and robert: robert is supposed to be an actual good inquisitor, but objectively, he comes off as very incompetent because the cohort plot of tda relies on it. that's a very frustrating trait of tsc: if something is supposed to happen, any logic or previous setup information can be thrown out of the window

robert's primary, main job is to go after shadowhunters doing bad shit, and he pretty much may use the mortal sword whenever he wants to get people to publicly admit to bad faith/criminal deeds

politically, robert would most likely support alec on everything, so being an ally of the shadowhunter-downworlder alliance. so isn't stopping almost every problem that happen in tda literally his responsability? he only died at the end of the second book

and it gets worse imo

a significant part of the lord of shadows wreck is zara lying about having killed malcolm. now look, the information from the land i lost + the lost book of the white together go straight for the idea that before tda robert was already going after the cohort to some extent. of course we don't have details about that hahahaha

then we are in lord of shadows and jia, the consul, believes zara to be a liar and believes that going through the reports of her deeds, something suspicious can be found

so she asks diana to investigate the reports

wouldn't be WILD if that was SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB, someone who was SUPPOSEDLY INVESTIGATING THE COHORT and could use MORE EVIDENCE TO PURSUE AGAINST THEM

diana finds no explicit proof but strong reasons for suspicious

wouldn't be WILD if there was SOMEONE who can has full authority to use CIRCUNSTANTIAL EVIDENCE to decide on a INTERVIEW BY MORTAL SWORD

meanwhile robert is doing stuff that have no apparent relation to shadowhunter criminals. when there are so many people clearly doing a lot of stuff on bad faith, shouldn't that be his focus since that's his freaking job?

so the telling is that robert is a decent inquisitor and the showing is that his decency is to let the children get away with whatever so they can solve their own problems

Julian had woven his story to make Arthur’s absence seem natural. But Robert was like a dog with a bone. Emma supposed that was why he had been elected to the position of Inquisitor.

where is that energy. WHERE IS IT

the land i lost made it worse since there robert gets some over the top incriminating evidence of terrible crimes done by the cohort that could even be tied to the leader (horace) himself. what did he do with that?

robert's deeds as the inquisitor: being considered better than every other inquisitor and walking around frightening everyone with his bad mood

love that for him (no i don't. why are a bunch of young randos doing your job. why are these books so stupid)

- R

I like the teacher in The Tales, and I’d probably like him more if he wasn’t such a bully and a Nephilim supremacist towards the mundane students. I think he’d be funnier if he was just as fanatic about fighting but equally intolerant towards everyone’s lack of skills. There was an opportunity with that character to show older adult Shadowhunters who are incredibly skilled and great warriors. Alas, he is also used to prop up Jace’s uh-mazing otherworldly skills and talent as a Shadowhunter. I haven’t read all the stories, so I don’t know much about how his character will be, but this is my initial impression anyway.

It sort of is strange that the Clave revolves around the deeds of these young Shadowhunters like there is no other people doing great things and winning great battles. Valentine is, as you said, of course hailed as one but he was a central villain in the story, so it doesn’t count. He was supposed to be that to be a “credible” villain. Any Herondale is obviously the best of their generation, despite the fact that it rarely amounts to anything. Similarly Emma is the best of her generation, but it doesn’t really play part of show in the story? None of these people either become the best, they already are.

It just needs stating whoever at the time is the best, and when so many people are the best, is anyone really. The whole “being the best” concept makes the characters so fragile to any adversity because the narrative builds them up to be these indestructible, unconquerable fighters, and when they get beat down, it does leave a dent to the credibility because the telling does not match the showing. Most of the times it seems that being the best is a scale. Because Jace, who is the best, barely wins Sebastian, shows had incredible fighter Sebastian is.

I never got a proper sense what Robert was supposed to be like as the Inquisitor. Like you said, there is no consistency to him taking proper action because the story relies on the Cohort rising. Robert was said to be liked as the Inquisitor, but that’s the extent the public opinion of him goes, which sort of nudges to the direction that he has risen above his past in the Circle and the Clave does not regard him as worthy of the exile anymore as he does get elected to the position. Which also reminds me how it is told that Robert and Maryse are in exile, but they sometimes go to Idris to do official business for a time, but was there ever a point where it is said that their exile was lifted?

In CoA, it is told that it was Imogen who investigated the Circle and chose the punishments on Robert, Maryse, and Hodge, because the Inquisitors job is to investigate the Shadowhunters for the Clave. It’s totally wild that all the corrupt Inquisitors and Consuls were written having this immense corrupted power and everyone’s trust (all the nameless, faceless Shadowhunters that always go with the flow), but Robert and Jia, in comparison, were absolutely powerless against the Cohort.

Also in CoA, Maryse brings up the fact that Imogen could use the Mortal Sword on Jace as she had done to the remaining members of the Circle. Imagine if someone had done that to the Cohort since their reasonable suspicion. I don’t remember there being much on what Robert was actually doing, because why focus on anything like that when he is a mere side character and not Emma or Julian and their romance of a lifetime.

Since the beginning of the series, which I pointed out here years back, the adults have been absolute idiots and bad liars because the story also relies on that and those ques of something being a lie enough to raise suspicion from the narrating character or readers. The adults need to remain almost like willfully blind so the teenagers can do their stuff in secrecy and also to support inconsistent writing.

#Robert Lightwood #Series discussion #Reply

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jaskicr · 4 years ago

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fae witcher jaskier

aka the most self indulgent thing i’ve ever written in my entire life as i combine my favourite tropes of fae jaskier, witcher jaskier, and identity porn

the school of the manticore is experimenting with alchemical formulas to create witchers, not just from humans, but from other humanoid creatures as well (such as elves, fae, and vampires)

jaskier is a curious fae who wanders into the human world, but he’s taken by some manticore witchers and experimented on

but they didn’t expect him to be such a powerful fae and he resists their efforts to experiment on him, so to subdue him, they brainwash him

they take his memories of being fae, making him docile, and successfully turn him into a witcher

the mutations make jaskier’s fae features even more prominent - he has pointed ears, horns, deadly sharp teeth, claws, and he’s very tall, with fully black eyes (like he’s under the effects of a potion) and white hair

due to this, he’s ostracised even amongst the witchers in the manticore school - with the exception of those who experimented on him, they all think that the mutations made him monstrous and they don’t know that he’s fae

at this point, he’s mutated beyond both a fae and a witcher, he’s clearly neither - fae features are generally delicate and elegant, whilst jaskier’s have been made deadly and lethal by the mutations

with the brainwashing, jaskier is very compliant and he lets the witchers train him without complaint

he’s very good at signs, and he’s able to do magic outside of the signs for reasons that he doesn’t know

his trainers are afraid of his magic and try to suppress it, but jaskier’s magic is too connected to nature for them to sever the bond

so when he finally sets out on the path, his trainers keep a really tight leash on him, knowing that his power could mean that he might break out of their control and go back to the fae

jaskier’s appearance is so obviously other that he’s immediately hated by humans, but because of the brainwashing, he’s very passive in the face of their hatred

he just weathers the horrible things that humans call him and how they assault him, and it doesn’t even hurt him because he’s so conditioned not to feel anything

this happens for many years, with jaskier taking contracts and enduring the hatred from humans, and returning to the manticore keep to be conditioned/brainwashed further every winter

one day, tissaia stumbles upon this fae/witcher whose mind is completely and utterly blank, and it just feels wrong

and she knows that whoever did this to jaskier must have been unspeakably cruel, so she takes him in

jaskier is very confused by tissaia’s actions - on the one hand, he’s so used to be docile and passive that he doesn’t want to resist tissaia, but she’s not his trainer so he knows that he shouldn’t trust her

but tissaia calms him, treating him far more gentle than anyone has ever treated him, and jaskier’s instincts tell him to trust her

tissaia quickly grows fond of jaskier, who’s inhumanly tall and monstrous but oh-so-sweet and gentle, and she slowly undoes his brainwashing and helps him become more human

but jaskier’s trainers realise that his brainwashing is being undone, and they decide to go after him

tissaia, who’s now become protective of jaskier, portals them far away, refusing to let them take him

jaskier is slowly coming to his senses and regaining his memories as they escape, and he becomes desperate not to go back to his trainers

they stumble upon vesemir, who takes one look at jaskier and decides to adopt him, and the three of them run all over the continent to escape jaskier’s trainers, who want jaskier back under their leash

but tissaia becomes exhausted, and she tells jaskier that the only way he can escape his handlers is to let her strip all their brainwashing/conditioning from him completely

but it might take years or even decades, and it would hurt his body a lot, so she offers to transfer his consciousness to a human body while she works on healing his witcher body/mind

and jaskier agrees, because he’s so close to remembering his fae family and fully regaining his magic, and he refuses to be under the control of the manticore school again

so he’s reborn as julian alfred pankratz in lettenhove, while tissaia and vesemir fake jaskier’s death and spread rumours of it across the continent

jaskier, now human, grows up without any knowledge of his past, even after he goes to oxenfurt, even after he starts travelling with geralt

tissaia checks in on jaskier every once in a while, and vesemir asks after the bard who’s travelling with geralt to keep tabs on jaskier

however, tissaia hadn’t anticipated how strong the brainwashing had been, so it’s taking decades for her to strip it away without utterly destroying jaskier’s mind

one day, geralt is hunting a fae, who lures geralt and jaskier into the fae realm

the fae realm somehow manages to connect to jaskier’s consciousness/his magic, and all of a sudden he regains his memories from his life in the fae realm (but not his memories from being a witcher)

so he remembers growing up as a fea, he remembers his family, but there’s a huge gap between that and his life as a human bard

as geralt is trying to find the fae, jaskier is stumbling around, confused by his identity and his sudden influx of memories, but he knows that something is missing

while this happens, tissaia feels a surge of magic in jaskier’s real body and realises that something must have happened, and jaskier’s body starts destabilising

and she knows that she needs to put jaskier’s consciousness back into his body before it implodes due to the magic

meanwhile, as jaskier stumbles through the fae realm, recognising different places that he used to go to, he suddenly catches a glimpse of his sister, all grown up

and he tries to leave geralt to talk to her and tell her that it’s him, but right before he can do that, tissaia grabs his consciousness and yanks it back into his real body

jaskier’s human body drops dead once his conciousness leaves it, and geralt hears his breathing and his heartbeat stop, and he grieves

in a fit of grief and fury, he hunts down and kills the fae who had lured them here

this angers the rest of the fae, and geralt is quickly overpowered by them and he’s taken to a dungeon

and he just sort of accepts his fate, letting them take him without putting up a fight, because jaskier is dead

as he’s awaiting trial, geralt thinks that he won’t even mind being exeuted. after all, jaskier is gone, and what’s the point?

at the same time, jaskier wakes up in his real body with tissaia hovering over him, his last memory being seeing his sister and being in the fae realm with geralt

all his memories return to him in one go, and it’s so overwhelming to have three lives (fae, witcher, bard) in his head and jaskier has a bit of an identity crisis

and then he remembers that geralt is alone in the fae realm, which immediately makes him forget about his identity crisis for the moment as he readies himself to go after geralt

tissaia tries to stop him, telling him that he needs to recover, but jaskier needs to get to geralt right now

when he tries to walk, he stumbles a bit, forgetting how tall he is in his real body, but he powers through - even if his coordination is awful, he needs to go and save geralt. who knows what the fae could have done to him by now?

and he portals himself to the fae realm where he left geralt behind, only to see his own dead body, and the dead body of the fae that geralt had been hunting - but no one else

when he smells geralt’s tears, he realises what must have happened, and he panics since the fae must have taken geralt, but he doesn’t know where

he tracks down his sister, who doesn’t recognise him at first due to the changes the mutations had given him, but when she does, she launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around him tightly in a tearful reunion

(it’s very cute, jaskier is tall enough that he dwarfs her and can pet her head)

jaskier’s sister tells him what happened to geralt, and jaskier heads off to save his witcher

none of the fae expect geralt to be rescued, so it’s laughably easy for jaskier to sneak to the dungeon and find geralt

and while he’s on the way to the dungeon, jaskier wonders whether geralt would hate him now that he’s little more than a monster

so when he does find geralt, jaskier pretends not to know him, and due to jaskier’s different appearance, geralt doesn’t recognise him despite a faint sense of familiarity

he’s confused why this large, not-quite-a-fae is helping him, and geralt can tell that he’s sort of a witcher, but not really

but jaskier’s dead, and geralt really doesn’t want to be rescued, so he pleads, ‘please, leave me to die’

jaskier is horrified and picks geralt up, knowing that he can’t just let geralt die, and geralt is fighting him - he doesn’t even know this fae/witcher

jaskier portals them to his sister’s house, and geralt passes out from his injuries

jaskier and his sister patch geralt up, all while his sister teases him for having a crush on geralt, which jaskier tries (and fails) to deny

when geralt is unconscious, jaskier sings to him, the way he always had whenever he used to treat geralt’s injuries after a hunt

and geralt, fading in and out of consciousness, thinks he hears jaskier, but surely that can’t be true - after all, jaskier’s dead

when he fully regains consciousness, he sees the large fae witcher who’d rescued him

‘who the fuck are you?’ he demands, slightly pissed that he hadn’t been left for the dead

and jaskier, who still doesn’t want geralt to know who he is, panics and introduces himself as julian

it takes him a while, but jaskier manages to convince geralt that he’s trustworthy - after all, the fae can’t lie, and when jaskier tells geralt that he’s safe, that he doesn’t mean any harm, geralt tentatively relaxes

with geralt still injured, he can’t leave the house even though he just wants to go back to kaer morhen and grieve jaskier, so he stays

jaskier helps him around the house whenever he needs to get around, and geralt is too weak to stand on his own, so he leans on jaskier as he walks (jaskier is tall enough that geralt only comes up to his chest, which geralt finds very nice and warm)

and as days pass, geralt realises that, despite his imposing size, julian is soft and gentle and caring, and it makes his head spin, because only jaskier has ever been this gentle to him

meanwhile, jaskier is having an internal crisis - over his identity, over his memories, but also over geralt

because he knows that geralt thinks he’s dead, so jaskier concludes that he can pretend to be a whole new person who’s decidedly not jaskier, and geralt would never know - after all, jaskier’s human body is dead

and jaskier thinks that’s better for both of them, because he doesn’t want to taint geralt’s memories of human jaskier since he’s a monster now

jaskier’s sister is just done with him, she tries to slap some sense into him but he insists on not telling his true identity to geralt

so geralt feels safe around julian in a way he’s only ever felt around jaskier, but he doesn’t suspect anything

(there’s one morning when geralt wakes up to julian spooning him from behind, and he feels so safe, so cared for. he feels seen)

as he recovers, he realises that he really doesn’t want to leave - julian is so nice to him, and geralt wants nothing more than to stay here with julian

but part of geralt feels like he’s betraying jaskier, even though he’s dead - julian makes him feel like jaskier did, and gods, he misses jaskier so much

so geralt pretends that he’s reocvering slower than he really is, and jaskier pretends not to know what geralt’s doing, and one day, geralt stumbles and falls backwards, and jaskier catches him

geralt realises that their faces are really close as he stares into endless black eyes, and he’s unable to stop himself from pulling julian into a kiss

all while he tries not to feel guilty about it, because he feels like he’s kissing jaskier, but it’s julian

and jaskier is stunned that geralt would even want to kiss him in this form, but he’s not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he kisses back, and internally decides that he won’t ever tell geralt who he really is

jaskier and julian can be two separate people - let geralt remember jaskier as a human, not a monster

after that, they get closer and more intimate, and jaskier tells geralt about his trials and what the manticore school had done to him

geralt’s heart aches for this kind man who’s been through so much, who’s suffered so much, and yet, he’s still so gentle and caring

he asks how julian how he’s escaped the manticore school and regained his memories, and jaskier panics

‘... um...’ he stutters. ‘... magic?’

and geralt gets slightly suspicious because julian is hiding something, and he tries not to think about the fact that julian has the same tell that jaskier did when he was lying

geralt knows that julian physically can’t lie, but clearly, he’s hiding the truth, but julian keeps avoiding the question whenever geralt asks, making him more suspicious, but he decides that julian can have this secret

after all, it’s not harming geralt or anything, and he trusts julian

then geralt fully recovers, and he’s reluctant to leave julian, so he shyly asks julian to join him on the path so they can go witchering together

of course jaskier agrees, beyond joyful that geralt wants his company, even now, and before they leave, jaskier’s sister tries to talk sense into him one more time, but jaskier is still too dumb to listen to her

as they set out on the path, jaskier realises just how much he misses singing, how much he misses playing the lute

he hasn’t sung since rescuing geralt, since he doesn’t want geralt to recognise his voice, and he hasn’t played his lute since it was broken by the fae after his human body died

besides, he can’t really hold a lute now - he’s too big, and it would break in his hands

as they sit together one night, geralt quietly tells julian about jaskier, his heart aching and grieving

when jaskier freezes up, geralt thinks that he’s jealous and gently teases him for that, despite the pain in his heart as he tries not to compare how similar they are

in fact, jaskier’s just panicking a lot, and he tries to act normal

they’re both really dumb

that night, jaskier is lying awake when he suddenly hears geralt having a nightmare about losing jaskier

he’s whimpering, voice pained and fearful, ‘no, please, jaskier, please don’t go, i can’t lose you -’

and jaskier tries to soothe geralt, but it doesn’t work and geralt thrashes harder, going deeper into the nightmare

then jaskier remembers that the only way he used to be able to calm geralt down from a nightmare was to sing, and he can’t bear to thrash and scream in his sleep, filled with grief and anguish

so jaskier sings

he sings geralt’s favourite songs, the ones that always loosened geralt’s shoulders and made him smile, and as he watches geralt relax, he falls asleep as well

the next morning, geralt wakes up before jaskier, remembering his nightmare, and he knows that he heard jaskier’s voice

grief almost threatens to overwhelm him because he must have hallucinated jaskier’s voice, but then he realises that if the singing hadn’t been real, he wouldn’t have been able to return to sleep, and he would’ve woken up instead

so geralt knows that someone must have sung to him - had julian sung to him

and he twists to look at julian, who’s curled around him, and he looks closer

geralt thinks of the way julian would hold him gently, the way only jaskier had, thinks of the way julian made him smile and laugh the way jaskier did, thinks of how only julian and jaskier had ever cared for him like that

and it makes sense now, why julian had kept a secret about regaining his memories, because it must have been tied to jaskier somehow, and it makes sense why julian decided to just come and rescue him

jaskier is alive, and geralt hadn’t known

but jaskier is real, and he’s here, and though geralt is mad that jaskier hadn’t told him, his joy at jaskier being alive makes him forget his anger

when jaskier wakes up, blinking blearily at geralt with a soft, lazy smile, geralt says, ‘jaskier?’

and he prays that he’s right, because he’ll be shattered if jaskier is truly dead -

and jaskier responds, exhaustion slurring his words, ‘yes, geralt?’

then he realises what he did, and he freezes, but geralt gentle pulls him into a kiss, and jaskier relaxes

‘why did you never tell me?’ geralt asks when he pulls away, light and buoyant with love and joy

jaskier has no choice but to confess

‘i didn’t want you to remember my human self as a monster,’ jaskier murmurs, looking away. ‘i wanted to keep jaskier and julian separate, so i wouldn’t taint your memories of me.’

‘you’re not a monster,’ geralt says fiercely, tracing jaskier’s face with gentle fingers, tracing over his horns and his ears, brushing under his eyes and over his teeth.

‘but i am,’ jaskier insists, spreading his arms. ‘look at me, geralt. how am i not a monster? why would you want to remember me, my human self, as this - this monstrous thing?’

geralt’s heart breaks for him, and he tugs jaskier into a tight embrace, peppering him with kisses.

‘you’re beautiful,’ geralt whispers, and jaskier sucks in a breath at the sincerity in his voice. ‘you’re not a monster, jaskier. and i’ll love you no matter who you are, no matter what you look like. it doesn’t matter to me.’

‘even like - like this?’ jaskier asks, vulnerable, as he gestures to his too-large body, to his mutated features.

‘especially like this,’ geralt says, and kisses him

as jaskier wraps his arms around geralt, and geralt tips his head up to meet jaskier’s lips, they feel warm, they feel loved, they feel whole

(afterwards, they travel the continent together, hunting monsters and killing the people who had experimented on jaskier, and they get a glamour for jaskier so he can be a bard again, they get married on the coast and they live happily ever after)

someone once asked how many AUs of i have often dreamed of a far off place can i write, and i think that this might be my third one... with a fourth version that i dumped into the wj server earlier today oops?

#geraskier #geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #fae jaskier #witcher jaskier #witcher!jaskier #buffskier #mine*#thank you to the rbb server for suggesting this wonderful thing #i spent an hour typing this into the wj server and another hour compiling this into a post

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fieryfantasybooklover · 4 years ago

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My Little Warrior - Chapter 3 - I Deserve This Pain

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

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@lily-chen-deserves-better @girlwhohatesstuff @friendlyneighbourhoodreader @thatdemonicchild @zafirafox4636 @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @rainbow-sheepofthefamily @themostawesomehuman @brotherlipsmackariahs @reblogs-by-insane---chaos

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Emma and the Blackthorns stood there in complete and utter shock. The type that causes your brain to stop working and your limbs to shake uncontrollably and your very spirit and soul to freeze. Tavvy started bawling, doing his best to free himself from Julian’s gentle grip and run after Kit. “No! NO! Kit’s gonna get hurt. He’s gonna get hurt and he’s gonna die like Ty. But Ty can’t die! He’s supposed to live and stay with us! NOO!” And with that, the toddler’s yells disintegrated into screams and sobbs. Tavvy fought with vigor, Julian barely managing to keep him from breaking free and sprinting after Kit. Emma stood there, not knowing what to do, with one overwhelming thought in her head as she watched the love of her life struggle with his brother. “He’s barely a kid. He shouldn’t be witnessing this. Children shouldn’t be fighting our wars, no matter what the Law says.”

Julian, sensing he couldn’t hold Tavvy much longer, bolted inside, murmuring soothing words and comfort that even Tavvy knew were worthless now. Disappearing into the Institute’s halls, Julian vanished. Emma turned around to find a ravaged looking Livvy, a Dru who had a calm surface but was being ripped apart on the inside, and a stoic Silent Brother. “You may leave now. Your services are no longer required.” Emma said to the Silent Brother, not bothering to hide the venom in her voice. The Silent Brother said nothing, merely turned, began gliding away, and vanished a few seconds later. Turning her gaze to Dru and Livvy, Emma found herself at a loss for words. Livvy and Ty were inseparable and always had been. Ty’s death would wreck Livvy in every possible way, most likely irreversibly.

Looking to Dru, Emma made a colossal effort to communicate everything she couldn’t bring herself to say. “Take care of Livvy, because she can’t. And whatever you do, don’t let her near Ty. She’s not in her right mind currently. Seeing Ty will destroy her irrevocably.” Dru gave a barely perceptible nod, gently grasped Livvy, turned and began calmly guiding Ty’s twin toward her room. All the while, Livvy was wondering how suddenly real life could become 1000x worse than any of her horror movies. Emma, now alone, set her gaze toward the direction Kit had gone. “I’m not losing anybody else today.” she muttered before setting off to find him.

Meanwhile, Kit was lying in wait for the demon. Barely conscious due to lack of water and the boiling heat, Kit could only think how he deserved this. If he had been more careful, if he had gotten them moving quicker, Ty wouldn’t be on death’s doorstep. He would live to joke with his siblings, he would live to find and bond with a parabatai. Ty would grow up and attend sibling’s parabatai ceremonies, birthday’s, wedding’s, baby showers. He might even have a wedding or a baby shower of his own some day. Instead, Ty would die a teenager and never see life and experience all it had to offer.

Emma darted, light as a bird, over the sand, hoping against hope that she would Ty before the demon. When she spotted a form lying on the hot sand, not moving or making a sound, she heaved a sigh of relief. It didn’t last long once Emma spotted a dark form snaking its way towards Kit. Doubling her speed, Emma raised her voice to the wind and yelled for Kit to move. When he made no sign of doing so, Emma growled and prepared for a battle.

All of a sudden, a familiar-sounding shout rent the air, telling him to move to run, but Kit couldn’t bring himself to care. It would take a miracle to sway him now. So that was why he was extremely surprised when he was yanked into a standing position and shoved in the opposite direction. “You complete idiot. I know you’re hurting but this is not the way to go!” Shaking his head, Kit cleared his vision enough to see a livid Emma standing in front of him. “I-”

“Oh save it. I have a demon to fight anyway.” With that Emma turned, and faced down the demon who had crushed their lives.

It was a hulking beast, horrible to behold. Appearing to be some kind of cross between a snake, a wolf, and a scorpion, the demon was furred and scaled, with a stinger. Just like the Silent Brother had predicted, it was dripping with a clear fluid. Growling and hissing, the beast advanced towards Emma. However, she wasn’t having it. Emma launched herself at the demon, slashing at it with Cortana viciously, all the while screaming at it in her head. “I know that you can’t hear a word I’m saying but I don’t give a damn. It doesn’t matter anyway. You’re not going to live to see another day anyway. You snatched the life of a beautiful brave boy and now I’m going to kill you. Because I won’t let you take a second brilliant life today.

The demon wasn’t ready for the fire in Emma’s veins, and the vindication with which she fought. It took only a few minutes before Emma landed a killing blow, slashing the demon in half. Breathing hard and barely stopping herself from crying, she turned to Kit, fully prepared to scream at him until the sun fell from the sky. But Kit held up a hand to stop her. “It’s ok. I know that I was wrong. I can guarantee that I’ve already thought of everything you’re about to say, 10 times over. Can we just head back home?” Emma quietly considered Kit, gauging the truth behind his words. Deciding that it was good enough, Emma gave Kit a sad look. “Yes. Let’s go home.”

With that, the pair turned and started trudging back towards the Institute. Emma was silently praying to the cruel Angels that she had penetrated the hurt building a wall around Kit. The only thing on Kit’s mind in that moment was Ty. All of the memories he had with his friend were flooding in, and Kit was willingly drowning in them. “I deserve this pain.” he thought. I deserve whatever happens to me next. I deserve whatever hurt and pain I receive, and I will until the day I die.

#I am so sorry #emma carstairs #julian blackthorn #tavvy blackthorn #livvy blackthorn #dru blackthorn #ty blackthorn #kit herondale #Angst #the dark artifices

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invisiblefoxfire · 5 years ago

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Season 2, Episode 13: Armageddon Game

It's Miles and Julian on a mission together again! The dream team, disabling old weapons of war so they can never be used again! Oops the people they were helping have decided to kill everyone involved to make sure the secret is gone forever! Oops!

Anyway, the two of them are singing each other's praises for the first time. There's been a turning point, Miles has let go of his resentment, and they're becoming friends. So sweet. And a good thing, because they're trapped together in the ruins on this planet now, and Sisko thinks they're dead. And Miles is sick.

I like their dynamic in this one. They are both exceptional people but in very different ways. Miles has experience as a soldier. He understands situations like this and how to survive them. He also has the mechanical expertise. Meanwhile, Julian has the booksmarts and the academic and medical knowledge. I love relationships like that. Too often in Western societies (in the US in particular) there's this emphasis on independence and self-reliance. Everyone is expected to be able to do everything for themselves. There's not enough appreciation for the fact that if everyone specializes in something, and they work together, they can accomplish far more than if every person tries to get to a mediocre skill level at everything, especially since most people have at least one or two things they're just awful at no matter what. The "every man for himself" idea is rubbish.

The conversation about relationships is amusing as well. Julian feels sorry for Miles for being married and tied to just one person, Miles feels sorry for Julian for not having a stable relationship. He is still Baby Bashir after all. But we do learn about a serious relationship from his past, and get the first indications of an underlying desire for that serious relationship after all (surprising no one).

Anyway, I also love that the reason the crew believes the duo is still alive and goes back to look for them is because Keiko insists that Miles never drank coffee late in the day, therefore the video MUST have been tampered with. She's so confident that they go back and search for them and find them and rescue them.

And then, at the very end, Miles says wait... but I drink coffee in the evening all the time!

It's fucking hilarious. After that whole talk about relationships and knowing each other and all that, it turns out Keiko was totally wrong about this very simple thing. The only reason they get rescued is because she was wrong about her own husband, and by blind chance it worked out.

Everything is random, nothing has any meaning, and sometimes things just work out. Love it.

#ds9diary #star trek #ds9 #spoilers

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pandemicthestory · 5 years ago

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5: distanced

The next step is to find an in, and then an out.

The morning news briefing on TV:

Kelly Sanchez, lead anchorwoman, stares gravely into the camera. It will be another day of news that no one wants to hear.

“Good morning, Chicago. We’re here with your daily update of the coronavirus. Schools across the country have been canceled due to a significant shortage of public funding. These are funds that are currently being allocated to bail out the tanking airline industry. The President says that allowing the top corporations to suffer will result in a greater hole for the economy. We hope he’s right.

Meanwhile, bars, restaurants and shopping centers that have been re-opened early to boost the economy have not seen the dramatic rise in business that was expected. Perhaps people are too afraid to go out to dinner amongst the public, or perhaps they simply can’t afford it due to a loss of work. One thing we do know is that the most detrimental effect of these early openings is causing a further spread. As people in certain states that have not seriously social-distanced begin to cross state lines…”

Emma’s mom and dad are sitting on the couch, waiting for Kelly to tell them that things are going to get at least slightly better. But she doesn’t. It’s getting impossible to convince themselves that this will all be over soon--that everything will return to normal. It’s becoming likely that the new “normal,” if it ever comes, will be something that no one has ever seen.

*buzzzz*

Emma’s alarm wakes her up at 8:30 AM. She facepalms herself upon remembering that school doesn’t exist anymore and therefore alarms are canceled. Dammit.

But then, she remembers that Universe is currently downloading to her external hard drive. The excitement of this sends a shock through her system and wakes up every cell in her body. It’s that “Christmas morning” excitement, which is marginally more enjoyable than that “about to run away with a possibly bad dude” excitement. That kind is good too, just, different. She runs over to her computer.

16 HOURS REMAINING

Shit. The size of this application is no joke. Seemingly she’ll have to wait until tonight to begin her exploration. To find Mason.

Emma remembers the talk they had last night, and reflects on his support of her relationships with her friends. She realizes that she didn’t know many people with that quality, guys especially...it seems like they always demand her full attention and become frustrated if asked to share. Especially one guy. Well anyway, Mason. Intriguing.

Emma heads downstairs to make herself a bowl of cereal. Oh wait, there’s no milk. And no cereal either? These days, groceries are scarce and pickings are slim. Ah well, might have to be plain oatmeal. Serious orphanage vibes--which is somewhat fitting since her parents wish they could leave her at one.

Ugh. Every time you eat oatmeal, you forget how horrible oatmeal is. Isabel sits across the table from her, scrolling through her phone with intent and drinking black coffee. Emma smirks.

“Aren’t you kinda young to be drinking coffee? Plus what do you have to energize for, your job at the office?”

Isabel pays no attention to her.

“Hello? Okay what is up with you.”

Isabel looks up from her phone, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Do you have a headset?” she asks.

“Um, what do you mean? Like headphones? What are you talking about?”

Isabel looks down again.

“No, like a viewing headset. Like an Oculus or a Vive. Aren’t you like, a tech nerd? You don’t do anything with VR?”

Odd request. Emma isn’t much of a gamer anymore, she used to play Dota and Warcraft, but that was before she decided to cut back to become more social. Spend time with her friends. Date an asshole. Whatever. But in all her experience with gaming, she had never gotten into VR. She never saw the point...either play games or experience the real world. What was the point in trying to achieve both at the same time?

“No I don’t. And you know those are expensive as hell, right?”

Isabel looks nervous.

“I know. Which is why...um, I was wondering, can I borrow some money?”

Emma bursts out laughing.

“No Iz, you can’t borrow 800 dollars to buy a VR headset. Hey are you aware that we’re going through a global pandemic and the world may or may not be ending? I think food and toilet paper are better investments than virtual tennis, or whatever.”

Isabel just shakes her head. What is with this girl? She’s normally the queen of smartassery--loves to spar with Emma and argue about literally everything. She’s usually so ready for a fight, but now she feels surrendered. It’s weird how you can be trapped in such close quarters with a person and still feel like they’re on a different planet.

Emma and Isabel are two years apart. Up until Emma was 6 and Isabel was 4, they were best friends. They shared everything. Isabel didn’t want to play with a toy unless Emma played with it with her. She wouldn’t wear clothing unless it was Emma’s hand-me-down. They shared a bedroom, the walls covered with monarch butterflies. Their mom went for a theme, tacky lamp shades and all, lord knows she tried her best. Often, they would stay awake late into the night, vividly describing the dream that the other sister would have. They thought if they focused hard enough, they could carry those dreams with them into sleep.

But as they got older, things changed. The tacky butterflies were no longer endearing. Emma moved into a room that was being used as her dad’s office. She got a Nintendo DS for Christmas. And she started locking her door.

Isabel was left to wonder where her role model went. But after Emma made it clear that her hobbies were no longer to be shared, Isabel hardened herself to the rejection. She promised herself to become her own person in any way that she could, to never be dependent on Emma to define her personality.

In fifth grade, Isabel met Anush. They met because they were both teacher helpers in art class, and it was their responsibility to help set up the room before class and clean it up afterwards. They were both very outgoing, emotional, and honest. Isabel always told Anush exactly what she was thinking, and vice versa. The two girls were popular among their classmates, but the good kind of popular. They were kind, and they included the other girls who wanted to be like them.

So really, it makes no sense that Isabel is being the way that she is. She’s confident, vocal, and annoyingly optimistic. On a normal day. So what’s wrong?

“Emma, someone just dropped a package off for you.”

Their mom called from the other room. Isabel leaves the table, stressed and defeated. Emma continues to chip away at the bowl of grey sludge in front of her. It’s crazy that there are still people out there delivering the mail--how long until that stops too?

*buzz*

Good morning, group chat.

OLIVIA: GG morning check-in: I want to talk about what the hell Serena sees in Dan

MADISON: or what dan sees in serena?? Come on he’s like an intellectual and she’s a superficial barbie princess

ZOE: Mad you know that is MISOGYNISTIC and that you’re letting the fact that she wears expensive dresses and has blonde hair cloud your judgement!!

MADISON: oh shut up it’s early

OLIVIA: Remember when you were begging not to watch the show??

MADISON: quarantine does weird shit to people ok

Emma enters the chat.

EMMA: Ok but without Serena, don’t you think Blair is so much more lame? Like it’s the best friend combo that makes the show imo

ZOE: There she is!!!

MADISON: goooood morning to our very own barbie princess!

OLIVIA: Why are any of us even awake? SCHOOL’S OVERRR. Should we like, do something?

EMMA: Like what? Sit on our asses and text each other from afar?

MADISON: sounds chill

Emma laughs to herself. Damn. She’s going to miss them.

Maybe there’s a way for her to tell...part of the truth? Leave the part about Julian out? Kind of a big part... Say she’s coming back? Make up a concrete opportunity? There has to be some sort of acceptable explanation...there just has to be. And even if she can’t come up with one...there are other things she wants to tell them about. Another boy.

EMMA: Hey do you guys wanna do a zoom chat in a few min? Just kinda feel like talking more than texting rn

MADISON: do u mind if i go back to bed and pass on that? I love u girl but i’m tired af

ZOE: aaand same here, but it’s only because i’m supposed to do this thing…

OLIVIA: so call Gabriel?

ZOE: Wellllll...I don’t wanna lie to y’all.

Ha. Emma knows the feeling.

EMMA: you out too Liv?

OLIVIA: I am innnnn give me a call when you’re ready

MADISON: kiss kiss kiss

ZOE: kiiiiissssss

EMMA: bye losers

Well, maybe telling one person is a good place to start. Liv is super understanding...she’ll be able to think of a good way to break the news to Mad and Zoe. Emma runs up to her room and closes the door. She flops down on her unmade bed, and facetimes Olivia.

“Hey Liv”

“Emmmm”

Lingering silence. Emma just kind of stares at the wall. Olivia breaks the silence.

“Sooo what did you wanna talk about?”

Emma doesn’t know if she can do it. Ok, form words. Try.

“I wanna tell you something, that’s kind of a long story. And it’s connected to other stories. And basically I’ve just gone too long without talking about any of it and now there’s like this big clusterfuck of details that I need you to know but can’t figure out where to start.”

Whew. Even the vaguest of outbursts feels cathartic. Olivia doesn’t seem to be freaked out yet.

“Emma, I’m pretty sure I know you better than anyone. And you can trust me.”

“I know you say that now but...I don’t know if, after I say what I, well I don’t know if you’re gonna trust me. I haven’t said everything that I need to say to you. Or Zo and Mad.”

“Ok, so, here’s your chance. I’m listening.”

Emma takes a deep breath. Where to start?

*knock knock*

The knocks are soft. Unlike her mom’s, whose are very prison guard-esque, and actually who is more likely to not knock at all. Emma calls out.

“What.”

Isabel’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

“I gotta tell you something.” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft.

“I’m on the phone with Liv right now, can it wait?”

Silence.

“Iz?”

Emma hears the creaking of Isabel’s footsteps down the wooden hallway, and then her beddoor shutting. Click, it locks.

Emma turns back to the phone.

“That was Iz, she’s been acting like a freak.”

“What’s going on with her?”

“No idea. I feel like 14 is a weird age, plus like, she’s REALLY social and into school and shit. This quarantine is probably forcing an inversion of her personality.”

Olivia nods with sympathy. “God, that’s rough.”

“Yeah...I feel kinda bad I guess. We just don’t really have anything to talk about.”

“Oh come on, you’re sisters. Talk about how controlling your mom is.”

Emma laughs. She flips onto her back and stretches her legs against the wall. Oh, physical exertion of any kind feels so unnatural.

“Well Liv...we do have one thing in common. Which is...one of the things I haven’t told you.”

Emma fights a smile.

“TELL ME”

“So I saw Isabel playing this weird computer game, I mean I don’t even know if it was a game or like what the hell it was, but now, I’m downloading it…”

“Uh, ok?? Why?”

“This is going to sound insane, but hear me out…”

“Hearing…”

“I got this...message...online. From someone who I’ve never met. A guy, I think, and his name is Mason.”

“OOOMG”

“Hahah well it’s not like that, I mean I have no fucking idea WHAT it’s like, because it’s very weird, and um, he’s the reason I’m downloading this game. The one that Iz is playing. Cuz he told me to.”

Silence.

“That...is really fucking weird.”

“I know.”

“You don’t even know how badly I wish I was coming over right now to go all detective on his ass right now with you…”

Emma laughs. “I know you would be. It’s so weird being here alone.”

“You’re not alone Em!!! I’m here. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I’ll ALWAYS be here for you. That’s corny as hell but hey it’s true.”

“Hah, yeah...same. I’m here.”

How can Emma keep this incredibly annoying feeling of guilt suppressed? It’s kind of ruining the buzz of anything else. But it will be ok. Olivia will understand...

*ping*

Emma has come to expect that any message received to her ghostwriter account will be from Mason. She jumps up from her bed, still on the call with Olivia. Emma starts to get excited.

“So this is crazy but he just messaged me, ahhhhhh…”

“Eeee tell me what he said!!”

Sure enough, the message is from Mason.

MASON: hi! did you get it yet?

Emma reads the message aloud to Olivia, who is equally confused.

“What is he talking about?

“I have no idea…”

Emma starts typing a response.

EMMA: Good morning! Get what..?

MASON: a package!

Emma looks confused. Was it...Mason who sent the package? What the hell? How does he know where she lives?? Well at this point she’s not surprised.

“Liv, I gotta call you back!”

“Ok you BETTER tell me what the hell this package situation is because congratulations this is now the most interesting thing happening in my life!!!”

Emma ends the call and runs downstairs. Her parents haven’t moved from the couch, still watching coverage of the virus’s destruction on TV.

“Hey Mom where’s that package??”

“Iz said she’d bring it up to you.”

“What? Can you not give her my mail?”

Emma’s mom turns to face her. “Attitude. Chill.”

Emma rolls her eyes and runs upstairs. She knocks on Isabel’s door. Well, bangs, really.

“Hi ready to talk now. What’s up??”

No response. As Emma presses her ear against the door, she can’t hear anything. She jiggles the handle, it won’t open.

“This is really weird. Hello.”

“Hellooooo.”

“Fine, we don’t have to talk. But I need my package. Now.”

……

Emma grabs the little key from behind the thermostat in the hallway. Isabel will just have to forgive her for this. Emma inserts the key into the lock and…

The lock clicks, the handle turns, and the door opens.

Emma enters the room, ready for Isabel to yell at her.

“Iz??”

First Emma sees the packaging. The medium-sized cardboard box on the ground, the bubble wrap, the plastic…it had clearly been torn off in a hurry...

Isabel is sitting at her computer, her back turned toward Emma.

“Isabel?!”

Emma runs over and jerks the swivel chair to face her, and Isabel slouches over. She’s wearing a virtual reality headset.

The one that was sent to Emma in that package.

“ISABEL”

Isabel’s ears are covered with oversized headphones, but even without them, she wouldn’t be able to hear Emma anyway. Her body is limp. Non-responsive.

Emma starts panicking and checks Isabel’s pulse--steady. Her breathing, normal. What is happening here? What is going on??

Then Emma sees the computer screen.

The map. That fucking map.

She turns back to Isabel. She thinks of Mason. She realizes.

The right question is not “What”, but “Where.”

#writers #writers on tumblr #write #short fiction #shortstory #writing #pandemic #coronavirus #young adult #ya novels

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alexsmitposts · 5 years ago

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From Orwell to Huxley: Grim Prospects of Truth-Telling Scroll through NEO’s website and you will realize that we have been honest in reporting the problems the world faces on a daily basis. The articles are straightforward: real issues, real people, and real insight. While we are steadfast in our reporting, more and more journalists are being subject to the most severe form of censorship, some have taken to – self-censorship in order to avoid the wrath of the powers that be. Such arm twisting by the authorities is nothing but a frontal attack on any semblance of a free media. It is even worse than that—people, in general, are so skeptical of anything written or reported by the mainstream news nowadays. Things have gotten to the point where they don’t believe anything that the MSM says, however, the unfortunate part is that now the lines between mainstream and independent media has also started blurring, with more and more independent media also falling in step with the official government line. I have a distant relative who now says that she refuses to watch or read any news from any source since it is all propaganda, and this feeling of discontent is becoming widespread. Mark Twain once said, “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.” But the wise Mark Twain could also not imagine the dystopian world we live in today, where the only alternative is not to read anything and not to trust anything, as much of news has been turned into mindless entertainment. We know what is happening to Julian Assange, and that is no longer real news, at least for most viewers and the MSM. His ordeal, first at his Embassy holdup after jumping bail, and then being turned over to UK authorities is just the start of another horror story. Given his deteriorating health his stay at the prison is putting his life at risk, and even UN Human Rights experts have warned of his health complications. All that is happening now was predicated by earlier writers. Hence it is time to revisit a bit of ominous literature, as it is not as if we were not warned about what to look forward to in the future. “Brave New World” vs. “1984” – which won? The BBC did an excellent adaptation of “Brave New World” many years ago. I don’t think it survived on tape (it was a few years before the VCRs became ubiquitous). I was able to find one that is close, with Aldous Huxley, an interview with Mike Wallace back in the late ’50s which describes the enemies of freedom in the United States. My first reaction was that of surprise as all that was described seemed so true even in today’s context. He had been able to accurately describe how various bureaucracies, technology, and propaganda methods work in tandem to create a false narrative and distract the people from more real and pressing issues. From his description it becomes clear that the methods being used today to distract us are the same that Hitler used, only now they have become more effective. To compare and contrast, George Orwell’s “1984”, and Alex Huxley’s “Brave New World”—they both predicted different visions of a dystopian future. What has emerged now is a combination of the two takes on what the future holds, or at least that is what the situation looks like as of now. People say we are more Huxley than Orwell, but there are some Orwellian methods too, at least for journalists and whistleblowers. Orwell saw a world where fear was used whereas Huxley perceived a world where we will be manipulated in other ways—more effectively and willingly! It is so very true that Truth has become Treason with the torture of Julian Assange. The powers to be would like us not to consider him a journalist. Truth has never been well received by governments who want to hide it, at any cost, even at the expense of fundamental principles of the founding fathers. But the situation is getting grim day-by-day now. So, where does that leave us? The lesson to others is clear: challenge the global US military empire and you will be destroyed. Politicians are acting as bullies like George Orwell predicted… perhaps. Huxley’s “Soma” drug is allegorical to how people are drugged by devices and perhaps some actual drugs. In Enemies of Freedom Huxley is exposing how free choice, the rational side of man are bypassed – and how the democratic process is circumvented and efforts made to eliminate what would be informed and free choice. Huxley dives deep into the forces that are taking away freedom, including electronic devices, overpopulation, and materialism. However, the greatest threat is over the organization of society and the lack of “thinking beings.” The system, including how education is allocated makes sure that those who question the most are afforded the least conducive environment for learning. Madness in Method But there are better ways, for instance, aversion conditioning is how “Brave New World” has prevailed over “1984.” Low levels of education, distractions caused by cellphones and mindless computer games, and various forms of modern-day “Soma” are all tools in the hands of governments to keep the minds of the and people distracted and to keep them calm and mindless. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be only a few left who would want to read one, or at least have the inclination and time. Younger folk have been manipulated into relinquishing virtually any right or privilege as long as they can still keep their video games and smartphones. “Brave New World” depicts a society that bears more than coincidental resemblance to our society today (watch CNN and Anderson Cooper to get a better idea). But the “Powers That Be” would also prefer that we live in the “1984” society, and they are trying their best to plunge us into that darkness by attacking journalists who describe inconvenient truths. Huxley summed it up best: “By means of ever more effective methods of mind-manipulation, the democracies will change their nature; the quaint old forms— elections, parliaments, Supreme Courts and all the rest—will remain. … Democracy and freedom will be the theme of every broadcast and editorial. … Meanwhile, the ruling oligarchy and its highly trained elite of soldiers, policemen, thought-manufacturers and mind-manipulators will quietly run the show as they see fit.” The comparison is made to radio and television fodder “new devices” and now all that he predicted – subliminal projections contained within films. Once you establish the utility of something that is known to work, you can be certain that the technology of it will steadily improve. How can we preserve the integrity of humans in an age when we are being persuaded below the level of “choice and reason” – not only in how we think but even in our choices for political office. It is no longer a matter of making an intelligent choice for one’s self interests, but falling prey to the manipulations of [MSM] and the manipulations of consumers by Madison Avenue. A democracy depends on the individual voter making an intelligent and rational choice for what he regards as his enlightened self-interest in any given circumstance. But attempts are being made to bypass that “rational choice” by appealing to unconscious forces below the surface – below the level of choice and reason. But that is not happening anytime soon but at least we have a modern version of soma with PR, mind control and a new generation of prescription drugs. Soma can even compete with religion; it takes away bad experiences and makes us all happy and content. All that was written as fiction is now a reality, even genetically engineered babies and a society driving by never-ending consumption. In the quest for the most modern devices, people have become hooked to a reality that does not exist. It is this generation of low castes who are proven to be clueless and preoccupied with promiscuity that paints anyone who speaks in disapproval as intolerant. Society has been transformed into “a pre-ordained caste system ranging from a highly intelligent managerial class to a subgroup of dim-witted serfs programmed to love their menial work; and of soma, a drug that confers instant bliss with no side effects.” That drug comes in many different forms – mostly ignorance and is distributed by the manipulated media and corrupt advertisers. And let us also not forget why it is no longer even necessary to burn or restrict books. As we learned from the newest release, at the movies, of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 –very few among us are actually interested in reading book or truthful news anymore and fewer, in any case, have the critical thinking abilities to understand their true meaning. “We are not born equal but must be made equal by the fire!”

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niennavalier · 5 years ago

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Okay I wasn’t planning on doing a DS9 rant post but here it is, under the cut in case I get annoying about DS9 and romance and Julian in particular

Okay, so I swear, the writers went into the show with this idea that Julian Bashir was gonna be this fresh-out-of-med-school brilliant, attractive doctor with charm to spare and something like this ladies’ man kinda attitude. Maybe (hopefully) not that sleazy, but still. And then it didn’t really work in season 1 in regards to Jadzia, so they dropped that storyline (thank fuck).

But then it’s so weird when I think they’re trying to kinda keep it alive through the show, except it literally never really works quite right? Even though the DS9 writers are legitimately good with writing the other romances on the show?? Kira and Odo? Absolutely adorable, I would die for them. Jadzia and Worf? Who would’ve that that’d work? Not me! But I’d die for them too!

(Yes, all of these characters have other romantic interests at times, some good - like Lenara Kahn - and others less so - Bareil is really boring and Lwaxana Troi DID NOT need to be there - but they also get these fantastic long-term stories)

Meanwhile, for my favorite doctor? I might be missing some but here’s what I could think of whilst typing: Melora was...sorta forgettable (I forgot about the episode until I was just scrolling through all of them). Technically fine but...forgettable. Leeta...honestly I never understood this pairing. I legitimately don’t remember ever seeing them get together on screen; best I recall, they were just together one day and we were supposed to just accept it. Which...whatever, I’m not a fan, and this pairing did nothing for either of them. Serena, I actually liked; they were cute together in that one episode, but at the same time I’m torn because I truly believe the writers made the right choice in that she had to experience the world for herself. For all the cuteness, I much prefer her discovering her own self-worth and think that’s better for her as her own character.

And then. There’s Dax. The first couple seasons? Awkward as fuck. No thanks. But then him and Jadzia become like, best science buddies! And he painfully third-wheels for her date with Lenara in Rejoined! And it’s like “wow now that’s true friendship right there”. And I loved that relationship so much! We watched Julian grow up a lot since the pilot, and honestly, him becoming best friends with Jadzia matched that change really well. Going from this kinda juvenile crush and strange persistence to a much more mature friendship. I mean, there’s one episode (which I can’t place at the moment) where there’s some crisis on the station and they’re hiding somewhere, she’s hurt, and they’re both freezing. And he’s holding her, and she makes some comment on how past-him would’ve used this as an opportunity to try and spark something between them. But present-him isn’t like that anymore, and watching as the audience, there truly isn’t weird romantic tension between them. It’s intimacy and familiarity and comfort without the weight of romance. And it’s perfect.

But then all of a sudden, the back half of season 6 starts happening, and apparently he’s always loved her? And it’s like...where did this come from?? You were doing so well, writers, what happened?? It just...suddenly brought back all the awkwardness of season 1, except at least this time, he’s not acting on it. So instead it’s just weirdly angsty and 100% out of left field. (Also Quark loves her, which is random but less concerning to me cause at least it wasn’t reviving an abandoned plot point, like with Julian) (The Quark point isn’t relevant, but I just felt like saying it)

And that whole thing just put the biggest pit in my stomach, cause I knew about Ezri joining them in season 7 and I was just like “nooo pleeeease don’t get him together with Ezri”

Apparently I just live to be disappointed.

Full disclosure, I actually haven’t fully watched the scene where they get together, but my roommate did end up coming upon a scene of them together in bed, and I’m not that stupid. Bonus: I’m about 6 away from the end, and that in itself is kinda concerning, because now I’m double concerned that it’s gonna be rushed even worse than I thought it would. Because, as of now, she has had barely any contact with Julian, outside of just being part of the senior staff (aka being a main character). I can honestly only actively remember them having one conversation, which just existed for her to say that if Worf hadn’t shown up, then Jadzia would’ve chosen Julian. Which...okay...what now? Worf didn’t show up until season 5, wtf is this about? If Jadzia was actually in love with Julian, she would’ve done something about it. Jadzia Dax is NOT passive about what she wants, and it’s what makes her such a joy to watch. She’s even willing to act against her own culture out of her love for Lenara, despite hesitation because yeah, that’s a lot of risk. She’s willing to leave her friends to be with the dude she met in that weird world that blipped between universes. She acts with her heart and without fear, even in situations where there are barriers stopping her from doing what she wants. There was never such a barrier with her and Julian, so yeah, no, if she’d wanted him - truly wanted him - she would’ve gone for it.

The scene only exists for them to try and justify putting him together with Ezri, and it SUCKS on every conceivable level.

(Also yes, I know they have some other, normal conversations, but they’re never particularly interesting or impactful, so I don’t remember them, and that probably says something in and of itself)

For one, their lack of conversation and just...general shared screentime is so small that I can’t buy the idea that the two of them actually know each other that well. Even if they did bond off-screen, thus far, the show itself never actually gives any evidence of that while they ARE on screen. They have the same level of chemistry that Julian and Kira should have (although, strangely, the characters have much better chemistry than their screentime would seem to indicate but...well they were married IRL so...yeah). Friendly colleagues, but that’s really it. And yet, he’s gonna fall in love with her?

I don’t think so.

He’s in love with Jadzia (apparently. but that’s a different complaint, seen above). He’s in love with a past life of the Dax symbiont. That past life just happens to be contained now within Ezri, and it’s the only conceivable reason I have for why he’s interested in her at all. Realistically, had Ezri Tegan never become Ezri Dax, I doubt Julian would’ve had the same thoughts about her. Granted, people can meet by circumstance and fall in love - I’m not shitting on that idea - and I’m not implying that Julian is a dick by any means, but the show itself doesn’t give us any reason that he would fall for her. Like...what traits of Ezri does Julian find himself attracted to, aside from the fact she was once Jadzia? I don’t think the show ever actually gives any answer to that question. She may carry some shades of Jadzia’s habits and idiosyncrasies and such, because that’s how joined Trill work, but she’s also very much still Ezri. And, for the sake of her character, that should be really important? So, frankly, it’s actually just...really insulting to Ezri? That she’s not loved for who she is, but who the Dax host was. And that’s honestly just awful.

And I actually just thought of this while writing this post and complaining about that one conversation, but it also sucks for Julian a bit, too? Like, the way Ezri phrases that one line - “If Worf hadn’t come along, it would’ve been you” - it feels to me like he was very much the second choice. And...would that not feel awful to be told that? Basically that you were someone else’s back-up plan. I mean, I can’t speak from experience, but I can’t imagine that feels good. And plus, now he knows that Jadzia apparently had those feelings for him, which Ezri now carries with her. Which...wouldn’t something about that just feel wrong? These aren’t Ezri’s feelings exactly; she’s just stuck with them. And Julian is fundamentally a good person who has some idea of how the Trill work; wouldn’t this be a little like he’s...not quite using her, but allowing her to act on feelings that aren’t actually, truly hers? So the situation ends up being that she might not really love him, not as Ezri, and that would really suck for both of them.

Granted, that’s not to say she couldn’t decide that on her own; she totally could, but the show hasn’t laid the groundwork for that. And it’s also not to discredit feelings that linger from past hosts. Jadzia and Lenara are drawn to each other because of Torias and Neilani, but they also do legitimately fall in love with the people they are now and bond over their shared interests in their present forms. Honestly, the show even makes this distinction? When Ezri and Worf are stuck together, they definitely sleep together, but the show makes it fairly clear that it’s pent up tension from the two of them not talking, combined with the fact he and Jadzia were newly married. I’m pretty sure they decide it’s not really something to pursue; it was just what happened out of old instincts, not out of actual love between the two people actually involved.

Mostly, I take issue because of the first sentence of that last paragraph. The show just never sets it up. If it showed her and Julian having chemistry, I’d have far fewer complaints about this. (For fuck’s sake, I think she had a deeper conversation with JORAN. THE MURDERER. Than she really did with Julian. Now that’s a problem)

Long story short: they really shouldn’t have kept trying to shoe-horn romance in for Julian. All of his stories work better without, particularly in the long-term. The chemistry is just...never there with his long-term potential partners the writers throw at him. He really does have the best chemistry with Miles and Garak. That’s all fantastic.

(Which is to also say: I get that it was the 90s but I really wish we could’ve gotten our disaster bi doctor and his lizard spy boyfriend. Just saying)

#from the mind of niennavalier #ds9 #did this turn into a long way to justify julian and garak?#a little #but im also annoyed #oh and to clarify #i dont speak from experience comes from the fact im very much not in a relationship #and never have been #just wanted to make sure im not coming off like im so perfect or something #im not #im the biggest dumbass i know and its fun #oh also i just thought of this but dont wanna reformat my rant #but the scene where ezris like #oh my god im in love with julian #and its such a surprise to her #its like #same #im also surprised #where is this coming from #tbh id think it was ironic if not for the fact she and julian are apparently gonna sleep together #also fun fact #my brother wanted to start a podcast of the two of us talking about random shit #with side series we do separated about whatever we want #he wants to do cars #and im like what do i do?#tv reactions??#and decided maybe i will #record my reaction to the two of them together #which will probably just be eternal screaming #but still

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uomo-accattivante · 6 years ago

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Oscar Isaac in the role of painter Paul Gauguin is trouble you see coming from a mile away—the kind you live to regret falling for anyway.

He’s a holier-than-thou painting bro with a “slightly misanthropic” streak (Isaac’s generous wording), eyes glinting with disgust in his first close-up. Pipe in one hand, book in another, dressed all black save for an elegant red scarf, he slams a table and shames the Impressionists gathered around him: “They call themselves artists but behave like bureaucrats,” he huffs after a theatrical exit. “Each of them is a little tyrant.”

From a few tables away, another painter, Vincent van Gogh, watches in awe. He runs into the street after Gauguin like a puppy dog.

Within a year, a reluctant Gauguin would move in with van Gogh in a small town in the south of France, in the hope of fostering an artists’ retreat away from stifling Paris. Eight emotionally turbulent weeks later, van Gogh would lop off his left ear with a razor, distraught that his dearest friend planned to leave him for good. He enclosed the bloody cartilage in wrapping marked “remember me,” intending to have it delivered to Gauguin by a frightened brothel madam as a bizarre mea culpa. The two never spoke again.

Or so the last two years of Vincent van Gogh’s life unspool in Julian Schnabel’s At Eternity’s Gate, itself a kind of lush, post-Impressionistic memoir of the Dutchman’s tormented time in Arles, France. (Not to mention artistically fruitful time: Van Gogh churned out 200 paintings and 100 watercolors and sketches before the ear fiasco landed him in an insane asylum.)

Isaac plays Gauguin like an irresistibly bad boyfriend, a bemused air of condescension at times wafting straight into the audience: “Why’re you being so dramatic?” he scoffs directly into the camera, inflicting a first-person sensation of van Gogh’s insult and pain.

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Yet in the painter’s artistic restlessness, Isaac, 37, sees himself: “That desire to want to do something new, to want to push the boundaries, to not just settle for the same old thing and get so caught up with the minutia of what everyone thinks is fashionable in the moment.” He talks about “staying true to your own idea of what’s great.” He talks about “finding something honest.”

From another actor, the sentiment might border on banal. But Oscar Isaac—Guatemalan-born, Juilliard-trained and, in his four years since breaking through as film’s most promising new leading man, christened superlatives from “this generation’s Al Pacino” to the “best dang actor of his generation”—might really have reason to mean what he says. He’s crawling out the other end of a life-altering two years, one that’s encompassed personal highs, like getting married and becoming a father, and an acutely painful low: losing a parent.

He basked in another Star Wars premiere, mined Hamlet for every dimension of human experience, and weathered the worst notices of his career with Life Itself. Through it all, he says, he’s spent a lot of time in his head—reevaluating who he is, what he wants, and what matters most.

Right now, he’s aiming for a year-long break from work, his first in a decade, after wrapping next December’s Star Wars: Episode IX. “I’m excited to, like Gauguin, kind of step away from the whole thing for a bit and focus on things that are a bit more real and that matter to me,” he says.

Until then, he’s just trying “to keep moving forward as positively as I can,” easing into an altered reality. “You’re just never the same,” he says quietly. “On a cellular level, you’re a completely different person.”

When we talk, Isaac is in New York for one day to promote and attend the New York Film Festival premiere of At Eternity’s Gate. Then it’s back on a plane to London, where Pinewood Studios and Star Wars await.

Episode IX, the last of Disney’s new Skywalker trilogy, will see Isaac reprise the role of dashing Resistance pilot Poe Dameron, whose close relationship with Carrie Fisher’s General Leia evokes joy but also melancholy after Fisher’s untimely passing.

Each film was planned in part as a celebration and send-off to each of the original trilogy’s most beloved heroes: in The Force Awakens, Han Solo (Harrison Ford); in The Last Jedi, Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill); Fisher, meanwhile, had hoped to save Leia’s spotlight for last but passed unexpectedly long before filming began. Director J.J. Abrams, returning to close the trilogy he opened with Episode VII, has since said that unseen footage of Fisher from that previous film will ensure the General appears, however briefly.

For his part, Isaac promises the still-untitled ninth film will pay appropriate homage to Leia—and to Fisher’s sense of fun. “The story deals with that quite a bit,” he says. “It’s a strange thing to be on the set and to be speaking of Leia and having Carrie not be around. There’s definitely some pain in that.” Still, he says, compared to the first two installments, “there’s a looseness and an energy to the way that we’re shooting this that feels very different.”

“It’s been really fun being back with J.J., with all of us working in a really close way. I just feel like there’s an element of almost senioritis, you know?” he laughs. “Since everything just feels way looser and people aren’t taking it quite as seriously, but still just having a lot of fun. I think that that energy is gonna translate to a really great movie.”

Fisher’s absence is felt keenly on set, Isaac says. As if to reassure us both, however, he reiterates: “It deals with the amazing character that Carrie created in a really beautiful way.”

Two months after Fisher’s death, Isaac’s mother, Eugenia, passed away after an illness. A month after that, the actor married his girlfriend, the Danish documentarian Elvira Lind. Another month later, the couple welcomed their first son, named Eugene to honor the little boy’s grandmother. Work offered a way for a reeling Isaac to process.

There was his earth-shaking run at Hamlet, in which Isaac starred as the titular prince in mourning at New York’s Public Theater. And then there was writer-director Dan Fogelman’s Life Itself, a film met with reviews that near-unanimously recoiled from its “cheesy,” “overwrought” structure, filled with what one critic called the genuine emotion of “a damage-control ExxonMobil commercial.”

The reaction surprised Isaac. “I thought it was some of my strongest work,” he says. “Especially at that moment in my life. This guy is dealing with grief and, for me, it was a really honest way of trying to understand those emotions and to create a character who was also going through just incomprehensible grief.” He’s proud of the performance—and, in a strange way, heartened by the sour critical response.

“To be honest,” he says brightly, “there was something really comforting about it.” That the work “for me, meant something and for others, didn’t at all, it just made the whole thing not matter so much in a great way.”

“I was able to explore something and come out the other end and feel like I grew as an actor,” he explains. “That matters to me a lot. And the response to that, you know, it’s interesting of course, but it was a great example for me of how it really doesn’t dictate how I then feel about what I did.”

He thinks for a moment of performances and projects that, conversely, embarrassed him—ones that to his shock, boasted “really great notices” in the end. “You just never know, you know? It’s completely out of my control.”

Isaac is an encouraging listener in conversation, doling out interested yeahs and uh-huhs, and often warm, self-deprecating laughter. When I broach a particularly personal subject, he seems to sit up—somehow, suddenly more present. It’s about his last name.

Óscar Isaac Hernández Estrada dropped both surnames before enrolling at Juilliard in 2001. He’d run into several Óscar Hernándezes at auditions by that point, and taken note of the stereotypes casting directors seemed to have in mind for them—gangsters, drug dealers, the works. So he made a change, not unlike many actors do.

Whether Óscar Hernández might have had a crack at the astonishingly diverse roles Oscar Isaac has inhabited, we’ll never know. But given Hollywood’s limiting tendencies, it’s less likely he might have played an English king for Ridley Scott in 2010’s Robin Hood, three years before his breakthrough role as a cantankerous folk singer in Joel and Ethan Coen’s Inside Llewyn Davis. He was an Armenian genocide survivor in last year’s The Promise, an Israeli secret agent in August’s Operation Finale, and now, he’s the Frenchman Paul Gauguin.

Star Wars’ Poe Dameron, meanwhile, or the mysterious tech billionaire in Alex Garland’s Ex Machina, or the army commando in his second Garland mind-twist, Annihilation, specify no ethnicities at all. It’s the dream: to be hailed as a great actor, period, and not a “great Latino actor” first. To be appreciated for your talent, and seen as “other” rarely at all.

There’s a crawl space between those distinctions, though, where another anxiety lives. The one that makes you wonder: Am I “representing” as loudly as I should? Am I obligated to do so in my work? If I don’t, what does that make me? Questions for when you grew up in Miami, or another Latino-dominant place, reckoning with how you’re perceived in a spotlight outside of it. Isaac listens attentively. Then for several unbroken minutes, talks it out with himself.

He rewinds to yesterday, when he boarded a plane from London on which an air steward addressed him repeatedly as “señor,” unbidden. “It was just a little weird. So I started calling him ‘señor’ as well. I was like, thank you, señor!” Isaac recalls, cracking up. “But then at the same time, I had that thought. I was like, but no, I should really, you know, be proud of being a señor, I guess?”

“I think for a lot of immigrants, the idea is that you don’t always just want to be thought of as other. Like, I don’t want him to be just calling me ‘señor.’ Why?” he asks, more of the steward than himself. “Because I look like I do, so I’m not a mystery anymore? It did bring up all those kinds of questions.”

He grew up in the United States, he explains; his family came over from Guatemala City when Isaac was 5 months old. “I’m most definitely Latino. That’s who I am. But at the same time, for an actor it’s like, I want to be hired not because of what I can represent, but because of what I can create, how I can transform, and the power of what I create.”

Still, Isaac has eyes and ears and exists in the year 2018 with the rest of us. “I’m not an idiot,” he adds. “And I know that we live in a politically charged time. There’s so much terrible language, particularly right now, being used against Latinos as a kind of political weapon.” He recognizes, too, the necessity “for people to see people that look like them, because that’s a very inspiring thing.”

As a kid, Isaac looked up to Raúl Juliá, the Puerto Rican-born actor and Broadway star whose breakthrough movie role came as Gomez Addams of the ’90s Addams Family films. “But I looked up to him particularly because he was a Latino that wasn’t being pigeonholed just in Latino parts,” Isaac adds.

“I do think there is a separation between the artist and the art form, between a craftsperson and the craft,” he says, applying the difference in this context to himself. He calls it “that double thing,” as apt a term as any for that peculiar, precise tension: “Like yes, I am who I am, I came from where I come from. But my interest isn’t just in showing people stuff about myself, because I don’t find me to be all that interesting.”

“What is more interesting to me is the work that I’m able to do, and all that time that I spent learning how to do Shakespeare and how to break down plays and try to create a character and do accents,” he says. “That, for me, is what’s fun.”

But it’s always that “double thing”—reconciling two pulls and finding a way not to get torn up. He wants American Latinos “to know, to be proud that there is someone from there that is out and doing work and being recognized not just for being a Latino that’s been able to do that.” On the other hand, he’s “just like any artist who’s out there doing something. I feel like that’s…” He pauses. “That’s also something to be proud of, you know?”

Isaac’s focus lands on me again. “And I think for you too, you’re a writer and that’s what you do. Your identity is also part of that, but I think that you want the work to stand on its own, too.” His sister is “an incredible scientist. She’s at the forefront of climate change and particularly how it affects Latino communities and low-income areas. And she is a Latina scientist, but she’s a scientist, you know? She’s a great scientist without the qualifier of where she’s from. And that’s also very important.”

Paul Gauguin’s life after van Gogh’s death by gunshot at 37 revealed more repugnant depths than his dick-ish insensitivity.

He defected from Paris again, this time to the South Pacific, determined to break from the staid art scene once and for all. He “married” three adolescent brides, two of them 14 years old and the other 13, infecting each girl with syphilis and settling into a private compound he dubbed Maison de Jouir, or “House of Orgasms.” “Pretty gnarly, nasty stuff,” Isaac concedes, though he withholds judgment of the man in his performance onscreen.

To do so might have made his Gauguin—alluring, haughty, insufferable, brilliant—“not quite as complex.” Opposite Willem Dafoe’s divinely wounded depiction of van Gogh, however, he found room to play. “It was interesting to ask, well, what’s the kind of person that would feel that he’s entitled to do those kinds of things?” The man onscreen is an asshole, to be sure, but hardly paints the word “sociopath” onto a canvas. He’s simply human: “I think that anyone has at least the capacity to do” what Gauguin did, Isaac reasons.

The actor has had more than one reason to think on a person’s capacity to do terrible things in the last year. Two men he’s worked with—his Show Me a Hero director, Paul Haggis, and X-Men: Apocalypse helmer Bryan Singer—were both accused of sexual assault in the last year, part of a torrent of unmasked misconduct Hollywood’s Me Too movement brought to national attention.

“It’s a tricky thing,” Isaac says, “because you get offered jobs all the time and, I guess, what’s required now? What kind of background checks can someone do beforehand? There isn’t a ton.” (Just ask Olivia Munn.) “Especially as an actor, to make sure that the people you’re working with, surrounding yourself with, haven’t done something in their past that I guess will make you seem somehow like you’re propping up bad behavior.”

Carefully, he expresses reservations about the phenomenon of the last year. “People don’t feel like they’re getting justice through any kind of legal system, so they take it to the streets,” he ventures. “It’s basically street justice. You have no other option. And what happens when you take it to the streets is that damage occurs, and sometimes people get taken down, things get destroyed that you feel like maybe shouldn’t have.”

“But some of it had to happen, and hopefully now there’ll be more of a system in place to take these things seriously,” he says. “It seems like it is starting to happen more, but then you see things like, how can this person get away with it? How can that person? It just boggles the mind.”

He pulls back again, remembering what’s out of his control.

Tomorrow, he’ll be back in an X-Wing suit, as Poe struggles to accept the same truth. In a year, he’ll be home in New York with his wife and young son, focusing on matters more “real” than Hollywood, its artists, and its art. Whatever he chooses whenever he returns, he’ll be ready—for the critics, the questions, for this new reality.

“All I can do is just do what means something to me,” he says. “You just have to find something honest.” One expects he will.

###

#oscar isaac #paul gauguin #at eternity's gate #poe dameron #star wars #carrie fisher #episode ix #episode 9 #operation finale #life itself #inside llewyn davis #hamlet #robin hood #the promise #ex machina #annihilation #show me a hero #x men: apocalypse #interview

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randomnessunicorn-imagine · 6 years ago

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♦️ with Garak? Maybe at a party?

{I had a lot of fun writing it!

I’mproud of this piece and I hope you could appreciate~

Don’t forget to like or reblog if you like my writing, that would make me so glad!}

ASK FOR PROMPTS

– Prompt: ♦ Slow dancing

🦎 ELIMGARAK 🦎

TheBajoran Gratitude Festival was coming and you were very excited.

This was your first festival and, even if you werenot a Bajoran, you were very curious and enthusiastic about it. You were veryinterested in other races’ festivities and therefore you wanted to takeadvantage of this opportunity to learn more about the Bajoran culture.

The most absurd and strange thing -many would sayit was also the most ironic thing- was that you had not asked to a real Bajoranto accompany you in this particular event. In fact, you had asked to anotherperson to be your “date”. To a person who was anything but a Bajoran, the leastsuitable and coherent person to participate in the festival, namely Garak: theplain and simple Garak. You asked to a Cardassian to take part in the Bajoranfestival.

Perhapsthis was not a brilliant or reasonable idea but you supposed it was fair.

You thought that the hostility between the two raceswould never have ceased if they had not become used to each other’s presence. TheBajoran had to learn to see Garak as their plain and simple friend and not asan impostor or enemy and even Garak had to stop feeling anxiety, fear or angertowards them.

“My dear Y/N, do you think that my presence at the BajoranGratitude Festival is reallynecessary?“ Garak asked in a distracted tone of voice while he was patchingup a pair of trousers.

“Your presence is always necessary, Garak.” A sly smile appeared on his face whenyou said that his presence was essential, he felt flattered.

However, you did not notice his expression and youkept talking, “They have to get used to your company and understand thatyou don’t want to hurt them. You know, you’re like an antibiotic and with time they’llovercome their fear of Cardassians, they just need to see that you’re notdangerous, you’re funny and friendly, so you must come.” You explained ina serious tone of voice as if you had taken it as a mission.

“An antibiotic?” he asked perplexed and he surely didnot want to be a hero or the one who would bring peace between the two contenders.He still had his own problems and could not think about Bajor’s problems, too.

“Yes, that goes for you as well, because you alsohave to overcome your anxieties towards them. Do you know how? By helping eachother!” You said enthusiastically, you really believed your words andGarak did not want to break your dreams. He was not as optimistic or hopeful asyou were and he did not think it was so easy to win Bajoran’s trust especiallywhen you were a Cardassian.

“Then I will be the life of the party. The nicestand gentlest Cardassian they’ve ever met.” Garak said sarcastically, grinning. Thenhe kept sewing those trousers, still reflecting on your naivety. A very absurd naivety,tender but stupid or perhaps just childish. He could not define it.

Sometimes, Garak did not understand you, maybe spendingall that time with Julian made you as hopeful and optimistic as he was andGarak did not know if he had to worry or find this fact just hilarious andlaugh about it. Alternatively, maybe this was just an excuse to invite him to adate, his Cardassian brain, so mischievous and sneaky, had thought that thiswas just a well-designed excuse to invite him without really admitting it.Garak knew that you really cared about the situation of Bajor and you were not asneaky person so his suspicious nature was tricking him.

“And thenyou don’t have to worry, you won’t be alone, Julian and I will be there, so youhave nothing to fear.” You spoke reassuringly, you were not able to hidethe sarcasm in your voice and he also was unable to keep it as secret.

“You are my knight in shining armour, Y/N. Imight consider the option of coming, but on one condition.” Garak asked andshowed his usual amused and cunning, indecipherable smile.

“Which condition?” You asked, raising aneyebrow.

“My dear, Y/N.” he got up from his workbench,“Let me make your suit. It is not proper to show up in uniform in asimilar occasion, it would be a real shame.” He proposed and you did notexpect this kind of condition but it made sense in its absurdity.

Every now and then, you wondered if he really took hisjob as a tailor seriously or if he was a very good actor, maybe he pretended tolove his job, or maybe he was just a joker. You found the offer interestinganyway.

“Well, actually, I don’t have any party dress.You know? When I joined the Starfleet, I never imagined I had to attend acultural party of this kind.” You said and you usually wore your elegantuniform in these situations and so it was a total new experience for you.

“Even I would’ve never imagined that I had tomake dresses for these peasant celebrations. For Bajoran peasant celebrations,moreover.” Garak smiled sarcastically thinking that life was truly alunatic and ironic harlot.

“Yes, it’s quite weird but I bet it will befabulous. Thanks Garak, I’m really happy to go with you.” You said, smilingtenderly.

He also was glad to go with you but he did not exposethis truth and he only nodded, showing one of his usual playful and curious smiles,before getting back to his usual and less curious job.

The day of the festival came and you still couldnot imagine that you would go with Garak.

Kira and O'Brien defined yourchoice to date him as inappropriate and dangerous, they were worried about youand that Garak could deceive you or hurt you but you reassured them thateverything was going well and they had no reason to be anxious. A similar attitude would never bring peace, so you thought thatinviting Garak was the right and proper thing to do, this was a small step towardpeace but it could become something greater in the future.

The party would start within three hours and you stillhad to get dress and ready. You spent all your timehelping, arranging the decorations and cleaning up that you forgot that you hadto participate at this party and that you had to prepare yourself as well. Thenyou ran into your quarters because you had no more time to waste.

In front of your door was standing an irritated andimpatient Cardassian and as soon as he saw you, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“I thought they had kidnapped you, I couldn’tfind you anywhere. Have you forgotten your communicator eventhis time?” Garak asked, hiding his irritated tone.

Then you pressed your chest, where your communicatorshould have been, and nothing was there.

“Oh sorry. I forgot itagain. I was so busy with the preparations and I didn’t realizeI didn’t wear my communicator.” You sighed, cursing your own stupidity.

“Don’t worry your little pretty mind, it can happen. However,we don’t have much time, I’ve packed your dress and I want you to wear it.I would have liked if you would have worn it earlier but I alsowanted this to be a surprise.” Garak said in a hurried tone, maybe he was justimpatient to see you wearing the dress he made for you.

“Oh thank you a lot, Garak. I’mvery sorry for being late, you’re a sweetheart.” You said enthusiastically, andthen the two of you went into your quarters.

“I said that I would’ve been the kindest of theCardassians.” He said in a humble tone.

“Really? Butyou already are!” You said giggling and he smiled with contentment.

“Ah, you’re very kind, but now wear that dress, please.” He gaveyou the dress he folded with care. It was turquoise, such a noble colour,precious and soave; a bluish green you truly appreciated. Garak thought thatthis colour would match a lot with your eyes. You did not know how he knew thatamong all the colours, this was your favourite, you did not remember to have evertold him this information, you were surprised.

Later, you went to the bathroom to change and you were even more impressedby the beauty of the dress, now that you saw it in its entirety. It rested onyour body perfectly and it was made to measure. It was embroidered with blueand emerald scales, the fabric shone in the light like a jewel. It was simplebut complex in its beauty, it was also the way Garak perceived you. He saw youas a simple but also complex, modest and kind person who wanted to help others,a rare and priceless gem. Obviously, these words would never have come out of hisCardassian’s lips, even under torture.

Garak was proud of his job and he spent some minutes observing you, youfelt a little embarrassed but you had to admit, you just adored this dress andyou adored the Cardassian for having donated you such a wonderful gift and thehonour to accompany you at the festival.

“I think they’re waiting for us.” You said, smiling.

“Surely, they’re waiting for you but I doubt that they’re enthusiast to seeme, dear Y/N.” Garak said, pretending to feel offended.

“Don’t be silly, you’re still the life of the party and they’ll be positivelysurprised.” You answered, taking his hand and then the two of you headed to theparty.

Itwas truly a beautiful evening, everyone seemed happy, carefree and cheerful.

You had not even one moment left his hand as youadmired the decorated station, it seemed unrecognizable and you did not imaginethat a place like this could become so festive and lively.

“See?We made become the fierce and dark Cardassian space station a place forpartying and entertainment.” You said, giggling, as you walked with Garak acrossthe promenade.

“Youdid a good job, I’m impressed.” It was strange to see the station fromthis point of view but he had to admit that it was not so bad, it wasdifferent, maybe even Garak needed a bit of leisure for once and to forgetabout all his problems and preoccupations.

Meanwhile,the Bajoran band was playing some traditional Bajoran music and immediately youshook Garak’s hand, looking at him smiling and hopeful.

“CanI ask you to dance, my dear Garak?” You asked him, gallantly.

“Oh,do you want me to dance Bajoran music? Well, if it’s with you I think I couldeven participate in a Klingon ritual, dear.” Garak smiled, it was a friendlysmile, it was not sneaky or sarcastic as his previous smiles, since this onewas almost tender, sincere.

Garak accompanied you on the dance floor, placing ahand on your hip; his gesture was so delicate that you did not even perceive it.Then he held you close to him, looking into your glance andforgetting the world around him. You were lost in hisblue eyes and you felt like you were living a fairy-tale, a magical andenchanted experience.

You and Garak fluctuated on the notes of music,deprived of all worry, anxiety or prejudice, as if you were one with theuniverse, together and no longer alone.

Then you two kept on dancing even when the music hadceased, the band had left and the party was about to end but you were together,relaxed and inseparable.

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nerdgatehobbit · 2 years ago

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Okay, now that I’ve seen the first season of DS9, I’m going to give everyone a Pokémon or two. I’ll try to remember to redo this every season as I get a better understanding of the characters. It’s silly but I do enjoy doing this sort of thought experiment.

Benjamin has a Scyther purely because I know it’s associated with baseball due to a pun in the original Japanese. More seriously, I think it could work to have him start out with a very small team due to losing most of them on the Saratoga. Yes, it would make his backstory even more tragic, but I doubt it could happen otherwise, unfortunately.

Similarly, I think it’d be bittersweet if they had managed to grab one of Jennifer’s Pokéballs before escaping but I’m not sure what sort of Pokémon she’d have. Maybe an Altaria? Hmm. It’d help if I had a better grasp on her personality.

Regardless of the specifics of how a Star Trek/Pokémon fusion would work, Jake would be staying close to his dad after what happened rather than going on a journey. However, he does have a starter: I’m leaning towards a Chikorita right now.

Quark probably has some Meowth, Persian, & Perrserker that all know Pay Day (Kanto, Alola, and Galar variants). They also act as his underlings. Calling Odo a Ditto is a sure-fire way to get swindled by Quark and about the only way to even be threatened with being banned.

Meanwhile, Rom has a Rotom which quickly develops a feud with Miles. Nog has a male Nidoran (ultimately subverting expectations and all that).

Kira has an Absol, who was very helpful in alerting her to danger during the occupation. Maybe she also has a Fighting-Type Pokémon?

Odo definitely has a Mimikyu, because he’s sympathetic to changing your exterior in a failed attempt to obtain affection & acceptance.

Keiko clearly would prefer Grass-Type Pokémon. I’m just unsure if I want her to have an Ivysaur because it suits her or because I like it. Hmm.

Miles has an Lairon who is uninterested in evolving as it wants to remain able to tag along on Miles’ shifts.

Jadzia starts out with a brand-new starter as I’ve gathered that Trill try to ‘start over’ with each host. I’m just torn between a Charmander, Mudkip, or a Rowlet. Again I’m wondering if it’s because they’d fit her or if I’m just handing out my favorites.

I know Julian has a teddy bear but I’m not sure if a Teddiursa is a good fit for him. Perhaps a Glaceon, to hint at his concealed secrets? Since that wouldn’t be the evolution of Eevee to be expected of him.

Garak either has an Ariados or a Mightyena. He’s only been in one episode so I’m unsure which would work for him (both?).

#my ramblings #Pokémon & Star Trek #not tagging further to avoid cluttering searches

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f1 · 2 years ago

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Sergio Perez signs a new contract with Red Bull until 2024 after victory in Monaco

Sergio Perez signs a new contract with Red Bull until 2024 just two days after winning the Monaco Grand Prix despite tensions running high with Max Verstappen's dad claiming the team is 'favouring' the Mexican driver Sergio Perez has his contract extended days after Monaco Grand Prix victory The 32-year-old Mexican is not committed to Red Bull until at least 2024 The driver says he is 'proud' to be able to continue driving for Red Bull Max Verstappen's father claims the team are 'favouring' the Mexican driver By Julian Bovill For Mailonline Published: 09:49 EDT, 31 May 2022 | Updated: 09:49 EDT, 31 May 2022 Sergio Perez has signed a two-year contract extension with Red Bull days after his dramatic win at the Monaco Grand Prix. In wet conditions on the Cote d'Azur Perez stormed from starting third on the grid to claim victory at Monaco. The 32-year-old Mexican said it had been an 'incredible week', starting with his victory on Sunday, his first of the season, and being capped off with the announcement that his deal had been extended by two years. Sergio Perez celebrated his first win of the season at the Monaco Grand Prix on Sunday Max Verstappen, the reigning world champion, congratulates his Red Bull team-mate He said: 'For me, this has been an incredible week. 'Winning the Monaco Grand Prix is a dream for any driver and then to follow that with announcing I will continue with the team until 2024 just makes me extremely happy. 'I am so proud to be a member of this team and I feel completely at home here now.' Perez joined Red Bull in 2020 and has grown into a talented figure on the team, finding himself third in the Drivers Championship. Christian Horner, Red Bull's team principal, said Sergio Perez had become a force to be reckoned with the 'sharp end' of the grid Christian Horner, Red Bull's team principal, paid tribute to Perez's development since his arrival at the team two years ago. 'Time and again he has proved himself to not only be a magnificent team player but, as his level of comfort has grown, he has become a real force to be reckoned with at the sharp end of the grid,' he said. 'For us, holding onto his pace, race craft and experience was a no-brainer.' Max Verstappen looked on with disappointment as he could only manage third in a rain-affected race in Monaco Meanwhile, the awarding of the new deal to Perez comes amid comments from Max Verstappen's father, Jos, that Red Bull were 'favouring' Perez at the Monaco Grand Prix. Verstappen went on to complain that Max, the reigning world champion and current drivers, was not helped by the 'racing strategy' that he said favoured Verstappen Jr's. Mexican team-mate. 'Red Bull achieved a good result, but at the same time exerted little influence to help Max to the front,' he wrote in a blog post. He continued: 'That he finished third, he owes to Ferrari's mistake at that second stop of Charles Leclerc. 'That he finished third, he owes to Ferrari's mistake at that second stop of Charles Leclerc.' 'The team can perhaps explain that as a gamble, but they had already seen, with for example Gasly, that the intermediates were the best option at the time,' he went on. Perez took advantage of mistakes by Ferrari in a rain-affected race to take first position 'I would have liked them to go for Max, but of course I am not entirely objective. 'I think ten points from Max have been thrown away here. Especially with the two retirements we've had, we need every points. 'Don't forget that Ferrari currently has a better car, especially in qualifying.' Verstappen current leads the Drivers Championship by nine points from Ferrari's Charles Leclerc and a further 15 points ahead of Perez. Jos Verstappen (left) was annoyed his son didn't receive priority in Red Bull's race strategy Advertisement Share or comment on this article: Sergio Perez signs a new contract with Red Bull until 2024 after victory in Monaco via Formula One | Mail Online https://www.dailymail.co.uk?ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&ito=1490

#F1 #Sergio Perez signs a new contract with Red Bull until 2024 after victory in Monaco #Formula 1

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builder051 · 6 years ago

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The best of what’s around, chapter 10

A collab with @anonyony1

This story features my (Laur’s) character Troy and Lux’s Ozzy and Julian.

TRIGGER WARNINGS for mentions of drug/alcohol abuse, withdrawal, past trauma, and mentions of death.

From here on out, the focus is more on the angst.

Part 10 of 13.

_____

“Yeah, totally,” Julian says, pushing off the counter and heading into the laundry room. He rummages through the laundry basket full of his and Ozzy’s clothes before pulling out one of his t-shirts – the only t-shirt he can find in the whole basket that belongs to him. He heads back into the kitchen and holds it out for Troy. “It’s one of my favorites. Don’t go, I dunno, ripping it or anything,” he says with a grin.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Troy says. “Thank you.” He gives Julian an awkward smile and turns to head for the bathroom.

_____

He starts the water first and lets it heat up. Troy catches a glimpse of his bare chest in the fogging mirror as he strips down, and he thinks he looks thinner than usual. It would make sense that he’s lost weight over the last couple of days. Getting some food down moves up a notch on his list of priorities.

As he steps under the spray, Troy mentally goes over his conversation with Julian. He’s embarrassed he talked so much about himself, revealing things he’d normally never put out there for a stranger to examine. But in reality, he’s never had someone to listen. Someone who’s not related to him and who’s had some of the same experiences. He thinks about what Julian had said, about the accident, about his drinking. Troy feels for him.

Meanwhile, Julian takes to tidying. He folds the blankets up and finishes the dishes before deciding he’s earned a cigarette. He hasn’t had one since Troy’s been around. He heads outside and leans up against the railing on the porch. The fog has lifted from the yard now, and it’s starting to warm up more now that the sun has come out. He flicks a lighter against the end of his cigarette and inhales, taking a long drag before exhaling. Somewhere in his talks with Troy, memories have stirred in him, and he’s not sure that’s a good thing. He hates the weighed-down, miserable feeling he totes around with him at all times, flaring up at a moment’s notice. Some days the feeling is portable, the size of a book bag, and other days it’s the size of a shipping container, so heavy it stops him in his tracks. He does good to forget about it, but having Troy around has reminded him of the feelings he used to feel, and maybe some of the ones he still does. He wants a drink, badly, he realizes. But he won’t get one. Not today.

Troy finishes his shower and dresses in Julian’s t-shirt and the clean-enough sweatpants he’d had on before. He takes in the stubble coming in along his jaw, not liking what he sees, but not trusting his hand to be steady enough to do anything about it. Troy folds the towel neatly over the bar and pads barefoot down the hall. He doesn’t see Julian immediately, so he sees to moving the laundry to the dryer before stepping into the living room to look for him. Troy feels odd about it, but he doesn’t want to be alone.

A shadow moves outside the window, and he recognizes Julian’s silhouette out on the porch. Troy wishes he could stop trembling as he slides open the door, but he resigns that it’s not going away anytime soon. At least it’s a constant reminder of his newfound commitment to sobriety. “Hey,” Troy says, leaning up on the railing beside Julian. “I moved the laundry. I hope that was alright.” He catches the pensive expression on the other boy’s face. “You ok?”

Julian straightens quickly, surprised by Troy’s sudden presence. He snuffs the cigarette against the column to the porch. “Oh, hey, sorry, I was just… I guess, thinking.” He waits a second, then leans back against the railing. “How was your shower? Find everything okay?” He asks. He is almost certain Troy does not want to hear about his melodrama while enduring his own.

“It feels good to be clean,” Troy says. “In a, uh, hygienic sense, I guess.” He rests his stump against his palm behind his back. “I’m so grateful to have a place to stay for the moment, while I do this.” He pauses. “I hope me being here isn’t making things hard for you,” Troy murmurs. “Like, if you’ve got other stuff to do, or, well, you know.” He doesn’t want to infer how Julian’s feeling in case he’s guessing wrong, but Troy feels some of the same anxiety and tension he’d been feeling hours earlier now exuding from his new friend.

Julian blinks, then looks back out over the grass. He wishes he weren’t so readable. Troy must feel so unwelcome. “It’s really got nothing to do with you, more with me…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not exactly the soberest around either. But, it’s not your fault. I sort of just feel really anxious all the time.” He bites at the corner of his thumbnail. “I would feel this way whether you were here or not.”

“Hm,” Troy sighs. He’s gone and made things more awkward in his attempts to be friendly. But Julian’s been so patient with him; Troy feels he should return the favor. And more than obligation, he’s interested in Julian’s life. For all the kindness he’s given Troy, he deserves a spot of happiness. Or at least the opportunity to get his feelings off his chest.

“I know what it’s like to feel like you’re putting up appearances all the time,” Troy says. “It just eats at your guts. Whatever’s going on for you, I’m not gonna judge. Not after you picked me up off the side of the road.”

Julian bites his lip, shaking his head. “You think I’m a really good person, but I’m not, not really. Ozzy’s… uh, he’s the one who wanted to pull over. I’m glad we scooped you now, but I was perfectly fine with driving past you,” he says, digging his thumb nail into the wooden railing. His voice catches on a lump that’s formed in his throat. He hates how easily overwhelmed he is. He’s very rarely felt like he could speak candidly about anything to anyone. Troy feels like one of those people he could talk to, but it’s one thing to say you won’t judge until you know what’s running through his brain.

“Well, I probably would’ve driven past me, if I’m honest,” Troy says. He brings his arms around his front and puts his elbows on the rail, balancing his chin on his stump and his knuckles. “I know Ozzy’s a good person just from knowing him a few minutes. I’ve spent a lot longer with you, and…” Troy shakes his head a little. “You sat up with me all night to make sure I didn’t drown in your toilet. You might be running away from something, but you’re not bad. A bad person wouldn’t’ve done what you did for me.”

Julian hums. “Well, I was a lot worse before…” he trails off before clearing his throat. He can’t really hold it back now, Troy knows somethings up. “Um. Yeah. I got into a really bad accident when I was driving drunk. And, my best friend Nat died.”

He hates this. He hates it every single time he has to mull this story over, the look on nearly everyone’s face when they hear him say it, and realize the audacity it takes to try and get pity for something he caused in the first place. He can’t even bring himself to look at Troy.

“It was just last year. I stopped everything for a while, but… alcohol helps to stop some of the thoughts.” He has a sick pit in his stomach now, and he presses into the rail, trying to abate the anxiety building up. He’d much rather be talking about Troy right now.

“Oh…” Troy had guessed something horrible had happened, but hearing it is still a shock. He can feel his heart fluttering down in his stomach as empathy for Julian floods through him. “I’m...I’m really sorry.” He doesn’t use the full sorry for your loss canned phrase he’s learned from his father and too many television shows. But he can’t think of anything better to say either.

Troy tries to keep his shaky breathing quiet for a moment, then he says, “I can’t imagine how hard it is.” His own problems seem small by comparison. He’s been a jerk to people when he was high and done some things he regretted, but the only life he’d really ruined was his own. Troy almost feels guilty for still being haunted by his own accident. How terrible it must have been for Julian to witness his panic attack last night, having been through such a weightier trauma himself. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand,” Troy says. “But, just, you know, doing what you’re doing now, it’s good.”

Julian thinks over Troy’s words, then nods. “It’s okay, I guess it’s just hard to move on sometimes. I’m nowhere near as bad as I used to be… I know that, it just kind of feels like I want to make these big leaps… and I’m only making small steps. But, it’s progress anyway. I’m, uh, sorry for dropping that on you like that… I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s alright,” Troy says, looking at Julian with an open expression. “It makes a little sense for it to come up, after I’ve thrown my life story on you.” He sniffles and wipes his nose with his stump. He’ll never understand why withdrawal does that to him.

“I get how it is for improvement not to be how you want it,” Troy continues. “I don’t know how many times I told myself I was taking my last pill. You can make up your mind all you want, but real change takes time. I think you’re doing right, even if the steps are smaller than you want.” He takes a breath and says, “If things hadn’t worked out the way they did yesterday, I think I would’ve caved. I wouldn’t’ve made it this far. I’ve really got you to thank.”

Julian smiles. “Well, I’m glad they worked out that way then. It makes sense why I’d be caught up in all this, but you’re too nice to have all of this on your shoulders all the time. You deserve to be clean and sober.” He rubs a hand over his chin and then blows out a breath. “I’m sorry, I really want to finish that cigarette after all that,” he laughs, “I’m not very good with talking about emotions.”

“Have a smoke if you want, don’t let me stop you,” Troy says. “Unless you’re trying to quit.” He smiles. “You don’t have to be good with emotions. You just have to put up with them. At least some of the time.” Troy laughs too, even though the joke is weak.

Julian flicks the lighter and relights the bottom of the cigarette, turning away from Troy and holding a hand to block the wind. He blows out, away from Troy. “No,” he laughs, “trying to start with my most detrimental vices first and work my way down the list. Nail biting will probably be the very last to go. Or Taco Bell.” He takes another long drag and then lets out the smoke while turning away again.

“That one won’t kill you,” Troy snickers. “At least not for a long time.” He second guesses his choice of words, but it’s too late to do anything about it now. The breeze ruffles his damp hair and sends a chill down his spine. Troy attempts a mental calculation of the count of hours it’s been since that final dose, but it’s easier to just tick off the days now. A solid two, he thinks. He still feels vaguely feverish, but much more like himself.

Julian finishes the final puff of his cigarette, snuffing it once more on the railing. “True enough.” He places the tiny butt in the ashtray that sits on the perch of the stair railing. “You look a lot better than you did yesterday, I’m sure a shower helped you feel better,” he says.

“Oh, I do. I’m still getting there, but I’m a lot better than I was when I couldn’t get up off the bathroom floor.” Troy unclenches his hand to gauge the tremor. It’s still there, but maybe a bit less pronounced than it was earlier. “I’ll be up and at ‘em soon. And out of your hair.” He smiles, but he’s only half-joking.

Julian shakes his head with a laugh. “You’re not in my hair. I get into a lot less trouble when other people keep me busy.” He turns, pressing his back against the column. “Do you, uh, think you’re gonna be able to stay clean at school and all?”

“Well,” Troy says, cocking his head to the side and weighing his words. “If I’m honest, not really.” He knows how it sounds, so he quickly adds, “I’d rather be clean than be in school, at least for now. Maybe for the rest of the semester. Maybe...maybe forever.” The thought’s barely been in his head for a few hours, and he has no idea how it’ll work out in practice, but if he gets in his car and drives someplace where nobody knows him and finds a job and an apartment, he feels like he’ll have a better chance to get back on his feet. Troy shivers at the thought of telling his parents, or even Fran. He’s glad he has a chance to run it by Julian first.

Julian bites the inside of his cheek before nodding. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I could leave school and… this whole city, really. If you can do it, you should. A change of pace, scenery, it’ll do you some good.” He feels a twinge in his stomach and works out for a second what that feeling is. Jealousy. He’s jealous that Troy is even able to entertain the idea. Still, he should do it.

“It’s not gonna make too many people happy with me,” Troy says. “My parents will probably cut me off within a week, but as long as I can get a job, I suppose it’s good riddance. At least, for now,” he repeats. He doesn’t want to lock himself in to anything before he’s had a chance to really try it out. But deep down, he knows the only way he’s going to get any better is if he has complete autonomy, the ability to make his own choices and do what he thinks is best. He’d turned to the drugs in the first place because they’d been an easy fix for a lack of freedom. “I’m kind of scared of the change,” Troy admits. “But I think I’m more scared to go back to the same thing.”

Julian nods. “Change can be good. It’ll be good for you. It’ll shake up that routine. It’s so easy to fall into a routine,” Julian says. He’s thinking of his own routines. He won’t leave though. He’s afraid he’ll be here forever. “You deserve a change.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Troy says with a laugh. “But...I think I’m gonna take it.” Julian seems subdued again, and as much as he tells Troy everything is alright, Troy’s afraid he’s upsetting him. He feels for Julian, and because they’re so similar, Troy feels an inherent obligation to offer the same support he’s receiving. “You sure you’re doing alright?” he presses tentatively.

Julian shrugs, “I guess that… it’s just got me thinking about a lot of stuff. I’m sorry,” Julian says. He draws in a deep breath. He wishes he weren’t so obvious about things. He stares out over the grass. Truth be told, he’s not been around another addict in a while. He’s not talked about any of this in a while.

Troy nods. “It’s really alright. I think maybe I open up too easily. If you want to keep talking about it, I’m happy to listen. But if you don’t want to, I get that too”

Julian raises his brows. He’s never really been given much of an option before. Usually Ozzy was insistent that he share. “I guess, I just have a lot of regrets tied to this town… it’s really hard to get out of my own head here. But, Ozzy’s here. I don’t think he’d ever leave. And I’d never leave him willingly.” He runs a hand through his curls. “I just kind of feel stuck.”

“Well, you do have a lot of good things going for you.” Troy traces the wood grain of the railing with his thumbnail. “But sometimes what you feel doesn’t line up with the logic. Things are always gonna be hard, no matter what choices you make. You just have to stick with what you do.” He’s lapsing into talking about himself again. Troy takes a breath and tries to cut the nervous habit.

“Yeah, I mean… I don’t think this feeling will ever go away… I think I’ll probably be trying to run away from it forever. But, I mean, I don’t really feel like I get to be too sad about it. I can’t throw any pity parties. I did it.” Julian’s getting that familiar angry-at-himself feeling that stirs in his chest when he thinks about the fact that he’s caused so much pain, not only for himself, but for everyone around him as well. He shakes his head, “I mean, I sort of feel like I deserve to feel this way.”

“I don’t think you do,” Troy says with conviction. “But, then again, I see the good in people. Maybe too much, but I think it’s possible to change. Who you were doesn’t have to be who you are.” He sees the pain Julian struggles with, and he wishes he had a better method to offer to alleviate it. For such a good person to be struggling so much… It makes his heart hurt.

Julian lets out a slow breath. “Yeah. I guess it’s just the moving on part I struggle with. I didn’t really think…” he trails off before clearing his throat. “I guess I didn’t really think I was doing anything wrong, because we would have been fine if nothing happened. And I didn’t think anything was going to happen, like that… we were invincible, until, you know. Until we weren’t.” He’s stammering now, and he scoffs. “I don’t know if that makes any sense…”

“It makes perfect sense,” Troy says. “That’s...yeah.” It brings to mind the contrast of his own situation. He could easily have died in his accident, but instead of being a wake up-call of his own fragility, it had made him numb and eager to self-destruct. That’s the part that didn’t make sense. “You’ve got a good reason to hold onto it,” Troy says carefully. “But, that doesn’t mean keeping it close is a good thing.”

Julian nods. He knows this. “It’s kind of nice to feel like I have a friend again,” he says, “not to get sappy or anything, but… I mean, all of my friends now are really just Ozzy’s friends who are putting up with me.” He shakes his head. “I don’t think I’ve actually had a friend in a long time, so I’m sorry if I’m bad at it.” He laughs, twiddling a leaf that landed on the railing in his fingers.

“Oh, trust me, I’m as rusty at this as you are,” Troy laughs. “The number of people I’ve talked to who haven’t been my family or stoners who’ll forget all about it the next minute… well, that’s zero. I’m glad it’s good. It’s good for me, too.” The emotional openness adds to Troy’s exhaustion, and his head chooses that moment to kick up the throb again. He’s reminded of his need to hydrate and refuel. Maybe rest. And definitely fold his laundry. “I think it’s about time I check on that dryer,” he says, patting the railing and taking a step toward the door.

#my ocs #oc fic #anonyony1 #Troy DeHaven #julian #ozzy #sickfic #angst #drug abuse mention #withdrawal

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frontproofmedia · 4 years ago

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Jason Moloney & Mikaela Mayer Set for World Title Spotlight

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Published: October 29, 2020

LAS VEGAS — Australian contender Jason Moloney is going "monster hunting" Saturday evening (ESPN+, 7:30 p.m. ET) when he faces WBA/IBF/Ring Magazine bantamweight world champion Naoya "Monster" Inoue (19-0, 16 KOs) from the MGM Grand Las Vegas Bubble. In the co-feature, female boxing's brightest star, 2016 U.S. Olympian Mikaela Mayer, will challenge WBO junior lightweight world champion Ewa Brodnicka. Mayer (13-0, 5 KOs), the betting favorite, will seek to dethrone a seasoned champion who has made five title defenses. Moloney (21-1, 18 KOs), meanwhile, is confident he can upset the odds and topple the three-division world champion and one of the sport's most devastating punchers. Moloney, Mayer and Top Rank chairman Bob Arum met the media for a fight week Zoom press conference. This is what they had to say.

Bob Arum

“When {Mikaela} came to Top Rank, the one thing she told us is she wanted to fight for a world championship. It took some time, but she was grounded in the professional ranks. She’s performed tremendously, and now on Oct. 31, she has the opportunity to win a world championship. And we believe she has the experience now, and the ability, to bring home to the United States a world championship.”

“When Mikaela gives the orders, you step to attention and try to get {the world title fight} done. We’re very proud of Mikaela. She’s comported herself tremendously, both in and out of the ring, and she’s going to be a great world champion and a great credit to women’s boxing."

Mikaela Mayer

“I have been calling out the champs for a while. It’s been something I feel like I’ve been ready for for a few fights, but now in hindsight looking back, I think everything worked out perfectly. Like Bob Arum said, I’ve had some really great fights, and I’ve really been able to settle in to my pro style. I’m more ready than ever to take on these world champions. I feel like I’m the best in this division.”

“I am honored that Top Rank has really moved me in the way that they have. It’s not just me, but believing in women’s boxing. I think that they’ve moved me perfectly. I think that they’ve put me on some amazing cards, and it’s given me the platform I’ve wanted.”

“I’m peaking as an athlete. I’m really coming into my own. And so it’s really not about Ewa. It’s really about me. They always train me like I’m going up against somebody amazing, and I always have to be like, ‘You guys, don’t worry, relax. I got this.’ But that’s what good coaches do. They’re looking at everything Ewa Brodnicka does really well and then they’re acting as if she does it better than how she actually does it.”

“I think {Brodnicka} is hyping up the fight, talking a big game, but I don’t think she believes anything that she’s saying. I think she knows I’m a better fighter. She knows I’m fast. She knows I’m strong. She knows I’m more technically sound. She’s just playing into the hype.”

“I absolutely hope that after I get this belt from Brodnicka that Eddie Hearn and {WBC champion} Terri Harper will be willing to make this fight happen with me, so we can unify these belts. Because that’s what they told me: ‘Go get a belt, Mikaela, and then we’ll talk about it.’ So, Bob, hold them to their word when it comes to that.”

Jason Moloney

“Every fighter should want to fight the best. That’s why we’re in this sport. My dream and my goal is to be the best bantamweight in the world, and the only way to make that happen is to beat Inoue. I’ve been working towards this opportunity, and have wanted this opportunity, for a long time. It’s finally here. I’m completely confident, and I know I’ve got what it takes to beat him. Saturday night’s the opportunity to prove it. I can’t wait. I’m ready to go.”

“I love being the underdog, and I love proving people wrong and going out there and, as I’ve said before, shocking the world. I know a lot of people don’t give me a chance in this fight, and that just gives me extra motivation and extra fire in the belly to go out there and show people what can be done. People place some of these fighters like Inoue and Lomachenko on this pedestal and think that they’re unbeatable, but they’re not. We’re all human. We all got two arms and two legs, and everyone has weaknesses. Everybody can be beaten.”

“Me and {twin brother} Andrew walked into the boxing gym together for our first day 17 years ago. There’s been a lot of hard work and sacrifices, and we’ve grown together every step of the way, and rode the roller coaster together. A lot of ups and a lot of downs and a lot of hard work. A lot of blood, sweat and tears, and in three weeks’ time, we can get on a plane together with four world titles and go home to Australia and celebrate together with each other, but also with our friends and family and everyone who supported us since day one.”

SATURDAY'S CARD ESPN+, Approximately 10 p.m. ET/7 p.m. PT Naoya Inoue vs. Jason Moloney, 12 rounds, Inoue's WBA/IBF/Ring Magazine bantamweight world titles Ewa Brodnicka vs. Mikaela Mayer, 10 rounds, Brodnicka's WBO female junior lightweight world title ESPN+, 7:30 p.m. ET/4:30 p.m. PT Robson Conceição vs. Luis Coria, 10 rounds, junior lightweight Andres Cortes vs. George Acosta, 8 rounds, junior lightweight Julian Rodriguez vs. Jose Eduardo Lopez Rodriguez, 10 rounds, junior welterweight Jared Anderson vs. Luis Eduardo Pena, 6 rounds, heavyweight Andy Hiraoka vs. Rickey Edwards, 8 rounds, junior welterweight

#HF #Jason Moloney #Mikaela Mayer #Naoya Inoue

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