#me? not crying over Sakuya? never

[duochromium]

thought i’d make an “ongoing projects list” for the few who are gonna go to my profile and read this so here is the december 11 2023 deer fanfic status report, ordered from highest priority to lowest priority, where for once i actually go into detail about the wip projects of mine

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first on our list is a fanfic i started on saturday night, ‘The Ferryman’. it’s a short oneshot focusing on Eiki, Komachi, and their boss/worker dynamic and also what their life actually is like over in higan. the premise is just eiki joining komachi on break to go skip stones and talk and they eventually just start talking about how they actually view the other, friendship development heartfelt moment etc etc (it is NOT yuri. i would NEVER write about women falling in love)

it’s the first in a series of unconnected oneshots where i write about characters i’ve never studied before (credits to riguren for the idea). it’s not gonna have much going on and all of the works in the series will probably be really light hearted. i’m most likely doing Satori next since the one time i’ve written her seriously she was just Grumpy because i haven��t studied her before. anyways this oneshot series is going to contain zero romance because i want to explore more non-romantic relationships but dw more homosexuality coming soon

ferryman is currently 1,022 words

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second in my priority list is a fic I started all the way back in late July. this one is OLD old. the title is, i shit you not,

‘You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night" about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin' but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?’

it fits in the ao3 title character limit. i’ve checked. the title has literally no connection to the story itself. it’s a line from Eminem - Stan. i’ll get to how i came up with it later.

so the actual premise is flandre is bored so sakuya takes her on a night walk, then the two creeps meet the grassroots trio (wakasagihime, sekibanki, and kagerou if yall dk) and it’s basically just flandre having no social skills and the grassroots being absolutely terrified of these two widely known and feared people in gensokyo who are actually much politer than they ever could have expected. it also contains a yukkuri joke that i am considering writing out because it didn’t land well

as for how i got to the name, here is a message i sent to my friend on discord three days after starting it:

so my thought process was basically:

“ok well maybe call it night walk”

“nah too boring. maybe something that describes a specific aspect?”

“oh I could call it ‘in the air of the night’ which is some phrase I heard somewhere”

“hey where did I hear that phrase”

“oh yeah an Eminem lyric”

“Fuck it. Title it the original Eminem lyric.”

hilarious yes i know. in the air of the night is currently 2,488 words (I ONLY PICKED IT BACK UP RECENTLY FORGIVE ME)

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third up is that elusive “Experimental Oneshot” i’ve been talking about in my notes for the past two months. it is called “They Beat The Shit Out of Each Other at The End” for obvious reasons. it’s basically just a crackship except they’re friends instead of lovers

so our first protagonist is reimu. she’s really lonely and sad so she gets even more lonely and sad and also way too drunk and lies on her front porch all night crying because what else do you do

our second protagonist is cirno. she’s walking through the forest at like 2am alone because she wants to challenge reimu to a rematch. and also because she’s a dumbass

the two meet and through cirno’s stubbornness and reimu’s drunkenness the two are locked in a stalemate on reimu’s front porch which eventually leads to actual conversation and before you know it they’re actually starting to enjoy each other’s company

eventually day breaks and cirno still wants that fight so it happens and the entire second half of the fic, the fight, is just a really long “hmm rumia ex? what if there was cirno ex where she was just ice goku” joke and she kind of kicks reimu’s shit in. it’s gonna be great and she is not going to respect spell card rules at all

currently 2,778 words

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numba four is uhh. actually this one is probably above the night walk one so consider it second place it’s modern technology chapter 4. sanae and reimu and marisa play a game of monopoly together and get really fucking mad. that’s the entire premise. only 701 words so far i know that is nothing but i have NOT been on my a game lately. gonna be peak though i swear it

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and that is all, actually! i also have many unstarted ideas, i might do a sequel to this post tomorrow where i talk about those

thank you for reading (no tags this one is only 4 my loyal followers)

[dangan-kagura]

Rant: I really hate the 2B jokes surrounding characters like Kirumi. Not just her, but also characters like Celestia, Mukuro, Keebo, and perhaps even Peko and Maki. I’m not gonna get into too much detail as to why I don’t like Nier, but let’s just say I failed to see the big deal about that game. Not only am I annoyed with its popularity, but I’m also annoyed with the memes surrounding it. The meme being that you take a character from a different series and dress them up as 2B. It’s become so obnoxious for me that I have no reason to take interest in that game because 2B just looks like a freak and her popularity makes my blood boil.

The irony of it all, is that not only am I not into the gothic subculture, but this meme seems to have an effect on characters who just so happen to be my favorite characters. These are just some examples, Aigis (Persona 3) Iroha (Samurai Shodown) Neptune (Neptunia) possibly Hikage (Senran Kagura) and Angel (King of Fighters). The list goes on and on but I’ll leave it with just these. The point is, I love these characters and yet, Nier is super overrated, so this meme is ruining these characters and how I feel about them, and I don’t want the same thing to happen with the Danganronpa cast.

I’m gonna be honest, when I first met Kirumi, 2B wasn’t what came to mind because I didn’t want to project that meme onto her. Instead, the Touhou maid Sakuya Izayoi is what came to mind. When I thought about it at the time, it felt like Kirumi had all the same qualities as Sakuya. I never saw Kirumi as this gothic, obedient, robot girl with a fucking blindfold, I saw Kirumi for her beauty, elegance, perfection, knowledge, and kindness. Perfect and Elegant Maid is Sakuya’s title in PoFV, so I wanted to think that Kirumi was on par with how perfect Sakuya is and the two of them would make a great match. The sad part about it is that I’ve never met anyone in the Danganronpa fandom who is also a Touhou fan, not to mention, compared to how underrated Kirumi is, Sakuya is a fan favorite in the Touhou fandom. In my experience, I’ve never seen anyone in the Touhou fandom pull this meme off on Sakuya, and frankly, I don’t want to see her like that.

I’m probably a hypocrite for having Kirumi as a favorite Danganronpa character despite the fact that I don’t like Nier. Is it wrong for me to like Kirumi? Should I let her go? No! I literally cried when I saw Kirumi die, and I’ll cry again if I watch her die again. But why do I feel that way? Why would I cry over her death if someone is gonna dress her up as a character I hate from a series I’m not into? Do I think Kirumi deserves better and that she shouldn’t be treated so badly? Kirumi is a comfort character for me because I love her kindness and perfection. If I let her go, people are gonna forget about her due to her death and I don’t want to forget about her. Crazy thing is, watching Kirumi die would be a way to counterbalance this meme, but is that really a good way to deal with it?

If you’ve read my blog on why I don’t like Ibuki, I wrote that I’m always anxious around her because I hate her music. Funny thing is, it’s the same thing with Kirumi. Every time I try to search for fanart or other things in the Danganronpa fandom involving Kirumi, I get the same anxious feeling I get when Ibuki is involved, because in Kirumi’s case, I don’t want to see anything 2B related because that’s just gonna ruin how I feel about her.

Likewise, I love Kirumi, and yet I hate 2B. Isn’t it ironic? If I love Kirumi despite what fans are doing to her, would it be okay for me to actually like Ibuki despite the fact that I hate her music? If you’ve been to my AO3, is it wrong for me to write fanfics about Kirumi, or even Ibuki? I remember a year and a half ago when I first got into the series’ fandom, I had a nightmare about Kirumi getting dressed as you know who. In the nightmare, I got down on my knees with my hands on my head and kept repeating to myself, “No no no! It’s not true! It’s not true!” Because I didn’t want anyone in the fandom to treat her like that.

As for the other characters I mentioned in the beginning,

Celestia I like since we have a few things in common, such as eating issues and getting upset when people provoke us. And as I said, I’m not big on gothic themes, but I still like her. Is that wrong?

I like Mukuro because I think her freckles are cool, and I even like her when she’s dressed as Junko.

I like Keebo because his “That’s robophobic” quote is just hilarious. If it were up to me, I’d headcanon Keebo as someone who gets offended by the Nier meme if someone made him look like 2B.

I like Peko because of how badass she is, and would love it if there was an action beat ‘em up game that had Peko playable.

I like Maki because she reminded me of Senran Kagura character Ryoubi, appearance wise I mean. Given that I like Senran Kagura, don’t say this wouldn’t be different from Kirumi looking like you know who because I don’t like Nier.

I really don’t want this meme to ruin my life or ruin my views on my favorite Danganronpa characters. You’ll probably argue that it’s no different from the Rantaro avocado meme, but I personally think Kirumi and the other characters shouldn’t be treated like this. The 2B look-a-like meme is just overrated at this point. If I do see it happen again, it might very well break my heart.

[icharchivist]

honestly i had forgotten (for my own self preservation i assume) that this was the anniversary of the a3en server closing and this is a tone of emotions all at once i am not at all equipped to deal with.

when the server closed i was in such denial about it i just dug my head in the sand like, nope, not happening, i’ll be focusing on other things to not let it get to me (it got to me), but therefore now that i advanced a bit into the grieving process the “anniversary of the closure of the server” is hitting me as a brick.

and i totally understand the symbolic of having closed the server on Sakuya’s birthday, but, Sakuya’s birthday already makes me cry on principle, because Sakuya makes me cry very easily to start with and i want to protect this kid and be here for him, and i remember his first bday card’s backstage too well to know i want to spoil him rotten on his birthday, and therefore the combo of “i never want to let go of Sakuya” and “this is the day we had to let go of Sakuya. and everyone else.” is doing so much damage to my soul.

and i’m here genuinely crying so hard thinking back about the closure of the server, like getting hit by all the feelings i’ve been running away from ever since the closure of the server has been announced.

and i was so caught up with what’s going on in my others mobages at the moment that it completely blindsided me and came for my life before i knew i had to prepare for it and now i’m just genuinely stunned into thinking i will have to think about other stories tomorrow while i’m over here in mourning all over again.

[skateboarding-poet]

Here it is, the "Viv losing their mind over Sakuya throughout the whole month of march" moonboard

@fandominsanity womp womp womp wooooomp

[lcs-library]

hiii!!!! can i rq headcanons of masumi usui and/or sakuya sakuma with a s/o who's super happy and affectionate and cheerful? :D

Yep!! I had a lot of fun writing these, so please enjoy!!

Sakuya!

🌸He really loves having someone near him who is also super optimistic!

🌸He tends to find that your positive energy rubs off on him :)

🌸You always have such cute dates!!

🌸A lot of the time, you go to a small coffee shop, then rehearse lines for an upcoming show(whether it be yours or his) on the riverbank

🌸From there, you often find yourselves cuddling under the shade of a nearby tree

🌸You always shower him in so many kisses just to see the cute expression on his face!!!

🌸His face gets all scrunched up and he closes his eyes with the most giddy smile n he’s so wiggly when you try to hold him still to give him more love and aaaaa he’s so cute help

🌸He’s so giggly when you do it too omg <3

🌸Scratch that, he’s super giggly all the time around you and he finds that he can’t help it

🌸Whenever you greet him, you almost topple him over in the biggest hug and he usually returns it with an excited smile.

🌸Although one day, when you greeted him with your usual hug outside of your favorite cafe, he starts crying after you hold him for a bit.

🌸“Oh, oh no, what did I do? Here, let me get those tears,” you blubbered out, releasing your hold on him to cup his face and dry his tears.

🌸Sakuya gave a weak grin, gazing into your eyes with his own teary ones.

🌸You continued swiping your thumbs across his cheek, quietly shushing him, allowing Sakuya to let his emotions out.

🌸He practically became a puddle in your hands, his weight sinking into your hold until he felt that his tears were almost dry.

🌸Sakuya took a deep breath, then finally spoke.

🌸“It’s just… I’ve never felt this way before. So…loved. I feel so cared for. I have the troupe, of course, and they do so much for me, and I appreciate it, I really do, but being held like this, getting showered in so much love and affection, it’s not something I’m used to. It’s not something I ever was really able to have. That all just hit me right now, so you don’t need to worry, okay? I’m just really happy. And a crybaby.” He finished with a giggle.

🌸That was a lot to take in.

🌸He had told you about his past and all that, but you never realized that such simple actions you did practically on instinct meant so much to him.

🌸All you could muster as a reply was “Can I hug you again?”

🌸Sakuya simply nodded, and you could notice a few small tears well up in his eyes.

🌸You wrapped your arms around him, leaning your face into his shoulder, nestling it into the crook of his neck. Sakuya returned the gesture by holding you just as tightly, resting his own head on top of yours.

🌸You both decided to stay there for a bit, and you felt the small tears from his eyes make their way down his cheek and reach the top of your head.

🌸You sighed, noticing the sounds of Sakuya’s breathing start to become more steady, and you finally smiled.

🌸This boy meant so much to you, and the thought that you meant just as much to him was satisfying.

🌸You found your way out of Sakuya’s arms to hold his hands, giving him a reassuring smile.

🌸“Come on, let’s go get those drinks before people start to think that what we were doing was a street act.”

🌸He only laughed before replying with a sigh and a simple “Yeah.”

Masumi!

🎧He’s the type to simply relish in your happiness from afar, so a lot of his displays of affection come in the form of small gifts and taking you to places he knows you’ll enjoy.

🎧He likes watching you enjoy yourself and knowing that he was the one who made you that happy.

🎧He never expects you to always return his gifts in the form of affection.

🎧Masumi is another person who doesn’t realize how touch starved he is until he gets even the smallest hint of affection.

🎧And you can see his eyes sparkle when you hug him every. Single. Time.

🎧And when he sees you happy and enjoying yourself, you always manage to get him to flash one of his rare smiles.

🎧Which is absolutely heart-melting, but it’s when you touch him that he really gets excited.

🎧For example, on your first date, you decided to go to a small music festival, and on your walk there, you decided to casually grab his hand as you talked.

🎧You didn’t mind touching him, and small acts of affection were always the norm for you, but to Masumi, it was an entirely different story.

🎧This person he’s always liked and cared for and adored likes him back.

🎧You didn’t even say anything about liking him back, but such a small act of affection told him how much you cared for him.

🎧You swung your clasped hands back and forth as you rambled about something that happened to you recently, almost skipping ahead of the wide-eyed boy.

🎧“…right, Masumi?” You finished, turning to him for confirmation.

🎧It took you a moment to register his expression.

🎧His eyes were almost soulless and his jaw was practically on the floor. He looked as if he was only there physically, and he had emotionally left the vicinity.

🎧Masumi’s head was practically racing with thoughts.

🎧Oh my god this is real. They like me. He simply melted into your touch, and he didn’t even think about his expression as he stared at your hands blankly.

🎧It was only when you asked for his response that he snapped out of his daze.

🎧“Mmhm…yeah…” he mumbled, looking down, his face a slowly deepening shade of red.

🎧You grinned at his surprisingly cute response, then slowed your pace a bit to match his.

🎧With you this close to him, you really wouldn’t expect Masumi of all people to be a blushing mess.

🎧His face was never towards you, but you could always see the tinge of red on his ears and notice the way his hand kept adjusting in yours.

🎧It was honestly so different that you couldn’t help but bask in his bashfulness, further encouraging it by inching your face towards his with every step you took.

🎧And by the time you made it to where you could touch his face with your own, you gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

🎧Masumi finally turned towards you, his eyes wide. Never in his life would he have thought that you’d fully return his affections.

🎧“Hm? Massu, you okay—mmph!” You only wanted to see if you had upset him or crossed a boundary, but you were met by Masumi tackling you into a big hug.

🎧He held you against him, his arms fully crossing your back, his fingertips barely reaching the front side of your belly. His head was in between your neck and your left shoulder, his eyes closed.

🎧“I love you so, so much. I always have and I always will. Let me devote myself to you.”

🎧“Woah, slow down there. I love you too.” You managed to get out with a chuckle, patting his back.

🎧In the end, you had to practically pry him off of you, and his eyes wouldn’t leave you for the rest of the date.

🎧All in all, he loves you. A lot.

[jokertrap-ran]

[スタオケ] La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra Main Story Chapter 1-1 Translation 

*Starlight Orchestra Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Video segment under cut as well *Main story tag will be #Main Starlight

???: You still have that dreamy look on your face.

???: Did you enjoy today’s concert?

???: You want to be a part of something like that someday?

???: Sure, I don’t see why not.

???: How about we make the best orchestra in the world?

???: Hey, wake up.

???: Wakey-wakey.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

???: Good morning. Classes are over for the day.

⊳ Choice: Huh? What about the best orchestra in the world?

Sakuya: Looks like you’re still half-asleep.

⊳ Choice: 5 more minutes…

Sakuya: Are you planning on sleeping here till the morning after?

Sakuya: I really admire how you can just drop off to sleep like that. You haven’t submitted your career guidance form yet, right?

Sakuya: I was just gonna ask you to hand it in ASAP, but… it doesn’t look like you’ve filled it in any way. I mean, look at you. You fell asleep while reading a magazine.

Sakuya: *sigh* If you’re worrying about whether or not you drooled in your sleep, maybe you should stop sleeping out in the open like this. You’re reading about Tsukishiro Kei again? I don’t know how you aren’t bored of it yet.

⊳ Choice: It really brings me back… / I won’t ever forget that…

Sakuya: Yes, I’ve already heard that conversation many times over. You fell in love with his music ever since you heard him play back as a kid, right? The music of Tsukishiro Kei’s violin.

Sakuya: But it doesn’t matter how much you adore him, he’s still someone a world apart from us.

Sakuya: Didn’t the orchestra that you joined during middle school end up disbanding?

Sakuya: There’s no way I can ever forget what happened… Especially not when something like that happened on the day the results were announced…

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Sakuya: A pass, huh… Well, I suppose that sounds about right.

Sakuya: —Hm?

Sakuya: …Ah…

Sakuya: ……

Sakuya: Hey, wa-wait a minute! Why are you using my scarf to wipe your tears away!?

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Sakuya: *sigh* I was truly unfortunate to have been the one standing beside you back then…

Sakuya: I never thought that I’d end up keeping an eye out for you ever since we enrolled…

The day we were rejected from music education and ended up being sorted into general education.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

⊳ Choice: Sorry for troubling you…

Sakuya: Well, I’ve already accepted my fate.

⊳ Choice: You weren’t exactly keeping an eye out for me.

Sakuya: And what do I have to thank for that? Your non-existent self-awareness.

⊳ Choice: Why makes you say that?

Sakuya: Don’t you remember? Everyone around us was chattering about how I was the one who made you cry.

Sakuya: You fell sick with a fever during the period where the exams for the music ed department took place, not to mention how the orchestra you were part of disbanded…

Sakuya: You weren’t able to give the exam your best shot. Maybe it was because of the string of unlucky incidents you’d experienced before that, but it might also be fate.

Sakuya: Because even if you did get into the music ed department, there’s still no guarantee that you’ll be able to join the Orchestra Club…

—Wait, the Orchestra Club!?

⊳ Choice: Hang on, what time is it now!?

Sakuya: Now? 3.40 PM, wh-

Sakuya: You’re participating in the Orchestra Club’s entry test? So that’s why you stayed up all night just to practise and… Wait, but doesn’t that mean- Hey, (L/N)!

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Music Ed Guy: *sigh* There are so many people hoping to join the Club… Then again, this IS Seiso Academy’s Orchestra Club, so that does make sense.

There was a line of hopeful prospects queuing outside the Music Room, awaiting their turn for the entry test.

⊳ Choice: Now I’m nervous… / I just have to treat it like normal practice!

Music Ed Girl 1: …Hey… Isn’t that girl… that uniform… Isn’t that general ed’s?

Music Ed Girl 2: Ehh? Why’d she come here? And she’s a 2nd year, judging from the colour of her tie. She’s not even a freshman.

???: Hey, you lot! We’re in the middle of a test, so quit yammering.

???: Next, please.

⊳ Choice: Okay! / I’ll give it my best!

Hayate: What? Aren’t you… a general ed student?

Hayate: Are you the same student that came last year? I believe I’d already told you back then…

Hayate: Look, you can see for yourself. We’re currently swamped with freshmen who’re applying for the club. After all, we’re one of the usual few schools to end up entering the National Concours.

Hayate: The chances of entering the Club even as a music ed student are slim enough. What makes you think we’ll even consider people from general ed?

Hayate: Stop joking around and go home. If you want to play the violin, then do so in front of the park or the station.

Hayate: Next person, please.

⊳ Choice: 1 minute! Just 1 minute!

Hayate: No.

⊳ Choice: I can go last! 

Hayate: How persistent. It doesn’t matter whether you go now or later.

Hayate: Wha-what? Don’t grab at my sleeve!

Hayate: You won’t lose to their passion? Who cares!? I’m telling you that we don’t need people like you here!

Music Ed Girl 1: Yikes… Poor thing…

Music Ed Girl 2: Nothing they can do about it. I heard that there used to be an Orchestra Club for general ed students.

Music Ed Girl 2: But they’d suddenly decided that exams were more important and disbanded right before the Concours.

……

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Music Ed Girl 1: I hope they somehow win the Concours this time.

Music Ed Guy 1: I heard that they’re going to have a joint concert with the students from Yokohama Amane Gakuen High School.

Music Ed Girl 2: Looks like I’ll have to get a new dress so that I’m prepared if I’m ever called up to stage as a guest.

Music Ed Girl 3: Who knows? I might even get into a violin romance with someone…

Music Ed Girl 4: Isn’t that one of this school’s 7 mysteries? The one where the Fata, the fairies of music, tie your fate with someone who also plays?

Music Ed Guy 2: I’m gonna be late for Ogura-sensei’s class! And my analysis isn’t done either! 

 ☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Sakuya: ……

⊳ Choice: Were you waiting for me?

Sakuya: It’s not like I was waiting for you or anything…

Sakuya: I just went to submit the career guidance forms I collected, and we just happened to get out at the same time.

Sakuya: ……

⊳ Choice: I didn’t even get to play…

Sakuya: I see… I mean, at least you tried, right?

Sakuya: You look so much worse for the wear. Come on, let’s head back.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬Main Starlight♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Next Part: (Chapter 1-2)

[ctts-au]

Close to the Sun || Mini Convos (Excluding Chikage’s)

Summary: Between Mankai and the Organization, Chikage struggles to balance both his lives as he prepares for his lead part in the Mixed Play Performance of “Close to the Sun”.

A rated-T fake event with Chikage as lead and Sakyo as co-lead with supporting cast Sakuya, Itaru, Juza, and Azami. The structure of this part of the fic is based around how mini convo translations look, so it’s purely dialogue (with pictures!). The only ship is Chikage/Sakyo.

A/N: This is the one where the main charas of the event talk to other charas.

First Flairs || Second Flairs || Third Flairs || Chikage MCs

Sakuya Sakuma and Taichi Nanao

Taichi: Sakkun! I’m gonna join you! Aaand huup! Settled~ So how’s practice going?

Sakuya: Oh, hey Taichi-kun! Practice is going well!

Taichi: … Is it though?

Sakuya: !! Y-yeah, it’s fine.

Taichi: I heard you get distant during some scenes.

Sakuya: …

Taichi: Juza-san told me.

Sakuya: …

Taichi: It's okay.

Sakuya: … Acting… right now is just… It reminds me too much of how much he loved it too. And I get sad… I get sad thinking about how I don’t know when’s the next time I’m going to be on stage with him again. And I want to be on stage with him again. I have to be on stage with him again.

Taichi: I haven’t shared the stage with him yet, but you’re right. He does love acting. That’s not everything though, is it?

Sakuya: … I wasn’t there for him this time, Taichi-kun. As leader, I’m supposed to guide him. As family, I�� I should’ve stopped him this time too…

Taichi: Why didn’t you?

Sakuya: … … I was scared… It was like if I had acknowledged it this time around, it would’ve happened. But… it happened anyway. I should’ve stopped him…

Taichi: You can cry, Sakkun… No one will see.

Sakuya: … Uuu… Chikage-san… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Chikage-san…

Taichi: (How long have you been holding this in, Sakkun…?) (It’s okay, Chikage-san. I got him.) (But please come back soon… We all miss you. So much.)

Itaru Chigasaki and Omi Fushimi

Itaru: Omi.

Omi: Hm?

Itaru: You’ve done a lot of protecting, haven’t you?

Omi: I guess?

Itaru: What advice do you have for a low stat guy like me?

Omi: What do you mean?

Itaru: How do I protect people if I can’t do so physically?

Omi: *sigh* Itaru-san…

Itaru: It comes so easy for you cause you’re so strong. Wasn’t there something I could’ve done…?

Omi: … Sometimes… Sometimes… it doesn’t matter how strong you are. You couldn’t have done anything for Chika—

Itaru: But you’re wrong. I could’ve. I would’ve if I wasn’t such a coward. I should’ve. It was like back then. I couldn’t bring myself to stop him from leaving and I couldn’t even do it this time either. And this time, he may never come back. I’m the person he sees the most and he trusted me and I just— … I just let him walk away.

Omi: I was supposed to protect Nachi too.

Itaru: …

Omi: He trusted me with his life and I failed him. No matter what I did, no matter how strong I was, I lost him and nothing was going to bring him back.

Itaru: …

Omi: But this situation’s different, Itaru-san. Chikage-san’s not dead and there is still something you can do for him.

Itaru: … What could I possibly do for him when he’s not here…?

Omi: Wait for him to come back. And stop beating yourself up over something out of your control. This was Chikage-san’s decision and his alone. When he comes back—

Itaru: If.

Omi: When he comes back, be there for him. Like you always were. Nothing’s changed, Itaru-san.

Itaru: …

Omi: He’s just on a long business trip, isn’t he.

Itaru: … You know, the kids don’t even believe that.

Omi: Haha, well, it’s what you told us and it’s just like you said… Chikage-san trusts you.

Juza Hyodo and Tsuzuru Minagi

Juza: You hardly leave the balcony lately.

Tsuzuru: Oh. Hey.

Juza: Hey yourself.

Tsuzuru: …

Juza: Can I sit?

Tsuzuru: Go ahead.

Juza: … Can I ask what you do out here?

Tsuzuru: … Think. … Too much. Not enough. But it’s a lot of thinking…

Juza: Can you talk about it?

Tsuzuru: … You too, huh. No. You wouldn’t get it.

Juza: I see… Can I hear it anyway?

Tsuzuru: … *sigh* It’s about Chikage-san, but to be honest, what hasn’t been about him lately? That’s rhetorical, don’t answer that.

Juza: Wasn’t going to.

Tsuzuru: I guess… it just… hurts… I wrote this play for him, but I’ll never be able to see him perform it on stage. Everyone knows that he was going to be the lead, but then… he’s not here anymore. And I want to believe it’s because of his own reasons. I want to believe that it’s not because he had a problem with my script. He didn’t have a problem with my script and I know that.

Juza: But ‘cause he’s not here, it feels like he did.

Tsuzuru: … You say it like you understand. It just… Every time I watch the play, it feels wrong. It feels like everything about it is out of place and that we should be performing something else. It feels fake… And I don’t want it to be. It’s my script, I want the performances to feel like they’re being brought to life. We’re all hurting from this and it’s weighing us down, both on and off stage. I can see it on everyone! It’s ruining the play and maybe it’s my fault.

Juza: Why?

Tsuzuru: Because… because maybe I should’ve written a script that was more versatile. A script where one person didn’t have to be the lead to make it feel genuine.

Juza: … This is what’s been bothering you?

Tsuzuru: Yeah. Selfish, I know.

Juza: …

Tsuzuru: I still care about Chikage-san, don’t get me wrong. I just…

Juza: It’s easier to cope with when you focus on something else.

Tsuzuru: !! … I… I just want him to come back…

Juza: I know. Hopefully he’ll come back and perform Solaris like he was meant to.

Sakyo Furuichi and Citron

Citron: I’ve been looking for you~

Sakyo: That sounds less than desirable coming from you.

Citron: Sa~kyooo.

Sakyo: What is it?

Citron: You miss him.

Sakyo: …

Citron: …

Sakyo: As if you don’t. He was part of your troupe, after all.

Citron: Yeah. He is. But I know him. He wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t the last option.

Sakyo: He shouldn’t have done it at all.

Citron: Are you mad at him?

Sakyo: … No.

Citron: Hmmm… It’s similar to when I left for Zahra, isn’t it?

Sakyo: How is that even comparable?

Citron: He’s doing this for someone, Sakyo. Whether we like it or not, he was doing it for someone. Maybe everyone.

Sakyo: So what, you’re okay with him leaving because you did the same?

Citron: You are mad.

Sakyo: … I’m furious.

Citron: And that’s okay.

Sakyo: …

Citron: It still hurt. You should let yourself hurt sometimes, Sakyo. Emotions aren’t your worst anemones.

Sakyo: … Enemies.

Citron: That one~

Sakyo: …

Citron: Talk to him when he comes back.

Sakyo: When…?

Citron: I was able to come back, wasn’t I?

Sakyo: …

Citron: Don’t give up on Chikage so easily like that. We both know he wouldn’t give up on us. He’s got a lot of love to give. And he gives it to Mankai.

Azami Izumida and Masumi

Azami: Hey.

Masumi: …

Azami: … How are you holding up?

Masumi: What?

Azami: You. How are you?

Masumi: …

Azami: Not great then.

Masumi: Why are you asking me?

Azami: I just figured you wouldn’t be ‘cause of what happened. So I thought I’d ask since no one else may have.

Masumi: I’ve been asked. Too many times. And… I’m used to it, anyway.

Azami: You’re what?

Masumi: I’m used to it. My parents were never home and they’d come and go. This is no different. I don’t really care.

Azami: You became numb to it.

Masumi: …

Azami: As another guy who hasn’t really had present parents for most of my life, it stops hurting at some point. But I guess you weren’t as lucky as me. I had that old man after all.

Masumi: … He was there when I almost left. At the airport.

Azami: What happened?

Masumi: My dad wanted me back and I thought it would’ve been okay, but leaving Mankai hurt more than staying with the danger of my dad being able to retaliate.

Azami: …

Masumi: I’m not saying I don’t care because this is like before. I don’t care because I know what he’s feeling right now. I know him and I know he cares too much for us. He’s coming back, so I’m just waiting.

Azami: What if he doesn’t…?

Masumi: Azami.

Azami: ?

Masumi: Are you okay?

Azami: … … I’m trying to be.

First Flairs || Second Flairs || Third Flairs || Chikage MCs

[hajimariwaquartet]

Izumi blinks when Sakuya pauses in his movements, glancing at the script in his hand. Hesitation and fear is visible on his face. "Sakuya, what's wrong?"

"Um..." His hands drops to his side, and he doesn't meet her eyes. Juza blinks, not expecting the sudden stop.

"Somethin' wrong?"

"I'm a bit scared of the next scene... and I don't know why," Sakuya admits, clutching the front of his jacket anxiously. "I mean, I've rehearsed on my own but letting other people hear this part... scares me."

Izumi skims that part of the script, and she grimaces. That hit too close to home. No wonder he was uncomfortable with it. She looks up with her lips set in a line. They are almost at the end, and the first rehearsal has been going well. But, she certainly wasn't going to force him if he's uncomfortable. "We can ask Tsuzuru to rewrite this scene if you want. Should I call Tsuzuru over?"

Sakuya glances at the script in his hand, at Izumi, Juza, and the other cast to the side. His eyes flicker back to Izumi, and he smiles a bit. He shakes his head. "How about we try one run first though? I can't let Tsuzuru's hard work go to waste."

Izumi sees the desperation mixed in with determination in his eyes. She hesitates. Would there be worth in letting him play this scene? Though, she could definitely see why Tsuzuru casted him for lead this time. Besides, he requested this particular role, after all. She nods. "Of course. You're the lead actor this time so I trust in your judgement. But, tell us if you're okay with this scene."

"Okay then..." Sakuya turns to Juza, with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Please start the scene then, Juza."

Juza doesn't say anything, still eyeing him. But after a while, he silently nods, closing his eyes to get into character. He opens his eyes after a few seconds, lips set into a scowl and eyebrows furrowed. Juza is gone, and Arthur, heir of the Pluvian Throne, stands in his place instead.

"You've been lying to me all this time! You said that we'd be back home by this time, and yet we're still on this god-forsaken sea!" Arthur turns away with practiced grace, crossing his arms petulantly. This scene is supposed to be both Arthur and Martin's turning point. "All of you pirates are the same type of scum that should be persecuted. I ought to put out a decree against you when I get to the throne."

Izumi glances at Sakuya, and she's a bit worried when he doesn't respond immediately. His head is bowed down and his fists are clenched so tightly that they're turning white. The atmosphere is tense—as the scene should be—yet it feels off.

Martin lifts his head, expression furious yet close to crying. Izumi doesn't ever recall seeing an expression like that on him before, and it squeezed her heart a bit. She doesn't need to take a look at Itaru, Masumi, Taichi, nor Azami to see their shock either. He walks up to Arthur, giving off the aura of a Pirate King—instead of his usually good-natured and lighthearted atmosphere.

"Shut up." He hisses through gritted teeth. "No one—I repeat—no one understands what I go through... yet I still choose to be a kind person, regardless of what people think of me. I've been nice to you and even treated you like a friend, just because you're a person too."

The script tells them that Martin was supposed to turn away at this point, but he doesn't. To his credit, Arthur stands his ground, still looking incredibly pissed.

"Why do I always get nothing in return for all the kindness I show everyone?! Is it not enough for me to get nothing in return? Do I have to get... betrayal on top of it?" Martin's voice cracks at the end, and tears begin rolling down his cheeks. Juza's face finally breaks from his expression to an expression of panic. Everyone else in the room is frozen as well, and not even Izumi could speak up. The emotions simmering in the room are just so overwhelming.

"Still... why do I get nothing in return? I've always fought against the odds when all I wanted was to—" Martin sniffles, yet despite his tears, he continues. His voice falls to a whisper. He turns away from Juza, a sleeve over his eyes. "I just wanted for people to accept me. I always get turned away no matter how much of myself I give away..."

Sakuya hiccups as he tries to wipe his tears, but they don't stop. Juza reaches out for him, but before he could tap his shoulder, Sakuya runs out of the room. He stumbles and almost hits the doorway on the way out.

Only Juza hears Sakuya's whispered "I'm sorry." His hand falls to his side.

Izumi feels her own eyes water. Hearing that from Sakuya—regardless if it was still in the script or not—hurt so much. Izumi doesn't know how much Sakuya was keeping down, and that was what pierced her heart the most.

Would no one have known about Sakuya's bottled up thoughts if not for this script?

this is a wip that i've been trying to complete, but to no avail :( writing fake plays/event stories are absolute hell, so i'll probably never finish this.

this is a haruaki mixed play (fusion of action elements with drama), with sakuya lead and juza co-lead!! the basic premise is that sakuya plays an infamous pirate king in this (martin), while juza plays a bratty prince (arthur). arthur gets caught up in stuff that lands him with in martin's pirate crew, and they have to work together to find the treasure that will get the bounty off martin's head and also prove that arthur is the true heir.

the event story is sakuya trying to act the scene above without his emotions getting in the way, and he does this basically talking out his bottled up feelings over the years (with juza and the rest of the cast's help ofc!)

[katzkinder]

Touma and Tsurugi

Aight, so. I have had this post sitting in my drafts for AGES, contemplating whether I should even post it or not, and... I think I will.

Time to talk a bit about what is probably the most controversial character in Servamp, outside of a certain yippee ki-yay motherfucker. I’m partially writing this as part of my own means of moving forward, so forgive me if this seems disjointed or spacey. Unlike my other posts, which are written in one sitting, this one’s going to be strewn together over the course of multiple days. Formatting might be a little wonky too because of that, especially since I haven’t been feeling at 100% these last few days.

Anyway! Let’s hop into it! In usual Kat format, this probably won’t make much sense! Preemptive warning for all the usual stuff that comes parcel and package with Touma and Tsurugi. Child abuse, neglect, PTSD, you know. All that... Fun stuff... Not all of these are mentioned or even implied but... Yeah. Just in case. Under the cut because it is Very Long.

Gonna also preface this by saying that I am not, by any means, excusing Touma’s actions or behavior. I’m taking him to task today and tearing the dude apart because he’s such a well crafted depiction of how abusers can love the people they hurt, and how they can be sympathetic because they are human, while still being awful, and I want more people to appreciate that. You don’t have to like him by any means. Lord knows I don’t.

But it’s also disingenuous to write him off as a villain hellbent on hurting others for the sake of hurting, especially when that’s exactly what he wants people to think of him.

Touma’s cruelty and his stubborn refusal to rely on anyone but himself is absolutely a defense mechanism meant to protect himself from those with seemingly kind intentions. The man grew up in an incredibly abusive household, where physical and emotional abuse was the norm. Like a hedgehog, he spikes himself up, lashes out at those around him with his words, digging into any weak point he can manage to find because if he doesn’t let anyone in, if he keeps the curtains closed shut, he will be safe, he will be safe, no one will ever have the power to hurt him again.

Like, no healthy person acts like that. He wants people to think he’s vile. He wants people to hate him. He’s, in his own words, “a villain with a pedigree.”

And then there’s his relationship with Tsurugi, and how that plays out. Despite how awfully he’s been treated, Tsurugi... Wants to stay with him. Not because he can’t imagine any other way of existing. Oh, he knows it’s there. He can leave any time he wants to. If he gave even the slightest of inklings that he wanted out from under Touma’s thumb... Junichiro and Yumikage would grab him and go. We even see Yumi offer within canon to pay off all of Tsurugi’s debts, which are... The thing tying him to Touma the most, from an outsider’s perspective.

He wants to stay because... Touma is his family. Because if he’s a godawful person who abused the hell out of him... He’s still his savior and someone he cares for deeply. Even when, by all rights, he’d be better off kicking him to the curb.

Truth be told, back when we all thought Touma was dead, I was actually really disappointed in that particular story decision. It seemed like such a copout way to deal with him as a character! Like, having the abuser sacrifice their life to save their victim as one final act of grand redemption and proof that they were a “good person” all along... Fuck off with that! I want Touma to live. I want him to live and grow and become better than he was, but to always know, in the back of his mind, what he has done and who he has hurt and how he made someone he loves suffer.

And I’m glad that we’ve already seen a tiny glimpse of change in him, when he removes Tsurugi’s collar. He sets him free. And that made me so happy.

Going to get a little Too Real with y’all right now, but I... Spent the majority of my formative years in an abusive home. I’ll spare you the details, but my mother and step-father were not... Good people. I met with my mother again when I was 13, and I was ecstatic, because that’s my mom! She was my mom, and I loved her. Less than a year later, though... She vanished. Promised she would only be gone for a year and then... Nothing.

I was fine with that. I was hurt, but I could live with it, because she had already abandoned me before. What I couldn’t forgive, though, what I couldn’t overlook, was her doing that to my little sister. At least, I thought I couldn’t... If I’m honest with myself? I know that, if she ever came back into my life, I’d hug her neck and cry and tell her how much I missed her, and beg her not to leave again.

The story of Touma and Tsurugi... Is one that resonates with me on a very deep, very personal level.

I want Tsurugi to get the happy ending, and the happy family, I know will never be available to me in the form I want it to be.

I want Touma to grow, and to heal, and to overcome the hand life has dealt him and that he felt he had no other choice but to play with.

I could have easily become someone like Touma. Instead I am like Tsurugi, because I had people who loved me and wanted me to thrive despite my circumstances.

I talk a lot about this series, go so in depth with it and its characters, love it and this fandom and the people I have met through it so much because it... Has helped me grow, and it has helped me heal.

Which is fantastic! Because Servamp, at its core, is a story of healing. Of learning to let go of the past and move on towards a brighter future. It doesn't mean you have to forget where you came from... Just that your past doesn’t define you. There's always time to change.

Not even just with Touma and Tsurugi.

With Shuuhei and Sham. With Lust pair. With Lawless. With Kuro. With Sakuya. Even... With Mahiru. Every single time... There's something in their past holding them down and hurting them so terribly... And they can't grow as a person until they deal with it.

Servamp has helped me deal with mine. Thank you so much, everyone.

[mangaycompany]

do you have a favorite rare pair? if so, would you mind writing something that would induce me (and maybe others) to ship these? (I need more rare pairs content TT)

anybody who's ever talked to me at least once knows exactly what i'm going to say

i absolutely LOVE bantai / 万太

bantai isn't AWFULLY rare in the japanese fandom (it's kinda rare but i know worse, like jutai which i also really love), but it's INSANE how little people actually consider it in english :sob: i myself know exactly 4 people who are into it and it breaks my heart because i'm the only english speaking artist who contributes to the tag ever

before i start talking about it more, i'm going to link you to some things

the ao3 tag (in which 3 whole fics are by yours truly <3 they're bad though),

the pixiv tag (my favorite artist is hn, whose works i especially love because of their warm light-hearted stories, as well as their interpretations of the characters (i love how they tend to write 万>太 and 万>(<)太, you don't see banri be the one pining very often and i love it)),

my very self-indulgent spotify playlist (it might not be all that accurate but it's based on my own personal interpretation of characters, keep it in mind :'D)

anyway, time to talk to what just GETS me about this ship

initially i didn't think about it myself, because ANY banri ship will always be overshadowed by sehhyo/banju, but sometime in august last year i realized their dynamic is actually quite interesting

i love this rivalry air the two have developed, it's not quite like the rivalry banri and juza have going on, this one feels much more casual and like something best friends would have going on

there was something that touched my heart in act 3; when taichi confessed about his betrayal, banri was the first one ready to forgive him; he was the one who was willing to open up in order to make taichi feel more comfortable sharing his portrait with everyone

mankai stage

bestie behavior

and they kiß

headcanons

in canon, their bond might seem a little one-sided (we can't have everything :/ ), with taichi being always all over banri about how cool and popular he is, but trying to expand on that thought, i like to think banri's grown too used to taichi's compliments; the moment taichi switches to fawning over juza, something clicks in banri's brain that makes him annoyed with the whole world for the entire day

when they get together, it's something very new for both of them; taichi's never been in any relationship, he doesn't really know how to act around banri and fails to not make a huge deal out of it, due to his hopeless eagerness mixed with personal insecurities, it might keep their relationship stagnated and frustrasting for the first few weeks, he wants to do more and more couple things very badly but is worried about communicating it to banri (he doesn't know why, he can't name his fears really) / banri has been in relationships before, with people of all genders, so you'd think he wouldn't stress out about his new boyfriend all that much, but it's very much not true; he's been in so many relationships and yet this is the first one in which he genuinely fell in love with the other person. he's always found it difficult to be vulnerable and open up to anyone else, but it's something he'll have to overcome for his and taichi's sakes

each of them teaches the other important things; banri teaches taichi to be more confident and to not rely on strangers' opinions so muh, taichi teaches banri to be open and that it's okay to rely on your closest friends

you know banri gets Really jealous when taichi pays any attention to juza (and he obviously does because he looks up to him), but what you wouldn't think is that when taichi realizes it, he starts doing that on purpose just to get attention from his bf

you'd think it'd be hard for these two to keep their relationship a secret, but for the longest time, nobody even suspected a thing; for at least half a year, the only person who knew about them was omi, and it's only because he's taichi's roommate so Of Course He'd Find Out

i feel like they're a kind of couple in which they don't really Talk about their feelings (like love and insecurities) unless things truly require it (banri doesn't want to for obvious reasons, taichi doesn't want to pile it onto banri and make him feel like he HAS to also); for a long time they had a thing going on without even clarifying if they're really dating or not. they rely very strongly on their personal love language, which consists wholly of nonverbal love declarations such as small touches and meaningful glances

because of that, banri probably hadn't even said the word "love" long into their relationship (which must have made taichi cry like a baby when he finally did)

anyway

there's a Lot More on my mind but i'm very bad with words sorry

some other rare ships i love:

太九 [taikyu]: taichi/kumon (very soft and light-hearted :) high energy)

十太 [jutai]: juza/taichi (obvious for taichi's fixation on juza, very soft and delicate kind of ship)

十咲 [jusaku]: juza/sakuya (bond over shared love for acting, very warm and shoujo-esque kinda feel)

丞誉 [tasuhoma]: tasuku/homare (opposites attract, learning to understand each other, thriving off bonding over misunderstandings)

天十 [tenju]: tenma/juza (starting off with private acting tutoring, ending up with... developing a crush?! 😳 light-hearted and sweet, probably has the entirety of summer troupe trying to get tenma to make a move)

ships i'm not sure if they count as rare pairs and i dont feel like checking rn but i feel like i don't see them enough

万九 [bankyu]: banri/kumon

真円 [masumado]: masumi/madoka

東誉 [azuhoma]: azuma/homare

一臣 [kazuomi]: kazunari/omi

志九 [shifukyu]: shifuto/kumon

咲太 [sakutai]: sakuya/taichi

莇椋 [azamuku]: azami/muku

i hope you'll consider at least some of them :) thank you for your time reading this mess of a post

[emilycollins00]

Watching over you (Sakuya centric)

I’ve been working on this for so long honestly at one point I didn’t know if it would ever see the light, but thankfully here it is! 💕

-

She believes she would recognize his smile even if she lost her sight. Even if she couldn’t touch him anymore and all she could do was listen. Because when he does it, his sounds are bubbly light and silky, tickling her skin. And when he pouts, on those rare occasions, they’re sharper and a bit of a mess, but she adores it nonetheless.

His son had his husband’s smile, that was unquestionable. She knew the moment she laid her eyes on him on that spring afternoon, cherry and chubby cheeks making way to match his hair. The first time Sakuya laughed-actually pretty soon after being born, like he’d been awaiting impatiently all those months inside her belly- she distinguished that familiar brightness and peace. It was no wonder he was a spring baby. She clutches him tightly against her chest, and wonders if she’ll ever feel sad again.

“Good sleeper as always” a man remarks, entering the living room “He gets that from you, you know”

“Let’s cross fingers he stays like this when he starts growing up too” she chuckles, and he joins, looking at his son with yearning. Sakuya might look almost like him, but from what he had learnt, he definitely takes more after his wife in terms of personality. He is curious and gentle, just like her.

He sits down on the sofa resting with them, and she leans in. Sakuya is still fast asleep, but she has this sudden, selfish wish to wake him up, just to enjoy those big crimson eyes- one of the few physical traits similar to her- again.

“Our little miracle” she hears his husband whispers. The words hit her as shaky, like a soft earthquake. She turns to look at him and finds his cheeks wet. He tries to move away so the tears don’t hit the baby, but a few still fall on her.

“He has your smile, did you notice?” she says.  

He wipes his eyes, smiling embarrassed while Sakuya squirms, curling his tiny fingers around the blanket that they picked a few weeks before he was born. 

It's not been that long since Sakuya entered in their lives. But both know him already like a part of themselves. Every strand of hair. Every like and dislike. And they’ll learn more and more about him, for the rest of their lifes, and his. Even when they are gone. That much is true.

.

Sakuya Sakuma had no real clear memory of his parents.

He could recount all he remembered of his mom on one hand, and from his dad on the other. As time passed and he grew up though, those memories became tangled, sinking deeper in his brain, the list getting shorter.

So short that at a certain point, Sakuya noticed he couldn’t remember his mother’s soft laugh or his father’s clear smile anymore. His relatives never really bothered to keep photos of them, so he desperately held onto the memories of his mother’s crimson eyes and his dad’s scratchy face by drawings and sketches he made himself.

It was one of the things he regretted most whenever he went to pray during their anniversary, not really knowing how they looked like.

“…it was really close, but Tsumugi-san and the rest of the winter troupe managed to win! So now we get to keep performing at Mankai. Here, see?” Sakuya turned to his school bag excited, taking out of it a piece of paper and placing it carefully next to the small bouquet of flowers “This is one of the tickets. I asked director for one to keep as a memory. We even made a celebration afterwards which was super fun, though Sakyo-san insisted we should all be more mindful of our still new image” he giggled, reminiscing the not too long-ago event “Ah, but I’m doing my best to balance school work of course! So you really don’t have to worry”

He hadn’t told anyone at the dorm about today. Not because he thought it was troubling, but it was something he had always done alone. It felt strange talking about it, although he was sure no one would have minded it, had he asked for company.

“Director, the spring troupe… everyday is so much fun now thanks to everyone” he lifted his head to the sky and then to the names engraved on the graves “It would have been nice if you met them”

But just as the show had to go on, life did too, Sakuya knew that more than anyone. So dusting away the dirt from his knees, he stood up. And when he arrived at the dorm, he did his best to put on the brightest smile. And if anyone noticed any change in his behaviour, no one mentioned it.

.

Now it was past midnight, and he couldn’t sleep.

It had been a while since he had a night like this. When it happens, he usually goes to Itaru’s or Azuma’s- sometimes even director’s- but this time the uneasiness was manageable, so he rose softly from the bed, shuffling around and leaving the room.

Sakuya walked carefully across the hallway to the living room and then into the kitchen, where the sound tended to distance itself from the bedrooms.

As usual, there was a plate of scones left by Omi on the cupboard, just in case someone woke up. He decided to warm a cup of milk and set some aside.

He leaned against the sink until milk was warmed up, inhaling the steam from the cup and heading towards the courtyard. After setting everything besides him on the bench, he sat and stared out into the night sky, watching stars twinkle and listening to the crickets sing.

His attention was suddenly caught by a plushie on the floor. A pink one. He grabbed it, staring at it tilting his head. He had never seen it in the dorm before.

“Sakuya?”

The male voice he heard didn’t match anyone’s in the dorm but weirdly enough, it didn’t alert him. On the contrary, it set off a strange nostalgic feeling withing him, somehow. He questioned it, of course, as he left the plushie aside and turned. And then he saw them.

It was as if every memory and repressed thought emerged all at once against his chest with blazing strength.

He stood up slowly, arms laying limply on his sides. The silence before him was deafening and Sakuya was sure his ears were ringing. His eyes definitely wide.

He felt his throat clench painfully with the force it takes to not let tears out. Because it had to be a dream, but their eyes were glistening under the stars and they felt warm.

This time, it was his mother who spoke, so sweet and softly he could have melted on the spot “You’ve grown”

At this point, he was too exhausted to think logically. His feet began moving almost at the same time as theirs did towards him. All the doubts, the regrets, the worries that’d been stealing his sleep, kept gradually letting go of him with each step he gave. He threw himself into their arms, making small, gasping noises at first, and then he was crying, sobbing in earnest, fingernails digging into his parent’s skin so hard he feared he may be hurting them. But they didn’t pull away, didn’t even consider it.

‘I miss you, I miss you so much’ he kept whispering over and over, and every time he did, they would tighten their grip ever so slightly.

Slowly, he managed to calm down and step back, but gripped both of their hands tightly, as if telling them not to let go.

“Sakuya-”

“I’m sorry” he inhaled sharply, trying to calm down. He didn’t want to sound as if he was complaining “I’m doing okay. M-Mankai has become my home, you see. They welcomed me when they didn’t have to and you- I know you would have taken care of me, if you could have so-”

Sakuya looked up, and it startled him, seeing his mother crying too “Mom…?”

She let go of his hands and pulled him against her “Oh, honey” she breathed shakily “We are so sorry for leaving you alone”

“No, please” Sakuya said, his eyes were burning. That was what he didn’t want to happen “I’m sorry, I know it wasn’t- that’s not your-”

“But your feelings are still there” she coaxed, caressing his cheek, taking away the tears from the corner of his eyes “And you’re allowed to feel them” 

“We have been watching you all this time” his father placed his hand on his back.

And Sakuya broke down again.

Because just how many times had he fervently wished for that to be true. To hear them. How many times when he was in school and saw children with their families he swallowed and smile, imagining himself in their place.

He was trembling, filled with too many things he wanted to say that he was overwhelmed where to start.

“Did- Did you see me on stage…?”

His mother cupped his face between her hands and nodded, smiling. She looked beautiful under the moonlight, Sakuya couldn’t help thinking. He wanted to stay there, enjoying her crimson eyes, just to make sure they still matched his own “You are the light and joy of our lives, honey. And that smile of yours will be the light that will guide and help others in the future, I’m sure”

“We love you, Sakuya” his father nodded, kissing the top of his head and wrapping his arms around them tightly once more. He was trembling “From the bottom of our hearts. Never forget that”

He doesn’t know how long they stood there hugging, taking in each other’s warmth, but it lasted until all of his tears had stopped and dried. And when they broke apart, this time, he managed to give them a real smile.

“I’ll do my best to make you both proud”

They showered him with a bigger one “Being who you are is enough, Sakuya. We are already proud. We always will”

“I love you, Mom. I love you, Dad... so much”

.

Next time he blinked, the wall welcomed Sakuya into his room. He was lying on the side, the clock next to his bed reading five in the morning.

He turned so that his body faced the ceiling, giving a short glance around still disoriented. He didn’t remember what he was dreaming about, memories were fazing, but his chest was about to burst with a relief he hadn’t felt in a while flooding over him.

It was so overwhelmingly cozy it made him shiver.

He looked outside the window, noticing one of the stars blinked a bit brighter than the rest. Sakuya decided to embrace himself against the pillows, placing a hand over his chest.

It was a feeling he couldn’t name, but it felt warm, and he smiled.

____________________________________________________________

I stan Sakuya x Happiness

Have a wonderful day, loves 💕

[lucifer-nanezgani]

Mankai at McDonald’s (crack headcanon)

That’s right, I’m back again with even more crack headcanons- this time brought to you by an afternoon I spent sitting in a McDonald’s (or Maccas as we call it down under) listening to the soundtrack again. What can I say, music makes me daydream. So, here we go!

Spring Troupe

Sakuya: Isn’t a regular customer, but tends to pick up a cheeseburger meal after a big test at school. Gets enough fries to share with everyone but they’re all cold by the time he gets home.

Masumi: Gets a family meal to share with the director and runs home to make sure it’s still hot. Ends up crying into his nuggets when the director turns him down. Gives it to Sakuya or Itaru when it gets cold.

Tsuzuru: Works at the Maccas. Resting “I hate working customer service” face. Uses the employee discounts to buy it for everyone else (because they won’t stop asking). Orders their coffee for delivery when working on a script.

Itaru: Rolls into the driveway at 3 am and orders 20-piece nuggets, everything off the breakfast menu and an extra strong coffee. Employees think he’s a cryptid. Eats it all while gaming

Citron: Always has coupons for some reason. Gets “The Biggest of Macs, please!” Steals their sauce packets for the dorm. Nobody understands him and they’re too scared to call the cops.

Chikage: Goes when there’s a limited edition spicy range to review for his blog. Asks for extra spice and is alway disappointed. Ends up bringing his own hot sauce out of habit.

Summer Troupe

Tenma: Heard about it from the other at the dorm for the first time. Now regularly goes to get fries in between shoots, school and rehearsal. Refuses to share.

Yuki: Grabs a frozen coke or frappe if someone asks him to go with them, but wouldn’t be seen dead there on his own. Has a long-standing grievance with happy meal toy choices from childhood.

Muku: N U G G I E S. Always forgets to ask for tomato sauce and is then too nervous to go get more, so he just sits in the corner and eats them sadly.

Misumi: Asks the staff to make him McNuggets shaped like triangles. Bursts into the kitchen and yells at the employees when they give him regular ones. Everyone fears the triangle nuggies man.

Kazunari: Buys it for the troupe whenever they finish a play or hang out together. His go-to order is a quarter pounder, extra cheese and shaker fries. On good terms with every cashier there- they love his energy.

Kumon: Hasn’t eaten Maccas since he was 7. Refuses to eat anything but the apple slices that come with happy meals because “it’s so unhealthy!!” Gives Muku his nuggies and sauce.

Autumn Troupe

Banri: Once ate 3 Big Mac meals in one sitting just to feel something. Now only goes to McDonald’s to charge his phone and use their wifi. Begrudgingly accompanies Juza there when he wants dessert and gets a coke.

Juza: Orders an Oreo McFlurry, sundae, apple pie and the entire McCafe dessert cabinet in one go. Is extremely embarrassed while doing all this. Gets chewed out by Banri, Omi and Sakyo when he gets home

Taichi: Always knows when there’s a deal or promotion on. Stole like... 50 Szechuan sauce packets to use at home. Orders a Happy Meal in his high school uniform with no shame to collect the toys.

Omi: Are you kidding? This man has never even been to Maccas. Why would he? He can make nuggets at home- ends up confused as to why everyone still goes when HE CAN MAKE NUGGETS AT HOME

Sakyo: The drive-through black coffee dad in the flesh. He’s a cheapskate but even his standards aren’t that low. Does try stealing everyone else’s fries if they bring them home, though.

Azami: His dads never got him Maccas as a kid and now he is filled with the rage of a thousand suns. Bought a happy meal with Taichi once just for the experience. Is in the “only eats the apple slices” club with Kumon- he found out the hard way that everything else is bad for the skin.

Winter Troupe

Tsumugi: Used to work at the Maccas Tsuzuru works at now. Never passes up a McFlurry if someone’s ordering. Mostly just funds everyone else’s food though

Tasuku: Tsumugi took him once in uni when they were super broke and needed an assignment done. Partial to a Chicken Caesar wrap, but that’s it. Sits in the corner and grumbles about it when the rest of the troupe goes

Hisoka: Orders exclusively off the dessert menu. Tsumugi told him about a limited marshamallow McFlurry once and he hacked into and emptied Homare’s bank account ordering it every day. Has been spotted passed out in the play place at midday before

Homare: Occasionally used to pen his poems over a coffee there when he was younger. Buys Hisoka the limited desserts, but had to change his bank details after the marshmallow McFlurry incident. Now harbours a grudge with the company.

Azuma: Only ever went there when he was working as a cuddler if his client wanted it. Developed a fondness for the Sakura season range and goes once a year for the limited menu items. Also funds Hisoka’s dessert escapades

Guy: First tried Maccas with Citron after moving back to Japan. Oddly fond of the salads. Mostly just gets coupons for Citron. Tried a Filet o Fish once and was personally offended on multiple levels

[icharchivist]

hi icha!! I just finished the anniversary event lol ,, three ヽ(´▽｀’)ノ for mankai!! (yes that’s actually what cheers on my phone autocorrects to). ummm I think this event was so sweet. I don’t have too much to say since a lot of it reviews stuff that had already happened and if I talked abt every a3 character moment that had gone in since the beginning I would never bc able to move on with my life. so this’ll be disjointed.

I liked how everyone got izumi a present individually and how they surprised her with the message book and she surprised them back! it was so sweet and izumi performing all of the plays they did was so good… like man. felt like it rly demonstrated her passion!

this is also the second time I’ve seen some other game localized ad red rover, a game which I’ve also never played. two nickels! (the first is for eng translations of poker face ft. gumi and prod. yuchaP that translate hana ichi monme to red rover)

rly loved the re-mention of citron wanting to leave bc he was being followed. runaway prince. also guy seems like he’s successfully followed him,, and tenma!! him being like. well I’ve got the best guys and izumi to back me up… even if they’re sometimes annoying…. no, they’re ALWAYS annoying as hell. and tenma trying to pick out a cute sticker from yukis collection as yuki thinks of how he used to get made fun of for having his collection… yeah. the way yuki and tenma BOTH have a moment where they go like … in the middle of bickering and r like. well I’m thankful this guy is by my side. it’s sweet.

I also forgot muku gave up track and field bc of an injury!! that rly sucks… in other thoughts muku joined the troupe right after spring which makes perfect sense since he loves princes so much I think the fairy tale style of spring troupe would appeal to him so much! whenever muku gets his prince role it’ll be an Moment for sure.

the banri and juza filling out pages was fun I think. the way they introspect as each other does their page is a neat detail. also izumi supporting juzas acting growth will never not warm my heart. I like to think she sees herself in him just a bit. sakyos message was so sweet…

the best part of this event I think is the interplay between roommates like. tasuku and tsumugi fondly reminiscing over like elementary school or whatever. and tasuku only submitting a “thank you” at the end for that! that’s so. Him. also gosh. tasuku and tsumugi’s gratitude towards like being able to act as they wish and with each other… it gets me every time

”I was taught to lie low and recover my stamina when I’m weakened” uhhh here’s a hisoka quote I don’t remember. more assassin points. and azuma talking abt him as a kid observing everyone having fun from a distance… don’t be so relatable. I’m glad that we saw sakuyas message in full! since it was so sweet. guess we saw tasukus full message since it was so short lol,, that’s abt all I had to say! just one event left

YOU'RE ON A ROLL!! HI THERE!!!! omg you're really getting closer in closer to act 2, that's so much help.

The Cheers event really was very cute!! it's a lot of reviewing but after one year of content it's really sweet to have a review of it all. It's so so good. On this event there was a SR for every single characters and the backstage are a little more detailled about how each character feels about Izumi and stuff and it's honestly pretty sweet. It's where Hisoka gifts her the cat pillow and i still have been crying over it ever since.

ANYWAY. THEM!!!!

I honestly love how everyone really wanted to thank Izumi and it shows also the impact she really had on their lives. When you think most of them ran into the theater by chance, none of them would have expected just how much this would change their lives and now they're growing in ways they would never have imagined and it's so much. And i love Izumi giving it back and performing all the plays, it's really so sweet and i'm just, so happy everyone was so happy about it.

and ooh that's so cool about the localization :ooo so nice.

YEAH Citron's whole deal being reminded is really neat imo, it really shows you just how far he's come by accepting staying here with everyone. THE TENMA BIT IS SO CUTE YES. He loves them so much he forgot for a second that they annoy him ALL the time. (on that note there's a series of backstage called the "One Day Leader Swap" (you can search for them) for each leader where they have, well, what it says on the tin. All of them are really funny, but i esp remember how Tenma's was soft because he had a pretty good experience, then came back to his troupe being annoying and yet he still smiled and went "well. I wouldn't have it any other way." and it's just. Them being annoying isn't a bug it's a FEATURE!!!! And god the Yuki bit too it's so much. When you remember how much they didn't want to room together too it adds a layer.

And yeah god, Muku… He mentions in the summer first chap that he wanted to be a track runner because it was like a hero of one of his manga and he was always bummed when he had to quit and now he has to cheer on his old team, probably feeling guilty of not being able to still be there and helpful for them and probably adding to his anxiety to not being able to keep up with acting… Poor sweetie. Instead he found something that really helped him. And yeah, the fact he just loved RomeJuli so much being what inspired him to join is really so sweet. Cheering for our sweet prince, always.

Banri and Juza's were indeed very sweet, and the fact they introspect that way does bring this layer of their growth being interwinded. Especially Banri who wouldn't have been there without his obsession with Juza and ended up finding something that makes him so happy instead of it all. All the messages are lovely.

Tsumu and Tasu are so cute on all of this sobbbsss. They're so good.

And oh boy. yeah Hisoka says that line when he's having his fever at the end of the Winter first chapter. It's because of this philosophy he got lured to the unopening door and why Izumi and him got locked here until Hisoka had his delirious dream about apologizing to "August" for something Hisoka has done. The next morning Hisoka didn't remember anything about this fever dream, including what he commented on for his stamina and stuff. It's really indeed… very worrying at least.

And god the Azuma line; bites fist that guy. man.

And SAKUYAAAAAAAAAAAA BABY.

The whole thing was just. so nice. I love them all so much. Events usually focus on a handful of people so it was nice to see all of them just, talk about how much all this time there was good to them. It really drives home just how much of a home this whole family became.

I love them so muchhhh 😭😭😭😭

Congratulation on getting this far :3c

Valentine's Magic next. And then. Ooooooh boy. :3c can't wait to see you back there eheheh

[awxward]

Oh Memories, Where'd You Go

Sakyo practically raised Azami. Sakoda knew Azami as a kid. Azami calls Sakoda by his first name "Ken" and you're telling me Sakyo doesn't have a nickname for Sakoda from when they were younger??? I think the fuck not.

title from Memories by Panic! at the Disco

Sakyo accidentally calls Sakoda by the nickname he gave him when they were kids // gen // 704 words // gift for @xxxbookaholic

read on a03

Sakyo hadn't slept much recently. Between the Yakuza and rehearsals for Autumn Troupe starting two days ago, he was exhausted.

Sakuya had tried to help Omi cook dinner and accidentally burned himself, so Omi was in the living room currently bandaging Sakuya's arm as the younger boy tried (and failed) to not cry.

Sakyo might've been exhausted, but he wasn't about to have Omi do kitchen clean up after cooking dinner and then caring for Sakuya's burn, so he decided he'd do kitchen clean up tonight. Sakoda insisted that he help Sakyo. Sakyo agreed, because if Sakoda helped, it'd get done faster and then he could go sleep for a bit.

He'd been drying the plates and passing them to Sakoda when his sleep deprived state made him slip up.

He passed the plate to Sakoda, who'd just finished putting away the last cup. Sakoda took the plate and Sakyo pointed at a cabinet. "Koda, the plates go in that cabinet right there."

A few seconds of silence from everyone made Sakyo realize his mistake. His face got red and he dropped a plate as he quickly ran off to his room without a word, but his face was getting redder every second.

Sakoda was smiling like crazy and Azami had an evil glint in his eyes.

"Did he just call Sakoda 'Koda', or was I hearing things?" Banri's voice broke the silence.

"He most definitely said Koda instead of Sakoda."

"Thanks for confirming that, Itaru."

"No prob."

"Is Sakoda okay? I think he's about to explode." Tsumugi was sounding mildly worried and when the others turned to look they knew why.

Sakoda was literally vibrating where he stood with a really happy look on his face. He looked like a puppy that'd just been given a treat after being called a 'good boy'.

"Sakoda's like an actual puppy, holy shit. Loyal, hyperactive, and goes insane with any sort of praise." Itaru spoke again, his game forgotten.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Just doing my job, Yuki."

"Are we going to ignore how red his face got when he realized what he said? Someone tell me they got a pic or video of that because that's great blackmail material."

"I got it on video, Banri. Don't worry."

"You're amazing, Azami. Are you sure Sakoda is okay? He's vibrating at a speed that can't be healthy for any living thing."

"He's fine. It's just been a while since Sakyo used his nickname."

Silence.

"HE'S USED THE NICKNAME FOR SAKODA BEFORE!"

"He really is a softie, isn't he."

"I've told you all several times, with the way he colors he's actually really nice, but you never believed me."

"Sakyo practically raised me because my mom was dead and my dad was busy running the Yakuza. Sakoda was the youngest member there. Sakyo watched over both of us. That's why I call him Ken. Sakyo used to call him Koda all the time."

"He actually has feelings?" Banri looked appalled at this new information.

"Yeah, unlike you."

"Say that to my face you-"

"If you all shut up you'll hear him screaming into a pillow." Azuma was quick to stop the brewing fight between Juza and Banri.

"His room is on the other side of the dorm. How do you know it's him?"

"If it's not him, then the dorm's probably haunted, Muku."

"HAUNTED! It's probably an evil spirit thats here to-"

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP! And someone please get Sakoda to stop vibrating before he kills himself from excitement."

As the boys all slowly became more quiet they realized Azuma was right. You could hear Sakyo screaming into a pillow.

Chikage was attempting to calm down Sakoda and Hisoka was trying to stop him from resorting to murder to solve the issue. Kumon wanted to help calm Sakoda down, but he was a bit nervous about getting in the way of a murderous Chikage, which was probably a smart idea. Sakuya was laughing through his tears in the living room as he heard the others in the kitchen and Omi had a fond smile on his face.

It was an unspoken agreement between everybody that they were never going to let Sakyo forget about this night.

[a3-headcannon-hell]

“First of all, this blog is my new favorite thing. Second, can I please get Taichi trying to form a band with the other Mankai company members?”

(via @primeministerofantarctica )

mod note: im so sorry this took so long, this prompt was giving me a hard time, so i just kinda forgot about it.. but!!!! this is my first request, so i had to answer it!!! ill try to be more active in the coming future!!!

- let’s be real. taichi’s main reason behind wanting to form a band is because he saw a dude at school serenading a girl with a guitar. taichi is a simple man. a simp, if you will

- matsukawa is *ecstatic* at the idea. he’s all over this taichi, helping him pick out potential instruments, talking to him about rythmn and beat, and maybe even helping him songwrite

- taichi ropes in sakuya, masumi, muku, misumi, kazunari, azami, homare, and guy for the band

- muku and sakuya joined because they’re too nice to say no to taichi and matsukawa, especially with how excited they look!!!

- homare wants to wax lyrical about whatever the fuck, misumi just wants to play the triangle, and guy got dragged in via citron

- however, tensions rise as not all bandmates can agree on what music to preform

- masumi wants a more classic rock n’ roll sort of deal, particularly love ballads about the director exclusively

- citron wants to play traditional Japanese music!!! he wants to use his taiko drum :)

- homare requires only *classical, romantic* music for his poetry. Homare finds art in everything, but he only wants orchestral babey!!!!

- Azami wants hip-hop and rap, something fresh and edgy!

- sakuya, muku, kazu, and guy just want everyone to please stop arguing guys please

- misumi’s fine with whatever as long as he gets to play his triangle

- sakyo just wants all of them to shut the fuck up so he can play his old man jazz records in silence

- personally, taichi wants something lovey-dovey like masumi, or high energy and fresh like azami!

- but he and matsukawa both know that there’s only one way to settle this.

- BATTLE OF THE BANDS BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYY

- it’s a competition for the ages: the main mankai band split into factions, battling for the genre choice

- the teams are as follows: azami, taichi, and masumi for rock n roll/hip hop combo, homare and misumi for classical, citron and guy for traditional, and sakuya, muku, and kazu doing a pop/party music vibe

- matsukawa, Izumi, and Akito Taninaga, the summer troupe ensemble guy who the manager recruited at a music store act as judges

- should they be using this time to prepare for upcoming rehearsals and shows? Yes, but Izumi handwaves it away as group bonding time and potential acting experience if they ever put on a musical

- during this whole shebang itaru gets constant war flashbacks to middle school where his parents forced him to play clarinet in the school band. he’s never getting back all those hours he spent cleaning his fucking reeds. needless to say he spends the afternoon curled up with rhythm games

- tsumugi also played in his middleschool’s orchestra, but has much fonder memories of his time spent. like that one time tasuku came to visit him during rehearsal and somehow got his head stuck in a tuba

- this exact memory is why tasuku also won’t be showing up to the grand battle. tsumugi would not stop fucking bullying him about it

- the stage is set. the rest of mankai sans itaru and tasuku sit in the audience. the performers take center stage.

- misumi and homare’s is well. a misumi and homare performance. homare recites his poetry while misumi dings his triangle every so often. he gets too excited though, and starts dinging the thing at maximum velocity, so izumi calls the performers off before they could permanently damage mankai company’s collective eardrums

- citron and guy’s performance is surprisingly... really good??? like they got traditional costumes and everything... call citron whatever you want but goddamn when he goes all out for something he goes all out

- sakuya, muku, and kazu’s act is!! really nice!!!! whenever muku or sakuya got strange fright from singing, kazu would hype them back up again from behind his booth

- muku: “s-senri no michi mo saisho no ippo k-kara...”

- kazu, adding an obnoxious beat drop: “YEAAAAAAAAAA MUKKUNNNNNNNN!!!!”

- they’re a little off key at times, but they tried really hard, and that’s all that matters!!!!

- and then. it’s taichi, masumi, and azami. they all try to look appropriately badass, taichi slicking his hair back and azami in his best pair of doc martins, but the mood is kinda ruined when masumi has to ask kazunari if he could borrow his equipment

- “what. do you people think i own that shit?”

- “WHAT WERE YOU USING DURING REHEARSAL????”

- “he was also using my equipment then!”

- anyways. masumi gets his shit together, taichi slings the guitar he loaned from matsukawa on his back, and azami turns his mic on. and together they preform only the most hardcore song:

- the g-anthem of y-city

- (it’s was azami’s choice. that boy is a mtc stan first human second.)

- can azami rap? of course not. can taichi play acoustic guitar to a rap song? obviously no. can masumi look away from Izumi and focus on his sheet music? what do you think they are, professionals?

- azami calls himself azami-sama and banri doubles on the floor crying laughing

- overall, team badass rock is all over the place. it’s one adorably awful garage band.

- in a surprise turn of events, citron and guy are claimed the winners, since their act was technically the best. even still? no one really wants to do a traditional japanese band, and most of the volunteers learn that maybe they better off sticking to acting, so the mankai band ends before it could even start

- taichi, of course, is completely dejected, his serenading dreams crushed.

- matsukawa, tho, isn’t about to let him give up so easily, so instead of forming a whole mankai band, he just decides to teach taichi privately about serenading hot babes via guitar

- taichi has a lot to learn, but he’s picking it up fast, according to matsukawa!!! there’s plenty of lady friends in his future... maybe.

[otomeramblings]

Welcome Home

Pairings: None Characters: Sakuya, Mankai as a whole. Warnings: mentions of abandonment because Sakuya’s relatives suck A/N: @flavovitta​​ posted a really wholesome headcanon yesterday and my brain’s immeadite response was “but what if we made it sad?” so this fic was born.

“Ya’ sure, man?” Banri questioned with a slight raise of his eyebrow.

“Yes! I’ll be right there!” Sakuya’s signature smile was plastered on his face; Banri’s quickly distracted by a notification on his phone and went inside with a quick mumbled “‘kay.” Masumi, on the other hand, stayed behind with a look on his face that many would describe as ‘annoyed’ but Sakuya could discern the tinge of concern and the silent question that hid behind his friend’s usually aloof expression.

“I’ll be okay, Masumi, really. It’ll only take a second,” he reassured him, the corners of his smile softening in response to Masumi’s unspoken worry.

The boy pursed his lips together but nodded nonetheless. As soon as Masumi went through the door, Sakuya accepted the call before she hung up on him. He knew it would only earn him a lecture if he made her wait too long. It was ironic, really, considering that she never really wanted to talk to him in the first place.

“Hi, aunt,” he greeted her.

“You took a while to answer,” she replied with a clipped tone. No “hello”, no “how have you been” and, as he felt how strained his smile had become, he wondered why he even expected anything else.

“Sorry! I just got home from school since class ran a bit long.” They had actually gone to get meat buns from a store Banri frequented since he had insisted to treat them after he found out they had never tried some from that specific place, but he knew she didn’t care and would probably reprimand him because if he had time to go out with friends, he had time to answer the phone, and he had time to study so that the money they put on his education wouldn’t go to waste.

She responded with a non-committal “hmph” and then started going through the usual list of questions. “How were his studies going?”, “Did he need to buy anything else for school?”, “Was he causing trouble for the company that had taken him in?”, “They weren’t gonna change their policy about housing, right? Because he would have to come back home if they started charging them” and the one that always made Sakuya grit his teeth: “Acting isn’t interfering with school, right? Because I know it’s your hobby but remember that it won’t take you anywhere serious in life.” Just like he did every month, he answered each question with a level tone. And just like she did every month, his aunt pretended to be interested in what he said.

It wasn’t until she hung up that Sakuya finally released the tight grip he had on his phone. He let out a deep sigh and felt his shoulders drop; he knew the routine and every step he had to follow to avoid any landmines when talking to his family, but even to this day a small part of him wished they would show even the slightest bit of interest in his life.

“Agh, get it together!” he taped his cheeks in an attempt to make himself snap out of it. That was just the way things were and there was no point in him being moody and making the others feel bad for him. With that thought in mind, he opened the door that led to the living room and he was immediately hit with the smell of chicken broth and vegetables that wafted from the kitchen.

“Uh….I’m back,” he called out while his feet took him in the direction that delicious smell came from.

“Welcome home, Sakuya!” Izumi smiled while she worked on setting the table. “Banri and Masumi said you were answering a call from your family, is everything okay?” Her smile didn’t waver but he could still see the concern that tinted her expression. The director was the only person in the company who had ever interacted with his aunt apart from himself; because of that, he knew there would be no point in trying to lie to her of all people but he still didn’t really want to talk about it so he settled for a shrug and a small grimace.

She didn’t push further, she knew that Sakuya needed his space from time to time, but she did reach up to run her fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead. He jumped slightly -the open and sincere affection he’s been subjected to since he joined Mankai still took him by surprise- but he couldn’t help but lean towards her hand, thankfully for the reassurance her touch brought him.

Suddenly, her grin returned and she started pushing him towards the kitchen. “Omi’s making dinner! Doesn’t it smell wonderful? He asked me to tell you to go to the kitchen once you got home because he wanted to ask you something.” The barely hidden excitement in her voice sparked his curiosity, so he took a small detour to leave his backpack on the couch before going to find Omi.

Omi turned around when he heard his footsteps and beckoned him over with one hand. “Perfect timing, Sakuya. I’m making chicken noodle soup today and I would like your input.”

“Me?” he exclaimed in surprise.

Omi smiled. “Yes, you mentioned this was your favourite, right? I thought it would be best if you tried it first so I know if I have to change anything for next time.”

He had mentioned it, yes, and despite knowing that Omi had already done this for a couple of the others as well, a part of him couldn’t believe he had gone through the same effort for his sake as well. Omi was kind, so kind; all of them were in their own ways, and sometimes Sakuya had to discreetly pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

So, after blowing on it, he didn’t hesitate to try the spoonful of soup Omi held in front of his face.

Honestly, when Omi had asked him what his favourite soup was, he almost told him he didn’t have one. He had spent most of his life bouncing from family member to family member, being tossed around like an old family heirloom that had lost its value after the original owners were gone; no one wanted to keep it but everyone was too afraid to throw it out. He was used to having to settle for whatever was handed to him, to not ask for extra things, to not be greedy because he was imposing so much on his relatives already, and that meant that he really didn’t have a lot of favourite things. But then it came to him, a distant memory from the time when his parents were still alive. He was probably around four or five years old and the details had been fuzzy, but he remembered the soup his mom used to make him whenever he caught a cold. That’s what he told Omi and the man had followed his instructions to a T: the broth was a perfect balance of vegetable and chicken, the noodles weren’t too big, and the chicken and the carrots had been cut in smaller than usual pieces because that’s what his mom would for him so he wouldn’t have any problems chewing when he wasn’t feeling well.

Omi’s startled voice brought him back to the present.

“Hey, are you okay? Was it too hot? Was it bad?” Omi had reached over to grip his shoulder and was peering down at him with a concerned frown on his face.

Sakuya was so confused that he almost asked him what he meant but he quickly realised how wet and hot his face felt. He brought a hand to his face and confirmed his suspicions: he was crying; it wasn’t full-on sobbing, but the tears were streaming down his face without him being able to stop them. They weren’t sad tears, no; well, not exactly. He had eaten just one spoonful but that was all it took to make the blurry edges around that old memory suddenly clear, and he was suddenly transported back to his old room, with his mother’s gentle smile and the soft hand on top of his hair. It was just one instant, but he could have sworn that he felt the tender touch of his mother’s lips on his forehead.

He placed his hand on top of Omi’s and smiled through the tears, “It’s perfect, Omi.” He couldn’t think of what else to say, the emotions were overwhelming him; sadness, longing, happiness, and a trace of slight bitterness, all of them were swirling inside of him and he didn’t know where to start. He needed a moment, and while he was calming down the director had come into the kitchen and had begun rubbing his back in a soothing notion; from his peripheral vision, he could also see Masumi and Citron, looking like they wanted to step in but waiting to see what he wanted. He could feel their worried gazes and the warmth of their hands seeping throw his blazer and his shirt and reaching his very insides. It was like his heart was being squeezed inside his chest, but instead of being painful, it felt grounding. He had felt alone for such a long time and he hadn’t realised how much he had gotten used to the cold loneliness that permeated his life since his parents had passed away. His parents weren’t by his side anymore, but as he looked around after wiping his eyes and with Citron draping himself over him and asking him if he was okay, a small smile settled on his face. Yes, his parents were gone, but his new family was now here.