#me: hira i don't know if that's how it works...

[adeadlysong]

Tahirah's eyes widened at the mention of being a Rift Mage.

"Rift mage? So...you do rift magic with the Fade...considering all the rifts that keep opening up, that must be very advantageous for you!" She smiled, clapping her hands together briefly. Tahirah could imagine it now - a bunch of rifts open, Ellana just sapping magic fromt hem and immediately exploding her enemies with the energy of it all...was that how it was supposed to work?

At least, that was what it looked like in Tahirah's head. In reality, it was probably much different than she expected.

She nodded in understanding about the idea of picking up more abilities in case of enemies - and allies. "That makes sense, I suppose..."

Upon being asked about how she was doing, Tahirah's eyes brightened. "Ah, I've been doing well. There have been a few things in Melodia I had to briefly attend to, but here I am back again~! Andddd," A chuckle left her, "I didn't forget what I promised to do last time! I believe I owe you an introduction...." She glanced to her right. "Godfather? I think it's safe to reveal yourself."

There was nothing in the space beside her, but then light seemed to flicker on the spot. Black feathers seemed to appear, drifting in the air, before they vanished - replaced by a man who wore dark clothing - fitted tunic and trousers with a dark brown cloak and boots. HIs blond hair was combed back a little bit, eyes meeting Ellana's own before they glanced at Tahirah quietly.

"Inquisitor, meet my godfather!" Tahirah beamed between Ellana and her godfather. "It's about time I got you two to see each other. Could be a fun collaboration."

"Rafaele Baptiste." He introduced himself, offering a light bow to Ellana. "Tahriah told me much about you, Inquisitor - all good things, I promise. She also filled me in on what's going on at present - and I hope I can be of assistance in some form."

@adeadlysong continued from HERE!

She had been speaking out loud to herself, not meaning for it to come off as something she didn't know. After all, she was a mage. Magic was her speciality. It was practically in her veins and bones, in a manner of speaking.

"Well...I've recently been learning how to specialize in becoming a Rift Mage. It's far different from what I would do as a healer before. Before it was simple, use some elfroot and ask for help from Spirits of Compassion. But this..." she pauses, chuckling nervously. "As Solas would put it, 'I'm drawing upon the Fade, pulling matter from it to attack and use against my enemies.'"

Ellana rests a hand on her chin, deeply thinking, while looking at the practice dummies. "Figured it would be good for me to pick up and learn since being Inquisitor comes with making not just allies, but enemies too." She needed to learn how to better defend herself and her team.

"How have you been?"

[sublimepoliticsmusicbiscuit-blog]

Another reason I'm obsessed with My Beautiful Man, they completely deconstruct the whole Tsundere trope and make it better.

Kiyoi's harsh attitude is used masterfully to not be seen as vulnerable and he even convinces himself that he's not as emotional a person as the rest of those around him. And Hira's worship of him just adds to this. But Kiyoi is greedy for Hira, even as he can't bring himself to accept just how much he has come to need Hira to love him.

This is why Hira and his insecurities while heartbreaking to see, never make me angry, because if this were every other romance then Hira would keep trying to make Kiyoi love him. But Hira limits himself, cause he's so genuinely respectful and hates the thought of doing anything Kiyoi wouldn't like. And Hira doesn't believe himself worthy of love so the Tsundere!Kiyoi has to break out of his own protective shell to be vulnerable!

Kiyoi can't live in denial about who he wants. His abrasive behaviour, which is a defense mechanism, has consequences! The man he loves just pulls further away. His inability to communicate his feelings verbally leaves Hira without an understanding of what Kiyoi feels. And so Kiyoi is unable to live in denial and is forced to accept repeatedly just how much he cares about Hira, just how much he wants him.

Kiyoi even tries to repeatedly let go of Hira in typical Tsundere fashion, which is a call for attention. But in this case it doesn't work! Kiyoi doesn't get to be chased as his ego demands! HE HAS TO DO THE CHASING!

Kiyoi has to learn to be honest with himself and with his lover. And that's why they're soulmates! Only Hira could have pushed Kiyoi into smashing out of his shell. Just as Kiyoi is the only one who can motivate Hira to grow and fight to overcome his own shell.

I know it seems like I'm obsessed with Kiyoi, but I'm actually completely in love with Hira and don't know how to verbalize my thoughts on that man. He's insane and completely amazing.

[saffron-words]

Introduction and UtsuKare Translations Master Post

Some of you might recognize me as that Russian translator of Utsukushii Kare books from Wattpad. I decided to revive my tumblr to compile all the links and explanations here for those of you, My Beautiful Man fans, who can't wait for official English releases of the books.

I could never keep a blog, so for now here I'll just tell how it all came about, and you can find links to all my MBM translations at the end (feel free to just skip the wall of text).

So a couple of years ago I finally bowed down and decided to read Utsukushii Kare series in Japanese for language practice, even though I found the summary unappealing and I'm generally suspicious of overhyped media (as far as BL novels go, these books seemed to be The most hyped-up series in Japan). Much to my surprise, I loved it so much it was hard to move on. And while I waited for a chance to buy book 3 and Interlude, I gobbled up everything else related to the series that I could. The manga was only just starting, I didn't like dramaCDs (but I'm in the minority), and the drama somehow revived my love for watching Jdramas, even though I thought that this part of my fandom life has been over for years. When the second season started airing, I made a new friend in the Russian-speaking parts of the Internet who was even more obsessed with MBM than I am, and we fangirled to our hearts' content. At some point I promised her to translate the big sex scene from the end of book 3 as a gift for all the talks. I did, and since back then there was nothing for book 3 in any European language, as far as I know, I decided to post it online and give a link to English-speaking UtsuKare fans too. And since Wattpad doesn't allow copying text, and the browser translator feature from Google Translate was really inadequate, I also put up a link to the translation made with Deepl. As far as machine translators go, it is noticeably more comprehensible, and I didn't have the time (or skills to do the book justice, really) to translate it to English myself. Anyway, after this excerpt I thought I could manage one more important scene from book 3, then one more, and then I finally gave up and started translating it properly from the beginning. I also started correcting mistranslations in Deepl-versions that I kept doing for English readers, so some parts of the book are now much more readable than others. Now the third book is done and I started to work on book 2, Nikurashii Kare. I also translated several stories from Interlude and plan to do at least one more, but that is put on the backburner for now since I want to do as much of the book 2 as I can before book 4 in the main series comes out. Yes, we're getting a new Hira and Kiyoi book! This year too, probably It came out at the end of October 2024 in Japan and, unless something terrible happens IRL, I' plan to 'm thinking of translating it as well.

So here are the links to everything I've translated from My Beautiful Man book series:

Book 3 "Nayamashii Kare" which continues the story past the movie (completed). The text is in Russian, but there are links to decent machine translations to English at the beginning of each part (I've also run through most of them and corrected the mistranslations). Or you can use the in-browser translation feature, but the results would be less readable.

Book 2 "Nikurashii Kare" which was technically turned into season 2 of the drama and the movie, but the script has deviated so much from the book, at times it's like a completely different story (in progress; another 2 updates, and the book will be done). I don't make Deepl translations for this since the official English release finally came out in December.

Stories from other books in the series. The first part is a short scene from Nikurashii Kare, and the rest are stand-alone stories from Interlude. One of them had also been translated to English by Mauli before, but I didn't use her version when working on mine. The rest of the stories have never been translated by anyone else, as far as I know. These, too, have links to Deepl-versions at the beginning.

Disclaimer: my Japanese is not yet really on a level good enough to translate fiction, and there are bound to be mistranslations even if you read the original Russian versions. But I'm cross-checking myself on everything to try and keep those mistakes to minor things. I also know how to translate so I made sure that the text flows well, doesn't feel choppy and retains the same vibe that I get from reading the original.

[twig-tea]

Top 5 Couple Fights

Oooooooh this is fun! Thank you for a relatively easy category because so often the fights in these shows are unearned and it is very frustrating. I'm still limiting myself to 2023!

Wen and Alan, Moonlight Chicken

This fight felt real, it felt lived in, and it felt heartbreaking even though we only saw some of it. These two men love each other, but love isn't enough to keep them together, and that realization is as heartbreaking as the fight itself.

My Personal Weatherman

I am obsessed with the fights in My Personal Weatherman because the characters often don't know they're in one, or are in two different fights at the same time. This is all tied to how much I love how well the miscommunication is done in this show. These fights are legible based on what we know about these characters and what they've seen, even when they're completely unnecessary, and I adore that. Of course the best one is the ending fight and not just because Segasaki ties up Yo's wrists in his shirt.

Jack O'Frost

[Not enough gifs of this actual fight and I need to finish this list so this is what you get]. The fight at the very start of this show escalated so quickly, at first I wasn't sure about it even while I appreciated the performances and the intimate way it was shot. But when we get the backstory and we finally understand how much has been withheld and said vs. not said between them, and where their anxieties were rooted and the source of these big feelings, this fight makes so much more sense. This is a show that really benefits from being watched more than once.

La Pluie

[for some reason tumblr is giving me this link to Shan's blog rather than @liyazaki so tagging you, friend!]

Patts was pushed and pushed and pushed, and he lashed out in his insecurity, and when he asked for reassurance (this lineeee) Saengtai refused to give it to him and instead lashed out out of his own insecurity. This was a painful fight that was fully earned; all of the characters and their choices were legible even as they were infuriating. And it led to a critical awakening of Saengtai who was so caught up in his own sad boy narrative he hadn't realized how much he was hurting everyone around him.

My Beautiful Man S2

Kiyoi and Hira's communication issues continuing past S1 is very believable. I said elsewhere that Hira's work on his self-worth is more like a spiral than a straight line and that's very relatable and realistic. Kiyoi being hurt by Hira not valuing Kiyoi's feelings was such an important lesson for Hira to get more than once. Again, so earned, and resulted in the characters self-reflecting and moving a little closer to whatever a healthy relationship means for these two lol

Laws of Attraction

How much do I Love Tinn seeing right through Charn and Charn being big mad at him for Perceiving him so well? All of their fights are so good because they're about boundaries and mutual respect at their core, and they actually listen to one another and are based on how well they know one another (rather than what so often happens, when the characters seem to forget who the person they're in love with actually is). This barely counts as fight but I love it and it's my list so it stays.

Bonus entry that's only for me (shh stop counting the above):

Mr. Cinderella S2

Nobody but me and like 2 other people watched this show, but I'm actually obsessed with the couple fight in Mr. Cinderella s2 so thank you for the chance to rant about it on main some more. I need to start by saying: this plot is ridiculous and the ending sucks. But within this show, Dung and Khoa have an established relationship that has been tested in S1 and is being tested harder in S2, and to a point, they actually stand together and weather the storm, and it was rewarding to watch. And then slowly everything happening ("everything" here being an ABSURD amount of melodrama) starts to wear on Khoa, who sees himself as the one solely responsible for everything, and he unlearns some of what he learned in s1, he stops relying on Dung as his support, stops telling Dung what's going on because he doesn't want to burden him, and stops trusting Dung's word about what is happening. And so, when the jealousy plot hits, it's actually believable that Dung would be mad at Khoa, not for cheating, but for not respecting Dung as a partner in their relationship. It's well done, I wish so much that it were in a better show so that I could actually recommend anyone watching (I don't). I've seen this trope (assumed cheating) done so badly and so unearned in so many shows, this was so refreshing.

Extra bonus: Best couple fight scene of all time?

Gameboys S2

[I give up on gifs of this scene; have them upset for other reasons instead!]

What I love about the way they fight in this show is that, beyond it being earned etc. etc., the dialogue is so raw. They repeat themselves, they just yell over one another, they get rude, they try saying something to de-escalate and it gets worse instead. This is not a carefully crafted speech, or a single perfectly delivered devastating line; this is raw emotion. I recognize this fight, I've been in this fight, this is what I sound like when I fight lol And we see them really fight at least twice, and the way they fight in ep8 has changed as a result of the earlier fight is also SO good.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Hira's parents and his self-defeating tendencies

I was talking to @sorry-bonebag and @wen-kexing-apologist about what role Hira's parents might have played in creating the weirdness he displays throughout both seasons of Utsukushii Kare & Eternal. I started writing a response and it got too long and, well, now it's a post.

Before I talk about Hira's parents and the tendencies in him that they helped to create, I want to note that family of origin is just one of the influences that form us as people. Parents and caregivers have a huge influence, as do other family members. But so do peers. The bullying about his disability that Hira experiences nearly constantly is one of the biggest influences on his personality.

Hira's parents appear extremely briefly at the very beginning of the series. His mom fusses a bit about him being on his own and his dad is very "he has to take care of himself sometime" about it. We know they took him to specialists for his dysphemia, bought him his camera, etc.

Their departure is a show thing, by the way, and isn't present in the novel. In the novel they continue to live with him through high school and, if I remember correctly, part of college. But they don't play a big role in his life. The main things that happen involving them are either instances of Hira hiding things from them (or attempting to) or instances of his mother briefly, sporadically, having a big burst of worry about him. It would make sense if the show version of his parents were the same way aside from the leaving-him-to-live-alone part of things, though that’s not shown.

The rest of my thoughts are largely headcanon since I’m working backwards from his personality to guess about his formative years, but they match up with the little bit that’s shown in the series and how his parents are in the novel. I see Hira as having a self-defeating personality in a lot of ways. The typical etiology of this kind of personality (the set of conditions that lead up to it) is supposed to be a rather deprived childhood that is punctuated by occasional bursts of parental attention when the child is seen as in crisis somehow (or when they attract attention in other self-defeating ways, like intentionally getting in trouble).

This reminds me of something Nancy McWilliams writes about in Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, attributing the idea to someone named Emmanuel Hammer: “a masochistic person is a depressive who still has hope.” [I should note here that “masochistic personality” is an older term for self-defeating personality that is not meaningfully correlated with masochism in a sexual sense. I think that, despite how he might appear at first glance, Hira actually isn’t sexually masochistic or submissive. I have a whole mostly-written post about this that I hope will see the light of day eventually.] In other words, whereas the background that creates a depressive personality involves deprivation that's intense enough that the person gives up on the possibility of receiving the love they need, the self-defeating personality has had enough success with occasionally getting their needs met that they keep trying. If that’s what happened with Hira, it would be consistent with what we see of his parents in the series. We know they pulled out the stops at certain points when it comes to his dysphemia. Anyone who’s a parent can tell you how hard it is to get a good specialist to see your kid, even when they have some kind of glaring issue and you have decent healthcare access overall. The fact that they managed to get him in with a specialist is notable all on it own. (I actually have some stressful phone calls I need to make today in a similar vein, seeking specialist help for one of my kids.) They also spent a lot of money on a DSLR for a young kid. And yet they’re OK with letting him live alone and after that point remain very hands-off. It also seems like despite the attention they paid to his dysphemia during that one period, by the time of the series they’ve totally stopped trying to support him about it.

Basically, I think his parents are largely neglectful (emotionally rather than materially) but that every so often, they freak out and pay a bunch of attention to him because they perceive him to be in need of rescuing. When he was young, he probably appreciated the attention when it happened, but at the time of the series he gets those needs met in other ways and/or displaces that need for attention onto Kiyoi. The idea of seeking attention in this way maps especially well onto his relationship with Kiyoi, because he seeks Kiyoi’s attention and approval through exactly the sort of strategies typically used by people with self-defeating personalities. Here’s McWilliams again:

Reik (1941) explored several dimensions of masochistic acting out, including (1) provocation [she refers to a previous anecdote about a woman who feared angry outbursts by her partner because of experiences with her father; she would act out in ways that antagonized him in order to “get it over with”], (2) appeasement (“I’m already suffering, so please withhold any further punishment”), (3) exhibitionism (“Pay attention: I’m in pain”), and (4) deflection of guilt (“See what you made me do!”).

I can think of plenty of instances of provocation (the first type). Hira often does things he knows will make Kiyoi angry, and sometimes visibly relishes the negative attention.

One good example is the scene in Eternal where he creates a totally avoidable misunderstanding by vaguely talking about how “a divorce is going to happen” because of an affair, which Kiyoi takes to be referring to their relationship and specifically, to Hira cheating. When Kiyoi rears back to punch him, Hira protests for a moment but then says being killed by Kiyoi is actually a longstanding wish of his. It turns out it’s Naho-chan who is getting divorced because her husband cheated. Hira could easily have spoken more clearly when he brought this up by using subjects in his sentences. When he first brings up divorce, Kiyoi says, “Who are you to decide on your own without me agreeing? What dissatisfaction do you have with me?”, which makes it clear he thinks Hira is referring to something involving him. Yet Hira continues to speak without subjects when he elaborates and says the reason for the divorce is an affair. He only clears up the misunderstanding after Kiyoi has lost all patience and is (legitimately!) freaking out. There's no way this isn't, on some level, intentional.

One version of appeasement (the second type of self-defeating acting out) that McWilliams talks about is criticizing oneself before others can do so. It’s no exaggeration to say that Hira talking himself down to Kiyoi is a defining characteristic of their relationship. There are lots of examples of this but a particularly classic case is his constant refrain about being a “pebble.” His invitation for Kiyoi to “Please hit me as much as you want” after their fight in season 2 is another example of appeasement. 

It’s hard to pin down specific examples of Hira employing the third type of acting out, exhibitionism. It makes sense that they wouldn’t be easy to find, though. This is a very covert type of exhibitionism that doesn’t announce itself. I think you can observe it in subtle ways, though. For example, when Shirota dumps tomato juice on Kiyoi, a bunch of it gets on Hira as well. Afterwards, Kiyoi cleans the juice off of himself as best he can, seemingly as quickly as possible, and changes his clothes. But when he talks to Hira afterward, dried drops of juice are clearly visible on Hira’s face. Acidic juice on one’s face would probably feel uncomfortable, but he intentionally doesn’t wash it off. It’s like he’s wearing these stains as a badge of honor and proof of his mistreatment.

I think deflection of guilt, the fourth type, is less characteristic of Hira than the others. He tends to absorb guilt rather than deflecting it, blaming himself in a way that often takes the form of the self-critical form of appeasement.

I think it's worth noting that he also employs appeasement as a strategy in the hostile environment of high school. His biggest rule in school is to avoid attention as much as possible, so exhibitionism and provocation aren't acceptable options. (He does disobey Shirota in a way that could be considered provocation when the rift between Kiyoi and Shirota first starts to form, but I think that's more a case of overt rebellion.) We don't see him employ deflection of guilt, though his teacher does seem a bit more forgiving of his attack on Shirota given what he knows about Hira's experiences with bullying. But appeasement? When he can't avoid attention entirely, that is his go-to strategy. It doesn't draw much, if any, additional attention this way. He can demonstrate to people who pose a danger to him that he's not a threat and is ready to comply with their orders if it will allow him to avoid mistreatment. It's only when he finds a kind of vicarious strength in Kiyoi (see my post here for more on that aspect of Hira) that he starts to deal with the bullying in other ways.

So, yeah. Hira's parents initially formed these patterns in Hira, peers deepened them, and they came out in his relationship with Kiyoi. A big part of the shift that needs to happen in order for their relationship to last is for Hira to stop using self-defeating strategies to sneakily get his needs met by Kiyoi and start seeking what he needs openly and assertively.

Maybe now would be a good time to brush off those other in-progress Utsukare posts and try to finish them off while I have a bit of momentum, huh?

By the way, if you’re interested in my previous Utsukare posts, I have a master post here with links to everything.

[respectthepetty]

Because when a color demon is summoned by @negrowhat and @mggsttn's post, I show up!

Top 5 - Color-Coded Storytelling in BLs

Y'all already know what number one is, but let's pretend you don't. Instead follow me on this journey into BLs that gave the best color-coded storytelling. In order to be considered for this list:

The story had to integrate the colors into multiple aspects of the series: wardrobe, lighting, accessories, setting, etc.

The colors had to be meaningful to the plot.

The narrative did not explicitly state what the colors meant.

The color coding had to be consistent and featured in each episode.

The series has to be finished.

So let's begin!

Honorable Mention: Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

This isn't a BL (yet it's queer, so anyone who says it isn't can argue with the ghosts), but that damn red thread of fate had me and Yiyong messed up all season! The appearance of the color red in the series was less of an alarm, and more of a signal that every single moment was connected. All those single red threads that Yiyong and his unlikely crime-solving buddies weaved each episode came together at the last minute not only to solve the crime, but to stitch Yiyong together and bring him back from the edge of death because the true message of the show about fate and dying was how connection is what makes life worth living.

#5 - Moonlight Chicken

Director Aof and Cinematographer Rath never miss, but this particular story being told in this series through the symbolism and lighting depicting moon vs. sun, coldness vs. warmth, dislike vs. love, and so much more was phenomenal. Watch the scene of Li Meng holding a crying Heart in Heart's cold, blue, dark room then witness the two kissing in Li Meng's warm, orange-ish, bright living room or watch the hatred and blue melting off of Alan as he begins to find love again and you'll understand that the color coding in this show wasn't just a simple red versus blue dynamic. This was the work of PROFESSIONALS. This color coding was like tiramisu made by the best Italian chef; it had layers and was effing delicious!

#4 - My Beautiful Man

This show did several visual devices oh-so-well. We got Hira always being lower than Kiyoi. We got the duck. We got Hira capturing Kiyoi with his camera instead of being present with him. We got traditional colors but with that Japanese twist. And all of the elements worked together to give us an elite visual story. Hira was blue. Kiyoi was white. Hira was the loyal and reserved servant. Kiyoi was a god. Yet this was the point of contention between the two. Kiyoi wasn't a heavenly being. He was a human boy devoid of love. He wanted Hira to love him, not worship him. He wanted Hira to stand with him, not lower himself. He wanted Hira to live with him, not through him. So we saw Kiyoi struggle with his color when he didn't feel stable in their relationship, but once Hira made it clear that he loved Kiyoi, Kiyoi never shined brighter.

#3 - My Love Mix-Up

Nobody does colors like Japan. It color codes its ties. It leans into the religious aspect of the light versus dark color scheme. It invents new ways to color-code and is always evolving . . . like Aoki's orange color did in this series. Our disaster bisexual started the series with a muted color and as he discovered he liked a boy and not the girl he originally was crushing on, his color started to emerge. At first it was a soft yellow, but by the end, it was a vibrant orange. Ida was a solid blue, so watching Aoki's feeling deepen for him was electric each time the blue lighting lingered on his face until it overwhelmed him. Oh, and that color exchange is the best that has ever been done!

#2 - Semantic Error

This show tricked us. Jae Young played us the way he played Sang Woo, yet Jae Young's true colors were revealed as the boys spent more time with each other because isn't that the entire point of color coding? Seeing people's true colors without having to be told? Jae Young started off as red solely because quiet and introverted Blue Boy Sang Woo HATED red. That was it! That was the entire reason Jae Young became red. He just wanted to piss off Sang Woo. But as the boys worked together and Jae Young's personality shown through, Sang Woo realized Jae Young wasn't the devil he made him out to be and was actually a pretty chill Green Guy who he wanted to hug longer than two weeks.

#1 - Big Dragon

The only reason 82% of the crowd decided to watch this show was because of the visual above. Let that sink in. This one visual piqued y'alls interest enough to watch a show about a guy drugging someone to have sex with him and blackmail him with the tape of it so he could *looks at notes* get the girl? A girl?! And the guy who was drugged, almost sexually assaulted, and blackmailed was *checks notes again* HE WAS IN TO IT?!

Y'all hated this show. I loved it. Y'all think it was ridiculous. I love it. Y'all are rolling your eyes right now. I will always love it because it understood the assignment! I can't keep repeating the same points over and over, but here I go again:

Everything was color coded!

And it all supported the story. It never distracted from the story. It never became its own story. It was laced into the story. It did exactly what visual rhetoric is supposed to - show don't tell.

And it showed me when Yai opened his heart to Mangkorn.

And how Mangkorn's love transformed Yai.

It showed me that Yai's sister was his only source of light living in that isolated house.

It showed me the warmth Yai felt from Mangkorn's mom.

And it showed me that no matter how much he protested, Yai was deep in love.

And to think it all started here.

And ended up here.

That's the power of color coding and remarkable visuals.

It makes you see the beauty is in the details.

[pokenoire]

Utsukushii Kare It's better for me in the novel than in the drama, there are things that the Drama cut that make all the difference in the relationship and conversations between Hira and Kiyoi, which convinced me to watch the drama a second time.

I started to understand the parts that I didn't like were because there were some missing dialogues that the Novel completes, making their relationship more explicit and more developed. I even find parts of their relationship funny sometimes, I genuinely appreciate a ship that makes me laugh a little at silly things, and jealousy instead of just making me angry at the characters for causing it or feel and it's not at all exaggerated which I also appreciate.

Yet Hira is still a stalker with very defined traits of a fanatical fan who knows his place and also knows when to stop or set a limit. Which they don't usually do with this type of character, so I'm surprised how Yuu sama managed to make a fan x admirer/celebrity thing work with both the unpleasant and the positive aspects.

[caresscoffee]

I have several thoughts on My Beautiful Man...

If My Beautiful Man were a hetero Jdrama this would be completely unwatchable because a subservient weird & creepy guy[he's 1 step removed from being Kiyoi's stalker] and a woman is not a scenario that people would likely get behind, even if she were as into weird & creepy guy as Kiyoi is with Hira... I mean, the weird & creepy factor goes both ways here and that's really the only reason their relationship works, however Kiyoi is a secret creepy weirdo until you say something about Hira or try to bully him & then he's not normal... his mouth might say "Creepy" or "Stalker" but his body language, voice, and eyes say, "I love you, please don't stop being obsessed with me... I won't stop being obsessed with you." & I don't think this would work if Kiyoi were a woman, it is however one of my favorite BL series... and my controversial opinion is that I liked the stalker bit because when Kiyoi was kidnapped he legit told this guy that he & Hira were nothing alike because Hira is morally upright, only has eyes for him, cares more for him than himself, & Hira was much crazier than this nothing stalker & for me personally that was a really great scene because Kiyoi looked fuckin deranged himself while he was telling this douchecanoe how much crazier his boyfriend is... and then he looked like an absolute madman when he thinks his soulmate was stabbed, hysterically bawling and begging him not to die, and then they had to literally drag him away from Hira because he just wouldn't let go and then he was fighting them to get back to his side... I think it really emphasizes that Kiyoi, in some ways, loves Hira more than Hira loves him because he knows how Hira is and accepts him completely despite some major dissatisfaction in Hira not thinking he deserves to be loved by Kiyoi

[inquisimer]

dragon age fluff fic recs

Part two of my fic rec list series comes bearing the sweetest, most tooth-rotting fluff! It turns out that I....don't actually read a lot of pure fluff, but it was a joy to go spelunking through the tag and all of these pieces made me smile and laugh when I read them.

Check them out! and leave a comment or kudos to let the authors know that you did 💜

Remember to post your fanfic and fanart recs for this week's fan work friday! And if this inspires you to make a fic rec list of your own, tag me in it so that I can read and promote your awesome recs (:

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floriography by ritualist

Lace Harding/Josephine Montilyet | G | 3001 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: When the Inquisitor asks how Skyhold is treating her, Harding can't help the smile on her face when she says, "Ambassador Montilyet sent me a basket of flowers." Mer's Rec: This one caught me up in Lace's sweet and fluffy personality from the start, and the author's grasp of Lace's voice and POV was so well done that I never saw the cute little twist coming at the end. The story captures many tiny details of Harding's position as the Inquisition's lead scout and beautifully contrasts her earnestness with Josephine's practiced poise. Their interactions make sense and flow seamlessly as the story progresses; it had me smiling and laughing like a dork the whole way through.

Girls Like Braids by Katuary

Female Cousland & Fergus Cousland | G | 1375 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Elissa goes to her brother for help fixing the disaster she's wrought of her hair. He insists on hearing how the disaster happened in the first place Mer's Rec: Sibling Bias™️and bisexual panic - what more do I need to say? I'm such a sucker for genfic, and sibling fic in particular melts my heart. The relationship between Elissa and Fergus in this piece is beautifully crafted - from their teasing banter to the fact that Elissa ultimately trusts Fergus to help her when she needs it. The other thing that really struck me is how Katuary wrote Elissa's voice. Even though she's young, and her inner monologue reflects that, she never feels dumb or stupid or naive - she reads authentically as a young child and since I know how difficult that can be to capture in writing, I really loved seeing that portrayal in this story.

Desk by faithlessone

Cassandra Pentaghast/Male Trevelyan | T | 3443 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: The armory is unbearably loud and Cassandra goes off in search of somewhere else to work. Mer's Rec: This is a sweet moment in-between the canon for Cass/Trev and I loved how much is showed them as people beyond their jobs. That's something I often find omitted from stories about Cass, but it was really highlighted here to great success. The author also writes an established relationship incredibly well - the affection between Trevelyan and Cassandra is natural and (without giving too much away), the actions they take in the story feel authentic to a real romantic relationship.

if I had you and I could give you your dreams by calypsid

Hira/Miriam | G | 520 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Miriam and Hira, at the end of it all. Or, how they kept their promise to each other, once and for always. Mer's Rec: what could have been in Absolution, if Dragon Age wasn't the series of Apostates Who Betray You ;-; This fic gives our cheese-farm gays their happy ending, and it also offers a brief but interesting perspective on the apocalyptic events of DAI from the common farmer they buy the land from! Happiness abounds, Hira and Miriam are just so in love, and we're all pretending the finale of Absolution never happened.

known by name by ophryetrash

Female Inquisitor & Inquisition Scouts | G | 2914 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: The Herald is different, but that's a good thing. Members of the Inquisition interact with her and they feel seen. Mer's Rec: Told from the perspective of the Inquisition's scouts, this is a lovely look at what it's like to be in the rank-and-file of the organization, and how it feels to interact with the people at the head of it all. I loved how the awe and wonder in each interaction grew into feelings of personhood, both for the scouts and about the Inquisitor herself. The banter between the scouts and their personalities makes this story shine and (if you're like me) you'll have a good laugh at the surprise cameo toward the end!

[namesarehard123]

What songs the Potatoes (honorary members and Kara featured) are vibing with right now

Aru - "Mantra (Jennie)" / "Not Like Us (Kendrick Lamar)"

Aru is definitely a sucker for internet drama, so you know she's eating up "Not Like Us." She definitely enjoys how united the internet has become to laugh at Drake.

"Mantra" was added because I feel like Aru would definitely bias Jennie from Blackpink if she was a K-pop fan. "Mantra" has this very, "I'm a bad bitch, and I don't care what you have to say about it" vibe that I feel like Aru, after the entire series, definitely vibes with. The song itself was built to be an earworm, and it's something that's just meant to be danced to. Aru probably puts this song on while cleaning, which leads to her climbing onto the nearest surface to dance (which Aiden admires with a soft smile on his face).

Mini - "Box in the Ocean (Alessia Cara)"/"Your Love (Jisoo)"

"Box in the Ocean" goes into how the singer buries her emotions in a box hidden in the ocean. While I feel like Mini has definitely gotten better at handling her anxiety over the books, she would definitely still vibe with the sentiments expressed in the song: who you were in the past is still you. Also, "Box in the Ocean" has this very calm, groovy beat that I feel Mini would love.

"Your Love" has this very 2016 feel due to its calm EDM beat. The singer describes this very innocent, simple type of love. I feel like Mini, again, would just really like calmer pop songs. Plus, the song would definitely remind her of her relationship with Rudy.

Brynne - "On My Mama (Victoria Monet)"/"Noir (Sunmi)"

"On My Mama" is a very laid-back groovy song: it's something that would make anyone move their shoulders and nod their head with the beat. Brynne definitely plays this while she makes Hira and her dinner. Sometimes, she'll get really into dancing and pull Hira into it. Whatever they're doing would probably be considered the ugliest dancing in the world, but who's the world to judge what goes on in cozy kitchens.

"Noir" has similar music vibes to "On My Mama." I think Brynne would just like the chill, groovy vibes this song gives off in general. This specific subset of music is definitely something she would love to put on while cooking. Since Sunmi makes a lot of this type of music, I also head-canon Brynne to be a very big Sunmi fan.

Honorable Mentions: "28 Reasons (Seulgi)" [Brynne definitely got into this song because Hira was a Red Velvet fan, and now Brynne can't stop playing "28 Reasons."]

Rudy - "Big Dawgs (HanuMankind)"/"Rockstar (Lisa)"

"Big Dawgs" is a song Rudy loves to play to pretend he's tough. Every one of the Potatoes knows he's the biggest softie around, but they'll let him have this one. He listens to this while scouring through Otherworld shops to find Mini the perfect gift for their bi-weekly date.

"Rockstar" is similar to "Big Dawgs" in the sense that it's, at its core, a hype song. Rudy would love these types of songs because he loves to be hyped, point blank. I've always head-cannoned that Rudy and Mini get a dog together, and when they're both adults and Mini's out saving lives as a doctor/researcher, Rudy makes Alexa play "Rockstar" at full volume, dancing with their dog.

Aiden - "Von Dutch (Charli XCX)"/"Run for the Hills (Tate McRae)"

Lower the raised eyebrows: let me explain. Both of these songs are literally the definition of modern pop music. They're loud, they're fun. I firmly believe that Aiden became a professional photographer when he became older. To make some money, I think he'll often do gigs for models, so I feel like his music taste would evolve to involve these pop songs as that's what helps his models get into the mood for their photoshoots (if that makes sense. Can you tell I have no idea how the professional world of photography works?).

"Von Dutch" is a song that Aru got him into. Her amazon playlist would constantly be playing their house (because Amazon music has no ads), and after hearing "Von Dutch" once, he was hooked.

"Run for the Hills" was something he discovered after he fell in love with "It's okay, I'm okay." Sometimes, when this song plays, he'll start singing it as Aru dances. Aiden's beautiful voice mixed with Aru's awkward not-really-dancing makes for a lovely combination, if they do say so themselves.

Kara - "Hard to Love (Rose)"/ "Daisies (Katy Perry)"

Both of these songs build their base around guitar and powerful alto vocals. These are songs I think Kara would gravitate to as they're genuinely very wonderful songs, but they're tinged with a sense of melancholy I think she would appreciate.

"Hard to Love" is a song that she discovered while just casually listening to Blackpink's releases. Ever since then, her bias has been Rose.

"Daisies" is something she listens to when she's down. It's a way of reminding herself that through it all, she has grown, and she will always grow. I've always head-cannoned that if she ever reunited with the Potatoes, it would always be a while later. (Never mind that in my fic it's a few months later. We don't pay attention to inconsistencies like that.) By then, she would have learned how to build an effective support system around herself.

Honorable Mention: "City Lights (Bittermilk)" [She definitely lives in Chicago {because I love Chicago}, and whenever she does a late night drive, she puts on this song.]

[thegeminisage]

rook picspam to round out the rook posting i've been doing...nobody asked but i am also going to put Rook Lore under the cut (mods used in pics)

mercar rook because nothing is as delicious as lucanis getting tortured for a year by tevene mages and then falling in love with a tevene mage. and then having sex next to that fucking fish tank wall

she's also a lefty, like lucanis. twinsies!! i've also given them the same birthday, though rook is younger; she turns 30 during the events of veilguard

uses lightning magic, because that was the kind my trevelyan used in da:i (i feel like mage PCs wind up using this a lot since the other mages have the other types of magic covered) and i'm a sucker for nostalgia

the military backstory is...fine, whatever, but it's not for me. my rook & her folks are/were liberati. hira's family (you remember hira? from absolution? please watch absolution) bought them out from the magister who owned them (guess who? danarius!) 5 days after rook was born & they booked it for the free marches (i'm baking rook in kirkwall lore bc da2 is still the best game in the series)

rook grew up on a boat. parents were merchants (hence the last name...) and they sailed around the waking sea buying and selling goods. this means my rook is a rare rook who can swim, and it also explains why she's so jacked, which was an accident but one i'm p happy with. also when lucanis said that boat thing she looked up the heavens and went "maker, why? why did i have to fall for this one?" she doesn't care if lucanis is ace and half a virgin but it is SO unsexy to her that he cannot sail

she is transfem! i get sooo :/ at the implication in inquisition that if you want to change your body you need Evil Blood Magic to do it. what, morrigan can turn into a giant spider or a bird without blood magic but rook can't grow a pair of tits or yeet her facial hair? get real.

anyway when they stopped in kirkwall they always got free healthcare thanks to anders and he also looked at rook and said "is anybody gonna give this teenager gender affirming care" and didn't wait for an answer. rook probably walked past varric at the clinic a thousand times without ever knowing they'd become really good friends someday.

unfortunately rook's magic manifested in the middle of kirkwall in broad daylight, so she got hauled off to the kirkwall circle and stayed there about a year (until anders blew up the chantry - thanks king). her parents died as a result of the chaos but rook got out of kirkwall and back to tevinter (unfortunately, the only safe place for mages...) to join the shadow dragons. immediately developed an embarrassing crush/idol-worship sitch re: maevaris.

dated tarquin for awhile because she was t4t prior to getting dickmatized by lucanis (rip queen). she and tarquin broke up when she did that job and got the shadow dragons in trouble and went away with varric. later they're like well one of us bagged the first talon and one of us bagged the black fucking divine so i guess that worked out

i think it's weird that a mercar rook wouldn't know neve so i've decided they were friends before the game started. i'm not sure how close they were or how long they were friends yet for but it's definitely close enough/long enough to make the city choice so so so SO much worse

her real name is "rook." she was gonna get her parents to pick out a new girl name for her but they died before they could do that so she just went by her last name for years. when varric nicknamed her, she liked it enough to keep it. being named by a friend was the second best thing. so she doesn't have the complex about it feeling like a title or whatever, she adores the name. no one will ever find out what her deadname is because i don't want to pick one out

she has read every last one of varric's book EXCEPT tale of the champion. during the events of da2, she never meets hawke or hawke's scary glowing elf boyfriend or any of hawke's friends except anders. she did meet cullen, but he is not hawke's friend and also he's so lame. when she finds out the inquisitor fucking married him she is FLABBERGASTED.

when i first started playing da4 i was like ugh who wants to make an oc that's so much work. i wish i could write rookanis without having to make up an oc. and then what did i do! look at me now. absolutely drowning in screenshots.

[lutawolf]

My Beautiful Man Season 2 Episode 4

Hira has such a poetic soul. In some his behavior would be creepy but it's not for him because he has the heart of a romantic and the soul of a poet. While Kiyoi is passion personified. He's learned to make his outside look normal unless he is with Hira, then Hira gets his different levels of flame.

Even when these two are miscommunicating, you always feel the love. You don't worry about if it's going to work out because these two are truly the other half of each other. And poor confused Hira is such a subby sub. That's not something Kiyoi wants to change. You can tell from the way he smiles when Hira says certain things but he doesn't want Hira to treat him as unattainable.

Reunion! I'm so fucking excited!

Right now the gang seems to have matured. Aw, Hira don't break my heart.

Omg! I love them so much. The growth is tremendous. Hira learning to talk and Kiyoi learning when to give support. The way Kiyoi is growing as a Dom. Reading Hira, knowing what he needs to feel fullfilled. Knowing when to degrade and when to encourage. And fuck the growth in communication! I love it.

You guys! The way Hira put his scarf down for Kiyoi to sit on! Ugh!

Yes! Recognize Hira's artwork!

I love that Kiyoi so freely talks about Hira but damn, "He's a weird guy."

Then Hira has to go and prove him right. Yelling sorry at the top of his lungs. I swear, I love him so much your honor.

The way Kiyoi gets excited for Hira. This is when his passion shows. It's so beautiful. Then Hira tells Kiyoi his dream and Kiyoi is just melting because this is all and everything. But Hira is still submissive so he asks if it's okay. That just made it that much more special for me.

"I'm so happy, I'll make it a family heirloom." I swear to all that is unholy Hira, you are killing me. "I'm gonna die. i'm so happy, I could die." 🤣🤣🤣 Fuck me! I love them so much. "How to preserve chocolate." I'm gonna say it again. Heart of a romantic and soul of a poet. And then passion!

I loved that so fucking much! Amazing! 💜💜💜

Post dedicated to @esinegerp I know they were looking forward to hearing my thoughts.

[amelias-zelda-calamity-quintet]

Representation in MoaH (& GoS)

I don't like to tag my works with a lot of the rep tags they normally would/could have. Personally, from publishing the first book in Word Walkers, my experience is that those tags are more often used to blacklist works and I don't think people should get the opportunity to pretend that queer people, BIPOC people, disabled people don't exist by flagging that. Also like. As a white person, I feel a little weird being like "Look at all my BIPOC characters!" It feels a little virtue signally to me. Telling good stories should just include diverse casts because the world is diverse. You know?

Further, in my experience, particular with Wattpad at the moment, I have a platform to give people the 101 to a lot of these concepts (in particular queer and disability rep, which are my communities) and change their minds that they would have otherwise missed if they'd stayed in their bubble. It does mean you probably won't see things like neopronouns in my works, but if I can change someone's mind about they/them being singular, that's a start. I have a lot of ESL readers according to my stats on Wattpad and translating that can be difficult. But if my work can be a gateway for them learning what that means, that's more good done.

Also, my fics attract a lot of eggs so like. Y'all are finding me anyway, I don't need the tags.

Anyway, here's some of the confirmed rep in book 1 of MoaH and in GoS if y'all need a reference though for what is blatantly in the works so far.

Queer Rep

Marela is a lesbian and in a relationship with Saddiqah by the end of book 1

Link & Saddiqah are both bi-icons (confirmed in the Din's Temple arc) with femme preferences

The fortuneteller in Lake Town (Hart) uses she/they pronouns

The tour guide (unnamed) in Lake Town uses they/them pronouns

Zelda's middle sibling is transmasc, though he is not reintroduced as such until book 2 for plot reasons. His identity and the story around it is given a serious storybeat and is one of the reasons why MoaH Link is my only Link I firmly will say is a cis man, because I'm making a point of in having Link as an example of healthy masculinity (as a cis man) for a trans kid trying to find a role model on it. The series does not use his deadname again though after Link finds out in book 1

They show up later in book 1, but there's a gay couple in the Marksmen, Sorol and Kutt

That's just book 1. I've got an enby knight and an enby Goron in book 2. I've also gone over how some of the Gerudo naming conventions work in my worldbuilding posts to include enby rep like the Gerudo word for nonbinary, vyu, though Dirjaani Gerudo culture doesn't come up in the books until book 3.

Over in GoS, Endeavor is actually a huge part of my coming to terms with my own gender. Originally published with she/her pronouns, the current edits are giving Endeavor they/them pronouns to accurately reflect what I didn't have the language for in high school when I started writing GoS. Endeavor is agendered.

Endeavor has two moms

Two of the Earth Sages, Insen and Hira, are in a relationship, they are both men.

Disability Rep

Lance, Link's dad, uses mobility aids due to an injury that forced him to retire from the Marksmen.

Link has ADHD with anxiety symptoms, chiefly social. This is an intentional conversation on courage and how we define it.

Zelda is autistic. MoaH Zelda is also plus-sized.

Floan is auADHD, she has a special interest in bugs

Kaju, the son of Lake Town's steward, has a prosthetic leg

Ambrose has severe motion sickness (horseback riding is about the most he can handle, but he will not fight on horseback)

Not strictly a disability, but it's a point of worldbuilding that most Hyrulean lineage Zora don't do well in the cold, so there are accessibility enchantments made to allow for traveling extensively in colder regions.

Also not strictly a disability, but sign language is much more widely taught in Hyrule. It's a mandatory lesson for the Marksmen for tactics reasons, so Ambrose, Saddiqah, and Link all have at least a conversational level of fluency in it if not better.

Back in GoS, Link's granddad Lynard uses mobility aids.

Parijan, Guardian of the Spirit Sage, is blind.

Saruo, Priestess of Courage, has anxiety. Again, I like messing with the definition of courage.

BIPOC Rep

Ok, admittedly. MoaH is a little light here. But! In my defense, it's because I want the worldbuilding of MoaH to code countries and cultures with certain ethnicities and not races/species (i.e. the Gerudo aren't just automatically Middle Eastern, there are several cultures where Gerudo are prominent members with multiple influences). So in Hyrule, where the primary culture is Hyrulean coded European generic, there aren't as many opportunities for coded characters ethnically because that's not how I'm handling it. There are characters who are BIPOC, but it feels like a bit of a cop out to include them because then I just list off all the Gerudo who show up because their POC and that feels a little cheap. I am including them too, but I want to preface that other regions of this series are going to be better at this particular beat (I circle back to the enby knight, who is also BIPOC of Faronan-Dirjaani heritage, but that's book 2).

Basic ones, there are three major Gerudo characters in book 1: Saddiqah El Amin, Dragmire Al Iber, and Ayad Al I'Tidal. They are all of the more standard Hyrulean-Dirjaani lineages closest to canon expectation. Dirjaani cultures are influenced by Middle Eastern and North African cultures, so they are all women of color.

Saddiqah in particular, and this gets into spoilers so I'll be brief, is specifically coded to be a biracial woman. For reasons that come up in book 3. It's why her horse, Ajan, has a Creole name which is outside of the typical naming conventions I'm grabbing for the Hyrulean-Dirjaani names.

The Sheikah are coded as Japanese in the games, so Impa is coded as Japanese along with the Hyrulean Sheikah. Sorol is also a Hyrulean Sheikah, so this applies for him too.

The Dreeka in Hyrule are generally coded to be an indigenous group. Because of their relationship with the Sheikah, primary influence there is the Ainu. This includes all of the Dreeka characters introduced in MoaH (Constant, Temperance, Clarity, etc.) as well as the Drex in GoS (Endeavor, Justice, Zeal, etc.)

Over in GoS, Parijan and Dabir are both Middle Eastern coded, we are aiming to be more specific in the edits.

Sayyida and Daniel are both black.

This is loose canon, but I think there's a real read to GoS about making Link black because of the nameless and the felons' rights allegory that that is meant to be. I will not confirm it because Link is meant to be a stand in for the reader and how they see him, but I do like the interpretation.

And again, this is just book 1. There are nine books planned, there will be more.

[morathicain]

Hello Lovely!

For the BL Asks -

💋 favorite kiss 💭 something that you find annoying in BLs 💎 show you wish people talked about more

Hope you're having a lovely chill day =^ㅅ^=

Hello my dear friend (and all the precious gifs *_*) and thank you for your ask! <3

💋 favorite kiss this one still is hard because there are so many amazing ones, like Chen Yi's and Ai Di's numerous emotional kisses and their 1 second kiss and Hira's and Kiyoi's kisses and ahhhhhhhhh! But I still choose TanBunn's sofa kiss because damn they sucked my soul out with that!

💭 something that you find annoying in BLs Hm, some annoying things (like the wifey/hubby trope or the "you're the only man I love") have changed over the past years and don't appear as often anymore. Or are done in a way that works (as in UtsuKare). Something that actually annoys me tho is when a show can't handle couples getting together. Like when they are a couple, finally, and suddenly one of them holds back all affection for no reason at all. If it's to appear shy or because some writers don't know how to uphold tension once a couple is together, I don't know, but I don't like it. I mean, this was the reason why I wrote break-up stories for BohnDuen, Kawi/Pisaeng, and Nuea/Toh (and a rewrite for JimWen) ^^° it's also one of my criticisms of the LoA final. Even when I liked a couple before this, it suddenly feels as if the whole love is one-sided and if they don't properly talk about it, I really don't like it. But that's my opinion.

💎 show you wish people talked about more Gosh, I have so many I miss on my dash C.C but that's also MY dash and not necessarily everyone because ... bubbles ^^ But well, probably "Till the end of the world with you" and "His" because UH, both had me by my throat!

(sorry to all the shows I forgot because my brain always blanks when I answer such asks XD)

BL Ask Box Game for whoever wants to ask questions ;)

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

Avoidance Of The First Class

Making this a separate post bc I absolutely died trying to find it again.

@queenofapeacefuldawn thanks so much for the idea and letting me use it! It was and honor!

Avoidance Of The First Class

Coming back to the museum for Thanksgiving was weird.

Her mom was determined to make a feast, celebrate with her sisters, and just be super festive this year.

Aru had a feeling Krithika Shah was feeling lonely.

In the time since the Potatoes had gone off to college, her mom had become besties with Malini across the street, and a painful dread came over Aru as her mom said, "This weekend, beti, we're going to have a big feast. Malini and I planned it! Isn't that exciting?" She asked, bustling around the kitchen.

"That's great, mom," Aru said. She slyly left the room, pulling her phone out and scrolling through her contacts till she found one at the bottom.

Aiden Acharya

She sighed and clicked on the contact, tapping out a hasty text to her ex-boyfriend.

Aru: Did you know about this dinner our moms are hosting? Aiden: Actually? Aru: Yes... You didn't tell her did you?

The palpable pause in the conversation made her heart sink They'd decided to not tell anyone they'd broken up, to keep the dynamic of the Potatoes afloat. Aru remembered that conversation, with both of them dripping in apathy. It was the worst thing to happen-

Aiden: No. Should I? Aru: I think we can get through a dinner. Aiden: Avoidance of the first class?

She thought about responding to that- it was hilarious, it was perfect, it was so utterly them.

Aru left him on read.

THAT SATURDAY, THE MUSEUM KITCHEN.

Brynne bustled around the kitchen with Krithika, stuffing the turkey and stirring the curry as Aru's mom rolled out the roti. Mini was washing rice and Rudy was working on tunes. Hira was watching the football game with Gunky and Funky as the twins set the table.

"Beta!" Malini called. Aru, who had been at the door of the kitchen on her phone looked up to see what all the commotion was about, when she saw Malini bringing Aiden to her.

What a momma's boy.

"I want you two to go back to the house and make the peas and mac and cheese. Oh, and take the turkey," she handed the tray to Aru, who scowled at the bird. "And don't come back until it's done cooking. If you two are going to sit around then I might as well get you out of the way."

Aiden nodded as Aru made her way out of the house, not wanting to deal with anyone else's bullshit. It's not her fault she arrived late!

When they got to Aiden's house, she threw the turkey in the oven without a single thought. "Woah, there Shah. You gotta baste it first!"

Aru stiffened, rolling her eyes. "Fine. You do it. I'm going to get the peas." Who was Aiden to behave like an authority to her?

She pulled the frozen peas out of the freezer and put them on a pan, turning the heat up and throwing frozen butter on it. She rummaged through a few drawers, looking for a spatula, when Aiden came up behind her, tapping her back and handing her the spatula. Aru felt the ghost of a hand around her waist, a phantom kiss on her cheek, and she practically shook at the memories of him cooking with her.

Krithika Shah wasn't the only one who was lonely.

It had been so long since she'd been around other human beings, since she'd occupied the same space as one, worked with someone. Aru had to remind herself to breathe.

We don't need Aiden anymore, Shah. She exhaled deeply, thinking back as to why they broke up in the first place.

=================================

"I'm gonna be moving around a lot, Shah."

"I can handle it."

A pause.

"I can't."

=================================

Photojournalism. His dream. His one passion.

Their downfall.

Aru snapped back into reality when the doorbell rang, frantically stirring the peas, praying that they hadn't burnt yet.

"Is Aru home?" A voice came from the door. Probably some estranged relative, looking to see 'how much she'd grown!'

"Uh, she doesn't live here," Aiden said, an edge to his voice.

Aru turned the stove off, and ran to the door to see...

Andy?

The blond boy from college who'd been on her debate team for finals?

"Hey, Andy... what're you doing here?" She asked cautiously.

"Oh! Aru! Hi," he waved, a small grin gracing his features.

"Hi?" Aru said lamely.

"Uh, I'm probably interrupting something, I can leave-" Andy's eyes ping-ponged between Aiden and her, and Aru desperately stepped out of the door, grabbing his arm.

"No, it's ok. What's up?" She looked at Andy searchingly- could this be the rebound she'd been looking for?

Andy took a deep breath, as if psyching himself up, and Aru heard Aiden shift behind them.

"I was wondering if you maybe wanna go get some coffee with me?" He asked hopefully. "Like. Now?"

Aru's heart sank a bit, despite having a cute boy actively ask her out. No, she couldn't go now, she was helping with dinner. She was spending time with her family. She was trying to get not-so-lonely.

But this was an opportunity to get not-so-lonely!

"Shah, did you turn off the stove?" Aiden asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, it's off," she said quietly.

"Aru?" Andy called softly. She hadn't answered him. Oh.

"I can't go right now, Andy. It's, like, Thanksgiving, and I'm spending time with my family-"

"Seems like an awfully small family with just your boyfriend," he mumbled.

"He's not my- Andy! Come on, you can't expect me to drop everything and be with you!" She yelled as he walked away to his car.

Rude.

She turned to Aiden, glaring at him like a surly teenager, and stormed inside.

She sat on the couch, flipping through the channels when Aiden came in, closing the door softly.

"I'm sorry he did that."

"What? Asked me out? Please," she scoffed. Aru sounded pathetic, and she knew it.

"That he doesn't understand how important family is to you," Aiden finished, leaning over to her. He put a hand on hers, and static shocked him a bit, but still Aiden would not move.

These things were always easier when she was with him. She didn't have to choose between spending Thanksgiving with family or him. They were one and the same.

He did this.

And I can't do it.

The oven beeped. The peas were loaded into a Tupperware container, and now all they had to do was make the mac and cheese.

As the macaroni boiled, Aiden and Aru bickered about what cheese to use.

"All of it." Was Aru's argument.

"Just the string cheese." Was Aiden's.

Aru won with her famous throw-all-the-shit-in-when-they-least-expect-it method.

The mac and cheese was incredible.

Aiden chopped up pieces of bacon to put in the dish before it went into the oven, and Aru made the most awkward conversation ever.

"So. What did you think of Andy?"

Aiden whipped his head to her at breakneck speeds. "He's... blond."

"He's quite nice."

"Not the most understanding one you've found," he remarked, going back to the bacon. Right. Andy had just thrown a tantrum.

Fucking hell, Andy, can't you just make my life easier?

"And you? How many girls have fallen over themselves to have you?" Aru eyed him, slowly stirring the thick mac and cheese.

"A few."

"And how many have you taken?" She asked sharply. He knew what she was asking, but he was making Aru spell it out.

He set the knife down harder than necessary, turning to glare at her. "None. You know that."

"Do I?" She said, raising her voice.

"Yes you do!" He yelled back. "I was ready to wait my whole life for you, I died for you, and I was ready to do it again!"

Right. Aru had forgotten about that part.

=================================

"I can't."

"Why not?" She was on the verge of tears.

"I can't handle being away from you. And I don't want you to waste your time waiting for me."

"Aiden."

"I'm setting you free, Shah. I'll wait and wait and wait my whole life, but the thought of you doing that..." He paused, as if picturing a horror. "You've got better things coming your way."

=================================

"You didn't need to do that," she whispered. It had been a hero-complex moment, unnecessary, unexpected, and painful for the both of them.

"Yes, I did," Aiden said, walking towards her. He reached behind her, turning the gas off, and then took her hands in his. She looked up at him, and in his eyes she knew she would find galaxies. She didn't look for them this time, though.

"Aiden," she said softly, as if that were it. That was the whole sentence, that was everything.

"I'm back, you know." This time she looked him in the eye, shocked.

"What?" She dropped his hands, moving out of being in between him and the stove.

"I did my work. I took my photos, got my money, and lived everywhere. I'm writing now. Poetry. I'll pair the photos I take with a few of them, but yeah. Basically," he shrugged. "I'm back."

"What about school?" She asked, ignoring that open-ended unsaid question. Him being back meant that she didn't have to wait any longer, and neither did he, and they could be together-

"Getting my degree in English. It'll be chill." Aru stared at him, shocked. "Shah, I came back because, sure, I'm tired of moving every month, but also..." He smiled gently. "Family, right?"

She put the mac and cheese in the oven, he sprinkled the bacon bits on top. Family.

"I don't want Andy," she said suddenly. "I don't want to choose family or dating, I don't want to wait for someone else to find me, and I don't want you to hide from me anymore." She glared at him, tears pooling in her vision.

"Oh, Shah," he said sadly, hugging her.

"Are you going to leave me again?" She asked softly.

Aiden paused thoughtfully. This wasn't hesitation, and she knew it. This was him thinking and calculating, giving her the most honest answer possible.

Because Aru would not accept lies.

"No, I don't think I could."

She slumped into him, out of relief, exhaustion, or just starved for comfort. "Good, cause I was dying of boredom these past few months."

He laughed and kissed her once, swiftly and softly, then pulled away searching her face for something telling him to stop. He grinned when he found none, Aru smiling softly, and she leaned in this time.

The oven beeped.

They brought the food to the museum, barely four hours later. No one knew that they had ever broken up, her sisters making jokes about them, her mom smiling sweetly at them, as if to say, "look at the happy couple," but Malini, she looked at Aru and winked.

"When you marry my son, Arundhati, you will mention me in your toasts at the wedding," she said, a hint of menace in the apsara's voice.

Family.

Things were easy with her family. Rarely simple, but easy, yes. She did not have to compromise on her values, she could eat happily, watch movies.

And in the middle of it all, Aiden would be there.

Because family, right?

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading もう一回！: Day 25

I finished 憎らしい彼 today! I only had 32 pages to complete the book, so I ended up finishing it earlier in the day than I usually read until. I actually considered picking up another volume of manga, but ultimately decided that I should probably continue reading my library book that's due early next month.

Honestly, finding the motivation to finish 憎らしい彼 was more difficult than expected, but it was a lot of what I talked about in yesterday's update with the writing style being more difficult than I'm used to. Also, since I was just reading the epilogue, my brain felt like we should be finished already and was totally ready to move on. But again, I still really do enjoy this series and these characters. I own the third book and will be reading it, but I don't plan on getting to it right away. In the next book, I'd like to see Hira and Kiyoi start calling each other by their first names (you know you read Japanese romance when), and I'd also really be interested to see Kiyoi come out to the public as gay. Honestly, that's what I was hoping for from the second half of the Love Stage!! manga and I'm still disappointed about it. Please, fulfill my expectations from a completely different series. Anyways, I always think plot lines like that are interesting, having a public figure come out as queer in the public eye, especially in Japan since its less common for celebrities to be open about their private lives and especially in that way.

Tomorrow, I start reading 本を守ろうとする猫の話 ! This is a book I've seen everywhere in English speaking book spaces, so I'm really hoping that it lives up to the hype. Animal books are a surefire way to make me cry, so let's see what happens... Also every single translation for this book seems to have a different cover and they're all adorable. The person on my cover looks like Miyano from Sasaki to Miyano though. The cover is also orange and blue like Sasaki and Miyano, which is obviously how all of this works. Right?