#me when things are not mutually exclusive

[africanmorning]

Yes, you are correct. The main reason I was actually motivated to make this meme is because my knee-jerk response to people telling me they "could never do" something I'm doing is to show them how I do it and share all the resources I've used to get here, but people (my coworkers mostly) keep interpreting this as some kind of forced humility or self deprecation(?) and chastising me to "take the compliment and be proud." And it does unfortunately make sense that they would assume that I am merely being humble; self-pride is constantly described as a negative trait in our culture, especially for those who are femme-presenting. Slowly I think I am making them understand that my self-confidence and my joy in sharing my craft are not mutually exclusive. If anything, it gives me an ego boost when someone tells me they are working on a project and asks for my advice haha.

The "self-confidence in craft is a skill you build" phenomenon that you describe is a big reason it makes me so sad when people immediately shut me down when I try to share my skills with them. It's one thing to simply not be interested in something, but the learned helplessness in our modern culture is so pervasive it's depressing. We've gotten to the point where basic self-sufficiency skills are believed to be esoteric knowledge, and folks unconsciously self-sabotage their efforts to practice them before they've even started. Add to that a genuine belief that anything accomplished short of an aesthetic standard of "good" doesn't count, and we've got a whole mess on our hands. Hopefully we can convince more people that they are capable of more than what they learned in school.

[prokopetz]

I saw your post about FATE, and it reminded me that whenever Ive come across it its always had a vibe with how its written and talked about.

There seems to be 'nerds playing around the table together' feel of some games and a 'fellow auteurs performing their characters' feel to others.

Is that a fair assessment of FATE vs D&D? I swear I see a rhetorical 'numbers and mechanics vs character and creativity' divide in the OSR and Indie ttrpg scenes as well, but I dont know if thats me with my limited play experience

(With reference to this post here.)

The whole "mechanics versus creativity" thing has very little to do with the relationships between players and and their characters, though it's often mischaracterised as such.

You may have seen a recent post where I talk at some length about game rules have baked-in assumptions about what kinds of stories they should be used to tell, which can potentially disagree with what kinds of stories the game's group wants to explore, and how, if that disagreement is large enough, it can create a situation where engaging with the rules and engaging with the narrative are mutually exclusive activities.

Basically, "mechanics versus creativity" is a dysfunctional way of thinking about games that arises from having had one's formative experience of tabletop roleplaying with groups that, for whatever reason, were using rules whose baked-in assumptions about how the story ought to go strongly disagreed with how the group wanted it to go. It's not a real thing – it's a binary that only exists in the context of this disagreement.

(In practice, of course, most of the time those formative experiences with system-versus-group mismatches will have occurred in the context of Dungeons & Dragons, simply because it's the most common "first game". Folks who've escaped from that situation often erroneously conclude that having to constantly fight against the rules to tell the story you want to tell is something that's intrinsic to or caused by some particular feature of the rules of D&D. This error can lead to... interesting design decisions when people labouring under this misconception go on to create their own games!)

[midnight-bay-if]

Hi I recently came across this game, and have found it very interesting so far, however I do have a couple issues with the game, specifically regarding the player's gender/sexuality. Firstly, gender. Basically while I assume based on the inclusion of having a nonbinary gender option, that it wasn't your intent to exclude trans Main characters it also feels like the possibility of one definitely wasn't taken into account. The main thing I've encountered so far is just not taking into account that the MC might have changed their name or stuff between being 7 years old and now. Second sexuality. Specifically how that relates to the genders of the ROs. Mainly how, you don't actually get to chose them and they're predetermined by the player's sexuality. And the problem for me is, that I feel like when it comes to bisexuality this completely misses the mark. Now I obviously can't speak for all bisexuals, but there are many, myself included who have differing tastes when it comes to men and women, so even if two characters are the same in all other regards, aren't necessarily going to be into both of them. For example, Naera is a woman who very much is my type, but Nazu is a man who really isn't. I like to think about it this way, in this regard, the game kind of has 9 ROs in that regard, with 4 of them being mutually exclusive based on player choice. And with the way it's currently set up, the player has limited control over which ones do or don't get locked out, which might mean getting locked out of the one they want, unless they change their character's sexuality.

Hi, anon! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I'm definitely already revising certain things to incorporate identities better.

You are absolutely right; it was never my intention to exclude trans identities. I intended to make trans identities more explicit as the romance heated up. The problem is, I stupidly didn't consider that there are mentions of MC's childhood and appearance in chapter 1. In my efforts to not overwhelm myself, it's something I overlooked.

So, I will take another look at the character customization section of CH1. It should be relatively easy to change the code a little so people can make their identities clear sooner rather than later.

As for sexuality, I already have plans to change it so people can choose the gender of each RO individually. But that will take a little longer because the entire coding needs to be deleted and reworked. It's already on my list, though.

Thanks again for your message. I always appreciate things like this being brought to my attention since a project like this can be overwhelming. So, as I fiddle with language and overthink every sentence, other things can get left behind.

[torchiiko]

i love giving my opinion on things nobody cares abt!!!! for example:

a few(?) vtuber artists got in trouble for holding raffles & not fulfilling the prize even after a year onward. some ppl are saying "who cares, its not like youre losing anything by not getting free art" & others say "artists should know how to prioritize their workload & be able to deliver as promised"

both are true! lots of ppl enter art raffles specifically bc they cant buy commissions, they usually cant afford to or might even be too young to use payment processors & things like raffles & requests are their only chance. life can get in the way sometimes & some artists rely on comms to pay the bills so free work has to be put off, understandably. but 2 whole years to deliver a raffle prize while actively doing other work is a little absurd

an artist can get a lot of engagement holding raffles, half the point is building up their audience to get more eyes on their art, so it feels a little scummy to profit from that engagement & then just not make the art that was promised. makes you seem a bit untrustworthy

but again, the winners arent actually Losing anything. they didnt get what they were promised & missed the chance to get smth they maybe couldnt have gotten otherwise, & it of course sucks to have to leave the situation empty-handed, but they have just as much as they did before the raffle

ultimately, it is unprofessional as an artist to offer free art if you arent in a state to fulfill it within a timely manner, & the raffle winners have a right to be disappointed. however, as the winners didnt have to give anything for the opportunity to get said art, theyre only so entitled to it & should just cut their losses & leave it be when it becomes clear the artist likely wont deliver

[nibeul]

uncle aaron in spiderverse fucks me up so badly because here is a man who has done terrible, unforgivable things, and he loves his nephew very much

[trappedinafantasy37]

Since Minthara presents an exterior shell made of steel, and she's sometimes mean, and is an absolute badass in battle, she is often treated and perceived as someone who feels no emotions. And this often occurs to individuals who do put on such a tough exterior. It also does not help that many people perceive evil characters as incapable of doing or feeling anything other than evil. That love and evil are innately incompatible.

But Minthara is not emotionless, she does feel things. Sadness, grief, fear, loneliness, anger, anxiety, paranoia, vengeance, love. She can laugh, she can tell jokes, she can cry, she can smile, and she does get upset at things. If anything, she is emotionally repressed and emotionally guarded and the times where she does really express her more negative and vulnerable emotions is when it becomes too much to hold back and it comes out a little over the top. We have to remember she comes from a society in which such outward emotional expression would be rewarded with social punishment, religious scorn, or even death. So she really doesn't have the healthiest mechanisms to express her emotions.

She hides what she feels all the time as a means of keeping herself safe from punishment. She keeps it to herself cause she does not want you to see her as weak, as she would have been in the past. And she certainly does not want you or anyone else to punish her for it either. She hides behind little pet names and even using words from languages she knows you don't understand as that is the only way she feels safe being vulnerable with you. In her past, her love was rewarded with new wounds and new scars. She is terrified to open up to you, fearing that you will hurt her because she loves you. That her love for you won't actually be enough to stop you from hurting her. And she will only ever admit she loves you in contexts that have a high risk of death because there's really not much for her to lose at that point so she may as well tell you.

She also has a habit of intellectualizing what she feels and experiences so that they appear as "rational" and "logical" rather than emotional and to distance herself from her emotions. She says it takes a sharp mind to have sympathy for someone who suffers unnecessarily. She is trying to make it appear that emotions like sympathy is a matter of the mind, not the heart. That it is a mark of intelligence, because otherwise it would be the mark of weakness.

She blames herself for her own torments, like she deserved the awful things that happened to her. She frames the situation like she is more at fault and more deserving of blame, than the people who hurt her. It is the only way she can find any reason in what happened to her and any reason in her tormentors actions. That she did something wrong and induced someone's wrath upon her, rather than acknowledging that the person who hurt her is just a bad person.

She deserved what Ketheric and Orin did to her because she was "weak, passive, proud". That her emotional state had blinded her from the trap that was set, giving Ketheric and Orin ample opportunity to attack her. That if she hadn't felt those exact emotions, then it wouldn't have happened. She could have seen the trap coming, or she could have fought back.

Or if you attempt to tell her that her childhood was rough and her mother abused her, she immediately deflects by saying, "it could have been worse" and therefore, what she did actually experience wasn't really that bad. And yeah, sure, maybe she needed certain lessons given that she lived in a cruel and dangerous society like Menzoberranzan where she had to be prepared for violence at all times. But trauma is not born of love, it is born of fear, of pain, of agony, and her mother still tried to kill her. Regardless of her mother's intent, it was the first broken bond of trust and it left a mark on Minthara. Where she began to believe that her mother would torment her for torments sake, and she had doubts on whether or not her mother actually loved her.

When you encounter the first Orin imposter, it's pretty damn obvious she is terrified. And you kinda gotta squeeze it out of her to admit that she's afraid. Where it's "I'm afraid of Orin because she is capable of this, this, and this, and you should be too" rather than "I am afraid of Orin because she hurt me." And she begs you, BEGS, to keep her safe because she knows her fear makes her vulnerable to Orin.

She doesn't even truly acknowledge that she wasn't at fault for what Orin did to her until Orin is dead. She doesn't start putting the blame on Orin until Orin is dead. She doesn't go through the emotional process of sympathizing with herself until Orin is dead. And she doesn't admit that she undoubtedly has trauma, until Orin is dead. She gets so wrapped up, and so lost in her own fear and paranoia that she never has the room to properly process the things that happen to her. That her primary concern right now is keeping you, the others, and herself safe and her emotions can wait because wallowing in them will only make her weak. Only does the distance of death give her the room to start healing. Only problem is that there have always been threats and they never end, they never stop. So it is rare for Minthara to ever have a moment of peace and safety to work through what she feels and they just get backed up. Ignoring your problems does not make them go away.

So you wanna know what will happen when an embrace Durge betrays her? She will fall to her death, a knife in her belly, blaming herself for your betrayal. All her worst fears have come to pass and you were indeed a lover who hurt her because she loved you, and that she was a fool to ever trust you at all. That if she didn't love you, maybe you wouldn't have hurt her. She doesn't understand your reasoning, she can't make sense of it, she doesn't know why you'd betray her, so it must have been her fault for thinking you'd be different. That if she hadn't been so loyal, so devoted, that she could have been spared. That her belief that you would rule together is what damned her. She will die blaming herself for her own murder before she ever gets a chance to start blaming you.

[blueskittlesart]

deeply refreshing to see someone critical of Swift who also like, genuinely likes her. Like i'm neutral to positive on her, but the online discourse has been absolutely rancid. flipping between "Taylor Swift has never done anything wrong ever and she's a fucking genius" and "Taylor Swift is the worst lyricist of all time and also a bad person" is exhausting, so thank you for like. nuance or something lmao

not to make it serious for a sec but i genuinely think that being able to like things that are bad is really important. like I think that it's an important skill to be able to look at something and see what you personally enjoy about it and then take a step back and acknowledge that objectively it's flawed. and to also be able to acknowledge that liking something isn't necessarily an identity or a moral stance. and i think that fandom space in general could really benefit from more people taking the time to learn how to do that. it's okay to like things that are bad

[zuzu-romeave]

i know people are mostly joking when they insinuate that troy is too possessive or jealous to have a polyamorous relationship with abed but like that idea annoys me so much. when troy and abed both agree to take mariah the librarian on a date, troy is entirely okay with it UNTIL mariah chooses him over abed and then later calls abed weird. after that he tells abed “there’s someone out there for us.” he just wants someone who also wants abed, and that doesnt mean he wont get jealous over it. you can be polyam and still struggle with jealousy, which is the situation that troy’s in

[ohsweetflips]

my jgy thoughts have been expanding and adapting and roiling and toiling etc etc etc and all of it is coming down to me affectionately marveling at this character. he’s cut-throat. he’s cunning. his kindness leaves lasting impressions. his mercy is what predates his demise. he’s one of the few cultivators who helps those in need. he will sacrifice them if it benefits him. he loved. it didn’t last. it killed him. it orchestrated his downfall. he’s a genius. he’s paranoid. he compartmentalizes. he splits the world into who he would sacrifice and who he would not. people he loves and people he would sacrifice are not mutually exclusive. he’s filial to a fault. it was all for his mother. he is a study in assimilating to survive. the results vary. he manipulates the herd mentality to his benefit. it is turned against him. he is killed for the one thing he didn’t do by the one person he wouldn’t sacrifice. it is still somehow better than what the hive-mind cultivation world would have done. i love this tragic kaleidoscope of a character.

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Batman Annual #25

Before Talia took him in, before he was dunked in the pit to have his memories restored, even when operating purely on survival instinct, he always split a meal with the other homeless people. It may not have been essential to his survival, but caring about and helping other people when he couldn’t even help himself was just always such an intrinsic part of Jason’s core.

[fromtheseventhhell]

I also find it funny that fandom will only accept Lyanna being her non-conforming, wild self in the context of saying that Arya isn't meant to be pretty; Any other day we get back-to-back posts about how Lyanna is actually super traditionally feminine cause she sniffled at a song once, so she's actually more like Sansa. Instead of constantly speaking on Arya and Lyanna, how about you guys reflect on why your standards of beauty for women are attached to how well they perform feminity within the patriarchy?

[lord-squiggletits]

Honestly it annoys me that pride, ambition, and generally having a big ego are always villainous/evil-coded personality traits because personally I think if you genuinely are a prodigy at what you do you are 100% within your rights, perhaps even deserving, of flaunting your skills and being proud of the fact you can do something that only a small fraction of other people can do. Is it even ego at that point if you genuinely are as good at your field/skill as you say you are? Are people not aware that becoming a prodigy at something is something that takes lifelong sacrifice and practice sometimes to the point of giving up on having a normal life, relationships, etc even potentially destroying your own health???? God I fucking hate how pride in your own skills and ambition are so villain coded all the time. As if it's evil to want to be good at something and be recognized for what you rightfully earned

[sepiamestus]

It always rubs me the wrong way when people characterize atsushi as too much of a sweetheart. Like he IS a sweetheart but he's also snarky and sarcastic and most importantly he's very very angry. Do not forget this.

[francy-sketches]

Objectively cersei is a terrible mom to all her kids not just tommen like just bc she’s not outright abusive to joffrey doesn’t mean she did a good job raising him lol. But also part of me is like nooo how could she be a bad mom to him that’s her baby boy she’s just encouraging his interests which just happen to be murder and abuse (god forbid women do anything) 🙄 And it just so happens that he’s a perfect little clone of her I’m sure she’d still care about him if he wasn’t 🥰 Maybe tommen and myrcella just have bad vibes have you considered that. Maybe they’re just stupid little flop babies it’s not her fault -_- they don’t even have a passing interest in atrocities. Cringe

[silkpages]

the dichotomy of crushing on both cole and jindrax

[chatdae]

Grace FUMBLED Ryan! BAD parenting to preach respect and then act contrarily (ie saying she wants him to feel safe, then not allowing him any autonomy). She should've let him leave and come back... or at least explained why she didn't want him to leave before deciding (ex: 'Homelander will kidnap you', etc). She needed to let him make the decision for himself... agh. AAAAA.

And now Butcher's no use because he's committed to being evil and can't offer ANYTHING good to Ryan!!! He was so right, they NEEDED to give Ryan more space... I know the external pressures seemed impossible, but dammit, Grace, this was no way to beat the odds!

(this is about The Boys season four)